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00:00:02,421 --> 00:00:04,133
‐ Hey, y'all, it's Sarah,
and good grief,
2
00:00:04,133 --> 00:00:05,887
take a look at this terrifying
photo of Nazi youth
3
00:00:05,887 --> 00:00:08,183
from 1930s Germany.
4
00:00:08,183 --> 00:00:10,813
JK. That's from this year,
5
00:00:10,813 --> 00:00:13,193
from six months ago,
in fact, in Wisconsin.
6
00:00:13,193 --> 00:00:15,698
This is a junior prom pic
taken last May
7
00:00:15,698 --> 00:00:18,119
with students
from Baraboo High School,
8
00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:19,915
and either their prom theme
was, like,
9
00:00:19,915 --> 00:00:21,669
"A Kristallnacht to Remember,"
10
00:00:21,669 --> 00:00:24,925
or we have a white supremacist
problem on our hands.
11
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:27,847
The story from the fully grown
adult who took the photo
12
00:00:27,847 --> 00:00:30,018
and some of the kids was that
they were waving good‐bye
13
00:00:30,018 --> 00:00:31,772
to their parents.
14
00:00:31,772 --> 00:00:34,945
"Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad!
15
00:00:34,945 --> 00:00:38,368
I'm off to join a really cool
new youth movement."
16
00:00:38,368 --> 00:00:40,790
Come on. I know we have
a president that shows you
17
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:43,420
how to lie, but just like
with the president,
18
00:00:43,420 --> 00:00:45,299
we all know you're lying.
19
00:00:45,299 --> 00:00:49,808
The photographer posted this
photo on his website for sale.
20
00:00:49,808 --> 00:00:52,021
It's for sale.
Who is this for?
21
00:00:52,021 --> 00:00:53,691
Is there a market for this?
22
00:00:53,691 --> 00:00:56,404
Oh, my God, you know what?
Don't answer that.
23
00:00:56,404 --> 00:01:00,037
What this picture shows
is that at a mere suggestion
24
00:01:00,037 --> 00:01:03,711
an entire group of young white
men gave the Nazi salute
25
00:01:03,711 --> 00:01:06,884
with laughing, smiling,
joyful faces.
26
00:01:06,884 --> 00:01:08,554
And you're probably saying,
"Come on, Sarah,
27
00:01:08,554 --> 00:01:11,560
it was just a joke.
Lighten up. You're so PC."
28
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:13,396
Oh, my God, it was a joke?
29
00:01:13,396 --> 00:01:15,359
[laughing]
30
00:01:15,359 --> 00:01:17,656
That is rich.
What a funny, funny joke.
31
00:01:17,656 --> 00:01:19,743
I must not have gotten
the nuance
32
00:01:19,743 --> 00:01:21,789
of your funny, funny joke.
33
00:01:21,789 --> 00:01:24,043
Look, I'm not too PC.
34
00:01:24,043 --> 00:01:25,630
I've dressed up as Hitler.
35
00:01:25,630 --> 00:01:28,844
I've probably made
six million Holocaust jokes.
36
00:01:28,844 --> 00:01:31,558
I'm not even gonna go as far to
say that you have to be Jewish
37
00:01:31,558 --> 00:01:33,521
to make jokes about Jews.
38
00:01:33,521 --> 00:01:36,527
You just have to not hate Jews.
39
00:01:36,527 --> 00:01:38,823
I think it's safe to say
in this picture
40
00:01:38,823 --> 00:01:40,283
there's a percentage
of these guys
41
00:01:40,283 --> 00:01:41,954
that are straight‐up
anti‐Semitic,
42
00:01:41,954 --> 00:01:44,208
like this guy up front,
who sure looks like
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00:01:44,208 --> 00:01:47,549
he's doing the latest
white nationalist "okay" symbol
44
00:01:47,549 --> 00:01:49,511
and who may very well
cry his way
45
00:01:49,511 --> 00:01:51,890
to a Supreme Court seat
someday.
46
00:01:51,890 --> 00:01:54,729
I'd say a percentage of them
are just ignorant
47
00:01:54,729 --> 00:01:57,652
to the weight of what
that particular salute means,
48
00:01:57,652 --> 00:01:59,573
and a percentage are probably
just, like,
49
00:01:59,573 --> 00:02:01,492
trying to survive high school.
50
00:02:01,492 --> 00:02:03,998
And all of that
added up together
51
00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:06,753
is what makes up
a Nazi movement:
52
00:02:06,753 --> 00:02:09,718
ringleaders, followers,
and dipshits.
53
00:02:09,718 --> 00:02:12,139
I don't know the names
of any of the guys
54
00:02:12,139 --> 00:02:13,976
who made the Nazi salute
in that picture‐‐
55
00:02:13,976 --> 00:02:16,982
though I'm guessing there are,
like, 11 Todds‐‐
56
00:02:16,982 --> 00:02:19,863
but I do know the name
of one guy who didn't.
57
00:02:19,863 --> 00:02:21,575
He's this guy
in the right corner
58
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:23,077
looking very unamused.
59
00:02:23,077 --> 00:02:24,664
His name is Jordan Blue
60
00:02:24,664 --> 00:02:27,670
and thank God for
the Jordan Blues of the world.
61
00:02:27,670 --> 00:02:30,425
In a moment where everyone
casually participated
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00:02:30,425 --> 00:02:33,223
in groupthink,
he could recognize hate.
63
00:02:33,223 --> 00:02:34,768
He could recognize it.
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00:02:34,768 --> 00:02:36,730
Because according to
his Instagram account,
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00:02:36,730 --> 00:02:39,109
Jordan is gay and he said
that he's been bullied
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00:02:39,109 --> 00:02:41,239
by some of these boys
since middle school.
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00:02:41,239 --> 00:02:44,746
He knows what it feels like
for bigots and hatemongers
68
00:02:44,746 --> 00:02:47,710
to want to wish people like him
out of existence.
69
00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:49,965
It's why,
in a split‐second decision,
70
00:02:49,965 --> 00:02:52,720
he knew the difference
between right and wrong.
71
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:55,810
And it's why intersectionality
is so important,
72
00:02:55,810 --> 00:02:58,439
because a threat
to any marginalized group
73
00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:01,153
is a threat against
the humanity of all people,
74
00:03:01,153 --> 00:03:03,074
and for every Jordan Blue
out there,
75
00:03:03,074 --> 00:03:06,707
there has got to be a Jordan
Bluestein who's got his back.
76
00:03:06,707 --> 00:03:08,376
And for every Jordan Bluestein,
77
00:03:08,376 --> 00:03:11,633
there's got to be a Jordana
Blue who's got his back.
78
00:03:11,633 --> 00:03:14,514
And if we get to a world
where everyone steps up,
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00:03:14,514 --> 00:03:17,394
maybe one day,
there'll even be a Todd Blue.
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00:03:17,394 --> 00:03:19,106
Here's hoping.
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00:03:19,106 --> 00:03:21,695
I may not be a Bluestein,
but I am a Silverman,
82
00:03:21,695 --> 00:03:23,448
and I got your back, buddy.
83
00:03:23,448 --> 00:03:24,910
Peace!
