Original subtitles

After my eighth divorce, I decided to paint myself green

and vanish into the wilderness,

so as to not scare away those tree-dwelling shrimps.

I heard they use them to make medicine!

What are you doing here?

Who are you? Where are you from?

Where are you from?

How did you climb up here?

Where are your parents?

Your parents!

Fresh flowers.

What was that?

I am cold…

Yes, that's it. I'm cold!

Don't tell me you climbed all the way up here.

Did you fall out of a plane?

Come on, hop on!

Watch out, don't slip.

You're French, right?

-Are you lost? -What about you?

Do your parents know you're lost?

What about you?

-What? -Are you lost?

No. No, I'm not lost.

-How come? -How come what?

How come we can't hear any cars?

I thought cars would be everywhere,

and the air would be unbreathable…

What's going on? Is it Bicycle Day?

This isn't Central Park, is it?

OK, all right.

Take your time, hold on tight and don't look down.

-Aren't you scared? -What about you?

Can you stop saying that every time I ask you a question.

Why?

No reason.

You're sick, aren't you?

No, why?

Your face is very green.

Is everybody green around here?

I guess not. Those guys aren't green.

Where is this little girl from? Is she your daughter?

No. Did you see her climbing up?

No.

Really?

I didn't move from here. I was smoking my cigar.

Well, I have no idea what she's doing here.

Explain to me what you're doing in the middle of the jungle.

Are you French or not?

What about you?

I guess you're hungry.

What about you? Yes!

You look better when you're not green.

At least, you look clean.

Do you live here? Do you live alone?

Is that because nobody wants to live with you?

What's this?

Me and my grandma.

Is that you?

Wow! Time hasn't been kind to you!

Thanks.

What's this?

When was the last time you saw your parents?

What's he doing? Is he eating her?

All right, look, I do love a good joke

when the time is right, and I also love deadpan humor,

but it's getting late, and it's time to stop playing:

tell me where your parents are,

who they are, and what you're doing here,

and that's it!

What's it?

No, I'm kidding. But I've told you three times already.

You didn't tell me anything!

I'm here in New York, USA, to visit,

and I hope your fellow New-Yorkers aren't as angry as you are…

I'm not angry at all!

…otherwise, I'm going to regret this.

Regret what? We're not in New York.

We're in the middle of a shithole

between Patagonia and Canada! Got it?

Is New York far away?

Quite.

They must've sent me off course. That's it.

What do you mean?

They sent you off course? Who's "they"?

Stop talking in riddles, because, first of all…

You need to start talking nicer to me,

because, "first of all", as you say, I'm exhausted.

Exhausted.

Look, we both need to get on the same page.

Do you see any kids here?

No.

-Do you know why? -No.

-Because I don't have any. -Right.

And if I don't have any, there's no reason…

For me to deal with other people's kids.

Good night, sir.

Well, good night…

Deglaze your sauce base before coating your escalopes with it.

Escalopes!

That's a good one, you need escalopes!

Colonel de Villeneuve, from the DGSE.

Margaux Bouvier.

Ministry of Foreign Affairs' orders:

this mission must remain top-secret.

The US would be too happy to stick their nose in it.

-You know how opportunistic they are. -Oh, I do!

This oceanographic complex will serve as a discreet base.

This way.

Did we manage to decipher the message?

I called Prof. Andreu from the Collège de France.

He tried with all the known writings, current and ancient.

The message was written in Sumerian.

The oldest writing system in the world, Colonel.

I don't get it.

From 4,000 BC!

So they landed at 62 degrees and 32 minutes west,

five degrees and 45 minutes north at 17:00 UT.

In the middle of the jungle,

in Canaima Natural Park.

I hate flies!

Miss Bouvier, this is Major Bénard, from our Special Missions Bureau.

Bénard…

Jeff Bénard.

Ouch! Special missions? What special missions?

France's secret service, miss.

Nobody theatened us.

How do you know we're not facing a race of invaders

that decided to annihilate us?

What do you plan to do?

Use napalm to clear the forest?

That area is a no-go area.

