All language subtitles for A Family Affair (2001)

SubRip By k_jiaranai
and Synchronize by Bee0557

Once upon a time...

I never thought
I'd marry a woman

who thought cranberries
were an acceptable thing

to put in bagels.

Of course, I never thought
I'd marry at all,

but especially someone
from the West Ooast.

I'm from the East Ooast myself...
New York Oity to be exact...

and...

I think people that go in
for this mixed-marriage craze

are just asking for trouble.

But it just shows to go you,
here I am.

But perhaps
you're asking yourself now

or disturbing
your fellow travelers

and asking
your movie companion:

"She seems to be a woman,

"and I distinctly heard her say,
'marry a woman.'

"How could this be?

"What's going on here?

Did I myself miss something
already?"

Well, rest assured

your comprehension
of this movie so far is fine.

Uh!

This is what is known
as a lesbian-themed movie.

There are some characters
in this movie

who are gay and lesbian.

Of course,
not at the same time.

Please quietly leave now

if you mistakenly
went into the wrong theater

at your multiplex.

I'll wait for a moment.

I am glad they left.

They were freaking me out.

Now, this is the point
in the movie where I give you,

the paying audience,
a tad of childhood background.

I've known I was gay
ever since I was DNA.

Congratulations, Mrs. Rosen.
It's a baby lesbian.

Well, actually,

my coming out
didn't go quite so well.

In Jewish tradition,
when someone dies,

you sit shivah.

It's kind of like a wake,

except there's no body,

you do it after the funeral,

and it lasts a week.

After I came out
to my parents,

it felt like my mom,
the drama queen,

wanted to have one for me.

Why, why, why couldn't she
go to law school

like her brother?

But after moving
out to California and...

It happens.

Anyhow, after several doses
of The Ellen Show

and experiencing
righteous indignation

upon watching
the made-for-TV film

The Margarethe Cammermeyer
Story...

produced by the Jewish goddess
herself, Babs Streisand...

my mother had
a radical transformation.

Now she's the head
of her local PFLAG chapter.

For the uninitiated,

that's Parents, Families,
and Friends

of Lesbians and Gays.

She marches in parades;
she writes letters;

she leads protests.

Basically, she's on a mission.

So when I broke up
with my girlfriend...

or rather,

when I was left for dead
by the side of the road

after my ex
destroyed everything

I held near and dear
to my heart,

grinding her spiked high heel
into the remains

of any self-respect
I had left over

after a tumultuous 13 years
of our on-again/off-again affair

or whatever it was...

my mom told me to come out...

hey, no pun intended...

to California.

It's warm.

It's sunny.

Everyone's friendly.

Everyone's happy, happy, happy.

So I brought my dark self
out to the Wild, Wild West.

What's this?

It's a California blintz...

avocado and sprouts.

It's good for you.

Forget about that woman.

She has had a hold on you

for too long.

She loves you;
she hates you.

She's gay; she's bi;
she's God-knows-what.

And every time she calls,
you come running.

Mom, enough.

Okay, okay.
Who am I anyway?

Just your mother.

Do you want me ask
some of the other PFLAG mothers

about their daughters?

I mean, maybe you could meet
one of them.

No, Mom.

Thanks, really.

I appreciate your concern,

but I can handle
the dating thing myself.

Well, you don't seem to be
doing such a hot job

by yourself.

Ah, it's none of my business.

Anyway,
you'll start out

all over again here, fresh.

You'll see.

You'll love it here.

And it's about time
you settled down

with a nice girl.

I'd like to write your address
in my address book

in pen, not pencil.

Mom.

Well, I never heard of anybody
moving around so much.

Okay, okay,

I won't say anything.

You have to live
your own life.

Thank you.

One thing, though.

The Gay Pride Parade
is tomorrow.

Your father and I

will be carrying
the banner

for the PFLAG
contingent.

It's a big honor.

It would be very nice if...
if you could march with us.

I don't know, Mom.

Well, it would mean a lot
to your father.

I'll think about it, Mom.

Well, you do what you feel,

but I think
it would be nice

if the family could do
something together.

(Rachel)
I realized my mother's
entire retirement career

rested on my sexual orientation.

Well, I was just glad
someone was getting something

out of my sexual orientation.

Everyone needs a hobby.

So you'll come?

(Rachel)
But, you know,
I adjusted to California.

I found some friends
who understood sarcasm.

I learned that in clothing,
layering was rarely an option.

I explored the lighter,
brighter side

of the color spectrum.

But it struck me
all my friends were male.

Gay, straight...
but of the male variety.

Ultimately my identity
as a gay female

hinged on me finding
another female to be gay with,

otherwise the whole membership
thing was in jeopardy.

I was still a member
of the tribe,

but my family status
might be put into question.

My friends, however fun,
were of limited use.

So what about
that girl

Steve set you up with?

Oh, that was a no go.

What was the problem
this time?

She was just too tan.

What?

She had that
healthy-leathery-skin-

bordering-on-skin-cancer
look.

Mmm, sounds attractive.

See, my goal used to be
meeting someone

who was
psychologically sound.

That's a lofty goal.

Well, this, I realized,
was asking for far too much.

Now I'm just hoping
for not completely psycho.

This also could be asking
for too much.

Listen.

You might
have to settle.

Everyone has to settle.

Except me, of course.

Oh, Norman,

you've always been
my knight in shining armor.

Rachel, sweetie,
tell me...

is your apartment
still done

in early American
moving boxes?

Well, maybe.

You know, Rach,
girls usually like it

if they feel you're gonna
stick around for a while.

Have you got
any furniture yet...

I mean,
besides that table

that props up
your word processor?

Hey, don't scoff.

I process words
to keep food on the table.

Actually, more accurately...

to keep food
on the moving box.

Besides, none of you
will go antiquing with me.

Rachel, Rachel,
Rachel,

we'll never
marry you off.

Mama,
enough already

with the marriage talk.

A mother can dream.

(Rachel)
Once more unto the breach,
dear Rachel, once more.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

(Rachel)
Rachel continues her pursuit
of Ms. Rightowitz.

(woman)
Wow, hey.

You must be Rachel.

Hi, I'm Kathy,
Bobby's friend.

Um, well, actually,

Bobby's roommate Oarl's
sister's friend.

I'm sorry I'm so late.
L...

I just lost track
of the time.

Do you want anything
to drink?

I'll just have
some hot water.

I brought my own herbs.

So I was sharing with my ex,
you know...

just ordinary stuff,
you know,

like what we needed
from the store

and, um, whose turn it was
to do laundry.

And then our sharing
got more intense.

(Rachel)
What is this "share" bit?

When did the word tell
become such a taboo?

What is wrong with just telling
somebody something?

Is it somehow less sincere?

So I shared with her

that I felt perhaps she was
needing something

that I couldn't
or was not able to give her

at the present time.

You know,
I just wanted her to feel

that she could share with me,

if she felt comfortable,

whatever she was going through...

of course, in her own time...

and I wouldn't at all
be judgmental.

