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00:00:01,006 --> 00:00:03,617
Previously on
"American Princess"...
2
00:00:03,660 --> 00:00:04,705
It's Brett.
He wants to FaceTime.
3
00:00:04,748 --> 00:00:07,708
[ Brett moaning]What?
4
00:00:07,751 --> 00:00:09,362
Yeah, baby.
Yeah. Yeah, right there.
5
00:00:09,405 --> 00:00:11,364
Are you out of your mind?
You -- How could you?
6
00:00:11,407 --> 00:00:12,887
Amanda, I'm not having
an affair. I love you.
7
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:14,062
On our wedding day?
8
00:00:14,106 --> 00:00:17,109
[ Screams ]
9
00:00:17,152 --> 00:00:21,156
Ugh, theme wedding.
10
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:24,333
Sorry for interrupting your
little wedding here.
11
00:00:24,377 --> 00:00:26,031
FYI, though,
he doesn't know what play
12
00:00:26,074 --> 00:00:27,075
his own quote's from.
13
00:00:27,119 --> 00:00:28,511
That is preposterous.
14
00:00:28,555 --> 00:00:29,860
David: [ British accent ]
She be right!
15
00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:32,254
From which play
doth the quote come?
16
00:00:32,298 --> 00:00:34,517
"Richard II."
17
00:00:34,561 --> 00:00:36,084
Uh, ffff.
18
00:00:36,128 --> 00:00:38,173
The maid doth speak
the truth.
19
00:00:38,217 --> 00:00:39,479
Huzzah!
20
00:00:39,522 --> 00:00:41,742
All: Huzzah!
21
00:00:41,785 --> 00:00:44,353
So, what?
22
00:00:44,397 --> 00:00:46,790
You all run around pretending
to be Queen Elizabeth
23
00:00:46,834 --> 00:00:49,228
and stuff,
and people get drunk with nerds?
24
00:00:49,271 --> 00:00:51,534
It be their leidenschaft.
25
00:00:51,578 --> 00:00:53,362
It's German for passion.
26
00:00:53,406 --> 00:00:56,365
Do you really want to throw away
everything you almost had?
27
00:00:56,409 --> 00:00:58,106
I'm not going back
with you.
28
00:00:58,150 --> 00:01:00,935
I'm staying. Here.
29
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:03,938
Nay. Hither.
30
00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:15,297
♪♪
31
00:01:15,341 --> 00:01:22,696
♪♪
32
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♪♪
33
00:01:30,182 --> 00:01:32,227
[ Indistinct conversations ]
34
00:01:32,271 --> 00:01:38,320
♪♪
35
00:01:38,364 --> 00:01:44,500
♪♪
36
00:01:44,544 --> 00:01:46,763
[ Indistinct conversations
continue ]
37
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:55,859
♪♪
38
00:01:55,903 --> 00:02:04,912
♪♪
39
00:02:04,955 --> 00:02:14,008
♪♪
40
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:15,270
[ Insect buzzes ]
41
00:02:15,314 --> 00:02:17,881
[ Groans ]
42
00:02:17,925 --> 00:02:19,970
[ Buzzing stops ]Ugh.
43
00:02:20,014 --> 00:02:22,190
[ Vibrator buzzing ]
44
00:02:24,323 --> 00:02:27,413
What the...
45
00:02:27,456 --> 00:02:29,284
[ Moaning ]
46
00:02:33,897 --> 00:02:35,203
Ah!
47
00:02:35,247 --> 00:02:37,336
[ Gasping ]
48
00:02:37,379 --> 00:02:40,687
[ Click, buzzing stops ][ Laughing ]
49
00:02:40,730 --> 00:02:42,776
[ Sighs deeply ]
50
00:02:45,213 --> 00:02:48,129
Good morrow, cousin.
51
00:02:48,173 --> 00:02:50,087
Good morrow -- morning.
52
00:02:50,131 --> 00:02:53,656
Where am I?
53
00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:55,615
D-Did I --
54
00:02:55,658 --> 00:02:57,530
-Did we --
-No!
55
00:02:57,573 --> 00:02:59,575
No, no, no.
56
00:02:59,619 --> 00:03:01,621
[ Sighs ]
Just boob stuff.
57
00:03:01,664 --> 00:03:02,926
-What?
-I'm kidding!
58
00:03:02,970 --> 00:03:04,058
-Oh.
-No, I'm not.
59
00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:05,755
-What?
-Yes, I am.
60
00:03:05,799 --> 00:03:07,235
No, I'm not.
61
00:03:07,279 --> 00:03:09,106
[ Laughing ]
Yes, I am.
62
00:03:09,150 --> 00:03:12,153
Don't worry.
63
00:03:12,197 --> 00:03:13,633
You do have
nice boobs, though.
64
00:03:13,676 --> 00:03:15,025
Thanks?
65
00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:17,376
Amanda Sophia Klein.
[ Chuckles ]
66
00:03:17,419 --> 00:03:19,987
[ Sighs ]
My roommate, my hero.
67
00:03:20,030 --> 00:03:24,731
When you renounced your life
last night, so dramatic.
68
00:03:24,774 --> 00:03:27,255
And then you drank
all that Devil's --Scotch.
69
00:03:27,299 --> 00:03:29,431
Right.
70
00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:31,520
How much did I say?
71
00:03:31,564 --> 00:03:32,695
Brett is dead to me.
72
00:03:32,739 --> 00:03:36,133
-Terrific.
-Mm-hmm.
73
00:03:36,177 --> 00:03:38,571
[ Sighs ] I hope my vigorous
self-pleasuring
74
00:03:38,614 --> 00:03:41,226
provided you a gentle waking.
[ Chuckles ]
75
00:03:41,269 --> 00:03:44,403
No sweeter music than the stroke
of your own strings, am I right?
76
00:03:44,446 --> 00:03:47,144
Wait, did you say
"roommate"?
77
00:03:47,188 --> 00:03:49,886
Oh, yeah.
78
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:52,062
I'm gonna
show you everything.
79
00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:54,326
-Everything?
-Mm-hmm.
80
00:03:54,369 --> 00:03:56,153
Hang on.
81
00:03:56,197 --> 00:03:58,547
If we're roommates...
[ Groans ]
82
00:03:58,591 --> 00:04:01,637
what happened
to the person or...
83
00:04:01,681 --> 00:04:04,205
gimp that used
to live here?
84
00:04:04,249 --> 00:04:05,424
Don't worry.
85
00:04:05,467 --> 00:04:07,730
She's never around.
86
00:04:07,774 --> 00:04:09,297
You may want to flip
the mattress.
87
00:04:09,341 --> 00:04:11,604
This place needs
some serious feng shui
88
00:04:11,647 --> 00:04:14,563
or a hazmat team or...[ Insect buzzes ]
89
00:04:14,607 --> 00:04:16,348
a citronella perimeter.
90
00:04:16,391 --> 00:04:19,481
I'm so excited
you're here!
91
00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:21,135
[ Groans ]
92
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:23,442
Yes.[ Vibrating ]
93
00:04:23,485 --> 00:04:26,183
Please tell me
that's not your --
94
00:04:26,227 --> 00:04:27,533
It's Brett. Shall I?
95
00:04:27,576 --> 00:04:29,622
No! I mean...
96
00:04:29,665 --> 00:04:32,581
no, thank you.
I'll -- I'll handle it.
97
00:04:32,625 --> 00:04:34,279
[ Cellphone vibrates ]
98
00:04:34,322 --> 00:04:36,716
Ugh, asshole.
99
00:04:36,759 --> 00:04:39,066
Not everything can be fixed
with emojis.
100
00:04:43,766 --> 00:04:45,333
[ Ring clinks ]
101
00:04:48,336 --> 00:04:51,600
Now, want to find
your leidenschaft?
102
00:04:53,472 --> 00:04:56,344
-Ja.
-I wouldn't touch that hand.
103
00:04:56,388 --> 00:04:57,867
[ Water running ]
104
00:04:57,911 --> 00:05:04,918
♪♪
105
00:05:04,961 --> 00:05:12,012
♪♪
106
00:05:12,055 --> 00:05:14,623
[ Yelling, groaning ]
107
00:05:14,667 --> 00:05:16,930
Shart: Dude, you okay?
108
00:05:16,973 --> 00:05:18,671
You okay -- Oh.
109
00:05:18,714 --> 00:05:20,803
Aah. Dude, what happened
to your nipple ring?
110
00:05:20,847 --> 00:05:23,023
Just had an accident
last night.
111
00:05:23,066 --> 00:05:25,417
Pretty crazy, right?
112
00:05:25,460 --> 00:05:27,549
-Is it?
-What do you mean?
113
00:05:27,593 --> 00:05:29,377
[ Chuckles ]
It's a nipple ring.
114
00:05:29,421 --> 00:05:30,900
I mean, the idea
of it being torn out
115
00:05:30,944 --> 00:05:32,380
must have crossed your mind
at some point.
116
00:05:32,424 --> 00:05:34,164
The idea of crashing my car's
crossed my mind,
117
00:05:34,208 --> 00:05:35,383
but I still drive.
118
00:05:35,427 --> 00:05:36,602
Not with your nipple.
119
00:05:36,645 --> 00:05:38,647
Yeah.
120
00:05:38,691 --> 00:05:40,997
So you, uh, hook up
with that new girl again?
121
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,390
What, Amanda?
122
00:05:42,434 --> 00:05:43,826
No, nothing happened.
Two nights ago,
123
00:05:43,870 --> 00:05:45,959
she got wasted and passed out
on my floor.
124
00:05:46,002 --> 00:05:47,177
So now you got that
to deal with.
125
00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:49,049
W-What?
What do you mean?
126
00:05:49,092 --> 00:05:52,661
Dude, if you take in a stray,
it's not a stray anymore.
