All language subtitles for Alfred.Hitchcock.Presents.S05E08.The.Blessington.Method.1080p.PCOK.WEBRip.AAC.2.0.H.265.-EDGE2020_track3_[eng]

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,

and welcome to
Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

I should explain.
I came down with a cold.

The broken leg
was a later development.

These nurses can become
quite forceful at times.

The National Safety Council
has asked that I remind you

that most accidents
occur in the home.

Therefore, this might be
a very good place to avoid.

If you must be there,
now would be an excellent time

to check for those items
that may be lying around

and waiting
to produce accidents.

Roller skates at the bottom
of the stairs,

poorly insulated wires
near the bathtub,

ground glass in the sugar bowl,

arsenic in the coffee.

Little things which,
if you don’t find,

you may regret
for the rest of your lives.

So much for accidents.

Now we come to the intentional
part of our program.

Hey, shame on you, mister.

Hey, you’ve got my place there.

I come around here every day
at noon, 12 o’clock sharp.

And I sit right there
on that log

with my back to this piling.

Yes.

Matter of fact is,
I’m two minutes late now.

[chuckles]
Can you beat that?

I’m 93, and I haven’t been
more than two minutes late

on any appointment
I’ve ever had.

[chuckles]

Well, time is a science.

And if you make good use of it,
it’ll double your life.

[grunts]

Yes, sir.

The only reason I’m late now,

I had to find my pills.

Uh-oh.

Yes, yes,
I’ve got them right here.

[sighs]

You ever take these?

No, I’ve never have.

Greatest little
old pill in the world.

Something new,
they call it "Think-Ease."

Well, here goes!

Yeah! Yes, sir.

It’s a great life
if you don’t weaken.

[laughs]

Better get your line
in the water,
there’s a big one right there.

-Huh? Where?
-Right there!

Well, I don’t see it.

-It’s going under the pier!
-Huh?

Under the pier?

-Now you see him?
-[old man] No.

You will!

Mr. Treadwell, please,
Mr. Bunce calls.

[recorder]
This is a recording.

Recent scientific discoveries

prove that speech
is the most common carrier

of the common cold.

Therefore, in the interest
of public health,

we, in this office,

are doing all we can
to eliminate speech.

Well, I do have to say
a little something.

[recorder] Turn to your right,
please, and state your business

directly to the telecom,

holding up any identification
you have simultaneously.

State your business, please,
to the telecom.

Time is pressing.

Well, uh...

I’m JJ Bunce.
I’m here to see Mr. Treadwell.

Uh, I do have a card
in here somewhere. Uh...

I’m from the SEG.

[recorder]
State your business, please,

you have not stated
your business clearly.

I’m JJ Bunce from the SEG,

here to see Mr. Treadwell,
and I do have a card.

[recorder] You have not stated
your business clearly.

Look, will you just let me
see the guy?

It’s a personal matter.

In fact, you might say
it’s real intimate.

[recorder] You have stated
your business clearly.

Go through the double doors
to the first door on your left.

It’s about time.

[recorder] We try
to not give you a disease.

Why should you give us one?

Walk right in.
You are welcome.

-Mr. Treadwell.
-Mr. Bunce.

Oh, I’m sorry
I can’t shake hands with you.

One of the rules of the firm.

We made a number of surveys,
and we found

where there is human contact
there is contamination.

Now...

What is this intimate matter?

Bunce. Society
for Experimental Gerontology.

-[Treadwell] Oh?
-You’ve heard of it?

No.

Mr. Treadwell,
if you’re having this taped,

I’d advise you to cut it off.

Sit down, Mr. Bunce.

I’d like to give you
a rough idea

of the work we’re doing.

"Society for Experimental
Gerontology."

You’re collecting money
for a hospital, Mr. Bunce?

Please, Mr. Treadwell,

don’t confuse Gerontology
with geriatrics.

Oh?

Well, both words have
the same Greek root,

"geras," meaning "old,"

whereas geriatrics deals
with diseases of the age,

Gerontology deals with
the social problems

arising out of age.

