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1
00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:08,300
On that famous thoroughfare
2
00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:10,800
With their noses in the air
3
00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:13,800
High hats and coloured collars
4
00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:16,600
White spats and 15 dollars
5
00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:19,400
Spending every dime
6
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:21,400
For a wonderful time
7
00:01:25,300 --> 00:01:28,000
lf you're blue and you don't know
8
00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:30,700
Where to go...to...
9
00:01:32,700 --> 00:01:34,900
lf you're blue and you...
10
00:01:35,500 --> 00:01:37,400
Don't know where...
11
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:42,600
lf you're blue
and you don't know where to go to
12
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:47,600
This lrving Berlin seems to have
come a bit of a cropper here.
13
00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:50,600
- Sir?
- Too many words, not enough notes.
14
00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:52,800
lf you'll pardon me for saying,
15
00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:57,300
it seems a straightforward
syncopated five-four time signature.
16
00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:00,900
lf you accent the words ''if'',
''where'' and ''fashion'',
17
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,900
the correct rhythmic pattern
would emerge.
18
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,000
''lf'', ''where'' and ''fashion''. Right.
19
00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:10,800
lf you're blue
and you don't know where to go to
20
00:02:10,900 --> 00:02:13,400
Why don't you go where fashion sits
21
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:15,900
Puttin' on the Ritz
22
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,000
More or less gets away with it.
23
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:23,900
What about ''Spangled gowns
upon a beauty of hand-me-downs
24
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,700
''On clown and cutie, all misfits
25
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,500
''Puttin' on the Ritz''?
26
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,600
Just as well he chose the Ritz.
27
00:02:30,700 --> 00:02:34,300
lmagine if he'd written about
putting on the Regency.
28
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:39,200
- What rhymes with Regency?
- Er... ''With due expediency'', sir?
29
00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:42,400
With due expediency
30
00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:44,000
Putting on the Regency
31
00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:47,100
- Doesn't really work, Jeeves.
- Very true, sir.
32
00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:50,300
l wonder if l might have a word.
33
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,300
What? All right, what is it?
34
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:55,000
l received a letter from my Uncle Charlie
this morning.
35
00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:59,900
He's getting married and wonders
if l'll be in England in September.
36
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:04,400
Most unlikely. l have no intention
of returning in the near future.
37
00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:08,600
lf at all. Think of the advantages
of this wonderful country.
38
00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:11,200
- Very good.
- Aunt Agatha isn't here.
39
00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:16,400
Roderick Spode, Madeline Basset
and Honoria Glossop don't live here.
40
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,200
As you say, sir.
41
00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:21,200
Send your uncle
the customary fish slice.
42
00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:25,200
- Very good, sir.
- ln fact, send him one from me.
43
00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:28,500
Thank you, sir.
Will you be in for luncheon, sir?
44
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,400
No, l'm going to look in
at the Pumpkin Club.
45
00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:33,400
Very good, sir.
46
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:50,900
- Bingo Little, as l live and breathe!
- Bertie Wooster!
47
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,200
- ln New York!
- l'm with my uncle.
48
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,900
- How is the old chap?
- He's come for treatment.
49
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,600
- Oh, l'm sorry.
- Having lunch?
50
00:03:57,700 --> 00:04:01,300
- Just on my way up.
- No, l'll take you to a place l know.
51
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,300
- Best food in town.
- Lead on, old fruit.
52
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,000
- You'll have what you always have?
- Of course.
53
00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:14,700
And my friend will have hamburger
and French fries.
54
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,800
We'll both have coffee to drink.
55
00:04:17,900 --> 00:04:21,200
One cheese omelette with fries.
56
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:25,000
One hamburger with fries.
And two coffees.
57
00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:31,000
Strange, English girl working here.
58
00:04:31,900 --> 00:04:35,800
- What do you think, Bertie?
- Oh, Bingo, you're not in love again?
59
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:38,000
Of course l am. Wouldn't you be?
60
00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:42,300
No, l wouldn't. Can't you take
a day off? Tell me about your uncle.
61
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,500
- What about him?
- You said he was ill.
62
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:47,200
Not really.
He's in the Glossop Clinic.
63
00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:50,900
Not my chum Sir Roderick Glossop,
the loony doctor?
64
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,600
Yes. Uncle Mortimer's not loony.
He just eats too much.
65
00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:59,000
His doctor told him to lose weight
and shoved him off to Glossop.
66
00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:02,700
When Glossop moved here,
Uncle Mortimer came too.
67
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:07,400
- How long's he been in the clinic?
- ln all, oh... Just over a year.
68
00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,400
Must have lost a lot of weight.
69
00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:13,000
Not an ounce.
lsn't she adorable, Bertie?
70
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:20,400
Good morning, sir. A fine morning.
71
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:25,000
Some scattering of cumulus and
a light breeze from the southeast.
72
00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:30,000
You'll pardon me mentioning it, sir,
but l discovered this on our hat rack.
73
00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:32,000
l assume a tradesman left it.
74
00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:35,500
We're not disagreeing about that hat,
are we?
75
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,900
l'm not in a position to say, sir.
76
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:43,900
This is known among the fashionable
as a 42nd Street skimmer, Jeeves.
77
00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:48,000
Gentlemen do not wear straw hats
in the metropolis, sir.
78
00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:51,600
Jeeves, l am not going to discuss it
any further.
79
00:05:53,100 --> 00:05:54,300
lf you say so, sir.
80
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:57,600
- Mr Little is here to see you, sir.
- Oh, Lord.
81
00:05:57,700 --> 00:06:01,800
Stand by for gale force winds
from the direction of Art's Diner.
82
00:06:01,900 --> 00:06:04,800
- Sir?
- Mr Little is in love again.
83
00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:08,600
The 53rd time. This time
with a waitress from Art's Diner and Grill.
84
00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:11,200
''Where every sandwich
is a work of art.''
85
00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:14,200
Mr Little is a warm-hearted gentleman,
sir.
86
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,900
Warm-hearted?
He has to wear asbestos vests.
87
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:24,400
l want you to do a bit of diplomatic
business with my uncle.
88
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:27,700
He always disapproves
of anyone l want to marry.
89
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:31,000
Every time you fall in love,
you're left in the lurch.
90
00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:33,900
Leave tackling your uncle
till it's fixed and settled.
91
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,600
lt is fixed and settled!
She accepted me last night.
92
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:42,000
- You only met a week ago.
- Why do you always...
93
00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:45,300
- Bertie!
- What? What?
94
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:48,600
Do you remember
that subtle scheme l worked out,
95
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:51,800
telling him you were whatshername,
the writer?
96
00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:56,300
- Wasn't that my idea, Jeeves?
- Perhaps so, sir.
97
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,100
What do you mean?
98
00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:03,000
Perhaps l misremember but l thought
l was to some degree responsible.
99
00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:06,500
Nonsense!
l remember it like yesterday. l said -
100
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:09,700
Never mind that.
The point is it was a corker!
101
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,800
What l say is,
Rosie M Banks forward once more.
102
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:16,400
Out of the question.
l will not go through that again.
103
00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:20,700
Pretending l was Rosie M Banks
and l'd written those novels!
104
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,700
- Not for me?
- Not for you or a dozen like you.
105
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,600
l never thought to hear those words
from Bertie Wooster!
106
00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:30,400
Well, you've heard them now.
Paste them into your hat.
107
00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:36,000
Our very last copy, sir.
108
00:07:36,100 --> 00:07:39,400
- This is a rotten idea, Bingo.
