All language subtitles for Madame Sans Gene.en

AUGUST 9 1792

"KlNG LOUIS XVI IS STILL SITTING
ON HIS MOTH-EATEN THRONE.

THE PEOPLE OF PARIS ARE
GETTING READY TO OVERTHROW IT."

The Austrians come to the King's rescue!
They threaten to burn Paris!

The people demand the King's removal!

Ask for your copy of "L'Ami du people"!

- Catherine!
- Yes?

You coming?
We're taking the Tuileries.

Thanks, but l already took the Bastille,
and that's enough for me. Best of luck!

Beautiful days lie ahead.

- Shit!
- What happened?

Push harder!

What do you have in those arms?
Here.

Come on. Let's do this!

It's a good thing I'm here.

Come on, kids.

It fights back!
It's a monarchist cannon.

You, back there, the sculptor--

have you finished
kneading the clay, Michelangelo?

It's not clay, it's marble.

Well, mind yours
and leave mine alone.

I don't like people getting too close
with their hands.

Higher, l said. Higher.

There.
You wanted it, you got it.

I'm considering starting over
for the same price.

Next time it'll cost you more.

I didn't do it on purpose. It's not
my fault you have such a nice bottom.

lt's not my fault
you have such nice cheeks.

Thanks for helping out.

At your service, citizen.
And no hard feelings.

lf it swells up, put a compress on it.

lf it gets as big as your beauty,
my head will be like this!

Hey, enough of that already!

Let the rebels through.

- Long live the sans-culottes!
- Long live the sans-culottes!

Come on, Marie.
We're going back to the shop.

lf l were you, l'd avoid the Tuileries.

There's sure to be
some commotion down there.

All the more reason to go and see!

# Let us dance the Carmagnole,
long live the sound. #

We came here from Marseille to fight.
What do we do now?

- Do we take the Tuileries or not?
- The Tuileries!

There are over 2000 Swiss guards there,
armed to the teeth.

Switzerland this, Switzerland that.
What's France then, shit?

- Death to the tyrant!
- Down with the King!

Down!

Death to the tyrant!

Down!

lt's Sans-Gene.
What are you doing here?

The same as you. l'm watching the Swiss,
and it's not a pretty sight.

lf they like the king so much,
they should take him with them.

You're right.

Catherine, look!

Hey, hurry up!

What's going on?
Are shots being fired in my courtyard?

A cannon!
They put a cannon in my courtyard!

Where do you think
you're going, citizen?

He's asking me where l'm going!

To my place, of course!

Prove it. Do you have
a certificate of accommodation?

You have a certificate of stupidity
on your face.

Respect the revolution, would you?

This idiot would skewer me.

Sergeant Lefebvre's orders.
You're not coming through.

- And where is Sergeant Lefebvre?
- Over there. The tall, quiet one.

l've gotten through, you see? ldiot!

All right, now try to get out.

Those vandals, how could they?
Look at this mess!

You couldn't stop them
from getting in?

They didn't ask for our opinion.

Use the tubs to move the dirt.

- Hey, who's in charge here?
- The people.

This is my courtyard. l'm the people
here. And the people are sovereign.

Take your little cannon back
to where you found it.

You have five minutes.
And one minute to get out of here.

Move, citizen.
Can't you see you're in the way?

l guess l'm feeling too at home now.

Fricasse! Get rid
of the citizen for me.

We'll see who
gets rid of whom. There!

lt's you. What are you doing here?

And you? Did you choose
my courtyard on purpose?

- Your courtyard?
- Precisely. You're in my space, here.

Well then, everything's all right.

No, it's not.

Go on, don't stay there.

Go back home and behave yourself.
Always obey your superiors.

l'll find you a superior, and we'll see
who gets rid of whom. Here!

Watch my shop, l'll be right back.

My little Bonaparte, l'm so glad
you're here. l need a big favor.

- What is it this time?
- Patriots put a cannon in my courtyard.

- What?
- Yes, a cannon. And they won't leave.

Tell them to move it. You're
an officer, they'll listen to you.

What do the patriots
want with a cannon?

- To fire it, of course.
- On whom?

On the Tuileries. Let's go.
Where's your jacket? There.

What do they want to do,
expel the king?

- And replace him with whom?
- Not with you, of course!

You should be happy to host them.

You applaud when they march
on the street.

On the street, yes,
but not in my courtyard.

The French-- you're all the same.
The revolution passes by, you applaud.

But if it wants to come in,
you slam the door in its face.

You don't invite the revolution over,
it could break a vase.

- All you do is talk. Let's go.
- l'll tell your patriots to go to hell.

- What is it now?
- That's no reason to burn my supper.

Hurry up.
Your sword. You never know. Here.

Come. Come.

Go on, little Lieutenant,
l'll back you up.

Use your sword
to get these loudmouths out of here.

- You'll be rid of them in five minutes.
- Let the lieutenant through!

Look, reinforcements.
lt's a gunner. Perfect timing.

Get up, Blanchet.
Let the captain through.

Let the general through.

They don't know
what's in store for them.

Who's in charge here?
There must be a post commander.

- l am.
- Yes, of course.

We're organized. Sergeant.

- Hello, Citizen Lieutenant.
- Hello.

Providence sent you.
We need a gun layer.

All you have to do is command.

Go ahead, command them
so we can have a laugh.

What do you expect to do
with this cannon?

Blow the Tuileries up to see what lies
behind it. Not a bad position, eh?

Yes, the first shot will send
the archbishop right up into the sky.

First the priests, then the king!

- Long live the nation!
- Long live the nation!

This thing can't stay here.

- Bravo!
- Long live the lieutenant!

You don't have enough recoil.

- What should we do?
- Let me see here.

The cannon, here.

- What do you mean, here? You're crazy!
- She's right, the gate's in the way.

- lf the gate's in the way, take it off!
- Yes, that's it! Take the gate off!

Leave the gate alone!

No, you're crazy!

- Leave the gate alone, you savages! No!
- Come on, citizen.

Let go of me, you brutes.
You big monkey!

- Let us work.
- Vandals!

- My word, she bit me!
- Calm or l'll squash you like a snail.

You're a snail. What kind of shell
are you trailing along? You!

- Again.
- You, Lieutenant of cannibals,

is this your idea
of telling them to go to hell?

Yes. Good luck, citizens.

No, either you stay here
or you take the cannon away.

Take the cannon away? You're crazy.
The lieutenant will stay with us.

l'm sorry,
but my business here is done.

What? Where are you going?

Are you for or against the revolution?

Me? l'm for the artillery.

Don't run off like that.
lt would be too easy, Bonaparte.

Not Bonaparte.
Buonaparte with a ''U.''

Yes, with a ''U.''
That's what l thought.

Go on, go sleep.
We don't need you for the revolution.

We'll do it ourselves.

By the order
of the Commune of Paris,

the assault will be launched
tomorrow morning.