Especially extreme age.

And I may add, sir,

that the SEG
is the most consecrated,

the most dedicated organization
that I know of.

You seem to be something
of a crusader, Mr. Bunce.

Sir, our outfit is the only one

that is facing up
to the situation,

the most tragic situation
facing our modern society.

Well, if you let me speak
to my secretary,

I’ll have her make you out
a check.

We’re not after money,
Mr. Treadwell.

No?

Our outfit believes
in helping you first.

Helping me?

Then, if you agree
that you have been helped,

then you pay the fee.

Mr. Bunce, I’m in my 50s.

The way people are living today,

I really don’t see
how can you help me.

Mr. Treadwell,
I have been studying your case

for several months.

Believe you me,
you are a serious case.

I’ve never been a serious case

of anything in my life,
Mr. Bunce.

John Treadwell,
college graduate,

lives in the Elysian Fields
in Jersey,

likes sailing,
owns his own home,

nine years of mortgage payments
due, refrigerator paid for,

pool’s not paid for,

mother-in-law’s face lifting
not yet paid for.

Where did you get this?

Late model car,

18 monthly payments
yet to be made,

children’s education
not yet paid for.

Otherwise happily married
for 27 years,

two teenage children,

one older son
and a daughter-in-law.
Any errors, Mr. Treadwell?

Mr. Bunce, I have
a great deal to do.

You missed the last paragraph,
Mr. Treadwell.

It deals
with your mother-in-law,

aged 82.

What about her?

She is your problem,
Mr. Treadwell.

When your son married
and moved out,
she moved in.

She lives with you
day and night.

And she’s driving you mad.

Mr. Bunce.

Mr. Treadwell.

According to the latest
gerological statistic tables,

your mother-in-law should live,
barring accident,

another 32 years,

nine months,

six days.

32 years, nine months
and six days?

Oh, I beg your pardon,
seven days.

That is, of course,
barring accident.

What do you mean?

An old lady might climb up
a step ladder,

she might, uh,
slip in the bathtub,

tumble off a pier.

I always say, Mr. Treadwell,

that recognizing
that we have a problem

is the first step
towards solution.

Now, when you want action,
just let me know.

Mr. Bunce,

I will not pretend that I’m
in love with my mother-in-law,

but if you’re suggesting
that I have her done away with,

that is the most fiendish
thing I’ve ever heard of.

I’m a man of principle!

A religious man!

I’m sorry you got personal,
Mr. Treadwell,

-I was hoping to keep this--
-Get out.

My card’s on your desk,
Mr. Treadwell.

I’ll be expecting your call.

We thank Thee
for our many privileges,

we thank Thee
for the comfort of our home.

[loud banging]

For the comfort of our home,

we thank Thee
for the nourishment of our food,

we thank Thee for one another.

[loud banging]

Lord, grant us patience
in times of tribulation,

grant us strength...

[loud banging]

Yes, Mother?

[mother] Who the heck
turned off my intercom?

We turned it off, Mother,

because we were
just saying grace.

[mother]
My TV set’s busted.

I want you to come up here
and fix it.

Now!

Mother, he can’t come now,

we’re right in the middle
of grace.

[mother] Why did he have to
buy me such a cheap set, then?

I will come, Mother,
as soon as we finish grace.

[mother] Hurry up or I’ll miss
the Roller Derby!

Our Father, who art in space...

[loud banging]

If you’ll excuse me, dear,

I think I’d better fix
the television set.

Never mind, I’ll serve.

You know what I’d do?
I’d get rid of her.

-I’d just get rid of her!
-Shh, darling.

We all get old sometime.

[loud banging]

Children, it’s getting late.

You should get to bed.

I gotta finish this,
it’s my project.

Boy, people are stupid.

Stupider than you?

Look at this crate!

Twenty years ago they thought
it was the greatest.

I’m trying to write.

Can you imagine
taking four and a half hours
across the country?

