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♪ I'll bet We've been together ♪
2
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:17,827
♪ For a million years ♪
3
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,963
♪ And I'll bet
We'll be together ♪
4
00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:23,033
♪ For a million more ♪
5
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:25,869
♪ Ooh, it's like I
started breathin' ♪
6
00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:28,872
♪ On the night we kissed ♪
7
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:34,377
♪ And I can't remember
What I ever did before ♪
8
00:00:34,401 --> 00:00:37,180
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
9
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,737
♪ Without us? ♪
10
00:00:39,974 --> 00:00:42,619
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
11
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:45,288
♪ Without us? ♪
12
00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:47,958
♪ And there ain't No nothin' ♪
13
00:00:47,982 --> 00:00:49,960
♪ We can't love
Each other through ♪
14
00:00:49,984 --> 00:00:51,260
♪ Ooh-hoo ♪
15
00:00:51,284 --> 00:00:54,131
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
16
00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:56,967
♪ Without us? ♪
17
00:00:56,991 --> 00:01:00,358
♪ Sha-la-la-la ♪
18
00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:07,143
Mallory, that is two!
19
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:10,880
Break another, and we're
down to service for one.
20
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,648
I don't know what's
wrong with me tonight.
21
00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:14,284
I seem so nervous.
22
00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:16,352
Would the fact that it's
parents night at school
23
00:01:16,376 --> 00:01:17,887
have anything to do with it?
24
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:21,858
It's parents night? At school?
25
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:23,481
Already?
26
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:26,830
Yes. Yes, it is, Mallory.
27
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:28,364
Your night of nights.
28
00:01:28,388 --> 00:01:30,333
A chance for your
parents and your teachers
29
00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:32,869
to get together,
review your grades,
30
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,993
and have a good laugh.
31
00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:37,373
You're so smug, Alex.
32
00:01:37,397 --> 00:01:39,375
You just love parents
night, don't you?
33
00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:40,643
Oh, you bet.
34
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:43,746
I put it right up there
with Christmas Eve.
35
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:46,048
How are you coming
with the dishes?
36
00:01:46,072 --> 00:01:49,319
Um, there's one or two left.
37
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:51,555
All right. We should
be back by 9:30.
38
00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:53,890
I know it's going to be
very hectic there tonight,
39
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:56,426
so if you have to skip
seeing my algebra teacher,
40
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:57,527
I'll understand.
41
00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:58,828
In fact,
42
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:01,331
as of yesterday, Mrs. Stigney,
43
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,433
she took a vow of silence.
44
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,591
We'll pass notes to each other.
45
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:07,837
What about you, Alex?
46
00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:09,639
Anyone you want us to avoid?
47
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:12,842
Au contraire.
48
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:14,544
You go anywhere you want to go.
49
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:16,846
I just hope you
can contain your joy.
50
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:20,383
Oh, remember, make
sure and see Mr. Tedesco.
51
00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,419
You've reminded us every hour.
52
00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:23,987
I don't mean to be
a pest about this,
53
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:25,855
but it's really important.
54
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,890
His cousin is on the
faculty at Dartmouth.
55
00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:30,326
If he writes me a letter
of recommendation, I'm in.
56
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:31,861
Okay, Alex.
57
00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:34,797
So you'll see him?
You'll, uh, butter him up?
58
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,299
Consider him buttered.
59
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:39,001
Okay, Elyse. You
go to Alex's classes,
60
00:02:39,025 --> 00:02:40,057
and I'll go to Mallory's.
61
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,377
Mr. Tedesco.
62
00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:50,747
Good guess.
63
00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:51,781
Who are you?
64
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:53,883
Elyse Keaton, Alex's mother.
65
00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:55,384
Alex Keaton, good man.
66
00:02:55,408 --> 00:02:56,385
Thank you.
67
00:02:56,409 --> 00:02:57,921
You must be very proud.
68
00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:00,289
Alex is the best
student in this class.
69
00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:01,791
Of course, that's
not saying much.
70
00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:03,727
Half of them think The
Hunchback of Notre Dame
71
00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:05,629
was a football player.
72
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:07,330
This is one of his
favorite classes.
73
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,298
He talks about you all the time.
