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1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,506
(SlNGlNG) The Simpsons
2
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:07,757
(TlRES SCREECHlNG)
3
00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:10,593
D'oh !
4
00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:12,595
(SCREAMlNG)
(BRAKES SCREECHlNG)
5
00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:28,820
l don't understand
this game, Bart.
6
00:00:28,904 --> 00:00:30,363
How come we have
to rake your lawn
7
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:31,906
while you just
get to sit there?
8
00:00:32,074 --> 00:00:33,116
Because l'm "it."
9
00:00:33,242 --> 00:00:35,535
Now whoever finishes
first gets lemonade.
10
00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:36,577
BOTH: Yay!
11
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:37,662
For me.
12
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:44,085
Later when we wash his bike,
l'm not gonna do a good job.
13
00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:45,878
l'm telling Mr. Bart!
14
00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,130
Shh !
15
00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:49,716
Hey, guys.
16
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:50,883
(GlGGLlNG)
17
00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:52,135
Uh-oh. Girls.
18
00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:54,220
You guys need
your cootie shots.
19
00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,055
(BOTH CRYlNG OUT lN PAlN)
20
00:00:56,598 --> 00:01:00,518
Well, l hate this job,
but l love the health plan.
21
00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:03,104
Okay, ladies.
Don't you have
a poodle to dress up?
22
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,355
Fine, we'll go.
23
00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:07,525
We'll find some other way
to entertain our
boy-crazy cousin
24
00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:08,818
who thinks you're cute.
25
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:13,322
Oh, l wouldn't mind
pushing that in the mud.
26
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:19,787
(MUMBLlNG)
27
00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:23,624
Homer drunk? But how?
28
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:24,792
Hmm.
29
00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:30,339
Round and round
the bottle twirls,
30
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,925
l hope it stops
on one of the girls.
31
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:34,927
(GASPlNG)
32
00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:38,389
l hope you like
the taste of
ringworm medicine.
33
00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:40,433
Ew!
34
00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:44,687
Ugh !
35
00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:47,815
Ew! l kissed
that sad weird kid !
36
00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:49,400
My beer!
37
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:53,529
You never had a chance
to become my urine.
38
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,114
(SOBBlNG)
39
00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:57,241
Why you little. . .
40
00:01:57,326 --> 00:01:58,534
(CHOKlNG)
41
00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:04,290
My first kiss.
42
00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:09,587
Stop it, Homer!
There's only one way
to settle this.
43
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,380
ln Simpson Family Court.
44
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,549
What the hell's that?
45
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:17,678
l got the idea from
a now discredited book
on raising children.
46
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:19,138
(GAVEL BANGS)
47
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,766
Now up, the case of
Simpson v. Simpson.
48
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:24,393
Mr. Simpson, do you
think it's appropriate
49
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:27,855
for a 1 0-year-old boy
to steal a beer
with intent to kiss?
50
00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:29,315
Do you think it was
appropriate to bet
51
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:30,775
against your son's
little league team?
52
00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:33,653
What? Permission to treat
this witness as hostile.
53
00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:37,240
Homer,
l'll bet when you were 1 0,
you were stealing beers,
54
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,242
kissing girls,
and tipping dinosaurs.
55
00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:43,079
Your father's first kiss
was in high school,
with me.
56
00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:47,458
Actually, Marge,
there was someone
before you.
57
00:02:47,543 --> 00:02:48,668
(GASPlNG)
58
00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:55,591
lt was years ago
when l was 1 0, back in
the '60s or '50s.
59
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,844
Or maybe it was
the early '70s.
60
00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:00,429
Underprivileged?
61
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,432
You pretended
we were poor just to
get me into camp?
62
00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:05,434
Uh, yeah, pretended.
63
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:13,860
Hey, you must be Homer!
l'm Lenny and this is Carl.
64
00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,236
Wow, a Negro.
65
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:16,737
We prefer the term "black."
66
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,698
So cool.
67
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:22,159
Heya, fellas. l'm Moe.
l'm your junior counselor.
68
00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:24,579
(CHUCKLlNG)
Moe's not really
a counselor.
69
00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:26,956
His parents
dropped him off here,
like, two years ago
70
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,207
and they never
came back for him.
71
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,710
l sleep under
upside-down canoes.
