All language subtitles for Alfred.Hitchcock.Presents.S06E34.Servant.Problem.1080p.PCOK.WEBRip.AAC.2.0.H.265.-EDGE2020_track3_[eng]

[whistling]

Good evening. I’ve decided
to take up touch football.

I understand
it’s the thing to do.

The players
are perfect gentlemen.

That penalty
was not for them.

It was a clipping penalty
and was called on

an overzealous
popcorn salesman

whom I caught shortchanging
a customer.

He’ll be penalized
five cents.

However, he’s the best man
they have.

I’m sure he’ll make it up
on the next play.

I, uh, I see by the clock

that we have time
for just one more play

before the halftime show

which is entitled
"Servant Problem."

-Tina!
-Oh, hello, Mr. Drake.

What are you still doing here?

When I left, you only had
a couple more pages to type.

Oh, I finished those
hours ago.

I thought I’d fix
some hors d’oeuvres
for your company tonight.

So you have.

Mm, good, very good.

-What happened to Mrs. Hoffman?
-Oh, she came down with
a virus or something.

I didn’t want you to get
stranded, so I thought I’d fix
the hors d’oeuvres.

You’re an angel. No, I take
that back, you’re a genius.

I’m sorry about Mrs. Hoffman’s
virus, but she never made
hors d’oeuvres like this.

Sure you can manage
without her?

I could call an employment
agency and get somebody.

No, I really don’t need anyone.
It’s just a few people coming,

Mr. Standish and his wife
and the Coltons.

They’ll be here any minute.

-Mm, champagne.
-Mm, sort of a celebration.

Standish has just agreed
to publish my new book.

That’s wonderful.
Congratulations, Mr. Drake.

Ah, congratulations to you.

-Delicious.
-Well, I’d better rush home

and fix dinner
for Tom and the boys.

A secretary’s work
is never done.

Goodnight and have
a good time, Mr. Drake.

Goodnight,
and thanks again.

[doorbell buzzing]

[Mr. Drake] Yes?

Merwin?

What’s that?

Merwin Goff.

Merwin, it’s me. Molly!

Don’t you even recognize me?

Oh, Merwin,
I’m so glad I found you.

Oh, I’m so happy
I could bust.

Let me look at you.

Oh, you look marvelous.
You’re a living doll.

Oh, Merwin, you’re even
better looking than you
used to be, you know that?

Molly...

Molly, for heaven sake,
I’d thought that--

What that I was dead, huh?
I bet you did.

My gosh, how long
has it been now? 22 years.

I-I didn’t recognize you.

-Y-You’ve changed so much.
-Oh, listen, don’t I know it?

I got fat, huh?

Well, you know, I don’t know
what happens to a girl.

Remember how slim I used to be
when you first married me?

You used to call me
your little fawn, remember?

What? Molly, Molly you can’t.
You can’t stay here.

Listen, it took me
long enough to find you.

I’m not gonna
let you get away now.

Oh, Merwin,
what a place.

Oh, dear,
it’s just beautiful.

Oh, boy,
am I gonna like it here.

Eh, M-Molly,

I said you can’t stay here.

Listen, I’m still your wife,
remember?

Molly, for the love of Heaven.
It’s been years, 22 years.

Yeah, 22 years since
you walked out on me.

You know,
that wasn’t very nice.

You could have knocked me
over with a feather when I
see your picture in the paper,

in the society column.

And that girl...

that, what’s her name?
That Sylvia something
or another.

-Sylvia Colton.
-Yeah, her.

I knew it was you, though,
the minute I seen
your picture,

even with that phony name,
Kerwin Drake.

Ooh-ooh, boy, what a name
you picked out for yourself.

Listen, it’s better
than Merwin Goff,

I used to hate it when
they called me Mrs. Goff.

Molly...

there’s something you
must realize.

Everything about me
has changed since those days.

-Sure.
-Not just my name,

-everything.
-Yeah.

You never did understand.

Oh, well, listen, Merwin,

I-I was just a kid.
What did I know?

I used to hate it when you sat
around that lousy old kitchen

with that broken-down
old typewriter.

