Original subtitles

Production: Kouwa International Co., Ltd.

Production/Planning: Suzuk Hikaru

Script: Omori Sumio

Director: Makino Masahiko

I'm an idiot who gives you trouble all the time...

Scalpel...

Don't take me as a slacker...

I'm relaxing here...

Forceps...

Same with surgery.

You mustn't tense up.

What to do on the sandy beach...

Ouch!

Hey, he has hepatitis B?

No, he doesn't.

He doesn't.

See? Doctors risk their lives.

Makin' love sometimes...

or at least a hand job.

SHOMANTEI KYOKAKU (MASTER)

KYOKAKU'S WIFE: SHIZUKO

Sorry that we're of no help.

Thank you for all you've done.

It's only a matter of time.

SHOMANTEI KYOYA (MASTER'S SON)

His time is near...

SHOMANTEI KYOJI

His time is near...

SHOMANTEI KYOTA

The doctor says...

there's no hope.

SHOMANTEI KYOSHI

SHOMANTEI KYOSHICHI

Master...

Kyoji...

Master...

Any last wish?

Don't say "last."

Oh, sorry...

I just meant...

anything you want us to do?

We'll do anything.

We will!

Tell us anything!

What, Master?

I want to see...

...see...

What did he say?

Amazing.

He wants to see a pussy.

A pussy.

A pussy?

Pussy, I see.

What a last wish.

Amazing.

What's a pussy?

Thickhead.

A pussy as in women's...

Isn't that a cunt?

There's a word for it in Kyoto dialect.

You say it nicely.

You bozo!

Don't say it to the Kyoto girls.

Their Kyoto pussies...

wouldn't like it.

Well then...

what do we do...?

A girl, a girl...

Everything OK?

A nurse!

No...

Then those walking around in...

their micro mini skirts?

They won't do it.

No?

Guys?

A young girl.

Right.

Sorry to ask,

but you know anyone?

I don't know...

Who's got a wife here?

Not Kyoya's. Son's wife will create tension.

Wife?

Not Kyoshichi's either.

She just had a baby, so no good.

How'd you know?

Looks like this now?

No!

Stop it!

Kyota...

Come here.

Kyota!

Come over here!

Kyoji...

Go home and talk your wife into this.

You're saying...

Ouch! That hurts!

Make my wife show her...

pussy to Master?

Yes.

Kyoji, don't you know my wife?

What?

You say "what"?

You know Shigeko when she's mad...

she throws dishes and pans like a demon.

I know, I do.

Then don't ask.

But it's for a special cause.

Persuade and bring her quick, dork!

Master's with us for now, but...

soon...

his time will be up.

Fine then.

Go! Go, go, go!

KYOTA'S WIFE: SHIGEKO

Bonehead!

Ouch! Stop, no!

Not the picture frame!

Please, hold it.

But why not Shizuko's?

Shizuko?

Her?

She's pretty, but think of her age.

Honestly, she's an old lady.

Her flower has wilted.

Master doesn't want to see a wilted one.

He wants to see yours. So young...

and beautiful.

Cut it out!

Must be someone beautiful like you.

Enough now!

Fine then.

You're all useless.

I'll do it for him.

I'm a rakugo comic storyteller's wife.

I shan't be shy on his deathbed.

I'll show it if he so wishes.

Wait, stop! Not here!

I'm not stripping before others.

Uh-oh!

Don't stop! No!

Give me more!

Hurry!

We'll be too late.

You were busy with my pussy.

Sorry, sorry.

Finally.

Made it in time?

Yes.

Shigeko...

Shizuko...

I've faith in you.

You lot, out.

What about you?

I'll stay.

What for?

I'm his first pupil.

I'm his son.

That's got nothing to do with pussy.

Pussy and sons are like cousins.

Shut up and out!

Wait, hold it!

Never speak of this in honor of Shigeko.

Understand?

OK, go ahead.

Just like that?

Let's go say hi.

Master.

Master,

it's Shigeko.

Master, how are you feeling?

OK then,

you ready?

OK.