- Here's her latest.
109
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:44,000
Sign it, ''To Lord Bittlesham, Rosie
M Banks, with all good wishes.''
110
00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:46,600
- l haven't read it.
- You don't have to.
111
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:50,600
They're all the same.
lnnocent but doughty young...
112
00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:52,800
mill girl, waitress, shop girl,
113
00:07:52,900 --> 00:07:55,800
falls for poor but handsome young...
114
00:07:55,900 --> 00:07:59,000
architect,
motor mechanic, mining engineer.
115
00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:03,600
lnnocent-but-doughty is blackmailed
into compromising situation
116
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:07,400
by even more handsome
but dastardly mill owner's son.
117
00:08:07,500 --> 00:08:09,900
She's rescued by poor-but-handsome,
118
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,800
who finds he's the rightful heir
to the Duke of Dorset
119
00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:15,100
and they live happily ever after.
120
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:18,700
When Uncle Mortimer reads all that,
he'll be a gone swan.
121
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,400
- (Door bell jangles)
- May l help you?
122
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,800
l'd like to see Lord Bittlesham, please.
123
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:27,000
Up the stairs, suite four.
124
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:38,100
(Man) Ensure you have a sweet course
with each meal.
125
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:41,700
At least three helpings
at each sitting are essential.
126
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:48,000
- Yes? lt's Bertie Wooster!
- What ho, Sir Roderick.
127
00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:52,000
- l'm here to see Lord Bittlesham.
- You know him? Come in.
128
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:56,300
- Bertie Wooster is here to see you.
- What a wonderful surprise!
129
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,400
Well, heard you were laid up.
130
00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:01,000
Why don't you stay and have lunch
with us, Bertie?
131
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,300
Take the opportunity if you can.
132
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:05,700
Sir Roderick has a most sublime chef.
133
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:08,000
- Oh, well, thanks.
- l'll see you later.
134
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:13,100
Mr Wooster, l wish
to congratulate you, l wish to thank you.
135
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,600
You go from strength to strength.
136
00:09:15,700 --> 00:09:19,300
l have read All For Love,
l have read Only A Factory Girl.
137
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:22,200
l know Madcap Murder by heart,
but this...
138
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:25,800
This is your bravest and your best.
lt tears the heartstrings.
139
00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:27,800
Well, l've brought you one of those.
140
00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:31,400
Ah! Thank you.
141
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:33,800
Oh, inscribed! How kind.
142
00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:36,700
Mr Wooster,
l'm a better man for having read this.
143
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,600
- Really?
- A better, sweeter, deeper man.
144
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:44,300
Ah, my treatment!
A harsh regime indeed, Mr Wooster.
145
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:47,400
- Er... A better man, you say?
- Yes, infinitely.
146
00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:51,000
l'm full of charity and sweetness
towards my fellow man.
147
00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:54,000
- Oh! lncluding young Bingo?
- My nephew Richard?
148
00:09:54,100 --> 00:09:56,800
Well, yes. Even towards Richard, yes.
149
00:09:56,900 --> 00:10:01,400
Oh, stout fellow! Or rather, good
egg. l want to talk to you about him.
150
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:04,300
Didn't l tell you the chef is a master?
151
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:08,300
- He wants to get married.
- l see no reason why not.
152
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:12,000
- Oh, splendid!
- lf it doesn't affect his cooking.
153
00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:16,300
- No, Bingo does.
- Richard wants to get married?
154
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,900
l'm not altogether sure that l approve
of that. Who is the lady?
155
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,500
Well...
As a matter of fact, she's a waitress.
156
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,600
This is remarkable!
This is most cheering!
157
00:10:27,700 --> 00:10:31,700
l had not given the boy credit
for such tenacity of purpose.
158
00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:35,000
When l first
made your acquaintance last year,
159
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:37,900
Richard was desirous of marrying
this waitress.
160
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,000
Yes, yes, it is good, isn't it?
161
00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:44,700
Course, it's not exactly the same
waitress. Still, it's a waitress.
162
00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:48,600
l did a lot of work with heavy drinkers
for my Ph.D.
163
00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:50,600
One thing l found they all had in
common
164
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:54,100
was that as children
they'd been deprived of alcohol.
165
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:57,200
- My point exactly.
- That's the basis of his treatment.
166
00:10:57,300 --> 00:11:00,000
Mr Bertram Wooster to see you, sir.
167
00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:03,900
- What ho, what ho, what ho!
- Bertie Wooster! Good Lord.
168
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,000
Oh. What ho, Honoria.
169
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:09,600
- Mrs Snap.
- We met outside.
170
00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:12,100
And this is Doctor Blair Eggleston.
171
00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:20,200
Oh, how do you do?
172
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:23,700
Bertie and l were engaged once,
weren't we, Bertie?
173
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,900
- Well...
- Bertie's an absolute fool.
174
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:29,000
- Just let me slip through his fingers.
- Silly me.
175
00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:31,900
Bertie can show you
around New York.
176
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,800
- Yes, l say, that would be super!
- Well...
177
00:11:34,900 --> 00:11:38,400
- How did you find Lord Bittlesham?
- To tell you the absolute truth,
178
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:41,400
l couldn't work it out.
l thought he was here to lose weight.
179
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:45,600
He hoovered in the scoff like
a team of horses after a hard day.
180
00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:46,900
(Laughs)
181
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,600
- l know nothing of medical matters.
- Of course not.
182
00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:54,200
The Glossop Method
is based on being given an excess
183
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:56,300
of whatever he most desires.
184
00:11:56,400 --> 00:12:00,200
lt may be alcohol or the
companionship of the opposite sex.
185
00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:02,300
Or as in Lord Bittlesham's case, food.
186
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:06,000
He will eventually revolt
at the sheer immoderation of it,
187
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:10,000
- and voluntarily deny himself.
- Get it out of your system.
188
00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:12,800
- Precisely.
- ls it successful?
189
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:17,100
lt's theoretically impeccable, Bertie,
and extremely popular.
190
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,700
Yes, yes, l should think it would be.
191
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,100
The medical profession in England
are a cartel
192
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,800
of backward-looking dinosaurs.
193
00:12:23,900 --> 00:12:25,800
You mustn't upset yourself, Daddy.
194
00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:28,900
No, no. Quite.
195
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:32,800
- Shall we go to lunch?
- l haven't got time for lunch, Roderick.
196
00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:34,400
- You can.
- No!
197
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:38,500
l've got the linen to check.
We can't trust these girls to do it.
198
00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:45,600
(Bertie) l tell you, Jeeves, Roderick
Glossop has something on his mind.
199
00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:50,400
One felt his thoughts were far away
and his thoughts were stinkers.
200
00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:54,800
lt's possible that it is Sir Roderick's
situation with regard to Mrs Snap
201
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:57,100
that is causing him chagrin, sir.
202
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:01,300
- l didn't know there was a situation.
- Oh, indeed, sir.
203
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:05,900
Ever since Lady Glossop eloped with
the conductor on the 73 omnibus,
204
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,200
Sir Roderick has keenly missed
the comforts of connubiality
205
00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:11,000
and has been eager to remarry.
206
00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:13,700
- He wants to marry Myrtle Snap?
- Precisely so, sir.
207
00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:16,000
But she refuses to consider
such a venture
208
00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:19,000
while Sir Roderick's
daughter remains unmarried.
