All language subtitles for The.Kardashians.S05E03.1080p.WEB.H264-SuccessfulCrab

Previously on The
Kardashians...

It's exhausting being
better than everyone.

We're gonna celebrate!

I am in my actress era.

We're gonna watch
The Golden Bachelor.

- You're finally on my Bachelor bandwagon?
- Mom, shut up!

I've been on The Bachelor
with you for years.

- How are you feeling about leaving?
- Bittersweet, it's a lot.

Go fly, little bird.

They just don't leave.

Look at the Eiffel Tower!

I think Khloé would be happier
if she wasn't so, like, rigid.

Okay, I gotta get ready
for school pickup.

We wish you were here.

"Do you think Kim would
wanna do her own show?"

, what did I get myself into?

♪ Come on, come on, let's go ♪

♪ It's what you waitin' for ♪

♪ Check this ♪

Mother? Dónde, dónde está?

It is birthday season.

I came here to talk
about Kim's birthday.

I don't love being
the birthday planner,

but I'm a control freak
'cause I know it will get done

the way Kim wants it done.

How do you do this? But I
don't know how to work this.

That thing was so
strong and fabulous,

but my legs were
getting squished.

What? Why?

I think I have a
circulation problem

and I really have ringing
in my ears, constantly.

I absolutely love my mom,

but I feel like every other
day, every other week,

I'm getting a text or
a phone call of her

just complaining
about another ailment

that's on the rise.

I think I'm probably
losing my hearing.

Mom, stop it.

It's very monotone and
it's very consistent

and it never changes.

Noice.

It is a noise.

- Noice.
- Oh, noice.

And with the amount of yachts
my mom has traveled on,

maybe she has some
water stuck in her ear.

But I have a ringing
in my ears 24/7.

Do you know that th-there is, like,
a background hum in this room?

Well, mine goes with me
everywhere, in any room.

That frequency, it's like a...

and it doesn't stop.

What does that mean? Is
it always gonna be there?

Is there a solution?
Is there a cure?

I mean, there's all these
unanswered questions.

Does it get louder? Do
you lose your hearing?

I'm hoping that Corey will
be just as attracted to me

when I have a hearing aid

and I don't even have
any hair to cover it.

Mom, well, you don't
need a hearing aid.

MJ doesn't have a hearing aid.

- Mm-hmm.
- Your mother, knockin' on 90,

doesn't have a hearing
aid, and she's as, like...

What? "Smart as a whip,"
or what is the expression?

Bright as a tack.

What? Why is a tack bright?

I don't know.

That's not the expression.

- Bright as a t...
- Bright as a tack.

- Sharp...
- Sharp as a tack.

- Yeah, I was gonna say, "What?"
- She is sharp as a tack.

- Bright as a tack?
- Bright as a light, sharp as a tack.

- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.

My mom is the queen
of up phrases.

And not in a good way,
not like, " it up!"

Like, she's them up.

You can lead a horse to water.

Do you hear that buzzing?

This?

- Oh, right.
- Wow, you got this. I believe in you.

Okay.

"Eighty-five thousand people got rid
of this infuriating ringing noise...

- Yello!
- And reclaimed their hearing."

- I said hello!
- Hello!

- Hi.
- So, what's up, ladies?

Mazel.

- "A dangerous activity..."
- How is it in there?

- Fine, you gotta try this out.
- "...happening inside a tiny part

- "of my brain."
- But take your shoes off.

- You'll love the foot action.
- Hello?

"If untreated, dementia,
Alzheimer's, or Parkinson's could be

- "in my future."
- What did you say?

- I can't hear.
- Let me tell you somethin'.

You're lookin' young.

- Really?
- Yeah, she is.

The way you're hangin',
who taught you to do that?

Is that outta, like,
the cool, young book?

I can't hear.

- Huh?!
- Oh!

- Your ears are fine.
- Mom. We'll fix it.

Oh, God.

Scott, but we're gonna
stop losing weight, right?

- You look amazing, but, like...
- Maybe, like, three more pounds?

Three? Oof.

But, I mean, honestly, I had
no idea how horrible it was.

What I was doing at night.
Eating those little bread things.

- What are they?
- Bread things?

Kylie loves them too. She
always keeps them in the car.

- Oh, the Hawaiian rolls.
- Yeah, the Hawaiian rolls.

- The Hawaiian rolls?
- Scott. Are you crazy?

I was pounding a whole
box of 'em a night.

- Scott!
- Are you serious?

I loved them, but I didn't
realize what I was doing.

And then I also didn't know the
whole thing about ginger ale

- being the same as a soda.
- What?

I know, it just seemed like
it was a soothing drink.

So, every night you would
have a ginger ale...

- No! All day...
- Oh.

- I would drink gingers.
- Ay.

- For your organs.
- I was goin' through 20 gingers a day.

- What?
- Yeah.

- Wow.
- Oh, God.

I don't know what's
happening here.

Let's go, Scott.

How do I get down? Khlo?

- Mother?
- Yes, ma'am!

