Original subtitles

- Hello. - Where are you?

- In my car. - Aren't you picking me up?

No, no, dad. I'm not supposed to pick you up.

Someone from the home will bring you to the hospital. I'm gonna meet you in front.

I'm on my way right now, and you should be leaving any minute.

- My lamp doesn't work. - What?

The goddamn lamp next to my bed. You know what a lamp is?

Dad, did you try the switch? What?

On the bottom. Maybe it's on the cord. Look on the cord.

There's probably like that twirly thing on the cord. Push that with your thumb.

I got it! I got it, baby!

Hello.

Hello. Who is this? Dad, it's Eve, you called me.

Are you jealous of your sister?

Dad, I'm driving downtown.

This is not a question for downtown traffic.

Come on! Georgia could run the Israeli army.

Maddy couldn't even get into the army.

Well, you're right, dad.

You're completely right, dad.

Georgia could run the Israeli army.

Hi, dad.

Hi, Evie. Guess who called me just now. Who?

- John Wayne just called me. - Tell Georgia, tell Maddy.

John Wayne just called you?

Just called me up on the telephone.

John Wayne is dead, dad. They think he's dead. They're not sure.

John Wayne is dead. That's why you're going to the hospital.

You've been disoriented.

I spoke to him on the telephone. So he's a republican.

Don't hold that against him. So what?

I'll see you in 10 minutes, dad.

No surprises. Kim speaking.

Kim? I'm not going to be in today. My father...

What happened this time?

I don't know, but I'm worried.

I'm going to meet him at the hospital, so... Are there any messages?

Madge Turner called. She wants you to move the party to the Nixon library.

What? No. No, no, no. -Yeah.

- No, Kim, that is insane. - Why?

The party is in two weeks. We cannot change the location. Tell her to forget it.

Me? I have to tell her? No, I'll do it.

Remind me to call the caterer. 500 women are coming,

and I bet half are lactose intolerant.

Hope dad's okay. I better call Georgia. She's gonna want to know.

Kim, I'm gonna call you back.

Georgia magazine. May I speak with Georgia? It's Eve.

- Is she available to do it? - Hold on. I have your sister.

No, no, not now. - She's behind closed doors right now.

- Libby! Libby! Hurry, honey. - I'm coming!

I need my bag. Thank you.

Maddy:Eve?-Oh, Maddy. Thank god you called.

Guess what... No, I don't want to hear about dad again. I'm sorry.

I'm too happy. Eve, it is so beautiful here.

- It's spiritual. - It's god's country.

- No, no, no! No, no, no! - Here we go.

I'm sorry! Oh, my god. She'll think I hung up on her.

Maddy, can you hear me? Maddy? Hello? Hello?

Maddy? Ugh! Maddy!

No surprises. Kim speaking.

It's me again. Are you positive about this?

- It's just bad news. - Yes.

She wants to move it to the Nixon library.

Well, what? They have parties there?

- Where is that? Where am I? - I have no idea.

I'm here, Kim. I just can't deal with this right now.

I'm gonna call you back later. Okay?

- There she is. Hello, dear! - Oh, my god. Dad?

- Who's there? - Mr. Lou Mozell

from the motion picture home.

Angie, did I tell you about the time I got a gun from John Wayne?

No. Pat and I wrote picture for him...

- Called Luck Runs Out. - Oh.

He was a very nice guy.

They say he had a very small pecker,

but that didn't keep him from being a real he-man.

That had absolutely nothing to do with it.

- Why are we going in here? - Because it's the room.

- Is there room service in here? - No.

- They leave a key for the minibar? - There is no minibar.

Place of birth, Mr. Mozell?

- Uh, the Bronx, New York city. - Education?

- Harvard, graduated with full honors. - Oh, dad!

Summa cum laude.

- Age? - 38.

- 79. - And your wife is?

- Dead. - No, no, not dead.

Not dead. Divorced... For many years.

- Evie, where's that poster? - It's over there.

Put it over there by the dresser.

Yeah, please. Make sure it doesn't get scratched.

- Would you like to get into bed now? - Not with you.

Very funny.

Cleo, kick her out. - I'm not Cleo. I'm Dr. Kelly.

Dr. Kelly. Ah, the Irish Republican army, are ya?

I love 'em sassy, doc. How old are you?

Okay. What day of the week is it, Mr. Mozell?

Fruppsday.

What month? - What month? Kugie-wugie!

Oh! You gotta stop that.

Ah.

The duke said, "Your mother...

"and dad make a hell of a writing team."

Remember, Evie? That's what the duke said. - Mm-hmm.

He said it to Evie when she was five years old.

She shook hands with him. Said, "Howdy, partner." He laughed.

He was a real sweetheart.

They say his pecker was no bigger than... - Dad!

Probably why he liked guns, you know?

Small pecker, big guns.

- You get what I'm trying to bring out? - Dad, you don't have to...

Where's the gun he gave me? Evie, where's the gun?

Dad, he didn't give you a gun, remember?

He gave you the bullet. It's right here.

- You're not gonna go away and leave me here, are you? - Just for a little bit, dad.

- At least a week. Mmm-hmm. - A week?

- Evie. - I promise you,

- it's gonna be okay. - I die when you're not here.

It'll be okay. You're having some memory problems. They have to run some tests.

Everybody has memory problems.

You could remember for me. Please!

Don't leave me here, please.

Can you write a sentence for us, Mr. Mozell?

Leave me alone. Can't you see I'm in conference with my daughter!

Here's the pen, Mr. Mozell.

Ah, sentence! What kind of sentence do you want?

Here. Shove it up your schmeer.

Don't go, Evie. I'm begging you.

Don't go, Evie.

- Are you there? Are you both listening? - Georgia: Mmm-hmm.

- He wrote, "It's too late." - Georgia: What?

She asked him to write a sentence, and that's what he wrote.

Do you believe this? Is this eerie or what? "It's too late."

- My god! - What does it mean?

Too late for tests, for help, this is serious. He's disoriented.

He's in a wheelchair, and he's telling us it's over.

Oh, please! They should adjust his medications. Did you talk to the doctor?

The doctor was approximately eleven years old.

Obviously it wasn't a real doctor. Obviously it was a resident.

What you've got to do is call back and ask to speak to the real doctor.

I said I wanted Maureen Oriff.

He mentioned John Wayne's pecker again.

Did he really? That is hilarious.

He is obsessed with that pecker!

Oh, no. I wasn't talking to you. Sorry.

You weren't here.

- I am sorry I couldn't be there. - Oh, Maddy.

This is my only vacation. - Oh, Maddy! I didn't mean it that way.

We work ten hours a day, five days a week.

And 52 weeks a year. I want to tell you something.-I know, 52 weeks.

Aside from the dialog, soaps are the closest thing to theater on TV today.

And the only reason I can go away right now...

Is because Juliana is supposed to be in the Bahamas,

because her boss is having an affair with a temp.

