Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:07,200
"Are you ready?"
2
00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:13,760
"Brokeba...homies". That's good.
It's about a six on that one.
3
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:16,120
"Are you ready?"
4
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:19,360
Pablo! Pablo!
5
00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:23,560
"AII right, here we go."
No, that's a three at most.
6
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:26,960
"Alright. Hey."
7
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:32,800
"Hi, l'm William Hung. Hello."
That's about a seven.
8
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,960
Pablo! Pablo!
9
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:39,360
"Are you ready? Are you?
Are you ready?" Yes, l'm ready.
10
00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:42,360
Okay. Alright. Here we go.
- Ouch.
11
00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,440
Yes!
12
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,240
Thank you for coming out.
13
00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:12,200
Yeah, the music, yeah.
14
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:19,280
So what's up, San Jose?
Scream at me!
15
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:25,080
Right there, baby. Sing it!
It's good to be here.
16
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:30,440
I was in San Francisco last night.
That place is just off the hook.
17
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,560
Party. Drinking.
18
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,840
You gotta go to rehab
after you go to San Francisco.
19
00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:41,960
"Hi, my name is Pablo.
It's the lights of San Francisco!"
20
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,120
I saw some band last night.
21
00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:47,120
Did you ever
go on a blind date with a chick?
22
00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:50,720
This chick was hot.
"Come on, let's go out, let's do it!"
23
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:54,720
Let's go to dinner.
"Let's go to a concert, let's go!"
24
00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:58,600
Okay, anything for pussy.
Come on, let's go.
25
00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:04,080
We saw some Death Metal band.
26
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,880
Yeah, the singer sings like...
27
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:15,360
"This is pretty funny, who are they?"
"This is real serious!"
28
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:20,240
"Decomposure! That's David
Bloodclot from Decomposure."
29
00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:23,320
Do we have some of that music?
Play some of it.
30
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,720
Yeah, that's a jazzy part.
31
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,640
"Yo, sing it, baby!"
Cut it off.
32
00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:40,080
He gives me the album. "Here's our
album, man, play it when you're..."
33
00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:45,200
And they took themselves seriously.
34
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:48,160
"Our next song
comes from our first album."
35
00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:54,560
"What's he saying?
I don't know."
36
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,640
"He's a monster,
he sings like a creature."
37
00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:59,840
"Hell, yeah!"
38
00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:03,760
"And they all have
goatees and look menacing."
39
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:11,440
"Right on. Badass. This song's about
politics and Israel. Hell, yeah."
40
00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:13,600
They're all idiots.
41
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:19,040
"This song is from our first album,
Fight for a Stupid Cause."
42
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,040
How do you write Iyrics to that?
43
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:32,680
"Umm, let's see here.
I don't know if I..."
44
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,800
"Maybe..."
45
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,480
"Dude, how do you spell...?"
46
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:43,000
"How do you spell that?
l've got writer's block."
47
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:48,440
"My musical influences
are Cookie Monster..."
48
00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:53,640
"Is cookie!
Is cookie!"
49
00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:56,320
"...Jabba the Hut..."
50
00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:03,720
"...my cat when it's in pain.."
51
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:06,960
"Come on, get it from here.
Come on."
52
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:10,760
"Come on, get out."
53
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:15,320
"He's a monster singer.
Sounds like a creature."
54
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:19,920
Background bassist: Chewbacca.
55
00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:27,800
"Got my background orchestra."
56
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,320
Bullcrap.
57
00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:38,600
"I work part time at Hot Topic."
58
00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:43,520
Have you seen the freaks
that work there? I love that place.
59
00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:47,080
I want to get a good laugh.
Let me go to the Hot Topic.
60
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,960
They're Gothic.
They're cool.
61
00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:55,800
Have you ever walked in there?
"Can you help me?"
62
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:06,360
Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour's close at hand
63
00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:11,760
Selling clothes for you to return
64
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:15,360
Every employee
has lip rings or ear...
65
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:21,160
They change them every day so they
don't know what hole to put them in.
66
00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:25,640
Maybe this one today.
And black fingernail polish.
67
00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:29,480
That's...
There's a leak somewhere.
68
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:34,840
They've probably got leaks
where they put their earrings...
69
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,680
"Where's that coming from?"
70
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,960
"Get me a bucket of water
so I can find it."
71
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:51,280
"There it is! Found it."
72
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:54,800
Lip rings!
They've got lip rings.
73
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:58,000
One's okay, but like, twelve of them?
74
00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:01,480
Hellraiser!
75
00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:06,280
It looks like a
paper shredder, or something.
76
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:09,480
"Do you want your receipt, Sir?"
77
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:14,160
"Credit cards are not working, man!"
78
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:17,960
"l've got a chain that goes
from my eyebrow to my ear-"
79
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:23,000
"- all the way down to my nipple.
I pull and it flushes the toilet."
80
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:27,720
"l've got
a silver nugget in my pecker."
81
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:34,280
"Make it longer. Nuggets."
82
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:38,120
"I go through all the pain
that I covered up."
83
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:43,600
"l've got a nugget. If I can't get it
up when l'm drunk, I use a magnet."
84
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:50,040
"Put it on the refrigerator. Get some
lettuce, bread, beans, milk."
85
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:54,120
Beans. "Beans?"
86
00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:57,480
"That's right, man,
and l've got tattoos, bro."
87
00:06:57,680 --> 00:06:59,840
Every Death Metal guy has tattoos.
88
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:03,080
"l've got tattoos
that represent nothing."
89
00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:07,120
"Well, this one represents
I can't hold my liquor at 3 a. m."
90
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:12,480
"And this one right here
is a dragon, and skeleton-"
91
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,520
"- that merges into...it transforms."
92
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,520
You ladies
really screw up on your tattoos.
93
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:21,760
"l'm going to get
my little Japanese symbols."
94
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:31,760
Yeah, right.
"Let's tease him, girls. Come on."
95
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:35,920
"Let's go to the nightclub and
show how wild we are. Come on."
96
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,040
"It's Japanese!"
97
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:44,240
Hey, great.
But I can't read Japanese.
98
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:51,360
"It means 'freedom'.
In Japanese."
99
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:53,600
In Korean it means 'kick me'.
100
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:59,720
"Stop it! Don't!"
101
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,080
You gotta live up to it, though.
102
00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,320
If you've got a tattoo,
you've got to live up to it.
103
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:11,280
"l'm wild,
but deep inside l'm a big wuss."
104
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:15,880
"You want to party?
Come on, what's up?"
105
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:20,040
They're like,
"No, I got a test in the morning".
106
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:23,480
Don't be a rookie.
107
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:27,600
If you wear a tattoo, like Cher.
She knows how to wear a tattoo.
108
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:32,440
You know Cher...
Baby save all your tears
109
00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:36,000
The little string up the butt.
110
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:40,000
If I can turn back time
111
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:43,040
Yeah.
112
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:47,600
She makes you feel.
She knows the man's mentality.
113
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:51,720
You feel like you've had sex
with her when you talk to her.
114
00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:56,200
Have you seen that video?
If I can turn back time
115
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:59,480
She's on that big ol' boat
with the Navy guys.
116
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:03,840
Every single one of them is thinking,
"We're going to fuck her!"
117
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:12,840
And she leaves them,
Blue balls you've got big blue balls
118
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,200
Look at that picture.
