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1
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:07,519
Guys, we officially got internet.
2
00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:13,119
Wow. I never thought I'd see the day
where OUR cafe had internet!
3
00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:16,039
I'm almost worried
we'll get TOO many customers!
4
00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:17,839
(BOTH GUFFAW)
5
00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:19,799
Uh... No, too many customers.
Thank you. Not.
6
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:21,359
(LAUGHS)
7
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:22,839
Bring 'em in.
I love lots of customers!
8
00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:24,759
Um... But you DO have the internet.
9
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,879
The other day you were watching
50 videos about trendy cafes.
10
00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:29,359
That's a phone thing.
11
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:33,319
We're talking about internet, you
know, laptops, compu... Oh, my God.
12
00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:35,639
Just go easy on the internet
for a few days, alright?
13
00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:36,759
No big files.
Why?
14
00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,159
Just leave it! Alright?!
15
00:00:38,160 --> 00:00:41,359
You're on thin ice for making these
muffins with no blueberries in them!
16
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:43,799
You know how I like them?
Extra blueberry-ly.
17
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:44,800
(THINKS) But I was SURE
18
00:00:44,801 --> 00:00:46,759
I put blueberries in the muffins
this morning.
19
00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,239
Where did they all go?
20
00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:50,799
And why does my inner monologue
sound like my friend Mark?
21
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:54,399
While I'm grumpy, this ain't a swampy
marsh, alright, so, no leeches.
22
00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:58,279
If people are using internets,
they're buying shit. Is that clear?
23
00:00:58,280 --> 00:00:59,519
Upsell.
24
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:00,520
Upsell.
25
00:01:00,521 --> 00:01:02,199
Alright?
Sure, whatever.
26
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,200
Very good.
27
00:01:03,201 --> 00:01:04,639
And if you do a good job upselling,
28
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,119
someone's getting Crowded House
tickets, like you kids love.
29
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:08,759
What?!
Yeah!
30
00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:11,119
Wait, stop. Stop.
Yeah. I prefer old music.
31
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:12,439
Personally,
it's a little rude for me.
32
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,359
They love that young rock.
33
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:16,959
And Rove Live. I don't know.
Have you seen the What The...?
34
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:19,239
I literally can't! Oh, my God.
35
00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,679
So, Michelle, what you've got
right here is the internet,
36
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:24,679
so, you can search anything,
and it comes up.
37
00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:25,680
OK. Wow.
38
00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:26,680
Yeah.
Um...
39
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:27,680
Broden.
40
00:01:27,681 --> 00:01:29,559
(CHUCKLES) Yeah!
Ah! (LAUGHS)
41
00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:30,560
Yeah, there I am.
(LAUGHS)
42
00:01:30,561 --> 00:01:32,359
Hey. Just a small cappuccino,
please.
43
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:33,639
Great.
44
00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:34,640
And?
45
00:01:34,641 --> 00:01:36,159
I've already had breakfast.
Thanks, though.
46
00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:37,319
What about some muffins?
47
00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:39,159
Have you tried some muffins?
Do you want some muffins?
48
00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:41,639
Hey, you're not using
too much internet, are you?
49
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:42,799
Oh, I am.
50
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:44,719
I am downloading Metallica albums,
51
00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:46,759
burning them onto these blank CDs
52
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:48,239
and selling them illegally.
53
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:49,959
What?
Yes.
54
00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,119
I will be Mother's favourite baby.
55
00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:54,119
You make me very uncomfortable.
56
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,079
You know, we do actually have
buy-one-get-one-free today,
57
00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:58,239
just so you know.
58
00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:01,039
That's fine. I'm just one person.
OK, no worries.
59
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:04,919
So, that's five cappuccinos. Um...
60
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,559
Like, funny videos and stuff as well.
61
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:07,919
Funny...
62
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,399
..Broden.
Yeah, yeah, that's good.
63
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:10,839
What's Aunty Donna?
Side project.
64
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,759
But you can search so many...
65
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:14,999
So many Brodens.
66
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,199
Whoa.
Wow.
67
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,519
Heaps of Brodens.
Let's open up from there.
68
00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:19,999
So, like...
69
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,799
Excuse me for one moment.
70
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,639
Cowboy Broden...
71
00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:26,279
(MODEM TRILLS, CHIRPS)
Is it... Is it closing time yet?
72
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,519
It's 8:30.
Oh! Jesus!
73
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,839
No, Mark! Pedal, Mark! Pedal! Pedal!
74
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,559
I'm doing the power as well?!
Chase the salami!
75
00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:36,639
People are using the internet
for cool things,
76
00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:38,759
like to look up 'so many Brodens'!
77
00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:40,399
And this magical program
78
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,279
can transport you
to anywhere in the world.
