All language subtitles for Alfred.Hitchcock.Presents.S07E25.The.Last.Remains.1080p.PCOK.WEBRip.AAC.2.0.H.265.-EDGE2020_track3_[eng]

Good evening,

and welcome to tonight’s
pleasure cruise.

Our social director
is very resourceful
and cooperative.

[thud]

Our friend is getting
a bit nervous.

However, he doesn’t mind darts.

But some of the passengers
are interested
in skeet shooting,

using him as a skeet.

Tonight, our crowded schedule
of fun games includes a drama,

called "The Last Remains."

First, however,
a word from our skipper.

[telephone rings]

Silver Glen Mortuary,
Amos Duff speaking.

Oh, good morning, sir.
Uh...

Oh, I-I have your bill
right here in my desk.

I’ll get a check
in the mail this morning.

Yes, sir. Y-yes. Goodbye.

[sighs]

[door opens]

[door closes]

Morning, Mr. Duff.
Nice day for a change, huh?

Well, Stanley, I’m glad
to see you’re over your virus.

Oh, yeah, I’m OK now, Mr. Duff.

-Stanley...
-Yes, sir?

That shirt...

You like it?
I’ve got four of ’em on sale.

Stanley...

Do you really think
a shirt like that

is in keeping with the dignity
of this establishment?

Oh, the stiffs don’t mind.

Don’t ever use
that vulgar word.

And I’m not referring
to the deceased.

I’m referring to customers.

Oh, them.

Ain’t seen many of them
around lately.

But you’re mistaken.
I had one only yesterday,

while you were recuperating.
I picked up the body myself.

The late Mr. Robert Kessler.
He’s in the back now.

Swell!

I mean, I’m glad business
is picking up, Mr. Duff.

Well, I’m afraid
it isn’t picking up
in the grand style.

The gentleman
who made the arrangements

is Mr. Kessler’s
business partner.

Foley. Marvin Foley.

Seems that Mr. Foley
doesn’t care very much

about his partner’s
farewell rites.

He ordered the Number Five
funeral.

Number Five?

The economy service.

I mean, we won’t get rich
on that.

Gee...

I’m sorry, Mr. Duff.

Yes. We’re living
in a changed society, Stanley.

The old values are disappearing.

You know how many Class A
funerals I’ve sold
in the past five years?

-No, sir.
-Not a single one.

And yet, for the splendid
services I offer,

-the price is remarkably low.
-That’s too bad, Mr. Duff.

I mean, no funeral director
in this city

can offer a more elaborate
service.

I mean, not just flowers,
Stanley, but...

But a gigantic wreath,
in the shape of a harp.

You see the significance?

-Yes, sure.
-I put my heart and soul

into designing
the Class A funeral.

And what happens?

I mean, all they want is a...

Is a plain box with,

with brass handles and a...

and a rush, rush service.

Now is that any way
to treat our loved ones?

That’s a shame.

Not a single Class A funeral?

Not a one.

Sometimes, I...

I think the only
Class A funeral I’ll ever sell

will be my own.

However, with the way
business is now,

I doubt
if I could afford it myself.

Well, I guess I better go
take a look at the old boy.

-What?
-I mean Mr. Kessler.

That’s better.

-You go ahead, Stanley.
-Yes, sir.

[telephone rings]

Silver Glen Mortuary,
Amos Duff speaking.

Oh. Oh, good morning,
Mr. Davis.

I...
Yes.

I, yes, I know
it’s two month overdue.

I’ll get a check
in the mail this week.

You can count on it, yes.

Uh, goodbye.

I just saw Kessler.

-What?
-You know, the new job.

Boy, is he a mess.
What happened to him, Mr. Duff?

Oh, auto accident. Poor fellow.

I’m afraid the damage
was rather extensive,

but Mr. Foley doesn’t wish
any major repairs.

Hey, you know there’s a funny
kind of a puncture
right over his rib cage.

Puncture?
Oh, I didn’t notice that.

Yeah, well,
it’s there all right.

Oh, I think I’ll go have
another look at it.

Hey, do you want me
to vacuum up front?

Uh, oh, first throw that
rubbish out in the back.

Yes, sir.

[whistling]

You were right, Stanley.
There is a puncture.

-I’ve got good eyes. 20/20.
-So you have.

It’s a strange kind of wound.
I mean, for an accident.