- Yes.
- Alarms will sound the time of battle.

Stay on guard until then.
Long live the nation!

- Long live the nation!
- Long live the nation!

- You're staying until tomorrow morning?
- You heard him.

- Here?
- Here and there, yes.

- Everyone?
- Everyone.

You really think l'm spending
the night alone with 18 sans-culottes?

No, you won't be all alone.
l'm staying with you.

- Me too!
- Thank you,

but let's skip the formalities.

Don't let them near you
on the pretense of taking the Tuileries.

- No!
- l'm married but that's not a reason.

l'm not married,
but that's not a reason either.

Timid virgins, for you,
the triumphant revolution

will mean liberty, all liberties.

lf one day you want to marry
an educated, good-looking man

who likes order and virtue, like me,
for example, just to give you an idea,

all it takes is mutual consent
and we'll be man and wife.

That's revolution, that's liberty.
That's universal happiness.

Long live the nation!

Citizen Fricasse.

l swear, l'd rather take you
than the Tuileries.

That might prove more difficult.

Here. You won't go into battle
with a shirt full of holes.

The bullets will go through them.

- A pretty shirt with lace.
- You'll fancy yourself an aristocrat.

You'll call out, ''Long live the king!''
and ''Down with the nation!''

- You're just jealous.
- What will your customers say?

Nothing at all.
They all left without paying.

With a shirt like this, you don't want
to get yourself killed anymore.

Serve yourselves. Here.

- Hey, you. Catch.
- Thank you.

- Here.
- And me?

lf you can't have
the skin of aristocrats,

you can at least have their shirts.

Look at how pretty l am.

- This is for you, you big brute.
- What will l look like in this?

Like a man in a shirt. Are you afraid
your wife will ask where you got it?

l don't have a wife.

Unfortunately.

So, your gate.

Hey!

Yes?

After we take the Tuileries,
l'll put it back in place.

- Are you still thinking about that?
- Fernand!

Look at the state
l find you in, lazybones.

Listen, Sophie, l'll explain.

There's no need.
One look at you says it all:

a courtesan who looks
like a girl from the Royal Palace;

And he, a family man.

ls that what your revolution is about?
Looking good?

Would you come home immediately?

But, Sophie, l can't. l'm a rebel,
l have to take the Tuileries.

There are others.
They'll take the Tuileries without you.

Were you burned?

Citizen Lefebvre, your presence
is requested. Come quick.

- l'm going out.
- l see that.

- Commune de Paris, how many are you?
- 18.

- How many guns?
- Four.

- That's not very much.
- We'll manage.

Go to sleep, l'll keep watch.

- lt's stuffy in there.
- lt's true.

- Are you keeping watch?
- Yes.

- lt's a long wait, isn't it?
- lt depends.

- What are you waiting for?
- The alarm.

You have get-togethers.

They're necessary.

At least they're talkative.

- Can you hear what they're saying?
- Yes.

- l have a cat.
- No. And you talk to him?

Yes, often.

l have a room at 16 rue de l'Arbre-Sec.

Why are you telling me that?

lf l were to get killed,
would you take care of my cat?

What an idea.
You don't just die like that.

Her name is Therese,
it's a female cat.

My name is Catherine.
And yours?

Francois.

What is it?
Why are you looking at me like that?

lf l were to get killed--

Again! You can't die twice in a row.

lf l were to get killed, my head--

- What?
- Would you remember my head?

Your head. lt's like laundry,

l'll mark it so l recognize it.

Long live the nation!

Long live the nation!

Long live the revolution!

Down with the king!
Long live the nation!

Long live the nation!
Down with the king!

Long live the nation!

All right, enough of that.

Everyone to their posts.
Fill up the cannon. Fricasse!

That's fine, stay where you are.
l'll light the wick myself.

- Blanchet!
- Yes?

Move the citizens back.

- Prevent them from coming through.
- Go on, move back!

lt won't be a loss
for everyone, right?

- Yes.
- Watch out in the front!

Leave the cannon there,
it's useless.

Go on, take your weapons.

Are you coming, Fricasse?
What are you waiting for?

l was waiting for you
to fire the cannon.

That happened
a long time ago, you idiot!

- Are you sure?
- Yes.

- Did you hear anything?
- No.

Okay, stay there. l'll go
deal with the king, and l'll be back.

Lefebvre!

You didn't think
l'd leave like that, did you?

- Promise me.
- Yes.

And if someone does get killed, it won't
be me. l'll be the one to tell you.

Stay here.
Don't be reckless, now's not the time.

Women to the back.
To the back!

You always have to mix in
with the men.

You're completely crazy.
lt's a real slaughterhouse over there.

Catherine. They're firing
from all sides. That was a close call.

Citizen Fouche,
what are you doing here?

- Taking cover. lmagine that.
- Yes, waiting for this to pass.

Why aren't you
down there with them?

l don't have a weapon. Besides,
l'm a representative of the people.

My place is at the Assembly,
with the nation.

- Why aren't you at the Assembly?
- l'll go there straightaway,

but l do have to get there
in one piece.

All it takes is for a bullet
to miss its mark.

My life belongs to the nation.
l don't have the right to dispose of it.

l think you can go now.

# Arise children of the fatherland #

# The day of glory has arrived. #

Marcel, go back home!
Go right now or l'll call your father.

These kids! We haven't been able to keep
them in since we took the Tuileries.

So, Francois--

l don't like it
when you call me Francois.

- Why not?
- l don't know, it's just a thought,

but everyone
can be called Francois.

As for Lefebvre...

For me, there's only one Francois
and one Lefebvre, and they're the same.

And l have him all to myself.

What did you want to tell me?

lt slipped my mind.

So, Therese, are you happy with me?

Little Menard is taking piano lessons.

Sunday.

You want to go for a stroll in Creil?
We could take the stagecoach.

Yes, we could invite
Fricasse and Heloiise to come along.

Sunday. That's in five days.

Say, Lefebvre,
you want to go right away?

And not go back into battle?

Not right away. Soon.

l don't want us to part like this.
Because now, without you--

- Weren't you all alone before?
- Yes, almost.

But l didn't think about it.
l didn't know you existed.

But now you're on one side
and l'm on the other.

lt would leave a big void,
you understand?

My Lefebvre.

My Francois Lefebvre,
my sergeant, my superior.

l thought things would calm down
after the Tuileries.

Me too. But it's not settled.

The whole world is against us,
and all because we want to be free.

And don't the others
want to be free, too?

Yes, but they're forced not to be.

lf there was nothing but the people,
everything would be better.

The king lost his throne
at the Tuileries, but he won Europe.

All the other kings feel like they've
been stung in the ass by the patriots,

and kings don't like
to be stung in the ass.

Especially if they're
sitting on the throne.

That's why the country is at risk
down in Marseille and on the Rhine.

We can't leave it like that.

Say, Catherine, are you mad at me?

Of course not.