74
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:11,334
No need to butter me up.
75
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,336
I wasn't buttering you
up. That was the truth.
76
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,338
My husband and I were
very anxious to meet you,
77
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:18,341
but he had to go to my
daughter Mallory's algebra class.
78
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,010
Mallory?
79
00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:22,411
I had a student named
Mallory Keaton last year.
80
00:03:22,435 --> 00:03:23,847
She's the one.
81
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:27,684
Really? Which one of
your children is adopted?
82
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:38,361
All right, everybody.
Attention, please.
83
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:41,364
I'm... Ruben Tedesco.
84
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:45,368
Your children call
me Mr. Tedesco.
85
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,237
I think you should too.
86
00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:51,541
I teach European literature.
87
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,876
If you don't belong in
this classroom, don't worry.
88
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,000
Neither do most
of your children.
89
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,782
I'd like to make
this an open forum.
90
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:02,919
I'll answer any intelligent
questions you may have.
91
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:06,122
Hands, please.
92
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,323
Yes, the lady in the front row.
93
00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:08,324
Mr. Tedesco...
94
00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:09,425
Not you.
95
00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:12,017
The one next to
you, the old bag.
96
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:18,601
Why do you give out
so much homework?
97
00:04:18,625 --> 00:04:21,337
I said intelligent
questions. Next.
98
00:04:21,361 --> 00:04:23,072
Yes, you.
99
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,842
My son, he says you pick on him.
100
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,410
You call him names.
101
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,411
Who's your son?
102
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,912
Larry Morgan.
103
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,670
Larry the Loser?
104
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:36,908
Madam, your son is an
insipid, pimple-faced liar.
105
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,356
Anyone else?
106
00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:42,625
Please identify yourself.
107
00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:44,160
I'm Mrs. Binney.
108
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:48,831
My daughter Mindy so enjoyed
reading The Little Prince.
109
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:52,435
Is there anything else
you'd recommend for her?
110
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:55,059
Yes. I'd recommend
she lose 40 pounds.
111
00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:58,196
You could lose
30 yourself. Next.
112
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:04,914
My, my. Such an
inquisitive bunch.
113
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,483
I have something to say.
114
00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:07,883
Mr. Tedesco,
115
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:09,885
I think you owe Mrs. Binney
116
00:05:09,909 --> 00:05:11,621
and everyone else
in here an apology.
117
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:12,922
Yes!
118
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:16,426
You've been terribly
rude and insulting to us all.
119
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,329
Mrs. Keaton, it's
clear that your son
120
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:21,831
does not get his
intelligence from you.
121
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:24,334
If you feel I'm
being insulting, fine.
122
00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:26,336
I won't insult anyone anymore.
123
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,739
This little get-together
is over. I'm leaving.
124
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:35,478
Sorry. The game is
over. Let me through.
125
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,068
Don't push me!
126
00:05:37,937 --> 00:05:39,715
Move it, grandma.
127
00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:41,017
You can't do that!
128
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,740
Who's gonna stop me?
129
00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:51,694
All right.
130
00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:53,363
Mallory, you hold the plate.
131
00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:54,864
Jennifer, you hold that piece,
132
00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:57,367
and I'll fit them together.
133
00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:59,202
Okay, great, great.
134
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:01,804
We've just gotta hold it
like this for two minutes,
135
00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:04,329
and it'll last for 2,000 years.
136
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:08,311
Hey, it says so
right on the bottle.
137
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,318
What should we do?
138
00:06:17,844 --> 00:06:20,545
All right, all right.
Don't panic. Don't panic.
139
00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:31,334
Hello.
140
00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:32,835
Yeah, just a second.
141
00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:34,837
It's for you. Linda.
142
00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:36,628
Oh, thanks.
143
00:06:39,366 --> 00:06:42,612
Uh, Linda?
144
00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:44,676
I'm going to take
it in the other room.
145
00:06:46,873 --> 00:06:48,473
Sorry about that.
146
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,427
Mom, Dad! You're home
early. What happened?
147
00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:01,163
I-it's a long story.
148
00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:04,934
You talked to Mrs.
Stigney, didn't you?
149
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:07,169
Y-yes, but that's not...