Well, I suppose
some foreign body
could have lodged there.

Some mechanical part, perhaps.

But, then again,
it could be something else.

I’ve seen similar wounds
before, but they were usually
caused by...

By a bullet.

A bullet?

But you said the guy
was in a crash.

But that’s what
the death certificate stated.

Oh...
Oh, I...

Oh, I suppose it’s just
a puncture of some sort.

Nothing to worry about.

You know, Stanley?

You still don’t look
very well to me.

I don’t?

Well, you have to be careful

with these viruses.

Very easy to have a relapse.

Maybe you should take
the day off.

You mean it, Mr. Duff?

-Certainly. Go ahead.
-Oh, gee, thanks!

So long, Mr. Duff!

I’ll see you tomorrow!

Here you are.

The March 9th newspaper
you requested.

Be sure to return it to my desk
when you’re through.

Yes, thank you.

[Amos] "Executive killed
in crash. March 8th.

Robert D. Kessler, 51,
president of the Kayjay
toy company,

was killed last night
in an auto owned and driven

by his business partner,
Marvin J. Foley.

Both men are of Harrington,

Mr. Kessler and his partner

were returning from a hunting
trip in Maine."

Hunting trip in Maine?

Mr. Foley’s has seen the toys.
You may come up now.

-Yes?
-I’d like to see Mr. Foley,
please.

-Appointment?
-Oh, well, no.

Uh, my name is Amos Duff.

I’m the proprietor
of the Silver Glen Mortuary.

I want to see Mr. Foley about...

Well, about the arrangements
for Mr. Kessler.

Oh, I see.

Mr. Foley, there’s a
Mr. Glen of the Silver
Duff Mortuary here.

-Do you want to see him?
-[chuckles]
It’s, uh, Silver Glen.

-I’m Duff.
-[loud buzzing]

You may go in, Mr. Glen.

Well, what is it, Mr. Duff?

I thought we settled
everything yesterday.

Oh, yes, so we did.

That’s right.
I ordered your...

What do you call it?
Your economy-class funeral?

And that’s what I want.

As I told you,
Mr. Kessler had no family,

so I see no point in having
anything any more elaborate.

Oh, yes, I recall that.

Uh, I didn’t come to talk
about the funeral, Mr. Foley.

-Oh?
-Not exactly.

It’s just that I...

Well, I discovered
something rather...

[exhales]

Unusual.

Unusual?

Sit down, Mr. Duff.

What do you mean "unusual"?

Well, you remember
that you instructed me

not to bother about cosmetic
repairs to...

Poor Mr. Kessler?

Hmm? So?

Well, nevertheless I did find...

[exhales]

Well, shall I say,
unsightly wound.

Go on.

Perhaps I...

Don’t have to be explicit?

Oh, no.

I rather think that you do.

Oh...

Well, I-I, sorry.
I suppose I just made a mistake.

I’ll fill up the customary
police report.

Just a minute.

Sit down.

Here, have a cigarette,
Mr. Duff.

-Well, thank you!
-You’re welcome.

It’s not that I want to make
any kind of fuss, Mr. Foley,

but, I’ve been embalming bodies
for a good number of years now

and I can pretty well spot
a bullet wound when I see one.

Bullet wound?

Mr. Duff, that’s ridiculous.

Mr. Kessler was killed
in an automobile accident.

I think I should know.

I was there.

Yes, of course.

But about this puncture,

it does rather resemble
a bullet hole.

Well, of course I haven’t
probed for any bullets yet.

But I could do that.

It looks like the sort of wound
that might be made by, say,

a high-speed rifle
with a steel-jacketed bullet.

You know, the kind
they use for hunting?

And this bothers you, does it?

Oh, no, no.
I-I wouldn’t say that.

Well, to be blunt, Mr. Foley,

it seems a shame that a,
that a man of Mr. Kessler’s
standing should...

Should be put to rest
with so little fanfare.

I mean, it’s like an insult
to his memory.

-Don’t you agree?
-I don’t know,

I’ve got a few reminders
of my old partner.

The factory.
Even this office.

It belonged to him too.

Well, it just doesn’t seem
right to me.

An economy-class funeral
for an executive
like Mr. Kessler?

And what do you suggest,
Mr. Duff?

I would suggest
something more fitting.

A full-scale funeral
with all the trimmings.

