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1
00:00:04,670 --> 00:00:05,786
DOUG, JUST ADMIT IT.
2
00:00:05,854 --> 00:00:07,989
CARRIE, I WAS NOT
CRYING, OKAY?
3
00:00:08,056 --> 00:00:11,058
COME ON, IT WAS A SAD
MOVIE, IT'S OKAY TO CRY.
4
00:00:11,127 --> 00:00:13,861
FOR THE LAST TIME, I GOT
NACHO SAUCE IN MY EYE
5
00:00:13,929 --> 00:00:17,064
AND YEAH, THERE WERE TEARS,
BUT THEY WERE SNACK-RELATED.
6
00:00:17,133 --> 00:00:20,901
OKAY, 'CAUSE I THOUGHT I SAW
A DIFFERENT SIDE OF YOU
7
00:00:20,969 --> 00:00:23,538
AND IT, UH, KIND
OF TURNED ME ON.
8
00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,873
OH, ME CRYING
TURNS YOU ON.
9
00:00:25,941 --> 00:00:27,658
YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
10
00:00:27,726 --> 00:00:29,460
TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I WAS ACTUALLY THINKING
11
00:00:29,528 --> 00:00:31,729
OF DOING THE, UH,
BIRTHDAY THING FOR YOU.
12
00:00:31,797 --> 00:00:34,148
OH, YEAH, OKAY,
THE BIRTHDAY THING.
13
00:00:34,216 --> 00:00:35,383
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
14
00:00:35,451 --> 00:00:36,918
BUT IT DOESN'T REALLY
MATTER NOW, DOES IT?
15
00:00:36,985 --> 00:00:40,254
BECAUSE YOU MADE IT CLEAR
THAT YOU WERE NOT CRYING.
16
00:00:40,323 --> 00:00:43,692
WAIT, CARRIE, WAIT.
17
00:00:43,759 --> 00:00:45,560
I WAS CRYING.
18
00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:46,711
OH, SHUT UP.
19
00:00:46,779 --> 00:00:48,580
NO, I WAS,
I MEAN...
20
00:00:48,647 --> 00:00:52,650
WHEN THE BABY PENGUIN, YOU
KNOW, DIED, AFTER THE PARENTS
21
00:00:52,718 --> 00:00:55,653
TRIED TO SAVE IT
THROUGH THE LONG WINTER...
22
00:00:55,721 --> 00:00:57,289
I DON'T KNOW,
IT JUST GOT TO ME.
23
00:00:57,356 --> 00:00:58,790
IT DID.
24
00:00:58,857 --> 00:01:03,194
YOU SEE, I KNEW
YOU WERE CRYING.
25
00:01:03,262 --> 00:01:05,096
HOW ABOUT THE
BIRTHDAY THING?
26
00:01:05,164 --> 00:01:06,898
YEAH, RIGHT.
27
00:01:41,817 --> 00:01:44,168
THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH
FOR HAVING US OVER.
28
00:01:44,236 --> 00:01:45,269
THIS IS GREAT.
29
00:01:45,338 --> 00:01:47,505
YEAH, YOU TWO
FREAKS CAN COOK.
30
00:01:47,573 --> 00:01:49,740
WELL, I FIGURED IT
WAS TIME TO RECIPROCATE.
31
00:01:49,808 --> 00:01:51,343
YOU GUYS HAVE US
OVER ALL THE TIME.
32
00:01:51,410 --> 00:01:53,111
WE ACTUALLY DON'T
HAVE YOU OVER.
33
00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:54,645
YOU JUST COME.
34
00:01:56,448 --> 00:01:59,551
SOMETIMES WHEN
WE'RE NOT THERE.
35
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:01,720
WE FOUND STUFF.
36
00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:08,726
WELL, UH, TONIGHT IS
A VERY SPECIAL OCCASION.
37
00:02:08,794 --> 00:02:09,827
IT IS?
38
00:02:09,895 --> 00:02:11,029
YEAH.
39
00:02:11,096 --> 00:02:14,732
THIS IS MAY 15TH,
THE 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY
40
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,969
OF WHEN WE MOVED
IN TOGETHER.
41
00:02:18,037 --> 00:02:21,706
SOMEBODY'S GETTIN'
LUCKY TONIGHT.
44
00:02:26,561 --> 00:02:30,732
NO, WE MADE A DEAL,
I GET THE BIG BEDROOM.
45
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:32,483
REMEMBER?
46
00:02:34,986 --> 00:02:37,188
IF AFTER TWO YEARS
WE'RE TOO POOR TO MOVE
47
00:02:37,256 --> 00:02:39,591
AND STILL HAVE
NO GIRLFRIENDS,
48
00:02:39,658 --> 00:02:41,192
THE BIG BEDROOM
REVERTS TO SPENCE.
49
00:02:41,260 --> 00:02:45,530
WELL, WE'RE STILL POOR
AND WE'RE STILL SINGLE.
50
00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:46,881
YEAH, WELL,
YOU KNOW WHAT?
51
00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:48,182
I'M NOT MOVING INTO
THAT MOP CLOSET.
52
00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:49,583
NO, I HAVE IT
IN WRITING.
53
00:02:49,652 --> 00:02:52,620
OH YEAH, OH, OKAY,
WELL, NOW YOU DON'T.
54
00:02:52,688 --> 00:02:54,406
THAT NAPKIN IS BINDING.
55
00:02:54,473 --> 00:02:56,124
YEAH, WELL THEN
DON'T EAT IT.
56
00:02:56,192 --> 00:02:58,026
HEY, YOU ARE MOVING
YOUR STUFF OUT OF MY ROOM.
57
00:02:58,094 --> 00:02:59,127
NO, I'M NOT.
58
00:02:59,195 --> 00:03:00,362
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT,
THIS IS SO TYPICAL.