Yeah. Who's Juliana?

Um, my character, Juliana,

who is fully three-dimensional, and who right now

is wrestling with serious identity problems.

Don't you ever watch my show?

- Did she hang up? Maddy? - You have to take this.

I've gotta go. I love you. Call me every five minutes. Okay.

- Did Maddy hang up? - Huh?

- Did she hang up? - Georgia: It's possible.

She's gonna come back in some cowboy outfit, talking about fly-fishing.

What do you want to bet she'll come back with some cowboy?

God! She thinks she's the only one who works. I'm planning this event...

I've over my eyeballs in this fifth anniversary edition.

I know it's self-indulgent. I know, I know.

But between me and you, Eve,

I can't believe my magazine has lasted this long.

I'm planning this event: Los Angeles women in commerce. Their annual party.

I landed it. It's gonna put my company on the map.

Georgia: That is so sweet. Your little company.

If you're in business... And you sort of are,

you should shop at Barney's or Saks.

Oh, God!

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry. Are you all right?

Why would you do that? What are you thinking about?

- I'm so sorry. - Oh, no! What...

My lights are falling off. You see what you did? - I see that.

I'm Eve Marks. I'm so sorry.

Dr. Omar Kunundar. You're not driving well.

Thank you for not screaming.

It's just that I was so distracted!

My father, I just put him in the hospital.

I'm very sorry. I hope it's not serious.

But you can't drive... - I have my card somewhere.

Wait a minute. There you go.

- "No surprises." - Party planner.

We do special events. The idea is that everything goes smoothly. No surprises.

- I see. - I'm sorry.

This actually isn't my first car accident this year.

If my insurance company hears about this, my rates are gonna skyrocket.

- They're gonna go up. - I got the word.

Do you think we could settle this... Privately?

- I can't... - Oh.

I'll ask your mother. Give me that.

My mother? Why would you talk to my mother? I don't even speak to my mother.

That's very sad for you.

You can't go through life without your mother.

You'll get a call. Her name is Ogmed Kunundar.

Oh, your mother.

She's in Burbank, and she'll know if this is all right.

I'm gonna go 'cause I'm late. My son's getting home any minute. I'm so sorry.

- This is fate, or an accident. - It's an accident.

- Maybe you're gonna be surprised. - Well, no, no.

I hope not.

So sorry.

I can't rely on you. What good is a marriage...

When I can't trust that you'll be on time...

For one stupid meeting?

Look at me, mom. Look at me.

Look at me, mom. Look at me.

♪ A girl with moonlight in her eyes ♪

- Look at me, mom. - Eve, not now!

Just forget it! Forget it!

- I just can't take it anymore. - What are you doing?

Dad! Daddy!

That's my Evie.

That's my cookie.

- It's not so bad? - It's really not that bad.

- Compared to a pileup, it's not bad. - Look, honey.

The wheels are good, the headlights are fine.

- Wouldn't be an accident without damages. - And you know what?

I can just get in the other side, you see?

- Just like that. - I can just... Listen.

I don't even think we have to... Fix it.

'Cause look at me. I'm in.

So, there is no, uh, whiplash, and you still have your teeth and your lower back?

No, I'm fine. And he just had headlight damage and a grill.

Mom, how many crackups is that this year?

That's three now.

- Ha-ha-ha! - What is that?

It's my new laugh. You like it? Ha-ha-ha!

- Lovely. Lovely. - Ha-ha-ha! Ha!

- Honey, were you on the phone? - No.

You were on the phone.

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

- Let's start calling our legal representation. - They'll cancel my insurance?

Would that be a bad thing? - I don't mind getting into that side.

That side looks as good as new. I've been pretty understanding about all this.

A little bit. Okay. - I have to go play with my legos.

Okay there, kid. Yeah. - Ha-ha!

I hope I can't go to jail for suggesting we settle this privately.

Did Kim messenger the... Yeah. Good. The Nixon library stuff.

Ooh! Oh! That's my fourth car accident this year.

Jesse! - Jesse, you can't leave stuff hanging around like that!

- He reminded me of Nixon. - Who?

My father. The same jowls. The same shlumpy shoulders like that.

Wait a minute. Why am I here?

- Tea? - No.

He can't walk, Joe.

Oh, he's dead! Yes? Hello?

Georgia's really something, isn't she?

- Yeah, dad, she certainly is. - Little Georgie.

- Dad. - Oh, so, not dead.

Not funny. That is so not funny. God!

- You have no compassion for him. - And you know why, don't you?

Or have you forgotten? It happened right here.

I remember. I remember.

He's dying, Joe.

Three guesses who that is.

He's dead.

- What? Honey, honey! - Where is it?

Ow! Ow! - Honey! What are you doing?

- Hello? Who is it? - Eve?

- Oh, God, Maddy, is he dead? - Dad? Dead?

Get serious. There's nothing wrong with dad.

No.

Buck can't walk.

Where are you?-I'm back. What am I gonna do?

He's not dead. Take him to the hospital. - Who?

- The boyfriend. - How?

In an ambulance. My god, Maddy!

Oh, my god! He just moved his foot. Ahh!

He just moved his foot! Oh, Buck, baby!

Sweetie, that's so good!

I think I can get him to the car.

Aah! She hung up.

I see that.

Hello?

This is Ogmed Kunundar, Omar's mother.

My son's lights are falling off.

And his radiator exploded.

His radiator? He has ice cream in his bowl.

What's he doing with ice cream?

Now, are you sure?-Omar does not make a mistake.

He's a genius. He can fix your ovaries with a laser.

Yes. Yeah, I'm sure that he can. What I'm suggesting...

About the car insurance is quite legal.

- Omar says you have a problem with your father. - Yes, my father.

- Jesse, come on. - Ha-ha-ha!

Yes. He's been in the hospital for a week. Very sad.

We're getting the results today.

- And you do not see your mother? - Uh, well...

Will you excuse me one second? Hello?

Evie? Dad, I'm on the other line. I gotta call you back.

- There's no room service. - No. You're in the hospital.

- I want Chinese. Shrimp! - Okay, fine. Aah!

Hello?

No!

So, how much does she claim the radiator's going to cost? - I don't know!

- Okay. - I lost her. Dad called.

And now I bet she nails us with a gigantic bill.

What does he want?

Chinese food. He wants Chinese food.

How is it that a man who can barely recognize his own pants...

Can remember his daughter's phone number?

That is one of life's great mysteries.

- You really shouldn't talk to him. - I have to.

- Why? - I don't know.

Oh, Joe, Joe. Don't go.

- Don't go. I hate it when you go. - I have to.

I do interviews every three weeks. You know this.

I feel like that actress in those '50s movies. "Don't go! Don't go!"

But the husband goes, and the plane crashes.

Only she doesn't know it because she's so busy...

Preparing that reunion supper or playing with her toddlers.

Until the phone rings. My plane is not going to crash.

- Listen, listen, listen! - What?

