Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:00:21,757 --> 00:00:26,757
Subtitles by explosiveskull
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00:00:26,759 --> 00:00:29,760
(HEAVY BREATHING)
4
00:00:29,762 --> 00:00:35,265
(SOFT DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL)
5
00:00:35,267 --> 00:00:37,768
BLAKE VOICEOVER: When my dad
saw my mom for the first time,
6
00:00:37,770 --> 00:00:40,236
there was no witty bio
accompanying a flattering
7
00:00:40,238 --> 00:00:42,138
yet candid photo of her.
8
00:00:42,140 --> 00:00:45,308
She was just sitting on
the bleachers on campus.
9
00:00:45,310 --> 00:00:46,376
And he knew right
there and then
10
00:00:46,378 --> 00:00:49,048
that he was going
to marry her.
11
00:00:50,249 --> 00:00:53,282
(UPBEAT NEW WAVE MUSIC)
12
00:00:53,284 --> 00:00:56,320
BLAKE: Because of that story
combined with an unhealthy binge
13
00:00:56,322 --> 00:00:59,123
of Nora Ephron movies when
I had mono in high school,
14
00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:01,891
I always wondered what
my love story would be.
15
00:01:01,893 --> 00:01:03,726
Playing foosball
in a shitty diner
16
00:01:03,728 --> 00:01:05,496
with a college
bro from Tinder
17
00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:08,001
wasn't exactly
what I had in mind.
18
00:01:10,102 --> 00:01:12,169
Do you have any siblings?
19
00:01:12,171 --> 00:01:15,272
BLAKE: I bet you if
Harry met Sally in 2018
20
00:01:15,274 --> 00:01:16,341
That was fun.
21
00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:20,146
BLAKE: They'd just end
up as fuck buddies.
22
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:22,513
COLLEGE BRO:
You wanna come over?
23
00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:23,981
BLAKE:
I can't.
24
00:01:23,983 --> 00:01:25,348
COLLEGE BRO: I'm not
gonna think you're a slut
25
00:01:25,350 --> 00:01:26,350
or whatever.
26
00:01:26,352 --> 00:01:27,284
I wasn't concerned
about that,
27
00:01:27,286 --> 00:01:28,484
but thank you.
28
00:01:28,486 --> 00:01:29,853
Well then, what is it?
29
00:01:29,855 --> 00:01:33,157
BLAKE: I just don't wanna
have sex with you right now.
30
00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:34,190
COLLEGE BRO:
Okay, but like,
31
00:01:34,192 --> 00:01:35,995
not right now or,
like, generally?
32
00:01:37,530 --> 00:01:38,829
Do I wanna have sex
with you generally?
33
00:01:38,831 --> 00:01:40,329
COLLEGE BRO:
Yeah.
34
00:01:40,331 --> 00:01:41,532
BLAKE:
Poor college guys.
35
00:01:41,534 --> 00:01:43,166
God bless them.
36
00:01:43,168 --> 00:01:45,201
But they're so busy
trying to catch up on what
37
00:01:45,203 --> 00:01:46,803
misconduct is,
38
00:01:46,805 --> 00:01:49,109
they don't even know
how to go on a date.
39
00:01:54,013 --> 00:01:57,281
It's time to say goodbye
to grand gestures.
40
00:01:57,283 --> 00:02:00,383
The grandest it gets these
days is swiping right
41
00:02:00,385 --> 00:02:01,353
instead of left.
42
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:04,353
As your local
hopeless romantic,
43
00:02:04,355 --> 00:02:05,788
I am sad to report
44
00:02:05,790 --> 00:02:07,560
that romance is dead.
45
00:02:14,165 --> 00:02:15,364
MATT:
Romance is dead.
46
00:02:15,366 --> 00:02:16,635
BLAKE:
Yup.
47
00:02:17,468 --> 00:02:18,467
(SIGHS)
48
00:02:18,469 --> 00:02:21,405
Okay, um, I'm gonna
kill your column.
49
00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:22,471
What? Why?
50
00:02:22,473 --> 00:02:24,274
Because your love
life is boring!
51
00:02:24,276 --> 00:02:25,441
BLAKE:
That's not my fault!
52
00:02:25,443 --> 00:02:27,077
I am trying really
hard out there.
53
00:02:27,079 --> 00:02:29,379
WINNIE: Hey, I personally really
like the existential crisis
54
00:02:29,381 --> 00:02:31,048
with the philosophy major.
55
00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:32,448
BLAKE:
Thanks, Winnie.
56
00:02:32,450 --> 00:02:33,684
It's a good column!
57
00:02:33,686 --> 00:02:34,917
It's just niche.
58
00:02:34,919 --> 00:02:35,918
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
59
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:38,422
Plus, it gives the
paper a female edge.
60
00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:39,923
MATT:
Hm. Female, maybe.
61
00:02:39,925 --> 00:02:42,059
Edge, absolutely not.
62
00:02:42,061 --> 00:02:44,094
Your column is about as
far away from the edge
63
00:02:44,096 --> 00:02:46,363
as a kid scared of heights.
64
00:02:46,365 --> 00:02:48,431
Good simile, Jacob.
65
00:02:48,433 --> 00:02:49,433
MATT:
Alright, guys, stop fighting.
66
00:02:49,435 --> 00:02:51,435
I'm putting you
on reviews.
67
00:02:51,437 --> 00:02:52,903
That's what
you're doing now.
68
00:02:52,905 --> 00:02:55,272
The Jessers and Naples are
playing, uh, at the Cavern,
69
00:02:55,274 --> 00:02:57,274
so go and tell me how it is.
70
00:02:57,276 --> 00:02:58,411
So that's it?
71
00:02:58,943 --> 00:03:00,010
I'm sorry!
72
00:03:00,012 --> 00:03:01,544
I'm sorry that the student
body has lost interest
73
00:03:01,546 --> 00:03:02,812
in your love life.
74
00:03:02,814 --> 00:03:04,447
It kinda feels like maybe
you've lost interest
75
00:03:04,449 --> 00:03:06,449
in your own love life,
to be perfectly frank.
76
00:03:06,451 --> 00:03:07,750
I can make it better.
77
00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:10,722
I am gonna do something
really awesome.
78
00:03:11,657 --> 00:03:12,655
Yeah, you are.
79
00:03:12,657 --> 00:03:13,656
In reviews.
80
00:03:13,658 --> 00:03:14,924
Maybe you're a critic!
81
00:03:14,926 --> 00:03:16,326
Maybe that's your thing.
Sit down, please.
82
00:03:16,328 --> 00:03:17,327
- Winnie?
- WINNIE: Mhm?
83
00:03:17,329 --> 00:03:18,461
Got something for you, LSD.
84
00:03:18,463 --> 00:03:20,930
The mice in our labs
are being tested on
85
00:03:20,932 --> 00:03:22,566
by the med students.
86
00:03:22,568 --> 00:03:24,434
Animal rights people are gonna
be fucking nuts about this.
87
00:03:24,436 --> 00:03:26,335
So maybe we write
something about that.
88
00:03:26,337 --> 00:03:28,471
(SIGHS) Such a waste of LSD.
89
00:03:28,473 --> 00:03:29,572
To me.
90
00:03:29,574 --> 00:03:30,473
MATT: That-that
could be something!
91
00:03:30,475 --> 00:03:31,508
That could be something.
92
00:03:31,510 --> 00:03:32,508
Hey, it's not
This American Life,
93
00:03:32,510 --> 00:03:33,744
but it's something.
94
00:03:33,746 --> 00:03:35,679
LSD, that's our target.
95
00:03:35,681 --> 00:03:37,748
Monday, see you
guys all then.
96
00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:39,485
I am going to the bar.
97
00:03:40,985 --> 00:03:41,984
BLAKE:
Without my column,
98
00:03:41,986 --> 00:03:44,287
I'm just another
Humanities major!
99
00:03:44,289 --> 00:03:47,092
I am facing years of rejection
from unpaid internships.
100
00:03:47,359 --> 00:03:49,493
NIKKI:
Come to Thailand with me!
101
00:03:49,495 --> 00:03:51,661
We need to find ourselves.
102
00:03:51,663 --> 00:03:54,298
I am not going to find
myself on a mushroom trip
103
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:55,865
at a full moon party.
104
00:03:55,867 --> 00:03:57,934
That's literally
where you find yourself.
105
00:03:57,936 --> 00:03:59,335
Well, is there
a student loan
106
00:03:59,337 --> 00:04:01,338
that can pay for my
flight to this party
107
00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:03,343
where I miraculously
find myself?
108
00:04:05,510 --> 00:04:06,776
NIKKI: If they said
your column was boring
109
00:04:06,778 --> 00:04:08,781
just make your
column less boring.
110
00:04:10,014 --> 00:04:11,815
It's not that boring.
111
00:04:11,817 --> 00:04:13,118
It's not.
112
00:04:13,885 --> 00:04:16,990
You write a sex
column with no sex.
113
00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:20,959
I do stuff.
114
00:04:23,028 --> 00:04:25,961
You've given,
like, one hand-job
115
00:04:25,963 --> 00:04:27,733
in the last year to...
116
00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:29,966
Who was it, again?
117
00:04:29,968 --> 00:04:31,737
The Spanish exchange student.
118
00:04:32,838 --> 00:04:33,836
God, he was really hot.
119
00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:35,538
No, he wasn't.
120
00:04:35,540 --> 00:04:36,707
He was really intense.
121
00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:38,341
He was gross.
122
00:04:38,343 --> 00:04:39,709
I feel like there
was a lot of potential
123
00:04:39,711 --> 00:04:41,510
with the philosophy major.
124
00:04:41,512 --> 00:04:42,512
No.
125
00:04:42,514 --> 00:04:44,413
He has tiny fingers.
126
00:04:44,415 --> 00:04:45,848
He'd hold a beer like this,
127
00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:47,351
like a baby holding a bottle.
128
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:48,353
That's gross.
129
00:04:49,654 --> 00:04:50,922
CASHIER:
I.D.?
130
00:04:58,730 --> 00:05:00,397
I need to see your I.D.
131
00:05:00,399 --> 00:05:01,401
Okay.
132
00:05:03,067 --> 00:05:04,735
NIKKI: A knight in shining
armour isn't gonna come
133
00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:07,536
galloping into the frat party
and ask you to the ball.
134
00:05:07,538 --> 00:05:08,774
He might.
135
00:05:09,574 --> 00:05:11,608
Can I just pay for this now?
136
00:05:11,610 --> 00:05:12,608
Chill.
137
00:05:12,610 --> 00:05:13,610
Excuse me?
138
00:05:13,612 --> 00:05:15,178
We were here first.
139
00:05:15,180 --> 00:05:16,579
What are you twelve?
140
00:05:16,581 --> 00:05:17,546
NIKKI:
What are you?
141
00:05:17,548 --> 00:05:18,548
Forty?
142
00:05:18,550 --> 00:05:19,548
I.D.?
What?
143
00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:20,550
Thirty?
144
00:05:20,552 --> 00:05:22,385
Oh, I found it!
145
00:05:22,387 --> 00:05:23,786
I like your coat.
146
00:05:23,788 --> 00:05:25,057
Thanks.
147
00:05:25,690 --> 00:05:27,060
BLAKE:
Okay, let's go.
148
00:05:29,093 --> 00:05:30,793
Can I get some rolling
papers, too, please?
149
00:05:30,795 --> 00:05:32,064
6X?
150
00:05:33,632 --> 00:05:38,635
(LIVELY NEW WAVE MUSIC)
151
00:05:38,637 --> 00:05:42,442
♪
152
00:06:24,149 --> 00:06:25,882
NIKKI: So what's the
deal with this band?
153
00:06:25,884 --> 00:06:28,351
I heard the lead
guitarist is pretty!
154
00:06:28,353 --> 00:06:31,687
Him and his man-bun were in
my Intro to Psych class.
155
00:06:31,689 --> 00:06:33,289
I swear, if I'd had
a pair of scissors,
156
00:06:33,291 --> 00:06:35,125
I would've cut the thing off.
157
00:06:35,127 --> 00:06:36,692
- BOUNCER: Hi.
- NIKKI: How are you?
158
00:06:36,694 --> 00:06:37,694
I.D's.
159
00:06:37,696 --> 00:06:39,198
Of course, obviously.
160
00:06:40,399 --> 00:06:41,701
- It's candy.
- BOUNCER: Uh oh. Yeah
161
00:06:43,401 --> 00:06:44,868
Should've saved
ya a little lick.
162
00:06:44,870 --> 00:06:45,868
BOUNCER:
Bring enough to share around?
163
00:06:45,870 --> 00:06:46,870
I'm kidding.
164
00:06:46,872 --> 00:06:49,206
Depends on how
the night goes.
165
00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:51,210
I'm just kidding,
we're not doing that.
166
00:06:55,012 --> 00:06:56,378
Yeah, that isn't you.
167
00:06:56,380 --> 00:06:57,880
(GIGGLES) What're
you talking about?
168
00:06:57,882 --> 00:06:58,882
Of course it's me!
169
00:06:58,884 --> 00:06:59,983
BOUNCER:
Yeah? What's your name?
170
00:06:59,985 --> 00:07:01,521
Blake Conway
Wrong.
171
00:07:02,721 --> 00:07:04,521
BLAKE:
Uh, that's weird.
172
00:07:04,523 --> 00:07:05,525
NIKKI:
That is weird.
173
00:07:12,396 --> 00:07:13,730
Oh yeah, that's fine!
You're okay?
174
00:07:13,732 --> 00:07:14,697
Yeah, that's fine.
You go in.
175
00:07:14,699 --> 00:07:15,699
NIKKI:
You're sure?
176
00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:16,899
BLAKE:
I would be thrilled.
177
00:07:16,901 --> 00:07:19,034
I'll figure out
where my I.D. went.
178
00:07:19,036 --> 00:07:20,202
Good luck.
179
00:07:20,204 --> 00:07:22,942
BLAKE: Yeah, I'llI'll
find you somehow.
180
00:07:24,742 --> 00:07:25,742
Sorry!
181
00:07:25,744 --> 00:07:27,547
BLAKE:
Can you write my review?
182
00:07:31,415 --> 00:07:34,719
(DISTANT POLICE SIRENS)
183
00:07:40,725 --> 00:07:42,928
(BARKING)
184
00:07:50,769 --> 00:07:51,771
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
185
00:07:56,774 --> 00:07:58,043
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
186
00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:00,743
(INTERCOM) MORGAN:
Hello?
187
00:08:00,745 --> 00:08:02,548
Hi, um, Morgan?
188
00:08:03,615 --> 00:08:04,613
(INTERCOM) MORGAN:
Yeah?
189
00:08:04,615 --> 00:08:06,615
Um, I have your
driver's licence.
190
00:08:06,617 --> 00:08:08,485
I think that you have mine.
191
00:08:08,487 --> 00:08:09,652
(INTERCOM) MORGAN:
What?
192
00:08:09,654 --> 00:08:11,587
I have your driver's licence.
193
00:08:11,589 --> 00:08:13,391
(DOOR BUZZES OPEN)
194
00:08:24,802 --> 00:08:25,801
MORGAN:
Hi.
195
00:08:25,803 --> 00:08:27,739
Hey, uh, this is yours.
196
00:08:28,807 --> 00:08:29,809
Oh!
197
00:08:30,809 --> 00:08:32,142
Weird.
198
00:08:32,144 --> 00:08:34,076
I think they switched
them at the liquor store.
199
00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:35,614
Oh, that's funny.
200
00:08:36,081 --> 00:08:37,316
Come in.
201
00:08:40,118 --> 00:08:41,420
This is Bobby.
202
00:08:42,754 --> 00:08:44,820
He's not a very good dancer.
203
00:08:44,822 --> 00:08:46,022
That's not true.
204
00:08:46,024 --> 00:08:47,190
Hi.
205
00:08:47,192 --> 00:08:48,824
BOBBY:
Hi, how's your night?
206
00:08:48,826 --> 00:08:50,026
Uh, good, thank you.
207
00:08:50,028 --> 00:08:51,493
BOBBY:
Good.
208
00:08:51,495 --> 00:08:52,764
Good.
209
00:08:57,201 --> 00:08:58,200
Here you go.
210
00:08:58,202 --> 00:08:59,471
Thank you.
211
00:09:00,004 --> 00:09:01,871
You should stay.
212
00:09:01,873 --> 00:09:03,205
For a drink.