150
00:07:07,193 --> 00:07:09,739
Oh, I knew it. Listen, I promise
I'll work harder from now on.
151
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:10,840
Mallory, it's...
152
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:12,609
I'll do my homework
every night, I swear.
153
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,811
Well, maybe not every
night, but every other night.
154
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:15,967
Mallory.
155
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:20,449
We have other, more
serious problems right now.
156
00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:21,473
Thank God.
157
00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:25,822
Hey, Mom and Dad, how'd it go?
158
00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:28,090
Alex, maybe you'd
better sit down.
159
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,392
I can't sit down.
I'm too excited.
160
00:07:30,416 --> 00:07:31,827
Listen, did you see Mr. Tedesco?
161
00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:33,851
Did you, uh, make
an impression on him?
162
00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:38,968
Very definitely.
163
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:41,137
Great. Tell me every detail.
164
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:44,340
I don't know exactly
how to put this.
165
00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:47,098
I punched Mr. Tedesco
in the mouth.
166
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:53,404
What did you say?
167
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,518
I punched him.
168
00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,753
Um... wh-when you say punched,
169
00:07:57,777 --> 00:08:00,890
do you mean an
affectionate little tap, like, uh,
170
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,180
"Way to go, Mr. Tedesco"?
171
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,331
I decked him.
172
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,454
Wow!
173
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:13,202
Any particular reason?
174
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,304
He shoved an elderly lady!
175
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,595
That's it? How old?
176
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:24,647
Alex, your Mr. Tedesco is a
rude, crass, vile human being.
177
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:25,981
I could have told you that.
178
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,251
What did you
have to hit him for?
179
00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:30,653
He was being so rude
and insulting that...
180
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,422
That hitting him was an
automatic reflexive response.
181
00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:36,492
I was seized by an
uncontrollable impulse.
182
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,015
Can't you understand?
183
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:40,429
No!
184
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:41,931
It was just...
185
00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:44,834
one of those things.
186
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:49,338
Now, I... I'm sure we
can all understand it.
187
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:52,075
Could you explain it to
me one more time, Elyse?
188
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:54,110
Maybe if you showed
us how it happened, Mom.
189
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:56,334
Alex, you be Mr. Tedes...
190
00:08:57,403 --> 00:09:00,349
Steven, I'm so
ashamed of myself...
191
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,351
Striking another human being.
192
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:06,111
Look, Elyse. I'm sure that
this can all be cleared up...
193
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,860
Cleared up very easily.
194
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:15,598
Now, why don't you just
call him up and apologize?
195
00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:17,500
Good idea, good
idea. I'll get the number.
196
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:19,368
Everything is going to be fine.
197
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,370
You just had a
bad night, that's all.
198
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:22,371
Yeah.
199
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,562
Champ.
200
00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:26,042
That's right, Mom.
201
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,077
And anyways, Mr. Tedesco's
been asking for it
202
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,379
for a long time now.
203
00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:31,281
It's time somebody
put him in his place.
204
00:09:31,305 --> 00:09:34,050
Mallory, I don't want you
to interpret this in any way
205
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,185
as meaning that I
condone violence.
206
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:39,389
I don't. It was a
freak occurrence.
207
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:41,391
Okay, Mom.
208
00:09:41,415 --> 00:09:42,392
Here you go.
209
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,894
Say anything you have to say,
210
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,396
but get me that recommendation.
211
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:50,400
Don't worry, Alex. I think
I know how to handle this.
212
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:52,001
Hello. Mr. Tedesco?
213
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:54,103
Hi, this is Elyse Keaton.
214
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:56,605
Please, please hear me out.
215
00:09:56,629 --> 00:09:59,608
Mr. Tedesco, I feel terribly
about what happened,
216
00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:01,844
and I want to apologize.
217
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,768
Now see here!
218
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:07,183
What? Where do you live?
219
00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:08,207
Wh...?!
220
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:12,255
Uh, M... M... Mr. Tedesco?
221
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:13,889
Uh, yeah, pay no
attention to her.
222
00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:17,060
She's been on
medication lately, and...
223
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:18,494
Hello?
224
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:20,418
Hello?
225
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:29,071
Uh, Mr. Tedesco?
226
00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:30,273
What is it?