84
00:03:26,663 --> 00:03:29,628
[Psychic Friend's"We Do Not Belong" plays]
85
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♪ ♪
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MAN: ♪ Shave it off,
stay alive, open wide ♪
87
00:03:35,055 --> 00:03:38,771
♪ Show us how to conquer first
and then divide ♪
88
00:03:38,771 --> 00:03:42,361
CHORUS: ♪ Don't know if we're
stayin' long, stayin' long ♪
89
00:03:42,361 --> 00:03:43,864
♪ Used to staying weak ♪
90
00:03:43,864 --> 00:03:46,285
♪ And now we're
staying strong ♪
91
00:03:46,285 --> 00:03:50,043
♪ We don't wanna go
where we do not belong ♪
92
00:03:50,043 --> 00:03:53,174
♪ Lonely as the day is long,
day is long ♪
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♪ ♪
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‐ Guys, come on! Stop it.
95
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[cheers and applause]
96
00:04:00,355 --> 00:04:03,236
Hi, everybody, it's me, Sarah.
97
00:04:03,236 --> 00:04:05,281
Ms. Silverman, if you're nasty,
98
00:04:05,281 --> 00:04:07,411
or if you're just being formal.
99
00:04:07,411 --> 00:04:09,415
Thanksgiving is coming up,
you guys,
100
00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:10,960
You guys know Thanksgiving,
right?
101
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,922
When families and friends
all over the country
102
00:04:12,922 --> 00:04:14,884
get together for food
and football,
103
00:04:14,884 --> 00:04:17,472
all in remembrance
of the one time we were nice
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00:04:17,472 --> 00:04:20,061
to Indigenous Americans.
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00:04:20,061 --> 00:04:21,648
It's about getting together
106
00:04:21,648 --> 00:04:23,443
with people
you don't agree with
107
00:04:23,443 --> 00:04:26,490
and still loving each other,
despite those differences.
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00:04:26,490 --> 00:04:27,952
Except for Aunt Ruth.
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00:04:27,952 --> 00:04:31,250
You go fuck yourself,
Aunt Ruth.
110
00:04:31,250 --> 00:04:32,587
Nah, I'm just kidding.
111
00:04:32,587 --> 00:04:34,924
Me and Aunt Ruth
agree on everything.
112
00:04:34,924 --> 00:04:37,012
Sorry, agreed on everything.
113
00:04:37,012 --> 00:04:38,473
She died on 9/11.
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[laughter, groans]
115
00:04:41,772 --> 00:04:43,232
She choked on a pumpkin seed.
116
00:04:43,232 --> 00:04:44,652
Yeah.
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00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:47,575
Can't believe
it's been three years.
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00:04:47,575 --> 00:04:49,537
Rest in peace, Ruth.
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00:04:49,537 --> 00:04:51,332
I love you, you son of a bitch.
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00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,044
[laughter]
121
00:04:53,044 --> 00:04:55,925
Now, I know you're used to me
doing, uh, epic takedowns
122
00:04:55,925 --> 00:04:58,847
of our corrupt government,
but since it is Thanksgiving,
123
00:04:58,847 --> 00:05:01,268
I would like to take some time
124
00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:03,857
and talk about
what I am thankful for,
125
00:05:03,857 --> 00:05:06,905
and I am thankful,
uh, for Donald Trump.
126
00:05:06,905 --> 00:05:09,869
Oh! Oh, my God,
I just shuddered, I think.
127
00:05:09,869 --> 00:05:11,998
I never knew
what that was before.
128
00:05:11,998 --> 00:05:15,965
Uh, no, but I am.
I am thankful for Donald Trump.
129
00:05:15,965 --> 00:05:18,010
Not the way I'm thankful
for my family,
130
00:05:18,010 --> 00:05:21,142
or for, like,
my butt wipes, but...
131
00:05:21,142 --> 00:05:23,396
Like the way
an addict is thankful
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00:05:23,396 --> 00:05:25,526
for hitting rock bottom.
133
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:30,201
I think that Trump,
taint waffle that he is,
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00:05:30,201 --> 00:05:32,957
has‐‐he's actually
done some good.
135
00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:34,836
You know, I mean,
not him personally.
136
00:05:34,836 --> 00:05:37,424
He's actually done‐‐you know,
he's a piece of shit‐‐
137
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:39,637
he's, uh‐‐oh, there might be
kids watching.
138
00:05:39,637 --> 00:05:43,896
He's a piece of S‐H‐I‐twat.
139
00:05:43,896 --> 00:05:46,902
Yes, he's personally
done a lot of harm.
140
00:05:46,902 --> 00:05:49,532
Uh, he has put kids in cages,
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00:05:49,532 --> 00:05:52,037
he's nominated
an alleged sexual assaulter
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00:05:52,037 --> 00:05:54,584
to the Supreme Court,
he ordered a Muslim ban,
143
00:05:54,584 --> 00:05:57,172
reignited the white supremacy
movement,
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00:05:57,172 --> 00:06:00,846
redefined gender to exclude
already marginalized people,
145
00:06:00,846 --> 00:06:02,390
threatened California
146
00:06:02,390 --> 00:06:04,812
during a catastrophic
wildfire disaster‐‐
147
00:06:04,812 --> 00:06:06,357
[sighs] You know what?
148
00:06:06,357 --> 00:06:07,860
This is just gonna take up
the whole show.
149
00:06:07,860 --> 00:06:09,530
I‐‐
150
00:06:09,530 --> 00:06:12,620
Deb, can you just scroll
through the end of the list?
151
00:06:12,620 --> 00:06:15,291
Go, go, go, go...
152
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:18,715
Enemy of the people,
shithole countries...
153
00:06:18,715 --> 00:06:19,968
Go, keep going.
154
00:06:19,968 --> 00:06:21,680
Okay, stop. Perfect.
155
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:23,266
Thank you.
[clears throat]
156
00:06:23,266 --> 00:06:25,270
And worst of all,
he's ruined, like,
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00:06:25,270 --> 00:06:26,815
every article of clothing.
158
00:06:26,815 --> 00:06:30,154
Red hats, big ties,
polo shirts.
159
00:06:30,154 --> 00:06:34,329
Like, now what am I supposed to
wear to feel sexy?
160
00:06:34,329 --> 00:06:37,962
But Trump's presence
has actually caused good.
161
00:06:37,962 --> 00:06:40,759
It's like‐‐
like the butterfly effect.
162
00:06:40,759 --> 00:06:44,349
Trump is the butterfly
that farts in Japan,
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00:06:44,349 --> 00:06:46,646
and through a series
of chain reactions,
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00:06:46,646 --> 00:06:50,946
a child learns how to read
in Cincinnati, Ohio.
165
00:06:50,946 --> 00:06:52,658
What I'm trying to say is,
166
00:06:52,658 --> 00:06:55,329
Donald Trump
is a butterfly fart,
167
00:06:55,329 --> 00:06:56,791
and here are some good things
168
00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:59,046
he has unintentionally
triggered.
169
00:06:59,046 --> 00:07:02,302
This year, a record number
of women ran for and won
170
00:07:02,302 --> 00:07:03,680
House and Senate seats.
171
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,308
And that record number
of women...
