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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,859 --> 00:00:21,299 What? 2 00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:24,380 - Just a sec. - No, baby, no, no, no! 3 00:00:24,381 --> 00:00:26,781 Just do it here. You won't get back in if you get out now. 4 00:00:26,782 --> 00:00:29,541 Seriously, Anthony, let me go. It's going to come out on its own. 5 00:00:29,542 --> 00:00:31,742 - No, you have to learn. - Anthony, I'm going to hit you. 6 00:00:31,743 --> 00:00:32,903 Stay in the bed! 7 00:00:32,904 --> 00:00:35,384 Just put your bum out over the edge and just let it go. 8 00:00:35,385 --> 00:00:38,345 Please. It's just a fart. 9 00:00:38,346 --> 00:00:42,348 Oh, my God. 10 00:00:48,150 --> 00:00:49,789 It's shy now. Don't look at me. 11 00:00:49,789 --> 00:00:52,029 You're beautiful. 12 00:00:52,031 --> 00:00:53,470 Oh, God. 13 00:00:53,471 --> 00:00:54,870 Excellent. 14 00:00:56,552 --> 00:00:57,792 Wow! 15 00:01:01,714 --> 00:01:03,513 - Was that...? - Oh, my God. Get out. 16 00:01:03,515 --> 00:01:06,636 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God, did you just...? - Get out, quick! Don't look! 17 00:01:06,636 --> 00:01:08,315 Stop it! Get out! 18 00:01:08,316 --> 00:01:12,318 Baby, it's lino, it's lino! 19 00:01:26,523 --> 00:01:29,003 I can't help you unless you tell me what happened. 20 00:01:29,004 --> 00:01:31,964 The only significant detail is that she's annoyed with me 21 00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:34,525 for something that wasn't in any way my fault. 22 00:01:34,526 --> 00:01:35,846 But it probably was your fault 23 00:01:35,847 --> 00:01:38,326 so why don't you break a habit of a lifetime and apologise? 24 00:01:38,327 --> 00:01:40,327 - Do you still have my Frankfurter shirt? - Yes. 25 00:01:40,328 --> 00:01:42,968 Just say you're sorry. You don't have to mean it. 26 00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:45,529 - This is really complicated. - Just turn it inside out. 27 00:01:45,530 --> 00:01:47,689 And you're the one who can never apologise. 28 00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,451 What the hell have you done to my T-shirt? 29 00:01:49,452 --> 00:01:51,772 My T-shirt. And I'm always apologising. 30 00:01:51,772 --> 00:01:53,531 Do people really do this every month? 31 00:01:53,533 --> 00:01:55,693 Can you explain to me what you are wearing, please? 32 00:01:55,694 --> 00:01:57,053 It's a onesie. It's very chic. 33 00:01:57,054 --> 00:01:59,293 - Tell me what happened. - You look like a child. 34 00:01:59,295 --> 00:02:00,815 Thank you. Tell me what happened. 35 00:02:00,815 --> 00:02:02,815 What do you mean about me not apologising... 36 00:02:02,816 --> 00:02:06,818 - Jesus, just turn it inside out! - OK, OK, OK! OK. 37 00:02:07,498 --> 00:02:10,018 OK. 38 00:02:10,019 --> 00:02:13,379 Just tell me what happened and I'll tell you if it was your fault. 39 00:02:13,380 --> 00:02:15,460 Come on. I'm getting panicky in my onesie. 40 00:02:15,461 --> 00:02:17,941 I'm not telling you anything ever again. 41 00:02:17,942 --> 00:02:19,942 You just end up telling the whole hospital. 42 00:02:19,943 --> 00:02:23,223 That was a misunderstanding and you should have apologised like I did, 43 00:02:23,224 --> 00:02:24,623 you arsehole. 44 00:02:24,624 --> 00:02:27,664 I won't take the piss or tell anyone, 45 00:02:27,665 --> 00:02:30,505 I promise. 