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00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:12,570
*
2
00:00:12,610 --> 00:00:25,590
*
3
00:00:27,290 --> 00:00:30,590
Good evening,
television viewers.
4
00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:34,660
Before we continue with
tonight's motion picture,
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00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:36,670
allow me to call
your attention
6
00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:39,430
to some of
the bargains available
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00:00:39,470 --> 00:00:44,670
in our used rocket division down
at Honest Alfred's.
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00:00:44,710 --> 00:00:48,710
All our rockets
are late one-owner models,
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00:00:48,740 --> 00:00:50,910
with very low mileage.
10
00:00:50,950 --> 00:00:55,120
In fact, some never
even got off the ground.
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00:00:55,150 --> 00:00:57,720
They are also simple to operate.
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00:00:57,750 --> 00:01:01,420
Provided you know
how to count to one.
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00:01:01,460 --> 00:01:04,760
Listen to these
typical bargains.
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00:01:04,790 --> 00:01:08,100
"Avant-garde rocket,
complete with extras.
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00:01:08,130 --> 00:01:14,100
This exceptional bargain
traveled only 250 miles
16
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:18,570
before falling into
the water off Cape Canaveral."
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00:01:18,610 --> 00:01:23,350
Or perhaps you'd be interested
in a late-model Thor which
18
00:01:23,380 --> 00:01:27,780
still has the original
mouse in its nose cone.
19
00:01:27,820 --> 00:01:29,720
But now, for our movie.
20
00:01:29,750 --> 00:01:35,620
It is a one-minute
condensation of a 1935 hit.
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*
22
00:01:51,940 --> 00:01:55,280
(traffic sounds)
23
00:02:03,220 --> 00:02:05,050
How was the party, John?
24
00:02:05,050 --> 00:02:05,950
It was expensive.
25
00:02:06,050 --> 00:02:07,260
That's how it was.
26
00:02:07,290 --> 00:02:10,330
It's a good thing we only have
an anniversary once a year.
27
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,660
Don't know what there
is to celebrate, anyway.
28
00:02:15,230 --> 00:02:17,130
It don't pay
to get excited, John.
29
00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:18,330
Who's excited?
30
00:02:18,370 --> 00:02:20,200
My wife acted perfectly normal.
31
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,300
You could hear her purr
through the whole performance
32
00:02:22,340 --> 00:02:25,370
like a rattlesnake
in a small paper bag.
33
00:02:25,410 --> 00:02:26,940
Get me some water, Dad.
34
00:02:30,110 --> 00:02:32,080
And when the party's over
out at the country club,
35
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,920
I walk out into the lobby,
just as nice as you please,
36
00:02:34,950 --> 00:02:37,090
and I say to the manager,
"Send me the bill".
37
00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:38,850
Just as simple as that.
38
00:02:38,890 --> 00:02:41,160
But not for Dorothy.
39
00:02:41,190 --> 00:02:43,220
"Why don't you pay
the man now," she says.
40
00:02:43,260 --> 00:02:44,790
"What are we, a couple
of paupers, John?"
41
00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:45,960
Right in front of everybody.
42
00:02:45,990 --> 00:02:47,600
I could have killed
her right there.
43
00:02:47,630 --> 00:02:51,170
I could have stuffed her big
mouth with that $60 hat of hers.
44
00:02:54,770 --> 00:02:57,370
That's $1,000 I could have
turned over on this lot
45
00:02:57,410 --> 00:03:00,040
two or three times before
I even got the bill!
46
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,910
I'll go get some
hamburgers, John.
47
00:03:01,940 --> 00:03:03,210
What do I want with hamburgers?
48
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:06,720
I just had lamb chops for $482.
49
00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:08,150
A nice cup of coffee, John?
50
00:03:08,180 --> 00:03:11,890
You always feel better
with a nice cup of coffee.
51
00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:13,420
Yeah, I guess so.
52
00:03:29,570 --> 00:03:31,440
Hey, look at this one here.
53
00:03:31,470 --> 00:03:32,310
No, no, no.
54
00:03:32,340 --> 00:03:33,540
Nice paint job, huh?
55
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,710
Yeah, but what's that got
to do with what we want it for?
56
00:03:35,740 --> 00:03:36,710
What's wrong with it?
57
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:37,550
It's empty.
58
00:03:37,580 --> 00:03:39,810
It's too new.
59
00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:46,220
That's nice, all right.
60
00:03:46,250 --> 00:03:48,090
Okay, how about this one here?