127
00:05:52,705 --> 00:05:54,750
-It's your dog.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
128
00:05:54,794 --> 00:05:57,187
She's not my dog.
129
00:05:57,231 --> 00:05:59,538
I don't believe in pets,
not even comfort animals.
130
00:05:59,581 --> 00:06:01,931
Yeah, well, at least
she's a cute dog.
131
00:06:01,975 --> 00:06:04,891
Yeah.
132
00:06:04,934 --> 00:06:06,153
What's your Faire name
gonna be?
133
00:06:06,196 --> 00:06:07,807
Like, mine's
Prunella Bubblebottom
134
00:06:07,850 --> 00:06:09,286
because I'm
a washer wench.
135
00:06:09,330 --> 00:06:12,246
We sing songs, make dirty jokes,
we get wet,
136
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:13,856
and our audiences
have the best, best time,
137
00:06:13,900 --> 00:06:15,336
because they're
in the splash zone.
138
00:06:15,380 --> 00:06:17,207
-Like at SeaWorld.
-That's whales.
139
00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:18,513
We're wenches.
It's different.
140
00:06:18,557 --> 00:06:20,167
-But --
-It's different.
141
00:06:20,210 --> 00:06:21,777
[ FaceTime ringing ]Mm.
142
00:06:21,821 --> 00:06:24,040
-Wi-Fi!
-Yeah. It lives near the office.
143
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:27,174
But don't move.
It's shy, like a baby deer.
144
00:06:27,217 --> 00:06:28,654
I'll see you at the well,
sister.
145
00:06:28,697 --> 00:06:32,005
And don't forget to think
of your Faire name.
146
00:06:32,048 --> 00:06:33,615
Nice work, Amanda.
147
00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:36,923
Mom's so up my butt about you,
I've got a stress zit.
148
00:06:36,966 --> 00:06:38,228
Hi, Erin.
149
00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:39,969
I'm fine.
Thanks for asking.
150
00:06:40,013 --> 00:06:42,058
Ugh, not everything
is about you.
151
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,583
How about my lifeblowing up?
Can that be about me?
152
00:06:44,626 --> 00:06:46,411
Oh, no, no, no.
Do not play the victim.
153
00:06:46,454 --> 00:06:47,977
You'rethe one
who blew it up.
154
00:06:48,021 --> 00:06:50,458
It's like ISIS declared jihad
on dream weddings
155
00:06:50,502 --> 00:06:51,851
and sent you in first.
156
00:06:51,894 --> 00:06:53,156
I didn't blow it up.
157
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:54,897
Brett blew it up
by being blown.
158
00:06:54,941 --> 00:06:56,290
Classic Amanda.
159
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:57,987
Can't take responsibility
for anything.
160
00:06:58,031 --> 00:06:59,685
Oh, and you can shred
your black card.
161
00:06:59,728 --> 00:07:01,077
Mom's cutting you off.
162
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:02,688
I amtaking responsibility,
163
00:07:02,731 --> 00:07:04,341
and I amthe victim.
And you know what?
164
00:07:04,385 --> 00:07:06,866
You can tell Mom to keep
her emotional blood money.
165
00:07:06,909 --> 00:07:08,084
I'm getting a job here.
166
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:10,347
-You're what?
-Joanntha?
167
00:07:10,391 --> 00:07:12,567
[ Chuckles ] You're --
I'm sorry. Say that -- What --
168
00:07:12,611 --> 00:07:15,091
Ama-- Stop,
you're -- No, Ama--
169
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:18,007
[ Cellphone beeps ]Erin.
170
00:07:18,051 --> 00:07:19,487
Wait, you know
my mom's name?
171
00:07:19,531 --> 00:07:21,402
You talked a lot
last night.
172
00:07:21,446 --> 00:07:23,404
Stupid scotch.
173
00:07:23,448 --> 00:07:25,493
From now on,
I'm strictly gay for rosé.
174
00:07:25,537 --> 00:07:26,842
-Whoa.
-What?
175
00:07:26,886 --> 00:07:28,496
-My nipple ring.
-You have a nipple ring,
176
00:07:28,540 --> 00:07:29,715
like a fancy cow?
177
00:07:29,758 --> 00:07:31,804
[ Chuckles ]
Not since last night.
178
00:07:31,847 --> 00:07:32,935
You don't remember?
179
00:07:32,979 --> 00:07:35,590
My crazy accident?
180
00:07:35,634 --> 00:07:37,374
Ugh, no.
181
00:07:37,418 --> 00:07:39,638
Again, I have
to plead scotch.
182
00:07:39,681 --> 00:07:41,030
That's two nights in a row
for you.
183
00:07:41,074 --> 00:07:42,684
You think I have
a drinking problem?
184
00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:44,556
Is alcohol your usual
coping mechanism?
185
00:07:44,599 --> 00:07:45,818
-No!
-Okay.
186
00:07:45,861 --> 00:07:47,254
I do not have a problem.
187
00:07:47,297 --> 00:07:48,777
-Okay.
-I don't.
188
00:07:48,821 --> 00:07:50,344
I said okay.
189
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,433
You said okay
like five times.
190
00:07:52,477 --> 00:07:54,479
Why are you
counting okays?
191
00:07:54,522 --> 00:07:55,697
Hey, lover.
192
00:07:55,741 --> 00:07:56,916
Uh, hey.
193
00:07:56,959 --> 00:07:58,744
Uh, Amanda, this is Callie.
194
00:07:58,787 --> 00:08:00,702
-Hi.
-Hmm.
195
00:08:00,746 --> 00:08:02,791
-Um, I got the kambo.
-What's kambo?
196
00:08:02,835 --> 00:08:04,184
Amazonian frog venom.
197
00:08:04,227 --> 00:08:05,228
It's for my nipple.
198
00:08:05,272 --> 00:08:06,621
That doesn't need venom.
199
00:08:06,665 --> 00:08:08,667
[ Chuckles ]
That needs stitches.
200
00:08:08,710 --> 00:08:10,843
-Ah, it's not that bad.
-You work in a mud pit,
201
00:08:10,886 --> 00:08:12,932
and that's an open wound.
Are you -- Are you crazy?
202
00:08:12,975 --> 00:08:14,411
I love what I do.
203
00:08:14,455 --> 00:08:16,544
Your need to be seen
is profound.
204
00:08:16,588 --> 00:08:20,722
♪♪
205
00:08:23,725 --> 00:08:28,208
♪♪
206
00:08:28,251 --> 00:08:30,427
[ Knock on door ]Lee: [ Chuckling ] Ohh, man.
207
00:08:30,471 --> 00:08:31,777
♪♪
208
00:08:34,083 --> 00:08:36,564
Hi.
209
00:08:36,608 --> 00:08:38,697
I'm Amanda.
210
00:08:38,740 --> 00:08:39,741
Are you hiring?
211
00:08:39,785 --> 00:08:41,351
You have any felonies?
212
00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:42,744
No.
213
00:08:42,788 --> 00:08:43,876
Then we're hiring.
214
00:08:43,919 --> 00:08:45,834
Awesome.
215
00:08:45,878 --> 00:08:47,880
What's your
dramaturgy situation?
216
00:08:47,923 --> 00:08:50,622
I have a degree in English
from Vassar.
217
00:08:50,665 --> 00:08:54,539
Yeah, we've already got
like six dramaturgists on staff.
218
00:08:54,582 --> 00:08:57,498
Okay.
I'm also good at Word
219
00:08:57,542 --> 00:08:59,718
and, uh, Adobe Creative Suite
220
00:08:59,761 --> 00:09:01,807
a-and --
221
00:09:01,850 --> 00:09:04,157
Hey, hi.
Eyes up here.
222
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,550
Oh, I was just wondering
223
00:09:05,593 --> 00:09:07,421
if maybe a bodice
would kind of...
224
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:09,379
-What?
-...make things pop.
225
00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:11,773
Ugh.
Offensive much?
226
00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:13,645
I'm here to work,
not make it rain.
227
00:09:13,688 --> 00:09:15,429
Okay, Vassar, lighten up.
228
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:17,474
You ever worked
in food service?
229
00:09:17,518 --> 00:09:19,085
Summers on the Cape,
I was a hostess
230
00:09:19,128 --> 00:09:21,304
at the Landfall
in Woods Hole --
231
00:09:21,348 --> 00:09:23,611
classic surf and turf,
occasional Kennedy.
232
00:09:23,655 --> 00:09:26,353
So I'm not afraid
to get my hands dirty.
233
00:09:26,396 --> 00:09:28,790
Perfect.
You're hired.
234
00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:31,227
This isn't meant to be,
you know.
235
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:32,968
It never was.
236
00:09:33,012 --> 00:09:34,622
And yet, perhaps
the impossibility
237
00:09:34,666 --> 00:09:37,103
is what made it possible.
238
00:09:37,146 --> 00:09:40,106
Like the mighty salmon
239
00:09:40,149 --> 00:09:43,326
thrusting itself
against the surging stream,
240
00:09:43,370 --> 00:09:47,896
determined to spawn,
whatever the cost.
241
00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:49,376
But do not weep.
242
00:09:49,419 --> 00:09:51,813
You shall find this again.
243
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:55,556
Well, not this,this,
but...perhaps this-adjacent.
244
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,950
Who's Jason?
245
00:09:57,993 --> 00:10:02,563
Oh, my sweet,
simple boy.
246
00:10:02,607 --> 00:10:04,696
I am the Queen.
247
00:10:04,739 --> 00:10:06,741
You park cars.
248
00:10:06,785 --> 00:10:08,351
A titillating
pornographic premise
249
00:10:08,395 --> 00:10:10,789
we explored
most vigorously
250
00:10:10,832 --> 00:10:13,269
but has now concluded.
251
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:16,272
Exeunt omnes.
252
00:10:19,101 --> 00:10:20,668
We're over, José.
253
00:10:20,712 --> 00:10:22,452
You can go.
