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This programme contains some
strong language and adult humour.
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00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:06,119
CHEERING, SIRENS WAIL
The Met have been after
3
00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:08,479
a London drug dealer known
as The Dean for years,
4
00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:11,559
yet I've just arrested him with
ten kilos of cocaine in his boot.
5
00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:13,519
I think you put the
cocaine in his car.
6
00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:15,319
When are we supposed
to have done this?
7
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:16,919
How about a donation
for my bucket?
8
00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:19,520
MYRNA: How would you even go about
planting drugs in a man's car?
9
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:22,279
I've been at the...
..community centre...
10
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,760
..all day. You never let
them out of your sight?
11
00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:28,679
No, ma'am.
12
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,759
JOHN: We're suing you for wrongful
dismissal, breach of contract
13
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,359
and workplace bullying.
14
00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:35,039
I'm middle-aged,
divorced and unemployed,
15
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,119
but I think you're terrific
16
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,680
and I wondered if you'd like
to grab a bite to eat sometime.
17
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:46,319
You can't park here unless
you have a disability. I do.
18
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:47,719
My girlfriend's
a crippling bore.
19
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:49,480
Oh, charming! Wait...
20
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:10,000
BIG BEN CHIMES
21
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:26,600
Come back to bed.
22
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,559
Uh, yeah, I... I'd love
to, but I have to...
23
00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:31,720
I have to go out.
24
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,999
When are you coming
back? I'm not sure.
25
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:38,999
Hmm, mysterious.
26
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:42,320
Well, can I see you
again? I had fun tonight.
27
00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:46,839
Yeah... Yeah? Great.
28
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,800
Well, let me get my phone
and we can swap deets.
29
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:09,880
DOOR CLOSES
30
00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:15,240
Can you just...
just pull over here?
31
00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:30,560
VEHICLE APPROACHES
32
00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:30,759
BLEATING
33
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,199
CLUCKING
34
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:34,879
GRUNTING
35
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:37,880
INDISTINCT CHATTER
36
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,719
Some people think
Community Payback
37
00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:49,159
is an easy option, a soft touch.
38
00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,199
Yeah, everyone. Well, it ain't!
39
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,279
This lot may look
innocent enough,
40
00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,799
but never forget you are
dealing with hardened criminals.
41
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,799
PIGS GRUNT Why do they hate me?!
42
00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:59,599
It's like they know I had
a bacon roll for breakfast!
43
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,719
Never show weakness.
44
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:05,799
These offenders will eat you alive,
unless, like me, you're tough
45
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:08,279
and you've earned their respect.
46
00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,919
You're like Michelle
Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds.
47
00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:12,879
I am exactly like
Michelle Pfeiffer.
48
00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,199
But I bet you look
better in a PVC catsuit.
49
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,239
Inappropriate,
but I'll allow it.
50
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,359
WHISTLE BLOWS
51
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,200
COCKEREL CROWS
52
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,199
Listen up!
53
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:27,439
This is Stan.
54
00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:28,679
HE MOUTHS SILENTLY
55
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:33,239
Stan is a trainee community
service supervisor.
56
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:36,239
Stan is a homosexual...
57
00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:38,319
..which does not matter.
58
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,919
Stan is also my protege...
59
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,879
..which is the French
word for "minion".
60
00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:44,639
Isn't minion already
a French word?
61
00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:47,199
Do you want cinq
more hours? Non.
62
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:51,079
Now, I want you to think of
Stan as an extension of me
63
00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:54,439
a second head growing
out of my neck.
64
00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:57,919
Now, I want you to treat this
second head with respect.
65
00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,039
As much respect
as the first head?
66
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:02,119
No. So, how much respect?
67
00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:03,399
About half.
68
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,239
The second head is definitely
inferior to the first head.
69
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:09,479
I want you to blow this
and say, "Back to work."
70
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:10,759
What, already?
71
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,239
God, this job moves quick.
72
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:14,319
I only got my first pair
of smart shoes on Monday.
73
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:15,920
Welcome to the jungle.
74
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:19,479
FAINT WHISTLE
75
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,439
You're going to need
to work on that puff.
76
00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:23,879
No. Can't call him a
poof. That's homophobic.
77
00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:25,759
No, puff. Work on that puff,
78
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,319
Like a whistle blowing.
79
00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,039
Apparently, you can say...
you can say queer again now.
80
00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:31,239
That's come back.
81
00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:32,799
I'm not risking it.
82
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:33,959
It's like in the '90s
83
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,479
when they said that Vietnam
is now a holiday destination.
84
00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:37,719
HE SCOFFS I thought, "Yeah.
85
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:38,959
"Wait and see on that one."
86
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,239
SHRILL WHISTLE
87
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,879
Back to work!
88
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:44,439
Now, you four,
you are this close
89
00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:45,959
to completing your
hours, all right?
90
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,079
So, less attitude,
more servitude.
91
00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:49,320
Back to work!
92
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,799
Don't suppose you've got any
blister plasters, do you?
93
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,519
These brogues are
still pinching.
94
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:58,480
Suck it up. Pain is
weakness leaving the body.
95
00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,120
QUIETLY: Hey!
96
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,360
I need your help.
97
00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:23,599
MYRNA GASPS
98
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:24,680
Oh!
99
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,119
Is he dead? Yes!
100
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,279
We have to hide the body.
101
00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:30,919
I'm sorry? "We"?
102
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:32,719
This isn't my car. People
will be looking for it.
103
00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,439
She means, why
would we help you?!
104
00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:35,839
Because you're all involved!
105
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:38,359
JOHN: How?! We haven't
seen you in six months!
106
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:40,399
Sorry, this might seem
like an obvious question...
107
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,560
..but why have you
got a dead body?!
108
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:54,959
In this job, you
need a sixth sense
109
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:56,959
for what's happening
all around you.
110
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,200
These criminal types are
always up to something...
111
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:04,719
..and it's our
responsibility to know what.
112
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,079
STRAINING
113
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:07,479
What've you got there?
114
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,119
Uh... hay.
115
00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,079
What, it takes four of
you to carry some hay?
116
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:12,399
How heavy is it?
117
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:13,839
You'd be fucking surprised.
118
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,240
Townies! Hurry up, then.
119
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:22,280
See, what I did there was wave
my authority dick in their face.
120
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:26,359
What are you writing down?
Your words of wisdom.
121
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:28,120
Oh. What have you got so far?
122
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,799
"Crime costs, and
here's your invoice."
123
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,839
"Napoleon said, 'Rule with an
iron fist in a velvet glove.'
124
00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,439
"Wrong! Rule with an iron
fist in an iron glove."
125
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:38,679
And, "Bring your own bog roll
126
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:42,080
"cos these bastards'll steal
anything." Hmm! Good advice.
127
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,800
CLATTERING WOMAN:
Police! Open up!
128
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,559
Well, this is a nice surprise.
129
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:19,519
Does this mean I have
a shot at another date?
130
00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:21,879
Maybe I'm just here to
order some jerk chicken?
131
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,559
What, at eight in the morning?
132
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:25,519
Heart wants what it wants.
133
00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:27,439
So... how about tonight?
134
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,439
Yeah, I'm going to
have to check my diary.
135
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,559
Hmm. But...
136
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,439
..it's looking good.
137
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:35,199
Yes!
138
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,519
Looking very good!
139
00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:38,759
SHE CHUCKLES
140
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:40,359
I'll see you tonight.
141
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:41,800
See you later.
142
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:58,280
No to illegal deportations!
143
00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:02,639
Right, everybody off, please.
144
00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,479
♪ We shall not...
145
00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:06,679
PROTESTORS JOIN IN ♪
We shall not be moved!
146
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:09,919
♪ We shall not We
shall not be moved
147
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:14,559
♪ Just like a tree that's
planted by the water
148
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:18,480
♪ We shall not be moved! ♪
149
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,039
I'm heavier than
I look, aren't I?
