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1
00:00:04,244 --> 00:00:06,112
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience
2
00:00:07,579 --> 00:00:08,580
here's your mail.
3
00:00:08,580 --> 00:00:10,682
Oh, thanks.
4
00:00:10,682 --> 00:00:12,417
I'm afraid they're all bills.
5
00:00:12,417 --> 00:00:16,621
I'll give them to bill the
moment he comes in.
6
00:00:16,621 --> 00:00:17,622
That's pretty funny.
7
00:00:17,622 --> 00:00:20,758
Oh, thank you.
8
00:00:20,758 --> 00:00:25,229
Hey, hold on there, sport.
9
00:00:25,229 --> 00:00:26,030
Yeah?
10
00:00:26,030 --> 00:00:27,465
As you can see,
11
00:00:27,465 --> 00:00:30,902
I'm wearing the
colors myself here.
12
00:00:30,902 --> 00:00:32,302
As a veteran postal carrier,
13
00:00:32,302 --> 00:00:35,672
I can only say I'm both
shocked and dismayed.
14
00:00:35,672 --> 00:00:37,007
Sir?
15
00:00:37,007 --> 00:00:39,176
Department policy
regarding the uniform
16
00:00:39,176 --> 00:00:40,743
states in part, and I quote,
17
00:00:40,743 --> 00:00:42,980
"uniform shirt shall be
buttoned up to, and including,
18
00:00:42,980 --> 00:00:46,182
the second button from
the collar of said shirt."
19
00:00:46,182 --> 00:00:48,584
You're letting us down, son.
20
00:00:48,584 --> 00:00:51,153
I'm sorry, sir.
21
00:00:51,153 --> 00:00:52,188
I didn't mean any harm.
22
00:00:52,188 --> 00:00:53,956
It's all right, son.
23
00:00:53,956 --> 00:00:54,957
I was green once, too.
24
00:00:54,957 --> 00:00:56,557
You'll make it.
25
00:00:58,493 --> 00:00:59,694
Thank you, sir.
26
00:00:59,694 --> 00:01:00,962
I'll try to do better.
27
00:01:00,962 --> 00:01:02,763
Carry on, son.
28
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,832
Here's your beer, cliff.
29
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:07,902
"Cliff"? Say, uh...
30
00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:10,570
You're not by any
chance cliff clavin?
31
00:01:12,039 --> 00:01:15,075
Sure am. You heard of me?
32
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:19,113
Your name is a symbol
around our branch office.
33
00:01:20,513 --> 00:01:21,847
Is that right?
34
00:01:21,847 --> 00:01:25,985
Yeah. Like, just the
other day, I messed up,
35
00:01:25,985 --> 00:01:27,286
and my supervisor told me
36
00:01:27,286 --> 00:01:30,589
to get my head out of my clavin.
37
00:01:42,234 --> 00:01:44,535
♪ Makin' your way
in the world today ♪
38
00:01:44,535 --> 00:01:47,704
♪ takes everything you've got ♪
39
00:01:47,704 --> 00:01:50,174
♪ takin' a break
from all your worries ♪
40
00:01:50,174 --> 00:01:52,476
♪ sure would help a lot ♪
41
00:01:53,978 --> 00:01:56,646
♪ wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
42
00:01:59,715 --> 00:02:01,484
♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪
43
00:02:01,484 --> 00:02:05,188
♪ where everybody
knows your name ♪
44
00:02:06,990 --> 00:02:10,459
♪ and they're always
glad you came ♪
45
00:02:11,526 --> 00:02:14,163
♪ you wanna be
where you can see ♪
46
00:02:14,163 --> 00:02:16,631
♪ our troubles
are all the same ♪
47
00:02:16,631 --> 00:02:21,970
♪ you wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
48
00:02:21,970 --> 00:02:24,405
♪ you wanna go
where people know ♪
49
00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:27,108
♪ people are all the same ♪
50
00:02:27,108 --> 00:02:31,379
♪ you wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪
51
00:02:50,896 --> 00:02:52,164
Damn.
52
00:02:52,164 --> 00:02:54,466
What's wrong?
53
00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:56,202
That was Ann Marie's teacher.
54
00:02:56,202 --> 00:02:58,403
She said she's going
to have to hold her back.
55
00:02:58,403 --> 00:03:01,439
Oh, that's too bad, Carla.
56
00:03:01,439 --> 00:03:02,907
Don't worry about it, Carla.
57
00:03:02,907 --> 00:03:04,775
It's just as bad
to skip a grade.
58
00:03:04,775 --> 00:03:06,711
You skipped a grade?
59
00:03:06,711 --> 00:03:08,179
I skipped four.
60
00:03:08,179 --> 00:03:11,381
High school, I
think they called it.
61
00:03:14,351 --> 00:03:17,187
Well, Carla, I hope
being held back
62
00:03:17,187 --> 00:03:19,256
isn't going to be too
traumatic for Ann Marie.
63
00:03:19,256 --> 00:03:21,490
Nah, she's been held
back twice already.
64
00:03:21,490 --> 00:03:25,628
In her class picture,
she looks like snow white.
65
00:03:25,628 --> 00:03:28,731
Hey, coach, set me up
with another beer, please.
66
00:03:28,731 --> 00:03:30,366
Where's normie, Carla?
67
00:03:30,366 --> 00:03:32,035
I've got a great
story to tell him.
68
00:03:32,035 --> 00:03:33,401
Ain't my job to keep tabs
69
00:03:33,401 --> 00:03:36,004
on the walking beer keg.