But do you think we could go to Creil
on Sunday, in the stagecoach?

Yes, we'll go to Creil.

- Do you like going to Creil?
- Do l like going to Creil?

- The war will be over in two months.
- You think?

lt's inevitable. A unified nation
marches like a single man.

l so wish that today were Sunday.

Patience, my dear. Patience.

This is it, Lefebvre, we're leaving.

The battalion will be here
in two minutes.

l'll say goodbye to Heloiise.

When l think that we were supposed to go
to Creil together on Sunday...

You'll see, Catherine.

We'll also go to Creil another day.

Go on. Hurry and get it over with.

You're a real woman.

You're taking this well.

- You are too.
- Yes...

but this is my profession.

All right. The sooner
l leave, the better.

And the sooner l'll be back.

Hurry up then. lt hurts less.

All right then.

All right.

l really like you, you know?

Don't say it.

Go on.

Cheer up. l'll take care of Lefebvre,
you take care of Heloiise.

Hey, Catherine. l joined to piss off
my wife, and she thinks l'm angling!

Hi, Catherine.

Catherine, l came to say
my goodbyes.

You're also leaving for the Rhine?

The Rhine?
What would l do there?

l went to Saint-Cyr to fetch my sister.
Say hello, Elisa.

- l'm taking her to Corsica.
- To Corsica?

Yes, it's safer.
France is no place for young ladies.

You're off to Corsica, Lieutenant.

You don't give a damn
about the country, then?

What country?
Corsica is my country.

lt's not a country, it's an island.

An island for a man like you.

l wonder what you'll do on an island.

l'll try my luck. My future is there.
This is a blasted place for me.

Blasted? lf that isn't a disgrace...

Here's your shirt.
You owe me 26 launderings.

- 26 launderings?
- Yes.

- l only have two shirts.
- Yes, but l washed them 26 times.

Go on, don't worry.
Pay me another time.

You're right to return home with
your sister. You're not fit to command.

You're right.
Goodbye, Sans-Gene.

No hard feelings.

Poor man, l feel sorry for him.

4 YEARS LATER - ''THE POOR GUY'' WAS
CHlEF GENERAL OF THE lTALlAN ARMY.

What is this mess?

Forward!

Are you former soldiers of the regime
or soldiers of the Republic?

Do you think this is a parade?
Are you watching the procession?

Brigaud,
clear the bridge immediately.

Artillery first. That's the priority.
lnfantry after.

But the horse and carriages
will cause a major delay.

To hell with them!
Have them ford the river.

Hey, you,

Hey, you,

the infantry and supply corps
have to ford the river down that way.

Everyone else, keep going.

Superior order. No arguing.

Let's go. Faster.

Carriages, that way. Ford the river.

Go on, clear the way. Hurry up.

That way. Follow the others.

Be careful. Go on.

Hey!

What is it now?

Hold on tight,
we're going into the water.

What for?

General Bonaparte doesn't want us
to cross the bridge.

Bonaparte! We haven't heard
the last out of him.

Whose idea was it to go fight in ltaly?

ltaly hasn't done anything to us.
Why not Russia while we're at it?

You don't seem very fond of him.
What did he do to you?

lt's his fault that l'm here now,
chasing after my man.

ln four years of battle,
we've only seen each other once,

just long enough to marry.
No leaves. No news.

l thought
he was still in the Rhine army.

But no, he was transferred to ltaly.

l tried to get a permit. lt was no use!

You should have stayed at home.
lf you get captured here...

l have two words to say to Bonaparte.

Who does he have to thank
for being where he is now?

lf we hadn't been there on August 10,

he wouldn't be here today,
that poorly laundered urchin.

lt's rising, it's rising!

Make no mistake, Bonaparte
isn't waging war on the ltalians,

he's waging war on me!

l'm going to die.

Bonaparte. Hey, stop!

l could never do it.

lf you can do it with one,
you can do it with them all.

Last week it was the Austrians,
this week it's the French.

Look how happy they are to see us,

the true queens that we are.

There are men
who don't cheat on their wives.

Yeah, the dead ones!
Men are even worse than we are.

Put yourself in their shoes.
They're deprived.

You left a place like Paris
to chase after a man?

- Yes, of course.
- He must be something else.

- He's my husband!
- You call a husband a man?

- That depends.
- Look at them.

- Look at them.
- Hello.

They're crazy! l'm getting off.

- You're being silly.
- l'm getting off.

Hello!

Wait. Wait a moment.

Let's go.

Come with me-- to the back.

Captain Lefebvre wants
to have a word with you.

Coming through!

Jerk!

- Wait here.
- Yes. l'll come see you

- after l'm done with the captain.
- Thank you.

Captain, she's here.

How is she?

You're excused.

See you soon.

- Go on, get out of here.
- Why?

He's my husband.

- Well, if he's your husband...
- Don't speak!

...that's another story.

Catherine, it's you.

Yes, it's me.

l swear l've never cheated on you.

And l swear l've never slapped you.

This is what l crossed the Alps for?
Bastard!

Catherine, open up!

Open up, Catherine! l'll explain!

Catherine! No!

l'll be right back.

Catherine.

- Catherine's here.
- l know, you idiot!

Catherine!

Catherine!

Catherine!

Catherine!

Catherine!

Catherine, listen to me!

Catherine!

Catherine, don't be silly!

Go away, l don't want
to see you anymore. Go!

Catherine!

Go away, l don't want
to see you anymore.

- Catherine.
- Don't touch me.

- Listen to me.
- Don't touch me!

Catherine.

This is silly.

Let me explain.

- No! No!
- Listen to me. Come!

Come on, don't you think
this is silly?

Be reasonable, Catherine.

You're right,
this is silly. lt's over.

Catherine, l didn't cheat on you.

Perhaps l was going to, it's true.

Come on,
you're underestimating yourself.

You have to understand
that for a soldier...

Leave me alone.

- You're starting to annoy me.
- All right, it's okay.

Gently, all right?

So.

So, Augereau, where's that shelter?

We're almost there.
lt's that farm over there.

Congratulations.
Who the hell sent these men?

- You're a dishonor to the Republic.
- Leave them.

They've earned the right to have fun.
They are men, after all.

And they fight for that, too.

You can't have the girls
all to yourself.

Who's in charge here?

l said, who's in charge here?

Captain Lefebvre,
Citizen General.

Go get him.

He's not here, Citizen General.

- What? He's not here?
- No, Citizen General.

Where is he?

He'll be back, Citizen General.

He left to go on patrol,
Citizen General.

- And who is he on patrol with?
- He's alone, Citizen General.

ls he with a girl?

No, Citizen General,
on the contrary.

What do you mean, on the contrary?
Go on, call the lieutenant.

He's not here, Citizen General.

Congratulations, Augereau,
you have a swell assistant.

This nitwit over here.
Where did your lieutenant go?

He must have left to find
Captain Lefebvre, Citizen General.

