Original subtitles

So we just had dinner

which means it's time for dessert.

And where are we gonna get dessert?

An ice cream shop.

[Sidra] Sania was a burst of sunshine

and positive energy.

[Sania exclaiming] I did it!

[Sidra] Man, it was infectious.

-[Gabriella] She was bold, big and funny. -Baby.

Everyone felt like her friend

because everyone was.

I can't talk right now.

I'm doing hot girl [bleep]

[Olivia] She was proud to be a Pakistani woman.

She was very proud

of how she modernized her culture.

[Hira] She made a lot of women feel

safe, seen, and heard.

But being a Pakistani Muslim influencer online...

it can get very toxic very quickly.

Harassment,

bullying,

death threats.

The possibility of online threats stepping over into real life is

actually very real.

[Divya] There was only positives

until she had that day

where her own life was actually at risk.

[theme music playing]

[keyboard clacking]

[Sidra] My first introduction

into the world of the Internet was

through Sania reconfiguring my Myspace layout.

Her handle was Geminigirl

and mine was Ariesgirl.

[laughing]

[girl speaking indistinctly]

Mmm.

[man] Hi, Sania.

[Sidra] I met Sania in the early 2000s.

[speaking in Urdu]

[Sidra] We were between the ages of nine and ten.

That's not on. You didn't turn it on.

[Sidra] It was New Year's Eve.

I was talking to my cousin,

and this girl just jumps

into the conversation.

"Hi, my name's Sania."

True Sania Khan style, right?

[explosion and crackling]

[Sidra] It was just destined. We became friends.

[indistinct conversation]

[Sidra] Early teens, early 2000s.

-[Sania] No, I didn't. -You did--

I entered with the front door with Yusra.

No, I didn't!

[Sidra] This is her family.

Sania's the eldest.

This is Heider uncle, who is her father.

This is Shazia auntie, her mother.

They look happy.

[Sidra] In Chattanooga,

the Muslim community is very conservative,

but we are Pakistani-American.

We have two identities

that are oftentimes in conflicts with each other.

We tried to be"acchi bacchis", right,

which means good girls...

[man speaking in Urdu]

[Sidra] ...respect your elders,

biggest thing, dressing modestly.

We don't bring shame to our families.

We want to be assimilated

into the American community,

but our parents did not understand the culture

and so I think

Sania definitely struggled with that all her life.

Stop it!

[man] Why?

I don't like it when you... [indistinct]

[Grant] I met Sania

in homeroom freshman year, ninth grade.

Since pretty much the first week she was there,

we've been friends.

My connection to Sania was a creative one.

These were some of the first photos

she took of me

when she was practicing photography.

Sania's relationship with her mother and father was

strained and confusing,

at least from my perspective

as a white teenage boy.

They had certain expectations placed on her

that didn't mesh with the culture

she was exposed to at our school.

[mouse clicking]

First semester she met Robert, started dating.

That was really like

-the formative high school sweet romance. -[mouse clicking]

[chimes]

[Grant] She loved him and vice versa,

but stigma of dating a non-South Asian man,

I don't know how she managed it,

but I don't feel

like she would have traded it for the world.

[Sidra] While she was in college,

her parents went through a horrible divorce

that took a toll on her entire family.

When it comes to South Asian family norms,

we're really good

at keeping the facade alive

of a happy marriage,

but when things go sour,

they go down sour real quick.

She got to see the other side

of the Chattanooga Muslim community.

Her mother was ostracized, shunned,

for initiating the divorce.

She felt for her mom a lot.

She hated the authoritarian way

that her father may have handled the situation.

And so her relationship did become strained

with her father.

She lived with her mother,

and she saw him occasionally.

[Hira] Like most immigrant communities,

the Pakistani communities,

"Oh, you have to become a doctor, or a lawyer,

or an engineer

because those are careers

that will make you more stable in life."

Sania actually did do as her parents wished,

and she went to UTC

and pursued a education in psychology.

But then, after she graduated college,

she decided to go down a more creative path,

and she picked photography.

And that's not normal.

She didn't care.

She didn't let,"log kya kehenge",

"what are people going to say?", dictate that.

[chimes]

[Mehru] Sania and I met over social media.

