Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

♪ Don't follow me ♪

♪ I'm just a man on a mission from God ♪

♪ I said, don't ♪

♪ Don't follow me ♪

♪ I'm just a man on a mission from God ♪

♪ Ah-Ah who you gonna follow ♪

♪ Who you gonna follow ♪

♪ Who you gonna follow ♪

♪ Who you been followin' ♪

♪ Just don't ♪

♪ Follow me ♪

♪ I'm just a man on a mission from God ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Man on a mission ♪

♪ Man on a mission ♪

- ♪ Man on a mission ♪ - His official title

is Youth Pastor

at Sand Hills Neighborhood Church in California.

I'm asking you to be in this.

I can't get it done without you.

Be with Mabel.

Wherever she's at, guide her steps

Mr. Guy Sides!

Give it up for DJ Jazzy Carl!

Yeah!

Good to see you!

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

You know, we've been on this tour,

and this is the third month of this tour,

and I have realized,

I should've brought more than two pair of pants.

Oh!

Ho-ho!

Yeah, well, a beach ball.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to...

I'm supposed to sign.

Alright, let me sign the beach ball.

Okay.

Thank you.

Very exciting, I understand.

Thank you, efficient stagehand.

Thanks, Guy.

I'm not sure who threw this,

but I'll just throw it back that general direction.

All right.

Okay, let's get back to why I came.

This is gonna sound like I'm exaggerating, but I am not.

If you miss this, you miss everything.

- Hey. - They were fun.

That was awesome.

If they cry, they buy.

Oh, man, why you gotta do that?

What?

They're people with souls.

Absolutely, absolutely.

But that beach ball action,

that could be a thing.

- Beach ball? - Yeah.

- That was just spontaneous- - Well, it was

spontaneously brilliant, okay?

How 'bout that?

I've seen things, and I've seen how things start,

and you definitely started a thing.

That's a thing.

Hey, don't leave the souls waiting.

Go get 'em.

Guy Sides, y'all!

Chicago!

Yeah!

All right!

I'm asking you to be in this.

We can't get it done without you.

Be with Mabel.

Wherever she's at,

- guide her steps. - And you know him

as America's youth pastor,

Guy Sides!

If you miss this,

you miss everything.

If you miss this,

you miss everything.

If you miss this,

you miss everything.

There's was my guy.

Hey!

Nailed it again.

- Nailed it again. - I-

I just hope they heard the gospel,

- and the deeper- - Totes, totes.

Totes, they did.

But here's the thing.

That beach ball thing,

we need to capitalize on it.

From now on, you are officially the "Beach Ball Guy".

- No, I am absolutely not - No, you absolutely are

- the "Beach Ball Guy". - the "Beach Ball Guy".

- And absolutely means- - And let me tell you-

Listen.

- It's bigger than - Nada.

- either one of us. - No.

You made it a thing!

It's a thing I'm not gonna do.

Okay, brother.

We can talk about it.

We can always talk about it.

But I need you right now to be the baller

I know you can be.

Now, you go out there,

and ball till you fall!

Hey, y'all, look who's here!

Mr. Baller!

- Oh, look at that! - Hi, you you doin'?

And they got

- the beach balls! - Good to see you.

And they got the beach balls!

Great, thank you.

If you miss this,

you miss everything.

Guys, listen,

if you miss this, you miss everything.

Hey, there he is.

I told you, man.

I told you this beach ball thing is bigger than any of us.

It's a thing.

How does anybody take the gospel seriously

with all this nonsense?

But it's interesting.

You realize, interesting is Christian code for crazy.

But crazy in a good way, right?

Right?

Sign this?

What would Jesus do?

This still happenin'?

I have an idea.

Why don't we talk about what Jesus has done?

Died and rose again, right?

Oh, I have Jesus in my heart.

What I don't have, is a beach ball with your name on it.

1st Corinthians 15,

it's about what Jesus did.

Thanks.

If you miss-

You know, I think we missed it.

Guys, could you dial it back with the beach balls?

It's like the entire church has become the youth group.

Boom!

That's our new slogan.

"Our whole church is a youth group."

That's interesting.

Oh, man!

That's the third one this week.

So rough tour?

I want out.

What's going on with you?

You need some time off?

It's deeper than that.

Is this a faith crisis?

No, not at all.

Remember back when first started?

Yeah, those were good times.

We had 60 people at the most,

and all we did was preach the gospel.

Ooh, Superman works.

I like Superman.

Are you listening to me?

Yes, of course!

"A good pastor has to multitask."

It was in my book.

Go on.

I can't function like this.

Evangelicalism has become this machine

and it's eating me up.

Take a nap.

"A good nap always refreshes me."

That was also in my book.

Did you even read my book?

Wow!

Those are both good.

Guy, what do you think?

I'm done.

He's right, no masks.

So let's stick with Superman.

Thanks.

You're the most popular youth pastor in the country.

Everybody loves you.

They'll find someone else.

America's youth pastor can't quit.

America would be bummed.

Your kids would be really bummed.

Guy, listen to me.

I know you're under a lot of pressure.

I get it.

I'm feelin' it too.

I need something big for Good Friday and Easter.

Bigger than the resurrection?

Maybe I've hit my ceiling?

I rode in on a Harley.

I rode in on a cow.

I got shot out of a cannon.

What if you dial it back for a year?

No, no, more is more, Guy!

More show, more people in the seats.

More people in the seats,

more people get to hear the gospel!

I'm not sure your math adds up.

What is it?

What's the hook?

I would love to help you, but I quit.

No, you are not quitting.

I am.

Fine, quit after you take a nap.

Although, use this.

It'll change your life.

I love you, brother.

Guy, perfect timing.

Robert and I are just about finished

blowing up beach balls for you to sign.

I quit, I quit, I quit!

I said, I quit!

I-

Sorry.

Can we get the beach balls to listen to me?

Guy!

You're back?

Hey, I gotta...

I'm on my way out.

Cool.

We'll catch up.

Remember, big smiles and have a blessed service.

Chad, I'm not watching where I'm going.

Where are you going?

It's a good question.

You're tired.

I don't think a nap can fix that.

Right.

Wait, why would you say that?

It's my gift.

I know things,

like when people are tired.

Chad, why are you here?

Oh, I'm training more greeters today.

No, I mean-

- Oh, existentially?

Exactly!

Why are you here?

I am here to serve.

Jesus laid down his life for us,

so we oughta be willing to do the same.

I've gotta go.

Guy?

You didn't say goodbye to your kids.

Thanks, Chad.

Sheila, hey, will you go find a mop from the closet?

Jeremy, go to the pantry,

see if you can find some rice to dry out Blaise's phone.

Blaise, take five.

I'm really glad things are back to normal.

It must've been a power nap?

Hmm.

Chad, it's me.

I'm not a real superhero.

You could be, sir.

♪ Praise God from whom all blessings flow ♪

♪ Praise Him all creatures here below ♪

♪ Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts ♪

♪ Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost ♪

Have a blessed service.

Brother, good to see you.

Have a bless service.

You get in there, you little rascal.

Hey, have a blessed service.

Good to see ya.

♪ You lift me up ♪

And that's

how the power of the Holy Spirit propels us

from one hill in life to the next.

- Amen? - Amen.

Amen.

Hey, before we let you go,

I told you, if we broke attendance records this quarter,

I'd get the church logo tattooed on my arm.

And we broke those records,

and Pastor Skip keeps his promises.

