Original subtitles

Good evening.

We decided to utilize assembly line methods

in the making of our shows.

Mine is the last operation.

You will notice one of our productions

coming along now.

A sprinkle or so of saccharine.

A little pruning.

A... one, two commercials...

three commercials.

I-- here’s another one.

I can see this is going to keep me

quite busy.

In the meantime,

suppose you look at one of the finished products.

[door closes]

-Good morning. -[man] Morning.

Can we be of assistance?

Well, uh... yes, I’d like some information.

But of course.

You have lost a loved one.

Well, it’s rather difficult to talk about.

Well, of course.

Shall we step into the counseling room?

Thank you.

Please sit down.

Now...

I’d like some information...

well, about a funeral.

Well, of course,

at a time like this, the bereaved

usually has a number of questions.

Now, I think you’ll find it easier

if we fill out this form.

A form?

For the necessary details.

The disposition of the remains,

the name of the deceased,

and so on.

Um, could that wait for later?

I-I’m really interested in the arrangements.

Oh, certainly. I-I understand exactly.

Shall we start with the casket, then?

Well, if it’s customary.

Why, certainly.

We always want our clients to know exactly

what they are getting.

Shall we step this way?

[Simms] Now, here’s our Dignity service.

This model has been most popular with our clients.

This model, not including a floral selection,

and a gift to the officiate,

would cost $2600.

2600?

Too expensive?

Well, then. Never mind.

Over here we have something a little bit cheaper.

It’s scaled to meet the needs of everyone.

The Peerless model.

It combines simplicity with good taste.

Well, actually...

what I had in mind was something more...

colorful.

You mean something more elaborate?

Yes.

Oh, in that case...

allow me to recommend this.

Our Supremacy service.

The casket of finest mahogany,

with bronzed embellishments

and lined with quilted satin.

Our private chapel banked with flowers.

[Simms] Music by the finest organist

in the city.

A service, if I may say so, fit for a king.

And, of course, is only $4,780.

Think of it as a last tribute to your loved one.

I’ll take it.

You will never regret the Supremacy service.

Now...

for a few necessary details,

what physician signed the death certificate.

Oh, I’m afraid there isn’t any death certificate.

-No death certificate? -No.

Well, this is most irregular.

W-What is the name of the deceased?

Well, there isn’t any deceased...

yet.

And then, Leonard, I had to get up

and I had to drag myself, just as sick as I am

all the way to the front door...

Mr. Compson...

-[parrot screeching] -...and it was that man from the cleaners...

Oh, Cicero, honey, now, shh.

Mama is talking.

Leonard?

No. Listen to me.

He wanted the bill for the last two months.

Now, I gave you the money for that bill, Leonard,

what did you do with it?

Did you spend it at that terrible old curio shop?

Because if you did, Leonard,

now, I’ve told you if you waste

any more of our money that way...

-[Cicero screeches] -Oh, Cicero, now hush, now.

Shh...

Leonard?

Elsie, I haven’t been in Mr. Bradshaw’s shop

-for a couple of months. -[typewriter clacking]

And to--

You must know the truth.

There was a collection made in the office

for one of the girls who had an accident.

Well, of course I gave it to them.

I don’t want them to think that my wife

just only gave me lunch money!

No, Elsie, I...

I didn’t mean it that way.

If you would only listen to me, I--

[secretary] Mr. Compson?

Hold it. Yes?

Mr. Andrews is waiting. It’s very urgent.

Yes. I know. I’ll be right there.

Thank you.

Elsie, I can’t talk to you now.

I’ll call you back.

All right, Leonard. You go.

But don’t think that I’m going to forget this.

You have no idea of the value of money.

I have to drum it into you?

You’re going to have to realize that money

doesn’t grow on trees.

[drawer opening and paper rustling]

Mr. Bradshaw?

Hello?

Mr. Bradshaw?

Oh.

Well, Mr. Compson.

Haven’t seen you in quite some time.

Well, your door was unlocked.

Well, I was about to close up.

What can I do for you?

Well, if you are closing, maybe I better come back another time.

Oh, no. I wouldn’t hear of it.

As a matter of fact, I’ve been wanting

to get a hold of you

Show you some stuff that I got in here.

Oh, good.

Here. Take a look at this witch doctor’s mask.

It comes from Solomon Islands.

Ugly thing, isn’t it?

Yes.

A ceremonial mask?

Yes. It’s used in the head hunting dance

before the tribe sets out to lop the noggins

off a few of their neighbors.

Would you like to have it, Mr. Compson?

No, thanks.

I’ve already bought two masks from you

[chuckles] So you have.

Howsoever, here’s a little item that you might enjoy.

It’s a blowgun made by African pygmies.

Shoots poisoned darts.

Poisoned darts?