61
00:03:48,090 --> 00:03:50,890
Look, it's too much money.
62
00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:52,290
You're a drag.
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00:03:54,830 --> 00:03:56,000
Hey, this is real nice.
64
00:03:56,100 --> 00:03:57,170
It's wonderful, it's beautiful!
65
00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,870
But what're you
gonna pay for it with?
66
00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:02,370
Okay, all right.
67
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,140
Come here, look at
this one, this is nice.
68
00:04:04,170 --> 00:04:05,210
Low down payment, the works.
69
00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:07,410
Can I help you fellows?
70
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:08,580
Oh, you're Mr. Forbes?
71
00:04:08,610 --> 00:04:10,450
My name is Lester,
I'm from the city college.
72
00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:11,280
This here's my friend, Harry.
73
00:04:11,310 --> 00:04:12,610
-Hi.
-Harry.
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00:04:12,650 --> 00:04:14,550
Hey, we're throwing kind of
a bazaar, I mean a carnival.
75
00:04:14,580 --> 00:04:17,120
And you want me to take
a chance on an automobile.
76
00:04:17,150 --> 00:04:20,460
Look, I've got
182 cars on the lot now.
77
00:04:20,490 --> 00:04:23,290
No, we were looking
for an old jalopy,
78
00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,560
one you could hit
with a sledgehammer.
79
00:04:25,590 --> 00:04:26,630
For what?
80
00:04:26,660 --> 00:04:28,560
Like, you know,
three shots for a quarter, man.
81
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:29,730
You know, whammo!
82
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,470
You know, guys like
to show how strong they are.
83
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:33,200
That's just another
human failing, sir.
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00:04:33,230 --> 00:04:36,870
The...the occasional
need to destroy.
85
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:39,140
Our psychology prof
suggested it for our carnival.
86
00:04:39,170 --> 00:04:43,280
He said the quarters
would be bound to roll in.
87
00:04:43,310 --> 00:04:44,480
How much you got to spend?
88
00:04:44,510 --> 00:04:46,210
We got $50.
89
00:04:46,250 --> 00:04:47,220
Half a yard.
90
00:04:47,250 --> 00:04:48,980
That's about enough
to buy four used tires,
91
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,550
if there's any rubber
left on them at all,
92
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:51,790
never mind the car
to go with it.
93
00:04:51,820 --> 00:04:55,160
Oh, sir, this is a very
important project to us.
94
00:04:55,190 --> 00:04:58,130
We're gonna give a small
donation to our library fund.
95
00:04:58,160 --> 00:04:59,660
You see, that makes it cultural.
96
00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:01,030
Yeah, very uplifting.
97
00:05:01,030 --> 00:05:03,500
You'll be a patron of the arts!
98
00:05:03,530 --> 00:05:05,430
Well, come back Friday,
I'll see if I can't find
99
00:05:05,470 --> 00:05:06,570
some load for you to use.
100
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,770
Oh, hey, you're
all right, Mr. Forbes.
101
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,470
Hey, see you around
like a doughnut, huh?
102
00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,510
(engine starts)
103
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:21,050
Come on!
104
00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,080
All right.
105
00:05:31,430 --> 00:05:33,060
Nice kids, but lunatics.
106
00:05:33,060 --> 00:05:35,360
They want some load
they can pound into junk
107
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,130
with a sledgehammer.
108
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,730
That's just one of those things.
109
00:05:38,770 --> 00:05:40,570
Enough sugar in here?
110
00:05:42,670 --> 00:05:44,540
If I tell them to take
their lousy 50 bucks and go buy
111
00:05:44,570 --> 00:05:47,080
a pair of roller skates,
then I lose the college trade.
112
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,380
So, what're you gonna do?
113
00:05:49,410 --> 00:05:51,910
If I'm not here Friday when they
come back, give them that green
114
00:05:51,950 --> 00:05:54,680
'48 coupe, the one with
the transmission gone.
115
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:57,390
I couldn't unload that
for more than 80 bucks, anyway.
116
00:06:01,020 --> 00:06:03,060
I'd be just as well off
if I wholesaled everything
117
00:06:03,090 --> 00:06:06,160
on this lot and got out of
this business once and for all.
118
00:06:06,190 --> 00:06:07,300
What's in it for me?
119
00:06:07,330 --> 00:06:10,400
Oh, don't worry, Dad,
I wouldn't be dumping you.
120
00:06:10,430 --> 00:06:12,330
My wife costs me more in
that beauty parlor every week,
121
00:06:12,370 --> 00:06:14,070
than you get in your
whole pay envelope.