46 00:02:30,506 --> 00:02:32,786 She was... 47 00:02:32,787 --> 00:02:34,387 ...doing a fart 48 00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:38,390 and it turned into a poo over the side of the bed. 49 00:02:38,510 --> 00:02:41,069 And she's blaming me because I wouldn't let her out of the bed 50 00:02:41,070 --> 00:02:45,072 to do the fart. 51 00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:48,792 If you're laughing, I'm going to suffocate you. 52 00:02:48,792 --> 00:02:51,432 You're laughing... You're laughing! 53 00:02:51,434 --> 00:02:53,434 I'm not laughing! 54 00:02:53,435 --> 00:02:55,674 Give me the corners, just give me the corners! 55 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,395 ..tried to do a poo! 56 00:02:57,396 --> 00:02:59,396 Did you tell management about your door? 57 00:02:59,397 --> 00:03:02,396 - Management? - Yeah, when you registered. 58 00:03:02,397 --> 00:03:06,399 Registered? 59 00:03:08,681 --> 00:03:12,682 I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. 60 00:03:13,842 --> 00:03:15,241 Please forgive me. 61 00:03:15,242 --> 00:03:17,242 So, it's you. 62 00:03:17,243 --> 00:03:18,562 It's an emergency 63 00:03:18,563 --> 00:03:21,083 and this is the first time I've done it. 64 00:03:21,085 --> 00:03:22,524 Colin has gone. 65 00:03:22,525 --> 00:03:24,405 To the dentist. 66 00:03:24,406 --> 00:03:26,606 - He'll come back. - What if he doesn't? 67 00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:30,608 What the hell am I supposed to paint? 68 00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,929 So, this is the sexiest property we have on our books. 69 00:03:36,930 --> 00:03:40,211 Two beds, one kitchen, bunch of walls, big window. 70 00:03:40,212 --> 00:03:43,452 And the shower has excellent pressure. A screaming bargain, mate. 71 00:03:43,453 --> 00:03:45,813 - What about the owners, are they...? - In Ibiza. 72 00:03:45,813 --> 00:03:47,533 Ooh, a prune. Do you want anything? 73 00:03:47,535 --> 00:03:48,854 No, I'm good. 74 00:03:48,855 --> 00:03:51,575 Hey, thanks for sneaking me in on a weekend. I really owe you one. 75 00:03:51,575 --> 00:03:53,655 Friend of the little bitch is a friend of mine. 76 00:03:53,656 --> 00:03:55,095 - Guys. - Oh, hey. 77 00:03:55,097 --> 00:03:57,257 Hi, hi, hi. I'm sorry I'm late. 78 00:03:57,258 --> 00:04:00,098 This is a nice place! Is this a nice place? 79 00:04:00,099 --> 00:04:04,101 - Hi. - Hi. 80 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:07,580 Smooth, guys. 81 00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,501 Whoa, look at this place! 82 00:04:09,502 --> 00:04:13,504 Surfaces and skirting boards and cupboards and... 83 00:04:14,304 --> 00:04:15,503 an oven! 84 00:04:15,504 --> 00:04:17,584 Can you believe people actually live like this? 85 00:04:17,585 --> 00:04:19,105 I know, it's super cute, eh? 86 00:04:19,106 --> 00:04:20,945 So... 87 00:04:20,946 --> 00:04:22,265 Lunch? 88 00:04:22,267 --> 00:04:25,107 I really appreciate you bumping me up. Thank you. 89 00:04:25,107 --> 00:04:27,267 A guardian can fast-track another guardian. 90 00:04:27,269 --> 00:04:30,269 - It keeps the community-feel strong. - Indeed. - Indeed. 91 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:33,870 OK, you are aware that if Louise does make a tit of herself, 92 00:04:33,871 --> 00:04:36,071 you will be accountable for her as her referee? 93 00:04:36,072 --> 00:04:38,231 I am. She will not let me down. 94 00:04:38,232 --> 00:04:41,953 Great. Now, if we could have all your documents and the deposit. 95 00:04:41,954 --> 00:04:43,073 I'm sorry, what? 96 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:45,274 I'm afraid we need the money up front. 97 00:04:45,275 --> 00:04:47,074 I'm afraid I don't have any money. 