72
00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:32,461
(CHUCKLlNG NERVOUSLY)
73
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:33,838
(UPBEAT MUSlC PLAYlNG)
74
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,299
(CARL AND LENNY GROANlNG)
75
00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,302
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
76
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,179
D'oh !
77
00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:52,607
ln the summertime
when the weather is high
78
00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:53,774
(ALL YELLlNG)
79
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:01,157
That's the girls' camp
right over there.
80
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,410
(COY GlGGLlNG)
81
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:05,620
Hi.
82
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,997
Oh ! l can't wait
to meet the girls!
83
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:12,585
ALL: Wha. . .
84
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:15,087
That's right.
You're working
in the kitchen.
85
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,547
That's how our
camp pays the bills.
86
00:04:16,632 --> 00:04:17,632
What bills?
87
00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:20,676
We got no water, no heat.
We catch our own breakfast.
88
00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:24,722
Twelve kids died at our camp.
We need the money
to pay lawyers.
89
00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:35,733
l thought
we were gonna play
fun games at camp.
90
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,026
Oh, here's one!
91
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,946
lt's called
"Stay out of my way." ldiot.
92
00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:43,366
YOUNG MARGE:
Oh, no. My retainer.
93
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,620
l got it!
94
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:48,996
Ooh la la!
95
00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:51,707
A girl with teeth ! Me like.
96
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:58,214
YOUNG MARGE: Oh, thank you.
You sound so sweet.
97
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,091
(CHUCKLlNG)
98
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,386
That's 'cause
l've eaten 1 6 pieces of pie.
99
00:05:03,679 --> 00:05:05,388
(BOTH GlGGLlNG)
100
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:09,558
You know,
doing dishes has been
the best part of camp.
101
00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:10,935
YOUNG MARGE: Really? Why?
102
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,812
Because l talked to you.
103
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,605
YOUNG MARGE: Aw!
104
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:18,985
l couldn't see her
through the flaps,
but she's my kind of girl.
105
00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:20,778
Tell us more about the flaps.
106
00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:23,280
To me, they were
the rubbery gates of heaven
107
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:26,659
because behind them
was the girl of my dreams.
108
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:30,246
Oh, man. Someday love'll come
sliding down my chute.
109
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,248
Well, l can ask if
she has any friends
110
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,083
because she wants
to meet me tonight.
111
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:35,835
Way to go!
Out of sight!
112
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:37,294
Now, Homer,
if you're gonna go,
113
00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:38,671
you better take
some protection.
114
00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:41,090
Oh, a switchblade!
115
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,759
l see the switch,
but where's the blade?
116
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,594
(CLlCKlNG)
D'oh ! Found it.
117
00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:49,348
An eye patch?
But l've got a date tonight.
118
00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:51,517
Oh, don't worry.
Chicks love
that kind of thing.
119
00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:53,728
Patches, scars, stumps.
120
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,813
Everything but zits.
121
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,107
All right,
how should l get there?
122
00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:00,860
Hmm.
123
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:04,864
l guess it's row versus wade.
And it's my right to choose!
124
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:09,493
Are you looking
to cross the lake
which separates ye from she?
125
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:10,578
Who are you?
126
00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:12,496
The sailing instructor.
127
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:16,083
And on movie night,
l run the projector.
128
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:18,878
Only PG. Nothing R.
129
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:20,463
Yarrr.
130
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:30,806
HOMER:
I couIdn't beIieve my eye.
131
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:34,894
She was the prettiest
girl l'd ever seen.
132
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:36,395
(CHUCKLlNG NERVOUSLY)
133
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,897
Until l met your mother,
134
00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:41,025
who made that girl look like
a Godzilla made of garbage!
135
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,402
Homer, that girl was me!
136
00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:44,570
(ALL GASPlNG)
137
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:45,863
How romantic.
138
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:48,074
You and Dad were drawn
to each other as kids
139
00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:49,992
and you didn't
even realize it!
140
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:53,621
Yes. And then your
father broke my heart.
141
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:57,541
And if l'd known
it was you, l never would
have married you.
142
00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:01,629
Oh, this is so confusing !
l'd like a brief recess.
143
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:02,963
Granted.
(BANGS GAVEL)
144
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,632
Whee! Recess!