119
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:23,440
At the funhouse,
"Make it in the mouth".
120
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:28,760
"Come on guys. One ball in,
think of the prizes you can get."
121
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:33,520
"Come on down to the Fair Pablito.
Here's one, make it in the eye."
122
00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:36,640
"We're going to the fair, Booboo."
123
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:41,680
Ladies.
"l'm going to get the American flag."
124
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:45,280
Or get Indian. Indian Cherokee.
125
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:48,360
That's what l'm going
to get on my woman's butt.
126
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:52,160
"Right there.
It means 'all talk, no play'."
127
00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:57,080
Ladies, if you want to turn on
the guy, get the Xbox controller.
128
00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,600
Do that.
129
00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:17,080
"Game over."
130
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:25,600
Guys, if you get a tattoo,
make it work for you.
131
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,720
Right here,
on your belly, get half a gun.
132
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:33,360
"What's up, man?"
"Whoa, shit!"
133
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:35,760
"He has a gun, whoa."
134
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:40,120
"l'm coming in this party, wassup?"
"Whoa."
135
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:44,880
If you have a small pecker,
get a bigger pecker.
136
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:52,600
Get a police badge or something.
137
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,760
You're drunk in your car,
a cop pulls you over.
138
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:59,120
"I can drink in this jurisdiction."
139
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:06,000
But thank you for coming out
to the show here in San Jose.
140
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:11,000
It's great. San Jose, you've got that
little train that goes into downtown.
141
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:16,560
That's kind of trippy.
Bar, sidewalk, train.
142
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:21,000
"Let's drink and then..."
143
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,600
No guardrails to help you out.
144
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:33,920
Like a real train: "Watch out,
you may die if you cross this."
145
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:39,760
This one just...
You gotta watch out.
146
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:44,200
I saw some guy running in a suit,
and his tie is caught in there.
147
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,600
"Hey, there's my friend,
I want to..."
148
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:56,800
l've used the train to my advantage.
"Come on, you want some crap?"
149
00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:01,160
"Wassup, step back, man.
You want something, let's do it."
150
00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:04,160
"Step back..."
151
00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:11,960
You have no gentlemen's club here.
You have non-alcoholic nude bars.
152
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:17,280
"l'm on my way
to the non-alcoholic nude bar."
153
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,080
"A round of waters
for all my friends."
154
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:29,800
"Get me an orange juice that tastes
like melted popsicle and spit."
155
00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:38,600
I know those...
From the first...
156
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:43,120
"It's going to happen.
She likes me. Yep."
157
00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:46,080
"Dang, man!"
158
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,440
It's the non-alcoholic nude bar!
159
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,360
l'd rather watch my sister
shower naked.
160
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:54,280
Non-alcoholic nude bar!
161
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:58,760
You've only got
Coke and whatever...water.
162
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:02,240
Bring your own juice,
they get pissed off.
163
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,480
"You got your own juice?
Get the hell out of here."
164
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:08,480
Bring your own liquor,
that's what you can do.
165
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:11,920
Orange juice with a
little bit of...mmm, vodka.
166
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,440
The girls
get pissed off at all naked bars.
167
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:21,160
"It's a fantasy, baby.
It's a fantasy."
168
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,880
"Where are you from?
Come on, let's party."
169
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:31,600
"This is a fantasy. While the song's
playing, we're in it together."
170
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,960
"Then fantasize
this one dollar bill is a twenty."
171
00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:38,880
At the non-alcoholic nude bar!
172
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:46,320
Then I went to San Francisco.
Chinatown. Chinatown.
173
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:49,760
Alright. Chinatown, alright.
174
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,720
Everybody walks fast in Chinatown.
175
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:58,480
"Leave me alone. I very angry."
176
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:02,440
"Very sad. Very angry."
177
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:05,680
"Can you tell me where
to go to a good restaurant?"
178
00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,720
"Leave me alone."
179
00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:13,120
Everyone's just walking fast.
Everyone walks fast in Chinatown.
180
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,960
If Chinatown had music,
it would be...
181
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,760
They walk fast in Chinatown...
182
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:25,360
"I have to go to the bathroom..."
Okay.
183
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,960
"Very angry."
184
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,760
How do you
get directions in Chinatown?
185
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:38,160
"What you need to do
is go...down... up..."
186
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:43,440
"When you get to...
you've gone too far."
187
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:50,840
They're smart, though.
They speak American and Chinese.
188
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:53,920
Only when
they step out of Chinatown, though.
189
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,480
"...and I got the Dobson Report
the other day."
190
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:02,320
"Let me go back there
and check that out."
191
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:11,000
Chinatown. Chinatown.
192
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:15,280
My friend lives in Chinatown.
One of my best friends lives there.
193
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,520
He lives in an all-Chinese residence.
194
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:22,080
And you can hear
the Chinese people having sex.
195
00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:25,640
The walls are thin,
I thought it would be like...
196
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:36,600
But it's not like that.
It's like...
197
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:46,640
"What, are they having sex?
What's going on over there?"
198
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,760
"Are they fighting?"
"That's what I thought."
199
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:54,200
"I thought they were fighting,
but they're really getting it on."
200
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:58,440
They go slow
and then they end quick.
201
00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:12,400
When they're done,
that music comes on.
202
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:24,280
You want to see what they look like.
Are they a hot couple?
203
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:36,120
'Cause in Chinatown. Everyone looks
likeJackie Chan in Chinatown.
204
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:42,640
Jackie Chan! Jackie Chan!
Jackie Chan!
205
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:46,520
"Jackie Chan's
the nicest guy in every movie."
206
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:49,560
Thank you.
Thank you.
207
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:52,280
"But everybody
wants to mess with him."
208
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:55,760
"Leave me alone.
What happening?"
209
00:16:55,960 --> 00:17:01,000
Have you seen this movie?
"What happening? Leave me alone!"
210
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,600
"He's the nicest guy in every movie-"
211
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:06,360
"- but everybody
wants to mess with him."
212
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:10,080
"Do you want the diamonds?
Leave me alone."
213
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:14,640
"He's been taking martial arts
for twenty-five years."
214
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,640
"But I want no trouble."
215
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:23,480
"l've just been studying punches and
breaking necks, but for exercise."
216
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:27,200
"I want no...
Leave me alone."
217
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,080
That's every Jackie Chan movie...
218
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,880
The guy is up to a headlock, kick.
219
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,840
"You must
make a stupid face when you do it."
220
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,720
"He can really take on
12 people, dude." Bullcrap.
221
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,560
Do you believe
all that martial arts stuff?
222
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,040
"Bruce Lee is badass."
223
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,920
They put some
colored paint on his chest.
224
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,480
"He can really take on 12 people."
Of course he can!
225
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:06,160
"Near miss. You go down on purpose.
I tell you what to do."
226
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:08,640
"Check's in the mail."
227
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:14,120
"Leave me alone."
228
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:20,800
"Jackie Chan..." He always says
the word 'pan' when he fights.
229
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:25,080
"Pan. Pan. Leave me alone. Pan."
230
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:29,040
What, spraystick non-Pan?
231
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:32,200
"No. Leave me alone. Pan."
232
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,520
"He's the nicest guy in every movie-"
233
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:38,200
"- but everybody
wants to mess with him."
234
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:41,880
"Hey you, what are you eating?"
"I eat banana."
235
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,920
"Leave me alone."
"Get him!"
