All language subtitles for Beautiful.Boy.2018.720p.BluRay.x264-[YTS.AM]-eng(4)

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian Download
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech Download
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French Download
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German Download
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian Download
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian Download
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish Download
pt Portuguese Download
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,146 --> 00:00:09,611 ♪♪ 2 00:00:38,514 --> 00:00:46,272 [wind blowing, waves lapping] 3 00:01:14,092 --> 00:01:15,593 [voice-over] So, this is for, uh, 4 00:01:15,677 --> 00:01:16,844 "New York Times Magazine"? 5 00:01:16,928 --> 00:01:19,055 - No. I'm sorry, that... 6 00:01:19,138 --> 00:01:20,640 there... 7 00:01:20,723 --> 00:01:22,975 mm... no, I freelance. 8 00:01:23,059 --> 00:01:24,477 I write for different magazines, 9 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:26,104 but this is a personal matter. 10 00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:27,438 - A personal matter? 11 00:01:27,522 --> 00:01:29,273 - Yes, I'm sorry. Is that okay? 12 00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:30,858 - No, it's absolutely okay. 13 00:01:30,942 --> 00:01:32,860 May I ask what-what this is regarding and...? 14 00:01:32,944 --> 00:01:35,613 - Uh, it's about my son. 15 00:01:36,656 --> 00:01:38,825 - Okay. How can I help? 16 00:01:39,909 --> 00:01:42,203 [exhales] - He... 17 00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:48,459 There are moments that I look at him, 18 00:01:48,543 --> 00:01:51,129 this kid that I raised, 19 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:54,298 who I thought I knew inside and out, 20 00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:57,051 and I wonder who he is. 21 00:01:59,345 --> 00:02:01,973 He's been doing all sorts of drugs, 22 00:02:02,056 --> 00:02:04,058 but he's addicted to crystal meth, 23 00:02:04,142 --> 00:02:08,938 which seems, uh, to be the worst of all of 'em. 24 00:02:09,021 --> 00:02:11,983 And I guess I'm here 25 00:02:12,066 --> 00:02:16,154 because I just want to know... 26 00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:18,990 all that I can about... 27 00:02:19,073 --> 00:02:20,825 all of it. 28 00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,702 Know your enemies, right? 29 00:02:22,785 --> 00:02:24,954 So... 30 00:02:25,037 --> 00:02:27,165 [sighs] 31 00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:29,625 My two big questions are, 32 00:02:29,709 --> 00:02:32,253 wh-what is it doing to him, 33 00:02:32,336 --> 00:02:35,631 and what can I do to help him? 34 00:02:36,758 --> 00:02:38,676 [crickets chirping] 35 00:02:41,846 --> 00:02:43,765 [shoes wiping on mat] 36 00:02:43,848 --> 00:02:46,225 [footsteps approaching] 37 00:02:46,309 --> 00:02:47,393 [door opens] 38 00:02:47,477 --> 00:02:49,353 [light switch clicks] 39 00:02:49,437 --> 00:02:51,814 [David sighs] 40 00:03:04,368 --> 00:03:06,746 [crickets chirping] 41 00:03:24,138 --> 00:03:26,432 [crickets chirping] 42 00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:33,397 [line ringing] 43 00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:35,401 [Man] Marin General Hospital. How may I help you? 44 00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:38,736 [David] Hi. My son has gone missing, 45 00:03:38,820 --> 00:03:41,489 and I wanted to check to see if he had... 46 00:03:41,572 --> 00:03:43,115 uh, maybe had been brought in 47 00:03:43,199 --> 00:03:46,452 or-or if-if there'd been an accident. 48 00:03:46,536 --> 00:03:49,247 - Can I have name and description, sir? 49 00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:50,790 Nicolas Sheff. 50 00:03:50,873 --> 00:03:53,209 S-H-E-F-F. 51 00:03:53,292 --> 00:03:54,752 He is... 52 00:03:54,836 --> 00:03:56,504 18 years old. 53 00:03:56,587 --> 00:03:59,715 He is just over six feet tall. 54 00:03:59,799 --> 00:04:01,467 About 130 pounds. 55 00:04:01,551 --> 00:04:04,679 Maybe less. I-I don't know. Um... 56 00:04:04,762 --> 00:04:07,181 He has shoulder-length brown hair 57 00:04:07,265 --> 00:04:09,350 and green eyes. 58 00:04:09,433 --> 00:04:11,102 [Man] Thank you. Please hold. 59 00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:13,187 [David] Okay. 60 00:04:13,271 --> 00:04:15,439 - Mr. Sheff? - Yes. 61 00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:17,608 Uh, there's no one by that name, sir. 62 00:04:17,692 --> 00:04:20,278 Okay. Thank you. 63 00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:21,946 [beep] 64 00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:27,034 [crickets chirping] 65 00:04:42,842 --> 00:04:45,136 [crickets chirping] 66 00:05:01,777 --> 00:05:03,696 [David] He's been gone for two days. 67 00:05:03,779 --> 00:05:05,323 [Vicky] What do you mean he's gone? 68 00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:07,283 - What's going on? - I don't know. 69 00:05:07,366 --> 00:05:08,659 - I don't know. - Two days? 70 00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:10,161 Why didn't you tell me sooner? 71 00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:12,079 Uh, I didn't want to worry you, I guess. 72 00:05:12,163 --> 00:05:14,582 - I just... - I'm his mother, David. 73 00:05:14,665 --> 00:05:16,500 Didn't you see this coming? 74 00:05:16,584 --> 00:05:17,668 Uh, no. 75 00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:18,920 [Vicky] What? 76 00:05:19,003 --> 00:05:20,755 No, no, I didn't see it coming. 77 00:05:20,838 --> 00:05:22,840 If I'd seen it coming, I would've done something. 78 00:05:22,924 --> 00:05:25,176 [Vicky] It was just a question, David. Jesus. 79 00:05:25,259 --> 00:05:27,428 I haven't been talking with him a lot lately. 80 00:05:27,511 --> 00:05:29,656 Well, maybe that's why you shouldn't be giving me advice 81 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:30,973 in parenting, right? 82 00:05:31,057 --> 00:05:33,017 Fuck, Vicki. 83 00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,478 Can we just not blame each other right now? That's... 84 00:05:35,561 --> 00:05:37,438 [Vicky] Who's blaming who here? 85 00:05:37,521 --> 00:05:39,649 If I hardly ever see him, it's because he's supposed 86 00:05:39,732 --> 00:05:41,317 to come to L.A. for the holidays 87 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,402 but always finds a reason not to come. 88 00:05:43,486 --> 00:05:46,530 Well, that's not my fault, is it? 89 00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,908 [birds chirping] 90 00:06:05,758 --> 00:06:08,094 ♪♪ 91 00:06:22,525 --> 00:06:24,068 [David] Nic. 92 00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:25,319 [baby fussing] 93 00:06:25,403 --> 00:06:27,488 Here's your little brother. 94 00:06:28,781 --> 00:06:29,782 Tight. 95 00:06:29,865 --> 00:06:31,200 Just support his head. 96 00:06:31,283 --> 00:06:33,202 [whispering] 97 00:06:33,285 --> 00:06:35,454 [crying] 98 00:06:35,538 --> 00:06:38,374 [Nic and David laugh] 99 00:06:38,457 --> 00:06:40,376 Hi, Jasper. 100 00:06:40,459 --> 00:06:43,004 - Hi, little boy. [fussing] 101 00:06:46,215 --> 00:06:48,092 This is amazing. 102 00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:51,053 ♪♪ 103 00:06:51,137 --> 00:06:53,139 [laughs] He's sticking his tongue out. 104 00:06:53,222 --> 00:06:55,307 [laughing] 105 00:06:57,435 --> 00:06:59,520 Hi. Nice to meet you. 106 00:06:59,603 --> 00:07:01,522 - Bye. - Bye. 107 00:07:01,605 --> 00:07:03,357 - I'll miss you this summer. - Me, too. 108 00:07:03,441 --> 00:07:05,443 - Okay, write me. - Write me back. 109 00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:06,777 Work on your French. 110 00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:08,154 - Oui, madame. [chuckles] 111 00:07:08,237 --> 00:07:09,405 Have a great summer. 112 00:07:09,488 --> 00:07:11,407 And say hi to your mom. 113 00:07:13,659 --> 00:07:16,537 - Everything. - Everything. 114 00:07:22,835 --> 00:07:25,212 [engine whirring] 115 00:07:25,296 --> 00:07:27,214 ♪♪ 116 00:07:48,861 --> 00:07:50,780 ♪♪ 117 00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:15,930 [Daisy squealing] 118 00:08:21,018 --> 00:08:23,312 [dog barking] 119 00:08:23,395 --> 00:08:25,189 [Jasper] Ya! 120 00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:27,024 Come on. 121 00:08:30,694 --> 00:08:33,030 [Daisy and Jasper chattering in distance] 122 00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,955 [indistinct chatter and laughter in distance] 123 00:08:48,546 --> 00:08:50,256 [quietly] Hey. 124 00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:52,966 Where have you been? 125 00:08:53,008 --> 00:08:54,236 Yeah, I just need to sleep, all right? 126 00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:55,427 What have you been doing? 127 00:08:55,511 --> 00:08:57,391 I just need to sleep, all right? Leave me alone. 128 00:08:57,555 --> 00:09:00,766 Guys, go downstairs. 129 00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:03,435 I'll be there in a minute. 130 00:09:05,604 --> 00:09:07,523 [birds chirping] 131 00:09:23,914 --> 00:09:25,249 [retching] 132 00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:27,626 [coughing] 133 00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,635 Ow. 134 00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:49,440 Look, Man, I'm-I'm, uh... [sighs] 135 00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:53,861 I'm really sorry, all right? And-and I, uh... 136 00:09:53,944 --> 00:09:56,071 I fucked up, and it was a mistake, but... 137 00:09:56,155 --> 00:09:58,449 it was a one-time mistake, all right? I learned my lesson. 138 00:09:58,532 --> 00:10:01,869 I don't want to go through this shit again, all right? So... 139 00:10:01,952 --> 00:10:03,072 - Let's just go inside. - No. 140 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,288 They're professionals. 141 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,207 Let's just listen to what they have to say. 142 00:10:06,290 --> 00:10:08,083 Look, I'm 18, all right?! You can't force me! 143 00:10:08,167 --> 00:10:10,085 Hey. 144 00:10:12,254 --> 00:10:14,465 This got out of hand, right? 145 00:10:14,548 --> 00:10:16,175 Don't you think? 146 00:10:19,970 --> 00:10:21,889 Come on. 147 00:10:23,349 --> 00:10:24,433 All right. 148 00:10:24,516 --> 00:10:28,229 Okay. Okay. 149 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,859 I'm doing it for you. 150 00:10:42,493 --> 00:10:44,870 [indistinct chatter] 151 00:10:46,372 --> 00:10:48,666 [siren wailing in distance] 152 00:11:02,096 --> 00:11:04,473 He needs treatment. And fast. 153 00:11:04,556 --> 00:11:07,184 There's still a lot of drugs in his system. 154 00:11:07,268 --> 00:11:10,354 And, worst of all, he's in denial. 155 00:11:11,730 --> 00:11:13,899 Um, can you help him? 156 00:11:13,983 --> 00:11:16,110 [Therapist] Oh, yeah. I mean, 157 00:11:16,193 --> 00:11:19,113 a lot of the people here are not here by choice. 158 00:11:19,196 --> 00:11:21,490 And they have just as much chance as anybody. 159 00:11:21,573 --> 00:11:23,492 Okay. [clears throat] 160 00:11:23,575 --> 00:11:25,703 - So, we have a free bed. 161 00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:28,497 So, if you want, we can check him in for a 28-day treatment 162 00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:30,332 and then we evaluate. 163 00:11:32,042 --> 00:11:35,296 Um... what is your success rate? 164 00:11:35,379 --> 00:11:37,548 - On the high end, 80%. 165 00:11:37,631 --> 00:11:41,510 On the low end, 25%. 166 00:11:41,593 --> 00:11:44,471 Look, he will have daily consultations 167 00:11:44,555 --> 00:11:46,724 with a staff psychiatrist and physician. 168 00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:50,686 We have daily N.A. and A.A. meetings. 169 00:11:50,769 --> 00:11:53,105 He'll be monitored very closely. 170 00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:56,734 Thank you. 171 00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:59,945 And last page. 172 00:12:01,071 --> 00:12:03,198 Everything. 173 00:12:05,659 --> 00:12:07,995 [whispers]: Everything. 174 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,136 [indistinct chatter] 175 00:12:44,990 --> 00:12:47,284 ♪♪ 176 00:12:53,332 --> 00:12:56,293 [David] Why are you always in this room? 177 00:12:56,377 --> 00:12:58,504 You hardly ever come out of here. 178 00:12:58,587 --> 00:13:00,255 It's like you're a vampire. 179 00:13:01,965 --> 00:13:04,385 I read. 180 00:13:04,468 --> 00:13:06,970 I draw. 181 00:13:07,054 --> 00:13:09,556 You know what we should do? 182 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,600 We should go surfing. 183 00:13:11,683 --> 00:13:13,394 Yeah. 184 00:13:13,477 --> 00:13:15,270 That sound good? 185 00:13:15,354 --> 00:13:17,981 I'm kind of into other things now, you know? 186 00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:21,735 Reading misanthropes and seriously depressed writers. 187 00:13:21,819 --> 00:13:23,278 Oh, come on, they're... 188 00:13:23,362 --> 00:13:25,072 they're kind of great, though, right? 189 00:13:25,155 --> 00:13:26,155 I get it. 190 00:13:28,450 --> 00:13:30,619 It'll pass, though. 191 00:13:30,702 --> 00:13:32,579 It always does. 192 00:13:32,663 --> 00:13:34,540 What does? 193 00:13:34,623 --> 00:13:38,836 The feeling of being alienated and isolated. 194 00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,754 Huh, that really helps. 195 00:13:40,838 --> 00:13:42,798 Thanks for the advice, Dad. 196 00:13:43,882 --> 00:13:45,843 Okay. 197 00:13:46,969 --> 00:13:49,304 All right. That was... 198 00:13:49,388 --> 00:13:50,848 That came out wrong. I'm sorry. 199 00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:53,267 Mm-mm. 200 00:14:02,192 --> 00:14:04,653 NIC: All right. Your-your idea. 201 00:14:04,736 --> 00:14:06,738 Hey. 202 00:14:08,490 --> 00:14:10,701 [whispers] Hey, Dad. 203 00:14:10,784 --> 00:14:13,871 [Man] So, we feel he's made great progress. 204 00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:16,081 - Right, Nic? - Hi. -Hey. 205 00:14:16,165 --> 00:14:17,875 [Karen] That's great. [David] That's great. 206 00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,978 - So we should maybe talk about the coming weeks, Nic. 207 00:14:20,002 --> 00:14:22,463 Mm. I think I need to... I think I need 208 00:14:22,546 --> 00:14:24,631 a little bit more time in rehab. So if it's... 209 00:14:24,715 --> 00:14:26,967 if it's all right with you guys, I was wondering 210 00:14:27,050 --> 00:14:28,653 if I could stay in the halfway house here. 211 00:14:28,677 --> 00:14:33,098 - The halfway house is an open living facility 212 00:14:33,182 --> 00:14:35,100 with follow-up every night, 213 00:14:35,184 --> 00:14:38,562 and we would help him find a job. 214 00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,689 Right. I don't want to... 215 00:14:40,772 --> 00:14:45,777 go to college... right now. 216 00:14:45,861 --> 00:14:48,739 - Oh? Okay. Uh, um, and do what? 217 00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:52,284 I think I need to be independent. 218 00:14:54,786 --> 00:14:57,372 Dad, I'm telling you, this is... 219 00:14:59,416 --> 00:15:02,586 It's gonna be good. 220 00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:03,587 [David] What is he gonna do, 221 00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:05,547 make coffee for the rest of his life? 222 00:15:05,631 --> 00:15:06,983 [Karen] You know what, Frederick told me 223 00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:08,443 that they have friends that had a son 224 00:15:08,467 --> 00:15:10,445 that did a four-week program and that wasn't enough 225 00:15:10,469 --> 00:15:12,346 and now he's doing a year program. 