172
00:07:05,308 --> 00:07:08,314
[cheers and applause]
173
00:07:08,314 --> 00:07:09,901
That record number of women
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00:07:09,901 --> 00:07:12,447
includes many
Congressional firsts:
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00:07:12,447 --> 00:07:15,704
the youngest woman,
the first Native Americans,
176
00:07:15,704 --> 00:07:18,794
uh, the first Muslims,
the first lesbian mom,
177
00:07:18,794 --> 00:07:21,549
and the first woman
with bleach blonde pubes.
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00:07:21,549 --> 00:07:23,260
[laughter]
179
00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:26,016
I'm not gonna say who it is,
but...
180
00:07:26,016 --> 00:07:29,272
I mean, we can rule out
Diane Feinstein.
181
00:07:29,272 --> 00:07:30,483
Or can we?
182
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,112
[laughter]
183
00:07:32,112 --> 00:07:33,657
And how about this?
184
00:07:33,657 --> 00:07:36,286
When Colin Kaepernick risked
his entire career
185
00:07:36,286 --> 00:07:38,499
and started kneeling
in peaceful protest
186
00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:39,877
of police brutality,
187
00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:41,965
Trump's stupid fucking
Tweets about it‐‐
188
00:07:41,965 --> 00:07:44,929
which I can only assume
he fired off with sweaty thumbs
189
00:07:44,929 --> 00:07:48,562
while squeezing fat loafs
on the John‐‐
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00:07:48,562 --> 00:07:51,358
brought the issue
to a national conversation,
191
00:07:51,358 --> 00:07:54,574
shedding light on‐‐
on racial inequality
192
00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:56,619
and police brutality.
193
00:07:56,619 --> 00:07:59,834
Basically, more people
and issues are visible
194
00:07:59,834 --> 00:08:01,295
just based on the motive
195
00:08:01,295 --> 00:08:03,884
of Trump trying to make them
invisible.
196
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:07,600
Congress in 2019 will be
the least white and least male
197
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,311
of all time.
198
00:08:09,311 --> 00:08:12,943
[cheers and applause]
199
00:08:12,943 --> 00:08:15,991
Our Congress will look a little
less like a country club
200
00:08:15,991 --> 00:08:19,122
and a little more like‐‐
uh, like our country.
201
00:08:19,122 --> 00:08:21,669
[cheers and applause]
202
00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:24,132
More people of color,
more women,
203
00:08:24,132 --> 00:08:26,053
more young people
turned out to vote,
204
00:08:26,053 --> 00:08:29,184
despite voter suppression
efforts and bad weather.
205
00:08:29,184 --> 00:08:31,313
Not like bad weather
would keep anyone
206
00:08:31,313 --> 00:08:32,566
from doing their civic duty.
207
00:08:32,566 --> 00:08:34,486
[laughter, groans]
208
00:08:34,486 --> 00:08:37,785
Of course. Why didn't he just
bring an umbrella, by the way?
209
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,079
[laughter]
210
00:08:39,079 --> 00:08:42,043
Oh.
[Scottish accent] Right.
211
00:08:42,043 --> 00:08:45,634
But, in general, our butterfly
queef of a president
212
00:08:45,634 --> 00:08:47,763
has made us more aware.
213
00:08:47,763 --> 00:08:50,351
He is begging
for us to pay attention.
214
00:08:50,351 --> 00:08:52,313
Trump is the guy
at a house party
215
00:08:52,313 --> 00:08:53,900
who is doing lines of coke
216
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:55,904
right in the middle
of the living room.
217
00:08:55,904 --> 00:08:58,785
Like, at least the rest of the
party has the self‐awareness
218
00:08:58,785 --> 00:09:01,331
to do that shit
in the bathroom.
219
00:09:01,331 --> 00:09:03,503
And, in keeping with
the coke analogy,
220
00:09:03,503 --> 00:09:05,716
he will not shut up.
221
00:09:05,716 --> 00:09:07,218
"Anyone want to build a wall?
222
00:09:07,218 --> 00:09:08,972
"We're gonna fucking build
a beautiful wall.
223
00:09:08,972 --> 00:09:10,767
"Oh, fuck yeah.
I had the biggest fucking crowd
224
00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:13,230
"at my inauguration. It was
like the fucking biggest.
225
00:09:13,230 --> 00:09:15,569
"There were, like, 100 billion
people there.
226
00:09:15,569 --> 00:09:17,113
"You wanna dance?
Anyone wanna dance?
227
00:09:17,113 --> 00:09:18,490
"Like, someone turn on music.
228
00:09:18,490 --> 00:09:20,328
We should all, like,
make up a dance."
229
00:09:20,328 --> 00:09:22,708
[laughter]
230
00:09:22,708 --> 00:09:26,131
He's the worst,
uh, but his shamelessness,
231
00:09:26,131 --> 00:09:28,803
brought to light things that
were going on in the dark.
232
00:09:28,803 --> 00:09:30,431
We can see them now.
233
00:09:30,431 --> 00:09:34,314
He is like a black light
at a Holiday Inn Express,
234
00:09:34,314 --> 00:09:37,320
exposing America's
fecal‐covered handprints
235
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:40,159
and neon cum stains.
236
00:09:40,159 --> 00:09:42,246
Or even at a Ritz‐Carlton.
237
00:09:42,246 --> 00:09:45,545
What, you think, uh, rich
people don't jizz on remotes?
238
00:09:45,545 --> 00:09:47,423
[laughter]
239
00:09:47,423 --> 00:09:50,681
As a rich person,
I can tell you, we do.
240
00:09:50,681 --> 00:09:51,849
[laughter]
241
00:09:51,849 --> 00:09:53,268
[chuckles]
242
00:09:53,268 --> 00:09:55,314
[applause]
243
00:09:55,314 --> 00:09:58,571
So in a fucked up way,
I am thankful for Donald Trump,
244
00:09:58,571 --> 00:10:00,408
because he made us
pay attention.
245
00:10:00,408 --> 00:10:02,996
We can't not pay attention.
246
00:10:02,996 --> 00:10:06,629
When Obama became president,
we got a little complacent.
247
00:10:06,629 --> 00:10:08,883
I mean, we had a‐‐a cognizant,
248
00:10:08,883 --> 00:10:11,096
empathetic human being
in office
249
00:10:11,096 --> 00:10:13,935
who didn't stare directly into
the sun during an eclipse.
250
00:10:13,935 --> 00:10:16,314
[laughter]
251
00:10:16,314 --> 00:10:17,818
With Obama,
we thought everything
252
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:19,237
was on the right track,
253
00:10:19,237 --> 00:10:21,491
but the truth is,
we weren't even close.
254
00:10:21,491 --> 00:10:22,995
During his presidency,
255
00:10:22,995 --> 00:10:25,458
Democrats lost
both the House and Senate,
256
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:28,088
and nearly 1,000
state legislative seats.
257
00:10:28,088 --> 00:10:31,011
He failed to prosecute
a single Wall Street criminal
258
00:10:31,011 --> 00:10:33,683
who caused
the 2008 financial crisis,
259
00:10:33,683 --> 00:10:35,269
he authorized drone strikes
260
00:10:35,269 --> 00:10:37,691
that killed
nearly 4,000 people,
261
00:10:37,691 --> 00:10:41,616
and he only predicted the Men's
NCAA basketball champion once
262
00:10:41,616 --> 00:10:42,826
in eight years.
263
00:10:42,826 --> 00:10:44,955
I mean, come on, Barry.
