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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,130 --> 00:00:15,900 So we just had dinner 2 00:00:15,930 --> 00:00:17,770 which means it's time for dessert. 3 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:19,770 And where are we gonna get dessert? 4 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:21,430 An ice cream shop. 5 00:00:24,630 --> 00:00:27,670 [Sidra] Sania was a burst of sunshine 6 00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:29,170 and positive energy. 7 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:30,470 [Sania exclaiming] I did it! 8 00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:32,400 [Sidra] Man, it was infectious. 9 00:00:32,430 --> 00:00:35,630 -[Gabriella] She was bold, big and funny. -Baby. 10 00:00:35,670 --> 00:00:37,470 Everyone felt like her friend 11 00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:38,670 because everyone was. 12 00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:40,030 I can't talk right now. 13 00:00:40,070 --> 00:00:42,070 I'm doing hot girl [bleep] 14 00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:44,470 [Olivia] She was proud to be a Pakistani woman. 15 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:46,070 She was very proud 16 00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:49,430 of how she modernized her culture. 17 00:00:49,470 --> 00:00:51,770 [Hira] She made a lot of women feel 18 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,830 safe, seen, and heard. 19 00:00:53,870 --> 00:00:57,030 But being a Pakistani Muslim influencer online... 20 00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:03,100 it can get very toxic very quickly. 21 00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:05,630 Harassment, 22 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:07,730 bullying, 23 00:01:08,630 --> 00:01:10,070 death threats. 24 00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:12,330 The possibility of online threats stepping over into real life is 25 00:01:12,370 --> 00:01:13,530 actually very real. 26 00:01:13,570 --> 00:01:15,170 [Divya] There was only positives 27 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,900 until she had that day 28 00:01:16,930 --> 00:01:20,330 where her own life was actually at risk. 29 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,270 [theme music playing] 30 00:01:38,370 --> 00:01:40,800 [keyboard clacking] 31 00:01:40,830 --> 00:01:42,130 [Sidra] My first introduction 32 00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:44,330 into the world of the Internet was 33 00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:48,630 through Sania reconfiguring my Myspace layout. 34 00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:51,200 Her handle was Geminigirl 35 00:01:51,229 --> 00:01:53,570 and mine was Ariesgirl. 36 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,330 [laughing] 37 00:01:57,370 --> 00:01:59,370 [girl speaking indistinctly] 38 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:00,830 Mmm. 39 00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:01,830 [man] Hi, Sania. 40 00:02:01,870 --> 00:02:04,530 [Sidra] I met Sania in the early 2000s. 41 00:02:04,570 --> 00:02:06,600 [speaking in Urdu] 42 00:02:06,630 --> 00:02:08,699 [Sidra] We were between the ages of nine and ten. 43 00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:11,000 That's not on. You didn't turn it on. 44 00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:12,300 [Sidra] It was New Year's Eve. 45 00:02:12,330 --> 00:02:13,970 I was talking to my cousin, 46 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,230 and this girl just jumps 47 00:02:17,270 --> 00:02:18,770 into the conversation. 48 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:19,900 "Hi, my name's Sania." 49 00:02:19,930 --> 00:02:21,970 True Sania Khan style, right? 50 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,900 [explosion and crackling] 51 00:02:23,930 --> 00:02:25,970 [Sidra] It was just destined. We became friends. 52 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,630 [indistinct conversation] 53 00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:31,870 [Sidra] Early teens, early 2000s. 54 00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:33,800 -[Sania] No, I didn't. -You did-- 55 00:02:33,829 --> 00:02:36,800 I entered with the front door with Yusra. 56 00:02:37,329 --> 00:02:38,829 No, I didn't! 57 00:02:39,570 --> 00:02:40,930 [Sidra] This is her family. 58 00:02:40,970 --> 00:02:42,300 Sania's the eldest. 59 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:45,430 This is Heider uncle, who is her father. 60 00:02:45,470 --> 00:02:48,630 This is Shazia auntie, her mother. 61 00:02:49,329 --> 00:02:50,400 They look happy. 62 00:02:55,630 --> 00:02:56,630 [Sidra] In Chattanooga, 63 00:02:56,670 --> 00:03:00,670 the Muslim community is very conservative, 64 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,170 but we are Pakistani-American. 65 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,230 We have two identities 66 00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:10,000 that are oftentimes in conflicts with each other. 67 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:15,070 We tried to be"acchi bacchis", right, 68 00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:16,530 which means good girls... 69 00:03:16,570 --> 00:03:17,670 [man speaking in Urdu] 70 00:03:17,700 --> 00:03:18,900 [Sidra] ...respect your elders, 71 00:03:18,930 --> 00:03:20,930 biggest thing, dressing modestly. 72 00:03:20,970 --> 00:03:23,630 We don't bring shame to our families. 73 00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:25,430 We want to be assimilated 74 00:03:25,470 --> 00:03:27,430 into the American community, 75 00:03:27,470 --> 00:03:30,500 but our parents did not understand the culture 76 00:03:30,530 --> 00:03:31,670 and so I think 77 00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:34,270 Sania definitely struggled with that all her life. 78 00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,570 Stop it! 79 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:36,630 [man] Why? 80 00:03:36,670 --> 00:03:38,930 I don't like it when you... [indistinct] 81 00:03:45,670 --> 00:03:46,600 [Grant] I met Sania 82 00:03:46,630 --> 00:03:50,500 in homeroom freshman year, ninth grade. 83 00:03:50,530 --> 00:03:51,670 Since pretty much the first week she was there, 84 00:03:51,700 --> 00:03:52,870 we've been friends. 85 00:03:55,130 --> 00:03:57,900 My connection to Sania was a creative one. 86 00:03:58,730 --> 00:04:00,400 These were some of the first photos 87 00:04:00,430 --> 00:04:02,130 she took of me 88 00:04:02,170 --> 00:04:03,970 when she was practicing photography. 89 00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:09,000 Sania's relationship with her mother and father was 90 00:04:09,030 --> 00:04:11,230 strained and confusing, 91 00:04:11,270 --> 00:04:12,870 at least from my perspective 92 00:04:12,900 --> 00:04:15,600 as a white teenage boy. 93 00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:18,170 They had certain expectations placed on her 94 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:21,000 that didn't mesh with the culture 95 00:04:21,029 --> 00:04:23,000 she was exposed to at our school. 96 00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:26,900 [mouse clicking] 97 00:04:26,930 --> 00:04:29,730 First semester she met Robert, started dating. 98 00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,530 That was really like 99 00:04:31,570 --> 00:04:34,070 -the formative high school sweet romance. -[mouse clicking] 100 00:04:37,670 --> 00:04:38,570 [chimes] 101 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,630 [Grant] She loved him and vice versa, 102 00:04:42,670 --> 00:04:46,030 but stigma of dating a non-South Asian man, 103 00:04:46,070 --> 00:04:47,530 I don't know how she managed it, 104 00:04:47,570 --> 00:04:49,170 but I don't feel 105 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,770 like she would have traded it for the world. 