145
00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:05,758
(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
146
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,176
(GlGGLlNG)
147
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:08,844
Whee!
148
00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:13,390
Let me get this straight.
149
00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,267
When you were my age,
you had the hots for Mom
150
00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:16,352
and didn't even know it?
151
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:19,396
Oh, that's cool
or is it lame?
152
00:07:19,523 --> 00:07:22,233
l guess l'll go with lame.
You were lame!
153
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:25,194
Why? Because
l only kissed one girl
in my whole life?
154
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,946
That's still
one more than you.
155
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,531
l've kissed three girls.
156
00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:29,990
(SOBBlNG)
157
00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:31,575
l'm so lame!
158
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:34,495
You're not gonna
be kissing anybody
for a while!
159
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:35,955
Well, that stinks!
160
00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:37,206
But l still get
to kiss you, right?
161
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,541
(GRUMBLES)
162
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,626
Mom, why are you so mad?
163
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:42,461
l'll start from
the beginning.
164
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:46,924
The girls' camp
was focused on teaching
etiquette and deportment.
165
00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:50,219
Now that l've
captured your interest,
let me continue.
166
00:07:53,557 --> 00:07:57,643
By summer's end,
l promise you will
all walk like ladies,
167
00:07:57,727 --> 00:08:00,437
talk like ladies,
and hold your
liquor like ladies.
168
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:04,775
Now chin up, head back,
legs together. Excellent.
169
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,778
Girls, see how
Marge's legs are slanted?
170
00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:11,282
You make Jackie O
look like a splay-legged
milk-horse.
171
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,950
Now stand and walk.
172
00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:14,451
(STRUGGLlNG)
173
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,164
Well done.
174
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:21,250
l'd be proud
if you grew up to be
my husband's mistress.
175
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:22,793
Thank you.
176
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:28,007
l used to walk
like this all the time
until my tendons snapped.
177
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:29,800
They heard it in Shelbyville.
178
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:34,096
Anyhoo, one night
we had a special dinner.
179
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:38,434
We were Iearning
to use all 33 forks.
180
00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:43,814
Young lady,
that is not an olive fork!
181
00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:45,774
Here's a simple trick
to help you remember.
182
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,151
Ow!
183
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:48,861
Hmm. Mmm-hmm.
184
00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:52,364
Knife and fork together,
denied yourself dessert.
185
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:55,784
Nice work, Marge. Really.
186
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,622
Oh, no! My retainer!
187
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,248
YOUNG HOMER: l got it!
188
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,543
Oh !
189
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,465
l'd thank you,
but l don't even
know your name.
190
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:12,593
l bet it's something
low-rent like Billy Bob.
191
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,011
Or Homer.
192
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,387
Big ugly Homer!
193
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,555
(GlGGLlNG SPlTEFULLY)
194
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:20,517
Oh, l'm sure
it's a much nicer name
than Homer.
195
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:22,019
Er. . .
196
00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:23,312
Think, Homer. Think.
197
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:24,605
YOUNG MARGE:
What did you say?
198
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:25,898
l'm Elvis!
199
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:29,860
Elvis Jagger.
Elvis Jagger Abdul-Jabbar.
200
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,737
(LAUGHlNG HEARTlLY)
201
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:33,656
l told my friends
l had a date.
202
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:35,866
What should l wear?
203
00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,660
Should l paint my toes?
204
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,578
And what should
l do with my hair?
205
00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:41,080
You could iron it.
206
00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:42,539
lron my hair?
207
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,667
That's what
Leslie Uggams does!
208
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:45,751
BART: LesIie who?
209
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:46,835
MARGE: Uggams!
210
00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:50,339
Oh, it's really
straightening out.
211
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:52,049
(CRlES OUT) Hmm.
212
00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:54,843
l guess
l'm going to have to be
a brunette tonight.
213
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,512
Oh, dear me.
214
00:09:56,638 --> 00:10:01,058
One day as
a straight-haired brunette.
l feel so bad for you.
215
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:02,768
Stupid girl !
216
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:07,106
Please don't be a freak.
Please don't be a freak.
217
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:10,442
SEA CAPTAlN:
l met her on the mountain
218
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,529
There l took her life
219
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:17,616
Met her on the mountain
220
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:21,078
Stabbed her with my knife
221
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:22,538
(WHlMPERlNG)
222
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:24,498
Hi.