122
00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:15,640
It ain't easy at my age, John.
123
00:06:15,670 --> 00:06:17,870
Nobody wants to take you on
when you're this old.
124
00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,270
Not that I can't be useful.
125
00:06:19,310 --> 00:06:23,380
Not that I don't move around
like I was only half my age.
126
00:06:23,410 --> 00:06:25,850
I know, I heard you.
127
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,080
I'll take care of you.
128
00:06:30,050 --> 00:06:32,950
Just forget what I said, Dad.
129
00:06:33,050 --> 00:06:34,760
You got nothing to worry about.
130
00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:39,060
Oh, Dad, your wife
is here with your lunch.
131
00:06:41,060 --> 00:06:42,730
Hello, Mr. Forbes.
132
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:43,870
Now, what does a nice old gal
133
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:45,800
like that have
to wait outside for?
134
00:06:45,830 --> 00:06:46,740
Kitty?
135
00:06:46,770 --> 00:06:48,900
Yeah, why don't
you ever ask her in?
136
00:06:48,940 --> 00:06:50,140
Kitty don't like
to come in the office
137
00:06:50,170 --> 00:06:51,940
during business hours, John.
138
00:06:51,970 --> 00:06:53,210
"Don't mix business
with pleasure,"
139
00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:55,310
Kitty and I always say.
140
00:06:55,340 --> 00:06:57,750
Pleasure, after 47 years?
141
00:06:57,780 --> 00:06:59,750
Kitty ain't
so bright these days.
142
00:06:59,780 --> 00:07:01,280
Getting old, you know.
143
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,620
But her and I get
along pretty good.
144
00:07:03,650 --> 00:07:05,490
Excuse me, John.
145
00:07:21,670 --> 00:07:23,640
(horn beeping)
146
00:07:25,770 --> 00:07:28,040
You're looking
for John, Mrs. Forbes?
147
00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:28,640
Yes.
148
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,080
He's in the office.
149
00:07:30,110 --> 00:07:32,450
Do you always call him John?
150
00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:33,620
Yes, ma'am.
151
00:07:33,650 --> 00:07:35,780
Excuse me.
152
00:07:52,330 --> 00:07:54,600
A trip to New Zealand
to see your cousin Nan.
153
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,070
The day after
our anniversary party,
154
00:07:56,070 --> 00:07:58,140
I have to get hit with that!
155
00:07:58,170 --> 00:08:00,710
There's no use
in raising your voice, John.
156
00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:02,410
I've already called
the travel agency,
157
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,110
and I'm determined to get away.
158
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,310
Then you just get down off
that high-octane horse
159
00:08:06,350 --> 00:08:07,850
and call the agency back.
160
00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:11,020
Tell them your husband can't
afford a trip to New Zealand,
161
00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:13,620
and keep your big mouth shut
about this to your fine friends
162
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:16,590
in the country club.
163
00:08:16,620 --> 00:08:19,790
I'm telling you,
Dorothy, the answer is no.
164
00:08:19,830 --> 00:08:21,160
If you advertise it
that you're going
165
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:22,260
and then you don't,
166
00:08:22,300 --> 00:08:24,270
they'll think I've
got money problems.
167
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:26,430
I can't afford that now
when business is slow.
168
00:08:26,470 --> 00:08:30,270
First thing you know,
the bank'll tighten up on me.
169
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:32,070
Thanks for the suggestion.
170
00:08:34,210 --> 00:08:36,310
What suggestion?
171
00:08:39,180 --> 00:08:42,150
The value of publicity, darling.
172
00:08:42,180 --> 00:08:44,590
I'll let you
figure that one out.
173
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,590
New Zealand!
174
00:08:48,620 --> 00:08:51,390
I'll get her a one-way ticket
right out of Cape Canaveral.
175
00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:53,500
Zoom!
176
00:08:53,530 --> 00:08:56,230
Scare the pants right off
the man in the moon!
177
00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:04,540
Did you ever hear
of a woman like that?
178
00:09:04,570 --> 00:09:08,210
With me in hock and things
so slow on the lot?
179
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:10,010
I've gotta cut expenses.
180
00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:11,150
Who am I working for, anyway?
181
00:09:11,180 --> 00:09:12,010
The country club?
182
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:12,780
The department stores?
183
00:09:12,810 --> 00:09:13,850
The steamship lines?