- My plane is not going to crash. - Okay, Joe.

Okay. Okay. I have to pack now.

Mmm, Joe.

- What is her name? What is that name? - Janet Leigh?

Blonde. A little bit bland. God, I can't remember.

There's gonna be a TV show for people like me called...

"Name that person you already know."

Teresa Wright? - No, no. Not Teresa Wright.

I prefer a hamburger, whether it's in 21 in New York city,

or Carl's Jr. In Orange County.

There's nothing better, in my view, than a charcoal broiled hamburger.

That's amazing, Madge. Really.

- It's, uh, fantastic. - I knew you'd think so.

- You can ask him anything at all. - Please do.

Entertainers. Elvis.

People say that because it was found that he had used drugs,

that therefore he could not be a good example.

They overlooked the fact that he never used illegal drugs.

It was always drugs prescribed by his physician.

- Would you like to step this way? - Oh, certainly.

- What about hamburger hor d'oeuvres? - Come on, Kim.

From Carl's Jr., excellent... - I bet Julie and Tricia just love this.

How could they not? Here, their daddy lives forever.

I've been studying the floor plan, but I wasn't prepared for the...

- They actually have parties here? - All the time.

- Tell her. - Thank you.

- Our speaker cancelled. - Oh. Oh.

Well, you're a powerful group. I'm sure we can get someone to pinch-hit.

But they're gonna have to be dynamic, inspiring, brilliant...

- We were thinking of your sister. - My sister?

Uh huh. We want Georgia.

Excuse me. Hello. Can you get me Georgia's magazine?

Now's not a good time. My father. Sorry.

- Is Georgia there? - No, no. Georgia's not here.

Everyone is fascinated by her.

This is her father. Of course he is fascinated by her.

Georgia takes crap and makes gold out of it. She is fantastic.

Okay, dad, I'll call you back. All right? Bye.-I mean, she takes...

All right. Yeah. Where were we? My mind is a blank.

Georgia, your sis... Georgia.

Georgia. Thanks, Kim.

I'm terribly sorry, but she is swamped.

She is putting out the fifth anniversary issue of her magazine.

And of course I think she's marvelous because she's my sister.

And I love her, but we don't really want her, do we? - Absolutely.

- Okay, I'm gonna... I'll give it a try. - You got it.

Kim, do you want to try and get Georgia on the phone? - Call her?

Yes. Just one second.

♪ Oh, once upon a time

♪ I met a girl with moonbeams in her eyes

♪ She put her hand in mine

♪ But that was long ago ♪

- Hi, dad. - Hiya, sweetheart.

Remember this... This song?

♪ Once upon a time

♪ I met a girl with moonbeams in her eyes ♪

Yeah, kinda.

- Look it. - What time is it?

It's, uh, 1:25. Look what I have.

You got the Chinese! Good! - Yeah!

Did you get the moo goo gai pan? I got the moo goo gai pan.

And I got fried shrimp... Fried rice with shrimp. - Shrimp?

- You know I can't eat shrimp. - I didn't know that about you.

- What do you mean, you can't... - You remember that story...

When I scrubbed in for a retrocecal appendectomy in Honuman Hospital.

The infected appendix. We never knew it was in back of the, the... Cecum.

The cecum is a, is a useless appendage anyway.

It was an appendix, but it looked sure as dickens like a shrimp.

And three years later, I tried to eat a shrimp cocktail.

What happened? - Broke out into these half-dollar hives.

Haven't had a shrimp since. That's too bad, 'cause I like shrimp.

I'm sorry. I didn't know.

- I can get you something else. - I'll eat the moo goo gai pan.

I actually knew a girl by the name of moo goo gai pan. That was her last name.

- Moo goo gai pan? - Yeah.

Her first name was Freda. Freda Moo Goo Gai Pan.

She was half Jewish, half Chinese.

A lot of people called her the "Ori-yenta."

What time is it?

It's 1:26.

Ahh.

I never should've left your mother.

Dad, dad, she left you.

Yeah. Lookin' very attractive today.

Why don't you sit down? Make yourself comfortable.

- You're very attractive looking. - Thank you.

You're beautiful. Very sexy, you know.

You know, uh, we never got it on,

but I want you, Cleo.

I really do, Cleo.

I would love to make love...

Dad, I'm not Cleo. I'm Eve, your daughter.

You're not my daughter! I don't have any daughters.

I have a son. My daughters left me.

They left me. They went to New York.

Good riddance.

Don't know where the affection is, the love is. Don't know anything.

You have a burden when you have girls.

Daughters are treacherous. Treacherous!

Maddy! - Dad didn't even get a Christmas tree this year.

Maddy, he tried to kill himself. He's not shopping for a tree.

- If mom hadn't left him, he never would've tried. - I don't understand.

She left him ten years ago. He should get over her already. Don't you think?

Wow, look at this. This neighborhood never changes.

Oh. Giant packages again.

Rudolph. He's disgusting.

Maddy: Here's your favorite. - Georgia: Not Scroogeville. Not again.

- Oh! Maddy! - I'm sorry.

Did you get him a present? - Of course, I got him a present.

Remember how beautiful this place used to be?

Georgia: I know. And mom's gardens.

Maddy: Dad fired the gardener. He said he was stealing.

Ugh!

Oh, look! Look at mom's roses.

- Oh, yeah, they're dead. - Oh, no.

- Georgia: But the pool! - It had a fungus.

So... Ugh!

Here, let me get this for you. Maddy? - What?

- Will you take this? - Does she ever call you?

- Mom? No. Of course not. - Me either.

- Dad! - Where is he?

- God, it smells. - I know.

- Dad! - Dad! I'll look here.

- Dad! - Dad!

Dad?

Okay. Dad? I'm gonna check the kitchen. Dad!

- Maddy: Dad! - Dad?

Georgia: Are you in the kitchen? Dad.

It's a little nerve-racking he's not here.

I'm worried. Do you think he's okay?

- Who is it? - It's us, dad!

Who is that woman?

- I don't know. It's totally embarrassing. - Cool. Cool.

- It's my girls! - Hi, daddy.

Hi, dad. - Georgie-porgie. Evie, baby.

- And Maddy. - Hi, daddy.

- Are you okay? - I'm fine. I'm great now.

Come on in. Esther, come on out and say hello to the girls.

Oh, oh. Hi.

- You remember her, don't you? - Uh-uh.

Uh-uh.

Mouthwash. "Rinse and spit"?

- Oh. Esther. - What does that mean?

You gotta be kidding me. No way. - It's Esther.

Oh, from the dentist.

Hi. We remember you. Sure.

I bumped into your dad when I was going to visit my brother-in-law.

He had to have his colon taken out. Poor thing. My god!

You know, they're just gonna connect the whole thing back up again.

I was poking around in different rooms looking for him,

and here he was.

He's cute.

Girls, let's go sit with the bullet.

- Okay. Yes. - Great.

Well, now, I'm just gonna buzz off...