We're kind of like rule breakers,

and don't let, "What will people say?",

like, hold us back.

She made up her own rules of what it means

to be a Muslim and an American.

It's okay for her to make the religion

what it means to her,

rather than what they say it should be.

She told me, "I want to be married.

I want to have a big family.

And I want my photography to thrive."

[chimes]

[Olivia] She was the best photographer ever.

She captured moments

in such a beautiful way.

Sania decided to slide in my DMs.

We bonded in the fact that we were sent to college,

failure is not an option,

you have to graduate, be successful.

In 2016,

her photography business just started going bonkers.

She was out of town every weekend,

going to, like, awesome places

to shoot people

and then she started recording herself,

putting her thoughts out there.

[drum 'n' bass music playing]

She became this traveling photographer.

She'd use TikTok as a platform

and expanded her business.

[lip-syncing] ♪ How we feeling out there tonight? ♪

[chuckles]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I am not feeling good ♪

[Divya] She and I met on a random night.

Right from the start,

it just felt like we knew each other forever.

Before you know it, we're texting each other every day.

She was definitely an entrepreneur,

because it was like she was doing two jobs in one.

And she was utilizing social media

to get a following

for her photography business.

[miming screaming]

[screaming] I'm gonna have such a good day today!

[bleep]

But we all knew she was a hopeless romantic.

She wanted to have a strong relationship

with her mother and father.

So she needed to find the right person

to make them happy,

to make them proud.

[Grant] She wanted to be a wife,

a mother,

have a home, have a full life

that she could not keep compartmentalized,

but she could not have that with Robert.

So her relationship with Robert ended.

She decided on dating a South Asian person

that she could bring home to mom and dad.

[Mehru] Sania met Raheel on Tinder.

He was studying to be a physician's assistant.

[chimes]

[Mehru] He was very charismatic,

and he was very sweet.

Like her, he was

Pakistani and Muslim.

[Grant] I liked him from the get-go

because he knew how to present himself.

But she had moved to Dallas.

He was in Atlanta.

And they were long distance.

So there was no real, like, intimacy

of living with somebody.

[Divya] Sania and Raheel kept a relationship

through weekend getaways.

They often did camping trips.

[Sidra] She definitely knew

that she wanted to marry him.

She wanted someone

who had her back at the end of the day,

that she could kind of show off

in the community, too.

[Hira] So part of being an influencer is

talking about yourself, right?

Being more personable with your audience.

And Sania did just that.

When you get a following,

it brings in more clients, more money,

and builds your portfolio.

Sania was a self-confessed, hopeless romantic,

and she loved to capture couples.

Quickly, she became a go-to photographer.

She had a blog

where she shared about her own relationship

and gave relationship advice.

She talked about

how they supported one another.

Raheel was very sweet to her.

He would fly in and surprise her,

would send her gifts and flowers

on Valentine's Day.

[Sidra] They were dating for five years

before he proposed to her,

which is a very long time.

"Here's where

-your day turns fancy and free." -[woman] Oh.

"Time to get out of your comfort zone

and find something naughty

or nice for the bride-to-be."

[women cheering]

[Sidra] The reason why it took the time is

because she came from a divorced household.

That's still a big stigma.

[Olivia] I know that there was some resentment

from Raheel's family

in the way that they saw Sania.

But she can't help

that her parents made the choices that they did.

[all] Hi.

Bride tribe!

[woman whooping]

[Sidra] It was very much "Present the couple,

look how perfect they are,

look how nice the family is."

She had to look like

the perfect South-Asian glowing bride.

Oh, my God.

[Urdu music playing on PA]

[Olivia] Raheel's parents were still together,

and they painted that perfect picture

of the way things were supposed to be.

[Grant] Having everyone together,

her mother, her father,

both sides of the family, everything coming together,

that's what she's wanted since she was a little girl.

[Mehru] But during the signing of the papers,

there was an event.

Just made everybody in the room kind of...

pause.

[Divya] It was very calm at the beginning

until the energy in the room changed

suddenly to being hostile,

and just-- it was very uncomfortable.

I remember the look in Raheel's eyes

and they were--

it was just scary.

Raheel did have a sword,

which is traditional.

And he was like,

"I have a weapon

and I'm willing to use it."