236
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:52,760
"Hey you, where are you going?"
"l'm going to church."
237
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:56,560
"Leave me alone."
238
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:06,160
"What's that noise?"
"l'm breathing." "Get him!"
239
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:13,840
Remember when
martial arts were just real?
240
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:17,000
Now they just walk on water.
Walk on water.
241
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:20,920
"I jump four stories to kick you."
242
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:27,240
"Jet Li is all special effects."
243
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:31,000
"Kill him."
"Here come bullet."
244
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:42,480
In every movie, Jackie Chan tries
to play a different character.
245
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:46,160
In Shanghai Noon he's an Indian.
"I am Indian. Hello."
246
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,800
"Hello. I am Indian. Hello."
247
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:54,240
"He's an Indian.
I believe he's an Indian."
248
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:58,200
With Owen Wilson...
249
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,560
Oh, it's cool.
250
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,320
He's an Indian.
" Rumble in the Bronx."
251
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:06,280
He's a store owner,
he owns a store.
252
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:09,600
"You leave my store alone."
"l'm cool. l'm cool."
253
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:16,520
"In Rush Hour 2 he's a detective."
"Hello. Ding-dong."
254
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:20,600
"Rush Hour. Cover me!"
"He's a detective."
255
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,600
He's Drunken Master,
have you seen that one?
256
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:28,480
"Drunken master, hello. Ding-dong."
257
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,680
" Drunken Master."
258
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:34,240
What next?
He'II try to be a standup comedian?
259
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,760
"In the forbidden world of comedy-"
260
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,560
"- it takes one man
to change a light bulb."
261
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,840
"He traded his black belt
for the Borscht Belt."
262
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,960
"His own government
dared him to go on stage."
263
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:50,760
"Knock-knock. Who's there? Jackie
Chan's Fight Night at the Apollo."
264
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,160
"Knock-knock." "Who's there?"
"Beef." "Beef who?"
265
00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:58,840
"Beef broccoli."
266
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,480
"He does his own stunts-"
267
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:05,480
"- but unfortunately,
he does his own jokes."
268
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:09,040
"Knock-knock." "Who's there?"
"Orange." "Orange who?"
269
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:11,840
"Aren't you able to kick your ass?"
270
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,880
"You! Your mother is so fat."
"How fat is she?"
271
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:19,480
"She's so fat, her intestinal tract
is Great Wall of China."
272
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:22,360
I wrote that one yesterday.
273
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:26,040
"Knock-knock." "Who's there?"
"Boo." "Boo who?"
274
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,920
"Crybaby"
275
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:33,480
"You've probably seen all those
martial arts in their stupid styles."
276
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:37,080
"Like 'crane'."
"I stand like a crane."
277
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:41,080
"Bear."
"I learn from bear."
278
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:44,960
"Mantis."
"He knows, praying mantis."
279
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:49,400
"As a young child,
they put him in the desert."
280
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:52,360
"Then he learned
from a praying mantis."
281
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,920
Mine would be:
"Paper. Rock. Scissor."
282
00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:58,400
"Paper in your face."
283
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,840
"Rock in stomach.
Scissor on nutsack."
284
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,400
Or Molesto.
285
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:10,800
That would be mine.
"He molests his own opponents."
286
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,880
"Watch out, he's going to
touch you in your thingy. Watch out."
287
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:18,200
"And he dry humps."
288
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:22,400
"What the hell? Watch out."
"l'm going to touch your dirty spot."
289
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:25,160
"He's going to
touch your dirty spot."
290
00:22:25,360 --> 00:22:28,280
"He'II grab you for dry humping."
291
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:34,600
"He'II make them feel unsure."
"l'm leaving this fight, l'm unsure."
292
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,600
"I need a counselor."
293
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,520
"Go and see the master,
go to see counselor."
294
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:45,440
Holy smoke, l'm sweating my butt off.
There we go. Yeah.
295
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:48,080
You guys are great for coming out.
296
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,920
Thanks for coming out to the special.
297
00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:54,960
Alright. Spider-Man.
298
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:58,120
I saw Spider-Man again.
299
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:00,960
I just realized
Spider-Man's a big puss.
300
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:05,480
Isn't he?
"Don't die, Uncle Ben."
301
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:12,720
"Hey, Booboo.
Hey. Mary Jane."
302
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,160
"Going to get some pussy, Boo?"
303
00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:22,640
Spider-Man: "Uncle Ben! Don't die!"
"Peter! You're a pussy."
304
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:31,880
You're a blocker.
You're a cockblocker.
305
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:35,960
Cockblocker.
He's a sex blocker.
306
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:39,320
I can say it since it's
Comedy Central. Sex blocker.
307
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,760
Basically a guy who will go out
of his way to make sure-
308
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:46,040
- another guy doesn't
get intimate with a woman.
309
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,720
He messes up the foreplay,
even the sex.
310
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,880
He'II knock on the door
when you're in a bedroom.
311
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:55,440
"Dude, you gotta feed your fish!"
312
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,760
"Yeah, Dude,
they're on top of the tank."
313
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,800
"Hey, nice to meet you. l'm Brian."
314
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:11,120
Spider-Man is a big cockblock,
isn't he? He's a blocker.
315
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,400
That's what the Green Goblin
should have said-
316
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,720
- when he had him gassed up:
"Okay, Spider-Man."
317
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:21,560
"I ought to squash you like a bug."
318
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:26,400
"But you, going around New York,
blocking everybody."
319
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,760
"Don't you know
Mary Jane's going out with Harry?"
320
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,440
"But no. You're blocking everybody."
321
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:35,920
"You and the Daredevil
are a bunch of cockblockers."
322
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:40,480
Because any superhero
can get any puss. I guess so.
323
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:44,240
"With great powers
comes great pussy."
324
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:48,440
That's right, they do.
He's Captain SexBlocker.
325
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:56,680
Sexblocker. Look, it's a truck,
it's an asshole, it'sa SexBlocker.
326
00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:01,040
Able to sexblock a whole bar. "You
gotta pick up that wedding ring."
327
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:05,560
"Where's those diapers? I thought
you were gay. Did you fix that?"
328
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:08,960
That's right.
He blocked that whole damn bar.
329
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,640
He's Captain SexBlocker.
330
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:19,560
That's right, my roommate.
Every guy has his own technique.
331
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:22,720
My roommate does.
And every guy denies it, too.
332
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:26,160
"Dude! It's bros before hos."
333
00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:29,240
Alright. "I would never do that."
334
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:32,480
Every guy has a technique.
335
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:37,320
My roommate would do this to me. l'd
be this close to getting a girl home.
336
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:41,280
"You want to party?"
"Yeah, let's do it."
337
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,880
"You're hot."
"Okay, it's cool."
338
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,320
"Let me go to the bathroom."
339
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:50,720
My roommate:
"Did you know he has herpes?"
340
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:53,680
"Are you serious? Oh my God."
341
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:57,440
"I don't know you,
but I care about you."
342
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:02,280
"And he has herpes. Don't look
over there, he's over there."
343
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:08,360
"Oh my god. l'm getting
out of here, this is terrible."
344
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:12,680
"Hey, where'd she go?
Who did this to me?"
345
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:16,800
Captain SexBlocker!
346
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,800
When you're at the house,
at the house, that's the worst.
347
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:24,000
You know, every guy
has his own technique.