- And let you all catch up. - Bye.

And you! You know where to find me.

Look at him.

Ah, she's a great lay.

Dad!

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom.

I feel terrible about that.

But if that happened to somebody in my family, I would stick to cars.

What happened to mom?

- I said she went down in that crash in Denver. - What crash in Denver?

I'm tellin' ya, people always think...

That they remember plane crashes even though they never took place.

But mom's not dead.

She's in big bear. It's the same thing.

Guess you're feeling better, huh, dad?

♪ Candlesticks building bricks

♪ Something old and new

♪ Memories for you and me

♪ Five, five says the sign

♪ In the shop window why

♪ Why says the junk in the yard ♪

♪ Memories for you and me ♪

I miss her, Evie.

Mom?

I can't sleep without her.

I miss her just being there and just...

She's sort of... She's the other half of me.

I feel like a guy with one leg.

Yeah, I can't sleep without her.

♪ Motorcars handlebars

♪ Bicycles for two

♪ Broken hearts for you and me ♪

♪ Memories for you and me ♪

- Eve? - Oh!

- Hey, mom. Hi. - Are you taller?

I don't... I don't think so.

You're prettier than I remember.

Uh, mom?

I wanted to ask you about the roses. Are you supposed to cut them back...

To a three-leaf configuration or a five?

Uh... Get some cups here...

In the cabinet.

- Is it locked? - No, it's open.

- Uh, lemon? - Milk in your tea?

Oh, I don't care.

Lemon's better for you. Lemon? - Okay.

All right.

So, yeah. The roses are all leggy and sad.

I guess dad's not much of a gardener really.

It's a five-leaf configuration, by the way.

Mom, come home. Okay?

You have to 'cause everything is a mess.

Eve, dear, this is my home.

What are you talking about? This is nowhere.

This is like you're living with a bunch of squirrels. Just come home...

And visit, come and talk... To dad.

- He tried to kill himself. - But he didn't succeed.

He took an overdose of Percodan, mom.

Your father.

Well, look. I'm... I'm very worried about Maddy.

She's dropped out. She's living at the beach.

And she thinks she's gonna be a rock star. She can't even carry a tune.

Let me think how to put this.

Motherhood doesn't turn out to be a reason.

For what?

What I mean is, I'm not one of those women who needed to be a mother.

When I was growing up, all the girls wanted to be, so I thought I did too.

But it didn't take.

Just being honest.

Well...

Thank you.

♪ Have yourself

♪ A merry little Christmas

♪ Let your heart be light

♪ Next year all our troubles

♪ Will be out of sight

♪ Have yourself

♪ A merry little Christmas ♪

Dad!

Need anything, dad? Do you want something? What is it?

Drive me around, okay? - Wait a minute. Are you all right?

Did you take any more... Did you take more pills?

No, I just had a little scotch. No pills.

- I was just kidding around with the pills. - Oh, kidding around.

- I didn't mean to take 'em. - God!

Baby? Drive me.

Well, uh... Yeah, okay. Whatever.

Where do you wanna go?

Home.

Do you want to get a tree?

Yes! Yes! - Do you want to get a Christmas tree?

Okay!

Ho, ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho!

Hey, dad! Whew! Fake snow!

Of course it's fake. What do you want in L.A.? Real?

We'll get a big one. A big one like always. - Okay.

Oh, dad! How 'bout this one? Look at this.

No, bigger! That's a dwarf.

It's not a dwarf. It's good!

We'll get the King Kong of trees!

Dad? Dad?

Dad!

- Hey, dad! - Evie! Evie!

- Look! What about this one? - This one?

Your mom always said, "Don't get a big tree."

- To hell with her, huh? - Yeah, to hell with her.

That a girl. That's my cookie.

To hell with her! - It's snowing, it's gonna be a white Christmas.

Look how beautiful it is.

Oh, thank you! Thank you!

How beautiful the snow is. Thank you.

He's dead.

Hello.

Mom, the door!

Oh.

Eve, it's Maddy! Open up!

Look at that!

He loves you. That's so good.

Eve, meet Buck.

This is Buck? - Yeah. Isn't he awesome? I know.

Want to hear the saddest? He's got Lyme disease.

Probably from all those moose in Montana. I got the results yesterday.

- Oh! Where you going? - It's okay.

Where'd he go? - I don't know. It's okay.

Oh, Maddy, get him out of here. He's gonna eat the couch.

He would never do that. He's an angel.

He gets these horrible paralyzed attacks. He has to have four pills a day.

I'm on the set all day. - Forget that, Maddy. I'm not doing that.

- He won't survive. - That better be Georgia.

I've been trying to reach her,

and she never calls me back!

- Hello? - Eve?

Georgia, hi. This speech... You've gotta do it for me.

You've got to come here and do it, on April 7th. One week.

- Well, fine. - Fine?

- When have I ever let you down? - Thank you.

Oh! Oh! That's old.

Maddy's here.

What? Why is she there so early? Oh, I see. Silence.

That means you're gonna tell me later. I can't wait.

How's dad?

I spend my life at that hospital, and he will die asking for you.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Our father is not dying, Eve.

It's possible our father is never dying, it's possible you need more in your life...

So you don't blow these things up way out of proportion.

You are such an hysteric when it comes to dad. You've got to get a grip.

One more thing. Before I go, you know what I'm gonna do?

I'll send you my banner. I'm using it for all my speeches now.

Your banner? She has a banner.

What does it say? "Georgia."

Anyway, I have to be... That's enough, okay? Thank you.

Jonathan, I've got it. My hair looks really good.

Jesus Christ, he's got a... Take a vacation, will ya?

I've got to do an advertising push, so I can knock off your little thing at the same time.

- I was gonna wiggle out of it, but... - Don't wiggle out on me.

When are you coming to the hospital?

Jesse, come in here! It's breakfast time. Are you too busy?

Take it easy. You're so edgy!

I'm coming to the hospital this week at lunch.

But I have to come with my leg in a cast because Juliana got hit by an Aston Martin.

Fine.

Buck, honey. Mommy has to leave you with Aunt Eve...

Because you have to have your anti-tick pills.

Baby. Okay. She's a very nice person.

Yeah. There she is.

Georgia's doing you a favor.

No, no, no. Don't cut it down.

You just have to put it up behind the dais. Yes.

Just stick... It doesn't matter.

You can't cut it down. No, I'll be there in exactly... Oh!

Come on, come on. All right.

Come on. Swallow this.

Come on. You want this pill. You need it.

Juliana, as I feared, you have a shattered fibula.

How can you tell he's gay? He is gay.

He's not convincing. - Name one actor on TV playing a heterosexual that isn't gay?

Walter Cronkite.

Jesse!

Your dad's on the machine.

Look what I built. Is that actress Doris Day?

Go sit in your special chair back there. There you go.

You're in love with him? - How could you be in love with him?

He looks like some sort of a beetle.

Stop it! He doesn't look like a beetle.

