All language subtitles for Holy.Hell.2016.720p.HDTV.x264-DHD

>>> OKAY.
I AM ROLLING.

>> MY NAME IS WILL.
I ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW WHY AM I

HERE.
WHAT IS THE POINT.

HOW DO I LIVE A MEANINGFUL LIFE.
I WANTED TO KNOW EVERYTHING.

HASN'T EVERYBODY ASKED
THEMSELVES THESE QUESTIONS?

THE TRUTH ABOUT THE MYSTERY OF
THE UNIVERSE.

I WENT TO MY GREAT GRANDMOTHER'S
OPEN CASKET WHEN I WAS 4 AND

BECAME FASCINATED BY THE CONCEPT
OF LIFE AND DEATH.

I WAS RAISED CATHOLIC.
I WAS EVEN AN ALTAR BOY.

I WAS QUITE FASCINATED BY ALL OF
IT.

>> JESUS CARRIES THE CROSS.
THEY'RE NAILING HIM TO THE

CROSS.
THEY'RE ALL BLOODY.

>> I STARTED MAKING MOVIES WHEN
I WAS A KID.

I FOUND AN EIGHT MILLIMETER
CAMERA.

AT FIRST THEY WERE JUST FUN AND
BLOWING THINGS UP.

I HAD GROWN UP PRETTY LUCKY.
BUT AS A KID, NOBODY SEEMED VERY

CONTENT OR HAPPY TO ME.
SO I DECIDED THERE WAS SOMETHING

DEEPER, A SECRET THAT NOBODY
SEEMED TO KNOW.

BUT THEN I WENT TO COLLEGE AND I
STARTED TO USE FILM AS A WAY TO

EXPLORE THE MEANING OF LIFE, TO
EXPLORE MY WORLD.

BUT BY THE TIME I FINISHED FILM
SCHOOL, I WASN'T CLOSER TO

KNOWING WHO I WAS, WHAT I
WANTED, WHERE I WAS GOING AND

MOST IMPORTANTLY, WHY.
THIS IS WHAT LED ME TO MY HUGE

ADVENTURE.
THIS IS MY STORY ABOUT WHAT

HAPPENED TO ME ON MY 22-YEAR
SEARCH FOR THE TRUTH.

¶
¶

>> IT WAS THE MIDDLE OF THE '80s
AND THE UPIE GENERATION.

WE WERE ALL SEARCHING FOR
SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

>> THIS WAS NOT MY PATH.
I GOT ACCEPTED INTO GRAD SCHOOL.

I WAS GOING TO GET A Ph.D. IN
CHILD PSYCHOLOGY.

I HAD MY WHOLE LIFE PLANNED OUT.
THEN I MET SOME OF THESE PEOPLE.

THEY WERE SO ALIVE.
EVERYTHING WAS PLAYING AND

JUMPING IN ICE COLD RIVERS AND
HIKING THROUGH THE FOREST AT

NIGHT AND OH, MY GOD, I WANT ME
SOME OF THAT.

>> SOME OF THEM WERE SOME OF THE
SMARTEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

I HAD EVER MET IN MY LIFE.
>> WE STARTED IT.

THIS WAS WHAT WE WANTED.
IT WAS OUR LITTLE UTOPIA IN THE

MIDDLE OF THIS BIG GIANT CITY.
>> CONSTANTLY YOU WERE BEING FED

LIKE YOUR SOUL WAS BEING FED
WITH LOVE AND WITH INSPIRATION

AND AWE.
>> I WANTED EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY

IN THE WORLD, TO EXPERIENCE
THIS.

>> I CAN REMEMBER FEELING SO
FULFILLED.

>> I SAID DAD, I WANT TO GIVE MY
LIFE TO GOD.

AND HE WAS ON THE NEXT FLIGHT
OUT THERE.

TO COME GET ME.
>> THE PEOPLE THAT WERE THERE

WERE LOOKING FOR SPIRITUALITY,
BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU HAD A

BUILT-IN FAMILY.
>> I FELL INTO A GROUP OF THE

MOST AMAZING PEOPLE I HAD EVER
MET.

IT WAS MY SISTER AMY WHO FIRST
TOLD ME ABOUT HER FRIENDS WHO

CALLED THEMSELVES THE
BUDDHAFIELD.

>> PEOPLE ASK ME ALL THE TIME
HOW DID YOU END UP THERE.

I WAS RAISED IN CATHOLIC SCHOOL
AND I ALWAYS HAD A LOT OF

QUESTIONS FOR THE NUNS.
WHEN I WOULD GO HOME AND TELL MY

MOM WHAT I ASKED, SHE WOULD SAY
YOU CAN'T ASK THEM THAT.

I'M LIKE NO, I WANT TO KNOW.
I WANTED TO KNOW MYSELF BEYOND

THE SUPERFICIALITY OF THE WORLD
I WAS LIVING IN.

LIFE CAN'T JUST BE THIS THING
WHERE YOU JUST LIVE AND WORK AND

DIE.
THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING

MORE.
>> I GREW UP WITH A FAMILY OF

REALLY EXPRESSIVE, ARTISTIC
HIPPIE TYPE CHARACTERS.

I ALSO HAD NO GUIDANCE GROWING
UP.

>> LIVING IN CHICAGO WHERE I
GREW UP IN THE STREETS, IT WAS

VERY VIOLENT.
WHEN IT CAME TO THE BUDDHAFIELD,

NOT REALLY KNOWING WHAT REAL
LOVE WAS, THAT'S WHAT I STARTED

TO FEEL LIKE REALLY DEEPLY.
>> I ALWAYS HAD THIS YEARNING TO

KNOW REALLY WHY WE'RE HERE.
>> I GREW UP WITH A VERY

FUNDAMENTALIST, FIRE AND
BRIMSTONE CHURCH WITH THE FEAR

OF GOD AND ALL.
>> MY MOM KICKED ME OUT OF THE

HOUSE WHEN I WAS 15, SO YEAH, I
WAS LOOKING FOR STABILITY.

WHEN I CAME TO THE GROUP, IT
FELT LIKE OKAY, THIS IS GOING TO

BE FOR LIFE.
IT WAS LIKE A MARRIAGE.

>> I GREW UP WITH A REAL PROBLEM
WITH AUTHORITY.

MAJOR AUTHORITY PROBLEM.
REALLY HASN'T CHANGED MUCH,

ACTUALLY, I HAVE TO TELL YOU
TRUTHFULLY.

>> WHEN I WAS VERY VERY YOUNG I
WANTED TO BE A SCIENTIST, THEN I

WANTED TO BE AN ARTIST.
THERE WAS ALWAYS A RUNNING THEME

THROUGH IT THAT I WANTED TO BE
ENLIGHTENED.

>> I FELT VERY LOST AND I FELT
EMPTY, LIKE THERE WAS SOMETHING

MISSING.
>> AS A CHILD, THERE WAS A LOT

GOING ON IN MY FAMILY.
SUICIDE ATTEMPTS EVERY COUPLE

MONTHS, A LOT OF ABUSE.
>> I WANTED TO BE A POLITICIAN.

>> I WANTED FREEDOM.
I WANTED FREEDOM SOMEHOW FROM

THIS SELF.
>> WE WERE LETTING GO OF OUR

MINDS.
WE WERE DROPPING OUR EGOS.

I JUST STARTED EXPERIENCING A
HIGHER PART OF MYSELF THAT WAS

BEYOND ANYTHING THAT I'D KNOWN.
AND IT WAS THE TEACHER WHO WAS

GUIDING US EVERY STEP OF THE
WAY.

>> THE FIRST TIME I MET THE
TEACHER WAS AT ONE OF THE

BUDDHAFIELD'S WEEKLY MEETINGS IN
WEST HOLLYWOOD.

I WAS TOLD HIS NAME WAS MICHEL.
>> HE JUST WAS SOFT AND HIS

ENERGY WAS JUST STILL, YOU KNOW.
I JUST THOUGHT WOW, WHAT A

BEAUTIFUL MAN.
>> IF YOU THINK OF TOMORROW,

YOU'RE UNHAPPY.
IF YOU THINK OF THE PAST, YOU

CAN BECOME MISERABLE.

HAPPINESS IS WHEREVER YOU ARE.
WHEREVER YOU ARE IS WHERE

HAPPINESS IS.
>> HE SPOKE AS IF HE HAD GONE

INTO THE COSMOS AND COME BACK
AND WAS HERE TO TELL US ABOUT IT

AND TAKE US THERE.
>> HAVE YOU MADE CONTACT WITH

THE ETERNAL OR ARE YOU STILL
OBSESSED WITH THE MOMENTARY?

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO WAKE UP?
WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO REALIZE

WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITH THIS
PRECIOUS ENERGY, WITH THIS

PRECIOUS OPPORTUNITY?
>> HE TOLD US HE HAD A MASTER

THAT HAD LED HIM TO A GREAT
SPIRITUAL AWAKENING.

>> YOU SPEAK AROUND HERE AND YOU
LISTEN TO WHAT IS SAID TO YOU

AND YOU WILL BE LIBERATED.
THAT MUCH I CAN TELL YOU.

>> I WANTED TO HAVE A SPIRITUAL
TEACHER WHO COULD TEACH ME HOW

TO BE FREE.
>> I WANTED A MENTOR.

I WANTED SOMEBODY WHO WAS GOING
TO GUIDE ME.

THEY DO THIS IN INDIA ALL THE
TIME.

THERE'S GURUS THERE.
THIS IS JUST THE MODERN DAY

VERSION OF THAT IN AMERICA.
¶

>> HE WAS CONTEMPORARY.
HE WASN'T SOME LITTLE OLD MAN

WITH A GRAY BEARD SITTING IN A
DOUGHNUT.

HE WAS WEARING SPEEDOS AND
RAY-BANS AND HE WAS DANCING AND

DOING CONTEMPORARY MUSIC.
>> HE SPOKE FOUR OR FIVE

LANGUAGES.
HE WAS AMAZINGLY HUMOROUS,

WITTY.
>> VERY PLAYFUL LIKE A CHILD.

HE COULD DO SOMETHING LIKE OH,
MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST

DID THAT.
HE COULD DANCE.

HE WAS ARTISTIC.
HE WAS ALL THOSE THINGS WE ALL

WANTED TO BE.
>> HE WAS UNLIKE ANYONE I HAD

EVER MET BEFORE.
HE ENCOURAGED ME TO DROP ALL MY

IDEAS OF WHAT I THOUGHT I WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE.

>> I FINALLY FELT LIKE I WAS ON
THE RIGHT PATH.

I ATTENDED EVERY MEETING, EVERY
GROUP OUTING WE WOULD TAKE AND

EVEN WENT TO MICHEL'S WEEKLY
INDIVIDUAL HYPNOTHERAPY SESSIONS

CALLED CLEANSINGS.
I REALLY FELT LIKE SOMETHING

IMPORTANT WAS HAPPENING IN MY
LIFE.

>> NAMASTE.
>> I REALLY FELL IN LOVE WITH

OTHER PEOPLE FIRST.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> WE WERE TOGETHER 24/7.
WE LIVED TOGETHER, WE ATE

TOGETHER, PLAYED TOGETHER.
EVERYBODY THAT I KNEW WAS IN THE

BUDDHAFIELD.
MY CIRCLE, MY FAMILY, WAS THE

BUDDHAFIELD.
>> I LIVED IN A HOUSE WITH ABOUT

EIGHT PEOPLE.
IT WAS WARM AND SAFE.

>> NOBODY EVER WENT HUNGRY.
NOBODY WAS EVER GOING TO BE

HOMELESS.
YOU ALWAYS HAD A PLACE.

>> EVERYONE WAS SUPPORTING EACH
OTHER WITH HELPING WITH FOOD,

HELPING WITH COOKING.
IT WAS SO IDYLLIC.