223
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:28,043
Oh. He's cute.
224
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,712
And he's got an eye patch.
225
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,589
l've never seen
a boy so mysterious.
226
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:34,216
You must be Elvis.
227
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:37,303
Elvis? What the hell
kind of name is. . .
228
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:38,721
Oh, yeah. Right.
229
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:41,307
We've heard the same story
two times now.
230
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:44,059
Whose side are
we gonna hear next?
The Sea Captain's?
231
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,228
No, no. l'd best
be on me way.
232
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:49,398
l'll just take
some Teddy Grahams
for the road.
233
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:52,234
There goes a good friend.
234
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:57,906
Now l'm gonna warn you kids,
the next part of
the story gets a little WB.
235
00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:02,244
Oh, man. l want to kiss her.
236
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:06,915
Wait. I just thought of
the greatest move ever!
237
00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:09,585
(EXAGGERATED YAWNlNG)
238
00:11:12,047 --> 00:11:15,716
Oh, no. He yawned.
I'm boring him.
239
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,593
Do you like music? l do.
240
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,137
l like Bobby Goldsboro,
Gilbert O'Sullivan,
241
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:23,432
Terry Jacks, Parliament,
but not Funkadelic.
242
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,517
How am I supposed
to kiss those things?
243
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:27,311
Interrupt her
with something witty.
244
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:28,771
Er. . .
245
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:30,731
Um. . .
246
00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:31,857
Yes?
247
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:34,526
Kiss her aIready.
What are you, chicken?
248
00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:36,070
(CLUCKlNG)
249
00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:38,280
Is he making chicken noises?
250
00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:47,748
Imagine me and you, I do
251
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:52,002
l think about
you day and night
It's onIy right
252
00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:55,964
To think about
the girI you Iove
and hoId her tight
253
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:59,468
So happy together
254
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:03,889
If I shouId caII you up,
invest a dime
255
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:08,060
And you say
you beIong to me
and ease my mind
256
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:11,688
Imagine how
the world could be
so very fine
257
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:14,316
So happy together
258
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:16,735
Ahhh !
259
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:21,698
l can't see me
Iovin' nobody but you
260
00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:24,827
For aII my Iife
261
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:29,623
When you're with me, baby
the skies'll be blue
262
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:32,751
For aII my Iife
263
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:35,546
Me and you and you and me
264
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:39,675
No matter how
they toss the dice
it had to be
265
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:46,723
The onIy one for me
is you, and you for me
So happy together
266
00:12:48,143 --> 00:12:49,601
Way to go, Dad !
267
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,103
The perfect kiss!
268
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:53,147
lt was pretty delicious.
269
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:56,775
lt was as satisfying
as a million Hallmark cards
270
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:59,153
with all
the right sized envelopes.
271
00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:00,362
(SlGHlNG)
272
00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:05,075
lt felt like
a cluster bomb wiping out
a graveyard full of zombies.
273
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,410
(SlGHlNG)
274
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:09,246
But then your father
showed his true colors.
275
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,330
Uh-oh !
276
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,084
Will l see you
again tomorrow?
277
00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:15,252
Absolutely.
278
00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:16,879
Or my name isn't. . .
279
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,548
Whatever l told you it was.
280
00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:24,887
MARGE:
So we arranged to meet again
at Second Date Rock.
281
00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:26,930
(HUMMlNG)
282
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:38,317
(SlGHlNG)
283
00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:40,569
l guess he's not coming.
284
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:47,576
lt was years before
l could trust a boy again.
285
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:49,328
(SOBBlNG)
286
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:52,456
That's horrible.
How could you, Dad?
287
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:56,001
Because he's the kind
who kisses and leaves you !
288
00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:57,586
(SOBBlNG)
289
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,841
l can't believe
you stood Mom up.
290
00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:04,468
Face it, Lise. Men are dogs.
291
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,720
The worse we treat you,
the more you want us.
292
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,347
That's not what dogs do.
293
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:09,598
(LAUGHlNG)
294
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,058
You said "dog doo!"
295
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:12,684
(CHUCKLlNG)
296
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:13,894
She sure did.
