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So we just had dinner
2
00:00:15,930 --> 00:00:17,770
which means it's time
for dessert.
3
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:19,770
And where are we gonna
get dessert?
4
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:21,430
An ice cream shop.
5
00:00:24,630 --> 00:00:27,670
[Sidra] Sania was
a burst of sunshine
6
00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:29,170
and positive energy.
7
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:30,470
[Sania exclaiming] I did it!
8
00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:32,400
[Sidra] Man,
it was infectious.
9
00:00:32,430 --> 00:00:35,630
-[Gabriella] She was
bold, big and funny.
-Baby.
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00:00:35,670 --> 00:00:37,470
Everyone felt like her friend
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00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:38,670
because everyone was.
12
00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:40,030
I can't talk right now.
13
00:00:40,070 --> 00:00:42,070
I'm doing hot girl [bleep]
14
00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:44,470
[Olivia] She was proud to be
a Pakistani woman.
15
00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:46,070
She was very proud
16
00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:49,430
of how she modernized
her culture.
17
00:00:49,470 --> 00:00:51,770
[Hira] She made
a lot of women feel
18
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,830
safe, seen, and heard.
19
00:00:53,870 --> 00:00:57,030
But being a Pakistani Muslim
influencer online...
20
00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:03,100
it can get very toxic
very quickly.
21
00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:05,630
Harassment,
22
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:07,730
bullying,
23
00:01:08,630 --> 00:01:10,070
death threats.
24
00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:12,330
The possibility
of online threats stepping
over into real life is
25
00:01:12,370 --> 00:01:13,530
actually very real.
26
00:01:13,570 --> 00:01:15,170
[Divya] There was
only positives
27
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,900
until she had that day
28
00:01:16,930 --> 00:01:20,330
where her own life
was actually at risk.
29
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,270
[theme music playing]
30
00:01:38,370 --> 00:01:40,800
[keyboard clacking]
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00:01:40,830 --> 00:01:42,130
[Sidra] My first introduction
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00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:44,330
into the world
of the Internet was
33
00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:48,630
through Sania reconfiguring
my Myspace layout.
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00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:51,200
Her handle was Geminigirl
35
00:01:51,229 --> 00:01:53,570
and mine was Ariesgirl.
36
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,330
[laughing]
37
00:01:57,370 --> 00:01:59,370
[girl speaking indistinctly]
38
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:00,830
Mmm.
39
00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:01,830
[man] Hi, Sania.
40
00:02:01,870 --> 00:02:04,530
[Sidra] I met Sania
in the early 2000s.
41
00:02:04,570 --> 00:02:06,600
[speaking in Urdu]
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00:02:06,630 --> 00:02:08,699
[Sidra] We were between
the ages of nine and ten.
43
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:11,000
That's not on.
You didn't turn it on.
44
00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:12,300
[Sidra] It was New Year's Eve.
45
00:02:12,330 --> 00:02:13,970
I was talking to my cousin,
46
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,230
and this girl just jumps
47
00:02:17,270 --> 00:02:18,770
into the conversation.
48
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:19,900
"Hi, my name's Sania."
49
00:02:19,930 --> 00:02:21,970
True Sania Khan style, right?
50
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,900
[explosion and crackling]
51
00:02:23,930 --> 00:02:25,970
[Sidra] It was just destined.
We became friends.
52
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,630
[indistinct conversation]
53
00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:31,870
[Sidra] Early teens,
early 2000s.
54
00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:33,800
-[Sania] No, I didn't.
-You did--
55
00:02:33,829 --> 00:02:36,800
I entered with the front door
with Yusra.
56
00:02:37,329 --> 00:02:38,829
No, I didn't!
57
00:02:39,570 --> 00:02:40,930
[Sidra] This is her family.
58
00:02:40,970 --> 00:02:42,300
Sania's the eldest.
59
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:45,430
This is Heider uncle,
who is her father.
60
00:02:45,470 --> 00:02:48,630
This is Shazia auntie,
her mother.
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00:02:49,329 --> 00:02:50,400
They look happy.
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00:02:55,630 --> 00:02:56,630
[Sidra] In Chattanooga,
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00:02:56,670 --> 00:03:00,670
the Muslim community is
very conservative,
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00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,170
but we are Pakistani-American.
65
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,230
We have two identities
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00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:10,000
that are oftentimes
in conflicts with each other.
67
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:15,070
We tried to be"acchi bacchis", right,
68
00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:16,530
which means good girls...
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00:03:16,570 --> 00:03:17,670
[man speaking in Urdu]
70
00:03:17,700 --> 00:03:18,900
[Sidra] ...respect
your elders,
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00:03:18,930 --> 00:03:20,930
biggest thing,
dressing modestly.
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00:03:20,970 --> 00:03:23,630
We don't bring shame
to our families.
73
00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:25,430
We want to be assimilated
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00:03:25,470 --> 00:03:27,430
into the American community,
75
00:03:27,470 --> 00:03:30,500
but our parents did not
understand the culture
76
00:03:30,530 --> 00:03:31,670
and so I think
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00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:34,270
Sania definitely struggled
with that all her life.
78
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,570
Stop it!
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00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:36,630
[man] Why?
80
00:03:36,670 --> 00:03:38,930
I don't like it
when you... [indistinct]
81
00:03:45,670 --> 00:03:46,600
[Grant] I met Sania
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00:03:46,630 --> 00:03:50,500
in homeroom freshman year,
ninth grade.
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00:03:50,530 --> 00:03:51,670
Since pretty much
the first week she was there,
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00:03:51,700 --> 00:03:52,870
we've been friends.
85
00:03:55,130 --> 00:03:57,900
My connection to Sania was
a creative one.
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00:03:58,730 --> 00:04:00,400
These were some
of the first photos
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00:04:00,430 --> 00:04:02,130
she took of me
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00:04:02,170 --> 00:04:03,970
when she was
practicing photography.
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00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:09,000
Sania's relationship
with her mother and father was
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00:04:09,030 --> 00:04:11,230
strained and confusing,
91
00:04:11,270 --> 00:04:12,870
at least from my perspective
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00:04:12,900 --> 00:04:15,600
as a white teenage boy.
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00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:18,170
They had certain expectations
placed on her
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00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:21,000
that didn't mesh
with the culture
95
00:04:21,029 --> 00:04:23,000
she was exposed to
at our school.
96
00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:26,900
[mouse clicking]
97
00:04:26,930 --> 00:04:29,730
First semester she met Robert,
started dating.
98
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,530
That was really like
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00:04:31,570 --> 00:04:34,070
-the formative high school
sweet romance.
-[mouse clicking]
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00:04:37,670 --> 00:04:38,570
[chimes]
101
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,630
[Grant] She loved him
and vice versa,
102
00:04:42,670 --> 00:04:46,030
but stigma of dating
a non-South Asian man,
103
00:04:46,070 --> 00:04:47,530
I don't know
how she managed it,
104
00:04:47,570 --> 00:04:49,170
but I don't feel
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00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,770
like she would have traded
it for the world.
106
00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:56,930
[Sidra] While she was
in college,
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00:04:56,970 --> 00:05:00,400
her parents went through
a horrible divorce
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00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:02,770
that took a toll
on her entire family.
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00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:07,470
When it comes
to South Asian family norms,
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00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:08,470
we're really good
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00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:10,430
at keeping the facade alive
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00:05:10,470 --> 00:05:11,730
of a happy marriage,
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00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,430
but when things go sour,
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00:05:13,470 --> 00:05:15,700
they go down sour real quick.
115
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:17,630
She got to see the other side
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00:05:17,670 --> 00:05:20,000
of the Chattanooga
Muslim community.
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00:05:20,030 --> 00:05:22,730
Her mother was
ostracized, shunned,
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00:05:22,770 --> 00:05:24,730
for initiating the divorce.
