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1
00:00:54,886 --> 00:00:57,252
Ah, there it is. My house.
2
00:00:58,156 --> 00:01:01,558
And good old Cleveland Street.
How could I ever forget it?
3
00:01:02,227 --> 00:01:05,128
And there I am,
with that dumb round face and...
4
00:01:05,191 --> 00:01:07,028
that stupid stocking cap.
5
00:01:07,866 --> 00:01:10,835
But no matter. Christmas was on its way.
6
00:01:11,136 --> 00:01:13,935
Lovely, glorious, beautiful Christmas...
7
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:16,868
around which the entire kid year revolved.
8
00:01:40,702 --> 00:01:44,502
Downtown Hohman was prepared
for its yearly bacchanalia of...
9
00:01:44,639 --> 00:01:47,234
peace on earth and good will to men.
10
00:02:37,197 --> 00:02:40,895
Higbees' corner window
was traditionally a high-water mark...
11
00:02:40,968 --> 00:02:42,959
of the pre-Christmas season.
12
00:02:44,238 --> 00:02:48,538
First nighters, packed earmuff to earmuff,
jostled in wonderment...
13
00:02:49,076 --> 00:02:52,444
before a golden tinkling display...
14
00:02:52,781 --> 00:02:55,909
of mechanized, electronic joy.
15
00:03:40,499 --> 00:03:42,296
Wow, there it is.
16
00:03:43,369 --> 00:03:45,803
The holy grail of Christmas gifts.
17
00:03:45,871 --> 00:03:48,773
The Red Ryder 200-shot range model...
18
00:03:48,842 --> 00:03:50,002
air rifle.
19
00:03:50,911 --> 00:03:52,879
And there he is.
20
00:03:53,380 --> 00:03:54,870
Red Ryder himself.
21
00:03:55,315 --> 00:03:59,616
In his hand was the knurled stock
of as coolly deadly-looking...
22
00:03:59,687 --> 00:04:03,680
a piece of weaponry
as ever I had laid eyes on.
23
00:04:08,396 --> 00:04:12,390
For weeks, I had been scheming
to get my mitts on one of these...
24
00:04:12,501 --> 00:04:15,197
fearsome blue-steel beauties.
25
00:04:15,404 --> 00:04:19,636
My fevered brain seethed
with the effort of trying to come up with...
26
00:04:19,708 --> 00:04:23,577
the infinitely subtle devices
necessary to implant...
27
00:04:23,647 --> 00:04:26,844
the Red Ryder range model
air rifle indelibly...
28
00:04:27,150 --> 00:04:29,516
into my parents' subconscious.
29
00:04:29,786 --> 00:04:30,753
Ralphie!
30
00:04:31,289 --> 00:04:32,256
Randy!
31
00:04:32,423 --> 00:04:34,254
Down here in two minutes!
32
00:04:34,659 --> 00:04:36,627
And I mean two minutes!
33
00:04:36,694 --> 00:04:39,162
Come on, Ralphie. I got here first!
34
00:04:45,437 --> 00:04:46,802
Cut it out.
35
00:05:12,566 --> 00:05:15,798
My mother, grabbing for her copy
of Look magazine...
36
00:05:16,204 --> 00:05:20,504
would find herself cleverly trapped
into reading a Red Ryder sales pitch.
37
00:05:23,345 --> 00:05:25,745
They traded Bullfrog. I don't believe it.
38
00:05:26,381 --> 00:05:27,542
What's that?
39
00:05:28,050 --> 00:05:30,848
Well, for Christ's sake,
the Sox traded Bullfrog...
40
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,047
the only player they've got,
for Shottenhoffer.
41
00:05:33,189 --> 00:05:35,749
"Four Eyes" Shottenhoffer,
a utility infielder.
42
00:05:35,991 --> 00:05:38,984
Got a whole goddamned team
of utility infielders.
43
00:05:39,062 --> 00:05:40,461
That's nice.
44
00:05:40,630 --> 00:05:42,530
Ralphie, on the double!
45
00:05:44,167 --> 00:05:46,397
Did you hear about this guy
who swallowed a yo-yo?
46
00:05:46,503 --> 00:05:49,166
- Swallowed a yo-yo?
- On a bet.
47
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,765
Some clodhopper down in Griffith, Indiana.
48
00:05:53,111 --> 00:05:55,841
They write the silliest things
in the newspapers.
49
00:05:56,247 --> 00:05:58,875
What do you mean, silly?
I mean that's real news.
50
00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:01,077
That's not like that politics slop.
51
00:06:02,187 --> 00:06:06,851
What is the name
of the Lone Ranger's nephew's horse?
52
00:06:07,559 --> 00:06:09,356
Victor. His name is Victor.
53
00:06:09,762 --> 00:06:12,755
- How the hell did you know that?
- Everybody knows that.
54
00:06:14,434 --> 00:06:17,062
That's another one of your silly puzzles?
55
00:06:17,270 --> 00:06:19,602
Yeah, it's another one of our silly puzzles.
56
00:06:19,672 --> 00:06:23,040
Could be worth $50,000.
57
00:06:24,178 --> 00:06:25,941
What kind is it this time?
58
00:06:26,380 --> 00:06:29,508
Name the great characters
in American literature.
59
00:06:30,284 --> 00:06:33,743
Victor?
The Lone Ranger's nephew's horse?
60
00:06:33,989 --> 00:06:37,254
Meanwhile, I struggled
for exactly the right BB gun hint.
61
00:06:37,325 --> 00:06:38,758
It had to be firm, but subtle.
62
00:06:38,994 --> 00:06:42,020
Flick says he saw some grizzly bears
near Pulaski's candy store.
63
00:06:47,937 --> 00:06:51,771
They looked at me as if
I had lobsters crawling out of my ears.
64
00:06:52,842 --> 00:06:56,609
I could tell that I was in imminent danger
of over-playing my hand.
65
00:06:57,448 --> 00:06:59,348
Casually, I switched tactics.
66
00:07:00,017 --> 00:07:01,109
Hey, Dad!
67
00:07:02,419 --> 00:07:05,684
I'll bet you'll never guess
what I got you for Christmas.
68
00:07:07,225 --> 00:07:08,556
A new furnace.
69
00:07:10,395 --> 00:07:11,953
That's a good one, Dad.
70
00:07:13,364 --> 00:07:16,595
My old man was one
of the most feared furnace-fighters...
71
00:07:16,668 --> 00:07:18,432
in northern Indiana.
72
00:07:18,804 --> 00:07:21,534
Hurry up,
you're going to be late for school.
73
00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:24,207
Yeah. I'm running late already.
74
00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:26,001
Round one was over.
75
00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:28,005
Parents, one.
76
00:07:28,147 --> 00:07:29,206
Kids, zip.
77
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:33,617
I could feel the Christmas noose
beginning to tighten.
78
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,923
Maybe what happened next
was inevitable.
79
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,584
Ralphie, what would you like
for Christmas?
80
00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:41,922
Horrified, I heard myself blurt it out.
81
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:46,056
I want an official Red Ryder carbine action
200-shot range model air rifle.
82
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,235
No. Shoot your eye out.
83
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:53,070
Oh, no! It was
the classic mother-BB gun block.
84
00:07:53,509 --> 00:07:55,033
"You'll shoot your eye out."
85
00:07:55,277 --> 00:07:58,906
That deadly phrase uttered
many times before by hundreds...
86
00:07:59,014 --> 00:08:00,982
of mothers was not surmountable...
87
00:08:01,049 --> 00:08:03,075
by any means known to kid-dom.
88
00:08:03,253 --> 00:08:07,053
But such was my mania,
my desire for a Red Ryder carbine...
89
00:08:07,156 --> 00:08:10,421
that I immediately began
to rebuild the dike.
90
00:08:11,528 --> 00:08:14,623
I was just kidding.
Even though Flick is getting one.
91
00:08:15,299 --> 00:08:16,732
I'd just like some Tinkertoys.
92
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,360
I couldn't believe my own ears.
Tinkertoys?
93
00:08:19,503 --> 00:08:20,902
She'd never buy it.
94
00:08:21,338 --> 00:08:23,169
BB guns are dangerous.
95
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:24,833
I don't want anyone shooting his eye out.
96
00:08:30,715 --> 00:08:34,549
Randy, will you eat?
There are starving people in China.
97
00:08:43,996 --> 00:08:46,659
Mothers know nothing
about creeping marauders...
98
00:08:46,833 --> 00:08:48,824
burrowing through the snow
toward the kitchen...
99
00:08:48,902 --> 00:08:52,429
where only you, and you alone,
stand between your tiny...
100
00:08:52,606 --> 00:08:55,336
huddled family and insensate evil.
101
00:09:03,217 --> 00:09:06,448
Save us, Ralphie!
I just knew those bad guys...
102
00:09:06,521 --> 00:09:08,956
would be coming for us in the end!
103
00:09:09,858 --> 00:09:13,089
Don't worry, Dad.
As long as I got OI' Blue...
104
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,199
What've we got here, folks?
105
00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:22,204
Well, we figure it's Black Bart, Ralph.
106
00:09:22,572 --> 00:09:24,836
Well, just me and my trusty old...
107
00:09:24,941 --> 00:09:28,638
Red Ryder carbine-action
200-shot range model air rifle.
108
00:09:29,145 --> 00:09:31,706
Lucky I've got a compass in the stock.
109
00:09:31,949 --> 00:09:34,179
Well, I think I better have a look here.
110
00:09:48,133 --> 00:09:49,293
Oh, no!
111
00:09:49,768 --> 00:09:52,066
It's OI' Blue!
112
00:09:52,371 --> 00:09:53,771
Oh, no!
113
00:09:54,574 --> 00:09:56,166
Cheese it, boys!
114
00:10:08,255 --> 00:10:11,952
There's another one!
He's a dead-eye, ain't he?
115
00:10:19,167 --> 00:10:20,725
Okay, Ralphie!
116
00:10:20,802 --> 00:10:23,896
You win this time, but we'll be back!
117
00:10:28,911 --> 00:10:30,310
Adi�s, Bart.
118
00:10:31,013 --> 00:10:34,676
But if you do come back,
you'll be pushing up daisies!
119
00:10:39,623 --> 00:10:41,090
And don't you forget it!
120
00:10:41,158 --> 00:10:42,716
Well, son, you saved us!
121
00:10:42,793 --> 00:10:45,819
We were goners for sure!
And you saved us!
122
00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:55,670
Oldsmobile!
123
00:10:56,074 --> 00:10:57,598
A pile of junk!
124
00:10:58,843 --> 00:11:01,039
That goddamned Olds is froze up again!
125
00:11:01,113 --> 00:11:05,914
Some men are Baptists, others Catholics.
My father was an Oldsmobile man.
126
00:11:06,218 --> 00:11:10,279
That son of a bitch would freeze up
in the middle of summer on the Equator!
127
00:11:10,657 --> 00:11:13,319
- Little pitchers...
- Hold it!
128
00:11:26,707 --> 00:11:28,231
It's a clinker!
129
00:11:30,044 --> 00:11:32,171
That blasted, stupid furnace.
130
00:11:32,246 --> 00:11:33,578
Dadgummit!
131
00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:40,310
Damn skates!
132
00:11:43,225 --> 00:11:45,421
For Christ's sake,
open up the damper, will you?
133
00:11:45,495 --> 00:11:48,191
Who the hell turned it
all the way down again?
134
00:11:49,165 --> 00:11:50,189
Blasted!
135
00:11:59,843 --> 00:12:04,576
In the heat of battle,
my father wove a tapestry of obscenity...
136
00:12:04,815 --> 00:12:09,185
that as far as we know is still hanging
in space over Lake Michigan.
137
00:12:20,599 --> 00:12:22,999
Preparing to go to school
was like getting ready...
