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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:30,140 --> 00:00:32,210 There's an old Japanese parable 2 00:00:32,210 --> 00:00:38,250 about a troubled warrior who is haunted 3 00:00:38,250 --> 00:00:41,392 by the ghosts of the lives he took in battle. 4 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:13,136 [HUMMING] 5 00:01:48,420 --> 00:01:49,860 Are you the great silk sage? 6 00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:56,220 I must know if heaven and hell exist. 7 00:01:58,860 --> 00:02:02,590 So many have been slaughtered. 8 00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:07,291 For them, I hope there is a heaven. 9 00:02:07,291 --> 00:02:12,880 But I have killed so many, and for me, I pray there 10 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:13,680 is no hell. 11 00:02:18,070 --> 00:02:20,370 Please, I must know! 12 00:02:23,130 --> 00:02:25,120 I would not want to waste such wisdom 13 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:27,171 on a heartless coward like you. 14 00:02:29,820 --> 00:02:32,540 What did you say, old woman? 15 00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:34,880 What did you intend to do with that? 16 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:39,850 Prove that you're a coward by killing a defenseless woman? 17 00:02:39,850 --> 00:02:42,570 I've never seen such weakness in a warrior. 18 00:02:48,546 --> 00:02:51,534 That is hell. 19 00:03:24,402 --> 00:03:27,390 And that is heaven. 20 00:03:50,310 --> 00:03:54,390 My name is Maya Angelou, and I believe 21 00:03:54,390 --> 00:04:03,360 that the heart is the most forceful, impactful element 22 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:04,324 in our lives. 23 00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:12,010 You will never ever reach their full potential. 24 00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:13,769 If you don't open your heart. 25 00:04:17,910 --> 00:04:22,900 And the power of the heart is to be connected with who 26 00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:27,980 you are at the deepest level. 27 00:04:27,980 --> 00:04:32,180 We think of the heart in the poetic sense, the seat of love 28 00:04:32,180 --> 00:04:33,890 and compassion. 29 00:04:33,890 --> 00:04:39,170 And it's this heart that is so terribly important. 30 00:04:39,170 --> 00:04:40,760 I'm a writer. 31 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:44,120 For me, inspiration is essential. 32 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,500 Creativity is essential. 33 00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:49,640 And I can only find it through the heart. 34 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:52,520 The higher order of logic and understanding 35 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:55,525 originates in your heart. 36 00:04:55,525 --> 00:04:58,950 It's experienced in your heart. 37 00:04:58,950 --> 00:05:02,380 It's lived in your heart. 38 00:05:02,380 --> 00:05:05,550 The physical heart pumps blood through the veins and arteries 39 00:05:05,550 --> 00:05:07,600 from the time we're born until time we die. 40 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:11,280 The most efficient pump ever invented. 41 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:12,680 But the heart is more than that. 42 00:05:15,290 --> 00:05:17,370 We did an experiment here at HeartMath 43 00:05:17,370 --> 00:05:19,410 to study how the information flows 44 00:05:19,410 --> 00:05:21,570 between the heart and the brain, and we actually 45 00:05:21,570 --> 00:05:23,190 discovered something quite remarkable, 46 00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:24,690 something that surprised us. 47 00:05:40,850 --> 00:05:42,500 The participants in the study were 48 00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:45,320 connected to various sensors to measure their brain waves, 49 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,330 their heartbeats, and so on. 50 00:05:47,330 --> 00:05:49,520 And then they were exposed to various images. 51 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,640 Some were high arousal, like a car crash, 52 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:54,170 or a snake striking, while others 53 00:05:54,170 --> 00:05:56,930 were lower arousal images like bunny rabbits and nature 54 00:05:56,930 --> 00:05:59,030 scenes. 55 00:05:59,030 --> 00:06:02,180 The participants were asked to push a button. 56 00:06:02,180 --> 00:06:05,270 They then saw a blank computer screen for six seconds. 57 00:06:05,270 --> 00:06:07,160 The computer then randomly selected 58 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:12,260 one of these photographs that it displayed for three seconds. 59 00:06:12,260 --> 00:06:15,060 After that the screen went blank for 10 seconds, 60 00:06:15,060 --> 00:06:17,060 and they were prompted to push the button again, 61 00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:20,060 and they repeated this protocol about 30 times. 62 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:29,930 When we analyzed all the data, the results were astounding. 63 00:06:29,930 --> 00:06:32,320 The heart seemed to know the images 64 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:37,555 before the participants ever saw the images with their eyes. 65 00:06:37,555 --> 00:06:40,660 If the future picture was going to be one of the emotionally 66 00:06:40,660 --> 00:06:42,850 arousing ones, the heart rate started 67 00:06:42,850 --> 00:06:47,020 to drop about five seconds before the image was randomly 68 00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:49,430 selected to be shown on the screen. 69 00:06:49,430 --> 00:06:52,140 So nobody could know what this future picture was going to be. 70 00:06:56,860 --> 00:07:00,550 The heart had a much greater de-acceleration 71 00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:03,367 than if it was, say, going to be a calm picture. 72 00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:09,770 These results have since been replicated 73 00:07:09,770 --> 00:07:12,860 in many different independent labs around the world, 74 00:07:12,860 --> 00:07:14,982 actually. 75 00:07:14,982 --> 00:07:17,660 Well, a lot of people say that I don't feel it in my heart, 76 00:07:17,660 --> 00:07:18,800 I feel it in my gut. 77 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,840 But here's what's really happening. 78 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,170 The information comes to the heart first. 79 00:07:23,170 --> 00:07:24,860 The heart then sends a different signal 80 00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:26,660 to the brain which we can measure. 81 00:07:26,660 --> 00:07:30,610 Then you have a brain response, and then a body response. 82 00:07:30,610 --> 00:07:32,780 And with the body response, like feeling 83 00:07:32,780 --> 00:07:35,220 in the gut, or the hair on the back of the neck, 84 00:07:35,220 --> 00:07:36,720 is where it becomes conscious. 85 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:41,060 But the real flow of information is heart, brain, body. 86 00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:43,100 And this is all happening in many seconds 87 00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:46,540 before the actual event occurs. 88 00:07:46,540 --> 00:07:48,510 So what this body of research is telling 89 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:51,150 us is that the heart seems to be connected 90 00:07:51,150 --> 00:07:54,300 to a type of intuition that is not bound by the limits of time 91 00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:55,740 and space. 92 00:07:55,740 --> 00:07:57,390 But what is that source of intuition? 93 00:07:57,390 --> 00:08:00,270 What is the heart connected to, and how can we 94 00:08:00,270 --> 00:08:01,860 learn to tap into more of that? 95 00:08:05,614 --> 00:08:07,030 I believe that the person who is 96 00:08:07,030 --> 00:08:13,460 disconnected from his or her heart is not living. 97 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:19,760 I know a lot of people who [? felt ?] that but they 98 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:23,950 walk, they talk, they watch television, 99 00:08:23,950 --> 00:08:27,410 they work hard sometimes. 100 00:08:27,410 --> 00:08:31,360 We're the only living form on Earth 101 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:34,600 that can actually become the walking dead. 102 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:41,320 We can actually cut off our own source to aliveness. 103 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:50,710 But somehow this spark of divine energy is lost. 104 00:08:50,710 --> 00:08:52,820 This happened to me. 105 00:08:52,820 --> 00:08:55,970 I said, oh, I want to be a writer. 106 00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:58,970 My band says, oh come on, Paulo. 107 00:08:58,970 --> 00:09:02,330 In Brazil, to be a writer in Brazil, 108 00:09:02,330 --> 00:09:04,520 nobody can make a living out of writing. 109 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,880 I said, but I don't care, I just want to be happy. 110 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:11,310 I just want to do something that is going to give me fun. 111 00:09:11,310 --> 00:09:13,380 It's going to give a meaning for my life. 112 00:09:13,380 --> 00:09:15,740 And they said, no, no, no, no, no. 113 00:09:15,740 --> 00:09:18,320 And then, of course, because I thought 114 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:24,100 that old people are wiser, I said, OK, they have reason. 115 00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:27,160 Let me do something different. 116 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:28,460 But I could not. 117 00:09:28,460 --> 00:09:35,680 I quit the university to I was only [INAUDIBLE] and I said, 118 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,900 you have to burn your bridges. 119 00:09:37,900 --> 00:09:40,300 And I just burned my bridges. 120 00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:43,085 And I had no choice but to follow the thing 121 00:09:43,085 --> 00:09:46,500 that I wanted to do. 122 00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:48,810 So from the moment that I realized 123 00:09:48,810 --> 00:09:52,670 that I want to be a writer, I said, I'm going to be a writer. 124 00:09:52,670 --> 00:09:56,880 It may take 10 days, 10 years, or 20 years, 125 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,050 but I'm going to write. 126 00:09:58,050 --> 00:10:00,540 And then I started by writing lyrics for songs, 127 00:10:00,540 --> 00:10:06,110 I start by writing articles for newspapers. 128 00:10:06,110 --> 00:10:09,496 I wrote my first book when I was 40, 129 00:10:09,496 --> 00:10:12,844 but at least I wrote my first book. 130 00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:21,180 So at the end, if you don't fulfill your dream, 131 00:10:21,180 --> 00:10:26,190 God finds three, four times a way to kick your head 132 00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:28,500 and say, come on. 133 00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:32,490 Don't forget your purpose in your life. 134 00:10:32,490 --> 00:10:34,090 Give a chance to your dream. 135 00:10:34,090 --> 00:10:36,165 You are not going to regret. 136 00:10:36,165 --> 00:10:38,123 I'm not saying that you're not going to suffer. 137 00:10:41,010 --> 00:10:44,580 I'm not saying that you're not going to be defeated. 138 00:10:44,580 --> 00:10:48,820 I'm saying you're not going to go regret it. 139 00:10:48,820 --> 00:10:52,620 The medieval female mystic, Mechthild, 140 00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:56,990 beautifully said that a fish cannot drown in water 141 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,240 and a bird cannot fall from the sky. 142 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:03,770 Each creature must find their own God-given element. 143 00:11:03,770 --> 00:11:08,510 And it's easy for fish and birds, they know their element. 144 00:11:08,510 --> 00:11:12,460 But for human beings it's not so easy. 145 00:11:12,460 --> 00:11:15,380 With well intention, we always struggle 146 00:11:15,380 --> 00:11:21,890 whether to follow our heart and our direct experience 147 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:25,550 and the advice and instruction of others. 148 00:11:25,550 --> 00:11:30,170 Whether they be parents, loved ones, friends, trends 149 00:11:30,170 --> 00:11:33,080 in whatever age we're born into. 150 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:38,180 And there's no substitute for following the aliveness 151 00:11:38,180 --> 00:11:41,660 that our heart tunes us to. 152 00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:48,214 Many times people are looking for their ideal partner, 153 00:11:48,214 --> 00:11:49,630 and they say they can't find them. 154 00:11:49,630 --> 00:11:51,550 They're looking, and they're looking, and they're looking, 155 00:11:51,550 --> 00:11:52,880 and they can't find them. 156 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,900 Well if your soulmate is not knocking on your door, 157 00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:58,110 it's not that you're not looking hard enough. 