How slow can you get?

I said I’m trying to write.

[son]
Oh, shut up.

[exhales]

[humming]

Darling.

Would you mind very much
not humming?

Yes, of course.
I’m sorry.

What’s that you’re looking at?

It’s a graph
of the population growth

according to increased age.

Rather astounding.

Darling, is anything the matter?
You seem so sad.

Just thinking.

If you’ll excuse me, dear,
I believe I’ll turn in.

Dad, if you’re worried
about something,

why don’t you take a Think-Ease?

I don’t need a Think-Ease, dear,
I need to think hard.

And would you mind turning off
that music?

But Daddy, it’s soothing.

-Yeah, Dad, don’t you know--
-I said turn it off!

But John...

The world needs silence.
Silence.

Like the outside of space.

Just imagine how quiet
it must be

beyond the last star, hmm?

All right.

I say let us live
in that silence,

and no music,

and start thinking
about the meaning of life.

Yes, and the meaning of death
too,

because death has a meaning.

And believe you me,
it has a function.

Boy, did he goof off.

Maybe he’s fallen in love
or something.

Just be quiet,
will you?

Well, remember three years ago?

When he went off skiing
with his secretary?

He got mad then too.

[marching band music]

[music stops]

Why the heck did you do that?

It’s too loud, Mother.

You won’t be able to get away
with this for very long, son.

Just as soon as my leg’s mended

I’m going to be up and about.

Mother.

My, but you’re getting a paunch.

[chuckles]

I’ve been sitting
in this chair for eight weeks

and I look better than you do.

Mother, the noise
is not good for you.

Don’t you worry.

I’m going to live
to be well over hundred,

no thanks to you.

Fine.

But would you just manage to be
a little more quiet about it?

Who wants to be quiet?

You’ll be quiet a long time
in your grave.

Oh, you young people.
You don’t know how to live.

You’re too solemn.
You, you don’t enjoy life.

Did you do your setting-up
exercises this morning?

No, I did not.

Hah, you look
like a rumpled pillow.

You know, things are not
the same as when I was a girl.

Thank goodness they’re not.

Change, change,
that’s the great thing,

that’s the secret of life.

Used to be
we lived to be 75 or 80.

Now the life span’s gone up
to 125,

and no end in sight.

[chuckles]

So you just as well
get used to me,

and stop turning off
my intercom!

[loud music plays]

[recorder]
Good morning, Mr. Treadwell.

-We hope your work day
will be--
-Oh, shut up.

Come in, Mr. Bunce.

Well, Mr. Treadwell,
are you with us?

And even if you aren’t with us,

I trust you won’t turn
against us.

You know, the attorney general
himself is over 80 years old.

One report about us

and we’re liable to end up
in the atomic energy chamber.

Don’t worry.

Dear Mr. Treadwell,
you still seem
to have some doubts.

My dear sir,
the tragic situation

is that by the miracles
of science,

by sheer number,
the old have come into power,
they have the vote!

Mr. Bunce, you don’t have
to convince me
on theoretical grounds.

Then on what grounds?

The point is, I detest
my mother-in-law so much,

I have to make sure
I’m joining your movement

out of idealism and not
through personal pleasure.

Yes, I see what you mean.

And have you decided?

[Treadwell sighs]
How would you do it?

[Bunce] Well, you’ll have to
leave that up to me.

Probably some
household accident.

What if you bungle it?

How could I bungle it?
I know her well,
I know her habits.

You know her?

How do you think I got
all that information about you,
Mr. Treadwell?

I meet her in the park
every Sunday

after you leave her there.

No, I couldn’t possibly tell you

how am I going to do it,
Mr. Treadwell.

You might feel
some sense of guilt.

Could you at least tell me
when it’s going to happen?

How about Sunday morning?

You all go to church.

And she goes to the park
because she hates the preacher.

Yes, I rather think
Sunday morning
might be excellent!

That is, if I have your consent.

It’s a deal.

Speaking of deals,
Mr. Treadwell.

