All language subtitles for Mom S06E03 Ambulance Chasers and a Babbling Brook - fiveofseven

How many friends do you have?

None better than you.

It's not a trick question.

I'm thinking about how many people

we should invite to our wedding.

We could invite everyone we know,

which is about 150 people.

Or people we actually
like, which is six.

I'm good with six.

On the other hand,

if we're gonna do the whole shebang,

shouldn't we shebang

in front of a wildly cheering crowd?

- Here's a thought.
- Mm.

Why don't we find the
perfect place for our wedding

and let that tell us how
many people to invite?

God, you're so practical.

What's wrong with me
that it turns me on?

- Hey. - Hi. You want me to
make you some breakfast?

Ugh. I have my contracts
class this morning.

No solid food before that.

Oh, is that the professor who
calls you Christy "Flunk-it"?

(sighs) She thinks she's really clever,

but I heard that in kindergarten.

I was just trying to motivate you.

You know, if we get the
guest list down to four,

we could get married in my car.

That's the most practical
thing I've ever heard.

Take off your pants.

So, um,

the court held that
consequential damages could

only be levied if both parties

were aware of them when
the contract was made,

and... Hadley

didn't do that to Baxendale,

so, you know...

no bueno.

Well, Flunk-it, that was a
fundamentally correct answer

delivered with the
confidence of a cartoon mouse.

(high-pitched): Thank you.

Can someone else disappoint me

with the particulars
of Sullivan v. O'Connor?

Mr. Hart, you always make me sad.

My hand is shaking
too bad to take notes.

Can I borrow yours?

I'm not taking notes.

I'm writing, "Don't cry,
don't cry, don't cry."

♪♪

I understand a professor being tough,

but this woman's just mean.

How mean? Like, on a
scale of one to ten,

one being Marjorie, ten being Bonnie?

Let me put it this way.

Imagine my mother, but educated.

Ooh. (exclaims)

After my last class, I sat
in my car and just cried.

Then I looked at the car next to me

and saw another guy
from class crying, too.

He saw me, we laughed a little,

then we went back to crying.

I try to do my crying
right when I wake up,

get it all out of my system.

Until bedtime when I
cry myself to sleep.

Wendy, is everything okay?

Yeah. Never better. Why?

You want my fruit?

You can have my fruit.

Sweetie, if you have
time to cry, you have time

to go to a meeting.

I'm sure there's one near your school.

I did pass a church with a
bunch of jittery smokers outside.

I'll check that out.

Okay, ladies, forks
down. This is important.

I found the perfect place for
me and Adam to get married.

- Finally.
- Great. - Wonderful.

Way to sell it.

Anyway, it's this beautiful garden.

There's a canopy of trees,
it's lousy with flowers,

and... get this... there's
an actual babbling brook,

babbling right through the joint.

It was available for our date,

and these other people
were sniffing around,

so I booked it right on the spot.

Take that,
bizarrely-handsome gay couple.

- Sounds great.
- Pay attention. It's terrible.

She really gives you
whiplash, doesn't she?

I stupidly told Adam that
I cared about his opinion

and wanted him to be
involved in all the plans

and then I made the
most important decision

behind his back. What should I do?

This is the man you're gonna
marry. Be honest with him.

Not what I'm looking for. Christy?

- I vote truth.
- Nope.

- I would also...
- Eh.

- Truth is for chumps.
- I knew I should've started with you.

In my experience, the best way

to get what you want from a man

is to make him think it's his idea.

I've done it with houses,
I've done it with vacations,

I've done it with me.

I'm liking this. Go on.

Take him to the place you
like first. That sets the bar.

Then take him to a couple
of dumps and I guarantee you,

he'll decide he likes the
one you already booked.

Question is, Bonnie, are you comfortable

being that manipulative?

Or maybe the real question
is why do I waste my breath?

I think you need the fruit.

(sniffling)

You okay?

I had a really tough morning.

Well, you're in the right place.