264
00:10:44,955 --> 00:10:46,918
Even I picked more winners,
265
00:10:46,918 --> 00:10:49,882
and I fill out my bracket based
on who has the hottest coach.
266
00:10:49,882 --> 00:10:52,428
[laughter]
267
00:10:52,428 --> 00:10:55,811
Look, Trump may not be
the president we want,
268
00:10:55,811 --> 00:10:58,315
but he may be
the president we deserve.
269
00:10:58,315 --> 00:11:01,196
The constant reminder
that democracy takes effort
270
00:11:01,196 --> 00:11:02,908
and must be protected.
271
00:11:02,908 --> 00:11:05,120
He represents a cancer that a‐‐
272
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:07,751
that's always right below
the surface in this country‐‐
273
00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:11,007
racism, xenophobia,
fear of other‐‐
274
00:11:11,007 --> 00:11:13,930
but at least now it's something
we can see.
275
00:11:13,930 --> 00:11:15,684
It's something we can point to.
276
00:11:15,684 --> 00:11:18,731
He's like the black light
shining on our jizzy, jizzy,
277
00:11:18,731 --> 00:11:21,027
jizz‐stained country.
278
00:11:21,027 --> 00:11:23,031
And that's what
I'm grateful for.
279
00:11:23,031 --> 00:11:24,618
Happy Thanksgiving, America.
280
00:11:24,618 --> 00:11:25,954
Gobble, gobble.
281
00:11:25,954 --> 00:11:28,960
[cheers and applause]
282
00:11:35,222 --> 00:11:37,728
You know, I've often wondered
what would it be like
283
00:11:37,728 --> 00:11:41,026
to be the mouthpiece for
an American fascist regime.
284
00:11:41,026 --> 00:11:43,781
Well, wonder no more, me.
Take a look!
285
00:11:43,781 --> 00:11:45,200
ALL: Sarah! Sarah!
286
00:11:47,246 --> 00:11:50,002
‐ I actually can say
with all honesty,
287
00:11:50,002 --> 00:11:53,383
President Trump did not
commit a crime.
288
00:11:53,383 --> 00:11:55,262
All right, next question.
289
00:11:58,686 --> 00:12:01,232
‐ I can't confirm that he had
a sexual relationship
290
00:12:01,232 --> 00:12:03,780
with Karen McDougal,
but I can confirm that he has
291
00:12:03,780 --> 00:12:07,119
a sexual relationship
with the Bacon McGriddle.
292
00:12:07,119 --> 00:12:08,163
Next?
293
00:12:13,131 --> 00:12:15,135
‐ Yeah, sorry,
that was miscommunicated.
294
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:17,724
He promised to get
the best peephole.
295
00:12:17,724 --> 00:12:19,728
It's actually‐‐
it's a hole
296
00:12:19,728 --> 00:12:21,774
in the women's bathroom
that he can look through
297
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:24,153
when he's punching his penis.
298
00:12:24,153 --> 00:12:25,740
Ah.
299
00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:27,828
Nope. Next question.
Dummy?
300
00:12:29,414 --> 00:12:31,376
‐ Well, you know,
he wasn't shown love
301
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:33,756
in his formative years,
and he was taught
302
00:12:33,756 --> 00:12:36,721
that his only value was money,
you know,
303
00:12:36,721 --> 00:12:38,558
and he didn't earn his money.
304
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:40,227
You know, he was constantly
given it from his father...
305
00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:42,064
That's when he, like,
started, you know,
306
00:12:42,064 --> 00:12:44,485
gold‐plating everything
and wearing suits
307
00:12:44,485 --> 00:12:47,408
that matched his car,
and he never really
308
00:12:47,408 --> 00:12:50,623
emotionally grew past,
like, eight years old...
309
00:12:50,623 --> 00:12:54,297
His mother had this, like,
odd disdain for him,
310
00:12:54,297 --> 00:12:56,719
and because of it, he‐‐
he, you know,
311
00:12:56,719 --> 00:13:00,560
reenacted the trauma
through copying her hair.
312
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:01,771
ALL: Sarah. Sarah.
SARAH: Who else?
313
00:13:04,777 --> 00:13:06,697
‐ Yeah.
314
00:13:06,697 --> 00:13:08,075
You know why?
315
00:13:08,075 --> 00:13:10,914
[whispering]
'Cause I'm fucking crazy.
316
00:13:10,914 --> 00:13:12,709
ALL: Sarah.
‐ Yes. Pencil Neck.
317
00:13:18,470 --> 00:13:20,767
‐ The future!
Jerry, did you hear that?
318
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:24,232
How cute is that?
Sweetie, it's the end of days.
319
00:13:24,232 --> 00:13:25,652
All right, I gotta go.
320
00:13:25,652 --> 00:13:27,739
Uh, don't be enemies
of the people.
321
00:13:27,739 --> 00:13:29,701
Peace!
322
00:13:29,701 --> 00:13:32,666
[Psychic Friend's"We Do Not Belong" plays]
323
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:40,723
[Psychic Friend's"We Do Not Belong" plays]
324
00:13:40,723 --> 00:13:42,309
‐ You know, a lot of people
are saying,
325
00:13:42,309 --> 00:13:43,771
"Where's your dad this season?"
326
00:13:43,771 --> 00:13:45,775
And here's my answer:
He's right here!
327
00:13:45,775 --> 00:13:47,654
Soak him up before he's gone.
328
00:13:47,654 --> 00:13:50,618
The older you get,
the older your parents get,
329
00:13:50,618 --> 00:13:52,121
and God willing,
if things happen
330
00:13:52,121 --> 00:13:54,500
in the natural order,
they will die.
331
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:57,632
Two‐thirds of Americans
don't have a death plan.
332
00:13:57,632 --> 00:14:02,182
That costs America
1.7 billion dollars a year.
333
00:14:02,182 --> 00:14:05,272
My dad is 81,
so I wanted to show you
334
00:14:05,272 --> 00:14:08,613
just how important it is
to take your elderly parents,
335
00:14:08,613 --> 00:14:10,617
bring them on
your television show,
336
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:12,369
and make a plan
for their death.
337
00:14:12,369 --> 00:14:15,292
‐ Jesus fucking Christ.
‐ Zip it. You're fine.
338
00:14:15,292 --> 00:14:16,670
‐ Oh, shit.
339
00:14:16,670 --> 00:14:18,173
SARAH: The average
life expectancy
340
00:14:18,173 --> 00:14:20,553
for an American male is 76.
341
00:14:20,553 --> 00:14:23,016
This is my dad, and he's 81,
342
00:14:23,016 --> 00:14:24,519
which means
he's kept Satan waiting
343
00:14:24,519 --> 00:14:25,897
for five whole years.
344
00:14:25,897 --> 00:14:28,276
Hey, Dr. Spector.
345
00:14:28,276 --> 00:14:29,696
‐ Hello, there.
SARAH: Step one:
346
00:14:29,696 --> 00:14:31,282
take him to a doctor.
‐ How are you?
347
00:14:31,282 --> 00:14:33,286
DONALD: Nice to meet you.
‐ This is my dad, Donald.
348
00:14:33,286 --> 00:14:36,417
SARAH: So I brought my dad
to see Dr. Todd Spector.