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She felt for her mom a lot.
120
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,470
She hated
the authoritarian way
121
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,870
that her father may
have handled the situation.
122
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:35,430
And so her relationship
did become strained
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00:05:35,470 --> 00:05:36,430
with her father.
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She lived with her mother,
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00:05:38,230 --> 00:05:40,900
and she saw him occasionally.
126
00:05:45,770 --> 00:05:47,830
[Hira] Like most
immigrant communities,
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00:05:47,870 --> 00:05:48,970
the Pakistani communities,
128
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,100
"Oh, you have to become
a doctor, or a lawyer,
129
00:05:51,130 --> 00:05:52,370
or an engineer
130
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:53,430
because those are careers
131
00:05:53,470 --> 00:05:56,130
that will make you
more stable in life."
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00:05:56,170 --> 00:05:58,600
Sania actually did do
as her parents wished,
133
00:05:58,630 --> 00:06:00,130
and she went to UTC
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00:06:00,170 --> 00:06:02,600
and pursued a education
in psychology.
135
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:06,070
But then,
after she graduated college,
136
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,030
she decided to go down
a more creative path,
137
00:06:08,070 --> 00:06:09,970
and she picked photography.
138
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,500
And that's not normal.
139
00:06:11,530 --> 00:06:13,470
She didn't care.
140
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:16,670
She didn't let,"log kya kehenge",
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00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:19,630
"what are people
going to say?", dictate that.
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00:06:22,530 --> 00:06:24,530
[chimes]
143
00:06:28,670 --> 00:06:31,170
[Mehru] Sania and I met
over social media.
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00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:32,400
We're kind of like
rule breakers,
145
00:06:32,430 --> 00:06:34,430
and don't let,
"What will people say?",
146
00:06:34,470 --> 00:06:35,600
like, hold us back.
147
00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:39,770
She made up her own rules
of what it means
148
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,570
to be a Muslim
and an American.
149
00:06:42,830 --> 00:06:45,370
It's okay for her
to make the religion
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00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:46,330
what it means to her,
151
00:06:46,370 --> 00:06:48,730
rather than what they say
it should be.
152
00:06:48,770 --> 00:06:50,530
She told me,
"I want to be married.
153
00:06:50,570 --> 00:06:52,270
I want to have a big family.
154
00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:54,800
And I want
my photography to thrive."
155
00:06:56,730 --> 00:06:58,500
[chimes]
156
00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:04,370
[Olivia] She was
the best photographer ever.
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00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,300
She captured moments
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00:07:06,330 --> 00:07:07,930
in such a beautiful way.
159
00:07:08,670 --> 00:07:11,370
Sania decided
to slide in my DMs.
160
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,870
We bonded in the fact
that we were sent to college,
161
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:15,200
failure is not an option,
162
00:07:15,230 --> 00:07:17,270
you have to graduate,
be successful.
163
00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:20,100
In 2016,
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00:07:20,130 --> 00:07:23,530
her photography business
just started going bonkers.
165
00:07:23,570 --> 00:07:25,230
She was out of town
every weekend,
166
00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:27,000
going to, like, awesome places
167
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,300
to shoot people
168
00:07:28,330 --> 00:07:30,630
and then she started
recording herself,
169
00:07:30,670 --> 00:07:32,070
putting her thoughts
out there.
170
00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:33,600
[drum 'n' bass music playing]
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00:07:45,630 --> 00:07:48,970
She became
this traveling photographer.
172
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,170
She'd use TikTok as a platform
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and expanded her business.
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00:07:52,770 --> 00:07:54,800
[lip-syncing] โช How we feeling
out there tonight? โช
175
00:07:54,830 --> 00:07:55,800
[chuckles]
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00:07:55,830 --> 00:07:57,230
โช Yeah โช
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00:07:57,270 --> 00:07:59,300
โช I am not feeling good โช
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00:08:01,870 --> 00:08:06,100
[Divya] She and I met
on a random night.
179
00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:08,030
Right from the start,
180
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:11,230
it just felt like we knew
each other forever.
181
00:08:11,270 --> 00:08:14,070
Before you know it,
we're texting each other
every day.
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00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,370
She was
definitely an entrepreneur,
183
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:21,130
because it was like
she was doing two jobs in one.
184
00:08:21,170 --> 00:08:22,900
And she was
utilizing social media
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00:08:22,930 --> 00:08:24,300
to get a following
186
00:08:24,330 --> 00:08:25,870
for her photography business.
187
00:08:25,900 --> 00:08:28,770
[miming screaming]
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[screaming] I'm gonna have
such a good day today!
189
00:08:30,930 --> 00:08:31,830
[bleep]
190
00:08:35,570 --> 00:08:38,000
But we all knew she was
a hopeless romantic.
191
00:08:38,030 --> 00:08:40,570
She wanted to have
a strong relationship
192
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,200
with her mother and father.
193
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:44,000
So she needed to find
the right person
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00:08:44,030 --> 00:08:45,030
to make them happy,
195
00:08:45,070 --> 00:08:46,470
to make them proud.
196
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:53,430
[Grant] She wanted
to be a wife,
197
00:08:53,470 --> 00:08:54,630
a mother,
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00:08:54,670 --> 00:08:56,670
have a home, have a full life
199
00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:59,970
that she could not keep
compartmentalized,
200
00:09:00,070 --> 00:09:02,370
but she could not have that
with Robert.
201
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,270
So her relationship
with Robert ended.
202
00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:10,070
She decided on dating
a South Asian person
203
00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:12,430
that she could bring home
to mom and dad.
204
00:09:15,230 --> 00:09:17,200
[Mehru] Sania met Raheel
on Tinder.
205
00:09:17,230 --> 00:09:19,670
He was studying to be
a physician's assistant.
206
00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:21,970
[chimes]
207
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,600
[Mehru] He was
very charismatic,
208
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:25,000
and he was very sweet.
209
00:09:27,430 --> 00:09:28,930
Like her, he was
210
00:09:28,970 --> 00:09:30,500
Pakistani and Muslim.
211
00:09:32,470 --> 00:09:33,470
[Grant] I liked him
from the get-go
212
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:35,330
because he knew
how to present himself.
213
00:09:36,430 --> 00:09:38,930
But she had moved to Dallas.
214
00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:40,330
He was in Atlanta.
215
00:09:40,370 --> 00:09:42,300
And they were long distance.
216
00:09:42,330 --> 00:09:43,870
So there was
no real, like, intimacy
217
00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:46,530
of living with somebody.
218
00:09:46,570 --> 00:09:48,570
[Divya] Sania and Raheel kept
a relationship
219
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:50,030
through weekend getaways.
220
00:09:50,900 --> 00:09:52,670
They often did camping trips.
221
00:09:53,270 --> 00:09:54,800
[Sidra] She definitely knew
222
00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:57,000
that she wanted to marry him.
223
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,730
She wanted someone
224
00:09:58,770 --> 00:10:01,900
who had her back
at the end of the day,
225
00:10:01,930 --> 00:10:03,100
that she could
kind of show off
226
00:10:03,130 --> 00:10:04,800
in the community, too.
227
00:10:07,530 --> 00:10:09,970
[Hira] So part of being
an influencer is
228
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,200
talking about yourself, right?
229
00:10:12,230 --> 00:10:15,030
Being more personable
with your audience.
230
00:10:15,070 --> 00:10:16,600
And Sania did just that.
231
00:10:18,070 --> 00:10:19,130
When you get a following,
232
00:10:19,170 --> 00:10:20,800
it brings in more clients,
more money,
233
00:10:20,830 --> 00:10:22,800
and builds your portfolio.
234
00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:26,100
Sania was a self-confessed,
hopeless romantic,
235
00:10:26,130 --> 00:10:29,800
and she loved
to capture couples.