138
00:12:23,068 --> 00:12:25,536
for extended deep-sea diving.
139
00:12:45,026 --> 00:12:48,928
- Come on, Mom, we're going to be late!
- Just wait, Ralph!
140
00:12:50,164 --> 00:12:52,725
My kid brother looked like
a tick about to pop.
141
00:12:52,801 --> 00:12:53,597
What?
142
00:12:54,803 --> 00:12:55,633
What is it?
143
00:12:56,605 --> 00:12:58,266
What is it?
144
00:13:02,245 --> 00:13:05,544
- What is it?
- I can't put my arms down!
145
00:13:17,127 --> 00:13:19,687
Well, put your arms down
when you get to school.
146
00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:51,153
Hey, Flick! Wait up.
147
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:52,526
Wait up!
148
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:54,291
So what are you doing?
149
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,969
What does it look like I'm doing?
Picking goobers?
150
00:13:57,205 --> 00:14:00,606
Hey, listen, smart ass.
I asked my old man about sticking...
151
00:14:00,675 --> 00:14:03,075
your tongue to metal light poles
in winter...
152
00:14:03,144 --> 00:14:06,545
and he says it will freeze right to the pole
just like I told you.
153
00:14:06,781 --> 00:14:07,805
Baloney.
154
00:14:07,883 --> 00:14:09,851
What would your old man know
about anything?
155
00:14:09,919 --> 00:14:12,217
He knows because he once saw a guy
stick his tongue...
156
00:14:12,288 --> 00:14:15,883
to a railroad track on a bet
and the fire department had to come...
157
00:14:15,958 --> 00:14:19,827
to get the guy's tongue off the track
because he couldn't get it off.
158
00:14:19,896 --> 00:14:21,659
Come on, guys, wait up!
159
00:14:21,731 --> 00:14:23,221
Come on, guys!
160
00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:25,930
Come on, guys, wait up!
161
00:14:31,175 --> 00:14:32,574
I can't get up!
162
00:14:33,878 --> 00:14:35,641
I can't get up!
163
00:14:35,713 --> 00:14:36,645
Help!
164
00:14:38,082 --> 00:14:40,346
I can't get out! Help me!
165
00:14:41,753 --> 00:14:43,414
Come on, Flick, wait up for me.
166
00:14:43,522 --> 00:14:45,319
I can't get up!
167
00:14:48,794 --> 00:14:49,590
Come on.
168
00:14:49,661 --> 00:14:51,993
Get up. Sit up. Come on.
169
00:14:53,833 --> 00:14:55,266
You're okay. Come on, let's go.
170
00:14:55,335 --> 00:14:56,666
Come on, you're all right!
171
00:15:05,913 --> 00:15:06,880
Miss Shields!
172
00:15:07,881 --> 00:15:08,939
All right, everyone...
173
00:15:09,016 --> 00:15:10,677
take your seats, please.
174
00:15:18,727 --> 00:15:20,524
Good morning, class.
175
00:15:20,595 --> 00:15:23,928
Good morning, Miss Shields.
176
00:15:58,771 --> 00:16:01,171
Open your books to Page 32.
177
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:04,107
And as you'll remember, Silas Marner...
178
00:16:14,587 --> 00:16:17,215
You're full of beans and so's your old man.
179
00:16:18,391 --> 00:16:20,621
- Says who?
- Says me.
180
00:16:20,693 --> 00:16:22,594
Well, I double-dare you.
181
00:16:22,663 --> 00:16:25,257
The exact exchange and nuance...
182
00:16:25,399 --> 00:16:28,857
of phrase in this ritual is very important.
183
00:16:29,103 --> 00:16:31,663
Are you kidding?
Stick my tongue to that stupid pole?
184
00:16:31,772 --> 00:16:32,740
That's dumb.
185
00:16:32,808 --> 00:16:34,776
That's 'cause you know it will stick!
186
00:16:34,876 --> 00:16:36,468
You're full of it.
187
00:16:37,012 --> 00:16:39,139
Well, I double dog-dare you!
188
00:16:39,681 --> 00:16:42,912
Now it was serious. A double dog-dare.
189
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:45,580
What else was left but a "triple-dare you"?
190
00:16:45,688 --> 00:16:48,213
And finally,
the coup de gr�ce of all dares...
191
00:16:48,291 --> 00:16:50,691
the sinister triple dog-dare!
192
00:16:51,294 --> 00:16:53,854
I triple dog-dare you!
193
00:16:54,865 --> 00:16:57,333
Schwartz created
a slight breach of etiquette...
194
00:16:57,434 --> 00:17:01,063
by skipping the triple-dare
and going right for the throat.
195
00:17:01,138 --> 00:17:02,469
All right, all right.
196
00:17:12,183 --> 00:17:15,516
- Go on, smart ass, and do it!
- I'm going!
197
00:17:16,187 --> 00:17:20,249
Flick's spine stiffened,
his lips curled in a defiant sneer.
198
00:17:20,793 --> 00:17:22,761
There was no going back now.
199
00:17:25,798 --> 00:17:27,390
This is nothing.
200
00:17:31,771 --> 00:17:33,398
Stuck? Stuck!
201
00:17:33,473 --> 00:17:35,566
Stuck! Stuck!
202
00:17:41,482 --> 00:17:42,574
Jeez!
203
00:17:42,717 --> 00:17:44,150
It really works!
204
00:17:44,218 --> 00:17:45,651
Look at him!
205
00:17:55,998 --> 00:17:57,397
Ralphie, come back!
206
00:17:57,466 --> 00:18:00,868
- Come back! Don't leave me! Come back!
- But the bell rang!
207
00:18:01,004 --> 00:18:04,496
- What are we going to do?
- I don't know! The bell rang!
208
00:18:14,685 --> 00:18:15,947
Where's Flick?
209
00:18:17,688 --> 00:18:19,019
Has anyone seen Flick?
210
00:18:19,190 --> 00:18:20,919
Flick? Flick who?
211
00:18:20,991 --> 00:18:23,119
He was at recess, wasn't he?
212
00:18:24,763 --> 00:18:27,254
Ralphie, do you know where Flick is?
213
00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:36,306
I said has anyone seen Flick?
214
00:18:38,678 --> 00:18:40,305
Yes, Esther Jane?
215
00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:47,978
Oh, my God!
216
00:19:08,844 --> 00:19:11,335
Holy cow, it's the fire department!
217
00:19:18,455 --> 00:19:20,184
Wow, it's the cops!
218
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:16,708
Now, I know that some of you
put Flick up to this.
219
00:20:19,421 --> 00:20:21,981
But, he has refused to say who.
220
00:20:24,592 --> 00:20:27,221
But those who did it know their blame.
221
00:20:29,365 --> 00:20:32,425
And I'm sure the guilt you feel...
222
00:20:32,668 --> 00:20:36,628
is far worse than any punishment
you might receive.
223
00:20:40,944 --> 00:20:43,071
Now, don't you feel terrible?
224
00:20:44,181 --> 00:20:47,014
Don't you feel remorse
for what you have done?
225
00:20:49,420 --> 00:20:52,184
That's all I'm going to say
about poor Flick.
226
00:20:55,226 --> 00:20:58,685
Adults love to say things like that.
But kids know better.
227
00:20:58,764 --> 00:21:02,598
We knew darn well
it was always better not to get caught.
228
00:21:02,701 --> 00:21:05,966
Now, boys and girls,
I'm going to give you an assignment.
229
00:21:07,172 --> 00:21:08,867
I want you to write...
230
00:21:09,943 --> 00:21:11,137
a theme.
231
00:21:14,748 --> 00:21:17,046
"What I want for Christmas."
232
00:21:18,418 --> 00:21:19,908
The clouds lifted.
233
00:21:20,454 --> 00:21:22,854
And I want it handed in
tomorrow morning...
234
00:21:22,923 --> 00:21:26,017
I saw a faint gleam of light
at the other end of...
235
00:21:26,093 --> 00:21:27,958
the black cave of doom.
236
00:21:28,028 --> 00:21:32,056
I knew that when Miss Shields
read my magnificent, eloquent theme...
237
00:21:32,134 --> 00:21:34,932
that she would sympathize
with my plight...
238
00:21:35,003 --> 00:21:38,200
and everything would work out, somehow.
239
00:21:53,556 --> 00:21:56,025
Boy, did you see how it stuck?
240
00:21:56,593 --> 00:21:59,824
- Did it hurt, Flick?
- No. I never felt a thing.
241
00:21:59,897 --> 00:22:01,524
It just caught me off-guard.
242
00:22:01,598 --> 00:22:04,226
- You sure were bawling.
- I never bawled!
243
00:22:04,368 --> 00:22:05,836
Baloney.
244
00:22:18,984 --> 00:22:20,542
Scut Farkus!
245
00:22:21,153 --> 00:22:24,748
Scut Farkus! What a rotten name.
We were trapped.
246
00:22:24,824 --> 00:22:27,726
There he stood, between us and the alley.
247
00:22:27,794 --> 00:22:30,854
Scut Farkus, staring out at us
with his yellow eyes.
248
00:22:31,198 --> 00:22:34,429
He had yellow eyes!
So help me God, yellow eyes.
249
00:22:49,952 --> 00:22:52,648
Grover Dill, Farkus' crummy little toady.
250
00:22:52,721 --> 00:22:54,211
Mean. Rotten.
251
00:22:54,289 --> 00:22:56,689
His lips curled over his green teeth.
252
00:22:57,292 --> 00:22:59,192
Randy lay there like a slug.
253
00:22:59,261 --> 00:23:01,321
It was his only defense.
254
00:23:06,169 --> 00:23:08,296
- Say "uncle."
- Uncle!
255
00:23:15,980 --> 00:23:17,174
Louder!
256
00:23:19,049 --> 00:23:22,018
In our world, you were
either a bully, a toady...
257
00:23:22,086 --> 00:23:24,749
or one of the nameless rabble of victims.
258
00:23:24,890 --> 00:23:26,016
All right.
259
00:23:26,224 --> 00:23:27,782
Who's next?
260
00:23:51,218 --> 00:23:54,949
In the jungles of kid-dom,
the mind switches gears rapidly.
261
00:23:55,289 --> 00:23:57,850
Weeks ago I had sent away
for my Little Orphan Annie...
262
00:23:57,926 --> 00:23:59,951
secret society decoder pen.
263
00:24:00,295 --> 00:24:02,195
Oh, skunked again.
264
00:24:02,263 --> 00:24:04,891
No matter. Today I had serious work to do.
265
00:24:05,567 --> 00:24:07,695
"What I want for Christmas."
266
00:24:07,770 --> 00:24:10,898
"What I want is a Red Ryder BB gun
with a compass in the stock...
267
00:24:10,973 --> 00:24:12,838
"and this thing which tells time."
268
00:24:13,008 --> 00:24:14,407
Wow, that's great.
269
00:24:14,476 --> 00:24:17,502
"I think that everybody should have
a Red Ryder BB gun.
270
00:24:17,613 --> 00:24:19,479
"They're very good for Christmas.
271
00:24:20,083 --> 00:24:23,610
"I don't think that a football's
a very good Christmas present."
272
00:24:24,421 --> 00:24:27,913
Oh, rarely had the words poured
from my penny pencil...
273
00:24:27,991 --> 00:24:29,789
with such feverish fluidity.
274
00:24:35,166 --> 00:24:36,758
I've won! I've won!
275
00:24:47,980 --> 00:24:49,208
The Bumpus hounds.
276
00:24:50,515 --> 00:24:53,178
Our hillbilly neighbors, the Bumpuses,
had at least...
277
00:24:53,252 --> 00:24:55,117
785 smelly hound dogs.