106 00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:56,930 [Sidra] While she was in college, 107 00:04:56,970 --> 00:05:00,400 her parents went through a horrible divorce 108 00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:02,770 that took a toll on her entire family. 109 00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:07,470 When it comes to South Asian family norms, 110 00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:08,470 we're really good 111 00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:10,430 at keeping the facade alive 112 00:05:10,470 --> 00:05:11,730 of a happy marriage, 113 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,430 but when things go sour, 114 00:05:13,470 --> 00:05:15,700 they go down sour real quick. 115 00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:17,630 She got to see the other side 116 00:05:17,670 --> 00:05:20,000 of the Chattanooga Muslim community. 117 00:05:20,030 --> 00:05:22,730 Her mother was ostracized, shunned, 118 00:05:22,770 --> 00:05:24,730 for initiating the divorce. 119 00:05:25,570 --> 00:05:28,170 She felt for her mom a lot. 120 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,470 She hated the authoritarian way 121 00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,870 that her father may have handled the situation. 122 00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:35,430 And so her relationship did become strained 123 00:05:35,470 --> 00:05:36,430 with her father. 124 00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,200 She lived with her mother, 125 00:05:38,230 --> 00:05:40,900 and she saw him occasionally. 126 00:05:45,770 --> 00:05:47,830 [Hira] Like most immigrant communities, 127 00:05:47,870 --> 00:05:48,970 the Pakistani communities, 128 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,100 "Oh, you have to become a doctor, or a lawyer, 129 00:05:51,130 --> 00:05:52,370 or an engineer 130 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:53,430 because those are careers 131 00:05:53,470 --> 00:05:56,130 that will make you more stable in life." 132 00:05:56,170 --> 00:05:58,600 Sania actually did do as her parents wished, 133 00:05:58,630 --> 00:06:00,130 and she went to UTC 134 00:06:00,170 --> 00:06:02,600 and pursued a education in psychology. 135 00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:06,070 But then, after she graduated college, 136 00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,030 she decided to go down a more creative path, 137 00:06:08,070 --> 00:06:09,970 and she picked photography. 138 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,500 And that's not normal. 139 00:06:11,530 --> 00:06:13,470 She didn't care. 140 00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:16,670 She didn't let,"log kya kehenge", 141 00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:19,630 "what are people going to say?", dictate that. 142 00:06:22,530 --> 00:06:24,530 [chimes] 143 00:06:28,670 --> 00:06:31,170 [Mehru] Sania and I met over social media. 144 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:32,400 We're kind of like rule breakers, 145 00:06:32,430 --> 00:06:34,430 and don't let, "What will people say?", 146 00:06:34,470 --> 00:06:35,600 like, hold us back. 147 00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:39,770 She made up her own rules of what it means 148 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,570 to be a Muslim and an American. 149 00:06:42,830 --> 00:06:45,370 It's okay for her to make the religion 150 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:46,330 what it means to her, 151 00:06:46,370 --> 00:06:48,730 rather than what they say it should be. 152 00:06:48,770 --> 00:06:50,530 She told me, "I want to be married. 153 00:06:50,570 --> 00:06:52,270 I want to have a big family. 154 00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:54,800 And I want my photography to thrive." 155 00:06:56,730 --> 00:06:58,500 [chimes] 156 00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:04,370 [Olivia] She was the best photographer ever. 157 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,300 She captured moments 158 00:07:06,330 --> 00:07:07,930 in such a beautiful way. 159 00:07:08,670 --> 00:07:11,370 Sania decided to slide in my DMs. 160 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,870 We bonded in the fact that we were sent to college, 161 00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:15,200 failure is not an option, 162 00:07:15,230 --> 00:07:17,270 you have to graduate, be successful. 163 00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:20,100 In 2016, 164 00:07:20,130 --> 00:07:23,530 her photography business just started going bonkers. 165 00:07:23,570 --> 00:07:25,230 She was out of town every weekend, 166 00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:27,000 going to, like, awesome places 167 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,300 to shoot people 168 00:07:28,330 --> 00:07:30,630 and then she started recording herself, 169 00:07:30,670 --> 00:07:32,070 putting her thoughts out there. 170 00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:33,600 [drum 'n' bass music playing] 171 00:07:45,630 --> 00:07:48,970 She became this traveling photographer. 172 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,170 She'd use TikTok as a platform 173 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:52,730 and expanded her business. 174 00:07:52,770 --> 00:07:54,800 [lip-syncing] โ™ช How we feeling out there tonight? โ™ช 175 00:07:54,830 --> 00:07:55,800 [chuckles] 176 00:07:55,830 --> 00:07:57,230 โ™ช Yeah โ™ช 177 00:07:57,270 --> 00:07:59,300 โ™ช I am not feeling good โ™ช 178 00:08:01,870 --> 00:08:06,100 [Divya] She and I met on a random night. 179 00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:08,030 Right from the start, 180 00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:11,230 it just felt like we knew each other forever. 181 00:08:11,270 --> 00:08:14,070 Before you know it, we're texting each other every day. 182 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,370 She was definitely an entrepreneur, 183 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:21,130 because it was like she was doing two jobs in one. 184 00:08:21,170 --> 00:08:22,900 And she was utilizing social media 185 00:08:22,930 --> 00:08:24,300 to get a following 186 00:08:24,330 --> 00:08:25,870 for her photography business. 187 00:08:25,900 --> 00:08:28,770 [miming screaming] 188 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,900 [screaming] I'm gonna have such a good day today! 189 00:08:30,930 --> 00:08:31,830 [bleep] 190 00:08:35,570 --> 00:08:38,000 But we all knew she was a hopeless romantic. 191 00:08:38,030 --> 00:08:40,570 She wanted to have a strong relationship 192 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,200 with her mother and father. 193 00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:44,000 So she needed to find the right person 194 00:08:44,030 --> 00:08:45,030 to make them happy, 195 00:08:45,070 --> 00:08:46,470 to make them proud. 196 00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:53,430 [Grant] She wanted to be a wife, 197 00:08:53,470 --> 00:08:54,630 a mother, 198 00:08:54,670 --> 00:08:56,670 have a home, have a full life 199 00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:59,970 that she could not keep compartmentalized, 200 00:09:00,070 --> 00:09:02,370 but she could not have that with Robert. 201 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,270 So her relationship with Robert ended. 202 00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:10,070 She decided on dating a South Asian person 203 00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:12,430 that she could bring home to mom and dad. 204 00:09:15,230 --> 00:09:17,200 [Mehru] Sania met Raheel on Tinder. 205 00:09:17,230 --> 00:09:19,670 He was studying to be a physician's assistant. 206 00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:21,970 [chimes] 207 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,600 [Mehru] He was very charismatic, 208 00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:25,000 and he was very sweet. 209 00:09:27,430 --> 00:09:28,930 Like her, he was 210 00:09:28,970 --> 00:09:30,500 Pakistani and Muslim. 