We all have our own space.

She was sleeping
with someone else?

Well, yeah.

(Rachel)
I got to know that cafe
very well.

There was Debi.

She'd mistaken my pasty-white
New York City skin color

for a fellow member
of the Gothic tribe.

I corrected her impression.

Then there was Suzi.

She loved surfing...

a lot.

And certainly
it was fascinating for me

to hear her describe
her surfing experiences...

in detail.

Then I met Teri.

She served in the Navy
for seven years.

I don't know if anyone
asked or told,

but I certainly
wasn't going to.

I was getting
a little desperate.

I just wanted to meet someone
without an "e" sound

at the end of her name.

I actually let my mother
set me up with a girl.

I still find this sad and scary.

But there you go.

Loneliness is a dangerous thing.

Basically I knew
she had blonde hair,

she was slim,
and she'd be wearing...

This is a Swedish nightmare.

(woman)
Rachel?

Yeah?

Hi, I'm Christine,
your mom's friend.

(Rachel)
Friend?

Now I'm going out
with my mother's friend?

When will this madness end?

Iced tea, please.

I hope you haven't
been waiting long.

Oh, no, I got here
about five minutes ago.

I hate being late.

I hate the idea
of keeping people waiting.

Oh, so you're not
from California.

No, no, I was born and raised
in San Diego County.

What's that have to do
with being on time?

Well, don't they revoke
your California residency

if you're too punctual?

Well, if they do,

I've managed to slip past
the system so far.

So how long have you been
in California?

Well, I guess it's been
nine months now.

Practically a native.

I don't think
that could ever happen,

even under threat
of torture.

Oh, is living in California
so bad?

Try not to get
into an argument.

Well, it's different.

How is it different?

(Rachel)
Be diplomatic.

Well, just do your best.

Well, people
are less direct here.

In what way?

Well, they never really
tell you what they want.

I mean, they go over here;
they go over there,

you know,
and I feel like...

You know, people are so busy
trying not to offend anybody,

they never really
say anything.

And in New York,

people tell you
exactly what they want?

At 100 decibels.

That sounds pleasant.

If people here
weren't so passive

and nonaggressive
in their conversations,

maybe there'd be
less road rage.

Ever thought of that?

Have you ever been
in a cab in New York?

Okay, point well taken.

When were you in New York?

Oh, I haven't been.

I just watch Law and Order
a lot.

Oh, well,
that's practically the same.

I hate to jinx it, but, um,

I think this is going okay.

I would say so.

Well, when I first started
going out with my ex,

she only played softball
on the weekends.

And then she got
really into it.

She set up this pitching mound
in the backyard,

and she nearly killed
the neighbor's cat

with a wild pitch.

Eventually
she went professional.

Now she travels
all over the country

playing softball.

That's incredible.

Yeah, well, she's doing
what she loves.

What's the name
of her team?

Xena's Warriors.

Oh, I should have known.

Must get lots of coverage
on ESPN.

Right.

So what about your ex?

Uh,

she left me
for her gynecologist.

Wow.

Yeah.

No competing there.

God, that's weird.

Yeah, I should have
seen it coming.

No one needs a Pap smear
once a week.

How long had you
been together?

The last time?

What do you mean,
"the last time"?

Well, we kind of
went out and broke up

and went out and broke up
a few times.

How many times?

Four of each.

Going out and breaking up,
I mean.

Wow.

Well, I think this one
will stick.

I sealed it
by moving cross-country

and not leaving
a forwarding address.

I stopped short of putting
an obituary in the paper.

I thought that might be
tempting fate.

She sounds like
quite the tornado.

More like a hurricane...

Hurricane Reggie.

Reggie?

Like in the Archies?

Actually,
it's short for Regina.

She was named
for the Bette Davis character

in The Little Foxes.

[Imitating Bette Davis]
Oscar, you should know me

well enough by now

to know that I don't ask
for things

I don't think I can get.

Well, that's impressive...

the quote,
not the imitation.

Thanks.

You know,
I love classic movies.

See, even Californians
can have a sense of history,

even if it is only
Hollywood history.

But my Dad has this amazing
video library,

if you ever want
to borrow something.

So your, uh, ex was named
for Regina Giddens?

Yeah, scary, huh?

It was strangely prophetic.

Reggie is quite
the cutthroat.

Whatever Reggie wants...

Reggie gets?

Yeah, she's not coming back
to reclaim you, is she?

Uh, you never know,

but, uh,
not if I can help it.

Well, this is
where I live.

Oh, cute house.

Thanks.

How long
you lived here?

Um, two years now.

Wow, time flies, huh?

When you're having fun
or not.

Yeah.

I had a great time tonight.

Yeah, me too.

Would you like to get together
again sometime?

That'd be great.

Could I see you
in the morning?

That'd be even better.

(Rachel)
Private Rachel Rosen
awoke alone in the jungle.

She was unaware
of the danger she was in

and who had removed
her clothing.

She decided to stay put

until she ascertained
more information.

A native entered
bearing sustenance.

Or was it?

You know,
all last night,

I felt like there were
lots of tiny green eyes

staring at me,

and I swear, at one point,

I even heard some tittering.

Now, I thought it might be
the neighbors,

but now I understand.

Do you have something
against plants?

No, I just kill them,

but I never mean it.

It's involuntary man-,

I mean,

plant-slaughter.

Well, try not to kill mine.
I really like them.

I can see that.

So do you have any plans
for today?

Other than reading
the Sunday New York Times,

I'm basically available.

What'd you have
in mind?

Well...

I hope you're kidding.

No. What size do you wear?

Seven.

Well, it just so happens
so was my ex,

and since she abandoned
all other sports

when she dedicated her life
to softball,

I believe these babies
have your name on them.

Great.

Come on, Rachel!

No, no, you go on ahead.

What's the matter?

It just violates

one of my principal rules
of dating:

Try not to look
like a complete idiot

on the first date.

This isn't
our first date.

Last night
was our first date.

Don't you know
that for lesbians,

a date is a 24-hour thing?

What kind of lesbo are you?

Come on.
I'll help you.

Oh, this is not
a good thing.

Yeah, it is.

No.

Hey, Joe, guess what.

[Joe over telephone]
What?

I met a nice girl.

Impossible.

No. By golly, it's true.

How could this have happened?

Well, it's very embarrassing
for me to admit it,

so I'm sure you'll enjoy this.

She's actually the girl
my mother set me up with.

You're kidding.

I kid not.

Well,

come on...
details, details.

Well,

her name is Christine.

Oh, a nice Jewish girl.

She's a massage therapist,
and she laughs at my jokes.

[Singing]
Say hallelujah.

Can I get a witness?

Anyway,

I'm gonna try
to really behave myself

and not screw this up.

Hmm, that would be different.

Thanks, Joe.

You know how much
your support means to me.

What are friends for?