Was there any conflict at the wedding? [chuckles]

Yes, there was some conflict at the wedding.

No, I'd rather not get into details of that.

The conflict was over something

what I thought was very minor.

It was like a seating arrangement.

He was telling her father

to sit in a certain place.

But I recalled

her father speaking back to him that, you know,

"You're not supposed to be telling us,

like, what to do."

[Grant] It was a very vocal altercation.

Her father was screaming, "I paid for the whole thing,

and you-- you can get out."

Raheel banged the sword

on the table.

For anyone to do that in front of an elder is

a huge sign of disrespect.

It's a really big deal.

That event set the tone for the rest of the evening.

[people speaking indistinctly]

"May Allah bless the earth

with your progeny."

[Grant] She's just like,

"I have to let it wash over me.

I just have to be here and can't say a word and...

it'll all be okay."

Sorry. I'm just like--

I hated that day. [chuckles]

[Grant] There was already tension

between the two families.

Fallout at the wedding just furthered the divide.

She, at that point, was trying to support her husband

rather than her family.

[Hira] After their wedding,

Sania and Raheel moved to Chicago,

where Raheel would go to medical school.

And they lived in an apartment building

on the 28th floor.

Sania was thriving

in her business.

Her online presence was growing.

[inaudible]

Everything seemed to be going really well

for the couple.

[Hira] On November 7th of 2021,

Sania was featured on a podcast--

[interviewer] What would you say

to the South Asian parents--

[Hira] ...to talk about the issues

faced in her career as a South Asian woman.

[interviewer] ...children entering creative industries?

[Sania] Support your child,

motivate them.

If you want them to succeed,

if you want them to be happy--

Sania presented herself and her partner

as a power couple, really.

[Sania] Life was wonderful when I got married.

I mean, I love my husband.

-He's actually in school for medicine - [interviewer] Mm-hmm.

and he's gonna be in it for a little bit.

-And so I was like, well-- -[interviewer] Yeah.

[Sania] ...now I need to be the breadwinner.

He's gonna be providing,

-you know, in the future. -Yeah.

[Sania] But for the time being,

let me be that support.

[Hira] Sania was trying to live

between the online world,

and the real world.

Trying to pick and choose things

that would reflect well,

when in reality,

things weren't going very well in her relationship.

[Mehru] He was almost never around.

He was either studying for school

or with his friends.

And she was,

in her words, "playing housewife."

[Divya] And just the way he talked to her,

especially when it came to her career in photography,

he would say, "No, this is not, like, a real income."

[Olivia] Sania had expressed to me

how much pressure that she felt

from their family,

because they saw him as being perfect.

And the girls in his family were perfect.

So they expected Sania to be perfect too.

So it was just a lot.

[Mehru] We started communicating less and less.

She was almost never on social media anymore.

I remember,

about four or five months after her wedding,

I was going to Chicago

to see some friends.

And of course, I wanted to see her.

But she told me she wouldn't be able to,

because she had some family stuff going on.

And that was kind of a red flag for me,

because she would tell me what it was.

I just knew that there was something

that she wasn't telling me.

She literally went off the grid

and that was weird.

That was so weird.

[Mehru] I didn't find out

about Raheel's mental-health struggles

until she called me crying on the phone one day,

told me what he had tried to do.

She didn't wanna actually tell the complete truth

until she had that day,

where her own life was actually at risk.

[Sidra] December 7th, 2021,

Raheel tried to commit suicide

from their high-rise apartment in Chicago.

[indistinct shouting]

He tried to grab Sania

and then jump out of the window.

[indistinct arguing]

[Hira] On December 7th, 2021,

Raheel tried to kill himself

by jumping from the balcony of the 28th floor

and taking Sania with him.

[indistinct arguing]

[Hira] His mother somehow was able to stop him.

Raheel allegedly was going through a mental break,

but the fact that your son

or son-in-law has tried to kill himself is

very shameful and a huge taboo.

Unfortunately, Sania's mom told her specifically

not to say anything to the police.

She, like, divulges everything to me.

I was literally in shock.

She's like, "My mom just didn't want anyone to know.

I honestly didn't know what to do."

Her in-laws were refusing to look at the fact

that Raheel had a serious problem.