278
00:24:55,722 --> 00:24:59,488
And they ignored every other human being
on earth but my old man.
279
00:25:02,463 --> 00:25:03,760
I won!
280
00:25:04,999 --> 00:25:06,159
I won!
281
00:25:07,801 --> 00:25:09,428
- What?
- A major prize!
282
00:25:09,503 --> 00:25:10,663
I won!
283
00:25:11,472 --> 00:25:14,499
Hey, look at that. Look at that.
A Western Union telegram.
284
00:25:14,576 --> 00:25:17,773
Tonight, he's coming tonight.
Tonight. Hot damn, tonight!
285
00:25:17,846 --> 00:25:19,507
What does this mean here?
286
00:25:19,614 --> 00:25:21,377
It means it's coming tonight!
287
00:25:21,449 --> 00:25:23,383
I called Ernie McClosky
at the freight depot.
288
00:25:23,451 --> 00:25:26,285
He said the telegram was late,
the prize was already there...
289
00:25:26,355 --> 00:25:28,550
he was going to send it on tonight.
290
00:25:28,691 --> 00:25:32,058
Come on. Have a chew, fellas, on me.
It's my gift.
291
00:25:33,095 --> 00:25:37,430
You know, maybe it'll be one of those
Spanish adobe houses down in Coral...
292
00:25:41,738 --> 00:25:44,172
Serves you right, you smelly buggers.
293
00:25:44,274 --> 00:25:46,435
Or it could be a bowling alley.
294
00:25:47,011 --> 00:25:49,206
A guy down in Terre Haute
won a bowling alley.
295
00:25:49,347 --> 00:25:52,077
How are they going to deliver
a bowling alley here tonight?
296
00:25:52,550 --> 00:25:55,917
They could send the deed,
for cripesake. I mean...
297
00:25:56,187 --> 00:25:59,555
I didn't expect they were going
to send the whole damn bowling alley.
298
00:25:59,625 --> 00:26:02,458
Yeah, well. How about eating?
I'm starving to death.
299
00:26:02,728 --> 00:26:05,458
Getting rich is hard work, kid. Come on.
300
00:26:13,339 --> 00:26:15,534
Every family has a kid who won't eat.
301
00:26:15,875 --> 00:26:19,937
My kid brother had not eaten voluntarily
in over three years.
302
00:26:21,749 --> 00:26:25,150
Oh, Randy, don't play
with your food, eat it!
303
00:26:28,055 --> 00:26:30,387
Starving people would be happy
to have that.
304
00:26:30,758 --> 00:26:32,488
Can I have some more red cabbage?
305
00:26:39,434 --> 00:26:42,632
Stop playing with your food,
or I'll give you something to cry about.
306
00:26:43,072 --> 00:26:46,235
You better stop fooling around with it
and eat it or you'll be sorry.
307
00:26:51,614 --> 00:26:52,979
Can I please have some more?
308
00:26:53,050 --> 00:26:56,577
My mother had not had a hot meal
for herself in 15 years.
309
00:26:58,756 --> 00:27:01,782
Meatloaf, double beetloaf.
310
00:27:02,392 --> 00:27:03,984
I hate meatloaf.
311
00:27:05,263 --> 00:27:07,754
All right. I'll get that kid to eat.
312
00:27:08,166 --> 00:27:09,929
Where's my screwdriver
and plumber's helper?
313
00:27:10,001 --> 00:27:12,367
I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in.
314
00:27:12,637 --> 00:27:14,696
My mother was more subtle.
315
00:27:15,241 --> 00:27:17,505
How do the little piggies go?
316
00:27:18,244 --> 00:27:20,644
That's right. Oink, oink.
317
00:27:20,746 --> 00:27:24,045
Now, show me how the piggies eat.
This is your trough.
318
00:27:24,250 --> 00:27:27,118
Show me how the piggies eat.
319
00:27:27,521 --> 00:27:30,354
Be a good boy.
Show Mommy how the piggies eat.
320
00:27:59,121 --> 00:28:00,350
Oh, my.
321
00:28:00,824 --> 00:28:02,792
Mommy's little piggy.
322
00:28:23,181 --> 00:28:24,546
It's here.
323
00:28:32,257 --> 00:28:33,054
Are you Parker?
324
00:28:33,626 --> 00:28:35,719
- All right, sign here.
- Yeah. Well, what is it?
325
00:28:35,862 --> 00:28:37,056
I don't know.
326
00:28:37,230 --> 00:28:38,788
What's in it?
327
00:28:38,865 --> 00:28:40,730
Here. Bring it in.
328
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,200
Okay, boys. Haul that on in here.
Move your tails.
329
00:28:43,269 --> 00:28:46,762
Bring it right on in. Right here.
Bring it ahead. Straight ahead.
330
00:28:46,907 --> 00:28:47,965
That's right.
331
00:28:49,142 --> 00:28:50,234
Right.
332
00:28:50,310 --> 00:28:53,108
Here, bring it right in, fellas.
That's it. Here we go.
333
00:28:53,213 --> 00:28:55,307
A little more. Little more.
334
00:28:55,383 --> 00:28:56,407
That's it.
335
00:28:59,187 --> 00:29:00,882
Watch the lady.
336
00:29:09,598 --> 00:29:11,293
Thanks a lot, guys.
337
00:29:11,367 --> 00:29:12,698
Merry Christmas.
338
00:29:12,768 --> 00:29:15,669
Get the crowbar and a hammer, Ralphie.
Go on.
339
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,265
"Fra-gi-ley."
340
00:29:19,442 --> 00:29:22,809
- That must be Italian.
- I think that says "fragile."
341
00:29:23,046 --> 00:29:24,638
Oh, yeah.
342
00:29:25,982 --> 00:29:27,415
Here we go.
343
00:29:33,190 --> 00:29:35,420
They did a job on this, you know?
344
00:29:41,700 --> 00:29:43,998
No, here, Ralph, hold this.
345
00:29:50,409 --> 00:29:53,470
There could be anything in there!
346
00:29:53,546 --> 00:29:54,706
Jesus!
347
00:29:57,717 --> 00:29:59,048
Maybe they forgot.
348
00:29:59,285 --> 00:30:02,119
It's in there. It's gotta be in there.
349
00:30:08,896 --> 00:30:11,262
- Would you look at that?
- What?
350
00:30:11,365 --> 00:30:13,698
Would you look at that?
351
00:30:16,304 --> 00:30:17,794
What is it?
352
00:30:18,540 --> 00:30:19,905
It's a leg!
353
00:30:20,375 --> 00:30:21,501
But what is it?
354
00:30:21,876 --> 00:30:23,845
Well, it's a leg.
355
00:30:24,180 --> 00:30:25,579
You know, like in a statue.
356
00:30:26,148 --> 00:30:28,139
- Statue?
- Yeah, statue!
357
00:30:28,818 --> 00:30:30,479
Yeah, statue!
358
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:32,210
Ralphie!
359
00:30:32,655 --> 00:30:36,592
My mother was trying to insinuate herself
between us and the statue.
360
00:30:36,827 --> 00:30:38,852
Holy smoke, would you...
361
00:30:38,929 --> 00:30:40,897
Do you know what this is?
362
00:30:40,964 --> 00:30:43,432
This is a lamp.
363
00:30:44,534 --> 00:30:46,332
It was indeed a lamp.
364
00:30:46,404 --> 00:30:49,271
Isn't that great? What a great lamp!
365
00:30:50,341 --> 00:30:52,138
I don't know.
366
00:30:53,077 --> 00:30:55,671
Here, hold it. Hold it. Here, go on.
367
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,447
The old man's eyes boggled...
368
00:30:59,651 --> 00:31:01,175
overcome by art.
369
00:31:01,286 --> 00:31:03,220
I know just the place for it.
370
00:31:03,288 --> 00:31:06,280
Right in the middle
of our front room window!
371
00:31:25,112 --> 00:31:26,943
Jesus, God.
372
00:31:30,986 --> 00:31:33,216
- Honey?
- No. It's all right.
373
00:31:35,090 --> 00:31:36,557
Let's see...
374
00:31:36,892 --> 00:31:41,295
This goes to the radio
and this goes to the...
375
00:31:42,398 --> 00:31:44,889
Well, it's just one too many.
376
00:31:48,871 --> 00:31:49,860
Well, let's see.
377
00:31:49,939 --> 00:31:53,171
The snap of a few sparks,
a quick whiff of ozone...
378
00:31:53,243 --> 00:31:56,701
and the lamp blazed forth
in unparalleled glory.
379
00:31:56,947 --> 00:31:59,438
Look at that! Will you look at that?
380
00:31:59,616 --> 00:32:01,811
Isn't that glorious?
381
00:32:03,287 --> 00:32:07,349
It's indescribably beautiful.
It reminds me of the Fourth of July!
382
00:32:08,193 --> 00:32:09,160
Turn off all the lights.
383
00:32:09,227 --> 00:32:11,161
I wanna see what it looks like
from the street.
384
00:32:11,229 --> 00:32:14,027
- I'll go get the dining room.
- Couldn't we talk this over?
385
00:32:34,654 --> 00:32:37,920
Move it a little bit to the right.
A little that way.
386
00:32:38,693 --> 00:32:42,220
Just a little... More to the right.
387
00:32:43,297 --> 00:32:45,288
Yeah. More. That's it. No, stop!
388
00:32:45,433 --> 00:32:47,663
Right there. That's wonderful.
389
00:32:47,869 --> 00:32:49,428
Parker, what is that?
390
00:32:49,505 --> 00:32:51,405
Don't bother me now.
Can't you see I'm busy?
391
00:32:51,573 --> 00:32:54,269
- Yeah, but what is that?
- It's a major award.
392
00:32:55,344 --> 00:32:56,675
A major award?
393
00:32:57,713 --> 00:33:00,274
Shucks, I wouldn't have known that.
It looks like a lamp.
394
00:33:00,350 --> 00:33:03,751
It is a lamp, you nincompoop.
But it's a major award.
395
00:33:03,820 --> 00:33:05,082
I won it.
396
00:33:05,288 --> 00:33:08,052
- Damn, hell, you say you won it?
- Yeah.
397
00:33:08,224 --> 00:33:10,887
Mind power, Sweed, mind power.
398
00:33:11,428 --> 00:33:13,726
The entire neighborhood was turned on.
399
00:33:13,831 --> 00:33:16,698
You should see what it looks like
from out here!
400
00:33:16,867 --> 00:33:19,836
It could be seen
up and down Cleveland Street.
401
00:33:19,904 --> 00:33:21,873
The symbol of the old man's victory.
402
00:33:22,007 --> 00:33:24,168
Yeah, he won that. It's a major award.
403
00:33:24,242 --> 00:33:27,734
Isn't it about time
for somebody's favorite radio program?
404
00:33:29,414 --> 00:33:31,746
Holy smokes, it was 6:45.
405
00:33:31,883 --> 00:33:34,045
Only one thing that
could've dragged me away...
406
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:38,113
from the soft glow of electric sex
gleaming in the window.
407
00:33:50,537 --> 00:33:52,835
Kids, it's Little Orphan Annie time.
408
00:33:52,906 --> 00:33:55,569
Brought to you by rich, chocolaty Ovaltine.
409
00:33:56,211 --> 00:33:57,508
I could still taste it.
410
00:33:59,247 --> 00:34:01,044
Hey, you turned the light off!
411
00:34:17,734 --> 00:34:21,170
I knew I was handing Miss Shields
a masterpiece.
412
00:34:21,538 --> 00:34:24,939
Maybe Miss Shields, in her ecstasy,
would excuse me from theme writing...
413
00:34:25,008 --> 00:34:27,568
for the rest of my natural life.
414
00:34:35,319 --> 00:34:37,048
You call this a paragraph?