70
00:03:36,004 --> 00:03:38,106
Besides, who cares
about your stupid story?
71
00:03:38,106 --> 00:03:40,708
Yeah, thank you, Carla.
72
00:03:40,708 --> 00:03:43,211
Coach, if you serve
the beer any slower,
73
00:03:43,211 --> 00:03:44,945
it's gonna be vinegar
before I quaff it.
74
00:03:44,945 --> 00:03:46,647
Didn't I tell you, cliff?
75
00:03:46,647 --> 00:03:48,882
I'm on the verge of setting
a new monthly record
76
00:03:48,882 --> 00:03:50,251
for fewest glasses broken.
77
00:03:50,251 --> 00:03:52,586
That's good. How close are you?
78
00:03:52,586 --> 00:03:54,455
I just have to
make it to midnight
79
00:03:54,455 --> 00:03:56,357
without breaking seven glasses.
80
00:03:56,357 --> 00:03:59,059
[Glass doesn't break]
81
00:03:59,059 --> 00:04:01,694
Oh, holy quixote, coach,
82
00:04:01,694 --> 00:04:03,896
there must be at least four
inches of feathers down there.
83
00:04:03,896 --> 00:04:05,298
Six inches, cliffo.
84
00:04:05,298 --> 00:04:06,432
You can't be too careful
85
00:04:06,432 --> 00:04:08,301
when you're going for a record.
86
00:04:08,301 --> 00:04:10,969
Coach, never thought I'd
see you working with a net.
87
00:04:10,969 --> 00:04:13,438
And you never will.
88
00:04:13,438 --> 00:04:15,474
Hi, honey.
89
00:04:18,943 --> 00:04:20,145
So the camel says,
90
00:04:20,145 --> 00:04:23,447
uh-uh, pal, you
get your own date.
91
00:04:24,682 --> 00:04:26,050
Evening, everybody.
92
00:04:26,050 --> 00:04:28,152
Norm! Norm!
93
00:04:28,152 --> 00:04:29,920
What's shaking, norm?
94
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:32,690
All four cheeks and
a couple of chins.
95
00:04:37,026 --> 00:04:38,695
What will it be?
96
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:39,829
I'll take a pitcher.
97
00:04:39,829 --> 00:04:42,199
How about you, George?
98
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,501
Who's your funny friend here?
99
00:04:44,501 --> 00:04:46,768
Oh, sorry. Cliff
clavin, George foley.
100
00:04:46,768 --> 00:04:48,537
Pleasure.
101
00:04:48,537 --> 00:04:50,439
We ran into each other
down at unemployment.
102
00:04:50,439 --> 00:04:53,209
What line of work you
out of now, George?
103
00:04:53,209 --> 00:04:54,610
I was a tree surgeon.
104
00:04:54,610 --> 00:04:55,644
I had to quit
105
00:04:55,644 --> 00:04:57,612
because I fainted
at sight the of sap.
106
00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:02,683
In fact, I'm getting a
little woozy right now.
107
00:05:04,752 --> 00:05:07,322
Yeah, very humorous, huh?
108
00:05:07,322 --> 00:05:09,157
Hey, norm, heard a great joke
109
00:05:09,157 --> 00:05:10,790
down by the sorting machine...
110
00:05:10,790 --> 00:05:13,260
Can this wait? George claims
he can run the table on me
111
00:05:13,260 --> 00:05:15,162
before I get my
cue stick chalked.
112
00:05:15,162 --> 00:05:17,164
Put your money where
your mouth is, big guy.
113
00:05:17,164 --> 00:05:19,133
I tried it once, but
the bills got soggy.
114
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:23,469
I like that guy,
cliff. He's funny.
115
00:05:23,469 --> 00:05:25,904
Coach, the rest of us
are laughing out of pity
116
00:05:25,904 --> 00:05:28,107
at the man's ugliness.
117
00:05:29,375 --> 00:05:31,310
He looks like one of
those grotesque creatures
118
00:05:31,310 --> 00:05:32,611
you might find in a cave
119
00:05:32,611 --> 00:05:35,513
20 miles beneath
the surface of the sea.
120
00:05:35,513 --> 00:05:40,518
Come to think of it, he
didn't say where he was from.
121
00:05:40,518 --> 00:05:42,420
You know what I hate
about working here?
122
00:05:42,420 --> 00:05:44,122
I know what I hate
about working here,
123
00:05:44,122 --> 00:05:47,023
but it couldn't be
the same thing.
124
00:05:47,023 --> 00:05:50,394
Coach, 2 vodka
rocks. 2 vodka rocks.
125
00:05:50,394 --> 00:05:51,928
We never get the holidays off.
126
00:05:51,928 --> 00:05:54,198
It's George Washington's
birthday weekend,
127
00:05:54,198 --> 00:05:55,866
and we're all going
to be stuck here.
128
00:05:55,866 --> 00:05:57,201
Sam won't.
129
00:05:57,201 --> 00:06:00,069
This is when he goes
away on his ski trip.
130
00:06:00,069 --> 00:06:02,138
What ski trip?
131
00:06:02,138 --> 00:06:04,374
He and his baseball
cronies go up to Vermont
132
00:06:04,374 --> 00:06:06,142
the same week every year.
133
00:06:06,142 --> 00:06:07,577
They rent a chalet,
134
00:06:07,577 --> 00:06:10,112
go skiing, and melt
a few snow bunnies.
135
00:06:10,112 --> 00:06:12,481
Been doing it for years.
136
00:06:12,481 --> 00:06:15,484
Of course, he
won't do it this year.
