All language subtitles for Alfred.Hitchcock.Presents.S07E36.First.Class.Honeymoon.1080p.PCOK.WEBRip.AAC.2.0.H.265.-EDGE2020_track3_[eng]

Good evening, fellow tourists.

Have you longed to visit Europe
but lacked the money?

Did you ever think it possible
to travel there

aboard a luxurious ocean liner

for less than $25 roundtrip?

That is precisely
what we are prepared
to offer you tonight.

Here is a sample
of our luxurious cabins.

All this for only $23.50
to London, England.

Slightly higher
if you are discovered.

All this is prompted
by the title of tonight’s fable,

"First Class Honeymoon."

It follows this commercial,
which is in a class by itself.

[laughter]

[chuckles]

[alarm clock ringing]

[whooping call]

[grunts]

[happy grunts]

Well, good morning, Mrs. Phelan.

I’m sorry I left
so many dirty dishes for you.

No, that’s all right,
Mr. Gibson.

Coffee’s ready.
Would you like some?

Oh, I’d love some.

How was the ball game
last night?

I never saw such sloppy fielding
in all my life.

Why that first baseman
made three double plays
in two innings.

And, as for the pitching,

that ex-wife of yours
could throw a plate

faster than this guy
could throw a baseball.

I know what you mean.
I always said Gloria had
a good knuckleball, huh.

You don’t feel too badly
about that divorce, do you?

Feel badly? Listen, I’ve never
been so happy in my life.

I’m very happy I got you
in the settlement, too,
Mrs. Phelan.

Well, now,
I wasn’t going to let them

trade me off to that woman,
Mr. Gibson.

Not even for a season pass,
I wouldn’t.

Well, listen,
it was a fair exchange,

I got you,
she got the Cocker Spaniel,

they deserve each other.

I never did like
those little itty-bitty dogs.

Them’s the kind that goes
running out in the field

and holding up the game.

Now, is there anything else
I could get for you?

No, no, just the bottle of beer.

Oh, heavens.

Ah, this is the life,
Mrs. Phalen.

Single blessedness

to do whatever you want,
whenever you want.

I know just how you feel,
Mr. Gibson.

When poor Mr. Phalen was alive,
rest his soul,

I hardly ever got
to go to the ballpark.

But now I go all the time.

So you see, Mr. Gibson,

everything always works out
for the best.

-Yeah.
-See?

No, you get mean
when you drink.

[sighs]

[doorbell rings]

-Mr. Gibson.
-Yes.

I’m Abner Munroe,
from the Tru-Art Galleries.

-The what?
-The Tru-Art Galleries,
Mr. Gibson.

May I come in?

Oh, thank you, but I don’t think
I’m gonna buy a painting today.

I’m afraid you don’t understand,
I am not a salesman,

I’m an artist representative.

Oh.

I think you’re going to be
very pleased with this,
Mr. Gibson,

very pleased.

After all, Raphael O’Connor

has himself said
this is his finest work.

You know how difficult
is to please Raphael.

Who is Raphael O’Connor?

You’re joking, of course.

Look, shall we unveil
the work now?

Or would you prefer to wait
until your wife is present?

-My wife?
-Yes, this is
Mrs. Gibson’s home.

-Oh, now I know
you’re making a mistake.
-It’s no matter.

-You see, my wife and I--
-You shall have the honor

of being the first
to see the painting.

After all, you’re paying for it.

I am?

Oh, well, now I know
you’re making a mistake.

You see,
I didn’t order any painting.

Surely Mrs. Gibson told you
about the commission

she gave to Mr. O’Connor?

No, she didn’t.
And even if she had,
it wouldn’t make any difference.

My wife and I are divorced.

-Divorced?
-Yes.

Well, I’m terribly sorry, but--

Well, I’m not.
Why should you be?

But the painting, I mean,

Mrs. Gibson gave us
the commission

and told us to charge it
to your account.

That was back in,
let’s see, in April.

