All language subtitles for Alfred.Hitchcock.Presents.S07E06.Beta.Delta.Gamma.1080p.PCOK.WEBRip.AAC.2.0.H.265.-EDGE2020_track3_[eng]

Good evening brothers
and sisters.

This evening story is concerned
with higher education,

specifically with members of
Greek letter fraternities.

I presume there are fraternities
for other nationalities as well.

This is a f-fraternity paddle.

Apparently they have
very small canoes.

In keeping with tonight’s theme,

we should first see a short
educational film,

and then a story.
As the story opens,

you will find the students
hard at work,

wrestling with
the complex problems

which face man in his never
ending quest for truth.

[whistling]

[cheerful music]

I’ll have grounds.
More relative than this.

The play’s the thing.
Wherein I’ll catch
the conscience of the King.

Oh, give it up Mark, baby,
the play’s the thing,
but not at a party.

Oh, Robert! This is the last of
the beer at your place,

I think you should inform
senior that he’s letting down

the youth of America by
neglecting his larder.

If a don’t get my lines
memorized this time

old Barrington’s gonna lop
off this empty head I’ve
grown fond of.

Oh, we can’t all be boy-genius
and valedictorian like,
dear.

Come here.

Oh, Phyllis honey why don’t
you get off my back, hm?

You have such a pretty back,
darling.

The last day of the semester,

what do you say, a truce?

Me and you
not waving axes, hm?

Not exactly waving an axe
at the moment.

Hm? You know, Phyllis,
the trouble with you

is that you want to crucify
anything you can’t have.

And you were supposed to have
left that behind at the age of
six, according to Freud.

Meaning I wanted you?

Meaning that you
just can’t bear the idea

that I’m not falling on my
face running after you, dear.

I think we had the right idea
in the first place.

Get drunk,
stay drunk,

forget about finals!

Here, here!

Mark!

What about that beer drinking
bout between you and Alan?

I’m still betting Alan will
tops you, you know?

They can’t be found Alan
tops me in anything.

Ah, ah.

That’s quite a rash statement,
isn’t it Alan?

Keep trying, baby.
You may still reach me.

I’ve come to a conclusion.

Everybody listen.
Franklin has a conclusion.

We try too hard.

Here, here!
Our leader speaks!

We’re not the lost generation,
we’re the stupid generation.

Amen!

Rocks in our heads.

Rattling around. Agreed, hm?

We try too hard
to entertain ourselves.

To be different.

I am different.

-Alan, old son!
-Yes, old bean?

Come.

Prove your manhood.

Ah, the battle of the beer.
Come on!

[laughing]

Be my guest, old buddy,
be my guest.

Ah, no.
A challenger goes first, right?

[all]
That’s right! Come on!

You said you could drink a full
pitcher without stopping,

I said I’d follow suit
if you could do it.

Without stopping, now mind you.

I have been challenged.

Hold my glass.

Mind over matter,
as Franklin would put it.

Down the hatch.

Makes me slightly ill even
to look at that much beer.

Robert, you have a patient.

Well, here we go.

And yeah,
the children amused themselves,

poorly through
lack of direction.

-Shakespeare.
-No, it’s a little
conceit of my own.

Steady, boy. Steady.

Ah, a boy with courage, huh?

He’ll never do it.

Oh, Alan will do anything
he sets out to do.

Won’t you, darling?

Speak about a hollow leg.

You can talk about
two hollow legs
and not be very far wrong.

Come on, Alan!
It’s almost there!

Here we go!

-Bravo! Alan, bravo!
-Brilliant!

Ah.

Well, old buddy,
it’s your turn now.

That’s all right, old champ.
I know when I’m licked.

Oh no. You don’t slide out
of it that easily.

I concede, old man. I concede.

What are you trying to do?
Make a jackass out of me, huh?

No. You picking up
the marbles, chum.

You’re wearing the blue ribbon.

You’ve won.

That’s not the point, old buddy.

Nothing gained by just one of us
doing this, you see?

I’ve suffered through it,
now you’re gonna suffer
through it.

Could be you’ve been taken?

-I’ll leave it up to Beth here.
-What?

-Beth?
-Hm?

Should I drink
a whole pitcher of beer?

’Cause all I can do is tie ’em
and not beat him.

I just don’t like being made
a fool out of.

Hey, old buddy.

How many heads do you see, huh?