137
00:06:15,484 --> 00:06:17,586
Why not?
138
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:20,855
Because he's involved
with me now, Carla.
139
00:06:20,855 --> 00:06:22,257
I know,
140
00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:24,925
but I still believe in
the old Sam Malone.
141
00:06:24,925 --> 00:06:29,230
I say he's still got
some hair on his butt.
142
00:06:33,734 --> 00:06:37,470
Perhaps, Carla, your
desperate observations
143
00:06:37,470 --> 00:06:39,806
accurately reflect
the relationship
144
00:06:39,806 --> 00:06:44,110
between men and women
in the demimonde you inhabit,
145
00:06:44,110 --> 00:06:45,645
but, for those of
us who no longer
146
00:06:45,645 --> 00:06:48,447
scrape our knuckles on
the ground when we walk...
147
00:06:50,216 --> 00:06:53,084
Your views are
incredibly primitive.
148
00:06:53,084 --> 00:06:55,687
Says you.
149
00:07:00,090 --> 00:07:01,992
Oh, Sam, listen...
150
00:07:01,992 --> 00:07:05,230
Sam, what's the matter?
151
00:07:05,230 --> 00:07:06,697
Oh...
152
00:07:06,697 --> 00:07:07,598
I just got a call
153
00:07:07,598 --> 00:07:09,934
from my aunt
Alice this afternoon.
154
00:07:09,934 --> 00:07:12,802
Uncle Nathan died yesterday.
155
00:07:12,802 --> 00:07:18,208
Oh. I'm so sorry.
156
00:07:18,208 --> 00:07:20,677
What a shame, Sam.
Was he sick long?
157
00:07:20,677 --> 00:07:22,412
No, coach.
158
00:07:22,412 --> 00:07:24,480
He was hit by a bus.
159
00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:26,849
Well, that's comforting.
160
00:07:26,849 --> 00:07:31,186
Honey, I'm going to
have to leave right now.
161
00:07:31,186 --> 00:07:32,588
I've got to go to Vermont.
162
00:07:32,588 --> 00:07:34,323
The funeral's up there.
163
00:07:38,293 --> 00:07:40,094
Did you say Vermont?
164
00:07:40,094 --> 00:07:41,329
Yeah.
165
00:07:41,329 --> 00:07:43,498
My condolences in
your time of sorrow.
166
00:07:43,498 --> 00:07:45,066
Oh, thank you, Carla.
167
00:07:45,066 --> 00:07:47,634
I was talking to Diane.
168
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,773
Where in Vermont?
169
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:54,908
Uh... stowe.
170
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,377
Stowe.
171
00:07:56,377 --> 00:07:58,412
Isn't that a ski resort?
172
00:07:58,412 --> 00:08:01,213
I think there is one
nearby there. Yeah.
173
00:08:01,213 --> 00:08:03,883
I got to leave right now.
174
00:08:03,883 --> 00:08:06,686
I'm going to be gone a
couple of days, honey.
175
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:09,589
Oh, this whole
thing... I don't know.
176
00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:13,358
Sam, you must have been
very close with your uncle.
177
00:08:13,358 --> 00:08:15,093
Oh, yeah. Very, very close.
178
00:08:15,093 --> 00:08:16,828
Well, I think I
should come along.
179
00:08:16,828 --> 00:08:18,763
I should be with
you at a time like this.
180
00:08:18,763 --> 00:08:22,567
No, no. I think it would
be too depressing for you.
181
00:08:22,567 --> 00:08:25,068
Anyway, I'm gonna be
staying in my aunt's house.
182
00:08:25,068 --> 00:08:28,806
She doesn't believe in unmarried
couples sleeping together.
183
00:08:28,806 --> 00:08:32,142
We don't have to sleep together.
184
00:08:32,142 --> 00:08:34,545
Why would you be coming then?
185
00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:42,184
To support you emotionally
through this tragedy.
186
00:08:42,184 --> 00:08:43,219
Oh, that.
187
00:08:43,219 --> 00:08:44,787
You are so sweet.
188
00:08:44,787 --> 00:08:48,290
I just don't think
it's a good idea.
189
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:53,395
Oh, coach.
190
00:08:53,395 --> 00:08:54,730
Yeah, honey.
191
00:08:54,730 --> 00:08:57,899
Sam says his uncle
Nathan up in Vermont
192
00:08:57,899 --> 00:08:59,167
just died.
193
00:08:59,167 --> 00:09:01,369
Yep, he sure did.
194
00:09:01,369 --> 00:09:02,937
Do you believe that?
195
00:09:02,937 --> 00:09:04,004
Of course.
196
00:09:04,004 --> 00:09:05,673
They wouldn't make
funeral arrangements
197
00:09:05,673 --> 00:09:08,776
if the man wasn't dead.
198
00:09:08,776 --> 00:09:12,245
I think they got
a test for that.
199
00:09:12,245 --> 00:09:13,513
Hey, coach, come on.
200
00:09:13,513 --> 00:09:15,449
Why don't you tell
Diane the truth?
201
00:09:15,449 --> 00:09:18,051
There is no uncle Nathan.
202
00:09:18,051 --> 00:09:22,922
Well, right, Sam's
accepted it, so we all have to.
203
00:09:25,458 --> 00:09:28,093
That guy is good.
204
00:09:28,093 --> 00:09:30,529
Made me look like a
big dope out there, cliffy.
205
00:09:30,529 --> 00:09:33,366
Oh, yeah? What did
he do, turn the lights on?
206
00:09:33,366 --> 00:09:35,934
What's that supposed to mean?