79
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:43,280
(GASPS)
80
00:02:43,281 --> 00:02:45,079
From the safety of your computer,
of course!
81
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:46,919
(BOTH LAUGH)
82
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:48,919
Anywhere in the world?
Anywhere in the world.
83
00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:51,839
Can it take us to the cafe? Here?
84
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,040
Sure.
85
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,519
We've done 'Broden'. So,
all the shit on the internet's there.
86
00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:00,079
All the shit on the Brodens.
87
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,559
Who shit on me?
Who's covered me in shit?
88
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:03,919
I don't want this.
89
00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:05,639
Lungs, breathe!
90
00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:06,959
Watch this.
(CHUCKLES)
91
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,679
OK? Look.
(GASPS)
92
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,079
Oh, cool!
Yeah!
93
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:12,439
All the graffiti.
Yeah!
94
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:14,559
Yeah.
Oh, wow! We're here!
95
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:15,599
Yep. That's it.
96
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,639
Oh, in... Oh, it even
takes you INTO the cafe.
97
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:19,640
Oh.
98
00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:20,640
That's... That's odd.
99
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,360
Is that us?
100
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,719
120 sandwiches!
101
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:44,720
What else?!
102
00:03:44,721 --> 00:03:46,599
Stop saying, "What else, champ?!
103
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,839
I can't, OK!
104
00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:52,479
You are financially ruining me!
105
00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:55,119
Please! (CRIES)
106
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:56,640
Won't be too long.
107
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:00,959
3,000 muffins?!
108
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:02,239
No!
109
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:03,879
You tell them six at most!
110
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:06,239
I swear to God, one day...
111
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,879
Broden,
can I get your opinion on something?
112
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:11,399
There's a group over there that SAY
they're not using the internet,
113
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:12,959
but I'm not so sure.
114
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:14,279
What do you reckon?
115
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:18,199
(COMPUTERS TRILL)
116
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,520
Potentially.
117
00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,039
Mark is getting tired!
118
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:26,079
(PANTS)
119
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:27,319
Agh!
120
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:29,439
Argh, God damn it, Mark!
121
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,119
It's like the morning
and there's heaps of windows.
122
00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,399
(JAZZ MUSIC PAYS)
Why is it completely dark?
123
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:37,199
And where's that music coming from?
124
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:40,319
(SCATS) ♪ I'm the Blueberry Burglar
And it's my time
125
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:43,079
♪ To steal the blueberries
Make the blueberries mine
126
00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:45,999
♪ I pop, pop, pop
blueberries into my tum
127
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,919
♪ I won't stop, stop, stop
because blueberries are yum
128
00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:50,439
♪ Oh, yeah! ♪
129
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,639
Shh.
♪ Can you hear that ringing?
130
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:55,440
♪ It's my head. It hurts. Yah! ♪
131
00:04:58,280 --> 00:04:59,639
Citizens arrest!
132
00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:01,119
Argh!
133
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:02,519
I fell on my dick.
134
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,560
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
135
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,399
So, he stole some blueberries?
136
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,319
Yes, he did. He did.
(GROANS)
137
00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,919
And you think that warrants
a phone call to the police?
138
00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:28,359
ALL: Mm-hm!
139
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:30,719
He even did a singsong about it -
140
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,639
all the evidence you need.
141
00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:36,319
It's true.
We all heard him with our own ears!
142
00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,279
OK.
143
00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:42,199
Do you have any idea of
the kind of stuff I see every day?
144
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,919
Maybe someone put their shoes
on the wrong foot.
145
00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:45,920
Oh!
146
00:05:45,921 --> 00:05:47,959
No. It's not.
147
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:49,839
It's not.
148
00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:52,280
I can still hear the screams.
149
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:56,079
So, I'm gonna go.
150
00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:57,559
See you laters!
151
00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,759
Goodbye, Officer!
Bye-bye, Officer!
152
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,239
Bit much?
For me, you were a little...
153
00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:04,919
I just get really nervous
around cops.
154
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:06,319
I don't know how to talk to them.
155
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:10,479
Alright, boys, looks like we have
to take the law into our own hands,
156
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:11,999
Blueberry Burglar.
157
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,279
Mama! Papa!
Ha-ha!
158
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:16,560
Look at him now.
Muah-ha-ha!
159
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:28,639
(BANGS GAVEL)
160
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,999
The cat... court will now proceed
161
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:34,799
with the case of the Blueberry
Burglar versus the Crown.
162
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,359
I am Judge Zach.
163
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,279
This is ridiculous.
164
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:40,839
Look, I don't even like blueberry.
165
00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:42,520
Look, look, watch this, huh?
166
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:45,839
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
167
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:49,599
(SOUL MUSIC PLAYS)
Oh... Oh, my God. Mmm. (MOANS)
168
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:51,439
(CHUCKLES) They're so good.
