All language subtitles for After.Life.S02E05.WEBRip.x264-ION10

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian Download
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,519 --> 00:00:19,199 -You filming people having chemo now? -[Tony sniggers] No, just you. 2 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:20,359 Oh. [chuckles] 3 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:21,399 [Tony] All right? 4 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:23,160 [Lisa] Yeah. 5 00:00:25,399 --> 00:00:27,000 I'm not looking my best, am I? 6 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:29,480 [Tony] You're fine. 7 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,960 ["Little Piece of Nothing" plays] ♪ The sun is fading ♪ 8 00:00:35,719 --> 00:00:39,679 ♪ A little more every turn ♪ 9 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:46,079 ♪ But if we make it ♪ 10 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:51,759 ♪ I'll be here for you for sure ♪ 11 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,320 ♪ Oh ♪ 12 00:00:56,920 --> 00:01:01,000 ♪ Release a little piece of my hoping ♪ 13 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,439 ♪ Away into the wild and free ♪ 14 00:01:08,879 --> 00:01:13,319 ♪ Sometimes I wish that we hadn't gotten ♪ 15 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:18,920 ♪ So deep ♪ 16 00:01:31,599 --> 00:01:34,840 How long... have you been posting your mail... 17 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,120 in a dog waste bin? 18 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,280 About a year now, I'd say. 19 00:01:39,359 --> 00:01:42,079 Right. I mean, it says "dog waste" on it. 20 00:01:42,479 --> 00:01:43,960 Yeah, but my eyes are shot to shit. 21 00:01:44,039 --> 00:01:45,560 -Right. -[man] I'm blind as a bat. 22 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:48,439 These aren't mine. I lost mine. I found these on a bus. 23 00:01:48,799 --> 00:01:49,759 -They're no good. -Right. 24 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:51,960 Gotta be near the house, need a piss every ten minutes. 25 00:01:52,039 --> 00:01:53,680 I got a prostate like a coconut. 26 00:01:54,479 --> 00:01:57,560 This is the least of my worries, to be honest with you, with all that. 27 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,120 Anyway, where was I? 28 00:02:00,519 --> 00:02:03,319 So... Right, my sister, yeah? She lives in Australia. 29 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:04,840 I'm thinking, "Why's she ignoring me?" 30 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,879 -You were writing to her, and she wasn't-- -Yeah. 31 00:02:06,959 --> 00:02:09,840 -But you were putting them in there? -Well, yeah. I'm not on email, see. 32 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:12,800 I keep getting threatening letters from the gas and the electricity. 33 00:02:12,879 --> 00:02:15,360 I said, "Hey, I've paid," I said, "and I'll prove it to you." 34 00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:16,800 So, I sent them another letter. 35 00:02:16,879 --> 00:02:19,759 And I put it in here, with all my letters, in all that shit! 36 00:02:20,079 --> 00:02:22,680 What did you think the smell was? Wasn't that a clue? 37 00:02:23,079 --> 00:02:25,079 -I thought that was me. -You thought it was you? 38 00:02:25,159 --> 00:02:27,159 There's a similar smell in the house, to be honest. 39 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,639 -I've got nobody to be hygienic for. -[Tony] No? 40 00:02:29,719 --> 00:02:32,159 Nah. No point, is there? No one to wash for. 41 00:02:33,439 --> 00:02:35,599 -Yourself, maybe? -No, no point, is there? 42 00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:39,840 No point to anything, is there, really? I don't know where they took the letters. 43 00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:42,400 Where do they take dog shit? They probably bury it, do they? 44 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:44,520 That's where we're all gonna end up, though, innit? 45 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:49,400 You know, we're all just future shit, you know? I've got no self-esteem, I have. 46 00:02:49,479 --> 00:02:51,159 No. 47 00:02:51,599 --> 00:02:53,599 That's why I never had a relationship. 48 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:55,360 You've never had a relationship? 49 00:02:56,159 --> 00:02:57,800 'Cause I knew that if I did... 50 00:02:58,639 --> 00:03:01,439 that she's going to find somebody, see, better than me. 51 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:05,599 Better than me, at that. And then leave me, wouldn't she? Eh? 52 00:03:10,479 --> 00:03:13,400 Right, come on, then. What's your angle on this? What's it gonna be? 53 00:03:13,479 --> 00:03:18,319 I don't think there is an angle. You've been posting your letters in a... 54 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:23,039 a box of shit for a year. That is pretty much it. 55 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,479 There's a moral to the story, though, ain't there? Gotta be. 56 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,680 You know, be careful. Careful now where you post your letters. 