Original subtitles

Good evening, fellow astronauts.

We seem to have encountered several delays.

The first balloon did not

withstand the launching ceremony.

For it became deflated when a bottle

of champagne was smashed over it.

This time, however, we have found a better use for the wine.

I sincerely hope.

Unfortunately, the ground crew managed to get most of it.

And as a result, they’ve lost some of the dedication to duty

which once characterized their work.

But countdown has begun.

But it will take some 25 minutes just long enough for a story,

and a few commercials.

Yes, I know.

Well, we made a deal, didn’t we?

Then we should have a display by Friday.

Yes.

Yes, I know.

Uh-huh.

That’s right.

Well, we’ll put in four aisle displays

if we get the usual discount.

Uh-huh.

No, no. No more French wallets.

We’re overstocked as it is.

Yeah.

Uh-huh. That’s right.

Thanks for calling.

[sighs]

Yes, Mrs. Ranwiller?

I caught a lady shoplifting. That’s the ninth this week.

[sighs] Where is she?

I left her in the anteroom with Mr. Mueller.

I thought I ought to talk to you first

before we notified the police.

Yes. Well, what’d she steal?

Costume jewelry.

A necklace worth about $80.

-Did you get a statement? -Of course.

It’s all here, Mr. Devore.

Any witnesses?

Yes, a salesgirl in the perfume department.

Miss Cosgrove.

As usual, this one claims she didn’t mean to do it.

[chuckles] Don’t they all?

Well, that’s why I wanted to talk to you first.

Shall I call the police now?

Uh, not just yet, I think.

I’d like to talk to the woman myself. Send her in, please.

Would you come in, Mrs. Callen?

That’d be all, Mrs. Ranwiller. Thank you very much.

Please, c-can’t we get this over with?

Your name, please?

M-Mrs. Callen.

Your first name.

Lois.

Age?

32.

Well, Mrs. Callen.

Was it worth it?

No.

No.

Then, why did you do such a thing?

I didn’t mean to do it.

This is your statement.

You admit that you stole the necklace.

That is your signature, isn’t it?

Yes.

But...

I-I don’t know what came over me. I just--

Whatever came over you, Mrs. Callen, you illegally confiscated a necklace

worth $80.

It’s incredible.

It really is.

[trembling voice] I was just looking at it.

-Then the next thing I knew-- -You were a thief.

Where do you live?

Lakewood.

It’s an expensive neighborhood.

House or apartment?

House.

Married?

-Yes, but what-- -I’ll ask the questions.

Children?

Yes.

Two.

A boy and a girl.

And you steal.

I tell you I don’t know what came over me!

I didn’t really want it!

I must have been insane!

Yes, I know, Mrs. Callen. Kleptomania.

Working here, I’ve become a reluctant authority on the subject.

It’s a nice, convenient term that sometimes relieves thieves of responsibility.

It’s the first time I’ve ever done such a thing!

Sit down.

What’s your husband do, Mrs. Callen?

Where can he be reached?

M-must he know?

Well, I’m afraid he’s bound to know.

[sniffles]

I-Isn’t there any other way?

Not that I know of. Where can he be reached?

Mrs. Callen, where can your husband be reached?

First Western Bank. Lakewood.

[sobbing]

-Do you love your husband? -Yes!

Those two lovely children.

And you steal what amounts to nothing more than a piece of junk.

And I’m afraid what makes it even worse, Mrs. Callen,

the fact that this is your first offense won’t keep it

-from being a case of grand theft. -Grand theft?

Yes. You see, $75 is the line of demarcation between

petty and grand theft.

I’m afraid you’ve stepped over that line.

Oh, but surely you don’t mean to press charges!

Why not?

I’m sure your husband would press charges if someone

robbed his bank?

[gasps] You must believe me!

[crying] I swear it never happened before! I swear it won’t happen again!

That’s right, Mrs. Callen, you have yourself a nice, good cry.

Get it all out of your system.

Then maybe we can talk.

See, we all have our problems.

I even have some of my own.

But if we talk about them, you might find a way out.

A way out?

There might be.

What is it?

Please, tell me.

Well...

That would depend on what you are willing to do.

What do you mean?

This is my address.

714 Bradshaw.

I’ll expect you at my house.

Sunday evening.

-So that’s it? -That’s it, Mrs. Callen!

I-I don’t believe it.

It’s ridiculous!

I would advise you to take me seriously.

Mrs. Callen.

You go through that door, I’ll call the police.

Then I’ll call your husband.

I’ll leave it up to him to tell the children.

[quietly] All right.

I’ll do what you say.

That’s fine.

Conveniently, my wife will be away for the weekend.

So I’ll expect you at 7:00.

Meanwhile, I’ll just keep your signed statement.

Goodbye, Mrs. Callen.

Until Sunday.

Good evening.

You have a nice day at the store?

Plenty of nice little customer problems to keep you busy?

[laughs]

You enjoy the idea of my working there, don’t you?

That’s why you got me the job in the first place.

I got you the job because you couldn’t get one for yourself.

And so you could keep your little eye on me.

That was part of the idea too, wasn’t it?

Maybe it was, then.

Now it really doesn’t matter, Paul.

Yes, you’ve changed a lot in four years, Kate.

I think we both have, Paul.

Perhaps for the better.