98 00:04:47,076 --> 00:04:49,516 Well, I need the money now. 99 00:04:49,517 --> 00:04:52,997 There are a lot of people on this waiting list who do have the money. 100 00:04:52,998 --> 00:04:55,398 Can you hold on for a couple of hours? 101 00:04:55,399 --> 00:04:56,838 For the money? Yes. 102 00:04:56,839 --> 00:05:00,841 I just want the money and my superiors want the money very much. 103 00:05:11,724 --> 00:05:15,726 Are you working towards anything in particular? 104 00:05:18,487 --> 00:05:21,208 Seen any good films recently? 105 00:05:21,208 --> 00:05:23,088 Can you take your top off? 106 00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:27,091 - Why? - It's just better. 107 00:05:27,730 --> 00:05:29,770 No, sorry, that wasn't the agreement. 108 00:05:29,771 --> 00:05:31,451 I'm not... That's not... 109 00:05:31,452 --> 00:05:34,572 I'm not comfortable taking my... being naked. 110 00:05:34,573 --> 00:05:38,534 I understand the whole desexualised art thing, yes, but I'm just... No. 111 00:05:38,534 --> 00:05:39,814 OK... No. 112 00:05:39,815 --> 00:05:42,975 - D'accord. - I mean, I know I shouldn't care, not in this situation, 113 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,536 but, I hate my body and I wish I had the sort of body confidence 114 00:05:45,537 --> 00:05:48,257 to just drape myself all over everything, but it's just, well, 115 00:05:48,258 --> 00:05:50,818 it's not like I don't think I'm... No. - You hate your body? 116 00:05:50,819 --> 00:05:52,939 Of course I do. Everybody does. 117 00:05:52,940 --> 00:05:54,659 Everyone hates your body? 118 00:05:54,660 --> 00:05:57,380 No, I mean... Well, probably, if they were honest, 119 00:05:57,381 --> 00:06:00,222 I just... I'm not the sort of person to just, you know, take my top off 120 00:06:00,223 --> 00:06:01,902 and then not care that my top was off. 121 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:05,703 I would just never do that. 122 00:06:05,704 --> 00:06:07,264 I'm leaving my bra on. 123 00:06:07,265 --> 00:06:09,224 D'accord. 124 00:06:09,225 --> 00:06:13,227 Ready for me to paint you? 125 00:06:17,508 --> 00:06:20,348 Don't breathe. 126 00:06:20,349 --> 00:06:22,189 Stop hitting yourself, poodle dick! 127 00:06:22,190 --> 00:06:24,350 Can't stop it, haven't got the energy. 128 00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:27,351 You are out of control. Stop it, stop it! 129 00:06:28,753 --> 00:06:30,873 You guys are just too funny. 130 00:06:30,874 --> 00:06:32,953 So, how long's this been on the market, then? 131 00:06:32,954 --> 00:06:35,154 I'd say about 28 years. 132 00:06:35,155 --> 00:06:37,234 I mean, there's minimal storage space 133 00:06:37,235 --> 00:06:38,955 and there's a couple of smelly corners, 134 00:06:38,956 --> 00:06:41,356 but it's worth it for the little willy that comes with it. 135 00:06:41,357 --> 00:06:44,277 - What's on the menu? - Just a little something I picked up on my travels. 136 00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:45,918 - He is a really good cook. - Oh, coolio. 137 00:06:45,919 --> 00:06:48,518 He also buys himself small companies and makes them stronger 138 00:06:48,519 --> 00:06:50,959 and more commercially viable. - Well, that's impressive. 139 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,880 - You make it sound like I work for a charity. - Oh, yeah, he's a Samaritan 140 00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:55,401 when he's got the spare time. - Cool. 141 00:06:55,402 --> 00:06:58,202 Stop it! Really. Makes me sound like a knobber. 