348
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:27,720
He makes the 90120 faces.
349
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,200
Did you ever watch those shows?
350
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:34,200
They make that face like
they're smelling something bad.
351
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:43,040
Is that Luke Perry's 'Dylan does it'?
352
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:47,080
"On the next 901-whatever-20."
353
00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:50,200
"Dylan's dick is one inch."
354
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,360
You've got to smile at the end.
355
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:07,480
"And Jason comes along, too."
356
00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:16,720
He has a lot of pictures of himself.
He's a male dancer-
357
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:19,320
at the Stardust in Las Vegas.
358
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:25,480
He leaves 8 x 10 pictures
of himself over the fireplace.
359
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,840
The girls check it out.
There are stupid ones, too.
360
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,960
You know, posing.
361
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:35,640
Who does that?
362
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:37,800
"Girls check it out."
363
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:41,120
"Dude, why do you
put your picture up there?"
364
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:45,440
"Because when girls come over
and they see l'm a male dancer..."
365
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:48,680
"They put down
their defenses, you know."
366
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,920
And he has really cheesy ones.
367
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:58,160
And girls come over and see it.
"Oh my god, who is this?"
368
00:27:58,360 --> 00:28:01,400
"You are so hot."
369
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:05,000
"Really? Thanks."
370
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:09,840
The girl goes, "I was a Budweiser
girl, then Jaegermeister".
371
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:15,120
"My boss has a nice pool and he
gets a photographer to come over."
372
00:28:17,120 --> 00:28:21,000
"You want to see my portfolio?
- Pablo, you don't mind, do you?"
373
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:23,720
"Let's go in my room
for seven hours."
374
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:28,800
And take her away. I think the
best way to cockblock somebody...
375
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,320
The best way
to block somebody is this:
376
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:35,200
Burn a disc of the cheesiest songs.
377
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:38,560
So when he brings home a girl,
just play that music.
378
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:42,560
"Pablo, this is Brittany.
We're going to be in the bedroom."
379
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:45,920
"Can I play some music
so I don't hear the thumping?"
380
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:48,400
"Yeah, go ahead."
381
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:53,160
I can't stop this...
382
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:57,800
"Dude, what the hell?"
383
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,560
You can't hump to that.
384
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,960
Just keep on.
Just keep playing music.
385
00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:15,960
"l'm sorry."
386
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:20,800
Tequila
387
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:30,960
You gotta time it right. When
the bed creaks, put the next song on.
388
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:34,200
He did the Monster Mash
389
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:39,120
I was working in the lab
Late one night
390
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:48,440
"Dude, what's up, man?"
391
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:52,280
Wake up
Make up
392
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:55,760
On the table
393
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,920
Any System of a Down
song you can't...
394
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:14,400
Whatever that was.
395
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,200
It's gotta be
1950s songs or something.
396
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:25,960
Can you imagine someone pumping
to that? Lollipop, lollipop...
397
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:29,640
"l'm really sorry about this."
398
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:38,880
"Dude, what's up, man?"
"l'm playing music, what's the deal?"
399
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:42,840
Or put William Hung on.
That would be good.
400
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:47,320
Talk to me
Tell me your name
401
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:59,640
You got to...
You got to...
402
00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:03,360
Right on, William Hung.
Sing it, baby.
403
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:07,520
Talk to me
404
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:12,560
William Hung. He took
the American Dream and shit on it.
405
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:17,000
I saw him in real life.
406
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:19,920
He really talks like that,
I swear to God.
407
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:23,120
He does, and he has an ego,
did you know that?
408
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:25,320
I go, "Hey! William Hung!"
409
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:29,960
Don't talk to me,
don't tell me your name
410
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:33,200
"Wait, William Hung, wait!"
411
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,480
William Hung...
412
00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:42,040
We all played
the best practical joke on him.
413
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:47,320
We don't even know each other
and we just, "Do it! Fuck it."
414
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:49,480
"Say he's good, let him sing."
415
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:52,800
"You're good, man.
You go out there and show them!"
416
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:58,160
"You really think so?
You really think I can do it?"
417
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:02,520
Talk to me, tell me your name
418
00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:06,080
He has a Christmas album out.
419
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:09,160
Hung for Christmas
420
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:15,560
Now he's dissin' on our holidays.
421
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:19,480
That's why his face is so flat.
He went Christmas caroling-
422
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:22,240
and they slammed a door in his face.
423
00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:27,680
Jingle bell, jingle bell...
424
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:32,320
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer...
425
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:39,120
Frosty the snowman, he's a...
426
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:43,440
William Hung.
427
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:46,760
Now he's coming out
with another album.
428
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:51,480
Now he's doing duets with famous
stars, can you believe that shit?
429
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:57,080
I swear to god, stars are lining up.
Musicians, to do songs like...
430
00:32:57,280 --> 00:33:00,280
I don't have much
431
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,680
But I know I love
432
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:08,520
So let me be
Not me to know
433
00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:12,520
We no got the eye
434
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:25,120
That's right, he's William Hung.
435
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:29,200
"l'm Casey Kasem and now
you can hear all your favorite hits-"
436
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,080
"- with all your favorite stars."
437
00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:40,280
"That's right. My head is so big,
it's 10 friends on MySpace."
438
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:45,680
"That's right. So sit back,
relax and listen toJoe Cocker-"
439
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:49,360
"- with William Hung..."
And so we're up where we belong
440
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:53,520
On a mountainside
441
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:57,240
With a side of rice
442
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:04,760
I can show you the world
Sun and shimmering splendor
443
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:09,520
Call me dingdong...
If you don't...
444
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:14,680
"That's right, he's not from China,
he's from Singapore."
445
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:17,880
"Because he sings really poor."
446
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:22,720
Thank you.
447
00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:29,400
And he also does
the theme from Grease.
448
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:36,000
My name is William
I sing at the malls
449
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:41,880
My face is flat
I can bite a wall
450
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,160
Come on.
451
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:46,440
What?
452
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:53,040
His face is flat, I swear to god.
I saw him in the Las Vegas airport.
453
00:34:53,240 --> 00:34:55,920
His teeth hang out...
454
00:34:56,120 --> 00:35:00,120
He looks like sand people.
455
00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:07,840
He has those teeth out.
They're off the gumline.
456
00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:12,440
What does that sound like? Sounds
like people playing basketball.
457
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,480
"Man, that was off the gumline."
458
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:21,440
He should market his teeth.
"It slices, it dices."
459
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:24,880
"It's the William Hung teeth.
That's right, Susan."
460
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:31,080
"Take carrots and tomatoes and put it
with the William Hung chopper."
461
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:36,880
She bite, she bite
462
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:42,760
He's doing a Mentos commercial.
463
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:45,920
Mentos,
remember those commercials?
464
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:52,480
Mentos.
You always have a happy ending.
465
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:56,520
Could be a guy robbing a bank,
it'd still have a happy ending.
466
00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:03,960
It doesn't matter what comes
Freshness better with life
467
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:06,480
Mentos freshness cool of life
468
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:10,080
Nothing gets to you like Mentos...
469
00:36:15,720 --> 00:36:19,440
Talk to me
Talk to me
470
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:24,880
He'd be a good cockblocker.
Black people don't cockblock, though.
471
00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:27,880
They see you with a girl,
they compliment you.
472
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:32,720
"Yo, man. Is that your girl?"
"Yeah, man, what about it?"