Primitive tribes of ferocious natives

live there, no contact with civilization.

We're not supposed to go there.

We have a plane waiting for you at Cunabero's airport.

You'll be dropped off near the point of impact. Good luck.

How could you give me this bimbo as a partner?

Look, Bénard…

What's up with this fly swatter guy?

Come on, ladies, Daddy needs some dough.

Come on, tell me something, try to speak.

Come on, don't be so annoying.

You could say something.

You're sure you don't have anything to tell me?

Come on, give it a try, give it a try!

Do this with your mouth…

Doesn't he talk?

What about you? Don't you speak French?

Can't your dog talk?

-What's your name? -My name is…

Lolo, Lala, Lili, Lulu. Yeah, Lulu's not bad.

Put this on. We're leaving.

Where do I put it on?

Wear it.

Your head goes in the big hole and your arms in the small ones.

-Is it a gift? -Yes, that's right.

Can I swap it for something that's less ugly?

Ah no, you can't, I'm in a hurry

and we have a long drive ahead of us. Another time.

-What other time? -Forget it. We're off.

No, no, I can't.

Of course you can, look…

hold my hand, let it go and that's it!

No!

I can't! I can't, no need to insist.

I told you we're leaving so let's go!

No, hey!

Come back here! Right now!

What a pain in the ass!

I've had it with her!

Hold on! You're right, there's no hurry.

Come back, I'll show you something funny.

What is it?

How to behave! If you don't come down right now…

What's gonna happen?

Actually, I don't care, I'm not your babysitter!

What's up with those little rascals?

Come on, go away, I've had it! What's wrong with you guys?

Are you chickening out?

Take good care of her!

All right.

Look, I'm warning you!

I only tolerate sexual contact in cases of utmost necessity!

Awesome, I'm not into fake blondes anyway.

Turn around!

62°32’ west. 5°45’ north…

We're there! Let's jump out.

No, this is as thick and bushy as a darkies pubes.

We can't land there!

Well, nearby, then, in the river!

Are you out of your mind?

-Do you know what you are? -A major.

No, you're lame!

The most minor inconvenience makes your balls sweat.

Out of the way! I'm jumping!

Good luck to you! Come on, let's head back!

The Génoise can be…

placed in the bain-marie

and whisked until it forms a strip.

Pour it in a buttered mold.

You aren't allowed here.

The park is off-limits!

This is off-limits! You aren't allowed to go that way! Bye!

So, Coco, still here?

Coco's still here.

Let's go, guys! I want everybody alive!

Yes, Major.

Watch out, we don't know what they look like.

Yes, Major.

This one's for me.

-This one's for me! -OK!

-Is the doctor around? -Yes.

Ah, hello!

I'll see you next month?

On the 22nd.

PEDRITO: PHOTOGRAPHER

Nice pictures.

1,000 dollars? We had agreed on 2,000.

You'll get the rest when I get my passport back.

A mojito, please.

MISSING GIRLS

Nobody's looking for that girl,

but they're still looking for me.

I don't want to stay here. For God's sake!

The only way there is by boat, and we can't get past the bridge.

That's where the National Park starts. It's forbidden.

Where the hell is that guy, the ugly one?

He left with a commando.

This is a very tough expedition, and there's no way…

What? You let that ape leave with no scientific backup?

We decided to do without.

Well, I could do without your services, sir.

The French Navy can say goodbye to working for me.

The French Navy replies: "Get lost, ma'am."

-Taxi! Telephone! -Yes, ma'am, come here!

Canaima jungle!

Thanks. Close the door…

Please, that boat.

Come back, I beg you! Come back, please!

I'm coming back!

What's he doing?

They can't help being a nuisance.

Thank you so much!

Thanks.

Cheap souvenirs, rice?

No thanks, I don't need your souvenirs.

Sorry.

Move over, sorry.

Do you speak French?

Yes.

-That's amazing! -Amazing!

Sorry!

-Can I? -Go ahead.

Look, I'm so glad to bump into you.

Maybe you can help me. Do you know this region well?

It's my first time here.