158 00:11:58,110 --> 00:11:59,860 If you want to find someone that can fully 159 00:11:59,860 --> 00:12:04,120 love you and know you, you have to know and love yourself. 160 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,000 When we're able to give ourself this kind of love which 161 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,620 says we're good enough just the way 162 00:12:08,620 --> 00:12:11,950 we are, that we're in this world for a reason, 163 00:12:11,950 --> 00:12:15,190 that we're never alone, that sense of fulfillment 164 00:12:15,190 --> 00:12:19,720 provides a foundation for having a successful relationship 165 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,190 with someone else. 166 00:12:21,190 --> 00:12:24,910 A great teacher this is a simple flower. 167 00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:29,170 When the flower blossoms, the bee comes. 168 00:12:29,170 --> 00:12:33,100 The flower doesn't go looking for the bee. 169 00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:35,590 And this is where the heart really comes alive, 170 00:12:35,590 --> 00:12:39,430 because relationships are far more challenging than what 171 00:12:39,430 --> 00:12:41,090 we see in the movies. 172 00:12:41,090 --> 00:12:42,670 All right, roll it. 173 00:12:42,670 --> 00:12:45,168 I've loved you all my life. 174 00:12:45,168 --> 00:12:48,440 But we only met two days ago. 175 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:52,080 That's when my life began. 176 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:53,640 The journey of a relationship is 177 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:58,980 finding love every time again, and again, and again. 178 00:12:58,980 --> 00:13:01,620 And to find love again and again means 179 00:13:01,620 --> 00:13:06,150 you're going to lose it, and lose it, and lose it. 180 00:13:06,150 --> 00:13:09,780 Often the question arises that if the heart is so powerful, 181 00:13:09,780 --> 00:13:11,430 why is it so easily broken? 182 00:13:11,430 --> 00:13:14,580 And my time on Earth has led me to understand, 183 00:13:14,580 --> 00:13:17,840 because that's how the heart grows. 184 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:21,990 In the same way that when we exercise our muscles actually 185 00:13:21,990 --> 00:13:26,850 break down so that they can get healthy and grow stronger, 186 00:13:26,850 --> 00:13:28,710 this is how the heart works. 187 00:13:28,710 --> 00:13:30,360 You have to bring forth obstacles, 188 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:31,890 and that's what a marriage is. 189 00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:33,240 You will be challenged. 190 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:36,760 One day a blonde walked into Charles' life. 191 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,703 Was she really pretty? 192 00:13:38,703 --> 00:13:41,700 Well, I'd lie about her, but Marian saw her, too. 193 00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:42,960 Yes, she's very pretty. 194 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,120 There'll be times when you doubt your partner, 195 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:48,270 you doubt your relationship, and you're angry with your partner. 196 00:13:48,270 --> 00:13:50,390 There isn't the slightest bit of good in you. 197 00:13:50,390 --> 00:13:52,620 You're afraid to get close to your partner, 198 00:13:52,620 --> 00:13:54,240 you've been hurt by your partner. 199 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:56,580 He's hiding something from me, Sylvie. 200 00:13:56,580 --> 00:13:57,870 Something terrible. 201 00:13:57,870 --> 00:13:59,520 This is part of that journey. 202 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:04,710 You know, in the moment of such breaking, it's agony, 203 00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:07,760 and we feel desperate. 204 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:12,130 But the heart, the heart just says, give me more. 205 00:14:12,130 --> 00:14:13,650 Give me more. 206 00:14:13,650 --> 00:14:16,980 As you come back to love, each time coming back to love, 207 00:14:16,980 --> 00:14:20,070 finding forgiveness, finding acceptance, even 208 00:14:20,070 --> 00:14:23,970 thanking your partner at times for their inadequacies 209 00:14:23,970 --> 00:14:26,280 so to speak, because it poured forth 210 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:29,870 greater love within yourself, that is how you grow. 211 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,900 There was a battle, all right. 212 00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:35,700 But it wasn't Paul I had to fight, but myself. 213 00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:38,550 Bonnie will say to me, John, I don't 214 00:14:38,550 --> 00:14:40,290 want to listen to you until you're 215 00:14:40,290 --> 00:14:42,610 talking to me from your heart. 216 00:14:42,610 --> 00:14:44,460 I said, no, I'm talking, I'm making sense. 217 00:14:44,460 --> 00:14:45,540 No. 218 00:14:45,540 --> 00:14:47,190 I want to hear your feeling. 219 00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:49,690 I want to hear your love in the tone of your voice. 220 00:14:49,690 --> 00:14:52,530 And when you can find it, we can talk again. 221 00:14:52,530 --> 00:14:54,420 What a simple message she gives me. 222 00:14:54,420 --> 00:14:55,950 Now, it would be a mistake for her 223 00:14:55,950 --> 00:14:58,830 to say something's wrong with being in my head, 224 00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:01,570 because that would make a very important part of me wrong. 225 00:15:01,570 --> 00:15:03,420 But what she'll say is at times what 226 00:15:03,420 --> 00:15:06,480 my heart is closed, when I sound mean 227 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:07,766 or focused on being right-- 228 00:15:07,766 --> 00:15:10,140 Now, if you want to tell me what's troubling you, fine. 229 00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:13,140 If not, I'm tired, it's late, and I want to go home to bed. 230 00:15:13,140 --> 00:15:15,630 She'll say, right now, I can't hear this. 231 00:15:15,630 --> 00:15:18,390 I need to hear a little bit more of your heart. 232 00:15:18,390 --> 00:15:20,310 When you're ready to talk from your heart, 233 00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:22,110 I'm ready to talk with you. 234 00:15:22,110 --> 00:15:23,760 I think the challenge in our age 235 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:25,500 is staying in a relationship. 236 00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:28,890 And that doesn't mean to stay in abusive relationships 237 00:15:28,890 --> 00:15:30,810 or relationships that don't work. 238 00:15:30,810 --> 00:15:34,680 And I have found for me that the difference 239 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:39,390 often as to whether to stay or go in a friendship or a love 240 00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:45,115 relationship hinges on whether all of who I am is welcome. 241 00:15:47,790 --> 00:15:54,100 If I am asked to leave who I am or part of who I am outside, 242 00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:58,440 then no matter what we do in that relationship, 243 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,330 I won't grow. 244 00:16:00,330 --> 00:16:03,270 Because I won't be able to stay connected to my heart. 245 00:16:03,270 --> 00:16:07,270 And this is where their story really begins. 246 00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:10,780 It wouldn't be fair to tell you how it ends, for that, we hope, 247 00:16:10,780 --> 00:16:13,474 is something you'll want to experience for yourself. 248 00:16:27,130 --> 00:16:29,480 Things can get crazy, no? 249 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:33,640 So many people, they lose their kids 250 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,690 because there is no relationship, 251 00:16:36,690 --> 00:16:37,780 there is no contact. 252 00:16:37,780 --> 00:16:42,280 Which is very bad, because no time to try again, 253 00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:44,560 and to try again, to find a solution. 254 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:45,400 I have four kids. 255 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:48,070 One of them is playing for [? IX. ?] Probably 256 00:16:48,070 --> 00:16:49,590 I paid more attention to that. 257 00:16:49,590 --> 00:16:52,870 And then the oldest one got a little bit less attention, 258 00:16:52,870 --> 00:16:57,790 I don't know, and he was against me in a way. 259 00:16:57,790 --> 00:17:00,090 And I decided, I have to do something. 260 00:17:00,090 --> 00:17:03,040 I have to give him an opportunity to get closer. 261 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:06,154 And then all of a sudden I told him, come on. 262 00:17:06,154 --> 00:17:09,390 We take the bags and we'll go to Greece, you know? 263 00:17:09,390 --> 00:17:14,390 I said, in order to persuade him, it might be my last time. 264 00:17:14,390 --> 00:17:16,020 Why did you say that? 265 00:17:16,020 --> 00:17:19,264 When we go up on the Alps I will tell you. 266 00:17:19,264 --> 00:17:20,430 I had nothing to tell him. 267 00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:22,700 I just told him because otherwise he wouldn't come, 268 00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:25,250 and I knew that he wouldn't come. 269 00:17:25,250 --> 00:17:28,175 We went from Amsterdam, to Athens, Greece. 270 00:17:34,610 --> 00:17:37,420 You become his brother, you become his mate, 271 00:17:37,420 --> 00:17:40,630 you become his friend. 272 00:17:40,630 --> 00:17:43,520 This would happen up in the Alps, where it was minus 16 273 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:47,634 and we're freezing cold, so we became one. 274 00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:49,582 Hey, where are you, man? 275 00:17:49,582 --> 00:17:50,753 Dad, where are you? 276 00:17:50,753 --> 00:17:52,345 This is a little house here, come! 277 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,550 Hello? 278 00:17:57,550 --> 00:17:58,660 Hello. 279 00:17:58,660 --> 00:17:59,460 Hey! 280 00:17:59,460 --> 00:18:03,620 Look at this, please, please let us sleep with you tonight. 281 00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:06,400 If you allow me to sleep here tonight, me and Willem, 282 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:07,270 just for a night. 283 00:18:07,270 --> 00:18:08,632 It's so cold. 284 00:18:08,632 --> 00:18:10,250 I love you. 285 00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:13,370 And then everything went away all this friction 286 00:18:13,370 --> 00:18:16,770 because I was in the same team with him. 287 00:18:16,770 --> 00:18:20,660 And I love that, and I'm very happy that this little mistake 288 00:18:20,660 --> 00:18:23,210 of mine, which was not dedicating 289 00:18:23,210 --> 00:18:24,880 enough time to my oldest son-- 290 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:26,656 I don't know nothing about boxing, 291 00:18:26,656 --> 00:18:28,310 so be careful with your dad, eh? 292 00:18:28,310 --> 00:18:31,360 And now that we are really, really good friends. 293 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,640 Every father has good friction with his son. 294 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:39,700 And love it. 295 00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:41,440 You have good kids, no? 296 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:44,110 I hope you will enjoy when the friction is coming. 297 00:18:44,110 --> 00:18:46,406 Otherwise he hasn't got any character. 298 00:18:46,406 --> 00:18:47,730 You OK? 299 00:18:47,730 --> 00:18:48,890 Yeah, man. 300 00:18:48,890 --> 00:18:51,713 So when your son is against you, be very happy. 301 00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:52,513 OK? 302 00:18:58,190 --> 00:19:03,830 On Sunday, September 22nd, at about 10:54 in the evening, 303 00:19:03,830 --> 00:19:07,850 our daughter was riding her bicycle home from the CSU Chico 304 00:19:07,850 --> 00:19:13,880 State Library when she was struck by a drunk driver 305 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:18,400 and left on the side of the road to die. 306 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:22,510 In the phone conversation with the nurse, 307 00:19:22,510 --> 00:19:25,330 we knew that she had been in an accident, 308 00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:28,650 but we didn't know any of the details. 309 00:19:28,650 --> 00:19:33,650 That it was a drunk driver, and that it was a 19-year-old kid. 310 00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:36,430 She was riding four blocks home from school. 311 00:19:36,430 --> 00:19:38,890 She was about a half a block from her apartment. 312 00:19:38,890 --> 00:19:41,360 You could see her apartment from where she was hit. 313 00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:43,510 You could actually stand on the bridge 314 00:19:43,510 --> 00:19:44,930 and see her apartment from there. 315 00:19:44,930 --> 00:19:45,730 She was so close. 316 00:19:45,730 --> 00:19:48,536 That's how close it was, and I've stood there so many times 317 00:19:48,536 --> 00:19:49,910 and just looked at that distance. 