Original subtitles

"We the poor working people"

"Getting ulcers, running around"

"Chicken feed is our reward"

"Rough deal is what we get"

"The boss is ever ready to explode"

"His barks are long, his face longer"

"When we ask for a raise"

"Brother, you're in for a treat"

"Working like a dog"

"Things keep on going wrong"

"Why don't we grab a gun and hold'em up?"

"At least making our effort worthwhile"

"It's tit for tat"

"tat for tit"

"We the poor working people"

"Slaves to money for life"

"Our misery, it's unspeakable"

"But we don't take it for granted"

"Happiness is not ours to share"

"Sufferings are our to bear"

"A little more is a little more. We care"

"At least making our effort worthwhile"

"It's tit for tat"

"tat for tit"

"We the poor working people"

"Slaves to money for life"

"Our misery, it's unspeakable"

"But we don't take it for granted"

You fool! Want to kill yourself?

Great! Great!

How much are the gas lamps?

Eighty odd dollars

What do you want it for?

You are fired from tomorrow onwards

Get a lamp and go sell your martial arts in the streets

For sure it's sweet; try it

It's rotten already

Sir, any favorite chicks?

Just looking.

Seen a guy with a moustache?

Yeah, inside, having fun

Want one yourself?

No thanks, I don't play such games

You've taken some dope again?

How much do you charge?

You never take off your glasses?

Without them, I can't see clearly in my dream

In my dream

Come out! Dreamy eyes!

What is your name?

Sze Ma Keh

Your real name?

Chu Mu

Telephone number?

250136

Say, what's that's for?

Nothing, we just have to call your wife

That's worse than going to jail

Next... what's your name?

Wong Yeuk See

Telephone number?

Private detective

Sir

I used to be a cop at Cheung Chau

Oh yeah?

Inspector Chen is my relative.Give me a break please

Oh! One-eyed Chen!

How are you related to him?

He's related to my aunt's brother's mistress.

Give me a break please.

So that makes you a bastard

Oh, yes. Give me a break, please

Your telephone number?

No telephone

Where do you live?

6, Tin Kwong Road

Give him a break.

Bring his wife here

Yes Sir.

Thanks. Do you go to jail for cussing?

Next!

Don's move!

What's the matter?

Shut up and go inside

Another guest coming

Don't move, take off your pants, quick

Take the money,

but not the pants

No? Want to die? Now quick

Too embarrassing!I won't do it

Quickly

Hung, add some pepper for me

Okay.

Have you ever seen yourself bald?

Oh please, I'll take it off

Boss, another guest

Take out your wallet, watch, and ring

Give me

a break

Want a break?

All right, here

Boss, pepper has been added already

Quickly

No

Mix up the clothes, get ready to split

Left now

Quickly

Wait a second

Wait for the next car

You own this car?

I'm getting off

You're Ok, boy!

Just a beginner

He can't even take care of a kid

Serve him right

Just talk, no violence

We can't afford to make a scene

You should know men's temperaments

They can get tired of eating

too much fillet mignon

and want some hamburgers for a change

I will sue him till

he is broke

Then he can eat hamburgersfor the rest of his life

Yale key, 158

I left it in the office

Kick it down

You prefer hamburger to fillet?

Mr. Wong, you'll be my witness

in court

Sure!

I even know the judge

I even shook hands

with the former governor

Mrs. Chu, if it's conveniet

What? These few pictures cost $2,0007?

These will earn you millions

in alimony

Isn't that cheap?

I'll send you a cheque next week

Thank you, Mrs. Chu

Mrs. Chu, leaving now?

Puffy!

Get my tele-photo

Tele-photo!

Is boss in? I am here for a job

Who are you?

From the factory to see the boss

From the factory? Welcome, have a seat

This office is too small to display

all my credentials

Please sit

Initial consultation fee is $200 per hour

Deductible if we have a deal

What is the problem?

I read from the newspaper

There are lots of private detective in H.K...

Somehow I get publicized most

I even shook with the former governor

I saw your picture in yesterday's newspaper!

Oh yeah? What newspaper?

Sing Tao

Jacky, get yesterday's Sing Tao for me

You were in a club, with hand-cuffs on too

Boss, what do you want it for?