We still need to talk
about Kim's birthday.

- Yeah, um...
- I'm with ya.

So, it's about that time,
that it's birthday season...

- For the next two months.
- It's great.

So, Kim's is coming up,
then it's Halloween,

then it's Kendall's,
then it's Kris's.

That's a lotta work for you.

I'm a control freak.

- You're everything, Khlo.
- Thank you.

- You're a control freak and beautiful.
- Thank you.

I, 100%, am a control freak,

and I find that to be
a beautiful compliment,

so thank you very much.

So, I sent everyone
the RSVP email.

So, what do you got?
You got her lifers.

- Lifers. The Milan chat.
- Same.

- All the people who went to Milan with us.
- Milano.

- All the siblings, all the girls.
- Cute.

Okay, as great as this
has been, I have to go.

I have the kids' first
hip-hop dance class.

You're goin' to
dance class today?

Oh, and you're
going Saturday too?

- That's ballet.
- Oh.

This is hip-hop.

Well, it was lovely seeing both of
you young girls; you look great.

Look at Kendall's Tommy
Hilfiger campaign.

She's shooting right
now in her backyard.

Isn't that cute?

- How cute is she?
- That is so cute.

She is quite spectacular.

- Huh?
- Anyways.

I can't hear. What?

Shoot, it's too late
for me to get breakfast.

It's my birthday week,

and on top of everything
that I have going on,

I've been called to do jury duty
and I can't get outta this one.

I wonder what kind of,
like, O.J. thing I can say.

I feel like there's some
kind of O.J. connection

that'll get me out of jury duty.

Just kidding.

But I think it's fascinating, the process,
and I think it's a duty that we owe.

I respect that, but it would be
really hard for me to convict someone

knowing the conditions
that they were going in to.

Because I don't think
that prisons are set up

to be really
rehabilitation centers.

I would wanna serve, but
it would be hard for me

to make that decision.

I told my kids I'd
go to jail if I...

if I was late, so
I had to hurry.

Also, just, I don't
have time for this.

I am a single mom of
four, and it is wild.

Right when I think I have two
minutes just to wash my hair,

"Mom! ." And they open
the door to the shower.

I almost feel like my
kids have this radar

where they know that I'm doing
something really important.

Yeah?

And then... Don't
fall, please, come on.

You're giving me a heart attack.

Don't mind my injured kid

crying in pain.

This is what they do to me.

Thought I was gonna end up on
an episode of Snapped yesterday.

I don't know why I don't have
it in me to be super strict.

Neither one of my
parents were strict.

Khloé is a lot better
at being stricter.

I wish I was more like that but, ya know,
I'm just one person and it's overwhelming.

Just how do I go
about doing this all?

These people are
gonna judge me...

♪ And it just feels so right ♪

♪ Never was the one to say ♪

- ♪ That I'm fallin' in love ♪
- Mom?

♪ Maybe just for tonight ♪

Coming!

It's me!

- Hi.
- Hi!

- How are you? Mwah!
- You look so pretty.

- Thank you. Hi, Hannah!
- Hello!

So glad you guys are here.

- Big night, big, crazy night.
- So excited.

Kendall is a huge
Golden Bachelor fan.

She's absolutely
obsessed with Gerry.

Gerry!

She is beyond, beyond glued to
the TV every time it comes on.

So, I asked them if they could arrange a
dinner with Gerry, the Golden Bachelor.

By the way, I'm a huge fan too.

Can't be more excited.

Guys, he probably
just got engaged.

- I know, which good for him.
- Right?

- I know.
- I hope he did.

My mom, of course, in
her Kris Jenner ways,

figured it out, pulled some
strings with Disney and Hulu,

and got Gerry to
come over for dinner,

while the season is airing,
which is really special.

I think that this is the
most excited... Yeah.

I've been in a really long time.

- So...
- Have you heard that there's a lookalike?

Oh yeah, you
know, it's like...

Literally, it's you and Dad.

- Are you up to date?
- Yeah.

Do we wanna know
if he ends up...

Like, we don't have to say
who or, like, don't ruin it,

but like, "Are
you with someone?"

I kinda wanna know.

You don't even need to knock.

- Gerry!
- Well?

- Gerry!
- Hello, everyone.

- I'm Kendall.
- Hi!

Kendall, hi. How are you?

- Nice to meet you.
- Oh, my God.

- Nice to meet you, thank you very much.
- Oh, my God!

- Look at you!
- Hi! How are you?

- Oh, my goodness. This is awesome.
- Nice to see you.

Thank you very much.

We are your biggest three
fans in the world...

Well, and my daughters
are your biggest fans.

- Stop.
- Oh, my gosh.

- When I go home...
- Go home? Where's your phone?

Where's your phone?
We need a FaceTime.

- Are they awake?
- Can we FaceTime somebody?

Well, I don't know
how to do that.

Okay, alright.
Where's their number?

- Kendall, do it.
- Mom!

Oh, who's... What's happening?

We don't wanna read, we
don't wanna read his texts.