150
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,600
Like a futon.
151
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:38,640
Myrna?
152
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,599
Sean?
153
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,119
You haven't changed!
154
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:44,319
You have!
155
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:45,759
You OK?
156
00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,879
Yeah. Yeah. Last time I
pay for speedy boarding!
157
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,279
HE LAUGHS
158
00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:53,639
I thought that you and your wife
lived in Toronto. We're divorced.
159
00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:55,719
I'm going to be back
in Bristol for a week,
160
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:59,559
doing a guest lecture at our old
university shilling my new book.
161
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,159
Yeah. I read your last one.
162
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:02,679
I liked it.
163
00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:05,559
Would you like to go for
a drink before I leave?
164
00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:07,959
Uh... No. No.
165
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:09,919
I'm really busy all the time.
166
00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:13,599
Well, if you get a free moment,
167
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,519
here's my number.
168
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,759
So glad I ran into you.
169
00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,159
Who says activism
achieves nothing?
170
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:21,680
Here's hoping to see you soon.
171
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,599
The boundary wall does encroach
five yards further into
172
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,319
Mr Cowan's property than you
and your wife first in...
173
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,439
WOMAN: Ah, yes! ..dic... ated.
174
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:33,919
Oh, that's so good!
175
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:37,399
Um, now taking this to the
courts would be time-consuming.
176
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,159
It's expen... WOMAN MOANS
177
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:40,439
..sive... WOMAN SHRIEKS
178
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:43,639
..but what I can recommend is
contacting the Land Registry...
179
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,359
Can you give me one second to
discuss something with my paralegal?
180
00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,479
MOANING AND GASPING
181
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:51,119
BREATHLESS LAUGHTER Yes!
182
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:52,519
Gabby, please!
183
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:55,239
This is supposed to be a
business hub, not Pornhub.
184
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:56,679
Oh!
185
00:10:56,680 --> 00:11:00,040
We agreed, silent scissoring
only between nine and five.
186
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:05,559
Don't worry. Greg always pops out
at midday for a Boots meal deal.
187
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:08,279
Now, that is sexy talk. Do you
want to hear the full order?
188
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:11,119
Mm-hm. One... large...
189
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,639
..steak bake...
190
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,040
Ooh, mama...
191
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:18,479
..a bottle of strawberry Yop.
192
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:19,839
Mmm!
193
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:21,999
Some...
194
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,679
..ridged McCoy's...
195
00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:25,279
Mmm, ridged...
196
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,159
..and a KitKat.
197
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:30,239
Yeah? How many fingers?
198
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:31,759
Four.
199
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,200
THEY LAUGH
200
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:43,280
THEY MOAN
201
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,880
DOORBELL RINGS AND KNOCKING
202
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,759
I need legal advice.
MUFFLED MOANING
203
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:54,319
Are you listening
to whale music?
204
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,439
It's Gabby and her
new lady friend.
205
00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:58,999
They seem to be taking part
in some kind of sex marathon.
206
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,759
I can't believe they
haven't cramped up.
207
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:02,359
And God knows what state
their nipples are in.
208
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,239
I'm just glad I
didn't sponsor 'em.
209
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:07,319
Hey, you know that airport
protest I was telling you about?
210
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:08,919
Yeah. It worked!
211
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,359
I got arrested! And I'm trying
to resolve a particularly heated
212
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:12,719
hedge dispute, so
we're all busy.
213
00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,919
Oh, no, this is a
work question, Greg.
214
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:17,319
No. It's only a work question
if you pay me, Myrna.
215
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,799
I've ploughed all of my money into
the anti-deportation campaign.
216
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:21,999
This'll have to be pro bono.
217
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,919
I can't afford to dole
out free legal advice!
218
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:27,039
Oh, come on. Would you like to
get sent to a hotel in Rwanda?
219
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,879
SHRIEKING Yeah. I
bet it's quieter.
220
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:30,879
BUZZING, SHRIEKING INTENSIFIES
221
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:34,199
Great, they've moved from
acoustic to electric.
222
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,479
It's like this 24/7.
223
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,120
BUZZING, SHRIEKING STOPS
224
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,119
Oh!
225
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:42,799
Did you take the batteries
out of the remote?
226
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,199
I'll put them back
when we're done.
227
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:45,559
Hi, darling. Mwah!
228
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:47,359
Mrs Cosgrove next door
complained about the noise.
229
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:49,159
She was watching This
Morning and couldn't hear
230
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:51,319
Alison Hammond laughing.
And that's saying something.
231
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,039
You look flushed.
What's going on?
232
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,839
Nothing. I'm menopausal.
233
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,320
No. It's something else.
234
00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:00,519
SHE GASPS Oh, my God,
you've met someone.
235
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,599
OK. That is incredible.
236
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,319
Oh, tell me everything!
237
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:07,399
Sean. An old flame from
way back in the day.
238
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,679
We bumped into each
other at the airport.
239
00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:11,719
When are you meeting him?
Oh, I'm not meeting him.
240
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,279
I'm just telling you cos of
the mad coincidence of it all.
241
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:17,359
No, but why wouldn't you go and
give yourself a chance at happiness?
242
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:20,399
Because, unlike you two,
I don't believe that being
243
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,039
coupled up is the answer
to life's problems.
244
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:25,279
My girlfriend says
that as single people
245
00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:28,599
we weren't human beings,
we were human doings.
246
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,240
You're dating a fridge magnet?
247
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:32,959
You don't have to marry
this guy. Why don't you
248
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:34,919
just meet him for a drink
and see what happens?
249
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:36,559
I'm not going.
250
00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:40,079
Myrna, I know you're scared,
but... I'm not scared.
251
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,719
You can't jump out of a plane
without jumping out of a plane.
252
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,719
I have... done
massive cocaine deals
253
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,239
and been chased by
gangsters with knives.
254
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,399
I'm not scared of anything!
255
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:50,799
So why aren't you going?
256
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:51,920
Because I'm...
257
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:55,519
..I'm busy.
258
00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:56,760
Fine.
259
00:13:58,120 --> 00:13:59,839
But, um...
260
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:03,999
..for the sake of argument,
if I was scared...
261
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,759
..how would I deal with that?
262
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,879
Well, step one, we call him.
263
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,040
Come on, give me his number.
264
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,720
Come on, now.
265
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:16,799
I want you to act like you've
266
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,599
just had six glasses
of Chablis in the bath.
267
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:22,039
Depressed? No. Mellow.
268
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,399
And no politics!
269
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,719
Why would I pretend to
be somebody that I'm not?
270
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,599
When dating, we pretend
because we are horny.
271
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:31,799
Hmm? Oh.
272
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:33,760
Chablis in the bath.
273
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,879
RINGING TONE
274
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:40,439
Hello? Hi, Sean, this is Myrna.
275
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:43,399
I just drank a bottle
of Chablis in the bath,
276
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,039
and not because I'm suicidal.
277
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,079
Good to know. Um, so...
278
00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,279
..I was thinking
that, um, that drink,
279
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:53,199
I think that that would be...
280
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,319
..mellow... dude.
281
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,639
Great.
282
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:57,919
Is our old pub still there?
283
00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,999
Yeah, but they've gentrified
the shit out of it
284
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,919
cos the Tories gave tax
breaks to the rich...
285
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,040
Uh...
286
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,920
But the point is...
287
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,719
..it's nice.
288
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,119
8pm? Great.
289
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,439
And, Myrna, I'm glad you called.
290
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:16,479
I'm looking forward to it.
291
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:17,640
Me too.
292
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:20,399
I won't be pressured into sex!
293
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:23,239
Not #MeToo! Me too, as in, "I'm
looking forward to it as well".
294
00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:24,879
Oh! Me too.
295
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,439
I'm looking forward
to it as well.
296
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:29,039
PHONE BEEPS Yay!
297
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,879
Now, what do we wear?
298
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,479
This.