Oh!

-Come on, toro!
-Alan...

-[Robert] Down down.
-[Mark] I think
he’s out cold.

[grunts]

You know, we should all take
a picture of our valedictorian

and run it on the school paper
on graduation day.

-He looks dead.
-Dead drunk.

Hey, I have an idea.

Why don’t we get
Mark’s make-up kit

and make Alan up to look
like a ghost when he wakes up.

That’s an interesting thought.

Oh, come on!
Now he’d never fall for that.

-Absolutely not.
-[Mark] He might fall,

if we stage it just right.

Anyway, it’d be good
for a laugh.

I’ll go get your make-up kit.

Robert? Has your father got
any formaldehyde in the house?

Formaldehyde?

It’s used in embalming.

Sprinkle a little
of formaldehyde
on Alan’s clothes

and he’ll think
he’s been dressed out for a wake
when he comes to.

I’ll go get my old man’s
medical bag.

There’ll be
something smelling like a
funeral parlor in it.

Robert.

Wait, wait, wait,
we’re doing this all wrong,

why don’t we really scare Alan?

Make Mark up to look up
like a corpse.

-Me a corpse?
-Yes!

Alan always gets quarrelsome
when he gets drunk
and he knows it.

Suppose he woke up and found
that poker on his hand,

the end marvelously bloodied,

and you, Mark,

you stay here,

dead.

Yeah. He’d probably
remember fighting with me,

-but he wouldn’t remember what
point he passed out.
-That’s right.

As Franklin says,
"It should be interesting."

And when he wakes up,
we’ll accuse him of having hit
Mark over the head.

No. It’ll work better if we
just set the scene and leave.

We’ll go over to Robert’s house
and leave him here to wake up
with the body.

Alan will age ten years
when he opens his eyes.

Ah!

And we’ll put the body
in that chest.

That’s a fantastic idea,
Franklin.

A little more blood, Beth.
Especially around the ears.

More lipstick there.

What’s going on?

Oh, a change of plans, we won’t
need the formaldehyde,

we’re wondering what would
happen if Alan woke up
and thought he killed Mark.

-Hey, good, good.
-[Phyllis] Yes.

Mark you don’t look dead enough.

Well, we can always cut
my wrist, leaving a knife
in Alan’s hand.

Hey, I’ve got it.
Pheneboride.

-Who?
-It’s nothing to this Mark,

just a little jab with a
needle and you’re off dreaming
for a few hours.

Here, put some alcohol
on his arm, will you?

Now, I tell you what this does,

slows down
the respiratory system,

takes the pulse rate down
to practically nothing.

I’ve seen it work on some of
my dad’s patients.

And I’d swear that they weren’t
even breathing.

I’m happy with my breathing
the way it is. I--

-Ah, Mark, don’t be chicken.
-Ah, come on now Mark,

as a future member of
the medical profession

I can assure you there’s
almost nothing to worry about.

Almost nothing to worry about.
I hear you loud and clear.

Now, I’m joking, Mark. Really,
it’s perfectly harmless stuff.

As a matter of fact,
you wake up later feeling
like a new man.

OK.

All right.

Now, don’t, don’t move your arm
now, we don’t want to break
the needle now!

Look wait how much of that stuff
you putting in me?

[Robert] All right,
just lie back now.

Some music to fit
the occasion.

-Music to die by.
-Funny, funny.

Do you feel anything?

Yeah, like a moron for letting
that needle in me.

Come on, Mark!
Don’t be chicken.

What, what you looking at?

With all that alcohol in you,

that drug ought to be
taking effect right now.

-I’m getting out of here.
-Come on, Mark!
It’s getting late.

Mark, sleepy bye,
sleepy, sleepy bye.

Go, man, go.

He’s going.

-[Phillys] He’s gone.
-And the question is,
will he come back?

Robert?

You sure he’s all right?

-I can’t even feel
him breathing.
-No, he’s breathing.

That stuff just lowers
the respiration

to the point where you need
a stethoscope to find out
whether he is or not.

Well, haven’t we better go
before Alan wakes up.

Right. Come on. Everybody out.
Over to my place.

[phone ringing]

Answer the phone, somebody.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

It woke him.

Well, fix him a good stiff drink

to keep his thinking muddled
when he rushes in here.

[Beth laughing]

Hello?

Hello?