226 00:15:12,429 --> 00:15:14,269 I wish you wouldn't talk to everybody about it. 227 00:15:17,142 --> 00:15:19,311 What does that got to do with anything? 228 00:15:19,394 --> 00:15:20,938 To protect Nic. I mean, at some point, 229 00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:22,814 he's gonna want to get on with his life. 230 00:15:22,898 --> 00:15:24,792 And maybe it's best that not everybody knows about this. 231 00:15:24,816 --> 00:15:26,109 Okay. 232 00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,572 Can we not make this about me? 233 00:15:30,656 --> 00:15:32,074 Uh... [sighs] All right. 234 00:15:32,157 --> 00:15:33,343 Look, Nic needs some more time. 235 00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:37,454 And that's fine. 236 00:15:37,538 --> 00:15:38,455 - Okay? - Okay. 237 00:15:38,539 --> 00:15:39,414 Okay? 238 00:15:39,498 --> 00:15:41,375 Yeah, okay. 239 00:15:41,458 --> 00:15:46,046 [children shouting indistinctly] 240 00:15:46,129 --> 00:15:48,215 [phone ringing] [dog barking] 241 00:15:48,298 --> 00:15:49,466 Shh. 242 00:15:49,550 --> 00:15:52,010 [dog continues barking] 243 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:55,764 David Sheff. 244 00:15:55,847 --> 00:15:56,908 [Woman on phone] Hi, Mr. Sheff. 245 00:15:56,932 --> 00:15:59,226 This is Annie Goldblum from the Ohlhoff Center. 246 00:15:59,309 --> 00:16:00,978 Oh, yes. Hi. Hello. 247 00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:02,729 [Annie] Listen, I am sorry to disturb you, 248 00:16:02,813 --> 00:16:05,899 but I need to inform you about Nic. 249 00:16:05,983 --> 00:16:08,151 Okay. 250 00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:10,737 - He left the facility today during free time, 251 00:16:10,821 --> 00:16:13,532 and he hasn't returned since. 252 00:16:13,615 --> 00:16:14,908 [sighs] 253 00:16:14,992 --> 00:16:16,243 - I'm sorry, Mr. Sheff, 254 00:16:16,326 --> 00:16:17,828 but please don't despair. 255 00:16:17,911 --> 00:16:19,997 This happens. 256 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,331 [sighs] 257 00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:24,918 But I... I thought you said he was doing so well. 258 00:16:25,002 --> 00:16:28,589 - You should think of this as part of the process. 259 00:16:28,672 --> 00:16:31,300 Relapse is a part of recovery. 260 00:16:31,383 --> 00:16:33,135 Relapse is part of recovery? 261 00:16:33,218 --> 00:16:35,554 Yeah. It-it's a part of Nic's learning process. 262 00:16:35,637 --> 00:16:37,931 Well, uh, that's... 263 00:16:38,015 --> 00:16:41,518 that's like saying crashing is part of pilot training. 264 00:16:41,602 --> 00:16:44,688 - Look, he'll be back, and probably really quick. 265 00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,499 [scoffs] Do you have somebody out looking for him? 266 00:16:46,523 --> 00:16:47,858 - It is not our responsibility 267 00:16:47,941 --> 00:16:49,484 once he leaves the facility. 268 00:16:49,568 --> 00:16:51,320 - Okay. - But he is welcome to... 269 00:16:51,403 --> 00:16:53,113 [phone beeps] 270 00:16:53,196 --> 00:16:56,158 ["Territorial Pissings" by Nirvana playing] 271 00:17:04,916 --> 00:17:07,002 ♪ When I was ♪ 272 00:17:07,085 --> 00:17:10,005 [young Nic singing along] ♪ An alien ♪ 273 00:17:10,088 --> 00:17:15,260 ♪ Cultures weren't opinions ♪ 274 00:17:15,344 --> 00:17:17,554 ♪ Gotta find a way, to find a way ♪ 275 00:17:17,638 --> 00:17:20,140 ♪ When I'm there ♪ 276 00:17:20,223 --> 00:17:22,809 ♪ Gotta find a way, a better way ♪ 277 00:17:22,893 --> 00:17:25,646 ♪ I'd better wait ♪ 278 00:17:25,729 --> 00:17:27,606 ♪♪ 279 00:17:27,689 --> 00:17:29,566 Excuse me. 280 00:17:29,650 --> 00:17:32,027 Have you seen a kid hanging out around here? 281 00:17:32,110 --> 00:17:33,904 - No. - No? 282 00:17:33,987 --> 00:17:36,239 Okay, thank you. 283 00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:41,119 ♪ Just because you're paranoid ♪ 284 00:17:41,203 --> 00:17:45,749 ♪ Don't mean they're not after you ♪ 285 00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:47,751 [music stops] 286 00:17:52,089 --> 00:17:54,424 ♪ Gotta find a way, a better way ♪ 287 00:17:54,508 --> 00:17:57,135 ♪ When I'm there ♪ 288 00:17:57,219 --> 00:17:59,346 ♪ Gotta find a way, a better way ♪ 289 00:17:59,429 --> 00:18:02,182 ♪ I'd better wait ♪ [thunder rumbles] 290 00:18:02,265 --> 00:18:05,185 ♪ Gotta find a way, a better way ♪ 291 00:18:05,268 --> 00:18:07,938 ♪ I'd better wait ♪ 292 00:18:08,021 --> 00:18:10,440 ♪ Gotta find a way, a better way ♪ 293 00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:13,068 ♪ When I'm there ♪ 294 00:18:13,151 --> 00:18:14,653 ♪ Gotta find a way ♪ 295 00:18:14,736 --> 00:18:17,406 ♪ Aah, aah! ♪ 296 00:18:17,489 --> 00:18:19,449 ♪ Aah! ♪ 297 00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:21,910 [song ends] [Nic retching] 298 00:18:21,993 --> 00:18:23,870 Wow. They don't want to deal with that. 299 00:18:23,954 --> 00:18:25,014 Hey, Dad, you want to smoke this? 300 00:18:25,038 --> 00:18:26,039 Hey, whoa. [Nic chuckling] 301 00:18:26,123 --> 00:18:27,541 Wait. What...? Stop. 302 00:18:27,624 --> 00:18:28,976 - Put that away. - We'll smoke this together. 303 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,961 No, no, no. No. Are you cra... 304 00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:32,438 - That's crazy. - Well, I know you smoke. 305 00:18:32,462 --> 00:18:34,422 - Y... Well, yeah. I... - So let's smoke together. 306 00:18:34,464 --> 00:18:35,924 No, no, no. Occasionally, like... 307 00:18:36,007 --> 00:18:37,193 - Look, let's smoke to... let's smoke together. 308 00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:38,135 - Listen. - Or I could just... 309 00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,278 You know what? - No, stop it, stop it. 310 00:18:39,302 --> 00:18:41,096 - Stop. Stop. - I'll just light it here a... 311 00:18:41,179 --> 00:18:42,949 You know what? You're right. I'll just light it here alone. 312 00:18:42,973 --> 00:18:44,349 [Nic laughs] - Don't. 313 00:18:44,433 --> 00:18:45,142 Occasionally, from time to time... 314 00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:46,143 - Yeah? 315 00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:47,704 - I will have a hit or two at a party, 316 00:18:47,728 --> 00:18:49,563 but it's been a while, so just... 317 00:18:49,646 --> 00:18:50,897 Oh, okay, so then just smoke... 318 00:18:50,981 --> 00:18:53,608 have-have a celebratory joint with your son. 319 00:18:53,692 --> 00:18:56,486 N-No. God, come on. [chuckles] 320 00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:58,196 No. No, you're amazing. 321 00:18:58,280 --> 00:18:59,823 You got... you applied to six colleges, 322 00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:00,949 you got into all of them? 323 00:19:01,032 --> 00:19:02,325 Yeah. 324 00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:04,244 Stop doubting yourself. 325 00:19:04,327 --> 00:19:05,954 Look at you. 326 00:19:07,164 --> 00:19:08,665 Give me that. Give me that. 327 00:19:13,336 --> 00:19:15,046 [laughing] - What? [laughs] 328 00:19:15,130 --> 00:19:16,882 Nice-nice hit. That was a good hit. 329 00:19:16,965 --> 00:19:18,800 [both laughing] 330 00:19:18,884 --> 00:19:20,927 - What? - Well... 331 00:19:22,471 --> 00:19:26,767 Thank you. This is a nice... 332 00:19:26,850 --> 00:19:28,935 thing to do. 333 00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:30,771 [muttering] 334 00:19:30,854 --> 00:19:32,814 You did a lot of drugs, right? 335 00:19:32,898 --> 00:19:34,775 I, uh... 336 00:19:34,858 --> 00:19:36,943 Yeah, I did my share. 337 00:19:37,027 --> 00:19:38,695 I experimented with some drugs. 338 00:19:38,779 --> 00:19:40,781 [laughs] I did. 339 00:19:40,864 --> 00:19:42,115 [both laugh] 340 00:19:42,199 --> 00:19:43,825 - But not harmless. - What, is this...? 341 00:19:43,909 --> 00:19:45,327 There was a guy, and... No, no. 342 00:19:45,410 --> 00:19:46,620 This is the lecture part? 343 00:19:46,703 --> 00:19:48,413 - Right? - [sighs] Yes. 344 00:19:48,497 --> 00:19:49,857 Dad, you worry too much, all right? 345 00:19:49,915 --> 00:19:51,666 - Everyone does it. - Just be careful. 346 00:19:51,750 --> 00:19:53,835 It's just a little pot. I'm just partying a little. 347 00:19:53,919 --> 00:19:56,421 It's just... you know, it's just once in a while. 348 00:19:56,505 --> 00:19:57,756 Mm-hmm. 349 00:19:57,839 --> 00:19:59,382 I deserve to party a little now. 350 00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:01,343 - "Deserve to party." - I do. 351 00:20:01,426 --> 00:20:04,387 Look, it just... it takes the edge off things. 352 00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:07,933 It-it... it-it takes the edge off of stupid all-day reality. 353 00:20:08,016 --> 00:20:10,352 ♪♪ 354 00:20:10,435 --> 00:20:12,270 Hmm. 355 00:20:12,354 --> 00:20:15,857 What is stupid about reality? 356 00:20:15,941 --> 00:20:17,442 You know, just like... 357 00:20:17,526 --> 00:20:21,863 like daily, stupid things that don't matter. 358 00:20:21,947 --> 00:20:23,573 - Okay. - [sighs] 359 00:20:23,657 --> 00:20:25,116 You cannot say dumb shit like that, 360 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,576 or you're gonna start believing it. 361 00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:28,495 Right. 362 00:20:28,578 --> 00:20:30,622 ["Sound and Vision" by David Bowie playing] 363 00:20:33,041 --> 00:20:35,168 ♪ Blue, blue, electric blue ♪ 364 00:20:35,252 --> 00:20:36,044 ♪ That's the color ♪ 365 00:20:36,127 --> 00:20:37,546 ♪ Of my room ♪ 366 00:20:37,629 --> 00:20:38,964 ♪ Where I will live ♪ 367 00:20:41,424 --> 00:20:43,218 ♪ Blue, blue ♪ 368 00:20:46,555 --> 00:20:48,765 ♪ Pale blinds drawn all day ♪ 369 00:20:48,849 --> 00:20:51,476 ♪ Nothing to do, nothing to say. ♪ 370 00:20:57,566 --> 00:20:59,693 Thanks for bringing that, Karen. 371 00:21:01,611 --> 00:21:03,321 [sighs] 372 00:21:05,532 --> 00:21:07,200 This is my home. 373 00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:11,121 [David] A couple of weeks ago, you told me 374 00:21:11,204 --> 00:21:14,666 that you had only done crystal meth once. 375 00:21:14,749 --> 00:21:17,627 And the story has to be bigger than that, right? 376 00:21:17,711 --> 00:21:19,838 - Mm-hmm. - There's more to it. 377 00:21:19,921 --> 00:21:21,131 Yeah? 378 00:21:21,214 --> 00:21:22,382 David. 379 00:21:22,465 --> 00:21:23,508 [David] We need to know. 380 00:21:24,634 --> 00:21:26,469 We need to know. 381 00:21:30,056 --> 00:21:32,392 I think I always liked it. 382 00:21:32,475 --> 00:21:34,394 What? 383 00:21:35,979 --> 00:21:38,773 Anything. Pot, alcohol, 384 00:21:38,857 --> 00:21:41,943 Ecstasy, cocaine, LSD. 385 00:21:42,027 --> 00:21:43,445 [Nic sighs] 386 00:21:43,528 --> 00:21:45,822 And you've been doing all of that 387 00:21:45,906 --> 00:21:47,866 for what... years? 388 00:21:47,949 --> 00:21:49,868 A couple years, yeah. 389 00:21:51,161 --> 00:21:52,537 And crystal meth? 390 00:21:53,997 --> 00:21:55,957 Just a couple months. 391 00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:58,710 Wh-Why? 392 00:22:01,421 --> 00:22:02,421 I don't know. 393 00:22:02,464 --> 00:22:04,382 Um... 394 00:22:09,304 --> 00:22:12,057 When I tried it, I felt... 395 00:22:17,479 --> 00:22:20,899 I felt better than I ever had, so... 396 00:22:20,982 --> 00:22:23,318 I just kept on doing it. 397 00:22:23,401 --> 00:22:26,571 I was worried that you were smoking too much pot. 398 00:22:26,655 --> 00:22:31,117 Meanwhile, you're out doing every drug on the planet? 399 00:22:31,201 --> 00:22:36,414 And hiding it and lying? Why? 400 00:22:38,875 --> 00:22:39,875 - I don't know. Um... 401 00:22:39,918 --> 00:22:41,628 - Why Nic, tell me why? 402 00:22:41,711 --> 00:22:42,754 [Karen] Ease up. 403 00:22:42,837 --> 00:22:44,547 - I don't know. - I thought we were close. 404 00:22:44,631 --> 00:22:46,651 I thought we were closer than most fathers and sons. 405 00:22:46,675 --> 00:22:49,052 Yeah, I feel like you're always disappointed in me. 406 00:22:49,135 --> 00:22:50,196 You're disappointed I didn't go to college. 407 00:22:50,220 --> 00:22:51,471 - Can you blame me?! 408 00:22:51,554 --> 00:22:53,139 Just, uh, not too long ago, 409 00:22:53,223 --> 00:22:54,867 you were reading and you were writing, and you were on 410 00:22:54,891 --> 00:22:57,060 the water polo team. 411 00:22:57,143 --> 00:22:58,520 And look at us now. 412 00:22:58,603 --> 00:22:59,664 - Dad... - Can you please stop? 413 00:22:59,688 --> 00:23:01,040 - This isn't us. This is not who we are. 414 00:23:01,064 --> 00:23:03,358 [Karen] Just, please, both of you, stop. 415 00:23:03,441 --> 00:23:05,193 Dad, I'm really sorry about everything. 416 00:23:07,988 --> 00:23:09,739 Dad, I'm so... 417 00:23:12,909 --> 00:23:14,369 I'm really sorry, Dad. 418 00:23:16,788 --> 00:23:19,040 [David sighs] 419 00:23:19,124 --> 00:23:20,375 - Nic, what you have... 420 00:23:22,377 --> 00:23:24,045 ...you're gonna find it again. 421 00:23:26,339 --> 00:23:27,966 [exhales] 422 00:23:28,049 --> 00:23:29,509 - And you're gonna get it back. 423 00:23:30,301 --> 00:23:32,137 ♪ Long afloat on ♪ 424 00:23:32,220 --> 00:23:33,722 Ow, ow, ow. 425 00:23:33,805 --> 00:23:35,598 - Ow. There you go. - ♪ Shipless oceans ♪ 426 00:23:35,682 --> 00:23:37,267 [dog barking] 427 00:23:37,350 --> 00:23:40,895 ♪ I did all my best ♪ 428 00:23:40,979 --> 00:23:42,772 ♪ To smile ♪ 429 00:23:44,524 --> 00:23:47,318 ♪ Till your singing ♪ 430 00:23:47,402 --> 00:23:49,821 ♪ Eyes and fingers ♪ 431 00:23:51,281 --> 00:23:54,784 ♪ Drew me loving ♪ 432 00:23:54,868 --> 00:23:58,121 ♪ To your isle ♪ 433 00:23:58,204 --> 00:23:59,581 ♪ And you sang ♪ 434 00:24:01,583 --> 00:24:03,418 ♪ Sail to me ♪ 435 00:24:04,961 --> 00:24:06,463 ♪ Sail to me ♪ 436 00:24:06,546 --> 00:24:09,966 ♪ Let me enfold you. ♪ 437 00:24:11,176 --> 00:24:12,969 [David] Nic! 438 00:24:22,896 --> 00:24:24,814 Nic! 439 00:24:26,191 --> 00:24:27,484 Nic! 440 00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:30,987 Nic! 441 00:24:41,414 --> 00:24:43,374 Nic! 442 00:24:45,126 --> 00:24:47,045 [seagulls squawking] 443 00:24:49,672 --> 00:24:52,550 [whooping] 444 00:24:52,634 --> 00:24:54,135 [laughing] 445 00:24:58,139 --> 00:24:59,516 [Nic] Hey, Dad. 446 00:24:59,599 --> 00:25:01,267 [David on phone]Hey. 447 00:25:01,351 --> 00:25:02,811 How's New York? 448 00:25:02,894 --> 00:25:04,104 Fine. Good. 449 00:25:04,187 --> 00:25:05,480 Good interview today. 450 00:25:05,563 --> 00:25:06,898 - Nice. - How are you? 451 00:25:06,981 --> 00:25:09,526 Oh, I'm-I'm doing good. Yeah. 452 00:25:09,609 --> 00:25:11,152 Yeah? You sure? 453 00:25:11,236 --> 00:25:12,987 Yeah. I don't... well... 454 00:25:13,071 --> 00:25:14,781 What? 455 00:25:14,864 --> 00:25:16,366 It's, uh... 456 00:25:16,449 --> 00:25:17,867 What's going on? 457 00:25:17,951 --> 00:25:20,787 Uh, we had this great group session, 458 00:25:20,870 --> 00:25:23,414 and one of the guys here was saying he would do anything 459 00:25:23,498 --> 00:25:25,542 for a chance to go to college, but he can't. 460 00:25:25,625 --> 00:25:27,545 - Okay. -And when we were talking later, he said, 461 00:25:27,627 --> 00:25:29,796 "You could still go to college. Don't be an idiot. 462 00:25:29,879 --> 00:25:31,756 Go to college." 463 00:25:33,049 --> 00:25:34,592 I don't know, it's just crazy. 464 00:25:34,676 --> 00:25:37,637 I realized I don't think I should stay behind. 