You can still be helpful,

because, check this out, I'm going to this area here…

Look, ma'am, I don't want to sound cavalier

or even rude, but I'm afraid I can't help you with anything.

Oh?

My vacation's over.

Just a quick boat ride and I'll be heading back to Paris.

Ah. How was it?

-What? -Your vacation.

Unforgettable.

So…

But… why are they slowing down?

-Unbelievable! -Go talk to the captain.

But… what's going on?

I don't understand! I've got a job to do!

-Sorry. -Ouch!

Sorry… What's going on?

Let's go, I'm in a rush.

In a rush!

Forward! Captain, please, go faster!

Yes, yes.

Mister! Please! Me, Canaima!

-Yes. -Yes?

-Over there? -Over there.

-Canaima. -Canaima.

Thanks.

Please!

‎CANAIMA NATIONAL PARK ‎ACCESS PROHIBITED

I have a problem,

I forgot my handbag on the other side.

You're not allowed here.

But why?

Over there! Why is he allowed to get through?

-Stop! -Stop!

Stop!

Mister?

Mister?

Ah! I've been looking for you everywhere!

I need information…

No wonder the French have such a bad reputation abroad.

Unbelievable.

Just one question! Not two, one!

Do you know the way to Canaima?

What are you after?

I'm looking for my roots.

I mean, it's a long story, I don't want to bother you with it.

You already did.

Which way is it?

My father was an ethnologist.

He spent his entire life wandering the globe.

I hardly knew him, he was like a fleeting shadow

who would come and kiss me in my sleep,

leaving an exotic scent on my cheek

before he'd fly back off to the wilderness.

And one day, up there,

he was ambushed. Papuan tribesmen.

There's never been any Papuans up there.

They were there on that day!

Papuan, Jivaro, Picaro, same difference!

Stop interrupting me.

Can't you see I'm a broken woman?

I need to go up there and that's it.

Are you looking for your daughter? A little girl?

A girl? What do you…

You're never allowed on my dinghy again!

What were you saying earlier?

You were talking about a little girl!

I didn't say anything.

You did! You mentioned a little girl!

Forget the little girl!

What are you doing?

I'm stopping.

What for?

To eat and sleep.

Ah, no, I'm not hungry, I'm not sleepy. No.

Well, good for you.

We need to keep going!

I dunno, listen to your heart!

If you change your mind, I'll save you some pork and beans.

OK, look, do you want me to tell you the truth?

This is something that needs to stay just between us.

Honestly, I'd rather have nothing at all between us.

All right, listen, let's lay our cards on the table!

Something extraordinary is happening to us.

To us?

Yes, I apologize, I didn't introduce myself.

I'm Doctor Bouvier.

Margaux Bouvier.

Research officer at the Nançay Radio Observatory.

It's true.

And we're constantly listening to the Universe around us.

I thought you were looking for your father.

Don't try to change the subject!

I can't tell you what I'm looking for. I'm not allowed to.

Also, you wouldn't believe me.

Anyway, I can tell you we'll witness the most important discovery

of all time.

Perhaps that warrants skipping a meal, no?

I never skip any meal!

You're so self-centered!

Yes, and believe me, it's a full-time job!

Look, I have no family, no strings, no kids.

I've been waiting for this since I was born!

You can't ruin this just because you're hungry!

This wine from 1989 is delicious!

I can't believe this!

All right.

If that's what you want, I'm off.

and if something happens to me, it'll be on your hands.

What a jerk…

Ah! A huge bug! Come here!

I'll check it out tomorrow morning.

How selfish and rude…

I have an idea! I think you'll like it.

If I agree to sleep with you,

can we leave as soon as we're done?

That way, we both help each other out…

-What do you say? -No thanks!

I just wanted to help you out…

You don't have any cotton wool, do you?

She really won't get off my back.

Unbelievable. She's gonna keep me up all night.

What the hell is wrong with her?

How dare he? What a jerk!

Ah, it's really sweet of you to wait for me.

I didn't take too long, did I?

Oops, you're going to lose your passport!