Why can't you just enjoy something that I'm in? I was once arrested.

You were once arrested? For what?

I was in isolation. As part of the punishment, they showed your show.

I'll get you so good!

Come on. Just eat one, one!

Ah, God!

Tell Maddy to get her ass over to the house, pick up the dog.

Are we a kennel? - I swear, Joe, it's like feeding a pill to a whale.

Honey, this is how this stuff happens.

You have to stop letting people walk all over you.

You are a million miles away in some stupid town...

Talking to people who mean nothing to you.

Don't call me up and give me orders. You are not on my side.

You cannot mean that.-I don't know what I mean, so don't tell me that I do.

Because I don't.

- I don't want to talk right now, Joe. - It's Dr. Kelly.

What is it?

Uh, well... Your father is missing.

Missing?

That's impossible. He... He can't walk.

He's in a locked ward. He must be misplaced.

Eve, nevertheless...

Did you check the other rooms? Did you check female patients?

Check in the bed of every single female patient.

You should talk to the nurse with the curly hair he likes.

Did you talk to Angie from the motion picture home?

You know what? I'm sure we'll turn him up. Sit tight. Okay.

♪ Once upon a time

♪ A girl with moonlight in her eyes ♪

Come on, daddy.

Yes.

We just got a call from Angelo drive. Found. Found.

- Is he right in there? Thank you. - Yeah. Go on in.

- No problem. It's okay. - I'm very sorry.

Evie?

- It's my Evie. - Hi, dad.

Come over here, Evie.

I can't get up.

I got myself in here, and now I can't get up.

- How did you get here? - Taxi.

- Best way to travel. Don't forget that. - All right. I'll try not to.

What's that over there?

It looks like ginger in a large vase.

- Maybe they like that kind of thing. - Who?

The people that live in our house now, dad.

You know, sometimes I don't recognize my own hands.

- Did you call Georgia? - Yes.

She's very worried.

- How 'bout Maddy? - Her too.

Call her.

Who?

She doesn't know I'm here. Tell her to come.

Who? Mom?

Yeah.

- No, dad. - Come on.

- No, dad. I'm not gonna do that. - I just got to speak to her.

I'm not going to do that. You don't have clarity when it comes to her.

- What are you talking about? - You can't ask me to do that.

- I'm asking you as a favor. - She doesn't like us.

You locked me up because of Jesse, didn't you? - Jesse? Dad!

You put me in jail because of Jesse! Jesse!

That big room? We're making that into our bedroom.

So this whole thing is just like a dream.

Joe getting his own syndicated program on KCLU. - Hello, Jesse.

- Hi. - Come here, buddy.

Come here, birthday boy.

- Here's your first present. - Thank you.

- You're welcome. - You have a phone! Wow!

We have to go back up here, because your daddy's got your costume ready.

Hello. This is Jesse Marks speaking.

- You gonna be a clown? - Yeah.

- So, Eve, I've decided to become an actress. - Aren't you too old?

How can you say that? - You're almost 29 years old. Georgia wrote that article,

"Five careers you can't have after 40, five careers you can."

- Actress is definitely a "Can't." - Okay, like I read Vogue.

No wonder they're firing her if she's running articles like that.

- They're firing her? - What are you saying?

Carlo knows this fashion photographer, and he said ad revenue is way down.

Who's Carlo? - Just someone who happens to be very important to me.

Anyway, he said she's history.

Wow, that is terrible. I really feel bad for her.

- Yeah. No, me too. - Yeah.

Georgia. Fired.

Yeah. Wow, she'll be devastated.

Does she know? - I don't know. Should we tell her?

I don't know. Is that bad coming from us?

I'm not gonna tell her, you tell her. I think you should tell her.

No, no, why do I have to do everything? I'm not gonna do that.

Eve, did you do this yourself? Yeah, and this is the tenth call this week.

- Hi, dad. - Eve.

It's her.

- Yeah, hi. How are you? - Eve?

I have some news.

- I think it happened. What? - They fired her?

Are you sitting down?

Oh, god, guess what. I am starting my own magazine!

What? How is this possible? - Oh, my god. She was fired.

And guess what I'm calling it? Okay. Georgia.

- Really? - Didn't I tell you?

Shh!

- So she was fired. Okay. - Well, probably.

Let's just be happy for her. We didn't really want her out on the street.

Did we? Huh?

She's gonna be more famous than ever.

- Thank God I'm changing my last name. - Oh, yeah? To what?

Moore. Madeline Moore. "I'm Madeline Moore. Hi."

Good.

You don't hate her, though?

The week her stuffing recipe came out in the New York Times,

even my bank teller was like, "Oh, are you related to her?"

She doesn't even cook. Where did she get that recipe?

It was mine.

- No! - Yeah.

That is the most horrible thing I've ever heard of. - It is, isn't it?

- Yeah! - Bitch.

Good! That's good! That's healthy.

Bitch. Bitch. - That is so healthy for you to say that.

Good! I hope you blew up at her.

Well, no. - You let her get away with anything.

I can't get mad at Georgia. Suppose she gets mad at me?

She's the only mother I've got.

That's pathetic. God.

This is the way I see it.

It's like we're all on this racetrack.

And she's a Lamborghini and we're all Hondas.

And even though we're these really great cars and get really high mileage,

anybody with any brains would rather have a Honda than a Lamborghini.

Oh, uh-huh. - The point is, no matter how fast we go,

she keeps whippin' around that track faster and faster and faster.

- I'm not a Honda. - It's just... It's a metaphor.

Yeah, well, you can feel about her however you want,

but I'm not going through my life thinking of myself as a broken-down jalopy.

You're not a jalopy. And I wouldn't be caught dead driving one either.

- I know. Yeah. - They get really high mileage.

It's just a metaphor! It's a stupid metaphor.

- I take it back. - God!

If you weren't the only mother I've got, I'd be really mad at you for that metaphor.

I take it back.

And I need you too.

- And Hondas get really good trade-ins. - Do they?

Yeah. I got chocolate all over your shirt. - Really?

Yeah.

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday dear Jesse

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Jesse, come blow these candles out.

Wait, the hat.

- Okay, ready? - Steady. Yeah.

Look at your daddy. Show how old you are.

- Five years old. - Evie!

Evie!

Evie!

Where the hell am I? Tijuana?

Hey, what are these midgets doing here?

Evie! What?

Get out of my way!

What is this, a convention of midgets? - Dad?

- Trick or treat, very sweet. - I've seen him worse.

Worse than this?

Hey, dad. Hey, hi, I know you. Miss Mouse, right?

Oh, boy, Miss Mousy. - Why don't we go into the other room?

I ran away from Cleo. You know what I mean?

Let's just go into the kitchen.

I don't wanna go. You go to the kitchen.

- Get out! - Hey, hey, hey.

Lou, you're comin' with me.

Let go of me!

Lou, you're comin' with me now.

- Mommy, my cake! - Oh, here, here.