If we hit our goal of 500 new attendees by next quarter,

I'm gonna get pierced.

Okay.

Bring it on.

Okay, if you wanna turn in your phones to 1st John 3:16.

That's 1st John 3:16, not the gospel of.

Hey, you guys, I wanna say something.

I realized I haven't been around a lot lately,

and I want you to know, that's gonna change.

All right, who wants to read our a verse for tonight?

Blaise.

"This is how we know what love is."

"Jesus laid down his life for us,

and we ought to lay down our lives for each other."

Jesus laid down his life for us.

How do most of us think about that?

Try really hard to be good.

God loves the mess that you are right now.

The point of the gospel,

is that we can't be like Jesus.

We can't be as good as we think we should be.

Jesus laid down his life for you.

You never have to prove yourself again.

Jesus laid down his life for you,

and God's love is bigger than our mess.

I thought you were gonna go as Superman?

No, we couldn't get the clearance.

I couldn't even get Super Positive cleared.

Pretty hardcore, huh?

Yeah, we heard you in the Youth Room.

It didn't hurt too bad.

Should that be bleedin' like that?

Oh, I don't know.

What do you think Carla's gonna say when she sees it?

Just wear sleeves when you Skype.

No, she's coming home.

- Carla? - Yeah.

- Your daughter? - Yeah.

- The missionary? - Yeah.

I thought I told you?

Yeah, you told me.

Are you being sarcastic?

I am.

Oh, fun.

Yeah, she just broke things off with her fiance,

and I wanna get her set up

- into a stable relationship. - Oh.

Oh, wow, I don't know.

- My schedule- - I'm gonna set

her up with Tino.

Wait, Tino?

♪ Thank the Lord. ♪

Come on, people!

I mean, the audience is expecting a lot from me.

Us.

I don't even understand,

why did I even write it

if you can't even play it the way I felt it?

To glorify God?

If God wanted to be glorified,

he would hire professionals.

Are you punishing her?

What?

He'd be great for her.

He's stable.

Doesn't have ideas.

He produces volume.

How could she resist?

Talk him up!

I got an idea.

Let her live her life.

That's just crazy talk.

It's in your book.

Oh, you're right.

Is it wrong to lust after a mannequin?

What?

You're busy.

Sorry.

No, no, no.

No, come on...

Come in.

Grab a chair.

Have a seat.

Now, what's the issue?

You know how mannequins can be super hot?

Is it wrong to think that?

I mean, they're not human.

They're wood.

Most are plastic.

So you get it?

I don't know where you're shoppin'-

- Oh, they're everywhere.

And at first, I was turning my eyes away from real girls

and then there they were.

I mean, everywhere.

Well, Blaise, as a teenager,

I imagine you still have lots of

changes going on in your body.

Because I'm born again now?

No.

Have you talked to your parents about this?

Mannequin lust?

Well, I meant, you know,

becoming a Christian, and hanging out at church, all that?

They're uber supportive,

and whatever makes me happy, that's their thing.

Well, Blaise,

you can't have a meaningful relationship

with those kinda women.

I can't believe I'm callin' 'em women.

They're nothing!

They're heartless.

They're brainless.

They all are.

So I'm guessing you're still single?

Can I help you?

Really?

Yeah, I think that's how it works.

You come into my office, and I help you.

Do you have a kid in our program?

No.

No kids, no husband.

That's good.

I don't mean it's good.

I mean, it's not bad either.

I just...

All I mean is,

single people are often single.

You talk for a living, right?

Yikes!

That's a rough first impression.

Oh, don't worry about that.

I got my first impression of him a long time ago.

You did?

When would that have been at, a conference, or...

I'm sorry, I'm lost here.

Yeah, I would say you are,

and you obviously need help more than I do,

which is why I'm here.

So you're here to volunteer?

If that's the case,

you need to be a church member,

and fill out an application form.

I am a long-time church member,

and I can write.

So we're off to a good start.

This is Blaise.

And you are?

Pleased to meet you.

I see how it is.

Do you know Jesus?

He's a new believer.

Yes, I do.

I could climb a mountain for Jesus!

Who is very enthusiastic.

Seriously, throw me a rope.

Blaise, you are a pickle.

Thank you.

Don't you have a jar you need to get to?

I was just headed to the mall.

No, no, no, no!

Sit, sit!

Oh, so here's a volunteer application form

that you'll need to fill out now.

Sneaky way of getting my name.

This is weird.

Is this flirting?

Unless you wanna back out?

Wait, can you date volunteers?

Why would I wanna back out?

That's like a church policy, right?

Yes, Blaise, there's a policy.

Is that right?

May I just...

So you're turning me down?

Church policy dictates that I must.

Well, we are under grace here, not law.

You just threw away my name.

Okay, so when you figure it out, give me a call.

Let me know how I can help.

So nice to meet you, Blaise.

Carla Finney.

Is that Pastor Skip's daughter?

I mean, they both have the same last name,

so is it?

All right, take it from the top.

♪ Two, three, four ♪

All right, everybody.

Sing it like you mean it this time!

What?

It's the first song.

So?

They haven't had a chance to be insincere yet.

Rocked from out here.

It doesn't rock up here.

Tino, I would like you to meet my daughter, Carla.

Carla Finney.

- Hi. - Hi.

♪ Carla Finney ♪

♪ I heard so much about you ♪

♪ It makes me witty and giddy ♪

You know what?

I'm gonna write you a song.

Another one?

Thank you, but that would be too much.

No, no, I mean it.

No, I mean it too.

♪ Now you're here from so far away ♪

♪ Moldova ♪

♪ But if you leave ♪

♪ You're gonna shoot our hearts ♪

♪ With a revolver ♪

Wow!

I know.

I just made that up just now.

Did you?

My whole life is a musical.

Enchanting.

Except for the talking parts,

because it's kind of a disappointment when I have to talk.

I can see that.

Really?

Yeah.

We get each other.

Oh, you know, dad and I have to...

There's a...

It was so nice to meet you.

♪ Nice meeting you ♪

Nice to meet you.

♪ I hope to see you again ♪

♪ And baby, oh, I'll call you ♪

Oh, that's okay, I'll see you around.

All right.

You didn't even try.

You could be his leading lady.

I am happy just being a bit player.

You won't even go on one date with him?

That's never gonna happen.

Never say never, honey.

It's an ugly word.

Dad, I didn't come home for another relationship.

I came home to recover from one.

I know, I'm just thinking long-term here.

I'm just here on a round-trip ticket.

What?

I thought you were here to stay?

Maybe.

We'll see.

Ooh, there's Tino's car.

It's new.

It's electric.

Dad, it's a nice car, but it doesn't change the man.

I just don't want you with

any more of these crazy, ambitious-types.

Bump.

Tino's ambitious.

Yeah, but he's too simple to pull it off.

Look, a fellow who keeps things simple

is not gonna hurt you.

They won't abandon you,

and they're not gonna take you away from here.

That's funny coming from a man who leaves professionally.

I was never gone for more than three months at a time.

You were gone for nine months, Dad.

Not true.

Technically, those were three consecutive book tours, right?

Oh, okay, all better.

Come on, I was home every Sunday.

Ew, technically, you are here every Sunday.

Ouch.

I know you were making major life decisions

and I was not there for you,

and I will regret that for the rest of my life.

It's good to hear you say that,

'cause I always felt like you ministered to everyone else

but your own family.

And for that, I am so sorry.