(Rachel)
I don't know how it is
for you heterosexuals,

but in the gay world,
exes never die.

They simply fade into friends...

very concerned friends,

friends who feel
they have the right

to interfere in your business.

So the official committee
of my ex-girlfriends

and various sundry friends

would not permit Christine

to have the official title
of "my girlfriend"

until she passed
their examination.

Do you describe yourself
as "gay" or "lesbian"?

I-I go either way.

That's just unacceptable.

I don't think
that's a good an...

No, no, I mean,
I use either word.

It says here
on your application

that you're
still friends

with your
ex-girlfriend.

Yes, that's true.

Mm-hmm.

If you were to fill out
a job application,

would you use
aforementioned ex-girlfriend

as one of your
emergency contact persons?

No, of course not.

I like that.

Is she still
on speed dial?

Oh, good question.

Good question.

No, I hardly talk to her.

She isn't a potential stalker,
is she?

Of me?

Or Rachel.

No, her... her softball schedule
is way too intense.

And off season?

No.

Anan,
what do you think?

Did you like her?

Well...

(Rachel)
Oh, she passed...

barely.

A year passes,
and they fall deeply in love.

Trust me.

Do I look okay?

Yeah, you look great.

Why are you so nervous?

I've just never been
to a seder before.

It's no big deal.

It's just
the Jewish Thanksgiving.

Only you have to sit through
a long story at the beginning

while the food gets cold.

I just... I just don't want
to say anything wrong

and embarrass myself.

Don't worry about it.
You'll be fine.

Hey.

Oh, and here's
the happy couple.

Oh, and don't you both
look beautiful?

Come in.
Come in.

Hi, Mom.

Oh, hi, baby.

Hi, Mom.

(Rachel)
Did she call her "Mom"?

Come. I want to introduce you
to everybody.

Of course, you know
Matthew and Carol.

Nice to see you.

Hi, Christine.

Hi.

And this is Nancy
and Cindy.

Hi, Christine.
How you doing?

It's nice
to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

And this is Steve
and Barry.

Barry comes
to PFLAG meetings.

Hi.

Hi, guys.

Oh, and, of course, Sam.

Hi, Sam.

(Carol)
Jacob, honey!

Okay, everybody,

it's time for us to start
the festival of freedom

for all our GLBT
loved ones.

(Barry)
"The wise son asked,

"'What is the meaning
of the rules, laws, and customs

"which the Eternal, our God,
has commanded us? '

"'You shall explain to him
all the laws of Passover,

to the very last detail
about the Afikoman. "'

"The contrary son asks,

"'What is the meaning
of this service to you? '

"Saying 'you,'
he excludes himself."

"Rabbi Yehuda used to refer
to the ten plagues

"by their Hebrew initials:

D'Tzach, Adash, B'Achav."

"Rabbi Jose
the Galilean said"...

Honey,

it's pronounced "Yosi."

The "j" is said like a "y."

Oh.

This didn't happen
in Mexico.

It's okay, dear.
How could you know?

Go on.

"Rabbi Jose
the Galilean said:

"'How can one show that,

"'following the ten plagues
in Egypt itself,

"'the Egyptians

"were smitten with 50 plagues
at the Red Sea? '

'They suffered 200."'

Very nice, dear.

Welcome to the family.

This is Sam's
and my ketubah.

It's actually
a wedding contract.

It's beautiful.

It's a very old tradition
of the Jewish people.

Matthew and his wife
have one,

Barry and Steve have one,

and I hope one day,

my Rachel will have one too.

Rach?

What?

How's it going?

Oh, fine.

Fine.

Adjusting to California?

What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's great.

Work's okay?

Well, it comes and goes,

but I'm getting enough
to keep me out of trouble.

Certainly has been
an informative seder this year.

Excuse me?

Well, I didn't know

that the lost tribe
of the Israelites

was actually
the GLBT tribe.

Our mother is just a fountain
of knowledge.

You know, she tells me

she's not going to use
the word straight

for heterosexuals anymore.

Now she says
I'm "nongay."

You go, girl.

She gets
any more accepting,

I'll have to rebel
and go straight.

Oh, I mean, nongay.

The only time
she ever calls me anymore

is when she wants my opinion

on some article
she's written for PFLAG.

Well, you see?

This is the price you pay

for choosing
the heterosexual lifestyle.

New research proves
that heterosexuality

is biologically based.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, if it makes you
feel better,

I barely see Mom myself.

She's far too busy
being supportive.

Go, team, go.

Exactly.

Look at this over here.

Christine is sure a change
from that Reggie.

Yup, she sure is.

How are things
between you two?

Fine.

What's the matter, Rach?

Nothing.

That was convincing.

Come on.
Tell your big brother.

She called Mom "Mom."

So what?

You should be glad
she gets along so well

with the family.

Yeah, I'm thrilled.

What's the matter?

I thought you wanted
a girlfriend.

Well, yeah,
I wanted a girlfriend,

not a wife.

I mean,
look at them together.

(Matthew)
I think it's nice.

Oh, Carol.

Hey, look.

It's the first wives club.

That's not funny, Matt.

(Nancy)
What should I do
with these?

Oh, just put them
on the counter, I guess.

Can I give you a hand?

Oh, no, I just snuck in
to try to finish up.

Um, Nancy,

can I ask you a question?

Yeah, sure.

Were you born Jewish?

Oh, yeah,
I've always been Jewish.

I only became African American
ten years ago.

I'm sorry.
I converted ten years ago.

Really?

Yeah.

I was never really religious
growing up,

and when I went to college,
my first girlfriend was Jewish.

I started going to Friday night
services with her,

and on the holidays,

we'd go together
to her parents' home.

It was really nice.

Wow.

So how did your parents
take your conversion?

Well, my mom was worried,

because I had already
come out to her,

and she thought,
"Well, okay, you're black"...

And this is before

"African-American"
came into vogue.

"You're a lesbian,
and now you're Jewish.

You're going to have to start
your own support group!"

Is, um, Cindy
also Jewish?

No.

It's hard enough finding one
African-American Jewish lesbian.

Two would be
bucking the odds.

I really enjoyed
the seder.

I like the whole idea
of a festival of our freedom.

Do you all get together
every year?

What did you say?

What's the matter, hon?

You've hardly said a word
the whole way home.

Nothing. I'm...

I'm just tired.
That's all.

Well, you just seem
kind of quiet.

No, no, I'm fine.
It's just been a long day.

What's that you said
about the seder?

Well, I was just saying
that it really struck me,

you know, the idea that we were
all once strangers in Egypt

and that we should
remember that

and treat the strangers
among us

with dignity and justice.

Yeah, I don't think God knows
about trickle-down economics.

Rach,

how hard is it
to become a Jew?

What do you mean?

Well, I don't know anything
about conversion.

You can convert to Judaism,
can't you?

Well, yeah,

but we never really
been big on that.

People usually
have trouble enough

without adding the burden
of Jewdom.

Rach, I'm serious.