Looks like we’re two of a kind,
old buddy, when...

Mark?

Mark!

Mark?

Oh no! I...

Oh no.

Oh no!

Here he comes!

-[Beth laughing]
-Shh.

Ah, there’s a man
needing a drink
if I ever saw one.

You and Mark finally
kiss and make up over there?

Isn’t Mark coming over?

Ah, no, ah, no. Mark’s asleep.

And a little bourbon will
straighten you out, sport.

Mh?

Robert, what about the party?

Why did everyone
come over here?

Oh, well with the...

You and Mark shouting
at each other,
it wasn’t any longer a party.

-When you left...
-Yeah?

Oh, um...

You sure you can hold it, Alan.
I gotta hand it to you.

Oh, Alan, Alan!
There’s something
you should watch, though.

You know at a certain point
you seem to be just,

you seem to be just looking
for an argument.

This is from friend to friend,
right sport?

But takes the fun out of any
party, you know?

-Robert...
-Yeah?

No, no, no, nothing,
I just...

I think I’ll go back over to
the fraternity house

And m-maybe sleep it off
over there.

I’ll see everybody later.

I wonder what’s on his mind
at this minute.

Mark?

Mark!

Mark.

Alan’s coming.

Alan, I think you look like
my head feels.

I don’t really feel anything.
I’m numb.

Can I fix you a drink?

No, I don’t want a drink.

Oh, I don’t.

All night
I’ve been trying to think.

About what, chum?

Sheer insanity to try to
keep it quiet.

You’re talking in riddles, Alan.

Hey, um, where’s Mark anyway?

He probably skipped along home.

No. Mark didn’t go home.
Mark...

Mark is dead.

Dead?

How it happened
or why I-I don’t know, but...

-Yes, he’s dead.
-You’re joking, Alan.

I wish I were joking, Beth.

All night
I’ve been trying to think.

I’ve been trying to think
how did it happen. I--

I’ve been trying to look
for some way out and I-I...

You mean that argument,
between you and Mark,

you went at it again after we
left you over there last night?

I suppose, I...

I think I hit him with a poker.

Well, I guess you’d better call
the police.

I guess it was all
the liquor that I-I...

I thought I could keep it
quiet so...

Oh, well, I...

Cheer up, chum.

Mark is as alive as you are.

And probably feeling a lot
better too since he’s been sound
asleep all night.

You should see the expression
on your face, Alan.

What do you mean?
What?

[Franklin]
Just our little joke Alan.

Although, in retrospect,
in the clear light of dawn,

-it seems less humorous.
-Well, a little makeup paint

and Mark volunteered to be
injected with a drug

and we set that scene of
violent murder
that you woke up to.

Makeup? That was makeup?

Yes, darling.
To take you down a peg or two,

you’re just too
perfect at too many things.

-Oh no.
-Oh, now don’t take it
like that.

-No harm is done.
-No harm, huh?

I told you I thought that
I could conceal what I did.

Or what I thought that I did.
So...

Not a very effective
concealment, Alan.

Frankly,
I expected more from him.

I buried him.

I buried Mark!

Don’t you understand? I thought
that I could cover up what I did

so I thought I could say that
he went home or something

so I wrap him in a blanket
and I buried him in the sand.

You wrapped him in a blanket?

There’s a chance he’s still
alive! Let’s get out there!

[Franklin] Where is he?
Come on! Let’s move!

-Where, Alan, where?
-Well, it was right here.

-Wait a minute maybe it was...
-Where is he?

I don’t... The spade marks!

The water’s washed
the spade marks away!

The tide wasn’t up
this high before.

The water wasn’t up
this high before!

Oh, I don’t know.

Yes, poor Alan left more
than footprints in the sands
of time.

If you think college students
don’t learn anything,
you are sadly mistaken.

These people certainly learned
something that night.

They’ve never done anything
like that again

they were assisted in their
resolve by the police

for justice was meted out
to the pranksters.

I have more to say but it can
wait 60 seconds

while our dear sponsor speaks
to you on his favorite topic.

How he does go on.

By the way, we would like it
known that the for-going story

does not constitute a
condemnation of fraternities,

or sororities,
or Greeks, or universities,

or young people,
or the seashore,

or salt water, or sand.

I yield to no man
in my firm adherence

to an uncompromising
policy of offending no one.

So, until next time,
goodnight.