254
00:10:22,496 --> 00:10:23,976
Okay.
255
00:10:24,019 --> 00:10:26,674
♪♪
256
00:10:26,718 --> 00:10:28,589
-Want to smoke out?
-No.
257
00:10:28,633 --> 00:10:30,504
-Later?
-No.
258
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:31,679
Want to hook up
after work?
259
00:10:31,723 --> 00:10:33,768
I literally
just dumped you.
260
00:10:33,812 --> 00:10:35,422
Okay.
261
00:10:35,465 --> 00:10:38,164
♪♪
262
00:10:38,207 --> 00:10:39,731
In case
you change your mind.
263
00:10:39,774 --> 00:10:41,428
[ Clicks tongue ]
264
00:10:41,471 --> 00:10:50,002
♪♪
265
00:10:50,045 --> 00:10:52,265
-Hey, dude.
-Good morning.
266
00:10:52,308 --> 00:10:54,354
♪♪
267
00:10:54,397 --> 00:10:55,703
Felipé?
268
00:10:55,747 --> 00:10:58,532
[ Scoffs ]
José, you racist.
269
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:00,795
I'm not racist.
I don't recall his name
270
00:11:00,839 --> 00:11:02,754
because I refuse
to commit useful brain cells
271
00:11:02,797 --> 00:11:04,973
to some temporary toad
in your hole.
272
00:11:05,017 --> 00:11:07,802
Well, then, you'll be glad
to know I ended it.
273
00:11:07,846 --> 00:11:09,891
The poor dear,
he was beside himself.
274
00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:11,719
Really?
He seemed --
275
00:11:11,763 --> 00:11:13,721
Devastated,
as if I'd extinguished
276
00:11:13,765 --> 00:11:15,897
the light that burned
behind his eyes.
277
00:11:15,941 --> 00:11:17,116
Pretty dim light.
278
00:11:17,159 --> 00:11:18,726
All right,
you've had your fun.
279
00:11:18,770 --> 00:11:21,424
No, I haven't, actually.
280
00:11:21,468 --> 00:11:23,644
We completely missed Leah
Remini's marathon last night
281
00:11:23,688 --> 00:11:25,428
so you could get
your fields plowed.
282
00:11:25,472 --> 00:11:27,300
Again with
the stereotypes.
283
00:11:27,343 --> 00:11:28,388
What stereotypes?
284
00:11:28,431 --> 00:11:31,652
Fields. Plowed. José.
285
00:11:31,696 --> 00:11:33,741
[ Scoffs ]
That was a euphemism for sex.
286
00:11:33,785 --> 00:11:35,395
That has nothing to do with --
287
00:11:35,438 --> 00:11:38,746
Okay, now I hear it.
288
00:11:38,790 --> 00:11:42,358
Man: Well, I wish you
the best of luck.
289
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:43,708
[ Plop ]
290
00:11:43,751 --> 00:11:47,537
♪♪
291
00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:51,019
Man #2: Milady,
Mother has blessed you.
292
00:11:51,063 --> 00:11:53,587
Come, sir, handle my jugs.
293
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:56,677
I see by your lady
you have experience.
294
00:11:56,721 --> 00:11:59,854
In sooth, I wager you
could handle a pair of jugs.
295
00:11:59,898 --> 00:12:02,117
-Am I correct, mistress?
-He sure can.
296
00:12:02,161 --> 00:12:03,945
Oh, well, come, then.
I'll show you my jugs,
297
00:12:03,989 --> 00:12:05,730
and you show me yours.
298
00:12:05,773 --> 00:12:07,732
This place is insane.
299
00:12:07,775 --> 00:12:09,734
It's like,
"What if super-horny nerds
300
00:12:09,777 --> 00:12:11,170
designed
an amusement park?"
301
00:12:11,213 --> 00:12:13,825
So what?
Without "super-horny nerds,"
302
00:12:13,868 --> 00:12:15,914
there'd be no movies,
no music, no Internet,
303
00:12:15,957 --> 00:12:18,394
just football
and pharmaceutical reps.
304
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:21,397
My fiancé's brother's
a pharm--
305
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:24,096
You mean your ex-fiancé,
306
00:12:24,139 --> 00:12:26,881
the one whose hooker
you bloodied?
307
00:12:26,925 --> 00:12:29,144
Hey, you had a lot
to say last night.Yeah, so I hear.
308
00:12:29,188 --> 00:12:31,799
Tankards and flagons
and jugs for sale!
309
00:12:31,843 --> 00:12:34,062
Suck on my jugs,
they'll fill you with ale.
310
00:12:34,106 --> 00:12:36,543
Seriously, I'm the only one
who finds that skeevy?
311
00:12:36,586 --> 00:12:37,544
You and the puritans.
312
00:12:37,587 --> 00:12:38,980
-Hey, you.
-Hey.
313
00:12:39,024 --> 00:12:40,939
It's just one big,
beautiful community
314
00:12:40,982 --> 00:12:42,244
full of love
and acceptance.
315
00:12:42,288 --> 00:12:44,290
It brought me Stephen.
316
00:12:44,333 --> 00:12:45,813
How long have you two
been together?
317
00:12:45,857 --> 00:12:47,728
Oh, is it, uh,
three Faires, babe?
318
00:12:47,772 --> 00:12:49,686
Mm-hmm. Well, my husband, Phil,
met him first.
319
00:12:49,730 --> 00:12:51,906
They bonded over their love
of craft beers
320
00:12:51,950 --> 00:12:53,473
and then over
their love of me.
321
00:12:53,516 --> 00:12:55,388
-[ Laughs ]
-Wait, I'm sorry.
322
00:12:55,431 --> 00:12:57,390
You're not --
Who's your husband?
323
00:12:57,433 --> 00:12:58,826
Oh, let's see.
Where's Phil?
324
00:12:58,870 --> 00:13:00,567
Oh, uh, t-there he is.
325
00:13:00,610 --> 00:13:01,960
He's right between the pub
and the Hump Stump.
326
00:13:02,003 --> 00:13:05,398
-Babe. Babe!
-Hey. Hey, Phil.
327
00:13:05,441 --> 00:13:07,226
So sorry.
328
00:13:07,269 --> 00:13:09,097
Did you say
"the Hump Stump"?
329
00:13:09,141 --> 00:13:11,883
Oh, yeah.
It's a popular after-hours spot
330
00:13:11,926 --> 00:13:13,580
for Rennies to...
331
00:13:13,623 --> 00:13:15,930
you know,
love in the open air.
332
00:13:15,974 --> 00:13:17,932
-"The Giving Tree," unabridged.
-Phil hates it.
333
00:13:17,976 --> 00:13:19,673
To be fair, it did give him
a massive splinter.
334
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:20,979
That was a nightmare,
it's true.
335
00:13:21,022 --> 00:13:23,329
Babe, I'm looking
for my Kindle.
336
00:13:23,372 --> 00:13:25,070
-Phil said you had it last?
-Yes, yes, yes.
337
00:13:25,113 --> 00:13:27,724
It's in my yellow -- It's easier
if I just get it for you.
338
00:13:27,768 --> 00:13:28,943
Do you think you can handle
the booth
339
00:13:28,987 --> 00:13:30,249
for 10 minutes on your own?
340
00:13:30,292 --> 00:13:32,033
I graduated
summa cum laude.
341
00:13:32,077 --> 00:13:33,687
I think I can handle
pork pockets.
342
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,167
Okay.Juan Andrés:
Tankards and flagons...
343
00:13:35,210 --> 00:13:38,126
and jugs for sale!Let's go.
344
00:13:38,170 --> 00:13:39,475
One pork pocket, please.
345
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:40,955
Sure.
346
00:13:40,999 --> 00:13:43,828
♪♪
347
00:13:43,871 --> 00:13:45,481
[ Gasps ]
348
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:48,006
[ Indistinct conversations ]
349
00:13:48,049 --> 00:13:49,921
I'll get a turkey leg.
350
00:13:49,964 --> 00:13:57,363
♪♪
351
00:13:57,406 --> 00:14:04,936
♪♪
352
00:14:04,979 --> 00:14:08,069
With this sword,
I dub thee Sir Daryl,
353
00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:10,419
Knight of the Realm.
354
00:14:10,463 --> 00:14:12,291
[ Fanfare plays ]
355
00:14:12,334 --> 00:14:15,860
[ Cheers and applause ]
356
00:14:15,903 --> 00:14:17,862
Your Majesty,
a word posthaste.
357
00:14:17,905 --> 00:14:19,428
Posthaste now?
358
00:14:19,472 --> 00:14:22,605
Indeed, that being
what posthaste doth mean.
359
00:14:22,649 --> 00:14:25,608
What have I told you
about the Shake-splaing?
360
00:14:25,652 --> 00:14:28,176
I dub these Lady Maya,
361
00:14:28,220 --> 00:14:31,005
Dame of County Essex.
362
00:14:31,049 --> 00:14:33,834
[ Fanfare plays ]
363
00:14:33,878 --> 00:14:35,923
I think
I just saw Colin.
364
00:14:35,967 --> 00:14:37,794
-Colin Hayes?
-Don't worry.
365
00:14:37,838 --> 00:14:39,579
I'll make sure
you won't have to talk to him.
366
00:14:39,622 --> 00:14:41,929
Oh, Colin did eight seasons here
as Robert Dudley,
367
00:14:41,973 --> 00:14:43,975
Earl of Leicester.
He's entitled to visit.
368
00:14:44,018 --> 00:14:46,325
I dub thee Sir Jayden,
369
00:14:46,368 --> 00:14:49,067
Knight of the Realm!
370
00:14:49,110 --> 00:14:52,157
Is he also entitled
to tempt and torment you?
371
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,289
Last time he visited,
I had to spoon you so long
372
00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:57,640
-our clothes stuck together.