How did I know you were
gonna amount to anything?

-I mean, you know,
be famous and rich.
-I’m not rich.

Oh, well, it don’t matter,
Merwin, nothing matters now.

I don’t even mad at you
that you walked out on me.

We just start
all over again, huh?

-Are you serious?
-Sure?

You think I left you
because of some whim?

No, I knew
it wasn’t working out,

that we were too far apart.
That’s why I left.

And we’re 22 years
further apart now.

-Oh, well, Merwin--
-You think I haven’t
tried to find you?

I spent years
looking for you.

Did you?

Only to make the break
final and legal.

Only you never stayed
in one place long enough
for me to reach you.

Well, I was traveling.
I like to travel.

Well, we can’t talk
anymore tonight.

I got friends coming,

important friends,
my publisher for one.

-They’ll be here any minute.
-Is she coming too?

You mean Sylvia?
As a matter of fact, she is.

Do you like her, Merwin?

-I mean, do you like her as
good as you used to like me?
-Oh, for...

Oh, well, never mind,
it don’t matter,
I was just asking.

Wait, wait, I’m gonna show you
something.

A-What do you think
you are doing?
-Wait a minute now.

I brought my best dress
with me, see?

Look,

you won’t be ashamed of me
in that party.

Didn’t you hear what I said?

You can’t stay here.

Oh, don’t get excited.
I-I was only gonna stay
one night.

I got me an apartment
on 48th Street,
just three blocks from here.

O-Only they won’t let me
move in till tomorrow.

I said you can’t stay here
tonight.

Well, I got no place to go,
Merwin.

You could go to a hotel.

Here,

here some money.

I don’t want your money.

And I ain’t going
to no hotel, neither.

I’m gonna stay right here
till we get things settled.

-Oh, Molly, please.
-I ain’t leaving.

You can throw me out
if you wanna,

but I’ll come right back.

-Now look--
-Oh, look yourself.

I’ll make trouble for you,
Merwin.

You see if I don’t.

[sighs]

All right, now listen...

you can stay here tonight,
but only tonight, understand?

-In the morning we can talk
things over.
-Oh, Merwin.

No, no, no,
don’t touch me, huh?

I want you to go upstairs,
right now.

-Yeah.
-The first door to the right.
It’s the guest room.

-Yeah.
-Only I don’t want you leaving
it for a minute.

You understand?

I’ve got important people
coming here tonight.

And I don’t want you
to breathe loud enough
for them to hear you.

OK, Merwin,
I’ll be as quiet as a mouse.

-What, up there?
-Yes.

And remember what I said.

Oh, sure, Merwin, sure.

No, the publishing business
isn’t what it used to be.

Kerwin can tell you that.

Hard to sell a book
these days,

unless you can put a beautiful
woman with an axe murderer
on the cover.

Oh, please, Harold.
You promised

there wouldn’t be
any business talk tonight.

I find it very interesting.

-Don’t you, George?
-Mm.

Oh, yes, of course.

I’m afraid you won’t get
any sympathy from my father,
Mr. Standish.

He rather likes those books
with the beautiful women
and the axe murderers.

Well, I don’t get time
for much serious reading,

but I did enjoy
your last book, Kerwin.

[Mr. Drake] Why, thank you.

-Sylvia?
-Oh, I think I’ve had my quota
for tonight.

But daddy’s glass
looks little empty.

Well, thank you, Sylvia.

Kerwin.

What’s the matter with me?

I completely forgot
the hors d’oeuvres.

Oh, thank you,
not for me, Mr. Drake.

Oh, no, you must try these,
they are delicious.

-I’ll go and get them.
-Let me help you.

-Kerwin?
-Yes?

-Is anything the matter?
-Why, no, no, why do you ask?

I think I know you.

No, no, it’s nothing really,

I-I just feel
a little nervous tonight.

Are you sure it’s just that?

Of course.

We better get back.

You really have to try these,
they are terrific.

-Mrs. Standish?
-Well, just one.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, what’s that, caviar?
I love caviar.

These are good.

Never liked
these itty-bitty things myself.

-These are unusually good,
Harold, do try one.
-Mm.