415
00:34:37,455 --> 00:34:41,620
Margins! Margins! "F"!
416
00:34:42,561 --> 00:34:45,359
My life's work down the drain.
417
00:34:46,298 --> 00:34:48,163
A semicolon, you dolt!
418
00:34:48,233 --> 00:34:49,325
A period.
419
00:34:49,635 --> 00:34:50,398
"F"!
420
00:34:50,536 --> 00:34:54,939
Oh, I should weep
if I have to read one more "F"!
421
00:34:56,576 --> 00:34:58,134
Ralphie Parker.
422
00:35:13,795 --> 00:35:16,423
The theme I've been waiting for all my life.
423
00:35:16,898 --> 00:35:18,456
Listen to this sentence.
424
00:35:18,867 --> 00:35:23,237
"A Red Ryder BB gun with a compass
in the stock...
425
00:35:24,507 --> 00:35:27,203
"and this thing which tells time."
426
00:35:29,312 --> 00:35:30,506
Poetry.
427
00:35:30,579 --> 00:35:32,046
Sheer poetry.
428
00:35:32,415 --> 00:35:35,613
Ralph, an "A+."
429
00:35:36,086 --> 00:35:37,644
My Ralph!
430
00:35:37,921 --> 00:35:40,890
Oh, Ralphie, you've made me proud.
431
00:35:42,826 --> 00:35:44,225
"A+"!
432
00:36:22,636 --> 00:36:24,160
Is there something you want, Ralph?
433
00:36:24,839 --> 00:36:27,467
I'm just turning in my theme.
434
00:36:29,610 --> 00:36:31,306
Well, you can take your seat now.
435
00:36:34,349 --> 00:36:35,543
Take your seat.
436
00:36:53,937 --> 00:36:55,666
Come on, you guys.
437
00:37:01,478 --> 00:37:03,379
Get in the car. Get in the car.
438
00:37:04,249 --> 00:37:07,446
If we don't hurry
we're going to miss all the good trees!
439
00:37:10,021 --> 00:37:13,081
My mother was about to make
another brilliant maneuver...
440
00:37:13,224 --> 00:37:16,160
in the legendary battle of the lamp.
441
00:37:16,295 --> 00:37:21,130
The epic struggle which followed lives
in the folklore of Cleveland Street...
442
00:37:21,233 --> 00:37:22,530
to this very day.
443
00:37:22,635 --> 00:37:25,400
Don't want to waste electricity.
444
00:37:25,605 --> 00:37:27,334
"Don't want to waste electricity."
445
00:37:27,574 --> 00:37:30,134
Come on, Ralphie. Get in the car.
446
00:37:35,816 --> 00:37:37,842
You folks looking for a tree?
We got 300 trees.
447
00:37:37,919 --> 00:37:41,184
This is the Christmas tree emporium
of the entire Midwest.
448
00:37:41,255 --> 00:37:44,782
Now, you ain't gonna find no better tree
than this here tree.
449
00:37:45,193 --> 00:37:47,252
This here tree is built to last.
450
00:37:47,362 --> 00:37:49,159
Ain't no needles coming off this here tree.
451
00:37:52,367 --> 00:37:54,562
Okay. Now here's a tree.
452
00:37:54,636 --> 00:37:56,501
This here is a tree.
453
00:37:56,605 --> 00:38:00,975
- That's a little skimpy in the front.
- Well, you just put it in the corner.
454
00:38:01,144 --> 00:38:04,773
- Haven't you got a big tree?
- Hell, this ain't no tree.
455
00:38:05,315 --> 00:38:07,715
Now here's a tree. This here is a tree.
456
00:38:09,352 --> 00:38:12,982
- Wait'll the dogs see that one.
- Don't you think it's a little large?
457
00:38:13,057 --> 00:38:16,356
Listen, Christmas only comes
once a year. Why not?
458
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:18,625
- How much?
- I'll knock off $2...
459
00:38:18,729 --> 00:38:20,823
because I can see you're a man
who knows his trees.
460
00:38:20,932 --> 00:38:24,299
This isn't one of those trees
that all the needles falls off, is it?
461
00:38:24,402 --> 00:38:26,097
No, that's them balsams.
462
00:38:26,204 --> 00:38:28,900
The old man loved bargaining
as much as an Arab trader...
463
00:38:28,974 --> 00:38:30,703
and he was twice as shrewd.
464
00:38:30,775 --> 00:38:33,176
You know, Dew Lock just bought
one of those brand new...
465
00:38:33,279 --> 00:38:35,474
green plastic trees.
466
00:38:36,949 --> 00:38:39,110
Darn thing looks like it was made out of...
467
00:38:39,752 --> 00:38:41,652
green pipe cleaners.
468
00:38:42,288 --> 00:38:44,382
This is a very nice tree.
469
00:38:44,558 --> 00:38:46,992
I'll throw in some rope
and tie it to your car for you.
470
00:38:47,060 --> 00:38:48,527
You got a deal.
471
00:38:48,729 --> 00:38:49,559
Deal.
472
00:39:09,451 --> 00:39:11,146
Damn it. Blow out!
473
00:39:19,596 --> 00:39:21,154
Not again.
474
00:39:22,365 --> 00:39:23,798
Four minutes!
475
00:39:23,867 --> 00:39:25,391
Time me.
476
00:39:26,536 --> 00:39:28,368
Actually, my old man loved it.
477
00:39:28,472 --> 00:39:31,771
He always saw himself in the pits
at the Indianapolis Speedway...
478
00:39:31,876 --> 00:39:32,865
in the 500.
479
00:39:37,915 --> 00:39:40,851
My old man's spare tires
were actually only tires...
480
00:39:40,919 --> 00:39:42,113
in the academic sense.
481
00:39:42,321 --> 00:39:44,881
They were round.
They had once been made of rubber.
482
00:39:49,328 --> 00:39:52,423
Ralphie, why don't you
go help your father?
483
00:39:52,865 --> 00:39:54,492
- Really? Can I?
- Yes.
484
00:39:55,001 --> 00:39:56,969
- Watch the traffic, there.
- Okay.
485
00:39:57,804 --> 00:40:00,329
It was the first time that
it had been suggested that...
486
00:40:00,406 --> 00:40:02,773
I go help my father with anything.
487
00:40:06,981 --> 00:40:09,677
- What are you doing here?
- Mom says I should help.
488
00:40:11,318 --> 00:40:13,879
Okay, sit down here. Squat down.
489
00:40:14,756 --> 00:40:16,053
Yeah, that's it.
490
00:40:16,257 --> 00:40:18,054
Here. Hold this.
491
00:40:21,730 --> 00:40:25,223
No, not that way.
Come on, rat trap, hold it like this.
492
00:40:25,301 --> 00:40:26,233
- How?
- Like this.
493
00:40:26,302 --> 00:40:28,202
I want to put the nuts in it. There we are.
494
00:40:28,270 --> 00:40:31,262
There's four of them. And we got it!
495
00:40:33,710 --> 00:40:35,109
There it is.
496
00:40:35,345 --> 00:40:38,542
That son of a gun.
I'm gonna get that dirty...
497
00:40:38,949 --> 00:40:39,779
There we go.
498
00:40:41,018 --> 00:40:43,350
For one brief moment
I saw all the bolts silhouetted...
499
00:40:43,420 --> 00:40:45,946
against the lights of the traffic.
And then they were gone.
500
00:40:50,762 --> 00:40:52,821
Oh, fudge!
501
00:40:53,531 --> 00:40:55,431
Only I didn't say "fudge."
502
00:40:55,533 --> 00:40:57,365
I said the word.
503
00:40:57,569 --> 00:41:00,800
The big one.
The queen mother of dirty words.
504
00:41:01,140 --> 00:41:03,540
The "f, dash, dash, dash" word.
505
00:41:03,609 --> 00:41:05,509
What did you say?
506
00:41:08,448 --> 00:41:11,144
That's what I thought you said.
507
00:41:13,620 --> 00:41:15,417
Get in the car.
508
00:41:18,325 --> 00:41:19,349
Go on.
509
00:41:19,427 --> 00:41:21,691
It was all over. I was dead.
510
00:41:21,929 --> 00:41:24,557
What would it be?
The guillotine? Hanging?
511
00:41:24,632 --> 00:41:27,533
The chair? The rack?
The Chinese water torture?
512
00:41:28,035 --> 00:41:32,029
Mere child's play
compared to what surely awaited me.
513
00:41:34,876 --> 00:41:37,140
Everything go all right?
514
00:41:51,862 --> 00:41:53,557
Eight minutes.
515
00:41:55,866 --> 00:41:59,199
- Do you know what your son just said?
- No. What?
516
00:41:59,937 --> 00:42:02,235
I'll tell you what he said. Randy!
517
00:42:05,910 --> 00:42:06,638
Ralphie!
518
00:42:08,747 --> 00:42:11,648
Over the years,
I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap.
519
00:42:11,750 --> 00:42:15,949
My personal preference is for Lux,
but I found Palmolive had a nice...
520
00:42:16,122 --> 00:42:18,215
piquant, after-dinner flavor.
521
00:42:18,290 --> 00:42:21,817
Heady, but with just a touch
of mellow smoothness.
522
00:42:25,232 --> 00:42:27,632
Lifebuoy, on the other hand...
523
00:42:29,636 --> 00:42:31,501
You ready to tell me?
524
00:42:36,210 --> 00:42:38,770
All right. Where did you hear that word?
525
00:42:38,946 --> 00:42:42,848
Now I had heard that word at least
10 times a day from my old man.
526
00:42:43,017 --> 00:42:45,315
My father worked in profanity the way...
527
00:42:45,419 --> 00:42:47,854
other artists might work in oils or clay.
528
00:42:47,956 --> 00:42:50,652
It was his true medium. A master.
529
00:42:50,726 --> 00:42:53,126
But I chickened out. And I blurted out...
530
00:42:53,295 --> 00:42:55,263
the first name that came to mind.
531
00:42:55,330 --> 00:42:56,592
Schwartz!
532
00:42:58,301 --> 00:42:59,893
I see.
533
00:43:11,282 --> 00:43:14,149
Hello, Mrs. Schwartz? Yes, I'm fine.
534
00:43:14,685 --> 00:43:18,143
Mrs. Schwartz,
do you know what Ralph just said?
535
00:43:19,957 --> 00:43:20,925
No.
536
00:43:21,193 --> 00:43:22,717
He said...
537
00:43:24,696 --> 00:43:26,220
Not that!
538
00:43:26,431 --> 00:43:27,693
Yes, that.
539
00:43:27,833 --> 00:43:30,802
- Do you know where he heard it?
- Probably from his father.
540
00:43:30,902 --> 00:43:33,394
No! He heard it from your son!
541
00:43:33,472 --> 00:43:34,461
What?
542
00:43:42,549 --> 00:43:43,811
What'd I do, Mom?
543
00:43:44,585 --> 00:43:46,553
Why? I didn't do nothing!
544
00:43:51,592 --> 00:43:55,256
Another shot of mysterious,
inexorable, official justice.
545
00:43:55,830 --> 00:44:00,597
Rinse out and go to bed.
Am I glad you finished your homework!
546
00:44:00,768 --> 00:44:03,703
Get right into bed,
and I don't want to see any lights on.
547
00:44:03,771 --> 00:44:06,741
You are being punished,
so no comic book reading!
548
00:44:06,842 --> 00:44:08,833
I'll come in, and if any lights are on...
549
00:44:08,944 --> 00:44:11,845
Don't you give me that look!
You're gonna get it!
550
00:44:33,604 --> 00:44:36,368
Three blocks away,
Schwartz was getting his.
551
00:44:38,010 --> 00:44:40,410
There has never been a kid
who didn't believe...