465 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:38,847 I love writing. 466 00:25:38,930 --> 00:25:41,391 And I feel like I'm good at it, 467 00:25:41,474 --> 00:25:44,227 and I do it a lot, but... 468 00:25:44,310 --> 00:25:47,063 obviously, there's still a lot 469 00:25:47,147 --> 00:25:49,399 for-for me to learn and... 470 00:25:51,067 --> 00:25:53,278 Anyway, um... 471 00:25:53,361 --> 00:25:56,114 I'd love to give it a go, if... 472 00:25:56,197 --> 00:25:58,908 you know, if it's all right with you guys. 473 00:26:01,828 --> 00:26:05,290 Yeah. I'll talk to Karen and to your mom. 474 00:26:06,416 --> 00:26:08,168 Back here. 475 00:26:08,251 --> 00:26:10,170 [quiet, indistinct conversation] 476 00:26:13,756 --> 00:26:15,675 [indistinct conversation] 477 00:26:26,311 --> 00:26:28,188 [indistinct talking, laughing nearby] 478 00:26:31,441 --> 00:26:32,984 Have you met your roommate yet? 479 00:26:33,067 --> 00:26:34,235 Yeah, he seems nice. 480 00:26:34,319 --> 00:26:36,279 He's just in the hall. 481 00:26:36,362 --> 00:26:37,572 I feel for you, though. 482 00:26:37,655 --> 00:26:39,032 [Nic laughs] 483 00:26:39,115 --> 00:26:40,366 Ouch. 484 00:26:40,450 --> 00:26:41,951 No worries. I'll educate him. 485 00:26:42,035 --> 00:26:43,745 [David laughs] 486 00:26:43,828 --> 00:26:45,955 Before you know it, he'll be listening to John Zorn. 487 00:26:46,039 --> 00:26:47,832 Ah. 488 00:26:50,168 --> 00:26:52,086 [sighs] 489 00:26:56,382 --> 00:26:58,384 Well, I better get going. 490 00:26:58,468 --> 00:26:59,969 All right. 491 00:27:11,898 --> 00:27:15,693 - Everything. - Everything. 492 00:27:15,777 --> 00:27:17,695 [indistinct chatter] [wheels rattling] 493 00:27:30,124 --> 00:27:32,835 [Nic] So, this is a poem by Charles Bukowski. 494 00:27:36,714 --> 00:27:40,385 Uh, this man saved my life multiple times, so... 495 00:27:40,468 --> 00:27:43,096 I changed jobs and cities, 496 00:27:43,179 --> 00:27:44,931 I hated holidays, 497 00:27:45,014 --> 00:27:46,307 babies, history, 498 00:27:46,391 --> 00:27:51,271 newspapers, museums, grandmothers, 499 00:27:51,354 --> 00:27:54,482 marriage, movies, spiders... 500 00:27:54,565 --> 00:27:56,165 - I want to see it, I want to see it! Oh! 501 00:27:56,234 --> 00:27:57,151 - ...garbage men, 502 00:27:57,235 --> 00:27:59,028 - English accents... - Nice. Go, go, go! 503 00:27:59,112 --> 00:28:01,489 ...Spain, France, 504 00:28:01,572 --> 00:28:06,286 Italy, walnuts and the color orange. 505 00:28:06,369 --> 00:28:10,832 Algebra angered me, opera sickened me, 506 00:28:10,915 --> 00:28:12,542 Charlie Chaplin was a fake 507 00:28:12,625 --> 00:28:14,711 and flowers were for pansies. 508 00:28:19,632 --> 00:28:21,551 Thanks. 509 00:28:25,763 --> 00:28:27,682 [conversing indistinctly] 510 00:28:29,767 --> 00:28:32,478 ["Svefn-g-englar" by Sigur Rós playing] 511 00:28:37,317 --> 00:28:40,194 [laughs] - Come here. 512 00:28:40,278 --> 00:28:42,196 ♪♪ 513 00:28:45,825 --> 00:28:47,869 Mm. 514 00:28:47,952 --> 00:28:50,496 Hi. [laughs] 515 00:28:57,503 --> 00:28:59,797 [giggles] 516 00:28:59,881 --> 00:29:02,133 ["Svefn-g-englar" continues, with singing in Icelandic] 517 00:29:02,216 --> 00:29:05,094 [indistinct chatter] 518 00:29:05,178 --> 00:29:07,847 ♪♪ 519 00:29:07,930 --> 00:29:09,849 [indistinct chatter] 520 00:29:12,268 --> 00:29:13,936 Where's your bathroom? 521 00:29:14,020 --> 00:29:15,247 Hey, is there a bathroom I can use? 522 00:29:15,271 --> 00:29:16,522 [Woman] Sure, honey. 523 00:29:16,606 --> 00:29:18,646 I'll show you where it is. Go right up, to the left. 524 00:29:18,691 --> 00:29:21,194 ♪♪ 525 00:29:33,206 --> 00:29:35,124 ♪♪ 526 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:42,799 [indistinct chatter, laughter] 527 00:29:50,348 --> 00:29:51,933 ♪♪ 528 00:30:05,321 --> 00:30:06,948 [laughs] 529 00:30:13,454 --> 00:30:15,373 [indistinct chatter continues] 530 00:30:18,918 --> 00:30:20,837 ♪♪ 531 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:22,880 [phone ringing] 532 00:30:22,964 --> 00:30:24,882 ♪♪ 533 00:30:24,966 --> 00:30:26,884 [phone ringing] 534 00:30:31,222 --> 00:30:33,558 - Hey, Dad. - [David on phone] Hey, Nic. 535 00:30:33,641 --> 00:30:35,309 How you doing? What's going on? 536 00:30:35,393 --> 00:30:36,829 Oh, no, everything's going great here, yeah. 537 00:30:36,853 --> 00:30:38,247 Oh, hey, thanks for sending the money. 538 00:30:38,271 --> 00:30:39,355 I really appreciate that. 539 00:30:39,439 --> 00:30:41,357 ♪♪ 540 00:30:52,618 --> 00:30:54,787 ♪♪ 541 00:31:09,218 --> 00:31:11,596 ♪♪ 542 00:31:25,693 --> 00:31:27,612 ♪♪ 543 00:31:42,251 --> 00:31:45,171 [laughter nearby] 544 00:31:45,254 --> 00:31:48,633 [indistinct chatter] 545 00:31:48,716 --> 00:31:50,635 ♪♪ 546 00:31:58,935 --> 00:32:01,020 [chiming quietly] 547 00:32:06,025 --> 00:32:08,569 [David] [chuckles] Yeah, you always hog the fondue. 548 00:32:08,653 --> 00:32:11,072 Oh, uh, Patrick and Phil are going hiking tomorrow, 549 00:32:11,155 --> 00:32:14,158 so they'd like us to join them. 550 00:32:14,242 --> 00:32:16,160 ♪♪ 551 00:32:16,244 --> 00:32:18,496 [mouthing] 552 00:32:18,579 --> 00:32:21,123 Are Jasper and Daisy here, by any...? 553 00:32:21,207 --> 00:32:22,375 - They're not here. - No? 554 00:32:22,458 --> 00:32:23,936 - No. - Oh, they didn't want to see me? 555 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:25,145 - No, they didn't want to see you. 556 00:32:25,169 --> 00:32:26,249 - Oh, that's tough to hear. 557 00:32:26,295 --> 00:32:29,757 Uh, well, I'm gonna just have a seat on this couch 558 00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:30,716 and think about that, huh? 559 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:32,718 - Oh! - Whoa! Whoa! 560 00:32:32,802 --> 00:32:35,429 Oh, my God! Oh, my God, it's Daisy! 561 00:32:35,513 --> 00:32:37,223 Oh, Jasper! 562 00:32:37,306 --> 00:32:40,101 Oh, my God, you guys have gotten so much bigger! 563 00:32:40,184 --> 00:32:42,853 Oh! Oh, my God, you're so...! [yells] 564 00:32:44,689 --> 00:32:46,691 - [David] Okay. - Denmark, 1632. 565 00:32:46,774 --> 00:32:48,484 - Oh, no. - We... 566 00:32:48,568 --> 00:32:52,405 Like to look back at the history of Hula-Hoops. 567 00:32:52,488 --> 00:32:55,241 [Nic] So important to, uh, 568 00:32:55,324 --> 00:32:57,118 the culture of peace and wisdom. 569 00:32:57,201 --> 00:33:00,955 [David] Um, a man named George... Hoopulu. 570 00:33:01,038 --> 00:33:04,041 [laughter] - Was, uh... was, uh... 571 00:33:04,125 --> 00:33:05,751 And he thought... 572 00:33:05,835 --> 00:33:08,296 [mock Danish accent] "Well, I'm going to 573 00:33:08,379 --> 00:33:09,880 develop something that I..." 574 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:17,013 Hey. 575 00:33:17,096 --> 00:33:19,932 - Hey. Uh... [sighs] 576 00:33:20,016 --> 00:33:23,477 Hey. Um... 577 00:33:23,561 --> 00:33:25,747 I was wondering, do you think I could use your car tonight? 578 00:33:25,771 --> 00:33:27,982 'Cause I just... I want to go to a meeting. 579 00:33:28,065 --> 00:33:29,900 - Oh. You got a meeting tonight? 580 00:33:29,984 --> 00:33:31,819 - Yeah, sure. 581 00:33:35,990 --> 00:33:37,241 Y-You good? 582 00:33:37,325 --> 00:33:39,660 [chuckles softly] Yeah. I just... 583 00:33:40,328 --> 00:33:41,203 - They're crazy. - Yeah. 584 00:33:41,287 --> 00:33:42,788 They're really excited you're home. 585 00:33:45,833 --> 00:33:47,436 - I mean, I'll see you in the morning, I guess. 586 00:33:47,460 --> 00:33:49,337 - Okay. 587 00:33:50,713 --> 00:33:52,715 All right. 588 00:34:05,311 --> 00:34:07,271 [rock instrumental playing] 589 00:34:14,737 --> 00:34:16,530 Yep! Mm! 590 00:34:16,614 --> 00:34:20,117 [mumbling incoherently] 591 00:34:25,122 --> 00:34:28,167 ♪♪ 592 00:34:30,586 --> 00:34:32,463 [distorted whirr of passing car] 593 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:37,551 [inhales] 594 00:34:39,220 --> 00:34:40,888 [Jasper] Where is it?! 595 00:34:40,971 --> 00:34:42,473 [Daisy] I don't have it! 596 00:34:42,556 --> 00:34:44,016 [Jasper] Where is it?! 597 00:34:44,100 --> 00:34:45,518 [Daisy] I don't have it! 598 00:34:45,601 --> 00:34:48,062 [David] Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. 599 00:34:48,145 --> 00:34:49,772 [Jasper] Where is it?! 600 00:34:49,855 --> 00:34:50,957 [David] Guys, guys, stop it. 601 00:34:50,981 --> 00:34:52,108 [Daisy] I don't know! 602 00:34:52,191 --> 00:34:53,251 [David] Stop. Calm down. What's going on in here? 603 00:34:53,275 --> 00:34:54,652 [Jasper] She took my money! 604 00:34:54,735 --> 00:34:55,861 [Daisy] [sobbing] I didn't. 605 00:34:55,945 --> 00:34:58,072 [David] Okay, all right. Come on, go downstairs 606 00:34:58,155 --> 00:34:59,841 - and see Mommy, all right? - You took them! 607 00:34:59,865 --> 00:35:01,784 [sobbing]Don't, don't, don't. Stop, stop. 608 00:35:01,867 --> 00:35:04,829 - I didn't take it, Daddy. - I know you didn't. All right. 609 00:35:04,912 --> 00:35:07,540 Just go downstairs and have some breakfast. 610 00:35:07,623 --> 00:35:08,708 Hey, what happened? 611 00:35:08,791 --> 00:35:10,376 [Jasper shuddering] 612 00:35:10,459 --> 00:35:11,752 They're gone. 613 00:35:11,836 --> 00:35:14,296 Okay. Are you sure you had it in there? 614 00:35:14,380 --> 00:35:17,049 - Yeah. I had them yesterday. - Okay. 615 00:35:24,849 --> 00:35:26,851 Jasper's savings disappeared. 616 00:35:28,978 --> 00:35:30,438 Yeah? That's weird. 617 00:35:36,527 --> 00:35:38,237 Did you take his eight dollars? 618 00:35:40,948 --> 00:35:42,324 [laughs] What? 619 00:35:42,408 --> 00:35:43,451 You heard me. 620 00:35:44,034 --> 00:35:46,287 Why would I? 621 00:35:46,370 --> 00:35:48,456 It disappeared, and somebody has to have done it. 622 00:35:48,539 --> 00:35:50,666 Right, so it's me. 623 00:35:50,750 --> 00:35:53,335 This is fucking ridiculous. 624 00:35:53,419 --> 00:35:56,297 [stammers, sighs] Are you using again? 625 00:35:56,380 --> 00:35:59,425 Am I using again? No. 626 00:36:01,010 --> 00:36:03,721 Are you high right now? 627 00:36:03,804 --> 00:36:05,389 What the f...? No. 628 00:36:05,473 --> 00:36:07,475 - Fuck you. - "Fuck you"? 629 00:36:07,558 --> 00:36:08,976 Don't talk to me that way. 630 00:36:09,059 --> 00:36:10,603 Are you high right now? 631 00:36:10,686 --> 00:36:11,979 No. 632 00:36:12,062 --> 00:36:13,606 You're not using right now? 633 00:36:13,689 --> 00:36:14,982 Are you using? 634 00:36:15,065 --> 00:36:18,736 No, Dad, I'm not fucking high right now! 635 00:36:18,819 --> 00:36:20,696 Okay. 636 00:36:24,074 --> 00:36:27,369 Listen, it was a gamble to send you to college. 637 00:36:27,453 --> 00:36:30,164 Everybody supported it. 638 00:36:30,247 --> 00:36:32,124 I'm glad that you went. 639 00:36:33,375 --> 00:36:35,836 Relapse is a part of rec... 640 00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:37,797 Relapse is part of recovery. 641 00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:41,717 - So we're gonna get... - I better leave. 642 00:36:50,226 --> 00:36:52,686 - David? - Hey. 643 00:36:52,770 --> 00:36:55,564 Just... where-where are you gonna go? 644 00:36:55,648 --> 00:36:57,983 You can't just leave. This is ridiculous. 645 00:36:58,067 --> 00:36:59,401 - Come on. - Will you talk to us? 646 00:36:59,485 --> 00:37:01,087 I mean, really... we just want to talk to you. 647 00:37:01,111 --> 00:37:03,656 Why don't... Try to help us understand. 648 00:37:03,739 --> 00:37:05,175 - Or just let us help you. - All right? 649 00:37:05,199 --> 00:37:06,676 I don't want your fucking help. Don't you understand that? 650 00:37:06,700 --> 00:37:08,202 - No. - No, you don't. Jesus Christ, 651 00:37:08,285 --> 00:37:09,930 then what the fuck is wrong with you, then, huh? 652 00:37:09,954 --> 00:37:11,264 - What the hell is wrong with you people? 653 00:37:11,288 --> 00:37:12,331 - Nic. 654 00:37:12,414 --> 00:37:13,517 - No! You fucking suffocate me. - Hey. 655 00:37:13,541 --> 00:37:14,333 - Oh... - You fucking suffocate me! 656 00:37:14,416 --> 00:37:16,836 Whoa, it's us? We're the problem? 657 00:37:16,919 --> 00:37:18,605 No. You know what, you're the one who's doing it! 658 00:37:18,629 --> 00:37:20,756 You're the one who's causing it! 659 00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:23,467 And you're the only one who can stop it! 660 00:37:23,551 --> 00:37:24,635 Fucking solve it! 661 00:37:46,490 --> 00:37:48,409 [grunts] 662 00:37:53,330 --> 00:37:54,330 Fuck! 663 00:37:55,416 --> 00:37:56,834 Fuck! 664 00:37:58,752 --> 00:37:59,837 [sniffs] 665 00:38:19,523 --> 00:38:21,442 ♪♪ 666 00:38:31,410 --> 00:38:33,370 [David sighs] 667 00:38:38,667 --> 00:38:40,419 [turns page] 668 00:38:53,724 --> 00:38:55,643 ♪♪ 669 00:39:14,495 --> 00:39:17,206 ♪♪ 670 00:39:38,435 --> 00:39:40,354 ♪♪ 671 00:39:49,905 --> 00:39:52,324 DR. BROWN: So, this is for the, uh, 672 00:39:52,408 --> 00:39:53,993 "New York Times Magazine"? 673 00:39:54,076 --> 00:39:55,786 Oh, no. 674 00:39:55,869 --> 00:39:57,162 I'm a... I-I write. 675 00:39:57,246 --> 00:39:58,706 I freelance for different magazines, 676 00:39:58,789 --> 00:40:01,792 but this is... this is a personal matter. 677 00:40:01,875 --> 00:40:04,003 - A personal matter? - Yes. I'm sorry. 678 00:40:04,086 --> 00:40:06,338 - Is that okay? -Uh, no, it's absolutely okay. 679 00:40:06,422 --> 00:40:08,215 May I ask what-what this is regarding? 680 00:40:08,298 --> 00:40:10,718 Uh, it's about my son. 681 00:40:10,801 --> 00:40:12,720 Okay. 682 00:40:15,806 --> 00:40:18,934 [David] He's been doing all sorts of drugs, 683 00:40:19,018 --> 00:40:20,853 but he's addicted to crystal meth, 684 00:40:20,936 --> 00:40:24,690 which seems, uh, to be the worst of all of them. 685 00:40:24,773 --> 00:40:26,984 And I guess I'm here 686 00:40:27,067 --> 00:40:30,738 because I just want to know all that I can 687 00:40:30,821 --> 00:40:33,741 about all of it. 688 00:40:33,824 --> 00:40:36,326 So, uh, crystal meth, uh, 689 00:40:36,410 --> 00:40:38,250 gives the user a feeling of instant euphoria... 690 00:40:38,328 --> 00:40:40,831 at least, when he takes it. 691 00:40:40,914 --> 00:40:42,100 You know, but when it wears off, 692 00:40:42,124 --> 00:40:43,876 with a depletion of as much as 60% 693 00:40:43,959 --> 00:40:46,837 of the dopamine, the user has to up the doses. 694 00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:50,883 He has to double it, triple it just to feel something, 695 00:40:50,966 --> 00:40:53,093 causing even more nerve damage, 696 00:40:53,177 --> 00:40:56,972 which, uh, increases the compulsion to use. 697 00:40:57,056 --> 00:40:58,557 Horrible cycle. 698 00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:00,559 [typing] 699 00:41:00,642 --> 00:41:02,770 - What's up? - Hey. 700 00:41:02,853 --> 00:41:05,481 Just doing some research. 701 00:41:22,956 --> 00:41:24,875 ♪♪ 702 00:41:32,758 --> 00:41:34,676 Hi. 703 00:41:40,808 --> 00:41:42,851 Are you hungry? 704 00:41:42,935 --> 00:41:46,021 You want to get something? 705 00:41:46,105 --> 00:41:48,690 Most guys just ask me for a blow job. [chuckles] 706 00:41:48,774 --> 00:41:52,277 Oh, no. No, I'm just offering something to eat. 707 00:41:52,361 --> 00:41:54,696 Maybe talk a little, if you're up to it. 708 00:41:54,780 --> 00:41:58,117 [Dr. Brown] Meth changes the brain physically. 709 00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,536 Here we see the loss of dopamine receptors 710 00:42:00,619 --> 00:42:02,579 in a meth user's brain. 711 00:42:02,663 --> 00:42:05,124 Now, I'm gonna show you something else here. 712 00:42:05,207 --> 00:42:08,919 Do you see, uh, right here there are these two red, uh... 713 00:42:09,002 --> 00:42:10,546 - large, red spots right here? - Yeah. 714 00:42:10,629 --> 00:42:13,340 Okay, what that shows is hyperactivity in the amygdala. 