142 00:06:58,203 --> 00:07:02,204 Don't tell him about the paper. 143 00:07:02,205 --> 00:07:05,325 - Fred? - Oh, yeah, he also writes a column for a financial paper. 144 00:07:05,326 --> 00:07:06,726 And he bakes! 145 00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:09,126 Well, hey, who doesn't love a home-made bun? 146 00:07:09,127 --> 00:07:11,007 Not big on carbs actually, myself. 147 00:07:11,008 --> 00:07:13,287 - Hey, shitty tits, get my bag. - OK. 148 00:07:13,288 --> 00:07:16,969 Don't say anything inappropriate. 149 00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,609 - Get your cock out. - What? 150 00:07:18,610 --> 00:07:19,690 I heard that! 151 00:07:19,691 --> 00:07:21,291 It was a test! 152 00:07:21,292 --> 00:07:23,852 You passed. 153 00:07:23,853 --> 00:07:26,292 Just. 154 00:07:26,293 --> 00:07:30,295 All right, you muckers, grub's up. 155 00:07:33,095 --> 00:07:35,416 - OK. Ready? - Yeah. 156 00:07:35,417 --> 00:07:37,656 - No leaving the room. - Deal. 157 00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:40,618 - In. Charm. Get the money. Out. - Easy. 158 00:07:40,619 --> 00:07:44,620 We're going to nail it. 159 00:07:48,062 --> 00:07:52,062 - Just don't drink... - ..the Golden Goo. I know. 160 00:07:52,383 --> 00:07:54,943 - Lulu! - Aunt Gladys! 161 00:07:54,944 --> 00:07:56,824 You are a vision. 162 00:07:56,825 --> 00:08:00,304 And Anthony, what a treat! 163 00:08:00,305 --> 00:08:02,186 Little pressie! 164 00:08:02,187 --> 00:08:06,187 Well, come on in, you two. I have drinks to drown you in. 165 00:08:13,311 --> 00:08:15,110 So, you going to put an offer in? 166 00:08:15,111 --> 00:08:18,431 I'll think about it, sure. 167 00:08:18,432 --> 00:08:20,672 Hey, have you got a second? 168 00:08:20,673 --> 00:08:24,674 - Like, now? - Yeah. 169 00:08:25,114 --> 00:08:28,514 - Yeah. - Thanks, man. 170 00:08:28,515 --> 00:08:31,036 It's not cool how you talk to Fred. 171 00:08:31,037 --> 00:08:34,758 Calling him "bitch" and "pencil prick" and "freaky tits". 172 00:08:34,759 --> 00:08:37,878 I'm not a gaping arsehole - I know it's just for laughs - 173 00:08:37,879 --> 00:08:41,199 but that sort of language is actually pretty... 174 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:42,640 insidious. 175 00:08:42,641 --> 00:08:44,961 I just think you should just dial it down a bit, 176 00:08:44,962 --> 00:08:47,282 before it starts making a dent. 177 00:08:47,283 --> 00:08:49,683 You're a smart guy, you know what I mean. 178 00:08:49,684 --> 00:08:53,685 Shit, I'm sorry. Yeah, of course. I've never... 179 00:08:54,125 --> 00:08:55,965 - Never thought of it like that. - Thanks, man. 180 00:08:55,966 --> 00:08:59,567 - I knew you'd get it. - Sure. 181 00:08:59,568 --> 00:09:00,807 Everyone happy? 182 00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:03,607 Never happier, cummy bum. 183 00:09:03,608 --> 00:09:07,610 - Home time? - OK. 184 00:09:10,611 --> 00:09:12,651 This one is a real goer. 185 00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:14,691 I found it on the Silk Road. 186 00:09:14,692 --> 00:09:15,852 In Asia? 187 00:09:15,853 --> 00:09:17,533 No, no, no. 188 00:09:17,534 --> 00:09:19,613 It's a dark internet. 189 00:09:19,614 --> 00:09:23,135 Awful place, all sorts of things for sale, 190 00:09:23,136 --> 00:09:26,736 but the occasional delight. 191 00:09:26,737 --> 00:09:29,697 - Sip it. - Ooh, no, thanks. 192 00:09:29,698 --> 00:09:32,058 - Sip it. - We really can't stay long. 193 00:09:32,059 --> 00:09:35,819 Oh, please sip it, darling. I'm just so touched you popped round. 