318 00:19:56,290 --> 00:20:01,760 Just thought about that short distance has changed our lives. 319 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:07,650 Christina was one of those extraordinary people 320 00:20:07,650 --> 00:20:10,260 that you don't come across very often. 321 00:20:10,260 --> 00:20:11,554 She studied. 322 00:20:11,554 --> 00:20:13,470 She really thought about how to live her life. 323 00:20:13,470 --> 00:20:15,720 She didn't just stumble through life 324 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:19,610 the way many people do, especially at her age. 325 00:20:19,610 --> 00:20:24,020 From the time she weighed enough to give blood, she gave it. 326 00:20:24,020 --> 00:20:26,580 And sometimes she would even pass out, 327 00:20:26,580 --> 00:20:28,830 and Sandra would drive her home in the car, she'd say, 328 00:20:28,830 --> 00:20:30,750 that's it, you're not going to do this again. 329 00:20:30,750 --> 00:20:34,580 She'd say, no, I am going to do this again, and she would. 330 00:20:34,580 --> 00:20:38,150 She would give blood whenever she had the chance and-- 331 00:20:38,150 --> 00:20:39,650 Pass out every time. 332 00:20:39,650 --> 00:20:42,464 And she'd pass out almost every time. 333 00:20:42,464 --> 00:20:43,880 That's the way she lived her life. 334 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,924 If she thought it was the right thing to do, she did it. 335 00:20:46,924 --> 00:20:48,840 And so many people know the right thing to do, 336 00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:50,630 but they don't always do it. 337 00:20:50,630 --> 00:20:54,030 But she didn't even have to think about it. 338 00:20:54,030 --> 00:20:56,560 About three weeks after Christina died, 339 00:20:56,560 --> 00:21:02,020 we had to go and pack up her apartment up in Chico. 340 00:21:02,020 --> 00:21:07,960 And I opened up a drawer and I saw a makeup bag. 341 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:11,710 I opened up the makeup bag and it had several pieces of paper 342 00:21:11,710 --> 00:21:12,510 in it. 343 00:21:12,510 --> 00:21:16,530 No makeup, but several pieces of paper. 344 00:21:16,530 --> 00:21:21,480 And among those papers was this piece of paper 345 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:24,740 that was folded and a little tattered. 346 00:21:24,740 --> 00:21:28,820 And I looked at it and I started to read. 347 00:21:28,820 --> 00:21:31,550 And I realized it was bucket list. 348 00:21:48,700 --> 00:21:55,615 She never said I want to be rich, I want to be famous. 349 00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:59,900 She didn't ask for anything unreasonable. 350 00:21:59,900 --> 00:22:02,665 She just wanted to do normal stuff 351 00:22:02,665 --> 00:22:04,597 and she never got to do that. 352 00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:10,890 Be in four places at once. 353 00:22:10,890 --> 00:22:13,050 There's a place called Four Corners. 354 00:22:13,050 --> 00:22:16,410 You can actually go to the edge of all four states, that's 355 00:22:16,410 --> 00:22:18,200 what she wanted to do. 356 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,150 But she's done this already. 357 00:22:21,150 --> 00:22:26,340 Not by being there, but with her organs. 358 00:22:26,340 --> 00:22:30,330 Parts of her are four places at once. 359 00:22:30,330 --> 00:22:32,910 Her liver was split between two people. 360 00:22:32,910 --> 00:22:37,190 One was a 55-year-old man and one was a nine-month-old baby. 361 00:22:37,190 --> 00:22:40,130 A kidney, somebody that the family knew. 362 00:22:40,130 --> 00:22:43,980 Another man got the rest of Christina's liver. 363 00:22:43,980 --> 00:22:47,760 Her pancreas and the other kidney went to a man 364 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,620 in the South Bay. 365 00:22:49,620 --> 00:22:54,090 And her heart went to a 64-year-old woman 366 00:22:54,090 --> 00:22:56,475 from the South Bay at Stanford. 367 00:23:00,245 --> 00:23:04,510 Lao Tzu said that I have just three things 368 00:23:04,510 --> 00:23:11,410 to teach, simplicity, patience, and compassion. 369 00:23:11,410 --> 00:23:15,460 In an age where we run from the depth of feeling 370 00:23:15,460 --> 00:23:18,670 and the teachings of the heart, our fear 371 00:23:18,670 --> 00:23:23,740 can reframe simplicity as stupidity, 372 00:23:23,740 --> 00:23:30,100 patience as laziness, and compassion as sentimentality. 373 00:23:30,100 --> 00:23:35,500 And therefore make them not worthwhile to pick up. 374 00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:42,860 Simplicity refers to direct living, firsthand experience. 375 00:23:42,860 --> 00:23:48,550 So the return to touching life directly. 376 00:23:48,550 --> 00:23:53,080 This restores our wholeheartedness. 377 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:57,700 Patience also restores us to wholeheartedness. 378 00:23:57,700 --> 00:24:05,110 The urgencies we feel ever present are mostly false. 379 00:24:05,110 --> 00:24:10,510 Unless you or I can't breathe or we're bleeding, 380 00:24:10,510 --> 00:24:13,050 there's no real urgency. 381 00:24:13,050 --> 00:24:16,260 And compassion, compassion literally 382 00:24:16,260 --> 00:24:21,450 means to be with, to keep honest company. 383 00:24:21,450 --> 00:24:29,230 So when I am not directly living, when I am not patient, 384 00:24:29,230 --> 00:24:32,590 I want to problem solve your pain 385 00:24:32,590 --> 00:24:34,650 and not keep you company with it. 386 00:24:37,334 --> 00:24:38,750 I'm often asked, well that's fine, 387 00:24:38,750 --> 00:24:42,920 but how can we do that in the real world? 388 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:46,000 And I see it differently. 389 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:54,050 I've come to understand that if you don't open your heart, 390 00:24:54,050 --> 00:24:56,830 then existence will crush you. 391 00:24:56,830 --> 00:24:59,020 Not because there's something evil about existence, 392 00:24:59,020 --> 00:25:01,960 but because the way water fills a hole, 393 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:08,260 if you don't meet the world with who you are then 394 00:25:08,260 --> 00:25:11,050 everything around will just fill you in. 395 00:25:11,050 --> 00:25:14,500 So there's always a question, yes, if I'm out in the world, 396 00:25:14,500 --> 00:25:17,860 I could get hurt, I could get taken advantage of. 397 00:25:17,860 --> 00:25:20,680 I could get betrayed. 398 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,420 My trust may not be rewarded. 399 00:25:23,420 --> 00:25:25,770 This is all true. 400 00:25:25,770 --> 00:25:29,470 But I have found that the cost for not staying 401 00:25:29,470 --> 00:25:36,250 open hearted, whole hearted, is that I lose access 402 00:25:36,250 --> 00:25:37,915 to my aliveness. 403 00:25:37,915 --> 00:25:41,770 And we'll end up walking lock step 404 00:25:41,770 --> 00:25:48,950 in a society of consumerism, of getting, of fear, and of worry. 405 00:25:48,950 --> 00:25:52,510 And we will not have lived our life. 406 00:25:52,510 --> 00:25:54,460 We have a life to live. 407 00:25:54,460 --> 00:25:56,540 The heart has the answers. 408 00:26:03,020 --> 00:26:06,410 I was editor of a magazine, I started that one years ago. 409 00:26:06,410 --> 00:26:08,120 And I was looking at this magazine. 410 00:26:08,120 --> 00:26:09,740 And as usual, there was this picture 411 00:26:09,740 --> 00:26:11,750 of the editor in front of the magazine. 412 00:26:11,750 --> 00:26:15,770 And I was looking at myself smiling, and I thought, 413 00:26:15,770 --> 00:26:17,690 it's not true. 414 00:26:17,690 --> 00:26:18,980 This is not me. 415 00:26:18,980 --> 00:26:21,680 But there was a sadness, it was like a wave 416 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,080 of sadness that washed me. 417 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:25,880 It was a really upset moment. 418 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:27,100 I can laugh at it now. 419 00:26:27,100 --> 00:26:30,200 And I thought, who is this me, or I, or self? 420 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:34,190 What is it in religion, or in spiritual traditions, 421 00:26:34,190 --> 00:26:35,820 or in philosophy? 422 00:26:35,820 --> 00:26:37,940 What is it? 423 00:26:37,940 --> 00:26:40,580 Every spiritual tradition throughout history 424 00:26:40,580 --> 00:26:44,480 has spoken about the heart as being the seed of the soul. 425 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:47,690 The diamond in the heart, the lotus and the heart, 426 00:26:47,690 --> 00:26:50,000 the temple in the heart. 427 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,610 Every tradition speaks about the heart 428 00:26:52,610 --> 00:26:57,190 as being the essence of who we are. 429 00:26:57,190 --> 00:27:02,200 The heart points to the most essential dimension within you. 430 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,250 So to live in connectedness with that, 431 00:27:05,250 --> 00:27:09,310 then you are in touch with the power of the heart, which 432 00:27:09,310 --> 00:27:14,260 is the power of life itself. 433 00:27:14,260 --> 00:27:17,560 The power of the very intelligence 434 00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:23,230 that pervades and underlies the entire universe. 435 00:27:23,230 --> 00:27:26,800 Divine intelligence is in your heart. 436 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:30,060 You will not find your soul in your intellect. 437 00:27:30,060 --> 00:27:33,470 And I suddenly thought, wow, look at all these notes. 438 00:27:33,470 --> 00:27:35,580 This could be a magazine. 439 00:27:35,580 --> 00:27:39,596 And the title was easy, because it made me really happy. 440 00:27:39,596 --> 00:27:40,580 Happiness. 441 00:28:01,260 --> 00:28:05,900 So to listen to your heart can be very frightening, 442 00:28:05,900 --> 00:28:09,110 because you might have to lose all the secure things that life 443 00:28:09,110 --> 00:28:14,210 was giving you, like cars, money, houses, everything. 444 00:28:14,210 --> 00:28:17,610 Well, I'm a person who has a lot of fear. 445 00:28:17,610 --> 00:28:21,110 Like for example, every time that I 446 00:28:21,110 --> 00:28:23,960 have to write a new book. 447 00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:27,600 Would I be able to express myself? 448 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,340 Would I be able to share my soul? 449 00:28:30,340 --> 00:28:33,870 When we consider challenging fear, 450 00:28:33,870 --> 00:28:37,620 we're actually considering shining the light of awareness 451 00:28:37,620 --> 00:28:40,830 on those places within us that are fearful. 452 00:28:40,830 --> 00:28:43,180 There is nothing wrong with fear. 453 00:28:43,180 --> 00:28:47,340 The only thing that is wrong is to be paralyzed by fear. 454 00:28:47,340 --> 00:28:51,960 So I thought, OK, I face it, I just face it, this fear. 455 00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:56,180 What will happen to me if this magazine is not a success? 456 00:28:56,180 --> 00:28:58,252 Maybe I have to sell the house. 457 00:28:58,252 --> 00:28:59,460 So I looked to another house. 458 00:29:02,561 --> 00:29:08,060 An area in the village where you can rent a very cheap house. 459 00:29:08,060 --> 00:29:10,300 I thought, can I live there? 460 00:29:10,300 --> 00:29:11,600 Of course I can live there. 461 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:12,400 Why not? 462 00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:15,700 It's a roof, it's a house, I can live there. 463 00:29:15,700 --> 00:29:17,170 And I knew I can handle this. 464 00:29:17,170 --> 00:29:20,290 Whatever will happen, we will live. 465 00:29:20,290 --> 00:29:22,180 And there's an old Sioux saying 466 00:29:22,180 --> 00:29:26,610 that says, the longest journey you will make in your life 467 00:29:26,610 --> 00:29:30,480 is from your head to your heart. 468 00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:36,870 And this isn't because we're stupid or we're slow. 469 00:29:36,870 --> 00:29:41,040 It's because it takes time. 470 00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:43,830 Before I had cancer, I believed in the heart 471 00:29:43,830 --> 00:29:46,390 but I was living it from my head. 472 00:29:46,390 --> 00:29:51,470 And that journey, like snow melting into the ground, 473 00:29:51,470 --> 00:29:54,890 the essence of my life melted into my heart. 474 00:29:54,890 --> 00:29:59,060 It took almost dying to make that journey from my head 475 00:29:59,060 --> 00:30:02,380 to my heart. 476 00:30:02,380 --> 00:30:05,230 Your primary intention needs to be 477 00:30:05,230 --> 00:30:09,970 connectedness with the heart at this moment. 478 00:30:09,970 --> 00:30:14,380 I have to act from a place of good intention. 479 00:30:14,380 --> 00:30:17,710 A place of love and kindness that 480 00:30:17,710 --> 00:30:20,740 will allow me to walk in this world 481 00:30:20,740 --> 00:30:23,590 without creating any damage. 