213
00:09:03,207 --> 00:09:05,842
The universe brought
us all together.
214
00:09:05,844 --> 00:09:07,647
Gotta embrace that, right?
215
00:09:09,648 --> 00:09:10,647
Okay, sure.
216
00:09:10,649 --> 00:09:11,650
I'll have a drink.
217
00:09:12,517 --> 00:09:13,819
- Cheers.
- BLAKE: Cheers.
218
00:09:19,024 --> 00:09:20,022
Do you have to pee?
219
00:09:20,024 --> 00:09:21,293
I have to pee.
220
00:09:23,894 --> 00:09:25,163
I could pee.
221
00:09:26,865 --> 00:09:28,067
Yeah, let's pee.
222
00:09:29,868 --> 00:09:31,137
BLAKE:
Team sport?
223
00:09:33,705 --> 00:09:34,706
(SIGHS)
224
00:09:43,081 --> 00:09:44,748
You're really pretty.
225
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,849
Do you know that?
226
00:09:46,851 --> 00:09:48,853
I feel like you
don't know that.
227
00:09:49,888 --> 00:09:50,889
Thanks.
228
00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:54,493
It's important for a girl
to know how pretty she is.
229
00:09:55,693 --> 00:09:56,693
Why?
230
00:09:56,695 --> 00:09:58,497
MORGAN: Because that's
how you find them.
231
00:09:59,063 --> 00:10:00,332
Find what?
232
00:10:00,865 --> 00:10:02,367
(TOILET FLUSHING)
233
00:10:06,404 --> 00:10:07,706
Your powers.
234
00:10:12,744 --> 00:10:14,513
He'll pay you to stay.
235
00:10:15,746 --> 00:10:17,280
Oh, I'm
236
00:10:17,282 --> 00:10:18,748
MORGAN: Oh, or you don't have
to take money, or anything.
237
00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:20,783
I know some girls
are weird with that.
238
00:10:20,785 --> 00:10:22,986
BLAKE:
No, um, I'm sorry.
239
00:10:22,988 --> 00:10:23,987
I'm not
240
00:10:23,989 --> 00:10:24,990
Not what?
241
00:10:26,323 --> 00:10:27,759
A prostitute.
242
00:10:29,794 --> 00:10:34,397
(CHUCKLES) I'm not
a prostitute, babe.
243
00:10:34,399 --> 00:10:36,402
I'm just trying to
cut you into a deal.
244
00:10:37,969 --> 00:10:38,971
It'll be fun.
245
00:10:40,105 --> 00:10:41,740
You don't have to do anything
you don't want to do.
246
00:10:43,774 --> 00:10:44,940
I don't think I can.
247
00:10:44,942 --> 00:10:46,745
I have early class
in the morning.
248
00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:49,981
I get it!
249
00:10:51,015 --> 00:10:52,784
It's not for everyone.
250
00:10:55,253 --> 00:10:56,489
Come on.
251
00:10:59,957 --> 00:11:01,192
Miss me?
252
00:11:01,993 --> 00:11:03,792
I always miss you, babe.
253
00:11:03,794 --> 00:11:04,796
Okay, thanks!
254
00:11:06,998 --> 00:11:07,997
MORGAN:
Yeah, bye!
255
00:11:07,999 --> 00:11:09,999
Bye.
256
00:11:10,802 --> 00:11:12,801
BOBBY:
How'd you get so warm?
257
00:11:12,803 --> 00:11:13,805
(DOOR CLICKS SHUT)
258
00:11:32,389 --> 00:11:38,228
(SOFT NEW WAVE MUSIC)
259
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:39,829
NIKKI:
You should've stayed.
260
00:11:39,831 --> 00:11:41,030
BLAKE: Yeah, I totally
should've stayed
261
00:11:41,032 --> 00:11:42,802
and had sex with two
strangers for some cash.
262
00:11:43,301 --> 00:11:45,033
CONRAD:
Was she a sugar baby?
263
00:11:45,035 --> 00:11:47,536
They're fucking
everywhere these days.
264
00:11:47,538 --> 00:11:48,537
Really?
265
00:11:48,539 --> 00:11:50,039
CONRAD:
Mm.
266
00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:52,041
School's so fucking
expensive, that's why.
267
00:11:52,043 --> 00:11:52,908
NIKKI:
Makes sense.
268
00:11:52,910 --> 00:11:54,844
That's really sad.
269
00:11:54,846 --> 00:11:55,847
(TIMER DINGS)
270
00:11:56,847 --> 00:11:57,980
Anyone want coffee?
271
00:11:57,982 --> 00:11:58,982
BLAKE:
I wanna dance.
272
00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:00,349
CONRAD:
Hey, you got scissors?
273
00:12:00,351 --> 00:12:01,886
NIKKI:
Yeah, somewhere.
274
00:12:02,553 --> 00:12:04,052
Young girls are
prostituting themselves
275
00:12:04,054 --> 00:12:05,088
to pay for school.
276
00:12:05,090 --> 00:12:06,689
You're so dramatic.
277
00:12:06,691 --> 00:12:08,060
It is dramatic!
278
00:12:10,261 --> 00:12:12,328
I think hookers
are kinda badass.
279
00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:14,333
Yeah, hookers are
super badass, Nikki.
280
00:12:15,066 --> 00:12:16,166
They're in charge
of their own bodies!
281
00:12:16,168 --> 00:12:18,368
Their pimps are in
charge of their bodies.
282
00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:19,868
Oh, yeah.
283
00:12:19,870 --> 00:12:22,070
I totally forgot
about the pimps.
284
00:12:22,072 --> 00:12:23,071
Well, if there
were no pimps,
285
00:12:23,073 --> 00:12:24,541
then hookers
would be badass.
286
00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:25,908
Sugar babies don't have pimps.
287
00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:27,946
Well, then sugar
babies are badass.
288
00:12:29,346 --> 00:12:31,350
Something interesting
happened to me!
289
00:12:32,082 --> 00:12:33,348
Oh, really? Good.
290
00:12:33,350 --> 00:12:34,883
I want my column back.
291
00:12:34,885 --> 00:12:36,084
Oh, you want your
column back?
292
00:12:36,086 --> 00:12:38,387
Uh, did you even
go to the concert?
293
00:12:38,389 --> 00:12:39,388
Your review?
294
00:12:39,390 --> 00:12:40,890
You didn't even
mention the music.
295
00:12:40,892 --> 00:12:43,696
You just described people
in line for two paragraphs.
296
00:12:44,361 --> 00:12:45,361
I was totally there.
297
00:12:45,363 --> 00:12:46,362
Oh, yeah.
298
00:12:46,364 --> 00:12:48,131
Well, look, it looks
like you got their facts
299
00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:49,531
off of Instagram.
300
00:12:49,533 --> 00:12:52,901
The last two lines were
just hashtags and gibberish.
301
00:12:52,903 --> 00:12:54,903
You are so out of touch.
302
00:12:54,905 --> 00:12:56,908
All we really care
about are hashtags.
303
00:12:58,109 --> 00:12:59,142
Oh, I'm out of touch?
304
00:12:59,144 --> 00:13:00,142
Am I like a fossil?
305
00:13:00,144 --> 00:13:01,143
I'm 23 years old!
306
00:13:01,145 --> 00:13:02,411
By the way, 23
307
00:13:02,413 --> 00:13:04,414
is perfectly fine age
to still be in college.
308
00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:05,915
Winnie!
309
00:13:05,917 --> 00:13:06,916
There you go!
Oh my god!
310
00:13:06,918 --> 00:13:08,117
- Is this for me?
- Yeah!
311
00:13:08,119 --> 00:13:09,118
Look at that!
312
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,118
She's so good.
313
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:11,119
You made him that?
314
00:13:11,121 --> 00:13:13,122
Yeah!
315
00:13:13,124 --> 00:13:14,123
BLAKE:
We are not your interns!
316
00:13:14,125 --> 00:13:15,123
MATT:
Aren't you?
317
00:13:15,125 --> 00:13:16,124
WINNIE:
I am not an intern!
318
00:13:16,126 --> 00:13:17,128
I'm a foam artist.
319
00:13:17,928 --> 00:13:19,762
Hey, man, I just
wanted to say to you,
320
00:13:19,764 --> 00:13:23,166
I really, really loved what you
did with the Plan B article.
321
00:13:23,168 --> 00:13:24,499
Oh, yeah!
It's so refreshing
322
00:13:24,501 --> 00:13:25,234
to have a male perspective
on birth control.
323
00:13:25,236 --> 00:13:26,236
JACOB:
Oh, thank you!
324
00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:27,570
Thank you, man,
I appreciate that!
325
00:13:27,572 --> 00:13:29,137
I'm totally down to
write your reference letter
326
00:13:29,139 --> 00:13:30,138
for the Thompson Award.
Oh, really?
327
00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:31,943
- JACOB: Thank you!
- MATT: No problem.
328
00:13:32,644 --> 00:13:35,143
Wait, you're applying
to that award?
329
00:13:35,145 --> 00:13:36,147
Yeah.
330
00:13:37,148 --> 00:13:38,414
You don't write gonzo.
331
00:13:38,416 --> 00:13:41,416
You write pretentious
political satire.
332
00:13:41,418 --> 00:13:44,119
(ROBOTIC) Actually,
I write both.
333
00:13:44,121 --> 00:13:45,121
Stephen Hawking.
334
00:13:45,123 --> 00:13:46,122
- MATT: Good!
- JACOB: Thank you.
335
00:13:46,124 --> 00:13:47,757
Since when?
336
00:13:47,759 --> 00:13:49,961
JACOB: Since I don't only
write for the school paper, so.
337
00:13:51,162 --> 00:13:53,161
You can't write him
a reference letter.
338
00:13:53,163 --> 00:13:54,162
You're not a faculty member.
339
00:13:54,164 --> 00:13:55,433
JACOB:
He's TA, it counts.
340
00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:58,166
Well, can you write
me a reference letter?
341
00:13:58,168 --> 00:13:59,437
(MATT STAMMERS)
342
00:14:02,173 --> 00:14:04,607
This looks like a
conflict of interest.
343
00:14:04,609 --> 00:14:06,110
Hard pass, thanks.
344
00:14:07,144 --> 00:14:09,177
The Thompson Award is
for gonzo journalism?
345
00:14:09,179 --> 00:14:10,512
BLAKE:
Yeah, and?
346
00:14:10,514 --> 00:14:12,248
JACOB:
And you don't write gonzo,
347
00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:14,383
so you just want it
for the prize money?
348
00:14:14,385 --> 00:14:16,486
BLAKE: Oh, right, and you don't
want the prize money at all?
349
00:14:16,488 --> 00:14:17,487
JACOB:
No, I do.
350
00:14:17,489 --> 00:14:18,488
It's fifty thousand dollars.
351
00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:20,256
That's the only reason
why I'm applying.
352
00:14:20,258 --> 00:14:21,259
MATT:
Story ideas!
353
00:14:22,059 --> 00:14:23,228
His, thank you!
354
00:14:24,195 --> 00:14:26,061
If the writer is
a part of the story,
355
00:14:26,063 --> 00:14:27,430
then it is gonzo.
356
00:14:27,432 --> 00:14:29,098
The writer can't be
a part of the story.
357
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:30,903
The writer has to
become the story!
358
00:14:31,235 --> 00:14:33,268
WINNIE: Well, it's like
those vice journalists
359
00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:34,903
who did ayahuasca in Peru.
360
00:14:34,905 --> 00:14:35,939
- MATT: Oh!
- JACOB: Yeah!
361
00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:36,940
MATT:
I loved that writing!
362
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:38,273
That was so sick!
363
00:14:38,275 --> 00:14:40,910
My stories are about me!
364
00:14:40,912 --> 00:14:42,844
So you're the type of writer
that writes about people
365
00:14:42,846 --> 00:14:44,680
describing doing ayahuasca?
366
00:14:44,682 --> 00:14:46,081
Like, you wouldn't
actually do it yourself?
367
00:14:46,083 --> 00:14:47,886
I would totally do ayahuasca.
368
00:14:50,054 --> 00:14:51,753
If there wasn't
so much puking.
369
00:14:51,755 --> 00:14:54,290
See, you're an omniscient
narrator in denial.
370
00:14:54,292 --> 00:14:55,525
BLAKE: That doesn't
even mean anything.
371
00:14:55,527 --> 00:14:57,859
You just like the
way that that sounds.
372
00:14:57,861 --> 00:14:59,295
I have a story,
373
00:14:59,297 --> 00:15:01,531
and-and it is a sexy story,
374
00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:03,733
so all of those
horny college kids
375
00:15:03,735 --> 00:15:04,733
are really gonna like it.
376
00:15:04,735 --> 00:15:06,069
And when you read it,
377
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:08,204
you're gonna wanna
give me my column back.
378
00:15:08,206 --> 00:15:10,209
So, get ready because...
379
00:15:12,309 --> 00:15:15,046
Of all of the things
that I just said!
380
00:15:18,149 --> 00:15:19,147
(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
381
00:15:19,149 --> 00:15:21,283
Oh, well that's over.
382
00:15:21,285 --> 00:15:22,285
What is love?
383
00:15:22,287 --> 00:15:23,788
What is it good for?
384
00:15:25,990 --> 00:15:30,993
(UPBEAT NEW WAVE MUSIC)
385
00:15:30,995 --> 00:15:35,333
♪
386
00:15:42,340 --> 00:15:43,341
(DOORBELL BUZZES)
387
00:15:44,609 --> 00:15:46,108
BLAKE: I can change
your name for the piece,
388
00:15:46,110 --> 00:15:47,310
if you want me to.
389
00:15:47,312 --> 00:15:49,315
Why would I want you
to change my name?
390
00:15:50,181 --> 00:15:53,252
Well, my column is
anonymous anyway, so.
391
00:15:54,318 --> 00:15:55,318
Why?
392
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,122
BLAKE:
It gives me more freedom.
393
00:15:58,822 --> 00:16:00,422
Doesn't sound
like freedom.
394
00:16:00,424 --> 00:16:04,262
It just makes it easier
to write sometimes.
395
00:16:07,831 --> 00:16:09,134
Okay.
396
00:16:10,168 --> 00:16:14,337
I have made sixty-seven
thousand dollars in gifts.
397
00:16:14,339 --> 00:16:16,339
I've gotten a Gucci bag,
398
00:16:16,341 --> 00:16:18,174
a Balenciaga bag,
399
00:16:18,176 --> 00:16:19,541
a Louis Vuitton bag.
400
00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:21,547
I've gone to Paris
twice this year.
401
00:16:23,014 --> 00:16:24,147
Whoa.
402
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:25,982
MORGAN:
Am I a prostitute?
403
00:16:25,984 --> 00:16:27,219
No.
404
00:16:27,619 --> 00:16:29,388
Am I a gold digger?
405
00:16:30,154 --> 00:16:31,521
Maybe.
406
00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:34,456
Am I having a better
time than all these girls
407
00:16:34,458 --> 00:16:36,658
stuck in mountains of debt?
408
00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:38,460
Who get nothing more
than a pregnancy scare
409
00:16:38,462 --> 00:16:39,462
from their one night stands?
410
00:16:39,464 --> 00:16:41,000
Most definitely.
411
00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:43,366
Oh, here.
412
00:16:43,368 --> 00:16:44,636
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.
413
00:16:52,644 --> 00:16:54,645
Do you ever feel
taken advantage of?
414
00:16:58,383 --> 00:17:00,185
MORGAN:
Not really, it's business.
415
00:17:01,385 --> 00:17:02,887
Business can be messy.
416
00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:05,057
MORGAN:
Yeah, but
417
00:17:05,390 --> 00:17:06,658
I'm really good at it.
418
00:17:08,226 --> 00:17:09,225
How?
419
00:17:09,227 --> 00:17:11,030
MORGAN:
I know what they want.
420
00:17:11,362 --> 00:17:12,898
BLAKE:
And what is that?
421
00:17:14,398 --> 00:17:15,363
Their ego stroked.
422
00:17:15,365 --> 00:17:20,369
(SOFT PIANO INSTRUMENTAL)
423
00:17:20,371 --> 00:17:23,206
♪
424
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,841
MORGAN:
You just have to figure out
425
00:17:24,843 --> 00:17:26,676
how they work.
426
00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:30,412
And once you do, you can
get whatever you want.
427
00:17:30,414 --> 00:17:31,916
And what do you want?
428
00:17:34,251 --> 00:17:36,288
Everything, I guess.