Thus leaving the battalion in anarchy?

What a mess! No one in charge!

Pardon me, Citizen General,

l'm the one in charge here--
Sergeant Fricasse.

lt gets better!
Sergeants now serve as captains.

Soon privates
will replace generals, right?

Negligence of service.
Abandonment of post.

You will shoot the captain at dawn,
along with the lieutenant, of course.

Perfect. Since you refuse
to answer my questions,

both of you will be shot.

My poor little Catherine,

to think that you came all this way
only to die with me.

At least we'll stay together this way.

All the same,

l find it strange
to die here, in a mill.

- Why?
- lt's where l started.

My father was a miller.

- l remember when l was six years old...
- No memories! Now's not the time.

Think about the future instead,

the future we no longer have.
Damn it, we have to get out.

- l don't want to die!
- Be brave, Catherine.

l am brave because l want to live.
That's all l know how to do.

l don't know how to die.
l never learned.

l haven't reached that age.

Listen-- artillery.

Do you think it's for us?

Do you think
they'd kill us with a cannon?

Cannon or not,
we'll be dead tonight anyway.

Not necessarily.

- Where are you going?
- Wait.

- Answer me, Lefebvre.
- You'll see.

- Well?
- Wait.

- Why are you doing that?
- Leave me be.

- Well?
- You're getting on my nerves!

- Getting on your nerves!
- Hey, next to you, there's a lever.

All you have to do is try
and lift it with your shoulder.

- All l have to do is...
- That's right. lt's all you have to do.

- Hurry up.
- l'll still try it.

- Hurry up.
- Shut up, would you?

- Well?
- Shut up.

- Make an effort.
- Please don't get on my nerves.

Keep going a little more.

That's it.

lt's going to work.

You have it?
Yes.

- ls that okay?
- Yes, it is.

Lower the lever. Lower the lever.

Careful, Lefebvre.

You're tickling me.

Now's not the time.
Follow me. Hurry up.

- The cows!
- Why?

Come on, let's go.

lt's a surprise attack.
They'll massacre them.

- We have to warn them.
- How?

- Do you trust me?
- Yes, as long as we don't get shot.

Come on.

Wow, that's high.
Hold on to me, don't let me fall.

- There's no danger.
- Yes.

When l was a kid, the first time
l climbed the blades of the mill,

my dad kicked me in the ass.

l told you it was
a bad time to get soft.

Here, grab on.

Lefebvre!

Grab one, we'll put them
back in the mill.

My, he's heavy. Won't he wake up?

Wait. Watch out, hide!

Let me take care of this. Stay here.

- Here.
- Quick quick.

Come on.

What's going on? lt's coming
from over there. Let's go. Forward!

What does that mean? The Austrians?

l don't understand.
They were 20 leagues away.

That may be, but they're there now.

They're crazy.
What are they blowing up?

We'll teach them to make noise
without my command. Let's go!

Soldiers! There's a mill up there
full of Austrians.

Go pay them a visit.

Forward. Go!

l can't go any further.
l think l twisted my foot.

Lay down. Let me take a look.

- lt hurts.
- Hear that? lt's the French.

Hey!

Wait for me.
Guard our prisoners.

- Watch out for the Austrians.
- They're far away.

Hey! Hey!

- What are you doing here?
- lt's me.

- lt's me, what?
- lt's me, Citizen General.

- lt's me.
- lt's me, who?

lt's me, the one who blew that up
right under your noses to alert you.

l'm in the 13th Battalion,
Augereau Division.

l took the captain
and the colonel prisoner.

- They're over there, as stiff as logs.
- Where are the others?

Over there. lf you want to catch them,
you'll have to hurry up.

- You're brave. What's your name?
- Captain Lefebvre.

Lefebvre? Well, Captain Lefebvre,
that was a close call.

l know a thing or two about that.

- You were almost shot too.
- You're telling me!

Rest assured that's all over now.
l'm promoting you to colonel.

Deal with the prisoners. Forward!

Colonel?

Thank you, Citizen General, thank you!

Catherine, l'm a colonel! A colonel!

Colonel?

- ls that a joke?
- Bonaparte himself promoted me.

- Bonaparte?
- Yes, Bonaparte.

How's your ankle?

Better, but walking's a different story.

l'll issue an order
to have you evacuated to Paris,

now that l have new responsibilities.

No, l'm not leaving you again.

Don't think you're going to war alone.

War is very serious, Catherine.

lf it were that serious,

Bonaparte wouldn't
have made you colonel.

BONAPARTE
SAVlOR OF THE NATlON

BONAPARTE
FlRST CONSUL

BONAPARTE
CONSUL FOR LlFE

BONAPARTE
FlRST EMPEROR

NAPOLEON
MASTER OF ALL EUROPE

You're our monarch, Sire,
but you're also our brother.

Don't ask us to forget the affection

that we, your brothers
and sisters, feel for you.

Will that affection
no longer be mutual?

Have you heard us?

The man you want to make king
is a stranger to the family.

Give Westphalia to the Duke of Danzig?
Your Majesty is crazy.

Think about it, brother,

the Duke of Danzig doesn't have
what it takes to be king.

lt's enough to make me
die of laughter.

Die of shame, yes.

Westphalia is something.
Two million inhabitants.

lt's a nice return.

Europe must absolutely not
leave the family.

Don't you see, Jerome? The kingdom
is slipping right through our fingers.

Say something!

There are times when l want
to become English.

Yes, English.

Everyone in the family is served

except me, the cursed one.

Your Majesty forced me to divorce.
l obeyed.

l thought l'd receive
some compensation.

l don't know, Spain or ltaly--

something.
My wife was worth a throne.

What did l gain from all of that?

The title of rear admiral.

A floating kingdom.
And during that time,

Holland was given to that idiot Louis.
Joseph got Spain. Elisa, Tuscany.

Caroline got Naples.
And I was dispossessed.

I don't always agree with him, but...

So that's the size of Westphalia.
It's the size of a handkerchief.

Is that what all this fuss is about?

Give it to the Duke of Danzig
and let's not talk about it anymore.

- Of course, you...
- I what?

- What are you trying to insinuate?
- You don't give a damn.

Your kingdom is your bed,
and it has over two million inhabitants.

Yes, not counting the tourists.

Mrs. Murat, l was never
Junot's mistress.

You have some nerve!

Stop stop, fools!

- You are dishonoring the family.
- Look who's talking, imbecile.

- Be careful--
- Stop stop!

I don't think anyone has worse luck
than l when it comes to family.

All right, let's recapitulate:

Lucien is an ingrate;
Joseph, a libertine;

Louis is a cripple;

And Jerome is a mischief.

- But, Sire...
- And he's vain, mischievous, lazy,

inept and deceitful.

As for you, ladies,
we know what you are--

the family heritage,
that which is owed to me.

l was dispossessed.
But what did you possess

that you could be dispossessed of?.

