Original subtitles

- Hey, I'm Anna Garcia.

I'm here, I'm queer,

and I'm feeling a little nauseous about today.

(upbeat music)

- [Vic] Today we're giving this comedian

a total transformation.

- I love skullcaps.

I feel so safe.

- [Vic] They have no idea who or what

they're about to become.

- What's going on?

- [Vic] Once they see themselves in the mirror,

they'll have to make up a character, on the spot,

and then sit down with me for an improvised interview.

(Anna squeals)

This is "Very Important People."

(Anna humming)

- [Producer] One, two, three!

(Anna screams)

(Anna cackles)

- Oh my god!

JoJo Siwa's dead, and I'm here now.

I'm kind of serving cunt.

Can I say that?

What do my necklaces say?

Dream, flying high, and dance all night.

Rack focus to these nails.

So I got these all from people I did molly with.

(with accent) This is actually permanent.

Got it sewn onto my skin.

(extremely normal) So I actually sell mortgages.

(people laughing)

(Anna laughs)

I actually sell mortgages.

This is just sort of a thing I do as a hobby,

but I totally forgot our meeting was today.

(people laughing)

Hey guys, welcome back.

I'm Princess Emily, welcome to my world.

Hi, I'm Angel.

(Anna giggles)

I just released my first single, it's called "Grateful."

? Oh yeah ?

? Hoo ?

? Yeah, yeah, yeah ?

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music continues)

- We all have a story to tell,

and sometimes that story needs to be shared with the world.

Good evening, I'm Vic Michaelis,

here with another edition of "Very Important People."

Please, and- Where's my guest?

Where's my guest?

Paul, where's- - All right, party people!

Put your hands in the air!

Yes, come on, give me clap, give me clap,

and shake a little bit, shake-

- [Vic] Okay, ah, ah!

- Everybody! - Stop.

- Let's get loud!

- Okay, why don't you go ahead and take a seat?

- Okay! - Okay.

- Understood.

- Please, introduce yourself.

- Hi, everybody.

My name is Princess Emily.

(tense music)

I'm really happy to be here.

- Oh, Princess Emily, we are so happy to have you.

(Princess Emily belches)

What was that? - What?

- Oh, I thought you said something.

- No, I didn't speak. - Okay.

(Vic laughs)

- I would let you know if I did say something.

- I'm detecting an accent.

Where are you from? - Europe.

- Oh, what part?

- Yes, exactly. - Okay.

Specifically, on a map, where?

- Oh yes, right in the heart of the smack of the map.

- Oh, Germany?

- Who is that?

- Okay.

You know what? - What's in here for me?

Can I sip?

- Oh, that's water, you're more than welcome to it.

Now, Princess Emily, you're a very-

You can spit it out.

(water trickles)

- Water's so different here.

- The water's different here?

I'd love to know more about that.

- So different here. - How is it different?

It's from a bottle.

- It's salty.

- Well, I wanna hear a little bit about this.

What got you into music in the first place?

- It's a great question.

I had a wish when I was younger, on a star,

that I would become famous.

- That's beautiful. - Thank you.

- I have to say, I'm a big fan of your music.

(Princess Emily belches)

Sort of like Justin Bieber-

Did you burp?

- Mm-mm. - Okay.

Just like Justin Bieber,

you were sort of found on YouTube, yes?

- Yes, my pop trio was found.

- With your original pop trio.

Now, when we did book you,

we did think that there was gonna be three of you.

- It's been amazing, because I've split off,

and done my own thing now.

- So, your trio...

- Maroon 5.

- Your trio, Maroon 5,

but there's a question mark after it.

- That's right, Maroon 5?

- Maroon 5 is a- Maroon 5?

- That's right.

- I said it like that, didn't I?

- Not first, no.

- I'm bad with inflection, Maroon 5?

- No, no, up at the end.

Maroon 5? - Maroon 5!

- You sound like you're scared.

You should be inquisitive.

Maroon 5? - Maroon 5.

- No, it's high at the end, Maroon 5?

- Maroon 5. - Maroon 5?

- I can't do it without doing your accent,

and that feels maybe offensive.

- Try.

- Maroon 5?

- That was really good.

- Okay, I'm seeing some mixed reactions.

Your group, Maroon 5 question mark.

- Yes.

- The question on all of the viewers' mind,

where are Princess Marina and Princess Jasmine?

- I want- I want to say it was a choice to go solo.

- Okay. - I wish I could.

- [Vic] Mm.

- Princess Marina and Princess Jasmine

got into a bit of trouble.

- What kind of trouble? - With the law.

- With the law? - Mm.

- Are you saying-

- Have you heard of pygmy monkeys?

- Yeah, sure.

- You know the way that things become trends in America?

Like oh, Birkenstock shoes are now cool,

or like, mullets.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

- That's what happened with pygmy monkeys.