Nothing but the best.

In our catalog, we refer to it
as the "Class A."

Class A, huh?

I see.

Frankly, Mr. Foley,

I doubt if there’s a better
funeral value in town

than our Class A service.

Not just flowers, mind you,
but a gigantic wreath

in the shape of a lovely harp.

-You see the significance?
-Yes, I do.

And I think it’s very, very
clever of you, Mr. Duff.

And not just music, Mr. Foley,

but a special recording
I had made of "Angels Sing Thee
To Thy Rest."

-As for the coffin itself--
-Mr. Duff.

Exactly how much will this
Class A funeral of yours
cost me?

$1800.

-But let me tell you what else--
-$1800, huh?

$1800...

Would that include cremation?

Cremation?

Cremation.

Well, yes it could,
I suppose.

Good.

You know, now that I stop
to think of it,

Mr. Kessler
once mentioned something

about wanting to be cremated.

I think we should respect
that wish, don’t you?

Oh, by all means!

Now, here.

Here’s a check for $600.

-I paid you $150 yesterday.
-Uh-huh.

That’s a total of $750.

The rest of it you’ll get
just as soon as Mr. Kessler
has been cremated, hmm?

Well, thank you, Mr. Foley.
That’s very thoughtful of you.

Uh-huh.

Oh, I certainly hope
we can do
more business together.

Good morning, Mr. Duff.

Good morning, Stanley.

[clears throat]

Well, it’s, uh, payday today,
ain’t it, Mr. Duff?

Well, anything wrong?

Well, it’s just that you sort of
promised me a raise

if I stayed with you
three months.

Well, I’m sorry about that,
Stanley,

but business hasn’t been
so good lately.

What with the recession
and all.

Oh, I didn’t think that would
affect your business.

Well, you’d be surprised.

Besides, I’m having
a little trouble
with the accounts receivable.

Well, what about
the Kessler funeral last month?

That was a blockbuster,
Mr. Duff,

I never saw so many flowers
in my whole life!

Well, that’s just what I mean.

Mr. Foley hasn’t paid
the balance of his bill yet.

I sent him three notices already
and I haven’t heard a word.

Why don’t you call him
in his office?

Well, you think I haven’t tried?

I’ve called him five times
this week

and he’s always in conference.

Mr. Duff...

Do you think
that he’s a deadbeat?

Well, he’d better not be.

Hello, I want to speak
to Mr. Marvin Foley, please.

Never mind who this is,
just put me through
to Mr. Foley.

What? What, oh-oh, all right.

It’s Amos Duff
of the Silver Glen Mortuary
and I--

Now, look! You’ve been
giving me that story every time
I’ve called!

I want to speak to Mr. Foley
and I want to speak to him
right now!

Well, now listen here!

I’ll disturb him plenty
if he don’t talk to me!

Now, if you’d like
to leave a message--

Wait a minute,
what’s going on out here?

-Oh, hello, Mr. Foley.
-Oh, so it’s you, huh?

I just thought I’d drop by

and discuss that little business
matter of ours.

OK, come on inside.

I’m sorry to break in on you
like this, Mr. Foley,

but it’s been so difficult
to reach you.

Well, what you want
to see me about?

Well, you know. Your bill.

You know,
I’d almost given up hope.

I’ve sent you three notices
for the balance
and you haven’t answered.

I don’t know
what you’re talking about.

What? Well, of course you do,
Mr. Foley.

The bill
for Mr. Kessler’s funeral.

The Class A arrangement.

Oh, it was a really beautiful
affair.

But I was under the impression

the bill had already been paid
in full.

Well, no, sir.

I-I mean, we discussed it
right here in your office.

Oh, yes, I remember
the conversation
very distinctly.

You were very persuasive
about getting Mr. Kessler

your Class A service,
and that’s what Mr. Kessler got.

Your Class A service.

Well, yes, sir,
but about the bill...

The bill has already been paid
in full, Mr. Duff.

If you don’t believe me,
I suggest that you consult
the pricelist

in your own catalog.

You don’t have a service
that costs more than $750.

And I have cancelled checks
for exactly that amount.

But these circumstances
were different!

-Different how?
-Well, you know.

You were going to pay me $1800.

I was going to pay you $1800
for a $750 funeral?

You apparently don’t think
I’m much of a business man,
Mr. Duff.