227
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,640
May I have a word with you?
228
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:33,575
You've already had seven.
229
00:10:33,599 --> 00:10:35,577
I'm Steven Keaton,
Alex's father.
230
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:37,346
Huh?
231
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:40,616
One of the dueling Keatons.
232
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,717
No. I don't...
233
00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:43,308
Don't come any closer.
234
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,056
Mr. Tedesco,
235
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,758
I came to apologize
for my wife's behavior.
236
00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:52,116
She feels terrible
about the whole thing.
237
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,965
She's really sorry. We both are.
238
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,666
I could sue, you know.
239
00:10:57,690 --> 00:11:01,037
Look... Uh, look,
let's... Let's try to gain
240
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:04,040
some perspective
on the situation here.
241
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:07,543
Uh, haven't you ever done
something without thinking?
242
00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:09,478
Something you regretted later?
243
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,948
Yes. I showed up
for parents night.
244
00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:13,415
Look, I know you're upset,
245
00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:14,817
and you have every right to be,
246
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:18,888
but you're obviously a very
intelligent, civilized person
247
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:22,146
who can recognize this
incident for what it is.
248
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:26,729
An aberration.
249
00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:30,166
And, uh, I hope you'll
forgive and forget.
250
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,235
Fortunately, Mr. Keaton,
251
00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:35,404
your son inherited your
rational temperament.
252
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:38,040
For his sake, I
will allow myself
253
00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:40,276
to be appeased by your words.
254
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,912
I am nothing if not civilized.
255
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,347
Well...
256
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,048
I can see that.
257
00:11:46,072 --> 00:11:48,739
Your wife, however,
is an amazon.
258
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:53,789
Part Irish, part
French. No amazon.
259
00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:56,292
You know what I mean, Keaton.
260
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:59,028
She's primal!
261
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,429
Not fully evolved.
262
00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:03,933
You must have a tough
time keeping her in line.
263
00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:05,001
Tell me...
264
00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:07,858
do whips ever enter the picture?
265
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,579
I think I'll be going now.
266
00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:18,247
No. I'm curious. What's it like
267
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:24,420
to live with that kind
of unbridled she-devil?
268
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:25,455
Goodbye, Mr. Tedesco.
269
00:12:25,479 --> 00:12:27,390
No, wait. Just
one more question.
270
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:28,591
Does she ever, uh...?
271
00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:32,170
Why, you...!
272
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:43,038
You're in a good mood, Alex.
273
00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:44,907
Hey, why shouldn't I
be in a good mood?
274
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:48,911
Right now, Dad and Mr. Tedesco
are probably shaking hands.
275
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,179
They're probably deciding
276
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:52,081
whether or not to
go out for a beer.
277
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,083
My problems are over.
278
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,485
Hey, Mom,
279
00:12:55,509 --> 00:12:57,920
want to go for a few rounds,
just for old times' sake?
280
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:58,955
Alex.
281
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,156
Float like a butterfly,
sting like a bee?
282
00:13:01,180 --> 00:13:02,458
Alex, I'm getting angry.
283
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:05,082
Whoa! Kids, she's
mad! Hit the deck!
284
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:07,864
Will you stop it?
285
00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:09,499
Just get the table
set for dinner.
286
00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:12,356
Ah, come on, Mom. It's over
now. We can laugh about it.
287
00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:16,105
Can't we?
288
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,374
She's not laughing, Alex.
289
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:19,697
Okay, okay.
290
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,067
What's this?
291
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:30,519
It's a plate.
292
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:33,389
It used to be a
plate. Now it's art.
293
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:37,581
There's lots more art
in the cupboard, Mom.
294
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:42,331
Ah, Dad, how'd it go?
295
00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:44,433
Will he write me the
recommendation?
296
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:47,270
Well, we didn't exactly
discuss the recommendation.
297
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:49,605
Well, what did you talk about?
298
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,307
Well, um...
299
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:52,909
first I introduced myself.
300
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:55,867
Then I-I told him
how sorry we were.
301
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:58,948
I convinced him to
forgive and forget.
302
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:04,653
Then we made a little bit
of small talk, idle chatter.
303
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,645
Then I punched him in the face.
304
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:15,998
I'm sorry, Alex.