Master, here I come.

Excuse me.

I'm ready.

Don't step on him.

I won't.

His eyes were fixed on my wife's pussy.

It seemed to me that his eyes got watery.

I was glad he got to see it.

Alright now.

Thanks.

Already?

Thanks. Good job.

I don't mind for a bit longer,

I want him to have a good look.

You're a sweet girl.

He's seen enough?

Yeah,

he has.

Master,

how was it?

You saw her pussy.

I said "see the sea."

Idiot!

The sea?

Sea?

Ouch!

You bonehead!

Don't throw it! Calm down!

Master died three minutes later.

A Hardest Night!!

IN MOURNING

Master wished for a private wake and funeral.

Thank you for coming.

Please come in.

Dynamic style and free-spirited...

Master's obituary is...

in the national newspaper!

He revived the dying kamigata style.

He was a great man.

You didn't know that?

Shigeko, you did so much till the very end.

Oh, it was nothing. Don't worry.

I'm more worried that the shock...

hastened his death.

Did you just laugh?

About what?

This isn't a laughing matter.

About the "pussy"?

Master Oda is here!

Coming.

Master Oda, thank you.

RAKUGO STORY WRITER: MASTER ODA

I'm sorry for your loss.

Thank you all for today.

He loved to drink, that's what kept him going.

So drink up guys.

The guests have left.

No formalities today.

Drink up.

I'm drinking today.

Watch your pace.

Kyoji, a speech.

What? You're his son.

No, go ahead, please.

You sure?

Well then...

A toast to...

Master's passing!

A toast, eh?

At least...

we got a good laugh with his "pussy."

A poltergeist!

Forgive me.

Master's incredible.

Left us with a good laugh.

It's all your fault.

That reminds me of Awaji Island.

The ochako incident?

Oh yeah.

Miiss Ochako.

I love you so dearly, chako...

What's an ochako?

Who're you?

Sorry.

I'm Shizuko's relative.

You're here. Come in.

Don't mind me.

Hurry, come in.

Sorry, thank you.

Ochako is a girl that...

flips cushions between the storytellers and...

writes name tags and stuff.

Oh those girls.

They're called ochako.

But in Awaji Island,

the female organ and the act itself...

is called chako.

When we went to perform there,

a local girl said she wanted to help out.

Please, this way.

Master, here she is.

Come, have a seat.

You're quite a beauty.

What should I do?

Let's see...

How about ochako?

Start with ochako.

I...

I can't!

What did you do? Wait!

Let's see...

How about sex?

Start with sex.

No wonder she was so shocked.

What did you do? Wait!

What's wrong?

I ran after her to explain.

You okay?

That was our fate.

We got together.

Indeed, your love was bonded by ochako.

Stop, I'm blushing.

Well, congratulations.

Hey, you can't say that at a wake.

No congratulations.

But he just made a toast,

You're not a pro, so you can't tell jokes.

So how are you related to Shizuko?

Me?

I'm her mother's third husband's...

brother's son.

Well Master loved to drink.

As I was preparing to leave...

What?

Nothing.

Kyoji, you've got plans for tonight?

Uh, no.

I was...

so happy thinking he would buy me drinks.

No plan at all.

Well then go home.

You disappoint me,

I've a stupid, thickhead, pumpkin-faced pupil.

He did take me drinking after all.

Good.

I envy you all...

You drank with him.

My old man never took me out for a drink.

Not only drinks, but...

he never really taught me rakugo.

Told myself that he...

tried not to favor his son over others,

but I felt neglected.

Kyoya,

I asked him about it once, you know.

Really?

I told him that you complained that...

he didn't teach you rakugo.

Master then said...

He got my genes already, so I'd rather not...

further embarrass myself by teaching him.

I don't get it.

No? He meant it's a pain having people think you...

suck because you're his son even after him teaching you.

I see...

Say that again!

It wasn't me.

Your old man said it.

A drunken man's talk.

No, he was sober.

Kyoshi, you saying I've no talent?

I thought I told you already.

You, get up!