Choiseul, Édouard, Alphonse.

You don't look like much without that beard!

Come on, now!

I'm not going through your stuff!

You can, I have nothing to hide.

Are you a dentist? That's useful to have around.

You're scouting the area to open a practice, aren't you?

I'm no longer a dentist.

No? Ah! What are you?

I'm irritated!

And they're viviparous, so,

people confuse them with amphibians,

but they're actually lemurs and…

-It's a… -Hush!

Stop touching me!

Shut up, goddammit!

Oh! Who's this?

-Who are they? -The Canaima people.

They're not overly courteous…

They aren't gonna eat us, are they? This isn't Tintin.

Yeah, but I have no idea how to get through!

Why didn't you ask?

Because I'm used to my route, to traveling alone,

and not to let anyone bust my balls!

Electronics! My father always used to say…

Your father is seriously starting to bust my gonads!

The varnish is crackling, your crudeness is showing.

The one on the right!

I doubt we'll go that way!

Look, I'm positive about this, I'm a scientist.

I'm certain about this! It's right here, the GPS doesn't lie!

I'd call you something else.

-This is a map. -Yeah.

It's the most direct route!

All right, OK. We'll find a way around this.

Amazing technology!

Come on, honey, you got to be flexible!

It's obvious that over there,

on the right, is our way out of here!

Look, lady,

we're gonna set things straight right now!

Don't you ever call me honey again!

What do you want me to call you?

You don't call me.

Do you believe in aliens?

Because… Are you even listening?

There are other lifeforms in the Universe.

Do the math. Let me ask you this:

just in our galaxy, 200 billion stars…

You can't convince me that we're alone in the cosmos,

it's mathematically impossible.

You're not saying anything…

For one, I lost my crate of Château Margaux because of you!

Secondly, I don't give a shit about the cosmos.

Thirdly, I can't remember my point but I will eventually!

Do you know them? Do you live here?

Write down all your questions on paper,

with boxes to tick off.

I'm done.

This is it! I'm 13 meters away!

Right here!

One, two, three, four…

five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,

-11, 12, 13. Right here! -Long live the bride!

Is that it?

62°32’ west.

Is this the place? Are you in charge?

Tell me exactly what you saw.

Did something fall down from the sky?

Cosmos…

Spaceship…

Cosmic spacecraft

Landing.

Where did he go? Where is it?

No?

Planet, planet… Sky… Spaceship…

Down…

Truly baffling.

Boom.

I beg you, try harder,

you've witnessed something, haven't you?

Ah!

Yes? Ah! That way?

The Moon.

What's she…

She comes from the Moon.

Is she the one who saw something?

Is she your daughter?

-Presents? -Presents.

Can you lean down for me, Édouard?

For what?

How do you know my name?

I know everything.

You found a woman who accepts you.

Help me, please.

How do I look?

Do I really look like a little girl?

Tell me, why did you draw that line up to here?

To explain.

Explain what?

Where I come from. It's that way.

Who brought you here?

Nobody, I ran away.

Why?

Because of the pill, duh…

A pill? Where did you run away from?

What do you guys call it? Beta Centauri, you call it.

Beta… Beta what?

Centauri.

But do you know what that means?

Yes, it's a star. Our sun.

What are you talking about?

Look at you. You're a little girl, not an alien.

Beta Centauri is a star located in the Virgo Cluster,

Ten light years away.

A thousand billion kilometers! What are you talking about?

1,253 billion, 364 million,

625,903 kilometers.

I thought you were an astronomer.

How do you know this?

A cuneiform scripture…

This is Sumerian!

What did you write?

That's my name.

But you know what I'd really like?

I'd like you to call me Lulu.

Lulu.

Are you disappointed?

That's not how you imagined us?

-Who's "us"? -Us. Aliens.

And what's this here?

What did you write? Your planet's name?

No, this is our story.

Our planet is so tiny

that there's only room for kids,

kids that never grow up.

But, like you guys, we know how to talk, write, we know stuff.

Probably more stuff than you guys.

'Cause we have time to learn all that stuff.