169
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:52,919
You know what? No.
170
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:54,439
This is stupid, OK?
171
00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:56,519
This is against the Constitution.
172
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:58,039
We'll see about that.
173
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:01,359
There's nothing in the rulebook that
says a dog can't play basketball.
174
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:03,399
This court shall proceed!
175
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,959
Oi, you've got
nothing to worry about.
176
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,640
I've stacked the jury.
177
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:16,399
(SOUL MUSIC PLAYS)
178
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:17,400
(BANGS GAVEL)
179
00:07:17,401 --> 00:07:21,359
We shall now hear opening statements
from the prosecution, Broden Kelly.
180
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,560
Oh, little old me? (CHUCKLES)
181
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:26,200
(CHUCKLES)
182
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:30,119
Oh, jury, I remember
when I was two-strapping-nine.
183
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,599
No higher than a beehive.
184
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:35,439
You could walk home, streets safe.
Get yourself a nickel-dime.
185
00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:37,799
(CHUCKLES)
(LAUGHS) He's charming.
186
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,599
Damn, he's good.
Ohh.
187
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,199
I bet he has a ton of blueberries.
188
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:44,039
That was simpler time when you could
leave your windows locked, unlocked,
189
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,999
and put a pie on that window,
a bit of blueberry in that boy.
190
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,279
Objection, Your Honour!
He's talking about pies!
191
00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:51,559
Sustained!
Overruled!
192
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:54,400
Now I'd like to draw
the court's attention to exhibit 69.
193
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,400
Literal footage of the Blueberry
Burglar stealing blueberries.
194
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,359
(SINGS)
♪ I'm the Blueberry Burglar... ♪
195
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,599
This is a...
It was a TikTok I was...
196
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,479
(JURY GASPS)
♪ Make the blueberries mine!
197
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,279
♪ I pop, pop, pop
blueberries into my tum
198
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,519
♪ I won't stop, stop, stop
because blueberries are yum
199
00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:14,439
♪ Oh, yeah!
200
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,439
♪ Can you hear that ringing?
201
00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:19,360
♪ It's my head. It hurts. Yah! ♪
202
00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,239
Citizen's arrest!
203
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,759
Ah. Michelle's gonna sing
a little ditty for you.
204
00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:26,399
(SINGS) ♪ A-a-a-a-a-a-a-h... ♪
205
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:28,199
Enough of this program!
206
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:31,599
Gentlemen, you will approach
my bench at once immediately now.
207
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,480
Oh, no... By no means at all.
208
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,679
(WHISPERS) How am I going?
You're doing great. We all are.
209
00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:39,239
Yeah, really?
Yeah!
210
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,399
I just think Broden
would have been a better judge
211
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,239
and I would have been a better worm.
212
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:44,519
There's no worms in a court.
213
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,079
Well, that's what
you've been saying,
214
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,279
but I just thought
I could have just been a worm
215
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,079
maybe wriggling in one of the pot...
216
00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,399
I think your judge is good...
Yeah, the judge is...
217
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,679
(QUIETLY) And, like, just remember,
like, what your teacher said,
218
00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:57,479
like, be true to yourself -
everyone's gonna believe that.
219
00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:58,759
Yeah.
OK.
220
00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:00,159
You guys... I love you boys.
221
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,519
Love you too.
OK. I love you. Thank you.
222
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:03,520
Bye-bye.
Good luck.
223
00:09:03,521 --> 00:09:04,759
(QUIET CHATTER)
(BANGS GAVEL)
224
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,639
(NORMAL VOICE)
The prosecution will now continue.
225
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,799
Your Honour, I'd like the record
to show that the jury is very cool.
226
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,239
I move to have that comment
stricken from the record.
227
00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:13,479
On what grounds?
228
00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:14,959
He's winning the jury over
with charm!
229
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,039
Your Honour,
I have some soy crisps in my pocket.
230
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:18,919
Would you like some?
Oh, yes, please.
231
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:20,799
Oi, give us some soy crisps.
No.
232
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,159
Wh... Your Honour.
233
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:24,319
This one looks like a C.
(BANGS GAVEL)
234
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:28,239
The prosecution will share his
soy crisps with the entire court.
235
00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,559
As you wish.
Finally, some justice.
236
00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:32,479
Crisp for you.
237
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:33,799
Oh! Are you getting this down?
238
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:37,039
I have a job that I have to go to.
So...
239
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,879
We will now hear
the defence's openings.
240
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,239
(QUIETLY) Thank you.
241
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,720
Thank you, Your Honour.
242
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,439
Mes of the jury,
243
00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:47,359
you may be surprised to see me
244
00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,399
defending
this here Blueberry Burglar.
245
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,560
Your Honour,
I may not be a smart man...