59
00:03:00,429 --> 00:03:03,731
YOU NEVER GIVE BACK MONEY
WHEN I LOAN IT TO YOU.
60
00:03:03,799 --> 00:03:04,866
YOU NEVER CLEAN UP AFTER
YOURSELF AND NOW THIS?
61
00:03:04,933 --> 00:03:05,867
I'M TIRED OF IT.
62
00:03:05,934 --> 00:03:07,068
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TIRED OF?
63
00:03:07,136 --> 00:03:09,871
YOUR BIG FAT HEAD.
64
00:03:09,938 --> 00:03:11,806
YEAH, WELL, I'M TIRED
OF YOUR HEAD.
65
00:03:11,874 --> 00:03:13,191
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.
66
00:03:13,259 --> 00:03:14,992
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU.
67
00:03:19,048 --> 00:03:22,783
THAT ICE CREAM CAKE WE
BROUGHT NEEDS TO SIT OUT.
68
00:03:30,876 --> 00:03:32,209
OH MY GOD.
69
00:03:32,277 --> 00:03:33,978
DAD, ARE YOU OKAY?
WHAT HAPPENED?
70
00:03:34,046 --> 00:03:36,114
HE'S OKAY, HE JUST
INHALED A LITTLE SMOKE.
71
00:03:36,181 --> 00:03:37,398
SMOKE FROM WHAT?
72
00:03:37,465 --> 00:03:38,766
THERE WAS A SMALL FIRE
IN THE BASEMENT.
73
00:03:38,834 --> 00:03:40,235
BUT THANK GOD
NOBODY GOT HURT.
74
00:03:40,302 --> 00:03:43,238
FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, I'D
SAY IT'S NOT A GREAT IDEA
75
00:03:43,305 --> 00:03:45,740
TO HAVE HIM MAKING BACON NEXT
TO AN OPEN CAN OF GASOLINE.
76
00:03:47,509 --> 00:03:49,443
I TOLD YOU NOT
TO COOK DOWN THERE.
77
00:03:49,511 --> 00:03:50,611
YOU BANNED ME
FROM THE KITCHEN!
78
00:03:50,679 --> 00:03:52,497
OKAY, I SWEAR,
I'M GONNA KILL...
79
00:03:52,564 --> 00:03:53,698
YOU KNOW EVERYBODY, YOU
MIGHT WANT TO LOOK AWAY
80
00:03:53,766 --> 00:03:55,000
BECAUSE I AM GOING
TO KILL HIM!
81
00:03:55,067 --> 00:03:56,017
HONEY.
82
00:03:56,168 --> 00:03:57,502
NO, I'M SICK OF IT,
CARRIE, I'M SICK OF HIM.
83
00:03:57,569 --> 00:03:59,770
DOUG, TAKE IT EASY,
HE'S BEEN THROUGH A LOT.
84
00:03:59,838 --> 00:04:00,989
OKAY, LOU, PLEASE
STAY OUT OF THIS.
85
00:04:01,057 --> 00:04:04,358
YOU WOULD NOT WANT
TO SEE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY.
86
00:04:10,298 --> 00:04:12,166
SO MY DAD'S GONNA
SLEEP IN THE OFFICE.
87
00:04:12,234 --> 00:04:13,367
THE BASEMENT IS
KIND OF FLOODED.
88
00:04:13,435 --> 00:04:15,286
YEAH, I KNOW, I WAS
THINKING WE COULD TURN
89
00:04:15,354 --> 00:04:17,321
IT INTO
A WET-AND-WILD.
90
00:04:18,874 --> 00:04:20,441
DOUG, LOOK, I KNOW
YOU'RE A LITTLE UPSET.
91
00:04:20,509 --> 00:04:22,142
A LITTLE UPSET, CARRIE, WE
COULD HAVE LOST EVERYTHING
92
00:04:22,210 --> 00:04:23,143
DOWN THERE, EVERYTHING!
93
00:04:23,211 --> 00:04:24,245
DOUG, LISTEN TO ME.
94
00:04:24,312 --> 00:04:26,197
NO, OKAY, MY BASEBALL
CARD COLLECTION,
95
00:04:26,264 --> 00:04:28,999
MY CD'S,
MY AB ROLLER.
96
00:04:30,936 --> 00:04:32,870
DOUG, JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN
TO ME ONE SECOND, OKAY?
97
00:04:32,938 --> 00:04:34,505
WHAT?
98
00:04:34,573 --> 00:04:36,724
LOOK, I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT THIS A LOT AND
99
00:04:36,792 --> 00:04:39,093
I THINK IT'S TIME TO DO
SOMETHING ABOUT MY DAD.
100
00:04:40,362 --> 00:04:43,831
YOU WANT TO DO THE PILLOW
THING WE SAW ON LAW AND ORDER?
101
00:04:45,017 --> 00:04:47,518
NO.
102
00:04:47,586 --> 00:04:49,187
I'M THINKING THAT
MAYBE WE SHOULD...
103
00:04:49,255 --> 00:04:51,856
FIND SOMEPLACE ELSE
FOR HIM TO LIVE.
104
00:04:51,923 --> 00:04:53,641
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
105
00:04:53,708 --> 00:04:56,043
FOR THE LAST 8 YEARS, EVERY
TIME HE DOES SOMETHING STUPID
106
00:04:56,111 --> 00:04:57,611
LIKE STEALS MONEY
OUT OF YOUR WALLET
107
00:04:57,679 --> 00:04:59,914
OR THROWS THE REMOTE
CONTROL ACROSS THE ROOM
108
00:04:59,982 --> 00:05:02,984
BECAUSE HE SAID MATT LAUER
STOLE HIS HAIRCUT,
109
00:05:03,051 --> 00:05:05,653
I'VE ALWAYS DEFENDED HIM,
BUT IT'S NOT FAIR TO YOU.