What’s this?

In signing a pledge
to our organization,

Mr. Treadwell,
you will be performing

one of the most praiseworthy
acts of your life.

"I hereby promise to...

To pay you $2,000."

You never said anything
about money like this.

The occasion has never arisen
before, Mr. Treadwell.

But may I point out,

that a donation
to a charitable organization
such as ours,

is, of course,

tax deductible.

Oh, where’s Daddy?
He’s going to be late
for church.

I suppose he’s still dressing.

No, he went out.

Oh?

Yeah, he pushed Grandma
to the park.

My, what a beautiful morning.

Darling,
you aren’t even dressed!

You’ll be late for church.

I’m not going.

You’re not going?

Why, John,

you haven’t missed church
in 20 years.

Not going.

Do you mind if I ask why?

-I’m going fishing.
-You’re what?

Don’t look so alarmed.

But Daddy, you’ll get arrested.

Don’t you know
they passed a new law?

No fishing on Sunday?

Who passed it?

Just last week.

The League for Elderly Democracy
passed it.

That’s right, and now everyone
has to go to church.

But Grandma doesn’t go
to church.

That’s because she has
a health certificate.

If you’re old enough,
you can get a health certificate

and you don’t have to go.

That’s why there’s no one
on the streets Sunday morning.

Uh-huh.

I hadn’t noticed that.

[daughter] Well, of course not,
you’ve always been in church.

Doesn’t matter.

It’s decided:
I’m going fishing.

Really, Daddy?

Now, don’t look so alarmed,

you don’t have to call a lawyer
and have me committed.

I’m going to eat a big stack

of fresh, fluffy pancakes,

drowned in golden,
sparkling syrup.

And then I’m going fishing.

Well, children,

we’ll go to church.

It’s called
the Blessington Method,

after our founder,
Mr. Ralph Blessington.

He saw the problem arising
way back in the ’60s.

Young man, I don’t know
what you’re talking about,

but I like your voice.

Of course, all forms of life

grow, flower, fail and fall.

It’s a soothing voice.

Death is the compost of life.

And what is more wonderful
for this spring’s flowers

than last year’s rotten leaves?

Death is built right
into the universe
for the enrichment of life.

Now, what do you suppose
would happen

if all the fish in the ocean

suddenly had the power
not to die?

Why, in two weeks’ time,

the ocean would be so choked
with fish,

there wouldn’t be
enough water left.

All fish would die.

So when man,
in his infinite mischief,

upsets the order of things,

infinite mischief
is bound to result.

Young man, I don’t quite know
what you’re saying,

but I know I don’t like it!

Turn me around.

[Bunce]
Mr. Treadwell.

It’s done.

Death by accidental submersion.

Oh, dear.

Now, don’t feel too badly,
Mr. Treadwell.

It’s in the past.

Forget about it,
you must think about the future.

Think about your children.

Now you can have the pleasure
of watching them grow,

flower into full bloom.

Think about your daughter.

Someday she’ll marry.

Yes.

Now, can’t you picture
in your mind’s eye,

that handsome, strong,
young son-in-law?

Can’t you just feel the warmth
of his handclasp

as he greets you?

Wait a minute...

Are you trying to tell me that,

someday,
somebody from your group,

will come
and give my children ideas?

Honestly, Mr. Treadwell,

can you imagine those
affectionate, devoted youngsters

ever possibly doing you
the slightest harm,

the slightest harm?

No, I...
I guess not.

Splendid.

Now you hold onto that thought.

Keep it close to you
at all times.

Cherish it.

It will be a great solace
to you.

And a comfort.

To the very end.

The doctor told me that I could
take the cast off any time.

But I find I receive
much better treatment

with it on.

As for Mr. Bunce
and Mr. Treadwell,

even their advanced society

frowned on their activities.

By then, mothers-in-law
were most numerous,

and even more powerful
than they are today.

It’s something
to look forward to.

Provided you’re a mother-in-law.

Now, until next time...

goodnight.