184
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,680
(phone ringing)
185
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,050
I'd be better off
collecting a salary
186
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:18,690
from some other poor slob.
187
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:21,020
Forbes Motor Sales.
188
00:09:21,020 --> 00:09:23,430
You got a what?
189
00:09:23,460 --> 00:09:26,360
A '53 coupe, nice and clean?
190
00:09:26,390 --> 00:09:28,060
Well, that's exactly
what you told me about
191
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:33,200
that mobile hen coop you tried
to unload on me last week.
192
00:09:33,230 --> 00:09:34,940
All right, we'll be over, Murph.
193
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,040
But I'll tell you right now,
I wouldn't give you more than
194
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:41,780
five bills for a '53
if you loaded it with blondes.
195
00:09:41,810 --> 00:09:43,410
Okay.
196
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:44,250
That was Eddie Murphy.
197
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:47,750
They took
a '53 coupe on a trade.
198
00:09:47,780 --> 00:09:49,050
Go over and pick it up.
199
00:09:49,050 --> 00:09:50,920
I gotta get back to the house
before the Empress takes off
200
00:09:50,950 --> 00:09:53,920
for the country club and starts
to blab about New Zealand.
201
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,220
That's all I need.
202
00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:58,730
Oh, if that car's any good,
bring it on out to the house.
203
00:09:58,760 --> 00:09:59,830
Take the car over to the garage
204
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,730
and have them check
the universal joint.
205
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,260
I could hear it
clanking all the way over.
206
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:04,570
You need gas, John.
207
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,230
I've got enough to take me home.
208
00:10:06,270 --> 00:10:07,440
Okay.
209
00:10:08,670 --> 00:10:11,570
All right, so I'm a slob
without the social graces.
210
00:10:11,610 --> 00:10:14,840
I'm a meatball married
to a dime-store queen.
211
00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,980
Why do you bother changing?
212
00:10:17,010 --> 00:10:18,580
If you're going to act
like an orangutan,
213
00:10:18,610 --> 00:10:20,620
you might as well look like one.
214
00:10:22,350 --> 00:10:24,590
I'm asking you for
the last time to get your car
215
00:10:24,620 --> 00:10:27,360
out of the driveway,
it's blocking mine.
216
00:10:27,390 --> 00:10:28,790
And I'm telling you
for the last time,
217
00:10:28,820 --> 00:10:30,960
you're not going there alone.
218
00:10:30,990 --> 00:10:34,530
Any speeches made at the country
club tonight will be made by me.
219
00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:36,130
And if you so much
as open your mouth
220
00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:38,000
about that cruise
to New Zealand,
221
00:10:38,030 --> 00:10:39,470
I'll tell them
you haven't got the price
222
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:42,040
to take a tin canoe
up McClusky's Creek.
223
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:45,170
Good evening, Mrs. Forbes.
224
00:10:52,850 --> 00:10:55,420
(engine starts)
225
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:02,060
Dorothy!
226
00:11:02,060 --> 00:11:03,830
You come back here!
227
00:11:03,860 --> 00:11:05,060
I'm sorry
for your troubles, John.
228
00:11:05,060 --> 00:11:06,660
It ain't my business,
I understand, but it's not
229
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:07,860
the way a woman should act.
230
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,900
After all I told her,
after everything I said.
231
00:11:09,930 --> 00:11:11,170
She's gonna run out
of gas in that car.
232
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:12,900
Like I told you,
it was almost dry.
233
00:11:12,930 --> 00:11:14,370
Let her run out of gas.
234
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:18,410
I hope she has a six-mile
hike in her open-toed shoes.
235
00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:19,310
Oh, I better pick her up.
236
00:11:19,340 --> 00:11:21,310
Pour yourself
a drink and watch TV.
237
00:11:21,340 --> 00:11:24,580
I'll be 20 minutes,
maybe half an hour.
238
00:11:26,210 --> 00:11:36,220
*
239
00:11:36,260 --> 00:11:46,300
*
240
00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:56,240
*
241
00:11:56,280 --> 00:12:06,320
*
242
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:18,800
*
243
00:12:18,830 --> 00:12:20,070
(screaming, crash)
244
00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:21,540
*
245
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,920
Well, I'm back.
246
00:12:33,950 --> 00:12:35,250
I didn't see my wife.
247
00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,920
Pour me a drink.
248
00:12:37,950 --> 00:12:39,520
I had an accident.
249
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:43,960
Did you hear what I said?
250
00:12:43,990 --> 00:12:45,660
I had an accident.