Come on, we're all about the same.

Kyoya's not the only one.

Moron!

We're all no good.

Don't take pride in that.

I respect you.

You can tie a tie in five seconds,

I respect you a lot.

Come, sit down,

Kyoshichi, any more funny stories?

Let's see...

Ah! I remember.

Good one!

Hold your guns.

Last February,

I went with Master to his rakugo show.

And then...

What?

He just froze like a rock.

Oh crap!

Nature calls!

Bathroom?!

Oh no, it's coming!

Where's the bathroom?

Bathroom?

That way.

Sorry.

To the left, see?

I didn't see it.

Yeah right!

Too late.

It really stank.

Ouch!

Kyoshichi washed his clothes.

So Master went home in wet clothes?

Master being a big drinker...

had chronic diarrhea.

At a rakugo show three years ago...

Master performed "Eight Scenes of Hell."

"Not in a dream or the real world,

we were in a barren, depressing, dim place,

walking in a line wearing a dead man's headpiece...

and a shabby bag around our necks,

with hemp stalks in our hands, croaking...

in thin voices, 'Hello!"'

Master suddenly picked up his pace and...

took us off our feet.

It was very thrilling.

"Eight Scenes of Hell" takes about an hour.

It takes Master Beicho that long.

He did it in 35-36 minutes.

What, 35-36 minutes!

"I've no choice but to swallow you.

Why swallow me?

You'll make a good laxative."

I was amazed at his talent.

I told him so at the after party, but he said...

I needed to take a dump.

He was amazing.

Great story.

Taking a dump?

It's funny, the way Master said it.

If you say so...

...but it's still dirty!

You're right.

It's just so sad that he's gone.

Yeah.

Wish he'd come back as a firefly,

or even as an insect.

An off-season mosquito...

What?

He might be running across...

death's river to take a shit.

Oh, right.

The wattle hat and the family crest...

is here.

Sandals...

Yes.

Sword, OK.

Good, good.

All good.

What's he mumbling?

No, no!

This dish goes well with drinks,

but you can't eat the...

seaweed inside.

That's eaten on happy occasions.

Lend me your chopstick.

Neither the simmered sea bream.

Same reason. As for the rest,

eat up! Shizuko cooked them.

Very tasty.

Also, don't let the...

candle and incense go out.

Kyoshichi, you keep watch.

You know the ritual pretty well.

Yes, well,

many people I know have died.

Dad's parents in an accident,

Mom and Dad from strokes, and...

brother-in-law and my brother hung themselves.

So it's a miracle that I'm still here.

No wonder you know the rituals.

My only regret is that...

I can't attend my own wake.

I won't know the rubbish you lot say about me.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall,

Maybe Master's watching us now.

Don't scream like a sissy.

Takako, let's get to it here.

If you conceive here,

the baby will have Master's talent.

Come on, dear... Ouch!

Stop it!

Admitting to be a failure?

Shut up now!

Come on guys...

it's a hardest night, tonight.

Hey Kyota, more stories to share?

None.

You do, right?

Well...

I impressed him once.

Hey guys...

what's that menu on the wall?

Kaori... fe?

Fe means sashimi.

So then this squid fe will be?

Squid sashimi.

Forget about that.

I'm asking what this kaori is.

I'll give you three hints.

It's a type of a fish.

That's kind of obvious...

There's horse meat sashimi too.

Hint 2:

It has a distinctive shape.

Hint 3:

Reminds me of my youth.

What is it?

Sea anemone!!

Cute, but no.

Seiko Matsuda, our idol!

Bingo.

For real?

You buy that?

You still with me?

Yeah.

No more guesses?

Kaori fe is...

manta ray sashimi.

Manta ray?

So kaori means manta ray?

Sounds appetizing.

So girls named Kaori are manta ray in disguise?

The third hint about your youth,

how does that fit in?

Well, it's embarrassing, but...

manta ray's and the female organ look alike.

When catching a manta ray,

fishermen break into a smile,

Dad told me this when I was a kid.

What a father!