552
00:44:40,612 --> 00:44:44,480
vaguely but insistently,
that he would be stricken blind...
553
00:44:44,650 --> 00:44:48,450
before he reached 21.
And then they'd be sorry.
554
00:44:59,232 --> 00:45:01,030
Why, it's Ralph!
555
00:45:01,902 --> 00:45:05,133
Well, come on in, Ralph.
Where've you been?
556
00:45:10,144 --> 00:45:11,476
Why, he's carrying a cane!
557
00:45:11,546 --> 00:45:13,036
What is it, Ralph? What happened?
558
00:45:13,114 --> 00:45:14,979
Why, he's blind!
559
00:45:15,050 --> 00:45:16,881
Blind? Oh, my God!
560
00:45:20,021 --> 00:45:21,682
Ralph, is it something we did?
561
00:45:21,790 --> 00:45:24,624
What brought you to this lonely state?
562
00:45:25,928 --> 00:45:28,863
Ralph, please tell us no matter
how it hurts. What did we do?
563
00:45:29,732 --> 00:45:31,495
Look, I can't.
564
00:45:31,567 --> 00:45:33,468
Please, Ralph. I must know what we did.
565
00:45:33,704 --> 00:45:35,604
What brought you to this?
566
00:45:45,116 --> 00:45:47,277
Soap poisoning.
567
00:45:54,292 --> 00:45:56,488
Oh, how could we do it?
568
00:45:57,162 --> 00:46:00,222
I'll manage to get along, somehow.
569
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,634
- I'll never forgive myself.
- Thanks, Mom.
570
00:46:03,802 --> 00:46:06,397
I told you not to use Lifebuoy.
571
00:46:07,474 --> 00:46:09,271
I feel awful!
572
00:46:34,302 --> 00:46:35,166
Thank you, Heather.
573
00:46:35,237 --> 00:46:37,034
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
574
00:46:37,839 --> 00:46:38,635
Thank you, Flick.
575
00:46:39,307 --> 00:46:40,832
Merry Christmas, Miss Shields.
576
00:47:05,904 --> 00:47:08,930
I just thought that you'd be getting tired
of the same old stuff.
577
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:12,305
Yes, truly, a little bribe never hurts.
578
00:47:12,844 --> 00:47:14,904
Well, thank you very much, Ralph.
579
00:47:20,352 --> 00:47:22,149
Merry Christmas.
580
00:47:24,891 --> 00:47:26,153
Happy New Year.
581
00:47:28,995 --> 00:47:31,054
You can take your seat now, Ralph.
582
00:47:54,656 --> 00:47:57,717
The weeks of drinking gallons of Ovaltine,
in order to get...
583
00:47:57,827 --> 00:48:01,263
the Ovaltine inner seal to send off
for my Little Orphan Annie...
584
00:48:01,331 --> 00:48:04,858
secret decoder pen, was about to pay off.
585
00:48:05,635 --> 00:48:08,331
I got it. "Master Ralph Parker."
586
00:48:08,405 --> 00:48:10,134
My decoder pen!
587
00:48:14,512 --> 00:48:15,979
All right!
588
00:48:21,286 --> 00:48:24,119
"Be it known to all
that Ralph Parker is hereby appointed...
589
00:48:24,189 --> 00:48:26,953
"a member of
the Little Orphan Annie secret circle and...
590
00:48:27,025 --> 00:48:29,926
"is entitled to all the honors
and benefits occurring thereto."
591
00:48:30,462 --> 00:48:32,590
Signed, Little Orphan Annie.
592
00:48:32,832 --> 00:48:35,198
Countersigned, Pierre Andre!
593
00:48:35,568 --> 00:48:36,865
In ink!
594
00:48:37,036 --> 00:48:40,597
Honors and benefits.
Already at the age of nine.
595
00:48:46,446 --> 00:48:47,777
Come on. Let's get on with it.
596
00:48:47,848 --> 00:48:50,817
I don't need all that jazz
about smugglers and pirates.
597
00:48:51,852 --> 00:48:54,413
Listen tomorrow night
for the concluding adventure of...
598
00:48:54,522 --> 00:48:57,514
The Black Pirate Ship. Now it's time...
599
00:48:57,659 --> 00:49:01,720
for Annie's secret message
for you members of the secret circle.
600
00:49:02,497 --> 00:49:04,591
Remember, kids, only members of...
601
00:49:04,667 --> 00:49:08,728
Annie's secret circle
can decode Annie's secret message.
602
00:49:08,938 --> 00:49:12,032
Remember, Annie is depending on you.
603
00:49:12,975 --> 00:49:15,137
Set your pins to B-2.
604
00:49:15,512 --> 00:49:17,639
Here is the message.
605
00:49:17,914 --> 00:49:19,279
12. 11. 2...
606
00:49:19,349 --> 00:49:21,817
I am in my first secret meeting.
607
00:49:21,885 --> 00:49:24,649
... 25. 14. 11. 18.
608
00:49:25,722 --> 00:49:26,485
16. 23...
609
00:49:26,557 --> 00:49:28,252
Pierre was in great voice tonight.
610
00:49:28,326 --> 00:49:32,092
I could tell that tonight's message
was really important.
611
00:49:32,496 --> 00:49:33,554
... 3. 25.
612
00:49:33,664 --> 00:49:37,829
That's a message from Annie herself.
Remember, don't tell anyone.
613
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:44,609
Ninety seconds later
I'm in the only room in the house...
614
00:49:44,676 --> 00:49:47,975
where a boy of nine can sit in privacy
and decode.
615
00:49:50,483 --> 00:49:53,043
Ah! "B." I went to the next.
616
00:49:54,053 --> 00:49:56,681
"E." The first word is "be"!
617
00:49:57,156 --> 00:50:00,251
"S." It was coming easier now. "U."
618
00:50:02,062 --> 00:50:04,656
Come on, Ralphie! I gotta go.
619
00:50:05,332 --> 00:50:07,061
I'll be right down, Ma.
620
00:50:07,167 --> 00:50:08,566
Gee whiz.
621
00:50:11,072 --> 00:50:13,165
"T. O."
622
00:50:14,209 --> 00:50:16,609
"Be sure to." Be sure to what?
623
00:50:16,711 --> 00:50:19,441
What was Little Orphan Annie
trying to say? Be sure to what?
624
00:50:19,648 --> 00:50:22,641
Ralphie! Randy has got to go!
Will you please come out?
625
00:50:22,718 --> 00:50:25,448
All right, Ma! I'll be right out!
626
00:50:25,821 --> 00:50:27,288
I was getting closer now.
627
00:50:27,390 --> 00:50:30,359
The tension was terrible. What was it?
628
00:50:30,426 --> 00:50:32,657
The fate of the planet
may hang in the balance.
629
00:50:33,196 --> 00:50:35,255
Ralphie! Randy's gotta go!
630
00:50:36,199 --> 00:50:38,827
I'll be right out, for crying out loud!
631
00:50:39,202 --> 00:50:41,932
Almost there! My fingers flew.
632
00:50:42,039 --> 00:50:43,701
My mind was a steel trap.
633
00:50:43,808 --> 00:50:45,207
Every pore vibrated.
634
00:50:45,610 --> 00:50:47,271
It was almost clear.
635
00:50:47,445 --> 00:50:48,469
Yes!
636
00:50:55,654 --> 00:50:56,882
Ovaltine?
637
00:51:00,626 --> 00:51:02,355
A crummy commercial?
638
00:51:04,997 --> 00:51:06,522
Son of a bitch!
639
00:51:08,768 --> 00:51:11,259
I went out to face the world again.
640
00:51:11,404 --> 00:51:12,837
Wiser.
641
00:51:25,786 --> 00:51:27,253
Red cabbage?
642
00:51:27,321 --> 00:51:30,291
No, that's for tomorrow night.
You love red cabbage, Ralphie.
643
00:51:32,227 --> 00:51:34,195
You filthy system!
644
00:51:34,262 --> 00:51:35,923
I hate it!
645
00:51:36,098 --> 00:51:38,726
Schmucker! Smelly watt-buster!
646
00:51:47,443 --> 00:51:51,813
What happened next
was a family controversy for years.
647
00:52:08,733 --> 00:52:09,859
What was that? What happened?
648
00:52:14,106 --> 00:52:15,539
What happened?
649
00:52:16,308 --> 00:52:17,798
What broke?
650
00:52:18,077 --> 00:52:19,840
I don't know what happened.
651
00:52:19,912 --> 00:52:22,176
I was watering my plant and...
652
00:52:23,483 --> 00:52:25,246
I broke your lamp.
653
00:52:40,435 --> 00:52:42,096
Don't you touch that!
654
00:52:43,104 --> 00:52:45,231
You were always jealous of this lamp.
655
00:52:45,974 --> 00:52:47,441
Jealous of a plastic leg?
656
00:52:47,543 --> 00:52:48,703
Jealous!
657
00:52:48,877 --> 00:52:51,107
Jealous because I won.
658
00:52:53,015 --> 00:52:54,505
That's ridiculous! Jealous?
659
00:52:54,650 --> 00:52:55,776
Jealous of what?
660
00:52:57,020 --> 00:52:58,317
That is...
661
00:52:58,388 --> 00:53:02,347
the ugliest lamp
I have ever seen in my entire life!
662
00:53:02,725 --> 00:53:04,283
Now it was out.
663
00:53:04,694 --> 00:53:05,991
Get the glue.
664
00:53:06,563 --> 00:53:08,828
We're out of glue.
665
00:53:11,135 --> 00:53:15,469
You used up all the glue on purpose!
666
00:53:17,308 --> 00:53:19,709
The old man stood quivering with fury...
667
00:53:19,811 --> 00:53:22,245
stammering as he tried
to come up with a real crusher.
668
00:53:22,647 --> 00:53:23,909
All he got out was:
669
00:53:23,982 --> 00:53:25,279
Not a finger!
670
00:54:06,028 --> 00:54:08,258
With as much dignity as he could muster...
671
00:54:08,364 --> 00:54:10,924
the old man gathered up the sad remains...
672
00:54:11,033 --> 00:54:13,558
of his shattered major award.
673
00:54:14,437 --> 00:54:17,235
Later that night, alone in the backyard...
674
00:54:17,641 --> 00:54:19,472
he buried it next to the garage.
675
00:54:20,076 --> 00:54:21,737
Now I could never be sure...
676
00:54:22,212 --> 00:54:25,808
but I thought that I heard
the sound of taps being played...
677
00:54:26,117 --> 00:54:27,379
gently.
678
00:54:27,785 --> 00:54:29,514
Know what I'm getting my old man
for Christmas?
679
00:54:29,587 --> 00:54:31,384
- What?
- A rose that squirts.
680
00:54:31,455 --> 00:54:33,514
People come to smell it, it squirts them.
681
00:54:33,691 --> 00:54:37,219
- I'm getting my old man a Flit gun.
- A Flit gun?
682
00:54:40,566 --> 00:54:41,726
Stop right there!
683
00:54:41,934 --> 00:54:45,870
Ordinarily, if Dill so much as
said "hi" to you, you felt great...
684
00:54:46,371 --> 00:54:49,899
warm inside.
But mostly he just hit you in the mouth.
685
00:54:50,176 --> 00:54:52,838
I can't now, Grover.
I've gotta go see Miss Shields.
686
00:54:53,179 --> 00:54:56,080
Hey, come here! Get over here!
687
00:54:56,516 --> 00:54:58,450
Come on, you! Hey, come here!
688
00:54:59,954 --> 00:55:00,886
You! Come here!
689
00:55:01,121 --> 00:55:01,849
Who, me?
690
00:55:02,089 --> 00:55:04,990
- No, your Aunt Tilly.
- Yeah, you. Get over here!