Well, now look,
if you think you can get away
with this...

Get away with what?

Well, you know darn well what!
With murder!

Well, what you intend to do
about it?

-Call the police?
-Well, you think I won’t?

And what would you
show the police, Mr. Duff?

The bullet hole
in Mr. Kessler’s body?

No. You’re not gonna be
foolish enough

to make a ridiculous statement
like that to the police.

After all,
there’s a death certificate

that proves that Mr. Kessler
was killed

in an automobile accident.

And you have no proof
to the contrary.

You ought to know that,
Mr. Duff.

You buried the evidence
yourself.

[sighs]

Now, look.

Why don’t you be
a nice fella and forget
the whole thing, huh?

Suppose we make it $1500?

Not another penny.

If I pay you one cent more
than you’re entitled to,
I’ll be paying you forever.

So I don’t intend to start now.

You’re a pretty shrewd
businessman, Mr. Duff.

And this is just good business.

Don’t you agree?

Thank you, Tom.

All right. If you’d just sign
that statement, Mr. Duff?

It’s just as you dictated it.

You better check it out
to be sure.

OK, Sarge,
you can bring them in now.

Uh, Lieutenant,
do I have to be here
when Mr. Foley comes in?

I’m afraid you do, Mr. Duff.

But it won’t take long.

Look, this is ridiculous.
Absolutely ridiculous.

Dragging me down here like this.

Take it easy, Mr. Foley.

I’m Lieutenant Morgan.

OK, boys.

So it’s you.

I suppose this was your idea,

you jerky little crack pot?

I said take it easy, Mr. Foley.

Perhaps you don’t realize
that you’re facing
a very serious charge.

A serious charge?

-Are you kidding--
-No, I’m not kidding.

But this man is a screwball.
Uh--

Look, Lieutenant, I don’t know
what he’s been telling you,

all I know is that he’s nothing
but a liar and a thief.

That’s what we’re here
to find out, Mr. Foley.

Now if you’d just sit down,
we can talk this over calmly.

OK.

Mr. Foley,
this rifle belong to you?

Well, of course it does.
Your men took it from
my apartment.

They had a warrant, sir.

It’s a nice looking weapon.

-Thank you.
-I, uh,

suppose you have
a hunting license for it?

Well, it’s a hunting rifle,
naturally I have a hunting
license.

Mm-hm.

Mr. Duff here,
seems to think that, uh,

you had another use
for this weapon.

To dispose of your late
business partner,
Robert Kessler.

What is this,
some kind of a joke?

Mr. Kessler was killed
in an automobile crash.

I have a death certificate.

We have a photostat of it.

-Well, have you read it?
-Of course I’ve read it.

And you still believe this,
this penny-ante little
gravedigger here?

Mr. Duff told us
a very disturbing story,
Mr. Foley.

It, uh, raises a possibility

that the coroner might have
missed something
during his examination.

What possibility?

That you shot and killed
your partner

before your car
went over the aqueduct.

Trusting that the body
would be so damaged,

the bullet hole
would go unnoticed.

Look, Lieutenant, this whole
thing is absolutely ridiculous.

It’s-it’s just not true.

But I’m afraid it is,
Mr. Foley?

We got evidence to the contrary.

That’s why we brought you
down here.

What do you mean "evidence"?

What evidence could you have?

Oh...

Well, you see, Mr. Foley.

You requested that Mr. Foley’s
body be cremated.

-Mm-hm.
-And in such cases,

we like to supply
a little memento

of the "loved one"
to their closest kin or friend.

It’s all part
of the Class A service.

You see,
the bullet was steel-jacketed,

so it didn’t really melt.

[metallic rattle]

When they found the bullet
among the ashes,

they included it
among the remains.

[nervous laugh]

That’s why I had to come
to the police.

Too bad Mr. Foley
didn’t consider burial at sea.

It’s simple and inexpensive.

Besides, the trip back can be
much more enjoyable
for the bereaved.

All that sea air, you know.

And now that I mention it,

I see a quantity of hot air
coming our way.

I shall re-emerge
after it has passed by.

I’m pacifying
our social director

by playing a game
of his choosing.

I’m to pin the tail
on the donkey.

Fortunately, you do not have
to suffer through
this childish nonsense.

You may be excused
until next week
at the same time.

So, until then, goodnight.