Europe should not leave the family.

You talk about it as though
you conquered the land yourself.

Not leave the family. Really?

And where do you come from?

And where would you be
if l hadn't elevated you to my level?

So low that you'd still be in Corsica,

starving to death.

l had to go to ltaly in search of food.

Useless mouths, full bellies.

And today you fight over a throne

like dogs fighting
over a bone in the mud.

This is for me! That's for me!

Give me Rome,
and l'll give you Byzantium.

Give me Byzantium,
and l'll give you Athens.

Take it then!

You want a piece of Europe?
Who wants a piece of Europe?

There won't be enough for everybody.
This is for you.

This is for you. This is for you.

Who wants a piece of England?

A piece of ltaly? A piece of Austria?

Who wants a piece of Prussia? Take it!

Take Europe and bring it home with you!

Take it! l don't want to see you again!

Any more of that
and l'd have gotten angry.

- Fouche!
- Sire.

- Go see the Duke of Danzig tomorrow.
- The Duke of Danzig. Yes, Sire.

You will tell him...

Yes, Sire.
l believe it's the best solution.

l heard everything.

Your Excellency.

- Are the duke and duchess inside?
- Yes, Your Excellency.

Perfect.

And in the duchess's mail?

Nothing, Your Excellency.

Nothing that's worth
the price l pay you.

- And the duke, still no liaison?
- No, Your Excellency.

l question what you're doing here.

- Nothing, really.
- Nothing, Your Excellency.

l'll find you another position then.

- Whom shall l announce, Excellency?
- Me.

You'll introduce Mr. Esterel later on.

My God, it's so ugly.

- My dear Count?
- No, thank you. Never in the morning.

Would Your Excellency please follow me?

The duke and duchess are awaiting you.

- Come in, Fouche.
- Come in, dear Duke.

- Hello, dear Duke.
- Hello, dear Duke.

My respects, ma'am.

You'll have to excuse me.
l always iron Lefebvre's shirts.

- Yes, my dear Duke.
- We've forgotten how to be informal.

Everything is getting lost,
don't you think, Zi-Zig?

Zi-Zig. That's me.

lt's nicer than ''Duke of Danzig,'' right?

Between us,
does your wife call you Fou-Fou?

Our relationship is a little different.

l only call him the Duke of Danzig
when we're in bed.

We joke around in bed,
my dear little Duke of Danzig.

But otherwise, it's stupid
to call old friends by their titles.

Like with the emperor. The idea
of calling him Your Majesty-- no no.

l still picture him
wearing his mended shirt.

To think that we haven't seen each other
since the last time. lt's incredible.

l'd be surprised if he still
remembered me, with the life he leads.

Well, you'll have the chance
to see him again.

He asked me to invite you to a reception
at the court. lt's in three days.

The court? Me? Hey, Zi-Zig,
can you picture us at the court?

No, thank him on our behalf.

Tell him l'm very sorry,
but l'm used to going to bed early.

- lt's an order, dear friend.
- An order for me?

- Come on, Catherine.
- He can invite me over for coffee then.

You don't have coffee
with the emperor.

Too bad, then!

Maybe she does have good reason
not to go to the Tuileries.

- Really?
- lt's safer.

Safer?

Why expose yourself
to people who are eyeing you?

- What people?
- People.

People who would like
to trip you and see you fall.

The emperor's sisters,
for example.

- Are you saying everyone is eyeing me?
- Yes.

Well, in that case,
l'll go to the Tuileries

and we'll see who eats whom.

lf they needle me, it'll get noisy.

Refrain from responding to them,
that's all they want.

lf, by chance, you find yourself
on the verge of exploding,

keep your eyes on me--

the snuffbox,
the snort, the warning.

Good plan, Fouche.

ln the days to come,
will you remember

that l was on your side in this matter?

That's all very nice,
but what will l wear?

Very simple.
Court dress and jacket.

l went to see Mrs. Despeaux.
She'll take care of everything.

A court dress? With the train?

Yes.

- ls it useful?
- lt's essential for curtseying.

- l don't know how to curtsey.
- You'll learn.

Follow me and l'll have
someone special teach you how.

Come, Zi-Zig, we'll curtsey.

- Let me introduce you to Mr. Esterel.
- Come, Zi-Zig.

He was once employed
by Queen Marie Antoinette.

He is currently
a professor of etiquette.

- You know the Duke and Duchess?
- Yes, l know Mrs. Lefebvre.

Pardon me, the Duchess.

You know, as for curtseys...

lt's a habit to pick up. lt all depends
on who you're bowing down to.

Of course,
you can't always choose.

What are you doing? Are you moving?

This will serve
as a train for the moment.

l'll get tangled up in it.

No, you'll see. There.

- All yours, my dear Count.
- Very well.

The Duchess would like to...

Call me Mrs. Lefebvre, as you just were.

We'll all feel more at ease.
l don't like fancy names either.

Very well. Watch me.

One, two, three.

A little bend in the knee will suffice.

One, two, three.

Easier said than done.

Your hand, Mrs. Lefebvre.

Make the same gestures as me.

One, two, three.

- Be quiet, Lefebvre.
- Again, please.

One, two, three.

Not bad.

- Please, no emotion.
- Yes, no emotion.

- Let's start over.
- Start over.

One, two, three.

- Thank you.
- Again.

One, two, three.

l did it, Zi-Zig, l did it!

Again, please.

- And less stiff this time.
- Yes.

One, two, three.

Did you see that, Zi-Zig?

lt's fantastic!

l told you that you were made
for life in the court.

For Napoleon's court, yes.

Skip the commentary, Mr. Esterel.
Now the curtsey.

All right, we'll try.

l like Mr. Esterel
because he's good-humored.

Look at me, please.
l bow down like this,

all the while gracefully supporting
my hindquarters with my left leg.

And then l swoop down softly.

- All yours, madame.
- Yes, l understand.

- The right leg behind you.
- One moment.

- The right leg behind you. Bow.
- Yes.

And now swoop down.

A little more softly, if you please.

Swoop down.

- Swoop down.
- Swoop down? l'll end up on my ass!

No no. You're the epitome of grace.

Again.

There. Yes, perfect.

- lt's perfect?
- Yes.

- How's that?
- l believe that you are now prepared

to go to the court, Duchess.

Thank you
for your encouraging words.

l'll try to do you honor.

l promise you a triumph.

lt's a pity you never
keep your promises, dear Duke.

One, two, three!

The Duke and Duchess of Danzig.

- l'll be lucky if l get to the bottom.
- Don't be scared, l'm here.

- Are you scared?
- No, l'm nervous.

- Where's the empress?
- l don't see her.

- Shit!
- Come on, Catherine.

Stay calm.

Duke, His Majesty awaits you
in his chambers.

- But first l have to--
- lf the Duke would please follow me.

Please excuse me.
The emperor...

l'll be right back.

- Don't leave me! Lefebvre!
- Be strong!