251
00:12:45,690 --> 00:12:46,960
Anybody hurt much, John?
252
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,760
You run into a car?
253
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,300
No, it wasn't a car,
it was somebody walking
254
00:12:51,330 --> 00:12:54,140
out on Mosley Road.
255
00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:56,200
A person's got no right
to be walking after dark
256
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,270
along a road like that.
257
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,050
Now...
258
00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:07,820
you better take that car
right back to the lot now.
259
00:13:07,850 --> 00:13:09,480
We were here all night,
right in this room,
260
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:10,690
just the two of us.
261
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:13,050
We were watching TV,
you understand?
262
00:13:13,050 --> 00:13:15,060
Come on.
263
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:25,600
Don't put the lights on yet.
264
00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:27,500
Come here.
265
00:13:30,270 --> 00:13:32,310
It's funny how it got busted.
266
00:13:32,340 --> 00:13:33,740
I don't know if somebody
threw a rock at me
267
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:37,710
or if a bear jumped out
and bit a hole in it.
268
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:40,250
You know what I mean?
269
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,250
I've got a pair of '53
headlights on the lot.
270
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:48,090
You take care of this, Dad,
and I'll take care of you.
271
00:13:48,090 --> 00:13:50,890
I figured you'd
take care of me, John.
272
00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,330
You told me that before.
273
00:13:53,360 --> 00:14:04,470
*
274
00:14:24,460 --> 00:14:27,060
(screeching tires)
275
00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:44,650
Mr. Forbes?
276
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:45,980
Yes.
277
00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:50,620
I'm sorry to bother you
at this time, Mr. Forbes.
278
00:14:50,650 --> 00:14:51,990
Well, that's
all right, I understand.
279
00:14:52,090 --> 00:14:55,160
You fellows have
your jobs to do.
280
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:10,040
(horn honking)
281
00:15:12,470 --> 00:15:14,280
Hey, is that the one
over there, Pop?
282
00:15:14,310 --> 00:15:15,440
Man, that must be the car.
283
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:16,280
Well, let's go.
284
00:15:16,310 --> 00:15:17,410
Wow!
285
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:18,410
Guys, it'd take three years
286
00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:20,580
to knock the fenders
off the crate.
287
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:23,550
Boy, it feels solid.
288
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,250
Come on, how about it, Pop?
289
00:15:39,770 --> 00:15:42,240
Come on, how about it, Pop?
290
00:15:42,270 --> 00:15:44,770
No, boys, not this one.
291
00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:46,510
Got a souped-up motor
and overdrive.
292
00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:48,410
The boss has got a couple
of parties interested.
293
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:49,680
Oh, you're kidding.
294
00:15:49,710 --> 00:15:51,610
Come along, I'll show you.
295
00:15:57,420 --> 00:15:58,950
What do you got
in mind, Pop, huh?
296
00:15:58,990 --> 00:16:00,060
Well now, look.
297
00:16:00,090 --> 00:16:01,390
Take this one.
298
00:16:01,420 --> 00:16:02,360
For 50 bucks?
299
00:16:02,390 --> 00:16:03,160
You're kidding.
300
00:16:03,190 --> 00:16:04,330
The rear-end
transmission's shot.
301
00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:06,060
Now, the boss says
if you take it away now,
302
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,500
you can have it
for your carnival.
303
00:16:07,530 --> 00:16:09,030
Thanks, Pop, thanks a lot.
304
00:16:09,030 --> 00:16:13,340
(crosstalk)
305
00:16:14,370 --> 00:16:17,740
(car trying to start)
306
00:16:17,770 --> 00:16:20,080
We estimate that your wife
was knocked about 30 feet
307
00:16:20,110 --> 00:16:23,310
into that clump
of shrubbery, Mr. Forbes.
308
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,050
Hit-and-run, you figure?
309
00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:26,610
Yes and no.
310
00:16:26,650 --> 00:16:29,520
Whoever it was sure ran,
but there were some
311
00:16:29,550 --> 00:16:32,720
interesting tire tracks
along the shoulder of the road.
312
00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:36,160
Someone could have
taken dead aim.
313
00:16:36,190 --> 00:16:38,560
Do you think that's possible?
314
00:16:38,590 --> 00:16:42,060
Anything is
possible, Mr. Forbes.
315
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:45,070
But we checked the tire tracks,
316
00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:47,370
they don't match those
of your car or your wife's.
317
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:51,940
(car trying to start)
318
00:16:57,380 --> 00:16:59,410
Come on, get it going.