I thought you'd be happy
that I would think of it.

Happy?

Well, you know,

that we could share holidays
together as a family.

Well, you were there tonight.

You didn't have to convert.

I mean, you and me
as a family.

Oh.
[Swallows]

Well...

What's the matter, Rachel?

Do you not want me
to convert?

I didn't say that.

Well, you hardly
seem enthused.

I just don't think
it's necessary.

Not necessary?

Yeah.

I don't want you to convert
just because I'm Jewish.

That's not why I want
to convert.

So why do you?

For one thing,
just for myself,

because it strikes
a chord in me.

But also because I think
ceremonies like tonight

could help bring us
closer together,

and I want to build
a home with you.

I want to build
a family with you.

Oh.

Well...

What's the matter, honey?

You're not having doubts
about us, are you?

No, of course not.

It's just I find
this idea of converting

a little stunning.

Well, I didn't say it
to upset you.

Oh, I know, babe,

and if you want to convert,
I mean...

well, that's great.

I just don't want to think
you're doing it

just because I'm Jewish.

No, honey,

that's not why.

Okay.

Do you think I could ask
your mother's rabbi about it?

Sure.

Then when we retire,

we can move to Miami
together.

It would be the fulfillment
of a life's dream.

Oh, honey, you know,
I meant to ask you.

When I was, um, putting away
the serving dishes,

I noticed some old photos
of your family in the drawer.

Who was the other little girl
in them?

Uh, that was my sister.

Your sister?

You never mentioned
you had a sister.

She died when I was 13.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Well.

What did she die of?

Uh, car accident.

A drunk driver went through
a red light.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Well...

Rach, honey...

I really don't want
to talk about it.

Rachel...

Please.

I'm sorry.

Listen, I'm...
I'm gonna do some work.

I'll come to bed in a bit.

[Man on television]
We are now going live
to Kelly Neill,

who is standing by
in Hillcrest.

Oh, look, Rach...
your mom.

(Neill)
Today here in San Diego,
PFLAG...

Parents, Friends, and Families
of Lesbians and Gays...

have organized
yet another protest

against the initiative
which would make it a state law

that marriage is only valid
between a man and a woman.

I have a gay daughter
and a nongay son.

I want my daughter
to have the same rights

to marry and commit to a partner
as my son.

This is Kelly Neill

in Hillcrest
for Channel 2 News.

Hey, have you ever thought
that you'd like to get married?

Aaahhhhhhh!

You know, when I first
told my mom I was gay,

I told her
one of the advantages was,

at least she wouldn't
have to pay

for an expensive wedding.

Now, of course,
she'll just be tickled lavender,

and I know somehow
she'll manage to get it featured

on every local
and national newscast.

There'll be
all-day coverage

the likes the world hasn't seen
since Diana married Oharlie.

Do you think Christine
was really serious about it?

Oh, yeah, and there is
no stopping that woman

when she sets her mind
on something.

Well, why not get married?

Why not?

Well, I mean,

she is madly in love with you,

and I am emphasizing "madly."

And you've led me to believe

that you're not
completely indifferent to her.

Okay, I love her.

I think she's great.

She loves me, which I give her
immense credit for.

But, you know,
I have squirming room.

The U-Haul is just a call away.

Marriage is that's it.

I believe
that's the idea.

Okay, I know no one
takes gay marriage seriously,

but gay marriage is still
like a real commitment.

I believe that's why
it's known in the gay world

as a commitment ceremony.

You and Danny
never got married.

You've been together
for nine years.

This is true,

nine absolutely fabulous years.

So why don't you get married?

I don't know.

Maybe gay men
naturally find it easier

to commit to long-term
relationships.

You know how I feel
about commitment.

Avoiding long-term commitment
is why I'm a freelance writer.

All jobs are short-term.

Gives me lots of room
to move in.

This doesn't have anything
to do with Reggie, does it?

Reggie?

'Cause you know how stupid
that would be?

What are you talking about?

I want nothing to do
with that woman ever again.

Methinks the lady
doth protest too much.

Reggie has nothing
to do with it.

Okay, okay,
I'm sorry I said anything.

Reggie.

Sorry!

Well, how badly do you think
Christine wants to get married?

She started
conversion classes.

[Man singing in Hebrew]

(Christine)
Thank you so much.
I really appreciate it.

I'll see you next week.

Okay.

Hi.

How did it go?

Good.

The rabbi is really,
really nice.

She gave me a list of books
I should pick up.

Yeah, my people
love to read.

Did you know
about this kosher stuff?

You're not supposed
to eat shellfish.

Well, I don't want to eat
anything with antennas anyway.

You really are incredible.
You know that?

Thanks.

I love you, honey.

I love you too.

What you doing, hon?

Shh.

I'm making kreplach.

Oh, I-I didn't know.

Are all the little baby kreplach
sleeping?

Don't be funny.

It's my first time,
and it's not easy.

Sorry.

What happened here?

Did the kreplach
put up a fight?

Oh, I'll clean everything up
when I'm done.

Could you just
stay out of the kitchen

till I'm done?

Oh, okay.

I'll call the rabbi
and get a minyan together

for afternoon prayers.

(Christine)
Shit!

What's the matter, hon?

Christine?

Stop it!
Stop it!

Stop it!

Jose and Shmuel,

how many times have I told you
not to tease your sister, huh?

Now, go to your rooms.

Go.

You've got Chumash and Rashi
to complete before Shabbat.

And when your lesbian mother
comes home,

she's gonna want
to go to shul.

Rivkah, come help
your mother.

Rachel.

Rachel.

What's the matter?

Huh?

Rachel, are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

What happened?
Why'd you yell "shit"?

Oh, I screwed up the kreplach.

I hope you aren't hungry.

No, somehow I've lost
my appetite.

Listen, I got to go out.

I'll be back in an hour or so.

What's the matter?

Nothing, nothing.

I just got to get some air.

Rachel?

Where have you been?

I was just out walking
by the bay.

You've been gone
for four hours.

I thought maybe
something had happened.

No, no, I just lost track
of time.

Sorry.

Do you want to break up?

No, of course not.

I just get the sense lately

that you don't want
to be around me.

Oh, no, honey.
It's... it's just...

l...

You know, maybe it's
a midlife crisis.

You're 34.

I've always been advanced
for my age.

I need you to talk to me.

I feel like
you're shutting me out.

Christine,

you are the best thing
that ever happened to me,

and I'm not letting you go.

I want to be with you.

And I want to be with you.

I'm trying, honey.
I'm really trying.

It's just...

I have a problem
making commitments.

Well, that's why I can't shop
at the price club.

The quantities
are too large.

I can't even commit
to a product.

We don't have to figure
all the future out today.

We can take one day at a time,

but I want to take
every one of them with you.

You foolish, foolish girl.

I'm serious.

I know.

And there's no one
I'd rather be with.

So what's the problem?

There is no problem.

So you really want
to get married?

I think it could be nice,
don't you?