482 00:30:23,590 --> 00:30:26,920 You may intend to have a million dollars, 483 00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:32,603 and that intention then needs you to rob a bank. 484 00:30:36,270 --> 00:30:40,200 If you really want the thing, go to the heart and say, 485 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,110 this is what I want. 486 00:30:42,110 --> 00:30:45,360 And the heart can say, I'll show you how you get it. 487 00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:49,980 You must be willing to work, now, and trust me, now. 488 00:30:49,980 --> 00:30:53,040 And then you can have it, yes. 489 00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:55,650 If it's not going to hurt anyone else. 490 00:30:55,650 --> 00:30:58,240 Suppose you meet someone who says, 491 00:30:58,240 --> 00:30:59,820 I intend to make more money. 492 00:30:59,820 --> 00:31:02,400 And he says, that's my intention. 493 00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:06,190 You can ask him, why do you want to make more money? 494 00:31:06,190 --> 00:31:10,350 And then you'll start to learn some interesting things. 495 00:31:10,350 --> 00:31:13,110 If making money becomes your primary goal, 496 00:31:13,110 --> 00:31:16,260 then know that you are not connected 497 00:31:16,260 --> 00:31:18,420 with the deepest dimension in yourself 498 00:31:18,420 --> 00:31:21,180 that we call the heart. 499 00:31:21,180 --> 00:31:25,680 And even if you achieve your goal and make a lot of money, 500 00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:28,890 you will find that ultimately it leads 501 00:31:28,890 --> 00:31:32,190 to frustration and unhappiness. 502 00:31:32,190 --> 00:31:37,290 Fulfill your dream, and certainly money may come. 503 00:31:37,290 --> 00:31:42,030 If money does not come, just to have a life full of joy. 504 00:31:42,030 --> 00:31:44,100 In my case, for example, I never thought 505 00:31:44,100 --> 00:31:47,760 I would make a living out of writing. 506 00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:51,840 I was writing because I wanted to do it. 507 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:53,640 I had no choice. 508 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,890 So at the end of the day, not only 509 00:31:55,890 --> 00:32:00,040 I made money out of writing, but I made a lot of money 510 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:02,310 out of writing. 511 00:32:02,310 --> 00:32:07,230 It often happens that when your actions become empowered 512 00:32:07,230 --> 00:32:13,800 and contribute something vital to this world, 513 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:17,910 then abundance in some form-- and it 514 00:32:17,910 --> 00:32:22,710 may be in the form of money-- can sometimes flow to you. 515 00:32:22,710 --> 00:32:24,630 It was a great success. 516 00:32:24,630 --> 00:32:27,950 Holland wanted this magazine so it could grow, 517 00:32:27,950 --> 00:32:30,600 and it was the biggest magazine of the Netherlands. 518 00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:31,750 It came from the heart. 519 00:32:31,750 --> 00:32:34,200 It was the real thing. 520 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:40,110 Wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure. 521 00:32:40,110 --> 00:32:45,050 The heart is who you are. 522 00:32:45,050 --> 00:32:49,410 The heart defines you. 523 00:32:49,410 --> 00:32:55,900 And I really wanted to meet that person, 524 00:32:55,900 --> 00:33:00,860 because I knew that person had to be pretty special to get 525 00:33:00,860 --> 00:33:03,410 Christina's heart. 526 00:33:03,410 --> 00:33:07,760 Late one evening, my son got a text message from a friend, 527 00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:11,300 and said, tell your mom to read the Facebook page. 528 00:33:11,300 --> 00:33:14,000 So I went to Facebook, and I saw a message. 529 00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:17,090 And the message was, I am Susan Vieira, 530 00:33:17,090 --> 00:33:20,330 and I believe I'm the recipient of your daughter's heart. 531 00:33:20,330 --> 00:33:24,740 I knew it was late, but I just figured I'd message her anyway. 532 00:33:24,740 --> 00:33:27,100 And she responded right back. 533 00:33:27,100 --> 00:33:32,431 And I dialed her number, and she picked up. 534 00:33:32,431 --> 00:33:34,780 And right away I just felt a connection. 535 00:33:38,084 --> 00:33:41,400 I felt Christina. 536 00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:44,850 And then when I heard this she was a retired nurse, 537 00:33:44,850 --> 00:33:47,660 and that they had so much in common, 538 00:33:47,660 --> 00:33:51,530 that it was like Christina handpicked Susan 539 00:33:51,530 --> 00:33:53,090 to get her heart. 540 00:33:53,090 --> 00:33:56,300 Christina and I were both nurses. 541 00:33:56,300 --> 00:34:00,650 I saw the bucket list, and it's really a CV of my life. 542 00:34:00,650 --> 00:34:03,140 She wanted to manage and own her own business. 543 00:34:03,140 --> 00:34:04,310 Yes, I did that. 544 00:34:04,310 --> 00:34:05,660 She wanted to get married. 545 00:34:05,660 --> 00:34:07,940 Yes, I've done that. 546 00:34:07,940 --> 00:34:10,050 She wanted to learn how to fly a plane. 547 00:34:10,050 --> 00:34:11,540 I've learned to fly a plane. 548 00:34:11,540 --> 00:34:14,210 She wanted to go to four out of seven 549 00:34:14,210 --> 00:34:16,460 of the wonders of the world. 550 00:34:16,460 --> 00:34:17,750 Yes, check. 551 00:34:17,750 --> 00:34:20,160 Fly first class on an airplane. 552 00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:20,960 Check. 553 00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:22,610 Visit the 50 states. 554 00:34:22,610 --> 00:34:23,659 I'm working on it. 555 00:34:23,659 --> 00:34:25,760 Ride in a hot air balloon. 556 00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:26,659 I've done that. 557 00:34:26,659 --> 00:34:28,190 Go parachuting. 558 00:34:28,190 --> 00:34:30,550 I'm going to have to wait a while on that one. 559 00:34:30,550 --> 00:34:31,460 Ride a camel. 560 00:34:31,460 --> 00:34:32,260 Done that. 561 00:34:32,260 --> 00:34:34,040 Travel to all the continents. 562 00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:35,000 Working on it. 563 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:36,980 Be remembered as the smiley girl. 564 00:34:36,980 --> 00:34:39,080 I'm still working on that one, too. 565 00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:40,580 She wanted save someone's life, 566 00:34:40,580 --> 00:34:43,730 which she did that in death. 567 00:34:43,730 --> 00:34:48,170 She wanted to own two pieces of property, one with livestock. 568 00:34:48,170 --> 00:34:49,340 I hesitated on that one. 569 00:34:49,340 --> 00:34:51,310 I've owned two pieces of property, 570 00:34:51,310 --> 00:34:53,510 but they didn't have livestock on them. 571 00:34:53,510 --> 00:34:58,190 She went to break up a fight between two guys over her. 572 00:34:58,190 --> 00:34:59,570 No, I haven't done that one. 573 00:34:59,570 --> 00:35:02,000 She wanted to run through a poppy field. 574 00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:03,700 I haven't done that, either. 575 00:35:03,700 --> 00:35:05,780 Tour Niagara Falls. 576 00:35:05,780 --> 00:35:08,000 I'd love to go to Niagara Falls. 577 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:09,320 And have children. 578 00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:10,160 I don't think so. 579 00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:11,600 At this point, that's one I'm not 580 00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:13,730 going to accomplish on her bucket list. 581 00:35:13,730 --> 00:35:17,660 Go to the Smithsonian and drive along Route 66. 582 00:35:17,660 --> 00:35:21,900 Drove it all the way from California to Tennessee. 583 00:35:21,900 --> 00:35:24,540 And it was so important to her that these 584 00:35:24,540 --> 00:35:28,130 get done that we knew it was something that we wanted to do. 585 00:35:28,130 --> 00:35:31,640 I also made the goal to try and do as many 586 00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:36,340 of the undone items on the bucket list. 587 00:35:36,340 --> 00:35:37,990 Having a heart transplant, there's 588 00:35:37,990 --> 00:35:39,730 things that she can't do. 589 00:35:39,730 --> 00:35:44,090 She can't go skydiving or parachuting, 590 00:35:44,090 --> 00:35:46,850 so we'll do that for her. 591 00:35:46,850 --> 00:35:53,810 It won't be me because I'm too scared, but it'll get done. 592 00:35:53,810 --> 00:35:58,840 Everything on that list that we can do, we'll do. 593 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:04,500 When are defeated, you cannot pretend that you are 594 00:36:04,500 --> 00:36:07,550 spiritually superior. 595 00:36:07,550 --> 00:36:15,880 Sit down, and cry, and suffer, and say, oh my God, 596 00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:19,050 why did you forsake me? 597 00:36:19,050 --> 00:36:21,680 You are allowed to cry. 598 00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,090 You are allowed to be defeated. 599 00:36:24,090 --> 00:36:27,700 How not to deny my pain, because if we deny it, 600 00:36:27,700 --> 00:36:29,640 it will get bigger. 601 00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:31,650 And how not to drown in it. 602 00:36:31,650 --> 00:36:36,700 We are asked to let in beauty while we're suffering. 603 00:36:45,030 --> 00:36:47,660 [HEART BEATING] 604 00:36:48,460 --> 00:36:49,930 I hear it. 605 00:36:49,930 --> 00:36:52,090 I remember when she was little, and they 606 00:36:52,090 --> 00:36:59,190 would lay my head on her chest, and I would hear her heart. 607 00:36:59,190 --> 00:37:00,545 That's how I felt today. 608 00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:09,840 I thought that's the heart I heard so many times. 609 00:37:15,567 --> 00:37:18,052 Good. 610 00:37:18,052 --> 00:37:20,040 Thank you. 611 00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:21,034 You're welcome. 612 00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:31,450 I went through the experience of losing my daughter 613 00:37:31,450 --> 00:37:35,050 because there was malpractice and negligence in the hospital, 614 00:37:35,050 --> 00:37:40,110 and my daughter became a vegetable, really. 615 00:37:40,110 --> 00:37:45,410 In a coma for a year until she finally was liberated and died. 616 00:37:45,410 --> 00:37:47,640 And I could carry for the rest of my life 617 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:52,320 the burden of the anger and resentment of what happened. 618 00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:55,230 I could blame and sue the hospital. 619 00:37:55,230 --> 00:37:57,450 But I chose to write a book instead. 620 00:37:57,450 --> 00:38:01,620 And in that book I sort of glimpsed the whole thing. 621 00:38:01,620 --> 00:38:03,390 I understood what had happened. 622 00:38:03,390 --> 00:38:06,810 I realized that there was no bad intention. 623 00:38:06,810 --> 00:38:10,890 There was ignorance, negligence, but not 624 00:38:10,890 --> 00:38:14,110 the purpose of harming her. 625 00:38:14,110 --> 00:38:17,960 And I forgave, and I've been able to live 626 00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:22,610 for 19 years with the spirit of my daughter happily. 627 00:38:22,610 --> 00:38:25,760 I don't carry that burden with me. 628 00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:29,120 Whenever I'm having a difficult time forgiving, 629 00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:31,320 I think of Immaculee Ilibagiza. 630 00:38:39,990 --> 00:38:41,500 I was home for [? Istauli ?] Day. 631 00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:46,140 My brother come to my room-- 632 00:38:46,140 --> 00:38:47,430 You're still sleeping? 633 00:38:47,430 --> 00:38:49,840 He looked like he was awake for many hours. 634 00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:51,900 You don't know what happened? 635 00:38:51,900 --> 00:38:53,820 I jumped out of the bed, I never 636 00:38:53,820 --> 00:38:57,439 did this before in front of my brother, put on my clothes. 637 00:38:57,439 --> 00:38:58,516 We will win! 638 00:38:58,516 --> 00:38:59,593 We will win! 639 00:38:59,593 --> 00:39:00,670 Find the cockroaches! 640 00:39:00,670 --> 00:39:01,750 Find the cockroaches! 641 00:39:01,750 --> 00:39:02,830 He said, 642 00:39:02,830 --> 00:39:06,440 The president of our country died last night. 643 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:09,820 They're going to kill us. 644 00:39:09,820 --> 00:39:11,570 I come from a tribe of Tutsi. 645 00:39:11,570 --> 00:39:13,580 It was well-loved. 646 00:39:13,580 --> 00:39:16,490 And we kind of suspected something might happen. 647 00:39:16,490 --> 00:39:18,830 My parents sent me to hide to a neighbor, who 648 00:39:18,830 --> 00:39:21,185 was from the Hutu tribe. 649 00:39:21,185 --> 00:39:24,200 It was a protestant pastor, and he 650 00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:26,240 put me to sleep in a bathroom of three 651 00:39:26,240 --> 00:39:29,180 by four feet with other seven women. 652 00:39:29,180 --> 00:39:33,610 We couldn't talk, we couldn't speak, as the man told us, 653 00:39:33,610 --> 00:39:36,570 I won't even tell my children. 654 00:39:36,570 --> 00:39:38,090 One mistake, one mistake. 655 00:39:38,090 --> 00:39:39,756 It's not that I don't trust my children, 656 00:39:39,756 --> 00:39:42,460 but this mistake, it would be too late for you 657 00:39:42,460 --> 00:39:46,188 and your life will be over. 658 00:39:46,188 --> 00:39:49,820 Don't use the shower. 659 00:39:49,820 --> 00:39:52,067 Only flush the water of the bathroom 660 00:39:52,067 --> 00:39:54,400 when someone is flushing the water in the next bathroom. 