319
00:17:04,150 --> 00:17:04,720
Hey, Pops.
320
00:17:04,750 --> 00:17:05,890
Yeah, what's the matter?
321
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:07,190
This thing won't run,
the battery's dead.
322
00:17:07,220 --> 00:17:08,520
There's nothing the matter.
323
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,190
Just get it going, that's all,
and back it out of here.
324
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:12,730
Come on, Lester,
give me a shove.
325
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:15,030
Try it again.
326
00:17:15,060 --> 00:17:16,160
(car trying to start)
327
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,200
I understand that you
were home last night.
328
00:17:18,230 --> 00:17:19,030
Yes, that's right.
329
00:17:19,030 --> 00:17:20,800
I was home all night.
330
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,200
Was anyone with you?
331
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:23,340
Yes, Dad was.
332
00:17:23,370 --> 00:17:25,670
He's the man that works for me.
333
00:17:25,710 --> 00:17:28,510
He came over a little
while after my wife left.
334
00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:29,910
What for?
335
00:17:29,940 --> 00:17:31,350
Well, to keep me company.
336
00:17:31,380 --> 00:17:33,050
Have a couple of drinks.
337
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,820
I'm not much for
the country club.
338
00:17:36,850 --> 00:17:38,850
All right, Mr. Forbes,
339
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:41,260
I guess that's all for now.
340
00:17:41,290 --> 00:17:42,120
Thanks for your help.
341
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,390
That's all right.
342
00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:53,640
That the right
mileage on this '56?
343
00:17:53,670 --> 00:17:57,310
One thing we never do
is change the speedometers.
344
00:17:57,340 --> 00:17:59,240
Not a bad buy at that price.
345
00:17:59,270 --> 00:18:02,810
Hey, Pop, where
were you last night?
346
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:03,910
Me?
347
00:18:04,010 --> 00:18:05,410
I was out at John's.
348
00:18:05,450 --> 00:18:07,650
What time were you there?
349
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:08,880
After 5:30.
350
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,490
I guess I stayed till 10:00.
351
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,220
Well, what'd you do out there?
352
00:18:13,250 --> 00:18:16,560
Oh, we had some drinks
and watched some television.
353
00:18:16,590 --> 00:18:18,460
Two westerns and a giveaway.
354
00:18:18,490 --> 00:18:19,590
Come on, Lester,
give me a shove.
355
00:18:19,630 --> 00:18:21,260
John's very nice
about those things.
356
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:22,200
I had a chicken leg,
357
00:18:22,230 --> 00:18:24,370
some olives,
and a half box of candy.
358
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,530
Was Mr. Forbes there all night?
359
00:18:26,570 --> 00:18:27,370
Sure he was there.
360
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:28,940
Him and me together,
we had a ball.
361
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,040
Okay, come on, come on.
362
00:18:31,070 --> 00:18:31,940
Harder, man.
363
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:33,140
Come on.
364
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:36,640
All right, Pop.
365
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:37,910
Thanks.
366
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,650
I may call on you later
to make it official.
367
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:42,480
Charlie?
368
00:18:57,630 --> 00:18:58,670
You think it went all right?
369
00:18:58,700 --> 00:19:00,300
It went better than that, Dad.
370
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:02,000
Don't worry,
I'll take care of you.
371
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,370
I have to get back
to the undertaker now.
372
00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:04,870
Make it look good
with the relatives.
373
00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:08,740
You don't have to worry
about that car no more.
374
00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:10,210
I don't?
375
00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:12,310
Them college boys was just here.
376
00:19:12,350 --> 00:19:17,250
They just bought
that problem for 50 bucks.
377
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:29,860
*
378
00:19:29,900 --> 00:19:31,100
Can I keep it, Dad?
379
00:19:31,130 --> 00:19:33,030
Why do you think
I got it for you?
380
00:19:33,070 --> 00:19:34,340
How much was it?
381
00:19:34,370 --> 00:19:36,100
Never mind how much it was.
382
00:19:36,140 --> 00:19:37,510
You didn't steal it, did you?
383
00:19:37,540 --> 00:19:38,110
No.
384
00:19:38,140 --> 00:19:41,940
*
385
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:42,680
Thank you.
386
00:19:42,710 --> 00:19:43,780
Come on, come on.
387
00:19:43,810 --> 00:19:48,620
*
388
00:19:48,650 --> 00:19:51,120
Nice carnival, huh?
389
00:19:51,150 --> 00:19:53,390
Yes, it is.