429
00:17:38,455 --> 00:17:39,889
You know, I'm actually
going to meet Bobby
430
00:17:39,891 --> 00:17:42,225
at his friend's lake house.
431
00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:43,459
You wanna come?
432
00:17:43,461 --> 00:17:45,230
Sounds like the beginning
of a horror movie.
433
00:17:50,234 --> 00:17:54,437
("FLOAT" BY JUDE SHUMA)
434
00:17:54,439 --> 00:17:56,072
♪
435
00:17:56,074 --> 00:17:57,940
♪ There's something
in the way
436
00:17:57,942 --> 00:17:59,941
♪ Can we float on by?
437
00:17:59,943 --> 00:18:01,878
♪ Can we float on by?
438
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,645
♪ I don't want you to try
439
00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:05,748
♪ There's something
in my blood
440
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,850
♪ Want to call it love
441
00:18:07,852 --> 00:18:09,485
♪ Want to call it love
442
00:18:09,487 --> 00:18:13,492
♪ Gonna get me high ♪
443
00:18:15,993 --> 00:18:17,795
So how do you know Bobby?
444
00:18:18,496 --> 00:18:20,997
Oh, he was one of
my MBA students.
445
00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:22,698
BLAKE:
You're a professor?
446
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:24,503
IAN:
Yeah, is that surprising?
447
00:18:25,502 --> 00:18:26,568
No.
448
00:18:26,570 --> 00:18:28,304
I guess I've just
never seen a prof
449
00:18:28,306 --> 00:18:29,771
in a bathing suit before.
450
00:18:29,773 --> 00:18:30,773
IAN:
Here you go.
451
00:18:30,775 --> 00:18:32,007
Thanks.
452
00:18:32,009 --> 00:18:33,311
IAN:
What's your major?
453
00:18:34,511 --> 00:18:35,780
BLAKE:
Useless.
454
00:18:40,351 --> 00:18:41,620
So are you gonna get in?
455
00:18:42,319 --> 00:18:44,123
Uh, I didn't bring
a bathing suit.
456
00:18:45,490 --> 00:18:47,390
Well, I don't
wanna leave you
457
00:18:47,392 --> 00:18:49,324
on dry land all
by yourself.
458
00:18:49,326 --> 00:18:50,328
Why?
459
00:18:51,028 --> 00:18:53,528
I can rate your
handstands out of ten.
460
00:18:53,530 --> 00:18:55,163
Yeah.
461
00:18:55,165 --> 00:18:56,565
BLAKE VOICEOVER: I think you
can tell a lot about a person
462
00:18:56,567 --> 00:18:59,371
by the way they
get into a pool.
463
00:19:00,538 --> 00:19:01,804
He didn't dive,
464
00:19:01,806 --> 00:19:03,538
so not a show off.
465
00:19:03,540 --> 00:19:05,309
I guess the view and the
house did that for him.
466
00:19:06,344 --> 00:19:08,044
IAN:
You should come in!
467
00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:10,046
BLAKE VOICEOVER: I'm not usually
one to be tempted by houses,
468
00:19:10,048 --> 00:19:11,546
or views, or pools.
469
00:19:11,548 --> 00:19:14,217
He was hot and I was stoned.
470
00:19:14,219 --> 00:19:15,552
Uh, I don't know.
471
00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:16,553
BLAKE VOICEOVER: And there
was something about him
472
00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:18,187
that I couldn't
put my finger on.
473
00:19:18,189 --> 00:19:20,555
So, what the hell?
474
00:19:20,557 --> 00:19:21,826
I went in.
475
00:19:35,573 --> 00:19:37,573
IAN:
So what's your story?
476
00:19:37,575 --> 00:19:38,576
(GIGGLES)
477
00:19:46,584 --> 00:19:47,586
(DOOR CLOSING)
478
00:19:50,387 --> 00:19:51,389
(CLEARING THROAT)
479
00:19:52,589 --> 00:19:55,091
Uh, I'd like to
see you again.
480
00:19:55,093 --> 00:19:56,394
Oh.
481
00:19:57,528 --> 00:19:59,530
If that's something
that you wanted.
482
00:20:00,298 --> 00:20:01,599
Here's my card.
483
00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:03,565
I didn't know people actually
484
00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:04,967
carried around business cards.
485
00:20:04,969 --> 00:20:07,103
IAN: I mean,
I didn't have it on me
486
00:20:07,105 --> 00:20:08,638
in the pool or anything.
487
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,640
I have a stack and I just
488
00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:12,607
I like this font.
489
00:20:12,609 --> 00:20:14,543
Yeah it's DIN Condensed.
490
00:20:14,545 --> 00:20:15,644
BLAKE:
Nice.
491
00:20:15,646 --> 00:20:16,711
Yeah.
492
00:20:16,713 --> 00:20:18,447
Thanks.
493
00:20:18,449 --> 00:20:19,448
This is pretty
494
00:20:19,450 --> 00:20:20,449
(TAPPING)
495
00:20:20,451 --> 00:20:21,987
Pretty sweet too.
496
00:20:23,654 --> 00:20:24,655
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
497
00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:29,458
MORGAN:
He's into arrangements.
498
00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:30,996
I could say something.
499
00:20:32,596 --> 00:20:33,828
Please don't.
500
00:20:33,830 --> 00:20:35,634
He's written like five books.
501
00:20:36,433 --> 00:20:37,435
Really?
502
00:20:38,236 --> 00:20:39,471
What about?
503
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:42,307
I don't know.
I haven't read them.
504
00:20:43,441 --> 00:20:48,443
(SOFT GUITAR MUSIC)
505
00:20:48,445 --> 00:20:52,280
♪
506
00:20:52,282 --> 00:20:53,582
MATT:
Yeah.
507
00:20:53,584 --> 00:20:54,917
Yeah Blake, I like it.
508
00:20:54,919 --> 00:20:56,651
I like it.
It's very Zeitgeisty.
509
00:20:56,653 --> 00:20:58,286
So can I have
my column back?
510
00:20:58,288 --> 00:21:01,093
So, uh, you gonna
date this guy?
511
00:21:02,292 --> 00:21:03,292
No.
512
00:21:03,294 --> 00:21:04,660
MATT:
So-so, I'm sorry,
513
00:21:04,662 --> 00:21:06,161
where is this story going?
514
00:21:06,163 --> 00:21:07,496
BLAKE: I don't know how
my life is going to evolve
515
00:21:07,498 --> 00:21:08,631
between now and
my next entry.
516
00:21:08,633 --> 00:21:09,664
That's not how
a column works.
517
00:21:09,666 --> 00:21:11,633
MATT:
Well how journalism works is
518
00:21:11,635 --> 00:21:13,302
you-you follow the story,
519
00:21:13,304 --> 00:21:14,503
not your feelings.
520
00:21:14,505 --> 00:21:16,037
I followed her to a
stranger's lake house.
521
00:21:16,039 --> 00:21:17,038
I could have been murdered.
522
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:18,507
MATT:
I'm sorry.
523
00:21:18,509 --> 00:21:20,508
'Cause it sort of read like
you went to a pool party.
524
00:21:20,510 --> 00:21:21,876
Where I was solicited!
525
00:21:21,878 --> 00:21:23,679
You got hit on.
(CHUCKLES)
526
00:21:23,681 --> 00:21:26,282
Uh, being solicited
is not the story.
527
00:21:26,284 --> 00:21:27,519
'Kay? It's just
the first part.
528
00:21:28,385 --> 00:21:30,186
What happens afterwards,
that's the story.
529
00:21:30,188 --> 00:21:31,990
Are you trying
to pimp me out?
530
00:21:33,490 --> 00:21:35,123
Um, am I? No.
531
00:21:35,125 --> 00:21:37,392
No, III wanted to
kill your column.
532
00:21:37,394 --> 00:21:39,061
You're the-you're the one who
wanted to make it interesting.
533
00:21:39,063 --> 00:21:41,130
It's going to be
more interesting.
534
00:21:41,132 --> 00:21:43,899
Whether or not you force
me to date the guy.
535
00:21:43,901 --> 00:21:45,401
Oh, ho ho, no, I forced
536
00:21:45,403 --> 00:21:47,702
I'm not forcing you
to date anyone, okay?
537
00:21:47,704 --> 00:21:49,572
But you are saying you'll
give me back my column
538
00:21:49,574 --> 00:21:50,573
if I date him.
539
00:21:50,575 --> 00:21:51,841
No! No, no, no.
540
00:21:51,843 --> 00:21:53,542
You can not, no, have
the column back, please.
541
00:21:53,544 --> 00:21:54,910
This is not a, not a
542
00:21:54,912 --> 00:21:55,911
This is not a thing,
543
00:21:55,913 --> 00:21:57,278
you can just take it.
544
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,849
I am too close to
graduating for this shit.
545
00:21:59,851 --> 00:22:02,054
I'm not going out like that.
546
00:22:06,590 --> 00:22:08,790
The hopeless
romantic is back baby!
547
00:22:08,792 --> 00:22:11,227
More hopeful, less romantic.
548
00:22:11,229 --> 00:22:12,561
That's awesome, dude.
549
00:22:12,563 --> 00:22:13,629
Yeah, thanks.
550
00:22:13,631 --> 00:22:15,434
I feel like I've grown
from this already.
551
00:22:16,634 --> 00:22:17,767
Your professor sounds hot.
552
00:22:17,769 --> 00:22:21,136
Hmm, he's not hot hot,
553
00:22:21,138 --> 00:22:22,805
but he is kinda charming.
554
00:22:22,807 --> 00:22:24,076
NIKKI:
So, he's fat?
555
00:22:24,942 --> 00:22:26,211
BLAKE:
He's not fat.
556
00:22:27,444 --> 00:22:28,978
He's basically famous.
557
00:22:28,980 --> 00:22:32,148
He's written a
bunch of books
558
00:22:32,150 --> 00:22:35,584
for like technology
and business.
559
00:22:35,586 --> 00:22:36,786
So he's boring?
560
00:22:36,788 --> 00:22:37,788
BLAKE:
He's rich.
561
00:22:38,256 --> 00:22:39,889
He invested in
Facebook and Uber
562
00:22:39,891 --> 00:22:41,891
when they were
just starting.
563
00:22:41,893 --> 00:22:43,793
NIKKI: So why aren't you
going to call him again?
564
00:22:43,795 --> 00:22:45,827
BLAKE: So why aren't you
more focused on your costume?
565
00:22:45,829 --> 00:22:47,832
The options here are
pretty limitless.
566
00:22:49,066 --> 00:22:50,302
Tadah!
567
00:22:50,768 --> 00:22:51,767
What is that?
568
00:22:51,769 --> 00:22:54,236
It's Sassy Red Riding Hood!
569
00:22:54,238 --> 00:22:55,671
You look like a used tampon.
570
00:22:55,673 --> 00:22:56,671
What?
571
00:22:56,673 --> 00:22:58,477
Your legs are the string.
572
00:22:58,809 --> 00:23:00,776
I'm not lowering
myself to your level.
573
00:23:00,778 --> 00:23:02,780
You're lowering it
to my crotch level.
574
00:23:05,650 --> 00:23:08,083
Sexy gothic Red Riding Hood?
575
00:23:08,085 --> 00:23:09,818
What's wrong with
the shoulders?
576
00:23:09,820 --> 00:23:11,589
You look like you're
storing snacks in there.
577
00:23:12,990 --> 00:23:15,794
Red Riding From The Hood.
578
00:23:17,862 --> 00:23:18,864
No.
579
00:23:19,663 --> 00:23:21,029
Well what are you
supposed to be?
580
00:23:21,031 --> 00:23:23,466
A manic pixie dream girl?
581
00:23:23,468 --> 00:23:24,467
Yeah.
582
00:23:24,469 --> 00:23:25,468
Sure.
583
00:23:25,470 --> 00:23:26,701
BLAKE:
I still don't understand
584
00:23:26,703 --> 00:23:28,136
why there's a Halloween
party in April.
585
00:23:28,138 --> 00:23:29,440
Oh!
586
00:23:30,106 --> 00:23:32,540
Why didn't they just
call it a costume party?
587
00:23:32,542 --> 00:23:34,346
'Cause then it's
not Halloween.
588
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,682
I'm gonna get
these glasses.
589
00:23:38,715 --> 00:23:40,017
NIKKI:
Eh.
590
00:23:40,651 --> 00:23:45,653
(SLOW RAP MUSIC)
591
00:23:45,655 --> 00:23:51,059
♪
592
00:23:51,061 --> 00:23:52,329
EMILY:
Hey Blake!
593
00:23:52,730 --> 00:23:53,731
Hey Emily!
594
00:23:54,298 --> 00:23:56,030
Cool costume.
595
00:23:56,032 --> 00:23:57,799
Are you a ballerina?
596
00:23:57,801 --> 00:23:58,836
A loofah.
597
00:23:59,871 --> 00:24:01,673
You look like my
dad on vacation.
598
00:24:02,874 --> 00:24:04,375
I'm Raoul Duke.
599
00:24:04,741 --> 00:24:06,475
From Fear and Loathing.
600
00:24:06,477 --> 00:24:07,476
Oh!
601
00:24:07,478 --> 00:24:08,712
Oh, yeah, um
602
00:24:09,713 --> 00:24:11,680
I loved your last column.
603
00:24:11,682 --> 00:24:13,582
I don't write a column.
604
00:24:13,584 --> 00:24:14,850
So, whatever.
605
00:24:14,852 --> 00:24:16,086
Okay.
606
00:24:17,521 --> 00:24:19,523
Dr. Phil did an episode
on sugar babies.
607
00:24:20,924 --> 00:24:23,392
Was it a hard hitting expose?
608
00:24:23,394 --> 00:24:24,893
EMILY:
Oh yeah. I love Dr. Phil.
609
00:24:24,895 --> 00:24:27,699
I feel like I have so
many things to tell him.
610
00:24:29,767 --> 00:24:31,199
Yeah.
611
00:24:31,201 --> 00:24:35,207
♪ Put your heart in
the hands of the city
612
00:24:38,174 --> 00:24:42,180
♪ Working hard when
you're not around
613
00:24:45,516 --> 00:24:49,521
♪ But oh, you
sure look pretty
614
00:24:52,289 --> 00:24:55,891
♪ When your feet were
moving on the ground ♪
615
00:24:55,893 --> 00:24:57,927
It appears we have yet
another common interest.
616
00:24:57,929 --> 00:24:58,930
Oh god.
617
00:24:59,596 --> 00:25:01,529
Want to take a shot?
618
00:25:01,531 --> 00:25:02,766
Yes.
619
00:25:05,635 --> 00:25:07,638
I didn't touch
my lips to it.
620
00:25:12,309 --> 00:25:14,742
I didn't take you as
a Hunter Thompson fan.
621
00:25:14,744 --> 00:25:17,779
He's the very godfather
of Gonzo journalism.
622
00:25:17,781 --> 00:25:19,213
Did you just say
fairy godfather?
623
00:25:19,215 --> 00:25:21,316
No. I said very godfather!
624
00:25:21,318 --> 00:25:22,317
JACOB:
No, you said fairy.
625
00:25:22,319 --> 00:25:23,821
Very.
Fairy.
626
00:25:25,455 --> 00:25:27,259
Want to take another shot?
627
00:25:27,924 --> 00:25:29,123
Yeah.
628
00:25:29,125 --> 00:25:31,128
Do you want to go
somewhere private?
629
00:25:34,131 --> 00:25:35,634
You're so dumb.
630
00:25:39,804 --> 00:25:41,603
You know you're
way off about me?
631
00:25:41,605 --> 00:25:42,671
Okay.
632
00:25:42,673 --> 00:25:43,972
I like Hunter Thompson.
633
00:25:43,974 --> 00:25:45,173
Mmm.
634
00:25:45,175 --> 00:25:46,174
He's not my favourite
writer though.
635
00:25:46,176 --> 00:25:47,676
Who's your favourite writer?
636
00:25:47,678 --> 00:25:48,747
Don't tell me!
637
00:25:49,980 --> 00:25:51,113
Jane Austen.
638
00:25:51,115 --> 00:25:52,851
Maybe when I was 15.
639
00:25:53,851 --> 00:25:56,051
It's Nora Ephron.
640
00:25:56,053 --> 00:25:57,856
What is that,
Zac Efron's mom?
641
00:25:58,888 --> 00:26:00,891
She's the queen of
the romantic comedy.