Thank you.

Mm, thank you, Kerwin.

Mm, not bad.

Well, Kerwin,

I understand you’re already
planning the next book.

Yes, that’s right.

As a matter of fact,
I was thinking
of the Middle East

as the setting this time.

Does that mean
you’ll be traveling again?

Oh, I hope not.

Well, you know how I feel
about background to my novels.

Mm, I need the touch,
the smell of the places
I’m writing about.

Yes, that will certainly
makes sense.

But you wouldn’t be going soon,
would you? I mean, right now

with conditions so unsettled
over there.

That’s not really what mother
means, Kerwin.

She means it wouldn’t be
a very good place
for a honeymoon.

Oh, well, I wasn’t thinking
of it like that, I--

I thought I’d work out
the novel first,
and then later...

perhaps...

Well, I--

I think a toast is in order,
don’t you?

To Kerwin’s new book.

-[Mrs. Standish]
That’s a fine idea.
-I’ll propose it.

Here’s to the book.

I hope it makes money.

[Mrs. Standish]
Oh, really, Harold.

[Mrs. Colton]
To you, Kerwin.

[Molly] Hello, everybody.

[Mrs. Standish]
For heaven’s sake.

Kerwin, who is she?

What?

Oh, it’s my cook.
Just Molly, my cook.

Molly.

Molly, why didn’t you stay
where I told you?

I-I-I’ve told you time and time
again to stay in your room
when I have my guests here.

I won’t have you traipsing
around the house this way.

-I know but--
-N-No, never mind, no, no,
never mind the excuses.

I know you’re all dressed up
to go out tonight, but...

you can go into
the kitchen and...

wait for your
boyfriend there.

Do you understand me?

Yeah, I understand.

And stay in there until
I’m ready to talk to you,
do you hear me?

I’m sorry, Merwin,
I just got a little lonesome
sitting up there by myself.

Go on.

I’m sorry about that, but...

tomorrow’s her day off and...

well, tonight she
was going to live it up,

but I think her boyfriend
stood her up.

What an odd woman.

Well, I’m sure she’s
a very good cook,
if Kerwin hired her.

[Mrs. Colton]
She is, if she made these
delicious hors d’oeuvres.

Well, as a matter of fact,
she did. She’s really superb.

You can get used to the way
she looks once you’ve tasted
her food.

You didn’t let me know you
were hiring a cook, Kerwin.

Didn’t I?

Well, it must’ve slipped
my mind.

Yes, I hired her last week.

You are darned lucky
to have her, let me tell you.

My wife can no more find
a good cook than I can break
80 on the golf course.

It’s really
is a dreadful problem.

Y-You have no idea
how difficult servants
are these days.

We’ve seven cooks
in the last year,
and each worse than the other.

We had to set the table
every night with knives,
forks, and stomach pumps.

Well, I-I guess I never thought
much about it.

I mean I don’t eat at home
too often, anyway.

What a waste.

Of course, I still don’t know
if she’ll work out.

Molly, I mean...

She might prove to be, uh,
a problem.

Never mind how she looks.

Just keep her chained
to the stove.

Good cooks are scarce
as hen’s teeth these days.

[Mrs. Colton]
I certainly agree with that.

You hold on to her, Kerwin.

[Mrs. Standish] Heavenly.

You are a lucky man,
Mr. Drake.

Yes, I...
I guess am.

Enjoyed the evening, Kerwin.

We’ll have to do it
at our place some night soon.

It was lovely, Kerwin,
thank you so much.

Are you coming with us,
Sylvia, or--?

I think I’ll stay a while,
mother.

Now, don’t go running off
to Pakistan or someplace
without telling me.

Where’s that wife of mine?
Come on, Lydia,
it’s getting late.

Sorry, I just had to go
in the kitchen

and compliment
your cook, Mr. Drake.

-You talked to her?
-Yes.

I had to tell her how much
I enjoyed the hors d’oeuvres.

Kerwin, let’s have lunch
together one day next week, OK?

-That would be fine.
-I’ll call you.

-[woman] Goodnight, Kerwin.
-[Mr. Drake] Thank you
for coming.