236
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:32,770
Quickly, she became
a go-to photographer.
237
00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:36,600
She had a blog
238
00:10:36,630 --> 00:10:38,830
where she shared
about her own relationship
239
00:10:38,870 --> 00:10:40,470
and gave relationship advice.
240
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:41,370
She talked about
241
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:42,930
how they supported
one another.
242
00:10:42,970 --> 00:10:44,470
Raheel was very sweet to her.
243
00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:46,870
He would fly in
and surprise her,
244
00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:49,000
would send her
gifts and flowers
245
00:10:49,030 --> 00:10:50,370
on Valentine's Day.
246
00:10:52,430 --> 00:10:53,970
[Sidra] They were dating
for five years
247
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,970
before he proposed to her,
248
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,570
which is a very long time.
249
00:10:58,600 --> 00:10:59,630
"Here's where
250
00:10:59,670 --> 00:11:02,230
-your day turns
fancy and free."
-[woman] Oh.
251
00:11:02,270 --> 00:11:03,970
"Time to get out
of your comfort zone
252
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,630
and find something naughty
253
00:11:05,670 --> 00:11:07,570
or nice for the bride-to-be."
254
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,070
[women cheering]
255
00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:10,900
[Sidra] The reason why
it took the time is
256
00:11:10,930 --> 00:11:13,500
because she came
from a divorced household.
257
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,970
That's still a big stigma.
258
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,800
[Olivia] I know that
there was some resentment
259
00:11:18,830 --> 00:11:20,100
from Raheel's family
260
00:11:20,130 --> 00:11:21,970
in the way
that they saw Sania.
261
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,370
But she can't help
262
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,600
that her parents made
the choices that they did.
263
00:11:25,630 --> 00:11:27,500
[all] Hi.
264
00:11:27,530 --> 00:11:29,170
Bride tribe!
265
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:30,430
[woman whooping]
266
00:11:38,170 --> 00:11:40,430
[Sidra] It was very much
"Present the couple,
267
00:11:40,470 --> 00:11:41,970
look how perfect they are,
268
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,030
look how nice the family is."
269
00:11:45,130 --> 00:11:46,200
She had to look like
270
00:11:46,230 --> 00:11:49,630
the perfect South-Asian
glowing bride.
271
00:11:49,670 --> 00:11:50,630
Oh, my God.
272
00:11:50,670 --> 00:11:52,500
[Urdu music playing on PA]
273
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:57,070
[Olivia] Raheel's parents were
still together,
274
00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:58,800
and they painted
that perfect picture
275
00:11:58,830 --> 00:12:00,430
of the way things were
supposed to be.
276
00:12:01,530 --> 00:12:02,670
[Grant] Having
everyone together,
277
00:12:02,700 --> 00:12:04,300
her mother, her father,
278
00:12:04,330 --> 00:12:06,930
both sides of the family,
everything coming together,
279
00:12:06,970 --> 00:12:09,470
that's what she's wanted
since she was a little girl.
280
00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:14,000
[Mehru] But during the signing
of the papers,
281
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,100
there was an event.
282
00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:20,370
Just made everybody
in the room kind of...
283
00:12:20,830 --> 00:12:21,970
pause.
284
00:12:23,930 --> 00:12:26,530
[Divya] It was very calm
at the beginning
285
00:12:26,570 --> 00:12:30,100
until the energy
in the room changed
286
00:12:30,130 --> 00:12:32,070
suddenly to being hostile,
287
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:35,000
and just-- it was
very uncomfortable.
288
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:39,670
I remember the look
in Raheel's eyes
289
00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:40,870
and they were--
290
00:12:41,570 --> 00:12:42,870
it was just scary.
291
00:12:43,770 --> 00:12:45,700
Raheel did have a sword,
292
00:12:45,730 --> 00:12:47,200
which is traditional.
293
00:12:48,130 --> 00:12:49,230
And he was like,
294
00:12:49,270 --> 00:12:50,200
"I have a weapon
295
00:12:50,230 --> 00:12:51,700
and I'm willing to use it."
296
00:12:57,270 --> 00:12:59,630
Was there any conflict
at the wedding? [chuckles]
297
00:13:00,670 --> 00:13:03,930
Yes, there was some conflict
at the wedding.
298
00:13:03,970 --> 00:13:07,130
No, I'd rather not get
into details of that.
299
00:13:14,130 --> 00:13:16,600
The conflict was
over something
300
00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:17,970
what I thought was very minor.
301
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,630
It was like
a seating arrangement.
302
00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:22,330
He was telling her father
303
00:13:22,370 --> 00:13:24,200
to sit in a certain place.
304
00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:26,330
But I recalled
305
00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:28,770
her father speaking back
to him that, you know,
306
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,800
"You're not supposed
to be telling us,
307
00:13:30,830 --> 00:13:31,870
like, what to do."
308
00:13:33,770 --> 00:13:36,470
[Grant] It was
a very vocal altercation.
309
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:38,200
Her father was screaming,
"I paid for the whole thing,
310
00:13:38,230 --> 00:13:40,430
and you-- you can get out."
311
00:13:41,330 --> 00:13:43,030
Raheel banged the sword
312
00:13:43,070 --> 00:13:44,670
on the table.
313
00:13:45,970 --> 00:13:48,800
For anyone to do that
in front of an elder is
314
00:13:48,830 --> 00:13:51,070
a huge sign of disrespect.
315
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:53,000
It's a really big deal.
316
00:13:55,830 --> 00:13:58,330
That event set the tone
for the rest of the evening.
317
00:13:58,370 --> 00:13:59,530
[people speaking indistinctly]
318
00:13:59,570 --> 00:14:01,770
"May Allah bless the earth
319
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,070
with your progeny."
320
00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:03,930
[Grant] She's just like,
321
00:14:03,970 --> 00:14:05,630
"I have to let it
wash over me.
322
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,300
I just have to be here
and can't say a word and...
323
00:14:10,070 --> 00:14:11,100
it'll all be okay."
324
00:14:15,430 --> 00:14:17,030
Sorry. I'm just like--
325
00:14:17,070 --> 00:14:18,600
I hated that day. [chuckles]
326
00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:23,830
[Grant] There was
already tension
327
00:14:23,870 --> 00:14:25,500
between the two families.
328
00:14:25,530 --> 00:14:30,230
Fallout at the wedding
just furthered the divide.
329
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:32,870
She, at that point, was trying
to support her husband
330
00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:34,770
rather than her family.
331
00:14:40,730 --> 00:14:41,670
[Hira] After their wedding,
332
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:44,400
Sania and Raheel moved
to Chicago,
333
00:14:44,430 --> 00:14:46,330
where Raheel would go
to medical school.
334
00:14:46,370 --> 00:14:48,100
And they lived
in an apartment building
335
00:14:48,130 --> 00:14:49,870
on the 28th floor.
336
00:14:50,330 --> 00:14:51,700
Sania was thriving
337
00:14:51,730 --> 00:14:52,830
in her business.
338
00:14:52,870 --> 00:14:54,370
Her online presence
was growing.
339
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,230
[inaudible]
340
00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:09,700
Everything seemed
to be going really well
341
00:15:09,730 --> 00:15:10,800
for the couple.
342
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,830
[Hira] On November 7th
of 2021,
343
00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:15,800
Sania was featured
on a podcast--
344
00:15:15,830 --> 00:15:17,200
[interviewer] What would
you say
345
00:15:17,230 --> 00:15:19,900
to the South Asian parents--
346
00:15:19,930 --> 00:15:21,100
[Hira] ...to talk
about the issues
347
00:15:21,130 --> 00:15:23,330
faced in her career
as a South Asian woman.
348
00:15:23,370 --> 00:15:25,600
[interviewer] ...children
entering creative industries?