I know. Thank you. (sniffles)

I'm-I'm just having
such a hard time with...

Oh, no.

BONNIE: Mmm. I'm still
smelling the jasmine

from that beautiful garden venue.

But... get that out of your
mind, because here we are

at the historic Marino
and Sons Barrelworks.

- It's kind of cool.
- I agree, not good.

Oh, I like the high ceilings.

Yeah, but...

it used to be a barrel factory.

I'm marrying a woman who
used to be a coke fiend.

Clearly, what something
used to be doesn't bother me.

Fair enough.

The brick walls are great.

Yeah, until I scrape up against them

and bleed all over my wedding dress.

That's right, I'm wearing
white, and our first dance

is to "Boogie Wonderland." Moving on.

I tell you, Bonnie, this has good bones.

We could hang some lights
across those exposed beams.

(scoffs) Now we're
providing our own lighting?

Why don't I also build
a robot to marry us?

I mean, I wasn't totally
sold on the beautiful garden,

but at least they have their own lights,

and... I don't know...
flowers and babbling brook.

I liked the garden.

All right, so we're narrowed
down. It's the fairy tale garden

or the serial killer's workspace.

Well...

I'm pretty seriously
leaning towards the garden.

Well, if you feel that
strongly about it, Adam,

I'll give it to you. Garden it is.

Great. So should I
call them and book it?

No, no. You chose, I'll
take care of the details.

Thanks, honey.

You're the best.

ALL: ... cannot change, the
courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know
the difference. Amen.

Uh, excuse me, Professor?

I just wanted to say hello.

Nice to know we're on the same path.

And you are?

Christy from your contracts class.

- You call me "Flunk-it."
- Oh, sure.

I thought you were taller.

Um, if it makes you
uncomfortable to have a student

in the meeting with you,
I can find another one.

- No, don't worry about it.
- Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm not coming back anyway.

Okay.

Wait.

I know it isn't any of my
business, but can I ask why?

Because I'm fine.

I haven't had a drink
in over six months.

I've been to a handful of meetings,

and I'm always asking myself
why am I wasting my time

listening to people
like you? No offense.

Actually, that's one of the
nicer things you've said to me.

Look, when I drink,
terrible things happen,

so I get I can't drink
anymore. I'm good with that.

What I'm not good with
is sitting in a circle,

talking about feelings
and reciting a prayer

that my mother had
crocheted on a kitchen towel.

You're lucky. My mom
didn't have kitchen towels.

For most of my childhood,
we didn't have a kitchen.

(laughs)

My mom's a drunk, too.

That's too bad.

Um, listen, I came here today

because I thought it
would help, and it didn't.

That happens to me sometimes.

Then I go out for coffee after

with my friends from the
program, and it gets better.

I like that. We're going for coffee.

- That'd be great, Professor Stevens.
- Call me Natalie.

Going for coffee, calling her Natalie.

(laughs)

Not my coat.

- Mom, are you here?
- Hello! How was your day?

Amazing! How was yours?!

- Amazing!
- Are we both in good moods?

- Oh, my God, that never happens.
- It never happens.

- What do we do?
- I think we're doing it.

- You go first.
- No, you go first.

Manipulation works, honesty jerks.

Help me know what that means.

I tricked Adam, and we're
getting married in the garden.

- Awesome!
- And what's your good news?

My professor's a drunk!

Help me know what that means.

I went to a meeting today, and
my horrible professor was there,

we had coffee, and it turns
out she doesn't hate me,

- she's just super broken.
- Oh, that's great, honey!

Not for her, but, yeah!

We talked for an hour, and now
I think we're kind of friends.

- (whoops) Friends?
- Yeah.

Oh, good. You guys
are here. I'm so happy!

- Us, too!
- Where you been?

- I bought the barrel factory!
- What?

Help me know what that means.

I'm gonna turn it into a bar.

Are you out of your frickin' mind?!

I think our good mood is over.

You're opening a bar?
That's so exciting.