110
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:06,788
IT'S NOT FAIR TO US.
111
00:05:06,855 --> 00:05:08,156
IT ISN'T FAIR TO US.
112
00:05:08,223 --> 00:05:10,158
SO, WHAT DO YOU
WANT TO DO?
113
00:05:10,225 --> 00:05:12,459
WELL, I THINK TOMORROW
MAYBE WE SHOULD START
114
00:05:12,527 --> 00:05:14,996
LOOKING AT SOME
RETIREMENT HOMES FOR HIM.
115
00:05:15,063 --> 00:05:17,565
OR, HOW ABOUT
RIGHT NOW.
116
00:05:17,632 --> 00:05:19,400
NOW LOOK, WE GOT ONE
OVER HERE IN RED MEADOWS.
117
00:05:19,435 --> 00:05:21,235
YOU KNOW WHAT, NO
BELLS AND WHISTLES
118
00:05:21,303 --> 00:05:22,236
BUT IT REALLY
GETS THE JOB DONE.
119
00:05:22,304 --> 00:05:23,637
COME, SIT, SIT, SIT.
120
00:05:25,324 --> 00:05:26,407
NOW, THIS ONE HERE
IS MY FAVORITE,
121
00:05:26,475 --> 00:05:28,643
NOT TO FAR AWAY, IT'S PRETTY
MUCH IN OUR PRICE RANGE
122
00:05:28,710 --> 00:05:29,778
AND I'M TELLIN' YOU,
HE'S GONNA LIKE IT.
123
00:05:29,845 --> 00:05:32,113
OH MY GOD, MY
HANDS ARE SHAKING.
124
00:05:36,618 --> 00:05:40,188
DOUG, I DON'T KNOW, THE ROOMS
LOOK SO SMALL AND DEPRESSING.
125
00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:43,324
YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU'LL
NEVER SEE IT AGAIN.
126
00:05:43,392 --> 00:05:44,209
LOOK, I DIDN'T WANT
TO HAVE TO GO EXPENSIVE
127
00:05:44,276 --> 00:05:46,578
BUT IF WE GOTTA DO IT,
THAT'S WHAT WE GOTTA DO.
128
00:05:46,645 --> 00:05:48,045
HERE WE GO,
NOT A PROBLEM.
129
00:05:48,113 --> 00:05:50,014
HEY, LOOK HOW NICE THIS ONE
IS HERE, HUH, LOOK AT THEM.
130
00:05:50,082 --> 00:05:51,782
LOOK AT THEM IN THE POOL,
THEY GOTTA POOL, LOOK AT
131
00:05:51,850 --> 00:05:55,853
THE OLD PEOPLE,
THEY'RE AQUA-DANCING.
132
00:06:12,988 --> 00:06:15,239
HEY, MAN.
133
00:06:15,307 --> 00:06:17,275
ALL RIGHT, VERY FUNNY,
WHERE'S ALL MY STUFF?
134
00:06:17,342 --> 00:06:20,428
UH, I MOVED IT
INTO YOUR ROOM.
135
00:06:20,496 --> 00:06:22,680
THIS IS MY ROOM.
136
00:06:22,748 --> 00:06:24,365
I DON'T THINK SO, UNLESS,
UH, THIS IS YOUR
137
00:06:24,432 --> 00:06:29,436
WARRIORS OF GRUN POSTER,
STARRING ONE TONY DANZA.
138
00:06:30,756 --> 00:06:32,390
OKAY, WHAT DO YOU
THINK, I'M AN IDIOT?
139
00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:34,225
I'LL JUST MOVE
EVERYTHING BACK.
140
00:06:34,293 --> 00:06:36,427
LET ME GET OUT
OF YOUR WAY.
141
00:06:50,242 --> 00:06:51,542
YOU BOLTED
EVERYTHING DOWN.
142
00:06:51,610 --> 00:06:54,261
YEAH, AND ONE OF MY THINGS
HAS AN ELECTRIC CURRENT
143
00:06:54,329 --> 00:06:57,999
RUNNING THROUGH IT, I'LL LET
YOU FIND THAT FOR YOURSELF.
144
00:07:02,554 --> 00:07:04,955
FLAT SCREEN WILL
GO RIGHT THERE, RIGHT?
145
00:07:05,023 --> 00:07:07,258
AIR HOCKEY TABLE OVER HERE
WITH, LIKE, A HOT DOG CART.
146
00:07:07,326 --> 00:07:08,759
AND HOW ABOUT THIS,
I'M JUST THINKIN',
147
00:07:08,827 --> 00:07:12,980
ONE OF THOSE CHAIRS THAT TAKES
ME UP AND DOWN THE STAIRS, HUH?
148
00:07:13,048 --> 00:07:16,316
FUN NOW,
NECESSARY LATER.
149
00:07:16,384 --> 00:07:18,752
SO DOES ARTHUR KNOW
HE'S GETTING THE BOOT YET?
150
00:07:18,820 --> 00:07:21,572
YEAH, WE BROKE IT TO HIM
LAST NIGHT AT SIZZLER.
151
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:22,756
HOW'D IT GO?
152
00:07:22,824 --> 00:07:23,908
NOT AS WELL
AS WE THOUGHT.
153
00:07:23,976 --> 00:07:26,310
HE HELD HIS BREATH A COUPLE
MINUTES AND HE BIT A WAITER.
154
00:07:26,378 --> 00:07:30,732
OKAY, WELL ANYWAY, IS
ANYTHING VALUABLE IN HERE?
155
00:07:30,799 --> 00:07:32,567
IT'S ALL SOAKED.
156
00:07:32,635 --> 00:07:34,001
I DON'T KNOW, WHY DON'T
YOU JUST OPEN IT UP.
157
00:07:34,069 --> 00:07:35,836
MAN.
158
00:07:43,345 --> 00:07:45,179
WHAT THE HELL
IS THIS STUFF?