>> I DIDN'T DRINK CAFFEINE, I
DIDN'T DRINK A GLASS OF WINE.

I MEAN, I CAN'T IMAGINE LIVING
ANY CLEANER.

>> IT WAS REALLY ADVOCATING THAT
WE EXERCISE AND TAKE CARE OF

OURSELVES.
THIS WAS A LIFESTYLE.

>> WE LIVED IN HOUSES, WE PAID
OUR OWN RENT.

WE HAD JOBS.
>> I DID PERSONAL TRAINING.

I OWNED MY OWN BUSINESS.
I WAS VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH

MONEY.
>> IF I HAD A JOB OBVIOUSLY MY

MONEY WENT TOWARD MY RENT, MY
GROCERIES BUT WHATEVER NEEDED TO

BE BOUGHT OR BUILT, WE ALL
PITCHED IN AND PAID FOR IT.

>> NEED SOME HELP.
ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF SERVICE.

>> SERVICE WAS AN ACTION YOU DID
SELFLESSLY.

IT WAS JUST FOR OTHERS, FOR GOD.
>> I LOVED SERVICE.

I CALCULATED AND I DID SERVICE
40 HOURS A WEEK PLUS WORKED.

>> WE STARTED DOING SERVICE FOR
A COUPLE OF QUADRAPLEGICS THAT

WERE IN THE GROUP AND HELPED
THEM THROUGH THEIR DAY.

IT MADE ME FEEL LIKE I HAD A
PURPOSE.

>> BY THE TIME I WAS IN MY LATE
20s I HAD TAKEN ON THE ROLE OF

THE GROUP'S DE FACTO FILM MAKER.
>> THAT WOULD BE YOUR FIRST, TO

DEDICATE YOUR LIFE TO CERTAIN
KNOWING AND YOUR SPIRITUAL

MASTER'S WORK ON THIS EARTH.
>> MY FILMS WERE LIKE A WAY OF

GIVING BACK TO THE GROUP.
THEY WERE THE PERFECT MEDIA FOR

SHARING MICHEL'S TEACHINGS.
I EVEN DIRECTED A COMMERCIAL FOR

WINGS, A HAIR PRODUCT MADE BY
SOME MEMBERS OF THE GROUP.

THE PROFITS WE EARNED HELPED
FUND THE BUDDHAFIELD AND THE

MASTER'S TRAVELS.
THERE WAS ENOUGH SUPPORT WITHIN

THE GROUP FOR ME TO DO WHAT I
WANTED.

CAPTURE OUR EXPERIENCES AND
SHARE MICHEL'S MESSAGE OF LOVE.

>> WE USED TO JOKE EVEN IN THE
EARLY DAYS, IF THIS WAS A CULT,

AT LEAST IT WAS A REALLY GOOD
CULT.

>> ONE OF THE FIRST PEOPLE I
WANTED TO HELP BRING INTO THE

GROUP WAS MY MIDDLE SISTER,
LORI.

>> MY BROTHER AND SISTER SAID
YOU HAVE TO COME UP HERE, IT'S

SO BEAUTIFUL, YOU WILL GET ALL
THE HEALING YOU NEED AND HEAL

FROM YOUR EATING DISORDER AND
HEAL FROM YOUR RAPE TRAUMA.

I KNEW I NEEDED HEALING.
I MEAN, I KNEW I WAS MESSED UP.

THAT'S SOMETHING I HAVE ALWAYS
KNOWN ABOUT MYSELF.

>> WE SUPPORTED WILL, AMY AND
LORI TO DO WHATEVER IT IS THEY

WANTED TO DO.
IF THEY NEEDED MORE ANSWERS, MY

HUSBAND AND I THOUGHT WE HAD
WORKED TO GIVE THEM THOSE

ANSWERS BUT APPARENTLY WE DIDN'T
DO ENOUGH.

THEY NEEDED SOMETHING THAT THEY
WEREN'T GETTING.

>> SOMETHING HAPPENED.
SOMETHING DEEP IN ME IN THAT

MOMENT SAID I WILL NEVER LEAVE
THIS.

>> ONE DAY, I ASKED SOMEONE TO
ASK IF THERE WAS ANYTHING I

COULD DO FOR HIM.
IT SOUNDS SO SMALL.

HE SAID YOU CAN MAKE ME A FRUIT
SALAD EVERY MORNING.

SO I WOULD GO TO THE STORE AND I
WOULD BUY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL

FRUIT I COULD FIND AND I STARTED
CARVING BUDDHAS OUT OF PAPAYA.

I CARVED THE LAST SUPPER OUT OF
FRUIT.

I SPENT HOURS.
WITHIN MY BEING I WAS MAKING A

FRUIT SALAD FOR GOD.
ONE DAY I CAME HOME AND MY

ROOMMATE, WHO WAS VERY CLOSELY
SERVING THE MASTER WAS TAKING

ONE OF MY FRUIT SALADS AND
SLIDING IT INTO A BLENDER AND

MAKING A SMOOTHIE.
I WAS JUST LIKE -- AND I KEPT

MAKING THE FRUIT SALADS EVEN
THOUGH I KNEW HE WASN'T EATING

THEM, BECAUSE THERE WAS NO OTHER
WAY THAT I COULD GIVE HIM

ANYTHING.

>> IT'S THE TRANSFERENCE OF
ENERGY FROM THE MASTER TO THE

DISCIPLE.
BLISSED OUT AND HIGH WITHOUT -

DRUGS.
>> MY BODY STARTED CONVULSING

AND ALL OF THESE KINDS OF THINGS
STARTED HAPPENING.

>> WHEN HE TOUCHED ME, I WAS NO
LONGER MYSELF.

>> THERE WAS A PROFOUND
EXPERIENCE WHERE I FELT A

CURRENT, WHERE I FELT LIKE
THERE'S ELECTRICITY HAPPENING.

AND I SEE THIS SORT OF LIKE
FLASHING LIGHT, LIKE LIGHTNING,

SOUND SO LOUD LIKE A JET
AIRPLANE.

>> IT'S PRETTY ADDICTIVE.
>> I WAS EXPERIENCING AN

LSD-LIKE STATE.
COLORS WERE MOVING AROUND HIM.

THERE WAS A PHENOMENON ATTACHED
TO THIS NOW.

IT'S NOT JUST THESE GOOD
FEELINGS I'M HAVING.

NOW THERE'S THIS LIKE FLASHING
LIGHT HAPPENING INSIDE ME.

>> MORE THAN SHOCKTIE THERE WAS
A GREATER EXPERIENCE THAT ONLY

MICHEL COULD REVEAL TO US.
IT WAS THE ULTIMATE STEP WE

NEEDED TO TAKE US TO
ENLIGHTENMENT.

>>> WE WERE TOLD THAT HE WOULD
HAVE A DAY SET ASIDE WHERE WE

COULD COME AND ASK HIM FOR THE
DIRECT EXPERIENCE OF GOD, AND HE

CALLED IT THE KNOWING.
>> THE KNOWING WAS BASED ON THIS

BOOK CALLED THE BAGAVHAD GITTA,
THIS HINDU BOOK WHERE THE SECRET

OF GOD IS REVEALED TO HIS
DISCIPLE.

>> I WAS LIKE YES, THAT
RESONATED WITH ME.

I WAS LIKE I KNEW, I KNEW IT WAS
POSSIBLE.

>> THE KNOWING WAS THE
REALIZATION OF BEING ABLE TO SEE

AND HEAR AND TASTE GOD.
>> YOU CAN ONLY COMPREHEND WHAT

IT MEANS TO FINALLY HAVE GOD BE
REVEALED TO YOU IN HIS PUREST

FORM, FINALLY.
>> THAT WAS SOMETHING THAT I

FELT LIKE I HAD BEEN LOOKING FOR
MY ENTIRE LIFE UP TO THAT POINT.

I HAD GONE TO SCHOOL, I HAD A
DEGREE, I HAD A GREAT JOB, I WAS

ENGAGED, AND YET WHEN THIS
HAPPENED, IT WAS LIKE ALL OF

THAT MEANT NOTHING.
>> SO WHO WANTS TO ASK FOR THE

KNOWING TODAY?
>> ONE OF THE THINGS THAT MADE

THE KNOWING SO INTRIGUING WAS
THAT NOT EVERYONE WAS GOING TO

BE ABLE TO RECEIVE IT.
>> I WANTED WHAT I THOUGHT HE

HAD.
I WANTED THE KNOWING.

I WANTED THIS PROMISE OF
ENLIGHTENMENT.

>> A CEREMONY WOULD OCCUR OVER
THE COURSE OF SEVERAL DAYS,

WHERE INDIVIDUALS WERE ABLE TO
ASK IF THEY WERE READY FOR THE

KNOWING.
THOSE CHOSEN WOULD RECEIVE THE

EXPERIENCE OF GOD.
>> HE SAID YOU HAVE TO GIVE

EVERYTHING UP AND I WILL KNOW,
BECAUSE YOU WILL BE ASKED BEFORE

YOU RECEIVE THIS EXPERIENCE.
I'LL KNOW IF YOU'RE TELLING THE

TRUTH OR NOT.
I WAS LIKE I BETTER REALLY DO

SOME SOUL SEARCHING.
>> AS DEVOTED AS I WAS, I WAS

STILL NERVOUS THAT HE WOULDN'T
THINK I WAS READY.

ONE NIGHT HE SPOKE TO ME ALONE.
HE HAD SOMETHING HE NEEDED TO

TELL ME.
HE SAID HE HAD BEEN UP ALL NIGHT

FIGHTING WITH GOD, FIGHTING FOR
MY LIFE.

I WAS FATED TO HAVE A TERRIBLE
ACCIDENT.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE.
HE SAID I NEEDED TO FOLLOW HIS

GUIDANCE AND I WOULD BE OKAY.
IT WAS SO HARD TO BELIEVE BUT I

TRUSTED HIM.
THE VERY NEXT DAY, I WOULD FIND

OUT IF I RECEIVED THE KNOWING.
>> THIS DAY WAS GOING TO MAKE

GOD, OKAY.
NOT THE PRESIDENT, NOT BRAD

PITT.
THIS WAS GOD.

SO YOU DIDN'T WANT TO TAKE THIS
LIGHTLY.

>> WE WERE UP IN THE WOODS AND
HE LOOKS INTO YOUR EYES WITH

LIKE, YOU KNOW, THIS OPEN-EYED
MEDITATION THAT'S SO

OVERWHELMING.
AND HE SAID WHAT DO YOU WANT.

AND I TOLD HIM THAT I WANTED TO
HAVE THE KNOWING REVEALED TO ME.

>> HE SAID BUT IT WAS VERY
DOUBTFUL.

HE WAS REALLY PLAYING WITH THAT
FOR ME.

>> HE SAID BOW DOWN AND I DID.
HE SAID YOU WILL RECEIVE THE

KNOWING AND YOU WILL KNOW GOD
DIRECTLY.

¶
%-pE

READY FOR IT.
>> SOMETHING IN ME CHANGED AND

LITERALLY FOR THREE DAYS, I
THOUGHT I WAS ON AN ACID TRIP.

I FELT ATOMS AND I SAW THINGS
AND I KEPT CHECKING MYSELF LIKE

WOW, IS THIS REAL?
>> I WASN'T TRUSTED TO HAVE THE

KNOWING REVEALED TO ME.
BASICALLY, HE SAID NOT THIS

TIME.
I THINK YOU'RE NOT QUITE READY

YET.
>> MY SISTER HAD BEEN THERE FOR

SIX YEARS WORKING LIKE A SLAVE.
I MEAN LIKE A SLAVE.

>> OF COURSE IT MADE ME FEEL
INADEQUATE.

ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO ATTAIN
THIS MERGING INTO GOD AND

DISAPPEARING.
I WAS LOOKING AROUND AT PEOPLE

WHO HAD BEEN THERE LIKE NO WAY
AS LONG AS ME.

EVERYTHING WAS ALWAYS EXPLAINED
OFF BY BEING THEY'RE JUST OLDER

SOULS.
SO IT WAS REALLY HARD.

HE STRUNG HER ALONG.
STRUNG HER ALONG.

>> IT WAS ESPECIALLY HARD FOR ME
WHEN MY BROTHER GOT THE KNOWING

AND I DIDN'T.
'.

>> THE KNOWING WAS FINALLY SHOWN
TO ME.

IT WASN'T WHAT I WAS EXPECTING.
I SAW LIGHT AND HEARD SOUND.

THERE WAS NO DENYING THE BEAUTY
I WAS EXPERIENCING.

BUT I WAS OVERWHELMED THAT TOO
MUCH WAS BEING ASKED OF ME AND I

WAS GETTING IN TOO DEEP.

I LOVED DOING SERVICE AND
EVENTUALLY, MICHEL PULLED ME IN

CLOSE TO DO SERVICE FOR HIM
DIRECTLY.

I WAS ALWAYS TOLD IT WAS AN
HONOR TO SERVE HIM AND I FELT

PRIVILEGED.
I COULD ASK HIM ANYTHING AND HE

BECAME VERY ACCESSIBLE TO ME.
I STARTED FINDING OUT DETAILS

ABOUT HIS LIFE.
IN ADDITION TO BEING AN ACTOR,

HE HAD BEEN A DANCER IN THE
OAKLAND BALLET.

HE DANCED AND WORKED OUT
CONSTANTLY.

I BECAME ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO
MASSAGED HIM AND GAVE HIM

ADJUSTMENTS, WHAT WE CALLED BODY
WORKERS.

EVENTUALLY I MOVED INTO THE
APARTMENT NEXT DOOR TO HIS WITH

FELIPPE AND WE TRANSFORMED OUR
LIVING ROOM INTO A DANCE STUDIO

FOR HIS USE.
>> I AM A VERY DEVOTIONAL

PERSON.
I LOVE TO HONOR, AND SO I

STARTED PUTTING ALL OF THAT
ENERGY INTO HIM.

HE SAID YOU'RE JUST USING ME AS
AN EXCUSE, WE ALL HAVE EXCUSES,

PEOPLE BOW TO BUDDHA, PEOPLE BOW
TO JESUS, AND YOU'RE USING ME AS

THAT.
I'M NOT ANYTHING.

>> WE WERE FEELING SPECIAL,
IMPORTANT, LOVED AND SUPPORTED.

WE WERE CONSTANTLY TELLING HIM
HOW MUCH WE LOVED HIM AND HOW

AMAZING HE WAS, AND HOW, YOU
KNOW, WE COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT

HIM.
AND REALLY 150 OR HOWEVER MANY

PEOPLE TELLING YOU THAT ALL DAY,
EVERY DAY, THAT'S PRETTY

POWERFUL.
>> MICHEL IS VERY DISCIPLINED.

BALLET WAS A DAILY RITUAL FOR
HIM.

IT BECAME OURS, TOO.
>> I LOVED IT.

I WAS IN HEAVEN.
IT WAS MY FAVORITE THING WE DID

AND 90% OF THE REST OF THE
PEOPLE HATED IT.

DANCE WAS LIVING HELL.
>> DO IT AGAIN.

>> IT WAS LIKE GOING THROUGH
SCHOOL AGAIN.

>> YOU HAVE TO KNOW THIS.
>> I HEARD PEOPLE CRYING IN THAT

CLASS.
IT WAS INTENSE.

>> IT'S TOUGH LOVE.
HE'S GIVING THEM TOUGH LOVE.

>> HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING
MORE SILLY THAN TWO PEOPLE

HAVING SEX?
>> HE WAS VERY CLEAR WITH ME TO

ABSTAIN FROM HAVING SEX.
I COULDN'T EVEN HAVE A

RELATIONSHIP IN THE GROUP.
HE SAID IT WAS TOO DANGEROUS AND

THAT MY ENERGY NEEDED TO RISE.
>> WHAT HAPPENS DURING SEXUAL

ORGASM, A LITTLE DEATH.
ONE WHO HAS EXPERIENCED THE

ORGASM OF MEDITATION, THAT'S THE
GREATEST ORGASM.

>> WHAT I REMEMBER HIM SAYING
WAS BASICALLY THAT SEX WAS A LOW

ENERGY.
>> DIDN'T HAVE SEX FOR THREE

YEARS.
THE ONES THAT HAD BEEN THERE A

LONG TIME HAD GOTTEN WAY OVER
IT.

>> IT BECAME THE BUDDHAFIELD.
AFTER AWHILE IT WAS LIKE THIS

SPIRITUAL HAVEN OF BEAUTIFUL
PEOPLE THAT WE DON'T HAVE SEX.

IN FACT, EVERYBODY'S [ BLEEP ]
EVERYBODY BUT IT WAS ON THE

DOWN-LOW.
>> HE TOOK ME TRAVELING WITH HIM

AND A FEW OTHER HELPERS.
OF COURSE, IN ADDITION TO ALL

THE FUN AND MEDITATION, WE HAD
OUR REGULAR DUTIES, SERVING

MICHEL.
I WAS HIS MASSEUR.

I WAS ON CALL 24/7.
¶

I NEVER FELT SO GOOD IN MY LIFE.
HEALTHY, LOVING AND LOVED.

I DID HAVE MY DOUBTS BUT I
WORKED HARD TO OVERCOME THEM.

>> TO BE A PERSON IS TO BE A
MASK.

AND YOU NEVER KNOW WHO YOU'RE
TALKING TO BEHIND THE MASK, THE

REAL PERSON IS SOMEWHERE INSIDE
THAT MASK.

YOU HAD TO STAND NAKED IN FRONT
OF GOD AS HE'S MADE YOU IN YOUR

BODY OF LIGHT.
THE MASTER ONLY REPRESENTS GOD

ON THE EARTH AND IF YOU CAN
STAND NAKED IN FRONT OF YOUR

MASTER, YOU CAN STAND NAKED IN
FRONT OF YOUR GOD.

KNOW THAT.
>> SO THE TEACHER WAS A

HYPNOTHERAPIST.
HE WOULD INVITE ME IN FOR

THERAPY WHICH HE CALLED
CLEANSING.

HE CHARGED PEOPLE $50 A SESSION.
>> WE ALL HAD THERAPY EVERY

WEEK.
>> IN REGRESSION HYPNOTHERAPY

YOU TRIED TO GO BACK TO TRAUMA,
RELIVE IT AND THEN CHANGE IT SO

THAT THEY ARE EMPOWERED.
>> HE WOULD SAY I'M GOING TO

COUNT TO TEN AND YOU'RE GOING
DOWN THE STEPS AND HE HAS THIS

REALLY DEEP HYPNOTIC VOICE.
>> OKAY, CLOSE YOUR EYES.

>> BACK IN TIME, DOWN THE STEPS.
>> THEN HE WOULD SNAP HIS

FINGERS AND --
>> YOU'RE THERE.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?
>> WHERE ARE YOU NOW?

>> WITHIN A FEW MINUTES, I WAS
WAILING AND CRYING LIKE I HAD

NEVER CRIED IN MY LIFE.
>> YOU WOULD HIT THE PILLOW AND

SCREAM AND CRY.
WHEN YOU WERE DONE, YOU WOULD

LITERALLY FLOAT OUT OF THAT
PLACE.

IT WAS AMAZING.
>> I DIVULGED EVERY SECRET,

EVERY THOUGHT, EVERY FEAR.
EXPOSED IT ALL.

>> WHATEVER TRANSPIRES HERE, IT
SHOULD BE KEPT HERE.

ABOUT ANYBODY YOU TALK TO, ABOUT
ANYTHING YOU DO OR THINK OR SAY.

>> MICHEL GAVE US ALL NEW NAMES
TO HELP US MOVE BEYOND OUR PAST

AND CREATE A NEW WAY OF SEEING
OURSELVES.

IT WAS A COMMON PRACTICE IN THE
GROUP.

AMY WAS NOW CALLED EMILIANA.
LORI WAS CALLED CRYSTAL.

I WAS NOW NAMED FRANCESCO.
>> IT WOULD COME HOME TO US AND

TOLD US THAT THEY HAD CHANGED
THEIR NAMES AND THIS WAS WHAT

THEY WANTED TO BE CALLED.
I SAID WELL, WE'RE NOT GOING TO

CALL YOU THAT.
WE GAVE YOU YOUR NAMES AND THAT

IS WHAT WE ARE GOING TO CALL
YOU, AND YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET

USED TO IT.
THEY CAME FOR DINNER AND SAID

WELL, WHAT WE CAME HERE FOR IS
WE WANT TO TELL YOU WE WANT TO

DETACH FROM YOU.
I WENT WHAT?

I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU ARE GOING TO DETACH FROM THE

FAMILY?
WE HAD SUCH A HAPPY CHILDHOOD

WITH THESE CHILDREN.
>> SO MY FATHER WHO I WAS VERY

CLOSE TO, WAS DYING.
HE TOLD ME THAT I COULDN'T GO

SEE HIM.
THIS IS SO YOU BREAK THE BOND

WITH HIM.
AND I WOULD MAKE AIRLINE

RESERVATIONS AND I WOULD CRY AND
CRY AND CRY, AND THEN I WOULD

CANCEL THEM.
BUT IT WAS SO DIFFICULT, SO

DIFFICULT.
>> ALWAYS MY INTUITION WAS

WORKING OVERTIME.
I KIND OF SUSPECTED IT MIGHT BE

A CULT.
>> NO, I DID NOT FEEL LIKE I WAS

IN A CULT.
HE ALWAYS TOLD US FOR A

NON-GROUP WE'RE AN ANTI-CULT.
>> MY FAMILY HAD HIRED A PRIVATE

INVESTIGATOR TO FOLLOW ME AND
THEY FOUND THAT I WAS WITH THIS

GROUP.
HE WENT BACK TO MY FAMILY AND

SAID OH, THIS IS A BENIGN GROUP,
THEY'RE NOT DANGEROUS, IT WILL

BE HARDER FOR YOU TO PULL HER
AWAY, IT WILL BE MORE DAMAGING,

JUST LET HER BE.
>> MY FAMILY FREAKED OUT.

THEY SAID I WAS BRAINWASHED.
THEY WANTED TO HIRE SOMEBODY TO

DEPROGRAM ME.
I WAS AN ADULT, THEY COULDN'T DO

ANYTHING.
>> I MEAN, WE ALL JOKED.

WE KNEW THAT WE LOOKED FUNNY
FOLLOWING A MAN IN A SPEEDO BUT

IT TURNS OUT SOME PEOPLE DIDN'T
SEE IT THE WAY WE DID.

>> THERE IS THIS GUY KENNY WHO
FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS GIRL IN

OUR GROUP.
>> SHE WAS THIS BEAUTIFUL MODEL

TYPE.
HE WAS NOT IN THE GROUP.

HE WAS NOT A MODEL TYPE AND HE
WAS NOT VERY NICE.

>> THIS GUY WAS STALKING AND HIS
MOTIVATION WAS TO TEAR DOWN THE

GROUP SO THAT HE COULD HAVE THIS
GIRL.

>> KENNY STARTED TO ATTACK
MICHEL SAYING HE WAS A CULT

LEADER TELLING US WHAT WE COULD
AND COULDN'T DO.

HE WENT TO AN ORGANIZATION RUN
BY RICK ROSS.