The genuine article. Here.

You see that brown goo, there, on the tip?

-Oh, yes. -That’s the poison.

I got this from a French sailor.

Haven’t even had a chance to clean it off yet.

The pygmy blows.

[blowing]

The dart hits a monkey up in a tree,

down comes the monkey, deader than a doornail.

Just a scratch is all it takes.

Really?

-As quick as that? -Yep.

-As a matter of fact, maybe I-- -Oh,

I couldn’t sell it to you till I cleaned it up.

Can’t go around selling people poisoned darts, now, could I?

No. I guess not.

Howsoever...

if you want me to, I can lay it away for you.

No. I’m just looking today.

To tell the truth, my wife doesn’t like my hobby.

[chuckles] Women, they just don’t seem

to have the spirit of adventure, do they, Mr. Compson?

No, they sure don’t.

But as long as you are here,

let me show you a couple of beauties

I got in from Persia.

Here.

Take it. Hold it.

Fell that balance.

And it’s just as sharp as a razor.

Why, it could go into a man like cutting hot butter.

Yeah, but once you got it in...

how would you get it out?

I think this will help you, Mrs. Compson.

Thank you, Dr. Maxwell. I know it will.

But I’d like you to stop in again tomorrow, just to check.

Yes, of course. If you want me to.

Oh, I do, because, doctor...

you don’t know how I suffer sometimes.

You know that for 15 years I’ve been an invalid

because of him.

Ever since he took me on that horrible trip to Haiti.

Haiti?

Yes.

Oh, that’s where I had my accident.

He insisted that I go with him

and I climb some old ruins.

And I got dizzy and I fell.

And I was in a cast for months.

And then this pain started...

Doctor?

Do you think if I got some heat treatments,

it would help?

Well, Mrs. Compson, if you take my advice--

[knocking on the door]

Leonard, is that you?

Well? come in.

You’re late, Leonard.

I had a few thing to attend to.

This is Dr. Maxwell

Doctor, my husband.

-How do you do, Mr. Compson? -[Leonard] How do you do?

I’m glad I had the chance to meet you.

I was just telling your wife I think she ought to have

a little exercise, such as walking.

Dr. Maxwell has been so encouraging.

Thank you.

Until tomorrow, Doctor.

Right, Mrs. Compson.

[door closes]

I brought you milk.

Another new doctor, Elsie?

You really don’t want me to get well, do you, Leonard?

Years ago Dr. Barnes said you should have some exercise.

[Elsie] Never mind what Dr. Barnes said.

You’re disappointed because Dr. Maxwell

is going to help me.

You’d just rather I would die. Wouldn’t you, Leonard?

How can you say such a thing?

You think I don’t know it?

Ever since you dragged me off to that horrible trip to Haiti,

you’ve been wanting me dead.

So you could go on your trip to the south seas

or the Orient or any one of those nasty,

little foreign countries.

Elsie, I’m sorry about the accident.

I know it’s my fault.

You go to that curio shop,

and you get out of there and you think

you’re Leonard Compson, Great White hunter,

or something equally idiotic.

Leonard, you’re pathetic. You couldn’t kill a mouse.

[exhales]

I might surprise you, Elsie.

The only way that you could surprise me

is to act like a man.

And you’re going to have to.

You’re going to have to ask for a raise.

You’re going to have to make more money.

You’re going to have to hire a real housekeeper

because I’m sick of your cooking and I’m sick

of that sloppy cleaning woman who comes here only once a week.

You’re going to have to take care of me, Leonard,

the way a husband should take care of a wife

that he has made a cripple of.

You know what Dr. Maxwell said to me?

He said that if I take care of myself,

I can live another 30 years.

You hear that, Leonard?

Another 30 years.

Oh, Mr. Simms.

[Simms] What? Mr. Compson.

Mr. Simms, I want you to handle all the details.

Well, fine.

Do you still want the Supremacy service?

Yes.

And here...

is $4,780 in cash.

I want $4,780 of Simms service.

Why, quite so, Mr. Compson. Quite so.

You will be completely satisfied.

We will outdo ourselves.

I’m counting on that.

Now, for a few necessary details.

What is the name of the deceased?

You don’t have to worry about that now.

Here is the address, I want you to come by tomorrow evening

to collect the party.

Yes, but, uh... this is most irregular.

Shall we say tomorrow evening, at 8:00?

-8:00? -Sharp.

[kid] Look out, Mr. Compson. I can’t stop.

[Leonard] All right, I’ve got you, here you go.

-There we are. -[clattering]

Thanks, Mr. Compson.

You almost took a tumble.

You dropped something.

Oh, thank you.

What is it?

[exhales] Well...

Billy, that’s called an amulet.

That’s a good luck piece for somebody going on a trip.