349
00:15:25,630 --> 00:15:27,530
[Sania] Support your child,
350
00:15:27,570 --> 00:15:29,330
motivate them.
351
00:15:29,370 --> 00:15:31,200
If you want them to succeed,
352
00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:32,600
if you want them to be happy--
353
00:15:32,630 --> 00:15:35,030
Sania presented herself
and her partner
354
00:15:35,070 --> 00:15:36,830
as a power couple, really.
355
00:15:36,870 --> 00:15:38,900
[Sania] Life was wonderful
when I got married.
356
00:15:38,930 --> 00:15:41,030
I mean, I love my husband.
357
00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:44,070
-He's actually in school
for medicine
- [interviewer] Mm-hmm.
358
00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:46,370
and he's gonna be in it
for a little bit.
359
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:47,800
-And so I was like, well--
-[interviewer] Yeah.
360
00:15:47,830 --> 00:15:49,770
[Sania] ...now I need
to be the breadwinner.
361
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:50,930
He's gonna be providing,
362
00:15:50,970 --> 00:15:52,930
-you know, in the future.
-Yeah.
363
00:15:52,970 --> 00:15:54,370
[Sania] But
for the time being,
364
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,030
let me be that support.
365
00:15:57,100 --> 00:15:58,800
[Hira] Sania was
trying to live
366
00:15:58,830 --> 00:16:00,200
between the online world,
367
00:16:00,230 --> 00:16:01,270
and the real world.
368
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:02,870
Trying to pick
and choose things
369
00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:04,470
that would reflect well,
370
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:05,570
when in reality,
371
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,870
things weren't going very well
in her relationship.
372
00:16:09,370 --> 00:16:11,830
[Mehru] He was
almost never around.
373
00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:13,870
He was either studying
for school
374
00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:15,970
or with his friends.
375
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:16,970
And she was,
376
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,570
in her words,
"playing housewife."
377
00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:22,230
[Divya] And just the way
he talked to her,
378
00:16:22,270 --> 00:16:25,070
especially when it came
to her career in photography,
379
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:28,970
he would say, "No, this is
not, like, a real income."
380
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,230
[Olivia] Sania had
expressed to me
381
00:16:30,270 --> 00:16:31,800
how much pressure
that she felt
382
00:16:31,830 --> 00:16:33,100
from their family,
383
00:16:33,130 --> 00:16:36,200
because they saw him
as being perfect.
384
00:16:36,230 --> 00:16:38,570
And the girls in his family
were perfect.
385
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,900
So they expected Sania
to be perfect too.
386
00:16:40,930 --> 00:16:42,430
So it was just a lot.
387
00:16:47,900 --> 00:16:50,300
[Mehru] We started
communicating less and less.
388
00:16:50,330 --> 00:16:52,730
She was almost never
on social media anymore.
389
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:54,700
I remember,
390
00:16:54,730 --> 00:16:57,470
about four or five months
after her wedding,
391
00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:58,900
I was going to Chicago
392
00:16:58,930 --> 00:17:00,070
to see some friends.
393
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:02,700
And of course,
I wanted to see her.
394
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,500
But she told me
she wouldn't be able to,
395
00:17:04,530 --> 00:17:06,430
because she had
some family stuff going on.
396
00:17:06,470 --> 00:17:08,770
And that was kind of
a red flag for me,
397
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,000
because she would tell me
what it was.
398
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,470
I just knew that
there was something
399
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,300
that she wasn't telling me.
400
00:17:21,770 --> 00:17:24,099
She literally went off
the grid
401
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:25,630
and that was weird.
402
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:26,970
That was so weird.
403
00:17:36,530 --> 00:17:37,470
[Mehru] I didn't find out
404
00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:39,070
about Raheel's
mental-health struggles
405
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:42,600
until she called me crying
on the phone one day,
406
00:17:42,630 --> 00:17:44,130
told me what he had tried
to do.
407
00:17:44,170 --> 00:17:47,370
She didn't wanna actually tell
the complete truth
408
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,500
until she had that day,
409
00:17:49,530 --> 00:17:52,770
where her own life was
actually at risk.
410
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:02,630
[Sidra] December 7th, 2021,
411
00:18:02,670 --> 00:18:04,370
Raheel tried to commit suicide
412
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,130
from their high-rise apartment
in Chicago.
413
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,370
[indistinct shouting]
414
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,700
He tried to grab Sania
415
00:18:11,730 --> 00:18:13,470
and then jump out
of the window.
416
00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:16,470
[indistinct arguing]
417
00:18:21,730 --> 00:18:23,800
[Hira] On December 7th, 2021,
418
00:18:23,830 --> 00:18:25,400
Raheel tried to kill himself
419
00:18:25,430 --> 00:18:27,770
by jumping from the balcony
of the 28th floor
420
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,300
and taking Sania with him.
421
00:18:29,330 --> 00:18:31,070
[indistinct arguing]
422
00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:36,530
[Hira] His mother somehow was
able to stop him.
423
00:18:36,570 --> 00:18:38,900
Raheel allegedly was
going through a mental break,
424
00:18:38,930 --> 00:18:41,030
but the fact that your son
425
00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:43,030
or son-in-law has tried
to kill himself is
426
00:18:43,070 --> 00:18:45,700
very shameful
and a huge taboo.
427
00:18:47,570 --> 00:18:50,630
Unfortunately, Sania's mom
told her specifically
428
00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:52,630
not to say anything
to the police.
429
00:18:58,770 --> 00:19:01,800
She, like, divulges
everything to me.
430
00:19:01,830 --> 00:19:05,670
I was literally in shock.
431
00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:08,700
She's like, "My mom just
didn't want anyone to know.
432
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:10,630
I honestly didn't know
what to do."
433
00:19:12,430 --> 00:19:15,230
Her in-laws were refusing
to look at the fact
434
00:19:15,270 --> 00:19:17,830
that Raheel had
a serious problem.
435
00:19:20,470 --> 00:19:22,700
They held him on a pedestal.
436
00:19:22,730 --> 00:19:24,570
I think
she truly felt conflicted
437
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,770
and isolated during that time.
438
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:27,730
Like, "how did this happen?
439
00:19:27,770 --> 00:19:29,400
How did I contribute to that?"
440
00:19:29,430 --> 00:19:32,500
And essentially,
she gave this man
441
00:19:32,530 --> 00:19:34,170
the benefit of the doubt.
442
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:42,930
[Divya] There's
this other, like,
443
00:19:42,970 --> 00:19:45,470
South Asian pressure
coming towards him
444
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:48,630
about being that, like,
ideal son in a family.
445
00:19:48,670 --> 00:19:49,500
She would say that
446
00:19:49,530 --> 00:19:51,770
that was contributing
447
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,600
to his mental health.
448
00:19:53,630 --> 00:19:55,370
[Mehru] His biggest goal,
like, in life,
449
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,500
is to become a doctor,
450
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,770
is to get there,
451
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,730
but he was
definitely struggling.
452
00:20:02,970 --> 00:20:05,670
[Divya] Something else
that came out was his age,
453
00:20:06,430 --> 00:20:08,470
that he had lied.
454
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:10,570
He was
actually in his mid-30s.
455
00:20:11,830 --> 00:20:15,130
That, for her, was
a huge turning point as well
456
00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:17,970
because she actually
doesn't know
457
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,370
who the hell she married.
458
00:20:23,230 --> 00:20:26,130
Sania was being gaslit
from both sides,
459
00:20:26,170 --> 00:20:27,970
from her family
and her in-laws,
460
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,230
about keeping quiet,
461
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:31,700
trying to work
on the marriage, etc.
462
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,900
Her mother was like,
"It's nothing."
463
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,770
It happens."
464
00:20:36,530 --> 00:20:38,030
And that evolves to,
465
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,800
"Maybe you're
to blame for it."