Is it, Christy? Is it?

Let's talk later. I have ideas.

Okay, I know this was
a little impulsive.

Maybe it's my fault. We didn't
have a rule. So here it is.

If either one of us
goes insane and wants

to spend over $100,000,
we shoot the other a text.

- You don't have any money.
- Okay, then, this rule is just for you.

I don't know what to tell you, Bonnie.

I fell in love with the place.

You weren't supposed to love
it, you were supposed to hate it.

What's that mean?

Be right up.

My daughter needs me.

Why was I not supposed to fall
in love with my barrel factory?

- Forget it, poor choice of words.
- I know when you're lying.

- You do? I don't even know
when I'm lying. - Bonnie.

Okay.

Maybe...

I already saw the beautiful garden

with the babbling brook yesterday

and got my heart set on
getting married there.

Why didn't you just tell me that?

Because stupid Jill...

told me it would be better if
you thought it was your idea.

(chuckling): Why?

Because I had already
kind of booked the garden

before you saw it.

Wait a minute.

You're getting mad at me for
making a decision without you

when you've already made
a decision without me.

Yeah, don't compare our decisions.

Yours was momentous, mine was whimsical.

Well, at least I didn't lie about it.

That is a serious breach of trust.

Oh, don't talk to me about trust.

You said you were
gonna go wash your car,

but instead you bought a bar.

You know, I was having a great
day till I came over here.

- Well, so was I.
- Fine, I'm going home.

Are you? Or are you really
going to buy an abandoned Petco

and make it a discotheque?

The court held that the advertisement

was a unilateral contract

and that the defendant required notice

that the plaintiff had
purchased their product.

Magnificently wrong.

If I didn't have a mortgage,
I would quit teaching

at this very moment.

Ms. Plunkett, can you, again,
lead us down the right track?

I sure can.

The court found that
no notice was required

because it was a mass advertisement.

Yes! Thank you. You are a beacon of hope

in a room full of
budding ambulance chasers.

I'm available for
tutoring if you need it.

All right,

that is all the incompetence
I can stand for today.

Class dismissed.

- Ms. Plunkett, can I have a moment?
- Absolutely.

And the rest of you...
If you are planning on

being ignorant tomorrow,
just go to a movie.

Excuse me, excuse me,
professor needs me.

Excuse me.

Oh, great class today. White-hot.

So my ex said that we were
gonna have dinner tonight,

and that made me feel
like there was hope,

but then he just texted
me that something came up,

and I think it's someone and I
didn't even want to be with him,

but I am afraid I'm
gonna be alone forever.

Yeah.

I bet if we hustle,

we can make the 12:30 meeting.

Oh, I would rather just talk to you.

Let's go grab some coffee.

Okay, but I only have an hour.

I have three cases to
read for this class.

I just won't call on
you. Problem solved.

But I should still
do the reading, right?

I don't care.

Is Adam inviting his stuntman friends

- to the wedding?
- Oh, good question.

I'll have a year sober at that point

and random sex will
be back on the table.

Not literally. Maybe.

I'm not even sure there's
gonna be a wedding.

Oh, come on, Bonnie, you're
not canceling the wedding

because Adam bought a bar.

Can I cancel the wedding
because he's a dumb-ass?

You know, he never
would've found that place

if you didn't trick him
with that whole garden thing.

- That was Jill's fault.
- My fault?

You never take a guy to an old factory.

Guys love old factories.

MARJORIE: Christy's right.

This did start with you, Bonnie,

you've got to take some responsibility.

- (chuckling)
- What?

I was just trying to
picture you doing that.

(phone rings)

Oh, no, it's my professor.

I thought you liked being teacher's pet.

I do. I don't like being
teacher's therapist.

She calls me constantly just to vent.

Oh, really? What must that be like?

She is an arrogant, opinionated hot mess

who gets along with
no one. You'd like her.

Can't you just tell
her to go to a meeting?

That's what this one always does.