You’re going on a trip?

Yes, I am.

I’d like to go on a trip.

[Leonard] Billy, you are on a trip.

Me?

Of course.

You know, every day can be a new adventure.

Someplace else to go,

somewhere new to see.

And even if you have to stay here in one place,

there are books and pictures

that can take you to the far corners of the Earth.

And you know, Billy?

It could be a wonderful adventure,

but you must be careful not to take the wrong turn or...

you’ll end up in a stagnant swamp.

And there’s no way out.

You try not to do that.

I don’t understand.

Well, I guess I was thinking out loud.

I have to go, Billy, take care.

Goodbye, Mr. Compson.

Have a nice trip.

Hey, Mr. Compson?

If you like to travel,

maybe you’d like to come to see the movie.

What movie is that?

At our school. It’s about India.

My teacher gave me six tickets to sell.

They’re only 50 cents each.

Is that all? Well...

-[coins clattering] -...I think I can afford that.

-Let’s see, now. -Thanks, Mr. Compson.

They’re the first ones I’ve sold.

All right. So long.

Hey, Mr. Compson!

You forgot your tickets.

Here’s some tickets for you, Mrs. Compson!

[Elsie] Billy Howard. Get off my lawn.

But I have some tickets for you, it’s a movie at our school.

I’m not interested.

Now, you know you children are forbidden

to come on my lawn.

But Mr. Compson already paid for these tickets.

It’s a movie about India, tomorrow night.

I said I wasn’t interested.

Mr. Compson knows that I never go out.

I can’t. I’m not well enough.

Now go on, use the walk.

If you’re not well enough, how can you go on a trip?

What trip?

What are you talking about?

[Billy] Mr. Compson told me he was going on a trip.

He did, did he?

And where is this trip to?

He just said as far away from here as he could get.

Where’s that?

It’s no place at all.

He isn’t going anywhere.

[man] Thank you.

Excuse me...

do you have some rat poison?

Yes, sir.

If you have rats, this will take care of them.

Uh... is that painless?

[chuckles] I don’t know, I never took any.

Ah. Of course.

I’m really looking for something that’s painless and quick.

It sounds like you’re planning a mercy killing.

[chuckles]

Here’s what you want.

Now, this is the newest stuff.

They’ll never know what hit them.

I see.

-All right-- -Before you can buy that,

though, you have to sign a register.

Oh, what’s the reason for that?

Oh, it’s nothing serious,

it’s just so we can keep track. That’s all.

Oh, I see. Good.

[Elsie] Leonard?

Leonard, is that you? I want to talk to you.

Yes. I’ll be right in.

How did you get in? I didn’t hear the front door open.

[exhales]

I came in through the kitchen.

Sneaked in, you mean.

Where have you been?

I had to work late at the office.

You never had to work late before.

Your job isn’t that important.

I had to make some final arrangements.

For your wonderful trip?

My trip?

I heard all about it.

Billy Howard told me.

Now, Leonard, you can forget all about that.

There’s no money being spent around here

on any trip.

Well...

[chuckles]

...it’s too late to change my plans.

I’ve quit my job.

-You what? -That’s right.

It’s something I should have done a long time ago.

Oh, look at this.

Here’s the insurance policy.

$5,000, I’ve cashed it in.

And I’ve already spent $4,780 of it.

-You’re lying. -Oh, no. I’m not.

Job is gone. The insurance is gone.

There’s $220 left of that money and $20 in our savings account.

There would’ve been more, of course,

but you spent every cent I’ve ever earned on medicine

and doctors, for that illness you seem to enjoy so much--

Something’s happening to you.

You’re having a nervous breakdown--

I’m not having a nervous breakdown!

At last I’ve realized what I have to do.

Anything would be better than to spend

another 30 years of the kind of life

I’ve been living with you.

You’ve been over that accident in Haiti 15 years ago.

You’re as strong as a horse.

Stop that. You stop it.

And you stop being idiotic. You’re not going anyplace

because I won’t let you.

There’s nothing you can do about it.

I don’t know where I’m going exactly,

but any place would be better than this.

[Elsie] You’re out of your mind.

[doorbell rings]

There’s someone at the door. You’d better answer it.

Me, answer it?

Didn’t you hear what I said? Answer that door!

All right, Leonard.

-Hurry up! -All right.

Good evening, madam.

[Elsie] What is it?

We have come for the body, as instructed.

[Elsie] The body?

Yes, madam.

Leonard?

that the appearance of a suicide on our program

in no way constitutes an endorsement of this

as a solution to life’s problems.

There are many better means to get out

of a difficult situation.

Money, for example.

And now, I shall return in a moment.

That is all for tonight.

I wonder if we could leave out commercials now and then.

Big Brother never sleeps.

Goodnight.