209
00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:21,000
ln a colourful turn of phrase,
210
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:22,700
she stated that certain specific,
211
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:25,700
and scarcely to be anticipated,
meteorological conditions
212
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,600
would have to take place
in the infernal regions
213
00:13:28,700 --> 00:13:31,000
before she would share a home
with Miss Honoria.
214
00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:35,000
Well, amen to that. How do you know
so much about the Glossops?
215
00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:38,000
The butler, Dobson,
is an old acquaintance, sir.
216
00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:41,400
Dobson has exceptionally keen hearing.
217
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:45,000
- Listens at keyholes, you mean?
- Precisely so, sir.
218
00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:48,300
He's gathering material for his memoirs.
Will that be all, sir?
219
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,600
- Yes, that'll be all, Jeeves. Good night.
- Good night, sir.
220
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,900
What ho, Bingo!
221
00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,400
- How did it go with Uncle Mortimer?
- Not bad. He's thinking it over.
222
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:04,000
- Thinking it over?
- lf l was a bookie l'd offer 100-8 against.
223
00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:06,900
100-8? That's no blasted good!
224
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,500
- l might have known you'd muck it up.
- l like that!
225
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:12,500
Have you been to see him?
He might have softened up by now.
226
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,400
No, l'll go tomorrow.
227
00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:17,400
l'm playing tennis
with Blair Eggleston this afternoon.
228
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:19,100
The doctor? You know him?
229
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:22,200
Of course. l wouldn't play tennis with
him otherwise!
230
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:26,000
He spends the game talking about
his miserable love life.
231
00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:29,400
- What's wrong with it?
- He loves Honoria Glossop.
232
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:33,000
- He can't tell her.
- But he's a frightful hearty.
233
00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:35,700
A doctor and good-looking
and all that.
234
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,700
l know!
You'd think he'd be a menace to the sex
235
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,800
and have to be on kept on a leash.
236
00:14:40,900 --> 00:14:42,900
But put him alone in a room
with a woman
237
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,100
and he comes over all faint
and asks for water.
238
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,300
A lesson to us all.
Well, not you, as it happens.
239
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:52,100
- Bingo!
- What?
240
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,300
l mean inspiration has struck.
241
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,800
- About my uncle?
- Well, not in this instance, no.
242
00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:02,000
Honoria has been making tallyhos in my
direction. l need her off the scent.
243
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:05,200
l would also be doing my old chum
Roderick a good turn.
244
00:15:05,300 --> 00:15:07,400
- You're see Eggleston today?
- Yes.
245
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:12,600
Drop it into the conversation that he
better heat up his feet and grab Honoria
246
00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:16,000
because you know someone else is
making a heavy play in her direction.
247
00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:18,300
and may have the deal set up
at any moment.
248
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:22,200
- All right but who is it?
- Bertram, Bingo.
249
00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:26,200
Jeeves thinks he's so clever
about affairs of the heart.
250
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,500
l sometimes wonder
if he thinks l'm an idiot.
251
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,500
He's also getting a bit above himself
in headgear matters.
252
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,500
No, you leave it to Bertram.
253
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,100
(# Dixieland jazz)
254
00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:20,400
(Crash)
255
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:33,400
Bingo!
You seen that Eggleston fellow?
256
00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:36,500
- Yes. He's consumed with jealousy.
- Good.
257
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:39,700
l told him what fun
you and Honoria were having.
258
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,800
l know a ground tooth when l hear one.
259
00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:45,100
People on the next court
were complaining.
260
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,200
Excellent. By the way,
not a word to Jeeves if you see him.
261
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:52,000
He thinks he's the only one
who can sort out difficulties.
262
00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:55,600
l want to present him
with a fait accompli. Pip pip!
263
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:03,100
(Honoria) Bertie, l have something
to tell you.
264
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:06,300
- You're on for tonight?
- To tell the truth, Bertie, l...
265
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,400
A-ha! Blair Eggleston.
266
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,400
(Gasps)
267
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,800
Aah! Mmm-mmm...
268
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,200
- Bertie!
- Toodle-pip, Honoria.
269
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:31,900
Jeeves.
270
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,800
(Glass smashes)
271
00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:38,400
- Good afternoon, sir.
- lt is. lt certainly is.
272
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:42,100
Let me tell you of a coup
in the field of human relations such as...
273
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,100
- (Telephone rings)
- Answer that, will you?
274
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:49,400
- l'm not at home to anybody.
- Very good. Mr Wooster's residence.
275
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:54,800
No, Miss Glossop.
l really couldn't say, Miss Glossop.
276
00:17:54,900 --> 00:17:57,300
No, miss.
277
00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:00,300
Very good, miss. lndeed, miss?
278
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:06,300
Congratulations, Miss Glossop.
l hope you will be very happy.
279
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,100
Goodbye.
280
00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:11,600
- Miss Glossop, Jeeves?
- lndeed, sir.
281
00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:13,800
A most mysterious telephone call.
282
00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:16,600
Tell me what she said
and l shall reveal all.
283
00:18:16,700 --> 00:18:18,400
She asked me to tell you
284
00:18:18,500 --> 00:18:22,100
that Doctor Eggleston
proposed to her last evening.
285
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,000
Last evening?
286
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:27,600
And she had accepted
but before she could tell you so,
287
00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:30,000
something - she did not say what
288
00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:33,100
but said that you would know -
happened.
289
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:37,400
Doctor Eggleston witnessed this and
subsequently broke the engagement.
290
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,900
Oh, no!
291
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,600
She asked me to inform you
that she will now marry you.
292
00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:45,400
What?
293
00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:50,700
She says that while you may not be
the man of her dreams,
294
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:54,300
she feels that your patient love
should be rewarded.
295
00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:58,800
Oh... Oh no!
296
00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:01,000
Oh, Jeeves!
297
00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:04,700
But we were interrupted sir. There was
something you wished to tell me?
298
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,700
(Sobs)
299
00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:18,300
Could l do something for you, sir?
300
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,100
No, that's all right, thank you, Jeeves.
You carry on.
301
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:26,900
Erm...
302
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,400
A problem has arisen
in the life of a friend of mine,
303
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:32,800
who shall be nameless, and l want -
304
00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:36,300
- Or rather, he wants your advice.
- Certainly, sir.
305
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,700
l must begin by saying this is
one of those delicate problems
306
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:43,300
where all the other personnel
must remain nameless as well.
307
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,900
Would you prefer
to term the protagonists A and B, sir?
308
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,000
Yes. Or North and South.
309
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:51,000
A and B is more customary, sir.
310
00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:53,400
You know best, Jeeves. Very well.
311
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:56,200
Now then, A is male and B female.
312
00:19:56,300 --> 00:19:59,400
- Follow me so far?
- You have been lucidity itself, sir.
313
00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:02,100
Right, well, owing to a erm...
314
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:06,800
What's that ''something of
circumstances'' people talk about?
315
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:09,200
Er... Cats come into it, l remember.
316
00:20:09,300 --> 00:20:11,800
- ls concatenation the word?
- Yes.
317
00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:14,800
Owing to a concatenation
of circumstances,
318
00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:19,000
B has got it into her nut
that A is in love with her but he isn't.
319
00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:22,300
Now then, until recently,
B was engaged to...
320
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,600
Should we call him C, sir?
321
00:20:25,700 --> 00:20:29,300
Yes, well, Caesar is as good a name
as any, l suppose.
322
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:34,200
As l said, B was engaged to Caesar
and A hadn't got a care in the world.
323
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:37,600
Now there's a rift within the loot,
the fixture's been scratched,
324
00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:40,300
and B is talking freely about
teaming up with A.