I set my heart to...

lose my virginity to a manta ray.

I was a kid who pursued his decision.

So I took action as soon as I turned 18.

Told my folks I had morning practice.

Instead, I charted a fishing boat.

As soon as I got offshore...

You caught a manta ray?

Yep!

It was two meters wide.

Ready?

Smile more!

Look here!

So what happened?

You did it?

Yes.

I did.

I looked up at the sky after I was done.

It was so clear,

I can still see it.

That's just like...

first love.

So what was it like?

It was my first time so...

I didn't know what a woman was like.

I did imagine it was like doing a woman.

Looking back now, manta ray...

was cold.

Cold.

You're mad.

You do me with what you did with a fish?

Master said we should get some marijuana.

I still remember.

In a restaurant on the second floor...

in the Alamoana Center in Hawaii.

You smoked pot?

We did.

Won't the police get you?

You shut up.

Three years ago,

Master said all of us should go to Hawaii.

Take a holiday instead of paying tax.

Kyoshichi.

I want to smoke marijuana. Go get some.

Marijuana?

Excuse me...

Marijuana?

Sorry.

Excuse me...

You have a marijuana?

Sorry...

You are sexy...

I finally found a dealer.

They're called "pushers."

So I bought tons and we had a party.

Kyota, Kyota.

Lock the windows.

Move it.

What did you lock them for?

If you start dreaming...

that you can fly and jumped,

your folks would be heartbroken.

It's not working on me.

What's going on?

When we finished our second joint,

it really hit us hard.

I need to chew to eat this.

What's that halo above your head?

A halo?

I see a halo!

A demon is after us!

We did have a blast, but...

It was the next day.

We left one for Merriam, our tour guide.

This isn't marijuana.

Just some dried up lawn grass.

Lawn grass?

You got tricked so easily.

We were totally tricked by the pusher.

It's your fault.

The problem was the marijuana party.

Kyoya cracking up triggered...

us all to laugh like madmen,

We all cracked up!

"I see a halo!" and...

"A demon is after us!"

What were we thinking?!

It's a funny story.

Master! Come out!

Freaky if he did.

What's wrong?

You're to be blamed.

It's your fault.

Calm down.

You know...

if you wanted to see the sea, just say so.

I went through a lot for your "pussy."

You regret it now?

Master...

You're a storyteller.

Speak clearly!

Once more...

once more...

Say something!

Say something!

Master!

Master...

Dear...

Dear! Don't swing that around.

You want more people dead?!

Put that back!

Go back to your seat!

Ouch!

That's enough now.

That's enough?

It's not enough...

that's the problem.

For example,

in Master's favorite story "Rakuda,"

there's the "Dead man's cancan dance,"

But if we don't know...

what it's really like, then it's not the same.

Right?

No formalities tonight.

I'm going to have this old chap...

teach me the real rakugo storytelling.

Kyokaku's "Rakuda."

"Rakuda" is Kyokaku's.

Dead man's cancan dance!

Right?

Let's do it!

I'm in!

Shigeko! Kyoshichi!

Bring the shamisen.

Lay him down first.

Look!

Hey!

Sorry.

Here we go.

Shizuko!

Shizuko!

Watch us.

This is Master's last "Rakuda."

His last...

performance.

Watch till the end.

Let's do a line dance!

Right leg first!

Turn!

The last performance never ended and no one slept.

Although drunk,

we all sensed that Master had left us.

That's how I felt.

However, this hardest night...

was only the beginning.

Kyoji passed away.

It was so sudden.

As he appeared in TV shows,

a lot of celebrities came too.

Calling Ms. Yonekura's car!

Calling Mr. Kanzaburo Nakamura's car!

Where's Shizuko?

I made Shigeko take her home.

We'll watch over him.

We've got Shizuko's seaweed dish too.

I shouldn't be saying this in front of...

the deceased, but he didn't have much luck.

What was the first incident?

At Sakai.

He held a rakugo show at Chian Temple in Sakai.

A factory owner, Mr. Hashimoto...

liked Kyoji's rakugo, so took care of us.