The good news is, I'm not going anywhere,

and now, neither are you.

Here we are.

Carla, I'm really glad you're home.

It is so good to see you.

You too.

Oh, and I'll work on trying to get you a better spot.

Oh, no problem.

I really enjoyed our chat.

Me too.

Will you at least think about giving Tino a chance?

I don't know, Dad.

Honey, I can't fix all the things I did wrong

when you were a little girl,

but maybe I can make it up to you?

All we can do is move forward.

Okay.

No, really.

All we can do is move forward.

The reverse is broken.

I'm gonna need you to push me back.

You want me to push?

I have to drive.

Yep.

Get around front.

Yeah.

Put your shoulder into it.

It's kinda heavy.

Come on.

Oh.

Hey, babe?

Babe.

Walking through the door.

I'm walking through the doors as we speak, literally.

Yes, I just walked through the doors.

As long as I don't

- get held up by some- - Pastor Guy?

- Good to see you. - Chad.

Yes, I will...

Yes, Chad, I'll be right up.

Walmart's got nothin' on you, buddy.

Amateurs.

Hey, I would love to chat, but I am late.

For your meeting with Pastor Skip, yeah.

Planning these events can just be grueling.

Yeah, they can.

Each stunt having to be bigger and better than the last.

Oh, stunts.

Heard you met with Carla?

Wow.

Wow what?

Well, I just think you two could make a great team.

I mean, I'm focused on the youth group.

Nah, you're right,

she'd probably just be a distraction.

I guess I could use some help?

What a great idea.

You should keep going, you're late.

Hey, thanks, Chad.

There he is.

I did it!

I took my nap!

Wham!

It came to me.

Something, really, really big for Good Friday.

Big.

Uh-oh.

This is gonna be our most daring event ever.

This year, for Good Friday,

we are gonna have a crucifixion.

You mean, a passion play, right?

Oh, no, no, no, an actual crucifixion.

Like they do in Mexico and the Philippines?

Wait.

You knew about that?

Why didn't you tell me?

'Cause it's a mockery of the Gospel.

No, it's an homage.

It's impactful.

And we are bringin' it to Sand Hills.

You're gonna crucify a human in church?

Yes.

This will cement us as the cutting edge church.

Okay, Skip, I realize you can't see this,

because you're crazy,

but no one is going to be okay with this.

Everybody's okay with it.

The board already approved it,

and they approved shooting confetti during the altar call.

How does this involve me?

I wanna give you the honor

of being the first man crucified in an American church.

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Oh, man ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

I'm not sure how to say this,

but you are insane!

I have no role in this!

It'll be perfectly safe.

That's the reason Dr. Knott is here.

You see, Guy,

it wasn't the nails that actually killed people.

Most died by asphyxiation.

See?

Science.

And no one in Mexico has died from this.

As far as we know.

By placing the nails through your palms in the right place,

we hope to avoid major nerve damage.

Nothing is 100%.

You'll have to sign a waiver, of course,

to protect the church.

And one for me too.

Sure.

All right!

Good meeting, everyone.

Guy, Guy, wait, wait!

Where are you going?

Come on!

You're the eighth person on the staff to turn us down.

Even Tino said no.

Turns out, he's a bleeder.

He doesn't have enough platelets.

He can't form scabs.

Think about this, Guy.

This is gonna be huge,

bigger than anything we've ever done,

National headlines, monster book sales.

This is what I'm trying to get away from.

Gimmicks!

You call it gimmicks,

I call it souls in the seats.

You know, Skip I think the Gospel's enough.

I did not see that coming.

- Great seeing you too. - Let me know if you

need anymore help.

- Mm-hmm. - Tell me you stopped him?

Stop Pastor Finney, Carla?

Carla Finney.

I get it, you know who I am now.

I'm sorry I didn't recognize you, but you've aged.

Thanks?

That's what happens when you've been gone for 10 years.

No, you look way better than a lot of women your age.

- Should we talk about my dad? - Yes.

You are the only one that can stop him.

What are you gonna do?

I told him he's insane.

I'm not the lead pastor here.

All I can do is what I'm supposed to do,

which is to care for these kids.

What are you gonna do?

I'm coming with you.

Why do you think I'm here?

I don't know.

You're not exactly free flowing with the information.

Someone didn't let me finish filling out my application.

Come on!

You said, you're late.

- He's my dad. - Come on, you guys!

We're runnin' late!

You're late.

We were early.

We can't get in a locked van.

Hey, we heard you're gonna get crucified.

That's awesome!

How did you...

- I'm not- - Word travels fast.

Is it gonna be biblical?

Yeah, you're gonna be naked?

My mom would go to church see that.

No one's getting crucified,

and definitely, no one's getting naked!

I'd do it.

I do anything God wanted me to.

Jesus was enough, don't you think?

Can you just get everyone in the van, please?

Oh, sorry.

Wow, you really shut that down.

Well, that's what you have to do

with these kids sometimes.

And that's exactly what you have to do with my dad.

You remember that time my dad was gonna

live in a plexiglass box for three days

if we filled two shipping containers

with Christmas sweaters?

You must remember that, 'cause you stopped it.

It was a long time ago.

What happened to you?

Me?

Your dad is the one with the gimmicks.

Says the beach ball guy.

I'm sorry, but you used to push back.

You seem to think

I have the same influence as your father here.

I don't.

You had a big influence on me.

You once said, "We're all sent,

the only question is where".

That's why I went to Moldova in the first place,

and I learned so much,

and the only person I could think to share with was you.

Didn't you have a boyfriend

or a fiance somewhere in there?

- Ah, come on! - You blew it, man!

Let's talk later when it's less dramatic.

Don't worry about it.

I'm done talking.

Fine!

Let's go minister at the shelter.

Let's go minister

- at the shelter then. - Hey!

Amen.

Brother.

Ow, quit it.

Come on, guys, buckle up.

Maybe you should team up with Tino?

You know, Skip would love that.

Right now, Tino sounds better than you.

He always sounds better.

He sings.

I'm just disappointed.

I wish you would do your job.

I am currently doing my job!

Hold on, guys!

Great.

Well.

No, no, no, no, no!

Oh, no, no.

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ No ♪

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, please, please, Tessi!

Tessi, are you okay, baby?

There's no damage at all.

It's not even smudged.

How do you even know?

I mean, it could be internally

- hurting right now. - I can see it.

There is...

It's like they kissed.

- Yeah, sure. - Our bumpers

- high fived. - Yeah, sure.

No.

Oh, what a bummer.

You guys were finally starting to gel.

We were arguing.

Yeah, but you were both mad about the same thing.

Oh, by the stars of Liza Minnelli.

My car insurance guy is gonna blow a gasket.

You don't call insurance when there's no damage.

That's the dumb...

You're brilliant!

It's awkward, but comforting.

Thanks!

Man, that went surprisingly well.

Yeah.

The shelter gives us all a little perspective, doesn't it?

Yeah, it's a work in progress.

That was quite a hug you gave Tino.

Yes, the insurance guy.

You're not on trackin' with me, are ya?

Apparently not.

Tomorrow morning, I'm gonna pay a little visit

to the church's insurance guy.

He may have some strong opinions

about nailing someone to a cross

from a liability standpoint.

You're a genius.

That's what I've been saying.

I have an idea too.

I love it!

Let's do it.

Don't you wanna hear it first?

Sure, then let's do it.

Okay.

I think I can talk some sense into Tino.