325
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,800
What l want you to bend your brain
around, Jeeves,
326
00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:45,100
is the problem of how Caesar
can oil out of it.
327
00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:49,000
l think, sir, that you mean A.
328
00:20:49,100 --> 00:20:51,100
Do l? Wait a minute.
329
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,500
Yes, that's right.
Yes, how A can oil out of it.
330
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,800
l don't want you thinking this is simple.
331
00:20:57,900 --> 00:21:01,900
A is what is known as a chevalier
and this hampers him.
332
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,900
lf B says to him, ''A, l am yours,''
333
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,700
he can't reply,
''That's what you think.''
334
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:12,700
He has his code. And his code rules
that he must accept the situation.
335
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,500
Although, frankly,
he'd rather be dead in a ditch.
336
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,600
There you are. The facts are before you.
Anything stirring?
337
00:21:18,700 --> 00:21:20,400
Yes, sir.
338
00:21:20,500 --> 00:21:24,200
Good heavens, Jeeves!
That is the deluxe express service.
339
00:21:24,300 --> 00:21:25,800
Thank you, sir.
340
00:21:25,900 --> 00:21:29,300
Obviously B's matrimonial plans
would be rendered null and void
341
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:33,800
if A were to inform her that his
affections were engaged elsewhere.
342
00:21:34,900 --> 00:21:37,800
- But they aren't.
- lt would only be necessary, sir,
343
00:21:37,900 --> 00:21:41,100
to convey the impression
that that were the case.
344
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:44,100
l see what you mean! Yes.
345
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,200
lf l were...
346
00:21:46,300 --> 00:21:49,400
Or rather if A were to produce a female
347
00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:52,200
and have her assert
that she was betrothed to me...
348
00:21:52,300 --> 00:21:54,800
Um... Or...l should say betrothed to him,
349
00:21:54,900 --> 00:21:58,700
- then the peril would be averted.
- Precisely, sir.
350
00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:00,500
Yes.
351
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,200
- Bingo, old can of fruit!
- What ho, Bertie.
352
00:22:09,300 --> 00:22:12,100
- l have a boon to crave.
- A what?
353
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,500
That girl in the diner. You've got to know
her a bit. You're friends?
354
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:19,200
- As a matter of fact...
- l need to borrow her for an hour.
355
00:22:19,300 --> 00:22:22,100
- Steady on!
- All strictly above board, l assure you.
356
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,700
l need her to pretend
she's engaged to me.
357
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:28,800
No, no, no, no, no.
358
00:22:28,900 --> 00:22:31,200
Oh, come on, l'm in a desperate
situation.
359
00:22:31,300 --> 00:22:34,400
So is she. We got married yesterday.
360
00:22:36,300 --> 00:22:38,400
(Woman) Two eggs, sunny side up.
361
00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:47,000
As a matter of fact,
we were going to ask you a favour.
362
00:22:47,100 --> 00:22:49,600
We want you to break the news
to Lord Bittlesham.
363
00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:52,500
l can't go there.
Eggleston might be there.
364
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:57,400
No. We played tennis yesterday and
he said he'll never see Honoria again.
365
00:22:57,500 --> 00:22:59,500
But you got married yesterday.
366
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:01,800
Well, yes, but after tennis.
367
00:23:01,900 --> 00:23:05,300
Anyway,
Eggleston's rather keen to see you.
368
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:09,700
l absolutely refuse
to give him your address, though.
369
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,800
Well, thank you, Bingo.
370
00:23:11,900 --> 00:23:15,400
Of course, Richard doesn't know
how long he'll be able to resist
371
00:23:15,500 --> 00:23:17,400
if Eggleston keeps asking.
372
00:23:26,100 --> 00:23:28,200
Ah, Mr Wooster! There you are.
373
00:23:28,300 --> 00:23:31,600
- Tell me, what can l do for you?
- Er... Well...
374
00:23:31,700 --> 00:23:35,800
The fact is, l'm here in the capacity
of an ambassador at the moment.
375
00:23:35,900 --> 00:23:38,300
- Representing young Bingo.
- Bingo?
376
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,000
l had hoped
for a literary conversation.
377
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,100
Ah, well, the way l see it,
378
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:49,400
young Bingo's predicament, that is,
is that...
379
00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:54,500
it's dashed difficult to prevail against
a pure and all-consuming...love.
380
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:57,300
Yes, yes, yes. We discussed that
at our last meeting.
381
00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,500
Ah, but there have been
developments since.
382
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:04,100
The fact is that yesterday afternoon,
young Bingo...
383
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,000
jumped off the dock.
384
00:24:06,100 --> 00:24:08,700
Good heavens!
Why? Where? Which dock?
385
00:24:09,700 --> 00:24:11,700
No. l mean he got married.
386
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,200
- Married?
- Hitched. Absolutely.
387
00:24:14,300 --> 00:24:17,800
l hope you're not ratty about it, what.
Young blood and so on.
388
00:24:17,900 --> 00:24:20,100
Two loving hearts and all that.
389
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,500
l'm greatly disturbed by your news.
390
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,700
l have been defied! Yes, defied!
391
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:27,900
Ah, yes, but er...
392
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:31,800
But who are you to pit yourself
against the decrees of fate?
393
00:24:31,900 --> 00:24:35,000
This love affair was fated
since time began.
394
00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:39,200
You are as sagacious in life
as you are in your books.
395
00:24:39,300 --> 00:24:43,600
- Well, you know how it is.
- Mr Wooster, you have won me over.
396
00:24:43,700 --> 00:24:45,500
Bring the young people to see me.
397
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,700
Who am l, as you say, to pit
myself against the decrees of fate?
398
00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:52,300
Well, quite.
399
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,100
- Bertie, this is good news.
- Absolutely.
400
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:57,400
- Bingo will be thoroughly chuffed.
- Bingo?
401
00:24:57,500 --> 00:25:01,000
- Your engagement to Honoria.
- Oh! Er... Rather!
402
00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:06,300
Might make it a double wedding.
Mrs Snap has consented to be my wife.
403
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:09,900
- Congratulations and all that!
- (Drunken singing)
404
00:25:10,900 --> 00:25:13,600
Hello, boys! Having a good time?
405
00:25:15,300 --> 00:25:20,100
Dear boys. Some of our drinkers,
you know. Showing great progress.
406
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:24,900
- (Mrs Snap) Here's Honoria.
- What ho, Bertie!
407
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:28,600
- What ho, Honoria.
- Just been to get the wedding dress!
408
00:25:28,700 --> 00:25:30,700
Oh. Right. Very good.
409
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,900
Lot of dashed nonsense, really.
410
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:36,200
Got to get down to brass tacks about
this. Decide on a date.
411
00:25:36,300 --> 00:25:39,400
l'll come for tea this afternoon
and we'll get it settled.
412
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:45,900
lt's ghastly!
Sends a shiver down my spine.
413
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:49,000
- She's bought a wedding dress.
- Very disturbing, sir.
414
00:25:49,100 --> 00:25:51,400
lt was the way she said it,
just cold-bloodedly.
415
00:25:51,500 --> 00:25:54,300
Ladies are often
almost wilfully unaware
416
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,400
of our more sensitive nature
in these matters.
417
00:25:57,500 --> 00:26:00,800
Exactly. There might have been
children present.
418
00:26:00,900 --> 00:26:04,700
- lt seems unlikely.
- Or people of a nervous disposition.
419
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:08,600
lt wasn't just the dress.