- lt's not that bad.
- Hello, madame.

lt's you! Where's the empress?

- She's ill. She won't be coming.
- Great! No curtsey.

Yes, to the emperor.

What? l won't curtsey
to a former customer.

That's exactly the sort of thing
you shouldn't say here.

Come with me, l'll introduce you
to the more composed ladies.

- The train.
- You haven't forgotten that if l snort,

it means you're heading down
a dangerous path.

- A warning.
- Yes yes.

Mrs. Lauriston.

Mrs. de Turenne, Mrs. de Thomiere.

Of course, you know
the Duchess of Danzig.

- By reputation.
- By reputation?

The Duke of Castiglione
talks of you often.

The Duke of Castiglione?

Pierrot!

Yes, Augereau.
The Duke of Castiglione, Pierrot.

He's a good friend.
He comes over for soup often.

Beef soup, of course.
And what has he said about me?

Very kind things.
He holds you in high esteem.

He hides his game well. He has his way
of expressing his esteem for me.

You wouldn't believe what he does
to make Zi-Zig mad.

No, l can't tell you what he does.

ls Mr. Fouche hindering you? Fouche,
distance yourself for a moment.

- Would you like me to...
- Yes.

No, please. l can say it
in front of him.

He knows Augereau as well as l do,
and that as soon as he sees a woman,

he can't stop himself
from pinching her...

You may sit down now.

What was l saying? Augereau
just came and pinched my behind.

You're lucky that Zi-Zig
is talking with the emperor.

Lefebvre, l've decided
you would do me a great service

by accepting
the crown of Westphalia.

- The crown?
- Yes, Lefebvre.

- And the throne?
- The crown and the throne, yes.

l don't understand.

- Does that mean l would be king?
- Yes.

- And my wife would be queen?
- Of course.

Sire, it's too much.

Pull yourself together.
You handled it better in Danzig.

l'd already seen battle in Danzig.

And this is the first time
l've been named king.

You've taken me by surprise.

- Are you pleased?
- So pleased that l don't feel anything.

You'll quickly get used to the idea.
lt's a habit to pick up.

We drove away the kings and now
we need someone to take their place.

The Republic has its advantages,
doesn't it?

We wouldn't be here without it.

You're telling me.

As of now, you are officially the King
of Westphalia. You may be seated.

Thank you, Sire.

Here, your kingdom.

My wife will be pleased to find out.

And that's how l met Lefebvre.

lt's a pleasure to listen to you.

- Cheers!
- Cheers!

Since the Duchess of Danzig
doesn't want to come and greet us...

Leave her exactly where she is.

l intend for her to stay
where she is, in her place.

Come, Jerome.

There's nothing more amusing than
dethroning a queen before she's crowned.

Curtsey, dear friend. Curtsey.
Pardon me.

lf Their lmperial Highnesses
would deign to allow me to introduce

the Duchess of Danzig...

Her lmperial Highness, the Queen
of Naples, Grand Duchess of Bergues.

Your Highness.

Her lmperial Highness,
the Princess of Lucca and Piombino.

Your Highness.

Her lmperial Highness, the Princess
of Borghese, Grand Duchess of Guastalla.

Your--
damn, l muddled that one.

l did what l could.
What do you want me to do?

lt's like mayonnaise,
sometimes it takes...

His lmperial Highness,
Prince Jerome Bonaparte.

Again? This time l'll get it right.

That shut you up, eh?
You can be proud of your student.

He's the one who made me rehearse.

You hid this one from us, Fouche.
Congratulations.

You have a student that will certainly
make great progress.

You do have a lot to learn indeed.

l don't agree with that at all.
But with him, if l stumble,

l know l'll always fall on my hind legs.

Your hind legs, really? l neglected
to notice that we had hind legs.

lf l understood correctly,

your hind legs have never
taken you to the Tuileries.

My goodness, no.
l've hesitated to come here.

l'm a little shy.

- No.
- Shy?

How do you get along
with your customers, then?

- My customers?
- Yes, we heard that you were--

A laundress, yes.

You washed
other people's dirty laundry.

- l was a laundress, after all.
- And it didn't make you nauseous?

Why? lt's better to smell
like soap than other things.

- No profession is without merit.
- There are only dirty jobs.

Washing a couple of your
brother's shirts was not a dirty job.

That's when l met your brother,

and you at the same time.

l don't recall.

l do. lt was in August of '92.

The funny thing is, if l hadn't been
a laundress, l wouldn't be here tonight.

All of us are ladies of August 10,
all in the same boat.

For, Your Highness, where would
you and l be without August 10?

We all come from far away,
and we have nothing to hide.

Look at Augereau.

His mother sold vegetables
in the rue de Mouffetard.

Hey, Augereau! You can stay.

Don't be ashamed.
On the contrary, it honors us.

Like you, Jourdan,
you were a shop boy.

And you, Massena, you started out
by selling olives in the street.

No, not olives-- oranges.

Pardon me, Duke of Rivoli,
that changes everything.

And l forgot your husband,
Murat the brave.

What was the King of Naples?
A manservant for his innkeeper father.

And he must be very proud today when
he hears people say ''Your Highness.''

The same people who once said, perhaps,
''Hey, kid, change my plate.''

We're an odd sort of nobility.

We descend not from crusaders,
but from ourselves.

Yet another reason to keep that language
and those manners out of the court.

- Mrs. Sans-Gene was a sutler.
- She thinks she's still at the camp.

When she slept with the privates.

- One day here, one day there.
- This one today, that one tomorrow.

- What?
- Please, madame.

Leave me alone!

So that's what you've been driving at.

Your Highness, ''sleeping'' has a
different meaning for you than for me.

You should be the last ones
to reproach me for the life l've led.

lf it pleases Your Highnesses or not,

the men l slept with had more respect
for the woman l am

and the name l carry than for you,
the highnesses that you are!

l had my share of fun.

l had my share of fun across Europe.

And they knew they'd find me
when they needed me--

to dress their wounds,
to bring them something to drink.

The troops l slept with,

some of them even
fell asleep in my arms.

And to whom did l give his final kiss?
Sleep well, my sweet.

And now they all sleep alone,
like that poor Fricasse.

Poor Fricasse.

My love stories are nice,
aren't they?

You could laugh,
if you had the courage.

Just by pouring a drink
for the soldiers who won you a kingdom,

l did more for your crown than you did.
You wouldn't even stoop down

to pick up the crown
that was soaked in their blood.

You'll regret saying that.

Did you see?

What?

Zi-Zig, Zi-Zig!
What's going on?

Nothing. Actually,
something incredible.

- l keep wondering if l'm dreaming.
- Yes.

- No, not here. Come.
- The train! Wait!

l hope you're not stupid enough
to play into the duchess's hands.

Explain your behavior then.

- Trust me.
- As if you could be trusted.

l trust myself,
and l know myself well.