-Thank you, Kerwin.
-Goodnight.

-Goodnight.
-[Sylvia] Mrs. Standish.

[Mr. Colton]
See you later, dear.

-Kerwin?
-Yeah?

Were you serious about
that Middle East trip?

Well, yes, I guess so.

I haven’t
any definite plans.

-Kerwin?
-Well, there was...

no time limit set,
was there?

Is that how you feel
about it?

Oh, Sylvia, for heaven’s sake,
let’s not make something
out of nothing.

Aren’t you afraid
you’ll spoil your appetite?

Appetite?

Well, we haven’t eaten yet,
and...

I sort of assumed
you’d take me to dinner.

Oh.

Well, but the fact is
I’d planned to work tonight

Well, writers have their
feeding time, too, don’t they,

just like all the other
zoo animals?

I’m sorry, Sylvia.

Well...

I guess
I better leave alone, then.

[Mr. Drake] I...

I’ll calling tomorrow.

-We’ll have dinner.
-[Sylvia] If you like.

Come out of there.

You’ve caused enough trouble
tonight.

Go upstairs and pack your bag.

Well, I’m sorry
if I spoiled your evening.

Why don’t you let me cook
dinner for you
and Miss snooty-nose?

I’m supposed
to be the cook, right?

What did you want to say?
That you’re my wife?

Well, it’s true, ain’t it?

Only you had to say I
was nothing but a lousy cook.

If you were a cook,
I’m sure you’d be a lousy one.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I had a short-order job
once in Phoenix and I
was pretty good, too.

Only I ain’t no servant.

I’m married to you
and I got my rights.

I told you to go upstairs,
pack your bag
and get out of here!

OK for you, Merwin.

I’ll go to a hotel tonight.
Only tomorrow I’m moving
into that apartment.

And you better come over there
and talk things over with me.

You can do all your talking
to my lawyer.

411, 48th Street,
apartment 3-B.

Better come up at 12:00.

Oh, no, I won’t.

You better be there, Merwin.

[Molly] Just a minute!

Oh, it’s you.

Well, you were dying
to get me over here.
Here I am.

Oh, yeah, well...

OK, Merwin, come on in.

Let’s get this over fast.
I know what you want from me,

and prepared to pay you
$5,000 to stop bothering me.

Look, maybe we ought to talk
this over later, huh?

Uh-uh, I mean, maybe we
could have dinner
in a restaurant, I mean.

With you? No, thanks.

We’ll do it right now.
I want this thing settled.

I even brought my checkbook.

That’s not what I want.

10,000 is my last offer.

And that’s on the condition you
agree to a quiet divorce
immediately.

I don’t want your money!

And I ain’t your servant,

no matter what you
tell your friends.

I’m your wife!

I won’t pay you more
than 10,000 dollars,
and that’s my final offer.

If you don’t want it,
all right. I’ll fight you.

-I’ll get that divorce.
-Oh, yeah?

Well, I won’t give you
no divorce.

You ain’t walked on me twice.
You don’t get rid of me
that easy.

And I’m tired of being pushed
around, you understand?

I’m your wife.
I’m your wife!

-Oh, shut up! Shut up!
-I’ll never give you
no divorce!

Never! Never!

Merwin. Mer--
[chokes]

[grunting]

Mer--

[grunting]

[groans]

[latch rattles]

-Mrs. Standish.
-Oh, I’m sorry.

I’m, I’m so sorry.

I--

came to see if I
could hire your cook.

Last night, when I
went into the kitchen,
I asked her for her address.

Uh, when I heard your voice
outside just now I--

I hid myself.

Please don’t hurt me,
Mr. Drake.

I--

I only wanted a cook.

Ah! A cook!

No!

Help! Help!

Before we continue our game,
I must tidy up the story a bit.

Kerwin Drake was put on trial
for his crime.

And the judge
threw the book at him,

which was exactly what
Mr. Standish did to his wife.

But in that case,
it was the cook book.

Please, rejoin me
after this brief,
institutional announcement.

Goodnight, until next week.

Now I must get back
to the touch football game.

[whistles]

[continues]

Touché, touché.