642
00:26:01,625 --> 00:26:03,025
"When Harry Met Sally",
643
00:26:03,027 --> 00:26:04,026
"Sleepless in Seattle"
644
00:26:04,028 --> 00:26:05,827
Okay. I liked those.
Those are good.
645
00:26:05,829 --> 00:26:06,828
BLAKE:
I know yours.
646
00:26:06,830 --> 00:26:07,997
I don't have a favourite writer.
Witkowski.
647
00:26:07,999 --> 00:26:09,530
(WHISTLES) How'd you do that?
648
00:26:09,532 --> 00:26:10,966
BLAKE:
You want to take another shot?
649
00:26:10,968 --> 00:26:12,003
Yep.
650
00:26:13,037 --> 00:26:14,003
(DOOR CLOSING)
651
00:26:14,005 --> 00:26:15,004
JACOB:
You okay?
652
00:26:15,006 --> 00:26:16,872
BLAKE:
Yeah.
653
00:26:16,874 --> 00:26:17,873
(DOOR JAM BUZZING)
654
00:26:17,875 --> 00:26:19,007
(JACOB MIMICS BUZZING)
655
00:26:19,009 --> 00:26:23,013
(GIGGLING)
656
00:26:25,682 --> 00:26:27,919
(KISSING)
657
00:26:33,156 --> 00:26:35,159
I like your room.
I like it.
658
00:26:36,059 --> 00:26:37,660
That means a lot to me.
659
00:26:37,662 --> 00:26:38,896
Is that weird?
660
00:26:48,071 --> 00:26:49,270
JACOB (WHISPERING):
You okay?
661
00:26:49,272 --> 00:26:51,373
Yeah. I'm okay.
Are you okay?
662
00:26:51,375 --> 00:26:52,373
JACOB:
Yeah, no, I'm good.
663
00:26:52,375 --> 00:26:54,179
Okay. You look good.
664
00:27:02,686 --> 00:27:04,254
Do you have a condom?
665
00:27:05,189 --> 00:27:06,458
I think so.
666
00:27:15,598 --> 00:27:16,900
Um
667
00:27:25,142 --> 00:27:27,910
I thought it was
in my pencil case.
668
00:27:27,912 --> 00:27:29,143
BLAKE:
Why do you have a pencil case?
669
00:27:29,145 --> 00:27:30,714
JACOB:
For pencils.
670
00:27:31,414 --> 00:27:32,951
In case.
671
00:27:40,490 --> 00:27:41,957
Okay.
672
00:27:41,959 --> 00:27:43,961
I don't have a condom.
673
00:27:53,570 --> 00:27:54,805
(SIGHS)
674
00:28:02,011 --> 00:28:03,013
(SIGHS)
675
00:28:06,450 --> 00:28:08,253
(WHISPERING) I should go.
676
00:28:08,986 --> 00:28:11,620
(WHISPERING) But
this is your room.
677
00:28:11,622 --> 00:28:13,020
Oh.
678
00:28:13,022 --> 00:28:15,524
Well should I go?
Want me to go?
679
00:28:15,526 --> 00:28:16,525
I mean, should I go?
680
00:28:16,527 --> 00:28:18,192
Uh yeah, I think so.
681
00:28:18,194 --> 00:28:19,463
Okay.
682
00:28:21,999 --> 00:28:23,934
(SIGHS)
683
00:28:29,539 --> 00:28:31,542
Are you wearing my pants?
684
00:28:35,179 --> 00:28:38,447
(LAUGHING)
685
00:28:38,449 --> 00:28:39,448
JACOB:
You can't print it.
686
00:28:39,450 --> 00:28:41,115
You can't not print it.
Can't.
687
00:28:41,117 --> 00:28:43,184
MATT: Okay, usually I'm
totally against, uh,
688
00:28:43,186 --> 00:28:45,888
these sort of
workplace romances,
689
00:28:45,890 --> 00:28:47,823
but this is hilarious, Blake.
690
00:28:47,825 --> 00:28:48,990
It's not funny to
me man, alright?
691
00:28:48,992 --> 00:28:50,191
BLAKE:
I changed your name!
692
00:28:50,193 --> 00:28:52,227
Nobody is gonna
know that it's you!
693
00:28:52,229 --> 00:28:53,228
- I don't care.
- WINNIE: I do!
694
00:28:53,230 --> 00:28:54,496
MATT:
You two were the only people
695
00:28:54,498 --> 00:28:56,698
that dressed like Raoul
Duke at the party so.
696
00:28:56,700 --> 00:28:57,699
You were there?
697
00:28:57,701 --> 00:28:59,504
Yeah, I have Snapchat.
698
00:29:00,203 --> 00:29:02,571
You were the one who told
me to become the story.
699
00:29:02,573 --> 00:29:03,639
I became the story.
700
00:29:03,641 --> 00:29:04,672
I'm sorry!
701
00:29:04,674 --> 00:29:06,475
I didn't realize you
were so sensitive.
702
00:29:06,477 --> 00:29:09,076
I'm not, sensitive.
703
00:29:09,078 --> 00:29:10,077
I'm private.
704
00:29:10,079 --> 00:29:11,078
I'm not
705
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:12,046
not like a sensitive dude.
706
00:29:12,048 --> 00:29:13,047
MATT:
Hey man, I'm sorry,
707
00:29:13,049 --> 00:29:14,315
I'm gonna have to post it.
708
00:29:14,317 --> 00:29:15,651
JACOB:
Why?
709
00:29:15,653 --> 00:29:17,318
MATT: Because, uh, for
better or for worse,
710
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:22,024
the hopeless romantic is
dragging in all the hits.
711
00:29:22,026 --> 00:29:23,491
Really?
712
00:29:23,493 --> 00:29:24,860
MATT: Keep your shirt on.
You're not winning a Pulitzer.
713
00:29:24,862 --> 00:29:26,929
It's-it's not moving papers.
714
00:29:26,931 --> 00:29:28,697
It's just, it's doing
well on the website,
715
00:29:28,699 --> 00:29:32,500
and I have to do what's best
for the paper and or website.
716
00:29:32,502 --> 00:29:35,437
I hope this isn't
awkward between us.
717
00:29:35,439 --> 00:29:38,539
MATT: It most certainly
is going to be.
718
00:29:38,541 --> 00:29:40,542
Do you want my advice?
719
00:29:40,544 --> 00:29:43,077
Don't make out
with journalists.
720
00:29:43,079 --> 00:29:44,848
Or Instagram models.
721
00:29:48,285 --> 00:29:50,151
BLAKE:
He's arrogant.
722
00:29:50,153 --> 00:29:53,287
He can't stand
that I'm thriving.
723
00:29:53,289 --> 00:29:55,489
It's man problem.
That's what they do.
724
00:29:55,491 --> 00:29:56,592
Can't handle the
strong woman.
725
00:29:56,594 --> 00:29:58,727
He's kinda tall,
so I don't get it.
726
00:29:58,729 --> 00:30:00,461
Is he tall?
727
00:30:00,463 --> 00:30:01,496
Yeah.
728
00:30:01,498 --> 00:30:03,231
Usually short guys
are really insecure.
729
00:30:03,233 --> 00:30:04,498
Little man syndrome?
Yeah!
730
00:30:04,500 --> 00:30:05,769
Yeah.
731
00:30:06,903 --> 00:30:09,304
BLAKE:
Oh my god, oh my god.
732
00:30:09,306 --> 00:30:10,671
Oh my god,
just keep walking.
733
00:30:10,673 --> 00:30:12,274
Keep walking.
734
00:30:12,276 --> 00:30:13,674
The guy, Ian.
735
00:30:13,676 --> 00:30:15,110
He's over there.
Where? Where?
736
00:30:15,112 --> 00:30:16,745
Oh, no, no, no.
Look to there.
737
00:30:16,747 --> 00:30:17,746
Can you see him?
738
00:30:17,748 --> 00:30:19,284
Do I look cute?
739
00:30:22,586 --> 00:30:24,018
Do I wave, or is that weird?
740
00:30:24,020 --> 00:30:26,023
I don't know.
Oh my god, we waved.
741
00:30:26,423 --> 00:30:28,123
No, don't wave again.
742
00:30:28,125 --> 00:30:29,123
NIKKI:
Flash your tit.
743
00:30:29,125 --> 00:30:31,325
BLAKE:
No. (GIGGLES)
744
00:30:31,327 --> 00:30:36,331
(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL)
745
00:30:36,333 --> 00:30:41,702
♪
746
00:30:41,704 --> 00:30:43,508
BLAKE:
Screw it.
747
00:30:46,977 --> 00:30:48,142
If I want to win the award,
748
00:30:48,144 --> 00:30:49,311
I have to do ayahuasca.
749
00:30:49,313 --> 00:30:51,546
NIKKI: Wait, when are
you doing ayahuasca?
750
00:30:51,548 --> 00:30:52,546
I'm not, it's a metaphor.
751
00:30:52,548 --> 00:30:53,715
Because if you do
it without me,
752
00:30:53,717 --> 00:30:56,218
I'm gonna be really pissed.
753
00:30:56,220 --> 00:30:57,221
And surprised.
754
00:30:58,321 --> 00:30:59,823
And hurt.
755
00:31:01,392 --> 00:31:03,025
Eventually I'd be
happy for you.
756
00:31:03,027 --> 00:31:04,660
Again, I'm not gonna do
ayahuasca without you.
757
00:31:04,662 --> 00:31:05,963
Just
758
00:31:07,298 --> 00:31:09,197
make sure he doesn't
759
00:31:09,199 --> 00:31:11,065
take advantage of
you or anything.
760
00:31:11,067 --> 00:31:12,334
Yeah, of course.
761
00:31:12,336 --> 00:31:15,871
If anything, I am the one
taking advantage of him.
762
00:31:15,873 --> 00:31:16,872
How?
763
00:31:16,874 --> 00:31:18,373
Because I'm not
really a sugar baby.
764
00:31:18,375 --> 00:31:21,343
You're actually kinda
like pretty woman.
765
00:31:21,345 --> 00:31:22,846
But in reverse.
766
00:31:23,646 --> 00:31:26,815
Just make me look classy.
767
00:31:26,817 --> 00:31:29,017
Like Michelle Obama.
768
00:31:29,019 --> 00:31:34,021
(LOUNGE MUSIC)
769
00:31:34,023 --> 00:31:36,224
♪
770
00:31:36,226 --> 00:31:37,495
IAN:
Hi.
771
00:31:38,228 --> 00:31:40,031
Should we go in?
772
00:31:43,267 --> 00:31:45,834
BLAKE: Why don't you
have a girlfriend?
773
00:31:45,836 --> 00:31:47,235
They're free.
774
00:31:47,237 --> 00:31:49,237
IAN:
Not really. And,
775
00:31:49,239 --> 00:31:50,439
I don't know
what she wants.
776
00:31:50,441 --> 00:31:52,407
She probably doesn't
even know what she wants.
777
00:31:52,409 --> 00:31:53,441
And I don't want
to spend my time
778
00:31:53,443 --> 00:31:55,445
texting or fighting
779
00:31:56,846 --> 00:31:58,615
or compromising.
780
00:32:00,718 --> 00:32:02,019
So.
781
00:32:03,921 --> 00:32:06,287
How do you want
this to work?
782
00:32:06,289 --> 00:32:09,123
IAN: I don't want
to write cheques
783
00:32:09,125 --> 00:32:10,124
or anything like that.
784
00:32:10,126 --> 00:32:12,294
I kinda wanna give gifts.
785
00:32:12,296 --> 00:32:13,594
Gifts.
786
00:32:13,596 --> 00:32:14,865
IAN:
Yeah.
787
00:32:16,299 --> 00:32:17,399
Like purses?
788
00:32:17,401 --> 00:32:18,933
IAN:
Sure.
789
00:32:18,935 --> 00:32:20,938
If that's what
you want. Yeah.
790
00:32:22,638 --> 00:32:24,541
It's not what I want.
791
00:32:26,376 --> 00:32:28,145
IAN:
I didn't think so.
792
00:32:29,613 --> 00:32:32,383
So, what do you want?
793
00:32:36,487 --> 00:32:37,755
Romance.
794
00:32:41,090 --> 00:32:42,657
BLAKE VOICEOVER:
Wealthy older people
795
00:32:42,659 --> 00:32:44,625
supporting struggling
younger ones
796
00:32:44,627 --> 00:32:46,094
is nothing revolutionary.
797
00:32:46,096 --> 00:32:48,330
Read any Jane Austen novel.
798
00:32:48,332 --> 00:32:50,332
Granted Austen's
heroines always rebelled
799
00:32:50,334 --> 00:32:53,334
against this concept in
search for romantic love,
800
00:32:53,336 --> 00:32:57,171
but financially beneficial
relationships were the norm.
801
00:32:57,173 --> 00:32:59,908
A female's attraction to a
male's display of resources
802
00:32:59,910 --> 00:33:02,510
is ingrained in many species,
803
00:33:02,512 --> 00:33:05,316
from humans to apes to cats.
804
00:33:06,083 --> 00:33:07,748
Female leopards can actually
tell whether or not a male
805
00:33:07,750 --> 00:33:10,518
is capable of providing
her with what she needs.
806
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:11,920
If she determines
that he isn't capable
807
00:33:11,922 --> 00:33:14,355
of taking care of her,
808
00:33:14,357 --> 00:33:16,190
she has the ability to
make herself less fertile.
809
00:33:16,192 --> 00:33:17,959
So the question is,
810
00:33:17,961 --> 00:33:20,996
why does our society
hate gold diggers?
811
00:33:20,998 --> 00:33:23,765
Are we repulsed by our
own natural instincts?
812
00:33:23,767 --> 00:33:26,535
Maybe relationships aren't
supposed to be for love,
813
00:33:26,537 --> 00:33:28,338
but for survival.
814
00:33:39,549 --> 00:33:41,016
IAN: There's a sound
quality to records
815
00:33:41,018 --> 00:33:44,986
that is completely
lost with CDs or MP3s
816
00:33:44,988 --> 00:33:49,059
or whatever the kids are
listening to these days.
817
00:33:50,059 --> 00:33:52,227
Sometimes I just
like the sound
818
00:33:52,229 --> 00:33:54,930
in between the songs,
you know?
819
00:33:54,932 --> 00:33:56,933
BLAKE: I like the way
that the covers look.
820
00:34:01,571 --> 00:34:02,572
Yeah.
821
00:34:05,776 --> 00:34:08,579
BLAKE: Should have known
you'd be a record guy.
822
00:34:09,947 --> 00:34:12,414
Well, I was
born in the 70s,
823
00:34:12,416 --> 00:34:15,617
so I hope it's not
so obnoxious, right?
824
00:34:15,619 --> 00:34:16,621
Right.
825
00:34:21,625 --> 00:34:23,191
What's with the piano?
826
00:34:23,193 --> 00:34:24,429
Do you play?
827
00:34:25,295 --> 00:34:28,099
Uh. It's my ex.
828
00:34:30,534 --> 00:34:32,534
Your ex is a piano?
829
00:34:32,536 --> 00:34:35,539
No. She's a human. Bitch.
830
00:34:36,639 --> 00:34:39,710
She's really good at
playing the piano.
831
00:34:49,119 --> 00:34:51,119
Do you wanna listen
to this one next?
832
00:34:51,121 --> 00:34:52,423
Sure.
833
00:34:53,489 --> 00:34:56,224
I don't think I've ever
listened to this one.
834
00:34:56,226 --> 00:35:01,231
♪ Birds climb slow ♪
835
00:35:01,831 --> 00:35:02,898
♪ Weather's cold ♪
836
00:35:02,900 --> 00:35:06,003
♪ And I think of you ♪
837
00:35:26,489 --> 00:35:31,492
(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL)
838
00:35:31,494 --> 00:35:36,032
♪
839
00:35:40,036 --> 00:35:41,304
(PIANO CHORD)
840
00:35:54,117 --> 00:35:57,688
(DOG PAWS CLICKING ON FLOOR)
841
00:36:09,733 --> 00:36:10,735
(DOOR CLICKING SHUT)
842
00:36:24,914 --> 00:36:26,717
Where is my bike?
843
00:36:32,556 --> 00:36:39,561
(REFLECTIVE INSTRUMENTAL)
844
00:36:39,563 --> 00:36:40,831
(DOOR CLICKING SHUT)
845
00:36:49,606 --> 00:36:51,509
NIKKI:
You had sex!