Well, you just take it
right straight back.

Why, I’m sorry, Mr. Gibson,
I can’t do that.

I mean, it’s your painting.

I don’t want the painting.

I don’t even know
who Raphael O’Connor is!

Sir, Raphael O’Connor
is one of America’s
foremost portrait painters!

Portrait--?

It’s Gloria.

Isn’t the likeness remarkable?

You know, it’s as if
she was right here with us.

Oh, it sure is.

I knew you’d be pleased,
Mr. Gibson.

Well now, if you’ll just kindly
write me out a check--

Get that thing out of here.

-I beg your pardon?
-Get that thing out of here!

Gibson, I’m terribly sorry about
your unfortunate difficulties
with your wife,

but she did commission
a portrait and a contract
is a contract!

-How much is the contract?
-It’s $2,500.

It wasn’t an easy assignment,
you know.

Mrs. Gibson could only sit
for a few minutes at a time

due to her ill health.

You know, I think Raphael
absolutely captured

the spirit of Mrs. Gibson.

Don’t you think so?

Well, I must really be
going back to my gallery,

so, if you’ll kindly
write me out a check.

Mr. Munroe,
all I have done for one month

-is write checks for Gloria.
-Well, I’m terribly sorry,
but--

Do you know how much alimony
I paid that...

woman?

$2,000 a month.

$2,000.

And if you think
for one minute

that I am going to pay you
$2500

-for this lousy portrait,
you’re crazy!
-But the contract...

Now get this cartoon out of
here, I don’t ever want to
see it again!

-I’m sorry, Mr. Gibson, I--
-When I say, "Get out of here,"

I mean get out of her right now!

Mr. Gibson.

I don’t want to bring
a legal action against you

but I will if you force me to.

If you don’t want to
make any payment now

you can send your check
to the Tru-Art Gallery.

-Here’s my card.
-Get out!

[sighs]

Just couldn’t leave me alone,
could you?

You weren’t satisfied were you?

$2,000 a month.

It’s not enough, huh?

No, you won’t be satisfied
until you get every nickel, huh?

Oh, you’re adorable.

Why didn’t you say something?

You realize this is
the first time since I’ve known
you, you have nothing to say.

You used to have plenty to say.

Yap, yap, yap, yap,
phooey.

How ’bout one of your famous
fainting spells, huh? Hmm?

Ah, ooh.

[sighs]

Ugh, boy, you’re sick in bed
half the time.

You couldn’t get up,
but you could get
your portrait painted.

Sure, send me the bill,
$2500, huh?

Ugh, I could give you
one of the great shots
of our time.

[doorbell rings]

Good morning, Edward!

Good morning.

What are you doing here?

Well, I just wanted to see

how my old buddy’s surviving.

It’s a little early for you,
isn’t it?

I thought you never got up
until noon.

Well...

Maybe I’ve changed, old buddy.

Yeah, that’ll be the day.

You still like leading
the bachelor life?

[Edward]
Oh, crazy about it!

I never realized
how great it was
till after the divorce.

-Huh? No regrets?
-Regrets? Are you kidding?

When I wake up in the morning
and realize I don’t have to look
at Gloria’s face.

Oh...

Excuse me. Maybe I shouldn’t
say that to you.

[laughs]

You can say whatever you want,
buddy.

You can’t hurt my feelings.

Yeah, I can see that.

Are you still seeing Gloria?

Practically every night.

We hit it off
pretty well together.

She’s not so bad
when you get to know her.

Yeah, well I got to know her.

Every curler in her hair,
every whine in her voice,

every phony little ailment.

I got to know her all right.
I’m doing my best to forget.

-Paying a pretty high price
for it, I’m sure.
-[groans]

Two thousand bucks a month.

That’s a lot of scratch.

That isn’t all.
Wait till you see this.

Is that a beauty?

[chuckles]

She had it commissioned
before the divorce.

Sent me the bill.