246
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:57,039
..but when I look into the eyes
of my client, I s...
247
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:59,799
When I look into the eyes
of my client,
248
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,119
I see someone who is not guilty.
249
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,559
And does the law not state
250
00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:10,599
that someone must be proven
of their guilt unequivocally,
251
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,479
meritoriously,
252
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,039
without a skerrick of a doubt?!
253
00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:16,199
For if that man...
254
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,839
(QUIETLY) Mark. Mark. Mark.
255
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,400
Pissed your pants.
256
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:23,680
Ah.
257
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,239
(BANGS GAVEL)
258
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,479
In light
of the pissed-pants situation,
259
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:30,520
we will now take a brief recess.
260
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:34,719
(LAUGHS)
261
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,319
(LAUGHTER, CHATTER)
262
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:37,320
(GRUNTS)
263
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,399
I get chips
and I dip it in the ice-cream
264
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:41,880
like it's sauce, and my mum...
265
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:49,039
TEACHER: Hey. Hey. Excuse me.
266
00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:50,639
Are you picking someone up?
267
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:51,640
No.
268
00:10:51,641 --> 00:10:53,119
Have you got a visitor badge
I can see?
269
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:56,359
Uh... No, no, no, no.
I'm just here with my...
270
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:57,919
..my friends.
271
00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,479
Friends? Like... children?
272
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:02,599
No, not children. Four...
273
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,039
You didn't see, uh...
four other adults...
274
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,079
No.
..at recess?
275
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,839
Where did you come from?
276
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:10,359
I came from the cafe. I work there.
277
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,359
Yeah, but, which part of the grounds?
How did you get in?
278
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:13,999
Oh. I, um...
279
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,799
Well, that's kind of...
kind of from the back.
280
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,439
We kind of came in through, um...
281
00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:21,399
What are you doing
at a primary school?
282
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:22,719
Uh...
283
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,639
Well, I can...
Wha...
284
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:25,879
Oh, right. So...
285
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,239
Did you have a...
No, no, no, no.
286
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:32,399
(TICKING)
287
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,279
(CLICKS TONGUE)
288
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,679
This is highly unusual.
289
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,479
Looks like our man's running scared.
290
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:39,719
(LAUGHS)
291
00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:44,559
If the defence does not get themself
a barrister in the next two minutes,
292
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:47,839
I will have no recourse
but to bang my hammer!
293
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:48,840
(DOOR OPENS)
294
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:53,559
Did somebody say
they needed a barrister?
295
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:55,959
SONG: ♪ Rake! Rake! Rake! Rake!
296
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,479
♪ The lawyer from the TV show Rake
297
00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:01,319
♪ He's on all the docks
But he gets results
298
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,759
♪ He likes to fuck
He likes to party
299
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:06,439
♪ It's Rake!
It's Rake! Rake! Rake! ♪
300
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:07,879
Your Honour,
301
00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:09,199
it's me,
302
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,279
Rake.
303
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:11,280
Ohh...
304
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:12,280
(APPLAUSE)
305
00:12:12,281 --> 00:12:15,279
And I'm here to defend
this innocent man.
306
00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:19,479
Oh, I can already tell
he's a fuck-ton better than Mark.
307
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:20,919
(QUIET CHATTER)
308
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:23,079
And then we sort of
rushed out of the cafe,
309
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,519
and then it's recess
in a primary school, right,
310
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:27,599
and I'd just done
a piss-my-pants bit,
311
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,239
and, so, I wasn't... that's why
I was in the toilet
312
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:32,639
cleaning all the...
all the piss that was on my pants.
313
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:34,599
Um... So, I'm just gonna go.
I think...
314
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:36,039
I'll just tell you to wait here,
mate.
315
00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:37,040
Um...
316
00:12:37,041 --> 00:12:38,840
Don't go anywhere.
317
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:40,840
Order!
318
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:42,840
Order!
319
00:12:42,841 --> 00:12:46,399
My little hammer says
there will be order in this court!
320
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,359
Your Honour, let the record show
321
00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:51,399
that, apparently,
Rake is a show on the ABC,
322
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,879
but the character's called
Cleaver Greene,
323
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,399
and it's played by Richard Roxburgh.
324
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,199
So, what level are we going to here?
325
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:01,079
Well, I don't know, Broden.
326
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,799
But let the record also show
327
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,199
that I am
328
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,200
Rake.
329
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:07,759
(LAUGHS)
(EXCITED CHATTER)
330
00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,639
On the one hand,
you're a bit of a cad,
331
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:12,199
but on the other hand,
you really are quite charming.
332
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,559
I'll allow it.
333
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,559
(OTHERS CHUCKLE)
334
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:18,519
Your Honour, we can't just let
characters from other TV shows
335
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:20,839
waltz in here
and make a mockery of this courtroom
336
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:24,599
for those who haven't seen Rake
will be mightily confused.