57 00:03:30,319 --> 00:03:31,639 -Take a picture. -Yeah. 58 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,400 -Hurry up. I need a piss. -[Lenny] All right. 59 00:03:35,479 --> 00:03:36,759 -Get on with it. -[shutter clicks] 60 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,319 -Hang on. Got it? -Great. 61 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:39,240 [man] All right. 62 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:43,079 -There he goes. -Yep. 63 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,520 -[Tony] That's depressing. -[Lenny] Yeah. 64 00:03:45,599 --> 00:03:49,000 [Tony] Imagine never having a relationship in case it ends. 65 00:03:50,079 --> 00:03:51,319 A relationship is life. 66 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:52,719 Exactly. 67 00:03:55,479 --> 00:03:56,599 I've had a good life. 68 00:03:57,039 --> 00:04:00,360 -Well, it's still going! -No, I know. I know. 69 00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:05,719 Look, he's pissing where he stands. Like a dog. 70 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,800 [Tony] That's the best he's felt all day, that piss. 71 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:13,400 Right, I'm off to see my dad. 72 00:04:14,199 --> 00:04:15,400 Right. I'm just gonna... 73 00:04:15,479 --> 00:04:16,759 -See you later. -See ya. 74 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:20,680 [shutter clicks] 75 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,040 -Oh, hi. -Hi. 76 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,360 -[nurse] You all right? -Yeah. Um... 77 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,519 Is he OK? He seems a bit... 78 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,879 -Yeah. Well, he's been a bit up and down. -[Tony grunts] 79 00:04:31,959 --> 00:04:33,600 Perky this morning, though, eh? 80 00:04:33,959 --> 00:04:35,040 Called Simon a cunt. 81 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:36,879 Did he? 82 00:04:36,959 --> 00:04:39,159 [chuckles] Yeah, I thought you'd like that. 83 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:41,279 That's my boy! 84 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,079 Anyway, I'd better get on. I've got to-- 85 00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:48,120 Um, I'm going to that revue thing tonight, 86 00:04:48,199 --> 00:04:49,360 -if you wanna... -Oh! 87 00:04:49,439 --> 00:04:51,480 -I'm working, sorry. -Right. Yeah. 88 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:52,759 Well, it's no big deal. 89 00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:56,240 If you want to chat, give me a call... or text. 90 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,840 -[chuckles] OK. -All right. 91 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:00,360 See you later. 92 00:05:06,399 --> 00:05:07,879 Do you want to lie down, Dad? 93 00:05:10,439 --> 00:05:12,360 -Yeah. -Yeah? Come on, then. 94 00:05:13,639 --> 00:05:15,040 [Tony's dad exhales heavily] 95 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:16,279 -Come on. -Yeah. 96 00:05:16,839 --> 00:05:18,199 [Tony's dad groans lightly] 97 00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:22,920 And I know that nothing's... you know, certain or anything, but... 98 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,560 Jill's gonna come with me to the revue. 99 00:05:25,639 --> 00:05:28,399 -What revue? -It's a local theater thing. 100 00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:30,120 Oh, yeah? 101 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:33,480 Plenty of thespussy knocking about, then? 102 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:34,639 No, I don't think so. 103 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,199 It's... more like... 104 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,680 um, local people doing some songs, and... 105 00:05:39,759 --> 00:05:42,000 I mean, there's one woman who does feminist poetry. 106 00:05:42,079 --> 00:05:43,319 [scoffs] Feminists! 107 00:05:43,399 --> 00:05:47,279 Lesbians make me laugh, you know. They use dildos and stuff, don't they? 108 00:05:47,759 --> 00:05:48,680 -Yeah? -Yeah. 109 00:05:48,759 --> 00:05:52,439 Sorry, do you like cock or don't you? You're confusing me here, darling. 110 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,840 Make your fucking mind up. D'you know what I mean? 111 00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:58,040 Yeah! 112 00:05:58,120 --> 00:05:59,519 -Do you? -Yeah. No, it's... 113 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,560 er... a good point. 