715 00:42:13,423 --> 00:42:15,300 And the amygdala is a region of the brain 716 00:42:15,384 --> 00:42:17,803 that is linked with anxiety and fear. 717 00:42:17,886 --> 00:42:19,930 Here the amygdala is screaming. 718 00:42:23,767 --> 00:42:25,769 What this shows us 719 00:42:25,853 --> 00:42:28,147 is that there is a biological basis, 720 00:42:28,230 --> 00:42:31,942 uh, that meth users may be unable... 721 00:42:32,025 --> 00:42:34,069 not unwilling, but unable... 722 00:42:34,153 --> 00:42:37,364 to participate in normal treatment programs. 723 00:42:37,447 --> 00:42:38,866 [Girl] I was in rehab, too. 724 00:42:40,075 --> 00:42:41,535 Three times. 725 00:42:41,618 --> 00:42:44,037 Ran away every time. [chuckles] 726 00:42:44,121 --> 00:42:46,540 Why? 727 00:42:46,623 --> 00:42:48,750 It was hell. 728 00:42:48,834 --> 00:42:51,170 Wanted to die. 729 00:42:51,253 --> 00:42:53,172 Why was it hell? 730 00:42:53,255 --> 00:42:56,049 All that God shit. 731 00:42:56,133 --> 00:42:58,051 Also, you just don't know how good it gets 732 00:42:58,135 --> 00:43:00,053 when it gets good. 733 00:43:00,137 --> 00:43:02,181 It's hard to explain. 734 00:43:02,264 --> 00:43:04,099 Feels like cocaine 735 00:43:04,183 --> 00:43:05,684 but multiplied by, like, a thousand. 736 00:43:05,767 --> 00:43:07,436 Or, like, a million. 737 00:43:07,519 --> 00:43:10,063 [David] What does this mean for Nic? 738 00:43:10,147 --> 00:43:12,065 Look, Mr. Sheff, I... 739 00:43:12,149 --> 00:43:15,027 I don't know who promised you what, 740 00:43:15,110 --> 00:43:19,031 but the success percentage is in the single digits. 741 00:43:19,114 --> 00:43:20,949 [exhales, chuckles] 742 00:43:21,033 --> 00:43:22,326 Okay. 743 00:43:24,453 --> 00:43:27,206 What about your parents? 744 00:43:27,289 --> 00:43:29,416 - What about them? 745 00:43:29,499 --> 00:43:32,252 - Don't you think they're worried about you? 746 00:43:32,336 --> 00:43:34,755 Shouldn't you... 747 00:43:34,838 --> 00:43:37,090 let them know that... 748 00:43:37,174 --> 00:43:39,426 - They don't care. 749 00:43:39,509 --> 00:43:42,763 - Well, I think they do. 750 00:43:43,889 --> 00:43:46,808 What the fuck do you know? 751 00:43:53,690 --> 00:43:55,609 I gotta go. 752 00:43:55,692 --> 00:43:58,779 Oh. Okay. 753 00:44:02,157 --> 00:44:04,660 Thanks. 754 00:44:09,790 --> 00:44:11,708 [indistinct chatter] 755 00:44:22,344 --> 00:44:25,097 - Hey! - Hey! Hey, now! 756 00:44:25,180 --> 00:44:27,599 [indistinct chatter continues] 757 00:44:33,897 --> 00:44:35,857 [indistinct chatter] 758 00:44:46,034 --> 00:44:48,328 [crickets chirping] 759 00:45:05,971 --> 00:45:07,889 [sighs] 760 00:45:14,813 --> 00:45:18,066 [sniffs] 761 00:45:18,150 --> 00:45:20,485 [grunting] 762 00:45:22,195 --> 00:45:23,613 God. 763 00:45:41,340 --> 00:45:43,300 [jazz playing] 764 00:45:55,729 --> 00:45:57,064 [computer chimes] 765 00:45:57,147 --> 00:45:58,732 [sighs] 766 00:45:59,816 --> 00:46:01,735 [computer chimes] 767 00:46:06,406 --> 00:46:08,533 ♪♪ 768 00:46:29,846 --> 00:46:32,724 [takes deep breath] 769 00:46:44,861 --> 00:46:46,738 [indistinct chatter] 770 00:46:52,452 --> 00:46:54,329 [David] I'm gonna try some Klingon on you. 771 00:46:54,413 --> 00:46:55,455 Ready? 772 00:46:56,748 --> 00:47:00,043 [speaking mock Klingon] 773 00:47:04,131 --> 00:47:06,258 - You know what I said? - May I have a Coca-Cola? 774 00:47:06,341 --> 00:47:07,926 Exactly. [both laugh] 775 00:47:08,009 --> 00:47:09,803 [David chuckling] That's it. 776 00:47:09,886 --> 00:47:11,805 That's exactly what I asked. 777 00:47:11,888 --> 00:47:13,265 Can I have a Coca-Cola? 778 00:47:13,348 --> 00:47:15,183 All right. If you ask me in Klingon, 779 00:47:15,267 --> 00:47:17,185 maybe I'll get you a Coke. 780 00:47:18,353 --> 00:47:20,272 [speaking mock Klingon] 781 00:47:34,828 --> 00:47:36,872 Hey. 782 00:47:49,468 --> 00:47:51,344 Oh, wow. 783 00:47:52,888 --> 00:47:55,056 [chuckles] This hasn't changed at all. 784 00:47:55,140 --> 00:47:58,143 [laughs] This place. 785 00:47:59,519 --> 00:48:01,188 - Hey. - So, how you doing? 786 00:48:01,271 --> 00:48:02,606 I'm doing great. 787 00:48:02,689 --> 00:48:04,816 You know, just, um... 788 00:48:04,900 --> 00:48:06,651 um... 789 00:48:06,735 --> 00:48:08,612 just doing what needs to be done. 790 00:48:09,696 --> 00:48:11,490 What does that mean? 791 00:48:11,573 --> 00:48:15,285 Just being responsible for myself and... 792 00:48:15,368 --> 00:48:17,496 I've quit on my own, you know, so... 793 00:48:17,579 --> 00:48:19,664 I got five days now. 794 00:48:21,374 --> 00:48:23,543 I feel like I'm doing well, but I just need, um... 795 00:48:23,627 --> 00:48:26,755 I just need a few hundred bucks, though. 796 00:48:26,838 --> 00:48:28,465 Nic, I can't give you any money. 797 00:48:30,550 --> 00:48:32,469 Yeah. 798 00:48:32,552 --> 00:48:34,721 Okay. 799 00:48:34,804 --> 00:48:36,473 It's just 200 bucks. I just need, um... 800 00:48:36,556 --> 00:48:38,058 I just need to get some shit together. 801 00:48:38,141 --> 00:48:39,351 I want to go to New York. 802 00:48:39,434 --> 00:48:41,645 - New York? - Yeah. 803 00:48:41,728 --> 00:48:43,522 I need to get out of San Francisco. 804 00:48:43,605 --> 00:48:45,232 There's too Many... 805 00:48:45,315 --> 00:48:47,108 [laughing] All these fucking bad vibes here 806 00:48:47,192 --> 00:48:50,070 all the time. 807 00:48:50,153 --> 00:48:51,988 Yeah, I just need a few hundred bucks. 808 00:48:52,072 --> 00:48:54,366 Why don't we just have lunch and talk? 809 00:48:54,449 --> 00:48:56,952 - We can do that, right? - Mm. Hmm. 810 00:49:02,999 --> 00:49:05,627 How... how's Karen and, uh... and the kids? 811 00:49:05,710 --> 00:49:09,089 Okay. They ask about you. 812 00:49:09,172 --> 00:49:12,008 It's their step-up next week, and I know they'd love you... 813 00:49:12,092 --> 00:49:13,986 Dad, you're, uh... you're guilt-tripping me, all right? 814 00:49:14,010 --> 00:49:15,387 No, I'm just saying... 815 00:49:15,470 --> 00:49:17,681 I should feel horrible about myself. 816 00:49:19,140 --> 00:49:23,728 I know they wanted you to be there, that's all. 817 00:49:23,812 --> 00:49:25,397 I'm sorry, Dad. 818 00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:28,942 Um... I just need some fucking money, all right? 819 00:49:29,025 --> 00:49:30,419 So please just give me some fucking money. 820 00:49:30,443 --> 00:49:31,796 And then what? Where does this end? 821 00:49:31,820 --> 00:49:33,297 This is... I got to see this one through. 822 00:49:33,321 --> 00:49:35,007 This is kind of working out for me right now. 823 00:49:35,031 --> 00:49:36,217 - I got five days sober. - It doesn't look 824 00:49:36,241 --> 00:49:37,321 like it's working out, Nic. 825 00:49:37,367 --> 00:49:38,553 Oh, it doesn't look like it's working out? 826 00:49:38,577 --> 00:49:39,494 - So what, then, therapy? Huh? -No. 827 00:49:39,578 --> 00:49:40,912 - You can come home. - No. 828 00:49:40,996 --> 00:49:42,682 - That wouldn't... - We'll make it work. Please. 829 00:49:42,706 --> 00:49:43,832 Nic. 830 00:49:45,709 --> 00:49:46,793 Please. 831 00:49:54,134 --> 00:49:56,362 - I've been doing some research. - Been doing fucking research? 832 00:49:56,386 --> 00:49:58,847 - You got to be kidding me, Dad. - No... 833 00:49:58,930 --> 00:50:00,932 You think that you have this under control. 834 00:50:01,016 --> 00:50:03,685 - Mm-hmm. -And I understand how scared you are. 835 00:50:03,768 --> 00:50:05,728 I understand why I do things... it doesn't make me 836 00:50:05,770 --> 00:50:07,856 any different, all right? I'm attracted to craziness. 837 00:50:07,939 --> 00:50:10,692 And you're just embarrassed, 'cause I was, like, you know... 838 00:50:10,775 --> 00:50:12,003 I was, like, this amazing thing, 839 00:50:12,027 --> 00:50:13,421 like, your special creation or something, 840 00:50:13,445 --> 00:50:15,655 - and you don't like who I am now. - Yeah? 841 00:50:15,739 --> 00:50:16,924 - Who are you, Nic? - This is me, Dad. 842 00:50:16,948 --> 00:50:19,367 Here. This is who I am. 843 00:50:26,708 --> 00:50:28,752 You don't like what you see? 844 00:50:35,258 --> 00:50:39,471 You know, the more I think about it... 845 00:50:39,554 --> 00:50:41,765 Mom should've gotten custody. 846 00:50:41,848 --> 00:50:44,309 Because you always gotta be fucking 847 00:50:44,392 --> 00:50:46,186 controlling everything all the time. 848 00:50:46,269 --> 00:50:48,772 You're allowed to be mad at me, Nic. I made mistakes. 849 00:50:48,855 --> 00:50:51,650 I understand that. I wish that I hadn't, but I did. 850 00:50:51,733 --> 00:50:54,444 But, God, what you're saying right now 851 00:50:54,527 --> 00:50:57,489 - doesn't make any sense. - You're doing this right now! 852 00:50:57,572 --> 00:50:58,966 - You're fucking controlling me right now! 853 00:50:58,990 --> 00:51:01,868 - It's not you. It is not you, Nic. It is the drugs talking. 854 00:51:01,951 --> 00:51:03,220 What does that even fucking mean, huh? 855 00:51:03,244 --> 00:51:04,244 Psychological terror. 856 00:51:04,287 --> 00:51:05,413 It's what addicts do. 857 00:51:05,497 --> 00:51:06,932 What the fuck are you doing right now, huh? 858 00:51:06,956 --> 00:51:09,459 What is this? What are you doing, huh? 859 00:51:17,592 --> 00:51:19,511 [sighs] Oh, [Man]. 860 00:51:22,681 --> 00:51:25,600 I didn't want it to go like this. [smacks lips] 861 00:51:27,519 --> 00:51:29,312 [chuckles] 862 00:51:29,396 --> 00:51:30,939 All right. 863 00:51:31,022 --> 00:51:32,607 I should go, Dad. 864 00:51:32,691 --> 00:51:34,693 [Nic sighs heavily] 865 00:51:37,404 --> 00:51:39,489 - Let me... let me book you a room. 866 00:51:39,572 --> 00:51:40,407 - No, Dad. 867 00:51:40,490 --> 00:51:41,717 - At a hotel for a couple of nights. 868 00:51:41,741 --> 00:51:43,243 - No. Dad... 869 00:51:43,326 --> 00:51:44,720 - Why don't we just go get some food? 870 00:51:44,744 --> 00:51:46,871 - Dad, I should go. 871 00:51:48,248 --> 00:51:49,488 Can you say good-bye, at least? 872 00:51:49,541 --> 00:51:50,541 Bye, Dad. 873 00:51:53,336 --> 00:51:54,879 [door opens] 874 00:51:57,632 --> 00:51:58,800 [door closes] 875 00:52:02,137 --> 00:52:04,097 [Jasper] Where does he sleep? 876 00:52:04,180 --> 00:52:06,683 [David] Um, don't worry about that, sweetie. 877 00:52:06,766 --> 00:52:07,809 He's fine. 878 00:52:12,939 --> 00:52:15,275 Um... 879 00:52:15,358 --> 00:52:18,069 maybe he has a friend and he sleeps there. 880 00:52:18,153 --> 00:52:21,823 [David] Mm-hmm. Yeah. Maybe. [Daisy] Dolphin. 881 00:52:21,906 --> 00:52:23,575 [David] Hope so. [Daisy] Need "E." 882 00:52:23,658 --> 00:52:25,034 Elephant. 883 00:52:25,118 --> 00:52:27,162 - Can I call him? - Hmm. 884 00:52:27,245 --> 00:52:28,955 - No. I tried. [Daisy speaks indistinctly] 885 00:52:29,038 --> 00:52:32,000 - His phone's disconnected. - Can I send him a message? 886 00:52:32,083 --> 00:52:36,379 Maybe he'll get lonely and turn his phone back on? 887 00:52:36,463 --> 00:52:38,798 That's a good idea. 888 00:52:38,882 --> 00:52:40,842 Yeah. Let's try that. 889 00:52:40,925 --> 00:52:43,595 [Daisy speaks indistinctly] 890 00:52:43,678 --> 00:52:46,014 [crickets chirping softly] 891 00:53:04,365 --> 00:53:06,701 ♪♪ [typing] 892 00:53:25,553 --> 00:53:27,931 [vehicle passing by] 893 00:53:34,979 --> 00:53:36,606 [Karen calls out] Dave. 894 00:53:36,689 --> 00:53:38,942 - Yeah? [quietly] -Okay. Let's go. 895 00:53:40,276 --> 00:53:42,862 [footsteps approaching] 896 00:53:42,946 --> 00:53:44,864 Hey, Dave, close your eyes. 897 00:53:44,948 --> 00:53:46,407 Okay. 898 00:53:49,953 --> 00:53:51,871 And... open 'em! 899 00:53:53,248 --> 00:53:54,916 [whispers] Oh. Wow. 900 00:53:54,999 --> 00:53:56,376 Wow! 901 00:53:56,459 --> 00:53:59,003 [faint, distorted voices of children singing] 902 00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:03,800 [waves lapping gently] [faint singing continues] 903 00:54:17,021 --> 00:54:20,400 [voices fade] 904 00:54:23,403 --> 00:54:26,322 [waves continue lapping] 905 00:54:33,329 --> 00:54:35,665 [phone ringing] 906 00:54:45,675 --> 00:54:48,011 [phone continues ringing] 907 00:54:54,851 --> 00:54:56,519 Hello? 908 00:54:56,603 --> 00:54:59,355 This is Julie Ford at the Bellevue Hospital in New York. 909 00:54:59,439 --> 00:55:01,190 Is Nic Sheff your son? 910 00:55:04,819 --> 00:55:06,321 [Male voice] Uh, Mr. Sheff, 911 00:55:06,404 --> 00:55:08,781 I'm sorry we missed each other earlier. 912 00:55:08,865 --> 00:55:11,951 So, Nic is still experiencing some respiratory depression, 913 00:55:12,035 --> 00:55:13,870 but his vital signs are returning. 914 00:55:13,953 --> 00:55:16,289 Sir, we're ready for departure. 915 00:55:16,372 --> 00:55:17,790 Okay, okay. 916 00:55:17,874 --> 00:55:20,376 Um... may I talk to him? 917 00:55:20,460 --> 00:55:22,170 - No, that won't be possible. 918 00:55:22,253 --> 00:55:23,647 - Sir, I need you to turn off the phone. 919 00:55:23,671 --> 00:55:24,732 - Believe me, we shouldn't wake him up. 920 00:55:24,756 --> 00:55:25,757 - Mm-hmm. 921 00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:26,758 - Try again in a few hours, though, okay? 922 00:55:26,841 --> 00:55:29,052 - Okay. Uh, would you let him know that... 923 00:55:29,135 --> 00:55:30,845 - Sir. Sir. Please. 924 00:55:30,929 --> 00:55:32,865 - Would you please let him know that I'm on my way? 925 00:55:32,889 --> 00:55:34,265 [ding] 926 00:55:35,350 --> 00:55:36,476 [beep] 927 00:55:36,559 --> 00:55:38,311 [indistinct announcement over P.A.] 928 00:55:38,394 --> 00:55:41,189 ♪♪ 929 00:55:41,272 --> 00:55:42,440 [Woman] He checked out. 930 00:55:42,523 --> 00:55:43,650 [David]What? 931 00:55:43,733 --> 00:55:45,151 Against doctor's orders. 932 00:55:45,234 --> 00:55:47,278 - No, no, he O.D.'d. - I'm sorry, sir. 933 00:55:47,362 --> 00:55:49,614 He pulled out the I.V. and catheter, and left. 934 00:55:49,697 --> 00:55:51,032 How long ago? 935 00:55:51,115 --> 00:55:53,534 Ten to 15 minutes. 936 00:55:53,618 --> 00:55:55,954 I'm sorry, sir. 937 00:55:56,037 --> 00:55:58,331 ♪♪ 938 00:56:02,126 --> 00:56:04,420 ["Darling" by the Chips playing] 939 00:56:07,215 --> 00:56:09,801 ♪ Darling, I need your love... ♪ 940 00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:14,806 [sighs] 941 00:56:14,889 --> 00:56:17,225 [phone ringing] 942 00:56:19,644 --> 00:56:21,521 [beep] Yes. 943 00:56:21,604 --> 00:56:23,773 [Nic crying] 944 00:56:23,856 --> 00:56:25,984 [bell jingling] ♪ Your love ♪ 945 00:56:26,067 --> 00:56:29,237 ♪ Darling, I need your love ♪ 946 00:56:29,320 --> 00:56:31,447 ♪ Darling ♪ 947 00:56:31,531 --> 00:56:35,451 ♪ I love you so ♪ 948 00:56:35,535 --> 00:56:39,455 ♪ And I want the whole world to know ♪ 949 00:56:39,539 --> 00:56:42,458 ♪ I'll never let you go... ♪ 950 00:56:42,542 --> 00:56:44,544 [Nic] Look, I've thought about it, 951 00:56:44,627 --> 00:56:46,462 and I'm done with drugs. 952 00:56:46,546 --> 00:56:48,548 This is it. 953 00:56:50,967 --> 00:56:53,344 I'm telling you, Dad. 954 00:56:53,428 --> 00:56:55,346 I'm done. 955 00:56:55,430 --> 00:56:59,350 ♪ You're all I ever dream of ♪ 956 00:57:00,977 --> 00:57:04,313 ♪ Never leave me... ♪ 957 00:57:05,565 --> 00:57:07,900 And how would that work? 958 00:57:07,984 --> 00:57:11,446 I mean, after what just happened. 959 00:57:11,529 --> 00:57:15,283 ♪ Oh... Stay with me ♪ 960 00:57:15,366 --> 00:57:19,287 ♪ Oh, stay with me, oh, darling ♪ 961 00:57:19,370 --> 00:57:22,707 - ♪ Darling, I need your kiss ♪ [crying] 962 00:57:22,790 --> 00:57:25,168 ♪ Your love I can't resist... ♪ 963 00:57:26,669 --> 00:57:28,796 [Reporter] Now, if you're in the area, 964 00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:30,381 evacuation orders and details, 965 00:57:30,465 --> 00:57:32,717 including relocation centers, can be found on... 966 00:57:32,800 --> 00:57:35,094 [David] So, at 3:00, we have a conference call 967 00:57:35,178 --> 00:57:36,721 with the intake people in Mississippi. 