661 00:39:58,204 --> 00:39:59,787 I think [? that we'll be in for ?] a 662 00:39:59,787 --> 00:40:01,540 week or maybe less. 663 00:40:01,540 --> 00:40:05,160 But if we are careful, we might live through this. 664 00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:06,580 Just be careful. 665 00:40:09,660 --> 00:40:12,840 We thought it was going to be two, three days. 666 00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:17,385 We spent in that bathroom three months. 667 00:40:17,385 --> 00:40:20,342 You must not let your guard down. 668 00:40:20,342 --> 00:40:22,050 The Tutsi snakes are hiding in the grass, 669 00:40:22,050 --> 00:40:25,056 so make sure that you have your [INAUDIBLE] ready to chop 670 00:40:25,056 --> 00:40:26,110 the snakes in half. 671 00:40:26,110 --> 00:40:27,410 We couldn't shower. 672 00:40:27,410 --> 00:40:31,730 We were waiting for killers to find us every day. 673 00:40:31,730 --> 00:40:33,920 If you're working a field and spot 674 00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:36,670 a Tutsi woman in the bushes breastfeeding her baby, 675 00:40:36,670 --> 00:40:39,006 don't waste a golden opportunity. 676 00:40:39,006 --> 00:40:42,340 Pick up your gun, shoot them, chop the snakes in half. 677 00:40:42,340 --> 00:40:44,300 Don't forget to kill the baby. 678 00:40:44,300 --> 00:40:47,280 The child of a snake is a snake. 679 00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:49,740 They went home by home to search, 680 00:40:49,740 --> 00:40:51,570 to see if anyone was hiding. 681 00:40:51,570 --> 00:40:54,900 And this was a group that was paid by the government, given 682 00:40:54,900 --> 00:40:57,240 food, and drink, smokes. 683 00:40:57,240 --> 00:41:00,230 The first time they came, I remember I was watching, 684 00:41:00,230 --> 00:41:02,864 and I saw them through the tiny window of the bathroom. 685 00:41:07,540 --> 00:41:10,732 The men circled the house so that no one jumps out 686 00:41:10,732 --> 00:41:12,690 of the window, and then they started to scream. 687 00:41:17,100 --> 00:41:22,590 They went in every room, they went under the beds, 688 00:41:22,590 --> 00:41:25,975 they even opened suitcases to make sure there was no babies 689 00:41:25,975 --> 00:41:26,775 hiding. 690 00:41:30,540 --> 00:41:32,250 They went in the ceiling of the house 691 00:41:32,250 --> 00:41:36,214 with flashlights to make sure no one is hiding in the ceiling. 692 00:41:36,214 --> 00:41:37,630 They went on the roof of the house 693 00:41:37,630 --> 00:41:40,690 to make sure no one is laying there. 694 00:41:40,690 --> 00:41:45,170 I remember asking, if you are there, can control all this, 695 00:41:45,170 --> 00:41:50,535 please don't let them find the door of the bathroom. 696 00:41:50,535 --> 00:41:53,240 A thousand needles went through your body. 697 00:41:53,240 --> 00:41:54,500 It was painful. 698 00:41:54,500 --> 00:41:56,860 It wasn't a little fear, it was a lot. 699 00:41:56,860 --> 00:41:58,480 Your life was about to be over. 700 00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:00,310 You are about to be cut by machetes. 701 00:42:04,430 --> 00:42:05,555 Where are the Tutsis? 702 00:42:05,555 --> 00:42:07,680 No, no, no, don't know what you're talking about. 703 00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:08,640 I'm a good Hutu. 704 00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,910 I would never hide Tutsis, there are no Tutsis here. 705 00:42:10,910 --> 00:42:14,845 I don't want any problem with the government. 706 00:42:14,845 --> 00:42:16,994 You know me, I shall protect this house. 707 00:42:16,994 --> 00:42:18,910 First those Tutsi rebels come in and attack me 708 00:42:18,910 --> 00:42:20,940 for being such a good Hutu. 709 00:42:20,940 --> 00:42:23,269 They came right to the door of the bathroom. 710 00:42:23,269 --> 00:42:24,560 One of them touched the handle. 711 00:42:29,741 --> 00:42:31,520 He told the man, 712 00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:32,320 You know what? 713 00:42:35,300 --> 00:42:38,060 I trust you. 714 00:42:38,060 --> 00:42:39,532 You are a good man. 715 00:42:39,532 --> 00:42:40,576 Oh, thank you. 716 00:42:44,050 --> 00:42:45,658 You are one of us now. 717 00:42:50,110 --> 00:42:51,852 I mean, when we saw him, we jumped. 718 00:42:51,852 --> 00:42:53,560 We thought it was the killers finding us. 719 00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:54,900 You're safe now. 720 00:42:54,900 --> 00:42:56,540 You're lucky to be alive. 721 00:42:56,540 --> 00:43:01,160 We were completely numb for the first five hours. 722 00:43:01,160 --> 00:43:02,980 I don't know how you are praying, 723 00:43:02,980 --> 00:43:04,150 or if you're even praying. 724 00:43:04,150 --> 00:43:07,182 But whatever you're doing, please keep doing it. 725 00:43:11,630 --> 00:43:15,010 You know, the feelings I had in that bathroom 726 00:43:15,010 --> 00:43:19,610 were things I never experienced in my life. 727 00:43:19,610 --> 00:43:22,970 I had anger, anger I cannot put in words. 728 00:43:22,970 --> 00:43:26,180 I mean, sometimes people hate one person, 729 00:43:26,180 --> 00:43:27,560 and that's bad enough. 730 00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:29,990 I hated like eight million people. 731 00:43:29,990 --> 00:43:32,590 And I remember thinking, when I got out, 732 00:43:32,590 --> 00:43:34,310 I'm going to be a soldier, and I will 733 00:43:34,310 --> 00:43:38,050 train my body, and muscles, and just kill everybody. 734 00:43:38,050 --> 00:43:41,480 In my anger, I was Rambo. 735 00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:45,740 In some movies I have seen, I was killing people. 736 00:43:45,740 --> 00:43:49,030 With these thoughts I would be swearing out of anger. 737 00:43:49,030 --> 00:43:52,880 And I'm sitting in the bathroom with these thoughts, 738 00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:57,680 my head would be aching, and my stomach is aching. 739 00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:00,840 Why my thoughts are provoking this poison? 740 00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:03,810 I'm only thinking of things I want to do. 741 00:44:03,810 --> 00:44:05,820 What is going on with my thoughts here? 742 00:44:08,500 --> 00:44:12,520 It's very hard to remember love when we are scared. 743 00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:14,620 Being afraid is one of the strongest 744 00:44:14,620 --> 00:44:17,080 emotions in the world. 745 00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:19,880 Our heart rate varies with each and every heartbeat. 746 00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:23,710 And when we're frustrated, and anxious, and emotionally upset, 747 00:44:23,710 --> 00:44:26,840 the rhythm of the heart becomes very incoherent and jagged. 748 00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:29,080 And this basically creates a noise 749 00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:32,300 in the system that drowns out the intuitive signals. 750 00:44:32,300 --> 00:44:36,910 I remember thinking, this home has two bathrooms. 751 00:44:36,910 --> 00:44:38,980 If they didn't have these two bathrooms, 752 00:44:38,980 --> 00:44:41,520 how could we have been hidden here? 753 00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:42,910 They would have find us. 754 00:44:42,910 --> 00:44:46,360 It was only home that had two bathrooms inside the house, 755 00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:49,780 and that made me feel good. 756 00:44:49,780 --> 00:44:53,470 When I was thinking the good, it was so distinctive 757 00:44:53,470 --> 00:44:55,810 because the feelings were so high you 758 00:44:55,810 --> 00:44:59,080 can feel the difference like someone just pushed you 759 00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:01,180 down and lifted you up. 760 00:45:01,180 --> 00:45:03,400 Like it's so clearly. 761 00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:06,355 And I started thinking, we can eat. 762 00:45:06,355 --> 00:45:08,240 Thank God this man has children. 763 00:45:08,240 --> 00:45:11,590 We can eat the leftovers, even if it was not much. 764 00:45:11,590 --> 00:45:14,140 So I started to see the good, and it 765 00:45:14,140 --> 00:45:16,430 was like my heart was open. 766 00:45:16,430 --> 00:45:19,650 Look at these people, I can touch somebody. 767 00:45:19,650 --> 00:45:22,390 Just to see the good in everything. 768 00:45:22,390 --> 00:45:25,710 Appreciation is a heart related feeling. 769 00:45:25,710 --> 00:45:27,640 It requires access to the intelligence 770 00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:31,250 of the heart to appreciate, or to have gratitude. 771 00:45:31,250 --> 00:45:35,670 And when I was thinking that way, I felt much smarter. 772 00:45:35,670 --> 00:45:37,590 When we're in a coherent state, 773 00:45:37,590 --> 00:45:40,090 the signal from the heart to the brain is so much stronger. 774 00:45:40,090 --> 00:45:43,320 It gets up to our frontal cortex much clearer. 775 00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:45,310 That's the heart knocking on your door, 776 00:45:45,310 --> 00:45:47,590 saying, open the door, here I am. 777 00:45:47,590 --> 00:45:49,750 You need me. 778 00:45:49,750 --> 00:45:52,310 Because then you say, ooh, where am I? 779 00:45:52,310 --> 00:45:55,016 I'm in hell. 780 00:45:55,016 --> 00:45:57,620 I didn't know that. 781 00:45:57,620 --> 00:46:01,525 But the heart tells you, trust me. 782 00:46:01,525 --> 00:46:03,420 And when you're out of that-- 783 00:46:03,420 --> 00:46:06,430 It begins to shift the energies very, very quickly 784 00:46:06,430 --> 00:46:09,560 so that you come into another level of buoyancy that 785 00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:11,530 rises above the problem. 786 00:46:11,530 --> 00:46:14,030 And in doing so, you can then see into it. 787 00:46:14,030 --> 00:46:18,580 You can then find ways to deal with it. 788 00:46:18,580 --> 00:46:21,010 They're coming back. 789 00:46:21,010 --> 00:46:23,410 It was so clear in my heart. 790 00:46:23,410 --> 00:46:25,791 This time they want to find you. 791 00:46:25,791 --> 00:46:28,146 Pastor. 792 00:46:28,146 --> 00:46:30,480 Push the wardrobe in front of the door. 793 00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:32,443 They're not going to see there is a door. 794 00:46:32,443 --> 00:46:33,832 No, no, why? 795 00:46:33,832 --> 00:46:36,123 If they come, they'll realize it wasn't here. 796 00:46:36,123 --> 00:46:37,485 I'm begging you. 797 00:46:42,930 --> 00:46:44,415 OK. 798 00:46:44,415 --> 00:46:48,880 OK, OK, I will put it. 799 00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:52,710 And it was so clear that I need to listen to that. 800 00:47:05,710 --> 00:47:06,795 They came to search. 801 00:47:14,325 --> 00:47:15,774 Where is she, Pastor? 802 00:47:15,774 --> 00:47:17,926 This is the last place she was seen. 803 00:47:17,926 --> 00:47:19,372 We know she's here. 804 00:47:22,264 --> 00:47:23,228 Immaculee! 805 00:47:26,130 --> 00:47:32,790 One of them said, I've killed 399 cockroaches. 806 00:47:32,790 --> 00:47:36,876 And he said, I want Immaculee to be the 400th. 807 00:47:36,876 --> 00:47:38,920 And I'm thinking, this man, I knew him. 808 00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:41,920 He was a school mate in elementary school. 809 00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:43,910 Someone I can call a friend. 810 00:47:43,910 --> 00:47:48,916 How can somebody say he killed 399 people by machete, 811 00:47:48,916 --> 00:47:51,380 but he was proud? 812 00:47:51,380 --> 00:47:53,516 They went right in the wardrobe. 813 00:48:00,656 --> 00:48:04,970 They could have find us if that wardrobe was not there. 814 00:48:04,970 --> 00:48:08,120 And later he said, good idea. 815 00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:10,700 It wasn't even like I wanted to take credit, like oh good, 816 00:48:10,700 --> 00:48:12,110 I had a good idea. 817 00:48:12,110 --> 00:48:15,380 It was just like, keep listening. 818 00:48:15,380 --> 00:48:21,260 Know how to distinguish that clarity that is not covered by 819 00:48:21,260 --> 00:48:25,500 hate, by envy, by jealousy, by anything unloving. 820 00:48:25,500 --> 00:48:27,350 That is really how it comes out. 821 00:48:27,350 --> 00:48:30,500 It comes as a truth that you know 822 00:48:30,500 --> 00:48:36,650 is not motivated by something not nice. 823 00:48:36,650 --> 00:48:38,880 And the funny part, when they left, 824 00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:40,760 the anger came right back. 825 00:48:40,760 --> 00:48:43,190 It was just like a [INAUDIBLE] oil coming back 826 00:48:43,190 --> 00:48:47,510 on the top of the water, like a veil I pulled in front. 827 00:48:47,510 --> 00:48:49,400 I couldn't say, I couldn't think. 828 00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:53,180 Oh, my body's aching again, and my headache. 829 00:48:53,180 --> 00:48:56,660 But that's what you do when people are killing your people. 830 00:48:56,660 --> 00:48:57,950 You get angry. 831 00:48:57,950 --> 00:49:04,090 So I didn't even think there was another way to deal with this. 832 00:49:04,090 --> 00:49:08,450 Despite the price I was paying with my own body, 833 00:49:08,450 --> 00:49:11,330 I couldn't remember how to smile cause of anger. 834 00:49:11,330 --> 00:49:13,880 I felt like my mouth was twisted. 835 00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:16,280 I wished to be innocent again. 