-[ Scoffs ]
373
00:14:57,684 --> 00:15:00,034
Did you know he'd be here
and deliberately not tell me?
374
00:15:00,078 --> 00:15:02,776
Oh, please. Brian.
Deliberately.
375
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:05,213
You didknow.
376
00:15:05,257 --> 00:15:07,215
So that's why you broke
things off with Jorgé.
377
00:15:07,259 --> 00:15:09,957
I dub thee Lady Alexa,
Dame of County Hamilton!
378
00:15:10,001 --> 00:15:12,220
It's José, and so what?
379
00:15:12,264 --> 00:15:14,614
One can't mount two productions
on the same stage.
380
00:15:14,657 --> 00:15:15,963
You intend to mount?
381
00:15:16,007 --> 00:15:17,095
It's a metaphor.
382
00:15:17,138 --> 00:15:18,923
It's a synonym.
383
00:15:22,013 --> 00:15:24,319
-Jesus.
-Food service, no bueno.
384
00:15:24,363 --> 00:15:26,931
-What else you got?
-Uh, okay.
385
00:15:26,974 --> 00:15:28,062
Boothie.
386
00:15:28,106 --> 00:15:31,457
Crafter. Gamer.
387
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:35,374
You're probably too small
to be a push monkey.
388
00:15:35,417 --> 00:15:36,984
A push monkey?
389
00:15:37,028 --> 00:15:39,204
Yeah, the guys that push
the swings and stuff.
390
00:15:39,247 --> 00:15:41,032
-They run the rides.
-And they're referred to
391
00:15:41,075 --> 00:15:43,121
-as monkeys.
-Yeah, well, it's that
392
00:15:43,164 --> 00:15:47,168
or motion-generating
entertainment specialists.
393
00:15:47,212 --> 00:15:50,302
I'm kidding.
It's monkeys.
394
00:15:50,345 --> 00:15:51,781
Woman:
God save the Queen!
395
00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:53,609
[ People cheering ]
396
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,481
Your Grace.
397
00:15:55,524 --> 00:15:58,832
I am most humbled to be
in your presence this day.
398
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:01,791
Arise, good sir.
399
00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:04,229
Hast thou e'er been told
you do resemble Robert Dudley,
400
00:16:04,272 --> 00:16:07,797
Earl of Leicester, who once
did frequent this shire?
401
00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:09,799
It hath been
remarked upon.
402
00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:12,150
I am told he was thought
quite handsome.
403
00:16:12,193 --> 00:16:14,456
-[ Chuckles ]
-Uh, but today,
404
00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:17,546
I am Claudius Hollyband,
if it please you.
405
00:16:17,590 --> 00:16:19,853
Linguist, philologist,
and lexicographer.
406
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,724
Ah.
A weaver of words, then?
407
00:16:21,768 --> 00:16:23,726
A weaver of words,
a student of syntax,
408
00:16:23,770 --> 00:16:25,641
a parser of paragraphs.
409
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,904
Indeed. Then you would be
well acquainted
410
00:16:27,948 --> 00:16:29,994
with terms
such as "miscreant,"
411
00:16:30,037 --> 00:16:32,779
"vagabond," and "lothario"?
412
00:16:32,822 --> 00:16:34,955
Academically,
which be far different
413
00:16:34,999 --> 00:16:36,304
than were I to be termed
414
00:16:36,348 --> 00:16:40,917
a "contumelious pantywaist
dilettante."
415
00:16:40,961 --> 00:16:43,094
Uh...dickhead.
416
00:16:43,137 --> 00:16:45,792
Well played, good sirs,
well played.
417
00:16:45,835 --> 00:16:47,098
Such sporting wit.
418
00:16:47,141 --> 00:16:48,577
Your Grace,
if I may beg a boon,
419
00:16:48,621 --> 00:16:52,103
I would a word
with you, uh, alone.
420
00:16:52,146 --> 00:16:54,105
Really?
421
00:16:54,148 --> 00:16:55,497
An' it would please me --
422
00:16:55,541 --> 00:16:57,456
But we must away,
423
00:16:57,499 --> 00:17:00,111
for our Queen's appointments
are many and her hours few.
424
00:17:00,154 --> 00:17:03,549
Yea, but the joust
is not until 1:00 and 30.
425
00:17:03,592 --> 00:17:06,813
Better three hours too soon
than a minute too late.
426
00:17:06,856 --> 00:17:08,641
Anon, Master Holly-bland.
427
00:17:08,684 --> 00:17:10,556
-But --
-I said anon.
428
00:17:10,599 --> 00:17:13,037
♪♪
429
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:14,473
[ Sighs ]
430
00:17:14,516 --> 00:17:16,344
Really?
Three hours?
431
00:17:16,388 --> 00:17:18,042
That's the line.
"Merry Wives of Windsor."
432
00:17:18,085 --> 00:17:19,173
More like "BoredWives
of Windsor."
433
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,612
Holding his sword
434
00:17:23,656 --> 00:17:25,136
but bereft of his shield...
435
00:17:25,179 --> 00:17:26,746
Oh? Oh. Aw.
436
00:17:26,789 --> 00:17:29,357
[ Laughter ]...the valiant young knight
437
00:17:29,401 --> 00:17:31,925
told the dragon to...Yield!
438
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,274
Why not stop?
439
00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:35,755
Yield seems like
it's delaying things.
440
00:17:35,798 --> 00:17:38,279
So do you.Oh, that's because
I know what's coming.
441
00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:40,064
We all do.
It's why they have garbage bags.
442
00:17:40,107 --> 00:17:41,761
Oh.
Can I have one?
443
00:17:41,804 --> 00:17:43,980
If your performance stays
at this level, absolutely.
444
00:17:44,024 --> 00:17:45,808
Ohh![ Laughter ]
445
00:17:45,852 --> 00:17:50,378
But the dragon was cunning
and clever and smart.
446
00:17:50,422 --> 00:17:54,121
He laid down, turned around,
and spewed forth a great...
447
00:17:54,165 --> 00:17:56,036
Shart!
448
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,125
Aah!
449
00:17:58,169 --> 00:18:00,562
Aah. Ah.
450
00:18:00,606 --> 00:18:02,129
[ Laughter ]
451
00:18:02,173 --> 00:18:05,132
And so ends our tale
of bravery and wit.
452
00:18:05,176 --> 00:18:08,353
But mostly of jokes
that were all about...
453
00:18:08,396 --> 00:18:10,181
clever wordplay.
454
00:18:10,224 --> 00:18:12,052
[ Laughter ]
455
00:18:14,402 --> 00:18:16,839
Thank you, thank you,
456
00:18:16,883 --> 00:18:19,494
lords and ladies.
Gramercy.
457
00:18:19,538 --> 00:18:22,410
If thou didst
enjoy the show,
458
00:18:22,454 --> 00:18:24,238
please put something
in the hat.
459
00:18:24,282 --> 00:18:27,633
Even small coins, they, uh --
they make a difference.
460
00:18:27,676 --> 00:18:30,897
But if you don't have any coins,
we also accept sexual favors.
461
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:32,855
Please don't put those
in the hat.
462
00:18:32,899 --> 00:18:34,988
Uh, they make
the coins sticky.
463
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:38,383
[ Indistinct conversations ]
464
00:18:38,426 --> 00:18:40,776
Hey.
465
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:42,691
-You okay?
-Tip-top.
466
00:18:42,735 --> 00:18:45,477
Yeah, but nip nottop.
467
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:47,740
Let me get you some of Lulu's
breast milk to put on it.
468
00:18:47,783 --> 00:18:50,438
-Stuff will cure cancer.
-Don't have cancer.
469
00:18:50,482 --> 00:18:52,745
-Mm, fixed my ear infection.
-Don't have an ear infection.
470
00:18:52,788 --> 00:18:56,270
-It's good in coffee --
-Stop.
471
00:18:56,314 --> 00:18:58,446
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
472
00:18:58,490 --> 00:19:00,056
You're -- You're hot.
473
00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:01,145
Go rest.
474
00:19:01,188 --> 00:19:02,842
No.
475
00:19:02,885 --> 00:19:05,366
Pizzle Wanksworth
Humpsalot,
476
00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:09,153
you'll do as you're told.
477
00:19:09,196 --> 00:19:10,850
Fine.
478
00:19:10,893 --> 00:19:14,027
Fine.
479
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:16,464
Child: No! No!♪ Hey, whatcha lookin' at?
480
00:19:16,508 --> 00:19:18,205
-Yes!
-No!♪ Ain't you ever seen anybody
workin' like that? ♪
481
00:19:18,249 --> 00:19:19,946
Mama, he -- he's pushing me!♪ Hey, whatcha lookin' at?
482
00:19:19,989 --> 00:19:21,469
♪ Ain't you ever seen anybody
workin' like that? ♪
483
00:19:21,513 --> 00:19:23,558
Leave me alone!♪ Hey, whatcha lookin' at?
484
00:19:23,602 --> 00:19:25,430
No! Mama!♪ Ain't you ever seen anybody
workin' like that? ♪
485
00:19:25,473 --> 00:19:27,214
He's not leaving me alone!♪ Hey, whatcha lookin' at?
486
00:19:27,258 --> 00:19:29,477
♪ Ain't you ever seen anybody
workin' like that? ♪
487
00:19:29,521 --> 00:19:32,828
♪ See Jane work, work,
work, Jane work, work ♪
488
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,700
♪ See Jane work, work
489
00:19:34,743 --> 00:19:36,919
♪ Ain't you ever seen anybody
workin' like that? ♪
490
00:19:36,963 --> 00:19:40,096
♪ See Jane work, work,
work, Jane work, work ♪
491
00:19:40,140 --> 00:19:42,534
♪ Come on, got a thing, thing,
come on, come on, come on ♪
492
00:19:42,577 --> 00:19:44,405
♪ Can you feel me,
can you feel me? ♪
493
00:19:44,449 --> 00:19:46,277
♪ Can you feel me?