If you don’t mind, you’re in my way.

Oh, so sorry.

Well, where’s the trip this weekend?

San Francisco? Acapulco?

[laughs] It’s really none of your business where I go.

Since I’ve stopped meddling in your affairs.

The least you could do is stop meddling in mine.

Yes, we are easily the most intelligent couple in town.

You go your way, I go mine.

No tears, no questions and no recriminations.

Beautiful relationship.

Please, Paul!

You know, we could do something even more intelligent.

You know I hate arguments.

Especially old ones.

It’s not an argument. It’s common sense.

You know, I see women like you at the store all day long.

They buy themselves some nice, charming little bauble.

They think it’s exactly what they want until they get it home

and then they realize they don’t like the merchandise.

So they bring it back and demand a refund.

You wouldn’t like a little refund on me, wouldn’t you, Kate?

Well, we’re running a special on refunds today.

It’s called community property.

I’m not giving you a divorce, Paul.

For the 10,000th time, I am not.

Then what do you expect me to do?

You don’t want me around and you won’t let me go!

-What do you think I am? -I know exactly what you are.

I told you I’d be willing to forget about that community property business.

We could make a settlement.

No! Not a nickel!

Why not, Kate? You’ve got enough jewels in that safe to take care of me for a long, long time.

Wouldn’t a handful of jewels be worth it?

I’ve given you enough in this marriage, Paul.

I’ve been liberal with your allowance.

I managed to get you that job in the department store.

Oh, yes. I think, I think you can consider yourself very well paid for

services rendered.

And the answer is still no?

Oh, I want you out of my life, Paul. Believe me.

But I’m not willing to pay for that privilege, too.

Allow me.

Staying home this weekend?

Oh, yes. Just a quiet weekend at home, that’s all I want.

[laughs]

When will you be back?

Not until 8:00.

Bye, Paul.

Goodbye, Kate. Have a wonderful trip.

[doorbell rings]

Ah, Mrs. Callen!

You said Sunday at 7:00, Mr. Devore.

Right on time.

-I’m glad you showed up. -Do I have any choice?

Of course you do!

We all have a choice in this world, don’t we?

In your case, it was this or jail.

I don’t consider that a choice.

Good! Here, let me take your coat.

Well, shall we step inside, and have a drink?

Well, we have plenty of everything.

My wife is an excellent hostess.

-What would you like? -Nothing for me, thanks.

Well, you don’t mind if I do?

Is this your wife?

-Yes, that’s Kate. -She’s very attractive!

Isn’t she?

I don’t understand you.

With a house like this, an attractive wife--

I never said my wife wasn’t attractive, Mrs. Callen.

But she has a congenital ailment.

-Oh. -She loathes me.

[chuckles]

Listen, Mr. Devore. Isn’t there some other way we can settle this?

I’ll do anything you say.

Couldn’t I just pay for the merchandise?

That’s exactly why you’re here, isn’t it?

Oh, don’t...

You know, women are really very funny.

That’s exactly the same reaction I get from my wife.

But then my wife doesn’t have a signed confession in my office safe.

Come with me, please.

What’s all this?

Never mind.

Here.

Ah, Mrs. Callen.

Will you tie my left foot, please. To the bed.

-Tie your foot? -Please hurry, Mrs. Callen.

Tightly, please.

Tighter.

Now, the other one.

Don’t worry about that tie, it’s good, strong nylon.

Hurry, please.

That’s the idea.

Now, my right hand, please.

Why are you making me do this?

Don’t ask stupid questions, just do as you’re told!

That’s too loose, tighter, please.

That’s it!

You’re doing fine.

That’s the idea, Mrs. Callen.

Tighter, please.

Now, I want you to bring me some adhesive tape.

Tape?

There’s some in the vanity table, in the dressing room.

Hurry, Mrs. Callen.

[gasps] What in the world!

Hurry with that tape, please.

What happened in there? It looks like--

Yes, Mrs. Callen? It looks like what?

So that’s it!

The tape, please. Put a strip of it over my mouth.

You’re nothing but a thief yourself.

The tape, please.

Phony burglary. That’s your idea, isn’t it?

You robbed that safe!

Forget it.

Just in case you have any funny ideas, remember I have your statement.

Your signed confession in my office.

So you forget everything you’ve seen here tonight.

Don’t worry, I’ll be only too happy to forget it!

Then put the tape over my mouth,

turn off the lights and get out of here!

[door opens]

[door closes]

-Paul? -[muffled speaking]

What happened?

[muffled speaking]

Oh!

Gone! Everything!

[Kate laughs]

Oh, but you were lucky!

You’re so lucky.

They must have been very desperate burglars, darling.

[muffled speaking]

They might’ve killed you.

[exhales]

And what in the world would I do without you?

[muffled speaking]

What in the world will I do...

Without you?

[whimpering]

[whimpering fades]

I wish I could say that everyone lived happily ever after.

But that would not be quite true.

Perhaps you noticed that Paul Devore

was not at all well when we last saw him.

As for Kate, the poor child found herself accused of murder

by an overly conscious district attorney.

Furthermore, he managed to convict her.

Most peculiar.

Now, a commercial. But hurry back.

I blast off in one minute.

With that, I shall be out of orbit

in time for next week’s story.

Until then, goodnight.