836 00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:18,360 I wished to see good in people. 837 00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:20,660 But for me, they were animals. 838 00:49:20,660 --> 00:49:22,190 They were bad. 839 00:49:22,190 --> 00:49:25,460 They were just evil people. 840 00:49:25,460 --> 00:49:29,850 Every day I prayed about 200 our Lord's Prayer. 841 00:49:33,950 --> 00:49:40,760 Any time I reached the part that said, forgive us our trespasses 842 00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:46,339 as we forgive those who trespass against us, I couldn't say it. 843 00:49:46,339 --> 00:49:49,032 Give us this day our daily bread. 844 00:49:49,032 --> 00:49:49,832 Forgive-- 845 00:49:53,830 --> 00:49:57,560 Any time I went through that part it was like a red flag. 846 00:49:57,560 --> 00:49:59,790 And then I said, how can I deal with it? 847 00:49:59,790 --> 00:50:05,660 Because I can't forgive, because this is unforgivable thing. 848 00:50:05,660 --> 00:50:06,920 They tried to kill me. 849 00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:08,720 How do you forgive such a thing? 850 00:50:08,720 --> 00:50:12,590 I wished I could, but it didn't make sense in my situation. 851 00:50:12,590 --> 00:50:16,130 So one time I said, wait a minute, I have a better idea. 852 00:50:16,130 --> 00:50:19,350 I thought, let me skip that part of the prayer. 853 00:50:19,350 --> 00:50:22,550 So then I don't have to say it, then I can say the rest. 854 00:50:22,550 --> 00:50:27,140 So then within me, God is OK, now he knows I'm not lying. 855 00:50:27,140 --> 00:50:29,300 Lies don't sit well in the body. 856 00:50:29,300 --> 00:50:34,620 And I start to skip it, and I felt so much better. 857 00:50:34,620 --> 00:50:37,220 So I edited it, and now this voice says-- 858 00:50:37,220 --> 00:50:39,770 You are editing his prayer. 859 00:50:39,770 --> 00:50:43,920 If I were you, I wouldn't try to edit his prayer. 860 00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:45,740 You know, I can say this laughing today, 861 00:50:45,740 --> 00:50:48,960 but that time my mood was crushed. 862 00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:55,010 I remember it was like giving up, or can I call it surrender? 863 00:50:55,010 --> 00:51:00,260 I went to my knees, and I put my hands up, and I begged God. 864 00:51:00,260 --> 00:51:02,120 I'm going to put it back in prayer. 865 00:51:02,120 --> 00:51:05,210 Because if you said pray this way, you must know 866 00:51:05,210 --> 00:51:06,860 it is the right thing to do. 867 00:51:06,860 --> 00:51:08,600 I'm putting it in your hands. 868 00:51:08,600 --> 00:51:10,910 If you know how to forgive, help me out. 869 00:51:10,910 --> 00:51:12,260 I am willing. 870 00:51:12,260 --> 00:51:13,300 That was a big shift. 871 00:51:32,370 --> 00:51:36,170 I remember they came to a point when it was like the world was 872 00:51:36,170 --> 00:51:37,874 divided in two parts. 873 00:51:37,874 --> 00:51:41,260 A part of love, and a part of hate. 874 00:51:41,260 --> 00:51:44,250 In the part of love are people like Mandela, 875 00:51:44,250 --> 00:51:46,940 like Mother Teresa, Gandhi. 876 00:51:46,940 --> 00:51:47,930 People who suffered. 877 00:51:47,930 --> 00:51:50,200 And no matter how much they suffered, 878 00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:52,570 they still stand up for truth. 879 00:51:52,570 --> 00:51:55,300 They still stand up for love, for defense 880 00:51:55,300 --> 00:51:57,640 of another human being's rights. 881 00:51:57,640 --> 00:52:01,210 And then on the side of hate, I see people like Hitler, 882 00:52:01,210 --> 00:52:04,200 like those who were causing genocide in Rwanda who 883 00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:08,020 are vengeful, angry, like me at that time. 884 00:52:08,020 --> 00:52:11,830 And I felt like God was asking me, where do you want to stand? 885 00:52:11,830 --> 00:52:13,364 Where do you want to belong? 886 00:52:17,346 --> 00:52:21,205 Do you want to belong to side of love or the side of hate? 887 00:52:21,205 --> 00:52:22,450 And guess what? 888 00:52:22,450 --> 00:52:24,310 People who belong on the side of love, 889 00:52:24,310 --> 00:52:26,930 they have known injustice. 890 00:52:26,930 --> 00:52:28,970 They have known hate. 891 00:52:28,970 --> 00:52:31,180 They have known how to be treated bad. 892 00:52:31,180 --> 00:52:32,286 But it's your choice. 893 00:52:36,892 --> 00:52:40,430 And I remember, it was so clear that I said, 894 00:52:40,430 --> 00:52:43,000 of course I want to be with Gandhi, with Mandela. 895 00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:44,560 I admire these people. 896 00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:46,690 I admired Mother Teresa. 897 00:52:46,690 --> 00:52:47,930 I want to be like them. 898 00:52:47,930 --> 00:52:49,090 So what did they do? 899 00:52:49,090 --> 00:52:51,490 They believed people can change. 900 00:52:51,490 --> 00:52:57,010 That was a huge shift in my thinking in my body. 901 00:52:57,010 --> 00:52:58,840 People do change. 902 00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:00,820 And I remember thinking, wait a minute. 903 00:53:00,820 --> 00:53:03,220 I don't think people can really change. 904 00:53:03,220 --> 00:53:05,500 Now, wait a minute again. 905 00:53:05,500 --> 00:53:07,980 Look at me, I'm changing with all these thoughts. 906 00:53:11,380 --> 00:53:15,140 So when I realized that people actually do change, 907 00:53:15,140 --> 00:53:19,390 people have the capacity to see things differently, 908 00:53:19,390 --> 00:53:22,450 that's when I realized I can let it go. 909 00:53:22,450 --> 00:53:27,100 I felt like I moved from the bathroom to a place of air. 910 00:53:27,100 --> 00:53:30,440 That's how love felt in my body. 911 00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:32,000 I couldn't smell nothing bad. 912 00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:34,000 It was like I was floating. 913 00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:40,872 And that was a paradise in my heart. 914 00:53:40,872 --> 00:53:43,800 I thought about the killers, I should 915 00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:47,740 have compassion towards them. 916 00:53:47,740 --> 00:53:52,150 Imagine the person who killed 100 people, who 917 00:53:52,150 --> 00:53:55,370 have took away fathers and mothers from their kids. 918 00:53:55,370 --> 00:53:59,420 What are they going to become when they wake up one day 919 00:53:59,420 --> 00:54:01,180 and they realize what they're doing? 920 00:54:01,180 --> 00:54:02,750 Someone who begged them for life? 921 00:54:14,490 --> 00:54:17,850 When we came out, it was like end of the world. 922 00:54:17,850 --> 00:54:20,444 A million people and more was killed. 923 00:54:20,444 --> 00:54:26,930 My mom, my father, my two brothers, my grandma 924 00:54:26,930 --> 00:54:29,750 and my grandpa, neighbors. 925 00:54:29,750 --> 00:54:32,690 My schoolmates, my best friends. 926 00:54:32,690 --> 00:54:34,920 It was the end of the world. 927 00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:37,240 Everywhere was their bodies. 928 00:54:37,240 --> 00:54:39,800 But something have changed in my heart. 929 00:54:39,800 --> 00:54:41,330 I was strong inside. 930 00:54:41,330 --> 00:54:45,200 I was really ready to face life in a different way. 931 00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:46,820 I'm a skeleton. 932 00:54:46,820 --> 00:54:48,580 I'm 65 pounds. 933 00:54:48,580 --> 00:54:53,030 But inside, I felt huge, I felt more beautiful. 934 00:54:53,030 --> 00:54:55,670 I felt like everybody was just a gift of God, 935 00:54:55,670 --> 00:54:59,840 and I just wanted to serve, to help, and to care. 936 00:54:59,840 --> 00:55:02,480 For the first time I'm being grateful 937 00:55:02,480 --> 00:55:06,080 for things I took for granted forever. 938 00:55:06,080 --> 00:55:09,560 And I can say hi to somebody without anyone killing me. 939 00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:13,300 And then I remember in evening, this nice wind. 940 00:55:13,300 --> 00:55:17,180 The trees are moving, I can feel the wind in my body. 941 00:55:17,180 --> 00:55:19,580 I didn't feel this for three months. 942 00:55:19,580 --> 00:55:22,470 I can see the stars, I can see the moon, 943 00:55:22,470 --> 00:55:23,853 and I don't have to pay for this. 944 00:55:23,853 --> 00:55:26,620 Did I ever looked at the moon and said, 945 00:55:26,620 --> 00:55:28,310 wow, nice to have the moon? 946 00:55:28,310 --> 00:55:29,540 No. 947 00:55:29,540 --> 00:55:33,380 It was overwhelming feeling of love and appreciation. 948 00:55:33,380 --> 00:55:36,380 I wanted to scream to the whole world. 949 00:55:36,380 --> 00:55:39,775 Do you see the beauty? 950 00:55:39,775 --> 00:55:47,810 The mind can understand conceptually wholeness, 951 00:55:47,810 --> 00:55:50,490 but only the hard can experience wholeness. 952 00:55:53,780 --> 00:55:56,980 And the reward, if we can endure what we experience, 953 00:55:56,980 --> 00:56:01,620 is that we don't just grasp oneness, we feel it. 954 00:56:04,790 --> 00:56:13,340 Your head sees things as black or white, wrong 955 00:56:13,340 --> 00:56:19,290 or right, bad or good. 956 00:56:19,290 --> 00:56:24,310 Head is always touching, always off balance. 957 00:56:30,710 --> 00:56:33,530 How long do I have to wait for it to be white again? 958 00:56:40,070 --> 00:56:45,020 Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there. 959 00:56:51,360 --> 00:56:56,625 The heart is much faster and wiser than the head. 960 00:56:56,625 --> 00:57:00,020 In the eyes of the heart, black and white judgments 961 00:57:00,020 --> 00:57:06,410 disappear because the heart is balanced by a deeper truth. 962 00:57:06,410 --> 00:57:12,370 The great spirit spins together moments of profound beauty 963 00:57:12,370 --> 00:57:16,410 that can only be experienced with the heart. 964 00:57:22,170 --> 00:57:25,760 I am forever grateful for that bathroom. 965 00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:29,960 To see where evil can take people, 966 00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:33,460 but to see also where love can take people. 967 00:57:33,460 --> 00:57:37,030 Just realize the weakness of people, 968 00:57:37,030 --> 00:57:40,550 but the strength that is within each one of us. 969 00:57:40,550 --> 00:57:44,240 To push me that far, to dig within my heart, 970 00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:46,786 and to trust that instinct within. 971 00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:53,230 And when you can give thanks for it all 972 00:57:53,230 --> 00:57:59,360 and love without conditions, then you will be free. 973 00:57:59,360 --> 00:58:01,529 That is the power of the heart. 974 00:58:06,020 --> 00:58:09,170 Life is full of challenges. 975 00:58:09,170 --> 00:58:12,260 Challenges and hardships often times 976 00:58:12,260 --> 00:58:16,040 are the intense heat and fire that 977 00:58:16,040 --> 00:58:19,100 break us open to discover gifts, talents, 978 00:58:19,100 --> 00:58:22,580 and capacities within us that we would have never discovered 979 00:58:22,580 --> 00:58:23,870 before. 980 00:58:23,870 --> 00:58:26,570 So like a match that holds fire, 981 00:58:26,570 --> 00:58:29,420 but until it strikes against something you have no flame. 982 00:58:32,270 --> 00:58:34,730 By rubbing up against experience, 983 00:58:34,730 --> 00:58:40,569 our heart comes aflame, and light and warmth come from us. 984 00:58:40,569 --> 00:58:42,110 You can even be grateful for things 985 00:58:42,110 --> 00:58:45,570 that you imagine that aren't any good for you. 986 00:58:45,570 --> 00:58:48,140 That you imagine that you don't really want, or that you wish 987 00:58:48,140 --> 00:58:50,270 you hadn't had to experience. 988 00:58:50,270 --> 00:58:54,980 Even in those moments, masters say thank you to life, 989 00:58:54,980 --> 00:58:57,979 thank you to God, thank you to the divine self 990 00:58:57,979 --> 00:58:59,270 for this particular experience. 991 00:58:59,270 --> 00:59:01,490 Because I know that before too long I 992 00:59:01,490 --> 00:59:03,920 will see the extraordinary gift that 993 00:59:03,920 --> 00:59:09,410 has been folded into this physical encounter. 994 00:59:09,410 --> 00:59:13,880 Six months after the genocide, and people used to tell me, 995 00:59:13,880 --> 00:59:16,140 you can't forgive this quick. 996 00:59:16,140 --> 00:59:21,220 It's too quick to be happy. 997 00:59:21,220 --> 00:59:23,330 You can't be smiling after what happened. 998 00:59:26,132 --> 00:59:29,450 And that really kind of made me question a little bit 999 00:59:29,450 --> 00:59:30,890 sometimes. 1000 00:59:30,890 --> 00:59:38,990 I said, am I happy and forgiving out of surviving mechanism? 1001 00:59:38,990 --> 00:59:40,350 Am I going to crush one day? 1002 00:59:40,350 --> 00:59:43,650 Which many people told me, on one day, if you see them, 1003 00:59:43,650 --> 00:59:45,300 you will go back to the anger. 1004 00:59:45,300 --> 00:59:46,500 I said, really? 1005 00:59:46,500 --> 00:59:47,430 Let me see. 1006 00:59:47,430 --> 00:59:51,990 So I went to prison to see the person who have killed my mom 1007 00:59:51,990 --> 00:59:55,470 and my brother, whom I would not have gone to meet him. 1008 00:59:55,470 --> 00:59:57,540 It didn't serve me one bit. 1009 00:59:57,540 --> 01:00:00,960 So I went there just to really see how I feel. 1010 01:00:00,960 --> 01:00:03,630 And I have learned the head of the jail 1011 01:00:03,630 --> 01:00:06,480 is a friend of my father who lost his wife 1012 01:00:06,480 --> 01:00:08,310 and like five children. 