Come on, come on, come on ♪
494
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,192
♪ Can you feel me,
can you feel me? ♪
495
00:19:48,235 --> 00:19:52,152
♪ Work, Jane, work, huh!
496
00:19:52,196 --> 00:19:54,241
-Hope he feels better.
-Thanks.
497
00:19:54,285 --> 00:19:56,591
Oh, uh...
498
00:19:56,635 --> 00:19:58,854
Huzz for the tipper!
499
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:01,205
-Never gets old.
-[ Giggles ]
500
00:20:01,248 --> 00:20:04,599
[ Indistinct conversations ]
501
00:20:04,643 --> 00:20:06,645
Look, Mommy.
What is this?
502
00:20:06,688 --> 00:20:08,473
No, no, no, no, no.
503
00:20:08,516 --> 00:20:11,432
No, no, no, uh, hey,
no, ooh, ooh, ah, ah.
504
00:20:11,476 --> 00:20:13,478
This be
a sheep's bladder.
505
00:20:13,521 --> 00:20:14,653
Like a balloon?
506
00:20:14,696 --> 00:20:17,090
Yes!
Like a balloon!
507
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:20,267
Blow it up.
508
00:20:20,311 --> 00:20:22,269
Blow it up, blow it up,
blow it up.
509
00:20:22,313 --> 00:20:27,448
♪♪
510
00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:29,624
[ Coughs ]
511
00:20:32,845 --> 00:20:41,941
♪♪
512
00:20:41,984 --> 00:20:43,203
Callie:
And now the ring of six.
513
00:20:43,247 --> 00:20:45,161
[ Grunts, sighs ]
514
00:20:45,205 --> 00:20:47,163
Would you prefer to use
my saliva or yours?
515
00:20:47,207 --> 00:20:48,774
Go for it.
516
00:20:48,817 --> 00:20:50,689
♪♪
517
00:20:50,732 --> 00:20:54,345
[ Spits ]
518
00:20:54,388 --> 00:20:56,608
[ Groaning ]
519
00:20:56,651 --> 00:21:00,046
♪♪
520
00:21:00,089 --> 00:21:01,700
Stick?
521
00:21:01,743 --> 00:21:03,484
[ Groaning ]
522
00:21:03,528 --> 00:21:06,574
♪♪
523
00:21:06,618 --> 00:21:09,664
I don't want
to talk about it.
524
00:21:09,708 --> 00:21:13,320
Callie: From here, the venom
will find the wound.
525
00:21:13,364 --> 00:21:15,409
Stick.
526
00:21:15,453 --> 00:21:17,629
I know,
but youtry telling him.
527
00:21:20,719 --> 00:21:22,634
Repeat after me.
528
00:21:22,677 --> 00:21:24,723
-"I am the light."
-I am the light.
529
00:21:24,766 --> 00:21:28,857
-"I am the spirit."
-I am spirit.
530
00:21:28,901 --> 00:21:31,904
That the freaking
Amazonian frog venom?
531
00:21:31,947 --> 00:21:33,253
Stick.
532
00:21:33,297 --> 00:21:35,690
Oh, yo, did you get
that aspirin?
533
00:21:35,734 --> 00:21:37,518
Damn it.
534
00:21:37,562 --> 00:21:39,433
I'm sorry, man.
535
00:21:39,477 --> 00:21:42,480
I had a situa...tion.
536
00:21:42,523 --> 00:21:43,829
You don't need aspirin.
537
00:21:43,872 --> 00:21:45,221
You have me.
538
00:21:45,265 --> 00:21:46,397
"I am the soul."
539
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,312
Yeah, baby,
you know you are.
540
00:21:48,355 --> 00:21:49,704
No, repeat.
541
00:21:49,748 --> 00:21:50,966
"I am the soul."
542
00:21:51,010 --> 00:21:53,969
Maybe I need
a real doctor.
543
00:21:54,013 --> 00:21:55,101
Define "real."
544
00:21:55,144 --> 00:21:58,626
[ Vomits ]
545
00:21:58,670 --> 00:22:01,063
Good. It's working.
546
00:22:01,107 --> 00:22:02,848
[ Indistinct conversations ]
547
00:22:02,891 --> 00:22:10,377
♪♪
548
00:22:10,421 --> 00:22:18,080
♪♪
549
00:22:18,124 --> 00:22:20,344
Will you stop being
a cockblocker?
550
00:22:20,387 --> 00:22:23,085
Stop being
a cock gawker.
551
00:22:23,129 --> 00:22:24,304
Colin walked out on you.
552
00:22:24,348 --> 00:22:25,610
Now he gets
to walk back in?
553
00:22:25,653 --> 00:22:27,699
Enough, I say.
Enough, enough, enough!
554
00:22:27,742 --> 00:22:29,570
Stand down, Malvolio.
555
00:22:29,614 --> 00:22:32,443
I'm a big girl.
556
00:22:32,486 --> 00:22:36,621
The day's announcements,
Your Majesty.
557
00:22:36,664 --> 00:22:39,450
[ Fanfare plays ]
558
00:22:42,627 --> 00:22:46,413
Lords and ladies, gentles all,
I do entreat you
559
00:22:46,457 --> 00:22:49,416
to join me this day
at our Royal Joust,
560
00:22:49,460 --> 00:22:53,899
where our bravest knights
battle for honor and glory.
561
00:22:53,942 --> 00:22:56,597
[ Applause ]
562
00:22:56,641 --> 00:23:00,862
Today, we honor Lady Linda
Sippey and Lord Eric Fundling
563
00:23:00,906 --> 00:23:03,038
upon their fourth anniversary.
564
00:23:03,082 --> 00:23:05,084
-Month.
-Month-iversary.
565
00:23:05,127 --> 00:23:08,870
Fourth monthiversary.
A full 120 days. Huzzah.
566
00:23:08,914 --> 00:23:10,350
-Huzzah!
-Huzzah!
567
00:23:10,394 --> 00:23:12,700
Duchess Carol Denbo is here
568
00:23:12,744 --> 00:23:14,920
celebrating her 60th natal day.
569
00:23:14,963 --> 00:23:16,008
-Huzzah!
-Huzzah!
570
00:23:16,051 --> 00:23:18,445
Congratulations to Joseph Oswald
571
00:23:18,489 --> 00:23:20,360
for coming out
to his grandparents,
572
00:23:20,404 --> 00:23:22,406
visiting from the colony
of Maine.
573
00:23:22,449 --> 00:23:25,104
Very brave, Sir Joseph.All: Huzzah!
574
00:23:25,147 --> 00:23:29,021
Vanessa Ho-Chin, we commend
your passing of the bar.
575
00:23:29,064 --> 00:23:31,327
All: Huzzah!And finally,
576
00:23:31,371 --> 00:23:33,634
we celebrate love
577
00:23:33,678 --> 00:23:36,724
with the betrothal
of Lady Emily Shaw
578
00:23:36,768 --> 00:23:40,554
to Lord Colin...
579
00:23:40,598 --> 00:23:41,642
Hayes.
580
00:23:41,686 --> 00:23:43,514
-Huzzah!
-Huzzah!
581
00:23:43,557 --> 00:23:45,994
♪♪
582
00:23:46,038 --> 00:23:47,866
Uh, water.
583
00:23:47,909 --> 00:23:49,476
I need water.
584
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:51,217
Uh...
585
00:23:51,260 --> 00:23:54,481
[ Applause ]
586
00:23:54,525 --> 00:23:56,004
Congratulations to all.
587
00:23:56,048 --> 00:23:59,921
And brevity being
the soul of wit,
588
00:23:59,965 --> 00:24:02,663
lay on, MacDuff,
589
00:24:02,707 --> 00:24:06,014
for all the world's
a stage, right?
590
00:24:11,193 --> 00:24:15,110
Now jousters to joust
and musicians to play,
591
00:24:15,154 --> 00:24:18,418
as I, Will Shakespeare,
will away.
592
00:24:18,462 --> 00:24:20,333
[ Confused fanfare playing ]
593
00:24:20,376 --> 00:24:24,598
♪♪
594
00:24:24,642 --> 00:24:27,035
[ Sniffles, sighs ]
595
00:24:27,079 --> 00:24:28,863
That's what he wanted
to talk to me about.
596
00:24:28,907 --> 00:24:30,909
-Maggie --
-You should have let him.
597
00:24:30,952 --> 00:24:34,042
And if I'd known,
I would have.
598
00:24:34,086 --> 00:24:36,697
Maybe.
[ Sighs ]
599
00:24:36,741 --> 00:24:39,526
My intention was
to not let you get hurt again.
600
00:24:39,570 --> 00:24:40,919
Good intentions.
601
00:24:40,962 --> 00:24:42,616
They never fail
to screw me over.
602
00:24:42,660 --> 00:24:44,357
And what if he had
spoken to you?
603
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,098
-What would it have changed?
-Well, I could have --
604
00:24:46,141 --> 00:24:47,534
I would have had
some warning.
605
00:24:47,578 --> 00:24:49,405
[ Scoffs ] Yes.
606
00:24:49,449 --> 00:24:51,103
Warning that the man
who broke your heart
607
00:24:51,146 --> 00:24:54,062
was back to rub
your nose in it, publicly?
608
00:24:54,106 --> 00:24:57,762
He's such a dick,
Always was.
609
00:24:57,805 --> 00:25:00,416
So why do I keep looking back
and wondering, "What if?"
610
00:25:02,723 --> 00:25:06,553
Because he's the dick
who got away.
611
00:25:06,597 --> 00:25:09,034
He didn't get away.
I let him go.
612
00:25:09,077 --> 00:25:13,560
Off to the suburbs to a regular
job and a-a regular life.
613
00:25:13,604 --> 00:25:16,171
You could have gone with him
and had it, too.