968 00:57:36,804 --> 00:57:38,056 [Reporter] That's all for now. 969 00:57:38,139 --> 00:57:39,724 [David] 3:30, the one in New Mexico. 970 00:57:39,807 --> 00:57:41,684 And 4:00, the one in Oregon. 971 00:57:41,768 --> 00:57:44,395 [Vicki] I did some research on the one in New Mexico. 972 00:57:44,479 --> 00:57:47,774 [David] Mm-hmm. - They charge $40,000 a month. 973 00:57:47,857 --> 00:57:49,376 You know, it's not even that well rated. 974 00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:51,486 We'll just skip that one. 975 00:57:51,569 --> 00:57:54,238 [Vicki] Listen, if a spot opens up here in Los Angeles, 976 00:57:54,322 --> 00:57:56,491 Maybe that's the best solution for now. 977 00:57:56,574 --> 00:57:59,452 I'll hear back from them in an hour. 978 00:57:59,535 --> 00:58:00,703 - Mm. 979 00:58:00,787 --> 00:58:02,705 Give it a rest, David. 980 00:58:02,789 --> 00:58:04,832 Why don't you let me take over for now? 981 00:58:10,254 --> 00:58:11,756 Mm. 982 00:58:11,839 --> 00:58:13,591 [Young Nic] Dad? 983 00:58:13,674 --> 00:58:15,176 [David] Yeah. 984 00:58:15,259 --> 00:58:19,305 [Young Nic] Will you check on me every 15 minutes? 985 00:58:19,388 --> 00:58:21,682 [David] Yes. 986 00:58:27,730 --> 00:58:30,983 ♪ Close your eyes ♪ 987 00:58:31,067 --> 00:58:34,445 ♪ Have no fear ♪ 988 00:58:34,529 --> 00:58:36,614 ♪ The monster's gone ♪ 989 00:58:36,697 --> 00:58:38,574 ♪ He's on the run ♪ 990 00:58:38,658 --> 00:58:42,161 ♪ And your daddy's here ♪ 991 00:58:43,454 --> 00:58:45,581 ♪ Beautiful, beautiful ♪ 992 00:58:45,665 --> 00:58:46,958 ♪ Beautiful ♪ 993 00:58:47,041 --> 00:58:49,961 ♪ Beautiful boy ♪ 994 00:58:53,131 --> 00:58:55,174 ♪ Beautiful, beautiful ♪ 995 00:58:55,258 --> 00:58:56,717 ♪ Beautiful ♪ 996 00:58:56,801 --> 00:58:59,220 [David sings with radio] ♪ Beautiful boy ♪ 997 00:58:59,303 --> 00:59:01,556 Do you want to bring one of your dinosaurs, too? 998 00:59:01,639 --> 00:59:04,600 ♪ Before you cross the street ♪ 999 00:59:04,684 --> 00:59:06,435 How about a book? 1000 00:59:06,519 --> 00:59:08,062 ♪ Take my hand ♪ 1001 00:59:08,146 --> 00:59:10,648 No? Okay. 1002 00:59:10,731 --> 00:59:12,984 ♪ Life is what happens to you ♪ 1003 00:59:13,067 --> 00:59:14,861 ♪ While you're busy ♪ 1004 00:59:14,944 --> 00:59:18,114 - ♪ Making other plans ♪ - You ready? 1005 00:59:18,197 --> 00:59:19,866 [whispers] Hey. Hey. 1006 00:59:19,949 --> 00:59:22,118 ♪ Darling, darling... ♪ 1007 00:59:22,201 --> 00:59:24,245 Can I have a hug? 1008 00:59:24,328 --> 00:59:25,329 No? 1009 00:59:25,413 --> 00:59:26,914 Why not? 1010 00:59:26,998 --> 00:59:29,375 Are you mad at me? 1011 00:59:29,458 --> 00:59:31,586 'Cause you have to go? 1012 00:59:32,670 --> 00:59:34,255 Okay. 1013 00:59:34,338 --> 00:59:38,092 Well... you'll be happy to see Mommy, though, right? 1014 00:59:40,219 --> 00:59:42,096 I want you to know something. 1015 00:59:42,180 --> 00:59:44,557 When you come back, I'm gonna be here... 1016 00:59:44,640 --> 00:59:47,685 right... I'm gonna be right here for you. 1017 00:59:47,768 --> 00:59:49,478 Okay? 1018 00:59:49,562 --> 00:59:52,648 And call me when you miss me, and I'll call you. 1019 00:59:53,983 --> 00:59:56,319 Do you know how much I love you? 1020 01:00:03,367 --> 01:00:07,496 If you could take all the words in the language, 1021 01:00:07,580 --> 01:00:10,666 it still wouldn't describe how much I love you. 1022 01:00:10,750 --> 01:00:13,878 And if you could gather all those words together, 1023 01:00:13,961 --> 01:00:16,714 it still wouldn't describe what I feel for you. 1024 01:00:16,797 --> 01:00:19,675 What I feel for you is everything. 1025 01:00:21,552 --> 01:00:23,554 I love you more than everything. 1026 01:00:26,098 --> 01:00:28,434 Everything? 1027 01:00:28,517 --> 01:00:30,061 Yeah, everything. 1028 01:00:38,778 --> 01:00:42,114 [jet engines roaring] 1029 01:00:49,497 --> 01:00:51,791 [indistinct chatter] 1030 01:01:02,260 --> 01:01:04,262 Hey. 1031 01:01:04,345 --> 01:01:06,514 That's my mom. 1032 01:01:06,597 --> 01:01:09,642 I'm really glad you came to L.A. 1033 01:01:09,725 --> 01:01:11,352 You know that, right? 1034 01:01:18,526 --> 01:01:20,212 [crying] You just don't know what it is to be... 1035 01:01:20,236 --> 01:01:23,114 - Please don't do this, Mom. - Okay. 1036 01:01:23,197 --> 01:01:25,032 [whispers] I'm sorry. Okay. 1037 01:01:28,077 --> 01:01:30,204 [Vicki groans] 1038 01:01:30,288 --> 01:01:32,873 All I could think about was you. 1039 01:01:37,962 --> 01:01:41,215 I know this must sound meaningless, but I'm sorry. 1040 01:01:44,802 --> 01:01:46,971 [softly] I'm-I'm sorry. 1041 01:01:48,514 --> 01:01:50,057 Oh, Nicky. 1042 01:01:50,141 --> 01:01:52,226 [Vicki sighs] 1043 01:01:52,310 --> 01:01:54,228 [Vicki mutters quietly] 1044 01:01:55,896 --> 01:01:58,357 You are such a darling. 1045 01:01:58,441 --> 01:02:00,318 You know that, right? 1046 01:02:01,485 --> 01:02:03,279 [kiss] 1047 01:02:04,780 --> 01:02:06,824 [sighs] Whew. 1048 01:02:12,830 --> 01:02:14,498 [exhales] 1049 01:02:14,582 --> 01:02:16,500 ♪♪ 1050 01:02:21,005 --> 01:02:22,882 Hey, come on, old [Man]! 1051 01:02:22,965 --> 01:02:25,193 - You're being so disrespectful. - I'm not being disrespectful. 1052 01:02:25,217 --> 01:02:27,428 You're being so disrespectful. 1053 01:02:27,511 --> 01:02:29,472 [both grunting] 1054 01:02:29,555 --> 01:02:31,116 - I'm coming for you! - Oh, motherfucker! 1055 01:02:31,140 --> 01:02:34,018 Uh-huh. You about to look at my ass, baby! 1056 01:02:34,101 --> 01:02:36,312 - You about to look at my ass! [laughing] 1057 01:02:36,395 --> 01:02:39,398 [grunting, indistinct talking] 1058 01:02:39,482 --> 01:02:42,902 ♪♪ 1059 01:02:45,112 --> 01:02:46,697 [panting] Fuck. 1060 01:02:56,665 --> 01:02:58,834 [objects in box clatter] 1061 01:02:58,918 --> 01:03:00,378 [chuckles] 1062 01:03:00,461 --> 01:03:01,962 ♪♪ 1063 01:03:07,635 --> 01:03:09,804 [indistinct chatter] 1064 01:03:09,887 --> 01:03:11,222 That's what I get for helping. 1065 01:03:11,305 --> 01:03:13,099 [grunting] - Why'd you pull that hard? 1066 01:03:13,182 --> 01:03:15,476 - [laughing] I'm sorry. - Why do you hate me? 1067 01:03:16,560 --> 01:03:18,479 ♪♪ 1068 01:03:31,242 --> 01:03:33,160 How does this feel? 1069 01:03:37,540 --> 01:03:40,709 Like I'm a real human being. 1070 01:03:42,002 --> 01:03:45,464 [indistinct chatter, laughter] 1071 01:03:45,548 --> 01:03:48,676 [Spencer coughs, whoops] 1072 01:03:48,759 --> 01:03:52,263 [Nic] One day, I tried methamphetamine... 1073 01:03:52,346 --> 01:03:54,723 Yeah. That felt good. 1074 01:03:54,807 --> 01:03:57,226 ...and I thought, 1075 01:03:57,309 --> 01:03:59,687 "This is what's been missing." 1076 01:03:59,770 --> 01:04:02,314 I felt complete. 1077 01:04:02,398 --> 01:04:04,400 [Spencer] Today's a good day. 1078 01:04:04,483 --> 01:04:07,278 [Nic] Yeah, I've been chasing that high 1079 01:04:07,361 --> 01:04:09,280 ever since. 1080 01:04:09,363 --> 01:04:11,282 No matter... 1081 01:04:11,365 --> 01:04:13,284 how much meth... 1082 01:04:13,367 --> 01:04:17,246 Or whatever else I can find to shoot up into my body... 1083 01:04:17,329 --> 01:04:19,748 I do, it's never enough. 1084 01:04:19,832 --> 01:04:21,542 [others murmuring quietly] 1085 01:04:23,335 --> 01:04:26,714 And I went to a couple of rehabs, 1086 01:04:26,797 --> 01:04:28,299 I detoxed, 1087 01:04:28,382 --> 01:04:31,093 they would talk about disease, sure, 1088 01:04:31,177 --> 01:04:32,720 but... 1089 01:04:32,803 --> 01:04:34,388 it never clicked. 1090 01:04:37,349 --> 01:04:41,479 Until one day I woke up in a hospital 1091 01:04:41,562 --> 01:04:44,815 and someone asked me, 1092 01:04:44,899 --> 01:04:47,234 "What's your problem?" 1093 01:04:50,154 --> 01:04:53,324 And I said, "I'm an alcoholic and an addict." 1094 01:04:53,407 --> 01:04:55,159 And he said... 1095 01:04:55,242 --> 01:04:58,370 "No, that's how you've been treating your problem." 1096 01:04:58,454 --> 01:05:00,372 [Others] Mm-hmm. - That's right. 1097 01:05:00,456 --> 01:05:03,834 I know now I need to find a way 1098 01:05:03,918 --> 01:05:07,129 to fill this... 1099 01:05:07,213 --> 01:05:09,256 big... 1100 01:05:09,340 --> 01:05:11,509 black hole in me. 1101 01:05:15,888 --> 01:05:17,556 Anyway, so... 1102 01:05:17,640 --> 01:05:20,726 - I'm 14 months clean. [others murmuring quietly] 1103 01:05:20,809 --> 01:05:22,937 I have a job at a rehab. 1104 01:05:24,480 --> 01:05:26,774 It's fulfilling to help other people get sober. 1105 01:05:26,857 --> 01:05:29,235 [others murmuring] 1106 01:05:29,318 --> 01:05:32,446 I have a sponsor, Spencer. 1107 01:05:32,530 --> 01:05:35,282 Shows me how great my life can be sober. 1108 01:05:36,784 --> 01:05:39,119 And, um, I still have family. 1109 01:05:41,163 --> 01:05:43,958 My mom's been amazing. 1110 01:05:44,041 --> 01:05:46,794 My dad's been amazing, too. 1111 01:05:46,877 --> 01:05:50,130 ["Heart of Gold" by Neil Young playing] 1112 01:05:50,214 --> 01:05:52,633 [sighs, smacks lips] 1113 01:05:52,716 --> 01:05:54,969 I want them to be proud of me. 1114 01:05:57,846 --> 01:06:00,182 ♪♪ 1115 01:06:15,990 --> 01:06:18,576 ♪ I want to live ♪ 1116 01:06:19,702 --> 01:06:22,246 ♪ I want to give ♪ 1117 01:06:22,329 --> 01:06:24,373 ♪ I've been a miner ♪ 1118 01:06:24,456 --> 01:06:28,002 ♪ For a heart of gold ♪ 1119 01:06:28,085 --> 01:06:31,130 ♪ It's these expressions ♪ 1120 01:06:31,213 --> 01:06:34,216 ♪ I never give that keep me searching... ♪ 1121 01:06:34,300 --> 01:06:36,927 [David] You all right? 1122 01:06:37,011 --> 01:06:39,096 What's wrong? You nervous? 1123 01:06:39,179 --> 01:06:40,389 Yeah. 1124 01:06:40,472 --> 01:06:42,182 ♪ And I'm getting old ♪ 1125 01:06:45,019 --> 01:06:46,979 ♪ Keep me searching for a... ♪ 1126 01:06:47,062 --> 01:06:49,231 [Karen] Thank you for marrying me. 1127 01:06:50,691 --> 01:06:52,651 Thank you for being a perfect partner 1128 01:06:52,735 --> 01:06:54,695 in an imperfect world. 1129 01:06:56,488 --> 01:06:59,199 Thank you for introducing me to your amazing son. 1130 01:06:59,283 --> 01:07:01,285 ♪♪ 1131 01:07:01,368 --> 01:07:03,287 [Karen] Uh, I'm here for you, 1132 01:07:03,370 --> 01:07:04,622 and I'm here to stay. 1133 01:07:04,705 --> 01:07:06,707 [David] Karen, thank you... 1134 01:07:06,790 --> 01:07:08,751 for loving me. 1135 01:07:10,127 --> 01:07:11,795 And thank you for loving him. 1136 01:07:11,879 --> 01:07:13,464 [applause] 1137 01:07:13,547 --> 01:07:15,227 ♪ Keep me searching ♪ [whistling, cheering] 1138 01:07:15,299 --> 01:07:18,010 ♪ For a heart of gold ♪ 1139 01:07:18,093 --> 01:07:20,012 ♪ You keep me searching ♪ 1140 01:07:20,095 --> 01:07:21,805 ♪ And I'm growing old ♪ 1141 01:07:21,889 --> 01:07:24,308 Looks him square in the eye, and he says, "Superman..." 1142 01:07:24,391 --> 01:07:27,770 ♪ Keep me searching for a heart of gold ♪ 1143 01:07:27,853 --> 01:07:29,313 [Karen laughs] [David] Perfect. 1144 01:07:29,396 --> 01:07:31,148 ♪ I've been a miner ♪ 1145 01:07:31,231 --> 01:07:34,777 [indistinct chatter] ♪ For a heart of gold ♪ 1146 01:07:36,153 --> 01:07:37,821 ♪ Ah ♪ 1147 01:07:37,905 --> 01:07:39,281 ♪ Mm. ♪ 1148 01:07:41,909 --> 01:07:44,244 [dogs barking] 1149 01:07:49,291 --> 01:07:51,210 - Hey, good to see you. - Good to see you. 1150 01:07:51,293 --> 01:07:53,671 Hey, Daisy. Hey, Daisy! 1151 01:07:57,049 --> 01:07:58,759 Hey, Jazzy Jeff. 1152 01:07:58,842 --> 01:08:00,803 What's going on, [Man]? 1153 01:08:00,886 --> 01:08:02,388 Hey, [Man], I miss you more 1154 01:08:02,471 --> 01:08:05,349 than the sun misses the moon at night. 1155 01:08:05,432 --> 01:08:07,351 Mm. [kiss] 1156 01:08:09,019 --> 01:08:10,729 - Hey, Karen. - Hey. 1157 01:08:16,110 --> 01:08:18,195 Thank you for inviting me. 1158 01:08:18,278 --> 01:08:19,822 Seriously. 1159 01:08:25,744 --> 01:08:27,746 [Daisy laughing in distance] 1160 01:08:33,919 --> 01:08:35,337 ♪ Can't steal the way ♪ 1161 01:08:35,421 --> 01:08:37,673 ♪ I fuckin' felt when I got up today ♪ 1162 01:08:37,756 --> 01:08:39,466 ♪ Well, I guess you're the judge ♪ 1163 01:08:39,550 --> 01:08:41,093 ♪ I guess you're the king ♪ 1164 01:08:41,176 --> 01:08:43,971 ♪ Of the forever beauty pageant I'm always... ♪ 1165 01:08:47,474 --> 01:08:49,852 [indistinct chatter nearby] 1166 01:08:49,935 --> 01:08:52,062 [Nic] Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy! 1167 01:08:52,146 --> 01:08:53,564 [Jasper] Go, Daisy! 1168 01:08:53,647 --> 01:08:55,149 [David] Hey, honey. 1169 01:08:55,232 --> 01:08:56,567 [Daisy laughing] 1170 01:08:58,902 --> 01:09:00,738 [Nic] Go, Daisy, go! 1171 01:09:00,821 --> 01:09:02,740 [kids laughing] 1172 01:09:04,867 --> 01:09:06,660 [David laughing] 1173 01:09:06,744 --> 01:09:08,912 [Daisy laughing] [Jasper grunts] 1174 01:09:10,456 --> 01:09:12,750 [David] Nice. [playful grunting and yelling] 1175 01:09:14,168 --> 01:09:15,419 [Daisy squealing] 1176 01:09:15,502 --> 01:09:18,130 Oh! Ah, you! 1177 01:09:18,213 --> 01:09:19,965 It's Daisy! 1178 01:09:20,048 --> 01:09:22,634 [David laughs] [Nic yelling] 1179 01:09:22,718 --> 01:09:24,261 [David] Whoa! 1180 01:09:24,344 --> 01:09:26,847 [laughter] 1181 01:09:26,930 --> 01:09:28,474 [playful shouts] 1182 01:09:28,557 --> 01:09:30,309 [David chuckling] 1183 01:09:32,519 --> 01:09:34,438 [David] "If the marker is depleted 1184 01:09:34,521 --> 01:09:36,398 "in meth addicts' brains, 1185 01:09:36,482 --> 01:09:39,109 "it's likely there is a loss of nerve terminals 1186 01:09:39,193 --> 01:09:41,653 "and the brain damage is irreversible. 1187 01:09:41,737 --> 01:09:44,156 "However, when I tested for VMAT2, 1188 01:09:44,239 --> 01:09:47,201 - I found normal levels." - So that's optimistic. 1189 01:09:47,284 --> 01:09:49,161 - Normal levels is optimistic, yeah. 1190 01:09:49,244 --> 01:09:50,871 - It's... 1191 01:09:50,954 --> 01:09:51,997 - It is. - Okay. 1192 01:09:52,080 --> 01:09:53,558 - No. I'm not... - I was just checking. 1193 01:09:53,582 --> 01:09:54,249 - No, no, that's good. - Okay. 1194 01:09:54,333 --> 01:09:55,501 Basically... 1195 01:09:55,584 --> 01:09:56,877 the fried... 1196 01:09:56,960 --> 01:09:58,962 Nic's fried nerve endings 1197 01:09:59,046 --> 01:10:01,423 can grow back. 1198 01:10:01,507 --> 01:10:03,634 They say it can take two years, but... 1199 01:10:03,717 --> 01:10:05,844 - Two years? - Yeah. 1200 01:10:05,928 --> 01:10:08,388 But that's great, David. 1201 01:10:10,265 --> 01:10:12,059 [car door closes] 1202 01:10:13,977 --> 01:10:16,104 [footsteps approaching] 1203 01:10:17,981 --> 01:10:20,609 - Hey. - Hey. 1204 01:10:20,692 --> 01:10:23,737 - You're kind of late. - Yeah. It was a great meeting, 1205 01:10:23,821 --> 01:10:25,948 and after, we went to the speaker's house 1206 01:10:26,031 --> 01:10:27,908 and watched a video and... 1207 01:10:27,991 --> 01:10:31,912 saw my sober sponsee bros earlier, so... 1208 01:10:31,995 --> 01:10:33,956 No phone? 1209 01:10:34,039 --> 01:10:35,958 Oh, my cell was dead. 1210 01:10:38,877 --> 01:10:42,047 Would you be okay to do a drug test? 1211 01:10:43,173 --> 01:10:45,342 Yeah, I mean, sure. 1212 01:10:45,425 --> 01:10:46,885 Okay. 1213 01:11:04,319 --> 01:11:06,864 You understand why, right? 1214 01:11:06,947 --> 01:11:11,243 Yeah. I mean, I should've called to let you know, so... 1215 01:11:11,326 --> 01:11:15,122 I trust you... we just need to have some sort of proof. 1216 01:11:18,959 --> 01:11:21,503 That's about as contradictory as it gets. 1217 01:11:21,587 --> 01:11:23,797 - But... - I know. I know. 1218 01:11:25,966 --> 01:11:28,135 I'll do it. No worries. 1219 01:11:28,218 --> 01:11:30,470 Nothing to hide. 1220 01:11:31,597 --> 01:11:32,973 Okay. 1221 01:11:35,309 --> 01:11:37,811 Hey, you're doing great. 