207
00:09:35,934 --> 00:09:39,203
Nothing. Let me tell
you that great story...
208
00:09:39,203 --> 00:09:40,905
Uh, norm,
209
00:09:40,905 --> 00:09:42,907
we got to get going or we're
gonna catch the opening face-off.
210
00:09:42,907 --> 00:09:45,142
Right. We're going
to the islanders game.
211
00:09:45,142 --> 00:09:47,712
George has bruins
season tickets.
212
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,513
Oh, yeah? Right smack
in the middle, huh?
213
00:09:49,513 --> 00:09:50,781
I hope you guys
have a good time.
214
00:09:50,781 --> 00:09:52,449
You got plenty to
laugh about, right?
215
00:09:52,449 --> 00:09:53,784
Nice to meet you.
216
00:09:53,784 --> 00:09:55,719
Yeah, I hope you catch a puck...
217
00:09:55,719 --> 00:09:59,189
Right in your clavin.
218
00:09:59,189 --> 00:10:00,856
Ok, honey.
219
00:10:00,856 --> 00:10:03,993
I'll call you in a
couple days, ok?
220
00:10:03,993 --> 00:10:06,996
Please convey my
sympathy to your aunt.
221
00:10:06,996 --> 00:10:07,930
Oh, I will.
222
00:10:07,930 --> 00:10:09,131
Thank you. That's very sweet.
223
00:10:09,131 --> 00:10:10,433
Ok. Bye-bye.
224
00:10:10,433 --> 00:10:12,101
Oh, Sam.
225
00:10:12,101 --> 00:10:13,468
Yeah?
226
00:10:13,468 --> 00:10:15,570
How long were your aunt
227
00:10:15,570 --> 00:10:17,806
and uncle Nathan married?
228
00:10:17,806 --> 00:10:18,607
How long?
229
00:10:18,607 --> 00:10:21,476
Uh... 50, 40, 50 years.
230
00:10:21,476 --> 00:10:23,144
I don't know.
231
00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:24,778
My, my.
232
00:10:24,778 --> 00:10:26,313
Must be very hard on her.
233
00:10:26,313 --> 00:10:28,649
Oh, yeah. Oh, just imagine.
234
00:10:28,649 --> 00:10:30,384
Ok, I'm off now.
235
00:10:30,384 --> 00:10:32,386
Do you know what the secret
236
00:10:32,386 --> 00:10:34,655
of a long-lasting
relationship is?
237
00:10:34,655 --> 00:10:36,657
Uh, no, I don't.
238
00:10:36,657 --> 00:10:39,626
I'll think about it
as I drive along, ok?
239
00:10:39,626 --> 00:10:40,960
It's honesty, Sam.
240
00:10:42,529 --> 00:10:44,797
Once honesty
leaves a relationship,
241
00:10:44,797 --> 00:10:47,634
the relationship is
over, finished, empty.
242
00:10:47,634 --> 00:10:51,837
For example, if one of us
were to lie to the other now,
243
00:10:51,837 --> 00:10:55,941
it would be a crime of the
soul, a death of the spirit.
244
00:10:55,941 --> 00:10:59,277
Our lives would be
diminished beyond redemption.
245
00:10:59,277 --> 00:11:05,049
Diane, this is not one of the
world's great good-byes here.
246
00:11:05,049 --> 00:11:07,217
Of course. You better go.
247
00:11:07,217 --> 00:11:08,686
Be careful, huh?
248
00:11:08,686 --> 00:11:10,488
There will probably be a
lot of skiers on the road.
249
00:11:10,488 --> 00:11:12,423
You know how
careless and insensitive
250
00:11:12,423 --> 00:11:15,124
people on their way to
a ski weekend can be.
251
00:11:15,124 --> 00:11:16,926
Ok. Ok.
252
00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:26,935
You're hanging by
your fingernails, honey.
253
00:11:28,804 --> 00:11:32,074
He'll be back before
last call tonight.
254
00:11:32,074 --> 00:11:33,509
Ha ha ha!
255
00:11:33,509 --> 00:11:35,043
You don't believe
her either, huh, coach?
256
00:11:35,043 --> 00:11:37,779
Ha ha ha!
257
00:11:37,779 --> 00:11:41,115
No, Carla. I got
feathers in my shoes.
258
00:11:43,651 --> 00:11:44,819
I don't know how a chicken
259
00:11:44,819 --> 00:11:47,154
keeps a straight face.
260
00:12:01,201 --> 00:12:02,334
Coach, I need a draft.
261
00:12:02,334 --> 00:12:04,403
One draft coming up.
262
00:12:04,403 --> 00:12:06,205
Oh, careful.
263
00:12:06,205 --> 00:12:07,406
Remember the record, coach.
264
00:12:07,406 --> 00:12:09,875
Carla, the record's in the bag.
265
00:12:09,875 --> 00:12:11,711
I got less than four hours
266
00:12:11,711 --> 00:12:13,712
and five glasses to go.
267
00:12:13,712 --> 00:12:15,446
Yeah, don't get cocky.
268
00:12:15,446 --> 00:12:17,048
Carla, I can't lose.
269
00:12:17,048 --> 00:12:20,084
I've never broken five
glasses in four hours in my life.
270
00:12:20,084 --> 00:12:21,252
Here, watch this.
271
00:12:21,252 --> 00:12:22,887
[Glass breaks]
272
00:12:24,388 --> 00:12:26,957
Coach, you swept
out the feathers.
273
00:12:26,957 --> 00:12:29,493
Carla, feathers
are for chickens.