Okay. We don't? Maybe we do.

Here we go.

Mark my words, by the
end of this dinner,

I will absolutely know
who the winner is.

Mom, should we sit down?

- This is so...
- Yeah, sit down.

- Come sit.
- This is so funny.

Come sit.

I can't even lie. This
feels good right now.

- So...
- So?

So, what's happening? Are
you enjoying your journey?

- I'm havin' a ball.
- Wait, are you at the end, is it done?

- It is.
- Okay, Gerry.

- Um...
- I have a very serious question.

- No, I have a serious... Can I ask first?
- Okay, fine, you go first.

- This is so fun, by the way.
- It's fun for us too.

Um, did you find a match?

Mom, I don't think he...

What color hair does she have?

Have a sip of your martini.

- Not us getting him drunk to find answers.
- Um... Wait, okay, Gerry...

what happened in
your fantasy suites?

I'm very happy about the
overnights because...

- I'm sure you are.
- ...you spend fi...

Yeah, but not for the
reason you're thinking.

It... It's like...

If you spend five weeks
getting to know women,

yet everything you say
and do is recorded.

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay? You're dying to get

to that overnight where you can ask
the questions without an audience.

I have so many questions.

Like, I feel like this is gonna
be really, really hot tea.

Does "you know who" come back?

Are the names on the
back of the rose?

What was your favorite day?

How do you balance falling
in love with multiple women?

The poor guy, we're, like,
literally bombarding him.

Like, if they were saying,
like, "I'm so in love with you,"

did you ever feel
pressure to say it back?

And I'm sorry, but, like, this
is definitely an opportunity

that I need to take to
ask the real questions.

Gerry, how tall were they?

Did you have to cut anyone off?

- Cut anyone off?
- Drink-wise?

- Mm-hmm.
- No. Oh no.

To my knowledge, none of
them were heavy drinkers, no.

So, Susan's not
so much like you?

Not as much as we thought.

I love a good martini.

What's one thing you learned
about yourself from the show?

Oh, that's a good question.

- That I get emotional so easy.
- Mm.

Each rose ceremony
was difficult.

- Yeah.
- Mm.

- It's awful.
- Mm.

It was loss.

See, I love how emotionally
intelligent you are.

I mean, that probably
comes with the age as well,

- but, like, it's so beautiful.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not smart,

- I'm just old.
- But no, you're...

- No, you are smart.
- No, but a lot of...

- Trust me, a lot of us old people...
- I'm sure there's men that, yeah,

don't put that together at ever,

- you know?
- Yeah.

So, um,

do you think you found
your person, Gerry?

And what color
eyes does she have?

Yeah, does she
have nice teeth?

Listen, we're just so happy

- that you're here.
- Well, thanks.

And my prayer for you is that
I hope that you found happiness

and some love in your life.

- Oh, thank you for that.
- Cheers to you, Gerry.

Honestly, cheers,
Gerry, honestly.

It's very interesting to see
that people over the age of 50

actually have a dating life
or want to find love again.

I think that's super sweet and
relatable to somebody my age.

I think it gives women, of a
certain age, a lot of hope.

Uh, I'm... I wanna
watch this episode.

- I'm excited.
- To the theater.

- Well, I'm ready.
- Let's do it!

So, something I've been keeping to
myself and it's been really hard,

I saw things that I
shouldn't have seen.

I know who wins.

I think. I'm assuming because I've seen
some things that I shouldn't have seen.

I saw Gerry's phone.
I know who wins.

Are you sure?

Hannah, she was scrolling
through his phone

and I saw his call log.

So, when my mom, I'm gonna
blame it all on my mom,

when my mom was,
obviously, innocently

trying to help him find out
how to call his daughter,

I saw him call the girl,
like, eight times that day.

This is going to air
after their finale airs.

- Yeah, their finale's, like, next week.
- Do you wanna share with us?

- Who wins?
- Yeah.

Theresa.

I ruined the whole thing.
I didn't even mean to.

I'm kinda glad we know this.

Unless, like, he knows
another woman by this name

and he was calling her all day long,
but I don't think that's the case.

I saw it and I felt like I was
looking through a boyfriend's phone

and I saw things I
shouldn't have seen.

Like, I was... Like,
my heart dropped.

I literally saw her
name and was like.

I had one last question to ask you
that was really important to me.

- Okay.
- Tell me about the hearing aids.

- Hm.
- Because I have been experiencing

- a bit of ringing in my ears.
- Mm-hmm.

- Did you ever hear the ringing?
- Oh, oh, it was bad.

It got slowly but steadily a
little louder, a little worse.

So, when do you know that
you're ready for a hearing aid?

I think when you feel like
you're frustrated enough

that you're missing too much,

- it'll be time to go.
- Oh.

One of the things that
intrigued me about you

was your ability to just
talk about that, which is,

ya know, hard for me to
talk about at my age.

- I feel a little bit vulnerable.
- Everyone is different.

I don't feel self-conscious
about them at all.