Do I get a bachelor party?

Only kidding, honey.

Only kidding.

(Rachel)
Then it was time for dinner
with the parents.

The brisket
is great, Mom.

Yes,
it's delicious.

Thank you.

It's Sam's
mother's recipe.

So, Leah, tell us
about this PFLAG thing

you do.

PFLAG is the only nongay
gay activist group

in San Diego County.

Excuse me.

Did you say "nongay"?

Yes, yes.

I don't like
the word straight.

I think it makes it sound
like to be heterosexual

is correct
and anything else is crooked.

How interesting.

Just what does PFLAG do?

Some parents
have a problem

dealing with their kids
being gay.

I can't imagine.

(man)
Dear.

(Leah)
So parents come to PFLAG
for support and,

we hope,
eventually come to acceptance

of their children as they are...

beautiful human beings.

(man)
Well, that sounds great.

Maybe we should go
sometime, dear,

and show our support.

Oh, that would be wonderful.

So many kids
come to our meetings

whose parents
have rejected them.

It's great for them
to talk to parents

who accept
their GLB T children.

I'm sorry..."GLBT"?

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual,
and Transgendered.

Oh... gelbt.

(man)
So, Sam,
do you play golf?

I belong to a wonderful club

in North County.

I try to get out
as often as I can.

You should come along sometime.

I mean, well,
we're practically family now.

How do you feel
about your daughter

converting?

That must be hard for you.

Converting to what?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God,

did I say something
I shouldn't have?

Now, that would be unusual
for you, Mom.

(man)
Pumpkin,

is this true?

Um, yes, Dad, it's true.

I'm, um,

taking conversion classes,

um, to convert to Judaism.

And in November,
we will be married by a rabbi.

Well, my goodness,

so much to absorb
in one evening.

Mom, I'm sorry.

I should have told you before.

You know, darling,

you're making
this unflappable image of mine

harder and harder

to maintain.

Mom.

Seriously, darling,

sometimes I think
you only do these things

to see if you can
make me crack.

Mom, it's got nothing
to do with you.

Well, let me tell you
something, darling.

I am a WASP,

a full-fledged,
card-carrying WASP,

and so are you,
as much as you fight against it.

And as a WASP,
I refuse to break down

in front
of perfect strangers...

no offense intended.

None taken.

Mom, there are some things
that happen in this world

that have nothing
to do with you.

They are few and far between.

(man)
Honey, what I think

you meant to say

was that we support you,
Christine,

no matter what you do.

Oh, of course.

But tell me, dear.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong,

but I don't think you can have
the name Christine

and be Jewish.

So what should your father
and I call you now?

Meshuggener.

Rachel!

Rach.

(Christine)
You ready, Matt?

(Carol)
Jacob, it's yours!

(all)
Whoo!

(Rachel)
All right.

He's good.

He's getting better.

So, um,

are you getting excited
about the wedding?

Actually,
much to my surprise, I am.

I'm developing a new attitude.

Really?

Yeah.

I try to focus on the present
in short-term spurts,

'cause thinking long-term
freaks me out.

Uh, you know, Rachel,
most people think of marriage

as a kind of long-term thing

even if it hardly ever
makes it there.

Yeah, yeah, I know,

but I'm trying to pull the wool
over that part of my brain.

Anyway, I'm going
full steam ahead

no matter what my inner child says.

Actually, Rachel, with you,

it's more of an outer child
kind of thing.

How true.

And, of course,
you love Ohristine.

Well, yeah.

I can't believe
she puts up with me,

but for some reason,
she does.

All shiksas
want a Jewish husband.

(Christine)
It's out!

Okay, come here.

Here's the idea.

Christine is really great
with the kids.

Yeah, she is, isn't she?

You two ever talked
about having kids?

Having kids for what?

You know what I mean.

Do you two want to make babies?

Well, I been trying my best
for more than a year now,

and no results as of yet.

Can you answer a question
without being flippant?

I shall certainly try.

We never really
talked about it.

I stand corrected...
or rather... sit corrected.

Christine has on occasion
alluded to it,

but I cleverly avoided
the topic.

So suppose she does.

I guess it's not
such a bad idea.

(Christine)
This is for the championship.

You ready,
Jacob?

(Rachel)
Come on.
Come on, girl.

Whoo!

Attagirl!

Sorry, Jacob.

Hey, Matt, you know,
I guess you just can't beat us.

So, Matt, has my little woman
beat you again?

It's not fair.

She's a native Californian.

Being good at outdoor sports
is in their DNA.

I think you'd be
more gracious

about losing, Matt.

You do it so often.

(Matthew)
Christine,

you're not allowed
to abuse me

until we've actually
become family.

You're supposed
to be polite now.

(Carol)
Don't you listen to him,
Christine.

Feel free to abuse him
all you want.

It makes him strong.

(Matthew)
Honey, you're supposed to be
on my side.

Hey, all bets are off
since our Pictionary debacle.

Ah!

Speaking of which...

(Matthew)
Forget it, Rach.

One humiliation
in front of a man's progeny

is enough.

No more Pictionary.

Maybe one
or two more.

I'm exhausted.
I'm going straight to bed.

Me too.

[Woman over answering machine]
God, you're hard to track down.

It's Reg, if you haven't
figured out by now,

but I haven't seen you
in so long,

maybe you've forgotten.

Anyway, I just wanted
to hear your voice.

I hope you're okay
and surviving California.

"Christine and Rachel

can't answer the phone
right now"...

I guess you are doing okay.

Anyway, call me.

You know the number.

Hey, any calls?

Uh, just the editor
about some corrections.

I need to call him back, okay?

Sure. Love you.

Love you too.

[Reggie over telephone]
Hello.

Hello.

Hey, Reg.

Oh, my God, Rachel!

How you doing?

Simply fabulous.

There you go.

Where the hell have you been?

And when did you move
to California?

I mean, I know I'm awful,

but you shouldn't have to run
so far away.

I got out here
more than a year and a half ago.

Has it been that long?

I'm afraid it has.

Oh, don't be afraid, sweetie.

Just accept it for what it is.

I didn't wake you up, did I?

Oh, what's the matter
with you, Rach?

You know me.
I'm a night owl, baby.

Oh, how silly of me.

What is it out there, 10:00?

I know that's late
for Californians.

You're all a bunch
of pagan sun worshippers.

Now, Reg, you know
you shouldn't talk

about religion or politics.

Speaking of religion,
how's your mother?

Taking over the world.

Does she still spit
when she says my name?

I think she's blocked you out.

So easily forgotten.

No one could ever forget you,
Reg.

If only that were true.

Uh, so what's going on, Reg?

How's it going with Marc?

Oh, he's long gone.

Boring.

No, little Reg
is all by herself.

I find that hard to believe.

You always have
the next one lined up.

Well, it's true.

So who's this Christine
that you're shacking up with?

Is she the woman of your dreams?

Well, we've been
seeing each other

for more than a year now.

You moved in together.