211 00:09:32,470 --> 00:09:33,470 [Grant] I liked him from the get-go 212 00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:35,330 because he knew how to present himself. 213 00:09:36,430 --> 00:09:38,930 But she had moved to Dallas. 214 00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:40,330 He was in Atlanta. 215 00:09:40,370 --> 00:09:42,300 And they were long distance. 216 00:09:42,330 --> 00:09:43,870 So there was no real, like, intimacy 217 00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:46,530 of living with somebody. 218 00:09:46,570 --> 00:09:48,570 [Divya] Sania and Raheel kept a relationship 219 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:50,030 through weekend getaways. 220 00:09:50,900 --> 00:09:52,670 They often did camping trips. 221 00:09:53,270 --> 00:09:54,800 [Sidra] She definitely knew 222 00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:57,000 that she wanted to marry him. 223 00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,730 She wanted someone 224 00:09:58,770 --> 00:10:01,900 who had her back at the end of the day, 225 00:10:01,930 --> 00:10:03,100 that she could kind of show off 226 00:10:03,130 --> 00:10:04,800 in the community, too. 227 00:10:07,530 --> 00:10:09,970 [Hira] So part of being an influencer is 228 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,200 talking about yourself, right? 229 00:10:12,230 --> 00:10:15,030 Being more personable with your audience. 230 00:10:15,070 --> 00:10:16,600 And Sania did just that. 231 00:10:18,070 --> 00:10:19,130 When you get a following, 232 00:10:19,170 --> 00:10:20,800 it brings in more clients, more money, 233 00:10:20,830 --> 00:10:22,800 and builds your portfolio. 234 00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:26,100 Sania was a self-confessed, hopeless romantic, 235 00:10:26,130 --> 00:10:29,800 and she loved to capture couples. 236 00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:32,770 Quickly, she became a go-to photographer. 237 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:36,600 She had a blog 238 00:10:36,630 --> 00:10:38,830 where she shared about her own relationship 239 00:10:38,870 --> 00:10:40,470 and gave relationship advice. 240 00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:41,370 She talked about 241 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:42,930 how they supported one another. 242 00:10:42,970 --> 00:10:44,470 Raheel was very sweet to her. 243 00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:46,870 He would fly in and surprise her, 244 00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:49,000 would send her gifts and flowers 245 00:10:49,030 --> 00:10:50,370 on Valentine's Day. 246 00:10:52,430 --> 00:10:53,970 [Sidra] They were dating for five years 247 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,970 before he proposed to her, 248 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,570 which is a very long time. 249 00:10:58,600 --> 00:10:59,630 "Here's where 250 00:10:59,670 --> 00:11:02,230 -your day turns fancy and free." -[woman] Oh. 251 00:11:02,270 --> 00:11:03,970 "Time to get out of your comfort zone 252 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,630 and find something naughty 253 00:11:05,670 --> 00:11:07,570 or nice for the bride-to-be." 254 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,070 [women cheering] 255 00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:10,900 [Sidra] The reason why it took the time is 256 00:11:10,930 --> 00:11:13,500 because she came from a divorced household. 257 00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,970 That's still a big stigma. 258 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,800 [Olivia] I know that there was some resentment 259 00:11:18,830 --> 00:11:20,100 from Raheel's family 260 00:11:20,130 --> 00:11:21,970 in the way that they saw Sania. 261 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,370 But she can't help 262 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,600 that her parents made the choices that they did. 263 00:11:25,630 --> 00:11:27,500 [all] Hi. 264 00:11:27,530 --> 00:11:29,170 Bride tribe! 265 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:30,430 [woman whooping] 266 00:11:38,170 --> 00:11:40,430 [Sidra] It was very much "Present the couple, 267 00:11:40,470 --> 00:11:41,970 look how perfect they are, 268 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,030 look how nice the family is." 269 00:11:45,130 --> 00:11:46,200 She had to look like 270 00:11:46,230 --> 00:11:49,630 the perfect South-Asian glowing bride. 271 00:11:49,670 --> 00:11:50,630 Oh, my God. 272 00:11:50,670 --> 00:11:52,500 [Urdu music playing on PA] 273 00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:57,070 [Olivia] Raheel's parents were still together, 274 00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:58,800 and they painted that perfect picture 275 00:11:58,830 --> 00:12:00,430 of the way things were supposed to be. 276 00:12:01,530 --> 00:12:02,670 [Grant] Having everyone together, 277 00:12:02,700 --> 00:12:04,300 her mother, her father, 278 00:12:04,330 --> 00:12:06,930 both sides of the family, everything coming together, 279 00:12:06,970 --> 00:12:09,470 that's what she's wanted since she was a little girl. 280 00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:14,000 [Mehru] But during the signing of the papers, 281 00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,100 there was an event. 282 00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:20,370 Just made everybody in the room kind of... 283 00:12:20,830 --> 00:12:21,970 pause. 284 00:12:23,930 --> 00:12:26,530 [Divya] It was very calm at the beginning 285 00:12:26,570 --> 00:12:30,100 until the energy in the room changed 286 00:12:30,130 --> 00:12:32,070 suddenly to being hostile, 287 00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:35,000 and just-- it was very uncomfortable. 288 00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:39,670 I remember the look in Raheel's eyes 289 00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:40,870 and they were-- 290 00:12:41,570 --> 00:12:42,870 it was just scary. 291 00:12:43,770 --> 00:12:45,700 Raheel did have a sword, 292 00:12:45,730 --> 00:12:47,200 which is traditional. 293 00:12:48,130 --> 00:12:49,230 And he was like, 294 00:12:49,270 --> 00:12:50,200 "I have a weapon 295 00:12:50,230 --> 00:12:51,700 and I'm willing to use it." 296 00:12:57,270 --> 00:12:59,630 Was there any conflict at the wedding? [chuckles] 297 00:13:00,670 --> 00:13:03,930 Yes, there was some conflict at the wedding. 298 00:13:03,970 --> 00:13:07,130 No, I'd rather not get into details of that. 299 00:13:14,130 --> 00:13:16,600 The conflict was over something 300 00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:17,970 what I thought was very minor. 301 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,630 It was like a seating arrangement. 302 00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:22,330 He was telling her father 303 00:13:22,370 --> 00:13:24,200 to sit in a certain place. 304 00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:26,330 But I recalled 305 00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:28,770 her father speaking back to him that, you know, 306 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,800 "You're not supposed to be telling us, 307 00:13:30,830 --> 00:13:31,870 like, what to do." 308 00:13:33,770 --> 00:13:36,470 [Grant] It was a very vocal altercation. 309 00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:38,200 Her father was screaming, "I paid for the whole thing, 310 00:13:38,230 --> 00:13:40,430 and you-- you can get out." 311 00:13:41,330 --> 00:13:43,030 Raheel banged the sword 312 00:13:43,070 --> 00:13:44,670 on the table. 313 00:13:45,970 --> 00:13:48,800 For anyone to do that in front of an elder is 314 00:13:48,830 --> 00:13:51,070 a huge sign of disrespect. 315 00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:53,000 It's a really big deal. 316 00:13:55,830 --> 00:13:58,330 That event set the tone for the rest of the evening. 317 00:13:58,370 --> 00:13:59,530 [people speaking indistinctly] 318 00:13:59,570 --> 00:14:01,770 "May Allah bless the earth 319 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,070 with your progeny." 