I mean, it-it's ear
candy, by the way,

- ya know?
- Oh, I like it.

Mom!

- Let's go watch the show, okay.
- The show.

- Enough about hearing aids.
- Yeah.

- Okay. We're good.
- Yeah, we can't hear it anyway.

- Mom!
- I'm coming! For God's sakes.

I think the message
of The Golden Bachelor

is that everybody loves love.

- This is like fantasy land for me.
- Yeah, everyone get cozy.

Honest to God.

And you never stop looking for
that dream of being in love

and wanting to spend
your life with someone.

This is so exciting;
I'm not gonna lie.

You're tellin' us.

Mom!

Oh, I just started
thinking, like,

do I need stuff
for Palm Springs?

Do I need stuff for...

Yes. My mom would always get
glam before giving birth.

She was... She
wasn't even famous.

Today, I am shooting with
the Morelli Brothers.

My doctors gave me very specific,
strict orders of how to do this shoot.

I'm allowed to shoot
for two hours, tops.

And we made sure that it was
10 minutes away from the house

and can stop at any time if
I'm not feeling up to it.

- Hi!
- What are you doing here?

I came to check on you
and surprise you...

- That's nice.
- And see how the boys were doing.

- How are you feeling?
- I feel good.

- I, um...
- Is this a heating pad?

- No.
- No, it's a radiation blanket,

- so it protects from my computer.
- Oh.

- Of course, you have a radiation blanket.
- Actually, I have... And my phone.

And then, this is a radiation
case and a radiation sticker.

Wow, I have a feeling
that after this next week,

- you're gonna be on bedrest.
- No, I am on bedrest.

I know, but I mean, even...

Like, you won't be here
trying to do this or that.

I'm, like, 70% on bedrest...

- Mm-hmm.
- And my doctor gave a note,

like, I have to be sitting
or laying for the shoot.

I could stand only for
20 minutes at a time.

Oh, right.

But they also don't
want me on full bedrest

'cause they want
me to walk around

- and not get clots.
- Yeah.

Wait, what is this
Erewhon drink?

You wanna try it?

- Oh, okay.
- Whenever I feel like

I'm getting sick, I literally
have it as my meal...

- Mm-hmm.
- And I don't get sick.

Oh, would somebody
text Matt that fact?

'Cause he's not feeling
well. Thank you.

And he hasn't been at home in
12 years, so he must be sick.

Mix it up. Sometimes
it gets really tart.

Alright, I'm gonna go in
my office for a little bit.

- Here?
- Uh-huh.

Do you actually,
like, work there?

Yeah. Several times a week...

- Mm.
- My angel.

- Nice.
- Yeah, it's what I do.

I didn't know that
you come here...

- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- And actually do it.

I thought it was just
an office for show.

Well, I wasn't coming today, but
then I came here today to see you.

- Well, thank you for checking on me.
- Of course.

Cheers, Mother.

To us...

and Little Baby Barker.

Yep.

The last time I was pregnant was
nine years ago, um, so I was 35.

And in this pregnancy, the
doctors are more cautious,

- but I feel exactly the same.
- Wow.

I'm an ageless wonder.

- How are you feeling?
- Saving my energy for our...

- Bandana looks great.
- Okay, good.

Yeah, I love the choker.

- Yeah.
- Should we do this?

- Let's go.
- Yeah.

Okay, thank you.

I'm not allowed to use
my stomach muscles.

I feel really good, but I
just have to be super careful.

Like, I can't twist.

I have a whole list
of things I can't do.

So, you can, you can
just lean on one side.

We'll make it
work. I love that.

Yeah, beautiful.

This is gorgeous, beautiful.

I love that we see all the, like,
details and different, like, elements.

I love this vibe.

Such good energy.

How was your show, baby?

Oh, my gosh.

Crazy.

Travis has been on tour.

The third trimester, I just
haven't been able to travel.

The baby is... He is
waiting for his daddy.

And we have conversations
all the time.

I love you.

Like, you're good, you're
happy, you're growing in there.

You're healthy, you're safe.

Yeah, this is great.

♪ Woo! ♪

- ♪ Hello, hello, hello, hello ♪
- Beautiful. You're ready for that.

I have a scar from my surgery

where they went into
my amniotic sack.

So, I'm like a
fragile, little egg.

♪ H to the hello ♪

So good, you guys.

Yeah, it's very
lovely. It's gorgeous.

And I love the
black and white.

Wow, those are amazing.

These are so good.

Yeah, such a vibe.

So good. Thanks, you guys.

I feel exhausted.

- I'm getting, like, tight...
- Yeah.

And, like, I feel
like it's time.

He's done.

You were... You both
were a rock star.

About an hour and a
half and did two looks,

and then, ya know, we
talked about doing three,

and I just said, "Let me
see how my body's feeling."

And once I laid down, I
just felt like, "That's it."

"I'm gonna listen to my body.

There's no reason to push this."

Obviously, my health and the
baby's health comes first.

- Hey, Mom.
- Did you get enough?