614
00:25:16,215 --> 00:25:18,565
But you chose Queen
and country
615
00:25:18,609 --> 00:25:22,787
over a convenient
and conventional union,
616
00:25:22,830 --> 00:25:26,530
just like
the real Elizabeth.
617
00:25:26,573 --> 00:25:29,141
Probably die
like her, too --
618
00:25:29,184 --> 00:25:31,273
bald and surrounded by pugs.
619
00:25:31,317 --> 00:25:35,321
But beloved,
forever beloved.
620
00:25:35,364 --> 00:25:36,670
Victoria had the pugs,
not Elizabeth.
621
00:25:36,714 --> 00:25:38,150
-Oh, damn it, Brian.
-Sorry.
622
00:25:38,193 --> 00:25:42,110
[ Fanfare plays ]
623
00:25:42,154 --> 00:25:46,767
Stay. I got it.
624
00:25:46,811 --> 00:25:53,382
♪♪
625
00:25:53,426 --> 00:25:55,646
Brian: Ladies and gentlemen,
to the joust!
626
00:25:55,689 --> 00:25:57,648
-Huzzah!
-Huzzah!
627
00:25:57,691 --> 00:26:04,176
♪♪
628
00:26:04,219 --> 00:26:10,661
♪♪
629
00:26:13,794 --> 00:26:16,188
♪♪
630
00:26:16,231 --> 00:26:18,451
[ FaceTime ringing ]
631
00:26:18,494 --> 00:26:22,194
♪♪
632
00:26:22,237 --> 00:26:23,282
Kombucha?
633
00:26:23,325 --> 00:26:25,850
Jesus, Cyril. Okay.
634
00:26:25,893 --> 00:26:28,374
Gross.
635
00:26:28,417 --> 00:26:30,158
Hey [Chuckles]
don't panic.
636
00:26:30,202 --> 00:26:31,638
It's organic.
637
00:26:31,682 --> 00:26:33,379
-Ew.
-What, you got something
638
00:26:33,422 --> 00:26:35,468
-against manure?
-Got something forit?
639
00:26:35,511 --> 00:26:37,731
Yeah.
640
00:26:37,775 --> 00:26:39,428
-Funk of the earth, huh?
-[ Retches ]
641
00:26:39,472 --> 00:26:41,039
What begins as grass
642
00:26:41,082 --> 00:26:43,911
becomes the power of those
beasties' mighty haunches,
643
00:26:43,955 --> 00:26:45,783
becomes speed, and then,
644
00:26:45,826 --> 00:26:49,221
once expelled,
becomes grass again.
645
00:26:49,264 --> 00:26:52,528
So...
646
00:26:52,572 --> 00:26:54,269
Kombucha?
647
00:26:54,313 --> 00:26:56,402
I foraged
the rose hips myself.
648
00:26:56,445 --> 00:26:58,534
And hard pass.
649
00:26:58,578 --> 00:26:59,884
[ FaceTime ringing ]
650
00:26:59,927 --> 00:27:03,627
[ Sighs ]
651
00:27:03,670 --> 00:27:05,106
Oh, my God.
652
00:27:05,150 --> 00:27:07,195
It doesn't recognize me.
653
00:27:07,239 --> 00:27:09,763
My phone doesn't know
who I am.
654
00:27:09,807 --> 00:27:11,286
Look at me.
Look at me!
655
00:27:11,330 --> 00:27:13,071
Does my face
not look like my face?
656
00:27:13,114 --> 00:27:16,727
Oof, scoby's off.
657
00:27:16,770 --> 00:27:19,904
[ Sighs ]
658
00:27:19,947 --> 00:27:21,993
[ FaceTime continues ringing ]
659
00:27:24,822 --> 00:27:27,215
[ Breathes deeply ]
660
00:27:31,002 --> 00:27:32,307
Hey.
661
00:27:32,351 --> 00:27:33,700
Hey what?
662
00:27:33,744 --> 00:27:35,571
Hey, I'm sorry?
663
00:27:35,615 --> 00:27:37,225
Hey, I love you?
664
00:27:37,269 --> 00:27:38,574
Hey, can we
work things out?
665
00:27:38,618 --> 00:27:40,446
Can you just
stop saying hey?
666
00:27:40,489 --> 00:27:42,535
I can't with the hay
right now.
667
00:27:42,578 --> 00:27:44,537
You look different --
gooddifferent.
668
00:27:44,580 --> 00:27:46,713
Like, earthy.
669
00:27:46,757 --> 00:27:48,193
Thanks?
670
00:27:48,236 --> 00:27:50,717
Yeah, no, I --
671
00:27:50,761 --> 00:27:53,328
Look, I'm beyond sorry
that what I did upset you.
672
00:27:53,372 --> 00:27:55,156
[ Rooster crows ]
673
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,289
But I also know that
we're better together
674
00:27:57,332 --> 00:28:00,422
and that it takes two
to make a --"Thing go right"?
675
00:28:00,466 --> 00:28:03,904
I swear to God, Brett --That it takes two to make
a relationship work,
676
00:28:03,948 --> 00:28:05,950
to share in its joys,
677
00:28:05,993 --> 00:28:08,430
but also
to shoulder its burdens.
678
00:28:08,474 --> 00:28:11,477
What kind of TED Talk bullshit
are you on, Brett?
679
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,000
Shoulder its burdens?
680
00:28:13,044 --> 00:28:15,002
You cheated on me
on our wedding day.
681
00:28:15,046 --> 00:28:16,569
Why should Ishoulder
that burden?
682
00:28:16,612 --> 00:28:18,919
-Because we're a couple.
-Yeah, which means two,
683
00:28:18,963 --> 00:28:22,227
not two and then the occasional
out-of-network beej.
684
00:28:22,270 --> 00:28:25,099
Woman: Bonjour, monsieur.
Tout d'accord?
685
00:28:25,143 --> 00:28:27,623
-Oh, my God.
-Merci.
686
00:28:27,667 --> 00:28:30,017
Are you in St. Barts?
687
00:28:30,061 --> 00:28:33,586
Are you on
our fucking honeymoon?!
688
00:28:33,629 --> 00:28:36,328
Dr. Bloom after said after
a major emotional trauma
689
00:28:36,371 --> 00:28:39,200
to prioritize self-care.
690
00:28:39,244 --> 00:28:42,116
And the tickets were
non-refundable --
691
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:43,378
[ Cellphone beeps ]No.
692
00:28:43,422 --> 00:28:44,684
No, no, no, no, no.
693
00:28:44,728 --> 00:28:47,426
I am not done
yelling at you!
694
00:28:47,469 --> 00:28:49,733
Oh, come on, data plan.
Come on, Wi-Fi.
695
00:28:49,776 --> 00:28:52,648
Oh. My kingdom
for some Wi-Fi!
696
00:28:52,692 --> 00:28:56,217
♪♪
697
00:28:56,261 --> 00:28:58,611
Yes. [ Laughs ]
698
00:28:58,654 --> 00:29:01,005
[ Sighs ] Finally.
699
00:29:01,048 --> 00:29:03,877
[ Line ringing ]
700
00:29:03,921 --> 00:29:05,923
Coward!
701
00:29:05,966 --> 00:29:07,794
I hope you go
on our scuba excursion
702
00:29:07,838 --> 00:29:10,188
and get ass-raped
by an electric eel.
703
00:29:10,231 --> 00:29:13,626
[ Cellphone beeps ]
704
00:29:13,669 --> 00:29:15,759
Oh, my God. Amanda.
You guys, it's Amanda.
705
00:29:15,802 --> 00:29:17,195
-Oh!
-Oh! Hi!
706
00:29:17,238 --> 00:29:19,284
Hi. Morgan --
707
00:29:19,327 --> 00:29:20,589
[ Women shrieking ]We're getting drinks.
708
00:29:20,633 --> 00:29:21,939
Miss you, bitch.
709
00:29:21,982 --> 00:29:24,419
Ugh. Mocktails.
So over it.
710
00:29:24,463 --> 00:29:26,595
-Morgan?
-How's rehab?
711
00:29:26,639 --> 00:29:28,119
Morgan:
Lexi, she's not in rehab.
712
00:29:28,162 --> 00:29:29,729
That's just what we're saying.
Did you --
713
00:29:29,773 --> 00:29:31,905
Lexi, stop waving
the phone around.
714
00:29:31,949 --> 00:29:33,515
I just want to see.
715
00:29:33,559 --> 00:29:35,691
Lex-- Lexi.
[ Sighs ]
716
00:29:35,735 --> 00:29:36,997
Morgan, take the phone
from Lexi.
717
00:29:37,041 --> 00:29:38,651
-Ohh.
-Hi.
718
00:29:38,694 --> 00:29:41,219
Okay.
I just spoke to Brett.
719
00:29:41,262 --> 00:29:43,699
About the story the Post?
I know. I saw.
720
00:29:43,743 --> 00:29:45,092
But don't worry.
Honestly, I didn't share it,
721
00:29:45,136 --> 00:29:46,572
and don't freak out
about the comments.
722
00:29:46,615 --> 00:29:48,313
It's not a big deal.
It's gonna be fine.
723
00:29:48,356 --> 00:29:49,705
That's not what I was gonna say.I didn't share it, either,
724
00:29:49,749 --> 00:29:51,751
and -- and truly,
people have moved on.
725
00:29:51,795 --> 00:29:53,231
You know the Central Park
polar bear,
726
00:29:53,274 --> 00:29:55,363
the one with autism?
He drowned.
727
00:29:55,407 --> 00:29:57,061
-[ Gasps ] He drowned?
-Yeah.
728
00:29:57,104 --> 00:29:58,802
I'm not calling
about the Post!
729
00:29:58,845 --> 00:30:01,979
Hey, I also didn't share.
And I know this is a weird time,
730
00:30:02,022 --> 00:30:05,069
but are you reimbursing us
for the bridesmaid dresses?