1222 01:11:39,354 --> 01:11:41,148 You really are. 1223 01:11:41,231 --> 01:11:44,151 By my count, 485 days clean. 1224 01:11:44,234 --> 01:11:46,278 Wow. Come on, that's... 1225 01:11:50,282 --> 01:11:52,993 I'll just leave it in the bathroom, right? Okay. 1226 01:11:54,119 --> 01:11:55,621 All right. 1227 01:11:55,704 --> 01:11:57,623 - Good night, Dad. - Good night. 1228 01:11:57,706 --> 01:11:59,708 - I love you. - I love you, too. 1229 01:12:23,607 --> 01:12:25,901 [gulls calling] 1230 01:12:31,156 --> 01:12:33,075 [Nic] All right, Jasper, you ready? 1231 01:12:33,158 --> 01:12:35,243 - Yep. Let's go, let's go, let's go. 1232 01:12:35,327 --> 01:12:37,454 Hey. No, no, no, wait. 1233 01:12:37,537 --> 01:12:40,582 - Jasper, I don't want you to go out there. 1234 01:12:40,666 --> 01:12:42,376 - What? Mom, we won't go far, I swear! 1235 01:12:42,459 --> 01:12:44,312 [Karen] The waves are too big. It's too dangerous. 1236 01:12:44,336 --> 01:12:45,416 - But I am a great swimmer. 1237 01:12:45,462 --> 01:12:46,773 I've been in waves way bigger than this. 1238 01:12:46,797 --> 01:12:49,383 Yes, I know that, but I don't want you to... 1239 01:12:49,466 --> 01:12:50,944 - Yeah, I'll stay close. - Nic will stay close, 1240 01:12:50,968 --> 01:12:52,844 you see? 1241 01:12:52,928 --> 01:12:54,513 [Nic] Karen, I'm gonna stay... 1242 01:12:54,596 --> 01:12:56,473 - I'll stay close. [Karen] Nic can go in. 1243 01:12:56,556 --> 01:12:57,641 That's fine. You, no. 1244 01:12:57,724 --> 01:12:59,601 And that is final. 1245 01:12:59,685 --> 01:13:01,061 [Jasper] We'll see about that. 1246 01:13:01,144 --> 01:13:03,772 [Karen] Hey! [Nic] Okay. It's fine. 1247 01:13:03,855 --> 01:13:06,066 It's fine. 1248 01:13:14,992 --> 01:13:16,910 Should we just play a game instead? 1249 01:13:16,994 --> 01:13:19,121 - Uh... - Yeah? 1250 01:13:21,623 --> 01:13:23,834 [Nic] Are you a hurfboard? 1251 01:13:23,917 --> 01:13:26,253 - [chuckles] No. - No? 1252 01:13:26,336 --> 01:13:28,255 Are you a hicycle? 1253 01:13:28,338 --> 01:13:30,090 - [chuckles] No. - No? 1254 01:13:30,173 --> 01:13:32,801 Okay. Uh, are you edible? 1255 01:13:32,884 --> 01:13:34,177 Not really. 1256 01:13:34,261 --> 01:13:36,263 - Not really? - Not really. 1257 01:13:36,346 --> 01:13:37,806 So, sort of. 1258 01:13:37,889 --> 01:13:40,434 So, um... 1259 01:13:40,517 --> 01:13:41,852 are you a house? 1260 01:13:41,935 --> 01:13:45,439 - Yes. How did you know? [chuckling] 1261 01:13:45,522 --> 01:13:47,232 You know, 1262 01:13:47,315 --> 01:13:49,860 I can read your mind. 1263 01:13:49,943 --> 01:13:52,529 - [spookily] Ooh... - Ooh... 1264 01:13:52,612 --> 01:13:53,864 [Jasper grunts] 1265 01:13:53,947 --> 01:13:55,365 I know you're a great swimmer. 1266 01:13:55,449 --> 01:13:57,176 I'm gonna be there to cheer for you at your next swim meet. 1267 01:13:57,200 --> 01:13:58,035 How does that sound? 1268 01:13:58,118 --> 01:13:59,661 Yeah? 1269 01:13:59,745 --> 01:14:02,414 Okay. 1270 01:14:02,497 --> 01:14:04,750 Hey, is it weird to see me after all this time? 1271 01:14:04,833 --> 01:14:05,834 Or no? 1272 01:14:05,917 --> 01:14:08,253 - I guess it was, at first. - Okay 1273 01:14:08,336 --> 01:14:10,547 - I thought you might be different. 1274 01:14:10,630 --> 01:14:13,175 But you're just the same old Nic. 1275 01:14:14,885 --> 01:14:16,803 [Nic chuckles] 1276 01:14:18,221 --> 01:14:20,557 ["Wiseblood" by Zola Jesus playing] 1277 01:14:21,641 --> 01:14:25,562 ♪ This'll be ♪ 1278 01:14:25,645 --> 01:14:29,566 ♪ My last home ♪ 1279 01:14:29,649 --> 01:14:31,985 - ♪ But this stream ♪ [Nic] All right. Thanks. 1280 01:14:32,069 --> 01:14:35,989 ♪ Will carry me through ♪ 1281 01:14:36,073 --> 01:14:39,201 - That was a great weekend. - Mm-hmm. 1282 01:14:39,284 --> 01:14:41,912 - ♪ But this stream ♪ - Bye, Nic! 1283 01:14:41,995 --> 01:14:46,666 ♪ Isn't home no more ♪ 1284 01:14:46,750 --> 01:14:48,877 ♪ And truth can ♪ 1285 01:14:48,960 --> 01:14:53,507 ♪ Make immune ♪ 1286 01:14:53,590 --> 01:14:56,384 ♪ If it doesn't make you wiser ♪ 1287 01:14:56,468 --> 01:14:58,136 ♪ Doesn't make you stronger ♪ 1288 01:14:58,220 --> 01:15:02,474 ♪ Doesn't make you live a little bit ♪ 1289 01:15:02,557 --> 01:15:07,437 ♪ What are you doing? ♪ 1290 01:15:07,521 --> 01:15:10,107 [cheering and applause] 1291 01:15:10,190 --> 01:15:12,776 ♪ If it doesn't make you wiser ♪ 1292 01:15:12,859 --> 01:15:15,278 ♪ Doesn't make you stronger ♪ 1293 01:15:15,362 --> 01:15:19,032 ♪ Doesn't make you live a little bit ♪ 1294 01:15:19,116 --> 01:15:26,081 ♪ What are you doing? ♪ 1295 01:15:26,164 --> 01:15:28,500 [cheering, chatter] 1296 01:15:32,379 --> 01:15:35,173 - Go, Nic! [cheering] 1297 01:15:35,257 --> 01:15:37,551 [cheering and applause] 1298 01:15:42,055 --> 01:15:43,390 ♪♪ 1299 01:15:43,473 --> 01:15:47,018 ♪ In these parting days ♪ 1300 01:15:47,102 --> 01:15:51,898 ♪ I am losing all my senses ♪ 1301 01:15:51,982 --> 01:15:54,860 ♪ In these timeless days ♪ 1302 01:15:54,943 --> 01:16:01,074 ♪ I can barely see through. ♪ 1303 01:16:02,576 --> 01:16:05,120 Bye, Nic! Bye, Nic! 1304 01:16:05,203 --> 01:16:07,330 Bye, Nic! 1305 01:16:12,169 --> 01:16:14,504 ♪♪ 1306 01:16:29,895 --> 01:16:32,439 [Spencer over phone] One day at a time, Man. 1307 01:16:32,522 --> 01:16:33,791 Congratulations. Welcome to the real world. 1308 01:16:33,815 --> 01:16:35,710 [Nic] Oh, I don't want to live in the real world. 1309 01:16:35,734 --> 01:16:37,277 I'm so sick of living in it. 1310 01:16:37,360 --> 01:16:38,838 - That's your disease talking to you, Man. 1311 01:16:38,862 --> 01:16:40,423 - Oh, I'm trying. - By trying to isolate you. 1312 01:16:40,447 --> 01:16:41,967 Trying to kill you. You know this, Man. 1313 01:16:42,032 --> 01:16:43,783 I don't feel like I have a disease, Spencer. 1314 01:16:43,867 --> 01:16:45,660 I feel like... 1315 01:16:45,744 --> 01:16:48,705 - Well, you got to. - This isn't like fucking cancer. 1316 01:16:48,788 --> 01:16:52,042 This is my fucking choice. I put myself here. 1317 01:16:52,125 --> 01:16:53,765 Yeah, you did. You did put yourself there. 1318 01:16:53,793 --> 01:16:55,462 Are you gonna let me talk or what? 1319 01:16:55,545 --> 01:16:58,465 Okay? Like, you're a writer, right? So write. 1320 01:16:58,548 --> 01:17:00,800 You're good at it. This is your day. This is a choice. 1321 01:17:00,884 --> 01:17:02,612 - What do you want to do now? - [whispers] Fucking... 1322 01:17:02,636 --> 01:17:04,363 Once you get high, you lose all your choices. 1323 01:17:04,387 --> 01:17:06,115 - If you get high, you lose everything. - Right. 1324 01:17:06,139 --> 01:17:08,892 All right, so you got to keep choosing the right way. 1325 01:17:11,561 --> 01:17:13,480 - Right. - That's right. 1326 01:17:13,563 --> 01:17:15,315 You choose the right way. 1327 01:17:15,398 --> 01:17:16,816 Right. All right, hey, listen, 1328 01:17:16,900 --> 01:17:18,419 I'm gonna give you a call later, all right? 1329 01:17:18,443 --> 01:17:19,879 Uh, I-I feel like I'm gonna do all right. 1330 01:17:19,903 --> 01:17:21,196 You blowing me off now? 1331 01:17:21,279 --> 01:17:22,822 You gonna call me and waste my time? 1332 01:17:22,906 --> 01:17:24,616 Don't waste my time. I'm here for you, Man. 1333 01:17:24,699 --> 01:17:26,260 You know what, look, I'm having some steaks tonight. 1334 01:17:26,284 --> 01:17:27,428 Why don't you come over for dinner. 1335 01:17:27,452 --> 01:17:28,638 - All right, I'll see you then. - You... 1336 01:17:28,662 --> 01:17:30,056 That sounds great. I'll see you then. 1337 01:17:30,080 --> 01:17:31,515 - Yo, Nic, Nic. - Yes, sir. I'll see you then. 1338 01:17:31,539 --> 01:17:33,583 - Nic... - All right, bye-bye. 1339 01:17:50,475 --> 01:17:52,394 [sighs] 1340 01:17:52,477 --> 01:17:54,771 [crying] 1341 01:18:15,375 --> 01:18:17,711 [muffled music playing] 1342 01:18:17,794 --> 01:18:20,130 [indistinct chatter] 1343 01:18:31,224 --> 01:18:33,226 [Woman] Nic Sheff. 1344 01:18:33,310 --> 01:18:35,228 Lauren. What? 1345 01:18:35,312 --> 01:18:37,480 What are you... [chuckles] 1346 01:18:37,564 --> 01:18:39,316 [chuckles] 1347 01:18:39,399 --> 01:18:41,067 Wow, it's been a long time. 1348 01:18:41,151 --> 01:18:42,527 What-what are you doing here? 1349 01:18:42,610 --> 01:18:45,155 [chuckles] Just, uh... 1350 01:18:45,238 --> 01:18:46,990 [chuckles] 1351 01:18:47,073 --> 01:18:49,284 What? 1352 01:18:52,495 --> 01:18:54,080 I've been sober for a while, 1353 01:18:54,164 --> 01:18:57,083 but I'm seriously looking to party right now. 1354 01:18:57,167 --> 01:19:00,337 [both chuckle] 1355 01:19:04,883 --> 01:19:07,010 [indistinct chatter] 1356 01:19:07,093 --> 01:19:09,346 [siren wailing in distance] 1357 01:19:18,605 --> 01:19:20,398 [laughter] 1358 01:19:20,482 --> 01:19:23,109 I got what you need. We have E, we have pills, Man. 1359 01:19:23,193 --> 01:19:25,236 We have E. I told you, I told you. 1360 01:19:25,320 --> 01:19:27,238 [light switch clicks] 1361 01:19:27,322 --> 01:19:29,449 [door shuts] 1362 01:19:33,244 --> 01:19:35,955 [Nic] Can you get me a cup of water and a spoon? 1363 01:19:36,039 --> 01:19:37,374 Mm-hmm. 1364 01:19:37,457 --> 01:19:39,751 All right. 1365 01:19:45,632 --> 01:19:47,550 ♪♪ 1366 01:19:53,431 --> 01:19:56,101 [footsteps approaching] 1367 01:19:56,184 --> 01:19:58,520 - Mm-hmm. - All right. 1368 01:19:58,603 --> 01:20:01,147 - Here you go. - Thank you. 1369 01:20:02,232 --> 01:20:04,359 Cotton and a spoon. 1370 01:20:16,496 --> 01:20:19,374 [chuckling softly] 1371 01:20:23,420 --> 01:20:24,754 [clears throat] 1372 01:20:24,838 --> 01:20:27,090 [coughs] 1373 01:20:27,173 --> 01:20:29,926 Mmm. 1374 01:20:30,009 --> 01:20:32,345 [laughing] 1375 01:20:40,687 --> 01:20:42,856 [Nic] All right, that's it. [exhales] 1376 01:20:42,939 --> 01:20:44,858 That's it. 1377 01:20:44,941 --> 01:20:47,527 [groans] 1378 01:20:47,610 --> 01:20:49,195 [coughs, gasps] 1379 01:20:49,279 --> 01:20:51,364 [exhales] 1380 01:20:51,448 --> 01:20:52,782 [chuckles] 1381 01:20:52,866 --> 01:20:54,534 [inhales deeply] 1382 01:20:54,617 --> 01:20:56,536 [exhales] Wow. 1383 01:20:56,619 --> 01:20:58,496 [sniffs] 1384 01:20:58,580 --> 01:21:01,499 [sighs] 1385 01:21:21,478 --> 01:21:23,813 [panting] 1386 01:21:39,287 --> 01:21:41,581 [panting] 1387 01:21:49,214 --> 01:21:51,508 [panting] 1388 01:21:55,094 --> 01:21:56,971 [grunts] 1389 01:21:59,432 --> 01:22:01,768 [panting] 1390 01:22:14,280 --> 01:22:17,450 [panting] 1391 01:22:17,534 --> 01:22:19,285 [panting] [groans] 1392 01:22:19,369 --> 01:22:21,621 [panting] 1393 01:22:26,834 --> 01:22:30,380 [panting] [groans, panting] 1394 01:22:30,463 --> 01:22:32,799 [panting] 1395 01:22:35,468 --> 01:22:37,804 [moaning, panting deeply] 1396 01:22:46,396 --> 01:22:48,356 [birds chirping] 1397 01:22:48,439 --> 01:22:50,775 [children laughing and shouting in distance] 1398 01:23:09,419 --> 01:23:11,754 [inhales] 1399 01:23:15,925 --> 01:23:17,969 [Answering machine] Your call has been forwarded 1400 01:23:18,052 --> 01:23:19,971 to an automated voice messaging system. 1401 01:23:20,054 --> 01:23:21,848 At the tone, please record your message. 1402 01:23:21,931 --> 01:23:23,182 [beep] 1403 01:23:23,266 --> 01:23:24,601 [David] It's Dad again. 1404 01:23:24,684 --> 01:23:26,853 I feel like you might have been a little down 1405 01:23:26,936 --> 01:23:29,772 when you left, Nic, so I'm here to talk if you need to. 1406 01:23:29,856 --> 01:23:32,442 [sniffles] All right. 1407 01:23:36,237 --> 01:23:38,573 [sighs] 1408 01:23:44,537 --> 01:23:46,956 So you have no idea where he is? 1409 01:23:47,040 --> 01:23:49,500 [Vicki] Uh, Spencer told me he heard from him. 1410 01:23:49,584 --> 01:23:52,462 He was having a difficult time, but he was pulling through. 1411 01:23:52,545 --> 01:23:56,257 But, yeah, he's not at work, he's not at home. 1412 01:23:56,341 --> 01:23:58,635 - He's unreachable on his cell. - Damn it. Damn it. Vicki, 1413 01:23:58,718 --> 01:24:01,638 he left here two days ago. Why didn't you check on him? 1414 01:24:01,721 --> 01:24:04,015 You're supposed to be taking care of this kid, right? 1415 01:24:04,098 --> 01:24:05,642 What the fuck, David? 1416 01:24:05,725 --> 01:24:07,935 Who's been taking care of him the last year? 1417 01:24:08,019 --> 01:24:09,562 Well, you could've checked on him. 1418 01:24:09,646 --> 01:24:11,314 I mean, what the fuck is your problem? 1419 01:24:11,397 --> 01:24:13,816 What do you think I do all day? 1420 01:24:13,900 --> 01:24:17,278 Besides, we can't run surveillance on him 24/7. 1421 01:24:17,362 --> 01:24:20,239 I think you need to go to the police right now 1422 01:24:20,323 --> 01:24:22,283 and file a missing persons report, okay? 1423 01:24:22,367 --> 01:24:24,243 - Stop yelling at me! - No, I'm not gonna stop 1424 01:24:24,327 --> 01:24:26,496 - yelling at you, Vicki. - I hate it when you do that. 1425 01:24:26,579 --> 01:24:28,015 - Because you're just... - You're totally crazy. 1426 01:24:28,039 --> 01:24:29,332 What are you even doing there?! 1427 01:24:29,415 --> 01:24:31,295 - Fucking unfair, David! - No, no! Listen to me! 1428 01:24:31,334 --> 01:24:33,252 What are... [beeping] 1429 01:24:34,337 --> 01:24:36,589 [exhales] Damn. 1430 01:24:36,673 --> 01:24:39,092 Fuck! 1431 01:24:45,723 --> 01:24:47,392 Dave? 1432 01:24:47,475 --> 01:24:50,144 Could you call my phone, please? 1433 01:24:53,189 --> 01:24:55,024 What's going on? 1434 01:24:55,108 --> 01:24:56,901 He's gone. 1435 01:24:58,361 --> 01:25:01,364 How do we even know he's in L.A.? 1436 01:25:01,447 --> 01:25:03,991 I mean, he could be in San Francisco. He could be... 1437 01:25:04,075 --> 01:25:06,452 he could be in fucking Mexico, for all we know. 1438 01:25:06,536 --> 01:25:07,995 I need to go. 1439 01:25:08,079 --> 01:25:10,707 Yeah, but I need you to stay. 1440 01:25:10,790 --> 01:25:12,583 Well, Vicki can't handle it like I... 1441 01:25:12,667 --> 01:25:14,919 I don't care about Vicki. This isn't about Vicki. 1442 01:25:15,002 --> 01:25:18,589 Okay, why don't you just relax and try to be reasonable. 1443 01:25:18,673 --> 01:25:20,842 - What? You be reasonable. - I am being reasonable. 1444 01:25:20,925 --> 01:25:21,925 Is this reasonable?! 1445 01:25:21,968 --> 01:25:24,470 No! It's not! 1446 01:25:24,554 --> 01:25:25,888 How can I be?! 1447 01:25:25,972 --> 01:25:27,515 My son is out there somewhere, 1448 01:25:27,598 --> 01:25:29,183 and I don't know what he's doing! 1449 01:25:29,267 --> 01:25:30,727 I don't know how to help him! 1450 01:25:30,810 --> 01:25:33,229 You can't! 1451 01:25:43,823 --> 01:25:45,491 [Daisy] I can't sleep. 1452 01:25:45,575 --> 01:25:47,910 [sniffles] 1453 01:25:49,620 --> 01:25:50,496 You can't sleep? 1454 01:25:50,580 --> 01:25:52,039 I can't sleep. 1455 01:25:52,123 --> 01:25:53,291 Okay. 1456 01:25:53,374 --> 01:25:55,084 [Daisy whimpers] 1457 01:25:57,503 --> 01:25:59,422 Good night, Daddy. 1458 01:26:00,506 --> 01:26:02,008 Good night. 1459 01:26:02,091 --> 01:26:03,885 ♪ Sunrise ♪ 1460 01:26:03,968 --> 01:26:06,471 ♪ Sunset ♪ 1461 01:26:06,554 --> 01:26:08,890 ♪♪ 1462 01:26:26,949 --> 01:26:29,619 ♪ Is this the little girl ♪ 1463 01:26:29,702 --> 01:26:32,455 ♪ I carried? ♪ 1464 01:26:34,415 --> 01:26:37,376 ♪ Is this the little boy ♪ 1465 01:26:37,460 --> 01:26:39,378 ♪ At play? ♪ 1466 01:26:39,462 --> 01:26:41,130 Let go! 1467 01:26:41,214 --> 01:26:42,799 Airplane flying! 1468 01:26:42,882 --> 01:26:44,383 ♪ I don't remember ♪ [whooping] 1469 01:26:44,467 --> 01:26:47,845 - ♪ Growing older ♪ Airplane! 