1013 01:00:08,310 --> 01:00:11,750 So I knew he would open the door for me. 1014 01:00:11,750 --> 01:00:14,910 You can hit him, you can do whatever 1015 01:00:14,910 --> 01:00:20,440 you want because I'm here now. 1016 01:00:20,440 --> 01:00:21,370 I will protect you. 1017 01:00:24,250 --> 01:00:25,710 So ease up your pain. 1018 01:00:44,368 --> 01:00:45,860 And he brought the man. 1019 01:00:50,670 --> 01:00:51,510 I remember him. 1020 01:00:51,510 --> 01:00:53,950 He used to be a teacher. 1021 01:00:53,950 --> 01:00:56,020 He was like a father to me. 1022 01:00:56,020 --> 01:00:57,520 He had kids my age. 1023 01:00:57,520 --> 01:01:02,090 I used to visit them, and have lunch with the family. 1024 01:01:02,090 --> 01:01:05,240 Now that's him who did that? 1025 01:01:05,240 --> 01:01:06,980 I just broke down and cried. 1026 01:01:10,660 --> 01:01:12,380 And I truly cried out of compassion 1027 01:01:12,380 --> 01:01:14,030 towards him and his family. 1028 01:01:42,365 --> 01:01:43,850 I forgive you. 1029 01:01:50,780 --> 01:01:52,265 I forgive you. 1030 01:01:56,750 --> 01:02:00,060 It wasn't like, oh, I planned to say these words. 1031 01:02:00,060 --> 01:02:01,950 There's something I wanted to express, 1032 01:02:01,950 --> 01:02:05,060 and I couldn't find words to say it fully. 1033 01:02:05,060 --> 01:02:07,670 I wanted him to be free from me. 1034 01:02:07,670 --> 01:02:10,200 Not to think, oh, she's mad at me. 1035 01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:11,804 You know, I can't do nothing. 1036 01:02:11,804 --> 01:02:13,220 I just wanted him to have a chance 1037 01:02:13,220 --> 01:02:16,230 to go through his own journey from his own heart, 1038 01:02:16,230 --> 01:02:18,530 not because somebody is angry at him, 1039 01:02:18,530 --> 01:02:20,085 or someone put him in a prison. 1040 01:02:20,085 --> 01:02:21,440 What is wrong with you? 1041 01:02:28,230 --> 01:02:31,370 And the head of the jail was so mad. 1042 01:02:31,370 --> 01:02:33,666 What is wrong with you, huh? 1043 01:02:33,666 --> 01:02:37,230 You do not know what he did to us? 1044 01:02:37,230 --> 01:02:39,750 You do not love your parents, huh? 1045 01:02:39,750 --> 01:02:42,100 You forget? 1046 01:02:42,100 --> 01:02:44,165 I forgot that the man was there, 1047 01:02:44,165 --> 01:02:46,620 and actually who lost his family, too. 1048 01:02:46,620 --> 01:02:47,910 And I really felt bad. 1049 01:02:47,910 --> 01:02:50,645 You forgive a killer? 1050 01:02:50,645 --> 01:02:54,470 What is wrong with you? 1051 01:02:54,470 --> 01:02:57,170 What is wrong with you? 1052 01:02:57,170 --> 01:02:59,190 Oh my God, why did I forgive him? 1053 01:02:59,190 --> 01:03:02,050 But I did, I wanted to. 1054 01:03:02,050 --> 01:03:03,380 I wanted to free him. 1055 01:03:03,380 --> 01:03:06,130 But it felt more like weakness, it 1056 01:03:06,130 --> 01:03:10,220 felt like-- somewhere I knew it was the right thing. 1057 01:03:10,220 --> 01:03:12,890 It's the most horrifying tale. 1058 01:03:12,890 --> 01:03:17,490 And yet she, and many people living through that genocide, 1059 01:03:17,490 --> 01:03:22,220 have found it in their hearts to forgive and to move on. 1060 01:03:22,220 --> 01:03:24,230 Forgiveness is everything. 1061 01:03:28,210 --> 01:03:35,700 When I think of forgiveness, I'm brought to weep with gratitude 1062 01:03:35,700 --> 01:03:38,400 that it exists. 1063 01:03:38,400 --> 01:03:40,610 Now, forgiveness doesn't mean that you're condoning 1064 01:03:40,610 --> 01:03:42,380 someone else's behavior. 1065 01:03:42,380 --> 01:03:44,780 This is a really important point. 1066 01:03:44,780 --> 01:03:46,430 Forgiveness merely means that you're 1067 01:03:46,430 --> 01:03:49,130 freeing yourself up from the energy blocks 1068 01:03:49,130 --> 01:03:50,720 that you're holding. 1069 01:03:50,720 --> 01:03:54,140 Those resentments that you're carrying. 1070 01:03:54,140 --> 01:03:59,000 There's a song, a Gospel song. 1071 01:03:59,000 --> 01:04:05,330 And it says, (SINGING)take your burden to the Lord 1072 01:04:05,330 --> 01:04:07,670 and leave them there. 1073 01:04:07,670 --> 01:04:11,730 Leave them there, oh, leave them there. 1074 01:04:11,730 --> 01:04:16,460 Take your burden to the Lord and leave them there. 1075 01:04:16,460 --> 01:04:21,800 If you trust Him, never doubt, he will surely bring you out. 1076 01:04:21,800 --> 01:04:25,410 Take your burden to the Lord and leave them-- now, 1077 01:04:25,410 --> 01:04:27,240 there is that, and there are people 1078 01:04:27,240 --> 01:04:33,440 that sing that with such fervor and such confidence. 1079 01:04:33,440 --> 01:04:36,140 And those are the same people who take their burden, 1080 01:04:36,140 --> 01:04:39,185 say there my burdens, and then they get up and take the burden 1081 01:04:39,185 --> 01:04:39,985 with them. 1082 01:04:39,985 --> 01:04:42,590 And they go-- [LAUGHS] 1083 01:04:42,590 --> 01:04:45,740 How can we connect with the heart? 1084 01:04:45,740 --> 01:04:53,135 Well, your starting point is all you ever have, this moment. 1085 01:04:56,550 --> 01:04:58,950 We are so busy all the time. 1086 01:04:58,950 --> 01:05:03,080 There's no time, no space, no silence for the heart. 1087 01:05:03,080 --> 01:05:06,590 Unless you actually can be out in nature, 1088 01:05:06,590 --> 01:05:10,160 and experience the birds singing, and the trees, 1089 01:05:10,160 --> 01:05:14,120 and the blue sky, you are divorced 1090 01:05:14,120 --> 01:05:18,680 from the great spiritual being that I feel is all around us. 1091 01:05:18,680 --> 01:05:22,490 And I've been so lucky to spend months and months on my own 1092 01:05:22,490 --> 01:05:23,660 in nature. 1093 01:05:23,660 --> 01:05:26,210 Then you can become a whole human 1094 01:05:26,210 --> 01:05:31,490 being with heart, and brain, and spirit, all 1095 01:05:31,490 --> 01:05:33,230 connected and whole. 1096 01:05:33,230 --> 01:05:35,930 That's why maybe people meditate or pray, 1097 01:05:35,930 --> 01:05:40,340 because they need that space, that moment when 1098 01:05:40,340 --> 01:05:43,080 you listen to the heart. 1099 01:05:43,080 --> 01:05:48,690 Every storm has a hole in the center the size of a navel 1100 01:05:48,690 --> 01:05:52,890 through which a gull can fly in silence. 1101 01:05:52,890 --> 01:05:56,070 And so you become calm. 1102 01:05:56,070 --> 01:05:59,100 You must become calm. 1103 01:05:59,100 --> 01:06:04,060 If you don't know what to do, do nothing. 1104 01:06:04,060 --> 01:06:10,890 Don't fill your time with trivia, simply do nothing. 1105 01:06:10,890 --> 01:06:12,880 Simply sit. 1106 01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:13,930 Breathe. 1107 01:06:13,930 --> 01:06:16,870 All the traditions speak about the value 1108 01:06:16,870 --> 01:06:19,300 of meditation, reflection, contemplation, 1109 01:06:19,300 --> 01:06:21,530 which all center on breathing. 1110 01:06:21,530 --> 01:06:22,330 Why? 1111 01:06:22,330 --> 01:06:26,410 Because breath restores us to the safety of the moment. 1112 01:06:26,410 --> 01:06:28,660 Now you want to breathe a little deeper and a little 1113 01:06:28,660 --> 01:06:30,520 slower than you normally would. 1114 01:06:30,520 --> 01:06:33,790 About a four or five second on the in-breath, and four or five 1115 01:06:33,790 --> 01:06:35,030 seconds on the out breath. 1116 01:06:35,030 --> 01:06:36,696 But you don't hold your breath, you just 1117 01:06:36,696 --> 01:06:39,520 get a nice rhythm, that pace, holding your tension 1118 01:06:39,520 --> 01:06:40,580 in the area of the heart. 1119 01:06:40,580 --> 01:06:43,130 Bring your awareness to your heart. 1120 01:06:43,130 --> 01:06:46,720 Bring your conscious awareness into your heart. 1121 01:06:46,720 --> 01:06:55,040 And you may be able maybe to hear. 1122 01:06:55,040 --> 01:06:57,800 I ask my heart all the time for guidance. 1123 01:06:57,800 --> 01:07:01,070 Your heart has a very good way to tell you whether you're 1124 01:07:01,070 --> 01:07:03,290 in a good path or not. 1125 01:07:03,290 --> 01:07:05,720 It's called enthusiasm. 1126 01:07:05,720 --> 01:07:09,120 I let in whatever's around me, and I 1127 01:07:09,120 --> 01:07:14,310 ask, where's the aliveness now? 1128 01:07:14,310 --> 01:07:17,940 When I'm playing with the kids, when I make love 1129 01:07:17,940 --> 01:07:21,900 to my husband, when I read a good book, when I'm writing 1130 01:07:21,900 --> 01:07:25,170 and I feel that the character becomes a person 1131 01:07:25,170 --> 01:07:27,540 and talks to me, then my heart also 1132 01:07:27,540 --> 01:07:33,000 feels fluttering, and with laughter, with joy. 1133 01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:35,700 Why everything has to be so serious? 1134 01:07:35,700 --> 01:07:38,565 It's very important to have fun. 1135 01:07:38,565 --> 01:07:42,600 Even the middle of something that you are doing that 1136 01:07:42,600 --> 01:07:45,240 requires a lot of discipline. 1137 01:07:45,240 --> 01:07:50,850 And so to connect to your heart, become a child. 1138 01:07:50,850 --> 01:07:53,160 My dear friend George came to Greece. 1139 01:07:53,160 --> 01:07:54,950 This guy is a billionaire. 1140 01:07:54,950 --> 01:07:56,610 And he is very big. 1141 01:07:56,610 --> 01:07:57,990 He started talking, and I said-- 1142 01:07:57,990 --> 01:07:59,170 Listen. 1143 01:07:59,170 --> 01:08:01,410 If you want to talk with me, come with me. 1144 01:08:01,410 --> 01:08:03,270 I took him out in the central of Athens 1145 01:08:03,270 --> 01:08:04,782 where we have a trampoline. 1146 01:08:10,959 --> 01:08:13,250 We're not going to talk business unless you follow me 1147 01:08:13,250 --> 01:08:14,640 on the trampoline, man. 1148 01:08:14,640 --> 01:08:15,440 No, no, no, no. 1149 01:08:15,440 --> 01:08:16,939 Yes, yes, yes, together. 1150 01:08:16,939 --> 01:08:19,220 I'm not going on a trampoline. 1151 01:08:19,220 --> 01:08:21,640 You're a difficult guy to get undressed, man. 1152 01:08:27,467 --> 01:08:30,050 He came up on the trampoline for the first time in his life, 1153 01:08:30,050 --> 01:08:33,890 and we started jumping together, up and down, up and down. 1154 01:08:33,890 --> 01:08:37,510 140 kilos, no? 1155 01:08:37,510 --> 01:08:39,140 Hey, you could become a champion 1156 01:08:39,140 --> 01:08:40,299 if you train a little bit. 1157 01:08:40,299 --> 01:08:41,810 Next Olympic games, OK? 1158 01:08:41,810 --> 01:08:43,746 I will be your manager, man! 1159 01:08:50,038 --> 01:08:51,903 [LAUGHING] 1160 01:08:51,903 --> 01:08:53,319 Wow, what a good boy you are, man! 1161 01:08:53,319 --> 01:08:57,630 That's the way I like it! 1162 01:08:57,630 --> 01:09:00,029 He was so happy, like a little child. 1163 01:09:02,560 --> 01:09:03,779 The child is hidden. 1164 01:09:03,779 --> 01:09:06,779 Everybody's a child, even him, who is a billionaire. 1165 01:09:06,779 --> 01:09:11,080 And the child is saying, hello, I'm here. 1166 01:09:11,080 --> 01:09:14,439 But we think, oh, we are grown up, 1167 01:09:14,439 --> 01:09:17,950 we're not going to listen to this child. 1168 01:09:17,950 --> 01:09:24,220 Because this child has childish dreams. 1169 01:09:24,220 --> 01:09:27,470 And so we forget the child. 1170 01:09:27,470 --> 01:09:30,189 And from the moment that we forget the child, 1171 01:09:30,189 --> 01:09:33,100 we think the child is going to forget us. 1172 01:09:33,100 --> 01:09:34,260 No. 1173 01:09:34,260 --> 01:09:37,149 The child is not going to forget us. 1174 01:09:37,149 --> 01:09:41,529 This child will be here always, hello, I'm here. 1175 01:09:41,529 --> 01:09:42,790 I'm talking to you. 1176 01:09:42,790 --> 01:09:44,279 Can you listen? 1177 01:09:44,279 --> 01:09:47,699 And then we say, shut up. 1178 01:09:47,699 --> 01:09:49,810 I don't want to listen to you. 1179 01:09:49,810 --> 01:09:55,360 But the day that you're facing death, 1180 01:09:55,360 --> 01:09:59,360 this child will be there, and are going to ask you again, 1181 01:09:59,360 --> 01:10:02,890 why didn't you listen to me? 1182 01:10:02,890 --> 01:10:07,002 And then you have to answer. 1183 01:10:07,002 --> 01:10:12,250 And your answer will be your hell or your heaven. 1184 01:10:12,250 --> 01:10:17,950 The difference between being childish and childlike 1185 01:10:17,950 --> 01:10:24,460 is that being childish reduces our world and returns us 1186 01:10:24,460 --> 01:10:26,560 to being self-centered. 1187 01:10:26,560 --> 01:10:31,610 Being childlike returns us to wonder. 1188 01:10:31,610 --> 01:10:33,580 It's wonderful to be like a child 1189 01:10:33,580 --> 01:10:35,530 if you still can practice this. 1190 01:10:35,530 --> 01:10:38,860 When I'm in new places, or new cities, or new areas, 1191 01:10:38,860 --> 01:10:40,600 I'm as Alice in Wonderland. 1192 01:10:40,600 --> 01:10:42,520 Then the heart goes open again. 1193 01:10:42,520 --> 01:10:45,160 And then I feel my heart exploding. 1194 01:10:45,160 --> 01:10:48,060 You know, I feel the heat of the heart. 1195 01:10:48,060 --> 01:10:51,940 And it is wonderfully liberating and empowering 1196 01:10:51,940 --> 01:10:56,140 to be aligned with the heart, that which 1197 01:10:56,140 --> 01:10:59,200 underlies all creation. 1198 01:10:59,200 --> 01:11:04,870 And it is then that often you find helpful factors coming 1199 01:11:04,870 --> 01:11:08,850 into your life out of nowhere, and those 1200 01:11:08,850 --> 01:11:11,890 are synchronistic events that usually 1201 01:11:11,890 --> 01:11:17,860 are confirmation that you are connected to that deeper level. 