349
00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:39,340
So we're just here
because he's getting old,
350
00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:41,386
and I feel like we should
make a plan.
351
00:14:41,386 --> 00:14:42,764
TODD: Typically,
what I like to do
352
00:14:42,764 --> 00:14:44,308
is I like people to have
what's called
353
00:14:44,308 --> 00:14:46,229
an advanced directive,
which is a document.
354
00:14:46,229 --> 00:14:49,318
It's very simple and very clear
about the way
355
00:14:49,318 --> 00:14:50,905
that you would like
your affairs handled
356
00:14:50,905 --> 00:14:53,619
if you couldn't give an opinion
about how,
357
00:14:53,619 --> 00:14:55,497
usually because of
a medical condition.
358
00:14:55,497 --> 00:14:57,794
‐ I told my wife at what point
359
00:14:57,794 --> 00:14:59,589
I would want her
to pull the plug.
360
00:14:59,589 --> 00:15:02,469
‐ Okay.
‐ See if I can have an orgasm.
361
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:05,100
And if I can't have an orgasm,
pull the plug.
362
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:06,269
TODD: [laughing] Okay.
363
00:15:06,269 --> 00:15:07,939
That's very clear.
364
00:15:07,939 --> 00:15:09,066
‐ That's very disgusting.
365
00:15:09,066 --> 00:15:10,695
TODD: [laughs]
366
00:15:10,695 --> 00:15:13,033
I think we could put
some sharp lines around it
367
00:15:13,033 --> 00:15:15,370
and make it clear to anybody.
368
00:15:15,370 --> 00:15:17,041
Let's say you're brought in
to the hospital
369
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,753
and you're unconscious,
and I'm standing
370
00:15:18,753 --> 00:15:20,923
at the bedside and I say,
"Look, it doesn't look like
371
00:15:20,923 --> 00:15:23,011
"he's gonna be able to have
a meaningful recovery.
372
00:15:23,011 --> 00:15:24,890
"In my opinion,
we should let nature
373
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:27,478
take its course
and not resuscitate him."
374
00:15:27,478 --> 00:15:28,689
Would that be okay with you?
375
00:15:28,689 --> 00:15:30,358
‐ Oh, yeah.
376
00:15:30,358 --> 00:15:31,904
‐ So that's what we refer to
as "do not resuscitate."
377
00:15:31,904 --> 00:15:35,452
‐ Yes, I do not wish to have
invasive surgery
378
00:15:35,452 --> 00:15:39,376
that will hurt me
or make me uncomfortable.
379
00:15:39,376 --> 00:15:42,675
‐ How about something
like a breathing tube?
380
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,053
‐ Yeah, no.
381
00:15:44,053 --> 00:15:46,683
‐ Okay.
‐ I do not want to suffer.
382
00:15:46,683 --> 00:15:49,564
I do not want to live
as a vegetable.
383
00:15:49,564 --> 00:15:53,446
‐ You don't mind being ugly?
‐ [laughs]
384
00:15:53,446 --> 00:15:56,244
All right, so I think
that we have clarified
385
00:15:56,244 --> 00:15:59,083
really what your end‐of‐life
wishes would be.
386
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:01,212
Do you guys have any other
questions for me about this?
387
00:16:01,212 --> 00:16:04,385
‐ How soon can this happen?
‐ [laughs]
388
00:16:04,385 --> 00:16:06,472
‐ My dad has these
really weird elbows.
389
00:16:06,472 --> 00:16:07,892
They're, like, filled
with fluid.
390
00:16:07,892 --> 00:16:09,228
I don't know if you could
take a look.
391
00:16:09,228 --> 00:16:10,898
‐ Of course.
392
00:16:10,898 --> 00:16:13,821
SARAH: They're like bags
of water or something.
393
00:16:13,821 --> 00:16:15,825
Like, is that something
he could donate?
394
00:16:15,825 --> 00:16:17,829
TODD: That is probably
not something that anybody
395
00:16:17,829 --> 00:16:20,417
would put in their body,
but it is not dangerous.
396
00:16:20,417 --> 00:16:21,795
It'll never cause you
any problems.
397
00:16:21,795 --> 00:16:23,423
‐ It's got so much fluid
in there,
398
00:16:23,423 --> 00:16:25,845
you could, like, solve
the Flint crisis.
399
00:16:25,845 --> 00:16:27,599
Will you also look at his feet
400
00:16:27,599 --> 00:16:29,310
or just one of his feet,
even just to look at it?
401
00:16:29,310 --> 00:16:31,523
TODD: Happy to.
Happy to.
402
00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:33,736
DONALD: They cut off
three toes,
403
00:16:33,736 --> 00:16:36,825
and they took one of the toes
and they cut it up
404
00:16:36,825 --> 00:16:38,913
and they put two stumps there.
405
00:16:38,913 --> 00:16:40,791
TODD: It looks like you have
had a very good doctor
406
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:41,793
working on your feet
in the past.
407
00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:43,505
DONALD: Oh, I have.
408
00:16:43,505 --> 00:16:44,758
‐ I mean, maybe you could‐‐
this could be something
409
00:16:44,758 --> 00:16:47,429
that you think about donating.
410
00:16:47,429 --> 00:16:48,682
‐ To a medical school?
411
00:16:48,682 --> 00:16:50,477
‐ No, to the circus.
412
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:52,481
‐ You little shit.
413
00:16:52,481 --> 00:16:53,609
♪ ♪
414
00:16:53,609 --> 00:16:54,945
SARAH: Okay. Well.
415
00:16:54,945 --> 00:16:56,531
Thank you so much.
416
00:16:56,531 --> 00:16:59,704
This has been heavy, kind of.
417
00:16:59,704 --> 00:17:00,957
But you know what, Dad?
418
00:17:00,957 --> 00:17:02,251
I think I know
the perfect place
419
00:17:02,251 --> 00:17:03,671
that's gonna cheer you up.
420
00:17:03,671 --> 00:17:05,716
♪ ♪
421
00:17:05,716 --> 00:17:08,096
Just kidding.
I took him to a mortuary.
422
00:17:08,096 --> 00:17:10,100
♪ ♪
423
00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:12,104
And I invited
my step‐mom, Janice,
424
00:17:12,104 --> 00:17:14,651
who's been married to my dad
for over 40 years
425
00:17:14,651 --> 00:17:17,281
and who will never be
my real mother, never.
426
00:17:17,281 --> 00:17:18,993
Let's go check it out.
427
00:17:18,993 --> 00:17:20,579
GIO: Hello, Sarah.
‐ Hey, Gio.
428
00:17:20,579 --> 00:17:21,707
Thank you for meeting with us.
429
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:23,084
‐ Hey, nice to meet you too.
430
00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:24,796
‐ It would be illegal
to just bury him
431
00:17:24,796 --> 00:17:27,134
in a shallow grave
in our yard, right?
432
00:17:27,134 --> 00:17:29,013
‐ Why?
433
00:17:29,013 --> 00:17:30,516
‐ Don't worry about why.
434
00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:32,352
It's hypothetical.
435
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:34,983
‐ Do you have any caskets
where Janice can be
436
00:17:34,983 --> 00:17:37,321
on top of me, when she dies?
437
00:17:37,321 --> 00:17:39,909
‐ Not necessarily that way,
but what we do is double‐vault.