846
00:36:55,378 --> 00:36:56,614
What?
847
00:36:57,581 --> 00:36:59,581
You had sex.
848
00:36:59,583 --> 00:37:01,749
- What are you talking about?
- Come on!
849
00:37:01,751 --> 00:37:03,554
BLAKE:
How did you know?
850
00:37:04,855 --> 00:37:06,623
I felt the energy change.
(GIGGLES)
851
00:37:08,025 --> 00:37:09,260
So?
852
00:37:10,427 --> 00:37:11,425
How was it?
853
00:37:11,427 --> 00:37:12,963
BLAKE:
It was
854
00:37:13,764 --> 00:37:15,032
Nice.
855
00:37:15,766 --> 00:37:17,465
It was nice?
856
00:37:17,467 --> 00:37:19,269
Yeah it was nice.
857
00:37:20,070 --> 00:37:22,936
So? What did you get
for the romp sesh?
858
00:37:22,938 --> 00:37:24,472
Earrings?
859
00:37:24,474 --> 00:37:25,472
Purse?
860
00:37:25,474 --> 00:37:26,474
An iPod?
861
00:37:26,476 --> 00:37:27,474
A gift card?
862
00:37:27,476 --> 00:37:28,776
Got nothing.
A Starbucks's gift card?
863
00:37:28,778 --> 00:37:30,979
BLAKE:
Oh, I got Gatorade.
864
00:37:30,981 --> 00:37:32,414
That's it?
865
00:37:32,416 --> 00:37:34,652
BLAKE:
Oh and my bike got stolen.
866
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,686
Wait, doesn't
he live in that
867
00:37:38,688 --> 00:37:39,854
nice neighbourhood
by the water?
868
00:37:39,856 --> 00:37:40,854
Yeah.
869
00:37:40,856 --> 00:37:42,626
Crime knows no bounds.
870
00:37:44,293 --> 00:37:45,528
(KNOCKING)
871
00:37:47,697 --> 00:37:49,831
This is for you,
872
00:37:49,833 --> 00:37:51,601
and this is also for you.
873
00:37:52,869 --> 00:37:54,836
And the last thing
874
00:37:54,838 --> 00:37:56,606
is too big to bring up.
875
00:37:57,673 --> 00:37:59,777
I'll just get my shoes.
876
00:38:04,514 --> 00:38:05,813
Is that?
877
00:38:05,815 --> 00:38:07,882
BLAKE:
A sex moped.
878
00:38:07,884 --> 00:38:09,316
NIKKI:
A hoeped.
879
00:38:09,318 --> 00:38:10,621
Oh my god!
880
00:38:18,027 --> 00:38:19,829
NIKKI:
What does it say?
881
00:38:21,498 --> 00:38:23,733
Sorry I stole your bike.
882
00:38:26,702 --> 00:38:29,737
Hey, Conrad here and today,
883
00:38:29,739 --> 00:38:32,874
I'm gonna show you
how to ride a moped!
884
00:38:32,876 --> 00:38:34,378
Conrad's kinda cute.
885
00:38:35,579 --> 00:38:37,144
Kinda.
886
00:38:37,146 --> 00:38:38,146
Hold this.
887
00:38:38,148 --> 00:38:39,146
CONRAD:
To be honest.
888
00:38:39,148 --> 00:38:41,384
I mean, you just
turn the key.
889
00:38:44,054 --> 00:38:45,822
Check your mirror.
890
00:38:48,724 --> 00:38:49,923
Looking good.
891
00:38:49,925 --> 00:38:51,226
BLAKE:
Pass me my helmet.
892
00:38:51,228 --> 00:38:52,927
CONRAD: You gotta
kick up the kickstand.
893
00:38:52,929 --> 00:38:55,095
Hold on, Conrad's
bike won't start.
894
00:38:55,097 --> 00:38:57,398
CONRAD:
And you know, um,
895
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:58,532
you know, hopefully
896
00:38:58,534 --> 00:38:59,700
Conrad, why did you post this?
897
00:38:59,702 --> 00:39:01,603
(ENGINE RUMBLES)
898
00:39:01,605 --> 00:39:02,673
Get on!
899
00:39:08,577 --> 00:39:10,114
I feel dangerous.
900
00:39:11,547 --> 00:39:13,550
Cartilage piercing dangerous.
901
00:39:13,916 --> 00:39:16,083
It's not that dangerous.
902
00:39:16,085 --> 00:39:17,084
You ready?
903
00:39:17,086 --> 00:39:18,952
Take that bow off!
904
00:39:18,954 --> 00:39:20,287
♪ You live in a man's world
905
00:39:20,289 --> 00:39:22,023
♪ Man, man, man's world
906
00:39:22,025 --> 00:39:25,025
♪ I tell you I don't
want to anymore
907
00:39:25,027 --> 00:39:28,762
♪ Let's sing na na na na na
908
00:39:28,764 --> 00:39:31,900
♪ Kick you out the door ♪
909
00:39:31,902 --> 00:39:33,967
♪ Money hey ♪
910
00:39:33,969 --> 00:39:34,969
♪ Money woo ♪
911
00:39:34,971 --> 00:39:35,970
♪ Money hey ♪
912
00:39:35,972 --> 00:39:37,771
Ah! Oh my god!
913
00:39:37,773 --> 00:39:39,541
Take my picture!
914
00:39:39,543 --> 00:39:40,775
Oh my god!
915
00:39:40,777 --> 00:39:42,443
Ow! Why?!
916
00:39:42,445 --> 00:39:43,912
Ow!
917
00:39:43,914 --> 00:39:45,112
Does it look cool?
918
00:39:45,114 --> 00:39:46,616
NIKKI:
Uh, yeah.
919
00:39:46,916 --> 00:39:47,916
There's a little bit of
920
00:39:47,918 --> 00:39:49,416
- of blood.
- What?
921
00:39:49,418 --> 00:39:50,584
But don't touch it,
don't touch it.
922
00:39:50,586 --> 00:39:52,119
How am I going to
wear my bike helmet?
923
00:39:52,121 --> 00:39:57,124
(FUN UPBEAT MUSIC)
924
00:39:57,126 --> 00:40:04,134
♪
925
00:40:06,969 --> 00:40:08,772
What happened to your ear?
926
00:40:09,271 --> 00:40:11,074
I got my cartilage pierced.
927
00:40:12,007 --> 00:40:13,407
JACOB:
Looks like it hurt.
928
00:40:13,409 --> 00:40:14,644
It doesn't.
929
00:40:33,864 --> 00:40:35,095
Are you still
pissed off with me
930
00:40:35,097 --> 00:40:37,034
because you fit
in my pants?
931
00:40:37,867 --> 00:40:39,936
That's not why
I'm pissed off.
932
00:40:40,503 --> 00:40:41,806
So you are mad.
933
00:40:42,271 --> 00:40:44,040
So now you're applying?
934
00:40:46,175 --> 00:40:47,978
I was always applying.
935
00:40:57,019 --> 00:40:58,052
Hold on.
936
00:40:58,054 --> 00:41:04,057
(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL)
937
00:41:04,059 --> 00:41:05,994
♪
938
00:41:05,996 --> 00:41:07,498
Does he know?
939
00:41:08,063 --> 00:41:09,863
That I'm applying
for an award?
940
00:41:09,865 --> 00:41:12,202
That you're writing
about him to win an award.
941
00:41:14,403 --> 00:41:15,905
BLAKE:
I changed his name.
942
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:17,740
So no.
943
00:41:21,878 --> 00:41:23,146
Nice ride.
944
00:41:23,847 --> 00:41:24,845
Thanks.
945
00:41:24,847 --> 00:41:26,650
How'd you pay for it?
946
00:41:29,885 --> 00:41:30,887
'Kay, bye.
947
00:41:34,257 --> 00:41:39,260
(PENSIVE INSTRUMENTAL)
948
00:41:39,262 --> 00:41:46,269
♪
949
00:42:16,766 --> 00:42:19,936
I thought of something
that I want.
950
00:42:20,436 --> 00:42:21,739
IAN:
Oh yeah?
951
00:42:22,938 --> 00:42:24,741
What do you want?
952
00:42:25,942 --> 00:42:28,945
I'm applying for an award
and I need a reference letter.
953
00:42:32,081 --> 00:42:33,349
What's the award for?
954
00:42:35,184 --> 00:42:36,186
Journalism.
955
00:42:38,153 --> 00:42:39,923
You're in it-you're in it
for the money, aren't you?
956
00:42:44,193 --> 00:42:45,760
But if I win,
957
00:42:45,762 --> 00:42:47,998
I get a bunch of cash and
I can pay off my debt.
958
00:42:50,599 --> 00:42:53,266
You know, I could
help you with that,
959
00:42:53,268 --> 00:42:55,038
if that's something
that you wanted.
960
00:42:55,438 --> 00:42:56,974
Thought you didn't
write checks.
961
00:42:58,608 --> 00:43:01,010
IAN: Well, I'd consider
it an investment.
962
00:43:03,679 --> 00:43:07,481
You're the only person that
would invest in journalism.
963
00:43:07,483 --> 00:43:09,987
Well, I wouldn't be
investing in journalism,
964
00:43:11,186 --> 00:43:12,455
I'd be investing in you.
965
00:43:18,193 --> 00:43:20,029
What's in it for you?
966
00:43:21,898 --> 00:43:22,967
This.
967
00:43:27,369 --> 00:43:29,172
You can think about it.
968
00:43:32,708 --> 00:43:34,010
And the letter?
969
00:43:36,646 --> 00:43:38,479
Why don't you write it out
970
00:43:38,481 --> 00:43:40,017
and then I'll sign it.
971
00:43:42,217 --> 00:43:45,521
Okay, so do you wanna read a
writing sample or something?
972
00:43:48,891 --> 00:43:50,258
Sure.
973
00:43:50,260 --> 00:43:51,592
So I'll email it.
974
00:43:51,594 --> 00:43:54,228
Yeah, you can email it, great.
975
00:43:54,230 --> 00:43:55,599
Or I can print it.
976
00:43:57,032 --> 00:43:58,032
Whatever's easier.
977
00:43:58,034 --> 00:43:59,032
I'llI'll email it.
978
00:43:59,034 --> 00:44:00,034
I'll PDF it.
979
00:44:00,036 --> 00:44:02,438
Yeah, PDF it, for sure.
980
00:44:04,173 --> 00:44:06,541
BLAKE VOICEOVER: A mutually
beneficial relationship.
981
00:44:06,543 --> 00:44:07,945
I was a sugar baby.
982
00:44:09,179 --> 00:44:10,945
If you just saw us
drinking in some park
983
00:44:10,947 --> 00:44:13,246
like we were in some
frigging French film,
984
00:44:13,248 --> 00:44:18,052
or eating tiny, fancy food in
some tiny, fancy restaurant,
985
00:44:18,054 --> 00:44:21,289
or holding hands and
coffees in sweater weather,
986
00:44:21,291 --> 00:44:22,856
and some upbeat
love song played
987
00:44:22,858 --> 00:44:25,258
over what we were
actually saying,
988
00:44:25,260 --> 00:44:28,262
it would appear that we
were falling in love.
989
00:44:28,264 --> 00:44:30,130
He didn't play games.
990
00:44:30,132 --> 00:44:32,300
He called when he
said he would,
991
00:44:32,302 --> 00:44:34,635
and made concrete
plans in advance.
992
00:44:34,637 --> 00:44:37,271
It was chivalry
at its finest.
993
00:44:37,273 --> 00:44:39,106
Perhaps romance
wasn't dead,
994
00:44:39,108 --> 00:44:41,641
it was just hiding out
in another dimension,
995
00:44:41,643 --> 00:44:43,244
a world where
social interaction
996
00:44:43,246 --> 00:44:45,479
was actually a transaction,
997
00:44:45,481 --> 00:44:47,115
and going to the
theatre was something
998
00:44:47,117 --> 00:44:48,919
I did on a Saturday night.
999
00:44:49,318 --> 00:44:50,385
The truth is,
1000
00:44:50,387 --> 00:44:52,385
while I ate my
overpriced Gummi Bears
1001
00:44:52,387 --> 00:44:54,588
he brought me
during intermission,
1002
00:44:54,590 --> 00:44:56,393
I felt like a goddamn lady.
1003
00:44:57,159 --> 00:45:01,164
(APPLAUSE)
1004
00:45:12,175 --> 00:45:14,307
WOMAN: I bet you she
doesn't even like him.
1005
00:45:14,309 --> 00:45:16,079
CLAIRE: Do you like every
guy you've hooked up with?
1006
00:45:16,813 --> 00:45:18,412
I stayed with Tom because
we were in the middle
1007
00:45:18,414 --> 00:45:20,818
of Stranger Things and
I don't have Netflix.
1008
00:45:22,684 --> 00:45:24,552
WOMAN: It's not
really the same thing.
1009
00:45:24,554 --> 00:45:27,191
He bought her a scooter
for having sex with him.
1010
00:45:29,559 --> 00:45:32,526
(TOILET FLUSHING)
1011
00:45:32,528 --> 00:45:33,797
Hey.
1012
00:45:34,530 --> 00:45:35,798
Hey.
1013
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,536
(WATER RUNNING)
1014
00:45:51,213 --> 00:45:52,750
NIKKI:
You're not a hooker.
1015
00:45:53,416 --> 00:45:56,349
But I don't know what
being a hooker feels like.
1016
00:45:56,351 --> 00:45:58,586
What if it feels
just like this?
1017
00:45:58,588 --> 00:45:59,586
How do you feel?
1018
00:45:59,588 --> 00:46:00,857
BLAKE:
I feel fine.
1019
00:46:01,490 --> 00:46:04,191
Good, like, really good.
1020
00:46:04,193 --> 00:46:05,392
That might just
be the cupcakes.
1021
00:46:05,394 --> 00:46:07,228
BLAKE:
Can't believe you made these.
1022
00:46:07,230 --> 00:46:08,595
Since when do you bake?
1023
00:46:08,597 --> 00:46:09,866
NIKKI:
I got bored.
1024
00:46:11,067 --> 00:46:12,568
Then I got bored
when I was baking,
1025
00:46:13,369 --> 00:46:15,372
so I sprinkled in
a bunch of Molly!
1026
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:18,708
Ha ha.
1027
00:46:19,576 --> 00:46:21,077
No, I did, for real.
1028
00:46:21,677 --> 00:46:22,913
No.
1029
00:46:23,713 --> 00:46:25,412
No, Nikki!
1030
00:46:25,414 --> 00:46:26,916
I can't have drugs!
1031
00:46:27,382 --> 00:46:29,285
I'm emotionally unstable!
1032
00:46:30,420 --> 00:46:31,418
Take it back.
1033
00:46:31,420 --> 00:46:32,354
NIKKI:
No.
1034
00:46:32,356 --> 00:46:33,287
BLAKE:
I have to make myself puke.
1035
00:46:33,289 --> 00:46:34,621
No, no, no, no,
don't throw it up.
1036
00:46:34,623 --> 00:46:35,856
BLAKE:
I hate puking.
1037
00:46:35,858 --> 00:46:37,224
NIKKI: I should have got
Jimmy as the roommate,
1038
00:46:37,226 --> 00:46:38,394
Jimmy would have loved this.
1039
00:46:42,431 --> 00:46:43,699
(KNOCKING)
1040
00:46:46,268 --> 00:46:47,267
NIKKI:
Hello.
1041
00:46:47,269 --> 00:46:48,269
Hi.
1042
00:46:48,271 --> 00:46:51,438
Uh, Bla, hey you,
in the bathroom!
1043
00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:53,039
Your Uber Eats is here.
1044
00:46:53,041 --> 00:46:54,441
BLAKE:
What are you talking about?
1045
00:46:54,443 --> 00:46:56,413
I can't afford Uber Eats.
1046
00:46:59,148 --> 00:47:01,249
Hey, oh, you look
really nice.
1047
00:47:01,251 --> 00:47:02,717
What are you doing here?
1048
00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:05,452
IAN: Um, do you wanna
go to a wedding with me?
1049
00:47:05,454 --> 00:47:06,456
(CHUCKLES)
1050
00:47:07,289 --> 00:47:08,289
I've never been to a wedding.
1051
00:47:08,291 --> 00:47:09,824
- Me neither.
- IAN: Really?
1052
00:47:09,826 --> 00:47:11,157
Yeah, when is it?
1053
00:47:11,159 --> 00:47:12,425
Now.