274
00:12:29,493 --> 00:12:30,494
Here.
275
00:12:30,494 --> 00:12:31,995
[Glass breaks]
276
00:12:31,995 --> 00:12:33,597
All right, you made your point.
277
00:12:33,597 --> 00:12:34,898
I made my point, Carla?
278
00:12:34,898 --> 00:12:36,066
Watch this.
279
00:12:36,066 --> 00:12:38,801
[Glass breaks]
280
00:12:38,801 --> 00:12:40,469
Whoops.
281
00:12:40,469 --> 00:12:43,372
Coach, you know you're
only two away now.
282
00:12:43,372 --> 00:12:47,510
Two away, Carla? You
know what I think of two away?
283
00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:51,613
What? Scares the hell out of me.
284
00:12:51,613 --> 00:12:54,149
Hey coach, you want
to give me another drink?
285
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:57,786
Ok, cliffo.
286
00:12:57,786 --> 00:13:02,222
So what's your problem,
droopy drawers?
287
00:13:02,222 --> 00:13:04,491
You've been moping
around here all night
288
00:13:04,491 --> 00:13:06,460
like a junior high school girl
289
00:13:06,460 --> 00:13:08,563
that broke up with her steady.
290
00:13:08,563 --> 00:13:10,765
I'm not moping,
Carla. I'm not moping.
291
00:13:10,765 --> 00:13:13,734
This has been a little
quiet time by myself.
292
00:13:13,734 --> 00:13:15,301
That's what a man is...
293
00:13:15,301 --> 00:13:17,871
Solitary, strong, independent.
294
00:13:17,871 --> 00:13:20,406
Ever hear of the
lone wolf, Carla?
295
00:13:20,406 --> 00:13:23,643
Lone wolf, c'est moi.
296
00:13:23,643 --> 00:13:26,411
A man alone needing on one.
297
00:13:26,411 --> 00:13:28,647
I touch no one, and
no one touches me.
298
00:13:28,647 --> 00:13:32,250
I'm a rock. I'm an island.
299
00:13:35,087 --> 00:13:36,755
Evening, everybody.
300
00:13:36,755 --> 00:13:39,390
Norm! Norm!
301
00:13:39,390 --> 00:13:40,391
Beer, normie?
302
00:13:40,391 --> 00:13:41,659
Uh, coach, I don't know.
303
00:13:41,659 --> 00:13:43,327
I had one this week.
304
00:13:43,327 --> 00:13:46,530
What the heck, I'm young.
305
00:13:46,530 --> 00:13:47,765
So, who won the hockey game?
306
00:13:47,765 --> 00:13:49,400
Bruins, 8-7 in overtime.
307
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:52,769
Ooh, a real yawner, huh?
308
00:13:52,769 --> 00:13:55,271
So, uh, where's Rudy kazoody?
309
00:13:55,271 --> 00:13:56,272
George?
310
00:13:56,272 --> 00:13:57,507
Yeah.
311
00:13:57,507 --> 00:13:58,975
That guy turned
out to be a real jerk.
312
00:13:58,975 --> 00:14:01,177
He saw some friends
of his at the game, right?
313
00:14:01,177 --> 00:14:03,345
End of the first period,
he goes and sits with them,
314
00:14:03,345 --> 00:14:04,513
leaves me there.
315
00:14:04,513 --> 00:14:06,515
Well, that happens, norm.
316
00:14:06,515 --> 00:14:08,450
You know, friend
turns against friend.
317
00:14:08,450 --> 00:14:11,621
Yeah, I guess so.
318
00:14:11,621 --> 00:14:13,022
What do you say
we shoot some pool?
319
00:14:13,022 --> 00:14:17,091
What? You want to
shoot pool with me?
320
00:14:17,091 --> 00:14:18,292
Hey, everybody,
321
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:21,229
norm's asked me to
shoot pool with him.
322
00:14:21,229 --> 00:14:23,698
Do I have time to
get down on my knees
323
00:14:23,698 --> 00:14:24,933
and thank the very god I pray to
324
00:14:24,933 --> 00:14:26,668
that you have selected me?
325
00:14:26,668 --> 00:14:30,137
Ok, but hurry. I don't have...
326
00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:32,539
Norm, I just hope that
I can be as delightful
327
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:33,674
and effervescent a companion
328
00:14:33,674 --> 00:14:35,575
as you're used to.
329
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:38,746
Ok, this is, like,
sarcasm, right?
330
00:14:38,746 --> 00:14:42,014
Yeah, you're a real tack, norm.
331
00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:47,053
Cliffie, I understand
how you feel.
332
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:48,454
You're not second best, pal.
333
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:50,690
You're aces.
334
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:51,723
All right.
335
00:14:51,723 --> 00:14:53,491
Cliff, I'd be honored
336
00:14:53,491 --> 00:14:55,293
if you'd shoot some
pool with me, all right?
337
00:14:55,293 --> 00:14:57,796
Come on. Really.
338
00:14:57,796 --> 00:15:00,598
Well... yeah, all right...
339
00:15:00,598 --> 00:15:02,400
Hey, norm, where were you?
340
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,268
Georgie, my man!
341
00:15:04,268 --> 00:15:06,470
I looked all over
the garden for you.
342
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,172
All right, go bruins.
343
00:15:08,172 --> 00:15:09,206
Yay!
344
00:15:09,206 --> 00:15:10,340
Boof! Boof! Boof!
345
00:15:10,340 --> 00:15:12,209
The crowder brothers! Bam!