473
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:36,920
"Yeah, go for that, man!
Take that, whoa."
474
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:40,800
You're in bed with your girI-
475
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:44,320
- and they just come out
of the sheets. "Go for that!"
476
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:49,640
"Come on, we don't got no time!"
477
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:55,720
That's why they write the best
love songs. To break the ice for us.
478
00:36:55,880 --> 00:37:01,000
Black people are the most important
thing that happened to this country.
479
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:06,080
They want us to break the ice. Put
Latino songs on, girls are walking.
480
00:37:06,240 --> 00:37:09,360
You never know.
You girls change your mind so much.
481
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:14,360
We tried candies,
flowers, movies, diamonds.
482
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:17,800
"I don't know. I may feel like this.
Let me go home..."
483
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:21,480
"Maybe I should? Should I
sleep with him? I don't know."
484
00:37:21,720 --> 00:37:25,160
Come on... "No whammies!"
485
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:29,560
"Aw...she changed her mind."
486
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:35,520
Black people, that's why they write
every song. They could write about...
487
00:37:35,720 --> 00:37:38,160
They could write songs
about anything.
488
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:42,720
They could write songs
about arguing with their women.
489
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:47,200
Shut up
Can't you see two men are talking
490
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:51,200
They could write about a
transvestite and make it sound good.
491
00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:56,760
When I first saw you, baby
I knew you were fine
492
00:37:56,920 --> 00:38:02,440
But you had a dingdong
And it changed my mind
493
00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:05,320
Forget the appetizer
Forget the main course
494
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:08,400
I knew you were a guy
when your voice was hoarse
495
00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:13,080
You got a dingdong and tits
You got a dingdong and tits
496
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:16,720
Ya know you got a
Dingdong and tits
497
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,320
Thank you.
498
00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:24,520
Your camel toe
looks like a catcher's mitt
499
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:33,240
l'm just joking.
"Don't make fun of black people."
500
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:39,360
"Chinese people. Latinos.
What about that protest? Come on"
501
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:42,360
That protest,
they asked me to be in it.
502
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:45,920
"Hey, dude.
You want to be in the protest?"
503
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:49,360
I did, I went there.
I was driving to a topless bar-
504
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:55,360
- and I took the wrong exit.
Next thing you know, l'm in it.
505
00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:58,280
"Mexico!"
506
00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:02,280
The longest carwash
l've ever been to.
507
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:06,920
"Hey, dude, yeah."
508
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,720
"Okay, l'II tip you, you..."
509
00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:15,960
Never go to a Latino protest
with a Datsun 280 ZX.
510
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:19,320
Everyone is,
"Hey, you want to sell it?"
511
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:22,800
"Hey, dude, you want to sell it?"
512
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:28,080
The protest.
Yeah, black people went there, too.
513
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:32,480
They were there at the protest.
"Yo, where's the pussy?"
514
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:39,040
The protest,
they get in your face. "Mexico!"
515
00:39:39,240 --> 00:39:44,480
"Mexico! What's up, dude, Mexico!"
"Puerto Rico!"
516
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:47,600
That's great, can you clean?
517
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:52,160
No! It's a joke.
518
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:56,160
"Mexico, man! l'm proud, dude.
l'm proud of Mexico."
519
00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:59,240
"Go back."
"Screw that shit!"
520
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:04,880
l'm just kidding, come on.
521
00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:08,880
Mexico. Mexico.
522
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:13,720
They want jobs. "We want jobs, bro.
What do you do?" "l'm a comedian."
523
00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:18,040
l've never seen Mexican comedians
straight from Mexico.
524
00:40:18,240 --> 00:40:24,200
"Over the fence, to the stage.
Give it up for Ricky Impanela!"
525
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:30,080
"Okay, how you doing?"
526
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:35,600
"You ready for
some bumper stickers?"
527
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:39,880
"l'm a comedian from Mexico,
l've got some bumper stickers."
528
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:44,520
"This one reads 'Jesus Saves
because he shops at WaIMart'."
529
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:50,880
"This one says
'My other car is probably yours'."
530
00:40:55,920 --> 00:41:01,080
"This one says, 'Guns don't
kill people, my cousin does'."
531
00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:07,320
"Okay, the next time you want to
get a family portrait, do what I do."
532
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:10,520
"Put your whole family
in back of a pickup truck-"
533
00:41:10,720 --> 00:41:13,160
"- run a red light.
It takes a picture."
534
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:18,920
"You ever go to a Mexican store?"
535
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:22,960
"Did you ever go to a Mexican store-"
536
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:30,080
"- and they got
American cereals in Spanish?"
537
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:33,800
"Antonio the Tiger."
538
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:37,600
"Fruit a Lupes."
539
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:41,480
"Honey Nut Bandejos."
540
00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:45,440
"And my favorite:
'Special...que?'."
541
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:58,360
Some of those guys,
they wear the big belt buckles.
542
00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:03,560
Have you seen them?
The big Latino cowboys.
543
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:07,600
They walk around and the sun
hits that and makes it get all hot.
544
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:11,120
It's like a skillet
and it burns their huevos.
545
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:17,080
"Hey! Caramba, the huevos..."
546
00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:20,040
"Huevos fritos!"
547
00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:27,040
They're tough, though.
They'II kick your ass.
548
00:42:27,240 --> 00:42:29,400
"You got a problem?"
549
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:35,960
"Hey, partner. You got a problem?"
550
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:41,200
"Let's go, man to man.
One on one, me and you."
551
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:45,080
"Richard!
- Let's do it man, right now."
552
00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:49,400
"Man to man. - Richard!"
553
00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:53,000
"Where's Richard? He took off?"
554
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:56,160
"Okay, tomorrow."
555
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:01,160
I just can't get into the
cowboy country thing anymore.
556
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:04,800
Whatever it was...
"Come on, let's..."
557
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:09,920
"Hey come on, let's do it.
Let's do our little dance."
558
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:13,320
"Look kind of like little vittles."
559
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:19,080
This is too...don't you like
to get loose when you dance?
560
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:23,240
"l'm free."
561
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:26,840
"No rules!"
562
00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:29,720
Country dancing:
"Come on, let's do..."
563
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:36,560
"What, how do you do this?"
564
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:43,760
You get criticized the whole time.
"Step with me!" "l'm trying!"
565
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:50,760
You ever see a tough cowboy walk
in the bar like he'II kick your ass?
566
00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:54,000
And then he does
the cheesy country dance?
567
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:58,360
"Hey! You want some crap?"
568
00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:02,120
"Right here right now! Let's go!
Hey, there's my song!"
569
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:20,400
Cowboys... Brokeback Mountain,
did you see that?
570
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:23,520
They got it at the hotel,
I saw a little bit of it.
571
00:44:23,720 --> 00:44:26,920
That's all I saw...a little!
572
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:29,320
I know this cow...
573
00:44:35,240 --> 00:44:37,800
Brokeback Mountain.
574
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:42,200
"Two cowboys that were straight
went to Brokeback Mountain."
575
00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:46,760
"That soon turned into...
Cornhole Canyon."
576
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:50,680
"Come on."
577
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:56,000
"...I love you, come on."
"l'm a naked cowboy..."
578
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:59,600
"And I have my boots on,
but l'm naked."
579
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:05,680
"l'm going to get
some water from the creek."
580
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:13,040
"You want to see my
bum bum bum buck?"