731
00:30:05,112 --> 00:30:06,940
No.
732
00:30:06,984 --> 00:30:10,596
Did you guys know that Brett
is on my our honeymoon?
733
00:30:10,639 --> 00:30:12,424
I'm sorry. I didn't know
we weren't supposed
734
00:30:12,467 --> 00:30:14,426
-to share the story.
-Give Morgan the --
735
00:30:14,469 --> 00:30:16,167
-I feel bad.
-Give the phone to Morgan.
736
00:30:16,210 --> 00:30:18,734
But it got a bunch of likes
and a ton of sad faces,
737
00:30:18,778 --> 00:30:21,868
and those are hard to do,
because -- What --All right, all right, all right.
738
00:30:21,912 --> 00:30:24,218
Lexi? Morgan.
739
00:30:24,262 --> 00:30:25,872
Are you guys there?
740
00:30:25,916 --> 00:30:28,527
Are you there?!
741
00:30:28,570 --> 00:30:31,660
Hey. Would you mind turning
the volume down just a touch?
742
00:30:31,704 --> 00:30:34,098
I'm trying to nap.
743
00:30:34,141 --> 00:30:35,926
I need a drink.
744
00:30:38,406 --> 00:30:41,061
So this isyour usual
coping mechanism.
745
00:30:41,105 --> 00:30:44,369
I am not an alcoholic.
746
00:30:44,412 --> 00:30:46,850
People who buy Sour Apple vodka
are alcoholics.
747
00:30:46,893 --> 00:30:48,460
Oh, I'm glad to see that
you're taking things seriously
748
00:30:48,503 --> 00:30:50,462
on your first day.
749
00:30:50,505 --> 00:30:52,159
Says the guy
who was napping.
750
00:30:52,203 --> 00:30:53,421
I was trying
to just recover enough
751
00:30:53,465 --> 00:30:54,858
so that I could do
the last show.
752
00:30:54,901 --> 00:30:57,948
Ew. Yeah, you need
to get that looked at.
753
00:30:57,991 --> 00:30:59,471
When I was working
at Refinery29,
754
00:30:59,514 --> 00:31:00,907
I had an alarming lump,
755
00:31:00,951 --> 00:31:02,691
and I had to take
the whole week off.
756
00:31:02,735 --> 00:31:04,476
'Cause they thought
you had cancer?
757
00:31:04,519 --> 00:31:06,608
No, but Idid.
758
00:31:06,652 --> 00:31:09,046
It was a fatty lipoma.
Benign.
759
00:31:09,089 --> 00:31:11,570
And apparently hereditary.
760
00:31:11,613 --> 00:31:13,006
Cheers to a lifetime
761
00:31:13,050 --> 00:31:15,182
of outpatient fatty
lipoma removals.
762
00:31:15,226 --> 00:31:17,445
Um, I don't know, sorry?
763
00:31:17,489 --> 00:31:20,057
Thanks.
764
00:31:20,100 --> 00:31:21,797
Now, when are you gonna
go to the doctor?
765
00:31:21,841 --> 00:31:24,322
I'm not. Do you have any idea
what that would cost?
766
00:31:24,365 --> 00:31:26,933
Who cares? Where I come from,
your health comes first.
767
00:31:26,977 --> 00:31:28,152
Yeah, well,
where you come from,
768
00:31:28,195 --> 00:31:29,501
you have personal drivers,
769
00:31:29,544 --> 00:31:32,330
or better yet,
a concierge physician.
770
00:31:32,373 --> 00:31:34,245
Why are you acting
like this?
771
00:31:34,288 --> 00:31:36,551
It's not my fault
that your nipple's infected.
772
00:31:38,684 --> 00:31:40,468
What?
773
00:31:40,512 --> 00:31:42,949
♪♪
774
00:31:42,993 --> 00:31:45,560
-Heya! [ Laughs ]
-Whoa, shit. Hey.
775
00:31:45,604 --> 00:31:48,389
-Whatcha doing?
-Uh, nothing.
776
00:31:48,433 --> 00:31:50,957
I'm gon' go pee-pee.
777
00:31:51,001 --> 00:31:53,612
Cool.
778
00:31:53,655 --> 00:31:55,527
-What's this about?
-Oh, uh,
779
00:31:55,570 --> 00:31:57,659
youthful rebellion,
binge drinking,
780
00:31:57,703 --> 00:32:00,184
-and who doesn't love a coupon?
-Oh.
781
00:32:00,227 --> 00:32:02,099
-♪ Here comes the bride
-♪ Comes the bride
782
00:32:02,142 --> 00:32:04,318
-[ Cackles ]
-[ Vocalizes, laughs ]
783
00:32:04,362 --> 00:32:06,886
Look, my finger's engaged
to your nipple.
784
00:32:06,930 --> 00:32:07,974
Whoa!
785
00:32:08,018 --> 00:32:10,585
[ Screaming ]
786
00:32:10,629 --> 00:32:13,371
Oh, my God.
787
00:32:13,414 --> 00:32:16,069
♪♪
788
00:32:16,113 --> 00:32:17,941
Maybe I aman alcoholic.
789
00:32:17,984 --> 00:32:19,551
You might be.
790
00:32:21,727 --> 00:32:24,512
I'm so sorry.
791
00:32:24,556 --> 00:32:25,992
I can't believe
I did that.
792
00:32:26,036 --> 00:32:28,603
Yeah, it surprised me, too.
793
00:32:28,647 --> 00:32:31,302
First the Post,
and now this.
794
00:32:31,345 --> 00:32:34,000
Why am I all of a sudden
a magnet for public humiliation
795
00:32:34,044 --> 00:32:36,437
and -- and maiming?
796
00:32:36,481 --> 00:32:38,613
Shit.
797
00:32:38,657 --> 00:32:42,008
The only one that can
humiliate you is you.
798
00:32:42,052 --> 00:32:44,315
Who's that?
Lao Tzu?
799
00:32:44,358 --> 00:32:46,317
Sun Tzu?
Shih Tzu?
800
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:50,190
It's me.
801
00:32:50,234 --> 00:32:51,757
I didn't tell anyone
that you did it.
802
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,542
You didn't tell me
I did it,
803
00:32:54,586 --> 00:32:57,893
which is insane.
Where I come from,
804
00:32:57,937 --> 00:33:00,200
that kind of stuff trends
like hashtag-immediately.
805
00:33:00,244 --> 00:33:03,551
Yeah, well, this isn't
where you come from.
806
00:33:03,595 --> 00:33:06,511
It's where you are.
807
00:33:06,554 --> 00:33:10,036
-You again?
-Me again.
808
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:13,474
You're weirdly deep.
809
00:33:13,518 --> 00:33:16,173
Thanks.
810
00:33:16,216 --> 00:33:18,479
No.
811
00:33:18,523 --> 00:33:22,005
Thank you.
812
00:33:22,048 --> 00:33:23,310
You're welcome.[ Door opens ]
813
00:33:23,354 --> 00:33:25,965
Just close the door be--
I'll get it.
814
00:33:30,274 --> 00:33:32,885
♪♪
815
00:33:32,928 --> 00:33:35,975
Delilah: ♪ Where they beg all-in
for me to sit on ♪
816
00:33:36,019 --> 00:33:39,848
♪ I'd sit on that man
all day long ♪
817
00:33:39,892 --> 00:33:42,068
♪ And play and go
whee, whee -- ♪
818
00:33:42,112 --> 00:33:44,592
Aah!
Good cuz!
819
00:33:44,636 --> 00:33:47,508
How didst thou fare on thy first
and inaugural day?
820
00:33:47,552 --> 00:33:49,902
Was it wonderfully wondrous?
Tell me. Tell me all.
821
00:33:49,945 --> 00:33:51,382
[ Crying ]
822
00:33:51,425 --> 00:33:54,037
Oh.
823
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:56,952
[ Sobbing ]
824
00:33:56,996 --> 00:34:00,130
There, there.
825
00:34:00,173 --> 00:34:01,609
Let it all out.
826
00:34:01,653 --> 00:34:03,176
[ Sobbing ]
827
00:34:03,220 --> 00:34:06,919
Whatever it is,
it'll all be fine.
828
00:34:06,962 --> 00:34:12,490
♪♪
829
00:34:12,533 --> 00:34:15,884
How can you have known me
for one day and be nicer to me
830
00:34:15,928 --> 00:34:19,453
than the people who were
supposed to be in my wedding?
831
00:34:19,497 --> 00:34:22,543
[ Scoffs ]
832
00:34:22,587 --> 00:34:26,112
Because...you're
one of us now.
833
00:34:26,156 --> 00:34:29,115
♪♪
834
00:34:29,159 --> 00:34:32,075
You're faire-mily.
835
00:34:32,118 --> 00:34:35,643
Oh, I don't know
about that.
836
00:34:35,687 --> 00:34:38,994
This feels good.
837
00:34:39,038 --> 00:34:40,866
[ Gasps ]
838
00:34:40,909 --> 00:34:44,087
That's your Faire name.
839
00:34:44,130 --> 00:34:46,915
Something "Feelsgood."
840
00:34:46,959 --> 00:34:48,221
Titania.
841
00:34:48,265 --> 00:34:49,962
Okay, uh...
842
00:34:50,005 --> 00:34:51,964
Miranda.
843
00:34:52,007 --> 00:34:53,879
Uh...
844
00:34:53,922 --> 00:34:56,577
-Olivia.
-Ophelia?
845
00:34:56,621 --> 00:34:58,231
Hamlet's Ophelia
lost her mind.
846
00:34:58,275 --> 00:35:02,148
It seems weirdly
appropriate.
847
00:35:02,192 --> 00:35:04,803
There you go.
[ Laughs ]
848
00:35:04,846 --> 00:35:07,719
Ophelia Feelsgood.
849
00:35:07,762 --> 00:35:09,416
It's perfect.