- Yes.
- We got such good looks.

'Cause I could sit in there
and be, like, a body double...

- You could.
- And you'd never know.

I'll put a wig on...
and a big pillow.

I could put that
pillow right here.

And I, I am a professional
pregnant person...

with lots of experience.

Are you sad that you'll
never be pregnant again?

Don't make me cry.

Pregnancy was my most
beautiful experience,

- especially my first one.
- Yeah.

- My little pepper.
- Pepper?

Oh yeah, you turned out really
spicy. I wasn't counting on that.

- I'm an Aries, I'm a spice.
- Oh.

Mm-hmm.

Day three.

And I'm still in jury duty.

Tired already, but, like,
I gotta get outta this.

Tomorrow's my birthday.

I still haven't been excused,
and honestly, I have no idea

why they would wanna keep me

just knowing how public I've
been about my empathy towards

the defendant's situation.

Hey, can I vent for one sec?

It's been an extra troubling
week... to where I was like,

"I just can't do it anymore.
I just need to get away."

Anything in the home is just
a little chaotic right now.

Oh, my God, no, what I wanted to say was
that I had a Zoom interview at the house

with all my kids there, banging
on the door, just screaming.

And I was literally hiding in a
bathroom with the door locked.

'Cause I was just like,
"I can't believe this."

I mean, I can believe it, but
that's, like, my biggest nightmare.

Sometimes it gets just,
like, a little intense.

I wanna be more
strict like Khloé,

but I don't know why I have a
hard time just saying, "No is no."

I think I also don't wanna deal
with the whining and the tears

of not getting their way.

I'm open to anything at this point
'cause I can't live like this.

Like, I have had it 'cause
I ran out of my patience.

And that's what, like, my
superpower was, calm and patient.

They know when to con me and when
to throw the little, ya know,

start with the tears so that I'm like,
"Stop, stop, sure. Take an iPad."

Ya know, "Just stop."

I just have to be like,

"I don't care if you're
gonna throw a tantrum

"in front of everyone right now.

The answer's no."

But I don't have that support
and that really sucks.

And I know I have to,
like, get it together.

You know, I'll always
be there for my kids

and I will ride out
anything with them.

But to say that it doesn't take
an emotional toll sometimes

would be lying.

Yeah, it's been so hard for
me this week, in that area.

Managing four kids in a household
when they're, like, not getting along

and they all want different
things, and I'm only one person.

This always shuts them up.

I always say, "Okay, guys",

"do you want me to just cut
myself in half or in fours

and a part will go with you,
a part will go with you."

And they, like, look at me
like, "No, don't ever do that!"

And I'm like, "Okay,"

"well, that's the only option.

If you all want me at the same
exact time, we've gotta chill."

Like, I'll put everyone to
bed at a different time.

We have to space this out.

But I took her phone, and
after a day, I gave it to her.

I'm such a pushover, but
I took it for 24 hours.

But I gotta go. So,
I gotta jump out.

But I'll call you later.

♪ I got sunshine in my pocket ♪

♪ So hot, I could moonwalk it ♪

♪ Good times, good times, baby ♪

♪ Good life, it's
a good life, baby ♪

♪ But Monday, like the weekend ♪

♪ We stay up, no,
we ain't sleepin' ♪

- Whoa, that's a serious outfit.
- Whoa!

- Oh, my God.
- Hello.

Where are ya headin'?

That's what I said; we're
in two different climates.

- I know.
- This is like two different atmospheres.

- Mm-hmm.
- Hi.

Mom is in the movie
Terminator right now.

- Is this Kylie's new line?
- It's so nice.

Khloé and I are going to visit Scott
today to meet Penelope's new dog.

And I can't wait to meet...
her or him, not sure.

And you could...

Oh, my gosh, P.

- Come here with that.
- Come here.

- She doesn't even like animals, P.
- Aww!

She nibbles, though.

- Oh, do you nibble?
- Well, she's, li...

- She's teething a little...
- Hi.

- But she's a very nice little dog.
- Hi.

She's so cute.

She's so cute.

- We forget.
- Oh, you're taking my puppy?

Mom, you don't
even like animals.

- You're so mean to me.
- Seemed like she liked that dog.

- Oh, my goodness.
- Dude, that thing is ridiculous.

Hi, mama.

Oh, sh...

- You just dropped the thing?
- I thought it was bigger than it was.

- Mom, you're really skinny.
- Yeah.

- Oh, thank you.
- And, Scott, you look good.

I still haven't
found a girlfriend.

- You still haven't?
- Have you found a boyfriend?

- No.
- Or gone on a date?

- How do we do this?
- I don't want to.

Once I'm done with
the kids at nine,

I have limited time. I
have to be up at 4:30.

9:00 p.m. to 4:30
a.m., that's my time.

I'm not sharing it with a man.

I'm not sharing my TV.
I'm not sharing my bed.

Is there any, like,
hope for Tristan

- or is that just, like...
- No, no.

Oh, my God. Are you
kidding me? This is life.