Burn it

Have one. What can I do for you?

I saw your ad,

I am applying for...

Go to 10th floor,

there's an acting school

Boss, I don't want to be a star

I want to be a detective

It's such a waste

With a cigar,

you'd look like Columbu

Boss, give me a chance

You know how to take pictures?

It's easy to learn

That means no. Driver's licence?

Five hours of driver's training

That means no again. What do you know?

At times I practice kung fu

You know kung fu? Show me

Not bad! Let's see it again

Sure!

Better go to 11th floor

Charlie the magician might use you

You, with a big head and short neck

and with this on, look just like a turtle

Jacky, is it your birthday today?

Thank you, boss

One is enough

Boss, give me a chance

That wasn't magic, it's real kung fu

This job is not as easy

as it seems

24 hours a day we keep track of people

Get burnt when it's sunny and drenched when it rains

Hold on, give me back my wallet

What wallet?

Don't play games,

or I'll beat you up

Come back!

You're alright

$500 per month, including room and board

Each meal not to exceed $2. Take it?

Only $2 for a meal?

This is good for you

Too much rice will cause hemorrhoids

What are you saying?

Name a person with hemorrhoids who doesn't eat rice

Year-end bonus

if we make enough profit

Do you usually make enough profit?

We've been in the red for eight years

I'll try it for a while

See if you've lost any money

Is this your mom or your wife?

I'll be damned!

What does this mean?

What do you think?

That means

we have stolen someone's wallet?

Where are they?

In front, that's them

You know the world record for 100 meters?

About 9.9 seconds

See if we can make it in 9.8 seconds

Go after them

You think they'll hit us?

They are no marksmen

We're in a jam. Stall them!

Damn! Scapegoat again

Open the door, open up

Aren't there two people in here?

Yes

Where?

Just the two of us

Don't be a smart-ass! I saw them coming in

Watch him

Sergeant, there's nobody

Sergeant, there's nobody

- No? - No!

Sergeant, no one

How come?

That looks like him,

except he's got bucked-teeth

Do we have colleague with a bucked-teeth?

No!

Sir, I think you'd have to push

What should we do now?

This profession involves trouble anytime

It's a good thing we have this,

or else

Son of a gun

What did you say?

I was swearing

Break it down

1,2,3

Take me to the kitchen and show me what happened

What shall we do now?

What else? Climb back up latter

In Puffy, can't even buy a decent ladder

He attacked me with those sausages

ended up

hitting himself with the work

Start the car

Anything else?

No!

What's he doing?

Deducting my salary again

Start the car

Boss, got a case for me?

You're not qualified

to handle case yet

Come with me to check on the bank case

This guy bought a TV, refrigerator

by installment

He stop payment after one month

and changed his address

We'll wait for him to get off work today

Learn how to use this camera

See, a reflection lens inside

So you're actually taking pictures

on the side

Then no one would know you're taking his pictures

Let me practice

What do you see?

A pretty chick is walking over

Practice when you are in the office

How come it shrunk 6 inches

That's a cheap suit

What do you expect?

He'll notice us if we get any closer

But we won't know which entrance

Count the steps,

11, 12, 13, 14

15, 16, 17, 18, 19,

20, 21...

But there are doors on both sides

Didn't you hear the iron gate just then?

That's smart thinking

You need this to be in this business,

not magic

Go and fetch Puffy to help us

Give me the mike

Pin it here

Why put it on?

I'll check the TV

and refrigerator serial number

If they correspond, he'll have to pay

Otherwise, I'll give a signal,

you two can come and haul them out

Puffy, give me a certificate

This is the caretaker's.

I am not selling coffins

Let me

Get the two-way phone ready

Testing! Can you hear me?

Over

Yes, I hear you, over

I'm going in, over

Boss, what's today's signal? over

Buddha be praised, over

TV repairman,

your TV has a lot of snowflake

Yeah, I'm freezing to death. Come in!

Help yourself

We don't have any TV here

Master, help me get rid of him

Stick around,

watch me handle him

What are you doing here?

TV repair

Certificate?

You bitch!

Why did you take so long to send a repairman?