That seems unlikely.

If he's on our side,

we can be a unified front

and talk my dad out of this madness.

You're a genius.

That's what I've been saying.

Hey, remember when you guys almost kissed?

Blaise, can you back in,

back in your seat please?

But I can't hear you guys back there.

I am shocked and appalled.

This is just outrageous.

I have never run out a mints before.

It's fine.

I don't need a mint, Mort.

What about the crucifixion situation?

Right, right, right.

Well, this is the first I'm hearing about it,

but I can assure you,

that I will check into this post-haste.

Good.

Yeah, I'm gonna pour over your current policy,

and it's extremely unlikely

that we would cover something like this, but...

Well, in fact,

even waiver forms create some massive liability problems.

That's what I've been telling them.

Okay, thank you, Mort.

- I just- - Okay.

Well, we just want our clients to be happy.

Appreciate it.

In fact, I'm gonna send you some mints.

Tino?

- Oh. - Hi.

♪ Carla, you're the one for me ♪

No.

No. ♪ Carla ♪

♪ We were meant to be together ♪

I see.

Do you have a second?

I just wanted to talk to you for a second.

Oh, really?

- Okay, okay, of course. - Yes.

But listen,

I got a really, really, really important errand to run,

and if you come with me, I'm all yours.

Oh, no, it'll just take a minute.

I understand, that's cool,

but just just come.

It's easy.

- Well, I'm- - It'll be great.

Trust me.

- Oh. - I'll sing to you.

No, no.

I thought you had an errand to run?

You don't consider eating an errand?

No, no one does.

Oh.

You are delightful.

♪ Lady, let me love you ♪

♪ Let me make your dreams come true ♪

♪ Lady, let me love you ♪

You know I could have been on Broadway, right?

'Cause I know I needed a stage,

and that stage was at the church.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

You see the church as your stage?

That a trick question?

No.

Listen.

Believe me, I really, really focused,

and thought really long and hard about my career.

I believe that.

Oh, good.

And I think my best shot at getting noticed

from a record producer would be right here in Sand Hills.

Carla?

♪ Lady, let me love you ♪

Carla, God made me to sing in front of millions of people.

If he didn't,

then why would he graze me with this amazing musical talent?

Tino, I wanted to talk to you about my dad.

Really?

Me too.

There's been something I wanted to ask him.

Oh, good.

Absolutely.

Carla, it involves your hand.

Listen, darling, I wrote a song for us,

and I'd love for you to hear right now, okay?

Right now?

Oh, please don't.

♪ The breadsticks are buttered ♪

No, they're not.

♪ And the glass is half full ♪

It's literally empty.

♪ Your eyes are so beautiful ♪

♪ That the moon is even full ♪

♪ With the rose right here, it glows ♪

♪ Just like your ♪

- Nose? - Yes!

This is bigger than beach balls.

Are you serious?

- Yeah. - No, Jonathan,

I am not gonna be nailed to a cross

as a part of a publicity stunt.

See what I'm seeing!

See what I'm seeing!

I'm seeing books.

I'm seeing television shows.

You could have your own reality show.

I'm seeing giganticuess speaking honorariums, like-

- I know what you're seein', - Yeah.

and I don't care about any of that.

I just want the church to get back to the Gospel.

Right.

You know what?

Okay, the church is whacked.

I hear ya.

And I'm gonna be completely honest with you.

I agree.

But the problem is,

you're trying to get your message across.

The Gospel.

Right, right, right,

and ain't nobody listenin' to that.

Yeah, that's exactly what's happening.

Do you wanna know why?

You left your platform

to go preach on someone else's platform.

Sand Hills Church is Skip's stage now.

It's just that simple.

Yeah, and I'm frightened.

You're making sense to me.

But yeah, I see that.

You wanna here somethin' crazy?

Best way to show this is a bad idea is to just do it.

So you're saying,

I should go through with this stupid idea

just so I can tell everyone it's a stupid idea?

Yeah!

Someone's gotta stick up for the Gospel!

Take your time and think it over.

I know you're still upset about this whole Carla situation.

Carla?

- I'm not- - Dude, let it go.

Let it go.

She's with Tino now.

What are you talking about?

Well, they're on a date.

Right now?

Yeah, right now, they're on a date.

You didn't know?

I feel like I let the cat out the bag.

The crazy thing is, the whole church knows,

and they've been...

Hey, do me a favor!

So you'll think about it?

Guy, do me a favor, and pray on this, bruh.

This could be beneficial for all parties involved!

Including me and my 20%.

We will have...

♪ Carpaccio with beef ♪

♪ Thinly sliced raw prime beef ♪

♪ Hammered flat ♪

♪ With arugula ♪

♪ Also let me get the ♪

♪ Slivers of Grana cheese ♪

♪ Drizzled with extra, extra, extra virgin olive oil ♪

I still need to rehearse.

Don't you wish real life was like a...

♪ Musical ♪

No, no, but you're doing your part to make it one.

Hi, kids.

Hi, Guy.

What are you doin' here?

I need to borrow Carla.

Listen, where we're actually in the middle of a date.

It's an errand.

Hey, I don't wanna come between you two kids,

and the happiness I feel in the air here,

which is electric,

but there's been an emergency.

An emergency?

Well, there's a girl,

obviously, I can't tell you her name,

but she got herself into a jam,

and I have to counsel this poor, confused soul

who's just crying out for help.

It's right here in the text.

And I can't do that without Carla.

Oh, but I...

I just sing our order.

You know, if this was a musical emergency,

I would call you.

We all would.

You know what?

You're right.

And when you're right, you're right.

If you call me, I would go.

- Thanks, Tino. - Yeah.

Sorry I ruined your plans.

You know what they say about plans?

- What do they say about- - Gotta go.

All right.

Right this way.

Okay.

Maybe one day you'll tell me about the plans?

Thank you for this food,

bless Mabel, keep her safe,

in Christ's name I pray.

- Amen. - Amen.

I forgot about Mabel.

You used to pray for her in youth group.

You never told us who she was.

No, I never did.

I see.

Well, thank you for saving me from the phantom of the Tino.

Nice.

I'd much rather be on this.

Were you about to say date?

No.

No, I was gonna say, excursion.

Technically, you're still on a date with Tino.

Yes, exactly.

And I'm having a much better time now.

Let me know if he gets a second date,

and I'll bring some cash next time.

Thanks for dinner.

You're welcome.

I never talked to Tino about Good Friday.

Don't worry about it.

Pastor Skip, he can't find a volunteer to do it anyway.

You know my dad, he won't give up.

Talked to the insurance guy today.

Let's just say, he's very concerned.

Really?

Well, look at you.

Didn't buy me dinner,

but you talked to the insurance guy, so.

Let's just relax,

and enjoy the rest of you date with Tino.

Just don't sing to me.

Are you Guy Sides?

I am.

How can I help you?

You could start by explaining some stuff to me.

You know, I mean, I've had a lot of time

to think about this, and how I'd say it.

Just spit it out,

that's always the easiest way.

Okay.

I'm your daughter.

Mabel?

Mabel?

My name's Gretchen.

You have a daughter named Mabel too?

No, I just...

I didn't know your name.

Why?

You know, that's why I'm here.

I'm curious.

Your mom and I give you up for adoption.

You wanna try that again?

I don't know what to say.

I believed it was the right thing to do,

- but I still feel- - Guilty?

I wouldn't say guilty.