As you see,
it wasn't a complete failure.

The Emperor!

Well, Elisa,
you look as sullen as ever.

- You're still sulking, l see.
- l'm not sulking, Sire, l'm outraged.

There have been insults.

lnsults? Affronts!

Your boss doesn't do things halfway.

A crown for each of us.
lt sounds funny, doesn't it?

- Considering my states of service...
- Yes, but even so.

What's so incredible about it?
l followed procedure:

sergeant, captain, commander, colonel,
general, marshal, duke and king.

- l have seniority!
- Yes, my Zi-Zig. Zi-Zig l.

- Mind your behavior, you're a queen.
- That's true.

Do you realize we're 200 meters away
from my old shop?

We traveled 200 meters
and it didn't seem very long.

A dream, August 10.
Do you remember that heat?

You were ready to lose your life to take
the Tuileries and kick the king out.

Now we're in the Tuileries
and l'm the king.

How are we going to reign?

You just have to give orders,
l'm used to that.

What's a kingdom, after all,
but a big barracks?

This damn train follows me around
like a small dog.

Give me your hand.

This is how we'll walk
in the middle of my people.

- Your people?
- Our people, our subjects.

There's no mistake
you'll make a good despot.

l know my profession well.

We have to make a mark on history.
To do so, we just have to get noticed.

l'll have a personal guard...

yes, two meters tall,
dressed in yellow.

And everyone will use our money,

your profile on one side of the coin,
my profile on the other.

You'll have maids of honor
and you'll never have to curtsey again.

They'll curtsey for you.

That's all very nice,
but l don't want to leave Paris.

As the sovereign,
you're obliged to your new country.

- l don't want to be Westphalian.
- You have to do what's required.

As long as we don't part.

You may be king, but l don't love you
any more than before.

l had the feeling l couldn't love you
any more than l did.

l know, l know.
Would you quit harping on about that?

Come on, you bumbling idiot,

if the Duchess of Danzig
spoke to your sisters irreverently,

it's because they asked for it.

Sire, it's not about them,
it's about me.

No, l don't want to talk about you.

l've made my decision and that's that.

Lefebvre shall be king.

Segur...

you will seat the Westphalians
in a row according to age.

The ceremony will commence
10 minutes after the parade.

The orders have been given, Sire.

Did Your Majesty
read the foreign press this morning?

What does ''The Times'' say?

Like the others, pure garbage
about the duchess and your sisters.

What do you want me to do about
my sisters' poor reputation? Let's go!

The English press is mistaken

to implicate you personally
in this affair.

lmplicate me? ln what law?

Please read me
some of that wretched slander.

l couldn't insult you so.

An article entitled ''The Emperor
of Buffoons and the Queen of Fishwives.''

l can't repeat such dreadful things.

They even dared call the Tuileries Ball
the Barriers Ball. Despicable.

They insinuated that you
were putting a fishwife on the throne.

A fishwife, for heaven's sake.

They claim that you're
the laughingstock of Europe.

They also dared to put
outrageous language in writing.

Justifiable, however,
considering the duchess' own words.

They say, as she did,
that you found your marshals in the mud,

and that you picked your crown up
from the blood of your victims.

Let's see, ''Emperor of Cemeteries...

Blood-Soaked Clown.'' lt's loathsome.

The poor Duchess of Danzig could not
have known that her tactless remarks

would provoke
such a spectacular scandal.

Alas, tonight she will be queen,
and look who will console her.

- Lefebvre.
- Sire.

Listen to me. Your wife has made it
very clear that she is not worthy

of the high functions
that were destined to her.

Thus, l've decided that you
will divorce her as soon as possible

and that you will marry
the Margrave of Sandomir,

one of the most illustrious
families of the Holy Empire.

Lefebvre! Are we going?
lt's happening now, isn't it?

Now, yes.
Let's go sit down for five minutes.

- What's going on? Tell me!
- Nothing, sit down.

So what did the emperor
say to you?

You were as serious as popes,
both of you.

Although popes on horses
would be pretty strange.

Listen, Catherine.

What is it? You seem upset.

- l love you, you know.
- Me too.

l'm so happy. l get the feeling
it's only just begun for you and me.

lf l hurt you, would you
hold it against me?

No, because you wouldn't have done it
on purpose, being as clumsy as you are.

So did you hurt me?

- lt's not my fault, you know.
- ls it that serious?

The emperor doesn't want you
to be queen.

That's it! And why not?

Because of what you said
the other night.

- All right.
- Someone told him.

- So?
- He wasn't pleased.

The English press used that to mock him.
He doesn't like that.

What's it to him?
He doesn't even speak English.

You weren't too attached
to the crown anyway.

That's true.
l found it too big for my small head.

After all, there are a lot of people
who aren't kings, right?

So he wants to crown you without me?

Yes.

There's more to it than that.

- Yes.
- What?

He wants us to get divorced.

Get divorced?

The grandeur has gone to his head.

And what did he say when you refused?
What did he say?

Hey, Lefebvre. Look at me.

He ordered you to leave me
and you said yes?

- l didn't say yes.
- So you said no?

l didn't say yes.

You didn't say anything.

You didn't say anything.

You think it's easy
to say no to the emperor,

after saying yes for 15 years?

No one has ever said no to him.

Then you would have been the first.

l would've liked to have seen you there.

He would have listened to me.

He would have seen
that l'm a woman who loves her man.

l would have told him, ''l have
my Lefebvre and l'm keeping him.

We've been living together
for too long.

We've been too happy,
we've suffered too much together

to be separated like that.''

That's what you should have said
to your emperor...

if you loved me
as much as l love you.

Catherine.

Tell me you're not mad at me.
Don't cry.

- l'm not.
- Hello there. Are you ready?

When you're seated on your throne,

l'll no longer be able
to pinch your bottom.

A queen's bottom. My queen!

You always make me laugh.

l see that you're emotional right now.
That's understandable.

You're not king every day.

Tomorrow
she won't think about it again.

See you soon, friends.

- l'm a bastard.
- Yes.

l haven't told you everything.

He also wants me to marry
a margrave.

Yes, a princess.
A Westphalian, to top it all off.

l don't know what she looks like.
l've never seen her.

All this falls on my head
at the same time--

a crown, a throne, a divorce, a wife.

l'm really having a rough time.

He announced all this on the horse.
Yes, on the horse.

Catherine. l love you!

l've never loved you so much, l swear.

l love you more
than anything in the world.

The emperor, when he's across from me,
it's like there's no one else.

lt's true, he intimidates me.

l don't know what l wouldn't give
to be a sergeant again. Yes, a sergeant.

Marshal, sir. The gentlemen
are waiting for Your Majesty.

- What should l do?
- Go fetch your little crown.

- Catherine...
- Hurry, you'll get scolded.

Marshal, sir. Marshal, sir.

lf Your Majesty
would please be seated.

- ls that Marshal Lefebvre?
- Yes, Your Highness.