You're crazy! You've got the wrong number

Who are you?

Don't touch me

Don't you dare...don't you dare

I warn you,

I am serious

You try again...my last warning

Alright, I'm leaving

You want to fight?

I'll let my 2nd brother handle you

Junior!

Hit the one with glasses

He doesn't have them on now

Buddha be praised.

Even Buddha won't help you now

Let big brother have some fun,

it's his birthday

King Kong!

Where're you from?

Mongkok, Kowloon, Buddha be praised

What did you say?

Buddha,

Buddha be praised

What's wrong with your neck?

I got whacked in the last case

Really?

That's mild

Sometimes

you can really get hurt

You mean like him?

Mr. Chen,

look what's this?

- My elbow's got rheumatism. Have a seat - Okay.

Someone's been cutting up

the theatre's seats lately?

Worse, look at this,

a letter too

Just to prove

he's not joking

If I don't pay,

he'll set one off

US$300,000

Yeah!

I think we had better inform the police

We can't,

we'd lost our audience

So you don't want to pay him. Puffy!

No!

There's no end paying them

Check if this is real

How?

Told you before,

1 red wire, the other blue

Connect them, is it's fake no problem

If it's real, you'll be 23 tomorrow

I am just 20

Chinese people usually add 3 years to their age when they die

You need not worry

I've come upon something similar,

then

What are you doing?

Didn't you ask me to connect 2 wires?

Is it real?

But if it's real,

you'll blow us up

Where then?

Go to the bathroom

Mr. Chen, don't worry

This happened before,

though not in a Theatre

Boss, if that's real,

I'll get blown up

Can't you count,

only one in there

But three out here

I guess you're right

Mr. Chen, don't worry

They only want to

scare you

With my experience, I can tell

That is real stuff

What happened? Still alive?

How come you are here?

I don't know,

I connected 2 wires

It didn't explode, so I walked out

Now you are using your brains

Go with Mr. Chen and see

if you find anything suspicious

Mr. Chen

Miss, is the boss here?

Mrs. Mok, have a seat

Boss, Mrs. Mok is here

Which one?

The chatterbox?

The ugly duck

who tries to look young?

Yes... No...

The boss lady of Da Wah Supermarket

Okay, I'll be there

Boss is coming

Mrs. Mok, you look younger

Just look at you...

Like an ugly duck

No, just like a tender chicken

Every man will fall on love with you

You look like a pig

It scorched by the stock market

What can I do for you

Oh. Shoplifters in my supermarket

I am losing more

than $1,000 daily

I want you

to catch them

Go check the other side

What are you doing?

Look!

Why don't we arrest them now?

They can claim,

they'll pay

at the door

What?

These 2 rolls cost $128

Including those in your stomach

I don't have any money

It's fine.

You get free meals in jail

Boss lady, I think...

Stop, stay right here

How do you feel?

Use your 'Five Animals' kung fu

Dragon style

Snake style

Tiger style

Leopard style

Crane style

You're even better than your boss

I should just call you

next time

You need skill to prepare

cream chicken

Pluck the feathers, using lukewarm water

Around 80 degrees will do

Hot water affects

the skin texture

The meat will also become tough

Put the chicken on the chopping block

For sauce, half a bowl of coconut milk

Some lard, green pepper,

bay leaf and green onions

Ginger, and 2 bottles of milk

I shall repeat.

Coconut milk, lard...

It's 8 already, get up

Boss, such bunk beds!

They're worse than those on the Macau ferry

What do you expect for $1007?

What do you want to sleep?

Why don't you get rid of it

It's easy to break my head

No way,

I need this in case I hire another helper

Anyway, it's worse than a coffin

Sure,

a coffin costs more than $1000

All you know is how to loaf

Let's do some waist exercises

1234, 2234, 3234, 4234

Let's place our hands on the stomachs

Massage, it can slim down fat

Get ready, 1234, 2234

Left 234, Right 234,

spread the legs

Move the head in circular motion

This will help loosen the neck

Ready, 1234, 2234

Change side, 1234, 2234

A deep breath,

then lie on the floor

Hands straight,

sit up with the waist

Ready, bend waist, exhale, lie back

Bend waist, exhale, lie back...

now we do leg exercises

Isn't this good?