1202 01:11:17,860 --> 01:11:23,020 Synchronicity this word that was created by Carl Jung. 1203 01:11:23,020 --> 01:11:25,540 When something appears to be a coincidence, 1204 01:11:25,540 --> 01:11:28,630 but you know that there's more to it than that. 1205 01:11:28,630 --> 01:11:32,920 For example, you get a phone call just at the right moment. 1206 01:11:32,920 --> 01:11:35,800 Something that becomes helpful factor, 1207 01:11:35,800 --> 01:11:39,040 and you cannot explain causally how that happened. 1208 01:11:39,040 --> 01:11:42,280 Synchronicity is a miracle. 1209 01:11:42,280 --> 01:11:47,380 The only thing that you can do is to be open to synchronicity. 1210 01:11:47,380 --> 01:11:50,890 It is as if a filter drops away, 1211 01:11:50,890 --> 01:11:54,910 and we notice that synchronicity is all around us. 1212 01:11:54,910 --> 01:11:58,620 That this isn't an accidental universe. 1213 01:11:58,620 --> 01:12:02,100 When we were waiting to hear from the doctors, 1214 01:12:02,100 --> 01:12:05,220 I had one of Christina's jackets. 1215 01:12:05,220 --> 01:12:09,630 And I reached into the pockets and I pulled out a fortune 1216 01:12:09,630 --> 01:12:11,610 from a fortune cookie. 1217 01:12:11,610 --> 01:12:16,955 We must always have old memories and young hopes. 1218 01:12:19,515 --> 01:12:29,290 And that was a sign for us that she was gone. 1219 01:12:29,290 --> 01:12:31,370 And immediately I just thought this was like-- 1220 01:12:31,370 --> 01:12:32,590 A final message. 1221 01:12:32,590 --> 01:12:34,170 Her final message to us. 1222 01:12:34,170 --> 01:12:38,816 I mean, the old memories were the old memories with her, 1223 01:12:38,816 --> 01:12:40,760 with Christina. 1224 01:12:40,760 --> 01:12:45,620 And the young hopes, or the optimism, you know, 1225 01:12:45,620 --> 01:12:46,810 she was 21 years old. 1226 01:12:46,810 --> 01:12:49,040 She looked ahead to her whole life. 1227 01:12:49,040 --> 01:12:51,260 To me it was telling us that we have 1228 01:12:51,260 --> 01:12:57,270 to pick up where she left off, even though I'm not 21 anymore. 1229 01:12:57,270 --> 01:13:01,700 I have to adopt that philosophy and try 1230 01:13:01,700 --> 01:13:07,292 to live up to the young hopes for the future 1231 01:13:07,292 --> 01:13:08,750 that you can have, and that you can 1232 01:13:08,750 --> 01:13:10,400 make a difference in the world. 1233 01:13:10,400 --> 01:13:14,060 Synchronicity is largely due to intuition, where we end up 1234 01:13:14,060 --> 01:13:15,980 in the right place at the right time because 1235 01:13:15,980 --> 01:13:18,410 of that inner guidance. 1236 01:13:18,410 --> 01:13:21,170 In other experiments we've done, we 1237 01:13:21,170 --> 01:13:23,960 see that the heart can know the information about 20 seconds 1238 01:13:23,960 --> 01:13:25,520 before hand. 1239 01:13:25,520 --> 01:13:27,200 But in real life, our intuition's 1240 01:13:27,200 --> 01:13:29,660 not limited by these experimental protocols. 1241 01:13:29,660 --> 01:13:31,400 And I think we have to be careful not 1242 01:13:31,400 --> 01:13:33,410 to say that, well, intuition is only 1243 01:13:33,410 --> 01:13:35,340 20 seconds before an event. 1244 01:13:35,340 --> 01:13:37,460 Because we know in the real world, 1245 01:13:37,460 --> 01:13:40,250 it can be hours and sometimes even days 1246 01:13:40,250 --> 01:13:42,410 before an event actually occurs. 1247 01:13:42,410 --> 01:13:45,140 Most people instantly think about going to Las Vegas 1248 01:13:45,140 --> 01:13:46,740 and gambling or something. 1249 01:13:46,740 --> 01:13:49,070 If intuition really works as I'm suggesting, 1250 01:13:49,070 --> 01:13:52,490 it's really our own spirit working with us. 1251 01:13:52,490 --> 01:13:55,670 So it's not always in our best behalf from that interaction 1252 01:13:55,670 --> 01:13:57,372 between our higher self, or our soul, 1253 01:13:57,372 --> 01:13:58,580 whatever you want to call it. 1254 01:13:58,580 --> 01:14:00,570 Every culture has their own name for it. 1255 01:14:00,570 --> 01:14:03,230 That we go to Las Vegas and just win all the time. 1256 01:14:03,230 --> 01:14:05,660 So intuition is really our own best friend. 1257 01:14:05,660 --> 01:14:08,005 It's really the moment to moment inner guidance. 1258 01:14:08,005 --> 01:14:10,130 You know, when we get that feeling that something's 1259 01:14:10,130 --> 01:14:12,110 just not right, or we shouldn't do something. 1260 01:14:12,110 --> 01:14:14,540 Or it can be a positive feeling that we really 1261 01:14:14,540 --> 01:14:18,130 should do something, or go to a certain place. 1262 01:14:18,130 --> 01:14:20,890 I remember the day before the genocide happened. 1263 01:14:20,890 --> 01:14:24,400 My brother came home, he spent a day with his friends, 1264 01:14:24,400 --> 01:14:28,030 and he told us that he heard a rumor that they were going 1265 01:14:28,030 --> 01:14:30,740 to kill every Tutsi that night. 1266 01:14:30,740 --> 01:14:35,470 And we were, our family, on the list. 1267 01:14:35,470 --> 01:14:38,382 I cannot move the family just because you heard a rumor. 1268 01:14:38,382 --> 01:14:40,090 What if it's true, and in the morning-- 1269 01:14:40,090 --> 01:14:40,900 Stop it. 1270 01:14:40,900 --> 01:14:41,700 No fear. 1271 01:14:41,700 --> 01:14:44,085 Just trust in God and forget about it. 1272 01:14:47,410 --> 01:14:48,580 What do you think? 1273 01:14:48,580 --> 01:14:49,810 We should move. 1274 01:14:49,810 --> 01:14:52,040 This is so important. 1275 01:14:52,040 --> 01:14:54,040 It's 10 minutes away, we can just take the boat, 1276 01:14:54,040 --> 01:14:55,910 and come back in the morning if nothing. 1277 01:14:55,910 --> 01:14:59,440 I know, but we must trust our father, too. 1278 01:14:59,440 --> 01:15:00,790 I know, you're right. 1279 01:15:00,790 --> 01:15:03,310 We should, right? 1280 01:15:03,310 --> 01:15:05,530 Because he always has good judgment. 1281 01:15:05,530 --> 01:15:08,160 We should. 1282 01:15:08,160 --> 01:15:13,140 It was so clear in my heart that my decision was 1283 01:15:13,140 --> 01:15:15,270 to move away from the country. 1284 01:15:15,270 --> 01:15:18,280 By the morning, it was too late. 1285 01:15:18,280 --> 01:15:22,050 They had blocked all the borders. 1286 01:15:22,050 --> 01:15:26,370 That lesson completely changed my heart forever. 1287 01:15:26,370 --> 01:15:30,090 Now when I have that feeling, I do listen to my heart, 1288 01:15:30,090 --> 01:15:31,890 no matter who is saying what. 1289 01:15:31,890 --> 01:15:34,960 I have to listen to my heart. 1290 01:15:34,960 --> 01:15:36,540 Well, if you don't trust the heart, 1291 01:15:36,540 --> 01:15:38,260 what are you going to trust? 1292 01:15:38,260 --> 01:15:45,600 I believe the heart is the only thing we can trust. 1293 01:15:45,600 --> 01:15:48,420 When we get to the point where we have experienced 1294 01:15:48,420 --> 01:15:51,900 this transformation within ourselves, where 1295 01:15:51,900 --> 01:15:54,300 living from love rather than fear 1296 01:15:54,300 --> 01:15:57,510 has transformed our own life circumstances, 1297 01:15:57,510 --> 01:15:59,730 then we become channels, we become vessels. 1298 01:15:59,730 --> 01:16:02,010 We have the moral authority by which 1299 01:16:02,010 --> 01:16:04,380 to state that possibility for the planet. 1300 01:16:04,380 --> 01:16:07,020 Just before she passed, I was telling her 1301 01:16:07,020 --> 01:16:10,980 that I'd been off work for a couple of years, 1302 01:16:10,980 --> 01:16:12,480 and we retired. 1303 01:16:12,480 --> 01:16:15,150 And I was kind of looking for something 1304 01:16:15,150 --> 01:16:17,730 meaningful to do with the rest of my life, 1305 01:16:17,730 --> 01:16:19,980 because I was still young. 1306 01:16:19,980 --> 01:16:23,060 And she said, oh, something will come along. 1307 01:16:23,060 --> 01:16:27,480 You'll know it when it comes along. 1308 01:16:27,480 --> 01:16:30,270 And when she passed, I knew instantly 1309 01:16:30,270 --> 01:16:32,010 that we had to continue her work. 1310 01:16:32,010 --> 01:16:34,180 And so we started the foundation, the Christina 1311 01:16:34,180 --> 01:16:38,760 Chesterman Memorial Foundation, to just build on the legacy 1312 01:16:38,760 --> 01:16:40,900 that she left already. 1313 01:16:40,900 --> 01:16:43,350 As you live from the heart and more humans 1314 01:16:43,350 --> 01:16:48,510 begin to live from the heart, that has a ripple effect. 1315 01:16:48,510 --> 01:16:53,280 It ripples out from where you are, and then you get it back. 1316 01:16:53,280 --> 01:16:55,380 Every day you work at it. 1317 01:16:55,380 --> 01:16:57,450 Every day you go to the heart. 1318 01:16:57,450 --> 01:17:00,120 Every day you speak to me. 1319 01:17:00,120 --> 01:17:02,340 In fact, I start each morning with what 1320 01:17:02,340 --> 01:17:03,600 we call a heart lock in. 1321 01:17:03,600 --> 01:17:06,900 Just getting coherent and really sending myself 1322 01:17:06,900 --> 01:17:08,850 love and appreciation for a few minutes, 1323 01:17:08,850 --> 01:17:11,640 to start my day from a more coherent, 1324 01:17:11,640 --> 01:17:15,080 composed, and connected perspective. 1325 01:17:15,080 --> 01:17:18,450 Then throughout the day you've got to kind of reboot that. 1326 01:17:18,450 --> 01:17:22,710 So really it's developing kind of a flow through life. 1327 01:17:22,710 --> 01:17:24,960 So all the in-between moments, as I call them. 1328 01:17:24,960 --> 01:17:27,330 Like in between here and the lunch room, 1329 01:17:27,330 --> 01:17:29,970 or between here and the photocopier. 1330 01:17:29,970 --> 01:17:33,220 Those in-between moments are perfect opportunities 1331 01:17:33,220 --> 01:17:37,974 to breathe in that appreciation, or that state of inner ease. 1332 01:17:37,974 --> 01:17:39,390 I mean, we have to breathe anyway, 1333 01:17:39,390 --> 01:17:42,330 so we might as well make it more effective. 1334 01:17:42,330 --> 01:17:46,680 And if we can calm down enough, 1335 01:17:46,680 --> 01:17:49,590 we can listen to the wisdom. 1336 01:17:49,590 --> 01:17:55,060 We learn how to be good neighbors, good visitors. 1337 01:17:55,060 --> 01:17:57,136 How to be good parents. 1338 01:17:57,136 --> 01:18:01,660 How to be good workers, good teachers. 1339 01:18:01,660 --> 01:18:06,022 We learn how to be good citizens. 1340 01:18:06,022 --> 01:18:08,402 Good human beings. 1341 01:18:08,402 --> 01:18:12,210 Because we listen. 1342 01:18:12,210 --> 01:18:15,370 And not try to put our voices in it. 1343 01:18:15,370 --> 01:18:16,750 Just listen. 1344 01:18:16,750 --> 01:18:18,100 The heart is my guru. 1345 01:18:18,100 --> 01:18:21,910 For all gurus I've met, this one is the real one. 1346 01:18:21,910 --> 01:18:24,380 Ask your heart any question. 1347 01:18:24,380 --> 01:18:25,480 Who am I? 1348 01:18:25,480 --> 01:18:26,480 What do I want? 1349 01:18:26,480 --> 01:18:28,570 What's my purpose in life? 1350 01:18:28,570 --> 01:18:32,770 What are the qualities that I look for in a good friend? 1351 01:18:32,770 --> 01:18:35,580 What are the qualities that I contribute to 1352 01:18:35,580 --> 01:18:37,630 in a good relationship? 1353 01:18:37,630 --> 01:18:40,580 What are my unique skills and talents? 1354 01:18:40,580 --> 01:18:42,640 How do I use this to serve humanity? 1355 01:18:42,640 --> 01:18:44,628 Your heart knows all the answers. 1356 01:18:50,946 --> 01:18:52,510 I still feel lost. 1357 01:18:55,690 --> 01:18:57,990 I don't know what to do with my life anymore. 1358 01:18:57,990 --> 01:18:59,935 Take the question to your heart. 1359 01:18:59,935 --> 01:19:02,310 I have been. 1360 01:19:02,310 --> 01:19:04,720 I'm not getting any answers. 1361 01:19:04,720 --> 01:19:08,280 You're thinking, it's harder than it really is. 1362 01:19:08,280 --> 01:19:11,490 Just follow that lightness in your heart, 1363 01:19:11,490 --> 01:19:15,600 and that will eventually lead you to a life of purpose. 1364 01:19:15,600 --> 01:19:20,380 Some of the biggest questions of the heart unfold as a path, 1365 01:19:20,380 --> 01:19:21,180 not an answer. 1366 01:19:26,200 --> 01:19:29,880 Following our aliveness without attaching 1367 01:19:29,880 --> 01:19:32,670 what it will become. 1368 01:19:32,670 --> 01:19:37,480 Not to become a poet, but I'm brought alive 1369 01:19:37,480 --> 01:19:43,170 by the questions and the life of expression. 1370 01:19:43,170 --> 01:19:48,140 Not to become a singer, but to be brought alive 1371 01:19:48,140 --> 01:19:51,700 by voice coming out of you. 1372 01:19:51,700 --> 01:19:55,860 We begin to connect from our center and not just 1373 01:19:55,860 --> 01:19:58,250 from surface personality. 1374 01:19:58,250 --> 01:20:01,190 It's a whole different way of moving through the world. 1375 01:20:01,190 --> 01:20:03,540 And when one moves through the world like this, 1376 01:20:03,540 --> 01:20:06,620 and when we begin to move through the world like this, 1377 01:20:06,620 --> 01:20:09,620 then the realm of ever expanding good-- another name 1378 01:20:09,620 --> 01:20:12,996 for heaven-- begins to be revealed on our planet. 1379 01:20:16,350 --> 01:20:22,020 We cannot see tomorrow's sky, but the heart sees it. 1380 01:20:22,020 --> 01:20:24,660 And we will be directed as to how we 1381 01:20:24,660 --> 01:20:28,650 should act in tomorrow's sky. 1382 01:20:28,650 --> 01:20:31,300 More than likely, we already know. 1383 01:20:31,300 --> 01:20:35,070 But if we don't, the heart will tell us, if we listen. 1384 01:20:59,180 --> 01:21:02,117 This is for you, sweetheart. 103119

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