1470 01:26:47,929 --> 01:26:49,847 Fly away! Fly! 1471 01:26:49,931 --> 01:26:51,599 [whoops] 1472 01:26:51,682 --> 01:26:55,311 - ♪ When did they? ♪ Airplane! Push! 1473 01:26:58,523 --> 01:27:01,526 ♪ When did she get to be ♪ 1474 01:27:01,609 --> 01:27:03,903 ♪ A beauty? ♪ 1475 01:27:03,986 --> 01:27:06,239 [typing] 1476 01:27:06,322 --> 01:27:08,908 ♪ When did he grow to be ♪ 1477 01:27:08,991 --> 01:27:11,702 ♪ So tall? ♪ 1478 01:27:11,786 --> 01:27:14,372 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 1479 01:27:14,455 --> 01:27:16,666 ♪ Wasn't it yesterday ♪ 1480 01:27:16,749 --> 01:27:19,335 ♪ That they ♪ 1481 01:27:19,418 --> 01:27:24,215 ♪ Were small? ♪ 1482 01:27:24,298 --> 01:27:26,592 ♪♪ 1483 01:27:29,095 --> 01:27:31,389 ♪ Sunrise ♪ 1484 01:27:31,472 --> 01:27:33,766 ♪ Sunset ♪ 1485 01:27:33,850 --> 01:27:35,810 ♪ Sunrise ♪ 1486 01:27:35,893 --> 01:27:37,436 ♪ Sunset ♪ 1487 01:27:37,520 --> 01:27:40,106 ♪ Swiftly ♪ [indistinct chatter] 1488 01:27:40,189 --> 01:27:45,862 ♪ Fly the years ♪ 1489 01:27:45,945 --> 01:27:47,864 ♪ One season ♪ 1490 01:27:47,947 --> 01:27:54,453 ♪ Following another ♪ 1491 01:27:54,537 --> 01:27:57,874 ♪ Laden with happiness... ♪ 1492 01:27:57,957 --> 01:27:59,309 [Karen] No. Uh-uh. Come on, not you. Come on. 1493 01:27:59,333 --> 01:28:00,585 [David] Hold on. 1494 01:28:00,668 --> 01:28:01,937 - Get back in. Guys, come on. - Hold on. Hold on, honey. 1495 01:28:01,961 --> 01:28:03,004 - Wait. - Good dog. 1496 01:28:03,087 --> 01:28:04,839 - ♪ One season... ♪ - What's up? 1497 01:28:04,922 --> 01:28:08,134 I thought Nic was gonna be here today. 1498 01:28:08,217 --> 01:28:10,428 Uh, no. Something came up. 1499 01:28:11,512 --> 01:28:13,598 Can I call him? 1500 01:28:13,681 --> 01:28:15,600 No, no. You can't. 1501 01:28:15,683 --> 01:28:17,184 It's not gonna be possible. 1502 01:28:17,268 --> 01:28:18,269 Why not? 1503 01:28:18,352 --> 01:28:20,271 Because it's not. 1504 01:28:20,354 --> 01:28:23,107 Is Nic back on drugs again? 1505 01:28:23,190 --> 01:28:25,234 ♪ Sunrise ♪ 1506 01:28:25,318 --> 01:28:27,194 ♪ Sunset ♪ 1507 01:28:27,278 --> 01:28:29,947 - ♪ Sunrise ♪ - We don't know, honey. 1508 01:28:30,031 --> 01:28:32,491 ♪ Sunset. ♪ 1509 01:28:43,002 --> 01:28:45,338 [chiming quietly] 1510 01:28:46,505 --> 01:28:49,759 [phone ringing] 1511 01:28:58,100 --> 01:29:00,436 [phone ringing in distance] 1512 01:29:03,856 --> 01:29:06,150 [phone ringing] 1513 01:29:07,860 --> 01:29:10,196 [wind chimes tinkling] 1514 01:29:26,712 --> 01:29:29,090 [rattling] 1515 01:29:41,185 --> 01:29:42,853 [mutters] 1516 01:29:59,286 --> 01:30:00,830 [clattering] 1517 01:30:02,039 --> 01:30:03,708 [rattling] 1518 01:30:06,168 --> 01:30:08,004 All right. 1519 01:30:39,452 --> 01:30:41,203 [inhales deeply] 1520 01:30:41,287 --> 01:30:43,581 [exhales] 1521 01:30:55,509 --> 01:30:57,845 [birds chirping] 1522 01:31:23,496 --> 01:31:25,748 [clicks tongue] 1523 01:31:39,178 --> 01:31:41,764 [applause and cheering] 1524 01:31:41,847 --> 01:31:43,432 [whooping, indistinct shouting] 1525 01:31:43,516 --> 01:31:45,267 [buzzer sounds] 1526 01:31:45,351 --> 01:31:46,727 [whoops] 1527 01:31:46,811 --> 01:31:48,145 [applause and cheering] 1528 01:31:48,229 --> 01:31:50,523 Come on, Jasper! Whup. 1529 01:31:55,402 --> 01:31:57,571 [whistling, whooping, shouting, cheering continue] 1530 01:32:03,285 --> 01:32:05,204 Yup. 1531 01:32:09,041 --> 01:32:11,085 [cheering] 1532 01:32:13,838 --> 01:32:16,132 [applause, cheering, whistling continue in distance] 1533 01:32:23,681 --> 01:32:26,684 [vehicle approaching] 1534 01:32:26,767 --> 01:32:28,686 [quiet beeping] 1535 01:32:28,769 --> 01:32:29,812 [David] You got it? 1536 01:32:29,895 --> 01:32:31,897 Oh, fuck. Okay. Hey, Lauren. 1537 01:32:33,190 --> 01:32:34,900 - Lauren, let's go. - What? 1538 01:32:34,984 --> 01:32:36,527 We got to go. 1539 01:32:36,610 --> 01:32:38,154 [dog barking] 1540 01:32:38,237 --> 01:32:40,072 - What's going on? - Here. 1541 01:32:40,156 --> 01:32:42,783 We got to go. 1542 01:32:42,867 --> 01:32:44,785 Fine. 1543 01:32:59,133 --> 01:33:01,677 [Jasper] I think I just saw Nic. 1544 01:33:01,760 --> 01:33:03,470 [Karen] What? 1545 01:33:03,554 --> 01:33:06,640 I think I just saw Nic and a girl running away. 1546 01:33:06,724 --> 01:33:08,642 [panting] 1547 01:33:13,439 --> 01:33:14,899 [Daisy] Nic. 1548 01:33:14,982 --> 01:33:16,442 [Karen] Uh, no. Stay inside. 1549 01:33:16,525 --> 01:33:18,277 - Okay. - No. 1550 01:33:18,360 --> 01:33:22,156 All right, no. Stay inside! I am not kidding, all right? 1551 01:33:22,239 --> 01:33:23,908 Stay there. 1552 01:33:23,991 --> 01:33:25,576 [door opens] 1553 01:33:25,659 --> 01:33:27,036 [Lauren grunts softly] 1554 01:33:27,119 --> 01:33:29,038 - Okay. [car door closes] 1555 01:33:29,121 --> 01:33:31,665 [whispering] Shit. Never again. 1556 01:33:31,749 --> 01:33:33,959 - It's okay. Hey. - What do we do? What do we do? 1557 01:33:34,043 --> 01:33:35,419 It's all right. 1558 01:33:35,502 --> 01:33:37,421 [birds singing] 1559 01:33:40,424 --> 01:33:42,551 That was so terrible. 1560 01:33:42,635 --> 01:33:45,763 Oh, fuck! 1561 01:33:45,846 --> 01:33:48,641 [engine starts] 1562 01:33:48,724 --> 01:33:50,142 [engine revving] 1563 01:33:50,226 --> 01:33:52,561 Nic? Nic? Nic! 1564 01:33:54,355 --> 01:33:55,648 Oh... 1565 01:33:56,357 --> 01:33:59,193 ♪ All the ladies of court ♪ 1566 01:33:59,276 --> 01:34:01,028 ♪ Gather round ♪ 1567 01:34:02,446 --> 01:34:04,782 ♪ Joining in heavenly fare ♪ 1568 01:34:04,865 --> 01:34:06,909 [engine revving] 1569 01:34:06,992 --> 01:34:08,911 Oh. No. No. No. 1570 01:34:08,994 --> 01:34:11,455 - [sighs] ♪ Gathering promises ♪ 1571 01:34:11,538 --> 01:34:13,540 ♪ Of future heroes ♪ 1572 01:34:13,624 --> 01:34:16,001 ♪ Showing faith ♪ 1573 01:34:16,085 --> 01:34:18,671 ♪ It is all as you go ♪ 1574 01:34:21,465 --> 01:34:26,679 ♪ Red light and green light and men in their armor ♪ 1575 01:34:26,762 --> 01:34:31,809 ♪ And fight for the queen if you dare ♪ 1576 01:34:33,435 --> 01:34:36,855 ♪ It's a long way to go ♪ 1577 01:34:36,939 --> 01:34:40,067 ♪ To test out your mettle ♪ 1578 01:34:40,150 --> 01:34:43,195 ♪ Well, a long way to go ♪ 1579 01:34:43,279 --> 01:34:47,283 ♪ To go down ♪ 1580 01:34:51,578 --> 01:34:53,831 ♪ And I'll write them a letter ♪ 1581 01:34:55,916 --> 01:34:59,378 ♪ I said forgive all we've done ♪ 1582 01:35:01,088 --> 01:35:06,218 ♪ Please first grant this favor, sir ♪ 1583 01:35:06,302 --> 01:35:08,762 ♪ Forgive us quick or we'll run ♪ 1584 01:35:12,850 --> 01:35:14,768 ♪ Or we'll run ♪ 1585 01:35:17,896 --> 01:35:19,565 ♪ Or we'll run ♪ 1586 01:35:19,648 --> 01:35:22,443 [sighs] 1587 01:35:22,526 --> 01:35:24,945 ♪ Or we'll run ♪ 1588 01:35:25,029 --> 01:35:27,740 Come on! 1589 01:35:27,823 --> 01:35:30,367 ♪ Or... ♪ 1590 01:35:30,451 --> 01:35:35,664 ♪ We'll run... ♪ 1591 01:35:51,096 --> 01:35:53,223 [crying] 1592 01:35:55,225 --> 01:35:58,395 [crying] - I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 1593 01:36:02,399 --> 01:36:04,318 [birds singing] 1594 01:36:05,527 --> 01:36:07,154 [crying] 1595 01:36:07,237 --> 01:36:09,114 [distant horns honk] 1596 01:36:13,327 --> 01:36:15,662 [panting] 1597 01:36:18,624 --> 01:36:21,335 [Nic clears throat] 1598 01:36:22,503 --> 01:36:24,213 Okay. Okay. 1599 01:36:24,296 --> 01:36:26,382 [line ringing] 1600 01:36:26,465 --> 01:36:29,009 [Woman over phone] 911. What is your emergency? 1601 01:36:29,093 --> 01:36:31,053 Yeah. Hi. Uh, I got a f... I'm-I'm with a friend. 1602 01:36:31,136 --> 01:36:32,388 She just O.D.'d, and, uh, 1603 01:36:32,471 --> 01:36:34,014 I need an ambulance, I need some help. 1604 01:36:34,098 --> 01:36:35,432 Sir, do you know CPR? 1605 01:36:35,516 --> 01:36:37,035 Yeah, I'm doing it right now. I just... 1606 01:36:37,059 --> 01:36:39,139 Uh, we... You-you guys, you got to send an ambulance, 1607 01:36:39,186 --> 01:36:41,355 - too, all right? - What is your location? 1608 01:36:41,438 --> 01:36:43,399 Yeah, I don't know. 1609 01:36:43,482 --> 01:36:45,085 Y-You-you guys are gonna have to trace the call. 1610 01:36:45,109 --> 01:36:46,819 [Woman] Hello? 1611 01:36:46,902 --> 01:36:50,239 Hello? Sir, are you still there? 1612 01:36:50,322 --> 01:36:52,574 [Lauren gasps loudly, shrieks] - Sir? 1613 01:36:52,658 --> 01:36:55,411 [Lauren coughs] [operator speaks indistinctly] 1614 01:36:55,494 --> 01:36:57,037 [Woman] Sir? Sir? 1615 01:36:57,121 --> 01:37:00,916 [coughing, gasping] 1616 01:37:00,999 --> 01:37:03,419 [Lauren gasping, coughing] [operator speaks indistinctly] 1617 01:37:05,963 --> 01:37:08,882 [Lauren sighs] -Look up. [garbled radio transmission] 1618 01:37:08,966 --> 01:37:10,592 Honey, look up for me. 1619 01:37:12,219 --> 01:37:15,514 Can you look up this way over here? 1620 01:37:15,597 --> 01:37:17,599 Hey, look, we're gonna need to take you to the ER. 1621 01:37:17,683 --> 01:37:19,101 I-I don't... I don't want to. I-I... 1622 01:37:19,184 --> 01:37:20,745 - We need to take you to the ER. - I'm fine. 1623 01:37:20,769 --> 01:37:22,247 She doesn't want to go to the ER. She's... 1624 01:37:22,271 --> 01:37:23,748 She's... No, she's not okay. We need to take her 1625 01:37:23,772 --> 01:37:25,166 - to the ER. - But she doesn't want to go. 1626 01:37:25,190 --> 01:37:26,817 No, sir, she needs to go! 1627 01:37:26,900 --> 01:37:28,527 [Lauren whimpers] - Okay? 1628 01:37:28,610 --> 01:37:31,071 You have a problem with that, I can inform the police. 1629 01:37:31,155 --> 01:37:32,781 Goddamn it. [Lauren whimpers] 1630 01:37:32,865 --> 01:37:36,285 You're gonna come and meet me, right? 1631 01:37:36,368 --> 01:37:37,744 - Yes. Yes! - You promise? 1632 01:37:37,828 --> 01:37:40,205 [crying] I love you. 1633 01:37:40,289 --> 01:37:42,666 - I love you, too. [garbled radio transmission] 1634 01:37:42,749 --> 01:37:44,293 You promise you're gonna meet me? 1635 01:37:44,376 --> 01:37:45,770 - Yes, Lauren. I'll come fucking meet you. 1636 01:37:45,794 --> 01:37:46,670 What do you want from me? 1637 01:37:46,753 --> 01:37:49,715 - Okay, okay. - Jesus fucking Christ. 1638 01:37:55,345 --> 01:37:58,140 [breathing loudly] 1639 01:38:03,228 --> 01:38:04,646 [breathing loudly] 1640 01:38:04,730 --> 01:38:06,815 [dialing phone] 1641 01:38:09,693 --> 01:38:13,155 [line ringing] 1642 01:38:16,116 --> 01:38:18,452 [David over phone] David Sheff. 1643 01:38:18,535 --> 01:38:20,245 Hey, Dad. It's me. 1644 01:38:20,329 --> 01:38:22,873 [panting] 1645 01:38:22,956 --> 01:38:25,417 - Nic? - Yeah. 1646 01:38:25,501 --> 01:38:27,794 [panting] 1647 01:38:33,884 --> 01:38:35,844 Please don't hate me, Dad. 1648 01:38:37,471 --> 01:38:39,389 I know I did wrong. 1649 01:38:41,183 --> 01:38:43,185 I want to stop, but please, please, please, 1650 01:38:43,268 --> 01:38:45,062 please, please, please no rehab, all right? 1651 01:38:45,145 --> 01:38:47,898 Just let me come home. You know what? 1652 01:38:47,981 --> 01:38:51,735 I realize it's actually I... I-I need to be home. 1653 01:38:51,818 --> 01:38:56,532 You guys, you guys are gonna give me the strength to stop. 1654 01:38:56,615 --> 01:38:58,575 All right? 1655 01:38:58,659 --> 01:39:01,411 [panting] 1656 01:39:01,495 --> 01:39:03,413 That's not going to happen. 1657 01:39:12,756 --> 01:39:15,801 I wish that I could help you, 1658 01:39:15,884 --> 01:39:17,803 but I can't do that. 1659 01:39:17,886 --> 01:39:19,596 I c... I can't. 1660 01:39:19,680 --> 01:39:21,682 Oh, please help me, Dad. 1661 01:39:23,225 --> 01:39:25,394 [Nic over the phone] No, Dad. I just need a little bit 1662 01:39:25,477 --> 01:39:27,437 of help. 1663 01:39:27,521 --> 01:39:29,565 Please help me. I want to come home. 1664 01:39:29,648 --> 01:39:32,317 All I can tell you is what you already know. 1665 01:39:32,401 --> 01:39:35,070 - Dad, why aren't you fucking listening to me? 1666 01:39:35,153 --> 01:39:36,780 - Call your sponsor. 1667 01:39:36,863 --> 01:39:38,383 - [crying] I don't want to talk to my sponsor now. 1668 01:39:38,407 --> 01:39:40,409 - I want to talk toy you. - Get help. 1669 01:39:40,492 --> 01:39:42,744 - I love you. - Dad, what... 1670 01:39:42,828 --> 01:39:45,163 - And I hope that you get your life together. 1671 01:39:45,247 --> 01:39:46,748 - I love you, too. 1672 01:39:46,832 --> 01:39:49,293 I love you. 1673 01:39:49,376 --> 01:39:51,295 [phone beeps off] 1674 01:39:51,378 --> 01:39:53,297 [insects chirping] 1675 01:40:03,140 --> 01:40:06,018 [sighs] 1676 01:40:06,101 --> 01:40:08,353 [jagged breathing] 1677 01:40:08,437 --> 01:40:11,023 [crying] 1678 01:40:22,993 --> 01:40:26,747 [waves lapping] 1679 01:40:35,130 --> 01:40:37,090 [waves lapping] 1680 01:40:49,227 --> 01:40:51,229 [crickets chirping] 1681 01:41:09,581 --> 01:41:11,500 ♪♪ 1682 01:41:18,590 --> 01:41:20,926 [sighs] 1683 01:41:30,060 --> 01:41:31,978 [insects chirping] 1684 01:41:52,082 --> 01:41:54,418 [seagull squawking] 1685 01:42:11,268 --> 01:42:13,854 [sniffles] [line ringing] 1686 01:42:17,232 --> 01:42:18,608 [David] Hello. 1687 01:42:18,692 --> 01:42:21,153 - Nicolas called. 1688 01:42:21,236 --> 01:42:22,738 He sounds desperate. 1689 01:42:22,821 --> 01:42:24,656 Gonna die if we don't do anything. 1690 01:42:24,740 --> 01:42:26,700 Well... 1691 01:42:26,783 --> 01:42:29,661 he's gonna die even if we do. 1692 01:42:29,745 --> 01:42:32,372 Nothing we do has any effect on him. 1693 01:42:32,456 --> 01:42:35,625 [Henryk Górecki's Symphony No. 3 plays, singing in Polish] 1694 01:42:39,337 --> 01:42:41,047 I failed. 1695 01:42:41,131 --> 01:42:42,525 [Vicki] I know you feel ashamed, okay? 1696 01:42:42,549 --> 01:42:45,051 So do I. 1697 01:42:45,135 --> 01:42:47,387 But you have done great, David. 1698 01:42:47,471 --> 01:42:50,348 And Karen, too, so thank you for that. 1699 01:42:50,432 --> 01:42:52,267 You were up for it when I wasn't, 1700 01:42:52,350 --> 01:42:54,144 and I'm not giving up now. 1701 01:42:55,270 --> 01:42:57,022 Never. 1702 01:42:58,732 --> 01:43:01,443 But I can't do it alone. 1703 01:43:04,529 --> 01:43:07,240 I need your help. 1704 01:43:07,324 --> 01:43:09,409 [Vicki cries] 1705 01:43:09,493 --> 01:43:12,454 I don't think you can save people, Vicki. 1706 01:43:12,537 --> 01:43:14,331 [sighs] 1707 01:43:14,414 --> 01:43:17,709 [crying] You can be there for them, can't you? 1708 01:43:21,630 --> 01:43:23,715 [Jasper] Look at this. 1709 01:43:28,887 --> 01:43:30,806 [David] I'm done. 1710 01:43:30,889 --> 01:43:33,058 - Oh. - Okay? I... 1711 01:43:33,141 --> 01:43:36,061 [sniffles] Okay. 1712 01:43:49,282 --> 01:43:51,618 [Symphony No. 3 continues, with singing in Polish] 1713 01:44:09,719 --> 01:44:11,680 [Man] Hey, everybody. 1714 01:44:11,763 --> 01:44:14,432 Time to get together. 1715 01:44:14,516 --> 01:44:16,810 [crowd chatter] 1716 01:44:24,943 --> 01:44:30,991 [Woman] I... I had a rough week. 1717 01:44:33,493 --> 01:44:35,203 Some of you know, some of you don't. 1718 01:44:35,287 --> 01:44:36,872 I, um... 1719 01:44:36,955 --> 01:44:38,999 I lost my Frances this week. 1720 01:44:39,082 --> 01:44:42,168 She died of an overdose on Sunday. 1721 01:44:42,252 --> 01:44:44,296 So... 1722 01:44:44,379 --> 01:44:48,300 I guess I'm in mourning, but I-I... 1723 01:44:48,383 --> 01:44:50,719 I realized something else. 1724 01:44:50,802 --> 01:44:54,764 I've actually been in mourning for years. 1725 01:44:56,933 --> 01:44:59,144 'Cause even when she was alive, she... 1726 01:44:59,227 --> 01:45:01,688 she wasn't there. 1727 01:45:01,771 --> 01:45:05,984 When you mourn the living, 1728 01:45:06,067 --> 01:45:08,862 that's a hard way to live. 1729 01:45:10,906 --> 01:45:13,366 And so, in... 1730 01:45:13,450 --> 01:45:15,619 in a way, it's-it's... 1731 01:45:15,702 --> 01:45:17,704 it's better, I guess. 1732 01:45:21,958 --> 01:45:27,464 [crying] She was a dear, dear young woman. 1733 01:45:29,507 --> 01:45:31,593 I always felt... 1734 01:45:31,676 --> 01:45:34,262 I needed to... to stay strong, 1735 01:45:34,346 --> 01:45:37,682 that there'd be some future event, 1736 01:45:37,766 --> 01:45:40,310 and I'd... I'd need all my strength for it. 1737 01:45:43,980 --> 01:45:46,441 But there are no events after this one. 1738 01:45:46,524 --> 01:45:49,986 I hope she's not in pain now. 1739 01:45:52,113 --> 01:45:54,199 [Woman whimpers] 1740 01:45:56,701 --> 01:45:58,620 Bye, Frances. 