581
00:45:13,240 --> 00:45:16,600
"l'm going to do...water..."
582
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:21,720
They took it out of the theaters
because they said-
583
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:27,800
- that the sex scenes
were too...explicit.
584
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:30,880
They're in the tent.
"Come on, let's git..."
585
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:38,240
Put spit in his hand. "You want some,
let's go, me and you, partner."
586
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,360
"Come on, we don't got all day."
587
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:49,880
"That's not butter!"
588
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:57,200
Come on. No condom, no nothing?
I mean, jeez.
589
00:45:57,400 --> 00:46:01,640
I don't know if they
had a condom, but they had...
590
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:05,880
Can you imagine?
Those guys chew tobacco, cowboys.
591
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:08,720
Gets in your culo...hey!
592
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:13,560
"Come on there."
"Spit that out first!"
593
00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:17,520
Skoal bandits.
594
00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:22,800
"Hey, man. Ride horses?"
"No."
595
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:28,960
Brokeback Mountain.
596
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:33,240
Now they're coming out with
more movies about homosexuality.
597
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:39,840
This next movie, it's not Brokeback
Mountain, it's about gay gangs.
598
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:44,960
Gay gangs. That's what they got.
Gay gangs in San Francisco.
599
00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:47,720
There's nothing wrong with that.
Come on.
600
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:49,960
Here we go.
601
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:55,200
"Out of the closet.
Into the streets."
602
00:46:55,400 --> 00:47:00,120
"Not only were they
fighting for their love."
603
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:04,440
"But they were fighting
against each other. Gary Busey:"
604
00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:07,600
"Hey, man, you better watch it."
605
00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:13,400
"You guys are trying to lick your
quack quack in your nutsack."
606
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:17,480
"And Danny Glover
plays a corrupt police chief."
607
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:21,120
"Yeah, put it in your mouth."
608
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:25,720
"There you go. Put it in your mouth."
609
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:31,200
"Put your black sack
in my mouth, Jack."
610
00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:37,720
"They were homies.
They were homie-sexuals."
611
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:43,720
You guys are great for coming out.
612
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:53,760
Here it is. After the show, don't
give me drugs. People are like:
613
00:47:53,960 --> 00:47:58,680
"You want some pot, man? You look
like you're really high-strung, man."
614
00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:01,640
"Let's smoke some pot, dude."
615
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:06,800
"Let's get in a circle and talk
about other pot that we've smoked."
616
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:10,520
"My friend got..."
617
00:48:10,720 --> 00:48:14,960
"He gave me a call,
see all the buds, man..."
618
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:18,520
They got some weird drugs out there.
I went to rehab.
619
00:48:18,720 --> 00:48:21,480
Anybody been there?
I had to go one time.
620
00:48:21,680 --> 00:48:24,440
My parents caught me doing drugs.
621
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:28,600
Ain't that nice? You're in
high school and gotta go to rehab...
622
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:32,400
I was doing coke and pot and...party!
623
00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:37,520
Party! I can't believe I graduated,
I was partying so much.
624
00:48:37,720 --> 00:48:41,000
Know how they caught me?
This is the funniest thing.
625
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:44,760
My parents left town.
They went to South America.
626
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:48,600
"Yeah, let's party!"
And it was my birthday.
627
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:51,400
"Man, they left town on my birthday."
628
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:57,160
I come back, and it's a surprise
party when l'm high. "Surprise!"
629
00:49:01,240 --> 00:49:05,440
That surprise party
turned into an intervention.
630
00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:09,440
"Go to your room.
Why are your eyes all glassy?"
631
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:13,760
"Can we open presents first?"
632
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:17,520
If you ever go to rehab,
it's the weirdest place to go.
633
00:49:17,720 --> 00:49:21,880
But I got kicked out, though.
After two weeks. I did.
634
00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:24,840
I went there because
I was having a good time.
635
00:49:25,040 --> 00:49:28,280
"I like drugs because l'm partying."
636
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:30,800
But a lot of people there go:
637
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:37,080
"I do drugs because my Daddy
touched me in my bumbum."
638
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:42,680
"That's why I drink.
My Daddy touched me in my culo."
639
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:46,520
They must love that.
"Because you love to party!"
640
00:49:46,720 --> 00:49:51,840
"My Daddy touched me. Get cocaine,
hookers and discoteques."
641
00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:55,440
I got kicked out of rehab.
I had this one roommate, a kid:
642
00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:58,920
"You're going to go down, bro."
"Huh? What's going on?"
643
00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:01,960
"You're going to go down, man."
"Why?"
644
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:05,080
"You're just making
a joke out of everything."
645
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:07,520
And they take you to this AAmeeting.
646
00:50:07,720 --> 00:50:11,200
I go to the meeting, right.
The AAmeetings.
647
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:13,920
And you have to tell them everything.
648
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:16,960
"My name is David,
and l'm a drug addict."
649
00:50:17,160 --> 00:50:19,640
"My name is Pablo.
I sleep with David."
650
00:50:19,840 --> 00:50:22,640
"Whoa, screw you, man! Screw you!"
651
00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:26,800
Out you go.
Out you go, Pablo. Out you go.
652
00:50:29,480 --> 00:50:32,840
My roommate still does drugs.
My god, he does cocaine.
653
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:35,440
He gets all paranoid and shit.
654
00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:38,560
"Someone's out the window."
655
00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:45,400
They get high and look out the
window. "Someone's out there."
656
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:49,320
"What's up, man? The girls
are over here. What's the deal?"
657
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:53,440
"No, man. Someone's out here.
Someone's out the..."
658
00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:59,080
"Dude, come on. What's up?"
"Let go of me! Someone's out..."
659
00:50:59,280 --> 00:51:04,960
He looked out the window so much,
he had a sunburn of the blinds.
660
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:08,120
He looked like a Viper car.
661
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:11,240
So one day
I just put a mirror behind there.
662
00:51:11,440 --> 00:51:16,920
And he was, "Shit! Whoa!"
663
00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:23,280
There's always that one guy who
gets all paranoid and hears voices.
664
00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:28,240
"You hear that? Be quiet.
Someone's on the roof."
665
00:51:28,440 --> 00:51:33,680
"You hear that shit? Be quiet, man.
Remember at 7-Eleven?"
666
00:51:33,880 --> 00:51:37,080
"When you heard that voice,
remember? Shh!"
667
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:41,000
"Maybe that guy followed you, bro.
Be quiet. Shh."
668
00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:47,000
"He's upstairs."
669
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:56,840
"Oh, that's my heart!
Damn it, man, don't do that!"
670
00:51:58,120 --> 00:52:01,520
Thank you.
671
00:52:01,720 --> 00:52:05,000
I did ecstacy before,
did you ever do that?
672
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:10,120
Like it's cool.
"You ever do that? It's fun!"
673
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:16,560
I did it in Miami. I know, I was in
between shows, two years ago.
674
00:52:16,760 --> 00:52:21,080
l'm going to this techno club.
By myself.
675
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:24,000
You walk in there...
676
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:50,480
"She asked me
to dance two hours ago."
677
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:53,800
"We're still going with this."
678
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:57,240
Those songs last so long,
you don't know when to stop.
679
00:52:57,440 --> 00:53:00,400
You're just dancing with 400 people.
680
00:53:05,480 --> 00:53:08,440
And everybody's high on drugs.