Well, you know lesbians
don't understand the concept

of dating
without living together.

How true.

So is it serious?

No, we often joke around.

Rachel, try to stay on point.

Well, I'm not seeing
anyone else.

So it is serious.

Well, yeah.

It's like pulling teeth.

It's not like
we don't have problems.

What kind of problems?

Just stuff.

Jesus, Rachel, sometimes
having a conversation with you

is like not having
a conversation with you.

Actually, uh,

we're talking
about getting married.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh.

You never asked me.

Reg.

All those years together?

Actually,
I-I think she asked me.

Really?

Listen, Reg, uh,
I got to get going.

Okay, darling.

Rachel?

Yeah?

You know I'm still
in love with you.

I thought it was over,

but I think about you
all the time.

Yeah.

I got to get going.

I'll... I'll talk to you
real soon.

Good-bye, honey.
Kisses.

[Woman singing]
What you gave me,

what you stole

can't hold a candle
to the things you'll never know.

Fate, a fool could find.

Words, I would waste.

When there's nothing
in this world

that will make you mine

and there's nothing
to take your place,

does it matter what I say?

Does it matter what I do?

Does it matter
what I tell myself

when what I want is you?

What I want

is you.

(Christine)
Is everything okay?

What?

Well, the corrections

that your editor wanted...
is everything okay?

Oh, yeah.

It wasn't a big deal.

Oh, good.

Oh, hey,

um, your mom wants us
to get together

sometime next week
to start planning the wedding.

When would be good for you?

Oh, whenever.

You schedule
whatever's best for you.

Is Wednesday okay?

Sure.

She wants Carol
to be there,

and she also wants to see
if Barry and Steve can come,

'cause they got married
last year.

Great.

I think planning the wedding
will be fun, don't you?

Oh, yeah.

Rachel, you schmuck.

What the hell is wrong
with you?

I don't know.

She sounded so sad,

and then she said
she was still in love with me.

Yes, and of course
you believed her,

because up till now,

she's been so straightforward
and honest with you.

Well, she sounded sincere.

Rachel, this woman's
a piranha.

And you, my friend,
are a little guppy.

Joe...

No, no, not even a guppy...

the unfertilized egg
of a guppy,

the twinkle in an eye
of a guppy.

Okay, Joe.

I can't believe you,
Rachel.

Maybe Rob is right.

Maybe you don't really want
a relationship.

What do you mean?

It seems to me that you're
actually trying to screw up

your relationship
with Ohristine.

Hey, it's not my fault.

Reggie called me.

It has nothing to do
with Reggie.

What are you saying?

I am saying that you're
always gonna look

for a reason not to commit,

and if it's not Reggie,
it'll be something else.

That's not true.

Do you understand
how lucky you are

to have met Ohristine?

Of course.

Well, do you understand
that if you run after Reggie,

eventually she's gonna
break your heart again,

and in the process
of pursuing her,

you'll lose Christine?

Joe, whatever your theories
about Reggie,

I know I can't even
look at her photo

without having a crisis.

I ache
just when I hear her voice.

And, yeah,

I know it's partly because
I just miss New York

and people who can sustain
a conversation.

But part of it is her.

And Ohristine?

[Sighs]

Joe, I don't know what to do.

She's everything to me.

Rachel,

you have a wonderful woman

with whom you can build
a beautiful life.

Think about what she means
to you,

how she's always there
for you.

Forget about Reggie.

She's just an excuse.

She's just a fantasy.

Ohristine is real.

Now, you can hire
a wedding consultant

to plan the wedding,

but they're expensive,

and really
you want to do it yourself

to make sure you get
exactly what you want.

Have you decided where you're
going to have the ceremony?

Well, honey,

you know
you could have it here,

but our patio's so small,
you couldn't have many guests.

Don't be silly, Leah.

We'll have it at our house

in the backyard.

Are you sure, Oarol?

Of course.

That's so great.
Isn't that great, Rachel?

Yeah, it's incredible.

(Steve)
Have you two decided
what you're going to wear yet?

I thought about a hot little
off-the-shoulder thing,

maybe leopard skin.

Oh, Rach, you are
such the little kidder.

Actually,
we haven't decided yet,

but we both agree...
no tuxes.

Thank God.

You, on the other hand, Oarol,
will be in tails.

Uh, maybe we'll be busy
that weekend.

Where are you gals
gonna register?

Xena. Com.

Just ignore her.

Seriously, Rachel,

where do you think
we should register?

Lacroix, sweetie,
Lacroix.

[Telephone ringing]

Hello.

[Water running]

Hi, Rachel.

Reg?

It is I, my furry friend.

How you doing?

Well, pretty well,

except for that God-awful
flight,

but I don't know
any other kind of flight.

Flight?

Where are you?

San Diego, my love.

If Mohammed
will not come to New York Oity,

then New York Oity
shall come to Rachel.

You're in San Diego?

Yeah, sweetie,
that's what I just said.

Has senility set in already?

I can't believe you're here.

Me too.

And here you are.

It certainly warms
the cockles of my heart

to be welcomed so warmly
in the Sunshine State.

No, no, Reg,
that's Florida.

California's the Golden State.

Oh, that's right.

They count votes here.

I'm sorry, Reg.

I just didn't expect you
to come here.

Well, I have.

They let me on planes now.

So when do I see you?

Shall I come over there?

No.

Um...

Do you want to come
to my hotel room?

I don't think
that's such a good idea.

Listen, I'll meet you
at this coffee shop,

uh, the Living Room.

I'd rather meet you
in another room.

Reg, focus.

Where is it?

It's, um, in Hillcrest
on University Avenue.

Do you think you can find it?

When? Now?

Yeah, okay.

Just give me an hour
to finish up here, okay?

Whatever you want, my love.

I'll see you there.

I'll have a rose in my teeth
in case you don't recognize me.

Yeah, sure.

I'll see you there.

Hey, Reg.

Rachel!

Let's take a look at you.

Just as cute as ever.

Reg, you look great.

And I am.

So, Reg, um,
what's going on?

Just the usual...

keeping my head
above the water.

It's so strange to see you
after all this time.

Just a little worse
for wear and tear is all.

Reggie,

why are you here?

I've come to fetch you home.

What?

I miss you, Rachel.

I want you home with me.

You... you can't say that to me.

I already have.

But I live here now.

I'm gonna marry Christine.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am.

Oh, come on, Rachel.

I know you still love me.

I can tell
just by looking at you.

I know you too well.

I love Christine.

No, you love me,

and you're gonna marry me.

And now you're gonna kiss me.

(Christine)
Rachel.

(Leah)
More, more, more!

(Reggie)
Do you want to come
to my hotel room?

(Rachel)
I don't think
that's such a good idea.

I'd like to make a toast.

To Christine,

whose Hebrew name is now
Karen bat Avraham Avinu.

L'Chaim!

(all)
L'Chaim!

Way to go, Christine.

Welcome to the tribe.