Regret for not being there, I guess.

But I'm happy you're here now.

Really?

You're not gonna get booted outta here

for having me out of wedlock?

No, but thank you for asking.

I get it.

You got a pretty sweet deal goin' on here.

You don't want some random kid screwin' it up.

So I wanna know everything.

Tell me about yourself.

Who are your friends?

What do you like?

- What's your favorite- - Stop!

Why are you being nice?

You can't be nice.

Aren't I messing up your life?

Messing up my life?

I've been prayin' for this moment

since before you were born.

Look, I have an idea.

Can we get some coffee?

Yeah, we can start with coffee.

♪ Rain down your love ♪

♪ Like rain ♪

Hey, guys, can I get a little more halo light, please?

More, more halo.

More halo.

Whoo, that's good.

Thanks.

Hey!

Guy Sides!

How's it goin'?

I see that you're hiding another beautiful lady from me.

How you doin'?

My name is Tino Carmino, and your are?

My daughter.

- My name is- - You have a daughter?

Gretchen!

- Nice to meet you. - Well, we'll let you-

We'll let you get back to your vanity cam.

So what happened with you guys?

Well, it was our last year of college.

The relationship was over.

About a month later, your mom came to me

and told me she was pregnant,

and she thought we should give the baby up for adoption,

and I agreed it would be best.

The baby?

That would be me?

Yeah, you were the baby.

We gave you up for adoption.

Well, except she didn't give me up for adoption.

What?

She kept the baby.

Congratulations, it's a girl!

Pastor Guy and the lovely Gretchen together at last.

Did I tell you my name?

He does That.

Let's take a picture.

Ikky background, move this way.

Chad, we're on our way out,

- so- - Just take a second.

Over here, this...

Beautiful.

And back it up a little bit.

A little bit.

Perfect.

Great.

- One, two, three. - Chad, what are you-

- One more step, Pastor Guy.

Four, and say, cheese.

I'm so sorry.

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Are you all right, Blaise?

I'm great!

This is the best day of my life.

Well, to be fair, that's every day for you.

Yeah, but this is a big one.

It's like the most exciting day ever!

I'm gonna be crucified.

Isn't that great?

Did he just say, he's gonna be crucified?

Hey, I gotta go kill someone,

but do you wanna spend the rest of the afternoon together?

- Sure. - All right.

I won't be long.

Just gotta.

You guys aren't big on the Ten Commandments here, huh?

Funny, I just read somewhere recently

that sarcasm could be genetic.

I'm not gonna let you do this.

Okay.

Give me an alternative.

I don't know.

Kick it old school.

Preach on the death and resurrection of Jesus.

Hmm, riveting.

We're competing against a lot of noise out there, Guy.

It's all chats, and tweets, and bleeps, and blurps.

Blurps?

We've gotta grab their attention and hold it!

Maybe we could get some noisy gongs and clanging symbols?

Fun.

I know you're offended by this,

but God made me an entrepreneur,

and I could have used that gift to build a corporation,

but I've chosen to build His kingdom.

Skip, I am not questioning your motives.

I'm concerned about your methods.

The board, the staff, me, we all agree with me.

History is filled with

large groups of people who were wrong.

Look, brother, I love you.

We've been through the trenches together for years.

I wonder if maybe you're being called to different work?

I see.

Well, you do whatever you have to do,

and I'll do whatever I have to do to stop this.

Come on, Gretch-eon!

Your team needs you.

I didn't think laser tag was cool even when it was.

You know, laser tag is making a big comeback.

So is West Nile virus.

Come on.

All you need to do is look down this scope thingy

and pull the trigger.

Got you!

Come on, Pastor Guy.

We need you.

Come on!

Cover me, Gretchen.

You seem a little mature to be in youth group.

I'm not in it, I'm just near it.

Like what?

A volunteer?

No, I'm here with Guy.

Is that right?

You must be a little concerned about his age, though?

I don't know.

I mean, I guess he could be a little bit older.

Sounds like you have daddy issues.

Yeah, that's why I'm here.

Why are you here?

Same reason, I guess.

Guy is your dad too?

Mabel?

Why does everyone keep calling me that?

Wait, your Guy's daughter?

Yeah, but my name's Gretchen.

Gretchen.

My name's Gretchen.

I'm so glad you're here.

Guy's been praying for you forever.

Who are you?

Carla, Pastor Skip's daughter,

and Guy's...

I don't know.

Cool.

I didn't realize he had an "I don't know".

Come on, you guys!

We've got trouble.

Back, to back, to back.

♪ You think you know me ♪

♪ You don't ♪

♪ My soul ain't got no window ♪

♪ My soul ain't got no window ♪

♪ You think, you think, you think ♪

♪ You don't ♪

♪ My soul ain't got no window ♪

♪ You think you know me ♪

♪ You don't ♪

♪ My soul ain't got no window ♪

♪ My soul ain't got no ♪

♪ Still lookin' to the sky, yeah ♪

♪ Still runnin' through the night, yeah ♪

♪ Still burnin' like a fire ♪

- ♪ Still talkin' desire ♪ - Okay.

So we're in this together, right?

Definitely, Semper Phi.

Hey, can you pop the trunk?

Nice shoe.

Yeah, whatever.

All right.

Operation Stop Skip is a go.

Phase One: I'll check back with Mort.

Well, I still haven't given up on Tino.

Oh, good.

That's Phase Two.

Play that out, see where it goes.

Marriage?

Not that far.

Phase Three: I'll talk to Blaise's parents.

Carla, I could use your help with that.

Yeah, of course.

What about me?

What's my phase?

Phase Four: call your mom.

I'm not ready for that.

I'm really mad at her.

I know, that's why there's a Phase Four.

Hey.

Guy Sides, I pray he finds his repentance,

and finds forgiveness.

Why are we meeting in the Prayer Room?

We both have really cool offices.

I know, I Just thought I'd have this

difficult conversation in an attitude of prayer.

Right.

- Good call. - Yeah.

You know Guy has a daughter?

I know.

I've been praying for her for years.

Well, she just showed up.

- Mabel, here? - Yeah.

No way!

That's awesome.

But he's isn't married, you know?

I had my suspicions.

Well, you and I, you know,

we gotta lot of grace for people.

Just not so sure everybody's gonna be as understanding.

And it's probably going to be upsetting to certain people.

Thanks, Tino.

Let's keep this between us,

but you've been a big help.

Thank you.

I know.

Shh, shh.

Thank you.

I think it is so cool that you're talking to my parents.

Blaise, that's great.

I was nervous you'd be upset.

Nah, the Cameron family doesn't get upset.

That may change today

once I tell 'em what's going on.

They're gonna be really upset, Blaise.

Wow.

My parents upset.

Awesome.

Wait, I live here.

Try this.

It stimulates brain waves.

Thank you.

I already feel it working.

Anyway, those are just 10 reasons

why Blaise shouldn't be crucified.

You make a compelling case, I must say.

And I wanna affirm you in that,

the same way we affirm Blaise

in whatever makes him happy.

I just wish there was something we could do.

You're his parents?

That's right.

So you could tell him no.

Obviously, you don't have children.

Not yet.

No.

We foster a "yes" environment here,

a positive posture toward the universe.

I'm hungry.

Anybody want toast?

Sure.

Isn't he a delight?

We didn't teach him that.

Offering toast comes from within.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Can we get back to the conversation?

Blaise is going to be crucified.

You make it sound so negative.