299
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:37,480
Darling, you're dressing for a date,
not selling kombucha at Glastonbury.
300
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,280
And a deep breath out.
301
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:51,960
Feel yourself shifting
into a calmer energy state.
302
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,039
Let your breath ground you
303
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:57,039
and repeat with me,
304
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,359
I am blooming as a
flower... HE REPEATS
305
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:02,479
..and float through stress
like petals in the wind.
306
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,040
HE INHALES DEEPLY
307
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,200
..through stress like
petals in the wind.
308
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:11,160
CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES
309
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:13,839
Oh, right, then.
310
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:14,959
DEVICE BEEPS
311
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,800
Derek? Yes, mate.
312
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:24,519
Do you have a preferred route?
313
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,199
No. OK.
314
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:29,959
I think we'll take the, er,
A432 up through Fish Ponds.
315
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:33,199
Google Maps'll tell you
that's seven minutes slower,
316
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,559
but it'll also tell
you to take the M32,
317
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,679
even though it's
down to one lane,
318
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:40,279
so good luck getting
past Frenchay Hospital
319
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:41,600
at rush hour, hey?
320
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:46,839
There's a recent copy
of GQ in the back there.
321
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,440
Nice little interview
with James McAvoy.
322
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:52,839
Got Smints if you need them,
winter fresh and spearmint.
323
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,799
If you need a charge cable,
I have lightning, micro USB
324
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:57,479
and USB-C.
325
00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:01,079
Er, and there's some bottled
water in the door gully.
326
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:04,559
And not the cheap bottles that
you get from the corner shop.
327
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:07,639
You know, the ones that are
all too thin and squishy
328
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:10,559
and it sort of squashes
when you try and open it?
329
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,359
You end up splashing
it everywhere
330
00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:15,760
and now you've got water in your
lap before your big presentation.
331
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,200
All right, message
received, friend.
332
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,799
GABBY: Oh, yes. Oh, yes,
333
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,479
Now, this...
334
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,279
This is the look.
335
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:31,879
But I can't walk.
336
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,959
I need to be able
to walk, don't I?
337
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,439
Well, you'll get a
cab to the restaurant.
338
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:38,159
And, remember, keep it
light, keep it frothy,
339
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:41,439
laugh at everything he says,
play with your earrings a little.
340
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:44,119
And needless to
say, eat nothing.
341
00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:45,959
I'm starving!
342
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:47,679
Oh, darling, you
eat before you go.
343
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:49,560
Restaurants are no
place for eating.
344
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,760
CLUNKING FOOTSTEPS
345
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:09,360
Hey.
346
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:15,679
Do you want to see the menu?
347
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,160
SHE LAUGHS
348
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:19,959
I'm hungry.
349
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:21,199
Are you hungry?
350
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,079
No. I just had a baked potato.
351
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:24,320
SHE CHUCKLES
352
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,239
SHE CLEARS THROAT
353
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,079
So, this is special, innit?
354
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,359
It is really special. I can't
tell you how I love this...
355
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,359
MUFFLED SHRIEKING
356
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:35,239
I must just take this off.
357
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,719
I've been dying to do this.
358
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,319
TV VOLUME INCREASES
All these holes here
359
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,079
tell a story to do with lots of
360
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,439
transformations that
this clock's had.
361
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:44,239
TV VOLUME INCREASES The
holes say something else
362
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,039
was there before? Yeah,
it's like a house.
363
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:47,599
You wouldn't expect a
house to stay the same...
364
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,439
Would you like another
cheese and pickle sandwich?
365
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:51,399
I would, actually. That'd
be great. Thanks very much.
366
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:52,879
SHRIEKING, GROANING CONTINUES
367
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,279
New windows, it would have...
368
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:56,199
Oh, you know when you were
swimming at the lido earlier
369
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,079
and I left you a few
messages about being careful?
370
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:00,079
Eight messages.
Eight messages, yeah.
371
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:01,239
Well, the reason is,
372
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,239
I realised that if you were
to slip in the changing rooms
373
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,559
and crack your head open, I
don't know your blood type.
374
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:06,599
Neither do I.
375
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,120
Put that knife down!
376
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:10,679
Right, I'll make the sandwiches,
377
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,159
you make a doctor's
appointment immediately.
378
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,120
Oh, that was a
lucky escape, love.
379
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,359
Ali went into
psychology, like me.
380
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:23,079
Connor wants to be a drummer
or a professional Hacky Sacker.
381
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:24,320
We're still negotiating.
382
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,719
What about you? Any kids? No.
383
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,559
I wanted to change the world...
384
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,559
Not nappies. I remember.
385
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:35,280
Do you regret it?
Not having children?
386
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:38,160
I regret a lot of things.
387
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:40,959
I regret...
388
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,479
..being thrown out of
Live Aid for protesting.
389
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,999
About the whole white
saviour complex?
390
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:49,719
No, cos Phil Collins got
way more time than Sade.
391
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:52,599
Well, to hell with regret.
392
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,840
To... second chances.
393
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,120
To second chances.
394
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:05,839
Shall we get more wine?
395
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:09,280
Well, actually, I
have to get going.
396
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,399
I've got a tutorial
tomorrow morning at 9am,
397
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:15,999
and if I don't get eight hours'
sleep I have to take a week off.
398
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,080
Right.
399
00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:19,520
OK.
400
00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:24,319
Now, as you know, I don't
keep secrets from you guys,
401
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,359
so this is just a little update
on my mental and physical health.
402
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,479
I'm still in
Alcoholics Anonymous,
403
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:30,759
Narcotics Anonymous
404
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:32,079
and anger management.
405
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,520
I know, I am more damaged
than a Yodel parcel.
406
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:39,559
But on the physical side, I did
have a little scare recently.
407
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:43,199
Couple of months ago, I was
getting these really heavy periods!
408
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,799
And I mean loads of blood.
409
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,119
It was like that
bit in The Shining.
410
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:50,519
And my gyno discovers
these growths on my womb
411
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:52,359
called uterine polyps.
412
00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:53,759
Now, nothing cancerous,
413
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,039
but I did have to have
them removed just in case.
414
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,999
The operation was fine.
415
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,239
Worst bit...
416
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:03,239
..no sex for six weeks!
417
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:04,919
Those were the days.
418
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:08,639
Now, thankfully, that
healing period has just ended
419
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:10,439
and my flatmate Greg can confirm
420
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,879
my sex life is back
to normal. Right?
421
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,119
So I've heard.
422
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:16,759
I am hornier than
a Viking's hat!
423
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:18,839
And you know how
horny I was before!
424
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:23,599
But, guys, get yourselves checked
out regularly downstairs, OK?
425
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:27,319
I don't care if you've got a
fanny, balls, both, neither.
426
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:30,640
You just make sure you have a good
rummage around for Auntie Gabby.
427
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:37,079
PHONE BUZZES Oh, babe,
someone's calling you.
428
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:38,360
Oh.
429
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:41,559
Spare no detail.
430
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,519
He says he has to
leave because of work.
431
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:44,799
What does that mean?!
432
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,919
He has to leave because of work.
433
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:49,079
He's making an excuse!
434
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,999
I put myself out there and
now look what bloody happens.
435
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,280
Did you have a good time?
436
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:57,199
I thought we did. Even if it
doesn't work out this time,
437
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:58,839
you are back on the horse!
438
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,240
I should never have
agreed to this!
439
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,240
SHE SIGHS
440
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,239
Oh. Hi, Ruth.
441
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:19,599
Myrna.
442
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,399
This is, er, Sean, my, er...
443
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:23,679
..my friend.
444
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:25,559
John Halloran's wife.
445
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:26,799
From Community Payback.
446
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,119
Nice to meet you. And you.
447
00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:31,480
Tell John I hope he's well.
448
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:48,079
What are you doing?
449
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:49,679
I was...
450
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:50,960
I was going to kiss you.
451
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:53,600
I thought you had to go.