Or you could tell her
to "take responsibility."

You know, the more childish you get,

the more I know I got to you.

Bip, bip, bip, bip, bip,
bip, bip, bip. (gags)

I keep telling her to go
to meetings. She won't go.

I feel like I'm the only
thing keeping her sober.

Ooh, red flag, red flag. May I?

Please. I have to take my vitamins.

No one person can keep
another person sober.

You can carry the
message, but not the mess.

I'm sorry, did she pick you?

But, you guys, since
I've been helping her,

she's been nice to me.

I haven't cried in my car all week.

So you're using each other.

Well, it is a contracts class.

Christy, you can't be
this woman's sobriety,

and you certainly can't
help someone stay sober

to benefit yourself.

You would not be in the wrong right now

to go, "Bip, bip, bip, bip, bip."

- Hey, Natalie.
- Hey.

We are definitely going
for coffee after class.

I think I had phone sex
with my ex last night.

- Actually...
- I mean,

he called me while I was in the
tub... what was I supposed to do?

I was hoping to make
that meeting after class.

Ugh, you and those meetings.
You're better than those people.

No, I'm not. I am those people.

- And I really need those meetings.
- Why? You seem totally together.

(scoffs)

Sorry, no one's ever
said that to me before.

Do you want to go to coffee or not?

I think I don't.

Great.

I've come to rely on you,
and now you're bailing on me.

I'm not bailing, it's just...

I don't think I can be
who you want me to be.

I don't think any one person can.

No, of course. That's a job

for a bunch of losers
in a church basement.

We like to think of
ourselves as former losers.

Anyway, I...

I can't tell you what to do,

but I can only tell
you what worked for me.

Meetings not only help me stay sober,

but... they also keep me sane.

I understand what you're saying.

- You do?
- Absolutely. (chuckles)

Take your seat.

- I hope we can still be...
- I said take your seat.

And I hope, for your
sake, you did the reading.

Hey, Matt, there he is.

Are those new glasses?

Hey, uh, so, um, can I,
uh, borrow your notes?

So I'm thinking, if we put the bar here,

we put the flat screens
there, there, there, there,

there, there, there.

How about there?

Don't go crazy. (laughs)

Oh, hey.

Got a minute?

- Excuse us.
- Sure.

What's up?

I owe you an apology.

Yes, you made a massive decision

that will alter the course
of our lives forever,

but I had a little oopsie of my own.

Which was?

Wow, you're gonna
rake me over the coals.

Fine. I should've told you
I booked the garden venue

instead of tricking you.

Thank you.

But in my defense,
if I didn't trick you,

you wouldn't have this amazing new bar

that I look forward to not drinking in.

You'll be happy to hear I'm
naming it Bonnie's Place.

- Really?
- No. (laughs)

You can't name a bar
after a fall-down drunk.

That's... that's bad luck.

Yeah, like that hasn't worked
out for every Irish bar ever,

but go on.

I should've talked to you before I,

you know...

blew through my life savings.

Well, that answers my
next question. (sighs)

I know, it's crazy, but...

You got to understand...
I've been kind of lost

in the career department since...

this happened,

and the minute we came in here,

I could see a bar with
good food and happy people

and me going from table to table

acting like I own the place...

... 'cause I do.

But you know what the best part is?

Coming home to you and saying,

"Hi, honey.

I had the best day at work."

All right, I'm in.

But you at least have
to name a drink after me.

What would be in it?

Everything.

Done.

Hi, I'm Christy, and I'm an alcoholic.

ALL: Hi, Christy.

I've been trying,
lately, to help someone

see the value of this program,

but... they weren't interested
in what I had to say.

The good news is this person's
disapproval used to destroy me,

but it doesn't anymore.

I haven't cried in my car in a week.

That's huge.

And it's because of you guys.

(sighs) And maybe someday that person

will come walking through that door,

but it's not up to me.

I've completely let it go.

(door opens)

Aw.

I mean, hey!