850
00:35:09,460 --> 00:35:13,203
♪♪
851
00:35:13,246 --> 00:35:15,640
Hey.
852
00:35:15,683 --> 00:35:18,164
What job around here
makes the most money?
853
00:35:18,208 --> 00:35:21,863
[ Laughter,
indistinct conversations ]
854
00:35:21,907 --> 00:35:24,127
Huzzah for the tipper!
855
00:35:24,170 --> 00:35:26,172
-Huzzah!
-Huzzah!
856
00:35:26,216 --> 00:35:27,869
♪♪
857
00:35:27,913 --> 00:35:29,784
-Huzzah!
-Huzzah!
858
00:35:29,828 --> 00:35:33,440
♪♪
859
00:35:33,484 --> 00:35:36,182
-Huzzah! Huzzah!
-Huzzah!
860
00:35:36,226 --> 00:35:39,359
Huzzah for the tipper!
861
00:35:39,403 --> 00:35:41,492
More chest, less shoulders.
862
00:35:41,535 --> 00:35:43,885
Huzzah for the tipper.
863
00:35:43,929 --> 00:35:45,757
Better.
We'll work on it.
864
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:48,499
♪♪
865
00:35:48,542 --> 00:35:50,718
You know, I thought
this would feel degrading,
866
00:35:50,762 --> 00:35:54,461
humiliating, and offensive,
but I'm actually having fun.
867
00:35:54,505 --> 00:35:57,029
Good! As long as
you're not an alcoholic.
868
00:35:57,072 --> 00:35:58,204
That's how we lost Gina.
869
00:35:58,248 --> 00:36:01,251
-Huh.
-Mm-hmm.
870
00:36:01,294 --> 00:36:03,122
You don't happen to have
a Sharpie, do you?
871
00:36:03,166 --> 00:36:06,169
Indeed, mistress.
872
00:36:06,212 --> 00:36:10,956
Behold, the Quill
of Permanence.
873
00:36:10,999 --> 00:36:14,220
Shart:
But if you don't have any coins,
we also accept sexual favors.
874
00:36:14,264 --> 00:36:16,135
David: Please don't
put those in the hat.
875
00:36:16,179 --> 00:36:18,137
Uh, they make
the coins sticky.
876
00:36:18,181 --> 00:36:27,102
♪♪
877
00:36:27,146 --> 00:36:36,024
♪♪
878
00:36:36,068 --> 00:36:45,120
♪♪
879
00:36:45,164 --> 00:36:46,470
Man:
God save the Queen!
880
00:36:46,513 --> 00:36:48,428
Man #2:
God save the Queen!
881
00:36:48,472 --> 00:36:50,561
-God save the Queen!
-God save the Queen!
882
00:36:50,604 --> 00:36:59,352
♪♪
883
00:36:59,396 --> 00:37:01,354
Stop!
Courtiers, halt.
884
00:37:01,398 --> 00:37:02,616
Halt!
885
00:37:02,660 --> 00:37:03,791
Oh.
886
00:37:03,835 --> 00:37:05,315
Steady.
887
00:37:09,841 --> 00:37:11,277
Oh, Your Majesty.
888
00:37:11,321 --> 00:37:13,540
Uh, excuse me,
but would it be possible
889
00:37:13,584 --> 00:37:15,499
if I could get a picture
of you with my daughter?
890
00:37:15,542 --> 00:37:17,109
[ Chuckles ]
891
00:37:17,152 --> 00:37:20,721
♪♪
892
00:37:20,765 --> 00:37:22,810
-Of course.
-Oh.
893
00:37:22,854 --> 00:37:24,464
-Oh, yeah.
-Hello.
894
00:37:24,508 --> 00:37:26,379
Okay.
895
00:37:26,423 --> 00:37:29,164
-Hi, little one.
-Okay.
896
00:37:29,208 --> 00:37:32,255
[ Camera shutter clicks ]Oh, thank you, Your Grace.
897
00:37:32,298 --> 00:37:33,821
Come here.
898
00:37:33,865 --> 00:37:36,215
Uh, may I
show you something?
899
00:37:36,259 --> 00:37:40,263
My mom took this
when -- when I was a baby.
900
00:37:40,306 --> 00:37:43,048
-Oh.
-This is, uh, you
901
00:37:43,091 --> 00:37:44,310
holding me.
902
00:37:44,354 --> 00:37:47,487
Indeed.
903
00:37:47,531 --> 00:37:49,315
And how old --
904
00:37:49,359 --> 00:37:51,099
Never mind.
905
00:37:51,143 --> 00:37:53,928
'Tis a portrait
most wondrous.
906
00:37:53,972 --> 00:37:56,975
Thank thee, mistress,
and blessings upon you
907
00:37:57,018 --> 00:38:00,152
and your most
glorious progeny.
908
00:38:00,195 --> 00:38:01,458
Oh, no, please.
909
00:38:01,501 --> 00:38:03,634
That's a copy for you.
910
00:38:03,677 --> 00:38:07,638
Thank you, Your Majesty.
911
00:38:07,681 --> 00:38:10,205
You see how much
you mean to people?
912
00:38:10,249 --> 00:38:12,164
To somepeople.
913
00:38:12,207 --> 00:38:15,210
As long as men can breathe
or eyes can see,
914
00:38:15,254 --> 00:38:17,343
so long lives this.
915
00:38:17,387 --> 00:38:19,519
And this gives life
to thee.
916
00:38:19,563 --> 00:38:22,870
So long lives this.
917
00:38:22,914 --> 00:38:25,525
So very, very long.
918
00:38:25,569 --> 00:38:27,484
Ah, this could be
yesterday.
919
00:38:27,527 --> 00:38:29,224
Ah, would that it were,
920
00:38:29,268 --> 00:38:31,314
for then I could enjoy
my reign all over again.
921
00:38:31,357 --> 00:38:33,228
[ Chortles ]
922
00:38:33,272 --> 00:38:36,449
And especially
your friendship.
923
00:38:36,493 --> 00:38:38,233
You're high.
924
00:38:38,277 --> 00:38:41,411
Only a tiny,
tiny little bit.
925
00:38:41,454 --> 00:38:43,630
Courtiers, musicians,
good gentles all,
926
00:38:43,674 --> 00:38:45,850
our parade resumes!
927
00:38:45,893 --> 00:38:47,982
[ Cheers and applause ]
928
00:38:48,026 --> 00:38:56,382
♪♪
929
00:38:56,426 --> 00:39:04,738
♪♪
930
00:39:04,782 --> 00:39:13,094
♪♪
931
00:39:13,138 --> 00:39:21,407
♪♪
932
00:39:21,451 --> 00:39:23,453
[ Vibrator buzzing ]
933
00:39:27,021 --> 00:39:28,893
Keep it clean and dry.
934
00:39:28,936 --> 00:39:30,547
The stitches will dissolve
on their own.
935
00:39:30,590 --> 00:39:32,418
And be sure you complete
the full course of antibiotics.
936
00:39:32,462 --> 00:39:34,812
Gotcha.
And, uh, how do you feel
937
00:39:34,855 --> 00:39:37,292
about aggressive
nipple play?
938
00:39:37,336 --> 00:39:38,946
For me or for you?
939
00:39:38,990 --> 00:39:40,905
[ Chuckles ]
Ow.
940
00:39:44,212 --> 00:39:50,393
♪ Oh, open up, p-parachute
941
00:39:50,436 --> 00:39:52,220
♪ I've got a lot
of livin' to do ♪
942
00:39:52,264 --> 00:39:53,831
[ Lisping ]
Oh! Pizzle!
943
00:39:53,874 --> 00:39:56,399
It's me!♪ Open up, parachute
944
00:39:56,442 --> 00:39:58,401
P-Pizzle? Uh...
945
00:39:58,444 --> 00:40:01,665
David.
946
00:40:01,708 --> 00:40:07,584
♪ When choosin' to see
the bird's-eye view ♪
947
00:40:07,627 --> 00:40:10,587
♪ Didn't know
what I was gettin' into ♪
948
00:40:10,630 --> 00:40:12,980
So, did you, like, have to study
and stuff
949
00:40:13,024 --> 00:40:15,156
to be Queen?♪ Please, open up, parachute
950
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:18,203
No, it's an inherited position,
like an actual monarchy.
951
00:40:18,246 --> 00:40:20,118
Whoa. Cool.
952
00:40:20,161 --> 00:40:21,946
Of course I had to study.
953
00:40:21,989 --> 00:40:23,251
Okay.
954
00:40:23,295 --> 00:40:25,210
[ Both panting ]
955
00:40:25,253 --> 00:40:28,169
Um, Elizabeth was called
the Virgin Queen, you know.
956
00:40:28,213 --> 00:40:31,956
-[ Chuckles ]
-So you're a virgin?
957
00:40:31,999 --> 00:40:34,219
That's right.
[ Chuckles ]
958
00:40:34,262 --> 00:40:35,960
Now say it.
959
00:40:36,003 --> 00:40:38,615
Say I'm your
dirty virgin queen.
960
00:40:38,658 --> 00:40:39,790
I'm your dirty
virgin queen.
961
00:40:39,833 --> 00:40:42,140
Ugh, not you, peasant.
Me!
962
00:40:44,272 --> 00:40:45,622
Oh, how dare you?.
YSay it again.y virgin queen.
963
00:40:45,665 --> 00:40:46,927
You're my dirty
virgin queen.
964
00:40:46,971 --> 00:40:48,886
Oh, you naughty
little stable boy!
965
00:40:48,929 --> 00:40:52,324
[ Shrieking ]
966
00:40:54,935 --> 00:40:57,764
Oh! Guards, take him away.
967
00:41:00,158 --> 00:41:08,383
♪♪
968
00:41:08,427 --> 00:41:16,609
♪♪
969
00:41:16,653 --> 00:41:24,835
♪♪
65260
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