I don't know what I look like with this on

As you said, a small turtle

Only you look like a small turtle with

your short neck and small head

I have a long neck and a big head

Then you look an ostrich

No, you don'yt look like an ostrich

What? You...

Boss, Mr. Chow sent us his wife's pictures

His wife is going to the salon today

He suspects she is having an affair

So he employs us to follow her

You two go together

Boss, I want to go to the doctor's

What for?

I think I got the flu

Have you over heard of people dying from flu?

If it's swine flu.

Certainly!

Listen!

If you got flu,

you'll be o.k.

If you got swine flu,

you'll die anyway

Either way you'd waste money by going to the doctor

You are right

Yeah

Well,

you'd better see a doctor anyway

Or else you'll think I am too mean

Learn to use this

Just press the black button

Let me try

Boss, can you hear me? Over

Boss, can you hear me? Over

Boss, can you hear me? Over

How?

With no antenna?

All women fool around?

Any young wife married to an old man

Is a nun if she doesn't fool around

Why does the husband want to find out?

It's just more headache

To save on alimony,

later

Rich people are pretty shrewd

Or they won't be rich people

Her husband should not get uptight

The wife's having an affair

Is like playing a game

of mahjong

Boss,

I haven't seen your wife yet

Has she gone back to her mom's?

To play mahjong with someone?

Damn, don't you know how to drive?

Stopping the car in the middle of the road?

You'll flunk all road tests

for sure!

Use the bus for the rest of your life

She just sent the driver away.

Might sneak out any time

I'll guard at the rear door. Call me if anything happens

Boss, can you hear me? Over

Boss, can you hear me? Over

Damn, don't you know how to drive?

What's up?

They're over there

They've gone inside

Together?

All right, let's rent a room also

What's this?

Tell me it's not true

You can't die before you are 80

Why?

Because you won't be able to pay me back

The designs in our rooms are many and varied

This is 'Modern Times'

Through The Looking Glass'

This 'Enjoy Yourself Tonight' suite is taken

Please come over here

Taken by a man with a moustache?

No, he is in room B3

Let me recommend the room

with water

The sensation is like floating on water

Why not enjoy yourself

I know you guys like special pleasure

How do you know?

Both of you are not women

Isn't that special? This way please

You can pay when you leave

Really comfortable? Huh?

Never tried this before

Quit thinking of pleasure, you kid

You know what they say

about the wheel of fortune

That's terrific! My fortune's been bad for the past 20 years

If it turns, I can live it up the next 20 years

I feel this world owes me a lot

You didn't even bring a diaper when you were born!

What does this world owe you?

Let's start working

What are they doing?

Playing mahjong

Which round now?

End of the last round

Looks like they'll have another round

Let's have a drink first

Great!

You think your old man would notice us?

Yes, if we were stocks and shares

Cheers

You always carry your gun, any good?

Why not?

I am the best shooter on the force

And the fastest?

You are being neaty

I don't understand,

why that old man...

What's this?

Submarine

Submarine?

What's that noise?

Don't be suspicious, let's take a bath

Ok.

Change the bath water

Good

5

15

- 10

Got it!

I lost again

You lost again

Let's do it again

Who are you?

I am the plumber

How come you are here then?

Because the plumbing is here

Don't run away

Get up!

What have you done? Been swimming

You too!

How did this come about?

Water bed

gives you the floating sensation!

That's why it's worth...

What happened?

Just sleeping on water bed

It's so horrifying!

You'd be lucky if you don't drowned

Mr. Chen

You go to get a car

OK

You get them some ticket

How come you like raw carrots?

What else can I eat for $2 per meal?

Don't get jumpy!

You know too much carrots can make you...

As long as you know

Hey, watch where you're going

Mr. Chen, that's him

I'll make a phone call

Jacky, what's the matter?

I'll come right away

Don't move, stop the projector, turn on the lights

This is not the ticket office

Don't talk, quick

What happened?

Live show on stage!

This is not a blackout

Neither is it live show; it's a robbery!