320 00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:03,930 [Grant] She's just like, 321 00:14:03,970 --> 00:14:05,630 "I have to let it wash over me. 322 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,300 I just have to be here and can't say a word and... 323 00:14:10,070 --> 00:14:11,100 it'll all be okay." 324 00:14:15,430 --> 00:14:17,030 Sorry. I'm just like-- 325 00:14:17,070 --> 00:14:18,600 I hated that day. [chuckles] 326 00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:23,830 [Grant] There was already tension 327 00:14:23,870 --> 00:14:25,500 between the two families. 328 00:14:25,530 --> 00:14:30,230 Fallout at the wedding just furthered the divide. 329 00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:32,870 She, at that point, was trying to support her husband 330 00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:34,770 rather than her family. 331 00:14:40,730 --> 00:14:41,670 [Hira] After their wedding, 332 00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:44,400 Sania and Raheel moved to Chicago, 333 00:14:44,430 --> 00:14:46,330 where Raheel would go to medical school. 334 00:14:46,370 --> 00:14:48,100 And they lived in an apartment building 335 00:14:48,130 --> 00:14:49,870 on the 28th floor. 336 00:14:50,330 --> 00:14:51,700 Sania was thriving 337 00:14:51,730 --> 00:14:52,830 in her business. 338 00:14:52,870 --> 00:14:54,370 Her online presence was growing. 339 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,230 [inaudible] 340 00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:09,700 Everything seemed to be going really well 341 00:15:09,730 --> 00:15:10,800 for the couple. 342 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,830 [Hira] On November 7th of 2021, 343 00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:15,800 Sania was featured on a podcast-- 344 00:15:15,830 --> 00:15:17,200 [interviewer] What would you say 345 00:15:17,230 --> 00:15:19,900 to the South Asian parents-- 346 00:15:19,930 --> 00:15:21,100 [Hira] ...to talk about the issues 347 00:15:21,130 --> 00:15:23,330 faced in her career as a South Asian woman. 348 00:15:23,370 --> 00:15:25,600 [interviewer] ...children entering creative industries? 349 00:15:25,630 --> 00:15:27,530 [Sania] Support your child, 350 00:15:27,570 --> 00:15:29,330 motivate them. 351 00:15:29,370 --> 00:15:31,200 If you want them to succeed, 352 00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:32,600 if you want them to be happy-- 353 00:15:32,630 --> 00:15:35,030 Sania presented herself and her partner 354 00:15:35,070 --> 00:15:36,830 as a power couple, really. 355 00:15:36,870 --> 00:15:38,900 [Sania] Life was wonderful when I got married. 356 00:15:38,930 --> 00:15:41,030 I mean, I love my husband. 357 00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:44,070 -He's actually in school for medicine - [interviewer] Mm-hmm. 358 00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:46,370 and he's gonna be in it for a little bit. 359 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:47,800 -And so I was like, well-- -[interviewer] Yeah. 360 00:15:47,830 --> 00:15:49,770 [Sania] ...now I need to be the breadwinner. 361 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:50,930 He's gonna be providing, 362 00:15:50,970 --> 00:15:52,930 -you know, in the future. -Yeah. 363 00:15:52,970 --> 00:15:54,370 [Sania] But for the time being, 364 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,030 let me be that support. 365 00:15:57,100 --> 00:15:58,800 [Hira] Sania was trying to live 366 00:15:58,830 --> 00:16:00,200 between the online world, 367 00:16:00,230 --> 00:16:01,270 and the real world. 368 00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:02,870 Trying to pick and choose things 369 00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:04,470 that would reflect well, 370 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:05,570 when in reality, 371 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,870 things weren't going very well in her relationship. 372 00:16:09,370 --> 00:16:11,830 [Mehru] He was almost never around. 373 00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:13,870 He was either studying for school 374 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:15,970 or with his friends. 375 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:16,970 And she was, 376 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,570 in her words, "playing housewife." 377 00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:22,230 [Divya] And just the way he talked to her, 378 00:16:22,270 --> 00:16:25,070 especially when it came to her career in photography, 379 00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:28,970 he would say, "No, this is not, like, a real income." 380 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,230 [Olivia] Sania had expressed to me 381 00:16:30,270 --> 00:16:31,800 how much pressure that she felt 382 00:16:31,830 --> 00:16:33,100 from their family, 383 00:16:33,130 --> 00:16:36,200 because they saw him as being perfect. 384 00:16:36,230 --> 00:16:38,570 And the girls in his family were perfect. 385 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,900 So they expected Sania to be perfect too. 386 00:16:40,930 --> 00:16:42,430 So it was just a lot. 387 00:16:47,900 --> 00:16:50,300 [Mehru] We started communicating less and less. 388 00:16:50,330 --> 00:16:52,730 She was almost never on social media anymore. 389 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:54,700 I remember, 390 00:16:54,730 --> 00:16:57,470 about four or five months after her wedding, 391 00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:58,900 I was going to Chicago 392 00:16:58,930 --> 00:17:00,070 to see some friends. 393 00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:02,700 And of course, I wanted to see her. 394 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,500 But she told me she wouldn't be able to, 395 00:17:04,530 --> 00:17:06,430 because she had some family stuff going on. 396 00:17:06,470 --> 00:17:08,770 And that was kind of a red flag for me, 397 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,000 because she would tell me what it was. 398 00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,470 I just knew that there was something 399 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,300 that she wasn't telling me. 400 00:17:21,770 --> 00:17:24,099 She literally went off the grid 401 00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:25,630 and that was weird. 402 00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:26,970 That was so weird. 403 00:17:36,530 --> 00:17:37,470 [Mehru] I didn't find out 404 00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:39,070 about Raheel's mental-health struggles 405 00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:42,600 until she called me crying on the phone one day, 406 00:17:42,630 --> 00:17:44,130 told me what he had tried to do. 407 00:17:44,170 --> 00:17:47,370 She didn't wanna actually tell the complete truth 408 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,500 until she had that day, 409 00:17:49,530 --> 00:17:52,770 where her own life was actually at risk. 410 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:02,630 [Sidra] December 7th, 2021, 411 00:18:02,670 --> 00:18:04,370 Raheel tried to commit suicide 412 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,130 from their high-rise apartment in Chicago. 413 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,370 [indistinct shouting] 414 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,700 He tried to grab Sania 415 00:18:11,730 --> 00:18:13,470 and then jump out of the window. 416 00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:16,470 [indistinct arguing] 417 00:18:21,730 --> 00:18:23,800 [Hira] On December 7th, 2021, 418 00:18:23,830 --> 00:18:25,400 Raheel tried to kill himself 419 00:18:25,430 --> 00:18:27,770 by jumping from the balcony of the 28th floor 420 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,300 and taking Sania with him. 421 00:18:29,330 --> 00:18:31,070 [indistinct arguing] 422 00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:36,530 [Hira] His mother somehow was able to stop him. 423 00:18:36,570 --> 00:18:38,900 Raheel allegedly was going through a mental break, 424 00:18:38,930 --> 00:18:41,030 but the fact that your son 425 00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:43,030 or son-in-law has tried to kill himself is 426 00:18:43,070 --> 00:18:45,700 very shameful and a huge taboo. 