159
00:07:45,247 --> 00:07:47,048
IT'S PLAYBILLS.
160
00:07:47,116 --> 00:07:48,449
FIDDLER ON THE ROOF?
161
00:07:48,517 --> 00:07:50,117
THE ICEMAN COMETH?
162
00:07:50,185 --> 00:07:52,703
IS THAT ARTHUR?
163
00:07:52,771 --> 00:07:53,904
YEAH, LOOKS LIKE HIM.
164
00:07:53,972 --> 00:07:56,040
HEY, I DIDN'T KNOW
HE WAS AN ACTOR.
165
00:07:56,107 --> 00:07:57,508
NEITHER DID I.
166
00:07:57,576 --> 00:08:00,995
WELL, WE HAD A BOMB SCARE
IN THE BRONX YESTERDAY.
167
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:02,964
BUT IT TURNED OUT
TO BE A CANTALOUPE.
168
00:08:04,633 --> 00:08:09,637
REQUESTING PERMISSION
TO HAVE A GLASS OF WATER.
169
00:08:09,705 --> 00:08:12,339
ARTHUR, YOU DON'T NEED TO ASK
PERMISSION ABOUT EVERYTHING.
170
00:08:12,407 --> 00:08:14,058
OF COURSE I DO, I'M
A GUEST IN YOUR HOUSE.
171
00:08:14,126 --> 00:08:17,128
AT LEAST UNTIL YOU THROW
ME OUT INTO THE STREET.
172
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:19,980
HEY, WHAT IS THIS STUFF?
173
00:08:20,048 --> 00:08:21,381
WHERE DID YOU
GET THAT?
174
00:08:21,449 --> 00:08:22,349
DOWN IN THE BASEMENT.
175
00:08:22,417 --> 00:08:25,152
YES, LOCKED UP
IN MY TRUNK.
176
00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:27,354
HOW DARE YOU GO THROUGH
MY PRIVATE THINGS!
177
00:08:27,422 --> 00:08:29,023
YOU GO THROUGH MY
STUFF ALL THE TIME.
178
00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:30,691
THAT IS A LIE!
179
00:08:30,758 --> 00:08:32,926
ARTHUR, YESTERDAY I CAUGHT
YOU EATING MY CHAP STICK.
180
00:08:36,931 --> 00:08:38,699
NOW WHAT IS THIS?
181
00:08:38,766 --> 00:08:41,935
LOOK, YOU WERE IN TV
SHOWS AND IN BROADWAY PLAYS.
182
00:08:42,003 --> 00:08:44,438
YOU GOT PAY STUBS HERE FOR,
LIKE, THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.
183
00:08:44,506 --> 00:08:46,273
WHAT'S GOING ON?
184
00:08:46,341 --> 00:08:48,643
IT WAS ALWAYS MY
DREAM TO BE AN ACTOR.
185
00:08:48,711 --> 00:08:50,277
I WAS A NATURAL.
186
00:08:50,346 --> 00:08:51,579
IN FACT, I WAS
OFTEN COMPARED
187
00:08:51,647 --> 00:08:55,082
TO A YOUNGER, SHORTER
FRED MCMURRAY.
188
00:08:57,385 --> 00:08:59,120
WHAT HAPPENED, WHY IS
THERE A STUBBY FRED MCMURRAY
189
00:08:59,187 --> 00:09:00,821
LIVING IN MY BASEMENT?
190
00:09:00,889 --> 00:09:06,443
THE SIXTIES HAPPENED,
IT WAS A TIME OF FREE LOVE.
191
00:09:06,511 --> 00:09:11,115
ONE EVENING, I MET
A GORGEOUS YOUNG DANCER.
192
00:09:11,182 --> 00:09:12,883
WE HAD A WILD
NIGHT, DOUGLAS.
193
00:09:12,951 --> 00:09:16,954
IN THE BED, IN THE SHOWER,
WE DESTROYED A BEANBAG CHAIR.
194
00:09:19,491 --> 00:09:22,660
BACK TO THE ACTING.
195
00:09:22,727 --> 00:09:27,632
ANYWAY, NINE
MONTHS LATER...
196
00:09:27,699 --> 00:09:31,002
CARRIE WAS BORN.
197
00:09:31,069 --> 00:09:32,937
I NEVER ACTED AGAIN.
198
00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:34,238
WHY NOT?
199
00:09:34,306 --> 00:09:36,641
BECAUSE IN THE PERFORMING ARTS
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU'RE
200
00:09:36,708 --> 00:09:39,577
WORKING, WHERE
YOU'RE WORKING.
201
00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:41,345
THAT'S NO WAY
TO RAISE A CHILD.
202
00:09:41,413 --> 00:09:42,580
SO YOU JUST...
203
00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:45,700
YOU STOPPED, I MEAN YOU
JUST GAVE UP YOUR DREAM?
204
00:09:45,767 --> 00:09:47,067
ALL FOR CARRIE?
205
00:09:47,135 --> 00:09:52,423
YES, I DECIDED TO BECOME
A 9-TO-5 CHARLIE
206
00:09:52,491 --> 00:09:55,426
AND GIVE HER THE STABLE
LIFE SHE DESERVED.
207
00:09:55,494 --> 00:09:58,845
BUT YOU'VE NEVER HELD
A JOB FOR MORE THAN A MONTH.
208
00:10:00,482 --> 00:10:03,284
I DIDN'T SAY
IT WORKED OUT.
209
00:10:04,486 --> 00:10:05,620
I'M HOME.
210
00:10:05,687 --> 00:10:06,788
DOES SHE KNOW
ABOUT THIS?
211
00:10:06,855 --> 00:10:09,624
NO, AND PROMISE ME
SHE NEVER WILL.
212
00:10:23,105 --> 00:10:24,739
HEY, BUDDY.