The man is slime.
305
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,634
Elyse, if you'd heard
the things he'd said...
306
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:20,136
I can't believe this.
307
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:23,906
I can't let you two
out of the house!
308
00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:28,065
Alex, that man would have
made a killer out of Gandhi.
309
00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:36,919
That man held the key
to my future in his hands.
310
00:14:36,943 --> 00:14:38,654
That... That letter
of recommendation
311
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:41,356
was my passport
to the Ivy League,
312
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:44,660
to penny loafers,
raccoon coats...
313
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:46,583
girls named Muffy.
314
00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:50,900
Alex, there's
always trade school.
315
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,137
How did all this happen, Elyse?
316
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:56,338
For all these years,
317
00:14:56,362 --> 00:15:00,009
we've lived by the
doctrine of non-violence...
318
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:03,445
of sympathy and love
towards our fellow man,
319
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:05,981
peace and harmony.
320
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:07,972
The man is a rodent.
321
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:13,255
Listen, my geography teacher
has been wising off lately.
322
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:15,799
Could one of you
rough her up a bit?
323
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:20,029
We've gotta put a stop to this.
324
00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:21,697
Steven, I know this
may sound crazy,
325
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:23,699
but I think we ought
to invite Mr. Tedesco
326
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,601
to dinner tomorrow night.
327
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:28,226
What for? To finish him off?
328
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:33,042
I don't want that man
in my home, Elyse.
329
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:34,543
Neither do I, Steven,
330
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:37,446
but until we can sit
down in peace with him,
331
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:40,238
we'll never be able to sit
down in peace with ourselves.
332
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,951
You're right.
333
00:15:42,975 --> 00:15:46,722
And I think we owe it to
Alex to smooth this thing over.
334
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:50,159
Well... now you're
talking some sense.
335
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,743
Settled. We'll invite him
for dinner tomorrow night.
336
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:57,333
Girls, you gotta
help me out tonight.
337
00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:58,901
We gotta keep
things in an up mood
338
00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:02,371
when Mr. Tedesco
comes, happiness, gaiety.
339
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:05,074
Laugh and giggle
as much as possible.
340
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:07,309
In fact, let's practice, okay?
341
00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:08,699
Go ahead, laugh.
342
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:11,435
Heh.
343
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,616
That's not bad, not bad,
344
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,074
but try it with a little
more enthusiasm.
345
00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:21,290
Hee-hee-hee-hee.
346
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,824
Better.
347
00:16:22,848 --> 00:16:26,495
Okay, look, if he starts getting
into it with Mom and Dad,
348
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:29,698
talk about something else,
okay? Like... Like the weather.
349
00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:32,934
Okay, Alex, now, the
chicken's in the oven,
350
00:16:32,958 --> 00:16:34,670
and the table is set.
351
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,372
Uh, chicken? Chicken?
352
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:38,440
Is that the best
you could do, Mom?
353
00:16:38,464 --> 00:16:39,941
What's wrong with chicken?
354
00:16:39,965 --> 00:16:42,567
You do not appease
a man with poultry.
355
00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:46,482
Beef! We need beef!
356
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:48,450
We're having chicken, Alex.
357
00:16:48,474 --> 00:16:50,452
Okay, look, I've
given some thought
358
00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:53,578
as to what you might
say to Mr. Tedesco.
359
00:16:55,081 --> 00:16:58,060
"Never has so cruel an
attack been perpetrated
360
00:16:58,084 --> 00:17:00,324
on so innocent a victim."
361
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:06,468
"Would that I could reverse
the hands of time, I would.
362
00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:09,893
I beg your forgiveness
with all my heart and soul."
363
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:15,177
Alex, we're not going
to say these things.
364
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,780
We had no right to
hit him, we know that.
365
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:19,782
But we're not going
to beg his forgiveness.
366
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,884
Begging's out?
367
00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:23,151
Afraid so.
368
00:17:23,175 --> 00:17:25,220
We're not going
to grovel, either.
369
00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:26,254
No groveling, either?
370
00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:29,191
Why are we having the guy over?
371
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,982
I'll get it.
372
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:35,498
Mr. Tedesco.
373
00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:37,500
Hello, Alex.