427 00:18:47,570 --> 00:18:50,630 Unfortunately, Sania's mom told her specifically 428 00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:52,630 not to say anything to the police. 429 00:18:58,770 --> 00:19:01,800 She, like, divulges everything to me. 430 00:19:01,830 --> 00:19:05,670 I was literally in shock. 431 00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:08,700 She's like, "My mom just didn't want anyone to know. 432 00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:10,630 I honestly didn't know what to do." 433 00:19:12,430 --> 00:19:15,230 Her in-laws were refusing to look at the fact 434 00:19:15,270 --> 00:19:17,830 that Raheel had a serious problem. 435 00:19:20,470 --> 00:19:22,700 They held him on a pedestal. 436 00:19:22,730 --> 00:19:24,570 I think she truly felt conflicted 437 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,770 and isolated during that time. 438 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:27,730 Like, "how did this happen? 439 00:19:27,770 --> 00:19:29,400 How did I contribute to that?" 440 00:19:29,430 --> 00:19:32,500 And essentially, she gave this man 441 00:19:32,530 --> 00:19:34,170 the benefit of the doubt. 442 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:42,930 [Divya] There's this other, like, 443 00:19:42,970 --> 00:19:45,470 South Asian pressure coming towards him 444 00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:48,630 about being that, like, ideal son in a family. 445 00:19:48,670 --> 00:19:49,500 She would say that 446 00:19:49,530 --> 00:19:51,770 that was contributing 447 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,600 to his mental health. 448 00:19:53,630 --> 00:19:55,370 [Mehru] His biggest goal, like, in life, 449 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,500 is to become a doctor, 450 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,770 is to get there, 451 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,730 but he was definitely struggling. 452 00:20:02,970 --> 00:20:05,670 [Divya] Something else that came out was his age, 453 00:20:06,430 --> 00:20:08,470 that he had lied. 454 00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:10,570 He was actually in his mid-30s. 455 00:20:11,830 --> 00:20:15,130 That, for her, was a huge turning point as well 456 00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:17,970 because she actually doesn't know 457 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,370 who the hell she married. 458 00:20:23,230 --> 00:20:26,130 Sania was being gaslit from both sides, 459 00:20:26,170 --> 00:20:27,970 from her family and her in-laws, 460 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,230 about keeping quiet, 461 00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:31,700 trying to work on the marriage, etc. 462 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,900 Her mother was like, "It's nothing." 463 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,770 It happens." 464 00:20:36,530 --> 00:20:38,030 And that evolves to, 465 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,800 "Maybe you're to blame for it." 466 00:20:44,970 --> 00:20:46,430 [Hira] When she finally told her friends, 467 00:20:46,470 --> 00:20:47,900 they helped her realize 468 00:20:47,930 --> 00:20:49,130 that she needed to get out. 469 00:20:53,070 --> 00:20:54,530 [Mehru] I got a call from her. 470 00:20:54,570 --> 00:20:56,070 She was crying. 471 00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:57,230 She proceeded to tell me 472 00:20:57,270 --> 00:20:59,500 both her family and his family is telling her 473 00:20:59,530 --> 00:21:00,930 that it's all in her head. 474 00:21:00,970 --> 00:21:02,630 He's sorry and she should move on. 475 00:21:02,670 --> 00:21:04,130 He'd never do it again. 476 00:21:04,170 --> 00:21:06,330 But she told me she couldn't sleep next to him 477 00:21:06,370 --> 00:21:07,470 and feel safe. 478 00:21:08,570 --> 00:21:10,200 I told her to pretend 479 00:21:10,230 --> 00:21:12,170 that she never called me, 480 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,870 and I planned to fly up the next day 481 00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:15,900 and grab her myself. 482 00:21:17,270 --> 00:21:20,000 I flew from New York to Chicago 483 00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:21,700 and arrived at her apartment. 484 00:21:21,730 --> 00:21:24,170 Raheel had no idea that I was coming. 485 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,730 And she packed a small bag 486 00:21:25,770 --> 00:21:28,130 and she brought her camera... [chuckles] 487 00:21:29,100 --> 00:21:30,400 like her baby. 488 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,000 We ran to the elevator. 489 00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:45,800 We were shaking, out of breath. 490 00:21:45,830 --> 00:21:47,800 Adrenaline was pumping, 491 00:21:47,830 --> 00:21:49,430 thinking that he had followed us. 492 00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:52,230 But we made it. 493 00:21:53,470 --> 00:21:54,600 Then took a flight back 494 00:21:54,630 --> 00:21:57,030 to my apartment in New York. 495 00:21:57,070 --> 00:21:58,970 Her getting out made her realize that 496 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:03,430 what had happened between them was not normal. 497 00:22:03,470 --> 00:22:04,970 It's not okay. 498 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,430 She finally said it out loud. 499 00:22:06,470 --> 00:22:08,800 She said, "I'm going to get a divorce." 500 00:22:10,270 --> 00:22:11,230 I'm like, you know, 501 00:22:11,270 --> 00:22:13,570 maybe I need to stop, like, thinking. 502 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:14,830 I need to stop, like... 503 00:22:16,330 --> 00:22:18,470 considering other people's viewpoints 504 00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:19,400 and, like, really just, like, 505 00:22:19,430 --> 00:22:20,530 listen to my intuition, 506 00:22:20,570 --> 00:22:23,100 my heart, and, like, what that's telling me. 507 00:22:26,070 --> 00:22:27,730 [Sidra] She went back to their apartment. 508 00:22:30,230 --> 00:22:32,200 And he went back to his mother 509 00:22:32,630 --> 00:22:33,700 in Alpharetta. 510 00:22:33,730 --> 00:22:36,900 A self-entitled boy goes running back to his mom. 511 00:22:39,870 --> 00:22:41,430 It caught me off guard. 512 00:22:44,300 --> 00:22:46,970 Nothing about their relationship 513 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,430 at any point seemed 514 00:22:48,470 --> 00:22:49,330 violent or abusive 515 00:22:49,370 --> 00:22:50,730 or "you shouldn't be with him." 516 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,500 It kind of felt like she was failing at life. 517 00:23:00,770 --> 00:23:02,000 [Olivia] I told her, "You're winning 518 00:23:02,030 --> 00:23:03,630 because you're not staying." 519 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:05,870 She got to rebuild herself 520 00:23:05,900 --> 00:23:07,230 after being broken. 521 00:23:07,270 --> 00:23:09,270 And that was the most beautiful thing to watch. 522 00:23:22,670 --> 00:23:25,430 [Hira] Sania had turned to her online community 523 00:23:25,470 --> 00:23:27,100 and shared the realities 524 00:23:27,130 --> 00:23:28,130 of what she was going through. 525 00:23:32,670 --> 00:23:35,470 A lot of people connected with her. 526 00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:37,370 In the Western culture, it's quite normalized 527 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:38,970 to talk about your own issues. 528 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,370 But in Pakistani culture, it's not. 529 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,630 So for Sania to break these barriers and say, 530 00:23:42,670 --> 00:23:44,800 "No, I am going to speak on this 531 00:23:44,830 --> 00:23:46,670 because there are other women who go through this" 532 00:23:46,700 --> 00:23:48,000 was quite incredible. 