Evie!

Come here, you sweet boy, come here. Oh!

Oh, no, no. No, no, please stay.

It's... It's Jesse's birthday.

Here, Jesse, you go with your aunt Maddy.

Just take over. You just help her hand out those party favors.

My dad.

Who wants a party favor? Come on, Jesse, let's see what we got.

Come on, come on!

Gimme a drink. - I'm not gonna do that. So forget it.

- I'll make him some coffee. - Cleo, answer the goddamn phone.

Who is Cleo?

Dad, this is my home, all right?

- You just can't come into my home... - Mommy! Mommy!

Cleo, answer the goddamn phone!

Why don't you try to call later, okay? - Aah!

I know you.

You'd like to screw the little Miss Mousy real bad, wouldn't you?

- What are you talkin' about? - I know what you're thinking.

Get out!

What are you talkin' about, "Get out"?

A father comes to visit his daughter, "Get out."

Your mother was right about you. "Throw that one back."

What, dad?

That's what she said. She took one look. "Throw that one back."

She was right about you. "Throw that one out! Dump the creep!"

You bastard! Just get out! Just get out!

Honey. Honey. - You awful, hateful bastard! How could he say that?

Thank you very much.

It's okay.

Thank you, wonderful daughter.

- Let him go. - "Bastard."

Bastard, bastard.

Thank you very much.

Bastard.

Thank you very much!

What happened?

What did dad do?

What did he do?

Did you see him? He's a drunk, Maddy!

Damn it!

He's out there! He's living a crazy, sick, demented life.

He's never setting foot in this house again. Is that clear?

Ever!

Oh, god! Oh!

Here.

I just feel... Awful.

Cleo, answer the goddamn phone!

Cleo, answer the goddamn phone!

- A mini-stroke. - What?

- Dr. Kelly swears he's gonna recover. - That's good news.

Dad wants me to call mom, and I...

Okay, Evie, just...-I can't. I just can't. I won't.

- Please calm... You'll be all right. - Uh-oh.

What? What's the matter?-Omar.

Omar who?-Just a doctor who's gonna slap me with a gigantic bill.

That's why you have to force dad to sign a blank check.-Huh? What?

Then if he has a maxi-stroke, we can get everything out of his bank account.

It's for his own good, Eve. He could end up needing round-the-clock care.

I just can't deal with this right now. I'm totally swamped.

Call me later, sweets, bye.

All right.

Hello, coffee machine.

Oh, come on!

Oh, come on! Come on, just work!

- Something just has to goddamn work! - What, what, what?

What are you doing? - Crashing, banging all the time. What is it?

- You see this? - This doesn't work.

This is a coffee machine in a waiting room in a hospital, and it doesn't work.

The people who come here need to have some coffee when they're waiting. Oh.

- You're still at large. My god. - Oh, I'm very sorry.

It's nice to see you.

Nice to see you. - Where are you going? What are you doing here?

My father had a mini-stroke. - I'm very sorry, very sorry to hear that.

Excuse me.

- Yes, hello? - What do you want, Eve?

Hi, Kim. What's wrong now?-Don't ask me. I'm returning your call. Hello?

Oh, I called you? I'm probably gonna be here for a while,

so would you please make sure to pick up Jesse from the school?

Give him his snack. Do not forget.

And did you call the Nixon library?

Why would I do that?-Why? Because the party is tomorrow.

And call Georgia and make sure she's got her plane ticket.

God! Unbelievable person!

- Where are you going? What are you doing? - Thank you.

Did you decide about the car?

- Yes. Very expensive. Very expensive. - Very expensive.

Well, you don't have to tell my insurance company.

- Oh, maybe you do, maybe you do. - Maybe. Maybe.

Mercedes mechanic very honest, but...

Very honest. I'm sure about that.

Tomorrow he's going to give me the... I don't know. What do you call it?

- It's not the amount but... - Estimates.

Right! - I can't believe I remembered that word.

I can't remember the name of this blonde, bland actress from the '50's...

Who was short and always suffering.

Is that normal? - A little bit of forgetting is nothing. It's nothing.

When you are upset...

Wait, excuse me.

Yes, hello. Her plane tickets didn't arrive.

Then, Kim, will you call FedEx!

God!

God!

- Where is your husband? - Thank you.

He's in South Dakota where they have beautiful sunsets.

You need a prescription. - For what? What do I need a prescription for?

I'm gonna tell you.

It's very nearby. You're in luck.

Thank you. Nice to see you.

Man!

Olivia De Havilland. Was it?

- No! - Kim Novak?

- Dad, hi. - Hi.

Okay, so, what? Oh!

Dad, Georgia thinks...

You should sign a blank check in case we need some money.

Georgia? She needs dough?

No. She thinks you should sign a blank check...

Is she broke?

- No. She just thinks you should sign this check. - Well, I don't know.

Seems to go against...

- All the rules of civilized existence. - No, dad.

She thinks in case we need to get some money to hire...

- For who? - For you.

- We don't have to make out a blank check. - This is for you.

We'll make out a check for whatever purposes we need a check for.

- It makes it easier for us if you would just sign... - A commission of lunacy.

Dad, take this pen and sign your name here.

I'm not gonna sign my name on a blank check.

- Sign the check, please! - Is that Eve Marks?

- Oh! - I am Ogmed Kunundar.

- Oh, who? - Omar's mother.

Oh! Hi.

Omar says you do not have an arm or a shoulder for leaning on.

- I don't. I don't. I don't, no. - I am here.

- Hi. - How are you today?

- Patsy? - No.

- Not mom, dad. - You're wearing a wig?

No, dad, this is not mom. It's Ogmed Kunundar.

Oh, then, do me a favor. Piss off, will you? - Dad!

Get outta here with that ill-fitting wig!

Dad! I'm so sorry. I'm very sorry. I apologize. - Piss off, will ya?

You wanna go get some coffee, tea, or something like that?

'Cause he... Excuse us.

It's the first rule in business. Never sign a blank check.

You'll wind up in the you-know-where.

In the old crapperooney.

- How about here? - That's great. Sure.

I'm very sorry about my father.

You know what I see? I see your father.

He is an uproar man, just like ayatollah.

And that is why I leave Persia.

The ayatollah, he is never happy unless everyone is upset all the time.

Your father, he has a bad case of uproar.

But not so bad as the ayatollah.

Sorry. He's just... He's always been such a nightmare.

- You love your father very much. - I do?

I don't know how I could. How could I possibly love this nutcase?

And now he's dying, and I'm stuck with him.

I'm stuck with him, this mess that's my father, forever and ever?

He's never gonna clean up his act.

He's never gonna get it together.

He's never gonna give me wisdom,

comfort.

- And he wants something from me. - Oh?

Yeah. He wants me to call my mother,

and she's gonna refuse to come.

And he knows it.

He knows it! I swear, somewhere in there, he knows it.

And it's gonna break his heart anyway.