374
00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:39,123
Come on in.
375
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:43,038
Please, sit down.
376
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,239
Thank you.
377
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:45,963
Hee-hee-hee-hee.
378
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:57,520
I'm glad you could accept
our invitation, Mr. Tedesco.
379
00:17:57,544 --> 00:18:00,022
Well, of course
he accepted, Mom.
380
00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:01,924
He's a very forgiving man.
381
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:03,926
Before you sits a human being
382
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:06,829
who thinks and acts on the
highest plane imaginable.
383
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,293
I came for the free dinner.
384
00:18:15,161 --> 00:18:17,161
Hee-hee!
385
00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:24,947
Mr. Tedesco, why don't we
start with a clean slate here?
386
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:29,151
Now, we're all reasonable,
intelligent human beings
387
00:18:29,175 --> 00:18:32,021
who've just behaved poorly
over the past few days.
388
00:18:32,045 --> 00:18:33,689
Now, I know my husband and I
389
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,591
are sorry for hitting you,
390
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:39,094
and I'm sure that you're sorry
for saying the things you said.
391
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,718
What's for dinner?
392
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:44,199
Chicken, but before we
eat, I was hoping that...
393
00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:46,001
I had chicken for lunch.
394
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:48,938
Mom, there's gotta be
something else in the fridge.
395
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:50,272
Maybe we can go out and eat.
396
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:53,341
No, Alex. We are staying here.
397
00:18:53,365 --> 00:18:55,844
And we're eating chicken.
398
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:59,637
I said I had chicken for lunch.
399
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:02,484
Um...
400
00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:04,308
they say it might rain.
401
00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:07,144
Yeah.
402
00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:10,759
Rain's good.
403
00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:14,529
Now, that's the
Mallory I remember.
404
00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:15,864
Mr. Tedesco...
405
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:17,733
Steven!
406
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:20,535
I-I think I need some
help in the kitchen...
407
00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:22,037
with the chicken.
408
00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,739
We'll help too, Mom.
409
00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:25,796
Good! It's a big chicken.
410
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,180
Sorry about that, Mr. Tedesco.
411
00:19:32,204 --> 00:19:35,217
It's about what I expected.
412
00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:38,821
Look... uh, there's no point
413
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:41,056
in going on with this
charade any longer.
414
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,358
You're not going to write
that letter of recommendation
415
00:19:43,382 --> 00:19:44,382
for me, are you?
416
00:19:47,419 --> 00:19:49,120
Uh... are you?
417
00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:52,434
You know, Keaton...
418
00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:56,639
this is one of those moments
when I prize being a teacher:
419
00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:58,641
when I can watch
a student squirm
420
00:19:58,665 --> 00:20:02,044
because I hold his
fate in my hands.
421
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:03,634
You like that, huh?
422
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:07,282
I do, I do.
423
00:20:07,306 --> 00:20:11,987
There's something very
appealing about... playing God.
424
00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:14,145
That's how we think of you.
425
00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:18,093
I love having power.
426
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:22,397
And it's inspiring to see
that you don't abuse it.
427
00:20:22,421 --> 00:20:24,733
Uh, look...
428
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:26,802
I really need that
recommendation.
429
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:28,425
I know.
430
00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:31,439
Okay, okay, okay!
431
00:20:33,499 --> 00:20:34,843
You've suffered long enough.
432
00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:36,478
You got the recommendation.
433
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:38,313
Uh... I do?
434
00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:40,582
Yeah, wrote it the day
you asked me for it.
435
00:20:40,606 --> 00:20:42,951
Right here.
436
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:45,387
I don't usually show letters of
recommendation to students,
437
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:48,557
but this one's exceptionally
well-written, and...
438
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:49,858
well...
439
00:20:52,484 --> 00:20:53,461
Here you go.
440
00:20:53,485 --> 00:20:54,629
Ohhh.
441
00:20:54,653 --> 00:20:56,098
Oh, Mr. Tedesco.
442
00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:57,733
Oh, this is beautiful.
443
00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:59,467
This is beautiful. Thank you.
444
00:20:59,491 --> 00:21:02,304
I admit that I thought about not
giving you a recommendation.
445
00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:04,339
Then I realized
that wouldn't be fair.