337
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:26,000
Morpheus is fighting Neo.
338
00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:34,520
Jesus Christ, he's fast.
339
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:37,719
I can't read this.
340
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:39,199
(COMPUTERS TRILL)
341
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,159
Yeah. Yeah.
342
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,600
Neither can I.
343
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,719
It's still fun, though.
Yeah, yeah, it's great.
344
00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,159
It's good.
It looks cool.
345
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,639
The green is amazing.
346
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,719
And, so, then we comically
sort of transported out of the cafe,
347
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,839
ran out the door of the cafe, and
then ended up in your primary school
348
00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:58,599
and did, like,
a primary-school recess.
349
00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:01,879
And then, um...'cause I'd just done
a peed-my-pants bit,
350
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,919
I went to the bathroom to clean up.
But when I got...
351
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:06,960
A peed-your-pants bit?
352
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:09,879
I know how that sounds, but...
353
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:15,319
Mr Bonanno, I just need you to take
a look at this from my perspective.
354
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:16,320
Of course. Yeah.
355
00:14:16,321 --> 00:14:19,199
We find you at my school
in the boys' toilets
356
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:20,799
wearing a strange costume
357
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:23,999
with no phone
or any kind of identification.
358
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,839
And, like I said,
all of those things
359
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:27,519
are back at the cafe where I work.
360
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,279
You know, I'm happy to take
what you're saying at face value -
361
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,479
at this time
I have no reason not to believe you -
362
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:36,040
but I do have a duty of care
to my students.
363
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,519
VOICEOVER: The cases are real.
364
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,519
The blueberries are re...
365
00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:45,319
You claim to have seen my client
366
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,599
stealing blueberries
from the blueberry muffins.
367
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,919
Um... Yeah. Sorry.
Yes, Rake.
368
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,799
But you also claim
to have been using internet
369
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:56,319
powered by an Italian man
on a bicycle.
370
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:58,559
Mm-hm, yeah,
he was chasing a salami.
371
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:01,279
Your Honour,
doesn't that sound silly?
372
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,239
Pretty silly to me, Rake.
373
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:04,479
No more questions.
374
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,159
I'm sorry, but you were there as
well, Zach. You saw the whole thing.
375
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,279
If you keep speaking rude like that,
376
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,479
I'm gonna have to find you
in contempt of this court.
377
00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:14,319
I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to contempt it. I didn't...
378
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:17,199
If you're feeling uncomfortable...
No, no, I'm feeling totally fine.
379
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,519
I just wanted to say sorry because
you've set up a whole thing...
380
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:22,199
No, I didn't want to play the judge.
I wanted to play a worm.
381
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,879
And they're making me play a judge
right now...
382
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,079
I know. I know you wanted to play
the worm. I thought the worm was...
383
00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:30,719
Your Honour, the prosecution calls
the Right Honourable Zachary Ruane.
384
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:31,959
(GASPS)
(JURY GASPS)
385
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,279
Oh, Mama.
386
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,479
That is a twist.
387
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,679
That will involve
a quick costume change.
388
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:39,559
Ohh! (CHORTLES)
389
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:40,560
Zachy, baby,
390
00:15:40,561 --> 00:15:43,199
you're just a regular business owner
trying to get by, yeah?
391
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:44,239
You said it.
392
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,159
You can't afford
to have your blueberry muffins
393
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,159
bereft of their blueberries, can you?
No, I cannot.
394
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:49,839
Does that tarnish your good name?
395
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:51,239
It tarnishes it in poo.
396
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:53,279
And isn't poo yuck?
397
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:54,879
Yes, it is.
398
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,119
Oh!
(QUIET CHATTER)
399
00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:58,120
No further questions.
400
00:15:58,121 --> 00:16:00,759
I friggin' love blueberries so much.
401
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,639
I've stolen them before,
and I'll do it again.
402
00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:03,839
Yeah. Yeah.
403
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:05,559
And I am Rake.
404
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:06,880
Excuse me.
405
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:09,719
Mr Ruane,
406
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,319
are you or are you not
407
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,359
the same Mr Ruane
408
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:18,359
who is the judge Mr Ruane
presiding over these proceedings?
409
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:19,360
I...
410
00:16:19,361 --> 00:16:21,079
Are you or are you not?
411
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:24,039
Well, see...
It's a simple question, Mr Ruane.
412
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,519
Are you the judge
of this shambolic trial? Yes or no?
413
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:28,559
Objection! Badger on the witness!
414
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:30,519
Pointing out his duplicity
is hardly badger...
415
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:32,399
No. There's literally
a badger on the witness.
416
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:33,400
Oh.
417
00:16:33,401 --> 00:16:34,919
(SCREAMS)
418
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,439
See?