194 00:09:35,820 --> 00:09:39,822 No-one ever just pops round for no reason these days. 195 00:09:41,783 --> 00:09:44,582 Sure. 196 00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:48,584 - I was actually going to ask you for something... - Don't say money. 197 00:09:48,585 --> 00:09:52,185 Please. 198 00:09:52,186 --> 00:09:54,227 I couldn't bear it. 199 00:09:59,431 --> 00:10:03,432 And ten for ten more years of life ahead. Chin-chin! 200 00:10:06,793 --> 00:10:08,673 Oh, OK! 201 00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:12,676 Now, that has to be the last one, you naughty thing, you. 202 00:10:13,035 --> 00:10:15,596 Darling, what IS this that you're wearing?! 203 00:10:15,597 --> 00:10:17,156 It's ridiculous. 204 00:10:17,157 --> 00:10:18,356 It's a onesie. 205 00:10:18,357 --> 00:10:22,359 It's divine! But where does it open?! 206 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:27,320 How does one get in?! Isn't it a nightmare to get it off? 207 00:10:27,321 --> 00:10:30,201 Nope. No, I've got the knack. 208 00:10:30,202 --> 00:10:32,881 Honestly I can have it off in seconds, auntie. 209 00:10:34,723 --> 00:10:36,683 Are these little poppers? 210 00:10:36,684 --> 00:10:38,643 So yeah, what's... What's up with me? 211 00:10:38,644 --> 00:10:40,204 I'm working in a restaurant. 212 00:10:40,205 --> 00:10:43,326 - So are you finally in a relationship? - Well, yeah... 213 00:10:43,327 --> 00:10:47,328 Lulu always said you would end up together. 214 00:10:47,728 --> 00:10:49,327 Living together. 215 00:10:49,328 --> 00:10:50,888 End up living together. 216 00:10:50,889 --> 00:10:53,249 Oh. Have I said a whoopsie? 217 00:10:53,250 --> 00:10:55,730 Oh, never mind! 218 00:10:55,731 --> 00:10:57,931 - I have actually met someone. - Oh. 219 00:10:57,932 --> 00:11:01,292 - We're engaged. - Oh! How lovely! 220 00:11:01,293 --> 00:11:04,293 What does she look like? Is she a curvy girl? 221 00:11:04,294 --> 00:11:08,295 - No. She's slim. - Is she? Sticky little thing, is she? 222 00:11:09,056 --> 00:11:11,735 Petite? Is she a tiny little thing? 223 00:11:11,736 --> 00:11:14,216 She's very... smart. 224 00:11:14,217 --> 00:11:16,257 So is she a porker, then? 225 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:18,379 Oh, lovely! 226 00:11:18,380 --> 00:11:20,939 Oh, darling, this outfit! 227 00:11:20,940 --> 00:11:22,419 I simply love it! 228 00:11:26,742 --> 00:11:28,782 Listen, auntie, we really... 229 00:11:28,783 --> 00:11:32,784 My best friend died this morning. 230 00:11:34,064 --> 00:11:37,705 - Where is the toilet again? - Ah, yes. 231 00:11:37,706 --> 00:11:41,708 It's at the very, very, very, very top of the stairs. 232 00:11:41,907 --> 00:11:45,909 - You might be some time. - Yup. 233 00:11:46,950 --> 00:11:50,951 Oh, I'm sorry, darling. You two will come to each other eventually. 234 00:11:59,514 --> 00:12:02,595 Can I borrow some money? 235 00:12:02,596 --> 00:12:06,596 It's just... you go through your whole life... 236 00:12:08,398 --> 00:12:10,957 ...and then you shit on your boyfriend's floor. 237 00:12:10,958 --> 00:12:12,877 Did he like it? 238 00:12:12,878 --> 00:12:16,880 You never know. Everyone finds something weird sexy. 239 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,800 What do you find sexy? 240 00:12:18,801 --> 00:12:20,760 I can hardly remember why I've got a vagina. 241 00:12:20,761 --> 00:12:23,922 - You guys don't have sex? - No, we do, just... 242 00:12:23,923 --> 00:12:26,563 the downstairs response is... 243 00:12:26,564 --> 00:12:29,684 rare and very specifically prompted. 244 00:12:29,685 --> 00:12:31,325 What do you think it wants? 