438
00:17:39,909 --> 00:17:41,287
‐ No, I want her on top of me.
439
00:17:41,287 --> 00:17:43,333
‐ You want‐‐you don't‐‐
‐ Why?
440
00:17:43,333 --> 00:17:45,420
‐ Oh, 'cause she's so sweet
and nice.
441
00:17:45,420 --> 00:17:47,007
‐ Yeah.
[chuckles]
442
00:17:47,007 --> 00:17:48,426
‐ He can get cremated too,
right?
443
00:17:48,426 --> 00:17:49,512
GIO: Yes, there's also
cremation options
444
00:17:49,512 --> 00:17:51,057
that we provide.
445
00:17:51,057 --> 00:17:53,646
‐ Could we shoot his ashes
from a cannon‐‐
446
00:17:53,646 --> 00:17:57,110
wait for it‐‐
into another cannon?
447
00:17:57,110 --> 00:18:00,241
‐ Um, there won't be any
permits issued for any of that.
448
00:18:00,241 --> 00:18:03,414
‐ I really want to be
biodegradable somewhere,
449
00:18:03,414 --> 00:18:05,251
just put in a sack.
450
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,755
‐ That's definitely not
what I want.
451
00:18:06,755 --> 00:18:09,301
Not that way.
I want the nicest casket.
452
00:18:09,301 --> 00:18:11,890
But I also want to be
by your dad.
453
00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:15,438
DONALD: Janice, we'll be dead.
Just remember what I want.
454
00:18:15,438 --> 00:18:18,529
♪ The worms crawl in,
the worms crawl out ♪
455
00:18:18,529 --> 00:18:21,158
♪ The worms play pinochle
on your snout ♪
456
00:18:21,158 --> 00:18:24,541
That's living, as being dead.
457
00:18:24,541 --> 00:18:28,172
SARAH: Janice is getting
a state‐of‐the‐art casket
458
00:18:28,172 --> 00:18:31,763
with a string that rings a bell
in case she's alive.
459
00:18:31,763 --> 00:18:34,435
‐ Oh, thank you so much
for your consideration.
460
00:18:34,435 --> 00:18:36,313
‐ I know my parents.
‐ [laughs]
461
00:18:36,313 --> 00:18:39,738
SARAH: We went over a ton of
excellent dying options today,
462
00:18:39,738 --> 00:18:42,869
so for posterity
and also because I couldn't
463
00:18:42,869 --> 00:18:45,206
make sense of half the things
my dad said,
464
00:18:45,206 --> 00:18:46,960
I asked him to make
a video will
465
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,421
with all of his commandments.
466
00:18:48,421 --> 00:18:51,511
‐ Hello, my name
is Donald Silverman,
467
00:18:51,511 --> 00:18:53,932
and I want to leave
a living will
468
00:18:53,932 --> 00:18:56,897
so that my children
and our grandchildren
469
00:18:56,897 --> 00:19:00,863
will know what to do
when I'm at the end of my life.
470
00:19:00,863 --> 00:19:02,533
I don't have anything
to give anybody.
471
00:19:02,533 --> 00:19:05,998
I got old clothes.
I got old shoes.
472
00:19:05,998 --> 00:19:07,794
If there's somebody who wants
my Timex watch,
473
00:19:07,794 --> 00:19:10,340
it takes a lickin'
and keeps on tickin'.
474
00:19:10,340 --> 00:19:13,012
My favorite food is a
McDonald's chocolate milkshake.
475
00:19:13,012 --> 00:19:17,814
If I can't enjoy that anymore,
uh, pull the plug.
476
00:19:17,814 --> 00:19:21,070
I don't believe that there's
any heaven or hell,
477
00:19:21,070 --> 00:19:24,368
so I don't need any‐‐
to be in fear.
478
00:19:24,368 --> 00:19:26,623
Um, I don't care if you even
come to my funeral
479
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:30,631
to celebrate my life or not
or cry when I die.
480
00:19:30,631 --> 00:19:33,679
Just, uh, figure that
I did my best,
481
00:19:33,679 --> 00:19:35,766
had a good time
while I was here.
482
00:19:35,766 --> 00:19:37,854
Sometimes when you're
sitting around bullshitting,
483
00:19:37,854 --> 00:19:42,572
talk about me a little bit and
let me go as easy as possible.
484
00:19:42,572 --> 00:19:44,074
That's it. I love my daughters.
485
00:19:44,074 --> 00:19:47,289
I love my grandchildren.
I love my Janice.
486
00:19:47,289 --> 00:19:49,001
I've had a goddamn good life.
487
00:19:49,001 --> 00:19:52,007
Now let me die in peace.
488
00:19:52,007 --> 00:19:54,762
‐ I love you, Daddy.
489
00:19:54,762 --> 00:19:57,309
DONALD: Mm!
490
00:19:57,309 --> 00:20:00,398
♪ The worms crawl in,
the worms crawl out ♪
491
00:20:00,398 --> 00:20:03,572
♪ The worms play pinochle
on your snout ♪
492
00:20:03,572 --> 00:20:05,366
[cheers and applause]
493
00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:10,544
[Psychic Friend's"We Do Not Belong" plays]
494
00:20:10,544 --> 00:20:12,255
[applause]
495
00:20:12,255 --> 00:20:15,554
‐ All my next guest needs
is three chords and the truth.
496
00:20:15,554 --> 00:20:17,767
And eight cups of water a day
497
00:20:17,767 --> 00:20:19,520
because you have to
stay hydrated,
498
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:22,944
and I'm that serious.
I love his music.
499
00:20:22,944 --> 00:20:26,325
Please welcome Grammy‐winning
musician Sturgill Simpson.
500
00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:29,331
[cheers and applause]
501
00:20:34,341 --> 00:20:35,970
You've always wanted to be
a musician,
502
00:20:35,970 --> 00:20:38,558
you've always been a musician,
503
00:20:38,558 --> 00:20:41,690
but you didn't really follow
y‐your dream right away.
504
00:20:41,690 --> 00:20:45,363
You‐‐you, on a whim,
joined the Navy...
505
00:20:45,363 --> 00:20:46,490
‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ Didn't even put thought
506
00:20:46,490 --> 00:20:47,827
into it.
‐ Not really.
507
00:20:47,827 --> 00:20:50,164
SARAH: Worked at IHOP.
508
00:20:50,164 --> 00:20:52,377
‐ How'd you know that?
509
00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:53,964
‐ Have you seen you?
510
00:20:53,964 --> 00:20:55,634
‐ Right.
SARAH: Um...
511
00:20:55,634 --> 00:20:57,722
Worked on the railroad!
512
00:20:57,722 --> 00:20:59,433
‐ That happened.
513
00:20:59,433 --> 00:21:02,480
‐ And‐‐but what is it that‐‐
like, what did it take
514
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,861
for you to finally
follow your dream?
515
00:21:04,861 --> 00:21:07,449
‐ The railroad and the military
are very similar.