Oh, my God.
419
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,519
Badger on the witness.
Yeah. Badger ON the witness.
420
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:41,239
Never in my entire legal career.
421
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:42,959
(BANGS GAVEL) The next person
422
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,159
to bring a badger
into this courtroom
423
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:49,159
will be found in contempt
of this court. You hear me?!
424
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:52,679
Now, we've heard two sides
of this blueberry crime,
425
00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:56,159
but we've yet to hear anything
with rhythm and rhyme.
426
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:59,399
Members of the jury
will decide who's spitting cap,
427
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,279
for the closing arguments
428
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:04,399
will be performed in rap.
429
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,839
(SLOW HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)
430
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,759
No, I don't want to do that.
431
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,519
Rake?
432
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:15,559
Uh... Your Honour, look, as an idea,
I... I believe it has merit
433
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:18,999
and, yet, uh... it's a really...
434
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,239
..shit idea.
435
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,759
No worries.
We'll just do it normally.
436
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:22,999
Sorry about that.
Yep.
437
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,680
Just trying to have some fun,
but I get it.
438
00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,519
(QUIETLY) So, yeah, I mean,
I don't think that there's...
439
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,599
..I don't think
he's gonna do anything bad,
440
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,759
I just thought it'd be best
if we called you both to come in.
441
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,319
DETECTIVE: Yeah, that's fair enough.
Yeah.
442
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,519
(SIGHS)
443
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:38,559
Hey, mate.
444
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,279
So, we've been able
to confirm your identity.
445
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:42,719
Do you want to take
your costume off?
446
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:43,920
Sorry.
447
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,359
We've been able to confirm
your identity
448
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:52,839
and we had a look at the CCTV,
449
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:55,520
so, we feel confident
letting you go today.
450
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,919
OK. Great.
Thank you for understanding.
451
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:00,399
Mm. Just to be clear,
452
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:01,919
we're taking your word
453
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,959
and we believe your account
of what happened today.
454
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,199
So, having said that,
455
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:08,719
we've got your name now,
456
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,439
we've got your home address
and your phone number.
457
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,119
So, I'm hoping that I'm not
gonna get a phone call sometime soon
458
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:15,079
saying I've got to come back here
and see you again.
459
00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:17,279
No. I won't be stepping foot
in a place like this again.
460
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:18,399
OK. Good.
461
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,159
The school knows you now.
We know you now.
462
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,280
There shouldn't be an issue.
No. I understand.
463
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,200
OK, mate.
Thank you.
464
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:34,159
Just to be clear, it was a pun on
'recess', how a judge says 'recess'
465
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,679
OK.
And also recess at a primary school
466
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,160
OK.
And that's just why.
467
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,279
Yeah.
468
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:41,400
You understand.
Yeah.
469
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,479
SONG: ♪ I've been down
470
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:52,520
♪ There's a road that... ♪
471
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:57,000
And THAT right there...
472
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,439
..is why the defendant
473
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:01,680
is guilty!
474
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,759
Approach the bench, prosecution?
475
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:09,920
Yeah.
476
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:13,879
(QUIETLY) Mm?
(QUIETLY) Is that it?
477
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:14,880
What?
478
00:19:14,881 --> 00:19:16,719
You... That sent...
That one sentence -
479
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,479
"And that is why
the defendant is guilty" -
480
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:19,959
is that your whole
closing statement?
481
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,599
I just thought if I did it
with confidence, you could edit in...
482
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,999
If this was a TV show, yeah,
you could edit it in like that,
483
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:26,000
but it's not.
484
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,000
Mm.
485
00:19:27,001 --> 00:19:29,839
This is real life,
an absurd version of real life,
486
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:31,079
but real life nonetheless.
487
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,279
Mm, granted. Can I go again?
488
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:34,280
I don't know.
489
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:35,280
Please?
490
00:19:35,281 --> 00:19:36,560
Rake?
491
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:38,560
Mm?
492
00:19:38,561 --> 00:19:40,319
Can he have another go
at the closing statement?
493
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:41,320
No.
494
00:19:41,321 --> 00:19:42,719
No?
No!
495
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,279
It's not fair, is it?
496
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,119
You wait till you hear mine.
(SNICKERS)
497
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:47,439
Is it good?
It's really good.
498
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:48,719
Oh, I can't wait.
It's so good.
499
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,919
To settle a bet -
did you steal the blueberries?
500
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:51,920
Yeah. Of course.
501
00:19:51,921 --> 00:19:53,599
Alright, see ya, guys. I'll see ya.
502
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,519
And you're doing great.
You're doing really good.
503
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:56,520
(QUIET CHATTER)
504
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:57,520
(DOOR SHUTS)
505
00:19:57,521 --> 00:19:59,719
(SILENCE)
506
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,679
(QUIET CHATTER)
507
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:05,679
Mark, when you went missing,
it was truly bizarre.