245 00:12:31,326 --> 00:12:33,565 - Well... - What do you want?! 246 00:12:33,566 --> 00:12:37,568 Jesus! 247 00:12:37,768 --> 00:12:40,648 Let's see if she gets back to us. 248 00:12:40,649 --> 00:12:44,009 Do you like sex? 249 00:12:44,010 --> 00:12:45,370 Silly question. 250 00:12:45,371 --> 00:12:49,372 Is it? 251 00:12:50,693 --> 00:12:54,694 Are you all right? 252 00:12:55,214 --> 00:12:59,216 - Do you have a toilet she could use, please? - Hmm. 253 00:13:01,136 --> 00:13:04,337 She won't be long. 254 00:13:04,338 --> 00:13:07,417 No, no, no, no. 255 00:13:14,021 --> 00:13:17,581 Ah! 256 00:13:17,582 --> 00:13:19,942 Argh! Let me out! 257 00:13:23,504 --> 00:13:24,823 Ah! 258 00:13:26,186 --> 00:13:30,186 Oh, fuck. 259 00:13:31,707 --> 00:13:33,187 Excuse me. 260 00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:35,547 Hi. Yeah. 261 00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:38,549 OK. Bye. 262 00:13:38,550 --> 00:13:42,551 Excuse me. 263 00:13:55,476 --> 00:13:59,477 - Why do you want to be a property guardian? - Yes. 264 00:14:00,118 --> 00:14:03,358 OK. Have you got the money? The deposit? 265 00:14:03,359 --> 00:14:04,878 Do you take cash? 266 00:14:04,879 --> 00:14:08,881 Any money. Just the money would be great. 267 00:14:12,403 --> 00:14:16,123 Just give him the money, Lu. 268 00:14:16,124 --> 00:14:20,125 I don't trust him. 269 00:14:23,606 --> 00:14:26,606 Great. Thank you for joining the guardian programme. 270 00:14:26,607 --> 00:14:30,609 You seem like the perfect candidate. 271 00:14:30,809 --> 00:14:32,488 You're so beautiful. 272 00:14:32,489 --> 00:14:33,769 Oui. 273 00:14:33,770 --> 00:14:36,010 How are you so confident? 274 00:14:36,011 --> 00:14:40,012 Well, it's not useful to anyone for me to be ashamed of myself. 275 00:14:40,332 --> 00:14:43,052 They want us to hate our bodies. 276 00:14:43,053 --> 00:14:47,054 It's how they control us. 277 00:14:57,499 --> 00:15:01,500 - Oh, my God. - Super! 278 00:15:05,061 --> 00:15:07,822 Oh, fuck off, they're amazing! 279 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:11,342 I'm even more depressed than ever now! 280 00:15:11,343 --> 00:15:13,703 Do you really like Colin? 281 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:17,706 - Of course. - Why? 282 00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:19,065 Because he's given up. 283 00:15:19,066 --> 00:15:20,546 And that's attractive to you? 284 00:15:20,547 --> 00:15:22,347 Oui. 285 00:15:22,348 --> 00:15:24,867 He just wants to be small and good and... 286 00:15:24,868 --> 00:15:27,788 because of that he is huge and beautiful. 287 00:15:27,789 --> 00:15:29,269 Everyone wants to be big. 288 00:15:29,270 --> 00:15:30,630 It's bullshit. 289 00:15:30,631 --> 00:15:34,632 And he won't fuck me. Which I love. 290 00:15:34,872 --> 00:15:38,874 Why do you like Anthony? 291 00:15:44,196 --> 00:15:47,556 - Have you got any more wine? - Oui. 292 00:15:47,557 --> 00:15:51,559 Have you got any more paint? 293 00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,401 Yo, titty-face, what are you doing? 294 00:16:03,402 --> 00:16:05,162 Do you wanna give me a massage? 295 00:16:05,163 --> 00:16:07,003 I got your special ice cream. 296 00:16:07,004 --> 00:16:08,403 Hey. 297 00:16:08,404 --> 00:16:09,484 Oh, hey! 298 00:16:09,485 --> 00:16:12,725 Hey! We're watching Blue Planet! The whales are extraordinary. 299 00:16:12,726 --> 00:16:14,125 The whales are extraordinary. 300 00:16:14,126 --> 00:16:15,726 Oh, they're powerful creatures. 301 00:16:15,727 --> 00:16:17,647 - Fred are you eating normal ice cream? - Hmm? 302 00:16:17,648 --> 00:16:19,527 He shouldn't be eating normal ice cream. 