We stay on our planet,

studying the infinite Universe,

and we know that love can make you cry

and that death is when it's all gone.

That's why we take the pill.

So we don't get old and die.

But having that much knowledge,

isn't enough for me anymore.

So I decided I wanted to find out what it's like

to love and to die. The stuff you guys do.

The only problem is my pursuers made me veer off course.

And now I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere.

Who was after you?

Tell me… If you're not real kids

and you never die, how old are you?

Beats me…

Whereas, you guys…

You need to slice up your life in segments

to figure out how long you've got left.

What about your pill? What happens if you stop taking it?

Maybe I'll die.

But if the Moon fills up again, they'll come and pick me up.

What's the matter?

-Are you crying? -Are you kidding me! It's raining.

Now it's time to sleep.

I've waited for this moment since I was a little girl.

It was a dream I never thought would really come true.

A lifeform from another solar system

establishing contact with us.

Have you ever had your own unattainable dreams,

stuff you feel

you've been pursuing your entire life?

I have.

We always picture aliens as weird creatures,

blue, yellow, or green predators.

It's always easier to imagine the worst.

Yes. Maybe we're the worst, not them.

It's true. We spend our lives sleeping,

fighting, being suspicious of one another.

It's a miracle nowadays when people still say "thanks" and "hello".

Hello.

Ah…

It's true, we're wasting our lives away…

We're throwing our lives out the window,

we try to give our life meaning when it's meaningless.

It has a lifespan, that's it.

We're not ticking the right boxes.

You know what?

We're gonna start ticking those boxes away,

-with whatever's available. -Oh!

What's available?

How dare you talk to a woman that way!

I forbid you to brush up against me, even from afar.

I have no intention of brushing up against you!

Well, you just did. You were rude enough,

on a day like this one, to try to take advantage of me!

What did you think I was up to?

That I was about to bang you on the dresser?

I'm not that lonely!

Also, there is no dresser here.

You want me to tell you a secret?

Yes.

I got my genitalia removed. All of it.

-Oh! -Wanna know why?

So I never have to deal with females like you!

You really think your gibberish,

your knees and your turned-up nose would be enough to change my mind?

He's impotent, that explains it.

In any case, I hate women who act so confident,

especially on a Friday night!

Is that all you have to say?

Any other nice words about my feet or my shins?

No, I'm done.

Who are you?

I need three pieces about that size.

And another one for the locomotive.

"Locomo" what?

Locomotive.

Me, me!

-Hello, hello, Bouvier? -Hello, Jeff. Jeff?

-This is so funny… -I'm not in the mood.

-I was going to call you. -What!

This is obstruction! I'll have you court-martialled!

What do you mean, "court-martialled"? What obstruction?

I've got it!

Well, I don't give a shit!

You think it's easy to…

It's a little girl!

Hello, Bénard?

A little girl like you and me.

How did you get there?

Where are you? We've been looking for you for three days!

-Where are you? -63 degrees, 32 minutes west.

Are you out of your mind?

We're 20 clicks away. How do you expect…

Stop yelling!

I'll call you back once you've calmed down!

With a train, you can go real fast.

Tell me, Lulu.

Didn't you mention you'd like to see New York?

You bet I would!

Well, come with me, we'll go together.

The entire world needs to know. You need to tell the world…

No, I can't do that.

I need to wait here for the full moon.

Ah, no, the Moon… They have it in America too!

Do you want to see the Empire State Building?

We'll ride the elevator to the top floor,

I'll show you whatever you want.

No! I don't want to.

Hold on. Let me think. If we head that way…

Ah, no, we need to go right…

No! Not that way! Watch out!

Help! Édouard!

Ah! I'm choking!

Let me down!

I'm not allowed to touch you!

Of course you can! Can't you see I'm dying?

No, you're not dying! You're a fighter!

-I am. -All right…

You're lucky I'm in a good mood today.

My knee, it's dislocated!

No shots, please, I'm totally allergic to them.

Thanks for warning me.

What are you doing? I'm not hurt up there.

Knee injuries have a tendency to move upward.