A very nice fellow.

But on the performance day, he was late...

H... he... hey!

Did someone call?

Mr. Hashimoto?

Didn't you hear?

Are you deaf!

The temple's on fire!

Don't just stand there!

What! On fire?

Kyoji, the temple's on fire!

What a story!

Then his second try was at Shutoku Temple.

Kyoji was to be the anchor.

Ms. Yoshino had introduced him.

He's amazing!

The monk...

died.

Died!?

When Kyoji performed at Tokushin Temple,

that day...

"He really jumped...

Ippachi!

You alright there?

Yes.

Ippachi!

You're not hurt?

Brother Ippachi! Injuries...

Are you hurt?"

A huge gas explosion.

The dead were buried in Tokushin Temple.

Even better was...

when he planned a six-day performance.

Day one: Hotel New Japan caught on fire.

Day two: A plane crashed.

Day four: Takashi Shimura died.

And on the last day, Chiemi Eri died.

Amazingly bad karma.

After these incidents,

he changed or got used to it...

He performed on the day the Emperor passed away.

On the day the Emperor passed away...

"His death proves that He's not God.

He passed away.

He was very close to us commoners...

and I feel a sense of closeness.

I too shed some blood yesterday.

For me, it was from a hemorrhoid.

You're laughing.

You're not supposed to...

Shan't laugh about this...

I'm going to tell the teacher..."

He really went for it.

Amazing he went that far. Forget about Chiemi Eri.

All entertainment was banned...

that day. Yet he still performed rakugo.

He had a really kind heart too.

Do you know about the kettle story?

The kettle?

Try me.

It was three, four years ago.

When we went to an elderly nursing home, he was...

reading a book and started laughing.

Why are you laughing?

Come here.

Kyoya, come over!

What?

Sit here.

I sit here?

Look here...

LIFE OF KOKONTEI SHINSHO

A biography of Master Kokontei.

In here is an amusing episode.

What is it?

Listen carefully.

Guys, listen.

No, I mean you.

Oh me? I see.

Master Kokontei's son, Master Basho...

He hasn't changed over time.

His reputation endures,

Just like someone else.

So Master Shinsho encourages him.

His words are great.

Listen now:

You've a large kettle,

but others' are small, so theirs boil faster.

Though they cool down faster too.

Your kettle is large, so it takes time to boil,

but once it does, it won't go cold easily.

I'm just the same.

I see things better now.

I'm like that large kettle.

That could be it.

Yeah, true.

I see. You're a large kettle.

Well then...

turn on the gas.

Put in some water.

Look for holes.

Hold it! Kyoshi!

Kyoji always encouraged me.

He was a kind man, though...

he did some unbelievable things to Master.

Put a pot full of soup on his head.

Is that true?

Of course not.

You're still here?

Your stories are too funny.

Kyoji closed the car door on...

Master's fingers three times.

The worst was when he was sleepy.

Used Master's jacket as a blanket,

shouting when Master tried to wake him.

One day, Master was going out so I got his shoes out.

Then Kyoji wore them instead.

Master blamed me for not having his shoes ready,

I had to take the blame for him.

So Master took revenge that night...

I'm home.

Shizuko!

Somebody home?

Good to see you home.

Guys, Master's back!

Who are you?

What?

I'm Kyoji.

I don't know.

Never seen you before.

I don't know.

Who are you?

Your pupil, Kyoji.

Pupil?

You're my pupil?

I see. So you are the one...

who used the bathroom before me in the morning...

when I was going in with a magazine?

I'm not that rude.

Who wiped the tea you spilled with my clothes?

I wouldn't dare.

You were eating an orange and...

sprayed its juice on me here...

and didn't even apologize.

That kid's you?

You noticed?

So you were my pupil?

Yes, your pupil.

Then please quit.

Quit and leave this house.

I, Kyokaku, beg you.

Please quit.

Listen to my request.

Master...

I didn't know you were so fed up with me.

That's the only time Master begged to any of us.

Kyoji was very rash.