1741 01:46:02,666 --> 01:46:04,918 [Karen sniffles] 1742 01:46:29,526 --> 01:46:31,444 ♪♪ 1743 01:46:43,248 --> 01:46:45,166 [grunts] 1744 01:46:59,389 --> 01:47:01,683 [Symphony No. 3 continues, with singing in Polish] 1745 01:47:20,785 --> 01:47:23,038 ♪♪ 1746 01:47:42,974 --> 01:47:45,643 ♪♪ 1747 01:47:55,737 --> 01:47:57,906 [David] Hey. 1748 01:47:57,989 --> 01:48:00,158 Hi. 1749 01:48:00,241 --> 01:48:02,243 [Vicki sighs] 1750 01:48:09,501 --> 01:48:10,960 How's he doing? 1751 01:48:11,044 --> 01:48:13,213 The doctor's with him now. 1752 01:48:14,881 --> 01:48:16,633 He said it's close to a miracle 1753 01:48:16,716 --> 01:48:19,594 Nic survived with all the drugs in his body. 1754 01:48:20,720 --> 01:48:22,472 [Vicki chuckles] 1755 01:48:29,562 --> 01:48:30,980 [David grunts softly] 1756 01:48:50,708 --> 01:48:52,836 [Symphony No. 3 continues, with singing in Polish] 1757 01:49:12,730 --> 01:49:14,983 ♪♪ 1758 01:49:34,752 --> 01:49:37,046 ♪♪ 1759 01:49:48,725 --> 01:49:51,060 [Nic cries] 1760 01:49:56,816 --> 01:49:59,152 [Nic sniffles] 1761 01:49:59,235 --> 01:50:02,197 [Nic cries] 1762 01:50:16,711 --> 01:50:18,630 [sobbing] 1763 01:50:23,468 --> 01:50:25,595 [Nic sniffles] 1764 01:51:02,465 --> 01:51:04,384 ♪♪ 1765 01:51:09,847 --> 01:51:11,766 ♪ Ah ♪ 1766 01:51:27,657 --> 01:51:30,827 ♪ I was somewhere 2000 in a daydream ♪ 1767 01:51:32,620 --> 01:51:36,791 ♪ I was hiding, I couldn't face it ♪ 1768 01:51:36,874 --> 01:51:40,169 ♪ I used to live my life in the wind... ♪ 1769 01:51:40,253 --> 01:51:44,549 ♪ I felt out of sync, audio phasing ♪ 1770 01:51:44,632 --> 01:51:48,511 ♪ Felt like I couldn't find my place in ♪ 1771 01:51:53,683 --> 01:51:56,853 ♪ Sky shivers, they, they turn to rain ♪ 1772 01:51:56,936 --> 01:51:58,813 ♪ I turn again ♪ 1773 01:51:58,896 --> 01:52:01,899 ♪ I wish we could heal ♪ 1774 01:52:06,487 --> 01:52:10,450 ♪ I'll take you home, I'll make you whole ♪ 1775 01:52:10,533 --> 01:52:15,330 ♪ You make me wish that this wasn't real ♪ 1776 01:52:19,959 --> 01:52:22,420 ♪ Because you're ♪ 1777 01:52:22,503 --> 01:52:24,422 ♪ Oh ♪ 1778 01:52:24,505 --> 01:52:29,260 ♪ You're my treasure ♪ 1779 01:52:32,597 --> 01:52:35,308 ♪ Because you're ♪ 1780 01:52:35,391 --> 01:52:37,226 ♪ Oh ♪ 1781 01:52:37,310 --> 01:52:42,065 ♪ You're my treasure ♪ 1782 01:52:44,609 --> 01:52:49,322 ♪ I used to live my life in the wind ♪ 1783 01:52:54,285 --> 01:52:55,870 ♪ And I would fly ♪ 1784 01:52:55,953 --> 01:52:58,956 ♪ Wherever you would swim ♪ 1785 01:53:03,795 --> 01:53:08,633 ♪ I couldn't stand by you or anything ♪ 1786 01:53:10,843 --> 01:53:14,013 ♪ Sky shivers, they, they turn to rain ♪ 1787 01:53:14,097 --> 01:53:15,807 ♪ I turn again ♪ 1788 01:53:15,890 --> 01:53:19,143 ♪ I wish we could heal ♪ 1789 01:53:23,981 --> 01:53:27,068 ♪ I'll take you home, I'll make you whole ♪ 1790 01:53:27,151 --> 01:53:31,823 ♪ You make me wish that this wasn't real ♪ 1791 01:53:36,494 --> 01:53:39,205 ♪ Because you're ♪ 1792 01:53:39,288 --> 01:53:40,957 ♪ Oh ♪ 1793 01:53:41,040 --> 01:53:45,962 ♪ You're my treasure ♪ 1794 01:53:49,298 --> 01:53:51,926 ♪ Because you're ♪ 1795 01:53:52,009 --> 01:53:53,719 ♪ Oh ♪ 1796 01:53:53,803 --> 01:53:58,349 ♪ You're my treasure ♪ 1797 01:54:01,727 --> 01:54:03,104 ♪ Bad habits ♪ 1798 01:54:03,187 --> 01:54:04,814 ♪ And good times ♪ 1799 01:54:04,897 --> 01:54:06,274 ♪ Let's take a risk ♪ 1800 01:54:06,357 --> 01:54:07,900 ♪ On our lives ♪ 1801 01:54:07,984 --> 01:54:09,694 ♪ Don't smile ♪ 1802 01:54:09,777 --> 01:54:11,362 ♪ Just might cry ♪ 1803 01:54:11,446 --> 01:54:12,780 ♪ Go around the roundabout ♪ 1804 01:54:12,864 --> 01:54:14,365 ♪ Like five times ♪ 1805 01:54:14,449 --> 01:54:16,159 ♪ With two scratches ♪ 1806 01:54:16,242 --> 01:54:17,410 ♪ Hard drive ♪ 1807 01:54:17,493 --> 01:54:18,661 ♪ Open up to it ♪ 1808 01:54:18,744 --> 01:54:19,912 ♪ Get me three times ♪ 1809 01:54:19,996 --> 01:54:20,872 ♪ Not lying ♪ 1810 01:54:20,955 --> 01:54:21,873 ♪ Watch the heavens ♪ 1811 01:54:21,956 --> 01:54:22,956 ♪ Goes up ♪ 1812 01:54:22,999 --> 01:54:24,125 ♪ Three times ♪ 1813 01:54:24,208 --> 01:54:25,585 ♪ Watch the heavens ♪ 1814 01:54:25,668 --> 01:54:29,797 ♪ As the sun dies ♪ 1815 01:54:33,718 --> 01:54:37,430 ♪ When breathing even is a challenge ♪ 1816 01:54:37,513 --> 01:54:40,641 ♪ I don't want to lose control ♪ 1817 01:54:40,725 --> 01:54:44,103 ♪ I need it, gotta have it ♪ 1818 01:54:44,187 --> 01:54:47,190 ♪ Don't stop clinging, don't stop clinging ♪ 1819 01:54:47,273 --> 01:54:48,608 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1820 01:54:48,691 --> 01:54:50,401 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1821 01:54:50,485 --> 01:54:53,404 ♪ Don't stop clinging, don't stop clinging ♪ 1822 01:54:53,488 --> 01:54:55,114 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1823 01:54:55,198 --> 01:54:56,991 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1824 01:54:57,074 --> 01:54:59,785 ♪ Don't stop clinging, don't stop clinging ♪ 1825 01:54:59,869 --> 01:55:01,412 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1826 01:55:01,496 --> 01:55:03,164 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1827 01:55:03,247 --> 01:55:06,167 ♪ Don't stop clinging, don't stop clinging ♪ 1828 01:55:06,250 --> 01:55:07,960 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1829 01:55:08,044 --> 01:55:09,253 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1830 01:55:09,337 --> 01:55:11,088 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1831 01:55:11,172 --> 01:55:12,965 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ Still alive ♪ 1832 01:55:13,049 --> 01:55:14,759 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1833 01:55:14,842 --> 01:55:17,553 ♪ Don't stop clinging, don't stop clinging ♪ 1834 01:55:17,637 --> 01:55:19,514 ♪ Don't stop clinging... Still alive... ♪ 1835 01:55:19,597 --> 01:55:21,390 [Nic] Either peace or happiness, 1836 01:55:21,474 --> 01:55:23,267 let it enfold you. 1837 01:55:23,351 --> 01:55:26,270 When I was a young man, I felt that these things 1838 01:55:26,354 --> 01:55:28,773 were dumb, unsophisticated. 1839 01:55:28,856 --> 01:55:31,025 I had bad blood, a twisted mind, 1840 01:55:31,108 --> 01:55:33,152 a precarious upbringing. 1841 01:55:33,236 --> 01:55:34,820 I was hard as granite. 1842 01:55:34,904 --> 01:55:36,739 I leered at the sun. 1843 01:55:36,822 --> 01:55:40,159 I trusted no man and especially no woman. 1844 01:55:40,243 --> 01:55:42,537 I was living a hell in small rooms. 1845 01:55:42,620 --> 01:55:44,288 I broke things, smashed things, 1846 01:55:44,372 --> 01:55:46,916 walked through glass, cursed. 1847 01:55:46,999 --> 01:55:48,543 I challenged everything, 1848 01:55:48,626 --> 01:55:50,795 was continually being evicted, jailed, 1849 01:55:50,878 --> 01:55:53,089 in and out of fights, in and out of my mind. 1850 01:55:53,172 --> 01:55:56,008 Women were something to screw and rail at. 1851 01:55:56,092 --> 01:55:58,135 I had no male friends. 1852 01:55:58,219 --> 01:56:00,263 I changed jobs and cities. 1853 01:56:00,346 --> 01:56:02,974 I hated holidays, babies, history, 1854 01:56:03,057 --> 01:56:05,560 newspapers, museums, grandmothers, 1855 01:56:05,643 --> 01:56:08,688 marriage, movies, spiders, garbagemen, 1856 01:56:08,771 --> 01:56:12,567 English accents, Spain, France, Italy, 1857 01:56:12,650 --> 01:56:15,319 walnuts and the color orange. 1858 01:56:15,403 --> 01:56:17,196 Algebra angered me. 1859 01:56:17,280 --> 01:56:19,115 Opera sickened me. 1860 01:56:19,198 --> 01:56:21,200 Charlie Chaplin was a fake. 1861 01:56:21,284 --> 01:56:23,327 And flowers were for pansies. 1862 01:56:23,411 --> 01:56:26,789 Peace and happiness were to me signs of inferiority, 1863 01:56:26,872 --> 01:56:29,584 tenants of the weak and addled mind. 1864 01:56:29,667 --> 01:56:32,211 But as I went on with my alley fights, 1865 01:56:32,295 --> 01:56:33,629 my suicidal years, 1866 01:56:33,713 --> 01:56:35,631 my passage through any number of women, 1867 01:56:35,715 --> 01:56:39,260 it gradually began to occur to me that I wasn't different 1868 01:56:39,343 --> 01:56:41,345 from the others, I was the same. 1869 01:56:41,429 --> 01:56:43,306 They were all fulsome with hatred, 1870 01:56:43,389 --> 01:56:45,725 glossed over with petty grievances. 1871 01:56:45,808 --> 01:56:48,352 The men I fought in alleys had hearts of stone. 1872 01:56:48,436 --> 01:56:50,313 Everybody was nudging, inching, 1873 01:56:50,396 --> 01:56:53,232 cheating for some insignificant advantage. 1874 01:56:53,316 --> 01:56:56,402 The lie was the weapon, and the plot was empty. 1875 01:56:56,485 --> 01:56:58,696 Darkness was the dictator. 1876 01:56:58,779 --> 01:57:02,074 Cautiously, I allowed myself to feel good at times. 1877 01:57:02,158 --> 01:57:04,035 I found moments of peace in cheap rooms 1878 01:57:04,118 --> 01:57:07,079 just staring at the knobs of some dresser 1879 01:57:07,163 --> 01:57:09,415 or listening to the rain in the dark. 1880 01:57:09,498 --> 01:57:12,418 The less I needed, the better I felt. 1881 01:57:12,501 --> 01:57:14,337 Maybe the other life had worn me down. 1882 01:57:14,420 --> 01:57:16,047 I no longer found glamour 1883 01:57:16,130 --> 01:57:18,382 in topping somebody in conversation 1884 01:57:18,466 --> 01:57:21,677 or in mounting the body of some poor, drunken female 1885 01:57:21,761 --> 01:57:24,221 whose life had slipped away into sorrow. 1886 01:57:24,305 --> 01:57:26,182 I could never accept life as it was. 1887 01:57:26,265 --> 01:57:29,018 I could never gobble down all its poisons. 1888 01:57:29,101 --> 01:57:31,312 But there were parts, tenuous magic parts, 1889 01:57:31,395 --> 01:57:33,314 open for the asking. 1890 01:57:33,397 --> 01:57:34,899 I reformulated. 1891 01:57:34,982 --> 01:57:36,942 I don't know when... date, time, all that... 1892 01:57:37,026 --> 01:57:38,527 but the change occurred. 1893 01:57:38,611 --> 01:57:41,906 Something in me relaxed, smoothed out. 1894 01:57:41,989 --> 01:57:44,200 I no longer had to prove that I was a man. 1895 01:57:44,283 --> 01:57:45,951 I didn't have to prove anything. 1896 01:57:46,035 --> 01:57:47,536 I began to see things. 1897 01:57:47,620 --> 01:57:50,247 Coffee cups lined up behind a counter in a cafe. 1898 01:57:50,331 --> 01:57:52,958 Or a dog walking along a sidewalk. 1899 01:57:53,042 --> 01:57:54,919 Or the way the mouse on my dresser top 1900 01:57:55,002 --> 01:57:56,962 stopped there, really stopped there, 1901 01:57:57,046 --> 01:57:59,048 with its body, its ears, its nose. 1902 01:57:59,131 --> 01:58:02,968 It was fixed, a bit of life caught within itself, 1903 01:58:03,052 --> 01:58:06,806 and its eyes looked at me, and they were beautiful. 1904 01:58:06,889 --> 01:58:08,891 Then it was gone. 1905 01:58:08,974 --> 01:58:10,768 I began to feel good. 1906 01:58:10,851 --> 01:58:13,229 I began to feel good in the worst situations, 1907 01:58:13,312 --> 01:58:15,022 and there were plenty of those. 1908 01:58:15,106 --> 01:58:18,109 Like, say, the boss behind his desk. 1909 01:58:18,192 --> 01:58:20,194 He is going to have to fire me. 1910 01:58:20,277 --> 01:58:21,946 I've missed too many days. 1911 01:58:22,029 --> 01:58:25,282 He's dressed in a suit, necktie, glasses. 1912 01:58:25,366 --> 01:58:28,035 He says, 'I am going to have to let you go.' 1913 01:58:28,119 --> 01:58:29,829 'It's all right, ' I tell him. 1914 01:58:29,912 --> 01:58:31,247 He must do what he must do. 1915 01:58:31,330 --> 01:58:33,207 He has a wife, a house, children, 1916 01:58:33,290 --> 01:58:36,460 expenses, most probably a girlfriend. 1917 01:58:36,544 --> 01:58:37,920 I'm sorry for him. 1918 01:58:38,003 --> 01:58:39,213 He's caught. 1919 01:58:39,296 --> 01:58:41,257 I walk out into the blazing sunshine. 1920 01:58:41,340 --> 01:58:44,051 The whole day is mine, temporarily anyhow. 1921 01:58:44,135 --> 01:58:46,679 The whole world is at the throat of the world. 1922 01:58:46,762 --> 01:58:49,640 Everybody feels angry, short-changed, cheated. 1923 01:58:49,724 --> 01:58:52,351 Everybody is despondent, disillusioned. 1924 01:58:52,435 --> 01:58:55,521 I welcomed shots of peace, tattered shards of happiness. 1925 01:58:55,604 --> 01:58:57,940 I embraced that stuff like the hottest number, 1926 01:58:58,023 --> 01:59:00,860 like high heels, breasts, singing, the works. 1927 01:59:00,943 --> 01:59:02,319 Don't get me wrong, 1928 01:59:02,403 --> 01:59:04,155 there is such a thing as cockeyed optimism 1929 01:59:04,238 --> 01:59:05,531 that overlooks all basic problems 1930 01:59:05,614 --> 01:59:06,991 just for the sake of itself. 1931 01:59:07,074 --> 01:59:09,285 This is a shield and a sickness. 1932 01:59:09,368 --> 01:59:11,328 The knife got near my throat again. 1933 01:59:11,412 --> 01:59:13,247 I almost turned on the gas again. 1934 01:59:13,330 --> 01:59:15,249 But when the good moments arrived again, 1935 01:59:15,332 --> 01:59:17,376 I didn't fight them off like an alley adversary. 1936 01:59:17,460 --> 01:59:20,337 I let them take me. I luxuriated in them. 1937 01:59:20,421 --> 01:59:22,214 I bade them welcome home. 1938 01:59:22,298 --> 01:59:23,841 I even looked into the mirror once 1939 01:59:23,924 --> 01:59:26,844 having thought myself to be ugly. 1940 01:59:26,927 --> 01:59:28,929 I now liked what I saw. 1941 01:59:29,013 --> 01:59:30,598 Almost handsome. 1942 01:59:30,681 --> 01:59:32,808 Yes, a bit ripped and ragged. 1943 01:59:32,892 --> 01:59:35,019 Scars, lumps, odd turns. 1944 01:59:35,102 --> 01:59:37,146 But all in all, not too bad. 1945 01:59:37,229 --> 01:59:38,898 Almost handsome. 1946 01:59:38,981 --> 01:59:40,983 Better at least than some of those movie star faces 1947 01:59:41,066 --> 01:59:42,818 like the cheeks of a baby's butt. 1948 01:59:42,902 --> 01:59:44,361 And finally I discovered 1949 01:59:44,445 --> 01:59:46,781 real feelings for others, unheralded. 1950 01:59:46,864 --> 01:59:48,532 Like lately, like this morning, 1951 01:59:48,616 --> 01:59:52,036 as I was leaving for the track, I saw my wife in bed, 1952 01:59:52,119 --> 01:59:53,829 just the shape of her head there, 1953 01:59:53,913 --> 01:59:57,500 covers pulled high, just the shape of her head there. 1954 01:59:57,583 --> 02:00:00,002 Not forgetting centuries of the living and the dead 1955 02:00:00,085 --> 02:00:01,587 and the dying, the pyramids, 1956 02:00:01,670 --> 02:00:04,340 Mozart dead, but his music still there in the room, 1957 02:00:04,423 --> 02:00:06,091 weeds growing, the Earth turning, 1958 02:00:06,175 --> 02:00:08,260 the tote board waiting for me. 1959 02:00:08,344 --> 02:00:10,012 I saw the shape of my wife's head, 1960 02:00:10,095 --> 02:00:11,472 she so still. 1961 02:00:11,555 --> 02:00:12,807 I ached for her life, 1962 02:00:12,890 --> 02:00:14,642 just being there under the covers. 1963 02:00:14,725 --> 02:00:16,268 I kissed her on the forehead, 1964 02:00:16,352 --> 02:00:17,812 got down the stairway, got outside, 1965 02:00:17,895 --> 02:00:20,523 got into my marvelous car, fixed the seat belt, 1966 02:00:20,606 --> 02:00:21,982 backed out the drive. 1967 02:00:22,066 --> 02:00:23,818 Feeling warm to the fingertips, 1968 02:00:23,901 --> 02:00:26,654 down to my foot on the gas pedal, 1969 02:00:26,737 --> 02:00:28,614 I entered the world once more, 1970 02:00:28,697 --> 02:00:30,699 drove down the hill past the houses 1971 02:00:30,783 --> 02:00:32,493 full and empty of people. 1972 02:00:32,576 --> 02:00:34,954 I saw the mailman, honked. 1973 02:00:35,037 --> 02:00:37,373 He waved back at me. 133933

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.