-$2500.
-Ooh.

Hey, Carl.

I’ve got an idea.

You like Gloria so much?

Why don’t you buy the portrait?

I’ll make you a good price.

[laughs]

I’d like to help you out, buddy,
but you know me.

I’m always broke.

[exhales]

-No.
-Huh?

I may be broke myself
pretty soon,

these alimony payments
are draining me dry.

That’s a shame.

Oh, yeah,
I know your heart’s broken.

Of course there’s a way out.

Oh, sure, I could always
jump off a bridge.

No, if Gloria got married again

she wouldn’t be entitled
any more alimony, would she?

-That was part of the deal,
wasn’t it?
-Gloria? Marry?

[laughs]

No, only the world’s prize fool
would marry Gloria.

I ought to know,
I was it for two years.

There’s no hope there.

-Maybe there is.
-Sure.

Maybe I know someone

who’d be willing
to marry Gloria.

For a price.

Like me, for instance.

Are you serious?

You mean you would actually
marry her?

Now don’t rush me.
I just said "maybe."

Carl, I don’t understand you.

You know what a monster
Gloria is,

but you’ve been dating her
ever since the divorce!

You even gave up
that beautiful brunette,

-what’s her name? Uh...
-Marian.

Well, Marian’s OK,
she’s a real nice dish,

but you know how it is,
Edward.

Appearances isn’t everything.

I mean, Gloria may not be
the best-looking gal
in the world--

-How can you say that?
-But,

there are other factors.

She can be very pleasant
at times.

And very generous.

Yeah, well, I’m sure of that.
With my money.

That’s, uh, pretty watch
you have, Carl.

Oh, yeah, you like it?
It’s brand-new.

[chuckles]

Did she have it
inscribed for you?

Look, Edward,

I came up here to help you.

I figured out a way
to save you a lot of money.

Least you can do is listen.

All right, I’m listening.

All right, I’ll admit
that Gloria is no prize package,

but there are times where a guy
gets himself into a real jam.

Are you in trouble again?

I’ve been running into
a little hard luck lately,
Edward.

Some very nasty types
are breathing down my neck.

Gambling types.

You’re still at it?

I got an urgent need
for a quick bundle, Edward.

I’ve got some debts that just
have to be taken care of.

Why don’t you ask Gloria
for the money?

Maybe she’ll give you
some of mine.

Gloria’s generous all right,
I mean,

she’s good for a bar bill,

or half a dozen new shirts
or a fancy watch but, uh...

She doesn’t have the kind
of spending money I need.

That’s why I came to you,
Edward.

Are you making me a proposition?

[snickers]
Well, that’s, uh...

Let’s say it’s more
of a proposal of marriage.

I’m willing to make one
to Gloria,

if you’re willing
to pay me for it,

in cash, and right away.

Oh now, you’re not serious.

You wouldn’t actually marry her?

You’d be surprised what I’d do.

Carl, you better think
what you’re saying.

She may be generous now,

but when the alimony stops
she won’t have a penny.

She has no money of her own,
you’ll have to take her
just as she is.

I know that.

Oh, no, I don’t think you do.

She may not be so bad
with a few dollars
in her pocket, but...

You oughta see
her medical bills.

She spends $500
a year on pills alone!

Edward, are you trying
to talk me out of it?

No.

No, no.

No.

No, if you’re willing
to stick your neck out...

How much money do you need?

I need, uh, ten grand.

If I don’t have ten thousand
bucks by this afternoon,

I might have to lose
my good looks.

But it’s got to be in cash.
Do you have that kind of money,
Edward?

-In cash?
-Oh, yeah,
I got $5,000 in there.

Say, if I can get the rest
at the bank tomorrow--

-That’ll be great!
-Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Suppose you propose to her.

How do you know she’ll accept?

Are you kidding?

No.

[laughs]

Edward, I don’t like to brag,
but I’ve got a way with women.

Especially Gloria.

If I snapped my fingers,
she’d jump.