516
00:21:07,449 --> 00:21:10,329
They're very tyrannical
environments, and, uh,
517
00:21:10,329 --> 00:21:12,793
uh, you know, everything‐‐
518
00:21:12,793 --> 00:21:15,173
every sentence usually ends
with, "Or you're fired,"
519
00:21:15,173 --> 00:21:18,638
and so I just adapted
very easily into that,
520
00:21:18,638 --> 00:21:21,603
and, uh,
after about four years, woke up
521
00:21:21,603 --> 00:21:23,857
one day and found myself
in a management position,
522
00:21:23,857 --> 00:21:25,569
which I never really asked for,
523
00:21:25,569 --> 00:21:29,326
and just sort of
hit vapor lock, you know.
524
00:21:29,326 --> 00:21:31,664
Just working the job
and like 90‐hour weeks,
525
00:21:31,664 --> 00:21:33,250
and I was just like,
"There's gotta be..."
526
00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:36,508
So as a‐‐as a, I guess,
a stress mechanism,
527
00:21:36,508 --> 00:21:40,181
for the first time in a few
years, I started playing
528
00:21:40,181 --> 00:21:41,684
and writing again at night.
529
00:21:41,684 --> 00:21:44,439
And my wife just sort of
was like, "Hey, dumbass,
530
00:21:44,439 --> 00:21:46,694
"you know, you should maybe
just try to...
531
00:21:46,694 --> 00:21:48,280
to do that."
532
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:49,449
‐ Yeah.
‐ "You don't suck at that."
533
00:21:49,449 --> 00:21:51,203
You know? I mean...
534
00:21:51,203 --> 00:21:53,834
So we did. We sold all our shit
and moved the Nashville,
535
00:21:53,834 --> 00:21:56,881
and that was‐‐
I'm glad I listened to her,
536
00:21:56,881 --> 00:21:58,593
thinking about it.
537
00:21:58,593 --> 00:22:01,724
‐ Well, it's like a year ago,
practically tonight,
538
00:22:01,724 --> 00:22:04,396
you were busking
outside the CMAs.
539
00:22:04,396 --> 00:22:05,524
‐ Wow.
SARAH: That was‐‐
540
00:22:05,524 --> 00:22:07,360
I watched it live on Facebook.
541
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:09,699
I was giddy with excitement.
It was very good.
542
00:22:09,699 --> 00:22:11,410
‐ A lot of people don't even
know why I did that.
543
00:22:11,410 --> 00:22:14,834
Um, it was really a reaction
to a blanket statement
544
00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:16,295
that they issued about‐‐
545
00:22:16,295 --> 00:22:18,633
it was right after
the Vegas massacre,
546
00:22:18,633 --> 00:22:20,721
and they sa‐‐the CMA sent out
a blanket statement
547
00:22:20,721 --> 00:22:22,600
to any and all‐‐any press
saying that there's gonna be
548
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:25,856
no questions about gun control
or President Trump or any‐‐
549
00:22:25,856 --> 00:22:28,444
you know, basically, like...
550
00:22:28,444 --> 00:22:30,741
"Don't talk about anything
about making money,"
551
00:22:30,741 --> 00:22:31,743
because this is
a sales convention.
552
00:22:31,743 --> 00:22:33,037
All these awards‐‐
553
00:22:33,037 --> 00:22:34,289
‐ It's a fucking
sales convention!
554
00:22:34,289 --> 00:22:35,709
‐ Yeah.
‐ If it was really about
555
00:22:35,709 --> 00:22:37,630
country, country is about
being outlaw,
556
00:22:37,630 --> 00:22:39,592
being badass, telling the truth.
‐ But look, it's not just them.
557
00:22:39,592 --> 00:22:41,178
‐ Being raw.
‐ It's all.
558
00:22:41,178 --> 00:22:42,806
Like, whether it's
the American Music Awards,
559
00:22:42,806 --> 00:22:45,604
the Grammy Awards,
like all these things exist
560
00:22:45,604 --> 00:22:47,398
to sustain the music business.
561
00:22:47,398 --> 00:22:49,277
They don't exist to...
562
00:22:49,277 --> 00:22:50,906
it's‐‐it has little
to nothing to do
563
00:22:50,906 --> 00:22:52,033
with the artist
being recognized.
564
00:22:52,033 --> 00:22:54,204
‐ I would say country music‐‐
565
00:22:54,204 --> 00:22:56,124
you'd know more than me‐‐
566
00:22:56,124 --> 00:22:57,670
STURGILL: Not really. I‐‐
‐ Like, the Country Music Awards
567
00:22:57,670 --> 00:22:59,507
would be more careful about that
568
00:22:59,507 --> 00:23:02,721
because the people who fill
their coffer, specifically,
569
00:23:02,721 --> 00:23:06,270
are more NRA‐based
and shit like that.
570
00:23:06,270 --> 00:23:07,648
‐ Absolutely. You ca‐‐
571
00:23:07,648 --> 00:23:09,109
SARAH: But I wouldn't say
the artists are.
572
00:23:09,109 --> 00:23:11,531
‐ Yeah, they're‐‐you know,
you can't...
573
00:23:11,531 --> 00:23:16,081
be mad at them for not wanting
to isolate their fan base,
574
00:23:16,081 --> 00:23:17,292
but that's‐‐
‐ I can.
575
00:23:17,292 --> 00:23:18,586
I can do
whatever the fuck I want.
576
00:23:18,586 --> 00:23:19,964
STURGILL: Yeah, no.
577
00:23:19,964 --> 00:23:21,676
To answer your question,
it's something
578
00:23:21,676 --> 00:23:25,266
that I've come to realize
that I just‐‐
579
00:23:25,266 --> 00:23:27,478
I don't know how much I have,
even left to contribute
580
00:23:27,478 --> 00:23:30,902
to that conversation at this
point in my career, 'cause I‐‐
581
00:23:30,902 --> 00:23:33,992
It has nothing to do with me,
or what I'm doing,
582
00:23:33,992 --> 00:23:35,746
and they've‐‐they've made it
very clear
583
00:23:35,746 --> 00:23:37,624
they want nothing to do with me,
so it's just‐‐
584
00:23:37,624 --> 00:23:39,920
I see it as a blessing now,
really.
585
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,175
'Cause there's all these other
avenues and paths
586
00:23:42,175 --> 00:23:44,889
that "country musicians" maybe‐‐
587
00:23:44,889 --> 00:23:47,603
I don't‐‐I‐‐we just finished
a record last week
588
00:23:47,603 --> 00:23:49,815
I've been working on for a year.
589
00:23:49,815 --> 00:23:51,694
It's definitely not
a country record.
590
00:23:51,694 --> 00:23:53,656
You know, I can't question
these things.
591
00:23:53,656 --> 00:23:58,583
You just gotta put art
on your timeline, first,
592
00:23:58,583 --> 00:24:01,380
and all the other shit
really doesn't matter,
593
00:24:01,380 --> 00:24:03,092
I guess is what I've come to see
and realize.
594
00:24:03,092 --> 00:24:05,179
SARAH: We have to know what
genre you are
595
00:24:05,179 --> 00:24:06,724
to list you in iTunes.
596
00:24:06,724 --> 00:24:09,187
[laughter]
597
00:24:09,187 --> 00:24:11,024
‐ Yeah.
SARAH: You wrote a song
598
00:24:11,024 --> 00:24:15,032
about me, um...
599
00:24:15,032 --> 00:24:16,577
I like to think it's about me.
600
00:24:16,577 --> 00:24:17,746
It's called "Oh, Sarah."