>> WHEN YOU HAVE LEADERS WHO
CLAIM TO SPEAK FOR GOD, CANNOT

BE QUESTIONED BY THEIR FOLLOWERS
AND HAVE LITTLE IF ANY

ACCOUNTABILITY, YOU HAVE A VERY
VOLATILE MIX.

>> SO HE PULLED IN CULT
AWARENESS NETWORK TO TRY AND

MAKE US LOOK LIKE WE'RE HOLDING
HER CAPTIVE.

>> PARENTS WHO PAID CULT
AWARENESS NETWORK TO GO IN,

KIDNAP THEIR CHILDREN AND
DEPROGRAM THEM.

THIS WAS MICHEL'S WORST FEAR,
THAT THE BUDDHAFIELD WAS GOING

TO BE CALLED A CULT.
>> NOW IT WAS NO LONGER TALKING

ABOUT THE KNOWING.
IT WAS NO LONGER TALKING ABOUT

GOD AND LOVE.
IT'S TALKING ABOUT WHAT ARE WE

GOING TO DO.
>> HE SAID I'M NO LONGER IN A

POSITION WHERE I CAN DO MY WORK
IN THIS ENVIRONMENT.

WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE.
>> MICHEL DIDN'T REALLY GIVE

ANYONE WARNING.
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, HE

GRABBED ME, HIS COOK, ANOTHER
BODY WORKER, SAID PACK YOUR

BAGS, WE'RE GOING.
I'M LIKE WHERE ARE WE GOING?

WE'RE JUST GOING.
I HAD NO CREDIT CARD, NO MONEY,

NO BANK ACCOUNT, NO PHONE.
I WAS LIVING UNDERGROUND WITH

HIM.
EVERYONE ELSE STAYED IN LOS

ANGELES FOR THE TIME BEING TO
AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS.

EVENTUALLY HE WOULD DECIDE WHERE
THEY SHOULD GO.

>> IT WAS LIKE LOSING MY FAMILY
ALL OVER AGAIN.

YOU DON'T WANT TO GIVE THAT UP
AND BE TOSSED BACK INTO THE DOGS

OF L.A.
>> I WAS SO DEVASTATED.

WE WERE JUST LEFT BEHIND.
>> I WANTED TO GO WITH HIM.

I NEVER, EVER WANTED TO BE
WITHOUT HIM.

>> WE WENT TO ALL THESE PLACES
TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE WE

WERE GOING TO LIVE NEXT AND HOW
WERE WE GOING TO PROTECT

OURSELVES.
>> HIS BEHAVIOR STARTED TO

BECOME OBSESSIVE.
>> HE CONVINCED ALL OF US THAT

EVERY CHRIST FIGURE THAT WALKED
THE EARTH HAD BEEN KILLED

BECAUSE THEY BROUGHT VERY
UNCONVENTIONAL, RADICAL IDEAS

THAT SOCIETY DIDN'T LIKE SO THEY
WOULD KILL THEM.

I WAS AS CLOSE TO HIM AS ANYBODY
AND I STILL DIDN'T KNOW WHO HE

WAS.
I DON'T THINK ANYONE REALLY KNEW

WHO HE WAS.

I THINK HE MAY HAVE HAD HIS
MOTHER DIE REALLY YOUNG OR

SOMETHING.
>> HIS BROTHER DIED REALLY

YOUNG.
>> HE HAD COME FROM A WEALTHY

FAMILY.
>> IN THE '60s IN SAN FRANCISCO.

>> AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT HE SAID
TO ME.

>> DARK ARTS GROUPS.
>> I KNOW HE CAME TO AMERICA TO

BE A MOVIE STAR.
HE WANTED TO BE FAMOUS.

>> HIS FIRST NAME WAS JAIME
GOMEZ.

HIS STAGE NAME WAS MICHEL.
>> HE WAS AN ACTOR.

I ASSUME PROBABLY A GOOD ONE
UNTIL I SAW SOME OF HIS ACTING.

>> I KNOW HE WAS IN "ROSEMARY'S
BABY."

>> I KNOW THAT HE WAS IN THE
MOVIE "ROSEMARY'S BABY."

>> HE WAS IN "ROSEMARY'S BABY."
>> HIS WHOLE ROLE WAS A

MILLISECOND AT THE END OF IT
LOOKING INTO THE CAMERA.

>> ACCORDING TO SOME THAT HAD
COME AROUND, THEY SAW HIM IN

SOME PORNOGRAPHIC MOVIES.
I JUST THOUGHT THAT WAS SUCH

HOGWASH.
HE NEVER MADE IT TO BE A STAR

ALTHOUGH I'M SURE THAT WAS HIS
INTENTION.

>> HE USED HYPNOSIS, HIS
SPIRITUAL UNDERSTANDING AND HIS

ACTING METHODS AND THEY ALL KIND
OF MERGED INTO THIS WAY OF

COMING TO GOD.

>>> WE WERE ON THE ROAD FOR SIX
MONTHS TRYING TO FIND A PLACE

WHERE WE COULD SETTLE DOWN,
WHERE THE WHOLE GROUP COULD COME

JOIN US.
AND HE DECIDED AUSTIN, TEXAS WAS

THE PLACE.
ONE OF HIS DISCIPLES BOUGHT HIM

A HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS.
HE CHANGED HIS NAME SO ANYBODY

WHO WAS LOOKING FOR MICHEL
COULDN'T FIND HIM, BECAUSE HE

WAS NOW JUST CALLED ANDREAS.
AFTER WE HAD BEEN UNDER THE

RADAR LONG ENOUGH, ANDREAS
THOUGHT IT WAS TIME TO BRING

EVERYONE BACK TOGETHER.
HE WANTED EVERYONE TO MOVE OUT

IN SMALL PODS.
PEOPLE BROKE THEIR LEASES, SOLD

THEIR HOMES AND THEIR BELONGINGS
AND BEGAN TO PACK.

PEOPLE TRICKLED IN TO AUSTIN AND
WE RECREATED THE BUDDHAFIELD.

>> NEW PEOPLE WOULD SHOW UP ALL
THE TIME.

WE WERE SHARING THIS LOVE THAT
WE WERE EXPERIENCING WITH OTHER

PEOPLE.
I WOULD SAY THE WORD RECRUIT.

WE WERE ALL RECRUITING.
>> I RECRUITED LOTS OF PEOPLE

MYSELF.
HE WAS LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WHO

WERE OPEN AND THAT WAS HIS
INSTRUCTION.

>> THEN HE STARTED RECRUITING
PEOPLE THAT KNEW HOW TO DO

BALLET BECAUSE HE LOVED BALLET.
>> HE USED YOGA CLASSES TO

RECRUIT MORE MEMBERS SO THAT HE
WOULD ALWAYS HAVE MORE PEOPLE

COMING IN.
>> IT WAS VERY INTERESTING GROUP

OF PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL
BEAUTIFUL.

THESE BEAUTIFUL BODIES AND THESE
LITTLE SPEEDOS AND THE GIRLS

WERE SO BEAUTIFUL.
YOU COULDN'T MISS THEM.

>> EVEN THOUGH HE WANTED NEW
DISCIPLES, ANDREAS WAS STILL

HESITANT TO LET ANYONE GET CLOSE
TO HIM.

HE KEPT TELLING US THERE WAS
STILL A LOT TO BE AFRAID OF FROM

THE OUTSIDE WORLD.
>> AS YOU CAN SEE, THE FIRE HAS

INDEED ENGULFED THE VAST
MAJORITY OF THIS COMPOUND.

THE LATEST FIGURES WE HAVE --
>> JUST 100 MILES NORTH OF US,

WACO HAPPENED.
WE WATCHED IN HORROR AS 72

MEMBERS OF A PRESUMED CULT DIED
DURING A GOVERNMENT RAID.

THIS FREAKED HIM OUT, BECAUSE HE
THOUGHT WHAT HAPPENED TO DAVID

KORESH WAS GOING TO HAPPEN TO
HIM.

>> THIS WAS A SPIRITUAL LEADER
WHO WAS BEING DEMONIZED AND

RUNNING THIS GROUP, AND HE WAS
AFRAID THAT PEOPLE WERE GOING TO

DRAW PARALLELS AND THEY WERE
GOING TO SEE HIM AS THAT.

>> I DID FEEL LIKE I NEEDED TO
PROTECT HIM AT TIMES.

>> IN AUSTIN IT WAS KEEP THE
GROUP SECRET, SACRED, SACRED

THINGS NEED TO BE KEPT SECRET.
>> WE DID EXERCISES IN CLASS TO

PRACTICE IN CASE THE FBI
CAPTURED US.

>> YOU'RE GOING TO TELL THEM
THAT YOU DON'T KNOW ANY ANDREAS,

YOU DON'T KNOW ANYBODY.
>> I WASN'T SURE IF THE FBI WAS

AFTER US OR NOT, BUT I WOULD DO
WHATEVER IT TOOK TO PROTECT HIM

OR THE GROUP.
EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T A VERY GOOD

LIAR, I DID IT.
>> I HAD NO INTEGRITY AT ALL.

I WOULD LIE TO MY MOTHER FOR
HIM.

>> WE WERE INSTRUCT TED THAT WE
HAD TO LIE TO MY PARENTS ALL THE

TIME.
>> I RARELY HAD ANY INTERACTION

WITH ANYONE OUTSIDE THE GROUP.
EVEN MY PARENTS, WHO LIVED

NEARBY IN FT. WORTH, HAD NO IDEA
I WAS IN AUSTIN.

>> HERE MY BROTHER LIVED THREE
HOURS FROM MY PARENTS.

THERE'S NO REASON FOR US HAVING
TO KEEP UP THIS LIE.

THEY'RE NOT GOING TO COME AND
INSPECT YOUR ASHRAM.

>> I HAD TO COME UP WITH
ELABORATE LIES.

I TOLD THEM I MOVED TO ATLANTA
AND TO MEXICO AND ANYWHERE TO

GIVE THEM A REASON NOT TO EXPECT
TO SEE ME.

>> HE WOULD HAVE PEOPLE THAT
WERE GOING TO EUROPE GET A P

POSTCARD AND MAIL IT TO MY
PARENTS.

>> HERE'S A POSTCARD I SENT FROM
FLORENCE WHEN I WAS FRANCESCO.

>> HE WOULD SEND ME ALL THESE
LITTLE GIFTS FROM THESE PLACES

TO PROVE HE WAS WRITING THESE
LETTERS.

I STILL SAW THROUGH IT.
IT'S SAD AND IT BROKE OUR

HEARTS, REALLY.
WE JUST HAD TO HOPE IT WOULD ALL

WORK OUT.
>> MY ROLE INCREASED IN THE

BUDDHAFIELD AND I HAD A GROUP OF
NEW DISCIPLES EAGER TO DO

SERVICE WITH ME.
I SET OUT TO MAKE OUR HOUSE IN

AUSTIN A PLACE OF PEACE AND
BEAUTY.

BY THE TIME WE WERE FINISHED, WE
HAD BUILT NOT ONLY A MASSIVE

GARDEN BUT ALSO AN AVIARY
COMPLETE WITH PEACOCKS, EXOTIC

BIRDS, EVEN A WALLABEE.
THE GARDEN BECAME OUR SANCTUARY

AND HIS HOUSE BECAME LIKE A
REFUGE FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD.

THINGS QUIETED DOWN.
TIME WENT BY AND WE DIDN'T HEAR

MUCH FROM
.

>>> THINGS QUIETED DOWN.
WE THOUGHT THINGS MIGHT BE

GETTING BACK TO NORMAL.
BUT THE DEMANDS ON THE

BUDDHAFIELD AND ANDREAS BECAME
GREATER AND GREATER.