I want cooperation please don't panic

Then nothing will happen to you

Robbery

crazy

Don't move or you'll got hurt

Everybody stand up with your hands up

please notice the guns are real

No need to risk your lives

Be fast, put them in

It is important to be honest

Put everything you own into the bags

I'll search a few to make sure

If find out there're something...

Again the same lousy congee

Right!

Get 2 bowls to the back alley

Ok. OK.

Why do you like the congee here?

Miss, hurry up!

Better give us the money

Don't pretend to be a fool

Don't bother to count. All of it

Don't play games

Tired of living?

Take off the jade bracelet

It won't come out

Then chop off your hand

Oh, no, I'll take it off

They rob, would they rape too?

You wish

I'll search another person now

You'll be in trouble if you hide something

The one standing next to the priest

The lady next to him

It can be rape

That one looks cheeky

Come forward too.

Quick!

Nothing, very cooperative.

Applause please

Thank you for your cooperation. Go now

Come over here

What's this?

It's a rubber band

Have you ever played Russian Roulette?

No

Well, I'll show you

Spread out, your legs

How many cylinders are there?

Six

Look, here are 3 bullets

I'll mix them up

you won't know which is where

Your left or right foot? Speak up

I want them both

I'll choose for you, right foot

I need it to play right wing in soccer

Your may switch to left wing position

Leave us alone,

I'll let him go if be wins

I told you'd to play left wing

Quickly, go!

Just go on enjoying the movie

Don't look at us within 5 minutes

that'll be the last thing you'll see

Let's go

Damn baldy!

Of all cars he stole an ice-cream truck

Maybe he likes good air-conditioning

Any questions?

No

Everyboby... Excause me

Welcome, everybody

Mr. & Mrs. Chow will present the award

Mr. Lee, our brave citizen

Mr. Lee, you look very familiar

I used to be a plumber

Oh?

Mr. Lee, a speech?

I just hope all our citizen

will cooperate with the police

Remember, the police are your friends

they are your close friends

Together we take a giant step forward

"Why is there so much deceit?"

"Why is happiness not shared?"

"Why is the dripping water the only consistent thing?"

"Shortsighted are the social climbers"

"Gloating with self-importance”

"Little do they know the castle's made of sando"

"It's all ordained. What's yours is yours"

"What's not, is not"

Ever seen those

two after they quit?

They haven't visited you for some time

Jacky, do you think I am mean

No

When do you work here?

When was your last raise?

I don't think you ever gave me one

We have to advertise for two new assistants

No! Kids nowadays are too smart

They'd for a month or 2,

then quit

Better think of another way

How? You can't even walk

Why not?

Hold this, look, how's this?

Tell me it's not true

Consultation fee is $200 per hour

It's deductible if we got a deal

Have a piece of candy

Thanks!

In our profession, connections are important

Right!

I shook hands with the former police commissioner

Please start from the beginning

He never did need a secretary

Excuse me!

Boss well, have a piece of candy

Starting your business with this small space?

Why not?

With a couple of fake credentials no one can tell

In a short while, business will pick up

Business has been slow already

Now with you next door

We will just starve together

It's still better than just the two of us starving

Let's cooperate, and talk about the terms

Why should I? I know all you know

But you don't know what I know

Boss!

Is it a 50/50 deal?

But at least 2 days off every week

Why so many days off?

So I can play mahjong with Jacky!

"We the poor working people"

"Getting ulcers, running around"

"Chicken feed is our reward"

"Rough deal is what we get"

"The boss is ever ready to explode"

"His barks are long, his face longer"

"When we ask for a raise"

"Brother, you're in for a treat"

"Working like a dog"

"Things keep on going wrong"

"Why don't we grab a gun and hold'em up?"

"At least making our effort worthwhile"

"It's tit for tat,"

"tat for tit"

"We the poor working people"

"Slaves to money for life"

"Our misery, it's unspeakable"

"But we don't take it for granted"

"Happiness is not ours to share"

"Sufferings are our to bear"

"A little more is a little more. We care"

"At least making our effort worthwhile"

"It's tit for tat,"

"tat for tit"

"We the poor working people"

"Slaves to money for life"

"Our misery, it's unspeakable"

"But we don't take it for granted"