(man)
Congratulations,

sweetheart.

Thank you.

I-I appreciate
all the support you've given me

over the past six months.

Christine, darling,
we still hold on

to our parental rights,
don't we?

You'll still come by

when we're eating
through straws?

Mother, stop that.

I'm only asking, dear.

Of course she will.

She's a wonderful daughter
and a terrific person.

(Carol)
Rachel,

you're being strangely silent.

You can't be out
of witty repartee.

I'm just absorbing
the profundity

of this awesome experience.

(man)
I'd like to make a toast
to my daughter.

Well, Pumpkin,

you never cease to amaze me.

Whatever you set out to do
gets done.

Now, I've never been
a religious man,

but I am so proud of you,

and I wish you
all the happiness in the world.

Thanks, Dad.

So you're going to make
my daughter an honest woman.

Well, not being one myself,

I thought I'd give it a try
with Christine.

We're very attached
to her, you know,

so behave yourself.

Yes, ma'am.

Hey, hon.

It's Sky.

She has to reschedule
her massage appointment.

Her inner child's in town.

Oh, thanks,
honey.

Can you grab the mail for me?
I'm loaded with stuff.

Sure.

Hey, anything interesting?

(Rachel)
Now, what would be
your definition of interesting?

Come on.

[Woman singing]
I don't know
what it means...

Sorry I'm late.

I been running around
trying to cram everything in.

That's all right, dear.

I can't stay long.

I have to pick up the dress
in an hour.

Any attention you pay
your dear old mother

is greatly appreciated.

Mother.

Well, I guess
I ought to get straight... -

sorry... nongay

to the point.

This is your grandmother's
wedding ring.

I want you to have it.

I know you already have rings,

but being it's
your grandmother's...

It's beautiful.

Of course,
it's not rainbow colors,

but I believe
it works the same.

Mom, are you sure?

Yes.

Well, you seem
bound and determined

to test my abilities to adapt.

And I can, you know.

And the Rosens seem like
perfectly lovely people, so...

I knew you'd like them.

Rachel seems okay too.

Thanks, Mom.

She has the driest
sense of humor...

very important
in a daughter-in-law.

I'm proud of you, Mom.

Well, I'm quite proud
of you, too,

my little rebel.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Christine.

Rob!

I was just thinking about you
the other day.

What's all this?

Oh, just a bunch of stuff
for the wedding.

It's coming down to the wire.

Oh, that's right.
So when's the lucky day again?

Sunday.

Oh, so that's why Reggie's
in town.

What?

Reggie's in town?

You didn't know?

I think it was her.

Of course, I've only
seen her in photos.

Of course.

I saw them the other day
at the Living Room.

I thought for sure you knew.

Anyway, they didn't seem
to notice me.

It looked like they were having
one intense conversation.

I got to go.

I'll talk to you later, okay?

[Driving rock music]

Where are you?

Rachel!

I'm here. I'm here.
What's the matter?

Okay, Rachel,
what the hell is going on?

Why didn't you tell me
Reggie was in town?

Who told you that?

Rob.

He saw you having a t?te-?-t?te
at the Living Room.

What's going on, Rachel?

She just came for the wedding.
That's all.

Why didn't you tell me?

I didn't want to upset you.

So you're waiting

till she showed up
at the wedding to upset me?

No, I was gonna tell you.

It was just with
the conversion ceremony and all,

it didn't seem
like the right time.

I don't like this.

I don't like you
keeping this from me.

I wasn't keeping it from you.

I just wanted to find
an appropriate time to tell you.

Oh, and just when
would that have been?

Okay, I was nervous
about telling you

because exactly
what's happening now.

You know how much
I hate confrontations.

But her coming here
doesn't change anything.

Believe me, it doesn't.

I really don't know
what to believe.

Well, you can believe me
when I tell you

it doesn't change anything
that Reggie's here.

Don't do this again.

If you have something
like this to tell me,

I want you to tell me
right away.

Christine,

I love you.

I'm sorry.

I should have told you
right away.

I was wrong.

I'm serious.

I don't want you to keep secrets
from me again.

It wasn't a secret.

But you're right.

I should have told you
right away.

But I love you.

Okay?

Okay.

So when do I get to meet her?

What?

Reggie...

when will I get to meet her?

Whenever you want.

How's tomorrow night
for dinner?

Sure.

I'll give her a call.

Good.

So what do you do again,
Reggie?

I'm a professor of physics
at Columbia University.

What's that, like P. E?

Yes, I teach dodgeball.

Oh, I think it was
Woody Allen who said,

"Those who can't do teach,

"and those who can't teach

teach physics."

I believe he was referring
to gym teachers.

My mistake.

And what is it that you do,
Christine?

I'm a massage therapist.

You know, I don't believe
they teach that particular art

at Columbia.

Or would that be a science?

Would anybody like anything
from the kitchen?

No thanks, honey.

Perhaps a little more wine,
sweetie.

O-kay.

So why are you here, Reggie?

I believe it's the cheese.

Hmm.

Now, you see,

I thought it was
because of the Rachel.

You're a charming,
darling girl,Christine,

but remember,

I can take Rachel from you
whenever I want.

You are a selfish,
arrogant girl, Reggie,

but you even try,
and I'll snap you like a twig.

Oh, my goodness.

Such language, Christine.

To quote my namesake
in The Little Foxes:

"And I thought you were
all sugar water."

Out the pretension, Reggie.

You are no Regina Giddens.

You may think you eat the earth,

but I will hardly stand around
and watch you do it.

Really?

Well, Christine, F.Y.I.,
Rachel and...

(Rachel)
Here's the wine.

Think I'll have some more
myself.

How you gals
getting along?

Fabulously.

The best of friends.

[Softly]
Oh, great.

Great.

She's a darling girl, Rach,

and quite the tigress
when it comes to you.

She's no pushover.

So you thought about
my marriage proposal?

You weren't serious.

Oh, yes, I was.

Bought rings and everything.

Well, Reg,
we enjoyed having you.

You should come by again
next time you're in town.

Yeah, I'll be sure
to do that.

So long, Rach.

Bye, Reg.

Okay, Dad,

I finished
with the air filter.

Do you need
anything else done?

The wedding is Sunday.

Everything seems
to be getting done.

Here and there,
there are things to do, but...

I'm just a little nervous.

It's no big deal,

except Reggie.

I-I don't know what to do.

Rachel, it's all gonna work out
for the best.

What's that supposed to mean?

Now, sweetheart, you know
you don't really love Reggie.

You're just scared
of marrying Christine.

"I can't marry Christine.
I'm still in love with Reggie."

We both know
that isn't really true.

Oh, we do?

How can you be so sure?

'Cause I'm a lot older
than you.

You're too busy
running around

to pay attention
to what's really going on.

So what is going on,
O, Wise One?

Well, the bottom line is,

you have to stop
wasting your time waffling.

Are you insinuating
that I am a waffler?

I most certainly am.