508
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,519
Please tell us where you went
509
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,519
by dropping some bars.
510
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,239
(SLOW HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)
I don't want to do that.
511
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:12,479
(SWITCHES OFF TAPE-RECORDER)
512
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:13,559
Just...
513
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:14,560
Don't worry about it.
514
00:20:14,561 --> 00:20:17,119
No-one wants to fucking rap.
I just try...
515
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:18,479
Weird day.
516
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:20,559
I'd rather not rap, if that's OK.
517
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:22,999
Alright then. That's fine.
That's OK. That's fine.
518
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,159
I guess we'll just get on
with the trial then.
519
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:28,599
Um... Defence, we will now hear
your closing statements.
520
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,480
Thank you, Your Honour.
521
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,280
Esteemed members of the jury...
522
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:36,759
..I am Rake.
523
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:37,839
Amazing!
524
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:39,799
That's amazing.
(APPLAUSE)
525
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,479
I could stand here today
526
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:45,719
and argue that a courtroom run
by baristas rather than barristers
527
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,159
is entirely illegitimate.
528
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,519
Write that barrister-barista bit
down.
529
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,359
(QUIETLY) Rake! Ah!
530
00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:57,159
I could argue that a jury
composed of 12 of the same man
531
00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:00,880
is hardly a fair representation
of society.
532
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:03,639
Or I could argue
533
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:07,399
that punishing the Blueberry
Burglar for burgling blueberries
534
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,719
is like... it's like punishing
an anteater
535
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:14,879
for eating
the very ants it needs for survival.
536
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:15,880
Hear! Hear!
537
00:21:15,881 --> 00:21:17,159
Now, don't get me wrong,
538
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:20,159
I love a blueberry muffin
as much as the next lawyer.
539
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:23,119
And, in fact, I'm gonna have one
for lunch right after this trial.
540
00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:24,959
And I can't wait.
541
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:28,199
But let me instead say this, folks.
542
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:31,839
Are we going to really
punish this man, this human being,
543
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:32,840
for an act...
544
00:21:32,841 --> 00:21:34,799
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
545
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:36,519
What are you doing?
546
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:37,879
Are you stealing my...
547
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,399
Fuck you, Rake.
548
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,319
You piece of...
549
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:42,879
(JURY GASPS)
550
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,879
(BANGS GAVEL)
551
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,559
The jury will now go to their room
552
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:51,600
and they will have a think
about what... what the... this.
553
00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:54,839
Not guilty.
554
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:56,519
Not guilty.
555
00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:57,759
Not surprised.
556
00:21:57,760 --> 00:21:58,999
Not guilty.
557
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,719
Oh, great, Mark.
I can see where this is going.
558
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:01,720
And...
559
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,160
Guilty?
560
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:06,559
Yeah.
561
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:07,999
It was me.
562
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,079
Henry Fonda Mark.
563
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:13,719
Oh, come on, man! I got tickets
to the ball game tonight!
564
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:16,759
It's the Clevelands versus the Yank.
565
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:17,760
Or something.
566
00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:24,159
Members of the jury,
your deliberation is complete.
567
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:25,559
Deliver your verdict
568
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:28,399
by rapping over this sick beat.
569
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:29,799
(SLOW HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)
570
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:32,719
(RAPS) ♪ Lady Justice
Put your blindfold away
571
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:34,159
♪ Guilty or not guilty
572
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:35,439
♪ Today we have a say
573
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:37,999
♪ 'Cause it's justice
that we care about
574
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,199
♪ Don't... ♪ I...
575
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,480
No, I was wrong.
576
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,359
I was wrong. Move on. Do it normal.
I... Was it something I did?
577
00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:47,119
No, you guys are great.
It was my... It was me.
578
00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:48,120
OK.
I just...
579
00:22:48,121 --> 00:22:49,999
Just do it normal.
Just do it normal.
580
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,639
I liked it.
581
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:52,640
Shut up.
582
00:22:52,641 --> 00:22:56,559
In the case of the Crown
versus the Blueberry Burglar
583
00:22:56,560 --> 00:23:00,119
on the charge
of stealing blueberries,
584
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:02,319
we find the defendant
585
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:03,320
guilty.
586
00:23:03,321 --> 00:23:05,239
(SPECTATORS GASP)
587
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,200
Blueberry Burglar...
588
00:23:11,120 --> 00:23:13,839
..I sentence you to death
by lethal injection.
589
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:15,439
(SPECTATORS GASP)
590
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,599
Jesus Christ, Zach!
591
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:20,239
Well, you... I didn't...
This was... This was Broden's idea.
592
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,719
He was the one that said it,
and I didn't want to be the judge.