>> WE WOULD LIFT UP A ROG CK AN
HUNDREDS OF RATS WOULD GO

RUNNING OUT.
HE ASKED US TO KILL THE RATS AND

WE ARMED OURSELVES WITH SHOVELS.
I WOULD HIT THEM OVER THE HEAD

OR WE'D HAVE TO DECAPITATE THEM.
IT JUST WENT ON AND ON AND ON,

KILLING THESE FURRY LITTLE
CREATURES.

IT WAS LIKE HE WAS PLAYING A
GAME WITH US, LIKE HE WAS

TURNING US INTO HIS OWN PERSONAL
LITTLE WARRIORS.

>> ANDREAS LOVED TO DANCE AND HE
SAID HE WISHED HE HAD A THEATER.

SO I FOUND THIS AMAZING PIECE OF
LAND.

HE TOLD ME TO BUY IT AND HE SAID
LET'S BUILD A THEATER, DESIGN A

THEATER.
HE WOULD COME OUT SOME DAYS AND

HE WOULD LOOK AT IT AND SAY I
DON'T LIKE THE WINDOWS, I DON'T

LIKE THE WALLS, TAKE IT DOWN.
AND WE WOULD.

WE WOULD LITERALLY UNBUILD THE
BUILDING AND REBUILD THE

BUILDING SO HE COULD COME BACK
AND LOOK AT IT.

AND HE WOULD SAY WHY IS THIS
TAKING SO LONG?

IF I WAS DOING THIS, IT WOULD BE
DONE A YEAR AGO.

YOU'RE CREATING KARMA.
HE WOULD SAY ALL I CARE ABOUT IS

YOU HAVING AN AWAKENING THROUGH
THIS THEATER.

I WOULD SAY DID THIS JUST
HAPPEN?

>> ONCE THE THEATER WAS BUILT,
ANDREAS BEGAN CHOREOGRAPHING

BALLETS.
WE WOULD REHEARSE FOR HOURS.

PEOPLE WOULD DROP EVERYTHING,
INCLUDING THEIR JOB TO MAKE IT

TO REHEARSAL.
>> THESE BALLETS WERE

ASTONISHING.
WE HAD THESE ELABORATE COSTUMES,

SETS WOULD BE DESIGNED.
IT WAS SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARY.

>> EVERYBODY WAS INVOLVED.
WE WOULD REHEARSE THEM FOR A

YEAR, DO COSTUMES AND EVERYTHING
AND WE'D ONLY SHOW THESE BALLETS

ONCE, TO OURSELVES, AND THAT WAS
IT.

>> HE LIVED LIKE A
MULTI-MILLIONAIRE'S LIFE IN THE

SIMPLEST FORM.
HE HAD A CHAUFFEUR, I DROVE HIM

AROUND.
HE HAD A COOK, PEOPLE COOKED FOR

HIM.
HE HAD SOMEONE CLEANING HIS

HOUSE.
>> EVERYWHERE HE WENT IN PUBLIC,

I BROUGHT ALONG A SPECIAL CHAIR.
IT'S HUGE.

IT WAS ON A BACK PACK, IT WAS
ABOUT LIKE THIS.

ON ONE END HE'S TOTALLY PARANOID
AND TRYING TO BE SECRETIVE.

ON THE OTHER HAND, HE HAS THIS
ENTOURAGE OF PEOPLE SETTING UP A

THRONE FOR HIM ANYWHERE IN
PUBLIC.

HE WOULD CALL ME AND SAY WHAT
ARE YOU DO?

I'D SAY I'M IN BED.
HE'D SAY "YOU BETTER GET OUT OF

THAT BED, YOU HAVE SERVICE TO
DO!"

>> IT WAS ALL DESIGNED.
>> HE WANTED TO CONTROL THE

SOCIAL LIVES, INTERACTIONS OF
EVERYBODY, WHAT THEY DID.

>> IT WAS PRESENTED AS YOUR
SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE, WHAT'S BEST

FOR YOUR SOUL.
>> WE WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO READ

BOOKS, WATCH TV,LESS WRENN TO
THE -- LISTEN TO THE RADIO AND I

NEVER DID ANY OF IT.
>> HE CAME UPSET ONE DAY WHEN I

BOUGHT A TV AND HE WAS UPSET,
SAID YOU DID THIS BEHIND MY

BACK.
I SAID I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD TO

ASK YOU TO GET A TV.
>> I GOT A DOG AT ONE POINT.

IT WASN'T ACCEPTABLE.
I ENDED UP HAVING TO GIVE THE

DOG BACK.
I HAD ENDED UP GOING AND GETTING

THIS LITTLE PUPPY WITHOUT HIS
PERMISSION.

HE DIDN'T LIKE DOGS.
>> WITH MY FRIEND DANIELLE, HE'D

SAY HE'S CRAZY, WITH ALL THESE
WEIRD EXPRESSIONS.

SHE'D LOOK ACROSS THE ROOM AND
SAY "WE'RE GOING TO BE HERE FOR

THE REST OF OUR LIVES."
>> IT WAS KIND OF NICE WHEN IT

FIRST STARTED OUT AND IT WASN'T
ALL ABOUT ADORING HIM, IT WAS

ABOUT ACHIEVING SOME KIND OF
SPIRITUAL GROWTH FOR YOURSELF,

NOT LICKING HIS FEET.
¶

¶
¶ LA FEMME FATALE ¶

>> LA FEMME FATALE WAS A SONG
ANDREAS WROTE.

THE SONG SERVED AS A PUBLIC
SATIRE AGAINST THE WOMAN WHO

ANDREAS THOUGHT WAS BEING TOO
SEXUAL.

I DIDN'T WANT TO BE PART OF AN
ATTACK BUT I WENT AHEAD AND MADE

A FUNNY VIDEO.
IT WAS A BIG HIT.

¶ LA FEMME FATALE
¶

>> HE DID NOT LIKE ANYONE WHO
HAVE A NORMAL, NATURAL SEX LIFE.

AND HOW HE TREATED SEXUALITY IN
GENERAL WAS JUVENILE.

>> THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY IN OUR
GROUP NAMED SOPHIA.

>> SHE WAS AMAZING.
SHE SPENT HER WHOLE LIFE JUST

WANTING TO BE A BALLERINA.
>> SHE DANCED BEAUTIFULLY.

OF COURSE HE MADE HER HER PRIMA
BALLERINA.

>> HE WANTED HER TO BE CLOSE TO
ME BUT NOT TO HAVE SEX TO ME AND

ALL ALONG HE KNEW I WAS GROWING
ATTACHED TO HER.

HE TOLD FIVE DIFFERENT WOMEN NOT
TO DATE ME BECAUSE IT WOULD BE

BAD FOR MY SPIRITUAL
DEVELOPMENT.

>> THERE WERE SO MANY CONFUSING
MESSAGES ABOUT SEXUALITY.

WE WERE TOLD YOU'RE NOT YOUR
BODY, DON'T GET OBSESSED WITH

YOUR LOOKS, YET EVERYONE WAS
OBSESSED WITH THEIR LOOKS.

>> HE REALLY DID NOT WANT FAT
PEOPLE.

DID NOT WANT ANYONE IN THE GROUP
THAT WAS NOT PHYSICALLY A

STARLET.
HE WANTED EVERYBODY TO BE

STARLET.
>> SO HE WAS SUGGESTING THAT

THIS PERSON HAD THEIR EYES DONE
OR SUGGESTING THAT THIS PERSON

HAVE THEIR CHEEK BONES AND
ANOTHER PERSON HAVE THEIR CHIN.

HE SORT OF GOT OBSESSED WITH IT.
>> WE WERE GOING INTO HIS

BATHROOM AND JUST FINDING PILES
OF MASCARA AND FAKE EYE LASHES

AND CONCEALERS.
HE WORE MAKE-UP LIKE EVERY DAY

OF HIS LIFE.
>> I REMEMBER ONE TIME I WAS IN

THE WATER WITH HIM AND HE HAD AN
EYE LASH ON HIS CHEEK AND I'M

LIKE TRYING TO SIGNAL TO HIM TO
FLICK THAT OFF, BUT I DIDN'T

KNOW ABOUT THE PLASTIC SURGERY
BUT IT STARTED TO LOOK EVIDENT.

>> HE WAS ALWAYS TELLING US THIS
IS THE BODY, IT'S GOING TO BE A

CARCASS ONE DAY, IT'S GOING TO
DIE AND HERE HE IS OVER HERE

DOING HIS EYES, HIS EYES, HIS
THIS, HIS LIPS, CONSTANTLY DOING

STUFF TO HIS BODY.
>> BUT HE STARTED TO LOOK VERY

DEFORMED AND SCARY LOOKING
REALLY.

>> IT WAS OF A TOTAL DICHOTOMY
OF WHAT THE TEACHING WAS.

>> AND I KNEW HE WOULD HAVE
OTHER PEOPLE DO PLASTIC SURGERY

BEFORE HE DID IT SO THAT HE
WOULD SEE IF IT WAS SAFE OR HOW

IT LOOKED AND I NEVER QUESTIONED
IT.

>> NO ONE WAS GOING TO SAY,
DUDE, YOUR MAKE-UP'S RUNNING.

NO ONE WOULD DARE.
I WOULDN'T DARE.

>> I ALWAYS TURNED THE CAMERA
OFF WHEN ANDREAS WAS YELLING.

>> WE WOULD USE THIS TERM "YOU
NEED TO DROP YOUR MIND."

>> THAT WAS SOMETHING YOU WOULD
SAY TO SOMEONE AND IT WAS

CRITICAL.
IT WAS, HEY, YOU'RE NOT IN LINE

WITH WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
>> YOU DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE

MIND.
NO THOUGHTS.

IF YOU'RE HAVING THOUGHTS,
YOU'RE NOT CONNECTED TO

MEDITATION AND TO GOD.
>> THERE'S A TERM CALLED MUTUAL

COMPLICITY.
YOU CAN'T HAVE A TEACHER WITHOUT

FOLLOWERS.
>> THE BENEFITS OUTWEIGHED THE

CRAZINESS.
SO YOU STARTED TO ACCEPT THE

QUESTIONABLE STUFF.
YOU JUST STARTED TO ACCEPT IT.

IT'S LIKE ANY FAMILY.
AND I THINK A LOT OF US

COMPARTM
COMPARTMENTALIZED, RATIONALIZED

ALWAYS.
HE CERTAINLY HELPED US

RATIONALIZE EVERYTHING.
>> THE ONLY TRUTH THAT'S LEFT IS

THE TRUTH THAT I AM TOLD AND WHO
IS THE HIGHEST AUTHORITY IN THE

GROUP?
IT'S THE MASTER.

>> DO YOU WANT TO HAVE KIDS?
>> NO.

>> SPIRITUAL GROWTH AND CHILDREN
DON'T ALWAYS GO TOGETHER.

>> I TOLD HIM I WAS PREGNANT.
HE SAID GET AN ABORTION.

I DIDN'T NOT WANT TO HAVE THIS
ABORTION BUT HE SAID I COULD NOT

BE IN THE COMMUNITY IF I HAD THE
CHILD.

I HAD THE ABORTION.
AS SOON AS I'D HEAR HIS VOICE, I

WOULD GO INTO SURRENDER MODE AND
DO WHATEVER HE SAID.

I WAS WITH SOMEBODY IN THE
COMMUNITY THAT I WAS REALLY,

REALLY IN LOVE WITH AND I SET IT
UP SO THAT I WOULD GET PREGNANT

SO I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE OKAY.
ANDREAS HAD TOLD HIM HE WOULD BE

KICKED OUT IF HE DIDN'T GET ME
TO HAVE AN ABORTION.

SO I HAD TO HAVE ANOTHER
ABORTION.

>> IN ALL THE YEARS WE WERE
TOGETHER, NO ONE CHILD WAS BORN.

>> THERE WERE A LOT OF PEOPLE
WHO DIDN'T STICK AROUND.