No shots, you heard me?

Too late.

Ouch!

That hurt like hell!

You never listen to anyone, do you?

Not much. I've stopped doing that.

I gave myself a break.

Is that what you're doing with your freedom?

I did what I could with it.

You haven't always been a savage.

You used to have a family. You used to be a dentist. You had a life!

Yes, the life of a dentist,

the problems of a dentist, the family of a dentist.

Most dentists jump out of the window at their own practice.

I jumped onto a bus instead.

-What bus? -Bus 32.

The Gare de l'Est Porte de Saint-Cloud line.

On that bus, I swore to myself

I would never stare a lady in the eyes again.

That's how all the bullshit starts,

in a woman's gaze.

And it's because of a woman's gaze that I'm here.

With those emerald eyes.

Oh, as soon as she sat down

in front of me on that bus, I knew I was done.

I thought you'd taken a pledge…

It's her fault for looking at me like she did!

She knew I'd follow her right away.

-Oh, yeah, where to? -Oh…

Mexico, Madrid, London, Buenos Aires.

She was in a tap-dancing troupe.

We didn't speak the same language.

We never had to say a word.

It kept me going for six months.

I learned tap dancing so she'd notice me.

But she'd already picked another guy,

a croupier in Caracas.

So, for the very first time,

I looked straight into her eyes

and I went: "it's either him or me".

What happened?

She said: "It's him".

Do you know the Ayacucho region?

No.

There's a famous mine,

with the world's purest emeralds

and the least empathetic cops in Central America.

"Emeralds robbed from mine."

Don't tell me…

I am telling you.

You are looking at the dumbest

emerald thief in the Northern Hemisphere,

with four countries after him,

who was also cuckolded by a Slovenian tap dancer

he met at the Saint-Augustin stop in Paris.

All those emeralds must've touched her, right?

You know, with the Venezuelian junta on my ass,

I didn't have time to surprise her with them.

Yes, but you had sweet intentions.

I already told you, my curse

is that I always wanted to please women.

Tell me,

you said you learned tap dancing,

does that…

Bravo!

Didn't that do the trick for your dancer?

It did, it made her laugh.

But…

your package… Did you really get it removed?

What package?

Your… genitals.

Everything.

Everything! If every guy who's upset got castrated…

I'm not upset, I'm tired.

You women drained me.

I want you guys to leave me alone now.

Oh! What's this?

The Canaima people. They're terrified of them.

I hate little girls that listen at the door.

Get rid of the door, then. Édouard!

-Huh? -Like this?

That's great, but now is not the time.

The guns!

-Édouard! -They won't get through.

Guns! Block the entrance!

Let's go! OK! Damn mud! Come quick!

What does "genitals" mean?

They're the source of our trouble.

Come on! Let's go!

Hey, what's this?

What did you eat?

Nothing. By the way, I'm hungry. I'm not going up there.

Lulu! I said "Lulu!"

No! Come back here, this is dangerous!

I'll go wherever I want to.

I never had a father and I don't need one!

Come quick, I'll nudge you up.

You're gonna nudge me in front of everyone?

Come on, stop dreaming, I'll help you up there.

You know, tap dancing is a great way to offset your lumbering appearance.

Can you do me a favor?

Forget all of this.

Who said I wanted to please you?

Attack!

It's OK…

It's all over now.

Why is he so cold?

Why won't he look at me anymore?

You wanted to know everything.

But, that's not him.

He's not a piece of meat.

Who he was, all the stuff he could do,

and his smile… Where did all that stuff go?

What are those drops falling out of my eyes?

Where's he going?

The river will take him to the sea.

He'll come back here as rain.

We need to go. You don't sleep in a dead man's village.

They say it's bad luck.

It's weird, that's not how I pictured it.

What?

Having a mom and dad.

Maybe landing here wasn't so unlucky after all.

I think us three together is really nice.

Is everybody else like you up there?

Let me see.

Her hair is turning white.

You can't let those who have died go.

Get some sleep.

Get some sleep. Don't worry, we're here.

You came here to seek refuge.

Yes.