691
00:55:05,192 --> 00:55:08,184
I left Flick to certain annihilation.
692
00:55:09,229 --> 00:55:11,721
But BB gun mania knows no loyalties.
693
00:55:12,200 --> 00:55:14,168
Uncle! Uncle!
694
00:55:19,140 --> 00:55:20,164
All right, class.
695
00:55:20,609 --> 00:55:23,204
I have your Christmas themes for you.
696
00:55:24,246 --> 00:55:25,611
I'm pleased.
697
00:55:26,215 --> 00:55:28,410
In general, you did very well.
698
00:55:31,587 --> 00:55:35,115
However, I was disappointed
in the margins.
699
00:55:37,761 --> 00:55:39,353
This is it.
700
00:55:40,731 --> 00:55:42,926
"C+"? No, it can't be.
701
00:55:43,368 --> 00:55:44,767
C+?
702
00:55:44,936 --> 00:55:46,961
C+!
703
00:55:54,747 --> 00:55:55,975
Oh, no!
704
00:55:57,149 --> 00:55:58,810
"You'll shoot your eye out"?
705
00:56:01,153 --> 00:56:03,121
My mother
must have gotten to Miss Shields.
706
00:56:03,288 --> 00:56:04,880
There could be no other explanation.
707
00:56:05,157 --> 00:56:09,288
You'll shoot your eye out.
You'll shoot your eye out.
708
00:56:11,865 --> 00:56:15,596
Was there no end to this conspiracy
of irrational prejudice...
709
00:56:15,669 --> 00:56:17,968
against Red Ryder and his peacemaker?
710
00:56:18,172 --> 00:56:22,370
These multiplication questions
were most missed in our last math test.
711
00:56:22,476 --> 00:56:24,034
Would you answer in unison, please?
712
00:56:24,345 --> 00:56:27,246
I was surrounded by happier kids
who were all going to get...
713
00:56:27,348 --> 00:56:28,907
what they wanted for Christmas.
714
00:56:29,284 --> 00:56:30,512
...fifty-six.
715
00:57:01,186 --> 00:57:02,710
Hey, four-eyes!
716
00:57:02,787 --> 00:57:05,347
How'd you like your snowball sandwich?
717
00:57:06,024 --> 00:57:08,015
Maybe you'd like another one!
718
00:57:13,566 --> 00:57:14,555
Listen, jerk.
719
00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:18,099
When I tell you to come, you better come!
720
00:57:19,305 --> 00:57:21,773
What? Are you going to cry now?
721
00:57:21,974 --> 00:57:25,741
Come on, cry baby, cry for me. Come on.
722
00:57:26,113 --> 00:57:27,603
Cry!
723
00:57:27,748 --> 00:57:29,545
Deep in the recesses of my brain...
724
00:57:29,683 --> 00:57:33,050
a tiny red-hot little flame began to grow.
725
00:57:46,802 --> 00:57:47,928
Something had happened.
726
00:57:48,103 --> 00:57:52,096
A fuse blew
and I had gone out of my skull.
727
00:58:01,217 --> 00:58:03,651
I'm telling my dad!
728
00:58:05,054 --> 00:58:07,147
Hey, Ralphie!
729
00:58:13,998 --> 00:58:16,125
Beat him up! Beat him up!
730
00:58:30,616 --> 00:58:32,880
Did you hear what he said?
731
00:58:37,490 --> 00:58:39,924
I have since heard of people under...
732
00:58:40,026 --> 00:58:43,690
extreme duress speaking
in strange tongues.
733
00:58:43,997 --> 00:58:47,455
I became conscious
that a steady torrent of obscenities...
734
00:58:47,634 --> 00:58:51,935
and swearing of all kinds
was pouring out of me as I screamed.
735
00:59:00,782 --> 00:59:02,340
Ralphie!
736
00:59:19,236 --> 00:59:21,101
We're going home. Come on.
737
00:59:40,225 --> 00:59:43,194
Calm down. Come on in here, Ralph.
738
00:59:47,700 --> 00:59:49,133
Put your head down in here.
739
00:59:49,569 --> 00:59:51,730
Come on, get down in here.
740
00:59:52,839 --> 00:59:54,397
Settle down.
741
00:59:56,709 --> 01:00:00,441
I want you to go in there
and lie down in your room for a while.
742
01:00:01,548 --> 01:00:03,675
Ralphie, just settle down.
743
01:00:07,388 --> 01:00:09,151
Here, dry off.
744
01:00:09,391 --> 01:00:11,359
All right, calm down.
745
01:00:11,493 --> 01:00:13,927
All right. Now go lie down.
746
01:00:33,684 --> 01:00:36,244
The light was getting purple
and soft outside.
747
01:00:36,386 --> 01:00:39,219
Almost time for my father
to come home from work.
748
01:00:59,611 --> 01:01:01,203
What's the matter? What you crying for?
749
01:01:02,181 --> 01:01:04,615
Daddy's going to kill Ralphie.
750
01:01:05,218 --> 01:01:06,685
No, he's not.
751
01:01:06,820 --> 01:01:08,185
Yes, he is, too.
752
01:01:08,288 --> 01:01:09,846
No, he's not.
753
01:01:09,956 --> 01:01:14,154
I promise you
Daddy is not going to kill Ralphie.
754
01:01:15,028 --> 01:01:16,553
Why don't you come on out of there?
755
01:01:20,134 --> 01:01:21,294
Would you like some milk?
756
01:01:23,170 --> 01:01:24,899
You would?
757
01:01:31,546 --> 01:01:32,740
Here you go.
758
01:01:34,082 --> 01:01:35,106
All right?
759
01:01:35,817 --> 01:01:38,548
I'll see you later? Okay. Bye.
760
01:01:50,868 --> 01:01:54,531
I heard the car roar up the driveway,
and a wave of terror broke over me.
761
01:01:54,772 --> 01:01:57,798
He'll know what I said,
the awful things that I said.
762
01:01:58,042 --> 01:01:59,839
Get out of here!
763
01:02:00,512 --> 01:02:03,777
Go on home, you mangy mutts.
Get out of here, you rotten, filthy...
764
01:02:04,049 --> 01:02:04,777
Hey, Bumpus!
765
01:02:04,849 --> 01:02:07,317
Get over here and get your stinking dogs!
766
01:02:08,420 --> 01:02:11,481
Hey, come on, what's for dinner?
I'm starving to death.
767
01:02:31,378 --> 01:02:34,007
Well, what happened today?
768
01:02:34,715 --> 01:02:36,046
Where's your glasses?
769
01:02:37,485 --> 01:02:39,146
Did you lose your glasses again?
770
01:02:39,520 --> 01:02:40,452
Ralphie.
771
01:02:40,788 --> 01:02:43,882
Remember, you left these
on the radio again.
772
01:02:44,125 --> 01:02:46,959
Now try not to do that anymore.
773
01:02:47,996 --> 01:02:49,554
So what else happened today?
774
01:02:51,066 --> 01:02:52,465
Nothing much.
775
01:02:52,668 --> 01:02:53,999
Ralphie had a fight.
776
01:02:54,803 --> 01:02:55,565
A fight?
777
01:02:55,772 --> 01:02:57,103
What kind of a fight?
778
01:02:59,542 --> 01:03:01,601
You know how boys are.
779
01:03:03,246 --> 01:03:05,146
I gave him a talking to.
780
01:03:06,549 --> 01:03:09,917
I see that the Bears
are playing Green Bay on Sunday.
781
01:03:11,789 --> 01:03:12,551
Oh, yeah.
782
01:03:12,723 --> 01:03:14,748
Zudock's got tickets. I wish I had.
783
01:03:15,059 --> 01:03:16,959
He'll freeze his keister off out there.
784
01:03:20,031 --> 01:03:23,523
I slowly began to realize
I was not about to be destroyed.
785
01:03:23,902 --> 01:03:25,369
The Chicago Bears.
786
01:03:25,971 --> 01:03:27,461
The terror of the midway.
787
01:03:28,440 --> 01:03:31,933
From then on, things were different
between me and my mother.
788
01:03:34,213 --> 01:03:37,273
More like the Chicago Chipmunks, maybe.
789
01:03:37,450 --> 01:03:38,576
But Bears, never.
790
01:03:40,554 --> 01:03:41,543
Strange.
791
01:03:41,822 --> 01:03:45,553
Even something as monumental
as "The Scut Farkus Affair"...
792
01:03:45,792 --> 01:03:47,316
as it came to be known...
793
01:03:47,494 --> 01:03:50,088
was pushed out of my mind
as I struggled for a way out...
794
01:03:50,164 --> 01:03:52,998
of the impenetrable BB gun web...
795
01:03:53,067 --> 01:03:55,126
in which my mother had me trapped.
796
01:03:55,470 --> 01:03:56,562
Santa!
797
01:03:57,272 --> 01:03:59,001
Yeah, I'll ask Santa.
798
01:03:59,707 --> 01:04:01,368
Of course! Santa.
799
01:04:01,676 --> 01:04:03,736
The big man. The head honcho.
800
01:04:03,979 --> 01:04:05,207
The connection.
801
01:04:05,481 --> 01:04:08,075
My mother had slipped up this time.
802
01:04:30,241 --> 01:04:31,868
Mickey!
803
01:04:48,928 --> 01:04:51,488
The store's going to close soon
and Santa will be gone.
804
01:04:51,564 --> 01:04:55,591
Ralphie, Santa's not going anyplace.
Just be still!
805
01:05:05,246 --> 01:05:07,680
Mom, this is just
the same old dumb parade as last year.
806
01:05:07,781 --> 01:05:10,979
- Ralphie, will you please calm down.
- Mom...
807
01:05:11,386 --> 01:05:13,013
- Hush!
- Shut up, Ralphie!
808
01:05:22,632 --> 01:05:23,428
There he is!
809
01:05:23,499 --> 01:05:25,660
Santa!
810
01:05:32,976 --> 01:05:35,467
Have you been a good boy? Have you?
811
01:05:35,612 --> 01:05:38,445
- Can we go now? Can we go?
- Yes, we can go now.
812
01:05:38,582 --> 01:05:40,777
Come on, Ralphie.
813
01:05:52,430 --> 01:05:54,524
Merry Christmas!
814
01:05:57,236 --> 01:05:59,602
Come on, Randy, hurry up.
815
01:06:12,719 --> 01:06:14,914
Ralphie, look over there.
816
01:06:14,988 --> 01:06:18,015
See, the line's not so long. Get in it.
817
01:06:18,092 --> 01:06:20,959
Take Randy's hand and hold on to him.
We'll see you later, okay?
818
01:06:21,028 --> 01:06:24,191
Stay together, you hear?
And don't get lost.
819
01:06:27,769 --> 01:06:28,861
Come on.
820
01:06:29,004 --> 01:06:30,471
Let's go.
821
01:06:33,375 --> 01:06:35,002
Young man.
822
01:06:35,177 --> 01:06:36,303
Hey, kid.
823
01:06:36,678 --> 01:06:40,240
- Just where do you think you're going?
- We're going up to see Santa.
824
01:06:41,084 --> 01:06:43,882
The line ends here. It begins there.
825
01:06:44,320 --> 01:06:46,015
Merry Christmas!
826
01:06:46,222 --> 01:06:49,317
Come on, come up, boys and girls.
Hurry up.
827
01:06:55,232 --> 01:06:56,665
Come on.
828
01:07:00,572 --> 01:07:05,373
The line waiting to see Santa stretched
all the way back to Terre Haute!
829
01:07:06,010 --> 01:07:07,910
And I was at the end of it.
830
01:07:10,248 --> 01:07:12,308
I like Santa.
831
01:07:16,689 --> 01:07:18,884
Let's face it. Most of us were scoffers.