OF COURSE THEY WERE DEMONIZED.
>> WHEN I LEFT THE GROUP,

IMMEDIATELY EVERYBODY WAS TOLD
SOMETHING AWFUL.

WE WERE TOLD DO NOT COMMUNICATE
WITH THEM, THEY'RE IN THEIR

MINDS, THERE'S RUMORS THAT I HAD
TURNED INTO A PROSTITUTE OR I

WAS RUNNING PROSTITUTES OUT OF
MY HOUSE.

>> WHEN PEOPLE STARTED TO ASSERT
THEIR OWN INDEPENDENCE, HE WOULD

CRACK THE WHIP.
>> IT WAS TIGHTLY CONTROLLED

THAT IF YOU WERE TO GO OUT ON
YOUR OWN, BAD THINGS WERE GOING

TO HAPPEN TO YOU.
>> IF I EVER LEFT THE GROUP,

WITHIN A YEAR I WOULD BE DEAD.
WHY?

BECAUSE I WOULD BE OUT FROM
UNDER THE WING OF HIS GRACE.

>> HE HAD TOLD ME ON A COUPLE OF
OCCASIONS IF I WASN'T WITH HIM,

I WOULD GET AIDS AND I WOULD
DIE.

AND I BELIEVED HIM.
I BELIEVED HIM.

>> THE THING WAS THAT HE WAS A
H

HYPNOTHERAPIST.
SO HE MANIPULATED EACH AND EVERY

PERSONALITY THAT WAY.
>> YOU ONLY HAVE ONE CHANCE TO

BE WITH ME.
>> AND THIS WAS LITERALLY

BRAINWASHING.
WE WERE DOING

>> I GOT TO DO SOME OF THE
CHARACTERS IN THE FILM THAT WE

DID FOR OUR GROUP.
IN THE SCENE HE BENDS DOWN TO

GET WATER AND HE REALIZES HE'S
NOT ALONE, THAT THE MASTER IS

THERE.
HERE WE ARE, WE'RE ACTORS IN

FRONT OF THE CAMERA.
WE GET THESE SHOTS HE'S HAVING.

AND I WASN'T SURE WHETHER OR NOT
IT WAS AN ACT OR WHETHER IT WAS

REAL.
THEN I STARTED THINKING MAYBE

THE WHOLE THING IS AN ACT.
>> SOMETHING'S WRONG HERE.

THOUGHTS CAME IN ALL THE TIME.
I WAS ALWAYS GETTING THE MESSAGE

AND I CHOSE NOT TO LISTEN.
>> I WAS LIKE WHAT THE

[ EXPLETIVE ] HAS THIS TURNED
INTO?

IT'S BECOME A CIRCUS.
AND SOME OF THE OLDER PEOPLE

THAT HAD BEEN AROUND SINCE THE
BEGINNING WERE KIND OF LOOKING

AT EACH OTHER GOING I DIDN'T
HEAR TO WHERE THIS SUDDENLY

CHANGED TO WHERE IT'S ALL ABOUT
HIM INSTEAD OF ABOUT YOUR INNER

EXPERIENCE.
>> I WOULDN'T REFER TO HIM OTHER

THAN ANYTHING HE WAS, AN
OUT-OF-WORK ACTOR WHO STUMBLED

ON THE ROLE OF A LIFETIME.
>> ONE OF THE PEOPLE THAT HAD

BEEN AROUND FOR A LONG TIME
WROTE AN E-MAIL AND HE SENT IT

OUT TO LIKE EVERYBODY IN THE
BUDDHAFIELD.

>> THERE WAS THIS E-MAIL THAT
WAS SENT OUT ABOUT ALL THIS

STUFF, IT WAS LIKE WHAT THE
[ EXPLETIVE ] IS THIS?

>> THE AUTHOR OF THE E-MAIL WAS
LEADING THE GROUP AND HE LAID

OUT SERIOUS ACCUSATIONS ABOUT
ANDREAS AND ONE OF THE MOST

SERIOUS WAS THAT HE FOR YEARS
HAD BEEN FORCING UNWANTED

DISCIPLES INTO UNWANTED
RELATIONSHIPS.

ANDREAS IMMEDIATELY TOLD ALL OF
THOSE AROUND HIM THAT THE LETTER

WAS FULL OF LIES AND NOT TO READ
IT.

>> AND ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE
STARTED TO BE THIS DIVISION.

>> SOME PEOPLE DIDN'T BELIEVE
IT, SOME PEOPLE DID.

>> IT'S JUST SOME LETTER
SOMEBODY WROTE, THEY COULD WRITE

ANYTHING THEY WANT.
>> I DIDN'T HAVE PERSONALLY ANY

REASON TO BELIEVE WHAT THEY WERE
SAYING.

>> SOME PEOPLE COALESCED AROUND
HIM.

EVEN I DID INITIALLY.
I WROTE A REBUTTAL TO THE

LETTER.
YEAH, IT WAS BULL [ EXPLETIVE ].

ID HAD B-- I HAD BEEN IN A SEXU
RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.

I KNEW THAT EVERYTHING IN THERE
WAS PRETTY MUCH TRUE.

WELL, HOW IT STARTED WAS IN THE
PRIVATE THERAPY SESSIONS.

BEING A YOUNG MAN AND VERY NEW
TO SEXUALITY AT THAT TIME, I HAD

A LOT OF QUESTIONS.
SO YOU'RE TALKING TO YOUR

THERAPIST ABOUT THESE THINGS AND
SO HE'S GOT THIS DOSSIER OF

INFORMATION ON YOU.
>> HAVE YOU EVER HAD SEX WITH A

GUY?
>> NO.

>> HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO?
YOU CAN BE VERY HONEST.

>> AND SOMEWHERE IN THERE HE
STARTED RUNNING YOU THROUGH

HOMOSEXUAL FANTASIES.
WHO DO YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE?

I'D START NAMING WOMEN AND HE'D
BE LIKE, NO, A GUY.

BEING ATTRACTED TO WOMEN HAD NO
VALIDITY WHATSOEVER.

>> DO YOU FANTASIZE?
>> YEAH.

WHAT DO YOU FANTASIZE ABOUT?
>> WHAT WILL IT BE LIKE.

>> ONE DAY IT WAS AFTER A
THERAPY SESSION AND HE ASKED ME

TO KISS HIM.
I WAS THROWN.

I DID NOT WANT THAT.
I WASN'T LOOKING FOR THAT.

>> THAT MORAL STUFF THAT'S BEEN
PUT IN YOUR HEAD, IT IS NOT YOUR

VOICE.
YOU NEED TO GET WHAT IS

AUTHENTIC.
CAUSE YOU'RE CARRYING SO MUCH

PROGRAM IN THERE.
>> THE FIRST THING HE HAD ME DO

WAS JUST AROUND THE BODY.
IT WAS LIKE, OH, YOU DON'T NEED

TO BE UPTIGHT ABOUT YOUR BODY.
SEE, YOU CAN TAKE OFF YOUR

CLOTHES AND BE UNATTACHED.
IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

I FELT LIKE I WAS DOING
SPIRITUAL WORK INITIALLY.

THEN IT STARTED TO GET LIKE, AH,
COME CLOSER TO ME.

AND HE SAT IN HIS THRONE VERY
UPRIGHT AND I'D BE IN FRONT OF

HIM ON MY KNEES AND HE SAID JUST
DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO, JUST

DO WHAT COMES NATURALLY.
AND WHAT CAME NATURALLY TO ME IS

I WANTED TO GET AWAY.
>> HE STARTED HAVING SEX WITH

ME, NOT THAT DAY BUT OVER A
PERIOD OF TIME.

AND IT BECAME A REGULAR THING.
EVERY TUESDAY AND SATURDAY NIGHT

AFTER THE GYM, IT WAS LIKE CLOCK
WORK AND I HAD NEVER BEEN

[ BL
[ BLE

[ BLEEP ] BEFORE.
>> I WAS TOTALLY DOWN ON IT.

AND HE WAS COMPLETELY IGNORING
ME.

IMAGINE HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE,
MALE OR FEMALE AND THEY'RE JUST

LAYING THERE, LIKE SPACED OUT,
NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU.

OH, DO YOU LIKE THIS?
AND YOUR ANSWER IS SOMETHING

LIKE "YEAH, SURE."
AND THEY JUST KEEP [ BLEEP ]

YOU, BECAUSE YOU'RE LIKE A SACK
OF MEAT.

THEN I STARTED TO HATE HIM.
>> I RESISTED AND HE WOULD SAY

OKAY, OKAY, LET'S GO DOWN THE
LONG FLIGHT OF STAIRS, GO BACK

TO YOUR CHILDHOOD, WHO IS IT
THAT YOU'RE RESISTING?

I'D BE LIKE I'M RESISTING YOU, I
DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

HE'S LIKE NO, NO, LET'S GO BACK
TO YOUR CHILDHOOD, WHEN SOMEBODY

WANTED YOU TO DO SOMETHING AND
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT -- HE

WAS A MASTER, HE WAS MASTERFUL
OF GETTING WHAT HE WANTED.

SOMEHOW AFTER THIS PROCESS I
WOULD BE BOWING AT HIS FEET

SAYING, OH, MY GOD, THANK YOU,
HOW DO YOU ALWAYS BRING ME BACK

TO THIS BEAUTIFUL PLACE AND I'D
GET [ BLEEP ] AGAIN.

>> YOU CAN'T SAY NO.
NO IS AGAINST THE RULES.

AND THEN I HAD TO PAY HIM.
I HAD TO PAY HIM FOR

[ EXPLETIVE ] THERAPY.
50 BUCKS EVERY TIME I'D GO IN.

HERE'S YOUR BULL [ EXPLETIVE ]
THERAPY, WE'RE GOING TO

[ EXPLETIVE ].
GIVE ME $50.

CAN YOU IMAGINE?
THIS WENT ON FOR EVERY SINGLE

MONDAY OF MY LIFE FOR FIVE
YEARS.

HERE I AM, LIKE, HELPING THIS
GUY EVERY DAY WITH HIS CHAIR,

WITH ALL THESE LITTLE DETAILS OF
HIS LIFE AND I HATE HIM BUT

STILL SOMEHOW I'M HERE IN THIS
GROUP GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS

SERVING HIM, AND IT WAS JUST I
FELT LIKE I WAS GOING MAD AND --

YEAH.
I FELT LIKE I WAS GOING

[ BLEEP ] MAD.
SOPHIA SAVED MY LIFE.

GOD.
THANK YOU SO MUCH, SOPHIA.

THANK YOU.
SHE KNEW SOMETHING WAS FUNNY

WITH ME.
SHE KNEW WHEN ANDREAS TOLD HER

NOT TO HOOK UP WITH ME THAT
THERE WAS SOMETHING NOT RIGHT

THERE AND SO SHE IGNORED HIM.
SO WE DEVELOPED A ROMANTIC

RELATIONSHIP AT AGE 28, 29 SHE
WAS MY FIRST GIRL FRIEND, LIKE A

REAL GIRL FRIEND.
>> HOW COULD YOU?

WE TRUSTED YOU.
WE TRUSTED YOU.

WE TRUSTED YOU.
>> I STILL FELT LIKE I OWED HIM

EVERYTHING.
I FEEL LIKE SUCH AN ASS SAYING

IT.
I FELT LIKE, WOW, HE'S DOING

THIS FOR ME AND I NEVER TOLD
ANYONE.

NOT UNTIL EVERYTHING FELL APART.
>> I KNEW RIGHT THERE IT WAS

LIKE, OH, MY GOD, I SEE NOW, I
SEE WHAT HE'S BEEN DOING.

IT WAS SO CLEAR.
THE CURTAIN HAS BEEN OPENED.

THE CURTAIN'S OPEN, BROKE MY
HEART, YOU HURT PEOPLE.