Did you come here to hide

or to avoid catching the gaze of a woman on a bus?

If bus 32 made a stop here, I'd really be out of luck.

Lulu! Don't swim too far out, the currents are strong.

No, it's cold, it's nice!

Women… buses… bullshit. I wouldn't say no to a cup of joe, though.

What do you want? Édouard!

No! Help! Édouard!

Let her go! Get off Lulu!

Grab the little one and watch out!

-Édouard, help! -No, Lulu, he can't…

Let me go! Édouard!

-Let me go! -Help!

They're kidnapping Lulu! Do something!

All right, I'm the one who called that idiot.

I screwed up.

Does that never happen to you?

What do you want from me, an apology?

I'm too upset to apologize.

How long are you gonna keep peeling this?

What are you doing? Fruit sculpures?

Eat your damn pear and let's go!

-Where to? -Look!

I'm asking you this as a favor.

I know this is a huge sacrifice for you,

but for once, skip dessert, and let's go!

-You know the way. -Listen up!

You know that 20 meters from the goddamn john…

Her pill!

If she doesn't take it, she could die.

Her age is going to catch up with her at lightning speed.

Yeah, to her, one hour is like ten years.

No, we can't let her die! I'm begging you!

POST OFFICE ALMANAC

The full moon!

Six days from now. They'll be back in six days.

Who's "they"?

"When the Moon will be full."

Now promise me something…

Anything you say.

If we manage to save her, you're going to promise me,

and I mean it, that you'll really leave me alone.

Of course. It goes without saying.

It's even better if you say it.

-I just did. -Say it!

-I promise. -There you go!

What are you doing here?

Choo-choo…

That kid's getting on my nerves.

Choo-choo-choo-choo…

How old do you think the girl is?

Her urea levels are higher than those of a centenarian.

Her hair's texture is incredible.

She looks like Ramses II's mummy.

This means she's over 3,000 years old.

What's going on?

Shit, what's wrong with my machine?

I told you to check the electrodes. It's your fault.

Enough!

The girl must've unplugged it. That's all. Go and check!

What the hell is going on!

She couldn't have vanished.

Search the lifeboats!

Yes, Major.

Bénard!

Bénard, hurry up!

Taxi!

They're still here, let's go.

We'll tell them a helicopter

can get the girl up there in less than an hour!

Unless we rely on a bazooka to do the explaining for us,

it may take a while to convince them.

No, follow my lead, don't be intimidated by them!

I'll just stay back, I wouldn't want to make them angry.

I'm sure you'll find the right words.

You bastard, you don't understand shit!

It's crucial that we bring the girl back to the point of impact. It's a qu…

I'll bring her wherever I want…

-once I've found her. -You're hurting me!

What do you mean?

What did you do with her?

She ran away! If you don't mind, we can discuss this on the way!

On the way to where? Ouch, ouch, ouch!

You know her better than I do.

I'm sorry, people!

I don't mean to intrude,

or to get involved in people's business…

Who's that dumbass?

A tourist, I'm sightseeing. Oh, I love the weather.

Aren't you looking for a little girl with pigtails?

Because I saw her go that way.

-Go check it out. -I love this!

I love helping people out, especially on vacation.

Come with me!

Come with me!

My trike!

Get in. Move it!

We're coming.

My cab! My cab!

A police station! Stop!

Let's ask them to help us find the girl,

she's in danger!

Don't you get it yet?

If I go there, I'll be out in 20 years.

You're so selfish!

I mean, this is getting so annoying!

I got an idea. The phone!

Hold on, I'll give you a number to memorize: 633-33-33-33.

What is it?

A coded number for Colonel Villeneuve.

If things get tough, he's your get-out-of-jail card

if the cops recognize you.

Hide, I'll go.

The money!

It's a question of life and death! A little girl,

a little girl with pigtails,

a special little girl who comes from the Moon!

Moon, star…

A little girl, she was running…

We need to catch up with her.

Haven't you seen her? She's… danger!

Those idiots didn't understand a word I said.

How do you say "full moon" and alien in Spanish?