533 00:23:51,100 --> 00:23:53,730 There's a video that she made that went viral 534 00:23:53,770 --> 00:23:55,800 where she's clearly visibly upset, 535 00:23:57,430 --> 00:24:00,070 talking about how isolating it was for her. 536 00:24:00,700 --> 00:24:02,530 That's the video that I first saw 537 00:24:02,570 --> 00:24:03,970 about Sania online. 538 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,670 I didn't know Sania as a person, 539 00:24:06,700 --> 00:24:08,400 but I have family members, 540 00:24:08,430 --> 00:24:11,970 women who are going through exactly what she went through. 541 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,670 And it just broke my heart. 542 00:24:24,300 --> 00:24:26,600 Sania was a pretty funny person. 543 00:24:26,630 --> 00:24:27,870 She was quite cheeky. 544 00:24:34,230 --> 00:24:36,070 But her responses were always 545 00:24:36,100 --> 00:24:37,730 very positive and very supportive. 546 00:24:38,830 --> 00:24:42,100 [Mehru] She was rediscovering who she was. 547 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,400 She said, "Girl, my DMs are filled with people 548 00:24:50,430 --> 00:24:52,370 and I can't believe I'm making a difference. 549 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:53,300 It's great. 550 00:24:53,330 --> 00:24:55,630 I want to talk more about it." 551 00:24:55,670 --> 00:24:58,630 [Divya] I'm not surprised that it kicked off. 552 00:24:58,670 --> 00:25:00,200 I love this TikTok of hers. 553 00:25:00,230 --> 00:25:01,730 Probably one of my favorites. 554 00:25:05,670 --> 00:25:06,830 I know she looked like a badass 555 00:25:06,870 --> 00:25:08,670 and it looked amazing. [chuckles] 556 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:13,330 Her message was 557 00:25:13,370 --> 00:25:15,270 "No matter what religion you come from, 558 00:25:15,300 --> 00:25:17,270 you're a woman and you're beautiful 559 00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:19,600 and you can achieve anything 560 00:25:19,630 --> 00:25:21,200 that you set your mind to." 561 00:25:22,070 --> 00:25:24,200 Social media was like her virtual diary. 562 00:25:25,670 --> 00:25:26,970 She wanted to be vulnerable 563 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:28,930 so that a few months later, she can be like, 564 00:25:28,970 --> 00:25:31,730 "I am totally better off." 565 00:25:42,900 --> 00:25:46,470 [Hira] But going viral online is a double-edged sword. 566 00:25:51,930 --> 00:25:54,770 She faced a lot of harassment 567 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,200 and a lot of bullying 568 00:25:56,230 --> 00:25:58,200 from all over. 569 00:26:02,970 --> 00:26:04,700 Just because she decided 570 00:26:04,730 --> 00:26:07,170 to openly talk about her experience. 571 00:26:09,370 --> 00:26:11,200 [Olivia] A lot of people within the culture were 572 00:26:11,230 --> 00:26:12,630 shunning her and... 573 00:26:14,100 --> 00:26:15,930 this was the time where she started 574 00:26:15,970 --> 00:26:16,830 to get death threats. 575 00:26:23,070 --> 00:26:25,170 โ™ช I just wanna break off A little pieceโ™ช 576 00:26:25,870 --> 00:26:28,000 -โ™ช Huh โ™ช -[TikTok chime] 577 00:26:31,830 --> 00:26:34,730 [Hira] So being a female Muslim influencer 578 00:26:34,770 --> 00:26:36,030 can get pretty scary at times, 579 00:26:36,070 --> 00:26:38,700 especially when you talk about taboo subjects. 580 00:26:38,730 --> 00:26:40,570 Sania was talking about her divorce. 581 00:26:46,230 --> 00:26:47,830 Her family was upset. 582 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:53,500 The South Asian community was upset. 583 00:26:53,530 --> 00:26:55,300 The Muslim community was upset. 584 00:27:00,370 --> 00:27:01,670 [Mehru] She didn't focus on that. 585 00:27:01,700 --> 00:27:04,100 She was like, "Girl, I'm gonna delete, block and move on." 586 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:06,270 [Olivia] She brushed them off. 587 00:27:06,300 --> 00:27:08,670 You don't really think someone's gonna, like, 588 00:27:08,700 --> 00:27:09,930 lash out like that 589 00:27:09,970 --> 00:27:12,170 for just something as silly as something you post online. 590 00:27:17,300 --> 00:27:19,130 [Divya] Mom finding these TikToks, saying, 591 00:27:19,170 --> 00:27:20,700 like, "what are you doing? 592 00:27:20,730 --> 00:27:22,930 This is bringing so much shame on us." 593 00:27:34,170 --> 00:27:35,970 [Hira] This video really hurts. 594 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,230 I don't understand 595 00:27:40,270 --> 00:27:41,630 why, in our community, 596 00:27:41,670 --> 00:27:44,730 when women act a certain way, 597 00:27:44,770 --> 00:27:46,800 dress a certain way, 598 00:27:46,830 --> 00:27:48,470 why the reaction is always 599 00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:50,330 that "We're going to kill ourselves 600 00:27:50,370 --> 00:27:51,470 or we're going to kill you." 601 00:27:59,270 --> 00:28:00,670 [Grant] As long as she's been on social media, 602 00:28:00,700 --> 00:28:02,900 there's been people making negative comments about her. 603 00:28:02,930 --> 00:28:04,170 But that didn't stop her. 604 00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:05,200 And that's 605 00:28:05,230 --> 00:28:06,730 one of the bravest things about her. 606 00:28:10,830 --> 00:28:15,570 Sania knew how powerful her social media account was. 607 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,430 It was her moneymaker. 608 00:28:17,470 --> 00:28:19,530 And she would say it often to me. She was like, 609 00:28:19,570 --> 00:28:21,500 "I don't know how I'm going to pay my rent, 610 00:28:21,530 --> 00:28:22,470 so I'm just going to get on here. 611 00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:24,370 I'm going to post every day." And she did. 612 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:25,470 And it worked. 613 00:28:26,630 --> 00:28:29,730 I met Sania at a tea shop 614 00:28:29,770 --> 00:28:32,500 in Chattanooga, early 2019. 615 00:28:32,530 --> 00:28:34,830 We just instantly hit it off. 616 00:28:34,870 --> 00:28:36,970 She didn't live in Chattanooga at the time. 617 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:39,870 So we kept tabs on one another. 618 00:28:39,900 --> 00:28:42,400 It wasn't until after Raheel, 619 00:28:42,430 --> 00:28:44,200 early 2022, that we really, like, 620 00:28:44,230 --> 00:28:45,770 fell in love with each other. 621 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,730 Soulmate, soul sister, everything. 622 00:28:48,770 --> 00:28:50,030 Best friend, twin flame, 623 00:28:50,070 --> 00:28:51,670 whatever you want to call all that. 624 00:28:53,100 --> 00:28:54,070 She was defining herself 625 00:28:54,100 --> 00:28:57,170 as a new way to be within her culture. 626 00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,970 But to still hold on to the things 627 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:01,400 that mattered with it. 628 00:29:06,370 --> 00:29:07,700 I did it! 629 00:29:08,700 --> 00:29:11,370 [Gabriella] She got the Roman numerals 28. 630 00:29:14,470 --> 00:29:16,300 It was her year of waking up. 631 00:29:16,330 --> 00:29:19,030 Twenty-eight was also the floor she lived on 632 00:29:19,070 --> 00:29:20,630 in her apartment building. 633 00:29:20,670 --> 00:29:22,730 [inaudible] 634 00:29:22,770 --> 00:29:24,900 She was excited. She was excited to date. 635 00:29:24,930 --> 00:29:26,700 She was excited to fall in love again. 636 00:29:32,030 --> 00:29:33,600 She didn't really tell me she was, like, 637 00:29:33,630 --> 00:29:34,770 thinking of reconnecting him. 638 00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:36,730 It was more of a she told me after the fact of, like, 639 00:29:36,770 --> 00:29:37,670 "Oh, I didn't tell you." 640 00:29:37,700 --> 00:29:40,300 So this is just a lot of my speculation. 641 00:29:40,330 --> 00:29:41,570 I mean, it goes back 642 00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:44,000 to the two different identities she had 643 00:29:44,030 --> 00:29:46,700 between her Pakistani side and her American teenage side. 644 00:29:46,730 --> 00:29:48,570 And that was such a... 645 00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:51,030 strong, significant relationship for her. 646 00:29:51,070 --> 00:29:53,900 It made sense for her to find comfort... 