452
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,080
I don't want to
have any regrets.
453
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:00,440
Neither do I.
454
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:14,759
Hey, can I ask you a question?
455
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:18,039
It's my daughter's
birthday in a few days.
456
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,719
What would you buy
a teenage girl?
457
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,719
She loves, er...
She loves horses.
458
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,359
She loves rolling her eyes.
459
00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:27,079
You should get her a dad
460
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:29,759
who just shuts the
fuck up and drives.
461
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,839
SIREN WAILS
462
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:33,599
HE MURMURS: I am
blooming as a flower
463
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,960
and float through stress
like petals in the wind...
464
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:38,519
I am blooming as a flower
465
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:41,319
and float through stress
like petals in the wind.
466
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:42,999
I am blooming as a flower
467
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,999
and float through stress
like petals in the wind.
468
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,999
Oh, um, Gabby got him
into Gwyneth Paltrow's
469
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:50,519
favourite mindfulness app.
470
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,279
Yeah, he's just connecting
his mind to his vagina.
471
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:54,599
Now what?
472
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:56,680
Now we bury him.
473
00:23:58,080 --> 00:23:59,919
On the farm?
474
00:23:59,920 --> 00:24:01,999
No, I just brought him
here to see the pigs.
475
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:07,000
I have a question - who
exactly would we be burying?
476
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,399
You seem... anxious.
477
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,200
Oh, do I, now?
478
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:23,039
I really hope you put those
479
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,679
marvellous powers of
perception to use in court.
480
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:27,439
Don't you, Smiler?
481
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,119
Of course I'm anxious!
482
00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:30,839
I'm on trial in three days
483
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:33,439
and the prosecution's key
witness is still breathing!
484
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:36,399
What happened, Smiler? I
told you to deal with it.
485
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,239
They got him stashed somewhere.
486
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,199
I'm trying to
triangulate that shit.
487
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:44,480
As your lawyer, I must advise
against triangulating any shit.
488
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:49,759
And what's your plan,
489
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,999
aside from shafting me
for 500 quid an hour?
490
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,399
As we agreed, I discredit
him in the witness box,
491
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:58,519
along with the
entire police case.
492
00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:00,799
And the girl, Smiler?
Did you find her?
493
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,279
She's been bouncing around, but
I've a lead she's in London.
494
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:04,959
What do you want me to do?
495
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,119
As your lawyer, once again,
496
00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:09,720
I must advise against violence.
497
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,959
I was framed
498
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:16,520
by a small-time dealer
and a schoolgirl!
499
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:18,920
HE SIGHS
500
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,159
Either their heads
roll or mine will.
501
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:25,599
If the bodies start piling up,
every finger points at you.
502
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:28,919
Do what you have to do,
but after the trial.
503
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:33,599
After the trial, Mr Lawyer,
I'll be in fucking prison!
504
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:35,999
You're not going to prison.
505
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,680
That's why you pay
me 500 quid an hour.
506
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,159
What do you want me to do, boss?
507
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,920
I want you to triangulate
shit. That's what I want!
508
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,959
I want to know the whereabouts
of Christian Taylor
509
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,400
and Rani Rekowski.
510
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:04,399
DS Selforth. You know
Rhona Weaver from the CPS?
511
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:06,519
She's leading the team
prosecuting The Dean.
512
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:07,999
Go ahead.
513
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,719
From the requests
I've been getting,
514
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,279
I'm certain The Dean's defence
will be that he was fitted up.
515
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:14,879
For God's sake. By who?
516
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:16,639
Lucy Haines.
517
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:18,999
The three Ps of police work
518
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:20,559
are persistence,
519
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:22,439
persistence and...
520
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:23,479
..persistence.
521
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,719
SHE LAUGHS
522
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:26,799
That's brilliant!
523
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:29,359
It's an old joke, but it's true.
524
00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:32,199
Now, we arrested this
man thanks to persistence
525
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,599
and the Regulation of
Investigatory Powers Act,
526
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:36,159
which means...?
527
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:37,519
Diane?
528
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:39,239
You spied on him.
529
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:40,319
We call it surveillance.
530
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:41,999
No, yeah, I know that.
531
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:43,920
I was just dumbing
it down for this lot.
532
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:49,359
Over 18 months, email
intercepts, undercover operatives
533
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:53,119
and bugs planted in his warehouse
helped us build a watertight case.
534
00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:56,400
Now, who else do we target
using RIPA legislation?
535
00:26:58,120 --> 00:26:59,600
Anyone other than Diane?
536
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:04,639
Sophie, we haven't
heard from you today.
537
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,279
She don't know.
538
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:08,999
Anyone at all?
DIANE CLICKS FINGERS
539
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:10,759
Come on, guys, we
covered this last week.
540
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:12,120
Charles in the back?
541
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,399
I guess Diane, then.
Who does RIPA target?
542
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:18,200
Fraudsters. Terrorists. Paedos.
543
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:20,719
Correct.
544
00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:21,760
Have it!
545
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:24,519
RHONA: Do you trust her?
546
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,039
It's an office joke
how straight Lucy is.
547
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,559
She made us show a receipt
for her birthday cake.
548
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:30,039
And the candles.
549
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:32,479
Be that as it may, our end
has to appear Daz white,
550
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,999
which is why I'm bringing in
the Counter Corruption Unit.
551
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,319
Oh, can't we keep this in-house?
552
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:38,559
It won't look good
enough to a jury.
553
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,480
Rhona, personal favour...
554
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:42,799
..just give us a few days,
555
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:45,480
just so we can see what's
going on here ourselves.
556
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:49,040
48 hours.
557
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:54,759
Sergeant Haines, with the exam
fast approaching, can I ask,
558
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:56,279
will there be anything
on those lights
559
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:57,999
that show up
fingerprints and jizz?
560
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,240
I can't tell you that.
Can you give me a clue?
561
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:02,679
No, you can't give me a clue,
562
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:06,479
or you just gave me one but it
was too subtle for me to notice?
563
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:08,399
If I want to be a
police detective,
564
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,519
I need to be able to
spot my own clues!
565
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:11,959
Roger that, ma'am.
566
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:15,119
So, wondered if you fancied
going for a drink with me?
567
00:28:15,120 --> 00:28:16,639
Obviously not in a lesbian way.
568
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:18,919
I'm a demon for the
cock, as you know.
569
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:20,639
I have to get back
to the office.
570
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:22,239
You going to crack
open a bottle of whisky
571
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:24,159
and open up some cold
cases? I don't drink.
572
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:26,839
No? I always had you
pegged as a Cagney type.
573
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:30,079
A what? Cagney & Lacey.
Police show from the '80s.
574
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:31,479
Cagney was a big drinker.
575
00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:32,799
Lacey was more about family,
576
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:34,679
but still a bloody
good detective, though.
577
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:36,719
We're a bit like Cagney
and Lacey, aren't we?
578
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:39,239
Both great police, mutual
respect for each other,
579
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:42,039
always bantering back and
forth, usually while walking.
580
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:43,960
Goodnight, Diane. Night, ma'am.
581
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,280
Lucy is not bent.
582
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:50,679
You stood right there
583
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:53,399
while she said she wouldn't
apologise for being ambitious,
584
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:56,039
that if she collared The Dean,
then we'd all take a bow.
585
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:58,479
She had motive and opportunity.
586
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:01,319
Motive, maybe, but she
never had opportunity.
587
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,439
I was with her the
entire time, sir.
588
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:05,159
She never had a chance
to plant a thing.
589
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:06,399
I respect your loyalty.
590
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:10,319
But I need you to double-check
that Lucy is above board.
591
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:12,879
I'm not policing
my partner, sir.
592
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:15,999
It's either that, or
Counter Corruption march in,
593
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,279
and even when Lucy's
found to be clean,
594
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,799
she has a stink on her for
the rest of her career.
595
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,399
I'm asking you to
do her a favour.
596
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:24,639
Is that an order?