He loved Master so much, but...

did stuff that got on his nerves.

You're right.

No wonder he heard "pussy" instead of "sea,"

I'm glad that you understand.

Kyoji never married, but...

how was he with girls?

I don't know.

He was fonder of drink than women.

Loved alcohol more than girls.

But there was an amorous incident...

the night before his death.

The night before his death?

Him and I were drinking at ZOO.

Then a lady a little over 30...

completely drunk...

sat by him.

She was the glamorous type.

She liked...

old guys?

No...

bald guys?

Or saw her father in him?

Anyway,

she was too good for Kyoji.

I am...

a copy writer.

That's a great job.

In the future,

I want to become a writer.

Then you be careful.

You shouldn't touch drugs.

You're like a drug.

Addictive.

They were dancing a slow dance.

Hey, Kyota.

I've a place to go with Ms. Sakagami so get us a cab.

That's your mission.

I was their cab hitcher.

The following morning,

I asked him how it went.

Then Kyoji went...

She was a bomb!

Kyoji!

First,

I told the driver to take us to a...

hotel called Dr. Hippo in Sakuranomiya.

So we got down to it in the cab. I brought...

her in closer and started with a light kiss...

then a French kiss.

Our tongues just went wild.

We made it to first base, so...

Second base!

My hand went on to grab her breast and...

did some of my tricks. Then the skirt...

I put my hand in from...

the side and then...

You like this? Huh?

Then when my finger touched it...

Not there!

I made a wrong turn?

You alright?

Wh... a... what... the?

Ouch...

Starting off like this, I had a bad feeling...

The cab arrived at Dr. Hippo.

We took showers in the room.

We got down to it still half wet.

This beauty was...

the jack pot!

I hit a pot of gold!

So I first took one finger to try her out.

More!

Then I took two fingers...

Slowly rotated them...

More!

Three fingers and she wants, "More!"

Four fingers, "More!"

Then five fingers, then a fist.

I rode her, saying, "You like it?"

She was having her time when...

Ring...

take off the ring.

It's called a fist fuck!

I got one horny girl.

Kyoji died of a hemorrhage...

while telling me this story.

Let's open it,

He had a...

lifetime experience at the very end.

Wait up...

Sorry.

Shizuko!

You scared me!

I got you?

I've heard that you come here...

once a month.

Thanks. You must be busy.

Not at all.

Once in the habit,

it's weird not to come.

I better follow you and...

come visit him.

Master!

We'll take care of Shizuko.

My heart is...

made of tin roof...

in place of tiles and will forever hold.

You watch and see...

Interesting choice of song.

You never saw the barracks...

built in the ruins of war.

Since the roofs were made of tin, we had no tiles.

So I sing "in place of tiles and will forever hold."

I see that, but you like that song?

It's a silly song, but...

I was once taken by this song.

Kyota, I owe you so much.

Don't say that.

Kyota.

I'm lonely...

Ouch!

Shizuko...

Silly boy.

You never learn.

Sorry.

Kyota.

Yes?

Sorry, I'm...

Yes.

I'm sorry, I...

toilet...

Was she serious?

Shizuko?

Sorry, um...

Shizuko!

Shizuko!

What to do?

Somebody!

Shizuko, wake up!

Shizuko!

It's not your fault.

A bad heart and high blood pressure,

Her doctor told her not to get startled.

It's not your fault.

Had I noticed earlier...

So what if you had?

She wouldn't have lasted till the ambulance came.

I killed Shizuko!

Kyota...

Watch your second code. Try again.

From "tsun-tsun."

As the night progressed,

I thought I heard Shizuko's shamisen...

I slept real fast that night.

How old was Ms. Shizuko?

You're her relative, no?

I'm her mother's third husband's brother's son.

Fine, alright. Far too complicated.

She was 66.

Still young.

Too young to go.

True. She was young inside.

Shizuko used to be...

a geisha at Imazato Shinchi,

Is that true?

Kyota, you were up?

You didn't even know that?

Sorry...

Imazato Shinchi 40 years ago was...

very lively and busy.