346
00:15:12,209 --> 00:15:13,878
Come on, let's go get a burger.
347
00:15:13,878 --> 00:15:14,912
I know where they're
the best in town.
348
00:15:14,912 --> 00:15:17,046
All right. Scarf city.
349
00:15:17,046 --> 00:15:18,114
Ohh.
350
00:15:20,483 --> 00:15:22,151
Uh, George...
351
00:15:22,151 --> 00:15:23,787
On second thought,
I don't think I'll go.
352
00:15:23,787 --> 00:15:26,089
You sure? Yeah, I'm not too...
353
00:15:26,089 --> 00:15:28,657
Ok. Norm, whatever
you say. I'll go alone.
354
00:15:28,657 --> 00:15:32,127
Best burgers in
town you say, huh?
355
00:15:32,127 --> 00:15:33,561
Absolutely.
356
00:15:33,561 --> 00:15:35,263
Boy, I'd love a good burger.
357
00:15:35,263 --> 00:15:36,765
Glad to hear it.
358
00:15:40,267 --> 00:15:42,536
You were going to go
with him, weren't you?
359
00:15:42,536 --> 00:15:44,338
With that jerk?
360
00:15:44,338 --> 00:15:47,942
I was just trying to
get his hopes up there.
361
00:15:47,942 --> 00:15:51,945
So, what do you say we go
back there shoot some stick?
362
00:15:51,945 --> 00:15:54,981
All right, only if
you do that trick
363
00:15:54,981 --> 00:15:56,616
where you jam the
cues up your nostrils
364
00:15:56,616 --> 00:15:57,951
and make like a walrus.
365
00:15:57,951 --> 00:15:59,886
Oh, right. I got
a new twist on it.
366
00:15:59,886 --> 00:16:01,454
I get the fat ends in there now.
367
00:16:01,454 --> 00:16:03,989
Oh, ho, ok.
368
00:16:06,792 --> 00:16:10,129
The fat end you say, huh?
369
00:16:10,129 --> 00:16:11,864
Gee, we're almost out of olives.
370
00:16:11,864 --> 00:16:13,298
I wonder if Sam ordered any.
371
00:16:13,298 --> 00:16:16,400
Gee, coach, why
don't you just ask him?
372
00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:22,473
Why, where's Sam?
373
00:16:22,473 --> 00:16:23,942
Well, I thought that you said
374
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:26,745
Sam was coming tonight, Diane.
375
00:16:26,745 --> 00:16:28,278
He is, Carla.
376
00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:30,613
He's probably just
coming around the corner,
377
00:16:30,613 --> 00:16:33,450
right down the
stairs at this moment.
378
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:35,819
Then I should hurry right
over there and greet him,
379
00:16:35,819 --> 00:16:38,856
open the door for
my boss on his return.
380
00:16:38,856 --> 00:16:40,356
Hello there, Sam!
381
00:16:40,356 --> 00:16:41,690
Hi, Carla.
382
00:16:47,797 --> 00:16:50,399
Ski weekend, right? Huh?
383
00:16:50,399 --> 00:16:52,001
What?
384
00:16:52,001 --> 00:16:53,601
Come on, I was three miles
away from my aunt's house,
385
00:16:53,601 --> 00:16:55,003
three miles,
386
00:16:55,003 --> 00:16:57,238
and all of a sudden
it came to me.
387
00:16:57,238 --> 00:16:58,840
Ski weekend, huh? Am I right?
388
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:00,508
Sorry, Sam, I'm
a little confused.
389
00:17:00,508 --> 00:17:01,777
What ski weekend?
390
00:17:01,777 --> 00:17:04,045
Oh, come on, somebody
probably told you
391
00:17:04,045 --> 00:17:07,714
that I used to go skiing with
my buddies on this weekend.
392
00:17:07,714 --> 00:17:09,884
Now that you mention it,
393
00:17:09,884 --> 00:17:11,685
I believe Carla said
something about that.
394
00:17:11,685 --> 00:17:13,720
I knew it. I knew it!
395
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,856
Two drafts.
396
00:17:15,856 --> 00:17:18,091
And all of a sudden,
because of that,
397
00:17:18,091 --> 00:17:21,761
you decide that I'm lying
about my uncle Nathan.
398
00:17:21,761 --> 00:17:23,196
Well, for a moment there,
399
00:17:23,196 --> 00:17:25,364
I was a trifle suspicious.
400
00:17:25,364 --> 00:17:28,334
That is totally,
totally silly, honey.
401
00:17:28,334 --> 00:17:31,403
That ski weekend
is part of my past.
402
00:17:31,403 --> 00:17:32,871
Hey, come on,
403
00:17:32,871 --> 00:17:34,706
what kind of guy with a
swell chick like yourself
404
00:17:34,706 --> 00:17:36,341
would go fool around?
405
00:17:36,341 --> 00:17:38,676
Anyway, even when I
was on that ski weekend,
406
00:17:38,676 --> 00:17:40,644
I didn't fool around that much.
407
00:17:40,644 --> 00:17:42,213
So even if I were,
408
00:17:42,213 --> 00:17:44,215
I wouldn't be doing it
as much as you think.
409
00:17:44,215 --> 00:17:45,817
And I'm not, so
it's even less...
410
00:17:45,817 --> 00:17:47,952
Or none.
411
00:17:47,952 --> 00:17:51,355
So... you feel ok now?
412
00:17:51,355 --> 00:17:52,856
I was never not ok.
413
00:17:52,856 --> 00:17:54,825
You weren't? Great. Great.