They're on E.
681
00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:14,360
They call it E...ecstacy.
E. "Are you E-ing?"
682
00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:19,000
Some beautiful girl.
"Are you E-ing? Come here."
683
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:22,160
"I want to talk to you.
Are you E-ing?"
684
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:26,200
"No, l'm Pablo!"
685
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:31,640
"No, l'm serious."
686
00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:35,160
"Yes, l'm Pablo."
687
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:37,840
"No. Are you on Ecstacy?"
688
00:53:38,040 --> 00:53:42,640
"Ecstacy, what does that do?"
"It makes you horny."
689
00:53:42,840 --> 00:53:46,280
l'm like,
"Shit. l'm on it right now."
690
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:50,400
"They must have slipped it
in my drink when I was 12."
691
00:53:55,960 --> 00:53:59,280
"l'm serious! If you want some,
l'II sell you some."
692
00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:02,880
"How much is it?"
"It's 40 dollars."
693
00:54:03,080 --> 00:54:06,200
"If you buy some,
we'II go back to your hotel."
694
00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:08,400
"Let's do it!"
695
00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:13,600
I reach in my pocket to get the money
and I realize l'm doing a drug deal.
696
00:54:13,800 --> 00:54:17,120
On the dance floor.
I swear to God.
697
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:21,320
You know what, the police could
be out there, undercover police.
698
00:54:21,520 --> 00:54:24,160
So I had to
make it look like a dance.
699
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:34,240
She gives me these two pills.
I swear to God.
700
00:54:34,440 --> 00:54:38,720
And stamped on them
is the Mitsubishi sign.
701
00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:43,800
I guess they stamp the drugs
with like, Superman or Mitsubishi.
702
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:47,200
"Mitsubishi makes this?"
703
00:54:48,240 --> 00:54:52,160
"No wonder they sell a lot of cars."
704
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:55,680
If Mitsubishi really did this,
wouldn't that be cool?
705
00:54:55,880 --> 00:54:58,160
That'd be great if they really did.
706
00:54:58,360 --> 00:55:02,880
"Would you like a mint
before you go on to the showroom?"
707
00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:09,000
"I love this car.
I love this car."
708
00:55:09,200 --> 00:55:12,200
"l'm going to hump the tailpipe."
709
00:55:12,400 --> 00:55:15,000
It's going to get really exhausting.
710
00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:21,400
So I take both of these pills. Right?
711
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:26,720
Some people here have done this.
I didn't know to take just one.
712
00:55:26,920 --> 00:55:32,200
"Take one now.
And in 10 hours, take another one."
713
00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:39,480
"Wait. I just took both of those."
714
00:55:39,680 --> 00:55:42,760
"What's that?"
"I just took both of those."
715
00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:46,520
She says, "I gotta go".
716
00:55:46,720 --> 00:55:51,720
"No, come back! Sandy! You just
can't walk out of a drive-in movie."
717
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:58,440
Next thing you know,
the bouncer looks at me.
718
00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:01,640
"Yo, man. Yo, man, are you okay?"
719
00:56:01,840 --> 00:56:07,520
I walk up to him. "I just took
two hits of Mitsubishi ecstacy."
720
00:56:07,720 --> 00:56:11,800
"Are you serious?
Are you serious, man?"
721
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:15,200
"Yes. I just took two hits."
722
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:17,920
"l'm over here, man."
"Yes."
723
00:56:18,120 --> 00:56:21,680
"I took two hits
of Mitsubishi ecstacy."
724
00:56:21,880 --> 00:56:24,560
"Oh, man."
"What's going to happen?"
725
00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:30,040
"You're either going to go to jail.
Or you're going to die."
726
00:56:30,240 --> 00:56:35,280
"But the good news is,
you're going to feel really good."
727
00:56:35,480 --> 00:56:38,160
"Please, what do I do?"
728
00:56:38,360 --> 00:56:41,480
"How long did you take it?"
"10 minutes ago."
729
00:56:41,680 --> 00:56:44,880
"Then you've got
15 minutes before it kicks in."
730
00:56:45,080 --> 00:56:47,560
"You gotta be
in a hotel or something."
731
00:56:47,760 --> 00:56:50,520
My hotel is 8 blocks away.
732
00:56:50,720 --> 00:56:55,640
So I figure l'II go.
"KITT. I need ya, pal. KITT."
733
00:56:55,840 --> 00:56:58,320
I get into my car.
734
00:56:58,520 --> 00:57:04,800
Yeah, and it was a Hertz.
I didn't want it to get towed.
735
00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:09,000
So l'm driving,
and I see my hotel room.
736
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:12,960
South Beach is packed. l'm going
two feet every five minutes.
737
00:57:13,160 --> 00:57:21,360
"Get the hell out of the way!
Before I have sex with all you guys."
738
00:57:21,560 --> 00:57:24,720
"In a conga line!"
739
00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:34,200
l'm driving, and all of a sudden,
this warm feeling...
740
00:57:36,760 --> 00:57:39,840
Something warm inside.
741
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:45,040
A new world!
742
00:57:53,200 --> 00:57:56,800
"Get the hell out of the way"
743
00:58:00,200 --> 00:58:03,840
"We'II kill the unicorn tonight."
744
00:58:04,040 --> 00:58:08,880
l'm trying to change the radio
station and l'm changing myself.
745
00:58:18,400 --> 00:58:22,520
It is like the most craziest...
I get into the motel room.
746
00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:27,280
"Give me some coke
or something. l'm so..."
747
00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:33,720
l'm so horny, l'm watching the porno.
And I try to hump the TV.
748
00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:37,320
I was watching it so much
even the people in the porno-
749
00:58:37,520 --> 00:58:40,960
- looked at me like l'm weird.
"What the hell?"
750
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:58,160
If you're on two hits of Mitsubishi
ecstacy, the feeling is like-
751
00:58:58,360 --> 00:59:03,720
- having an orgasm
every two seconds for six hours.
752
00:59:03,920 --> 00:59:07,400
You're just walking around...
753
00:59:12,560 --> 00:59:16,080
I was having sex
and sounded like Mr. Magoo.
754
00:59:16,280 --> 00:59:21,760
"Oh, you know you want it.
Oh, and you know that feels good."
755
00:59:22,960 --> 00:59:27,360
"Oh yeah, Magoo.
You've done it again."
756
00:59:28,480 --> 00:59:31,800
It's like having an orgasm
for six hours straight.
757
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:36,080
The only problem is you're
walking around with the face.
758
00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:43,160
Then you try
to smoke marijuana with it.
759
00:59:43,360 --> 00:59:46,920
That's when you really start
thinking up the stupid shit.
760
00:59:47,120 --> 00:59:49,800
"Chicken pot pie."
761
00:59:51,160 --> 00:59:55,040
"Those are my three favorite things."
762
00:59:58,640 --> 01:00:01,680
Thank you.
763
01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:06,640
You do weird stuff
when you're on that stuff.
764
01:00:06,840 --> 01:00:12,360
"Old people should use Viagra
so they don't roll off the bed."
765
01:00:15,160 --> 01:00:18,440
Cocaine. Miami.
That's where Scarface is at.
766
01:00:18,640 --> 01:00:22,920
"Scarface in Miami."
l'd like to see something crazy.
767
01:00:23,120 --> 01:00:29,040
You get all wasted. You get the
double DVD box set of Scarface.