390
00:19:53,420 --> 00:19:56,220
*
391
00:19:56,260 --> 00:19:57,830
Mr. Forbes was very nice to me
392
00:19:57,860 --> 00:19:59,460
when I seen him this afternoon.
393
00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:02,700
He said you don't have
to worry anymore about your job.
394
00:20:02,730 --> 00:20:04,600
John said that, huh?
395
00:20:04,630 --> 00:20:06,770
I guess that's the least
he could say now.
396
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:11,370
*
397
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:14,910
Besides, Mr. Forbes gave me $10.
398
00:20:14,940 --> 00:20:16,180
$10 for what?
399
00:20:16,210 --> 00:20:17,780
He thought we might
have a real nice time
400
00:20:17,810 --> 00:20:18,880
at the carnival.
401
00:20:18,910 --> 00:20:21,380
I thought maybe
we could eat here tonight
402
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:23,020
at the carnival, Dad.
403
00:20:23,050 --> 00:20:24,520
Well, maybe we will.
404
00:20:24,550 --> 00:20:27,860
*
405
00:20:27,890 --> 00:20:29,620
Come inside
and see the death car.
406
00:20:29,660 --> 00:20:31,030
Only 50 cents.
407
00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:32,960
Three shots for 50 cents.
408
00:20:32,990 --> 00:20:34,760
All right, folks, come on,
gather around, you only get
409
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,260
three shots for half a rock now.
410
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:37,370
Come on, step inside.
411
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:38,400
Come on, shake the angel cake
412
00:20:38,430 --> 00:20:39,200
out of your blood.
413
00:20:39,230 --> 00:20:40,340
Come on, see
how strong you are.
414
00:20:40,370 --> 00:20:41,940
Step up, come on inside.
415
00:20:41,970 --> 00:20:45,470
It may be the last chance you'll
ever have to see that death car.
416
00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:46,680
Well, let's see,
what do you say?
417
00:20:46,710 --> 00:20:47,410
Come on, that way.
418
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:48,810
Come on in, sir,
come on in, now.
419
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:51,310
Come on, 50 cents,
only 50 cents.
420
00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:52,810
Three shots for 50 cents.
421
00:20:52,850 --> 00:20:54,280
Come on, come on inside.
422
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:54,750
Come on!
423
00:20:54,780 --> 00:20:55,680
Yeah!
424
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:56,950
Whoa!
425
00:20:56,990 --> 00:20:58,690
Whoa!
426
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:00,090
Whoa!
427
00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:02,060
(all yelling)
428
00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:04,060
Only three shots for 50 cents.
429
00:21:04,060 --> 00:21:04,790
Thank you very much.
430
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:05,730
Who'll be next?
431
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:06,700
Step right up, sir!
432
00:21:06,730 --> 00:21:07,530
Step right up!
433
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:10,370
*
434
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:11,600
Thank you, sir.
435
00:21:11,630 --> 00:21:13,600
Roll your sleeve up a little
higher so the ladies can see
436
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,570
that pretty tattoo.
437
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,440
This may be modern man's
last chance to strike back
438
00:21:18,470 --> 00:21:19,840
at the Industrial Revolution,
439
00:21:19,870 --> 00:21:21,580
so watch this man go.
440
00:21:21,610 --> 00:21:24,450
*
441
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:28,180
(cheering)
442
00:21:45,900 --> 00:21:48,000
You don't have to worry
about that car no more.
443
00:21:48,100 --> 00:21:50,210
You couldn't tell it
from a plate of pizzas.
444
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:51,970
You didn't talk
to anybody about it, did you?
445
00:21:52,010 --> 00:21:53,170
Who, me?
446
00:21:53,210 --> 00:21:54,540
How would I talk?
447
00:21:54,580 --> 00:21:57,850
After all, we're
kind of partners now.
448
00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:00,050
You know what I mean?
449
00:22:00,050 --> 00:22:01,580
No, what do you mean?
450
00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:05,790
I mean, I wouldn't want to
mention that busted headlight.
451
00:22:05,820 --> 00:22:11,360
Except a man my age,
he's got to be practical.
452
00:22:11,390 --> 00:22:13,460
Yeah, I suppose that's true.
453
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,200
You said you'd take care of me.
454
00:22:15,230 --> 00:22:17,970
You told me you would.
455
00:22:24,540 --> 00:22:27,080
Listen, John, I never
said a word to a soul.
456
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,420
All right, Pop, carnival's over.
457
00:22:33,450 --> 00:22:34,850
You better come with us.
458
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,580
You fellas are kidding, huh?
459
00:22:36,620 --> 00:22:37,720
Yeah, that's right, Pop.
460
00:22:37,750 --> 00:22:39,190
We're playing a game.
461
00:22:39,220 --> 00:22:40,990
The same as you were
Wednesday night,
462
00:22:41,090 --> 00:22:44,360
when you ran over
Mrs. Forbes on Mosley Road.
463
00:22:44,390 --> 00:22:46,430
I'm telling you fellas,
I was out at his house.
464
00:22:46,460 --> 00:22:48,100
We had some drinks
and we watched a show.
465
00:22:48,130 --> 00:22:51,100
No, Pop, you got there
after Mrs. Forbes left.
466
00:22:51,130 --> 00:22:53,370
You saw her walking along
the shoulder of the road,
467
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,940
and then knocked
her off like a 10 pin.
468
00:22:55,970 --> 00:22:57,540
He did it!
469
00:22:57,570 --> 00:22:58,740
He killed her!
470
00:22:58,770 --> 00:23:01,580
He didn't give away
a $500 crate for 50 bucks, Pop.
471
00:23:01,610 --> 00:23:04,810
Not so that some crazy kids
could whack it into junk.
472
00:23:04,850 --> 00:23:06,720
We checked with
the boys at the college.
473
00:23:06,750 --> 00:23:08,080
I'm telling you, he hated her!
474
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:09,420
You've got to listen to me!
475
00:23:09,450 --> 00:23:12,190
We're not checking into
Mr. Forbes' love life, Pop.
476
00:23:12,220 --> 00:23:14,590
The fact of the matter
is he didn't have
477
00:23:14,620 --> 00:23:16,930
a broken headlight
hidden in his house.
478
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:18,830
At least not one that matched
479
00:23:18,860 --> 00:23:22,760
the glass we found
on Mosley Road.
480
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:24,870
Come on, Pop.
481
00:23:24,900 --> 00:23:25,930
Kitty!
482
00:23:25,970 --> 00:23:27,170
Kitty!
483
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:28,470
Kitty!
484
00:23:31,310 --> 00:23:32,740
Did you hear Dad?
485
00:23:32,770 --> 00:23:34,280
Was he calling me?
486
00:23:34,310 --> 00:23:36,780
Well, I'm not sure,
he might have been.
487
00:23:36,810 --> 00:23:39,650
He's been a good
husband to me, Dad has.
488
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:41,950
We ate out tonight,
the two of us.
489
00:23:41,980 --> 00:23:46,620
I want to thank you
for the $10, Mr. Forbes.
490
00:23:46,650 --> 00:23:49,260
That headlight
you asked me about today.
491
00:23:49,290 --> 00:23:51,960
I never asked him
why he had it hid.
492
00:23:54,260 --> 00:23:58,300
I get so nervous at night,
when I can't find Dad.
493
00:23:58,330 --> 00:24:02,240
*
494
00:24:02,270 --> 00:24:03,510
Would you take care of me?
495
00:24:03,540 --> 00:24:06,140
*
496
00:24:09,210 --> 00:24:13,110
I'm sorry to say that
Honest Alfred's Cold War
497
00:24:13,150 --> 00:24:17,390
Surplus Store
has been forced to close.
498
00:24:17,420 --> 00:24:21,560
Our buyers just didn't keep up
their monthly payments, and it
499
00:24:21,590 --> 00:24:24,890
was rather difficult for us
to get in touch with them
500
00:24:24,930 --> 00:24:27,700
after they got into orbit.
501
00:24:27,730 --> 00:24:31,270
Here's news from a more
successful entrepreneur,
502
00:24:31,300 --> 00:24:35,070
after which I shall return.
503
00:24:36,910 --> 00:24:40,480
By the way, those of you
who witnessed tonight's crime
504
00:24:40,510 --> 00:24:44,480
will be glad to learn that
the party who perpetrated it
505
00:24:44,510 --> 00:24:48,180
has been justly punished.
506
00:24:48,220 --> 00:24:50,590
I refer not to
the recent commercial,
507
00:24:50,620 --> 00:24:53,620
but to John Forbes'
murder of his wife.
508
00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:57,130
When I last heard, the person
responsible for the commercial
509
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,330
was still at large.
510
00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:02,130
The big ones always get away.
511
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:05,130
Next week, I shall
be back with another story.
512
00:25:05,170 --> 00:25:07,170
Until then, good night.
35890
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