There was also wild talk of setting a date.
420
00:26:08,700 --> 00:26:12,800
You know how people say your past life
flashes in front of your eyes?
421
00:26:12,900 --> 00:26:15,500
- Yes, sir.
- lt's absolutely true. lt happens.
422
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:20,800
l was remembering when Barmy got
his foot caught in that cake stand.
423
00:26:20,900 --> 00:26:25,100
And when Tuppy Glossop ran out of
money and had to raffle his trousers
424
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,900
to buy another bottle of Bollinger.
425
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:29,800
Happy days indeed, sir.
426
00:26:29,900 --> 00:26:32,100
A thought has occurred to me, sir,
427
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:36,100
in reference to your need for a lady
to pose as your fiancee.
428
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:37,300
Yes, Jeeves?
429
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:42,400
A theatrical agent might well be in
a position to find a resting artiste
430
00:26:42,500 --> 00:26:47,600
who would take part in an innocent
deception for a moderate fee.
431
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:51,800
Jeeves, that is brilliant!
Why didn't l think of that?
432
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,100
l couldn't say, sir.
433
00:27:01,500 --> 00:27:03,200
(Man) Yeah?
434
00:27:04,300 --> 00:27:07,000
- Something l can do for you, buddy?
- Jas Waterbury?
435
00:27:07,100 --> 00:27:09,700
That's me. You looking for a job?
436
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:14,000
- No, l'm looking for a girl.
- Oh, aren't we all, amigo?
437
00:27:14,100 --> 00:27:17,800
What's your line?
You running a touring company?
438
00:27:17,900 --> 00:27:21,300
No. l want a girl to pretend to be my
fiancee for the afternoon.
439
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:26,200
One of those? You've come to
the right place. l've got just the girl.
440
00:27:26,300 --> 00:27:28,300
Oh, well, that's good.
441
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:33,000
Yeah, Trixie Waterbury. Made for
the part. Right up Trixie's street.
442
00:27:33,100 --> 00:27:36,400
She'll cover you with burning kisses,
if that's what you want.
443
00:27:37,500 --> 00:27:41,100
- Oh... l hadn't thought of that.
- Lucky you came to me, then, isn't it?
444
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:45,200
- How much does the part pay?
- Er, well, l thought about $20.
445
00:27:45,300 --> 00:27:48,300
- Think again, friend.
- More, you mean?
446
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:50,900
- No, less.
- 15?
447
00:27:50,900 --> 00:27:54,800
(Laughs) A comedian too, are you?
$30.
448
00:27:55,800 --> 00:28:00,600
Or rather 40. That way you get every
ounce of zest and co-operation.
449
00:28:00,700 --> 00:28:03,600
- More than l get for 30?
- Oh, much more.
450
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,000
- $40.
- Plus commission.
451
00:28:10,100 --> 00:28:13,300
- Commission?
- Another ten, inclusive.
452
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,300
Strange,
her having the same name as you.
453
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,600
What's strange? She's my niece.
454
00:28:33,300 --> 00:28:36,800
Will smoked salmon sandwiches
and teacakes be in order, sir?
455
00:28:36,900 --> 00:28:39,900
Doesn't matter.
Could be pigs' trotters and turtle soup.
456
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,100
We won't get to the comestibles.
457
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,000
- (Door bell rings)
- That'll be Trixie now.
458
00:28:49,700 --> 00:28:52,800
Afternoon, Wooster.
Well, here she is!
459
00:28:52,900 --> 00:28:55,300
This is Trixie!
460
00:28:58,500 --> 00:29:02,900
- Pleased to meet you, l'm sure.
- You can call him Bertie.
461
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:07,400
Wouldn't...Sweetie Pie be better?
462
00:29:07,500 --> 00:29:09,300
(Waterbury) You're right.
463
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:14,300
You hear that, Wooster? When you
buy a Waterbury, you buy talent!
464
00:29:15,900 --> 00:29:19,500
- Will that be all for now, sir?
- Er, yes. No!
465
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:22,200
Erm... Yes, l suppose so, Jeeves.
466
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:27,900
That your butler, is it?
467
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,800
Well, no, valet.
468
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:34,300
- Hear that, Trixie? Valet!
- Oh!
469
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:38,400
Nice place you got, buddy.
l bet this costs a bundle to keep up.
470
00:29:38,500 --> 00:29:40,800
When are you expecting your friend?
471
00:29:40,900 --> 00:29:43,800
- Any minute.
- Then we'd better dress the stage.
472
00:29:43,900 --> 00:29:46,800
Discovered - you, Wooster,
sitting in that chair.
473
00:29:46,900 --> 00:29:49,500
- Are you sure...
- ln the chair there. Sit!
474
00:29:50,300 --> 00:29:53,000
Discovered - you, Trixie,
sitting on his lap.
475
00:29:53,100 --> 00:29:55,600
- What?
- For the good of the show!
476
00:29:55,700 --> 00:29:59,600
You want it to carry conviction?
Then you need a sight gag.
477
00:30:04,100 --> 00:30:06,400
Oh! This is nice!
478
00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:08,500
- (Door bell rings)
- This is it.
479
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:11,500
Curtain goin' up.
Passionate embrace, Trixie.
480
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:19,400
- Good luck, folks.
- l love you, Sweetie Pie.
481
00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:23,600
Do you love me, Sweetie Pie?
Ooh! Aah!
482
00:30:27,700 --> 00:30:29,600
What the hell is this?
483
00:30:31,300 --> 00:30:34,600
- What are you doing here?
- More to the point, what are you doing?
484
00:30:34,700 --> 00:30:36,600
Erm... Well...
485
00:30:36,700 --> 00:30:39,600
Er... Trixie, this is Doctor Eggleston.
486
00:30:39,700 --> 00:30:42,200
Eggleston, this is Trixie Waterbury,
my fiancee.
487
00:30:42,300 --> 00:30:42,700
Hi!
488
00:30:45,100 --> 00:30:48,400
- Your what?
- Fiancee. As in fiancee.
489
00:30:49,900 --> 00:30:51,600
You cur!
490
00:30:53,900 --> 00:30:55,900
Aah! Aah!
491
00:31:01,300 --> 00:31:03,000
Did you call, sir?
492
00:31:03,100 --> 00:31:05,400
Oh! Oh...
493
00:31:07,100 --> 00:31:09,600
- Cut yourself shaving, Bertie?
- Very funny.
494
00:31:09,700 --> 00:31:12,900
l'm still relying on you to speak to him
about the allowance.
495
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:15,500
- Why can't you do it?
- You know he respects you.
496
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:18,800
He doesn't respect me at all.
Oh, well, here goes.
497
00:31:21,100 --> 00:31:23,000
Come in.
498
00:31:23,900 --> 00:31:26,800
- What ho, Uncle Mortimer.
- Richard, my boy.
499
00:31:26,900 --> 00:31:30,000
This is... Well, this is my wife.
500
00:31:31,100 --> 00:31:33,700
Uncle Mortimer, Rosemary.
Rosemary, Uncle Mortimer.
501
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:37,200
- How do you do, Lord Bittlesham?
- What a charming girl.
502
00:31:37,300 --> 00:31:40,000
- Good afternoon, Mr Wooster.
- What ho, what.
503
00:31:40,100 --> 00:31:42,900
- Are you all right?
- Cut myself shaving.
504
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:46,300
- l know so little about you, er...
- Rosemary.
505
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:49,600
Rosemary.
l look forward to getting to know you.