303 00:16:19,528 --> 00:16:21,208 I've got him the sugar-free variety. 304 00:16:21,209 --> 00:16:23,809 - I've got quite a few friends who are diabetic so... - Sure. 305 00:16:23,810 --> 00:16:27,811 So I know where to get the good stuff. Do you want to try some? 306 00:16:28,091 --> 00:16:30,932 Nah, no. That stuff's just a little less creamy. 307 00:16:30,933 --> 00:16:32,212 Hey, Sam. You wanna join? 308 00:16:32,213 --> 00:16:33,773 What was that?! 309 00:16:33,774 --> 00:16:37,174 - Don't worry, I'll find out what that is! - Stand back, I'll make sure we're safe! 310 00:16:40,136 --> 00:16:42,816 That's not a danger scream. 311 00:16:42,817 --> 00:16:46,818 That's a jovial scream. 312 00:16:54,261 --> 00:16:58,262 Please don't tell her I'm smoking. She doesn't show me her body. 313 00:16:59,023 --> 00:17:01,702 Because of the secret willy she hides in the crease? 314 00:17:01,703 --> 00:17:03,983 If it was only that simple. 315 00:17:03,984 --> 00:17:07,464 She gets undressed under the duvet and she farts in the hall. 316 00:17:07,465 --> 00:17:11,467 - You've always farted in bed. - I'm farting while I'm saying this. 317 00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:17,909 I just wish she'd let go a bit, you know, laugh at herself a bit. 318 00:17:17,990 --> 00:17:21,390 Just wish she was more... 319 00:17:21,391 --> 00:17:22,830 That really smells, doesn't it? 320 00:17:22,831 --> 00:17:26,832 - That's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted. - Thank you! 321 00:17:30,114 --> 00:17:33,954 I am sorry that I didn't say sorry about accusing you of trying 322 00:17:33,955 --> 00:17:35,395 to fuck Sam. 323 00:17:35,396 --> 00:17:36,915 I can fuck who I like. 324 00:17:36,916 --> 00:17:40,476 - No, you can't. I have to have approval. - Fuck you! 325 00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:43,397 - Fuck you! - No, really, fuck you. 326 00:17:43,398 --> 00:17:47,400 - Can we stay up all night and get really drunk together, please? - Yes! 327 00:17:47,681 --> 00:17:51,160 - You know what the greatest tragedy about us is? - My nose? 328 00:17:51,161 --> 00:17:52,441 No. 329 00:17:52,442 --> 00:17:56,082 - That you'd make a much better girl and I'd make a much better boy? - No. 330 00:17:56,083 --> 00:17:58,002 You never know when to shut up, do you? 331 00:18:01,565 --> 00:18:03,245 Whoa! Party! 332 00:18:03,246 --> 00:18:05,126 Shit. Kate's going to flip! 333 00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:07,846 Whoo! What are they doing?! 334 00:18:07,847 --> 00:18:10,247 Music: "Crazy Rhythms" by The Feelies 335 00:18:20,932 --> 00:18:23,932 - Baby! - Why are you topless?! 336 00:18:23,933 --> 00:18:26,413 I'm being free. Why are you?! 337 00:18:26,414 --> 00:18:30,416 Why aren't we all?! 338 00:18:30,696 --> 00:18:32,135 Whoo! 339 00:18:32,136 --> 00:18:35,217 Whoo! 340 00:18:35,218 --> 00:18:38,538 Come on! 341 00:18:38,539 --> 00:18:39,938 Argh! 342 00:18:50,783 --> 00:18:53,703 You did not just do that. 343 00:18:53,704 --> 00:18:57,705 Stop making me bum you! 344 00:19:01,507 --> 00:19:03,747 Colin! 345 00:19:03,748 --> 00:19:05,388 Naughty Colin! 346 00:19:05,389 --> 00:19:06,947 No! 347 00:19:06,948 --> 00:19:08,908 Colin! You come back now! 348 00:19:08,909 --> 00:19:12,911 Colin! 349 00:19:13,631 --> 00:19:15,591 Whoa! Careful! 350 00:19:15,592 --> 00:19:17,832 - Where have you been? - The dentist! 351 00:19:17,833 --> 00:19:19,553 All day? What is wrong with your mouth? 352 00:19:19,554 --> 00:19:21,713 Were you watching Cara and Brian shopping again? 