You're my baby,
and I love you,

but you, my Rachel,
are a waffler.

I'm devastated.

You're young.

You'll get over it.

If only I could be sure.

Rachel, let me tell you
something.

It might be a little hard
for you to hear.

This isn't my sex talk, is it?

God forbid.

I want to talk to you
about your sister.

Oh.

We never really
talked about it,

but I think
we finally should.

Why?

'Cause you're a big girl now,
and it's time.

All right.

I relive that day
so many times,

everything about it.

I said good-bye to Naomi
before she left for the game,

and that was it.

She was just wiped away.

Yeah.

All the worrying you do
for a child

and the pride you feel
watching your child grow

day by day, year by year.

You invest all your life,
all your heart,

and in a moment's inattention,
your child is gone.

Never knew I could hurt
so badly.

Yeah, me too.

I know, honey.

But, you know, over time,
I came to understand

the measure of a life
is not in its length

but in its quality.

What quality my Naomi had.

How much she added to my life,
to our lives.

I began to just feel grateful

for the time we did have
with her,

even though it was too short.

What was I supposed to do,

wish I had loved her less
so it wouldn't hurt so much?

I never wanted to feel pain
like that again.

I know, honey.

That's why
I'm telling you this.

When you told us
you were a lesbian,

no, I did not
jump up and down for joy,

but never for a moment
did I think,

"You're not my daughter."

I already learned

that what you hold dear
to your heart

can be taken away in a second,

so you just better love

and be grateful
for what you have,

and pay attention.

[Softly]
I'm scared.

Honey, there is no way
to avoid getting hurt.

But unless you make
some commitments in life,

unless you take
some responsibility,

you're not really living.

You're only a shadow

passing through.

The last thing I want
is responsibility.

Honey, the more responsibility
you take,

the freer you are.

Everything becomes a choice.

Naomi didn't have
much of a choice,

did she?

No, she didn't.

But you do.

And she wouldn't want to be
your excuse for not living.

You know,

I really loved her.

I know, honey,

and she knew.

Yeah?

Yes.

Dad, how'd you get
so smart?

Public television.

It's a wonderful thing.

You see such interesting
programs.

Now, you go get married

and make me some more
grandchildren.

I'll see what I can do.

Hello, Rachel, darling.

Why the urgent call?

Are we eloping?

Do you want anything
to drink?

Sure, I'll have a coffee.

What's up?

Listen, Reg...

I don't like the sound of this.

Reg,

you know I love you and all,

and... and I guess I learned

that I'm not
completely over you,

but I belong with Christine.

I love her.

I don't want to be
without her.

Well,

such a dramatic little speech,

and me without my coffee.

I'm sorry, Reg,

but it's really clear
to me now.

My life is with Christine.

So that's it?

Yeah.

What am I supposed to do
with the rings?

I'm sorry, Reg.

It's because she's blonde,
isn't it?

And a massage therapist to boot.

No benefits
being with a physics professor.

Reg...

I know it's not that, okay?

I'm just trying
to give myself an out

so I can leave gracefully.

But that's not really
an option, is it?

Reg,

you know I'll always love you

in my own little way.

Yeah, me too.

So, um,

you're not coming back
to New York?

You're gonna die out here.

Don't know if I can, Reg.

Our families are out here.

Never bothered you before.

You're not, perchance,

developing family values,
are you?

Perhaps.

PFLAG and all.

Yeah,

Mama Leah.

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

I think, um, I should get back
to New York,

hold on to a little dignity
and all.

(Rachel)
Oh, my God!

Christine!

Christine, hold up!

It's not what you think.

I was telling her good-bye!

I was telling her
that I love you,

that I'm marrying you!

Well, you can turn around
and tell her the wedding is off!

I can't believe you, Rachel.

Do you have any respect
for me at all?

Of course I do.

I feel so stupid!

God, how she must have
laughed at me!

Damn you!

I thought you loved me!
You told me you loved me!

I do love you.
I do want to marry you.

Please... I know I've been stupid,

but please, please, marry me.

Did you sleep with her, Rachel?

Did you jump from our bed
to hers?

God, I am such an idiot!!

Honey, please.

I'll do anything.
Don't leave me.

Leave you?
What's wrong with you?

You were just kissing her!

On the cheek!

I was telling her good-bye!

I told her that I love you,

that I'm not myself anymore
without you.

Who I am is tied with you.

I can't be me without you.

So why, Rachel?

Why did you do this to us?

I don't know.

I was afraid.

I was afraid
if I needed you too badly,

I would lose you.

I always had excuses
not to care too much

so I wouldn't get hurt.

It was my sister.

It was Reggie.

Really, it was just me.

I just didn't want
to hurt anymore.

I don't know
if I can trust you.

Christine, there hasn't been
anyone else.

Reggie is, well, Reggie.

She just pushed
a lot of the right buttons

from my past.

She was my excuse to run away
from making a commitment to you,

because you are the one
that has touched

the deepest part of me,

the person
that I'm most scared of

because you're the person
I'm most vulnerable to.

But I needed Reggie
to come here

to realize what I want
for my life.

I want stop spending my life
just avoiding pain.

I've already wasted
too much time.

I want to start living.

And all I really want

is to live my life with you.

I don't know, Rachel.

Honey, please.

I'll give you everything
that's inside of me.

I commit to you 100%

You're the only one
that I want.

Rachel.

Christine,

marry me.

Come on, honey.

I'll keep a kosher kitchen.

I'll go to services with you.

I'll knock you up.

Promises, promises.

I mean it.

Wouldn't you like to have
a Rachel, Jr.,

crawling around the house?

Well, I already have
a Rachel, Sr.,

crawling around the house.

So you've had practice.

Marry me, Christine,

and I promise you all my heart.

I won't hold one iota
of me back.

You have me totally.

Oh, sounds immense.

But I think you should
get down on your knee.

Christine Peterson,

otherwise known
as Karen bat Avraham Avinu,

will you marry Rachel Rosen,

otherwise known
as Leah Rosen's gay daughter?

I do.

Well, with the power
vested in me,

I most humbly and gratefully
take you

as my significant other.

Amen.

And she bought it!

Oh, only kidding folks.

What do you think of the outfit?

Oh.

Thanks.

Well, I got to get going.

No more excuses.

V'Yasem Lecha Shalom.

May the Lord bless you
and guard you.

May the Lord show you favor
and be gracious to you.

May the Lord show you kindness
and grant you peace.

Amen.

(all)
Amen.

(all)
Mazel Tov!

(man)
Mazel Tov.

(all)
Proud of our gay children!

Mazel Tov!

You know,
I-I just wanted her to feel

that she could share with me,

you know, whatever she was
going through,

that... you know,

if she felt comfortable
to do so,

and I wouldn't at all
be judgmental.

I have a present for you.

This!

Yes, and you have
to wear it right now.

Wonderful!

You look so beautiful!

Thank you, thank you!

Hi.

How you doing?

I'm doing well.

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