647 00:29:54,700 --> 00:29:55,570 in him. 648 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:10,900 We were like, "Absolutely, we have to live together." 649 00:30:11,730 --> 00:30:13,600 I found us a house in Chattanooga. 650 00:30:13,630 --> 00:30:15,130 And it was happening. 651 00:30:15,170 --> 00:30:17,900 We were so, so excited. 652 00:30:17,930 --> 00:30:19,630 So excited about it. 653 00:30:19,670 --> 00:30:20,530 Yeah. 654 00:30:20,570 --> 00:30:22,400 I was just ready to go get her. 655 00:30:29,430 --> 00:30:31,400 Sania bought my plane ticket 656 00:30:31,430 --> 00:30:32,900 to meet her in Chicago, 657 00:30:32,930 --> 00:30:34,000 pack, 658 00:30:34,030 --> 00:30:36,330 drive back and have a little adventure. 659 00:30:40,030 --> 00:30:41,200 I landed. 660 00:30:43,570 --> 00:30:44,530 And I asked her, 661 00:30:44,570 --> 00:30:46,470 "What train do I need to get on?" 662 00:30:54,270 --> 00:30:56,430 And I hadn't heard from her. 663 00:30:56,470 --> 00:30:58,170 So that worried me a little bit. 664 00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,900 Uh, I still-- I called her a lot. 665 00:31:02,230 --> 00:31:03,400 [line trilling] 666 00:31:09,700 --> 00:31:11,700 [line trilling] 667 00:31:11,730 --> 00:31:14,070 I received a phone call on Instagram. 668 00:31:14,100 --> 00:31:15,900 They did not know me. 669 00:31:15,930 --> 00:31:17,570 They just knew that... 670 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:19,930 Sania was supposed to see me today. 671 00:31:21,870 --> 00:31:24,300 They sounded really freaked out 672 00:31:24,330 --> 00:31:27,200 because someone had sent them 673 00:31:27,230 --> 00:31:28,670 a message on Instagram. 674 00:31:32,170 --> 00:31:33,670 [Gabriella] At this point, I'm alarmed. 675 00:31:33,700 --> 00:31:35,570 It feels really surreal. 676 00:31:35,970 --> 00:31:37,370 [line trilling] 677 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,470 [Gabriella] Two, three minutes later, her dad called me. 678 00:31:40,500 --> 00:31:42,130 I'd never seen her family. 679 00:31:42,170 --> 00:31:43,570 Um, I'd never talked to them. 680 00:31:44,370 --> 00:31:45,900 He said something to me 681 00:31:46,570 --> 00:31:48,530 like, "She's gone." 682 00:31:50,300 --> 00:31:51,670 In my mind, 683 00:31:52,370 --> 00:31:53,670 I already knew what happened. 684 00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:00,600 At this point, I'm like freaking out. 685 00:32:00,630 --> 00:32:02,970 I'm trying to hold myself together. 686 00:32:06,870 --> 00:32:09,130 [line trilling] 687 00:32:09,170 --> 00:32:10,570 [Gabriella] A minute or two later, 688 00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:11,830 her mom called me. 689 00:32:12,770 --> 00:32:14,900 And she was hysterical. 690 00:32:14,930 --> 00:32:18,700 And her brother took the phone from her mom and... 691 00:32:18,730 --> 00:32:21,000 basically calmly told me what happened. 692 00:32:26,170 --> 00:32:27,630 I just kept saying to myself, like, 693 00:32:27,670 --> 00:32:29,170 [voice trembling] "This can't be real. This can't be real. 694 00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:30,530 It can't be real." 695 00:32:31,570 --> 00:32:32,770 July 18th... 696 00:32:37,330 --> 00:32:38,400 [Hira] At 4:30 p.m., 697 00:32:38,430 --> 00:32:40,370 police were called to Sania's apartment. 698 00:32:42,530 --> 00:32:44,570 Upon arrival, they heard a gunshot. 699 00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:45,730 [gunshot] 700 00:32:45,770 --> 00:32:46,870 They broke in 701 00:32:46,900 --> 00:32:49,400 and found Sania's body unresponsive. 702 00:32:50,030 --> 00:32:51,530 They then found another body 703 00:32:51,570 --> 00:32:53,330 with a gunshot wound to the head. 704 00:32:54,170 --> 00:32:55,430 It was Raheel. 705 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,030 [Grant] One of her friends sends me a message. 706 00:33:07,070 --> 00:33:08,470 And I ask, 707 00:33:08,500 --> 00:33:10,100 "Is Sania all right?" 708 00:33:11,100 --> 00:33:12,170 She says... 709 00:33:12,670 --> 00:33:13,570 "No". 710 00:33:14,100 --> 00:33:15,600 And then I ask her, 711 00:33:16,270 --> 00:33:18,070 "Is Sania alive?" 712 00:33:19,230 --> 00:33:20,600 She says, "No". 713 00:33:21,470 --> 00:33:23,900 Raheel shot her and then shot himself. 714 00:33:26,630 --> 00:33:27,630 [Sidra] I wake up. 715 00:33:27,670 --> 00:33:29,830 I look at my text messages. 716 00:33:30,330 --> 00:33:32,030 I was in reaction mode. 717 00:33:32,070 --> 00:33:35,200 I still think, to a certain degree, I am. 718 00:33:35,230 --> 00:33:37,630 Immediately, I was angry. 719 00:33:39,730 --> 00:33:41,670 And I just fell on the floor 720 00:33:41,700 --> 00:33:45,130 and I just could not control myself. 721 00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:51,000 [voice trembling] It was the absolute worst feeling. 722 00:33:54,830 --> 00:33:57,930 [crying] The part that hurt the most was just 723 00:33:57,970 --> 00:34:00,130 knowing how excited she was 724 00:34:00,170 --> 00:34:01,570 for this new chapter. 725 00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:05,370 She had just overcome so much in that year. 726 00:34:06,230 --> 00:34:07,200 And the way that 727 00:34:07,230 --> 00:34:10,070 that [bleep] just took her life like that. 728 00:34:10,570 --> 00:34:12,429 Like this, she was gone. 729 00:34:14,530 --> 00:34:16,199 Even when I was coming to talk to you today, 730 00:34:16,230 --> 00:34:17,800 I was like, "Oh, we're going to talk about Sania." 731 00:34:17,830 --> 00:34:19,969 And in my head, she's very much here. 732 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:21,500 She's very much... 733 00:34:22,730 --> 00:34:23,800 in Chicago. 734 00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:26,699 Yeah. 735 00:34:27,429 --> 00:34:29,230 He knew when I was coming. 736 00:34:29,270 --> 00:34:31,400 That's the part of it that really... 737 00:34:32,730 --> 00:34:34,400 really bothers me a lot. 738 00:34:34,429 --> 00:34:37,170 He took his opportunity to take her away 739 00:34:37,199 --> 00:34:38,300 when he could. 740 00:34:40,830 --> 00:34:42,469 [Hira] Let's rewind to what actually happened 741 00:34:42,500 --> 00:34:43,630 on that day. 742 00:34:46,870 --> 00:34:49,000 Raheel drove over 700 miles 743 00:34:49,030 --> 00:34:51,469 from Georgia to Chicago to the apartment 744 00:34:51,500 --> 00:34:53,000 that he once shared with Sania. 745 00:34:53,030 --> 00:34:55,030 It's been six months since their separation 746 00:34:55,070 --> 00:34:56,770 and he was banned from the apartment. 747 00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:58,670 But he reached out to a real estate agent 748 00:34:58,700 --> 00:34:59,900 and asked for a tour 749 00:34:59,930 --> 00:35:01,470 of another apartment in the building. 750 00:35:02,500 --> 00:35:04,630 After the tour, he told the real estate agent 751 00:35:04,670 --> 00:35:06,570 that he was going to visit a friend. 752 00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:09,400 And at 11:00 a.m., he knocked on Sania's door. 753 00:35:11,170 --> 00:35:14,130 What happened after that is just speculation. 754 00:35:15,100 --> 00:35:16,770 What is believed to have happened 755 00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:18,400 is Raheel told her that 756 00:35:18,430 --> 00:35:20,670 he had her wedding dress in a garment bag. 757 00:35:21,330 --> 00:35:22,270 Sania opened the door 758 00:35:22,300 --> 00:35:24,800 and Raheel immediately shot her. 759 00:35:24,830 --> 00:35:25,900 [gunshot] 760 00:35:25,930 --> 00:35:27,930 Police were called to Sania's apartment 761 00:35:27,970 --> 00:35:29,070 for a welfare check 762 00:35:29,100 --> 00:35:30,900 that was done by Raheel's family 763 00:35:30,930 --> 00:35:33,300 as he had been gone for a day and a night. 764 00:35:33,330 --> 00:35:35,970 They reported him as missing. 