114 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:05,439 I actually had to... let down that chick at work. 115 00:06:05,959 --> 00:06:09,759 She was coming on a bit strong. I was like... "Nah. 116 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:12,360 Back... Back off, baby." 117 00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:13,439 -Wise. -Yeah. 118 00:06:13,519 --> 00:06:16,959 -Don't shit on your own doorstep, brother. -That's what I thought, yeah. 119 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,519 Anyway, she's in the bank if you need a nosh. 120 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:22,639 [chuckles lightly] OK. 121 00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,600 -Fancy seeing you here. -[Anne laughs] 122 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,519 -You OK? -Yeah. 123 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,959 Still covering awful local stories that no one cares about, 124 00:06:35,519 --> 00:06:36,840 upsetting people I like, 125 00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:38,439 trying to keep my job, 126 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,439 and not kill anyone. You? 127 00:06:40,959 --> 00:06:42,800 [laughs heartily] 128 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:45,079 Ah... 129 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,680 It's nice to hear you moan about work, and... 130 00:06:49,319 --> 00:06:51,720 relationships, just like a normal person. 131 00:06:53,519 --> 00:06:56,360 -Yeah, I suppose this is progress. -Mm. 132 00:06:57,079 --> 00:06:58,600 I should pay you for these chats. 133 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,439 All that money I waste on the shrink, this is much better. 134 00:07:02,879 --> 00:07:05,120 Your friendship means more to me than money. 135 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:12,160 Are you lonely? 136 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:16,439 I only miss one person. 137 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,639 Yep. Me too. 138 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:27,160 -What? -Um... 139 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,879 Do you want to go to the revue tonight? 140 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,480 I don't think so. I don't get out much these days. 141 00:07:37,079 --> 00:07:39,240 It's hardly out. It's less out than this! 142 00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:42,560 And it's still just sitting down looking at something. 143 00:07:42,959 --> 00:07:43,959 It'll be funny. 144 00:07:45,079 --> 00:07:46,079 Come on. 145 00:07:48,399 --> 00:07:49,319 OK. 146 00:07:49,399 --> 00:07:50,840 -Yeah? -I'll pop in. 147 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:53,319 Brilliant. 148 00:07:55,279 --> 00:07:58,319 [Paul] I'd very much like to thank you all for letting me share your day. 149 00:07:58,399 --> 00:08:01,879 Hi. Um... Would you like to go to the revue thing tonight? 150 00:08:02,439 --> 00:08:03,439 What is it? 151 00:08:03,519 --> 00:08:05,000 Awful, probably. 152 00:08:05,079 --> 00:08:07,680 But some of us are going down, and someone I... um... 153 00:08:07,759 --> 00:08:09,920 Just it might be fun. I thought you might... 154 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:11,759 Uh, sure, yeah. Why not? 155 00:08:12,199 --> 00:08:14,959 Great. It's at the community hall at 7:30. 156 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:18,079 But we'd get there early enough for a drink if you want, or just... 157 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,639 Is there a dress code? Should I wear a suit or...? 158 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:22,920 No. It's really not a posh do. [chuckles] 159 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,199 What would you wear to visit a mental home? 160 00:08:25,279 --> 00:08:27,240 But... you know, look nice. 161 00:08:28,079 --> 00:08:29,120 -So-- -Look nice? 162 00:08:29,199 --> 00:08:31,279 I mean... groomed, whatever. 163 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:32,200 Oh. 164 00:08:32,919 --> 00:08:33,799 OK. 165 00:08:33,879 --> 00:08:35,600 -Brilliant. -Well, I'll see you later. 166 00:08:36,799 --> 00:08:37,639 Good. 167 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:53,320 -Look. -What are you doing? 168 00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:56,600 -[James] Just limbering up. -[Valerie] This is an office. 169 00:08:59,799 --> 00:09:02,120 -[June] Hiya. -Hi. 170 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:03,799 -What you doing? -Just limbering up. 171 00:09:03,879 --> 00:09:06,120 Come on, you. Let's get you down that hall. 172 00:09:07,279 --> 00:09:08,840 If your dad could see you now. 173 00:09:09,159 --> 00:09:11,679 What happened? Is he dead? 174 00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:15,960 No, he walked out on us. James did his head in, didn't ya? 175 00:09:16,039 --> 00:09:18,120 -[James] I was a bit of a handful. -[June] Mm. 176 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,559 Thought there was something wrong with him at first. 177 00:09:20,639 --> 00:09:22,200 He even had to see the school doctor. 178 00:09:22,279 --> 00:09:24,600 -Thought I was mad [chuckles]. -Or backward. 179 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:27,440 [James] Yeah, I was terrible at everything at school. 180 00:09:27,519 --> 00:09:30,440 I was more interested in, like, entertaining people, you know? 181 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:34,240 -And there wasn't anything wrong with you? -Oh, no. Not, like, mental or anything. 182 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,320 Overweight and... hyperactive, but-- 183 00:09:36,399 --> 00:09:37,600 Just really annoying. 