1054
00:47:12,427 --> 00:47:13,561
Like, now now?
1055
00:47:13,563 --> 00:47:14,561
Yeah.
1056
00:47:14,563 --> 00:47:15,662
Sorry for the short notice,
1057
00:47:15,664 --> 00:47:18,465
um I just hate going
to these things alone.
1058
00:47:18,467 --> 00:47:20,501
But I did get you this.
1059
00:47:20,503 --> 00:47:21,568
NIKKI:
Oh my god.
1060
00:47:21,570 --> 00:47:23,304
(GASPING)
1061
00:47:23,306 --> 00:47:24,304
NIKKI:
Oh my god.
1062
00:47:24,306 --> 00:47:25,907
BLAKE:
Yeah, it's pretty sparkly.
1063
00:47:25,909 --> 00:47:27,677
Oh!
(LAUGHTER)
1064
00:47:28,478 --> 00:47:29,476
It's dangerous.
1065
00:47:29,478 --> 00:47:31,278
IAN:
It's stupid, sorry.
1066
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:34,447
Um, it's sparkly because
the stones are so clear.
1067
00:47:34,449 --> 00:47:37,253
I think they're only found
in one place in the world.
1068
00:47:38,954 --> 00:47:40,757
Are you gonna say your heart?
1069
00:47:41,657 --> 00:47:43,293
No, South Africa.
1070
00:47:44,427 --> 00:47:45,659
Close enough.
1071
00:47:45,661 --> 00:47:47,762
So, are-are they
blood diamonds?
1072
00:47:47,764 --> 00:47:48,762
No.
1073
00:47:48,764 --> 00:47:49,764
BLAKE:
Are you sure?
1074
00:47:49,766 --> 00:47:50,764
Yes.
1075
00:47:50,766 --> 00:47:51,766
So no one died for them?
1076
00:47:51,768 --> 00:47:54,601
No. Those are
100% organic,
1077
00:47:54,603 --> 00:47:56,470
farm fresh,
vegan diamonds.
1078
00:47:56,472 --> 00:47:58,505
BLAKE: Okay, I'm
gonna go get ready.
1079
00:47:58,507 --> 00:47:59,441
Okay.
1080
00:47:59,443 --> 00:48:00,340
NIKKI:
Uh, uh, wear the pink dress.
1081
00:48:00,342 --> 00:48:01,541
BLAKE:
I don't have a pink dress.
1082
00:48:01,543 --> 00:48:04,945
NIKKI: Yeah, the
long one, pink, low.
1083
00:48:04,947 --> 00:48:06,313
I had a blue one.
1084
00:48:06,315 --> 00:48:07,315
It's mine,
1085
00:48:07,317 --> 00:48:08,516
I'm trying to make
you look good.
1086
00:48:08,518 --> 00:48:10,150
- Oh, thank you so much.
- You ruined it.
1087
00:48:10,152 --> 00:48:11,519
Okay, I'll be really quick.
1088
00:48:11,521 --> 00:48:12,522
IAN:
Okay.
1089
00:48:23,565 --> 00:48:26,032
So you guys have lived
together for a while?
1090
00:48:26,034 --> 00:48:29,737
Yeah, we were-we were um
roommates in freshman year.
1091
00:48:29,739 --> 00:48:32,639
We hated each other for
the first few months,
1092
00:48:32,641 --> 00:48:34,543
then Philip Seymour
Hoffman died.
1093
00:48:36,545 --> 00:48:37,813
Yeah.
1094
00:48:38,581 --> 00:48:44,150
NIKKI: Wow. Wow.
Oh, wow, you look beautiful.
1095
00:48:44,152 --> 00:48:45,519
Thanks.
1096
00:48:45,521 --> 00:48:46,757
He stood up.
1097
00:48:48,190 --> 00:48:49,425
(GENTLE CLAPPING)
1098
00:48:57,199 --> 00:48:58,599
Wait, whose wedding is this?
1099
00:48:58,601 --> 00:49:00,369
Um, you met Bobby, right?
1100
00:49:02,005 --> 00:49:03,570
The guy from the pool?
1101
00:49:03,572 --> 00:49:04,572
Yeah.
1102
00:49:04,574 --> 00:49:05,572
He's getting married?
1103
00:49:05,574 --> 00:49:06,576
Yeah.
1104
00:49:07,844 --> 00:49:12,847
(SULTRY MUSIC)
1105
00:49:12,849 --> 00:49:16,787
♪
1106
00:49:26,795 --> 00:49:28,595
BLAKE VOICEOVER:
I take you
1107
00:49:28,597 --> 00:49:32,499
to be my lawfully
wedded husband,
1108
00:49:32,501 --> 00:49:34,438
to have and to hold
1109
00:49:35,838 --> 00:49:37,341
from this day forward.
1110
00:49:38,141 --> 00:49:41,675
For better, for worse,
1111
00:49:41,677 --> 00:49:44,512
for richer, for poorer,
1112
00:49:44,514 --> 00:49:45,816
in sickness and in health
1113
00:49:46,748 --> 00:49:48,517
until death do us part.
1114
00:49:52,288 --> 00:49:54,021
Are you-are you okay?
1115
00:49:54,023 --> 00:49:55,623
I'm on drugs.
1116
00:49:55,625 --> 00:49:57,657
Oh, wow, what kind?
1117
00:49:57,659 --> 00:49:59,092
Cupcakes with Molly in them,
1118
00:49:59,094 --> 00:50:00,360
I should have told you,
I'm so sorry.
1119
00:50:00,362 --> 00:50:01,595
IAN:
Shit.
1120
00:50:01,597 --> 00:50:02,865
- Jesus.
- No, I'm good.
1121
00:50:03,632 --> 00:50:05,132
I've done Molly
like, once before.
1122
00:50:05,134 --> 00:50:07,367
It was fun until I puked
all over somebody's shoes,
1123
00:50:07,369 --> 00:50:08,668
but I don't foresee that
happening this time.
1124
00:50:08,670 --> 00:50:11,338
I don't feel nauseous
at all, I'm good.
1125
00:50:11,340 --> 00:50:12,706
I'm sorry, I said
that already.
1126
00:50:12,708 --> 00:50:14,941
I'm gonna be
serious from now.
1127
00:50:14,943 --> 00:50:17,711
Yeah, falling in love
is a very serious matter.
1128
00:50:17,713 --> 00:50:18,981
So serious.
1129
00:50:19,681 --> 00:50:21,514
So you're okay with
the choreographed dance
1130
00:50:21,516 --> 00:50:23,050
that we have to do later?
1131
00:50:23,052 --> 00:50:24,851
Oh my God, I would love that.
1132
00:50:24,853 --> 00:50:26,119
IAN:
There'll be a speech
1133
00:50:26,121 --> 00:50:27,387
with a lot of inside jokes
1134
00:50:27,389 --> 00:50:29,123
that neither one of
us are gonna get.
1135
00:50:29,125 --> 00:50:30,360
Bring it on.
1136
00:50:31,693 --> 00:50:32,793
Do you believe in love?
1137
00:50:32,795 --> 00:50:34,063
My parents got divorced.
1138
00:50:34,697 --> 00:50:36,996
Uh, oh.
1139
00:50:36,998 --> 00:50:37,998
No, I'm good, I'm okay.
1140
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,532
I'm good, let's
go get a drink.
1141
00:50:39,534 --> 00:50:40,700
Yep.
1142
00:50:40,702 --> 00:50:46,072
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
1143
00:50:46,074 --> 00:50:48,309
♪
1144
00:50:48,311 --> 00:50:51,144
♪ Whoa this feeling
1145
00:50:51,146 --> 00:50:54,648
♪ Whoa almost got me reeling
1146
00:50:54,650 --> 00:50:57,684
♪ Yeah it's on me and I
cannot seem to shake it
1147
00:50:57,686 --> 00:51:00,920
♪ This song has got me and
I can't seem to break it ♪
1148
00:51:00,922 --> 00:51:04,560
(FADING INTO GENTLE MUSIC)
1149
00:51:11,099 --> 00:51:15,603
♪ All of us have
felt the burden
1150
00:51:15,605 --> 00:51:18,371
♪ Of being nowhere alone
1151
00:51:18,373 --> 00:51:21,407
♪ With feelings that leave us
1152
00:51:21,409 --> 00:51:25,579
♪ Wondering when
the time will come
1153
00:51:25,581 --> 00:51:31,751
♪ To find something, someone,
a feeling to guide us ♪
1154
00:51:31,753 --> 00:51:32,753
Oh my god.
1155
00:51:32,755 --> 00:51:37,624
♪ Like a technicolour operation
1156
00:51:37,626 --> 00:51:42,632
♪ You commandeer
my field of vision
1157
00:51:46,469 --> 00:51:50,474
♪ I'm a bullet in the ocean
1158
00:51:51,873 --> 00:51:54,941
♪ You harness me so softly
1159
00:51:54,943 --> 00:51:58,445
♪ That I just fall
1160
00:51:58,447 --> 00:52:00,880
♪ Baby ♪
1161
00:52:00,882 --> 00:52:03,252
(CHEERING)
1162
00:52:06,422 --> 00:52:07,420
WOMAN:
Oh, it's so cute.
1163
00:52:07,422 --> 00:52:08,657
MAN:
Oh, yes.
1164
00:52:11,994 --> 00:52:13,262
Hey.
1165
00:52:13,795 --> 00:52:14,894
Hey, congratulations.
1166
00:52:14,896 --> 00:52:16,597
BOBBY:
Thank you.
1167
00:52:16,599 --> 00:52:17,601
Big day.
1168
00:52:18,300 --> 00:52:19,432
It's a beautiful wedding,
1169
00:52:19,434 --> 00:52:20,633
you have a really good voice.
1170
00:52:20,635 --> 00:52:21,904
Yeah?
1171
00:52:22,838 --> 00:52:23,840
How's Morgan?
1172
00:52:24,606 --> 00:52:26,307
Uh, I haven't seen
her in a while.
1173
00:52:26,309 --> 00:52:27,611
That's too bad.
1174
00:52:28,777 --> 00:52:30,012
You know, I, um,
1175
00:52:31,079 --> 00:52:33,313
I dig that bike.
1176
00:52:33,315 --> 00:52:35,117
I think girls on
bikes are cool.
1177
00:52:36,485 --> 00:52:37,787
How much that cost?
1178
00:52:38,820 --> 00:52:40,820
I'mI'm not sure actually.
1179
00:52:40,822 --> 00:52:44,027
Yeah, must be doing
something special.
1180
00:52:51,833 --> 00:52:53,300
Your wife.
1181
00:52:53,302 --> 00:52:54,802
BOBBY: Oh no, no, we have
an open relationship.
1182
00:52:54,804 --> 00:52:56,135
There was a whole,
1183
00:52:56,137 --> 00:52:57,304
there was this book,
1184
00:52:57,306 --> 00:52:59,773
and I don't really remember,
1185
00:52:59,775 --> 00:53:01,677
but you can have sex
with other people.
1186
00:53:03,846 --> 00:53:04,845
That's cool.
1187
00:53:04,847 --> 00:53:05,849
BOBBY:
Yeah.
1188
00:53:10,485 --> 00:53:11,887
What do you want?
1189
00:53:12,722 --> 00:53:14,724
To go to the bathroom.
1190
00:53:15,757 --> 00:53:17,059
Is that all?
1191
00:53:21,864 --> 00:53:23,099
(THUD)
Ow!
1192
00:53:26,101 --> 00:53:31,104
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC)
1193
00:53:31,106 --> 00:53:35,144
♪
1194
00:54:03,938 --> 00:54:05,938
DRIVER:
Why's your rating so low?
1195
00:54:05,940 --> 00:54:06,942
What?
1196
00:54:08,043 --> 00:54:10,112
DRIVER:
You're only at a 4.3.
1197
00:54:11,746 --> 00:54:12,945
I am?
1198
00:54:12,947 --> 00:54:14,216
DRIVER:
Yep.
1199
00:54:15,818 --> 00:54:16,820
Why?
1200
00:54:17,820 --> 00:54:18,822
DRIVER:
I don't know.
1201
00:54:19,655 --> 00:54:21,121
You seem fine.
1202
00:54:21,123 --> 00:54:22,789
I am fine.
1203
00:54:22,791 --> 00:54:27,795
(MELANCHOLY INSTRUMENTAL)
1204
00:54:27,797 --> 00:54:31,835
♪
1205
00:55:07,268 --> 00:55:08,504
(KNOCKING)
1206
00:55:16,010 --> 00:55:17,276
Hi.
What are you doing here?
1207
00:55:17,278 --> 00:55:19,445
We didn't have plans.
1208
00:55:19,447 --> 00:55:21,447
Oh, I know, I just
wanted to stop by
1209
00:55:21,449 --> 00:55:23,851
and apologize for
leaving the wedding.
1210
00:55:23,853 --> 00:55:25,655
I can't do this right now.
1211
00:55:26,889 --> 00:55:28,222
Okay, it's just,
1212
00:55:28,224 --> 00:55:29,222
when I went to the bathroom
1213
00:55:29,224 --> 00:55:30,860
This isn't how this works.
1214
00:55:37,199 --> 00:55:38,965
WOMAN:
Many are quick to label
1215
00:55:38,967 --> 00:55:42,869
the sugar lifestyle
choice as prostitution,
1216
00:55:42,871 --> 00:55:45,072
but there are lots
of differences
1217
00:55:45,074 --> 00:55:48,876
between this lifestyle
and the oldest profession.
1218
00:55:48,878 --> 00:55:53,883
A prostitute and a client have
a transactional relationship.
1219
00:55:54,315 --> 00:55:59,321
They meet, participate in
some sort of a physical act,
1220
00:56:00,222 --> 00:56:01,725
exchange funds,
1221
00:56:02,023 --> 00:56:03,525
and part ways.
1222
00:56:04,025 --> 00:56:08,862
Typically, this is a one
time occurrence, a job.
1223
00:56:08,864 --> 00:56:10,329
There is no relationship,
1224
00:56:10,331 --> 00:56:13,900
and no possibility
for a relationship,
1225
00:56:13,902 --> 00:56:16,903
and that is the biggest
difference, really.
1226
00:56:16,905 --> 00:56:18,240
The relationship.
1227
00:56:21,076 --> 00:56:22,344
Hey.
1228
00:56:22,744 --> 00:56:24,077
Yo.
1229
00:56:24,079 --> 00:56:26,280
What are you wearing to
the toga party tonight?
1230
00:56:26,282 --> 00:56:27,884
Uh, a toga.
1231
00:56:29,083 --> 00:56:30,719
So I can't wear this?
1232
00:56:33,521 --> 00:56:35,255
It's not a toga.
1233
00:56:35,257 --> 00:56:36,525
What about now?
1234
00:56:37,559 --> 00:56:39,596
BLAKE: Uh, yeah, no,
still not a toga.
1235
00:56:41,096 --> 00:56:43,266
Nikki, it's not a toga.
1236
00:56:44,967 --> 00:56:45,969
NIKKI:
Fine.
1237
00:56:55,110 --> 00:57:00,884
(PHONE BUZZING)
1238
00:57:05,487 --> 00:57:06,755
Hey.
1239
00:57:07,755 --> 00:57:12,758
(SOPHISTICATED MUSIC)
1240
00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:16,128
♪
1241
00:57:16,130 --> 00:57:18,831
So, uh, about earlier.
1242
00:57:18,833 --> 00:57:20,200
It-it's okay,
1243
00:57:20,202 --> 00:57:23,006
but you can't just
show up at my house.
1244
00:57:24,472 --> 00:57:25,539
To be fair,
1245
00:57:25,541 --> 00:57:27,039
you did just show
up at my house
1246
00:57:27,041 --> 00:57:29,008
and invite me to
your wedding.
1247
00:57:29,010 --> 00:57:31,110
And I got you that bracelet.
1248
00:57:31,112 --> 00:57:32,147
Right.
1249
00:57:37,152 --> 00:57:39,188
I read your
reference letter today.
1250
00:57:40,456 --> 00:57:41,691
- Oh yeah?
- Mhm.
1251
00:57:43,192 --> 00:57:46,492
Do you support all the fantastic
things I said about myself?
1252
00:57:46,494 --> 00:57:48,228
No.
1253
00:57:48,230 --> 00:57:49,295
I'm gonna rewrite it,
1254
00:57:49,297 --> 00:57:50,833
tell the truth.