506
00:31:49,700 --> 00:31:52,000
l look forward to that, too.
507
00:31:52,100 --> 00:31:55,900
- Oh! Have you read this?
- Yes, three times already.
508
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:59,300
Are you also an admirer
of Rosie M Banks?
509
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:02,200
l am Rosie M Banks.
510
00:32:02,300 --> 00:32:04,800
Aargh! Hardly, old girl!
511
00:32:04,900 --> 00:32:08,300
Rosie M Banks is my nom de plume.
512
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:12,800
lt's Rosemary's joke. Her maiden
name was Rosemary Bankcroft.
513
00:32:12,900 --> 00:32:16,500
And the name l use for my novels
is Rosie M Banks.
514
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:20,300
Be careful! The real
Rosie M Banks is in this room.
515
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,000
Well, l know she is.
516
00:32:22,100 --> 00:32:24,500
lt's all right, Lord Bittlesham.
517
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:27,800
lndeed that book is inscribed by her...
Er... him.
518
00:32:27,900 --> 00:32:31,400
- Him? Who wrote this?
- She did. Er... He did.
519
00:32:31,500 --> 00:32:34,400
Whoever wrote it had no right to do so.
520
00:32:34,500 --> 00:32:37,400
- Come on, Rosie. Joke over.
- This is no joke.
521
00:32:37,500 --> 00:32:40,500
- Someone's been forging my name.
- But you're a waitress.
522
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:43,600
Only whilst l was gathering material
for my new book.
523
00:32:43,700 --> 00:32:46,700
(Bittlesham) This is an outrage!
ln the worst possible taste.
524
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:50,200
l'm sorry that the woman
my nephew has chosen to marry
525
00:32:50,300 --> 00:32:52,800
should be so lost
to ordinary common decency
526
00:32:52,900 --> 00:32:55,000
as to attempt to perpetrate such
a deception.
527
00:32:55,100 --> 00:32:57,400
- How dare you!
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
528
00:32:57,500 --> 00:33:00,400
lf you're Rosie M Banks,
why didn't you tell me?
529
00:33:00,500 --> 00:33:04,400
l was going to but l was so touched
that you seemed to love me for myself
530
00:33:04,500 --> 00:33:07,000
that l put it off until
we got back to London.
531
00:33:07,100 --> 00:33:10,000
And now l have to put up with
your fat relative abusing me!
532
00:33:10,100 --> 00:33:15,200
How dare you! That man so bravely
standing there deserves an apology.
533
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,500
What man?
534
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:24,400
This is most interesting, Mr Dobson.
535
00:33:24,500 --> 00:33:27,300
l thought you might find it so,
Mr Jeeves.
536
00:33:28,900 --> 00:33:31,900
Jeeves, a swift retirement
to prepared positions is in order.
537
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:36,000
l shall follow a few steps behind
if that is acceptable, sir.
538
00:33:36,100 --> 00:33:40,400
l should not like to be seen
in association with that hat.
539
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:43,300
Oh, Jeeves!
540
00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:51,200
(Bell)
541
00:33:51,300 --> 00:33:53,300
There's a gentleman to see you,
Mr Wooster.
542
00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:55,400
- Oh?
- A Mr Waterbury.
543
00:34:00,100 --> 00:34:01,800
Bertie!
544
00:34:04,900 --> 00:34:06,800
Trix and me have been talking it over
545
00:34:06,900 --> 00:34:09,500
and we both feel that a simple wedding
would be best.
546
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:12,500
No need for a lot of fuss and expense.
547
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:14,800
Niagara Falls for the honeymoon.
548
00:34:14,900 --> 00:34:18,200
She's always wanted
to see Niagara Falls.
549
00:34:19,100 --> 00:34:21,700
l'm afraid l don't quite catch your drift.
550
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:24,000
Do l gather that Trixie is getting married?
551
00:34:24,100 --> 00:34:29,500
Wait a minute. Didn't you introduce
her to your friend as your fiancee?
552
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:32,400
- That was just a ruse.
- What?
553
00:34:32,500 --> 00:34:36,400
Surely you explained to her that l wanted
her to pretend we were engaged?
554
00:34:36,500 --> 00:34:40,200
- What would l do that for?
- $50.
555
00:34:40,300 --> 00:34:42,200
l don't remember any $50.
556
00:34:42,300 --> 00:34:47,500
All l remember is the love light in your
eyes, as if it was only yesterday.
557
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:51,800
Her snuggled up in your lap,
pouring forth words of love.
558
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:55,600
You're talking through your hat,
Jas Waterbury.
559
00:34:55,700 --> 00:34:57,600
- You've got your facts wrong.
- Wrong?
560
00:34:57,700 --> 00:35:01,200
Break it to Miss Waterbury
wedding bells will not ring out.
561
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,000
You don't want to marry Trixie?
562
00:35:05,100 --> 00:35:07,500
l wouldn't marry her with a ten-foot pole.
563
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:08,800
Oh, God!
564
00:35:11,100 --> 00:35:13,000
This is really terrible!
565
00:35:13,100 --> 00:35:15,600
What am l going to say to that poor girl?
566
00:35:15,700 --> 00:35:18,800
You...
You wanna break the engagement?
567
00:35:18,900 --> 00:35:23,200
After you've announced it in front
of witnesses and all? Oh, the shame!
568
00:35:23,300 --> 00:35:26,400
There wasn't any blasted engagement.
569
00:35:26,500 --> 00:35:29,700
l hate these breach of promise cases.
Hate them.
570
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:32,700
As if mere money
could ever make life anything but a...
571
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:36,000
a dreary desert for her after losing you.
572
00:35:36,100 --> 00:35:39,800
But...15,000 bucks may help.
573
00:35:39,900 --> 00:35:44,000
- Now, look here, Mr Waterbury -
- Maybe 20 would be fairer.
574
00:35:44,100 --> 00:35:47,700
There's the despair and desolation
to take be taken into account.
575
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:50,900
Despair and poppycock!
576
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,400
You're a hard man, Bertie.
577
00:35:55,500 --> 00:35:59,000
l'll come and see you tomorrow
and get your decision.
578
00:35:59,100 --> 00:36:02,100
lf you still don't feel like writing
that cheque,
579
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:05,400
l'll ask my pal to do what he can
to persuade you.
580
00:36:05,500 --> 00:36:08,800
He's an all-in wrestler
by the name of Porky Jupp.
581
00:36:08,900 --> 00:36:13,400
He's retired now because he broke
a fella's spine, but he's in great shape.
582
00:36:13,500 --> 00:36:17,700
You should see him
crack Brazil nuts with his fingers.
583
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:19,800
He'll do anything for me.
584
00:36:20,700 --> 00:36:23,000
Good night, Mr Wooster. Good night.
585
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,000
Should l go and start packing, sir?
586
00:36:33,700 --> 00:36:35,400
(Horn)
587
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,700
- Name?
- Mr and Mrs Peter Bradley.
588
00:36:46,100 --> 00:36:49,200
- Anyone in pursuit, Jeeves?
- Not as far as l can see, sir?
589
00:37:00,100 --> 00:37:03,200
- So far so good, eh, Jeeves?
- So far so good, sir.
590
00:37:04,300 --> 00:37:06,700
- This is the one.
- lt's ever so rocky.
591
00:37:08,100 --> 00:37:10,700
- Rocky?
- You know. Up and down.
592
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:14,400
- Trixie, we ain't even moving yet!
- Oh!