She was the most popular...

geisha at Imazato.

She sure was a beauty.

Add her voice and shamisen to that.

I only saw her once or twice back then,

but secretly had a crush on her.

I've heard of it too.

My old man, Master, visited her everyday.

But then...

guys wouldn't leave such a beauty alone.

Many guys were after her.

Out of them was the...

president of a factory in Amagasaki.

This guy visited her everyday...

in hope of winning her heart.

It was a battle between that president and Master.

Her heart swung from one to the other each day...

until she couldn't tell her own feelings.

In the end, Master won and married her.

I bet that president was mortified.

I was indeed.

What?

I'm the president of the factory you just mentioned.

So you're him?

I was wondering who he was.

Back then, Ms. Shizuko...

went by the name "Komayu" and...

was a real beauty.

Her smile was alluring like the scent of flowers.

As you've said, her voice was...

amazing and great at shamisen.

I have nothing more to say.

Being single for long after my wife died,

I was so into winning Ms. Shizuko that...

I visited her almost everyday.

Geisha girls are often called "bank breakers,"

because they really break the bank.

It's so true.

I made the business bankrupt.

My workers deserved better.

I got on my knees and apologized,

However, she was so attractive that...

a company or two was worth sacrificing.

That's how I see it.

Cheers to our 20th year.

Hurray to our 20th anniversary!

What did you do after your company went down?

Well,

I'm a taxi driver now.

I see.

Master Kyokaku, my rival, died,

then Ms. Shizuko went too.

I'm left...

all alone now.

I came here tonight to dedicate...

a song to her remains.

Song?

When I used to call on her,

Ms. Shizuko...

taught me this song.

May I?

Never met him before.

Might be Kyoya's real father.

Ms. Shizuko...

Hey, don't brag about your weenie too much,

'cause it's only a toothpick for the pussy.

Shigeko!

Get me Shizuko's shamisen.

OK!

Mr. President, Shizuko taught me...

a lot of these songs.

How about a singing contest in front of her?

A singing contest?

Sure, that would make her happy.

Thank you.

I do warn you that I'm a professional storyteller.

It's a tough match for you.

I'm well aware.

I wish you the best of luck.

OK. Since you started off with weenies,

I will give you this.

Hey, don't brag about your pussy too much,

'cause it's only a pot for the weenie.

Good one!

She never taught you this?

No mother teaches her son these.

Even princesses have black assholes...

and shit fat crap on cue.

He's good.

Impressive.

Come on, Kyota!

No problem!

I'm steaming mad for stepping on a still warm...

mound of shit with my white socks.

That stinks!

You're a dirty one...

When asked whether the pussy stinks, the asshole goes,

"I don't back chat my neighbor."

When asked how the weather is, the asshole goes,

"I've never seen the sky."

Unless you stand on your hands!

My next one's on farts.

After shitting three or four biggies,

why do you still fart?

I've one on farts too.

Ask a rent boy how business is doing,

he'll go, "I've no time to fart."

What's coming next?

You're certainly a pro.

You're good for an amateur.

I might lose.

Come on.

You can do it!

Whose side are you on?

But he's all alone.

I'll help him out.

You serious?

Go on!

Look at the steam coming from the pussy...

after it's been in business.

She taught you too?

Female in-laws have a strong bond.

I'm next!

Open your pussy wide to the sky,

and wait for a weenie visit.

I want to learn too!

You stick to chako.

Stop it.

Stick your dick out a window and brag...

it'll pay for the train ride.

The conductor spots it and says,

"Too big, can't give you change."

Good one!

Good job.

Mr. President, you OK?

Drink up.

Impressive. Definitely Ms. Shizuko's pupil.

It was like a great ping pong match.

I lose.

No, no. I'm in awe of...

your skills.

Excuse me.

Ms. Shizuko,

I'm beat.

I lost against Master,

then I lost against his pupils.

Quite embarrassing.

Don't say that.

Please, join us.

Please, have one,

Did you ever bump into our old man, I mean...

Master back then?

That never happened.