How do I know you’ll go through
with it?

I mean, I can give you
the money today

and you could back out tomorrow.

I’ll do anything you say.

I’ll put it in writing
if you want.

I’ll go over to her apartment
and propose to her right now.

Anything you want,
I’ll do, Edward.

I’ll tell you what,

suppose I call her from here,
right this minute.

You wouldn’t.

I would.

Do it.

[phone dialing]

[exhales]

Hello, Gloria baby.

Well, you know how it is, honey.
I had a choice of either
dreaming about you,

talking to you in person,
so I decided to get up.

[Gloria laughs]

It was a lot of fun last night,
wasn’t it?

I didn’t mean that.

Uh, how ’bout dinner tonight?

Sure, 7:00’s fine.

Oh and listen, honey,

uh, do me a favor, will ya?

You know that blue and white
thing I like so much?

Wear it, huh?

Listen, baby, uh...

You don’t like the idea
of a long engagement, do you?

What would you say if I came up
with a plan to eliminate it
altogether?

I’ll see you tonight, baby.
I can hardly wait.

I love you, Gloria.

I’ll see you tonight.

Oh, you really did it,
didn’t you?

You’d actually marry that...

Like I said, I’ll put it
in writing if you want,

just as long as I get the money.

Can I have it now?

Yes, you can.

$5,000 now,

$5,000 tomorrow.

And you know
what I’m going to do?

I’m going to give you
an extra $500

for a first class honeymoon.

Congratulations.

Thank you, Edward.

Thank you.

Oh, you’re so welcome.

Oh, Gloria, my love.

Brings a tear to my eye,
I can see the scene.

The city hall,

your handsome bride groom.

You and your bridal gloves.

Hmm.

You better wear a veil.

-Morning, sir.
-Morning.

Oh, could you tell me
the apartment number

of Mrs. Gloria Gibson, please?

-Mrs. Gibson, sir?
-Yes.

Oh, maybe she’s using
her maiden name.

Gloria Bailey.

We have a Gloria Gibson
at apartment 11-D.

-11-D, thank you very much.
-Oh, pardon me, sir.

What’s the matter?
Isn’t she home?

May I ask who you are, sir?

Why, yes, I’m her ex-husband.
Edward Gibson.

Then, uh, nobody’s told you
about her.

Told me about what?

It’s a terrible sad business,
sir,

they did everything they could
to help the poor lady.

The policeman, the firemen,
the oxygen,
but it was of no use.

What are you trying to say?

Mr. Seabrook
was in the apartment
at the time, sir.

-Do you know him?
-Carl Seabrook?

I believe that’s his name, sir.
He’s the one who told me
to call the ambulance

about midnight last night.

They couldn’t save her.
It was her heart.

Do you mean she’s dead?
Gloria is dead?

I’m sorry to be the one
to break the bad--

-Where’s the telephone?
Where is the telephone?
-She was buried--

Right there, sir.

[telephone rings]

Mr. Seabrook’s residence.

Where is he?

This is Edward Gibson.
I want to speak to Carl.

Mr. Gibson, Mr. Seabrook...

I’m sorry, Mr. Gibson,

but Mr. Seabrook has gone
to the airport.

The airport?

Did he say anything about...?

Well, where’s he going?

He just said he was...

Going on a honeymoon.

[slams the phone]

Goodbye, Mr. Seabrook,
Mrs. Seabrook.

Have a nice trip.

We will.

Come on, Marian.

Those of you
who were disappointed

because you expected
First Class Honeymoon
to be a love story,

will be glad to hear
that subsequent events

were more to your liking.

While in St. Thomas,

Mr. Seabrook met
a beautiful girl,

fell madly in love with her,

and she swindled him
out of all his money.

And speaking of money,
I should be back in a moment.

That concludes
tonight’s entertainment.

We should be back
next week with more--

[geese honking]

Well, I think I got aboard
just in time.

Goodnight.