466
00:20:44,970 --> 00:20:46,430
[Hira] When she finally told
her friends,
467
00:20:46,470 --> 00:20:47,900
they helped her realize
468
00:20:47,930 --> 00:20:49,130
that she needed to get out.
469
00:20:53,070 --> 00:20:54,530
[Mehru] I got a call from her.
470
00:20:54,570 --> 00:20:56,070
She was crying.
471
00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:57,230
She proceeded to tell me
472
00:20:57,270 --> 00:20:59,500
both her family and his family
is telling her
473
00:20:59,530 --> 00:21:00,930
that it's all in her head.
474
00:21:00,970 --> 00:21:02,630
He's sorry
and she should move on.
475
00:21:02,670 --> 00:21:04,130
He'd never do it again.
476
00:21:04,170 --> 00:21:06,330
But she told me
she couldn't sleep next to him
477
00:21:06,370 --> 00:21:07,470
and feel safe.
478
00:21:08,570 --> 00:21:10,200
I told her to pretend
479
00:21:10,230 --> 00:21:12,170
that she never called me,
480
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,870
and I planned to fly up
the next day
481
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:15,900
and grab her myself.
482
00:21:17,270 --> 00:21:20,000
I flew from New York
to Chicago
483
00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:21,700
and arrived at her apartment.
484
00:21:21,730 --> 00:21:24,170
Raheel had no idea
that I was coming.
485
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,730
And she packed a small bag
486
00:21:25,770 --> 00:21:28,130
and she brought
her camera... [chuckles]
487
00:21:29,100 --> 00:21:30,400
like her baby.
488
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,000
We ran to the elevator.
489
00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:45,800
We were shaking,
out of breath.
490
00:21:45,830 --> 00:21:47,800
Adrenaline was pumping,
491
00:21:47,830 --> 00:21:49,430
thinking that he had
followed us.
492
00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:52,230
But we made it.
493
00:21:53,470 --> 00:21:54,600
Then took a flight back
494
00:21:54,630 --> 00:21:57,030
to my apartment in New York.
495
00:21:57,070 --> 00:21:58,970
Her getting out
made her realize that
496
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:03,430
what had happened between them
was not normal.
497
00:22:03,470 --> 00:22:04,970
It's not okay.
498
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,430
She finally said it out loud.
499
00:22:06,470 --> 00:22:08,800
She said, "I'm going
to get a divorce."
500
00:22:10,270 --> 00:22:11,230
I'm like, you know,
501
00:22:11,270 --> 00:22:13,570
maybe I need to stop,
like, thinking.
502
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:14,830
I need to stop, like...
503
00:22:16,330 --> 00:22:18,470
considering
other people's viewpoints
504
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:19,400
and, like, really just, like,
505
00:22:19,430 --> 00:22:20,530
listen to my intuition,
506
00:22:20,570 --> 00:22:23,100
my heart, and, like,
what that's telling me.
507
00:22:26,070 --> 00:22:27,730
[Sidra] She went back
to their apartment.
508
00:22:30,230 --> 00:22:32,200
And he went back
to his mother
509
00:22:32,630 --> 00:22:33,700
in Alpharetta.
510
00:22:33,730 --> 00:22:36,900
A self-entitled boy goes
running back to his mom.
511
00:22:39,870 --> 00:22:41,430
It caught me off guard.
512
00:22:44,300 --> 00:22:46,970
Nothing about
their relationship
513
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,430
at any point seemed
514
00:22:48,470 --> 00:22:49,330
violent or abusive
515
00:22:49,370 --> 00:22:50,730
or "you shouldn't
be with him."
516
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,500
It kind of felt like
she was failing at life.
517
00:23:00,770 --> 00:23:02,000
[Olivia] I told her,
"You're winning
518
00:23:02,030 --> 00:23:03,630
because you're not staying."
519
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:05,870
She got to rebuild herself
520
00:23:05,900 --> 00:23:07,230
after being broken.
521
00:23:07,270 --> 00:23:09,270
And that was
the most beautiful thing
to watch.
522
00:23:22,670 --> 00:23:25,430
[Hira] Sania had turned
to her online community
523
00:23:25,470 --> 00:23:27,100
and shared the realities
524
00:23:27,130 --> 00:23:28,130
of what she was going through.
525
00:23:32,670 --> 00:23:35,470
A lot of people connected
with her.
526
00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:37,370
In the Western culture,
it's quite normalized
527
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:38,970
to talk about your own issues.
528
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,370
But in Pakistani culture,
it's not.
529
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,630
So for Sania to break
these barriers and say,
530
00:23:42,670 --> 00:23:44,800
"No, I am going
to speak on this
531
00:23:44,830 --> 00:23:46,670
because there are other women
who go through this"
532
00:23:46,700 --> 00:23:48,000
was quite incredible.
533
00:23:51,100 --> 00:23:53,730
There's a video that she made
that went viral
534
00:23:53,770 --> 00:23:55,800
where she's clearly
visibly upset,
535
00:23:57,430 --> 00:24:00,070
talking about how isolating
it was for her.
536
00:24:00,700 --> 00:24:02,530
That's the video
that I first saw
537
00:24:02,570 --> 00:24:03,970
about Sania online.
538
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,670
I didn't know Sania
as a person,
539
00:24:06,700 --> 00:24:08,400
but I have family members,
540
00:24:08,430 --> 00:24:11,970
women who are going through
exactly what she went through.
541
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,670
And it just broke my heart.
542
00:24:24,300 --> 00:24:26,600
Sania was
a pretty funny person.
543
00:24:26,630 --> 00:24:27,870
She was quite cheeky.
544
00:24:34,230 --> 00:24:36,070
But her responses were always
545
00:24:36,100 --> 00:24:37,730
very positive
and very supportive.
546
00:24:38,830 --> 00:24:42,100
[Mehru] She was rediscovering
who she was.
547
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,400
She said, "Girl, my DMs are
filled with people
548
00:24:50,430 --> 00:24:52,370
and I can't believe
I'm making a difference.
549
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:53,300
It's great.
550
00:24:53,330 --> 00:24:55,630
I want to talk more about it."
551
00:24:55,670 --> 00:24:58,630
[Divya] I'm not surprised
that it kicked off.
552
00:24:58,670 --> 00:25:00,200
I love this TikTok of hers.
553
00:25:00,230 --> 00:25:01,730
Probably one of my favorites.
554
00:25:05,670 --> 00:25:06,830
I know she looked
like a badass
555
00:25:06,870 --> 00:25:08,670
and it looked amazing.
[chuckles]
556
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:13,330
Her message was
557
00:25:13,370 --> 00:25:15,270
"No matter what religion
you come from,
558
00:25:15,300 --> 00:25:17,270
you're a woman
and you're beautiful
559
00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:19,600
and you can achieve anything
560
00:25:19,630 --> 00:25:21,200
that you set your mind to."
561
00:25:22,070 --> 00:25:24,200
Social media was
like her virtual diary.
562
00:25:25,670 --> 00:25:26,970
She wanted to be vulnerable
563
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:28,930
so that a few months later,
she can be like,
564
00:25:28,970 --> 00:25:31,730
"I am totally better off."
565
00:25:42,900 --> 00:25:46,470
[Hira] But going viral online
is a double-edged sword.
566
00:25:51,930 --> 00:25:54,770
She faced a lot of harassment
567
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,200
and a lot of bullying
568
00:25:56,230 --> 00:25:58,200
from all over.
569
00:26:02,970 --> 00:26:04,700
Just because she decided
570
00:26:04,730 --> 00:26:07,170
to openly talk
about her experience.
571
00:26:09,370 --> 00:26:11,200
[Olivia] A lot of people
within the culture were
572
00:26:11,230 --> 00:26:12,630
shunning her and...