601
00:24:17,746 --> 00:24:20,334
Is your wife's name Sarah? Yes.
602
00:24:20,334 --> 00:24:22,631
But that's a coincidence
and that doesn't mean...
603
00:24:22,631 --> 00:24:23,842
[laughter]
604
00:24:23,842 --> 00:24:26,012
That it's about her.
‐ No.
605
00:24:26,012 --> 00:24:28,935
‐ It's not even about Sarah,
because you're‐‐
606
00:24:28,935 --> 00:24:31,899
‐ It's all about me.
‐ It's all about fucking you!
607
00:24:31,899 --> 00:24:34,154
‐ [laughs] Right.
‐ You're just talking to Sarah.
608
00:24:34,154 --> 00:24:36,241
‐ Right.
‐ So will you sing...
609
00:24:36,241 --> 00:24:37,703
[groans]
610
00:24:37,703 --> 00:24:38,705
A little of it?
611
00:24:38,705 --> 00:24:40,959
And I'm gonna pretend
612
00:24:40,959 --> 00:24:42,588
that you're talking to me.
613
00:24:42,588 --> 00:24:44,466
[laughter]
614
00:24:44,466 --> 00:24:46,261
‐ You're totally blowing
your chance
615
00:24:46,261 --> 00:24:48,182
of being my wife's best friend,
but yeah, I'll‐‐
616
00:24:48,182 --> 00:24:52,356
‐ What? Come on!
Sarah 1 and Sarah 2!
617
00:24:52,356 --> 00:24:53,651
She's Sarah 2.
618
00:24:53,651 --> 00:24:55,822
[laughter]
619
00:24:55,822 --> 00:24:57,074
‐ Damn.
620
00:24:57,074 --> 00:24:58,953
‐ All right, we owe Sarah
621
00:24:58,953 --> 00:25:01,626
for you even fucking being here.
622
00:25:01,626 --> 00:25:03,086
In the world.
623
00:25:03,086 --> 00:25:06,051
[playing "Oh, Sarah"]
624
00:25:06,051 --> 00:25:11,061
♪ ♪
625
00:25:19,285 --> 00:25:21,916
‐ ♪ Oh, Sarah,
here we go again ♪
626
00:25:21,916 --> 00:25:23,503
♪ ♪
627
00:25:23,503 --> 00:25:25,464
♪ I can't get past the pain ♪
628
00:25:25,464 --> 00:25:28,972
♪ Of what I want to say to you ♪
629
00:25:28,972 --> 00:25:34,357
♪ I'm too old now
to learn how to let you win ♪
630
00:25:34,357 --> 00:25:37,906
♪ So I run away
just like I always do ♪
631
00:25:37,906 --> 00:25:39,660
♪ ♪
632
00:25:39,660 --> 00:25:42,290
♪ She said if there's something
I should know ♪
633
00:25:42,290 --> 00:25:44,920
♪ Tell me now ♪
634
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:48,928
♪ Before I go
and give my heart away ♪
635
00:25:48,928 --> 00:25:50,139
♪ ♪
636
00:25:50,139 --> 00:25:53,103
♪ So I can get on with my life ♪
637
00:25:53,103 --> 00:25:55,692
♪ You can go on
with your strife ♪
638
00:25:55,692 --> 00:25:59,658
♪ Wish you'd speak the words
those eyes are trying to say ♪
639
00:25:59,658 --> 00:26:03,165
♪ ♪
640
00:26:03,165 --> 00:26:06,922
♪ Sometimes this life
feels like ♪
641
00:26:06,922 --> 00:26:10,680
♪ A big old dream
I'm floating around on ♪
642
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:14,312
♪ A cloud inside ♪
643
00:26:14,312 --> 00:26:17,401
♪ When my cloud starts coming ♪
644
00:26:17,401 --> 00:26:19,782
♪ Apart at the seams ♪
645
00:26:19,782 --> 00:26:22,411
♪ Oh, Sarah ♪
646
00:26:22,411 --> 00:26:25,084
♪ That's when I slide ♪
647
00:26:25,084 --> 00:26:28,173
♪ ♪
648
00:26:28,173 --> 00:26:29,175
MAN: Yeah!
649
00:26:29,175 --> 00:26:32,181
[cheers and applause]
650
00:26:35,814 --> 00:26:38,276
‐ Thank you so much, Sturgill!
651
00:26:38,276 --> 00:26:40,615
Sturgill Simpson, everybody.
652
00:26:40,615 --> 00:26:42,410
[cheers and applause]
653
00:26:42,410 --> 00:26:43,705
Oh, my gosh.
654
00:26:43,705 --> 00:26:45,290
Thank you to Sturgill Simpson,
655
00:26:45,290 --> 00:26:49,132
my step‐mom, my dad,
and his disgusting foot.
656
00:26:49,132 --> 00:26:51,094
Well, that's the end
of our season.
657
00:26:51,094 --> 00:26:53,348
I can't believe I made it
through the entire season
658
00:26:53,348 --> 00:26:55,436
without making a single mistake.
659
00:26:55,436 --> 00:26:58,316
Good night, America.
I lurve you.
660
00:26:58,316 --> 00:27:00,446
[cheers and applause]
661
00:27:00,446 --> 00:27:02,743
People of color,
in addition to their own ex‐‐
662
00:27:02,743 --> 00:27:06,249
uh, per‐‐uh, fuck my shit,
cunt, twat.
663
00:27:06,249 --> 00:27:08,044
So per‐‐
all right, fuck, shit.
664
00:27:08,044 --> 00:27:11,217
Dru‐‐their‐‐
fucking cunt, shit, fuck.
665
00:27:11,217 --> 00:27:12,929
Fuck.
Fuck me. Shit.
666
00:27:12,929 --> 00:27:14,850
Hold on!
Shit. Fuck.
667
00:27:14,850 --> 00:27:16,854
Fuck me. Shit. Cunt.
Cunt.
668
00:27:16,854 --> 00:27:19,150
Cunt. Sorry.
669
00:27:19,150 --> 00:27:20,653
Shit!
Shit. Shit.
670
00:27:20,653 --> 00:27:22,323
I can feel myself sweating.
671
00:27:22,323 --> 00:27:24,870
I can feel it squirting out
the top of my head.
672
00:27:24,870 --> 00:27:26,372
Fuck, cunt, shit.
673
00:27:26,372 --> 00:27:27,542
Oh, I wonder if I'll get
those sweat circles
674
00:27:27,542 --> 00:27:29,170
like men do in these shirts.
675
00:27:29,170 --> 00:27:30,715
Fuck! God damn it!
676
00:27:30,715 --> 00:27:32,009
Oh, fuck!
677
00:27:32,009 --> 00:27:33,763
Fuck me!
Excuse my language.
678
00:27:33,763 --> 00:27:35,265
What if I mess up again?
679
00:27:35,265 --> 00:27:36,727
We're just gonna do this
for infinity?
680
00:27:36,727 --> 00:27:38,773
I did so well for so long.
681
00:27:38,773 --> 00:27:41,779
[gentle guitar music]
682
00:27:41,779 --> 00:27:45,285
♪ ♪
683
00:27:45,285 --> 00:27:46,914
[whip cracks]
684
00:27:46,964 --> 00:27:51,514
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