Like, we all gotta
grow up and move on.

Think that door's closed?

Scott.

Ugh.

- Like, the door's closed.
- Got it.

That's great that you're,
like, super friendly.

- Yeah, I'm not... What am I...
- No, I'm...

- That's awesome.
- What am I gonna be a monster for?

I feel like everyone has
been really judgy about

how I spend my time
because I'm not dating.

'Cause I stopped dating Tristan
when Tatum was in utero.

So, I don't know, two and a half
years or something of not dating

is not that crazy

- Good for the kids...
- It's good for the kids...

- but it is probably hard for both...
- but what about me?

Of you to date then.

Why would it be
hard for me to date?

I do love that it's
good for the kids,

but now that he's in Cleveland,

this is really,
really healthy for us.

'Cause when Tristan was next
door, he still was always over.

He's like, "I wanna
put the kids to sleep."

Like, he loved the routine,
and I was almost like, "."

If my ex or my kids' mom lived

- two houses down...
- If he wanted to torture himself,

- that's on him.
- Right, yeah, that would be, like...

You wanna see all these
men pullin' up to my house?

- That's your problem.
- Wait, what... Are...

I thought you don't
wanna do that.

- Not right now, that's what I'm saying.
- What? But you're gonna?

Eventually in life.

- Wait, so...
- You think I'm just gonna be

- celibate for the rest of my life?
- I don't... Well...

- I feel like we both are.
- Forever?

I don't know. I mean, it's...

- With all these kids running around...
- I'm thinking for the next, like...

- it's not, like, so sexy.
- I'm exhausted. I don't want anything.

I actually just want to lay in
bed, watch my shows, decompress,

get up, do my worko...

Like, I don't want anyone
stopping my routine.

- Right. You're comfortable.
- I'm in my, I'm in my rhythm.

Let's just say, I'm dating.

I have no idea how you're supposed
to date when you have kids

because I'm not bringing you
to my home where my kids are.

And I'm not goin' to your home
where you're gonna chop me up

in your basement and kill me.

And I'm also not going to a
public restaurant or space

where people could take pictures

and you're gonna be another notch
on my belt in the public's eyes.

I don't think so.

But it would be nice to
grow old with somebody.

♪ Ah, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ The best is yet to come ♪

- Welcome.
- Thank you.

Kendall, remember when we asked
Gerry about the hearing aids?

Yes.

You're... That's what
you're doing today?

Uh, well, I'm checking my hearing
'cause my ears are ringing.

- Swear? I didn't know that about you.
- Yeah. Kendall.

- I didn't know your ears were ringing.
- They're ringing, I can't hear.

Oh no. I'm so
sorry to hear that.

- What?
- Come on, Mom.

I'm here at the ear doctor
and I'm a little bit nervous.

I think after talking to Gerry,

I feel a little more relieved
and calm about the process.

But Kim's birthday's coming
up and I'm wondering,

"Do I have to wear a hearing aid
for the first time to Kim's party?

What's that gonna look like?"

Oh, my gosh, Scott.

- Hello, hello.
- Oh! It's a big party today.

- It's a small room for her.
- Huh?

- How are ya?
- Mwah.

I'm, um, I'm good.

- Hello.
- Hi, Kris.

- How are you doin'?
- How are you?

- Hey, how are you?
- You know Kenny.

Nice new office.

What's goin' on? Tell
me, how is the hearing?

- Are we makin' progress?
- Not really. Can't really hear.

And also, I don't know if anybody
else has complained about this or...

- I know you're ear, nose, and throat.
- Throat.

So, I was just wanting
you to take a look at my

- throat.
- Okay. Okay.

I think my mom's definitely
a bit of a hypochondriac,

but I also think she's
just really dramatic.

No, I'm not a hypochondriac.

My mom can definitely
be a hypochondriac.

My mom is definitely
a hypochondriac.

What do they know? They don't
even pronounce it right.

Hypochondriac, there's no "t".

And Kendall is too.

Her, Kendall, and Kylie.

I will fully own that
I am a hypochondriac.

Kendall definitely is.
I'm, like, a close second.

Last night I actually felt
like I needed an inhaler.

- Right.
- Maybe it was RSV.

And I'm just... I just
cough all day, for 30 days.

I haven't heard
you cough once.

I just think I should
get swabbed or something.

Anytime somebody has
some sort of ailment,

it definitely sleeps on to her.

- Say, "Eh."
- Eh.

Good.

Let's do another hearing test
and let's see where we were

- compared to before.
- Okay.

When I was a kid, I
went to my orthodontist.

I'm like, "Just give me
braces. I really want 'em."

I feel like that's my
mom with a hearing aid.

She just randomly
really wants it.

Her back, her knee, she
had a hip replacement.

She loves to play up

only when it's time for her to do
something she doesn't wanna do.

Get the word right
and then we'll talk.

You were nowhere close to anything
that needs any kind of aiding.

- You're perfect.
- Oh, that's good.

This is where we kinda ruin
your life a little bit.

- You ready?
- Okay.