768
01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:31,560
You see the most crazy shit.
769
01:00:31,760 --> 01:00:35,120
"You've probably seen
AI Pacino as Tony Montana."
770
01:00:35,320 --> 01:00:39,640
"Now on double DVD
see footage never seen before."
771
01:00:39,840 --> 01:00:45,720
"See Tony Montana
do a drug deal with Kermit the Frog."
772
01:00:45,920 --> 01:00:48,680
"Okay.
The money stays in back, okay?"
773
01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:52,760
"If l'm not back in 15 minutes,
something's wrong, okay?"
774
01:00:52,960 --> 01:00:55,760
"Okay. Let's go."
775
01:01:00,800 --> 01:01:04,800
"Hiyo! Hola, hola."
776
01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:08,000
"Entra, entra."
777
01:01:08,200 --> 01:01:12,560
"Is it okay if my friend is outside
to know that everything's okay?"
778
01:01:12,760 --> 01:01:15,000
"Sure. Come on in."
779
01:01:17,040 --> 01:01:20,400
"This is Mrs. Piggy."
780
01:01:20,600 --> 01:01:24,200
"Hola, Piggy. Hello."
781
01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:28,360
"And I am Kermie."
782
01:01:28,560 --> 01:01:35,800
"And l'm Tony.
So, Grover says that you okay."
783
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:39,880
"That's good.
So do you have the money?"
784
01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:43,480
"I don't know. Did you bring stuff?"
785
01:01:43,680 --> 01:01:49,320
"Not with me now, but it's nearby.
It's in the car, huh?"
786
01:01:49,520 --> 01:01:52,520
"No. You want me
to go outside, we try again?"
787
01:01:52,720 --> 01:01:56,360
"Where you from, Tony?"
"What difference where l'm from?"
788
01:01:56,560 --> 01:02:01,320
"You stop messing around, frog.
Get to the business, okay?"
789
01:02:01,520 --> 01:02:06,240
"I just get my stuff
at Sesame Street."
790
01:02:06,440 --> 01:02:10,880
"Oh yeah? Can you tell me how to,
how to get to Sesame Street?"
791
01:02:12,960 --> 01:02:15,560
Thank you.
792
01:02:17,760 --> 01:02:21,040
Next stop, New Orleans.
"Gotta go to New Orleans."
793
01:02:21,240 --> 01:02:24,560
New Orleans,
that's a strange town.
794
01:02:24,760 --> 01:02:28,480
After Katrina. Katrina!
795
01:02:28,680 --> 01:02:31,560
It doesn't even sound evil. Katrina!
796
01:02:31,760 --> 01:02:36,000
I think they would have left
if it had a different name.
797
01:02:36,200 --> 01:02:40,280
Katrina doesn't sound scary.
"Yo, man. Katrina coming?"
798
01:02:40,480 --> 01:02:43,840
"Shit. Suck my dick."
799
01:02:45,080 --> 01:02:50,360
They should have called it Scorpio.
Hurricane Scorpio.
800
01:02:50,560 --> 01:02:54,920
"Scorpio coming.
Yeah, let's get out of here, man."
801
01:02:55,120 --> 01:03:02,040
New Orleans. I was in a hurricane in
Florida. Hurricane Georges!
802
01:03:02,240 --> 01:03:05,160
Hurricane Georges!
803
01:03:05,360 --> 01:03:08,640
That sounds like
a pissed-off, gay hurricane.
804
01:03:08,840 --> 01:03:14,400
It just comes into town...
"Stupid trailer!"
805
01:03:15,520 --> 01:03:19,040
"You, car! Get out of here."
806
01:03:19,240 --> 01:03:24,840
"Whose dog is this?
In the damn ocean!"
807
01:03:25,040 --> 01:03:28,480
"Stinker."
808
01:03:28,680 --> 01:03:31,800
"l'm blowing everything."
809
01:03:33,920 --> 01:03:39,440
New Orleans, man, they make
the grossest food there, too.
810
01:03:39,640 --> 01:03:42,720
I mean, cajun food.
That is made of...what is that?
811
01:03:42,920 --> 01:03:48,040
Latin food rules the earth,
we all know that. Yes.
812
01:03:48,240 --> 01:03:51,560
Cajun food,
they get all drunk, like alcoholics.
813
01:03:51,760 --> 01:03:54,360
"Hey, are you hungry?"
814
01:03:54,560 --> 01:03:59,080
"Let's cook some jambalaya rice
and hot dog weiners."
815
01:03:59,280 --> 01:04:03,040
"And some beer
and a milk carton of whiskey."
816
01:04:03,240 --> 01:04:07,760
"What the hell was that?
A snail? Put it in there."
817
01:04:07,960 --> 01:04:13,440
"Drink it all up. Swish it in your
stomach. Puke it out. Call it gumbo."
818
01:04:13,640 --> 01:04:16,800
Gumbo does look like puke, I swear.
Doesn't it?
819
01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:20,240
"It's like eating backwards."
820
01:04:21,800 --> 01:04:24,560
Everything's in Tabasco, too.
821
01:04:24,760 --> 01:04:28,040
"That's right,
we marinate in tabascy."
822
01:04:28,240 --> 01:04:33,560
"We deep fry it in tabascy oil.
Then we smother it in tabascy."
823
01:04:33,760 --> 01:04:37,360
"And then we hickory smoke
everything with our breath."
824
01:04:39,320 --> 01:04:45,840
They eat that food everywhere.
In their taxicabs while driving.
825
01:04:46,040 --> 01:04:49,000
There's a guy. Big old belly.
826
01:04:49,200 --> 01:04:52,440
"What is that smell?"
"It's delicious."
827
01:04:52,640 --> 01:04:56,280
He's eating it with a fork.
"Yeah!"
828
01:04:56,480 --> 01:05:00,080
His belly was so big, every time
we went over a speed bump-
829
01:05:00,280 --> 01:05:03,280
his belly would hit the horn.
830
01:05:12,120 --> 01:05:14,680
I played that
Grand Theft Auto game.
831
01:05:14,880 --> 01:05:18,880
Are you familiar with this?
Grand Theft Auto?
832
01:05:19,080 --> 01:05:23,160
l've never seen anything
so evil and fun at the same time.
833
01:05:23,360 --> 01:05:28,640
It's a guy running
through town just killing everybody.
834
01:05:28,840 --> 01:05:32,840
And getting jumped by Haitian gangs,
doing drug deals-
835
01:05:33,040 --> 01:05:36,120
- getting hookers,
and he wants his money back.
836
01:05:37,440 --> 01:05:40,200
AII to 1980s music.
So I like to do...
837
01:05:40,400 --> 01:05:45,520
Yeah, and he's running through
a fake town called San Andreas.
838
01:05:45,720 --> 01:05:49,520
We could do it in a real city,
with a little help of my friends.
839
01:05:49,720 --> 01:05:51,960
We're going to try one tonight.
840
01:05:52,160 --> 01:05:57,440
Grand TheftAuto
in San Francisco! Hit it!
841
01:06:58,320 --> 01:07:01,320
Hey. Thanks a lot, everybody!
842
01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:06,720
Good night!
843
01:07:32,640 --> 01:07:38,720
Pablo! Pablo! Pablo!
844
01:07:46,720 --> 01:07:52,520
That's very nice of you.
Thank you so much. Good night.
68810
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