446
00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:05,708
It wasn't you that hit me.
447
00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:07,776
Uh... no, no, no, it wasn't.
448
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:11,379
It's not your fault your
parents are the way they are.
449
00:21:11,403 --> 00:21:13,716
You know, in fact, considering
what your parents are like,
450
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,184
you're a remarkable fellow.
451
00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:16,318
Yeah.
452
00:21:16,342 --> 00:21:17,953
Now, when they came
into the classroom,
453
00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:21,979
I realized that evolution
sometimes takes a detour.
454
00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:24,893
We're all descended from apes,
455
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:28,119
but not quite as
directly as you.
456
00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:32,300
Mr. Tedesco...
457
00:21:32,324 --> 00:21:34,870
sorry about flying
off the handle earlier.
458
00:21:34,894 --> 00:21:37,239
My wife and I were
talking out there,
459
00:21:37,263 --> 00:21:40,209
and we reminded each other
what this evening is all about
460
00:21:40,233 --> 00:21:43,278
and how much it
means to this family.
461
00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:45,180
Yes. We're defrosting
some steaks.
462
00:21:45,204 --> 00:21:46,849
Should be ready
in about 20 minutes.
463
00:21:46,873 --> 00:21:48,984
Yummy.
464
00:21:49,008 --> 00:21:53,021
No, Mom. No steaks tonight.
465
00:21:53,045 --> 00:21:54,289
Tonight...
466
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:56,691
we're having chicken.
467
00:21:56,715 --> 00:21:57,826
No, Alex, remember?
468
00:21:57,850 --> 00:22:00,695
Mr. Tedesco had
chicken for lunch.
469
00:22:00,719 --> 00:22:04,266
Yeah, well, I don't care what
Mr. Tedesco had for lunch,
470
00:22:04,290 --> 00:22:07,669
and, uh, this is what I
think of his recommendation.
471
00:22:07,693 --> 00:22:08,804
Alex, what are you doing?
472
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:11,039
I'm keeping my self-respect.
473
00:22:11,063 --> 00:22:13,075
I overrated you, Alex.
474
00:22:13,099 --> 00:22:15,510
I thought you were
better than your parents.
475
00:22:15,534 --> 00:22:16,978
I was wrong.
476
00:22:17,002 --> 00:22:18,580
Look, Mr. Tedesco,
477
00:22:18,604 --> 00:22:22,584
I don't feel like I'm
better than my parents.
478
00:22:22,608 --> 00:22:24,586
As a matter of fact,
479
00:22:24,610 --> 00:22:26,554
if I grow up to be
as good as they are,
480
00:22:26,578 --> 00:22:28,056
I'll be very proud.
481
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,580
How conventionally sweet.
482
00:22:31,984 --> 00:22:33,583
Ooh...
483
00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:40,335
I think we'd all appreciate it
484
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:43,293
if you left our house
now, Mr. Tedesco.
485
00:22:44,263 --> 00:22:45,763
My pleasure.
486
00:22:48,834 --> 00:22:49,812
Ooh.
487
00:22:49,836 --> 00:22:50,813
Whoa.
488
00:22:50,837 --> 00:22:51,814
Nice going, Alex.
489
00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:54,482
You should've punched him.
490
00:22:54,506 --> 00:22:55,984
No, he shouldn't have.
491
00:22:56,008 --> 00:22:58,153
I think you handled
the situation just right.
492
00:22:58,177 --> 00:23:00,655
Look, I know it wasn't
easy for you guys
493
00:23:00,679 --> 00:23:03,091
to invite him over
here for dinner tonight,
494
00:23:03,115 --> 00:23:05,093
and I know you did it for me.
495
00:23:05,117 --> 00:23:06,528
Thank you.
496
00:23:06,552 --> 00:23:08,596
The evening didn't end up
the way we thought it would,
497
00:23:08,620 --> 00:23:11,433
but at least nobody got hit.
498
00:23:11,457 --> 00:23:12,835
Alex, you're hard to figure.
499
00:23:12,859 --> 00:23:15,670
Right when I think I know you,
you go and do something nice.
500
00:23:20,199 --> 00:23:22,799
All right. I'll
have the chicken.
35110
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