184 00:09:38,039 --> 00:09:40,440 Mm. His dad said, "It's either him or me. 185 00:09:40,519 --> 00:09:42,639 One of us has got to go for this to work." 186 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:43,759 And you chose him? 187 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:46,480 Oh, no. I chose his dad at first. But when we asked James to leave, 188 00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:48,759 he broke down, threatened to kill himself, didn't ya? 189 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:49,960 Yeah. 190 00:09:55,879 --> 00:09:57,679 Found someone better now, anyway. 191 00:09:58,320 --> 00:09:59,320 [June giggles] 192 00:09:59,879 --> 00:10:01,600 Right, let's get going. 193 00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:04,399 Yeah. Lots to do. I'm starving as well. 194 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:06,639 [June] No, don't be eating too much. You always do that: 195 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,240 get excited, all churned up, and then you've got to dance around-- 196 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:12,039 If you're getting food, um, I'll... I'll come with you. 197 00:10:12,399 --> 00:10:13,279 [sniggers] 198 00:10:14,399 --> 00:10:15,240 See ya. 199 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:16,440 [Lenny] Wait! 200 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,360 -Good. -[Kath] I'd better get off an' all. 201 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,159 To, uh... get ready for tonight. 202 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:27,879 Got a date. 203 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:33,200 So... 204 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:36,000 -See ya later. -Bye. 205 00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:38,360 [Sandy] Bye. 206 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:46,600 Looking forward to tonight? 207 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:49,519 It's work, isn't it? 208 00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:51,759 [Tony] Yeah, but... 209 00:10:53,039 --> 00:10:54,039 might be fun. 210 00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:55,759 [chuckles sadly] Yeah. 211 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,559 We laugh at James for living with his mum, 212 00:10:59,639 --> 00:11:02,440 but he's ten years younger than me, I live with my mum. 213 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:04,600 Everyone's got a date. 214 00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:06,679 I haven't. 215 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:09,960 -Sorry. -No, I mean... 216 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:13,320 you're not the only one. It's no big deal. 217 00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:15,600 There's no rush. 218 00:11:16,159 --> 00:11:17,480 Don't wallow. It's... 219 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:20,200 You get addicted to it. 220 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:23,639 I am, I think. 221 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:25,480 Grief, I mean. 222 00:11:26,879 --> 00:11:30,320 I sort of know where I am with it. Do you know what I mean? I just... 223 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:34,960 When summat goes well or I see a glimpse of hope, I get confused. 224 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:39,360 And then when it all turns to shit, I go, "Oh, there it is. 225 00:11:40,879 --> 00:11:43,440 Now we can get drunk and wait for death." [chuckles] 226 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:46,840 When you do find a fella, 227 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:50,720 dance with him when he wants. 228 00:11:54,039 --> 00:11:56,440 I wish I'd danced with Lisa every time she asked. 229 00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:59,320 It was 'cause I was embarrassed sometimes or lazy. 230 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:02,000 Oh, what I'd give for... 231 00:12:02,799 --> 00:12:04,440 just five minutes with her now. 232 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,919 Just holding her. Just moving around. 233 00:12:10,159 --> 00:12:11,000 See? 234 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,399 -Back to normal. Both crying again. -[Sandy chuckles] 235 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,080 -Good work. -Yeah. [sighs] 236 00:12:19,519 --> 00:12:20,559 You'll be fine. 237 00:12:23,519 --> 00:12:25,399 -Really straight away. -You gonna go again? 238 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,799 Well, I've hardly had any of this, but I'd normally-- 239 00:12:27,879 --> 00:12:30,000 Hiya. My date. 240 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:33,320 Short notice. 241 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:36,679 [chuckles] Businessman, though. Got a Rolls Royce, haven't ya? 242 00:12:36,759 --> 00:12:39,480 -Secondhand. -Still a Rolls Royce. Very successful. 243 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,879 Yeah, I made a lot of money in scrap. 244 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,039 Don't say scrap. 