1255
00:57:56,204 --> 00:57:57,403
Did you read my
writing sample?
1256
00:57:57,405 --> 00:57:59,206
Mm.
1257
00:57:59,208 --> 00:58:01,010
I'm gonna get to
it this weekend.
1258
00:58:12,887 --> 00:58:14,690
Do you have any siblings?
1259
00:58:15,490 --> 00:58:16,490
What?
1260
00:58:16,492 --> 00:58:19,226
You know, brothers
or sisters, siblings.
1261
00:58:19,228 --> 00:58:20,230
Why?
1262
00:58:21,063 --> 00:58:22,429
I just realized
that I don't know
1263
00:58:22,431 --> 00:58:23,429
anything about your family.
1264
00:58:23,431 --> 00:58:25,234
We don't have to do this.
1265
00:58:27,536 --> 00:58:28,838
Okay.
1266
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:34,041
It's really good, isn't it.
1267
00:58:34,043 --> 00:58:35,044
BLAKE:
Mm.
1268
00:58:39,949 --> 00:58:42,452
There are so many expensive
bottles of wine in here.
1269
00:58:43,284 --> 00:58:44,284
IAN:
Mhm.
1270
00:58:44,286 --> 00:58:46,289
Imagine if I just
smashed them all.
1271
00:58:51,092 --> 00:58:52,895
BLAKE:
You missed my turn.
1272
00:58:53,762 --> 00:58:55,765
IAN: Oh, we're-we're
going to my place.
1273
00:58:58,067 --> 00:58:59,568
No, I want to go home.
1274
00:59:03,271 --> 00:59:05,074
(SNIGGERS)
It's so early.
1275
00:59:17,485 --> 00:59:18,485
(DOOR CLICKING OPEN)
1276
00:59:18,487 --> 00:59:20,554
IAN:
Oh ho ho, who's this?
1277
00:59:20,556 --> 00:59:22,289
Who is this?
1278
00:59:22,291 --> 00:59:23,793
Gertie, Gertie, Gertie.
1279
00:59:25,728 --> 00:59:27,293
She missed you.
1280
00:59:27,295 --> 00:59:28,295
See that?
1281
00:59:28,297 --> 00:59:29,565
You did, didn't you?
1282
00:59:30,965 --> 00:59:32,465
Where you goin'?
1283
00:59:32,467 --> 00:59:34,269
Ha ha ha ha.
1284
00:59:37,271 --> 00:59:40,574
Oh, yes, I'm happy
to see you, too.
1285
00:59:40,576 --> 00:59:42,309
Yes I am.
1286
00:59:42,311 --> 00:59:44,113
Yes I am, yes.
1287
00:59:51,686 --> 00:59:54,324
(LIQUID TRICKLING)
1288
01:00:06,367 --> 01:00:07,636
(CLINK)
1289
01:00:15,710 --> 01:00:17,510
(NEEDLE DROPPING ON VINYL)
1290
01:00:17,512 --> 01:00:23,215
("CATCH THE WIND" BY DONOVAN)
1291
01:00:23,217 --> 01:00:25,619
♪
1292
01:00:25,621 --> 01:00:29,188
♪ In the chilly
hours and minutes
1293
01:00:29,190 --> 01:00:31,358
♪ Of uncertainty
1294
01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:34,360
♪ I want to be
1295
01:00:34,362 --> 01:00:39,134
♪ In the warm hold
of your loving mind
1296
01:00:41,804 --> 01:00:45,838
♪ To feel you all around me
1297
01:00:45,840 --> 01:00:48,008
♪ And to take your hand
1298
01:00:48,010 --> 01:00:50,242
♪ Along the sand
1299
01:00:50,244 --> 01:00:55,250
♪ Ah, but I may as well
try and catch the wind
1300
01:00:58,219 --> 01:01:02,456
♪ When sundown pales the sky
1301
01:01:02,458 --> 01:01:04,590
♪ I want to hide a while
1302
01:01:04,592 --> 01:01:07,094
♪ Behind your smile
1303
01:01:07,096 --> 01:01:12,902
♪ And everywhere I'd look,
your eyes I'd find
1304
01:01:15,304 --> 01:01:19,139
♪ For me to love you now
1305
01:01:19,141 --> 01:01:21,307
♪ Would be the sweetest thing
1306
01:01:21,309 --> 01:01:23,744
♪ T'would make me sing
1307
01:01:23,746 --> 01:01:28,751
♪ Ah, but I may as well
try and catch the wind
1308
01:01:31,753 --> 01:01:35,755
♪ Deeddy di dee
dee deeddy deeddy ♪
1309
01:01:35,757 --> 01:01:44,331
♪ Deeddy deeddy
deeddy dee dee dee ♪
1310
01:01:44,333 --> 01:01:48,467
♪ When rain has hung
the leaves with tears
1311
01:01:48,469 --> 01:01:51,104
♪ I want you near
to kill my fears
1312
01:01:51,106 --> 01:01:52,671
(HEAVY BREATHING)
1313
01:01:52,673 --> 01:01:57,679
♪ To help me to leave
all my blues behind
1314
01:02:00,748 --> 01:02:04,450
♪ For standin' in your heart
1315
01:02:04,452 --> 01:02:07,287
♪ Is where I want to be
1316
01:02:07,289 --> 01:02:09,356
♪ And long to be
1317
01:02:09,358 --> 01:02:15,929
♪ Ah, but I may as well
try and catch the wind ♪
1318
01:02:15,931 --> 01:02:19,969
♪
1319
01:02:40,521 --> 01:02:43,358
(SONG FADING AWAY)
1320
01:02:45,494 --> 01:02:47,497
(FOOTSTEPS WALKING AWAY)
1321
01:03:07,416 --> 01:03:10,816
(DOG CLAWS TICKING)
1322
01:03:10,818 --> 01:03:14,824
(QUIET FOOTSTEPS)
1323
01:03:25,567 --> 01:03:27,570
(CHIRPING)
1324
01:03:46,889 --> 01:03:51,894
(DOOR HANDLE RATTLING)
1325
01:04:00,469 --> 01:04:05,472
("SPINNING BLUE" BY BIEN)
1326
01:04:05,474 --> 01:04:09,745
♪
1327
01:04:17,418 --> 01:04:20,119
♪ Wake up wake up wake up
1328
01:04:20,121 --> 01:04:21,655
♪ The sun is rising
1329
01:04:21,657 --> 01:04:24,224
♪ The day is here for us
1330
01:04:24,226 --> 01:04:25,624
♪ To take and run
1331
01:04:25,626 --> 01:04:31,634
♪ With all our might to
catch the light to be alive
1332
01:04:34,503 --> 01:04:37,470
♪ Come on come on come on
1333
01:04:37,472 --> 01:04:38,505
♪ Take my hand
1334
01:04:38,507 --> 01:04:41,675
♪ And bring your
dreams along
1335
01:04:41,677 --> 01:04:43,677
♪ See the wonderful
1336
01:04:43,679 --> 01:04:48,416
♪ All around get lost get
found covered in sound
1337
01:04:51,753 --> 01:04:54,653
♪ We're all spinning on blue
1338
01:04:54,655 --> 01:05:00,793
♪ Watching the
same clouds (OOH)
1339
01:05:00,795 --> 01:05:05,800
♪ Breathing in,
breathing out ♪
1340
01:05:09,503 --> 01:05:11,403
(DISTANT LAUGHTER
AND CONVERSATION)
1341
01:05:11,405 --> 01:05:12,474
Blake.
1342
01:05:19,715 --> 01:05:20,716
I'll catch up.
1343
01:05:21,983 --> 01:05:23,219
Blake.
1344
01:05:24,987 --> 01:05:26,521
You look like E.T.
1345
01:05:30,891 --> 01:05:32,894
I didn't see ya
at the toga party.
1346
01:05:36,364 --> 01:05:37,697
You okay?
1347
01:05:37,699 --> 01:05:38,934
Yeah, I'm great.
1348
01:05:40,735 --> 01:05:42,003
JACOB:
Hey.
1349
01:05:42,603 --> 01:05:43,905
It's okay.
1350
01:05:47,541 --> 01:05:49,441
You don't have to do this.
1351
01:05:49,443 --> 01:05:50,512
Do what?
1352
01:05:51,579 --> 01:05:54,748
Be nice to me because
you feel bad or something.
1353
01:05:54,750 --> 01:05:56,552
JACOB:
Oh, I don't feel bad.
1354
01:05:58,452 --> 01:05:59,521
(CHUCKLING SOFTLY)
1355
01:06:02,724 --> 01:06:05,791
Well, you can feel a little
bad for me if you want.
1356
01:06:05,793 --> 01:06:07,062
(CHUCKLING SOFTLY)
1357
01:06:09,630 --> 01:06:11,433
Do you wanna talk
about it, or?
1358
01:06:13,768 --> 01:06:15,068
Do you wanna,
1359
01:06:15,070 --> 01:06:16,372
go for breakfast?
1360
01:06:19,206 --> 01:06:20,442
Okay.
1361
01:06:20,775 --> 01:06:22,043
I'll get the bike.
1362
01:06:30,284 --> 01:06:31,784
(QUIET GUITAR STRUMMING)
1363
01:06:31,786 --> 01:06:33,887
JACOB: Are you bringing
anyone to graduation?
1364
01:06:33,889 --> 01:06:35,621
Yeah, my parents.
1365
01:06:35,623 --> 01:06:36,789
You?
1366
01:06:36,791 --> 01:06:40,427
Uh, yeah, same, unfortunately.
1367
01:06:40,429 --> 01:06:41,827
They hate each other,
1368
01:06:41,829 --> 01:06:42,829
but they love me,
1369
01:06:42,831 --> 01:06:44,164
so they just come
to all my stuff
1370
01:06:44,166 --> 01:06:46,166
and fight the whole time.
1371
01:06:46,168 --> 01:06:47,900
It's gonna be great.
1372
01:06:47,902 --> 01:06:49,068
That sucks.
1373
01:06:49,070 --> 01:06:50,769
JACOB:
Yeah.
1374
01:06:50,771 --> 01:06:52,604
When did they get divorced?
1375
01:06:52,606 --> 01:06:54,740
Um, a while ago.
1376
01:06:54,742 --> 01:06:56,011
Like, when I was ten.
1377
01:06:58,646 --> 01:07:00,646
Mine also got divorced.
1378
01:07:00,648 --> 01:07:01,648
JACOB:
Oh, when?
1379
01:07:01,650 --> 01:07:02,648
(SIGHING)
1380
01:07:02,650 --> 01:07:04,684
Right after I left for school,
1381
01:07:04,686 --> 01:07:05,818
they were, like,
1382
01:07:05,820 --> 01:07:09,088
"Okay, she's gone,
we did it, the end."
1383
01:07:09,090 --> 01:07:10,326
I'm sorry.
1384
01:07:10,992 --> 01:07:12,260
BLAKE:
No, it's okay.
1385
01:07:12,827 --> 01:07:14,630
Do you have any siblings?
1386
01:07:20,835 --> 01:07:22,001
What?
1387
01:07:22,003 --> 01:07:23,670
That's my question.
1388
01:07:23,672 --> 01:07:24,704
Whadda ya mean?
1389
01:07:24,706 --> 01:07:25,804
What does that mean?
1390
01:07:25,806 --> 01:07:27,706
I ask that on dates.
1391
01:07:27,708 --> 01:07:28,708
JACOB:
Like,
1392
01:07:28,710 --> 01:07:30,110
"Do you have any siblings?"
1393
01:07:30,112 --> 01:07:31,847
is the question you
ask on all the dates?
1394
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:34,046
Every time?
1395
01:07:34,048 --> 01:07:35,115
100% of the time?
1396
01:07:35,117 --> 01:07:36,115
BLAKE:
Mm hmm.
1397
01:07:36,117 --> 01:07:37,117
That's so weird.
1398
01:07:37,119 --> 01:07:38,617
But you asked me it.
1399
01:07:38,619 --> 01:07:39,853
JACOB: No, that's the first
time I've ever asked it.
1400
01:07:39,855 --> 01:07:41,123
I mean, I don't plan it.
1401
01:07:45,460 --> 01:07:47,228
Why, why do you
ask that question?
1402
01:07:49,965 --> 01:07:51,733
Because it's the start.
1403
01:07:54,702 --> 01:07:56,739
Do you have any siblings?
1404
01:07:57,706 --> 01:07:59,671
I don't have any siblings.
1405
01:07:59,673 --> 01:08:01,307
- Do you?
- Yeah.
1406
01:08:01,309 --> 01:08:02,812
Got a half sister.
1407
01:08:03,478 --> 01:08:04,577
Which half?
1408
01:08:04,579 --> 01:08:05,878
JACOB:
Oh, my dad's.
1409
01:08:05,880 --> 01:08:07,246
She's the worst
person I've ever met.
1410
01:08:07,248 --> 01:08:08,715
She's the worst person
1411
01:08:08,717 --> 01:08:10,249
I've ever met in
my entire life.
1412
01:08:10,251 --> 01:08:11,251
BLAKE:
Your dad got remarried?
1413
01:08:11,253 --> 01:08:12,251
Yes.
1414
01:08:12,253 --> 01:08:13,519
And how old is she?
1415
01:08:13,521 --> 01:08:15,188
JACOB:
She's-she's three.
1416
01:08:15,190 --> 01:08:17,156
But she acts like she's two.
1417
01:08:17,158 --> 01:08:18,324
We have nothing in common.
1418
01:08:18,326 --> 01:08:20,160
She's the worst little cute
1419
01:08:20,162 --> 01:08:21,160
- WAITRESS: Here ya go.
- baby.
1420
01:08:21,162 --> 01:08:22,397
JACOB:
Thank you so much.
1421
01:08:23,164 --> 01:08:24,363
Thank you.
1422
01:08:24,365 --> 01:08:25,365
I got this.
1423
01:08:25,367 --> 01:08:26,601
Oh.
1424
01:08:30,372 --> 01:08:31,403
I owe you.
1425
01:08:31,405 --> 01:08:33,208
You don't owe me anything.
1426
01:08:50,024 --> 01:08:51,559
Don't leave me again.
1427
01:08:53,962 --> 01:08:54,826
The bike, I meant.
1428
01:08:54,828 --> 01:08:56,131
JACOB:
Sure you did.
1429
01:09:05,439 --> 01:09:06,674
Okay.
1430
01:09:08,944 --> 01:09:10,179
Goodnight.
1431
01:09:10,811 --> 01:09:12,277
No.
1432
01:09:12,279 --> 01:09:13,812
Bad night.
1433
01:09:13,814 --> 01:09:15,083
Good morning.
1434
01:09:17,786 --> 01:09:18,854
Good morning.
1435
01:09:20,988 --> 01:09:22,257
(DEEP INHALE)
1436
01:09:32,367 --> 01:09:33,636
(RATTLING)
1437
01:09:35,636 --> 01:09:39,641
(KNOCKING)
1438
01:09:44,011 --> 01:09:45,014
Nikki.
1439
01:09:45,880 --> 01:09:49,885
(KNOCKING)
1440
01:09:50,885 --> 01:09:51,887
Nikki!
1441
01:09:54,055 --> 01:09:55,324
Oh shit.
1442
01:10:03,398 --> 01:10:11,070
(MUFFLED FOOTSTEPS)
1443
01:10:11,072 --> 01:10:12,074
(THUD)
1444
01:10:19,014 --> 01:10:20,312
IAN:
What the fuck?
1445
01:10:20,314 --> 01:10:21,549
Shit.
1446
01:10:23,018 --> 01:10:25,020
So I read your
little love column.
1447
01:10:26,520 --> 01:10:28,323
Used me for material?
1448
01:10:33,662 --> 01:10:35,431
You used me for sex.
1449
01:10:39,067 --> 01:10:40,336
That was the deal.
1450
01:10:43,104 --> 01:10:44,373
I changed your name.
1451
01:10:47,074 --> 01:10:48,340
(DOOR CREAKING)
1452
01:10:48,342 --> 01:10:49,675
What's going on?
1453
01:10:49,677 --> 01:10:51,076
You were in there
the entire time?
1454
01:10:51,078 --> 01:10:52,577
Sorry.
1455
01:10:52,579 --> 01:10:54,046
IAN: If you don't erase
every trace of this thing
1456
01:10:54,048 --> 01:10:57,019
I'm going to ruin your name
before you even have one.