They held him on a pedestal.

I think she truly felt conflicted

and isolated during that time.

Like, "how did this happen?

How did I contribute to that?"

And essentially, she gave this man

the benefit of the doubt.

[Divya] There's this other, like,

South Asian pressure coming towards him

about being that, like, ideal son in a family.

She would say that

that was contributing

to his mental health.

[Mehru] His biggest goal, like, in life,

is to become a doctor,

is to get there,

but he was definitely struggling.

[Divya] Something else that came out was his age,

that he had lied.

He was actually in his mid-30s.

That, for her, was a huge turning point as well

because she actually doesn't know

who the hell she married.

Sania was being gaslit from both sides,

from her family and her in-laws,

about keeping quiet,

trying to work on the marriage, etc.

Her mother was like, "It's nothing."

It happens."

And that evolves to,

"Maybe you're to blame for it."

[Hira] When she finally told her friends,

they helped her realize

that she needed to get out.

[Mehru] I got a call from her.

She was crying.

She proceeded to tell me

both her family and his family is telling her

that it's all in her head.

He's sorry and she should move on.

He'd never do it again.

But she told me she couldn't sleep next to him

and feel safe.

I told her to pretend

that she never called me,

and I planned to fly up the next day

and grab her myself.

I flew from New York to Chicago

and arrived at her apartment.

Raheel had no idea that I was coming.

And she packed a small bag

and she brought her camera... [chuckles]

like her baby.

We ran to the elevator.

We were shaking, out of breath.

Adrenaline was pumping,

thinking that he had followed us.

But we made it.

Then took a flight back

to my apartment in New York.

Her getting out made her realize that

what had happened between them was not normal.

It's not okay.

She finally said it out loud.

She said, "I'm going to get a divorce."

I'm like, you know,

maybe I need to stop, like, thinking.

I need to stop, like...

considering other people's viewpoints

and, like, really just, like,

listen to my intuition,

my heart, and, like, what that's telling me.

[Sidra] She went back to their apartment.

And he went back to his mother

in Alpharetta.

A self-entitled boy goes running back to his mom.

It caught me off guard.

Nothing about their relationship

at any point seemed

violent or abusive

or "you shouldn't be with him."

It kind of felt like she was failing at life.

[Olivia] I told her, "You're winning

because you're not staying."

She got to rebuild herself

after being broken.

And that was the most beautiful thing to watch.

[Hira] Sania had turned to her online community

and shared the realities

of what she was going through.

A lot of people connected with her.

In the Western culture, it's quite normalized

to talk about your own issues.

But in Pakistani culture, it's not.

So for Sania to break these barriers and say,

"No, I am going to speak on this

because there are other women who go through this"

was quite incredible.

There's a video that she made that went viral

where she's clearly visibly upset,

talking about how isolating it was for her.

That's the video that I first saw

about Sania online.

I didn't know Sania as a person,

but I have family members,

women who are going through exactly what she went through.

And it just broke my heart.

Sania was a pretty funny person.

She was quite cheeky.

But her responses were always

very positive and very supportive.

[Mehru] She was rediscovering who she was.

She said, "Girl, my DMs are filled with people

and I can't believe I'm making a difference.

It's great.

I want to talk more about it."

[Divya] I'm not surprised that it kicked off.

I love this TikTok of hers.

Probably one of my favorites.

I know she looked like a badass

and it looked amazing. [chuckles]

Her message was

"No matter what religion you come from,

you're a woman and you're beautiful

and you can achieve anything

that you set your mind to."

Social media was like her virtual diary.

She wanted to be vulnerable

so that a few months later, she can be like,

"I am totally better off."

[Hira] But going viral online is a double-edged sword.

She faced a lot of harassment

and a lot of bullying

from all over.

Just because she decided

to openly talk about her experience.

[Olivia] A lot of people within the culture were

shunning her and...

this was the time where she started

to get death threats.

♪ I just wanna break off A little piece♪

-♪ Huh ♪ -[TikTok chime]

[Hira] So being a female Muslim influencer

can get pretty scary at times,

especially when you talk about taboo subjects.

Sania was talking about her divorce.

Her family was upset.

The South Asian community was upset.

The Muslim community was upset.