- Did it? - Overseas.

And so, Princess Marina and Princess Jasmine

sort of figured out ways to access them, not legal.

- Mm.

- And then they sort of started breeding.

- So you're telling us right here

that Princess Marina and Princess Jasmine are in jail

for pygmy monkey trading.

- That is what I am telling you.

And they will not be happy about that,

because they like to be pop stars, they did.

And we tried doing it over Zoom.

- Do we have a video of that?

- You can watch it on Sk�rfinn.

- Sk�rfinn?

- It's the number one off-brand TikTok in Europe.

- We do have Sk�rfinn, okay-

- It would be actually ignorant if you didn't.

- Well we do, so. - Okay.

- Do you wanna introduce the song?

- This song is called "Whoopsies, Shouldn't Have Done That."

- Sort of topical for the situation that they were in.

- Yeah, the song is about the pygmy monkey situation.

? Oh no, oh no ?

? We shouldn't have done that ?

? Oh no, whoop-uh-sie ?

? Yeah, we should not have done that ?

I wish it worked out.

- The other two princess' - I wish it worked out with them,

- cameras were off. - but they really got in trouble.

They're in jail for life.

- For life? - Yes.

- For trading pygmy monkeys?

- Really so illegal.

- That can't be right, what country?

- Europe. - Right.

- I miss my sisters.

- And that is fair enough.

I'm so sorry that you're going it solo,

but it does seem like you are absolutely killing it.

- Do you think so?

- You're going on tour, is that not true?

- Yes, I'm going on tour.

We've had small difficulties.

- How so?

- Well, I released my tour dates

after Olivia Rodrigo's tour dates,

and hers are all the same as me.

- Well, I'm assuming different venues.

- No, well I'm performing-

The parking lots let you set up sort of a stage.

- So sort of like outside of grocery stores,

how they have a little sign that says the people are not-

- It's incredibly different.

- I see.

So, we had a segment idea

where perhaps you could teach me how to do a Sk�rfinn dance.

(pleasant music)

- Oh, a Sk�rfinn dance?

You think you can do it?

- Well, I would like to try.

- Sure. - Okay.

It's the same water as before,

and you didn't like it last time.

- Well, guess what?

I'm parched, and you give me no other options.

- Okay.

- I'd love a LaCroix.

- We have a LaCroix.

Can somebody get- - Jesus fucking Christ!

- Princess Emily?

- Let's dance! - Get her a LaCroix, please?

Thank you.

- So this is probably

one of Sk�rfinn's top dances right now, to a pop song.

It goes hands. - Hands?

- And then you squat with it.

- And then you squat.

- And then you sort of shimmy. - Shimmy.

- For like, a minute.

(gentle rattling of beads)

(Princess Emily burps)

It would be better if we had music,

and then we pop back up.

And then, can you do the splits?

- Yes. - Great! (claps)

Three, two, one.

Go on now, Vic.

- Well I, well um.

- Go on, now.

- So, okay.

- Or Sk�rfinn won't give you any likes or views.

- And sometimes, doing the splits is trying your best.

- You're gonna rip your uncomfortable-looking suit.

- Well, it's very comfortable, actually.

Well, why don't we take a seat here?

We had another segment that we were hoping to play.

- Oh, sure.

- A little game we like to do around here

called What's in My Bag?

- I said LaCroix earlier,

is that gonna-?

- Can we get Princess Emily a LaCroix?

- Can I have a LaCroix, please?

Look how fast it came when I yelled.

- Well?

Probably 'cause I said it- - Hi!

- A little earlier. - Little prince.

Thank you so much.

- Sort of don't make, um-

- Do you know my music?

- Eye contact.

- Oh, so you don't treat them like people?

- Well it's not that you don't treat them like people,

we gotta pay them a union rate,

and that's sort of a problem.

- Oh, yeah. - If they talk.

- Don't pay your people for doing stuff.

- Well, it's not like that.

So that's your LaCroix that you wanted.

- This is delicious.

- We have a segment here that we like doing,

and that is called What's In My Bag?

(pleasant music)

So we got your bag- - what's this?

- From backstage.

- Oh, my bag! - Goodness.

- Oh my god, did not give them permission to-

- So, we were hoping we could go through it,

and you could tell us about some of these items.

Are you ready? - Yes!

- Oh, okay, this is fun.

Tell me a little bit about these.

- So, I don't know if you've noticed

that I'm wearing bracelets.

- Yeah, I did.

- I've got a few on,

and so I've made them for fans to give me.

- For fans to give you?

- Yes, that's right.

- That's funny, 'cause I heard at some concerts

that you make bracelets,

and then you hand 'em out to other people.

- Right, so that's what I'm going to do.

But, I dunno if the fans know to make them,

so I make them for the fans,

and then I give them to them

to then give to each other, and to me.