597
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:26,240
If it makes you feel better.
598
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:31,160
HE SIGHS
599
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:34,439
You're a smart
young woman, Rani.
600
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:36,279
So, I take it you realise
601
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:38,840
you and your friends
are in a lot of trouble.
602
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:45,999
The Met have been after
a London drug dealer
603
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:47,839
known as The Dean for years,
604
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:50,519
but could never pin anything on
him, yet I've just arrested him
605
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:52,319
with ten kilos of
cocaine in his boot.
606
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:53,959
How did I do that?
607
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:57,679
Knowing you, ma'am, it was by
doing some bloody good police work.
608
00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:00,239
Did you stop pulling over black men
and start pulling over criminals?
609
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:02,079
Still using cassette tapes?
610
00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:03,679
Where do you even buy them now?
611
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:05,639
I'd like my one
phone call, please.
612
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:09,240
And it will be to a sex line,
so I'll be needing some privacy.
613
00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:16,959
You're saying, under caution,
that you've had no dealings
614
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:18,839
with a drug dealer
known as The Dean?
615
00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:21,359
I'm saying that
if I were a clever
616
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:24,479
and ambitious policewoman who'd
just caught a major criminal
617
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:26,879
that the Met Police have
been chasing for years...
618
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:29,399
..I wouldn't question
how it happened.
619
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:30,680
I'd take the win.
620
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:38,160
I wouldn't question
how it happened.
621
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:41,279
I'd take the win. DOOR OPENS
622
00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:43,599
Burning the midnight oil?
623
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,599
Somebody's looking for a raise!
624
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:46,999
What are you listening to?
625
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:50,799
Just checking a few
things before we testify.
626
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:52,000
Anything I can help with?
627
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,279
All set. Thanks.
628
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:58,799
So, how was tonight's lecture?
629
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:00,079
Instructive.
630
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,559
You should come sometime.
You might learn something.
631
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:03,960
THEY CHUCKLE
632
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:07,000
DOOR OPENS
633
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:10,200
DOOR CLOSES
634
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:21,040
DRAWER LOCK CLINKS
635
00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:58,720
KEYPAD BEEPS
636
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:04,760
RINGING TONE
637
00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:09,159
VOICEMAIL: Yo, you're
calling Christian Taylor
638
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:11,639
but I can't chat, so leave
your deets and I'll holla back.
639
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:12,920
PHONE BEEP
640
00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:28,239
Thanks, love.
641
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:29,800
PHONE BUZZES
642
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:33,959
Hello?
643
00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:35,240
Is this Rani?
644
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:37,800
PHONE BEEPS
645
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:42,360
Shit...
646
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:51,159
Stride in... to out, yeah?
647
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:52,839
In to out. Kind of
push through it.
648
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:55,039
Push through what? What
am I pushing through?
649
00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:57,640
Push your stride! THEY LAUGH
650
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:00,999
Do you know what? I
think I need a break.
651
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,200
That's probably a
good idea. SHE LAUGHS
652
00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:06,800
You did good, though. No.
653
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:09,919
I must've looked
like such an idiot.
654
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:11,919
Nah, you...
655
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:13,919
You look cute. Mm.
656
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:16,559
I'd rather look... tough.
657
00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:20,199
Don't think you can look
tough on roller skates. Mm.
658
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:22,480
It's like being a
gangster florist.
659
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:27,719
You know you've a better chance of
impressing me with your cooking?
660
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:31,079
How's about I... cook
you breakfast sometime?
661
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:32,839
That's very forward.
662
00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:35,399
I mean, you could come over
663
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:38,119
at breakfast time sometime.
664
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:39,359
Mm-hm.
665
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:40,839
HE CHUCKLES
666
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:42,079
Do you know what?
667
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,439
On that note, I'm...
I'm going to go.
668
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:46,239
I'm going to practise.
You got this.
669
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:47,519
Yeah? Yeah.
670
00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:48,999
Was that a push
through? In to out.
671
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,479
In to out. In to out.
672
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:52,679
In to out.
673
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:55,199
Here we go. All
right, I'm doing it!
674
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,040
PHONE RINGS AND BUZZES
675
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:08,319
Ben's phone.
676
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:09,400
RANI: Who is this?
677
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,199
Tori. Who's this?
678
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:13,839
Is Ben there?
679
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:15,519
Er, he'll be back in a minute.
680
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:16,919
I don't have a minute.
681
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:18,759
Can I take a message?
682
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:19,919
Tell him Rani called.
683
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:22,959
I have to deal with a loose
end and I need to speak to him.
684
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:24,280
PHONE BEEPS
685
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:30,200
FUNKY MUSIC
686
00:34:57,800 --> 00:34:59,520
MYRNA PANTS GENTLY
687
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:11,760
Are you OK? Yeah.
688
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:15,320
Shock to the system, that's all.
689
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:17,880
A good shock?
690
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:21,240
Happy tears.
691
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:27,120
Don't do the menopause,
that's all, Sean.
692
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:30,560
I promise nothing. HE CHUCKLES
693
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:36,400
THEY CHUCKLE
694
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:43,639
So, you going to come round
for breakfast sometime?
695
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:44,880
Yeah, I will.
696
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:48,119
Any allergies? Ibuprofen.
697
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:52,240
Well, I promise not to season
our omelettes with Nurofen.
698
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:54,880
Much appreciated.
699
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:56,960
Goodnight.
700
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:00,799
For you. I thank you.
701
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:02,559
Hmm. We'll get you there.
702
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:04,440
Hmm. One day. SHE CHUCKLES
703
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:08,640
I'm sorry, I...
704
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:13,559
I forgot. Um, your phone rang...
705
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:14,800
..and I answered.
706
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:17,719
It was someone called Rani.
707
00:36:17,720 --> 00:36:19,359
What did she want?
708
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:22,479
Something about dealing
with a loose end.
709
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,080
She said she needed
to speak to you.
710
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:27,640
Rani's my ex.
711
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:30,959
And I don't need
to speak to her.
712
00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:32,120
Not ever.
713
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:50,880
What was that for?
714
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,120
Being so honest.
715
00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:57,839
Do you...
716
00:36:57,840 --> 00:36:59,360
..want to come in?
717
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:03,759
Yeah. Yeah?
718
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:05,280
Yeah. Yeah, I do!
719
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:15,240
Who's Tori?
720
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:20,199
What? I called you last night and
someone called Tori picked up.
721
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,599
She's a girl that I'm seeing.
722
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:23,759
For how long?
723
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:25,719
That's none of your
business. How did you meet?
724
00:37:25,720 --> 00:37:27,879
She works at a hotel across
the road from my cafe.
725
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:30,039
Oh, right. OK. SHE SCOFFS
726
00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:33,039
What? No, go on! Did she
pass on my message? Yeah.
727
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:34,839
So why didn't you reply to me?!
728
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:37,199
Because I haven't heard from
you for the past six months!
729
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:38,999
What was I supposed to do? Hmm?
730
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:40,599
Just drop everything
because you ring?
731
00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:43,439
You left him on a train and broke
his heart! He was humiliated.
732
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:45,079
Exactly! Yeah.
733
00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:47,079
Wait, what? Huh?
734
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:49,039
How do you... know?
735
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:51,199
Myrna told me. What...?
736
00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:53,319
Myrna, how do you...?
I heard it from John.
737
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:54,519
How do you know, John?
738
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:55,959
It's common knowledge, isn't it?
739
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:57,879
No, It's not. I haven't
told anyone. Have you?
740
00:37:57,880 --> 00:38:01,119
No. I heard the driver
felt so sorry for you,
741
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:03,319
he let you have a go on
the horn. That's not true.
742
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:05,319
I heard a little girl gave
you her comfort blanket.
743
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:06,639
Well, that never happened.
744
00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:07,999
I heard you were so fragile,
745
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:10,399
an old lady had to
help YOU off the train.
746
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,079
That never happened! OK?