213
00:10:24,806 --> 00:10:26,506
YEAH, THIS
IS REAL MATURE.
214
00:10:26,574 --> 00:10:28,875
YEAH, WELL, I'M NOT THE ONE
WHO BOLTED MY POTTERY WHEEL
215
00:10:28,943 --> 00:10:29,943
TO THE FLOOR.
216
00:10:30,011 --> 00:10:31,863
YOU KNOW WHAT,
I'M NOT LEAVING.
217
00:10:31,930 --> 00:10:35,032
IN FACT...
218
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:38,369
I'M NEVER LEAVING.
219
00:10:38,436 --> 00:10:40,371
WELL, NEITHER
AM I, AND F.Y.I.,
220
00:10:40,438 --> 00:10:44,341
I HAVE 9 SICK DAYS AND
I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE 'EM.
221
00:10:44,409 --> 00:10:46,961
I'LL QUIT MY JOB.
222
00:10:47,029 --> 00:10:50,264
I'M ABOUT TO BE REPLACED BY
A METRO CARD MACHINE ANYWAY.
223
00:10:56,371 --> 00:10:57,421
HEY!
224
00:10:57,489 --> 00:11:00,725
THERE'S THE MAN
I LOVE.
225
00:11:00,792 --> 00:11:02,526
WHOA, I GUESS SOMEBODY
HIT MARGARITA MADNESS
226
00:11:02,594 --> 00:11:04,428
ON THE WAY HOME, HUH?
227
00:11:04,496 --> 00:11:06,447
NO, BUT I DID
HIT HAPPY HOUR
228
00:11:06,514 --> 00:11:09,616
AT THE NORTH SHORE
RETIREMENT VILLAGE.
229
00:11:09,684 --> 00:11:11,368
WHOA, SOUNDS ROCKIN',
HOW WAS IT?
230
00:11:11,436 --> 00:11:12,820
OH MY GOD, DOUG,
HE'S GONNA LOVE IT.
231
00:11:12,887 --> 00:11:14,255
I MEAN, THEY HAVE PING-PONG,
CRAFTS, AND EVERY FRIDAY
232
00:11:14,323 --> 00:11:17,124
IS MAKE YOUR OWN
SUNDAE AND MOVIE NIGHT.
233
00:11:17,192 --> 00:11:18,075
MAYBE WE SHOULD
MOVE IN THERE AND
234
00:11:18,143 --> 00:11:19,243
GIVE HIM THE HOUSE.
235
00:11:19,310 --> 00:11:20,377
I KNOW, RIGHT?
236
00:11:20,445 --> 00:11:21,946
ANYWAY, I FILLED
OUT THE PAPERWORK.
237
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:23,815
HE HAS ORIENTATION
ON SATURDAY, HE MOVES
238
00:11:23,882 --> 00:11:27,017
IN ON SUNDAY AND THEN YOU
GOT YOUR BASEMENT BACK.
239
00:11:27,085 --> 00:11:29,504
YEAH, I'M GONNA THROW
SOMETHING OUT AT YOU.
240
00:11:29,571 --> 00:11:32,339
LITTLE BIT
OF A CURVEBALL.
241
00:11:32,407 --> 00:11:33,491
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
242
00:11:33,558 --> 00:11:36,660
I SEE YOU GOT
YOUR GAME FACE ON.
243
00:11:36,728 --> 00:11:38,779
YOU'RE TAKING
YOUR LEMONS
244
00:11:38,847 --> 00:11:41,265
AND YOU'RE TRYING
TO MAKING LEMONADE.
245
00:11:43,001 --> 00:11:44,651
BUT YOU DON'T
HAVE TO, CARRIE.
246
00:11:44,719 --> 00:11:46,987
LOOK, YOU'RE MY WIFE AND
I KNOW HE'S YOUR DAD.
247
00:11:47,055 --> 00:11:48,773
IF YOU WANT HIM
HERE, HE CAN STAY.
248
00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:51,409
NOW COME ON,
BRING IT IN.
249
00:11:53,745 --> 00:11:55,279
OW!
250
00:11:55,346 --> 00:11:57,114
WHAT ARE YOU
DOIN' TO ME HERE?
251
00:11:57,181 --> 00:11:58,783
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
252
00:11:58,850 --> 00:12:00,100
THIS HAS BEEN THE HARDEST
DECISION FOR ME TO MAKE, DOUG.
253
00:12:00,168 --> 00:12:02,002
I FINALLY CONVINCED
MYSELF THAT PUTTING
254
00:12:02,070 --> 00:12:04,905
MY DAD IN A RETIREMENT HOME WAS
THE BEST THING FOR EVERYBODY.
255
00:12:04,972 --> 00:12:07,874
NOW YOUR SITTIN' HERE
TALKING ABOUT LEMONADE?
256
00:12:07,942 --> 00:12:10,294
I'M JUST SAYING I REALIZED
THAT, YOU KNOW WHAT,
257
00:12:10,362 --> 00:12:12,630
I DON'T MIND
HAVING HIM AROUND.
258
00:12:12,697 --> 00:12:14,365
OH, REALLY YOU
DON'T MIND IT?
259
00:12:14,432 --> 00:12:17,101
YOU WERE SWINGING A RAKE
AT HIM THE OTHER DAY.
260
00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:18,519
THAT'S HOW
WE PLAY, OKAY?
261
00:12:18,587 --> 00:12:20,404
OH, COME ON.
262
00:12:20,472 --> 00:12:23,206
I'M JUST SAYING, CARRIE,
HE'S NOT SUCH A BAD GUY.
263
00:12:23,274 --> 00:12:26,444
AND I JUST, I GOT A FEELING
HE'S DONE SOME PRETTY NICE
264
00:12:26,511 --> 00:12:27,745
THINGS IN HIS
LIFE FOR YOU.