It's very kind.

Don't know what you're looking at me like that for.

- Because the way you said it before,

it sounded like you made bracelets to give to fans,

and then they had to give them back to you to wear.

- Well, they do have to do that, as well,

at the end of the concert.

I can only make so many bracelets.

- Oh, I see.

- So for this, I'm going to pretend

that I'm the fan at the concert, and you are another fan.

So put the bag down. - Okay, all right.

- Oh my god, I'm on ecstasy!

Kiss it.

- Okay, mwah.

- And then, what?

Are you a lefty or a righty?

- Oh, I, ow.

- No, you're not supposed to catch it!

- Okay. - God.

- Right. - Let it fall.

And then sort of give it a stomp, stomp.

- Okay.

- The beads were totally fine. - Right.

- And then, after that,

you say what you want to name your first child.

- Vic.

- That's crazy.

- Wait. - Gimme that.

Just one hand, it's always going to be the right.

- Okay, is there- - Done.

- Wow, and then I give it-

- Ah, you can wear it for the show.

- Oh, okay.

- But if you don't give it back, I'll have to fine you.

- No, I will give it- - Not find, fine.

- Make me pay for it. - Yeah.

- All right, can we take another item out of your bag?

Okay, what is this?

- Tape.

- Why in your bag?

It's such a small bag, takes up-

- Well actually, it doesn't take up as much as you think,

because the middle is empty.

- I see, so you can-

- This is my favorite bracelet.

- Oh, beautiful.

- You want to try it on, see if you look good in it?

- Okay, ooh.

- No, no, no.

- Oh. - Not your vibe.

- Okay.

We have some more items in your bag here.

Uh, what-?

(bag crinkling)

Okay.

- These are my pills. - Right.

- I'll take one.

- No, I wouldn't do that, nope.

Okay, and we should probably put that away, and-

- It's mostly vitamins.

One of them's Wellbutrin, I love that drug.

- Okay. - Why don't you put- Take one.

- I'll take five. - Wow!

- Here we go. (inhales)

- I wouldn't have done that.

- So, what were they?

You said Wellbutrin, which I think is gonna-

And some vitamins?

- Yes, and then ecstasy.

- Was there, do you think there was ecstasy

in the ones that I took?

- [Princess Emily] Probably.

- Because I thought they were vitamins and Wellbutrin,

'cause you had said vitamins-

- No, I said ecstasy from the get go.

Rewind it if you need to, okay?

- If we rewind it, I'm sure it won't be there,

'cause otherwise I wouldn't have taken

a whole handful of them.

- Have you ever been on ecstasy?

- No.

- It's great!

- Okay, well I don't feel anything,

so there probably wasn't ecstasy.

- It takes 30 to 45 minutes to kick in.

Could you put them back in the bag?

- Oh, sure, no problem.

- Ecstasy is not cheap.

- Okay, and last but not least, we have-?

- My wallet.

- This is your wallet?

(Princess Emily murmurs affirmatively)

- Where are your credit cards and your IDs?

- The thing about America

is that you don't really need those things to get by.

I bring my money here,

and it's worth like 800 times as much.

- I can't think of a single country

where that would be true...

- You should do more research, and look at the map then.

- Okay, and I will go ahead and take that.

And I think that this is the end of the segment.

Thank you so much.

If we can get the PA in here?

- Give it to him.

- Give this to him? - Yes, give him the money.

- All of this? - He brought me the drink.

Don't you want that?

- Don't, we can't talk to him.

- You have to let them speak. - Okay, well I-

- Things are so different in America.

- It's my show, and when it's your show,

you can let the PA speak.

Princess Emily. - Yeah.

- You got this new music. - Thank you so much.

- Right, that's more just a comment on the fact that you do,

you just did do new music.

That's more of a fact.

- The music video's actually out now.

You can watch it. - Really?

- On Sk�rfinn.

- Let's take a peek at that. - You lucky duckies.

? I am ?

I am American number one superstar ?

? Sun is in the sky ?

? I salute to the number one guy ?

? And it's God ? ? It's God ?

? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's God which I pray to ?

? Yeah, yeah, yeah ?

? When I eat my burger, and everybody knows that ?

? I am, I am American number one superstar ?

? I am, I am American number one superstar ?

? I am, I am ?

? American number one superstar ?

- Incredible. "I'm American",

why are we choosing that as the language?

- It's actually quite hard to be a pop star in America.

- [Vic] Right.

- So you have to know your audience.

- Sure.

- So I figured saying you're American would be a good way

to connect to people that are American,

which is where I'm now living.

- That's interesting, an interesting choice.

(Princess Emily burps) Did you just burp?

- No, you have to chill.

Freaking me out!

- I'm sorry, and I'm not meaning to scare you.

- I'm gonna walk out that door.