832
01:07:18,958 --> 01:07:23,987
Moments before zero hour,
it did not pay to take chances.
833
01:07:24,931 --> 01:07:29,061
The chocolate snowman eats little boys.
834
01:07:30,804 --> 01:07:32,362
My pretty...
835
01:07:32,606 --> 01:07:34,734
What a tasty little boy.
836
01:07:36,010 --> 01:07:38,911
Don't bother me. I'm thinking.
837
01:07:43,317 --> 01:07:45,445
I like The Wizard of Oz.
838
01:07:48,724 --> 01:07:50,658
I like the Tin Man.
839
01:07:54,863 --> 01:07:58,960
If Higbee thinks I'm working one minute
past 9:00, he can kiss my foot.
840
01:08:00,603 --> 01:08:02,662
Come on up on Santa's lap.
841
01:08:02,772 --> 01:08:07,210
There's a wet one.
And what's your name, little boy?
842
01:08:07,411 --> 01:08:08,400
Billy.
843
01:08:08,479 --> 01:08:09,673
Come on, Randy.
844
01:08:11,248 --> 01:08:14,445
And what do you want for Christmas,
Billy? A toy truck?
845
01:08:14,552 --> 01:08:16,486
Get him off my lap.
846
01:08:16,620 --> 01:08:18,418
Quick, get me a towel.
847
01:08:26,164 --> 01:08:28,257
I hate the smell of tapioca.
848
01:08:29,802 --> 01:08:33,238
Attention shoppers! It is now 9:00
and our store is closing.
849
01:08:33,639 --> 01:08:36,574
9:00! Great Scott!
The store is gonna close!
850
01:08:37,610 --> 01:08:40,205
Santa can't wait all night.
851
01:08:40,781 --> 01:08:42,874
Come on up on Santa's lap.
852
01:08:52,660 --> 01:08:53,786
Get moving, kid.
853
01:08:55,129 --> 01:08:56,824
Quit dragging your feet.
854
01:09:09,945 --> 01:09:11,503
Get him out of here.
855
01:09:22,225 --> 01:09:23,989
Come on, kid.
856
01:09:30,067 --> 01:09:32,558
Come on up.
857
01:09:42,915 --> 01:09:46,408
And what's your name, little boy?
858
01:09:46,553 --> 01:09:49,989
Hey, kid, hurry up, the store's closing!
859
01:09:53,026 --> 01:09:57,691
Listen, little boy, we got
a lot of people waiting here, so get going!
860
01:09:59,900 --> 01:10:02,869
What do you want for Christmas,
little boy?
861
01:10:03,237 --> 01:10:05,330
My mind had gone blank.
862
01:10:05,472 --> 01:10:07,702
Frantically I tried to remember
what it was I wanted.
863
01:10:07,775 --> 01:10:09,334
I was blowing it, blowing it.
864
01:10:12,380 --> 01:10:15,440
How about a nice football?
865
01:10:15,584 --> 01:10:18,576
Football. What's a football?
866
01:10:19,288 --> 01:10:21,415
Without conscious will,
my voice squeaked out:
867
01:10:21,524 --> 01:10:22,752
Football.
868
01:10:23,292 --> 01:10:24,884
Okay, get him out of here.
869
01:10:25,428 --> 01:10:28,761
A football! Oh, no. What was I doing?
870
01:10:28,831 --> 01:10:31,198
Wake up, stupid, wake up!
871
01:10:39,009 --> 01:10:42,104
I want an official Red Ryder
carbine-action 200-shot...
872
01:10:42,213 --> 01:10:43,271
range model air rifle.
873
01:10:45,350 --> 01:10:47,045
You'll shoot your eye out, kid.
874
01:10:48,786 --> 01:10:50,583
Merry Christmas.
875
01:11:06,306 --> 01:11:08,103
I'll see you in Oz, folks.
876
01:11:16,684 --> 01:11:18,652
Well, did you see Santa Claus?
877
01:11:19,220 --> 01:11:21,654
Did you tell him
what you wanted for Christmas?
878
01:11:21,756 --> 01:11:25,487
Did he ask you if you'd been
a good boy all year?
879
01:11:25,894 --> 01:11:26,622
No.
880
01:11:27,462 --> 01:11:29,589
Don't worry, he knows.
881
01:11:30,298 --> 01:11:31,822
He always knows.
882
01:11:34,603 --> 01:11:37,232
Merry Christmas.
883
01:11:38,174 --> 01:11:40,506
Okay, down you go.
884
01:11:40,777 --> 01:11:41,937
Bye, Chris.
885
01:11:52,289 --> 01:11:54,587
That's fine.
886
01:11:55,392 --> 01:11:57,952
Now wait a minute. All right. Plug her in!
887
01:11:59,864 --> 01:12:01,491
Well, the green string is out.
888
01:12:01,599 --> 01:12:03,863
No, the green is on. It's the blue that's out.
889
01:12:04,135 --> 01:12:06,228
Oh, don't tell me what color it is.
890
01:12:06,337 --> 01:12:07,497
I'm not color blind.
891
01:12:08,273 --> 01:12:09,763
I'm not color blind, either.
892
01:12:13,446 --> 01:12:14,936
There, see, I told you it was green.
893
01:12:17,450 --> 01:12:19,577
Hold it! Don't anybody move!
894
01:12:21,053 --> 01:12:22,453
Hold it right there!
895
01:12:23,090 --> 01:12:24,853
A fuse is out.
896
01:12:25,358 --> 01:12:29,055
The old man could replace fuses
quicker than a jackrabbit on a date.
897
01:12:29,129 --> 01:12:30,756
He bought them by the gross.
898
01:12:36,671 --> 01:12:38,400
Oh, Ralph.
899
01:12:38,706 --> 01:12:41,072
My, isn't that pretty?
900
01:12:41,242 --> 01:12:42,539
That son of a gun.
901
01:12:44,513 --> 01:12:45,707
Yeah. No.
902
01:12:45,848 --> 01:12:47,509
That star is crooked.
903
01:12:47,783 --> 01:12:49,717
That star is perfectly straight.
904
01:12:52,221 --> 01:12:54,314
- Oh, you've got to be careful.
- I am.
905
01:12:57,026 --> 01:13:00,154
It's just... Let me get it fixed.
That's all right.
906
01:13:06,237 --> 01:13:07,761
Perfect.
907
01:13:10,641 --> 01:13:12,472
Oh, goodness, look at the time.
908
01:13:12,543 --> 01:13:14,534
I hope Santa hasn't had to pass up
this house...
909
01:13:14,612 --> 01:13:17,639
just because some boys
weren't in bed when he came by.
910
01:13:17,783 --> 01:13:20,377
I thought I heard Santa's sleigh bells...
911
01:13:20,452 --> 01:13:22,977
a little while ago,
going up the other side of the street.
912
01:13:24,055 --> 01:13:25,386
All right, you two, upstairs.
913
01:13:26,525 --> 01:13:28,551
Go on the double, on the double.
914
01:13:40,073 --> 01:13:41,165
Okay, let's get them.
915
01:14:44,543 --> 01:14:46,603
Randy, come on! Get up, Randy!
916
01:14:57,499 --> 01:14:59,592
Santa Claus had come!
917
01:15:03,172 --> 01:15:05,367
Wow! A truck! That's mine!
918
01:15:05,941 --> 01:15:08,172
Wow, look over here! That's mine!
919
01:15:08,244 --> 01:15:09,734
What's in here?
920
01:15:10,080 --> 01:15:11,104
It's hard.
921
01:15:11,448 --> 01:15:14,508
Fire truck. Oh boy, that's mine!
922
01:15:23,594 --> 01:15:24,891
Does this raise?
923
01:15:40,078 --> 01:15:41,307
Merry Christmas.
924
01:15:42,782 --> 01:15:45,114
Merry Christmas, you two.
925
01:15:45,918 --> 01:15:48,614
Randy, no.
Wait for Christmas to start, honey.
926
01:15:49,055 --> 01:15:52,116
- I want to play Santa!
- Well, wait a minute, Randy.
927
01:15:52,192 --> 01:15:54,092
He played Santa last year, didn't he?
928
01:15:54,461 --> 01:15:56,588
Ralphie, you play Santa this time.
929
01:15:56,864 --> 01:15:58,798
- Come on, Ralphie.
- Who should I start with?
930
01:15:59,099 --> 01:16:01,397
Well, give Randy a present.
931
01:16:01,502 --> 01:16:05,667
And, I think I see Aunt Clara's gift to you
right over there.
932
01:16:05,773 --> 01:16:08,207
She always sends you
such wonderful presents.
933
01:16:08,576 --> 01:16:11,272
Give me mine, Ralphie! Come on.
934
01:16:28,165 --> 01:16:32,659
Christmas had come. Officially.
We plunged into the cornucopia...
935
01:16:32,736 --> 01:16:36,605
quivering with desire
and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice.
936
01:16:36,741 --> 01:16:38,174
Didn't I get a tie this year?
937
01:16:45,316 --> 01:16:48,616
- A zeppelin!
- A can of Simonize.
938
01:16:49,421 --> 01:16:52,584
Ralphie, what did Aunt Clara give you?
Show everybody.
939
01:16:57,763 --> 01:16:58,628
I don't want to.
940
01:16:59,232 --> 01:17:01,666
Ralphie, show everybody
what Aunt Clara gave you.
941
01:17:02,602 --> 01:17:05,435
Aunt Clara had for years labored
under the delusion that...
942
01:17:05,505 --> 01:17:10,034
I was not only perpetually four years old,
but also a girl.
943
01:17:10,544 --> 01:17:14,412
She just always gives you
the nicest things, Ralphie.
944
01:17:18,919 --> 01:17:21,718
Oh, isn't that sweet?
945
01:17:22,157 --> 01:17:24,955
- Ralph, go upstairs and try it on you...
- I don't want to!
946
01:17:25,060 --> 01:17:27,460
Go upstairs right now
and try on that present!
947
01:17:27,562 --> 01:17:30,929
She went to all that trouble to make it!
Now go on.
948
01:17:38,608 --> 01:17:42,772
While Ralphie is changing,
I'm going to play Santa Claus.
949
01:17:42,845 --> 01:17:44,473
Now, let me see what can I find.
950
01:17:44,681 --> 01:17:48,242
I see something! Randy.
951
01:17:48,485 --> 01:17:50,248
This is for you, honey.
952
01:17:51,121 --> 01:17:53,055
And this is for Daddy.
953
01:17:55,994 --> 01:17:56,688
Here.
954
01:17:56,761 --> 01:17:58,626
From me to you.
955
01:18:00,898 --> 01:18:02,729
Thanks a lot.
956
01:18:03,134 --> 01:18:05,365
I wonder what it could be?
957
01:18:06,372 --> 01:18:09,364
Only one way to find out, isn't there?
958
01:18:09,642 --> 01:18:11,837
Well, it's a blue ball!
959
01:18:13,512 --> 01:18:15,275
It's a bowling ball.
960
01:18:16,283 --> 01:18:17,545
Thank you, darling.
961
01:18:17,651 --> 01:18:20,779
- Do you like it?
- Yes, very much. Very much.
962
01:18:21,488 --> 01:18:22,386
Ralphie.
963
01:18:22,589 --> 01:18:24,614
We're waiting.
964
01:18:24,791 --> 01:18:26,349
Oh, come on, Mom.
965
01:18:26,793 --> 01:18:28,455
Right now!
966
01:18:38,540 --> 01:18:42,169
Immediately my feet began to sweat
as those two fluffy little bunnies...
967
01:18:42,244 --> 01:18:45,611
with the blue button eyes
stared sappily up at me.
968
01:18:46,348 --> 01:18:49,044
Come down here so I can see you better.