265
00:12:27,813 --> 00:12:30,148
OH, REALLY?
NAME ONE.
266
00:12:33,868 --> 00:12:35,936
THAT'S WHAT
I THOUGHT.
267
00:12:48,449 --> 00:12:51,518
ARTHUR, WHAT ARE
YOU STILL DOING UP?
268
00:12:51,586 --> 00:12:53,687
UH, I COULDN'T SLEEP.
269
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:57,674
CAN I INTEREST YOU IN
SOME OF YOUR SCOTCH?
270
00:12:59,211 --> 00:13:02,446
LISTEN, I WANT TO TELL
CARRIE ABOUT THE ACTING THING.
271
00:13:02,514 --> 00:13:03,580
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
272
00:13:03,648 --> 00:13:06,100
LISTEN, I THINK IF SHE
KNOWS ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW,
273
00:13:06,167 --> 00:13:10,270
SHE MAY CHANGE HER MIND
AND YOU COULD... STAY HERE.
274
00:13:10,338 --> 00:13:14,358
SO YOU'RE SAYING
YOU WANT ME HERE?
275
00:13:14,425 --> 00:13:18,629
NO, I DON'T WANT
YOU HERE, NO.
276
00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:22,599
I'M USED TO THE NOISE,
YOU KNOW, SO, UH,
277
00:13:22,667 --> 00:13:24,035
CAN I TELL CARRIE?
278
00:13:24,102 --> 00:13:26,570
DOUGLAS, I'VE DONE A
LOT OF THINGS IN MY LIFE
279
00:13:26,638 --> 00:13:28,439
I'M NOT PROUD OF.
280
00:13:28,507 --> 00:13:31,208
I'VE WRITTEN THOUSANDS
OF BOGUS CHECKS.
281
00:13:31,276 --> 00:13:34,678
I STARTED FOREST FIRES.
282
00:13:34,746 --> 00:13:36,880
I SUCKER PUNCHED
A LADY COP.
283
00:13:39,317 --> 00:13:40,685
BUT THE ONE GOOD THING
I'VE DONE IN MY LIFE
284
00:13:40,752 --> 00:13:45,656
IS TO NOT LET HER
KNOW ABOUT THIS.
285
00:13:45,724 --> 00:13:47,991
AND WHEN I GET TO THOSE
PEARLY GATES THAT'S ALL I GOT.
286
00:13:49,511 --> 00:13:52,746
I'M JUST SAYING, LOOK,
I'M GONNA TAKE OUT A LOAN.
287
00:13:52,814 --> 00:13:54,748
AND I'M GONNA TURN THAT
BASEMENT INTO MY MEDIA ROOM.
288
00:13:54,816 --> 00:13:57,818
SO I'M JUST SAYIN', LOOK,
THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.
289
00:13:57,885 --> 00:14:02,790
DOUGLAS, PULL THE TRIGGER
ON THAT MEDIA ROOM.
290
00:14:02,857 --> 00:14:04,859
YOU SURE THAT'S
WHAT YOU WANT?
291
00:14:04,926 --> 00:14:09,996
WHAT I WANT IS THAT YOU AND
CARRIE HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE
292
00:14:10,064 --> 00:14:11,699
BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT.
293
00:14:13,935 --> 00:14:16,937
THANKS, ARTHUR.
294
00:14:17,005 --> 00:14:18,205
YOU KNOW WHAT?
295
00:14:18,273 --> 00:14:19,840
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE ANY TROUBLE
296
00:14:19,908 --> 00:14:21,575
GETTING INTO
THOSE PEARLY GATES.
297
00:14:21,643 --> 00:14:24,345
THANK YOU, DOUGLAS.
298
00:14:24,412 --> 00:14:26,046
WANT TO SEE ME
IN A PRELL COMMERCIAL?
299
00:14:26,114 --> 00:14:28,415
LET HER RIP.
300
00:14:33,021 --> 00:14:35,589
AND THIS
IS OUR REC ROOM,
301
00:14:35,656 --> 00:14:38,125
WHERE THE RESIDENTS HAVE
A FULL RANGE OF ACTIVITIES.
302
00:14:38,193 --> 00:14:40,727
THEY'VE GOT CARDS,
AND BOARD GAMES
303
00:14:40,795 --> 00:14:42,162
AND PENNY BINGO.
304
00:14:42,230 --> 00:14:44,031
OH, THAT SOUNDS
LIKE FUN, RIGHT, DAD?
305
00:14:44,099 --> 00:14:45,332
UH-HUH.
306
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:49,236
NOW, WHY DON'T I SHOW YOU
THE ROOMS THAT ARE AVAILABLE.
307
00:15:09,624 --> 00:15:11,342
DAD, COME ON.
308
00:15:26,007 --> 00:15:28,375
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
309
00:15:28,443 --> 00:15:29,910
AH, LISTENING TO MUSIC.
310
00:15:29,978 --> 00:15:33,630
CAN YOU TURN IT DOWN?
I'M TRYING TO SLEEP.
311
00:15:33,698 --> 00:15:35,015
YEAH, WELL, THIS WHOLE THING
COULD HAVE BEEN OVER WITH
312
00:15:35,083 --> 00:15:37,384
IF YOU JUST MOVED ALL YOUR
CRAP BACK TO WHERE IT BELONGED.
313
00:15:37,452 --> 00:15:38,318
NO WAY.
314
00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:40,537
NOW COME ON, I GOTTA
GET UP EARLY FOR WORK.
315
00:15:40,605 --> 00:15:43,674
THAT'S IF I WAS GOING.
316
00:15:43,741 --> 00:15:45,743
FINE, YOU BIG BABY.
317
00:15:54,769 --> 00:15:56,503
WHAT'S ALL THIS JUNK
ALL OVER THE CEILING?
318
00:15:56,571 --> 00:15:58,872
DUH, IT'S
THE UNIVERSE, GENIUS.