Mr. and Mrs. Cameron,

crucifixion is not a positive thing.

- It's a horrible- - Nah, nu-uh-uh.

Not necessarily.

Doesn't your religion contend,

that Jesus paid for your sins through crucifixion?

- Yeah, but- - So it is positive.

- Mm-hmm. - I've changed my mind!

I'm having grilled cheese.

You always make great choices, sweetie.

So wait, let me make sure I'm hearing this correctly.

You're gonna allow him to do this?

Well, you're still not getting it, dear.

We don't allow him to do anything.

We don't own him.

But you're responsible for him.

You could parent him.

Well, that's a very novel concept,

but that's just not how we see ourselves.

We're just all here together,

you know, like good, older friends.

Right, Blaise?

Right, Alice.

It's your job to teach Blaise how to live.

Maybe you could start by preventing him from dying.

Good talk, guys.

Coffee.

Now, that stimulates my brainwaves.

Carla, focus!

How are you not freaking out right now?

I know, I know.

I'm just impressed.

Impressed with what?

With you.

What are you talking about?

Blaise's parents didn't hear a word I said.

I know.

They were not there, but I was.

I heard you and I am impressed.

Well, I am lost.

I don't know what to do next.

Robert, is my dad here?

Is he napping?

We are very blessed here at Sand Hills.

No, no.

I think I look all right?

That's what I would have done.

Carla!

My daughter, Carla.

Carla, my precious angel, how are you?

Carla just got home from serving the Lord overseas,

and she is never leaving again.

- Can we talk for just- - Sure, they can walk with us.

- Oh. - No, no, no.

Come on, walk with us.

This reporter's from MSMBSCN-SPAN.

Oh, we can talk later.

No, don't be silly.

Look, I know what this is all about.

You found out about Guy's illegitimate child

and you are devastated.

Correction, no, she's wonderful,

and Guy's really stepping up.

- He's been- - Honey, that's why

I've been giving you the hard sell on Tino.

Just lookin' out for my peanut.

Dad, listen, you have to cancel this Good Friday stunt.

You're making the cross of Jesus into a freak show.

Honey, if following Jesus makes me a freak,

then I'm about to get super freaky.

How very '80s of you.

Look, the way I see it,

we can talk about the crucifixion for a few thousand people,

or we can show the crucifixion

for tens of millions of people.

Don't you want them to understand the Gospel?

Honey, it's in there.

Trust me.

You bring 'em in with the show,

and you give 'em a little nibble of the truth.

You have completely lost your way.

Don't be so dramatic, honey.

That can push people away.

Ooh,

I like the rusty ones.

They look so authentic.

That's what I would've done.

Here at Sand Hills Church,

we've always pressed the boundaries of our faith.

This Good Friday, we're gonna have a crucifixion.

- Carla? - Chad, hi.

I'm sorry, but can I just have a second?

Sure.

I'm sorry, I'll just be a second.

Could I have a Dixie cup, please?

Yeah.

Just one?

- There you go, honey. - Oh, thanks.

So your day goin' okay?

Well, not very well, actually-

- And the pipe cleaners, if you don't mind?

Thanks.

There you go.

Great.

Thank you so much.

It seems to me,

things are going rather well around here, hmm?

No, actually, they're not.

I'm crying in a supply closet ,

so things are not going very well.

Wrapping paper?

Yeah.

- Oh. - There it is.

- Thanks. - Here you go.

I don't know.

I mean, you're back,

Guy's really focused on the kids again,

and your dad is super excited about Good Friday.

Yeah, he's planning on crucifying some kid.

Blaise?

Oh, well, he's not just some kid.

He's quite special.

I mean, he's Blaise.

I wish I could see it the way you do.

You know, I just...

I look around everything that's happening here

and I feel so hopeless.

And that's where our faith comes in, right?

Have you ever heard the word phototropism, Carla?

No?

Oh.

Phototropism, it's when a plant

continuously keeps reaching towards the light.

No matter what you do to it,

it'll just turn itself right around,

and keeps on reaching toward the light.

Phototropism.

For you.

Reach for the light, Carla.

See ya.

Oh, sorry.

Okay.

Thanks, Chad.

There he is.

Whatever it is, I'm not interested.

Oh, don't worry.

I'm not here to talk you into anything.

You're not?

No, actually, I'm here to tell you face-to-face

that I am releasing you.

Yeah, you can do your thing.

You're dropping me as a client?

Yes.

I can't help you do whatever this is, so.

All right, well, that's fair.

Well, thanks for telling me in person.

- Oh. - All right?

No problem.

No problem.

Hey, I've got more good news,

if you're willing to hear it?

Check it out.

I'm signing Blaise Cameron.

Yeah, I already got him a two book deal and a tour.

You are what?

Would you consider praying about

endorsing Blaise's book by any...

Okay, I'm gone.

♪ Amazing grace ♪

- ♪ How sweet the sound ♪ - You can cook?

I'm impressed.

I am blindingly talented, Gretchen.

That was the best frozen pizza I've ever had.

My secret is following the instructions.

Aren't you a little old to be a youth pastor?

Well, a youth pastor just means you're a pastor of youth,

not a pastor who is young.

Well, they seem to have a lot of fun with you.

I mean, I have a lot of fun with you.

God, that makes me mad.

Weird, I have a horrible time with you,

but I really enjoy it.

See?

- You're doing it again. - I apologize.

God, I never laugh like that with mom.

Yeah, have you called her?

I'll never call her again.

Look, your mom kept you because she loves you.

I know.

And she kept me from you because she loves you.

I don't care why she did it.

That wasn't her decision to make.

Gretchen, you're mad at me, and for good reason,

and now you're mad at your mom, that's legit too,

but there's always gonna be someone to be angry at.

Maybe.

The only way out of that infinite loop is forgiveness.

Look, to be fair to your mom,

I was not a good guy.

I was a mess.

But she married a good guy, right?

Yeah, my dad was amazing.

Well, that's an answer to prayer to me.

How did you get all religious?

Well, let's go get some yogurt,

and I will tell you all about it.

You know, I'd love to see your apartment sometime.

I would too.

♪ Goodbye sorrow ♪

♪ Time to let go ♪

♪ Filled with anger ♪

♪ Be a stranger ♪

♪ It's time ♪

♪ God knows it's time ♪

♪ We said goodbye ♪

Thank you for the closer spot, Dad.

♪ Hey, am I am the man ♪

♪ Of course I am ♪

♪ Are you a woman ♪

♪ Of course you ♪

♪ Am to me ♪

Tino, stop singing.

Seriously, I almost punched you.

Okay, well, just please don't do that,

- 'cause I'm a bleeder. - What do you want?

It's something really important.

I just need to get it off my chest,

and here it goes.

♪ God wanted me ♪

♪ To marry you and you could be my wife ♪

You're singing again,

and I just.

I'm not done.

♪ What God has put together ♪

♪ Let no man put asunder ♪

♪ But if you don't tell me you love me ♪

♪ I will start to wonder ♪

I have an answer for you,

- and- - Great.

Well, you know what?

Actually, I have the date, I have the venue,

- and the flowers. - You shouldn't have.

You're gonna love the flowers.

You shouldn't have.

Well, but I wanted to.

And you know what?

Wait!

No.

I have to say no.

- ♪ But I love you ♪ - No.

- No. - Well-

- Thank you.

- I'm honored, but no. - Okay, wait.

Is there somebody else?