573
00:26:14,100 --> 00:26:15,930
this was the time
where she started
574
00:26:15,970 --> 00:26:16,830
to get death threats.
575
00:26:23,070 --> 00:26:25,170
โช I just wanna break off
A little pieceโช
576
00:26:25,870 --> 00:26:28,000
-โช Huh โช
-[TikTok chime]
577
00:26:31,830 --> 00:26:34,730
[Hira] So being
a female Muslim influencer
578
00:26:34,770 --> 00:26:36,030
can get pretty scary at times,
579
00:26:36,070 --> 00:26:38,700
especially when you talk
about taboo subjects.
580
00:26:38,730 --> 00:26:40,570
Sania was talking
about her divorce.
581
00:26:46,230 --> 00:26:47,830
Her family was upset.
582
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:53,500
The South Asian community
was upset.
583
00:26:53,530 --> 00:26:55,300
The Muslim community
was upset.
584
00:27:00,370 --> 00:27:01,670
[Mehru] She didn't
focus on that.
585
00:27:01,700 --> 00:27:04,100
She was like, "Girl, I'm gonna
delete, block and move on."
586
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:06,270
[Olivia] She brushed them off.
587
00:27:06,300 --> 00:27:08,670
You don't really think
someone's gonna, like,
588
00:27:08,700 --> 00:27:09,930
lash out like that
589
00:27:09,970 --> 00:27:12,170
for just something as silly
as something you post online.
590
00:27:17,300 --> 00:27:19,130
[Divya] Mom finding
these TikToks, saying,
591
00:27:19,170 --> 00:27:20,700
like, "what are you doing?
592
00:27:20,730 --> 00:27:22,930
This is bringing
so much shame on us."
593
00:27:34,170 --> 00:27:35,970
[Hira] This video
really hurts.
594
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,230
I don't understand
595
00:27:40,270 --> 00:27:41,630
why, in our community,
596
00:27:41,670 --> 00:27:44,730
when women act a certain way,
597
00:27:44,770 --> 00:27:46,800
dress a certain way,
598
00:27:46,830 --> 00:27:48,470
why the reaction is always
599
00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:50,330
that "We're going
to kill ourselves
600
00:27:50,370 --> 00:27:51,470
or we're going to kill you."
601
00:27:59,270 --> 00:28:00,670
[Grant] As long as
she's been on social media,
602
00:28:00,700 --> 00:28:02,900
there's been people making
negative comments about her.
603
00:28:02,930 --> 00:28:04,170
But that didn't stop her.
604
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:05,200
And that's
605
00:28:05,230 --> 00:28:06,730
one of the bravest things
about her.
606
00:28:10,830 --> 00:28:15,570
Sania knew how powerful
her social media account was.
607
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,430
It was her moneymaker.
608
00:28:17,470 --> 00:28:19,530
And she would say it
often to me. She was like,
609
00:28:19,570 --> 00:28:21,500
"I don't know
how I'm going to pay my rent,
610
00:28:21,530 --> 00:28:22,470
so I'm just going
to get on here.
611
00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:24,370
I'm going to post every day."
And she did.
612
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:25,470
And it worked.
613
00:28:26,630 --> 00:28:29,730
I met Sania at a tea shop
614
00:28:29,770 --> 00:28:32,500
in Chattanooga, early 2019.
615
00:28:32,530 --> 00:28:34,830
We just instantly hit it off.
616
00:28:34,870 --> 00:28:36,970
She didn't live in Chattanooga
at the time.
617
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:39,870
So we kept tabs
on one another.
618
00:28:39,900 --> 00:28:42,400
It wasn't until after Raheel,
619
00:28:42,430 --> 00:28:44,200
early 2022,
that we really, like,
620
00:28:44,230 --> 00:28:45,770
fell in love with each other.
621
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,730
Soulmate, soul sister,
everything.
622
00:28:48,770 --> 00:28:50,030
Best friend, twin flame,
623
00:28:50,070 --> 00:28:51,670
whatever you want
to call all that.
624
00:28:53,100 --> 00:28:54,070
She was defining herself
625
00:28:54,100 --> 00:28:57,170
as a new way to be
within her culture.
626
00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,970
But to still hold on
to the things
627
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:01,400
that mattered with it.
628
00:29:06,370 --> 00:29:07,700
I did it!
629
00:29:08,700 --> 00:29:11,370
[Gabriella] She got
the Roman numerals 28.
630
00:29:14,470 --> 00:29:16,300
It was her year of waking up.
631
00:29:16,330 --> 00:29:19,030
Twenty-eight was
also the floor she lived on
632
00:29:19,070 --> 00:29:20,630
in her apartment building.
633
00:29:20,670 --> 00:29:22,730
[inaudible]
634
00:29:22,770 --> 00:29:24,900
She was excited.
She was excited to date.
635
00:29:24,930 --> 00:29:26,700
She was excited
to fall in love again.
636
00:29:32,030 --> 00:29:33,600
She didn't really tell me
she was, like,
637
00:29:33,630 --> 00:29:34,770
thinking of reconnecting him.
638
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:36,730
It was more of a she told me
after the fact of, like,
639
00:29:36,770 --> 00:29:37,670
"Oh, I didn't tell you."
640
00:29:37,700 --> 00:29:40,300
So this is just
a lot of my speculation.
641
00:29:40,330 --> 00:29:41,570
I mean, it goes back
642
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:44,000
to the two different
identities she had
643
00:29:44,030 --> 00:29:46,700
between her Pakistani side
and her American teenage side.
644
00:29:46,730 --> 00:29:48,570
And that was such a...
645
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:51,030
strong, significant
relationship for her.
646
00:29:51,070 --> 00:29:53,900
It made sense for her
to find comfort...
647
00:29:54,700 --> 00:29:55,570
in him.
648
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:10,900
We were like, "Absolutely,
we have to live together."
649
00:30:11,730 --> 00:30:13,600
I found us a house
in Chattanooga.
650
00:30:13,630 --> 00:30:15,130
And it was happening.
651
00:30:15,170 --> 00:30:17,900
We were so, so excited.
652
00:30:17,930 --> 00:30:19,630
So excited about it.
653
00:30:19,670 --> 00:30:20,530
Yeah.
654
00:30:20,570 --> 00:30:22,400
I was just ready
to go get her.
655
00:30:29,430 --> 00:30:31,400
Sania bought my plane ticket
656
00:30:31,430 --> 00:30:32,900
to meet her in Chicago,
657
00:30:32,930 --> 00:30:34,000
pack,
658
00:30:34,030 --> 00:30:36,330
drive back and have
a little adventure.
659
00:30:40,030 --> 00:30:41,200
I landed.
660
00:30:43,570 --> 00:30:44,530
And I asked her,
661
00:30:44,570 --> 00:30:46,470
"What train do I need
to get on?"
662
00:30:54,270 --> 00:30:56,430
And I hadn't heard from her.
663
00:30:56,470 --> 00:30:58,170
So that worried me
a little bit.
664
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,900
Uh, I still--
I called her a lot.
665
00:31:02,230 --> 00:31:03,400
[line trilling]
666
00:31:09,700 --> 00:31:11,700
[line trilling]
667
00:31:11,730 --> 00:31:14,070
I received a phone call
on Instagram.
668
00:31:14,100 --> 00:31:15,900
They did not know me.
669
00:31:15,930 --> 00:31:17,570
They just knew that...
670
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:19,930
Sania was supposed
to see me today.
671
00:31:21,870 --> 00:31:24,300
They sounded
really freaked out
672
00:31:24,330 --> 00:31:27,200
because someone had sent them
673
00:31:27,230 --> 00:31:28,670
a message on Instagram.
674
00:31:32,170 --> 00:31:33,670
[Gabriella] At this point,
I'm alarmed.
675
00:31:33,700 --> 00:31:35,570
It feels really surreal.