And I don't wanna do it.

I don't wanna do it. I can't.

I just can't.

We must make two toasts.

To your bravery.

To my bravery.

And to your grief.

To my grief.

- Omar... His machine. - Just leave your message.

Omar, this is your mother. I am here with Eve.

She has too many worries. She should not have to pay.

One ovary will pay for three cars, and that will be the end of it.

You don't have to do that. That accident was my fault.

Fault is never the point.

You are a very warm person.

What makes me think you got this warmth from your father?

I don't know what to do.

What do you think I should do? What should I do?

Would you press "end"?

I never could seem to find the "end."

You know, sometimes it is necessary to disconnect.

Dad, about mom.

There was a earthquake.

A big one, in big bear.

On the Richter scale.

And the house that she lived in...

Wasn't really very strong,

especially the doorways.

And you know how you're always supposed to stand in the doorways?

Dead?

Hmm...

I won.

Yes. Yes, you did.

Hey, Jesse.

- I'm home. - Hi, mom.

Eve, dear, it's Madge.

Regarding the party tomorrow, how about name tags?

There're only about 500 women coming. If you got up early...

Do you do calligraphy?

There. Good dog!

Eve, think we made a mistake not having name tags? No.

'Cause there's just never a moment then that you can't remember a name.

That would be amazing.

- I hope Georgia's plane landed. - I think it should have.

I can't remember which flight, 845 or 854. I wouldn't worry about it.

It's Georgia, Eve. Thank you so much!

- Hello, Georgia! - Honey, hi.

When did everybody start kissing air? It's so... - Affected. I know.

Look at this. What do you think?

It's so beautiful! Look at you!

Madge Turner, I'm head of it all. I'm thrilled to meet you.

I'm Martin. I'll be your liaison.

How about... I don't want any more lights. - Georgia?

Georgia, Georgia, Georgia.

Georgia, Georgia. - I hope you'll sign a cover for me.

I don't think this is an appropriate time to be signing.

Georgia? Georgia.

Madge, Madge.

Let me just talk to Georgia just for a second.

Oh, my god! - Look at you! Aren't you gorgeous?

Did you get the banner? - Yes. It's up. It's behind the podium.

Thank god. You're so brilliant. How's daddy doing?

He could go at any minute. - We're gonna get through this. Don't tug at your face.

- I'm not tugging, I'm mushing. - You just cannot do that.

I'm more mushing. - Your face is falling. It starts the day you're born.

- And your nose never stops growing, either. - My nose and my ears.

I know, Georgia!

No, but I can look short. I gotta go.

- Georgia. - Madeline, hi!

We need to get going. Several VIP's are waiting for a photo with you.

No, really. Stop!

Thank you so much. I'm sort of embarrassed.

Look at this!

What a surprise!

Thank you!

It's so nice to be back in Los Angeles again.

All right, that's enough. Thank you. Stop.

No, really, you have to stop. Thanks. All right. Anyway.

Oh, I'm so excited to be here. I was, uh...

Actually I was on the plane this morning going over my speech.

The speech I always give. Of course I talk about Georgia, my magazine.

Which is about to celebrate its fifth anniversary. Can you believe that?

Anyway, I, of course...

...was gonna talk about the issue of face-lifts, to do or not to do.

About aging. About the fact...

That it's okay to age, but, of course, I don't really believe that.

Anyway, I was sitting on the plane,

and I realized that I didn't want to talk about any of that today,

because something very important is happening.

And that's what I wanna talk about.

My father is in the hospital.

My father... Is dying.

This has been the hardest challenge of my life.

To put out the fifth anniversary edition while my father's life is slipping away

any of you who have lost a parent...

Knows how wrenching it is to see...

Your mother or your father's life ebb.

Excuse me.

This is so embarrassing for me.

But as upset as I was,

I forged on because...

I knew that that is what my father would want me to do.

Incredible.

We spend our lives at that hospital.

Every day, there is less of the daddy I love. We?

As we embark on the new millennium, we must ask ourselves this,

how can we be there for our parents as they were there for us?

This is what I call the "next hurdle."

Dealing with the death of our parents while confronting our own mortality.

And I promise you, each and every one of you,

that Georgia, the magazine, as well as Georgia, the person,

will be there to help you deal with this every step of the way.

Thank you.

Thank you.

She's wonderful.

- Come on. - Absolutely incredible.

Thank you!

We'll do this together!

You're all sweet. I love you.

For anyone who's interested, I'll be signing autographs later in the Pat Nixon suite.

We'd love to have you. I think you want to talk to Madge Turner.

That was a success.

Something wrong?

I can't believe what you did. And you always do it. - What did I do?

What do I always do? - You take my life, and you use it.

- I'm the one who's been here, not you. - Wait a minute!

When did I take your life and use it? I don't know what you're talking about.

- The stuffing recipe. - Wait a second.

What stuffing recipe? I don't even make stuffing.

I invented a great stuffing recipe with apples and apricots,

and you gave it to the New York Times and said it was yours.

Didn't I ask? - No! You didn't ask, and you haven't helped.

Where're you going? Just wait a second! If you're gonna get mad at me...

How many times have I asked you for the tiniest mention in your magazine,

and you have never done it?

What does that have to do with anything?

Will you stay on the subject? - You can yell at me, but you can't yell at her?

All right, okay, okay. Gee whiz. I will put you in the magazine.

Don't you dare! That is so manipulative.

So manipulative! I have been the one dealing with dad.

Not you, and not you!

While you order me around to get him to sign a blank check, talk to a real doctor...

And I understand how important it is to make the world safe for liposuction!

But I just wanna say I am sick of it!

Whoa! I mean, wait a second, Eve!

All right, Eve, I admit that I haven't been there. - You admit it?

But I took calls from him. - Oh, you did not! Your assistant did!

I told you a million times that you needed an assistant. - I have an assistant.

That is not what we call an assistant.

He needed me! - And you love it! Don't pretend you don't love it.

It's not Eve's fault. Dad depended on her.

Mind your own business. I can fight my own battles. - Oh, all right!

Wait a minute. Why are we having a family fight without me?

You always ignore me!

From that Halloween I was five years old, and I dressed as a carrot,

and you two snuck out of the house and went trick-or-treating without me.

I'm just as much a part of this family as either of you, and I wanna fight!

- Fine! - Good!

You are so self-centered and egotistical!

You're so goddamn self-sacrificing and noble with that shit!

And you abandoned your father when he's dying.

He didn't need me here. He's got you. You suck up all the emotional space.

- That is an unbelievable cop-out. - No one watches my show.

- It's another excuse for you not to be here. - I couldn't be here!

- I cannot be here. - You wanna know why?

Because if anything is happening that's not about you, you are bored witless!

- That, that is true, okay? - Yes.

- Hey... - Besides, we're not famous.

Maddy, that's another reason she didn't bother to be here. Because we're not famous.

I've told you a million times. Stop talking to me as if I'm like you.