Because if it's...

It's Guy Sides, isn't it?

It is, isn't it?

This has nothing to do with Guy.

He has a daughter.

Are you ready to be a mother?

I'm pretty sure she's out of diapers.

I'll get over it.

It's fine.

My heart is broken,

but I'll get over it.

At least we could be friends.

How 'bout that?

Of course.

Okay, so we're friends?

- Friends. - Well, you know what?

Then I am gonna do something for you.

No.

Yeah, I'm gonna call Blaise up,

and I'm basically gonna convince him to not,

you know, do the crucifixion.

I'm just gonna talk him

- out of it. - Tino, don't-

- To back out, yeah.

Wait, you would do that?

Yeah.

We're friends, aren't we?

Thank you.

That would mean a lot.

No problem.

I mean, you know, friends.

Friends.

- Not that hard, sorry. - Oh.

Now, you know that there's gonna be a lot of people?

Yeah?

Yeah, it's gonna be like the

biggest attendance this church has ever seen.

- Wow! - Yeah.

Cool.

♪ Not cool ♪

Because you know why?

There's gonna be so many people there,

it's gonna be a lot on pressure on you.

Millions of people hearing the good news?

Yeah.

- Sort of. - I'm so pumped!

Thanks, Tino.

Oh.

Thanks for helpin' us out, Mort.

You're the best in the business.

- Well, come on. - Mort?

- Hey! - What are you doing?

Well, buddy, we've got some great news for you.

We've upped your liability coverage!

Yeah, now you're good for crucifixions, crowns of thorns,

flogging, and preschool.

- What? - Yeah.

It's basically the same policy we provide to Battlesack.

And now we have it thanks to you, Guy.

Hey, listen, if you guys need me,

call me, okay?

Enjoy those mints.

All right, we'll call, you know.

Hey, step into my office for a minute.

- Let's have a chat. - Yeah.

I had to talk to Mort, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This isn't about that.

I have a great opportunity for ya.

I just need you to sign this.

This is a resignation letter from me.

And it breaks my heart,

but I don't want Sand Hills to keep you

from the things that are important to you,

and this is a chance for you to do those things.

What things?

Well, you would know better than me,

but you can do those things,

just as soon as you sign this.

But I didn't write this.

Yeah, I got it from a template off of Google.

The board isn't gonna like this either.

It was their idea, Guy.

They think it's pretty important

for the whole staff to be on the same page.

Your page.

Look, you should resign quietly

before the scandal blows up.

Crucifying, Blaise?

No, I'm talking about-

- Gretchen?

She's not a scandal!

She's my daughter!

Don't be mad at me, buddy.

I'm trying to help you.

You know how I feel.

I've been praying with you about her for years.

But the board's thinking bigger picture on this.

Think about it, Guy.

A youth past of a culture-shaping church

has a child out of wedlock.

Not everyone's gonna be so grace-orient.

So they're okay

with a kid from the youth group being crucified,

but this is a scandal?

Give me that pen.

Oh, finally got a use for your book.

Hey, Skip, how did the board find out about Gretchen anyway?

That's what I thought.

♪ And our friendship is not one but two ♪

♪ 'Cause our love is totally awesome ♪

Perfect!

Well, you finally outgrew your toys?

Yeah, and Sand Hills.

What?

I just quit.

What?

Well, I was fired.

I was given the opportunity to resign.

Whatever, I'm done here.

So you're just giving up?

You can't do that.

What about youth group?

What about Blaise?

You saw what happened when we talked to his parents.

And Mort, the insurance guy,

he's making a fortune by expanding

the church's insurance policy,

so that backfired.

Tino was no help, no offense.

But you can't just walk away.

I'm tapped out, Carla.

I don't wanna be here when this ship sinks.

There has to be something that can be done

to keep you here.

I'm finally following your dad's advice.

I'm taking a nap.

Why can't you be more like Tino?

Tino?

He keeps trying, even when there's no hope.

No hope!

You can't avoid her forever.

Let's talk about you.

What are you going to do?

I have no idea,

but I can't watch Blaise,

you know.

- What's his deal? - Blaise?

He's a new Christian.

He's got a lot of passion.

Doesn't have a lot of knowledge.

Wish he'd listen to you.

I mean, you have passion and knowledge.

Think so?

Thanks, Gretchen.

I'm serious, Dad.

You just call me dad?

Yeah.

Cool.

Man, I wish there was a way we could help him.

Well, I've talked to

every rational person who would listen.

What did Blaise say when you talked to him?

I didn't talk to Blaise.

Well, just say it to him in a way that he'll hear you.

That's it.

I gotta go.

I'm glad you're around.

Tough times are a lot easier with family.

♪ Goodbye sorrow ♪

♪ Time to let go ♪

Hey, Mom.

Naturally, we'll spend the rest of the morning in prayer

in preparation for tonight's Good Friday service,

which surely, will be an historical event.

This is all new construction.

Will Blaise fill pain?

Sure.

Excruciating.

Will he be okay?

We think he might.

Come along.

Watch your step.

And Blaise!

What are you-

- Come here.

I wanna show you something.

That's you.

I'll never lust after a mannequin again.

Crucifixion is no joke, Blaise.

It's a slow, cruel death.

God doesn't want you to make a mockery of his Son.

But Jesus died on the cross.

In our place,

so we don't have to.

That's the whole point.

His death, his burial, his resurrection, period.

Pastor Skip, mom and dad,

the youth group, the whole world is watching.

I don't know how to fix this.

I'm not gonna let 'em do this to you, okay?

Are you with me?

It's gonna be all right.

Hot sauce.

Oh, that's why it burns.

♪ Whoa ♪

Everybody out!

We're going to the service!

No, we absolutely are not.

We're gonna feed those homeless dudes again.

What is that?

It's a bloody mannequin hand.

Everybody out!

We're gonna miss it!

You've completely cracked, haven't you?

Trust me, you do not wanna miss this.

These students don't wanna see that.

Yeah, we do.

Cool!

Let's roll!

Come on out!

All right, Sheila!

Yeah!

Eden, Jim, Kate, Brandon, yes!

- Awesome. - All right, Jeremy!

You better not let me down.

I hope you have a lifetime of disappointments with me,

but not today.

♪ Oh ♪

Come on, Carla.

High five. ♪ Man ♪

- On this Good Friday- - Megan.

You go, girl.

Dr. Grossman, been praying for you, brother,

about that toe fungus.

Good to see ya.

- Now, you got your Bible? - I do.

I know it's on your smartphone.

Get in there.

Hey, man, hey,

don't ever touch me, man.

Ever.

Jonathan Breel.

How can I be of service?

Oh, I'm all good, man.

I'm in the middle of some business right now,

so you can, you know.

Me too.

You must be looking for Blaise?

Yeah, as a matter of fact, I am.

Right this way.

Right behind you.

Right this way.

Good luck, my friend.

You're gonna need it.

Is he gonna meet me out here?

I gotta be somewhere

in like 15...

Hello?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

There's no handle to let me back in.

Hey!

On behalf of Sand Hills Neighborhood Church,

I wanna welcome you to Good Friday.

However, I must warn you,

what you are about to experience might be disturbing.

If the sight of blood makes you queasy,

we ask that you move to the fainting rooms in the back.

What you are about to see is not a play.

This is real, people!

Our goal is that one of our own

feel what Christ felt that day.

Blaise Cameron.

And Guy Sides is here, too, for some reason.