593
00:37:14,500 --> 00:37:19,300
Blair, we can start a new life away
from Wooster in England with Daddy.
594
00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:22,000
l thought your father had been
run out of England.
595
00:37:22,100 --> 00:37:26,300
Certainly not! Some at the BMA
doubted the Glossop Method,
596
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:28,800
but there was no official complaint.
597
00:37:28,900 --> 00:37:31,400
This won't make any difference to us,
will it?
598
00:37:31,500 --> 00:37:33,500
Of course not, you silly goose!
599
00:37:35,300 --> 00:37:38,500
Well, well, well, here we are again,
Jeeves. Going home.
600
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:42,000
- Yes, indeed, sir.
- What did the man say about home?
601
00:37:42,100 --> 00:37:45,300
lf you mean the American poet
John Howard Payne, sir,
602
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:49,000
he compared it, to its advantage,
with pleasures and palaces.
603
00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:52,600
He called it sweet
and said there was no place like it.
604
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:26,400
- What are you drinking, Bertie?
- Thank you, Bingo. Dry Marti-
605
00:38:26,500 --> 00:38:30,400
- How did you who l was?
- That beard wouldn't convince a whelk.
606
00:38:30,500 --> 00:38:33,600
Rosie's going to London to consult
lawyers about suing you.
607
00:38:33,700 --> 00:38:37,800
- What? What for?
- lmpersonating a sane person.
608
00:38:37,900 --> 00:38:41,000
My uncle's on board, too.
He's going to be a witness.
609
00:38:41,100 --> 00:38:43,800
- Why don't you tell them the truth?
- What?
610
00:38:43,900 --> 00:38:48,200
That we worked the wheeze to try
to get me married to someone else?
611
00:38:48,300 --> 00:38:50,900
She said one of the things
that attracted her to me
612
00:38:50,900 --> 00:38:53,500
was the fact that
l'd never been in love before.
613
00:38:53,500 --> 00:38:55,300
- You told her that?
- Yes.
614
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:57,300
Great Scot!
615
00:38:57,400 --> 00:39:00,600
Anyway, they're both anxious
to have a word with you.
616
00:39:00,700 --> 00:39:04,100
Oh my hat! They don't know
l'm on board, do they?
617
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,000
Not yet. Ah, here's Rosie.
618
00:39:12,900 --> 00:39:14,900
Rosie.
619
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:19,400
- Who's that man with the beard?
- l don't know. Some foreigner.
620
00:39:19,500 --> 00:39:21,400
He had a very funny walk.
621
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:34,000
- Lord Bittlesham's on board.
- Yes, l saw him late this afternoon.
622
00:39:34,100 --> 00:39:37,000
Bingo says that Mrs Bingo
is going to sue me!
623
00:39:37,100 --> 00:39:39,600
His Lordship intimated it, sir.
624
00:39:39,700 --> 00:39:43,000
- What am l going to do? l can't go -
- (Voices)
625
00:39:43,100 --> 00:39:46,300
- Did you say something, Jeeves?
- No, sir.
626
00:39:47,900 --> 00:39:50,500
- Funny, l...
- (Voices)
627
00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:52,500
There it is again.
628
00:39:53,500 --> 00:39:55,500
(Waterbury) l got it all worked out.
629
00:39:57,100 --> 00:39:59,700
(Man) A pulled-ligament job
or a bone break?
630
00:39:59,700 --> 00:40:01,600
(Waterbury) l got it all worked out.
631
00:40:01,700 --> 00:40:05,000
We wait until everything's quiet
then we strike.
632
00:40:05,100 --> 00:40:08,800
- (Man) Good. Cool.
- lt's the people next door.
633
00:40:08,900 --> 00:40:11,600
- l know that voice.
- (Waterbury) We do it my way.
634
00:40:11,700 --> 00:40:14,400
That way we have no trouble
from anyone.
635
00:40:14,500 --> 00:40:16,700
No trouble. Right.
636
00:40:17,700 --> 00:40:20,200
- Did you find out where he is?
- Sure.
637
00:40:20,300 --> 00:40:22,200
l was just discussing it with Porky.
638
00:40:22,300 --> 00:40:25,600
- He's in the next cabin. Number 16.
- Next door!
639
00:40:26,700 --> 00:40:30,100
- They're talking about me, Jeeves.
- Surely not, sir?
640
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:33,700
lt's gonna be a pushover. Me and Porky
are going to go there tonight
641
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:35,700
and have a little word.
642
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:41,000
- They're going to -
- (Laughter)
643
00:40:41,100 --> 00:40:44,800
Ah! l-lt's... The erm...
644
00:40:46,100 --> 00:40:47,800
You drink this, sir.
645
00:40:53,500 --> 00:40:56,600
- lt's Waterbury.
- The theatrical agent, sir?
646
00:40:56,700 --> 00:40:58,800
Waterbury is talking to Porky Jupp!
647
00:40:58,900 --> 00:41:01,000
On the other side of that wall,
648
00:41:01,100 --> 00:41:03,900
talking about coming and having a word.
649
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:05,900
We know what that means.
650
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:10,600
The only words Porky Jupp knows
are biff, bash and bludgeon. l'm off.
651
00:41:10,700 --> 00:41:12,100
Where to, sir?
652
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:16,100
l'm not staying to have my skull
cracked like a Brazil nut.
653
00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:18,800
l'm going to sleep in a lifeboat.
654
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:48,500
(Both) Don't l know you?
655
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:50,700
- Bertie!
- Glossop!
656
00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:53,900
She's after me!
l just found out she's on board!
657
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,100
- Who is?
- Myrtle! Myrtle Snap!
658
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:58,300
l thought you were marrying her.
659
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:02,200
Come with me to my cabin
and l'll explain.
660
00:42:12,100 --> 00:42:13,900
l can't do it, Bertie.
661
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:16,400
- You seemed lovey-dovey.
- Before.
662
00:42:16,500 --> 00:42:19,300
We announced our marriage
and she changed.
663
00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:21,000
lt was only yesterday.
664
00:42:21,100 --> 00:42:24,200
l know, Bertie, and yesterday afternoon,
she showed her hand.
665
00:42:24,300 --> 00:42:27,500
She bought me
a dozen pairs of Argyle socks.
666
00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:30,700
Are those those tartan jobs?
Rather doggy.
667
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:33,600
Perhaps so
but not with striped trousers.
668
00:42:33,700 --> 00:42:35,800
Ah. Couldn't you just not wear them?
669
00:42:35,900 --> 00:42:39,100
l could but Myrtle
becomes so bitter and resentful.
670
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:43,800
She also announced coffee will be
served with dinner instead of wine.
671
00:42:43,900 --> 00:42:46,900
- l say!
- She'd become a tyrant, Bertie.
672
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:50,200
l had a vision of our life together,
stretching away,
673
00:42:50,300 --> 00:42:53,200
me prancing about in tartan socks,
with caffeine poisoning.
674
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:57,400
- Not a pretty picture.
- But she's followed me.
675
00:42:57,500 --> 00:43:01,300
l saw her earlier going into cabin 27
on the corner.
676
00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:03,500
- Roderick!
- What? What?
677
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:05,700
l'm sorry but l've had an idea.
678
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:08,700
l won't go into it
but l too am being pursued.
679
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:10,800
Why don't you and l swap cabins?
680
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:13,700
Brilliant, Bertie!
681
00:43:41,900 --> 00:43:43,800
Roderick!
682
00:43:45,100 --> 00:43:46,700
Hello?