Oh, fuck you! And fuck you!

Excuse me.

- What? Oh, God. - You have a phone call.

Okay.

- Yes, hello! - Oh, what the hell!

Who is this? - That's the president's "smoking gun" call

with Haldeman. You want to talk on this.

Oh.

Yes. Hello?

Yes, this is Eve Marks.

Oh, my God.

- What happened? - He's in a coma.

What? - I'm going to the hospital.

- So am I. - Well... So am I!

Wait! Wait for me. What's the big rush, you guys?

Hello. What?

No, I can't right now. I'll talk to you later.

- Are we... Where're we... - It's here. It's here.

- What? - Oh, my god.

Dad?

Dad?

Can he hear us? - Why does he have only one pillow?

A person can't possibly be comfortable with... What? What?

Eve, are you not going to speak to me?

Is that what this is about? - And why aren't you talking to me?

- I didn't even do anything. - And I did, is that it?

- Well... - This is just...

Okay, this is really great, Eve. This is really great!

Can you believe she's making this about herself?

Fine. Good. Don't talk to me. Good.

Oh! Oh!

Do I have anything on my teeth?

Eve,

you're not the only one that this is happening to.

I know.

Sorry.

But since I'm an actress, I suppose I could use this stuff.

That's the good part, right?

The sad part is that I really love dad.

I'm... I'm his baby.

Do you want a candy bar? I'm gonna get a candy bar.

Oh! Excuse me. - Aren't you Juliana on Living Dangerously?

Yes. Yes, I am.

You should've never gone to the Bahamas because...

- He cheated on you. - Okay. Thanks.

She recognized me!

- Georgia, someone just recognized me. - What?

Great!

Oh, thank you.

- I know what you said. - About what?

That I wanted it. - Oh, forget it. I'm sorry I said that.

There are things that happen that you just don't choose.

Then you embrace them, I guess. They become part of your identity.

And, you know, mom left dad to me.

Or at least I felt like she did.

And part of me was so...

Proud!

And then the other part of me just resented every second of it...

Because he is just a handful.

I should've been here, all right? Okay? I really should've.

I should've been here, and I know that.

But I knew that if you were here, he didn't need me.

I mean, let's face it. God help anyone who needs me.

I needed you.

He didn't need you. I needed you.

I'm sorry.

I'm very sorry, okay? I'm really sorry.

I'm sorry too.

I love you very much. Do you know that?

I love you, and... I gave you that great speech. What about...

Yes, you did.

I'm very grateful. - Okay, you're grateful. Shut up.

You know, Eve,

I have never been jealous of anyone in my entire life, but...

I have to admit that...

I am just the tiniest bit jealous of your heart.

You forgive me, right?

I love you. I do! I love you.

Who does dad look like?

Now he looks like that senator. What was his name? No, no.

The one who got insulted, and his wife cried. Who was that?

- Edmund Muskie. - Yes! Yes!

- Who was Edmund Muskie? - Thank you.

I've been trying to remember the name of this short, blonde actress from the '50s.

- Maybe it was the '40s. - What about Vera-Ellen?

- Thin hair. No. Very thin hair. - Oh, Donna Reed.

- Not Donna Reed. Janet Leigh. - Donna reed wasn't short or blonde.

- Doris Day. I'm right about this. - Cleo.

- Cleo? - Who was she?

- Who was she? - Daddy's favorite.

He picked her up in some sort of Italian restaurant.

I got it. Give me a chance. - She played wimps, and was kind of wide too.

Doris Day. Wide. - Oh, please tell me and give me peace of mind.

June Allyson.

- Dad! - Daddy?

- Dad? - Dad?

Did he talk? Did he say that?

Did you just say "June Allyson"? Nurse!

Nurse!

He's coming around! I swear, he just said, "June Allyson."

That doesn't start with an "L".

It almost does. Maddy, it almost starts with an "L".

Dad?

He said, "June Allyson". He's dead.

Evie? Evie, John Wayne just called.

Tell Georgia. Tell Maddy.

Georgie-porgie. Eviebaby. Maddskie.

I love all my beautiful, beautiful girls.

Evie! It's my Evie!

Look how beautiful you are in the snow.

That's my Evie. That's my cookie.

- Made a mistake here. - What are you doing?

You took every single almond out of there.

There's nothing but... By the way...

What about the celery? Did you listen to me?

Georgia, it looks exactly right.

Wait a second. Are these onions supposed to get this limp?

Yes, they are. It's called cooking.

That's what happens to an onion, Georgia. But wait.

That looks very good. You have made my stuffing.

Okay, let me see what this is like. All right.

- This is so good! - So good!

I can't believe you guys are doing this. I can't believe it.

Can I just... Does it need a little more apricots? It doesn't need anything.

- Please sit and have fun. Enjoy your life. - Okay, okay.

Now, I suppose we're supposed to put the stuffing inside the bird with our hands?

Put it in. You have to stuff it way to the back.

It's gonna be goopy and awful, but you're gonna have to do it.

You enjoy that.

That's my gift to you.

You guys listen. I do wanna tell you that I've decided to quit acting.

What? My character Juliana gets killed...

In some random violence while drinking a decaf cappuccino.

That's so sad!

So I quit.

- I'm sad for you. This is sad. - It's okay.

This bird is done. You were good.

Maddy, you were great. I'm sure. Will you please open the door?

- Is the oven preheated? - Yeah, yeah. Eve!

Okay.

That's heavy for her.

- Could you help me please? - All right. It is heavy.

- You're strong. - It's in.

You... All right!

Whoo!

Let's go sit with the bullet!

Okay. - Do you wanna sit with the bullet, Madd?

- Hey! - Thanks for helping me.

You're a little bit shiny.

No, don't! This is Donna Karan!

Oh, good god. That's Donna Karan!

No, here, here. Wait a minute!

You can't stop me!

♪ Once upon a time

♪ A girl with moonlight in her eyes

♪ Put her hand in mine

♪ She said she loved me so

♪ That was once upon a time

♪ Very long ago

♪ Once upon a hill

♪ We sat beneath the willow tree ♪

No, Maddy. Eve, help me.

♪ Counting all the stars

♪ And waiting for the dawn ♪

Wait a minute!

♪ So once upon a time

♪ Now the tree is gone

♪ How the breeze

♪ Rustled through her hair

♪ How we always loved

♪ As though tomorrow was there

♪ We were young

♪ Didn't have a care

♪ So where oh, where did it go

♪ Once upon a time

♪ The world was sweeter than we knew

♪ And everything was ours

♪ How happy we were then

♪ So once upon a time

♪ Never comes again

♪ How the breeze

♪ Rustled through her hair

♪ How we loved

♪ As though tomorrow was there

♪ We were young

♪ Didn't have a care

♪ So where did it go

♪ Once upon a time

♪ The world was sweeter than we knew

♪ Everything was ours

♪ How happy we were then

♪ So once upon a time

♪ Never comes again ♪