- Oh, please don't!

No, don't.

We're so excited to have you here.

- Thank you.

- Seems like you're getting younger.

- Thank you so, that is really sweet.

(Princess Emily claps)

- Oh, thank you. - That is really sweet.

You guys can clap for Vic.

- No, it's- No. (crew applauding)

You can't clap for me, actually.

That's bad for audio, and I think you know that, so.

- Vic is nice, I do look younger,

and I have gotten work done,

but it's been subtle.

- It is subtle. - Thank you.

- Stickers?

- No, no, no. Permanent.

- Permanent?

- You know tooth gems? - Yes.

- I got face gems, and neck gems.

- Oh, so this doesn't come off?

- No, I wish, I actually wish.

I regret it very much.

- We do a segment on here called Rapid Fire Questions.

(pleasant music)

So I have a few questions here, and just answer them.

- I have a rapid fire question.

Do you like my hair?

- Oh, I do. - Thank you.

- Here we go.

Who is your best friend?

- Princess Jasmine.

- That's gonna be hard for Princess Marina to hear.

- Well, they'll never see this.

- Aren't there TVs in jail?

- Yes.

You think this airs on TV?

Sorry, and also it's abroad.

- Okay, well this is actually,

we have a lot of fans in Europe.

- No, literally never once heard of this.

- You've never heard of this show?

- My publicist was like, do it because we feel bad.

- How about this?

See if, see if anybody on CSNBC could ask you this.

What do you watch when you feel sad?

- I have these geckos that live in a bit of a nest

in the back of my condo.

- Hmm.

- I have seen them fornicate from time to time,

and I have pulled their tails off from time to time,

and I love to watch the way they are when I do that.

- Okay, so most guests say some sort of a television show.

- Oh!

- And so, that is a really insightful answer,

and I appreciate you answering honestly.

- I do love nature.

- And last but not least,

what I ask each and every one of my guests.

- Oh, that's me.

- What is the meaning of life?

(Emily inhales sharply)

- That's a good question,

and it's something that I think about a lot,

and I've always thought to myself,

the meaning of life, for me, is it, what is it, success?

Is it love, is it friendship, is it pygmy monkeys?

And I never have quite figured it out.

And I think that is the meaning of life

is that you allow yourself to be who you really are,

and you don't put pressure on yourself

to always be doing things right,

but you just do them.

And I really think strongly that,

you know, everything works out the way it is,

and I think the meaning of life

is to just be embracing it.

- That's really insightful, and beautiful.

- Thank you.

- I don't know what I was expecting.

- You think little of me?

- No, I don't think little of you.

I think very highly of you.

- 'Cause I've got all these bracelets?

- No, I- Oh.

Excuse me just one moment. - Hi!

- We can't talk. - Right.

- Breaking news, there's a car chase

happening currently on the 101.

- No!

- And blasting out of the Toyota is "I Am An American,"

your song, and it seems to have gone viral.

(Princess Emily belches)

- What?

- Yeah, it seems like your song has gone viral

because of a criminal in a car chase,

so it seems like he did horrible things

that we're not allowed to be saying.

? I am, I am American number one superstar ?

- My song has...

Gone viral, in America?

- Y-yes, it seems like it's trending.

- I never thought this day would come

after the pygmy incident.

This is amazing.

- Well, Princess Emily, it seems like people are gathering

outside of your house.

- This is amazing!

I have to tell them I love them.

- Okay.

- [Princess Emily] I'm doing it.

- Is it just me, or did you shrink?

- You think I'm down there?

- Oh, the carpet is talking.

- Are you feeling it?

- I think I am.

Are you sure it was ecstasy that was in there?

- You took so many different ones.

You're probably having a really bad reaction to one of them.

- Well, someone's gonna have to move the furniture,

'cause I feel like the furniture's God,

and it's telling me bad things.

- Okay, look, we can move it.

I can move it.

- Oh, don't touch that. - Don't touch it?

- There's people for that.

- Oh, this guy.

You are rich now.

You don't have to be here anymore.

Sorry, he's not, don't talk, he's not allowed to talk.

- No, he likes it here, he likes it here.

- This is Princess Emily reporting live from stardom.

I did it, Olivia Rodrigo.

You think you wish.

Sing Olivia Rodrigo song, sing one.

? Good for you ?

Ow!

- That is right, everybody,

it's Princess Emily's turn to shine.

- Okay, well that sobered me up.

I'm Vic Michaelis, and remember,

be true to yourself,

unless you would rather be somebody else, goodnight.

- Goodnight, everyone.

- Why did you punch me in the face?

- You were singing Olivia Rodrigo,

and I literally said don't.

- And you once again did nothing.

So thank you, crew!

- I hope they pays you for your time,

and if you ever come to Europe, I will let you speak.

(upbeat music)

(audience applauding)

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