So... if it tastes
good, spit it out.

- So, carbonation.
- Oh.

- I don't drink anything carbonated.
- Caffeine.

- No caffeine?
- Onion, garlic.

- No onion?
- Mint.

- What?
- Wine?

No alcohol, which you
really don't drink.

And then cheese.

All those things stimulate the
inner ear to hear more tinnitus.

- Ah.
- Let's see how you do on your ear diet.

I'm really happy I don't
need a hearing aid.

I was kind of looking forward
to tuning out the kids,

- but that would've been fun for a while.
- You got the headphones for that.

Yeah, I'll be fine.

- You'll be chillin'.
- Yeah.

Not to toot my own
horn, but I was right.

She does not need a hearing aid.

I mean, she picks and chooses
when these ailments come alive.

'Cause other than that, she is
skipping and drinkin' and livin' life.

I'll just point that out.

- No hearing aid today. I'm very happy.
- Never.

- Not for at least 15 to 20 years.
- Okay.

Thank you, Doctor.

Come on in!

Oh, I'm here.

Oh, your foot,
mama. Your knee.

Andrew taught Tatum how
to say "guncle" today.

'Cause he keeps
calling me "Dad"...

because I guess I look

like a basketball player,
but I was like, "No, guncle."

And he literally just goes,
"Guncle." He's only one.

He literally said guncle.
I'm so proud of him.

Tonight is Kim's birthday party,

this beautiful dinner
that I'm throwing

and it's all Kimberly's
aesthetic and vibe.

Kim better not be
12 hours late today.

Last year, she was definitely
over an hour... late.

- That was just at her office, I thought.
- My point exactly.

- Hi! So, I was calling...
- Hi.

First of all, you
look gorgeous.

Oh, thanks. I have to touch
up. I got ready at 11.

- Oh, you look gorg.
- Now, are we going together?

Sure, I was going with Mom.

Can you guys pick me up?

Yeah, I'll talk to Mom.

So, what time realistically
are you thinking of going?

'Cause that's what
I was calling to see

since last year you were
definitely not on time.

And you know how Kris is.

I was gonna leave in,
like, an hour, 7:15 latest.

Okay, I can work with that.

This is what annoyed
me with Khloé.

I love a punctual person, but it's
just, like, a little ridiculous.

Why do you need to be rigid
about a schedule on my birthday?

I am a rigid.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Um, Kim was asking if
we could pick her up.

Okay, but we'll never get there.

- I know.
- Like, we might get there on Tuesday.

She said the latest she would...
was getting in the car was 7:15,

you believe her?

No, but it's her party,
so I guess we could...

I have to be on time.
I'm the one throwing it.

Oh, okay.

So, are we picking
her up or not?

Just... I need to prepare
myself mentally, emotionally,

physically, and spiritually.

Probably only did that
'cause I was on camera.

- You're such a cutie.
- You're so cute.

Yes!

Wow, he's a good driver.

- Oops.
- Oop. You okay?

Bye-bye.

- You look beautiful.
- You look beautiful.

True was like, "Who's
gonna put me to sleep?"

I'm like, "True, Roya's
gonna put you to sleep."

She's like, "Who's
gonna say my prayers?"

I'm like, "Roya."

Well, maybe if you show me
the routine and I memorize it

- and practice and then audition...
- Mom, my nanny has been here

over a year.

This is her first time
putting her to sleep

- 'cause I'm such a lunatic.
- Yeah, you are.

Ya know.

'Kay.

Oh, my God, everyone in my family
shames my schedule, everyone.

But I just don't care.

Hi!

- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!

- Oh, just a little red dress.
- Dress.

- Oh yeah.
- What is happening?

- Talk about a birthday suit!
- Oh yeah.

You better it up.

- Wanna open your birthday pres?
- Hell yeah, I wanna open it.

"Keeks."

- I've done that before. I've left...
- I've never done that.

A Christmas tree lot and
forgot to bring them with me.

What? That's wild.

Went to go buy a Christmas tree.

I think Kendall and Kylie
were, like, four and five

and they were
running up and down

and I thought their dad
was watching the kids

and he thought I was watching
the kids because we met there.

I thought he was taking the kids back and
he thought I was taking the kids back.

So, we both left in our own cars

and the kids never made it home.

So, yeah, they were okay.

They were playing on
the Christmas tree lot

waiting for us to realize
that we left them there.

Wait, I have to call Kourtney.
I told her to watch this show.

- The naked show?
- Yeah.

- Hi.
- Are you watching?

Yeah, we paused it. We got
through the first round.

- It's so crazy.
- What are you guys watching?

- Mom, it's...
- It's called Naked Attraction.

- Ugh!
- It's a dating show...

But they're butt naked.

They're judging people,
vagina, penis, naked.

Like, way too naked for me.

And they judge you
on your, like...

- Aesthetics.
- Actual disgusting wieners.

- Or vaginas!
- Or people that don't

shave their vaginas.

Like, I didn't know vaginas
could look like that.