245 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,080 -Let's go and see this. -Yeah, let's... 246 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,039 -Oh! You're my postman. -[Pat] Yeah. 247 00:12:58,600 --> 00:12:59,960 -Are you the hoarder? -Yeah! 248 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,080 -You're a prossie! I know you. -[both] Sex worker. 249 00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:06,600 Yeah, seen you at the garages. I couldn't afford that. 250 00:13:06,679 --> 00:13:08,799 -Not in a million years. -No. 251 00:13:08,879 --> 00:13:11,840 Have to make up my own fun. I've shoved my cock up my arse. 252 00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:15,720 -So, how does that work? -Ooh! Now he's interested! 253 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,840 Trade secrets, innit? Nah, you're a mate. 254 00:13:18,919 --> 00:13:21,000 Basically, I cram it up there flaccid... 255 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:22,879 and then I wait for it to get hard. 256 00:13:23,879 --> 00:13:25,799 It's the only way it can be done, if I'm honest. 257 00:13:25,879 --> 00:13:27,399 I think a bit too honest. 258 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:42,799 [chuckles lightly] 259 00:14:00,279 --> 00:14:01,360 Thank you. 260 00:14:09,879 --> 00:14:10,720 Oh... 261 00:14:10,799 --> 00:14:11,919 -Hi. -Hello. 262 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,080 There's one there. 263 00:14:28,879 --> 00:14:32,679 [Ken] Right, settle down, you lot. We're about to start. 264 00:14:32,759 --> 00:14:37,399 Now, please welcome a man who likes to get around. 265 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:40,679 You could even say he's a bit of a wanderer. 266 00:14:40,759 --> 00:14:41,600 Here we go! 267 00:14:41,679 --> 00:14:46,000 ♪ Well, I'm the type of guy Who will never settle down ♪ 268 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:46,960 Hello! 269 00:14:47,039 --> 00:14:51,039 ♪ Where pretty girls are You know that I'll be found ♪ 270 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:54,480 ♪ I love 'em and I squeeze 'em 'Cause to me they're all the same ♪ 271 00:14:54,559 --> 00:14:55,720 You are! 272 00:14:55,799 --> 00:14:58,919 ♪ I kiss 'em and I hug 'em I don't even know their name ♪ 273 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,720 ♪ They call me the wanderer ♪ 274 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:02,919 ♪ Yeah, the wanderer ♪ 275 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,240 ♪ I go around, around Around, around, around ♪ 276 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:10,200 [Ken] Oh! Thank you for that. Right... 277 00:15:10,279 --> 00:15:13,399 Lord Mayor's here himself. Round of applause for t'Lord Mayor. 278 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:17,440 Oi! When are you gonna sort out them bins? 279 00:15:17,519 --> 00:15:18,799 [audience laughs] 280 00:15:18,879 --> 00:15:20,480 My rubbish is piled high, 281 00:15:20,559 --> 00:15:23,159 and some of it is very, uh, suspicious, shall we say? 282 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:26,120 [chortles] Hey, come on. I've seen what's in your garbage. 283 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:27,399 [audience laughs] 284 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:30,600 Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, or whatever you call yourselves. 285 00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:33,240 Gotta be careful nowadays, haven't you? Can't say anything. God! 286 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:34,679 You know who I'm talking about, 287 00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:37,240 she works in the chip shop and she looks like Tony Soprano. 288 00:15:37,679 --> 00:15:38,799 No, good luck to her. 289 00:15:38,879 --> 00:15:41,639 Right, who's ready for A Night of 1000 Stars? 290 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,039 -[audience] Yeah! -[Ken] Thousand stars, yeah. 291 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,759 First act, we have got, uh... Elton John... 292 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:49,919 -[audience] Ooh! -...and Kiki Dee! 293 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:53,159 Not really, it's a mother and son duo. 294 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,120 Er, which is a bit weird when you think about it, but don't worry. 295 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:59,360 Anyway, please put your hands together, go mad, go crazy, 296 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:03,000 -it's June and James! -[audience cheers, applauds] 297 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,039 ["Don't Go Breaking My Heart" plays] 298 00:16:09,879 --> 00:16:11,639 ♪ Don't go breaking my heart ♪ 299 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:16,039 ♪ I couldn't if I tried ♪ 300 00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:20,399 [James] ♪ Oh, honey, if I get restless ♪ 301 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,559 ♪ Baby, you're not that kind ♪ 302 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:27,600 [James] ♪ Ooh-ooh ♪ 303 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,559 [both] ♪ Nobody knows it ♪ 304 00:16:33,279 --> 00:16:36,440 -♪ Right from the start ♪ -♪ I gave you my heart ♪ 305 00:16:36,919 --> 00:16:39,360 [June, tunelessly] ♪ Ooooh-oh... ♪ 306 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,799 ♪ I gave you my heart ♪ 307 00:16:43,679 --> 00:16:45,720 [audience applauds] 308 00:16:45,799 --> 00:16:48,120 [Ken] Well, wasn't that fabulous? 309 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,480 OK, ladies and gentlemen. 310 00:16:49,559 --> 00:16:52,879 Now, some of you might've been wondering what that awful smell was. 311 00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:55,799 No, that smell is not the drains, it's not the bins, 312 00:16:55,879 --> 00:16:58,159 -it is our next act! Uh... -[audience laughs] 313 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,679 Bless him, he has got a serious hygiene problem. 314 00:17:00,759 --> 00:17:03,000 Now, he's doing a bit of stand-up comedy. 315 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:04,319 [audience] Ooh! 316 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:08,119 Which, as we all know, is very hard, and he is not very good at it! 317 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,440 -[laughter] -So, fingers crossed for him, all right? 318 00:17:10,559 --> 00:17:13,799 Please welcome... Brian Gittins! 319 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,279 [Brian] I'm not as professional as I'd like to be. 320 00:17:26,319 --> 00:17:28,799 If I ever were to make it big, 321 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:32,200 there are a few things that might come out in the tabloids about me 322 00:17:32,279 --> 00:17:33,759 that I feel like I need to... 323 00:17:35,079 --> 00:17:36,880 nip in the bud immediately. 324 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:43,400 I've given one blow job. 325 00:17:43,839 --> 00:17:46,359 [gasping, scattered chuckling in audience] 326 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,359 -That's a... He's a hairdresser. -[Brian] One blowie. 327 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,480 The assistant manager of Tambury Football Club. 328 00:17:54,599 --> 00:17:56,079 -Yeah, Mark Dobson. -[man 1] What? 329 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,559 [Brian] I promise you, that is never going to happen again. 330 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:01,559 OK? I was at my lowest ebb. 331 00:18:03,039 --> 00:18:05,400 My wife had just left me for Mickey the Gypsy. 332 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:10,119 Do you know Mickey the Gypsy? No? Good. 333 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,200 Stay away from him. 334 00:18:11,759 --> 00:18:13,960 'Cause he'll smash your face in as quick as look at ya! 335 00:18:14,599 --> 00:18:16,000 Yeah. OK? Yeah. 336 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,720 Right, who wants some jokes? 337 00:18:21,799 --> 00:18:24,920 -[man 2] Yeah, please. -Just remember there are children here. 338 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,960 Hello, son. What's your name? 339 00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:28,440 -[George] George. -George? 340 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,279 Huh, nice name, George. 341 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,160 -How old are you? -Nine. 342 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:35,880 I've got a little joke for you, lad. What's worse than ants in your pants? 343 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,119 [George] I don't know. 344 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:38,680 Michael Jackson. 345 00:18:38,759 --> 00:18:39,960 [shocked gasps] 346 00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:43,319 Wouldn't want him rummaging round in your underwear, would you? 347 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:45,279 Knock knock. 348 00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:46,359 Who's there? 349 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:47,599 My ex-wife. 350 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,680 Go fuck yourself, 351 00:18:49,759 --> 00:18:51,880 -you dirty, manky whore. -[faux coughing] 352 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:55,680 Yeah. I'll leave it there. 353 00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:59,599 I'm not really in the right headspace or the... 354 00:19:00,079 --> 00:19:02,839 Well, thanks for listening. And the, uh... 355 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:05,119 [scattered applause] 356 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,160 Bloody hell, what was that? 357 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:13,880 Oh, my God, absolutely disgusting. Blow jobs in front of the mayor. 358 00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:15,599 Absolutely vile. 359 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,480 Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen. I'm sorry, Mr. Mayor. 360 00:19:19,319 --> 00:19:21,640 -Get them bins sorted! -[scattered chuckling] 361 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,039 -Hey? There we go. Now we're back. -[applause] 362 00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:25,000 All right. 363 00:19:25,079 --> 00:19:27,000 You're not going to be there while I'm on. 364 00:19:27,079 --> 00:19:29,000 -Yeah. -Now, let's have a little bit of poetry. 365 00:19:29,079 --> 00:19:30,599 -Who loves poetry? -[audience] Yeah! 366 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:34,039 -No, you're fucking not. -Please welcome the wonderful Rebecca! 367 00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:36,119 [audience applauds] 368 00:19:36,519 --> 00:19:37,640 [Rebecca] I'm Rebecca. 369 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,640 I will be performing some of my poetry for you tonight. 370 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:42,240 Enjoy. 371 00:19:42,319 --> 00:19:45,200 -[groans] I feel sick. -Come on, you'll be all right. 372 00:19:45,279 --> 00:19:46,640 God is a woman 373 00:19:47,079 --> 00:19:49,119 Her kingdom is life 374 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:53,799 She is nature, nurture, warrior, wife 375 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,440 She grew you inside her 376 00:19:56,519 --> 00:19:58,799 Alone, selfless 377 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:02,359 She gave her body so you could live 378 00:20:02,799 --> 00:20:04,759 Almighty creator 379 00:20:04,839 --> 00:20:08,240 Instigator of every single soul 380 00:20:08,759 --> 00:20:11,480 In a single cell waiting 381 00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:14,119 For her Big Bang 382 00:20:14,799 --> 00:20:16,240 -[James farts] -[Rebecca] Oh! 383 00:20:16,319 --> 00:20:17,880 You dumpy little cunt! 384 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,440 -Did you just fart? -[June] Don't talk to him like that. 385 00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:23,519 I've told him never to hold it in if he needs to pump, it's bad for him. 386 00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:24,960 -He just farted! -[James] Rude. 387 00:20:25,039 --> 00:20:28,359 [Rebecca] He just... I told you not to stand there! Oh, my God! 388 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,119 -Oh, it fucking stinks up here! -She's coming off. 389 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,759 Get out there, you have to take over. 390 00:20:32,839 --> 00:20:34,680 -Come on, do your dance. -Go on, James. 391 00:20:35,599 --> 00:20:38,480 -[Ken] Give us a show! -[applause] 392 00:20:38,559 --> 00:20:40,519 Oh... I think he's followed through! 393 00:20:40,599 --> 00:20:42,359 Oh, fuckin' hell! 394 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,880 ["Send in the Clowns" plays] 395 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:29,960 [phone dialing out] 396 00:21:33,559 --> 00:21:34,400 Hi. 397 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:35,920 How's it going? 398 00:21:37,319 --> 00:21:38,279 Tony... 399 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,359 I'm sorry, your dad's passed away. 400 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:45,799 OK. 401 00:21:47,519 --> 00:21:48,440 Um... 402 00:21:50,279 --> 00:21:51,519 Uh, I'll come over. 403 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:53,400 OK. 404 00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:55,359 OK, bye. 405 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:01,440 [sighs heavily] 406 00:22:02,759 --> 00:22:04,759 ["Send in the Clowns" continues playing] 407 00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:17,519 -Hey. -Hi. 408 00:22:19,759 --> 00:22:21,240 I'm so sorry. 409 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,359 -Was it just in his sleep? -Yeah, he just... 410 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,119 just stopped breathing. 411 00:22:29,079 --> 00:22:32,759 Um... I won't call Matt tonight, I'll tell him tomorrow, and I'll, uh... 412 00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:35,920 -Will you do all the...? -Oh, yeah. We'll take care of all that. 413 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,559 -I just need his birth certificate and... -OK. 414 00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:40,079 ...a couple of other bits and pieces. 415 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:44,440 He was a good man. 416 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:47,480 [sighs] He was... 417 00:22:49,759 --> 00:22:51,519 -He was kind, weren't he? -Yeah. 418 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:53,640 And gentle, he, um... 419 00:22:54,519 --> 00:22:56,559 He never hit me, he never smacked me... 420 00:22:57,319 --> 00:22:58,319 as a kid, 421 00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,160 however... naughty I was. 422 00:23:01,759 --> 00:23:03,960 Mum would go, "Wait till your dad gets home." 423 00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:05,559 And he'd come in, 424 00:23:06,079 --> 00:23:08,400 all smiles, and he'd go, "Hello, boy!" 425 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:10,680 And she'd go, "He's been bad." 426 00:23:11,319 --> 00:23:12,640 And he'd go, "Oh... 427 00:23:14,039 --> 00:23:15,599 I'm disappointed in you, son." 428 00:23:16,319 --> 00:23:17,559 Oh, that would kill me. 429 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,440 Other kids would say their dad had belted them. 430 00:23:20,519 --> 00:23:24,200 And I'd think, "That's nothing to him saying he was disappointed." 431 00:23:24,279 --> 00:23:25,400 I never wanted to... 432 00:23:27,079 --> 00:23:28,119 disappoint him. 433 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:30,480 I never upset him 434 00:23:30,559 --> 00:23:33,240 -when I was sitting here grumpy, did I? -No! God. 435 00:23:33,319 --> 00:23:35,240 -He loved you being here. -[sighs] 436 00:23:36,599 --> 00:23:39,200 It's just I had a lot on my mind. I still have. I... 437 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,079 I'd hate to think that I was upsetting him or... 438 00:23:42,759 --> 00:23:47,200 Do you know, there are some people here that get a visit maybe... once a week. 439 00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:53,440 I don't think I've ever known a son visit his dad every day without fail. 440 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:56,960 Even when he was in pain himself. 441 00:24:02,279 --> 00:24:05,559 I thought you thought I didn't care, but I did. I always did. 442 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,519 [chuckles] I never thought that. 443 00:24:09,279 --> 00:24:12,319 Just gave you a bit of a hard time now and again. [chuckles] 444 00:24:14,039 --> 00:24:15,319 I probably deserved it. 445 00:24:16,079 --> 00:24:17,079 You never did. 446 00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:24,519 Just... I had to get your attention somehow, though, didn't I? [giggles] 447 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:25,880 And it worked. 448 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,920 Well... a bit. 449 00:24:29,799 --> 00:24:30,880 No, it didn't. 450 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:33,480 You already had my attention. 451 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,000 From the first second... I set eyes on you. 452 00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:42,279 But, you know... 453 00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:47,279 Yeah. [chuckles sadly] 454 00:24:50,079 --> 00:24:51,279 Um... Do... 455 00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,720 Do you want to maybe just sit with him for a wee while? 456 00:24:54,799 --> 00:24:55,640 Yeah. 457 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:57,000 No, and you. 458 00:24:57,839 --> 00:24:59,839 [mournful piano music plays] 459 00:25:26,559 --> 00:25:27,839 [Brandy pants] 460 00:25:30,279 --> 00:25:31,119 For me? 461 00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:32,880 [whines] 462 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:35,480 Thank you. 463 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:37,400 You're such a good girl! 464 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,000 [gentle instrumental music plays] 465 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,480 [Lisa] What, you're just gonna play cards and get drunk all night? 466 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,240 -Yep. -[Lisa] Well, what am I supposed to do? 467 00:25:54,319 --> 00:25:56,119 -You know what you're supposed to do... -What? 468 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,279 Go out and make us all a cheese sandwich 469 00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:00,920 -with some crisps. -[Lisa] Oh, right. Careful. 470 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,000 [Lisa and Tony laugh] 471 00:26:02,079 --> 00:26:04,079 -[Lisa] Very funny! -[Dad] What d'you think, Brandy? 472 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,680 Shall I throw away the five... or the three? What do you think? 473 00:26:07,759 --> 00:26:10,480 -[Lisa] Oh, look! -Yeah, I'll throw away the three. 474 00:26:10,559 --> 00:26:13,119 -She loves it there, look. -There we go, yeah. All right. 475 00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:15,319 -What do you think? -[Lisa] Look, she's bored! 476 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:16,759 She's as bored as me! 477 00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:18,559 [Lisa and Dad laugh] 478 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:19,960 [Lisa] She loves you, Ray. 479 00:26:20,039 --> 00:26:22,079 -[Ray laughs] -[Lisa chuckles] 480 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:26,359 -[Ray laughs raucously] -[Lisa] Aww! 481 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,720 ["And So It Goes" plays] ♪ In every heart ♪ 482 00:26:29,799 --> 00:26:32,480 ♪ There is a room ♪ 483 00:26:33,519 --> 00:26:38,240 ♪ A sanctuary safe and strong ♪ 484 00:26:39,079 --> 00:26:42,240 ♪ To heal the wounds ♪ 485 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,839 ♪ From lovers past ♪ 486 00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:51,279 ♪ Until a new one comes along ♪ 487 00:26:52,279 --> 00:26:58,759 ♪ I spoke to you in cautious tones ♪ 488 00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:03,839 ♪ You answered me with no pretense ♪ 489 00:27:04,599 --> 00:27:10,279 ♪ And still I feel I said too much ♪ 490 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:16,319 ♪ My silence is my self-defense ♪ 491 00:27:16,759 --> 00:27:19,480 ♪ And so it goes ♪ 492 00:27:20,319 --> 00:27:23,680 ♪ And you're the only one ♪ 493 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:26,440 ♪ Who knows ♪ 37694

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.