1457
01:10:58,586 --> 01:11:03,589
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
1458
01:11:03,591 --> 01:11:09,128
♪
1459
01:11:09,130 --> 01:11:10,396
(DOOR SHUTS)
1460
01:11:10,398 --> 01:11:14,403
(TAPPING)
1461
01:11:19,106 --> 01:11:24,110
(SLOW ELECTRONIC MUSIC)
1462
01:11:24,112 --> 01:11:27,949
♪
1463
01:11:36,957 --> 01:11:38,491
BLAKE VOICEOVER:
I'm not gonna lie,
1464
01:11:38,493 --> 01:11:41,096
I thought about throwing
the bracelet in the water.
1465
01:11:44,131 --> 01:11:45,764
Then I sold it,
1466
01:11:45,766 --> 01:11:47,769
because I'm not an idiot.
1467
01:11:50,171 --> 01:11:51,737
(MUFFLED CHEERS)
1468
01:11:51,739 --> 01:11:54,005
NIKKI: God, I should
have been a cheerleader.
1469
01:11:54,007 --> 01:11:56,342
Those girls are in
such good shape.
1470
01:11:56,344 --> 01:11:59,579
Yeah but, what're they
gonna do with their lives?
1471
01:11:59,581 --> 01:12:00,580
I don't know.
1472
01:12:00,582 --> 01:12:01,580
BLAKE:
What becomes of them?
1473
01:12:01,582 --> 01:12:03,583
Yeah but, they
can do the splits.
1474
01:12:03,585 --> 01:12:05,119
They'll figure it out.
1475
01:12:08,355 --> 01:12:11,156
I still don't think you
should delete your column.
1476
01:12:11,158 --> 01:12:13,025
You need to own your scandal.
1477
01:12:13,027 --> 01:12:15,460
Like, uh,
1478
01:12:15,462 --> 01:12:16,764
Marie Antoinette.
1479
01:12:17,599 --> 01:12:19,331
She was a teen idol.
1480
01:12:19,333 --> 01:12:21,336
And she had sex
with everyone.
1481
01:12:22,170 --> 01:12:23,669
When she went to Paris,
1482
01:12:23,671 --> 01:12:25,170
people got trampled to death
1483
01:12:25,172 --> 01:12:26,272
just trying to catch
a glimpse of her.
1484
01:12:26,274 --> 01:12:28,174
That's really sad.
1485
01:12:28,176 --> 01:12:30,442
And didn't they behead
her for being slutty?
1486
01:12:30,444 --> 01:12:32,044
NIKKI: 'Kay, well, we are
still talking about her.
1487
01:12:32,046 --> 01:12:34,048
BLAKE: That's not
always a good thing.
1488
01:12:36,184 --> 01:12:38,220
He revoked his
letter for the award.
1489
01:12:40,054 --> 01:12:41,387
They disqualified me.
1490
01:12:41,389 --> 01:12:42,388
Shit.
1491
01:12:42,390 --> 01:12:43,856
BLAKE:
I know.
1492
01:12:43,858 --> 01:12:45,394
That sucks, sorry.
1493
01:12:52,332 --> 01:12:53,601
Jennifer Lawrence!
1494
01:12:55,203 --> 01:12:56,602
What about her?
1495
01:12:56,604 --> 01:12:58,271
When the-when those naked
pictures came out, of her?
1496
01:12:58,273 --> 01:13:00,106
She owned the shit out of it.
1497
01:13:00,108 --> 01:13:02,875
Declared it was a sex crime
on the cover of Vanity Fair.
1498
01:13:02,877 --> 01:13:05,076
And, those pictures made
her more interesting,
1499
01:13:05,078 --> 01:13:06,081
in my opinion.
1500
01:13:08,850 --> 01:13:09,915
I'd forgot about that.
1501
01:13:09,917 --> 01:13:11,250
NIKKI:
I know.
1502
01:13:11,252 --> 01:13:13,055
She looked great.
1503
01:13:14,087 --> 01:13:16,088
BLAKE:
Jennifer Lawrence.
1504
01:13:16,090 --> 01:13:17,089
J.Law.
1505
01:13:17,091 --> 01:13:18,190
Did ya see them?
1506
01:13:18,192 --> 01:13:20,128
NIKKI: No, I mean,
she would have, if,
1507
01:13:20,962 --> 01:13:22,260
if I saw them.
1508
01:13:22,262 --> 01:13:24,362
I think she would
have looked good.
1509
01:13:24,364 --> 01:13:25,430
But I didn't.
1510
01:13:25,432 --> 01:13:26,699
Did you see them?
1511
01:13:26,701 --> 01:13:28,470
Yeah, I saw them.
1512
01:13:30,305 --> 01:13:35,308
(SLOW ALTERNATIVE MUSIC)
1513
01:13:35,310 --> 01:13:38,376
♪
1514
01:13:38,378 --> 01:13:39,711
BLAKE VOICEOVER:
If this were the nineties,
1515
01:13:39,713 --> 01:13:42,147
and I was in a
Nora Ephron romcom,
1516
01:13:42,149 --> 01:13:43,549
this would be the moment
1517
01:13:43,551 --> 01:13:45,317
where it would seem
all hope is lost.
1518
01:13:45,319 --> 01:13:50,555
(ENGINE HUMMING)
1519
01:13:50,557 --> 01:13:52,124
BLAKE VOICEOVER:
But then,
1520
01:13:52,126 --> 01:13:53,960
out of the fog,
he'd appear.
1521
01:13:53,962 --> 01:13:55,760
(SIREN)
1522
01:13:55,762 --> 01:13:57,396
BLAKE VOICEOVER: Maybe
at the top of a building,
1523
01:13:57,398 --> 01:14:00,333
or maybe in a cop car.
1524
01:14:00,335 --> 01:14:01,601
He wouldn't pull me over
1525
01:14:01,603 --> 01:14:03,268
because I was speeding
in a school zone,
1526
01:14:03,270 --> 01:14:05,403
and he sure as fuck wouldn't
give me a goddam ticket
1527
01:14:05,405 --> 01:14:07,807
for driving without
a motorcycle licence.
1528
01:14:07,809 --> 01:14:09,342
(RADIO CHATTER)
1529
01:14:09,344 --> 01:14:10,913
It's my birthday today.
1530
01:14:11,912 --> 01:14:12,911
COP:
No it's not.
1531
01:14:12,913 --> 01:14:13,912
It's my graduation,
1532
01:14:13,914 --> 01:14:15,748
and I really need to be there.
1533
01:14:15,750 --> 01:14:17,252
BLAKE VOICEOVER:
We'd lock eyes.
1534
01:14:18,353 --> 01:14:20,285
We'd have coffees
in sweater weather.
1535
01:14:20,287 --> 01:14:22,354
We'd drink wine in the park
1536
01:14:22,356 --> 01:14:23,826
like we were in
some French film.
1537
01:14:25,326 --> 01:14:27,994
And we'd run through field
after field holding hands,
1538
01:14:27,996 --> 01:14:30,161
while some upbeat
love song played.
1539
01:14:30,163 --> 01:14:34,165
("SUNSET LOVER"
BY PETIT BISCUIT)
1540
01:14:34,167 --> 01:14:41,339
♪
1541
01:14:41,341 --> 01:14:44,112
BLAKE VOICEOVER: But this isn't
a romcom from the nineties.
1542
01:14:45,179 --> 01:14:47,216
This is just my story,
1543
01:14:47,981 --> 01:14:49,984
and I don't want to
be ashamed of it.
1544
01:14:51,019 --> 01:14:53,218
The story was never
about the professor.
1545
01:14:53,220 --> 01:14:54,352
Or an award.
1546
01:14:54,354 --> 01:14:56,289
Or even my column,
1547
01:14:56,291 --> 01:14:57,357
which I didn't delete.
1548
01:14:57,359 --> 01:14:59,291
Otherwise you wouldn't
be reading this.
1549
01:14:59,293 --> 01:15:01,059
I just changed my name,
1550
01:15:01,061 --> 01:15:03,064
to my real one this time.
1551
01:15:04,465 --> 01:15:05,734
(BEEP)
1552
01:15:23,216 --> 01:15:24,485
BLAKE:
Thanks for the ride.
1553
01:15:42,604 --> 01:15:44,870
"Meet me on top
of the bleachers."
1554
01:15:44,872 --> 01:15:46,173
JACOB:
Hey Blake!
1555
01:15:48,408 --> 01:15:49,375
What?
1556
01:15:49,377 --> 01:15:51,777
JACOB:
Come up here.
1557
01:15:51,779 --> 01:15:53,245
Why?
1558
01:15:53,247 --> 01:15:55,246
You gotta to see the view.
1559
01:15:55,248 --> 01:15:57,616
The view is unbelievable.
1560
01:15:57,618 --> 01:15:59,418
BLAKE:
What are you talking about?
1561
01:15:59,420 --> 01:16:00,686
JACOB:
I'm doin' a thing,
1562
01:16:00,688 --> 01:16:02,254
I'm doin' this thing, just,
1563
01:16:02,256 --> 01:16:03,455
can you come up here?
1564
01:16:03,457 --> 01:16:05,124
Trust me?
1565
01:16:05,126 --> 01:16:06,427
Work with me?
1566
01:16:10,097 --> 01:16:11,365
(NERVOUS HOWLING)
1567
01:16:13,033 --> 01:16:14,802
(DEEP EXHALE)
1568
01:16:15,069 --> 01:16:16,302
Okay.
1569
01:16:16,304 --> 01:16:17,602
BLAKE:
Hi.
1570
01:16:17,604 --> 01:16:20,438
JACOB: It's romantic
up here, isn't it?
1571
01:16:20,440 --> 01:16:21,473
BLAKE:
Uh...
1572
01:16:21,475 --> 01:16:22,708
At the top of the, uh,
1573
01:16:22,710 --> 01:16:24,610
Empire State Building.
1574
01:16:24,612 --> 01:16:26,277
What are we doing?
1575
01:16:26,279 --> 01:16:28,313
JACOB:
We're Sleepless in Seattleing.
1576
01:16:28,315 --> 01:16:29,749
I'm Tom Hanks,
1577
01:16:29,751 --> 01:16:31,483
you're Meg Ryan.
1578
01:16:31,485 --> 01:16:32,485
Unless you wanna
switch roles,
1579
01:16:32,487 --> 01:16:33,486
ya wanna switch roles?
1580
01:16:33,488 --> 01:16:34,486
I'll be Meg, you be Tom.
1581
01:16:34,488 --> 01:16:35,286
No, I'll be Meg.
1582
01:16:35,288 --> 01:16:36,557
JACOB:
'Kay, I'll be Tom.
1583
01:16:37,158 --> 01:16:38,226
I got you somethin',
1584
01:16:40,494 --> 01:16:41,496
like the movie.
1585
01:16:44,532 --> 01:16:46,531
It's actually a teddy bear.
1586
01:16:46,533 --> 01:16:47,532
JACOB:
What, the rose?
1587
01:16:47,534 --> 01:16:49,501
And she gives it to a kid.
1588
01:16:49,503 --> 01:16:50,503
(SHOCKED GUFFAWING)
1589
01:16:50,505 --> 01:16:52,037
There's a kid in the movie?
1590
01:16:52,039 --> 01:16:53,304
BLAKE: Yeah, Tom Hanks has a son.
Did you watch it?
1591
01:16:53,306 --> 01:16:54,874
I did, why? I don't
remember there being a kid.
1592
01:16:54,876 --> 01:16:55,875
I gotta rewatch it.
1593
01:16:55,877 --> 01:16:57,143
BLAKE:
Definitely a kid.
1594
01:16:57,145 --> 01:16:58,376
NIKKI:
What are you guys doing?
1595
01:16:58,378 --> 01:17:00,379
JACOB:
Um...
1596
01:17:00,381 --> 01:17:01,813
we're Sleepless in Seattleing.
1597
01:17:01,815 --> 01:17:03,982
He's butchering it.
1598
01:17:03,984 --> 01:17:04,983
NIKKI:
Nerds.
1599
01:17:04,985 --> 01:17:06,451
JACOB:
I'm doing awesome.
1600
01:17:06,453 --> 01:17:07,452
BLAKE:
You are actually.
1601
01:17:07,454 --> 01:17:08,454
I am?
1602
01:17:08,456 --> 01:17:09,688
BLAKE:
This is good.
1603
01:17:09,690 --> 01:17:10,990
Do they still fall in love
1604
01:17:10,992 --> 01:17:12,357
at the top of the
Empire State Building?
1605
01:17:12,359 --> 01:17:14,160
No, that's-that's
where they met.
1606
01:17:14,162 --> 01:17:15,960
But they were already
in love they are...
1607
01:17:15,962 --> 01:17:20,965
(SOFT ROMANTIC INSTRUMENTAL)
1608
01:17:20,967 --> 01:17:26,138
♪
1609
01:17:26,140 --> 01:17:27,643
JACOB:
You look really pretty.
1610
01:17:32,246 --> 01:17:33,379
Are you holding my helmet on?
1611
01:17:33,381 --> 01:17:35,417
- Yeah, I got it.
- Oh, thank you.
1612
01:17:36,551 --> 01:17:37,549
NIKKI:
C'monah.
1613
01:17:37,551 --> 01:17:38,918
What?
1614
01:17:38,920 --> 01:17:39,919
Let's go.
1615
01:17:39,921 --> 01:17:40,919
Okay.
1616
01:17:40,921 --> 01:17:41,920
BLAKE:
Oh, we have to graduate.
1617
01:17:41,922 --> 01:17:43,155
- Hyah.
- Hyah.
1618
01:17:43,157 --> 01:17:44,824
I came here in a cop car.
1619
01:17:44,826 --> 01:17:45,825
Why?
1620
01:17:45,827 --> 01:17:47,393
'Cause I'm cool now.
1621
01:17:47,395 --> 01:17:48,393
That is really cool.
1622
01:17:48,395 --> 01:17:49,394
I'm criminal.
1623
01:17:49,396 --> 01:17:50,396
JACOB:
That's sick.
1624
01:17:50,398 --> 01:17:51,667
I know a criminal.
1625
01:17:52,233 --> 01:17:53,398
BLAKE:
It's a long story,
1626
01:17:53,400 --> 01:17:54,567
but it's actually not.
1627
01:17:54,569 --> 01:17:56,201
- It's really not a long story.
- What?
1628
01:17:56,203 --> 01:17:58,403
BLAKE: So, apparently, I need
a licence to drive my moped.
1629
01:17:58,405 --> 01:17:59,772
JACOB: Uh huh,
I didn't even know that.
1630
01:17:59,774 --> 01:18:01,107
BLAKE:
No, neither did I.
1631
01:18:01,109 --> 01:18:02,441
JACOB: I thought you could
just drive 'em around.
1632
01:18:02,443 --> 01:18:03,541
BLAKE:
No.
1633
01:18:03,543 --> 01:18:05,376
JACOB:
What?
1634
01:18:05,378 --> 01:18:07,446
BLAKE: So, that's something that
I'm going to have to deal with.
1635
01:18:07,448 --> 01:18:10,549
BLAKE VOICEOVER: Each one of us has a
story of how we got to where we are,
1636
01:18:10,551 --> 01:18:13,085
which most likely
involves study drugs,
1637
01:18:13,087 --> 01:18:14,553
getting blackout drunk,
1638
01:18:14,555 --> 01:18:16,054
and having one night stands.
1639
01:18:16,056 --> 01:18:18,590
We'll tell these stories
at dinner parties
1640
01:18:18,592 --> 01:18:20,459
and to our future children.
1641
01:18:20,461 --> 01:18:24,095
Well, maybe not the
one night stand part.
1642
01:18:24,097 --> 01:18:25,630
Or the blackout drunk part.
1643
01:18:25,632 --> 01:18:27,635
Or the study drugs,
for that matter.
1644
01:18:28,802 --> 01:18:30,468
But maybe our stories
don't have to be
1645
01:18:30,470 --> 01:18:32,440
for anyone but ourselves.
1646
01:18:33,541 --> 01:18:34,874
Your hopeless romantic,
1647
01:18:34,876 --> 01:18:36,976
Blake Conway.
1648
01:18:36,978 --> 01:18:39,980
(DISTANT BANTERING)
1649
01:18:42,409 --> 01:18:47,409
Subtitles by explosiveskull
1649
01:18:48,305 --> 01:18:54,703
Craving big poker? Feast your eyes on Venom.
$5 million GTD. AmericasCardroom.com112329
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