HE ABUSED THEM.
HE SODOMIZED THEM.

I'M NOT HERE TO COMPETE WITH
ANYBODY ABOUT ANYTHING BECAUSE I

DON'T HAVE ANY AGENDA WITH YOU,
EXCEPT IF YOU SINCERELY WANT TO

GROW UP, MAYBE THIS WOULD BE
OFFERED TO YOU.

YOU FOLLOW?
>> HE TOOK 120 MINDS AND

MANIPULATED EACH ONE AND THEIR
OWN STORY.

NOBODY EVER KNEW.
THE RIGHT HAND NEVER KNEW WHAT

THE LEFT HAND WAS DOING.
I KNEW YOU INTIMATELY FOR 25

YEARS AND NEVER KNEW YOU WERE
SUFFERING.

IF I HAD NEVER YOU WERE
SUFFERING AS MUCH AS YOU DID OR

THAT MY OTHER BROTHERS WERE
SUFFERING AS MUCH AS YOU DID, I

WOULD HAVE PUT A STOP TO IT FROM
THE GET-GO.

>> IT'S TRUE.
HE STARTED HAVING SEX WITH ME

WHEN HE TOOK ME TO HAWAII.
I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS

HAPPENING.
HE KEPT SAYING EVERYTHING HE WAS

DOING WAS FOR ME.
HE TOLD ME HIS MASTER HAD

BROUGHT HIM CLOSE THE SAME WAY
AND IT WAS VERY SPECIAL.

HE WAS SAVING MY LIFE, HE TOLD
ME.

I WOULD DIE WITHOUT HIM.
YET HE WAS STILL THAT PERSON IN

MY LIFE WHO COULD TAKE ME TO
THIS GOD EXPERIENCE, AND I WAS

DEPENDENT ON HIM FOR THAT, IN MY
MIND EVEN THOUGH I HAD

SUSPICIONS I WASN'T THE ONLY
ONE, I KEPT QUIET.

I COULDN'T SHOW ANYONE WHAT I
WAS FEELING OR GOING THROUGH.

DESPITE HAVING THE WHOLE
BUDDHAFIELD AS MY FAMILY, I WAS

ALONE.
HE TOLD ME HE WAS ONLY WORKING

WITH ME THIS WAY, AND I COULD
NOT TELL ANYONE BECAUSE THEY

WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND.
>> NOBODY HAD THE COMPLETE

STORY.
SO SOME PEOPLE KNEW SOME THINGS,

OTHER PEOPLE NEW OTHER THINGS, I
KNEW THE THING THAT I KNEW BUT

NOBODY WAS ALLOWED TO REALLY
TALK TO EACH OTHER ABOUT IT.

>> I HAD NO CLUE THAT HE HAD
BEEN SEDUCING SO MANY OF THE MEN

IN THE COMMUNITY.
>> WHEN I HEARD THE STORIES

ABOUT WHAT WAS ACTUALLY
HAPPENING, THAT WAS WHEN I WAS

LIKE YOU MOTHER [ EXPLETIVE ].
>> ALONG WITH THE CONFESSIONS OF

SEXUAL ABUSE CAME OTHER STORIES.
>> HE TOLD ME TO SAY I HAD

CANCER AND I HAD TO TELL MY BEST
FRIENDS, MY LOVER, EVERYONE, AND

I HAD TO KEEP THAT A SECRET SO
THAT HE COULD BE THE GREAT

HEALER AND HEAL ME OF MY CANCER
THAT DIDN'T EXIST.

>> IT WAS LIKE ARE YOU
[ EXPLETIVE ] KIDDING ME?

>> WAS 70% OF IT A LIE?
WAS 80% OF IT A LIE?

>> AND FINALLY WE DISCOVERED
THAT THE RUMORS OF HIM BEING A

PORN ACTOR WERE IN FACT TRUE.
AS MORE PEOPLE WERE FINDING OUT

ABOUT THE TRUTH, A FEW STARTED
TO CONFRONT ANDREAS.

>> AND I SAID YOU CAN'T DO THIS.
THIS IS OUR COMMUNITY AND YOU

ARE DESTROYING IT.
>> I LITERALLY CONFRONTED HIM.

I GO WHAT ARE WE DOING?
HE COMPLETELY DENIED IT.

HE SAID I KNOW THAT YOU'RE
HEARING THIS BUT I HAVEN'T DONE

THAT.
>> HE JUST HAD THIS INNATE

BELIEF THAT YOU JUST KEEP
TELLING THE STORY AND THEY'LL

BELIEVE IT.
>> I HAD TO TAKE A STAND.

I KNEW THERE WERE A LOT OF
INNOCENT NEW PEOPLE THERE THAT

WOULD NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT WAS
REALLY GOING ON.

>> I WAS LIKE ENOUGH.
THIS IS WHAT I NEEDED TO LEAVE.

>> IT GOT TO A POINT WHERE I
DIDN'T CARE.

IT WAS LIKE, OKAY, I MIGHT BE
DEAD IN A YEAR BUT IT IS BETTER

THAN BEING HERE FOR ANOTHER
SECOND.

>> I SAID NO MORE, I AM NOT YOUR
SEX TOY.

I'M DONE.
I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE ANYMORE.

GOT BLACK.
HIS FACE LOOKED DIFFERENT AND IT

WAS FREAKY.
>> IT WAS CLEAR TO ME I WAS

LOOKING AT A MADMAN GRASPING AT
STRAWS TO TRY TO KEEP THINGS

TOGETHER.
>> THAT'S WHEN THE SPELL BROKE.

I WAS LIKE YOU HAVE NOTHING FOR
ME ANYMORE.

>> IN THE PERIOD OF A WEEK,
BOOM, BOOM, ALL OF A SUDDEN

EVERYONE STARTED LEAVING.
>> HE WAS ON HIS HEELS.

HE WAS BACK PEDALING.
>> THE BUDDHAFIELD WAS FALLING

APART.
IT WAS DEVASTATING TO WATCH MY

CLOSEST FRIENDS LEAVE.
I BEGAN TO FEEL THE NEED TO JOIN

THEM BUT AS MUCH AS I TRIED, I
COULDN'T GET RID OF MY SENSE OF

OBLIGATION TO ANDREAS.
HE STILL DENIED EVERYTHING AND

HE WANTED A CHANCE TO TELL HIS
SIDE OF THE STORY TO THOSE WHO

WOULD LISTEN SO HE ASKED ME TO
GRAB MY CAMERA ONE LAST TIME.

>> WE WERE SUMMONED TO A HOUSE
ONE EVENING THAT THERE WAS GOING

TO BE A MESSAGE FROM ANDREAS AND
THEY PUT UP THIS BIG VIDEO

SCREEN AND THEY SHOWED THIS
VIDEO.

>> WHAT THIS IS CANNOT BE PUT IN
A BIOGRAPHICAL LETTER.

IT DOESN'T NEED RESUMÉS ABOUT
ITS STORY, WHAT THIS IS IS FREE,

UNTOUCHED, UNPOLLUTED, NOT
APOLOGIZING.

>> THERE WERE SOME PEOPLE THAT
FOR THE FIRST TIME I SAW AT A

GATHERING THAT GOT UP, I DON'T
KNOW, TEN OR 20 PEOPLE LEFT

WHILE THAT VIDEO WAS GOING ON
BECAUSE IT WAS SO DISTURBING.

>> I AM IN YOU.
IN TRUTH THERE IS NO I AND THERE

IS NO YOU.
HOW COME?

MAY ALL BEINGS WAKE UP.
>> YOU COULD HEAR A PIN DROP.

NOBODY BOUGHT IT.
EVERYBODY WAS QUESTIONING THINGS

IN THEIR HEAD.
>> BUT THEN HE DID SOMETHING

THAT SURPRISED US ALL.
HE DECIDED AFTER 17 YEARS IT WAS

TIME FOR ANOTHER KNOWING
SESSION.

A FEW LOYAL MEMBERS TOOK HIM UP
ON HIS OFFER, INCLUDING MY

SISTER, AMY, WHO STILL HAD NO
IDEA WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME.

>> AND NOW HE'S DESPERATE TO
HOLD ON TO THOSE OF US WHO STILL

TRUSTED HIM.
SO HE REVEALED THE KNOWING.

AND HE WAS AWFUL.
HE WASN'T EVEN CONNECTED TO ME

AT ALL.
THE DAY AFTER WE WENT FOR A WALK

AND HE CAME UP AND HE PUT HIS
HAND ON MY WRIST AND HE SAYS,

YOU KNOW, AMEALIANA, THESE
PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO DESTROY

YOUR MASTER AND I NEED TO KNOW
IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE OR IF YOU

CAN FIND A WAY TO HAVE THEM
TAKEN OUT, GET RID OF THEM.

IF NOT THAT, FIND SOMEONE WHO
CAN JUST DESTROY THEIR LIVES

THROUGH THE IRS OR WHATEVER WAY.
PEOPLE HE WANTED HARMED, THEY

WERE THE TWO PEOPLE WHO WERE
BEHIND EXPOSING THE TRUTH OF

WHAT WAS REALLY GOING ON WITH
HIM.

THE GUY WHO WROTE THE LETTER AND
RADIA.

>> HOW DID THIS SHATTER?
HOW DID EVERYTHING SHATTER?

HOW DID I COME HERE BEING SO
HATED AND SO OSTRACIZED AND

DEMONIZED WHEN I LOVED SOMEONE
SO MUCH AND GAVE MY LIFE FOR

SOMEONE.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHO HE WAS AT

THAT POINT.
TO SEE THAT AND FINALLY START

HAVING MY REALIZATIONS ABOUT
ANDREAS, THAT EVERYTHING HE DID

WAS MANIPULATION FOR SOME
NARCISSISTIC, MANIACALnd.

>> THIS THING IS [ BLEEP ].
>> SOME MEMBERS WARNED ANDREAS

IF HE DIDN'T STOP HIS WORK, THEY
WOULD PRESS CHARGES AGAINST HIM.

WE CONVINCED HIM HE WOULD BE
LEFT ALONE IF HE PROMISED TO

STOP BEING A TEACHER.
I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE HIM HARMED,

BUT I WANTED ALL THIS TO END.
SO I RELUCTANTLY FLEW WITH HIM

AND A FEW OTHERS TO RELOCATE HIM
TO HAWAII.

HERE I WAS RETURNING TO THE
PLACE WHERE THE ABUSE ALL

STARTED.
BUT FINALLY THIS TIME I WAS DONE

WITH THE LIES.
AND I WAS DONE WITH HIM.

SO AFTER 22 YEARS, I LEFT.
WITHOUT

>>> I HAD JUST HAD 200 OF MY
CLOSEST FRIENDS WHO I CONSIDERED

TO BE FAMILY GONE.
>> IT WAS KIND OF LIKE A BOMB

WENT OFF AND LIKE A VILLAGE THAT
I LIVED IN WAS TOTALLY

DESTROYED.
THAT WAS THE FEELING IT WAS.

>> I MISS THAT COMMUNITY.
>> IT'S LIKE A BIG DEATH OF YOUR

FAMILY ALL AT ONCE.
>> I DID SO MUCH SERVICE FOR HIM

AND DIDN'T WORRY ABOUT THE
FUTURE THAT WHEN IT WAS OVER, I

HAD $45 TO MY NAME, I DIDN'T
HAVE A BANK ACCOUNT, I DIDN'T

HAVE ANYTHING.
I REMEMBERED JUST LAYING ON THE

FLOOR IN FETAL POSITION.
IT WAS LIKE I WAS DROPPING

THROUGH THIS TRAP DOOR.
IT WAS BLACK AND THERE WAS NO

BOTTOM.
>> WHERE AM I GOING TO FIND THAT

AWE?
WHO IS GOING TO MAKE ME DANCE IN

THE FOREST?
WHO IS GOING TO BE WILLING TO

MAKE ME SING WHEN I CAN'T SING?
>> I QUESTIONED EVERYTHING I

THOUGHT WHEN I CAME OUT OF THE
GROUP.