-Huh? -Get her!

Oh, not him!

Choo-choo.

Hey!

Lulu!

Margaux, I was supposed to have left the country.

Now that the cops have tracked me down,

they'll never let me off. Thanks!

They have other things to do,

-you poor sod. -I'm not a poor sod.

Stop, you jackasses!

Let me through!

-Oh! -I'm a woman, after all!

Excuse me.

Hurry up!

Oh! Do something! Wake up!

OK, what should I do?

I have to let go the rest of the train, it can't be that hard!

Go ahead! Do it!

-Pull that pin! -What?

You're twisting it the wrong way. Let me do it!

Shit!

…Point K.

-You dumbasses! -GIve me that pin!

Let's get on that thing, dammit!

Come on!

Come on, quick, faster!

I'm going as fast as I can.

He's slowing down, he saw us!

Do something!

Come on, goddammit!

Hurry up! Come on!

Will you get off my damn back?

Come on, man, go faster! Show me what she's got!

Faster! Faster! And come and see this!

Ask him to go faster!

He says we're going uphill.

What are we doing here? Where are we?

You want me to tell you where we are?

-Yes! -In deep shit.

That's where we are.

Shoot them. Act like a man for once.

-Shoot at them. -Come on now!

-Ah, congrats! Congrats! -Hey, we're moving!

Give it to me!

Look, we're not at the funfair!

-You bastards! Unbelievable! -What the hell did they break?

See? It works better when we do it together!

Start that piece of junk!

Where is the train going?

Where's Lulu?

-They're over there! -Oh!

Yes, we'll give you hand.

Wait!

-Move over! -It's stuck!

Let me do this.

There you go. It wasn't that hard!

Here they come!

Quick, hide!

Faster, guys. They're straight ahead. Let's go!

Slow down. Hit the brakes.

Go right! Just in time.

-Nice job, guys! -Thanks, Major.

Look!

I think we need to hurry up.

How the hell did I get involved in this?

I had a quiet life, on my own.

Yes, maybe, but you were bored.

Over there!

This is your last stop. Get off the bus, man!

Come on, let's go!

What's going on?

Oh! Did you see this?

What?

There! The bus number. This is bus 32.

Amazing, huh?

Can I tell you a secret?

This is the first time I've set foot in a bus that says 32.

What?

I like to tell stories. I find it relaxing.

Relaxing? What about your tap dancer…

and her emerald eyes? All that stuff…

Her eyes were probably even more beautiful in my dreams.

Oh!

Seriously, do you know

a lot of Slovenian tap dancers that end up in Caracas?

This is a breach of trust.

What's going on?

Pont de Saint-Cloud! Last stop!

Over there!

Come here, Lulu.

We'll break for an hour.

Maybe he would've been the man of my life.

And I can't even remember his name.

When you love someone, is it always so sad?

Not always, but pretty often it is.

No, don't tell her that!

What would you know about it?

I don't want to… go home.

I'd like to live here a little longer.

Just a little longer.

Please.

You can't, sweetie, no…

The seconds keep ticking away.

They're telling you to go home.

If she just started appreciating life,

it's going to seem way too short.

This little girl, who fell to Earth with the rain…

I hardly know her.

The way she looks right through us like we're made of glass…

You can't cheat.

Now I want to have 34 kids.

Look, up there!

I kept them because I thought they might

make a nice breakup present one day.

What about the rest?

No, I said it's in the event of a breakup.

You know, at your age, you'll never use them all up.

Unless you get three women a day.

You know what?

Next time a lady asks me to father her 34 kids,

I'll tie the entire satchel to her ankles and throw her into the Orinoco.

-I never asked you that. -You implied it.

What did I imply?

Oh, don't play games with me!

I was talking hypothetically…

"Hypothetically"? I know what you said.

I never imagined myself…

I'll keep my gems!

…living with 34 rugrats.

All right! They agreed.

They agreed to give you guys a try.

For what?

To be our parents. So, can we go now?

-Where? -To Central Park.

All right, let's go!

‎Subtitle translation by: Thomas Isackson