676
00:31:35,970 --> 00:31:37,370
[line trilling]
677
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,470
[Gabriella] Two, three minutes
later, her dad called me.
678
00:31:40,500 --> 00:31:42,130
I'd never seen her family.
679
00:31:42,170 --> 00:31:43,570
Um, I'd never talked to them.
680
00:31:44,370 --> 00:31:45,900
He said something to me
681
00:31:46,570 --> 00:31:48,530
like, "She's gone."
682
00:31:50,300 --> 00:31:51,670
In my mind,
683
00:31:52,370 --> 00:31:53,670
I already knew what happened.
684
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:00,600
At this point,
I'm like freaking out.
685
00:32:00,630 --> 00:32:02,970
I'm trying
to hold myself together.
686
00:32:06,870 --> 00:32:09,130
[line trilling]
687
00:32:09,170 --> 00:32:10,570
[Gabriella] A minute
or two later,
688
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:11,830
her mom called me.
689
00:32:12,770 --> 00:32:14,900
And she was hysterical.
690
00:32:14,930 --> 00:32:18,700
And her brother took the phone
from her mom and...
691
00:32:18,730 --> 00:32:21,000
basically calmly told me
what happened.
692
00:32:26,170 --> 00:32:27,630
I just kept saying
to myself, like,
693
00:32:27,670 --> 00:32:29,170
[voice trembling]
"This can't be real.
This can't be real.
694
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:30,530
It can't be real."
695
00:32:31,570 --> 00:32:32,770
July 18th...
696
00:32:37,330 --> 00:32:38,400
[Hira] At 4:30 p.m.,
697
00:32:38,430 --> 00:32:40,370
police were called
to Sania's apartment.
698
00:32:42,530 --> 00:32:44,570
Upon arrival, they heard
a gunshot.
699
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:45,730
[gunshot]
700
00:32:45,770 --> 00:32:46,870
They broke in
701
00:32:46,900 --> 00:32:49,400
and found
Sania's body unresponsive.
702
00:32:50,030 --> 00:32:51,530
They then found another body
703
00:32:51,570 --> 00:32:53,330
with a gunshot wound
to the head.
704
00:32:54,170 --> 00:32:55,430
It was Raheel.
705
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,030
[Grant] One of her friends
sends me a message.
706
00:33:07,070 --> 00:33:08,470
And I ask,
707
00:33:08,500 --> 00:33:10,100
"Is Sania all right?"
708
00:33:11,100 --> 00:33:12,170
She says...
709
00:33:12,670 --> 00:33:13,570
"No".
710
00:33:14,100 --> 00:33:15,600
And then I ask her,
711
00:33:16,270 --> 00:33:18,070
"Is Sania alive?"
712
00:33:19,230 --> 00:33:20,600
She says, "No".
713
00:33:21,470 --> 00:33:23,900
Raheel shot her
and then shot himself.
714
00:33:26,630 --> 00:33:27,630
[Sidra] I wake up.
715
00:33:27,670 --> 00:33:29,830
I look at my text messages.
716
00:33:30,330 --> 00:33:32,030
I was in reaction mode.
717
00:33:32,070 --> 00:33:35,200
I still think,
to a certain degree, I am.
718
00:33:35,230 --> 00:33:37,630
Immediately, I was angry.
719
00:33:39,730 --> 00:33:41,670
And I just fell on the floor
720
00:33:41,700 --> 00:33:45,130
and I just could not
control myself.
721
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:51,000
[voice trembling] It was
the absolute worst feeling.
722
00:33:54,830 --> 00:33:57,930
[crying] The part that hurt
the most was just
723
00:33:57,970 --> 00:34:00,130
knowing how excited she was
724
00:34:00,170 --> 00:34:01,570
for this new chapter.
725
00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:05,370
She had just overcome
so much in that year.
726
00:34:06,230 --> 00:34:07,200
And the way that
727
00:34:07,230 --> 00:34:10,070
that [bleep] just took
her life like that.
728
00:34:10,570 --> 00:34:12,429
Like this, she was gone.
729
00:34:14,530 --> 00:34:16,199
Even when I was coming
to talk to you today,
730
00:34:16,230 --> 00:34:17,800
I was like, "Oh, we're going
to talk about Sania."
731
00:34:17,830 --> 00:34:19,969
And in my head,
she's very much here.
732
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:21,500
She's very much...
733
00:34:22,730 --> 00:34:23,800
in Chicago.
734
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:26,699
Yeah.
735
00:34:27,429 --> 00:34:29,230
He knew when I was coming.
736
00:34:29,270 --> 00:34:31,400
That's the part of it
that really...
737
00:34:32,730 --> 00:34:34,400
really bothers me a lot.
738
00:34:34,429 --> 00:34:37,170
He took his opportunity
to take her away
739
00:34:37,199 --> 00:34:38,300
when he could.
740
00:34:40,830 --> 00:34:42,469
[Hira] Let's rewind
to what actually happened
741
00:34:42,500 --> 00:34:43,630
on that day.
742
00:34:46,870 --> 00:34:49,000
Raheel drove over 700 miles
743
00:34:49,030 --> 00:34:51,469
from Georgia to Chicago
to the apartment
744
00:34:51,500 --> 00:34:53,000
that he once shared
with Sania.
745
00:34:53,030 --> 00:34:55,030
It's been six months
since their separation
746
00:34:55,070 --> 00:34:56,770
and he was banned
from the apartment.
747
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:58,670
But he reached out
to a real estate agent
748
00:34:58,700 --> 00:34:59,900
and asked for a tour
749
00:34:59,930 --> 00:35:01,470
of another apartment
in the building.
750
00:35:02,500 --> 00:35:04,630
After the tour, he told
the real estate agent
751
00:35:04,670 --> 00:35:06,570
that he was going to visit
a friend.
752
00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:09,400
And at 11:00 a.m.,
he knocked on Sania's door.
753
00:35:11,170 --> 00:35:14,130
What happened after that
is just speculation.
754
00:35:15,100 --> 00:35:16,770
What is believed
to have happened
755
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:18,400
is Raheel told her that
756
00:35:18,430 --> 00:35:20,670
he had her wedding dress
in a garment bag.
757
00:35:21,330 --> 00:35:22,270
Sania opened the door
758
00:35:22,300 --> 00:35:24,800
and Raheel immediately
shot her.
759
00:35:24,830 --> 00:35:25,900
[gunshot]
760
00:35:25,930 --> 00:35:27,930
Police were called
to Sania's apartment
761
00:35:27,970 --> 00:35:29,070
for a welfare check
762
00:35:29,100 --> 00:35:30,900
that was done
by Raheel's family
763
00:35:30,930 --> 00:35:33,300
as he had been gone
for a day and a night.
764
00:35:33,330 --> 00:35:35,970
They reported him as missing.
765
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:37,930
Once the police arrived
to the apartment,
766
00:35:37,970 --> 00:35:39,470
they heard a second gunshot--
767
00:35:39,500 --> 00:35:41,730
-[gunshot]
-[Hira] ...and they broke in.
768
00:35:41,770 --> 00:35:43,170
Once they were
in the apartment,
769
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:44,900
they found Sania unresponsive
770
00:35:44,930 --> 00:35:47,400
and declared her dead
on the scene.
771
00:35:47,430 --> 00:35:49,170
Shortly after,
they found Raheel
772
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:50,400
with a gunshot wound
to the head
773
00:35:50,430 --> 00:35:53,070
and transported him
to the hospital.
774
00:35:53,100 --> 00:35:55,600
Upon arrival,
he was also declared dead.
775
00:35:57,630 --> 00:35:59,600
The medical examiner reported
776
00:35:59,630 --> 00:36:01,430
Sania's death as a homicide
777
00:36:01,470 --> 00:36:04,600
and her estranged husband
Raheel's death as a suicide.
778
00:36:07,130 --> 00:36:09,170
[Mehru] She separated
from the person
779
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:10,470
that was trying to hurt her.
780
00:36:10,500 --> 00:36:12,900
She was physically moving
to another location.
781
00:36:12,930 --> 00:36:14,400
She changed her locks.
782
00:36:14,430 --> 00:36:15,770
She did everything right
783
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:17,170
and still...
784
00:36:18,530 --> 00:36:19,970
lost her life.
785
00:36:20,930 --> 00:36:23,570
"I told her
I couldn't live without her
786
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:25,800
and had the gun pointed
to my head,
787
00:36:25,830 --> 00:36:28,400
but she tried to take it
away from me
788
00:36:28,430 --> 00:36:29,500
and it went off."
789
00:36:29,530 --> 00:36:32,470
The suicide note was
a complete fake.
790
00:36:32,500 --> 00:36:34,430
"I can't live with myself
791
00:36:34,470 --> 00:36:37,870
knowing me being here
caused this accident.
792
00:36:37,900 --> 00:36:39,170
I am so sorry."
793
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:41,300
No accountability.
794
00:36:42,570 --> 00:36:45,400
[Grant] Whatever mental break
he had
795
00:36:45,430 --> 00:36:47,730
fueled by failing at school,
796
00:36:47,770 --> 00:36:49,200
failure at marriage,
797
00:36:49,230 --> 00:36:51,770
his humiliation led him to do
what he did.
798
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:56,370
Take it out on the two people
he can blame, her and himself.
799
00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:58,970
[Olivia] I think
the pressure from school,
800
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:00,500
the pressure from the divorce,
801
00:37:00,530 --> 00:37:02,800
the pressure from his family,
802
00:37:03,730 --> 00:37:06,070
it all got to him
and that's why he did it.
803
00:37:07,130 --> 00:37:09,130
[Gabriella] I don't believe
he could stand
804
00:37:09,170 --> 00:37:11,500
the thought of her having
805
00:37:11,530 --> 00:37:13,370
this incredible life
she was certainly
806
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:15,870
and absolutely going to have
without him.
807
00:37:18,030 --> 00:37:20,230
"If I can't have you,
no one will."
808
00:37:31,270 --> 00:37:32,600
[Hira] Here, yet again,
809
00:37:32,630 --> 00:37:36,030
we have a South Asian woman
going through domestic abuse,
810
00:37:36,070 --> 00:37:38,430
who has now been murdered
by her estranged husband,
811
00:37:38,470 --> 00:37:41,070
and yet the community is
absolutely silent.
812
00:37:41,100 --> 00:37:42,670
Time and time again,
in our communities,
813
00:37:42,700 --> 00:37:44,830
we talk about how women need
to be complicit
814
00:37:44,870 --> 00:37:46,130
to the abuse that they face.
815
00:37:46,170 --> 00:37:49,370
So myself and some other
social media influencers
816
00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:50,930
that I know from our community
817
00:37:50,970 --> 00:37:52,370
spoke up about this.
818
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:54,470
In our society, women are
seen as commodities
819
00:37:54,500 --> 00:37:56,900
for our labor and
our childbearing capabilities.
820
00:37:56,930 --> 00:37:58,900
We're not seen
as human beings at all.
821
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,470
[Hira] The community response
was quite interesting.
822
00:38:09,500 --> 00:38:11,300
On one hand, you had
a lot of people,
823
00:38:11,330 --> 00:38:12,730
men mostly,
824
00:38:12,770 --> 00:38:15,670
trying to justify
what Raheel did.
825
00:38:24,770 --> 00:38:28,130
[Hira] Some people were
blaming her murder on her.
826
00:38:31,230 --> 00:38:33,300
Mental health is
a serious issue
827
00:38:33,330 --> 00:38:34,570
in a lot of communities,
828
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:36,970
but that is not an excuse
for bad behavior
829
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:39,600
and it's definitely not
an excuse to murder somebody.
830
00:38:39,630 --> 00:38:41,800
Because lots of folks have
mental health issues
831
00:38:41,830 --> 00:38:44,770
but lots of folks don't
go around murdering people.
832
00:38:52,770 --> 00:38:54,000
[Hira] And on the other hand,
you had
833
00:38:54,030 --> 00:38:55,470
a lot
of South Asian women talking
834
00:38:55,500 --> 00:38:57,430
about the realities
of domestic violence,
835
00:38:57,470 --> 00:38:58,670
the realities of divorce
836
00:38:58,700 --> 00:38:59,870
and the realities
of the pressures
837
00:38:59,900 --> 00:39:02,530
that women go through
in these situations.
838
00:39:12,430 --> 00:39:15,700
Her platform was one
of positivity and hope
839
00:39:15,730 --> 00:39:19,630
and she made
a lot of women feel
safe, seen and heard.
840
00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:27,330
[Mehru] We need
to let our women know
841
00:39:27,370 --> 00:39:29,570
that their safety
842
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:32,170
is above pride,
is above religion,
843
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:34,630
is above
"what will people say."
844
00:39:41,970 --> 00:39:43,730
[Grant] All of
her closest friends
845
00:39:43,770 --> 00:39:44,630
came to this idea
846
00:39:44,670 --> 00:39:45,930
of getting
the exact same tattoo
847
00:39:45,970 --> 00:39:47,370
in the exact same spot
848
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:49,170
for the exact same reason.
849
00:39:53,130 --> 00:39:56,200
Twenty-eight is the year
Sania's life changed.
850
00:39:56,230 --> 00:39:58,230
[inaudible]
851
00:39:58,270 --> 00:39:59,830
[Olivia] She never wanted
to forget it
852
00:39:59,870 --> 00:40:01,430
because she overcame it.
853
00:40:01,470 --> 00:40:02,770
I did it!
854
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:04,400
It's so good.
855
00:40:04,430 --> 00:40:05,800
I love it.
856
00:40:06,770 --> 00:40:08,500
Aww. I'm so happy.
857
00:40:08,530 --> 00:40:10,600
I just had to mark my body
858
00:40:10,630 --> 00:40:12,830
with her memory.
I have to.
859
00:40:15,630 --> 00:40:17,400
[Divya] So I actually
had it put
860
00:40:17,430 --> 00:40:19,570
into my wedding henna.
861
00:40:21,270 --> 00:40:23,430
Same spot as her in honor.
862
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:29,500
[Mehru] It's very special
863
00:40:29,530 --> 00:40:31,030
because it means that
864
00:40:31,770 --> 00:40:33,000
she's always with me.
865
00:40:36,530 --> 00:40:38,200
[Gabriella quivering]She's still here with me.
866
00:40:38,230 --> 00:40:39,530
I keep her here.
867
00:40:42,030 --> 00:40:43,130
Not too tightly though
868
00:40:43,170 --> 00:40:45,270
because I really want her
to be where she is,
869
00:40:45,300 --> 00:40:46,830
wherever she is.
[sniffles]
870
00:40:49,100 --> 00:40:54,700
[melancholy music playing]
871
00:40:59,530 --> 00:41:02,600
โช
872
00:41:11,100 --> 00:41:13,100
โช
873
00:41:13,130 --> 00:41:16,070
She had a purpose
and that was to help people,
874
00:41:16,100 --> 00:41:19,470
but as an influencer,
there will be people who
875
00:41:19,500 --> 00:41:20,600
hate you for no reason.
876
00:41:20,630 --> 00:41:21,970
[ding]
877
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:25,300
When the hate steps out of
cyberspace into the real world
878
00:41:25,330 --> 00:41:26,530
Hey, Bianca?
879
00:41:26,570 --> 00:41:28,430
it just becomes
10 times scarier.
880
00:41:28,470 --> 00:41:30,070
โช
59216
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