319
00:15:58,940 --> 00:16:02,442
THOSE ARE GLOW
IN THE DARK STICKERS.
320
00:16:04,312 --> 00:16:06,313
I KNOW, I KNOW.
321
00:16:06,380 --> 00:16:09,199
AND THAT'S THE BIG DIPPER
RIGHT OVER THERE.
322
00:16:09,267 --> 00:16:11,368
NO, THAT'S
ORION'S BELT.
323
00:16:11,436 --> 00:16:14,571
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN
TO A PLANETARIUM?
324
00:16:14,639 --> 00:16:16,474
THE BIG DIPPER'S
WAY OVER THERE.
325
00:16:16,541 --> 00:16:18,042
WHAT, THAT THING?
326
00:16:18,110 --> 00:16:19,576
NO, THAT'S CASSIOPEIA.
327
00:16:19,644 --> 00:16:22,980
THE BIG DIPPER'S RIGHT
THERE, SEE THE HANDLE?
328
00:16:22,997 --> 00:16:24,482
OH, YEAH.
329
00:16:25,683 --> 00:16:27,951
WOW, YOU SURE KNOW
A LOT ABOUT THIS STUFF.
330
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:29,420
HEY, WHEN YOU'RE
IN THE 10TH GRADE
331
00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:32,589
AND YOU'RE 4'10"
AND STILL HAIRLESS,
332
00:16:32,657 --> 00:16:36,760
THIS IS...
333
00:16:36,828 --> 00:16:40,731
THIS IS SOMETHING TO
DO ON A FRIDAY NIGHT.
334
00:16:43,584 --> 00:16:46,854
SO I WANT THE PROJECTION TV
WITH THE 6-FOOT SCREEN
335
00:16:46,921 --> 00:16:48,989
AND THE, UH, DELUXE
SURROUND SOUND.
336
00:16:49,057 --> 00:16:51,324
WHAT SIZE SPEAKERS
WERE YOU THINKING?
337
00:16:51,392 --> 00:16:52,275
LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY.
338
00:16:52,343 --> 00:16:54,277
I DON'T WANT THE SOUND
JUST TO SURROUND ME,
339
00:16:54,345 --> 00:16:56,013
I WANT IT IN ME.
340
00:16:57,148 --> 00:16:59,616
I'LL PUT YOU DOWN
FOR THE BRONCO PACKAGE.
341
00:16:59,684 --> 00:17:02,369
ALL RIGHT, BRONCO.
342
00:17:06,007 --> 00:17:07,791
HEY, ART ATTACK.
343
00:17:07,858 --> 00:17:10,527
DOUGLAS, CAN WE
TALK FOR A SEC?
344
00:17:10,595 --> 00:17:11,528
YEAH.
345
00:17:11,596 --> 00:17:13,097
REMEMBER HOW YOU
WANTED TO TELL CARRIE
346
00:17:13,164 --> 00:17:14,798
ABOUT MY GIVING UP
MY DREAM FOR HER?
347
00:17:14,865 --> 00:17:16,366
YEAH.
348
00:17:16,434 --> 00:17:18,269
WELL, YOU CAN PULL
THE TRIGGER ON THAT.
349
00:17:18,336 --> 00:17:19,703
WHAT?
350
00:17:19,771 --> 00:17:22,639
YEAH, THAT RETIREMENT HOME
IS DEATH, I DON'T WANT TO GO.
351
00:17:22,707 --> 00:17:24,207
BUT, ARTHUR,
IT'S TOO LATE.
352
00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:26,994
YOU ALREADY TOLD ME TO PULL
THE TRIGGER ON THE MEDIA ROOM.
353
00:17:27,062 --> 00:17:28,712
I'M CHANGING MY MIND.
354
00:17:28,780 --> 00:17:30,247
BUT YOU SAID IT WAS
THE ONE GOOD THING
355
00:17:30,314 --> 00:17:32,049
YOU DID IN YOUR LIFE,
AND IT WAS GONNA GET YOU
356
00:17:32,117 --> 00:17:33,450
THROUGH THE PEARLY GATES.
357
00:17:33,517 --> 00:17:35,019
LET'S NOT KID OURSELVES,
I'M GOING TO HELL
358
00:17:35,086 --> 00:17:36,787
AND YOU KNOW IT!
359
00:17:37,989 --> 00:17:39,056
NOW PULL THE TRIGGER.
360
00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:41,058
ARTHUR, YOU ARE
MAKING ME CRAZY.
361
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:42,893
THESE LAST FEW DAYS,
YOU'RE GOING, YOU'RE STAYING.
362
00:17:42,961 --> 00:17:44,394
LET ME TELL
YOU SOMETHING.
363
00:17:44,463 --> 00:17:46,196
CARRIE IS FINE WITH YOU GOIN',
I'M FINE WITH YOU GOIN'.
364
00:17:46,264 --> 00:17:48,499
SO YOU BETTER GET FINE
WITH IT, YOU GOT IT?
365
00:17:51,318 --> 00:17:53,637
SO WE'LL PUT
A PIN IN IT?
366
00:17:57,658 --> 00:17:58,609
ALL RIGHT, DOUG,
WE'RE LEAVING.
367
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:01,561
OKAY.
368
00:18:01,629 --> 00:18:03,780
ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA
PULL THE CAR AROUND.
369
00:18:03,848 --> 00:18:05,015
YOU GUYS SAY YOUR
GOODBYES, OKAY?
370
00:18:12,023 --> 00:18:15,341
WELL, UH,
GOOD LUCK, ARTHUR.
371
00:18:15,409 --> 00:18:17,060
THANK YOU.
372
00:18:17,128 --> 00:18:19,029
AND WHAT CAN
I SAY, EXCEPT...
373
00:18:19,097 --> 00:18:21,531
I HOPE YOU DIE,
YOU FAT PIG.
374
00:18:33,127 --> 00:18:34,778
AND TO THIS DAY...
375
00:18:34,845 --> 00:18:38,215
MY DAD STILL HASN'T FORGIVEN
ME FOR QUITTING THE SAXOPHONE.
376
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:40,484
I MEAN, HE COULDN'T
GRASP THE FACT THAT
377
00:18:40,552 --> 00:18:42,986
I HAD ASTHMA AND THAT
EVERY TIME I PLAYED A SONG
378
00:18:43,054 --> 00:18:45,955
I PUT MY LIFE
ON THE LINE.
379
00:18:48,426 --> 00:18:50,043
WELL, AT LEAST YOUR
DAD STUCK AROUND.
380
00:18:50,111 --> 00:18:52,178
I MEAN, I'VE ALWAYS
WONDERED, LIKE,
381
00:18:52,247 --> 00:18:55,282
IF I'D BEEN TALLER
OR BETTER AT SPORTS,
382
00:18:55,350 --> 00:18:56,950
MAYBE HE WOULD
HAVE STAYED.
383
00:18:57,017 --> 00:19:00,604
HEY, DO NOT BLAME
YOURSELF, HE LEFT YOU.
384
00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:02,489
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
385
00:19:03,825 --> 00:19:06,359
OH MY GOD, THE SUN'S
COMING UP.
386
00:19:06,427 --> 00:19:09,429
WOW, WE'VE BEEN
TALKIN' ALL NIGHT.
387
00:19:13,768 --> 00:19:14,868
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
388
00:19:14,936 --> 00:19:16,703
YOU CAN HAVE THIS ROOM.
389
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:18,772
REALLY?
390
00:19:18,839 --> 00:19:19,839
YEP.
391
00:19:19,907 --> 00:19:21,275
I MADE A PROMISE
TO YOU ON THAT NAPKIN
392
00:19:21,342 --> 00:19:22,576
AND I'M GONNA
STICK TO IT.
393
00:19:22,644 --> 00:19:24,428
I'M NOT GOING TO BE
LIKE YOUR FATHER.
394
00:19:24,495 --> 00:19:26,463
HEY, WAIT
WAIT WAIT.
395
00:19:26,531 --> 00:19:28,365
MAYBE YOU DON'T
HAVE TO MOVE OUT.
396
00:19:29,367 --> 00:19:30,267
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
397
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:31,534
IF WE SHARED
A VANITY WE COULD
398
00:19:31,602 --> 00:19:34,504
FIT ALL OUR
STUFF IN HERE.
399
00:19:35,773 --> 00:19:37,174
REALLY?
400
00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:39,343
YEAH, AND WE COULD
TURN THE OTHER BEDROOM
401
00:19:39,410 --> 00:19:40,477
INTO A SITTING ROOM.
402
00:19:40,545 --> 00:19:41,661
I LIKE SITTING.
403
00:19:41,729 --> 00:19:43,113
YEAH, AND YOU KNOW
WHAT, WE COULD PUT
404
00:19:43,181 --> 00:19:44,481
A FOLD-OUT COUCH
IN THERE SO IF ONE
405
00:19:44,549 --> 00:19:45,583
OF US HAS
A GIRL OVER
406
00:19:45,650 --> 00:19:47,518
THE OTHER GUY HAS
A PLACE TO CRASH.
407
00:19:47,586 --> 00:19:52,689
YEAH, MIGHT GET MORE USE
OUT OF A FOOSBALL TABLE, BUT...
408
00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:55,492
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
409
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:01,098
HEY, HONEY,
I'M DOWN HERE!
410
00:20:01,165 --> 00:20:05,902
HEY, I HAVE A GREAT
NIGHT SET UP FOR US.
411
00:20:05,970 --> 00:20:09,473
I HAVE YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES,
PORKY'S, AND PORK RINDS.
412
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:12,075
HUH, JUST YOU AND
ME IN OUR HOUSE.
413
00:20:12,143 --> 00:20:14,111
HONEY, I GOTTA TELL YOU,
THE ROOM LOOKS GREAT.
414
00:20:14,178 --> 00:20:16,413
I MEAN, I REALLY DIDN'T THINK
ALL THIS STUFF WAS GONNA WORK
415
00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:17,948
LIKE THIS CARPET, THE
BLACK AND BURGUNDY THING.
416
00:20:18,015 --> 00:20:20,650
A LITTLE DANNY TERRIO
BUT IT DOES WORK IN HERE.
417
00:20:20,718 --> 00:20:22,169
AND THAT JETS
HELMET IS...
418
00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:27,941
I CAN'T DO
THIS, DOUG.
419
00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:30,027
I'M SORRY,
I TRIED, BUT I...
420
00:20:30,094 --> 00:20:31,261
I WANT HIM BACK.
421
00:20:31,329 --> 00:20:33,463
PLEASE.
422
00:20:33,531 --> 00:20:36,015
I PROMISE, I WILL WASH
HIM, I WILL FEED HIM.
423
00:20:36,083 --> 00:20:39,519
YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW THAT
HE'S HERE, I PROM-
424
00:20:43,190 --> 00:20:44,858
DAD.
425
00:20:44,926 --> 00:20:45,859
THERE SHE IS!
426
00:20:45,927 --> 00:20:47,561
HI, WELCOME BACK.
427
00:20:47,628 --> 00:20:50,030
OH, I'M SO GLAD
YOU'RE BACK.
428
00:20:50,098 --> 00:20:52,816
THANK YOU, IT'S
GOOD BEING BACK.
429
00:20:52,883 --> 00:20:57,488
ALTHOUGH I'M NOT LOVING
THE COLOR SCHEME.
430
00:21:11,802 --> 00:21:14,704
THIS BRONCO
PACKAGE IS MARVELOUS!
31227
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