Because you're not gonna crucify Blaise.

I am taking his place.

Yeah, even better.

Substitutionary atonement.

He's taking his place, just like our Savior.

Blaise, what's happening?

I gotta go or I'll be late.

Late for what?

It's gonna be okay.

I think.

What are you doing?

I am disinfecting your hand.

So you can hammer a rusty spike through it?

- For the insurance policy. - Oh.

Mom?

Hi.

Mom, I'm Carla.

Hi.

Come on over here, Guy.

Wow, he looks old.

What's he doing?

He's a pastor here.

He's a pastor?

What kind of church is this?

I have to tell ya,

I love this man.

We have been together for years.

We've had our ups and downs, sure.

But it is an honor having you on our staff, right?

Yeah.

And I move,

that the board loves having him on staff.

Can I get a-

- I second the motion.

All in favor?

Aye.

Opposed?

Awesome!

Let's crucify him!

Does crucifixion means something different here?

I hope so.

The last words Jesus spoke on the cross were,

"It is finished".

And by "finished", he meant done,

over, accomplished, completed.

And yet, we're still going to have a crucifixion today.

All right.

You know, Skip, we do go back a long way.

When you started this,

you were just looking for creative ways

to tell people about Jesus,

and this thing blew up.

And then our Youth Program blew up,

and people around the country started asking me what I did.

So I went around the country

praying to this.

But this wasn't enough for some people.

Couldn't be that simple.

And I wanted to hold their interest.

I tried to hold their interest.

And then one day, I woke up the "Beach Ball Guy".

You don't become the "Beach Ball Guy" overnight.

You become the "Beach Ball Guy" slowly.

I love those cheers more than I realized.

There's a lot of things I could have stopped.

You know, Skip, you were right.

I've been part of everything that's gone on here,

but I blamed you alone,

and for that, I'm sorry.

Well, I promised you a crucifixion.

Thanks, I got it.

Look at this moron.

This guy is just way too busy

to be stuck with a youth group.

Not anymore.

Carla?

This was a gift from my fiance, former fiance.

It reminds me of Moldova,

the beauty, the heartbreak, the people.

I grew up there, really.

That's why I'm planning on going back.

I was planning on going back.

It was my escape plan,

but maybe it's time to stop escaping.

You should have told me what you were up to.

I've been angry at a dad I never met,

and then I met him,

and he's actually pretty cool.

So I decided I should be mad at my mom,

but I know she loves me,

and she did the best she could in a tough situation.

And honestly, I'm tired of being angry.

I want out of this infinite loop.

I've been watching the Vikings during your sermons

on this thing since 1992.

Sorry, Pastor Skip.

Yeah.

♪ Can't speak, so close I can feel you breathe ♪

♪ You're so holy and worthy ♪

♪ You know where I've been ♪

♪ Can't move, so close to you ♪

♪ And I'm see-through ♪

♪ No, not innocent like you ♪

♪ Oh, God, I'm sorry ♪

♪ I'm livin' in awe ♪

♪ You don't need me at all ♪

♪ But you couldn't love me more, hmm ♪

♪ I'm livin' in awe ♪

♪ Everyday I fall ♪

♪ But you never let me go, hmm ♪

I was jealous of Guy.

I proposed to Carla,

and she, well, turned me down,

and I blamed him.

This was the ring.

The engagement ring.

Can I get that back after the service?

Had it on layaway and I just-

- Yes.

Thanks.

We good?

This is my trademark.

My branding.

Represents my reputation.

And I'm embarrassed to say this, but it's a gimmick.

I became obsessed with finding novel ways

to draw people in to hear about Jesus.

I made the church the novelty

when it should've been about Jesus.

I've asked God to forgive,

and I'm asking you too,

because I just wanna get back to the Gospel.

♪ Your love is overwhelming ♪

♪ Your love is overwhelming ♪

♪ It's only you and me here ♪

♪ And your love is overwhelming ♪

♪ Your love is overwhelming ♪

♪ I can barely breathe here ♪

♪ I'm livin' in awe ♪

♪ 'Cause you don't need me at all ♪

♪ But you couldn't love me more ♪

♪ You couldn't love me more ♪

♪ You couldn't love me more ♪

♪ You couldn't love me more ♪

- Love you, honey. - Love you too.

Guy.

It was good seeing you.

It was weird seeing you.

I'm sorry I never told you.

You did the right thing.

- She's great. - Yeah.

Can't wait to see what your church does for Christmas.

Really.

Bye, honey.

Call me when you get home.

Guy?

Well, get a load of that.

- Inspiring, though. - Such an inspiring-

- I don't think I've seen him

do something like that for years.

Hey, Chad.

Thank you so much for...

I don't even know, just being here.

Well, it's my privilege, Ms. Carla.

It's what I do.

He's a weird dude,

but in a good way.

What's his deal?

I don't know.

Let's ask him.

Hey, Chad, what's your-

- Chad?

Silly smoke machine's clogged again.

Yeah, he's a weird dude.

I'm hungry.

Me too.

- Let's grab a bite, huh? - Let's eat!

Hey, Tino!

I wasn't doing...

What, what?

We're gonna go eat.

You wanna come?

Sure, if that's okay?

Yeah, it'll be great.

Come on.

Sweet!

Dad, we're going out.

You hungry?

I've never turned down a meal.

♪ I'm goin' ♪

♪ I'm gonna go eat ♪

♪ We're gonna go eat together ♪

♪ We're gonna eat ♪

♪ We're gonna eat ♪

Nice fog!

♪ We're gonna eat ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ We're gonna eat ♪

♪ And Guy's gonna buy me food ♪

Oh, dear.

Who says Christians aren't funny?

Christians have always been funny,

just not on purpose.

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah ♪

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah ♪

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah ♪

♪ His truth is marching on ♪

♪ His truth is marching on ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ If you're lookin' for perfect ♪

♪ If you're lookin' for love ♪

♪ If you want somebody perfect ♪

♪ There's only ever been one ♪

♪ I'm not that guy ♪

♪ No, I'm not that guy ♪

♪ I'll never be that guy ♪

♪ Lift up your eyes ♪

♪ I'm just forgiven ♪

♪ And I'm livin' ♪

♪ In the light of perfect love ♪

♪ I got my reasons to believe in ♪

♪ And a God who covers us with perfect love ♪

♪ His perfect love ♪

♪ If you've ever been abandoned ♪

♪ If you've ever been hurt ♪

♪ There's someone who understands it ♪

♪ And always loves you like he should ♪

♪ I'm not that guy ♪

♪ No, I'm not that guy ♪

♪ I'll never be that guy ♪

♪ Lift up your eyes ♪

♪ I'm just forgiven and I'm livin' ♪

♪ In the light of perfect love ♪

♪ I've got my reasons to believe in ♪

♪ And a God who covers us with perfect love ♪

♪ His perfect love ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪ ♪ Come on ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪ ♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ The search is over ♪ ♪ Whoo ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪ ♪ Come on ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪ ♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪ ♪ Whoo ♪

♪ The search is over ♪

♪ If you're lookin' for perfect ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ If you're lookin' for love ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ If you want somebody perfect ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ There's only ever been one ♪

♪ I'm just forgiven ♪

♪ And I'm living in the light of perfect love ♪

♪ A perfect love ♪ ♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪ ♪ His perfect love ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ The search is over ♪ ♪ His perfect love ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ The search is over ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪ ♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪ ♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ To perfect love ♪

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull