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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,719 --> 00:00:20,480 -What are you doing? -Well, I didn't want to disturb you. 2 00:00:20,559 --> 00:00:23,239 -What do you mean? -I was gonna come in and eat at the table, 3 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:25,719 but I didn't know if you was busy so I'm having it here. 4 00:00:26,399 --> 00:00:28,879 But those aren't the only two options, are they, 5 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,440 eat in my house or just outside my house? 6 00:00:31,519 --> 00:00:34,799 -There's the rest of the fucking world. -All right, don't get the hump! 7 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:36,759 So, did you talk to that bird about me? 8 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:37,679 Yeah. 9 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:39,320 She'll meet up... 10 00:00:39,679 --> 00:00:41,200 for a meal, or whatever. 11 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:42,399 -[Pat] Really? -Yeah. 12 00:00:43,119 --> 00:00:45,679 -And you was honest about me? -[Tony] Pretty much. 13 00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:48,799 What, and she still wants to meet me? What's the catch? 14 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:53,359 Well, she wanted me to be honest about her to you as well. 15 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:55,000 She's a sex worker. 16 00:00:55,439 --> 00:00:56,799 -A prossie? -Yeah. 17 00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:58,840 Result! 18 00:00:59,479 --> 00:01:01,000 -[slurps] -You're not bothered? 19 00:01:01,439 --> 00:01:03,000 She ain't got AIDS, has she? 20 00:01:04,239 --> 00:01:05,719 Would that be a deal-breaker? 21 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:07,159 No. 22 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:09,000 No, she hasn't got AIDS. 23 00:01:10,039 --> 00:01:14,239 -And she's lovely, and smart, and funny. -She'll earn a few quid for that an' all. 24 00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:15,400 Just split the bill. 25 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:19,359 -Lovely jubbly. -[Tony] Right, OK... 26 00:01:19,719 --> 00:01:21,359 -[slurping] -Off we go. 27 00:01:21,439 --> 00:01:22,319 Why? 28 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,039 'Cause it's weird, a postman having a picnic in your garden. 29 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,280 What's weird about it? 30 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:29,400 Get out. 31 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,120 Where's all this coming from? 32 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,200 [gentle music plays] 33 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,759 Out! Fuckin' hell. 34 00:01:39,719 --> 00:01:41,719 [kids laughing and squealing] 35 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:51,359 You all right, George? 36 00:01:51,439 --> 00:01:52,640 -Yeah. -Yeah? 37 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:56,520 Are Mum and Dad getting a divorce? 38 00:01:58,439 --> 00:01:59,439 I don't know. 39 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,040 I want them to still be my mum and dad. 40 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:04,680 Whatever happens, even if they're not always together, 41 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:06,879 they'll still be your mum and dad, and love you, and... 42 00:02:06,959 --> 00:02:08,360 be an even better mum and dad, 43 00:02:08,439 --> 00:02:11,000 you can play them off against each other, get anything you want. 44 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:12,759 -What toy do you want? -Dunno. 45 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:16,639 Well, think big. I reckon you'll be able to get a quad bike. 46 00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:20,000 Maybe even a crossbow, if you play your cards right. [chuckles] 47 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:21,680 You'll be living the dream. 48 00:02:21,759 --> 00:02:24,199 You'll be like, "Mum, Dad, I'm off down the pub. Don't wait up." 49 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:25,400 [both giggle] 50 00:02:26,439 --> 00:02:27,439 It'll be fine. 51 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:33,280 -[boy] Hi, George. -[George] Hi. 52 00:02:36,439 --> 00:02:37,960 -Morning. -Oh, happy birthday! 53 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,560 -How did you know? -It's on your records. 54 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:42,840 -Oh, yeah. -[Valerie] Any plans? 55 00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:44,759 Just a meal at home with my family. 56 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,280 -Who will cook, your mum or your dad? -Me. 57 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:49,759 Well, happy birthday. 58 00:02:50,159 --> 00:02:51,159 Thank you. 59 00:02:55,439 --> 00:02:56,479 Happy birthday! 60 00:02:56,879 --> 00:02:57,879 Thank you. 61 00:02:58,199 --> 00:03:00,080 -Cup of tea, then? -Yes, please. 62 00:03:00,159 --> 00:03:01,280 No, you make it. 63 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:02,400 Why? 64 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,520 You're the work experience. You have to start at the bottom. 65 00:03:05,599 --> 00:03:07,439 It's Sandy's birthday, make her a cup of tea. 66 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:08,520 It's your birthday? 67 00:03:08,599 --> 00:03:09,439 Er, yeah. 68 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:10,800 -[Tony] Happy birthday. -Thanks. 69 00:03:11,199 --> 00:03:13,159 Is there going to be cake? 70 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:14,400 Just make the tea! 71 00:03:14,479 --> 00:03:15,599 God! 72 00:03:17,319 --> 00:03:19,599 -Is there gonna be any cake, though? -[snorts] 73 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:21,719 So, you're a Virgo? 74 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:23,680 -Yeah. -[Kath] Yeah. 75 00:03:23,759 --> 00:03:25,439 Do your horoscope for you if you like? 76 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:26,800 Nah, 'cause it's pointless. 77 00:03:26,879 --> 00:03:30,280 -It's not pointless, actually. -How can people born around the same time, 78 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:33,920 from all over the world, share similar traits just because of that? 79 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,479 -It's rubbish. -It's true! 80 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:38,000 Virgos are smart, modest, 81 00:03:38,079 --> 00:03:40,319 capable, dedicated. 82 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,000 See? Fits, don't it? 83 00:03:42,079 --> 00:03:44,240 Yeah, everyone likes to think they're those things! 84 00:03:44,319 --> 00:03:47,639 That's why they make it flattering, so you believe it. If it said, 85 00:03:47,719 --> 00:03:52,039 "Oh, you're boring, ugly, thick, and shit at everything," 86 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:53,400 you wouldn't go back, would ya? 87 00:03:53,479 --> 00:03:56,479 Also, they make it vague so you can make it fit. 88 00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:00,319 I want to see one in the paper that says, "Happy birthday, Rita Wainthrope 89 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,319 of 7 Acacia Drive, Wigan. 90 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,479 You're going to get fired from your job today 91 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,879 'cause everyone hates you and the boss thinks you're a slut." 92 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,039 Then I'd believe it. 93 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,719 -Always have to get silly, don't you? -[sniggers] 94 00:04:15,039 --> 00:04:16,000 You all right? 95 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:19,040 [glumly] Yeah. 96 00:04:19,519 --> 00:04:21,360 I'm just... feeling a bit... 97 00:04:22,519 --> 00:04:24,959 I dunno... 30. 98 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,360 Yeah, I hated 30. 99 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:33,680 Quite liked 40. 100 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,279 Fifty was all right. 101 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:39,120 It's not your age, is it? It's what's happening... 102 00:04:39,759 --> 00:04:40,759 in your life. 103 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:43,120 Not a lot. 104 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,600 Do you want to go for a coffee? 105 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,240 -Yeah. -Come on, then. 106 00:04:54,879 --> 00:04:57,439 Do you know what my parents got me for my birthday? 107 00:04:58,159 --> 00:05:00,000 A set of saucepans and a super mop. 108 00:05:00,079 --> 00:05:01,040 [chuckles] 109 00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:02,439 What's super about it? 110 00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:04,759 It's got an ultra-absorbent sponge head. 111 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,600 -It cleans, dries, and absorbs in one go. -Sure. 112 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:08,959 Do you know how? 113 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:11,079 -Wring-Max technology. -[laughs] 114 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,800 For maximum wringing. [chuckles] 115 00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:13,959 Good. 116 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:17,959 I feel bad whinging to you. 117 00:05:18,439 --> 00:05:20,319 My problems probably seem so trivial. 118 00:05:20,639 --> 00:05:21,879 No, not at all. 119 00:05:23,439 --> 00:05:24,319 Also... 120 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,079 I've been wanting to apologize for something I said once too. 121 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:29,639 What? 122 00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:31,759 When I asked you to be happy. 123 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:34,480 I realized it's a stupid thing to say. 124 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:36,480 No, it's... 125 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,319 You wanted me to be happy. 126 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:40,040 I get it. 127 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:42,639 People think that... 128 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,439 all those things I miss doing with Lisa, 129 00:05:45,759 --> 00:05:48,480 I could just do them anyway, and it'll make me feel better. 130 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,840 But, um... they're missing the point. 131 00:05:51,319 --> 00:05:53,120 I don't miss doing things with Lisa, 132 00:05:53,199 --> 00:05:55,639 I miss doing nothing... with Lisa. 133 00:05:55,959 --> 00:05:58,680 Do you know what I mean? Just... sitting at home, 134 00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:01,480 wouldn't even have to go out, or do anything, or even talk, 135 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:02,600 you know, just... 136 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:04,680 sitting there, knowing she was there. 137 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,480 Sometimes, I'd just look over at her. 138 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,800 -This has turned out well again. -[strained chuckle] 139 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,079 -[Sandy sighs] -Ah... 140 00:06:18,079 --> 00:06:22,040 So, does it do lino, and tiles, and wood? 141 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:23,199 It does everything. 142 00:06:23,279 --> 00:06:24,480 -Brilliant! -Yeah. 143 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,600 -[laughter] -[Simon] What do you drive? 144 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,399 It's a little Mini... 145 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,519 But I don't drive it now, I'm trying to minimize-- 146 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:34,519 -Hiya. -Hi. 147 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,480 Hiya, just... Simon, isn't it? 148 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:38,279 -Yeah. -Yeah. Tony. 149 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:39,959 You're here a lot. 150 00:06:40,399 --> 00:06:41,879 -Yeah, my mum's in here. -Oh, right. 151 00:06:41,959 --> 00:06:45,439 Yeah, it breaks my heart. They all break my heart, I love 'em all. 152 00:06:45,519 --> 00:06:47,240 I wish I could take them all home. 153 00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:49,439 -[Simon chuckles] -Aw... That's sweet. 154 00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:53,560 Maybe start with your mum first, take her home, and... 155 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:57,439 Yeah, I can't, not with my circumstances at the moment. 156 00:06:57,519 --> 00:06:59,439 -[Tony] Oh. -[Simon] I do what I can. 157 00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:00,920 Maybe everyone's in the same boat. 158 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,399 -Yeah, sure. -[Tony] Yeah. 159 00:07:03,839 --> 00:07:04,879 Nice to meet ya. 160 00:07:05,519 --> 00:07:06,680 -Yeah. -Okay. 161 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:07,839 See you later, babe. 162 00:07:10,199 --> 00:07:11,399 [Tony] Fuckin' hell! 163 00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:12,959 What? 164 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:14,759 Him. 165 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:16,879 What about him? 166 00:07:17,639 --> 00:07:21,079 He's doing his... "sensitive man" thing, isn't he? 167 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:24,920 He's trying to be all kind and lovely to you, to impress you. 168 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,600 I don't know. Call me old-fashioned, 169 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,759 but it kinda works, being kind and lovely. 170 00:07:29,759 --> 00:07:31,399 -It's fake! -[scoffs] 171 00:07:32,279 --> 00:07:35,480 He probably works in a bank and has people's houses repossessed. 172 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,040 -[chuckles] -He's doing his... 173 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:41,120 [mockingly] "Oh, you know, I'm so caring in a cruel world, in't I?" 174 00:07:41,639 --> 00:07:44,040 -His... "Oh, isn't famine awful?" -[sniggers] 175 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,519 "I'd like to take them all to McDonald's, babe." 176 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,360 -[giggles] -[Tony sniggers] 177 00:07:48,439 --> 00:07:49,439 Stop it! 178 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:51,120 Oh... 179 00:07:51,199 --> 00:07:55,360 Well... I don't feel the same about him the way I do about you. 180 00:07:55,439 --> 00:07:56,279 Good. 181 00:07:56,360 --> 00:08:00,040 But, well... you're not an option, are you? 182 00:08:01,199 --> 00:08:03,560 I think you're brilliant, Tony, and... 183 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,959 But at least he doesn't go on about another woman the way you do. 184 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:11,040 And I know... I understand, Tony, I get why you do, and it's... 185 00:08:11,879 --> 00:08:13,519 it's lovely, it really is. 186 00:08:14,279 --> 00:08:16,240 But I don't want to be the other woman. 187 00:08:19,079 --> 00:08:21,040 Oh, did I blow it? Sorry, I... 188 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,920 It's fine, really. There's no need to be sorry. It's... 189 00:08:25,279 --> 00:08:27,920 I like this, though. I love this. 190 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,160 Whatever this is. 191 00:08:30,839 --> 00:08:34,080 Just being with you... all the time, 192 00:08:34,159 --> 00:08:35,159 the same... 193 00:08:35,799 --> 00:08:37,000 forever... 194 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:38,799 like Groundhog Day. [chuckles] 195 00:08:38,879 --> 00:08:39,919 [chuckles sadly] 196 00:08:41,039 --> 00:08:42,039 Yeah, well... 197 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:43,879 I get all that, but... 198 00:08:45,039 --> 00:08:46,639 not everyone's the same, Tony. 199 00:08:47,759 --> 00:08:48,600 Right. 200 00:08:50,519 --> 00:08:52,000 [wistful music plays] 201 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:55,240 [nurse chuckles wryly] 202 00:09:01,879 --> 00:09:03,559 I don't know whether to psychoanalyze you 203 00:09:03,639 --> 00:09:06,000 or take you down the vet and get you fucking put down. 204 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,480 You gotta get out there, mate. 205 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:12,600 -Yeah? -Yeah. 206 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:14,360 Dunk the monk. 207 00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:17,960 Bang some beaver. Shoot some Schpritz. 208 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,240 What's that? 209 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:21,679 It's Yiddish for spunk. 210 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:24,360 Oh, right. 211 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:27,360 Listen, the offer's still open if you want to come out with me and the boys. 212 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:30,840 We're actually getting messy tonight, as it goes. 213 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,519 Local pub crawl and a minge hunt. 214 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,519 Um... That's a very kind offer, 215 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,679 but I can't tonight, unfortunately. 216 00:09:40,759 --> 00:09:41,840 Poof! 217 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,120 [cat purring] 218 00:09:46,399 --> 00:09:47,840 He's asking who you are. 219 00:09:49,039 --> 00:09:51,720 They're from the local newspaper. [chuckles] 220 00:09:53,039 --> 00:09:53,919 So... 221 00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:57,919 when did you... first discover you could speak to cats? 222 00:09:58,879 --> 00:10:01,679 Well, it was not long after my daughter died. 223 00:10:01,759 --> 00:10:04,039 Um... he was her cat, you see. 224 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:08,000 And I just started talking to him about missing Jenny, and... 225 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,159 we bonded. 226 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,559 It's nice to have someone who understands. 227 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:16,519 Yep... [sighs] 228 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:17,600 ...it is. 229 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:20,840 Uh... what's his name? 230 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:22,759 -[woman] Frank. -Frank. 231 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,000 She named him after her dad. 232 00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:27,320 That's my husband. 233 00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:31,320 [inhales shakily] He passed away a couple of years before Jenny. 234 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,840 Would you like another cup of tea? 235 00:10:35,759 --> 00:10:36,600 Uh... 236 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,159 No, thanks. Um... 237 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,279 Uh... can we take a quick picture? 238 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:42,360 Oh, yeah. 239 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,120 [camera clicks] 240 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,000 -Great. -[woman] Is that it, then? 241 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:48,360 Yeah. 242 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,279 Um... 243 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,879 Are you hungry? I could make you something to eat. 244 00:10:53,159 --> 00:10:54,720 No. No, thanks. 245 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:57,000 [sadly] Oh, all right, then. 246 00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,480 -[Tony] Thanks very much. -Thank you. 247 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,600 -[Tony] Right, bye-bye. -Bye-bye. Thank you. 248 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,240 [Tony] That's so sad. 249 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:07,919 -[Lenny] She's happy enough. -[Tony] No, she's not. 250 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:10,080 She wants to tell her story. 251 00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:13,960 She wants to see her husband and her daughter's name in the paper. 252 00:11:14,039 --> 00:11:15,519 The cat thing's just an in. 253 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:17,759 She's lonely. 254 00:11:24,159 --> 00:11:26,240 -Did you forget something? -[Tony] Um... 255 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:29,000 Sorry about your husband and daughter. 256 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,679 -[sentimental music plays] -Oh, thank you. 257 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:33,360 Frank and Jenny? 258 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:34,360 Yes. 259 00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:37,159 Bye-bye. 260 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:38,840 Oh, bye-bye. Thank you. 261 00:11:47,799 --> 00:11:51,279 If I could live till he's 50, that would make me happy. 262 00:11:51,799 --> 00:11:55,279 I don't think he'll live longer than that, to be honest. Think he'd struggle. 263 00:11:55,919 --> 00:11:57,080 He struggles now. 264 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:00,559 Roger Realms. 265 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,240 Have I told you about him? Roger by name, Roger by nature? 266 00:12:05,039 --> 00:12:06,200 Who's Roger Realms? 267 00:12:06,279 --> 00:12:08,159 Agent. Used to work with him. 268 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:10,240 Would only sign black lads. 269 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,200 I'd often wander into Roger's dressing room, and there he'd be 270 00:12:13,279 --> 00:12:16,080 with some boy hanging off him, he was basically an arse peg. 271 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:20,120 Went early doors with AIDS, but good luck to him, you know. 272 00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:22,039 God bless you, Roger. 273 00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:29,200 I've run a few of these little local newspapers 274 00:12:29,279 --> 00:12:32,480 around the country. I know that doesn't make me Rupert Murdoch. 275 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,440 But this is the only one that loses money. 276 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:37,960 -Is it? -Effectively, yes. 277 00:12:38,879 --> 00:12:42,879 I mean, I own the building, so it's not a massive problem. 278 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:47,000 Look, the fact is, uh... I'm semi-retired. 279 00:12:48,159 --> 00:12:49,480 And I'm wondering is it... 280 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:51,399 is it worth the headache? 281 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,600 I mean, I'm just thinking I could throw in the towel. 282 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,519 Sell the property and get a nice lump sum. 283 00:13:00,799 --> 00:13:02,679 Could you give us more time, do you think? 284 00:13:02,759 --> 00:13:04,360 [inhales sharply] Uh... 285 00:13:04,919 --> 00:13:05,879 Just if we could... 286 00:13:06,279 --> 00:13:07,559 -make more money, then... -Look-- 287 00:13:07,639 --> 00:13:09,000 -We could find a way, I'm sure. -OK. 288 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:11,559 I mean, it's going to take a bit of time to sell the property, 289 00:13:11,639 --> 00:13:13,600 get all the paperwork right. Um... 290 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:15,279 And if you can... 291 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:20,080 Well, if you can make me an offer I can't refuse, yes, then I'll look at it. 292 00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:22,399 But quite frankly, I... 293 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:25,519 I'm sorry, but I really don't see that happening. 294 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:29,840 -Sorry. -No, I'm sorry... 295 00:13:30,919 --> 00:13:33,039 that we're not making much money. 296 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,159 -[Matt] So, speak soon. -[owner] OK, thank you. 297 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:48,720 OK, everyone? Um... 298 00:13:48,799 --> 00:13:51,679 Listen up. That was Mr. Middleton, Paul. 299 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:56,279 Some of you know, he, um, owns everything: the paper and the building. 300 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:58,159 Um... 301 00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:00,320 He wants to stop running the paper. 302 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:01,879 What, sell it? 303 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:03,320 [Matt] Well, he wants to... 304 00:14:03,399 --> 00:14:05,279 um... close the paper, 305 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,360 and then sell the building. 306 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:10,919 He'll sell it to a property developer. This will be luxury flats. 307 00:14:11,639 --> 00:14:13,000 [Kath] Well, I'll be all right. 308 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,759 Tambury Brewery have already said they'd take me on. 309 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:17,720 Think the boss fancies me. 310 00:14:19,879 --> 00:14:20,759 Right. Well... 311 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:24,759 Well, that's the end of The Tambury Gazette, kids. 312 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:25,840 Don't worry, 313 00:14:25,919 --> 00:14:28,720 we'll all just get another shitty job that barely pays enough to live. 314 00:14:28,799 --> 00:14:31,279 [Sandy] This is the only job I've ever liked. 315 00:14:31,759 --> 00:14:33,000 I've got to have a job. 316 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:35,039 My mum's disabled. 317 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,759 And my daddy can't work. 318 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:40,679 My brother and sister, they're in school, and they get nothing as it is. 319 00:14:40,759 --> 00:14:42,600 -OK. -So I've got to go find another job 320 00:14:42,679 --> 00:14:45,080 -that I'll hate. Again. -[Tony] OK. 321 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:48,480 -Well, we'll save the paper, and... -How? 322 00:14:48,559 --> 00:14:52,000 We'll get more revenue. Kath'll get more. 323 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,440 -How? -[Tony] 'Cause you're really... 324 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:58,240 good at your... job. You'll charge more for advertising, like... 325 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,879 Tambury Brewery, they'll pay more, won't they? 326 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:02,840 Or we get a loan. 327 00:15:02,919 --> 00:15:05,639 Happens all the time. We get a loan... We'll buy the... 328 00:15:06,159 --> 00:15:10,200 building, and then we'll pay back the loan with the profit from the... 329 00:15:10,759 --> 00:15:12,759 the paper, and pay ourselves a wage, 330 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:14,840 and that'll be... then, it'll be our... 331 00:15:15,759 --> 00:15:18,000 business to make it... work. 332 00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,799 So, don't worry. [taps keyboard idly] 333 00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:23,120 [choking back tears] You promise? 334 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:24,759 [Sandy sniffles] 335 00:15:27,279 --> 00:15:28,759 You... you'll save the paper? 336 00:15:29,759 --> 00:15:30,879 Yeah, I will. 337 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,240 -[Sandy] OK. -We will. 338 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,440 [mournful music plays] 339 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:41,759 [Tony] Hmm. 340 00:15:43,399 --> 00:15:44,399 How are you? 341 00:15:45,639 --> 00:15:47,799 [halfheartedly] Yeah... you know. 342 00:15:50,039 --> 00:15:52,840 That's pretty positive coming from you. [chuckling] 343 00:15:53,759 --> 00:15:58,120 I was trying to be all British and not burden you with my... troubles. 344 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:01,440 Well, us British love gossip. 345 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:04,559 So, spill the beans. 346 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:09,080 Same, really. I'm... still a bit mental. 347 00:16:10,399 --> 00:16:12,039 Trying hard to care about stuff. 348 00:16:12,399 --> 00:16:13,360 And then today, 349 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,399 we find out that the owner of the paper, 350 00:16:16,799 --> 00:16:18,600 he's selling up and... 351 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,919 we'll all lose our jobs. 352 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:21,840 Oh, no. 353 00:16:21,919 --> 00:16:23,720 That's not the bad bit. I was fine with that. 354 00:16:23,799 --> 00:16:27,919 But then Sandy starts crying 'cause it's the only job she's ever liked, 355 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,759 and so, I've got to try and save the paper for her sake. 356 00:16:31,879 --> 00:16:36,000 And my brother-in-law, who was sleeping on the floor of the office, 357 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:39,399 is now sleeping at Lenny's council house 358 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,440 'cause Lenny's shacked up with June, 359 00:16:41,519 --> 00:16:45,759 who persuaded him to give her fat kid a job at the paper. 360 00:16:46,679 --> 00:16:49,679 Just think, if I'd have killed myself, I'd have missed all this. 361 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:53,600 [Anne chuckles] 362 00:16:56,759 --> 00:16:57,919 [Matt] Brainstorming session. 363 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,639 How do we turn the paper around? How do we make it more profitable? 364 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,080 We need to go more tabloid. 365 00:17:02,519 --> 00:17:06,599 Gossip, celebrity stuff, fashion. Who looks shit an' that, you know? 366 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:08,039 "Who looks shit an' that"? 367 00:17:08,559 --> 00:17:09,400 Yeah. 368 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,240 Well, pictures of cellulite, that kind of thing. 369 00:17:12,839 --> 00:17:14,720 You know, amazing stories. 370 00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:16,799 Paranormal, weird stuff. 371 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:18,160 I love that. 372 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:19,720 -Right. -[Tony] Right. 373 00:17:19,799 --> 00:17:22,519 You want tabloid, you want to speak to my agent, Ken. 374 00:17:22,599 --> 00:17:24,279 Yeah, we did. He's mental. 375 00:17:26,519 --> 00:17:28,440 Well, we could run the Liberace story. 376 00:17:28,519 --> 00:17:30,240 N-No, we couldn't. 377 00:17:30,319 --> 00:17:31,880 -Well, what is it? -His agent reckons 378 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:35,039 -he was bummed by the ghost of Liberace. -[Lenny] Mm-hmm. 379 00:17:37,519 --> 00:17:40,319 -Well, it might be true. -How the fuck can it be true? 380 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:41,440 We don't know everything 381 00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,160 -about the paranormal. -Lot of weird stuff. 382 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:44,839 Right. It's all about belief, isn't it? 383 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,000 You know, that's not up to us, what people believe. 384 00:17:47,079 --> 00:17:50,440 Papers are always covering religious miracles and stuff. 385 00:17:50,519 --> 00:17:53,400 -Yeah, and they're always bollocks. -It's not for us to say. 386 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:55,039 It is for us to say, we're writing it. 387 00:17:55,119 --> 00:17:57,359 Yeah, but we're only reporting what was said. 388 00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,559 -Right. -Ghosts do exist, though. 389 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,319 Loads of people have seen 'em, and there's no other explanation. 390 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:03,839 Well, there is another explanation: 391 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,759 they haven't seen them 'cause they don't exist. 392 00:18:05,839 --> 00:18:07,200 How about that one? 393 00:18:07,279 --> 00:18:09,359 No one has ever turned into a ghost. 394 00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:13,920 When you die, they burn you or bury you, you never exist again, the end. 395 00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:21,359 [Valerie singing] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 396 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:24,599 [all] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 397 00:18:25,079 --> 00:18:27,599 ♪ Happy birthday, dear... ♪ 398 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:29,519 ♪ Dear Lisa ♪ 399 00:18:29,599 --> 00:18:33,079 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 400 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,440 -[guests cheer] -All right, thank you so much! 401 00:18:35,519 --> 00:18:37,880 -Right, cake! -[Matt] Yeah! Oh, definitely. Lovely. 402 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,319 -Right. -[Tony] I want some. 403 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,400 -Look at you at the front of the queue! -I bought it! 404 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,720 -It's my birthday. -I know, but I went and... 405 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:45,680 -Oh, fuck's sake. -What? 406 00:18:45,759 --> 00:18:48,039 -It's off. Yeah, it's fresh cream. -No, it's not. 407 00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:49,200 -It is. -Oh, no. 408 00:18:49,279 --> 00:18:50,480 -Smell it. Look. -It's cherries. 409 00:18:50,559 --> 00:18:52,559 -Oh, you silly cunt! -[shocked squeals] 410 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,160 -Oh, no. You come back! -Don't do it. Don't hit me! 411 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:56,640 [Matt] Go on, get him! 412 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:03,920 Ohh... 413 00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:07,440 What'd you do that for? 414 00:19:07,519 --> 00:19:08,519 You look sad. 415 00:19:08,599 --> 00:19:10,680 -Right! -Oh, that's a waste. 416 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,640 Right, OK. I don't think this is helping, though. 417 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:17,359 -Oh, look, it's all over you. -[Matt] Don't. Kath, please. Stop. 418 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,799 As long as we're working hard to turn things around. 419 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,400 -Some on your face as well. -It's all right. OK. Yeah. 420 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,000 -Fun's over, guys. -[Sandy giggles] 421 00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:27,039 -Can I have a word in my office, please? -[Tony] Oh, God. 422 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:30,480 [Matt] Don't, Kath, please. Stop trying to... 423 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,079 -[James] Is this for everyone? -[giggling] Yeah. 424 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:35,319 Good stuff! 425 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,640 -You just had a cake fight? -[Lenny] Yeah. 426 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:39,039 -Looks like fun. -Mm. 427 00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:40,839 -[Brian] Can I have some? -[Sandy] Go for it. 428 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,960 Thank you. OK, let's dive in. One, two, three. Here we go. 429 00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:46,000 -You like it? -It's so good. 430 00:19:46,079 --> 00:19:47,680 -What? -[James] It's really good. 431 00:19:47,759 --> 00:19:49,400 -[Brian] Huh? -[James] Delicious. 432 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:52,480 I can't understand a word you're saying, but I love watching you eat. 433 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,920 -Oh! -You're like a fat toad eating a big worm. 434 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:57,680 A big creamy worm. 435 00:19:59,319 --> 00:20:00,160 Hmm? 436 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,039 Will you come for a drink with me tonight? 437 00:20:02,599 --> 00:20:04,319 -I prefer to drink alone. -[Matt] I know. 438 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,960 I'm just saying as a favor. Please? I still want to talk to people. 439 00:20:08,039 --> 00:20:10,599 The only person who listens is my therapist, and I have to pay him. 440 00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:12,599 -And he's an idiot. -Right. 441 00:20:13,039 --> 00:20:14,480 I only want to talk to you. 442 00:20:14,559 --> 00:20:17,000 And Jill, obviously, but that's not possible at the moment. 443 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,319 My life's falling apart, Tony. 444 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,440 I go from sleeping on the floor of my office to taking Lenny's flat, 445 00:20:22,519 --> 00:20:24,200 and in return, I give his fat stepson a job 446 00:20:24,279 --> 00:20:25,839 at a paper that I'm now gonna lose. 447 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,559 It's, like, the final straw. 448 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:28,480 Well... 449 00:20:30,279 --> 00:20:31,799 actually, being needed is... 450 00:20:32,559 --> 00:20:33,599 is a good thing. 451 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,000 You helped a mate 452 00:20:35,079 --> 00:20:38,240 with his relationship, gave his fat kid a job, you should be... 453 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:39,960 proud of yourself. 454 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,559 Right. You see, you're making me feel better already. 455 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:46,119 Come on, please? One lousy pint. 456 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,519 All right. Fuckin' hell. 457 00:20:47,599 --> 00:20:48,559 Thank you. 458 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:50,400 I'd get changed if I were you. 459 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,160 -[tuts] Yeah. -[door opens] 460 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,000 [sniffs] 461 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:57,799 [door opens] 462 00:20:59,119 --> 00:21:00,119 [door closes] 463 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:04,000 All right? 464 00:21:04,839 --> 00:21:06,119 I'm Pat. 465 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,160 Er... Roxy. How you doing? 466 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:10,599 Yeah, good. Yeah. Do you want to sit down? 467 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,400 -[Roxy] OK. -[Pat grunts] 468 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:17,160 Oh. Well, you didn't, uh, didn't flinch when you first saw me, that's rare. 469 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:18,880 -[Pat chuckles awkwardly] -[laughs] 470 00:21:19,599 --> 00:21:21,119 Yeah, and I made you laugh! 471 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,119 -I'm nervous. Nervous laughter. -Oh, sorry. 472 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,079 I didn't mean... Yeah. I dunno why I said that. 473 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,400 I was just a bit nervous. I'm not a rapist or anything. 474 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:29,480 -Oh, OK! -Shouldn't have said rape. Want a drink? 475 00:21:29,559 --> 00:21:31,200 -Er, yes. -Yeah? What do you want? 476 00:21:31,279 --> 00:21:33,079 -Um... -I'm just having a house red. 477 00:21:33,519 --> 00:21:36,160 It's all right. It's only four pound a glass, so... 478 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:37,480 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 479 00:21:38,079 --> 00:21:39,480 [pop music plays] 480 00:21:39,559 --> 00:21:42,319 [Matt] OK. Um... IPA, please. 481 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:44,440 -And a... -Large whiskey, please. 482 00:21:44,519 --> 00:21:46,039 [therapist] Oi oi! Matt! 483 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:48,079 How you doing? 484 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,359 -You all right? -I'm all right, yeah. 485 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,640 These are my boys. That's Ratty, the Nonce. 486 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:53,559 -Hello. -All right? 487 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,440 Yeah. No, I've heard all about you two. 488 00:21:55,519 --> 00:21:58,240 Yeah, he's got loads of other nicknames, not just the Nonce. Pipe up. 489 00:21:58,319 --> 00:22:00,680 Yeah. Fanny-tastic. Minge and Bracket. 490 00:22:00,759 --> 00:22:02,799 -Clitoris Allsorts. -[therapist and Ratty snigger] 491 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:04,359 [Ratty] Shit Nuts. 492 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,000 -Harold Shitmum. -Queermint Rhino. 493 00:22:06,079 --> 00:22:07,279 [childish snickering] 494 00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:09,200 -The Growler Prowler. Billy the Cunt. -Yeah. 495 00:22:09,279 --> 00:22:11,319 -[Ratty] Michael Parkinbum. -[therapist guffaws] 496 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,200 Look. That's the suicidal one with the dead wife I was telling you about. 497 00:22:14,279 --> 00:22:15,400 -Oh, yeah. -You all right? 498 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,440 Shouldn't you have a confidentiality agreement? 499 00:22:17,519 --> 00:22:19,359 -I didn't say your name, mate. -Right, 500 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,279 but... OK, yeah, no, good point. 501 00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:24,200 So, you took my advice, yeah, come down for a pussy hunt? 502 00:22:24,279 --> 00:22:26,759 -Ooooh! -[Ratty] Oi oi! On a pussy hunt, are ya? 503 00:22:26,839 --> 00:22:30,440 [making shooting and splattering sounds] 504 00:22:30,519 --> 00:22:32,200 [therapist grunting] 505 00:22:32,279 --> 00:22:33,720 Come and join us, man. 506 00:22:33,799 --> 00:22:35,440 -I'm not on duty, it's free of charge. -No. 507 00:22:35,519 --> 00:22:38,720 -Afraid I can't. Just having a couple. -Oh, yeah? Nice jacket. 508 00:22:38,799 --> 00:22:41,240 -[Ratty and Nonce snigger] -Thanks. 509 00:22:42,799 --> 00:22:44,680 Come on! What's the matter with you? 510 00:22:44,759 --> 00:22:46,200 I should go check on Tony. 511 00:22:46,599 --> 00:22:48,480 Go on, then. Bang some beaver for us, yeah? 512 00:22:48,559 --> 00:22:50,319 [Nonce] Yeah, go on. Have a good night. 513 00:22:50,839 --> 00:22:52,920 -Size of that mushroom! -[Roxy chuckles] 514 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:54,680 It's like a quarter... Only a quarter of it. 515 00:22:54,759 --> 00:22:56,440 It's good value, innit, for you? 516 00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:58,400 This was 13 quid. 517 00:22:58,480 --> 00:22:59,680 [Roxy laughs] 518 00:22:59,759 --> 00:23:02,359 [laughs] No, I'm serious. This was 13 quid. 519 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:05,480 So, how comes you're single, then? 520 00:23:05,559 --> 00:23:07,519 'Cause I used to be twice this size. 521 00:23:07,599 --> 00:23:08,680 [chuckles lightly] 522 00:23:09,039 --> 00:23:10,200 [Pat] No, I'm serious. 523 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:11,759 At my heaviest... 524 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,039 about 24 stone. 525 00:23:14,759 --> 00:23:17,160 I lost it all, didn't I, when I became a postman. 526 00:23:17,759 --> 00:23:19,160 I think big blokes are sexy. 527 00:23:19,519 --> 00:23:20,880 No, I was an absolute mess. 528 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:24,559 I was a car crash under there. I've still got a lot of loose skin, but... 529 00:23:25,279 --> 00:23:27,359 -I'm saving up to get it sorted. -[chuckles] 530 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:31,079 [laughs] No, I'm serious. It's 'orrible down there. 'Orrible. 531 00:23:31,839 --> 00:23:32,839 Really bad. 532 00:23:33,839 --> 00:23:34,960 I'm loving this. 533 00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:36,680 [Roxy] Risotto? It's good! 534 00:23:36,759 --> 00:23:37,920 No, this... 535 00:23:38,799 --> 00:23:39,640 the date. 536 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:40,799 I'm enjoying it as well. 537 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:44,759 You know, I know you're out of my league and that, but... ahh! Yeah. 538 00:23:45,559 --> 00:23:47,119 No, it's good. It's been fun. 539 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,440 -Fuckin' hell. -Maybe he's right, though. 540 00:23:53,519 --> 00:23:55,000 Maybe I should bang some beaver. 541 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:56,759 Bang some...? 542 00:23:56,839 --> 00:23:58,440 Bang some beaver. His words, not mine. 543 00:23:58,519 --> 00:23:59,880 Yeah, exactly. They're his words, 544 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:02,559 they should never be said by any other human being. 545 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:04,799 [Tony] Fuckin' hell. 546 00:24:07,079 --> 00:24:08,440 Can't hurt, though, can it? 547 00:24:08,519 --> 00:24:10,039 -What? -[Matt sighs] 548 00:24:10,599 --> 00:24:11,680 Chatting up a girl. 549 00:24:12,319 --> 00:24:14,119 "Chatting up a girl"? 550 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:19,799 What about those two over there? Don't look. 551 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:21,000 No. No. 552 00:24:22,079 --> 00:24:24,920 They've come here for a quiet drink. To talk to each other. 553 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:28,480 -Not to be chatted up by you. -Why not? Come on, come over with me. 554 00:24:28,559 --> 00:24:29,440 No, no, no, no! 555 00:24:29,519 --> 00:24:30,640 -Please? -No. 556 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,680 Just sit over there with me. Not to make a move, just sit at the table. 557 00:24:33,759 --> 00:24:37,599 So, to talk to each other and drink? Not to bother any... 558 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:38,519 Yeah. 559 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:41,480 All right. 560 00:24:42,319 --> 00:24:44,160 [indistinct chattering] 561 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:45,559 Uh, anyone sitting here? 562 00:24:46,039 --> 00:24:47,440 -Er, no, go for it. -Great. 563 00:24:47,519 --> 00:24:49,160 [funky beat plays] 564 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,160 -This is pretty funky, isn't it? -Sit down! 565 00:24:52,519 --> 00:24:53,359 [Tony] Please. 566 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:55,079 OK. 567 00:24:56,559 --> 00:24:57,400 Right. 568 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,400 -Um... Are you-- -No. 569 00:25:05,599 --> 00:25:06,720 Girls' night out? 570 00:25:06,799 --> 00:25:07,720 Er, yeah. 571 00:25:09,039 --> 00:25:11,160 [women continue chatting indistinctly] 572 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:17,279 Just to say, you can relax. 573 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:19,480 Uh... we're not married men... 574 00:25:19,559 --> 00:25:21,200 as such. We're... I am married. 575 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:24,039 Um, but I'm separated. Getting divorced, probably. 576 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:25,319 Um... 577 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:26,920 Tony's wife's died. 578 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:29,680 Um... of cancer. 579 00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:36,119 So, it's totally, uh, legitimate. 580 00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:38,200 What is? 581 00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:40,759 Just talking to us. It's not-- 582 00:25:40,839 --> 00:25:41,759 Sorry. 583 00:25:46,319 --> 00:25:47,640 Yeah, and how's your mum? 584 00:25:51,519 --> 00:25:52,759 [Tony sighs deeply] 585 00:25:56,799 --> 00:25:59,480 -I think I'm out of practice. -You reckon? 586 00:26:00,079 --> 00:26:02,079 -'Cause that was... -Hi. 587 00:26:02,599 --> 00:26:04,480 -Hi. -[Simon] Hi. 588 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,519 -Oh, you've, uh, met... Tony, I think. -[Tony] Yeah. 589 00:26:08,599 --> 00:26:09,440 [Simon] Yeah. 590 00:26:12,319 --> 00:26:13,319 [Tony] Ah... 591 00:26:15,279 --> 00:26:16,880 -'Ave a good night. -[nurse] Yes. 592 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:18,279 -You OK? -[Tony] Yep. 593 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,160 -[Nonce] Just do it. -[grunting] 594 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:23,640 -Go on, wank yourself off! -[grunting, splattering] 595 00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:28,119 I reckon we've spent about the same, so that's worked out. 596 00:26:28,559 --> 00:26:30,480 We said we was going to go halves, didn't we? 597 00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:32,240 Let me get it. 598 00:26:32,559 --> 00:26:34,000 -No, no, no... -Let me get it. 599 00:26:34,079 --> 00:26:35,359 -I'd like to get it. -No. 600 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:36,799 Let's go halves. 601 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:40,039 And I tell you what, how about you pay for the whole thing next time? 602 00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:41,720 [laughs] 603 00:26:41,799 --> 00:26:43,640 Do you want there to be a next time? 604 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,359 -Yes. I mean... -[relieved chuckling] 605 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:47,440 -Oh, result! -I do. 606 00:26:47,519 --> 00:26:50,640 -I don't know what is happening here. -[chuckles] Oh, smashing. 607 00:26:51,599 --> 00:26:54,079 -You say it all out loud, don't you? -Oh, sorry. Yeah. 608 00:26:54,519 --> 00:26:56,160 Don't be sorry, it's nice. 609 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:57,920 -Shall we piss off, then? -Yeah. 610 00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:58,839 Yeah. 611 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:01,440 -[Roxy] Sort of. -[chuckles] 612 00:27:06,319 --> 00:27:07,960 Do you want me to walk you home? 613 00:27:08,279 --> 00:27:11,000 Oh, no. I've, erm... I've got to head off to work now. 614 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:13,200 Peak time. 615 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:14,640 Right, yeah... 616 00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:18,200 -It's just a job. -Yeah. 617 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:22,319 What time do you finish? 618 00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:24,480 Not till early morning. 619 00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:26,559 I might bump into you, then. 620 00:27:27,039 --> 00:27:28,279 [chuckles] Maybe. 621 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:29,839 Well, have a good one. 622 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:34,680 -You have a good one. -Yeah. 623 00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:37,319 -See you later. -See you later. 624 00:27:46,799 --> 00:27:47,799 What are you doing? 625 00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,039 [Tony] Just filming that little quiff you've done. 626 00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:51,839 -Aw, I like it! It's cute. -It's-- 627 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,119 OK, everybody. Shush. Could I have your attention, please? 628 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,359 Uh, we're going to have the first dance now, 629 00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:01,119 so I give you the bride and groom! 630 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,039 [guests cheer and applaud] 631 00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,400 ["So Amazing" by Luther Vandross plays] 632 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,400 -[Jill] That's my dress. -[Matt] Sorry. 633 00:28:21,599 --> 00:28:24,319 ♪ Love has truly ♪ 634 00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:27,400 ♪ Been good to me ♪ 635 00:28:29,039 --> 00:28:31,599 ♪ Not even one sad day ♪ 636 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:35,839 ♪ Or minute have I had Since you've come my way ♪ 637 00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:39,839 ♪ I hope you know ♪ 638 00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:42,359 ♪ I'll gladly go ♪ 639 00:28:44,039 --> 00:28:46,599 ♪ Anywhere you take me ♪ 640 00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:50,240 ♪ It's so amazing to be loved ♪ 641 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:55,440 ♪ I'd follow you to the moon In the sky above ♪ 642 00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:08,640 ♪ I've got ♪ 643 00:29:10,079 --> 00:29:13,440 ♪ Got to tell you ♪ 644 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:16,400 ♪ How you thrill me ♪ 645 00:29:17,359 --> 00:29:20,319 ♪ I'm happy as I can be ♪ 646 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:24,839 ♪ You have come And it's changed my whole world ♪ 647 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:28,359 ♪ Bye-bye, sadness ♪ 648 00:29:28,839 --> 00:29:31,480 ♪ Hello, mellow ♪ 649 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,960 ♪ What a wonderful day ♪ 650 00:29:35,039 --> 00:29:38,920 ♪ It's so amazing to be loved ♪ 651 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:45,440 ♪ I'd follow you to the moon In the sky above ♪ 652 00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:56,640 ♪ My girl ♪ 653 00:29:56,720 --> 00:30:00,839 -♪ And it's so amazing ♪ -♪ So amazing ♪ 654 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,599 -♪ I could stay forever ♪ -♪ Stay forever... ♪ 48510

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