414
00:17:54,825 --> 00:17:58,028
Boy, what a silly
misunderstanding this was.
415
00:17:58,028 --> 00:17:58,829
Sam.
416
00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:00,063
What?
417
00:18:00,063 --> 00:18:02,933
There was never a
misunderstanding.
418
00:18:02,933 --> 00:18:05,935
I knew the truth the whole time.
419
00:18:05,935 --> 00:18:08,203
Well, that's
great. That's great.
420
00:18:08,203 --> 00:18:09,471
Well, I'm off again.
421
00:18:09,471 --> 00:18:11,073
Ok.
422
00:18:11,073 --> 00:18:13,142
If you were going to
lie about this weekend,
423
00:18:13,142 --> 00:18:15,277
you certainly would have
come up with something
424
00:18:15,277 --> 00:18:19,380
a lot smarter than this
uncle's funeral thing.
425
00:18:21,883 --> 00:18:24,018
What do you mean by that?
426
00:18:24,018 --> 00:18:26,220
I could check on it in a minute.
427
00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:28,990
All I have to do is call
up the local newspaper
428
00:18:28,990 --> 00:18:33,393
and ask them to check on their
death notices for the last few days.
429
00:18:33,393 --> 00:18:37,330
Oh, yeah, of course.
Everybody knows that.
430
00:18:37,330 --> 00:18:38,966
Ok, well, I got to skedaddle.
431
00:18:38,966 --> 00:18:41,300
I got a funeral waiting for me.
432
00:18:41,300 --> 00:18:44,636
Don't we all?
433
00:18:44,636 --> 00:18:47,473
Well, slats, you blew it again.
434
00:18:47,473 --> 00:18:49,141
This time he's gone.
435
00:18:49,141 --> 00:18:51,310
He'll be back within the hour.
436
00:19:03,889 --> 00:19:07,424
Damn tropical drinks.
437
00:19:07,424 --> 00:19:09,960
Gee, coach, it's too
bad about the record.
438
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,662
We were really
pulling for you, coach.
439
00:19:12,662 --> 00:19:14,531
Yeah, and I came so close,
440
00:19:14,531 --> 00:19:16,633
but don't worry
about it, everybody.
441
00:19:16,633 --> 00:19:18,968
I still got a personal
record I'm very proud of.
442
00:19:18,968 --> 00:19:20,503
What's that?
443
00:19:20,503 --> 00:19:23,572
11 consecutive days
without starting a major fire.
444
00:19:34,249 --> 00:19:37,152
Diane...
445
00:19:37,152 --> 00:19:39,354
It's almost closing time.
446
00:19:39,354 --> 00:19:41,156
You said that Sam would be back
447
00:19:41,156 --> 00:19:44,491
before closing time.
448
00:19:44,491 --> 00:19:46,060
Damn!
449
00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:51,598
Ok, let's you and me
stop playing games, huh?
450
00:19:51,598 --> 00:19:54,600
Alms, alms for the dink.
451
00:19:56,536 --> 00:19:58,171
Poor devil.
452
00:19:58,171 --> 00:20:00,806
Hey, would you just leave
me alone, please, all of you?
453
00:20:00,806 --> 00:20:03,509
You know, I was almost
all the way up there this time
454
00:20:03,509 --> 00:20:04,710
before it hit me...
455
00:20:04,710 --> 00:20:06,178
You don't believe me.
456
00:20:06,178 --> 00:20:07,479
I know it. You don't believe me.
457
00:20:07,479 --> 00:20:09,781
I think that is
rotten, really rotten.
458
00:20:09,781 --> 00:20:11,050
Ohh!
459
00:20:11,050 --> 00:20:12,817
Sam, I've never
seen you like this.
460
00:20:12,817 --> 00:20:14,019
You're acting crazy.
461
00:20:14,019 --> 00:20:15,654
And it's so late now,
462
00:20:15,654 --> 00:20:18,522
you're even going to miss
your uncle's funeral tomorrow.
463
00:20:18,522 --> 00:20:20,858
Just tell me do you
expect me to enjoy a funeral
464
00:20:20,858 --> 00:20:23,327
when you're making
me nuts like this?
465
00:20:26,230 --> 00:20:28,266
I don't know what
you're talking about.
466
00:20:28,266 --> 00:20:29,433
Like hell you don't.
467
00:20:29,433 --> 00:20:31,368
Every time I walk
through that door,
468
00:20:31,368 --> 00:20:33,170
you say some little thing to make
me drive all the way back down.
469
00:20:33,170 --> 00:20:34,837
I've been on that
road so many times
470
00:20:34,837 --> 00:20:39,409
they've changed the sign to
"welcome to Vermont, Sam."
471
00:20:39,409 --> 00:20:42,145
What are you accusing me of?
472
00:20:42,145 --> 00:20:43,212
I'm accusing you
473
00:20:43,212 --> 00:20:44,580
of accusing me of being a liar.
474
00:20:44,580 --> 00:20:47,183
I mean, all that crap about
calling the newspaper,
475
00:20:47,183 --> 00:20:49,351
you just said that to
get me crazy, huh?
476
00:20:49,351 --> 00:20:52,721
You and I both know that
you wouldn't make that call,
477
00:20:52,721 --> 00:20:54,990
would you?
478
00:20:55,890 --> 00:20:57,692
Would you?
479
00:20:59,660 --> 00:21:01,029
You did it!
480
00:21:01,029 --> 00:21:02,297
Oh, god, you called them!
481
00:21:02,297 --> 00:21:03,464
I can't believe it!