747
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:15,319
Look, can we just focus on the
real issue here, which is...
748
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:17,719
..what happened to
him last night?!
749
00:38:17,720 --> 00:38:20,319
After I left Ben on the train,
750
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:22,559
I stole a car.
751
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:24,279
You stole a car?
752
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:26,719
I drove it to London, dumped it.
753
00:38:26,720 --> 00:38:29,439
And with my cut of the
money, I moved into a hotel.
754
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:32,679
I spent my time shopping,
I got some tatts.
755
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:34,520
You said you were
scared of needles.
756
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:38,839
I hit up some art galleries,
went to some gigs.
757
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:41,599
Oh, did you see the
virtual reality ABBA show?
758
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,199
No. Oh, I think you
missed out there.
759
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,159
I hear it's like they're
in the room! Greg!
760
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:47,879
Not appropriate.
761
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:49,359
I was just living my best life.
762
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:52,879
And last night, I met this
guy and brought him back
763
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:54,160
to my hotel room...
764
00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:56,520
HE EXHALES DEEPLY
765
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:00,559
BEN: Wait, wait...
766
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:03,639
You brought a guy
that you just met
767
00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:05,840
back to your hotel?
Yeah. He was hot.
768
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:10,679
Oh, shit.
769
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:13,159
Can you jump to the nitty-gritty?
I think she already did.
770
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:16,040
LIGHT MOANING The
nitty-gritty of this!
771
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:19,839
Me and this guy worked
up quite a thirst,
772
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:22,959
so I'm getting us a drink when
there's a knock at the door.
773
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:24,520
KNOCK ON DOOR
774
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:28,360
DOOR LOCK RATTLES
775
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:33,119
Sh-sh-sh!
776
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:34,919
Sh. Sh-sh-sh.
777
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:38,519
Smiler says, "I know
how you did it."
778
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:39,719
What? Did what?
779
00:39:39,720 --> 00:39:41,800
"How you and your
mates framed The Dean."
780
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:48,159
He tells me to meet him later
that night, gives me an address.
781
00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:50,919
And I go there early
and watch him go inside.
782
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:52,040
VEHICLE APPROACHES
783
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:58,400
I follow him in and find
him just lying on the floor.
784
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:02,639
I'm checking to see
if he's conscious...
785
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:04,999
..and someone attacks
me from behind.
786
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:06,680
YELLING
787
00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:14,999
And at some point, the attacker
stabs Smiler with my knife.
788
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,120
SLICING, GROANING
789
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:25,359
Wait, wait, wait,
wait! Your knife?
790
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:27,479
Yeah, a steak knife, I
brought it from the hotel.
791
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:28,959
To a meeting?
792
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:32,359
Oh, yeah, I never leave for a
meeting without keys, phone,
793
00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:33,519
murder weapon!
794
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,119
It was for self-defence!
795
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:36,959
I didn't know what
he was planning.
796
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:40,719
OK, so, this mystery man
stabs Smiler. Then what?
797
00:40:40,720 --> 00:40:42,119
Then I knock him out.
798
00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:43,480
SHE YELLS
799
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:48,479
And I'm on my way out
when Smiler calls out.
800
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:51,239
He's weak and he's wounded,
but he manages to say...
801
00:40:51,240 --> 00:40:52,840
Help me!
802
00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:00,559
I get him into his
car, and he's just...
803
00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:02,439
..bleeding out in the back.
804
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:04,079
Like Tim Roth in Reservoir Dogs?
805
00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:05,319
What's that?
806
00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:08,279
You've never seen Reservoir
Dogs and you missed ABBA Voyage?
807
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:10,640
How are you living
your best life? Greg!
808
00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:15,319
Smiler is directing me to this
backstreet doctor he knows.
809
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:17,919
Which way? Keep
going straight. OK.
810
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:19,839
Oh, man!
811
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:21,360
And I'm just driving
like a maniac.
812
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:23,480
Where am I going?
813
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:25,560
And then I look back...
814
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:28,400
..and he is gone.
815
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:42,239
DOOR RATTLES Oh!
816
00:41:42,240 --> 00:41:43,359
DIANE: Why's this door locked?
817
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:44,959
BANGING ON DOOR
818
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:46,320
Open this door!
819
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:52,840
WHISTLING
820
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:56,640
What's going on?
821
00:41:57,680 --> 00:41:59,319
What's going on in here?
822
00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:00,520
Yeah.
823
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:07,039
We're just consolidating
the... chicken feed.
824
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:08,800
But why is the door locked?
825
00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:15,720
Cos pigs... they come
in and... eat it.
826
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:24,400
I've said it before
and I'll say it again.
827
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:28,000
I see...
828
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:30,320
..everything.
829
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:33,039
All right?
830
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:35,479
So, less skiving in a shed,
831
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:37,400
more manure being spread.
832
00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:40,000
Understand?
833
00:42:41,720 --> 00:42:43,240
Good.
834
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:48,080
And get that hay put away.
835
00:42:57,120 --> 00:42:58,400
MYRNA GASPS
836
00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:16,519
Why did Rani have to
bring the body here?
837
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:17,679
We were in the clear.
838
00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:19,399
Now we're in
Weekend At Bernie's!
839
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:20,799
What do you lot
think of her story?
840
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:24,239
It's about as convincing
as a Melania Trump orgasm.
841
00:43:24,240 --> 00:43:26,159
You think she's capable
of making all that up?
842
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,599
I think she is
capable of anything.
843
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:30,439
But why would she kill Smiler?
844
00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:31,959
When she called me last night,
845
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:34,439
she said she was "dealing
with a loose end".
846
00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:36,679
She killed Smiler because
he knows what we did.
847
00:43:36,680 --> 00:43:40,439
So, what are we saying? That... that
Smiler's death was premeditated?
848
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:42,759
That Rani's a stone-cold
psychopath now?
849
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:44,039
Maybe she always was.
850
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:45,799
What do you mean?
851
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:47,159
One minute she's a shoplifter,
852
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:48,879
next minute she's
running a drug empire.
853
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:50,919
She threatened
people with violence,
854
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:53,839
she walked out on her family,
she walked out on you.
855
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:56,479
To me, that is pretty
cold behaviour.
856
00:43:56,480 --> 00:43:58,479
You know how you can tell
if someone's a psychopath?
857
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:01,319
If everybody yawns, but one
person doesn't, that indicates
858
00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:03,759
a lack of empathy, which is
the mark of a psychopath.
859
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:05,640
Who told you that? Idris Elba.
860
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:08,239
In an episode of
his hit show Luther.
861
00:44:08,240 --> 00:44:10,919
We're not mates. I wish.
862
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:13,559
We need to get that
body back in that car.
863
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:15,359
No, we just moved
it from the car!
864
00:44:15,360 --> 00:44:18,559
Why did we do that?
Because Rani told us to.
865
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:20,279
Yes, but why? Why?
866
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:21,879
She knows we can't keep it here.
867
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:23,919
She's trying to incriminate us.
868
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:26,760
She wants our DNA all over the
body so we won't go to the police.
869
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:35,000
Come on. Come on.
870
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:38,199
Do you know what the
three Ps of policing are?
871
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,199
I feel like I do, yes.
Yeah? What are they?
872
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:41,399
Police station. No.
873
00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:42,439
Police dogs. No.
874
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:43,879
Police car. No.
875
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:46,079
Persistence,
persistence, persistence.
876
00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:49,039
That is genius! Did you
make that up? Definitely.
877
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:50,319
You should write a book.
878
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:52,399
Yeah, already have.
Self-published.
879
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:55,639
It's about how I changed my life
around from bad girl to badass.
880
00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:58,119
What's the title? My Struggle.
881
00:44:58,120 --> 00:44:59,839
Isn't that what
'Mein Kampf' means?
882
00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:03,079
Yeah, but I don't speak German,
so how was I supposed to know?
883
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:05,520
Diane! Oh, DS Selforth.
884
00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:08,039
You've met my new gay
underling, Stanley?
885
00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:10,439
Stanley, Detective
Sergeant Selforth. Hi.
886
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:13,800
You're the first policeman I've
met who's not a stripper. Ooh!
887
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:17,519
Diane, I need to ask
you a few questions.
888
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:19,320
Absolutely, sir.
Just go that way.
889
00:45:21,240 --> 00:45:24,479
DS Selforth works with my best
friend, Sergeant Lucy Haines.
890
00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:26,399
She and I are a bit
like Cagney and Lacey.
891
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:28,439
He's more like the original
Cagney that was fired
892
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:32,119
after season one. You know, solid,
just not the same chemistry.
893
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:33,599
Who are Cagney and Lacey?
894
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:34,759
SHE SCOFFS
895
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:36,760
I've got so much to teach you.
896
00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:40,440
GRUNTING
897
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:43,200
LOUD THUD
898
00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:50,000
What are you doing?
899
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:53,359
We're putting the
body back to the car.
900
00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:57,279
No. No, no, no, no. I told
you, you can't. The car is hot.
901
00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:59,160
Well, he can't stay here!
902
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:05,599
DIANE: Having discovered
the plastic egg, I suspected
903
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:08,119
that illicit drug
activities were happening
904
00:46:08,120 --> 00:46:09,519
at the community centre.
905
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:13,359
Sergeant Haines concurred with
my findings and deputised me,
906
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:15,519
so that I was her eyes and ears.
907
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:17,079
She didn't have that authority.
908
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:20,839
Oh, well, it was an
unauthorised deputization.
909
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:23,239
But it still counts. Slay.
910
00:46:23,240 --> 00:46:24,999
During the day of
the grand opening,
911
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:27,199
was there any point when your
offenders went unsupervised?
912
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:28,439
No, sir.
913
00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:30,319
All day I was like a hawk...
914
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:33,959
..crossed with an owl, cos my
head was turning 360 degrees.
915
00:46:33,960 --> 00:46:37,879
It's actually a misconception that
owls' heads can turn 360 degrees.
916
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:39,599
Who are you? David Attenborough?
917
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:41,479
You told Sergeant
Haines that you never
918
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:43,119
let the offenders
out of your sight.
919
00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:46,359
No, sir. An ant did not wipe
its arse without me knowing.
920
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:47,599
Brilliant!
921
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:50,359
You never took, say,
a bathroom break?
922
00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:51,679
Who told you that?
923
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:53,240
Told me what?
924
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:55,799
Never mind.
925
00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:59,360
Diane, it's imperative that
you're totally frank with me.
926
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:01,999
Fine.
927
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:04,279
I was approached by
one of the offenders,
928
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:06,679
Lady Gabriella
Penrose-Howe, and she...
929
00:47:06,680 --> 00:47:08,279
You supervised Lady Gabby?
930
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:10,519
Oh, my God, I love her TikTok!
931
00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:14,079
I mean, her tips on anal
bleaching literally saved my life.
932
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:17,560
DIANE: Yeah. She and
me are like that. Oh!
933
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:20,920
But I do not fraternise
with criminals.
934
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:23,439
Although we are close. Ah.
935
00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:25,639
Mm. Just so I can
keep an eye on her.
936
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:26,719
The bathroom break?
937
00:47:26,720 --> 00:47:29,959
Yeah. So, Lady Gabby
approached me and informed me
938
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:33,639
that a temporary lavatory
had been desecrated by vomit.
939
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:38,079
Er, but I soon discovered
that it was, in fact, soup,
940
00:47:38,080 --> 00:47:42,359
whereupon a malfunctioning
door lock detained me inside...
941
00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:43,519
..briefly.
942
00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:45,319
You got trapped in a Portaloo?
943
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:46,719
Briefly.
944
00:47:46,720 --> 00:47:49,039
After leaving the Portaloo,
945
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:51,040
I assume you did a head count?
946
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,279
Er... no. No?
947
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:56,119
Look, have you ever tried
maintaining law and order
948
00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:58,039
with minestrone sloshing
round your gusset?
949
00:47:58,040 --> 00:48:00,479
Hmm? No, I have not.
950
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:01,879
Yeah. It ain't pretty.
951
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:03,519
I need to speak
to your offenders.
952
00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:04,759
I need to speak
to the offenders.
953
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:07,039
Er, is... is 'gusset'
one S, two Ts?
954
00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:08,640
Don't put that down!
955
00:48:18,760 --> 00:48:20,560
STRAINING
956
00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:27,919
GATE SQUEAKS
957
00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:29,879
Hey, guys! Oh, Gabby!
958
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:31,079
Oh, Jesus Christ.
959
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:33,439
Gather, gather, gather.
960
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:35,439
Gabby, what... what the
fuck are you doing here?
961
00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:38,959
Well, I need some advice
from my very dear friends.
962
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:41,919
Now, I had this message
from a fan on Instagram.
963
00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:44,279
She's a medical student
and she'd seen my post,
964
00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:46,919
about, you know, the polyps I
had removed from my womb. Huh...
965
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:49,919
She said it's quite likely
that the polyps will return,
966
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:51,839
so I went to the
doctor this morning,
967
00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:54,439
and it turns out there's
only a really small window
968
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:58,159
in which my uterus can grow
a foetus. Like, eight weeks.
969
00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:01,399
Now, my doctor didn't tell
me this. So, what do I do?
970
00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:02,959
What are you asking us, Gabby?
971
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:05,479
Well... Oi! Why are you here?
972
00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:07,759
Diane! Oh, shit,
they're onto us.
973
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:09,639
Oh, my God! I love you!
974
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:10,839
Oh, that's so sweet!
975
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:12,239
I can't believe
that you're here!
976
00:49:12,240 --> 00:49:14,639
I mean, this is more exciting
than when I saw Keira Knightley
977
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:16,319
in a Timpson's
getting a key cut.
978
00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:19,599
Can I get a selfie? Er, no,
Stanley. Not appropriate.
979
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:21,079
You've already finished
your hours. Go!
980
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:22,439
OK. I need to talk to her.
981
00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:24,080
Er, stay! All right.
982
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:27,799
When was the last time any
of you saw Rani Rekowski?
983
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:30,119
Who? Rani? Wait, what's it?
984
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:32,039
Ask him. He and
Rani lived together.
985
00:49:32,040 --> 00:49:33,879
DS SELFORTH: Have you seen
or spoken to her recently?
986
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:36,159
No, not for the past six months.
987
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:37,559
She dumped him on a train.
988
00:49:37,560 --> 00:49:39,239
Is it true that the
lady with the trolley
989
00:49:39,240 --> 00:49:40,479
gave you a free
can of Boddingtons?
990
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:42,399
No! Oh.
991
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:44,519
It was a hot chocolate
and a flapjack.
992
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:46,799
GABBY: Wait, Rani
dumped you on a train?
993
00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:49,759
Guys, why am I always the
last to hear about everything?
994
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:52,799
MYRNA: Why are you
asking about Rani?
995
00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:55,240
DS SELFORTH: Police business.
It's very important I find her.
996
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:58,079
Gabby! Er...
997
00:49:58,080 --> 00:50:01,759
Um, will you please tell us
about your uterus, please?
998
00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:03,759
Well, I had these
polyps removed...
999
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:04,999
She mentioned this on TikTok!
1000
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:07,599
And, basically, if I
ever want to have a baby,
1001
00:50:07,600 --> 00:50:09,519
then I have to get pregnant
in the next two months.
1002
00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:11,239
Oh, God, I knew those
polyps were trouble!
1003
00:50:11,240 --> 00:50:14,959
I know, right? You know I thought
I'd have more time, to be honest.
1004
00:50:14,960 --> 00:50:18,239
So... what do I do?
Should I have a baby?
1005
00:50:18,240 --> 00:50:20,159
Yes! You think I should?
1006
00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:21,839
Yeah, defo have that baby.
1007
00:50:21,840 --> 00:50:24,119
STAN: I mean, you'd be an
amazing mum, because lately
1008
00:50:24,120 --> 00:50:25,879
you've really turned
an emotional corner.
1009
00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:27,879
Do you think so? Just a bit!
1010
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:29,519
Oh, good, because I wasn't sure.
1011
00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:32,919
Because, you know, I'm
only six months sober,
1012
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:36,999
I'm in a brand-new relationship
and what kind of mother would I be?
1013
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:39,439
You know, my own
mother killed herself.
1014
00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:40,959
Nice!
1015
00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:42,240
What?
1016
00:50:43,760 --> 00:50:45,999
Is any of this useful, sir? No.
1017
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:48,599
You're dismissed.
Oh, but, Diane...
1018
00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:51,119
Do you want five more hours? No.
1019
00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:53,240
Everyone else, back to work.
1020
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:56,480
BEN: Good day, Diane.
1021
00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:00,559
Did you ever witness
any private meetings
1022
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:02,679
between Sergeant Haines
and Rani Rekowski?
1023
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:03,799
Negative, sir.
1024
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:05,959
Sir, what is this
about? Can't say.
1025
00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:08,199
You know I'm a fully qualified
PCSO now. I can help.
1026
00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:10,279
Yes, you can, by notifying me
1027
00:51:10,280 --> 00:51:12,719
if you see or hear
anything suspicious.
1028
00:51:12,720 --> 00:51:14,799
Are you unofficially
deputising me, sir?
1029
00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:16,479
No. Oh, OK.
1030
00:51:16,480 --> 00:51:19,359
I'm happy to surveil the
offenders, un-deputised.
1031
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:20,559
Ta-ra.
1032
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:22,799
Now you'll see how real
police work is done.
1033
00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:25,279
By a real policeman. No, by me!
1034
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:27,199
SHE SNIFFS I can sniff
out crime like...
1035
00:51:27,200 --> 00:51:29,719
Like puke in a Portaloo?
No. A bloodhound.
1036
00:51:29,720 --> 00:51:33,159
Let me tell you, the stench
of crime is in the air,
1037
00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:35,840
and I'm like... A
big Febreze? Yeah!
1038
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:41,239
Hey! Make up your minds! Is
that hay going in or out?
1039
00:51:41,240 --> 00:51:42,919
JOHN: Going in.
GREG: In, I think...
1040
00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:44,959
Oi, go on, then!
1041
00:51:44,960 --> 00:51:47,119
Are you OK? They're
useless, aren't they?
1042
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:48,840
DISTANT STRAINING
1043
00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:54,479
All this moving of bodies...
1044
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:56,719
I'm exhausted! HE YAWNS
1045
00:51:56,720 --> 00:51:59,239
SHE YAWNS Me too.
1046
00:51:59,240 --> 00:52:01,040
HE YAWNS I'm plum tuckered out.
1047
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:03,640
HE YAWNS
1048
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:17,040
Oh, yeah. Your ex is
a total psycho! Mm-hm.
1049
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:22,959
HE GRUNTS
1050
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:24,680
HE GROANS
1051
00:52:29,640 --> 00:52:31,040
HE EXHALES SHARPLY
1052
00:52:52,440 --> 00:52:54,879
You bought a motorbike.
1053
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:56,519
Yeah.
1054
00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:58,320
I don't like trains.
1055
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:02,040
Yeah...
1056
00:53:07,520 --> 00:53:09,000
STRAINING
1057
00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:15,320
Shit.
1058
00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:19,319
SHOVELS STRIKE
1059
00:53:19,320 --> 00:53:20,440
OWL HOOTS
1060
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:23,319
I am blooming as a flower
1061
00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:27,479
and float through stress
like petals in the wind!
1062
00:53:27,480 --> 00:53:30,279
GREG: This ground's rock-solid.
We're never burying him here.
1063
00:53:30,280 --> 00:53:31,879
MYRNA: Have you
got a better idea?
1064
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:33,919
Could we feed him to
some kind of animal?
1065
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:36,679
Oh, yeah, very good. Let's just
take him to the zoo, shall we,
1066
00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:37,959
throw him to the lions?
1067
00:53:37,960 --> 00:53:39,679
I'll bring my kids,
make a day of it.
1068
00:53:39,680 --> 00:53:42,639
I can't believe we are
burying a body for a murderer!
1069
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:45,839
I can. Rani was right.
We're all involved.
1070
00:53:45,840 --> 00:53:47,399
Yeah, if the police
find this body,
1071
00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:48,759
they'll dig up
everything we've done.
1072
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:51,959
Wait! Aren't we supposed to cut off
the hands and feet or something?
1073
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:53,959
What? No. Do we?
1074
00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:56,399
Hey, Google, how do you
dispose of a corpse?
1075
00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:58,359
Don't say that into
your phone! No.
1076
00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:01,199
Yeah, come on. Let's
just get this hole dug.
1077
00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:02,439
Yeah. Feel free to join in!
1078
00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:05,039
Oh, I can't dig.
I did my back in.
1079
00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:06,359
How?
1080
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:07,880
Sex.
1081
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:11,599
With whom? An old flame.
1082
00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:13,239
Sean.
1083
00:54:13,240 --> 00:54:14,839
Supposed to be our
second date tonight.
1084
00:54:14,840 --> 00:54:16,599
Oh, well, thanks
for cancelling...
1085
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:18,520
..so you could come
down and do sod all.
1086
00:54:20,160 --> 00:54:21,840
Speaking of relationships...
1087
00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:25,839
..I ran into your wife in a pub.
1088
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:27,679
I do let her out
from time to time.
1089
00:54:27,680 --> 00:54:29,719
Yeah, but she said
something really strange.
1090
00:54:29,720 --> 00:54:33,160
She said, "Tell John
I hope he's well."
1091
00:54:34,720 --> 00:54:36,959
Yeah, she can be
quite formal, Ruth.
1092
00:54:36,960 --> 00:54:39,839
Everything all right?
Everything's great.
1093
00:54:39,840 --> 00:54:41,999
Are you sure? Never surer.
1094
00:54:42,000 --> 00:54:45,279
Hi, love. I haven't spoken
to you since lunchtime.
1095
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:47,599
Just wondering what
you had for din-dins.
1096
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:48,919
HE CHUCKLES
1097
00:54:48,920 --> 00:54:50,640
Oh, all right. Call me back.
1098
00:54:51,920 --> 00:54:53,240
It's your boyfriend.
1099
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:55,400
Greg.
1100
00:54:56,680 --> 00:54:57,840
Dillard.
1101
00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:01,440
PHONE BEEPS
1102
00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:05,079
What? I'm sorry, mate.
1103
00:55:05,080 --> 00:55:07,480
My grave digging
interrupting your love life?
1104
00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:10,360
OWL HOOTS
1105
00:55:11,480 --> 00:55:13,000
STRAINING
1106
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:18,759
So, where are you
going to go after this?
1107
00:55:18,760 --> 00:55:19,840
Back to your mum and dad's?
1108
00:55:21,160 --> 00:55:23,759
No, I'm not going to drag
them into this again.
1109
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:25,999
No? OK. Er...
1110
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:27,359
..hotel?
1111
00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:29,719
No. I can't have my credit
card showing up anywhere.
1112
00:55:29,720 --> 00:55:31,760
All right. So... so, where?
1113
00:55:36,080 --> 00:55:38,719
No. No. Oh, come on, please?
1114
00:55:38,720 --> 00:55:39,799
No, Rani, no!
1115
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:42,560
Just till I know no-one's
looking for me. Please!
1116
00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:50,079
Fine.
1117
00:55:50,080 --> 00:55:52,240
I don't deserve you!
1118
00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:57,000
THEY GRUNT
1119
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:13,360
BUBBLING
1120
00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:18,200
RAPID BUBBLING
81339
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