[Mehru] She didn't focus on that.

She was like, "Girl, I'm gonna delete, block and move on."

[Olivia] She brushed them off.

You don't really think someone's gonna, like,

lash out like that

for just something as silly as something you post online.

[Divya] Mom finding these TikToks, saying,

like, "what are you doing?

This is bringing so much shame on us."

[Hira] This video really hurts.

I don't understand

why, in our community,

when women act a certain way,

dress a certain way,

why the reaction is always

that "We're going to kill ourselves

or we're going to kill you."

[Grant] As long as she's been on social media,

there's been people making negative comments about her.

But that didn't stop her.

And that's

one of the bravest things about her.

Sania knew how powerful her social media account was.

It was her moneymaker.

And she would say it often to me. She was like,

"I don't know how I'm going to pay my rent,

so I'm just going to get on here.

I'm going to post every day." And she did.

And it worked.

I met Sania at a tea shop

in Chattanooga, early 2019.

We just instantly hit it off.

She didn't live in Chattanooga at the time.

So we kept tabs on one another.

It wasn't until after Raheel,

early 2022, that we really, like,

fell in love with each other.

Soulmate, soul sister, everything.

Best friend, twin flame,

whatever you want to call all that.

She was defining herself

as a new way to be within her culture.

But to still hold on to the things

that mattered with it.

I did it!

[Gabriella] She got the Roman numerals 28.

It was her year of waking up.

Twenty-eight was also the floor she lived on

in her apartment building.

[inaudible]

She was excited. She was excited to date.

She was excited to fall in love again.

She didn't really tell me she was, like,

thinking of reconnecting him.

It was more of a she told me after the fact of, like,

"Oh, I didn't tell you."

So this is just a lot of my speculation.

I mean, it goes back

to the two different identities she had

between her Pakistani side and her American teenage side.

And that was such a...

strong, significant relationship for her.

It made sense for her to find comfort...

in him.

We were like, "Absolutely, we have to live together."

I found us a house in Chattanooga.

And it was happening.

We were so, so excited.

So excited about it.

Yeah.

I was just ready to go get her.

Sania bought my plane ticket

to meet her in Chicago,

pack,

drive back and have a little adventure.

I landed.

And I asked her,

"What train do I need to get on?"

And I hadn't heard from her.

So that worried me a little bit.

Uh, I still-- I called her a lot.

[line trilling]

[line trilling]

I received a phone call on Instagram.

They did not know me.

They just knew that...

Sania was supposed to see me today.

They sounded really freaked out

because someone had sent them

a message on Instagram.

[Gabriella] At this point, I'm alarmed.

It feels really surreal.

[line trilling]

[Gabriella] Two, three minutes later, her dad called me.

I'd never seen her family.

Um, I'd never talked to them.

He said something to me

like, "She's gone."

In my mind,

I already knew what happened.

At this point, I'm like freaking out.

I'm trying to hold myself together.

[line trilling]

[Gabriella] A minute or two later,

her mom called me.

And she was hysterical.

And her brother took the phone from her mom and...

basically calmly told me what happened.

I just kept saying to myself, like,

[voice trembling] "This can't be real. This can't be real.

It can't be real."

July 18th...

[Hira] At 4:30 p.m.,

police were called to Sania's apartment.

Upon arrival, they heard a gunshot.

[gunshot]

They broke in

and found Sania's body unresponsive.

They then found another body

with a gunshot wound to the head.

It was Raheel.

[Grant] One of her friends sends me a message.

And I ask,

"Is Sania all right?"

She says...

"No".

And then I ask her,

"Is Sania alive?"

She says, "No".

Raheel shot her and then shot himself.

[Sidra] I wake up.

I look at my text messages.

I was in reaction mode.

I still think, to a certain degree, I am.

Immediately, I was angry.

And I just fell on the floor

and I just could not control myself.

[voice trembling] It was the absolute worst feeling.

[crying] The part that hurt the most was just

knowing how excited she was

for this new chapter.

She had just overcome so much in that year.

And the way that

that [bleep] just took her life like that.

Like this, she was gone.

Even when I was coming to talk to you today,

I was like, "Oh, we're going to talk about Sania."

And in my head, she's very much here.

She's very much...

in Chicago.

Yeah.

He knew when I was coming.

That's the part of it that really...

really bothers me a lot.

He took his opportunity to take her away

when he could.

[Hira] Let's rewind to what actually happened

on that day.

Raheel drove over 700 miles

from Georgia to Chicago to the apartment

that he once shared with Sania.

It's been six months since their separation

and he was banned from the apartment.

But he reached out to a real estate agent

and asked for a tour

of another apartment in the building.

After the tour, he told the real estate agent

that he was going to visit a friend.

And at 11:00 a.m., he knocked on Sania's door.

What happened after that is just speculation.

What is believed to have happened

is Raheel told her that

he had her wedding dress in a garment bag.

Sania opened the door

and Raheel immediately shot her.

[gunshot]

Police were called to Sania's apartment

for a welfare check

that was done by Raheel's family

as he had been gone for a day and a night.

They reported him as missing.

Once the police arrived to the apartment,

they heard a second gunshot--

-[gunshot] -[Hira] ...and they broke in.

Once they were in the apartment,

they found Sania unresponsive

and declared her dead on the scene.

Shortly after, they found Raheel

with a gunshot wound to the head

and transported him to the hospital.

Upon arrival, he was also declared dead.

The medical examiner reported

Sania's death as a homicide

and her estranged husband Raheel's death as a suicide.

[Mehru] She separated from the person

that was trying to hurt her.

She was physically moving to another location.

She changed her locks.

She did everything right

and still...

lost her life.

"I told her I couldn't live without her

and had the gun pointed to my head,

but she tried to take it away from me

and it went off."

The suicide note was a complete fake.

"I can't live with myself

knowing me being here caused this accident.

I am so sorry."

No accountability.

[Grant] Whatever mental break he had

fueled by failing at school,

failure at marriage,

his humiliation led him to do what he did.

Take it out on the two people he can blame, her and himself.

[Olivia] I think the pressure from school,

the pressure from the divorce,

the pressure from his family,

it all got to him and that's why he did it.

[Gabriella] I don't believe he could stand

the thought of her having

this incredible life she was certainly

and absolutely going to have without him.

"If I can't have you, no one will."

[Hira] Here, yet again,

we have a South Asian woman going through domestic abuse,

who has now been murdered by her estranged husband,

and yet the community is absolutely silent.

Time and time again, in our communities,

we talk about how women need to be complicit

to the abuse that they face.

So myself and some other social media influencers

that I know from our community

spoke up about this.

In our society, women are seen as commodities

for our labor and our childbearing capabilities.

We're not seen as human beings at all.

[Hira] The community response was quite interesting.

On one hand, you had a lot of people,

men mostly,

trying to justify what Raheel did.

[Hira] Some people were blaming her murder on her.

Mental health is a serious issue

in a lot of communities,

but that is not an excuse for bad behavior

and it's definitely not an excuse to murder somebody.

Because lots of folks have mental health issues

but lots of folks don't go around murdering people.

[Hira] And on the other hand, you had

a lot of South Asian women talking

about the realities of domestic violence,

the realities of divorce

and the realities of the pressures

that women go through in these situations.

Her platform was one of positivity and hope

and she made a lot of women feel safe, seen and heard.

[Mehru] We need to let our women know

that their safety

is above pride, is above religion,

is above "what will people say."

[Grant] All of her closest friends

came to this idea

of getting the exact same tattoo

in the exact same spot

for the exact same reason.

Twenty-eight is the year Sania's life changed.

[inaudible]

[Olivia] She never wanted to forget it

because she overcame it.

I did it!

It's so good.

I love it.

Aww. I'm so happy.

I just had to mark my body

with her memory. I have to.

[Divya] So I actually had it put

into my wedding henna.

Same spot as her in honor.

[Mehru] It's very special

because it means that

she's always with me.

[Gabriella quivering]She's still here with me.

I keep her here.

Not too tightly though

because I really want her to be where she is,

wherever she is. [sniffles]

[melancholy music playing]

♪

♪

She had a purpose and that was to help people,

but as an influencer, there will be people who

hate you for no reason.

[ding]

When the hate steps out of cyberspace into the real world

Hey, Bianca?

it just becomes 10 times scarier.

♪