I SOLD MY HOUSE AND I TOOK A JOB
AS A BOUNCER AND RECLAIMED MY

MASCULINITY.
>> I WAS SO ANGRY, I WAS SO

BITTER, SO CYNICAL.
I COULDN'T TRUST ANYTHING.

>> ALL OF US WHO LEFT THE GROUP
NEEDED TO HEAL.

¶ HAPPY BIRTHDAY ¶
>> LIKE MANY OF MY FRIENDS, I

TRIED TO MEND THE RELATIONSHIPS
I HAD GIVEN UP IN THE PAST.

¶ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ¶
>> WE EMBRACED THEM.

WE TOLD THEM WE LOVED THEM.
WE NEVER GAVE UP ON THEM.

I HAD PRAYED THAT THEY WOULD
COME BACK AND THEY DID.

IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE REALLY WHAT
THEY'D BEEN THROUGH.

AND I WAS GLAD THAT THEY WERE
RID OF THIS MAN AND I JUST FEEL

A DEEP HATRED, AND I SHOULDN'T,
I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO HATE, BUT I

FEEL THAT HE REALLY IS EVIL.
REALLY EVIL.

>> THERE'S THIS SOCIAL INTERPLAY
THAT HAPPENS BETWEEN HIGHLY

CO-DEPENDENT PEOPLE AND
PATHOLOGICAL NARCISSISTS.

WHO IS GOING TO GIVE A PERSON
WHO NEEDS CONSTANT ADORATION AND

ATTENTION, WHO IS GOING TO GIVE
THAT TO THEM CEASELESSLY?

SOMEBODY WHO RELIES ON HIM AS
THE SOURCE OF THEIR SELF-ESTEEM.

AND THEY'LL SAY YOU SEEM LIKE A
NORMAL, RATIONAL, INTELLIGENT

HUMAN BEING.
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO YOU?

>> IT WAS HARD FOR ME TO ADMIT
THAT I WAS BRAINWASHED AND I WAS

IN A CULT.
YOU KNOW, LOOKING BACK NOW, HE

WOULD DO ALL KINDS OF THINGS TO
DRAW YOU IN TO HIM, ENDEARING

THINGS.
AND HE MADE YOU FEEL SPECIAL AND

YOU FELT REALLY LOVED.
>> THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT

SEEING OTHER PEOPLE BEING
DEVOTED THAT MAKES YOU THINK,

OH, WELL, THOSE PEOPLE DON'T
SEEM CRAZY.

>> IT'S WHAT WE DO EVERY TIME WE
COME INTO A RELIGION.

WE TAKE ON THEIR BELIEFS AS
TRUTH.

YOU WILL DO ANYTHING TO DEFEND
THAT TRUTH.

YOU SUBJUGATE YOUR BEST
INTERESTS TO THE INTERESTS OF

THE RELIGION, THE GROUP, THE
CORPORATION.

>> THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS IN A
GROUP-THINK SYSTEM.

THAT'S WHAT KEEPS YOU THERE.
THAT'S WHAT KEPT ME THERE.

>> SO THE BETTER YOU FEEL, THE
MORE YOU GET COMMITTED.

AND THEN SOMEBODY CAN GET YOU TO
DO ANYTHING.

I MEAN, I WOULD HAVE KILLED OR
DIED FOR HIM.

IT'S SO COMMON.
IT'S EVERYWHERE.

LOOK AROUND YOU.
YOU'VE GOT A CULT IN YOUR TOWN,

I ALMOST GUARANTEE YOU.
>> I SEE THEM ALL.

THERE'S ANDREAS.
>> I DO THINK THAT HE'S CREATED

THAT SORT OF HYPER PROTECTION
AROUND HIM AGAIN.

>> ANDREAS IS NOW CALLING
HIMSELF RACHI, WHICH MEANS GOD

KING.
>> TO THIS DAY I DON'T

UNDERSTAND.
SOME PEOPLE STILL STAYED, STILL

STAYED WHEN THEY WERE TOLD THE
TRUTH.

>> WITHOUT THOSE PEOPLE GOING
ALONG AND BEING THERE, HE WOULD

NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO
RECONSTITUTE THE GROUP.

>> IT HURTS ME TO SEE HE'S STILL
DOING THE SAME MANIPULATION AND

IT'S SAD BECAUSE PEOPLE GIVE UP
THEIR LIVES.

YOU GIVE UP YOUR POWER.
THEY'RE GOING TO DENY THEIR OWN

AMBITIONS, THEIR OWN ABILITIES
AND TALENTS FOR HIM.

EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE DONE
FOR HIM.

>> THE THING IS WHAT I WOULD SAY
TO THEM IF I THOUGHT THAT THEY

COULD HEAR WAS HE IS NOT IT.
HE IS ONLY HERE FOR HIMSELF, NOT

FOR YOU.
NOW, COULD THEY HEAR THAT?

I KNOW THEY COULDN'T.
I COULDN'T HEAR IT FOR 22 YEARS.

>> INNOCENT PEOPLE ARE COMING
NOW TO THIS DAY, AND THEY'RE

VERY SINCERE AND THEY SHOULD
KNOW.

THEY SHOULD KNOW THE TRUTH.
>> THE ONLY WAY WE CAN GET TO

HIM IS UNDERCOVER.
OTHERWISE IF HE SEES A CAMERA,

HE WILL DISAPPEAR.

>>> IN THE BEGINNING WHEN I CAME
INTO THE BUDDHAFIELD, I

INITIALLY THOUGHT THAT I WAS
FINDING A DEEPER TRUTH IN MY

FILMS.
I THOUGHT I WAS CAPTURING LIFE

AND EXPRESSING LOVE.
BUT REALLY I HAD JUST FED HIS

CAUSE AND CONTRIBUTED IN MY OWN
WAY TO HURTING PEOPLE THAT I

LOVED.
>> TESTING.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?
>> YEAH.

>> FREAKED OUT.
>> WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?

>> MY BIRTHDAY.
STAYING OVER THERE.

AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> JUST BEING ALIVE AND

ENJOYING.
>> ME, TOO.

I MEAN, IT HASN'T BEEN EASY.
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU HAVE A LOT OF DESISCDISCIPL
SEE, HUH?

>> NO.
PEOPLE COME AND GO.

PEOPLE PASS THROUGH.
>> WELL, ARE YOU BEING A GOOD

BOY?
>> NO.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
>> DON'T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD

LEARN WHAT THAT IS?
>> GOOD AND BAD, BETTER TO FIND

OUT WHAT IS BEST.
>> HAVE YOU BEEN BEING YOUR BEST

BOY?
>> I'M JUST BEING.

>> FOR YEARS I FELT LIKE I HAD
NO POWER, NO VOICE.

BUT I WAS WRONG.
>> SORRY, ANDREAS, BUT SOMEBODY

NEEDS TO STOP YOU BECAUSE YOU'VE
HURT MY BROTHER AND YOU HAVE

HURT MY OTHER BROTHERS IN WAYS
THAT THEY WILL NEVER HEAL FROM,

AND YOU NEED TO GO DOWN, YOU
UGLY, DISTORTED, SON OF A BITCH.

[ EXPLETIVE ] YOU.
>> IT'S SORT OF THIS TEDIOUS

PROCESS OF LOOKING, SIFTING
THROUGH EVERYTHING AND LOOKING

AT THE GOOD AND THEN LETTING GO
OF SOME OF THE NEGATIVES.

THERE'S A LOT OF GOOD.
I FEEL LIKE I'M MUCH MORE CLEAR,

MUCH MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE AND MUCH
MORE AWARE THAN I WOULD HAVE

EVER BEEN IF I HADN'T GONE
THROUGH THAT ENTIRE EXPERIENCE.

>> I DON'T THINK ABOUT THE BAD.
IT DOESN'T COME IN MY KSHNESS

BECAUSE I ONLY REMEMBER WHAT WAS
GOOD FOR ME AND WHAT HELPED ME.

AND WHAT HELPED ME WAS THIS,
THIS CONNECTION WE HAD WITH EACH

OTHER.
THIS WASN'T BECAUSE OF THE

TEACHER, IT WAS BECAUSE OF US.
>> IT WAS THIS BEAUTIFULLY,

CRAZY, INSANE, HORRIBLE
EXPERIENCE THAT HAS MADE ME WHO

I AM TODAY, AND I CAN'T WRAP
MYSELF AROUND IT.

>> I'M REALLY GLAD ABOUT WHO I
AM NOW.

I'M REALLY HAPPY WITH MY LIFE.
I HAVE AN AMAZINGLY RICH,

BEAUTIFUL LIFE.
I HAVE AN AMAZING --

>> I BOTH REGRET IT AND I DON'T
REGRET IT AND I'M SUPER THANKFUL

AND REALLY HAPPY ABOUT WHO I AM
NOW SO MAYBE IT'S WORTH THIS.

MEAN IT'S WORTH IT.
>> IN 2006 I SHOT VIDEO

PORTRAITS OF SOME OF MY FRIENDS.
BY THE TIME I FINISHED THE VIDEO

IN 2007, THE BUDDHAFIELD AS I
HAD KNOWN IT HAD BROKEN APART.

¶ WE'LL DO IT ALL ¶
>> SOME FOLLOWED THE TEACHER TO

HAWAII BUT MOST LEFT.
¶ EVERYTHING ON OUR OWN ¶

>> IT WAS A CONFUSING TIME.
¶ WE DON'T NEED ANYTHING OR

ANYONE ¶
¶ IF I WERE HERE, IF I JUST LAY

HERE ¶
¶ WOULD YOU LAY WITH ME AND JUST

FORGET THE WORLD ¶
¶ FORGET WHAT WE'RE TOLD BEFORE

WE GET TOO OLD ¶
¶ SHOW ME A GARDEN THAT BURSTS

INTO LIFE ¶
¶ ALL THAT I AM, ALL THAT I AM

OR WAS ¶
¶ IT'S HERE IN YOUR PERFECT

EYES, THEY'RE ALL I CAN SEE ¶
¶ I DON'T KNOW WHERE, CONFUSED

ABOUT HOW AS WELL ¶
¶ JUST KNOW THAT THESE THINGS

WILL NEVER CHANGE US AT ALL ¶
¶ IF I LIE HERE, IF I JUST LAY

HERE ¶
¶ WOULD YOU LIE WITH ME AND JUST

FORGET THE WORLD ¶

¶
¶

¶
¶

¶ RAINING DOWN, RAIN DOWN ON ME,
RAIN UNTIL YOU HEAL IT ¶

¶ AND THE GRAY SKY'S
OVERSHADOWED IN THE CLOUDS ¶

¶ UP ABOVE ME AND SEE THE CLOUDS
TURNING INTO CLEAR BLUE SKY ¶

¶ AND I'M ASKING YOU TO REVEAL
IT ¶

¶ I'M ASKING YOU, ASKING YOU TO
REVEAL THAT SKY INSIDE ¶

¶
¶

¶ RAINING DOWN, DOWN UPON ME AND
ALL AROUND I FEEL IT ¶

¶ RAINING DOWN, RAIN DOWN ON ME,
RAIN UNTIL YOU HEAR IT ¶

¶ AND THE GRAY SKIES OVERSHADOW
AND THE CLOUD UP ABOVE ME ¶

¶ WHERE ON THE OTHER SIDE,
FALLING DOWN LIKE LOVE ¶

¶ AND I SEE THAT CLOUD AND I'M
ASKING YOU ¶

¶ I'M ASKING YOU TO REVEAL THAT