969
01:18:49,886 --> 01:18:51,683
I just hoped Flick would never spot them...
970
01:18:51,821 --> 01:18:55,120
as the word of this humiliation
could easily make life...
971
01:18:55,191 --> 01:18:58,024
at Warren G. Harding School
a veritable hell.
972
01:19:00,213 --> 01:19:01,203
Isn't that cute?
973
01:19:01,882 --> 01:19:05,511
That is the most precious thing
I've ever seen in my life.
974
01:19:06,320 --> 01:19:07,218
Shut up, Randy.
975
01:19:08,047 --> 01:19:10,140
He looks like a deranged Easter bunny.
976
01:19:12,352 --> 01:19:14,047
- He does not!
- He does, too.
977
01:19:14,121 --> 01:19:15,816
He looks like a pink nightmare.
978
01:19:16,490 --> 01:19:18,481
Are you happy wearing that?
979
01:19:18,825 --> 01:19:19,814
Do you want to take it off?
980
01:19:20,027 --> 01:19:21,255
You tell the kid to take it off.
981
01:19:21,328 --> 01:19:24,298
You'll only wear it when Aunt Clara visits.
Go on and take it off.
982
01:19:24,365 --> 01:19:26,026
Take it off!
983
01:19:29,637 --> 01:19:31,537
My God, will you look at that mess?
984
01:19:31,940 --> 01:19:34,375
- Who's going to clean the papers up?
- Not me.
985
01:19:35,778 --> 01:19:38,110
- Randy did it last year.
- Well, he can do it again.
986
01:19:40,683 --> 01:19:43,584
You know, this wine is not bad.
It's not good either, but...
987
01:19:43,652 --> 01:19:46,213
- You want a sip?
- No, you don't.
988
01:19:47,691 --> 01:19:48,783
Did you have a nice Christmas?
989
01:19:49,526 --> 01:19:50,493
Yeah, pretty nice.
990
01:19:50,593 --> 01:19:52,060
Did you get everything you wanted?
991
01:19:53,029 --> 01:19:55,692
- Well, almost.
- Almost?
992
01:19:55,800 --> 01:19:57,427
Well, that's life.
993
01:19:58,102 --> 01:19:59,797
Well, there's always next Christmas.
994
01:20:03,040 --> 01:20:04,405
That's funny.
995
01:20:05,309 --> 01:20:07,107
What's that over there behind the desk?
996
01:20:08,146 --> 01:20:09,078
Where?
997
01:20:09,147 --> 01:20:10,978
Behind the desk,
against the wall over there.
998
01:20:13,819 --> 01:20:15,150
Why don't you go check it out?
999
01:20:31,839 --> 01:20:33,136
What did we put over there, honey?
1000
01:20:34,608 --> 01:20:36,701
Santa Claus probably put it.
1001
01:21:13,584 --> 01:21:17,418
Oh, it was beautiful.
I could hardly wait to try it out.
1002
01:21:18,189 --> 01:21:19,850
Do you know how to load it?
1003
01:21:23,294 --> 01:21:24,557
That's right.
1004
01:21:32,237 --> 01:21:33,135
Be careful.
1005
01:21:33,605 --> 01:21:35,038
Don't. They run all over.
1006
01:21:41,881 --> 01:21:43,143
Close her up. Close it up.
1007
01:21:44,217 --> 01:21:46,914
Can I try it out, Ma? Can I?
1008
01:21:47,021 --> 01:21:48,488
- Sure.
- Okay.
1009
01:21:48,956 --> 01:21:50,082
But outside.
1010
01:21:50,191 --> 01:21:52,056
I still say those things are dangerous.
1011
01:21:53,561 --> 01:21:56,155
Put on your galoshes and your coat.
It's cold out.
1012
01:21:59,601 --> 01:22:02,536
I had one when I was eight years old.
1013
01:22:03,138 --> 01:22:05,663
What if he hurts himself?
Ralphie, your coat!
1014
01:22:06,975 --> 01:22:10,878
- Don't shoot any animals or birds!
- Except the Bumpuses' dogs!
1015
01:22:12,482 --> 01:22:14,473
Be careful, Ralphie!
1016
01:22:15,151 --> 01:22:18,245
Now it is well known throughout
the Midwest that the old man...
1017
01:22:18,321 --> 01:22:20,187
is a turkey junkie.
1018
01:22:21,058 --> 01:22:25,358
A bona fide garley turkicanus freak.
A few days before Christmas...
1019
01:22:25,496 --> 01:22:29,592
his eyes would begin to gleam
with a wild and ravenous light.
1020
01:22:33,571 --> 01:22:37,871
Okay, Black Bart, now you get yours.
1021
01:22:51,857 --> 01:22:53,792
Oh, my God! I shot my eye out!
1022
01:22:53,960 --> 01:22:55,518
You'll shoot your eye out, kid.
1023
01:22:55,996 --> 01:23:00,262
You'll shoot your eye out,
you'll shoot your eye out!
1024
01:23:01,201 --> 01:23:04,399
Ralphie, you be careful out there.
Don't shoot your eye out!
1025
01:23:04,472 --> 01:23:06,531
She hadn't seen! She didn't know!
1026
01:23:07,175 --> 01:23:09,769
My eye's all right.
The BB must've hit my glasses.
1027
01:23:11,179 --> 01:23:12,874
My glasses! Oh, no!
1028
01:23:12,947 --> 01:23:14,608
Where are my glasses?
1029
01:23:16,251 --> 01:23:19,015
Few things brought such swift
and terrible retribution...
1030
01:23:19,121 --> 01:23:22,090
on a kid as a pair of busted glasses!
1031
01:23:26,429 --> 01:23:27,691
Stop!
1032
01:23:39,910 --> 01:23:41,377
Oh, no!
1033
01:23:43,847 --> 01:23:46,111
Oh, no! Pulverized.
1034
01:23:57,996 --> 01:24:02,161
For a moment I thought, I'll fake it.
They'll never know the lens is gone!
1035
01:24:04,837 --> 01:24:07,670
Randomly, my mind evolved
a spectacular plot.
1036
01:24:07,873 --> 01:24:10,034
Let's see, an icicle!
1037
01:24:10,376 --> 01:24:12,743
Falls off the garage and hits me in the eye!
1038
01:24:13,080 --> 01:24:17,278
It would work. It had to work.
Quickly, I whipped up some tears.
1039
01:24:23,558 --> 01:24:26,322
What's the matter, honey?
What happened?
1040
01:24:26,394 --> 01:24:27,622
What happened? Let me see that.
1041
01:24:27,695 --> 01:24:31,461
There was this icicle
and it fell off the garage and it hit me.
1042
01:24:35,838 --> 01:24:39,069
- What is it?
- No, it's okay. Just read your funnies.
1043
01:24:43,245 --> 01:24:44,736
Wake up, Randy.
1044
01:24:49,519 --> 01:24:50,850
Oh, God.
1045
01:24:51,021 --> 01:24:54,081
It hit my cheek and it broke my glasses.
1046
01:24:54,591 --> 01:24:58,289
And I tried to get out of the way, but I...
1047
01:25:00,231 --> 01:25:04,133
There, see, it's just a little bump.
1048
01:25:04,502 --> 01:25:06,164
You're lucky it didn't cut your eye.
1049
01:25:06,238 --> 01:25:08,365
Those icicles have been known
to kill people.
1050
01:25:14,613 --> 01:25:18,015
- What's going on up there?
- Nothing. We'll be right down.
1051
01:25:18,318 --> 01:25:20,980
You stay away from that turkey!
It's got an hour to cook.
1052
01:25:21,087 --> 01:25:22,247
You'll get worms!
1053
01:25:27,427 --> 01:25:28,918
But what about my glasses?
1054
01:25:29,496 --> 01:25:31,828
You can wear the old ones
with the crack in them...
1055
01:25:31,899 --> 01:25:33,730
until we get you some new ones.
1056
01:25:36,570 --> 01:25:38,470
I had pulled it off!
1057
01:25:39,874 --> 01:25:41,739
But I left my gun outside.
1058
01:25:43,044 --> 01:25:45,911
When you get dressed
you can go out and get your gun.
1059
01:25:46,114 --> 01:25:47,479
Hold that on there.
1060
01:25:47,982 --> 01:25:49,574
Life is like that.
1061
01:25:50,051 --> 01:25:54,989
Sometimes at the height of our reveries,
when our joy is at its zenith...
1062
01:25:55,091 --> 01:25:57,992
when all is most right with the world...
1063
01:25:58,127 --> 01:26:01,460
the most unthinkable disasters
descend upon us.
1064
01:26:16,914 --> 01:26:18,472
Oh, turkey!
1065
01:26:33,332 --> 01:26:36,530
Sons a bitches! Bumpuses!
1066
01:26:51,752 --> 01:26:55,347
The heavenly aroma still hung heavy
in the house. But it was gone.
1067
01:26:55,489 --> 01:26:58,516
All gone. No turkey.
No turkey sandwiches.
1068
01:26:58,593 --> 01:27:02,620
No turkey salad. No turkey gravy,
turkey hash, turkey � la king...
1069
01:27:02,731 --> 01:27:04,028
or gallons of turkey soup.
1070
01:27:04,099 --> 01:27:04,827
Gone.
1071
01:27:04,900 --> 01:27:06,162
All gone.
1072
01:27:10,807 --> 01:27:11,796
All right.
1073
01:27:12,275 --> 01:27:13,173
Everybody upstairs.
1074
01:27:13,409 --> 01:27:14,706
Get dressed.
1075
01:27:16,879 --> 01:27:18,369
We are going out to eat.
1076
01:27:42,675 --> 01:27:47,135
No! Not, "ra ra ra ra ra." "La la la la la."
1077
01:27:47,546 --> 01:27:48,342
Sing like this:
1078
01:27:56,790 --> 01:27:58,280
Try again.
1079
01:28:08,302 --> 01:28:09,496
Stop!
1080
01:28:10,271 --> 01:28:12,034
Sing something else.
1081
01:28:25,621 --> 01:28:26,680
No!
1082
01:28:26,756 --> 01:28:27,848
Stop!
1083
01:28:28,725 --> 01:28:30,989
Kitchen. Bring food. For customers.
1084
01:28:40,137 --> 01:28:41,468
Oh, I'm sorry.
1085
01:28:44,308 --> 01:28:45,969
It's a beautiful duck.
1086
01:28:46,377 --> 01:28:48,039
It really is.
1087
01:28:48,847 --> 01:28:50,474
But you see...
1088
01:28:52,984 --> 01:28:53,780
What?
1089
01:28:53,852 --> 01:28:55,820
It's smiling at me.
1090
01:29:01,394 --> 01:29:02,486
Okay?
1091
01:29:03,896 --> 01:29:05,329
Beautiful!
1092
01:29:08,868 --> 01:29:10,894
That Christmas would live
in our memories...
1093
01:29:11,004 --> 01:29:14,440
as the Christmas when
we were introduced to Chinese turkey.
1094
01:29:15,876 --> 01:29:17,867
All was right with the world.
1095
01:29:38,834 --> 01:29:41,132
Oh, honey, come over here. Look at this.
1096
01:29:41,971 --> 01:29:43,940
Is that beautiful!
1097
01:30:29,890 --> 01:30:34,156
Next to me in the blackness
lay my oiled blue-steel beauty.
1098
01:30:34,928 --> 01:30:37,260
The greatest Christmas gift
I had ever received...
1099
01:30:37,364 --> 01:30:38,797
or would ever receive.
1100
01:30:39,968 --> 01:30:43,631
Gradually, I drifted off to sleep,
pranging ducks on the wing...
1101
01:30:43,705 --> 01:30:46,230
and getting off spectacular hip shots.
1102
01:33:19,641 --> 01:33:20,938
English
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