Ms. Shizuko was a very attentive woman.

But others told me about Master.

It was nagging my mind. So one day,

I couldn't resist anymore and...

went to see Master Kyokaku perform.

To spy on the enemy?

Right,

It's awfully strange, but...

I...

I became Master's fan.

Did it once before leaving the house in the morning,

two more times at lunch,

three times for mid-day snack,

four times at night and...

another three when we awoke...

in the dead of the night.

For a total of...

thirteen trysts.

What's wrong?

It's still hot.

Thank you so much.

I hope you don't mind me asking...

why Shizuko chose our old man instead of you?

How Master won her heart?

It was his song.

Song?

That's right.

There's a song Master made for Ms. Shizuko.

A very beautiful song.

She sang it for me just once.

How does it go?

Do you remember?

Would you sing it for us?

We want to hear it.

Please, sing it.

Please.

Let us hear it.

I want to hear too.

Please.

Really?

My heart is...

made of tin roof...

in place of tiles and will forever hold.

You watch and see...

Shizuko...

That song...

I see now...

When I die...

When I die...

bury me out on a road.

Bury me please...

so that lotus flowers will...

bloom in the spring.

Laugh if you wish.

Even if I die,

I die,

who'll cry for me?

For me?

The crows will croak in the mountains.

Laugh if you wish.

I am a storyteller,

a comic storyteller.

Each and every one of you is dumb as a brick.

Dumb as a brick.

Yet you know love and duty.

Laugh if you wish.

What do you say to...

us all just singing together?

I'm in.

Hey, Kyoshichi!

Play the shamisen.

What should we start with?

Follow me!

I'll start with "Kusatsubushi."

He wanted to shag me so I let him do me, and what does he say...

when you finally let him do it?

"It's too loose, too tight...

the hole's too long and got no hair!"

You know how I feel?

I'm boiling with anger!

Cock-a-doodle-doo! Hens lay eggs and...

they don't wipe their asses when they shit,

but the eggs are still yummy.

She's not a virgin. You want proof?

Her monthly tide has ceased and...

her belly's like a balloon.

It's not my fault at all.

The seven wonders of the pussy.

Here is my pussy. Go up...

a bit and there's my belly button.

Further up you'll find my tits.

My tits are the bell to my pussy.

Press the bell and it sure will ring.

Arouse my pussy...

and restless it will be.

Emergency news!

The Army announces that...

Submarine Dick of the Imperial Navy...

came to a face-off with Submarine Virgin.

The torpedo launched by Submarine Dick...

penetrated through the protective shield.

Submarine Virgin sunk, spraying blood.

Hurray!

All board!

At Yamanaka Hot Spring,

we're in a mixed outdoor bath,

our eyes glued on the bathing geisha...

and carried off in an ambulance.

Geisha, geisha, here we come!

Letting us ride her, here she goes.

Hold it, not yet!

The rubber flies as does its content.

No, not yet, not yet, not yet!

Peak of ecstasy. This is fun!

Geisha, geisha, here we come!

Letting us ride her, here she goes.

Hold it, not yet!

The rubber flies as does its content.

No, not yet, not yet, not yet!

Peak of ecstasy. This is fun!

Peak of ecstasy. This is fun!

Geisha, geisha, here we come!

See you again...

on another hardest night.

Nakai Kiichi

Kimura Yoshino

Kinoshita Houka

Tanaka Akira

Tsuchiya Kumiko

Mayuko

Ishida Taro

Ebisu Yoshikazu

Sakai Masaaki

Sasano Takashi

Kishibe Ittoku

Nagato Hiroyuki

Fuji Sumiko

Planning/Production: Suzuki Hiikaru

Original story: Nakajima Ramo

Script: Omori Sumio

Producers: Sakamoto Tadahisa Hayashi Yue

Music: Otani Kow

Filming: Kita Nobuyasu

Lighting: Tomiyama Meicho

Arts: Ozawa Hidetaka

Recording: Abe Shigeru

Editing: Tanaka Shinji

Director: Makino Masahiko