482
00:21:03,464 --> 00:21:05,033
Now, you know
there's no funeral.
483
00:21:05,033 --> 00:21:06,666
There's no Nathan Malone.
484
00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:07,968
What a stupid name, Nathan.
485
00:21:07,968 --> 00:21:09,569
I shouldn't have said Nathan!
486
00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:11,838
Sam.
487
00:21:11,838 --> 00:21:12,839
Sam.
488
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:13,907
What?
489
00:21:13,907 --> 00:21:15,542
I didn't call.
490
00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:16,643
You didn't?
491
00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:17,644
No.
492
00:21:18,844 --> 00:21:21,380
Well, then, I
look like an idiot.
493
00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:25,718
No argument there.
494
00:21:25,718 --> 00:21:27,086
Ok, ha!
495
00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:29,222
Ok, ok, all right, all right,
496
00:21:29,222 --> 00:21:32,024
I better tell you the truth.
497
00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:33,858
That would be nice.
498
00:21:33,858 --> 00:21:38,063
Diane... I work for
the government.
499
00:21:41,866 --> 00:21:44,368
What are you talking about?
500
00:21:44,368 --> 00:21:48,572
I'm on a top secret
mission for my country.
501
00:21:48,572 --> 00:21:50,374
You are an idiot.
502
00:21:50,374 --> 00:21:52,643
No, no, that's just my cover.
503
00:21:54,411 --> 00:21:57,680
Well, come on, you've been
playing games with me all day, too.
504
00:21:57,680 --> 00:21:59,682
You're right. Don't you
think you deserve it?
505
00:21:59,682 --> 00:22:02,485
Deserve it? You know,
you're talking to me
506
00:22:02,485 --> 00:22:05,021
like a mother
talks to her child.
507
00:22:05,021 --> 00:22:07,090
Don't you think you've
been acting like a child?
508
00:22:07,090 --> 00:22:09,824
Don't use that tone of voice
on me. I hate that. Don't.
509
00:22:09,824 --> 00:22:11,193
What tone is that, Sam?
510
00:22:11,193 --> 00:22:12,494
That one right there!
511
00:22:12,494 --> 00:22:13,628
I hate it!
512
00:22:15,797 --> 00:22:17,766
Ok, fine.
513
00:22:17,766 --> 00:22:19,600
Here's a different tone.
514
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,636
You, slime! What?
515
00:22:22,636 --> 00:22:25,039
How dare you
lie to me like that!
516
00:22:25,039 --> 00:22:26,174
I had to lie to you.
Are you kidding me?
517
00:22:26,174 --> 00:22:28,509
You made me lie to you.
518
00:22:28,509 --> 00:22:30,311
Oh, oh.
519
00:22:30,311 --> 00:22:31,611
Ok, all right, just tell me,
what would you have said
520
00:22:31,611 --> 00:22:33,680
if I came up and said,
"honey, I want to go
521
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:37,284
on a semi-harmless ski
weekend with my buddies"?
522
00:22:37,284 --> 00:22:39,486
That's it. I've had enough.
523
00:22:39,486 --> 00:22:40,987
I don't care what you do.
524
00:22:40,987 --> 00:22:42,822
I just don't want to have look
525
00:22:42,822 --> 00:22:45,391
at your big flabby face anymore.
526
00:22:45,391 --> 00:22:47,693
You can fool around with
every woman in Vermont.
527
00:22:47,693 --> 00:22:49,161
I don't care.
528
00:22:49,161 --> 00:22:51,597
Is that a fact? Well,
I'll tell you something,
529
00:22:51,597 --> 00:22:53,832
that's exactly, exactly
what I'm going to do.
530
00:22:53,832 --> 00:22:55,334
I'm going on my ski weekend
531
00:22:55,334 --> 00:22:57,568
and I'm gonna have
every girl in Vermont,
532
00:22:57,568 --> 00:22:59,304
even the bowsers.
533
00:23:00,305 --> 00:23:02,373
Go, by all means, go.
534
00:23:02,373 --> 00:23:04,342
Have all new
england for all I care.
535
00:23:04,342 --> 00:23:06,311
Maybe I'll just do that.
536
00:23:06,311 --> 00:23:08,145
Just mull this over
537
00:23:08,145 --> 00:23:10,447
on your ride up to paradise.
538
00:23:10,447 --> 00:23:15,819
There happens to be a
certain box boy at my market.
539
00:23:17,921 --> 00:23:22,158
A sinewy youth who always
wants to carry my bags,
540
00:23:22,158 --> 00:23:24,160
if you know what I mean.
541
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:28,030
Perhaps, just perhaps,
I'll go there tomorrow
542
00:23:28,030 --> 00:23:31,066
and not demur at his subtle,
543
00:23:31,066 --> 00:23:34,869
yet, oh, so
unequivocal advances.
544
00:23:34,869 --> 00:23:36,003
Ha ha!
545
00:23:36,003 --> 00:23:37,805
Yeah, you do that, Diane,
546
00:23:37,805 --> 00:23:40,442
and I'll try real
hard to give a damn.
547
00:23:47,781 --> 00:23:49,049
Holy mackerel.
548
00:23:49,049 --> 00:23:51,552
I forgot to ask him
about the olives.
549
00:23:51,552 --> 00:23:53,987
Don't worry, he'll be
back in 10 minutes.
550
00:23:53,987 --> 00:23:55,756
I say five, Carla.
551
00:23:55,756 --> 00:23:57,690
Maybe even sooner.
552
00:23:59,459 --> 00:24:00,593
A box boy?
38265
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