683
00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:50,300
lt's your little Smurfy Wurfy!
684
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:52,300
Little who?
685
00:43:53,700 --> 00:43:54,300
Aah!
686
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:04,800
l think you have all you require, sir.
687
00:44:04,900 --> 00:44:07,700
- Thank you, Jeeves.
- l'll bid you good night.
688
00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:09,500
- Good night.
- Good night.
689
00:44:10,500 --> 00:44:12,500
(Knock at door)
690
00:44:16,100 --> 00:44:18,200
- We want to see Wooster.
- Yeah.
691
00:44:18,300 --> 00:44:20,900
l regret that Mr Wooster is not at home,
gentlemen.
692
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:24,700
- Don't give me that!
- Don't give him that.
693
00:44:28,900 --> 00:44:31,600
- Who are you?
- Who the hell are you?
694
00:44:31,700 --> 00:44:34,300
Where's Wooster? Where's Wooster?
695
00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:36,900
l'm not at liberty
to divulge that information.
696
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:40,200
Oh no? Porky, you ask him.
697
00:44:40,300 --> 00:44:42,400
You mean really ask him?
698
00:44:42,500 --> 00:44:46,100
- Sure. But no blood.
- No blood. Sure.
699
00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:49,100
Gentlemen, l'm sure we can settle
this matter amicably.
700
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:52,400
- Sure we can.
- Very well. Very well.
701
00:44:52,500 --> 00:44:54,600
- Mr Wooster...
- No, Jeeves.
702
00:44:54,700 --> 00:44:58,500
ls in cabin 27.
The cabin on the corner.
703
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:00,600
l'm sorry, Sir Roderick.
704
00:45:02,100 --> 00:45:04,000
Come on, Porky.
705
00:45:08,900 --> 00:45:11,900
Desperate measures
seemed to be called for.
706
00:45:24,100 --> 00:45:25,800
OK, Wooster! This is it!
707
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:30,200
James Waterbury!
708
00:45:30,300 --> 00:45:33,900
After 15 years!
709
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:37,700
- Myrtle!
- You no-good...
710
00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:44,400
- Come back here, you snake!
- l'll get you for this!
711
00:45:44,500 --> 00:45:47,200
Come back here! Can you hear me?
712
00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:56,100
What's going on, Porky?
713
00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:58,900
- His wife caught up with him!
- His what?
714
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:00,900
- His wife!
- Oh!
715
00:46:02,500 --> 00:46:05,200
We can get married in England
just as well as in America.
716
00:46:05,300 --> 00:46:07,400
- Yeah, l suppose so.
- (Crying)
717
00:46:10,900 --> 00:46:13,900
That's her! That's Wooster's fiancee.
718
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,900
- Are you sure?
- Sure l'm sure.
719
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:20,400
Right!
720
00:46:22,900 --> 00:46:25,000
lt's no good you making that row!
721
00:46:25,100 --> 00:46:27,200
You've behaved disgracefully!
722
00:46:27,300 --> 00:46:30,400
- He's married!
- Married?
723
00:46:30,500 --> 00:46:33,300
He's already married!
724
00:46:35,100 --> 00:46:35,600
Oh!
725
00:46:42,700 --> 00:46:46,200
You won't get away from me again,
Waterbury!
726
00:46:46,300 --> 00:46:49,900
- The pleasures of marriage, eh?
- Quite so, sir.
727
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:52,600
How did you know
he was married to Myrtle?
728
00:46:52,700 --> 00:46:57,700
Mr Dobson. She had been searching
for him since he ran off with Trixie.
729
00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:00,100
She'd have made me commit bigamy!
730
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:04,100
- And wear Argyle socks.
- Ah, Jeeves! Wooster!
731
00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:07,600
Ah, yes, Lord Bittlesham.
l wanted a word, as a matter of fact.
732
00:47:07,700 --> 00:47:10,400
l want more than just a word
with you, sir.
733
00:47:10,500 --> 00:47:11,800
There he is!
734
00:47:13,300 --> 00:47:16,600
- l want a word with you.
- Yes, it was all a mix-up.
735
00:47:16,700 --> 00:47:19,600
- You deliberately deceived me.
- No, no!
736
00:47:19,700 --> 00:47:22,500
You brought my reputation
into disrepute.
737
00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:27,000
- Surely not.
- Bertie! l want a word with you!
738
00:47:27,100 --> 00:47:28,700
A word?
739
00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:31,100
You're to make an honest woman
of poor Trixie.
740
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:33,000
Oh, yes!
741
00:47:40,100 --> 00:47:42,300
Jeeves, do you have anything
to suggest?
742
00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:44,300
Just one thing, sir.
743
00:47:46,500 --> 00:47:48,500
(All scream)
744
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:50,500
(Splash)
745
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:08,100
(Drink being poured)
746
00:48:13,300 --> 00:48:15,600
- Easy on the soda, Jeeves.
- Very good, sir.
747
00:48:15,700 --> 00:48:18,600
Eight months without a drink
may be a Drones record.
748
00:48:18,700 --> 00:48:21,500
- Congratulations, sir.
- Your jolly good health.
749
00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:23,300
Thank you, sir.
750
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:25,200
Ah! Well rowed.
751
00:48:25,300 --> 00:48:29,800
lt's good of you to say so, sir, though
there was too much of it for my taste.
752
00:48:29,900 --> 00:48:32,600
Jeeves, this is not the time
for recriminations.
753
00:48:32,700 --> 00:48:35,700
- Very good, sir.
- My navigation was impeccable.
754
00:48:36,900 --> 00:48:38,200
Very good, sir.
755
00:48:38,300 --> 00:48:42,100
Though coming across
the Great Barrier Reef was a shock.
756
00:48:43,900 --> 00:48:47,000
Do you recall
that narrow stretch of waterway
757
00:48:47,100 --> 00:48:49,700
you insisted was the Serpentine, sir?
758
00:48:49,700 --> 00:48:50,700
Jeeves...
759
00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:55,400
lt was, as l suggested at the time, sir,
the Panama Canal.
760
00:48:55,500 --> 00:48:59,400
lt was hardly my fault that the compass
was of unconventional design.
761
00:48:59,500 --> 00:49:02,800
Again, pardon me for saying so, sir,
762
00:49:02,900 --> 00:49:05,200
but most compasses do point north.
763
00:49:05,300 --> 00:49:08,000
Jeeves, let's not start this tedious
argument again.
764
00:49:09,100 --> 00:49:10,500
Very good, sir.
765
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:15,000
The arrow points to the sun then
you read direction with the dial thing.
766
00:49:15,100 --> 00:49:18,500
- That's what the letters are for.
- lf you say so, sir.
767
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:21,700
l think l shall go and have a bath.
Another one of those, please.
768
00:49:21,800 --> 00:49:23,400
Very good, sir.
769
00:49:24,700 --> 00:49:28,500
- The old 42nd Street skimmer.
- Quite so, sir.
770
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:31,300
lf only it had a voice.
What a tale it could tell.
771
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:33,300
But you always get your way in the end.
772
00:49:34,500 --> 00:49:38,800
- Give it to some deserving cause.
- l shall do my best, sir.
773
00:49:38,900 --> 00:49:42,200
- Will you be dining in tonight?
- Er... Yes, why not.
774
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:45,700
- But, Jeeves...
- Sir?
775
00:49:47,700 --> 00:49:49,400
Not fish, l think.
776
00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:51,500
Very good, sir.
777
00:49:52,405 --> 00:49:58,470
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00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:03,070
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