He's an attractive man.

Hey.

- Who's that?
- Your future wife, the margrave.

- What are we waiting for?
- The emperor.

Yes, of course. The emperor.

- Yes, Sire, it's me.
- Finally.

You've come to give me your belated
apologies, but it's too late, madame.

- But, Sire--
- Do not interrupt.

Did you think my court
was a fish market?

Did you think you could make me
the laughingstock of England?

- l didn't mean to--
- Sit down! Sit down.

- l suppose you know about my decision?
- Yes.

''Yes, Sire,
with your permission.''

- What did you say in response?
- Sire, l laughed in his face.

- Laughed in his face?
- Laughed, Sire. ln his face, Sire.

-Yes?
- He laughed harder than l did, Sire.

Yes. No one laughs
in my face, madame!

Come on!
People are too scared of you.

A wink of Your Majesty's eye
makes all of Europe tremble.

Except that l'm not Europe,
and l won't let you divide me up.

l'm Lefebvre's wife. lmagine that.

And if you think you can make a widow
out of me without my permission--

Enough!
That behavior is unacceptable.

You are lucky. Yes, you are lucky
to have been Lefebvre's wife.

But do not take advantage
of the situation.

The punishment can exceed
the gravity of the offense.

Relax.
Weigh your words, like me.

Later you'll regret saying too much.

Return Lefebvre to me
and let's leave it at that.

Return him to me because
you'll have to give him up anyway.

- Give him up? Me? Watch your words.
- Yes, Sire, you. Think about it.

You can send thousands of men
off to fight each other.

You carve up kingdoms with your sword,
and conquer other tyrants.

You can do everything
except one thing:

Stop me from loving Lefebvre,

and stop Lefebvre from loving me.

Trust me, Sire, love is not your field.

You don't take any risks.
You'd lose for once.

l'd like to know
what Lefebvre thinks of all this.

He loves me without thinking about it,
like breathing.

Why on earth
would Lefebvre replace me,

whom he loves, with a margrave
that he doesn't care about?

She's a true aristocrat.

ln her eyes, he'll never
be more than an upstart.

There are glorious upstarts, madame.

Yes, and you would know
something about that.

Has the Duke of Danzig not accepted
all the honors bestowed upon him?

Yes, he has let himself be corrupted
by his deference to you.

Corrupted!

Your frank words may take you farther
than you can imagine, you know that?

Do not take advantage of my patience.

Your scandal alone would merit exile.

You have provoked a horrible scandal!

Yes, you can say it was a real scandal.

- l will not tolerate it.
- And you're right.

No one has the right to drag your flag
in the mud, including your sisters.

How can you say that?

lt's just that when people
attack the army...

l served in it too.

- You?
- That's right. l was a camp cook.

- No.
- And how? l was on the 15th line.

l didn't let go of Lefebvre.
We were in a lot of fights together.

You fought? You?

Yes, l was even decorated
on the troops' front lines

by that big oaf Augereau
after my second injury.

What? You were injured?

Yes, that's probably why
your sisters treated me like a tart.

lnjured?

Look, tell me l'm lying.
This is the second.

- lt's a very pretty injury.
- Yes, but it's not for you.

l won't show you the others,
they're too intimate.

- Hey!
- You couldn't have said that earlier?

- What?
- Well, now that...

- There's nothing to brag about.
- That explains your language.

You speak like a...
can l say it without offending you?

Like a soldier!

l attended your school.

No one has ever spoken to me
the way you have.

They were wrong not to.
lt might have done you some good.

You have a habit of airing
your dirty laundry in my chambers.

That was my profession,
as if you didn't know it.

- As if l didn't know what?
- That l was a laundress.

A laundress?
l liked camp cook better.

Perhaps. But don't tell me
you didn't recognize me.

l recognized you right away.

l was the one who washed your laundry
when you were a lieutenant.

The Patriotes Hollandais Hotel?

lt's just the two of us here.
You can remember me.

- No!
- Yes, my lieutenant.

- Sans-Gene.
- Bonaparte.

Yes, of course.

- l also said to myself--
- Yes, but you said it very quietly.

What a time, eh?
l only had a dozen shirts.

- No, two.
- Two dozen?

Two shirts,
one of which was whole.

- Catherine.
- Yes, that's me.

You still owe me two Louis.
Pardon me, two Napoleons.

l'm terribly sorry,
l don't have them on me.

That's okay,
l can wait a little longer.

Catherine! Can this be?

Don't flatter me.
You're the one who's changed, not me.

You think so?
Did l age? Put on weight?

No, you became more grand.

No, you've changed.
You became friendly two minutes ago.

With Lieutenant Bonaparte, yes.

- You liked Lieutenant Bonaparte?
- l would have.

He looked like a prune.

l liked prunes.

That's all in the past, though.

We were all more casual back then.

- You know--
- Sorry?

Darn! Your Majesty, l'm sorry.

Yes, l didn't always eat
until l was full in those days.

You're wrong about that,
you ate a whole world.

Does Your Majesty remember
when they fired a cannon from my place?

You asked me to come chase the rebels
out of your courtyard!

l played quite a trick on you, didn't l?

Yes, you got a good laugh
out of that one.

- My gate!
- What gate?

What gate?
You took my gate right off.

That's right!
And l'm sure you weren't very happy.

You didn't want to open it for me.
What a story.

And the idiot that l taught to aim!

Who knows where
he stole the cannon from?

He couldn't even use it!

You made that half-wit
the Marshal of France.

- lt was Lefebvre.
- That oaf was Lefebvre?

Precisely. And you were going
to make that oaf king.

Fortunately,
you've changed your mind.

- Because l've changed my mind.
- Yes, didn't you know it?

l also rescind
your separation from Lefebvre.

- Since he's no longer King.
- Women.

When will l learn
to resist their charms?

Thank you!
Thank you, my lieutenant.

You must admit you're glad l came.

But what will people think?

l certainly can't
give the crown to Jerome.

Yes, you can. What's the difference?
One more king, one less king.

Jerome doesn't know what to do
with himself. That'll keep him busy.

- Enter!
- Your Majesty, the King of Westphalia.

Sire, please forgive me
for storming in like this,

but l can't do this anymore.
l've always obeyed Your Majesty.

l said nothing when you made me
a general. Or a marshal.

Or a duke. l've never protested.

But today l can't take it anymore.

l'm here to hand in my resignation.
For king, duke, everything.

l don't want to marry the margrave.
l can't help it.

l love my wife, Sire.

l know she's an idiot,
but what can you do?

lt's not a crime, after all.

Look to your left, Marshal.

Go on, kiss her. She defeated me.
lt's the first battle l've lost.

- And l hope it's not the last!
- Lefebvre!

And l was going to make him a king!

You're excused now.

Your audience is concluded.

- Yes.
- l believe we have nothing more to say.

lndeed, madame.
l believe you have told me everything.

THE END