593
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,919
I would have happily been a worm
out the back, wriggling around,
594
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,079
and here I am having to kill a guy.
More about the worm...
595
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:30,960
Nah, fuck this.
Fuck you, the lot of you. I'm off.
596
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,160
It's lethal injection.
Ah, right.
597
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:44,319
Ooh! Ohh!
598
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:45,399
Ooh...
599
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:47,279
Ohh... yeah.
600
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:48,399
Ah. Ohh!
601
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:49,599
Whoa!
602
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:50,719
Ohh!
603
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:51,839
Ohh! Yay-yay!
604
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:53,359
Oh, no. Agh.
605
00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:54,479
Na-na-na-na.
606
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,319
Mmm. And that's a good blueberry.
607
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:58,119
Ouchie. Ouchie, ouchie, ouchie.
608
00:23:58,120 --> 00:24:00,440
(BABBLES)
609
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:03,439
Wow, that worked quickly.
610
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,079
Mm.
Yeah.
611
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,840
That's why you can always rely
on good old-fashioned bl...
612
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:10,959
Blueberry juice?!
613
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:12,039
Argh!
614
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:13,040
Agh!
(SCREAMS)
615
00:24:13,041 --> 00:24:14,559
Agh! What have we done?!
616
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:16,999
Argh! (GRUNTS)
617
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,399
A-a-a-a-a-rgh!
618
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:20,079
I'm Blueberry Burglar
619
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:21,639
and I'm gonna fucking kill you.
620
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:26,719
(ALL SCREAM)
621
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,600
How did this happen?!
622
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:31,839
Oh, man, the internet is sick.
Mm.
623
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:33,079
Oh, what are youse watching?
624
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:35,359
Ready Steady Cook highlights.
Oh, I love that show.
625
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:39,279
If this show was on, I was watching
it. Never missed an episode.
626
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:40,280
Wow.
627
00:24:40,281 --> 00:24:44,239
Yeah. Were you guys
Team Tomato or Team Capsicum?
628
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:45,879
What do you mean?
629
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:47,959
I was Team Tomato.
630
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:50,839
I... I think you just sort of
picked your favourite dishes
631
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,279
and then you'd use
tomato or capsicum to vote.
632
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:54,280
Yeah.
633
00:24:54,281 --> 00:24:56,599
No, Team Tomato - ride or die.
634
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:58,280
I was Team Capsicum.
635
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:01,439
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey!
Take it back!
636
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:03,279
What are you doing, man?
Take it back!
637
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:04,719
I was Team Tomato!
638
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:06,359
Oh, you were Team Tomato?
Yeah!
639
00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:08,479
Oh, great. Me too.
640
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:10,159
VIDEO: Thank you so much
for being on the show.
641
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:14,079
We've got some gifts for you
from all of us at Ready Steady Cook.
642
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,319
(ROARS)
Somebody stop him!
643
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,199
Don't worry, Mark!
Rake's got his rake!
644
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:19,519
Oh, yeah!
645
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:20,999
Get away.
646
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,199
Stop it.
Somebody stop him!
647
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,760
(ALL SCREAM)
648
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:29,759
Argh!
649
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,680
(ROARS)
650
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:36,840
Oh, God, he's returning!
651
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:39,560
Argh!
(ALL SCREAM)
652
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:41,959
Hey! Watch it.
653
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:42,999
Hey, bitch.
654
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,639
Hey, hey, hey. Agh. He's too strong.
655
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,199
His power is too strong
against my anus.
656
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:50,159
Rake, get him with your rake again!
657
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:51,839
This is the worst day I've ever had.
658
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:53,799
Oh, no. Oh, no.
659
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:55,759
(SINGS) ♪ I hate this!
660
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,279
♪ This is not my day
661
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,439
♪ You looking at me, Broden
662
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,919
♪ Get out of my way... ♪
663
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:04,559
Oh, no. My hairline's showing.
664
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:06,039
Agh! No.
665
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,639
Take Michelle!
No! No, don't take me.
666
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:11,079
Oh, my God, don't! I'm shy! I'm shy!
667
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:12,999
(BOTH LAUGH)
668
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:15,880
I knew this day would come.
I knew this day would come.
669
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:20,999
(SINGS) ♪ A-a-a-a-a-ah...
670
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,079
(SINGS) ♪ A-a-a-a-a-ah... ♪
671
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:25,399
Tune in next week,
and everyone have a blue...
672
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,079
..everyone have a blueberry
in their mouth.
673
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,279
Have a blueberry Christmas.
Rake! Get him with your rake!
674
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:30,280
Agh!
675
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:32,280
Captions by Red Bee Media
676
00:26:32,281 --> 00:26:34,041
Copyright
Australian Broadcasting Corporation
48151
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