Well, enjoy, guys.

Alright, have so
much fun tonight.

Thank you.

And happy almost birthday.

Thank you.

Okay, call me tomorrow.

- Okay, bye. I love you.
- Okay, bye. I love you.

You guys go from one subject to the
next with such dramatic transition.

- Here we are.
- Guys, we're really early now.

We're not really early, Kim.
We're eight minutes early.

I'm going this way?
Okay. Thank you, guys.

♪ Right where I wanna be ♪

♪ Right where I wanna be ♪

♪ Hands up, yeah,
I'm on a roll ♪

♪ Feelin' good,
yeah, good as gold ♪

♪ Eyes on me... ♪

Mwah!

Look at the 818. The
bar is beautiful.

- What is this?
- It's an espresso martini.

Oh, hell yeah.

♪ Ready, hey ♪

♪ I'm on my way ♪

- What an amazing life you live. Yeah.
- She's like, "I'm not kidding."

Thank you.

It makes me feel so good that
everyone wanted to come out

and celebrate and
have dinner with us.

Welcome to 43.

You look gorgeous.
Look at that dress.

So, tonight, I just wanna
celebrate with my girls

and I think all of us
just need that sometimes.

I'm gonna get my
little drinkie-poo.

This week in particular
has been complete chaos.

But, honestly, I
wouldn't be here

if it wasn't for my friends.

Like, I have the best friends
and they're super supportive.

I think that's probably why
I've never seen a therapist

is because I have the best
friends in the entire world

and they mean everything to me.

Guys, wait... my camera does
not know who all the lifers are.

- Allison.
- Simone.

- Lindsay.
- Kim.

- Sarah.
- Zoe.

- Ashley.
- These are officially the lifers

that I talk about all the time.

My friend circle,

I always say I hit the jackpot
in the friends' department.

I'm so happy you came.

Spending my 43rd birthday
with all the girls

that inspire me and motivate me

is just really special.

There's different
versions of masks of you.

How cute! How funny.

Kimberly!

Oh.

Okay, everybody, woo-hoo!

I just wanna thank
everybody for coming tonight

to celebrate Kim, her
43rd year on this planet.

- And, um, I fell in love with you...
- Oh, come on.

- Don't cry.
- The moment we met...

and I have been obsessed
with you ever since.

- And you too.
- Thank you.

And I just wanna say that
it's such a special night

when you can look at all
of these beautiful faces

and see all of your old
friends, new friends,

- means so much...
- Can I chime in for one sec?

I'm not done yet. It
means s-so much to Kim...

that you guys are here

and I love you all and
thank you for coming.

- What would you like to say?
- I just wanted to say...

Kimberly, stand up and
show off that body!

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

So, all of you here,
whether you're my lifers

- that I've known my whole life or...
- Or my dayers.

My... Yes.

You're all my ride or dies.

I trust all of you.

At least everyone here has
known one crazy secret about me

- and it's never gotten out, so...
- And vice versa and vice versa.

This is the group and
here's to another year

of keeping my secrets.

Where the is Kylie?
Will you text her?

Take Kylie's seat,
she'll never show up.

In Kylie fashion, she'll
be here in three hours.

Oh, she's arrived.

- Oh, she's arrived.
- Oh!

- Hi, baby.
- Happy birthday.

I wasn't late tonight
for no reason.

I had my Interview
Magazine cover shoot,

and I'm exhausted...
but I'm here.

So, now the party can start.

- Oh, you look beautiful. Yeah.
- Should we get a sister pic now?

- You wanna be a sister?
- Yeah.

Kylie comes an hour
late, but listen,

she's the fireworks at
the end of the night.

You always look forward to her.

You have to accept
people for who they are.

And I wish people would
accept me for who I was.

And that's a punctual...
rigid person.

You look so pretty.

You look beautiful.

No, that's you.

What is my wish
for me this year?

Sister photo.

Mm, I think I have all...

I think I have everything I
could possibly want and need.

Think I've gotten there, and
that I have a feeling, like,

I know what's really
important in life.

I know that being present
in the moment is everything.

Yeah!

And there's no place
I'd rather be tonight.

Next on, The Kardashians...

It's glitzy and glam.

Oh, my God, it looks so good.

I wanna have another baby.

With who?

Oh, a sperm bank. Oh yeah.

I'll try anything once.

Something gonna splash on us?

- Nope.
- Okay.

Having four is hard, and
you have a lot going on.

I'm gonna get my shit together

and I'm gonna be
a drill sergeant.

Like, Khloé is so tough.

Have you talked
to her about this?

- 'Cause she...
- No, because she's just very judgmental.

♪ It's alright, yeah ♪

♪ Move your feet ♪

♪ Clap your hands ♪

♪ Any way you want it, now ♪

♪ It's alright, yeah ♪

Yes. He, like, was
commenting her smile

and her eyes and her energy.

I'm like, "I think we should
leave." Like, I don't know.

Hey, Gerry, I've got
a boyfriend, 'kay?

Oh, Lord.