353 00:19:21,714 --> 00:19:23,754 No! Yes! It's OK! 354 00:19:23,755 --> 00:19:27,276 I gave Cara my house keys back and told her to budgie off. 355 00:19:28,317 --> 00:19:30,597 I can't believe this is my home. 356 00:19:30,598 --> 00:19:34,599 You are... one of us now. 357 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,358 Yes, I suppose I am. 358 00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:41,401 Colin! 359 00:19:41,402 --> 00:19:44,322 Good evening. 360 00:19:44,323 --> 00:19:45,922 Thank you. Put this on. 361 00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:49,803 No! They are my boobs and they want to see the world. 362 00:19:51,685 --> 00:19:53,805 They can see the world of the showers. 363 00:19:53,806 --> 00:19:55,966 Oh! 364 00:19:58,127 --> 00:20:01,567 I wanna stay! 365 00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:03,128 No, no, please! 366 00:20:03,129 --> 00:20:07,131 Argh! 367 00:20:10,572 --> 00:20:14,172 Hey, I know you've been grieving your father, 368 00:20:14,173 --> 00:20:18,175 and that can sometimes make you act a little bit... 369 00:20:26,498 --> 00:20:30,418 You're a bit of a prick, aren't you? 370 00:20:30,419 --> 00:20:33,299 Yep. 371 00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:35,700 - Don't you like it? - No. 372 00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:37,301 Not at all. 373 00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:41,303 That's a shame. Cos my little bitch loves it. 374 00:20:42,664 --> 00:20:46,665 Don't push me, Sam. 375 00:20:48,986 --> 00:20:50,826 Uh-uh. 376 00:20:50,827 --> 00:20:54,827 Just don't. 377 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:30,360 Wanna fuck? 378 00:21:32,682 --> 00:21:36,522 I'm not allowed to. 379 00:21:36,523 --> 00:21:38,602 - Wanna fuck? - Yeah. 380 00:21:38,603 --> 00:21:42,164 - OK. I'm just gonna pee first. - Sure. 381 00:21:42,165 --> 00:21:43,644 I've heard things about you. 382 00:21:43,645 --> 00:21:46,005 Yeah, well, I've heard things about you, too. 383 00:21:46,006 --> 00:21:48,606 I've heard you can't poo unless you are completely naked. 384 00:21:48,607 --> 00:21:52,609 - I heard you thought Germany was a continent. 385 00:21:57,170 --> 00:21:59,371 Anthony's not gonna like this. 386 00:21:59,372 --> 00:22:03,372 Anthony's not going to know about this! 387 00:22:09,175 --> 00:22:10,494 What happened? 388 00:22:10,495 --> 00:22:13,375 I shat on the floor and I grew some tits. 389 00:22:13,376 --> 00:22:17,378 I shouldn't have made you fart in bed. 390 00:22:18,138 --> 00:22:22,140 Sh, I love you. 391 00:22:22,220 --> 00:22:26,220 - Huh? - I love you. Shhh... 392 00:22:27,221 --> 00:22:28,741 Oh, I... 393 00:22:28,742 --> 00:22:32,743 Shh. I know you do. 394 00:22:33,784 --> 00:22:34,863 OK. 395 00:22:34,864 --> 00:22:37,664 Shh. 396 00:22:37,665 --> 00:22:39,505 Baby... 397 00:22:39,506 --> 00:22:41,007 Yeah? 398 00:22:43,547 --> 00:22:46,667 I think I've been pretending. 399 00:22:46,668 --> 00:22:48,748 What? Orgasms? 400 00:22:48,749 --> 00:22:52,669 Come on, I thought we'd nailed that. With the crying and the... 401 00:22:52,670 --> 00:22:56,311 No. Pretending to... 402 00:22:56,312 --> 00:22:58,153 What? 403 00:23:00,154 --> 00:23:04,154 Pretending to be in love with you. 404 00:23:04,715 --> 00:23:08,195 Pretending to be jealous. 405 00:23:08,196 --> 00:23:12,198 Pretending to find you funny. 406 00:23:12,917 --> 00:23:16,919 Pretending to love you. 407 00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,300 Sorry. 29521

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