765 00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:37,930 Once the police arrived to the apartment, 766 00:35:37,970 --> 00:35:39,470 they heard a second gunshot-- 767 00:35:39,500 --> 00:35:41,730 -[gunshot] -[Hira] ...and they broke in. 768 00:35:41,770 --> 00:35:43,170 Once they were in the apartment, 769 00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:44,900 they found Sania unresponsive 770 00:35:44,930 --> 00:35:47,400 and declared her dead on the scene. 771 00:35:47,430 --> 00:35:49,170 Shortly after, they found Raheel 772 00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:50,400 with a gunshot wound to the head 773 00:35:50,430 --> 00:35:53,070 and transported him to the hospital. 774 00:35:53,100 --> 00:35:55,600 Upon arrival, he was also declared dead. 775 00:35:57,630 --> 00:35:59,600 The medical examiner reported 776 00:35:59,630 --> 00:36:01,430 Sania's death as a homicide 777 00:36:01,470 --> 00:36:04,600 and her estranged husband Raheel's death as a suicide. 778 00:36:07,130 --> 00:36:09,170 [Mehru] She separated from the person 779 00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:10,470 that was trying to hurt her. 780 00:36:10,500 --> 00:36:12,900 She was physically moving to another location. 781 00:36:12,930 --> 00:36:14,400 She changed her locks. 782 00:36:14,430 --> 00:36:15,770 She did everything right 783 00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:17,170 and still... 784 00:36:18,530 --> 00:36:19,970 lost her life. 785 00:36:20,930 --> 00:36:23,570 "I told her I couldn't live without her 786 00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:25,800 and had the gun pointed to my head, 787 00:36:25,830 --> 00:36:28,400 but she tried to take it away from me 788 00:36:28,430 --> 00:36:29,500 and it went off." 789 00:36:29,530 --> 00:36:32,470 The suicide note was a complete fake. 790 00:36:32,500 --> 00:36:34,430 "I can't live with myself 791 00:36:34,470 --> 00:36:37,870 knowing me being here caused this accident. 792 00:36:37,900 --> 00:36:39,170 I am so sorry." 793 00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:41,300 No accountability. 794 00:36:42,570 --> 00:36:45,400 [Grant] Whatever mental break he had 795 00:36:45,430 --> 00:36:47,730 fueled by failing at school, 796 00:36:47,770 --> 00:36:49,200 failure at marriage, 797 00:36:49,230 --> 00:36:51,770 his humiliation led him to do what he did. 798 00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:56,370 Take it out on the two people he can blame, her and himself. 799 00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:58,970 [Olivia] I think the pressure from school, 800 00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:00,500 the pressure from the divorce, 801 00:37:00,530 --> 00:37:02,800 the pressure from his family, 802 00:37:03,730 --> 00:37:06,070 it all got to him and that's why he did it. 803 00:37:07,130 --> 00:37:09,130 [Gabriella] I don't believe he could stand 804 00:37:09,170 --> 00:37:11,500 the thought of her having 805 00:37:11,530 --> 00:37:13,370 this incredible life she was certainly 806 00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:15,870 and absolutely going to have without him. 807 00:37:18,030 --> 00:37:20,230 "If I can't have you, no one will." 808 00:37:31,270 --> 00:37:32,600 [Hira] Here, yet again, 809 00:37:32,630 --> 00:37:36,030 we have a South Asian woman going through domestic abuse, 810 00:37:36,070 --> 00:37:38,430 who has now been murdered by her estranged husband, 811 00:37:38,470 --> 00:37:41,070 and yet the community is absolutely silent. 812 00:37:41,100 --> 00:37:42,670 Time and time again, in our communities, 813 00:37:42,700 --> 00:37:44,830 we talk about how women need to be complicit 814 00:37:44,870 --> 00:37:46,130 to the abuse that they face. 815 00:37:46,170 --> 00:37:49,370 So myself and some other social media influencers 816 00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:50,930 that I know from our community 817 00:37:50,970 --> 00:37:52,370 spoke up about this. 818 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:54,470 In our society, women are seen as commodities 819 00:37:54,500 --> 00:37:56,900 for our labor and our childbearing capabilities. 820 00:37:56,930 --> 00:37:58,900 We're not seen as human beings at all. 821 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,470 [Hira] The community response was quite interesting. 822 00:38:09,500 --> 00:38:11,300 On one hand, you had a lot of people, 823 00:38:11,330 --> 00:38:12,730 men mostly, 824 00:38:12,770 --> 00:38:15,670 trying to justify what Raheel did. 825 00:38:24,770 --> 00:38:28,130 [Hira] Some people were blaming her murder on her. 826 00:38:31,230 --> 00:38:33,300 Mental health is a serious issue 827 00:38:33,330 --> 00:38:34,570 in a lot of communities, 828 00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:36,970 but that is not an excuse for bad behavior 829 00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:39,600 and it's definitely not an excuse to murder somebody. 830 00:38:39,630 --> 00:38:41,800 Because lots of folks have mental health issues 831 00:38:41,830 --> 00:38:44,770 but lots of folks don't go around murdering people. 832 00:38:52,770 --> 00:38:54,000 [Hira] And on the other hand, you had 833 00:38:54,030 --> 00:38:55,470 a lot of South Asian women talking 834 00:38:55,500 --> 00:38:57,430 about the realities of domestic violence, 835 00:38:57,470 --> 00:38:58,670 the realities of divorce 836 00:38:58,700 --> 00:38:59,870 and the realities of the pressures 837 00:38:59,900 --> 00:39:02,530 that women go through in these situations. 838 00:39:12,430 --> 00:39:15,700 Her platform was one of positivity and hope 839 00:39:15,730 --> 00:39:19,630 and she made a lot of women feel safe, seen and heard. 840 00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:27,330 [Mehru] We need to let our women know 841 00:39:27,370 --> 00:39:29,570 that their safety 842 00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:32,170 is above pride, is above religion, 843 00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:34,630 is above "what will people say." 844 00:39:41,970 --> 00:39:43,730 [Grant] All of her closest friends 845 00:39:43,770 --> 00:39:44,630 came to this idea 846 00:39:44,670 --> 00:39:45,930 of getting the exact same tattoo 847 00:39:45,970 --> 00:39:47,370 in the exact same spot 848 00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:49,170 for the exact same reason. 849 00:39:53,130 --> 00:39:56,200 Twenty-eight is the year Sania's life changed. 850 00:39:56,230 --> 00:39:58,230 [inaudible] 851 00:39:58,270 --> 00:39:59,830 [Olivia] She never wanted to forget it 852 00:39:59,870 --> 00:40:01,430 because she overcame it. 853 00:40:01,470 --> 00:40:02,770 I did it! 854 00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:04,400 It's so good. 855 00:40:04,430 --> 00:40:05,800 I love it. 856 00:40:06,770 --> 00:40:08,500 Aww. I'm so happy. 857 00:40:08,530 --> 00:40:10,600 I just had to mark my body 858 00:40:10,630 --> 00:40:12,830 with her memory. I have to. 859 00:40:15,630 --> 00:40:17,400 [Divya] So I actually had it put 860 00:40:17,430 --> 00:40:19,570 into my wedding henna. 861 00:40:21,270 --> 00:40:23,430 Same spot as her in honor. 862 00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:29,500 [Mehru] It's very special 863 00:40:29,530 --> 00:40:31,030 because it means that 864 00:40:31,770 --> 00:40:33,000 she's always with me. 865 00:40:36,530 --> 00:40:38,200 [Gabriella quivering]She's still here with me. 866 00:40:38,230 --> 00:40:39,530 I keep her here. 867 00:40:42,030 --> 00:40:43,130 Not too tightly though 868 00:40:43,170 --> 00:40:45,270 because I really want her to be where she is, 869 00:40:45,300 --> 00:40:46,830 wherever she is. [sniffles] 870 00:40:49,100 --> 00:40:54,700 [melancholy music playing] 871 00:40:59,530 --> 00:41:02,600 โ™ช 872 00:41:11,100 --> 00:41:13,100 โ™ช 873 00:41:13,130 --> 00:41:16,070 She had a purpose and that was to help people, 874 00:41:16,100 --> 00:41:19,470 but as an influencer, there will be people who 875 00:41:19,500 --> 00:41:20,600 hate you for no reason. 876 00:41:20,630 --> 00:41:21,970 [ding] 877 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:25,300 When the hate steps out of cyberspace into the real world 878 00:41:25,330 --> 00:41:26,530 Hey, Bianca? 879 00:41:26,570 --> 00:41:28,430 it just becomes 10 times scarier. 880 00:41:28,470 --> 00:41:30,070 โ™ช 59216

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