297
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:16,647
Now if Lisa's finished
with her shenanigans,
298
00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:18,857
l'll tell you why
l didn't show up.
299
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,944
We had just finished
our first smooch.
300
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:25,322
And I feIt a feeIing
l had never felt before.
301
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:29,952
l found this stone earlier.
l was gonna use it
as a nerd smasher.
302
00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:32,079
But l want you to have it.
303
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:35,082
Ooh, it looks like a heart.
304
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:37,125
Hey, you're right!
Give it back!
305
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:41,046
Oh, no,
l still want you to have it.
306
00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:44,383
But every time you
smash a nerd with it,
think of me.
307
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:45,801
l will.
308
00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:49,888
See you tomorrow night, okay?
309
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:52,641
(SlGHlNG)
310
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:56,812
What a kiss.
lf l died now,
l'd die happy.
311
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,605
(SCREAMlNG)
312
00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:01,191
Oh, what a view!
313
00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:02,818
(SCREAMlNG)
314
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,990
Good ol' patch !
You saved my life!
315
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:09,658
Ahhh !
316
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:20,502
So you thought you could make
a break for it, did you?
317
00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:23,922
Well, no one ever
escapes from Fat Camp.
318
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:28,844
Because the only way out
is up a gentle slope.
319
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:33,515
What the. . . Fat Camp?
320
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:34,850
(WHlSTLE BLOWlNG)
321
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,518
(GROANlNG)
322
00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:39,021
(PANTlNG)
323
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,898
l don't belong here!
324
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:44,943
Heh ! Your boy bosoms
tell a different tale.
325
00:15:45,528 --> 00:15:46,903
(GRUNTlNG)
326
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:52,200
Okay. Take a break, ladies.
327
00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:58,290
No eating the grass!
328
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:02,544
Hey, he didn't say nothing
about this poison oak!
329
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,797
Sweet, sweet poison.
330
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,050
Uh-oh ! (GROANlNG)
331
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,346
(VlBRATlNG)
Ohhh. . .
332
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,431
l've gotta go.
333
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:17,309
l've got a date.
334
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:21,647
Yeah, you've got a date
with a skinless
chicken breast.
335
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,106
(LAUGHlNG)
336
00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:28,987
Somewhere out there,
she's waiting for me.
337
00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:35,786
Hello. l'd like to speak
to Elvis Jagger Abdul-Jabbar.
338
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:38,997
Hey, don't you try
and prank me
with a fake name!
339
00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:42,668
l will out your intestines
and use them to
make a lanyard !
340
00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:44,294
Hello? Hello?
341
00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:47,589
(GRUNTS ANGRlLY)
And that's the origin
of that.
342
00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:49,675
(SOBBlNG)
343
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:53,428
That boy l kissed
wouldn't even tell
me his real name.
344
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:56,640
Typical. All boys want
the same thing,
345
00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:58,475
to kiss until
they're hot and heavy,
346
00:16:58,601 --> 00:16:59,726
then vamoose.
347
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:00,936
Trust us.
348
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:04,981
We know everything about boys
except what they look
like below the waist.
349
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:08,110
l have some theories
based on a G. l. Joe
l bought.
350
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:11,321
Well, l. . . l never
want to date a boy again !
351
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:17,452
(SOBBlNG)
352
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:19,788
Are you leaving camp
because of that boy?
353
00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:21,957
Because that's what l've been
telling everybody.
354
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,250
You're also pregnant.
355
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,002
l just can't stay here.
356
00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:28,255
Everything reminds me of him.
357
00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:31,633
Oh !
358
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,137
(GRUNTlNG)
359
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,765
Oh, the pain !
360
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:40,225
(GROANlNG)
361
00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:43,186
Man was not meant
to sit up! Oh !
362
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:47,566
We've got an emergency here.
We need 1 0 cc's pronto.
363
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,068
And by cc's, l mean cupcakes.
364
00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:51,570
MAN: I know
what you mean, BiII.
365
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,989
l've worked here
Ionger than you.
366
00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:00,162
Now's my chance!
367
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,165
(PANTlNG)
368
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,336
Love conquers all !
369
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:12,966
Snake!
370
00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:21,892
Bye-bye!
371
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:24,060
Thank God they're gone.
372
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:26,271
l can't believe
l went five minutes
373
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,356
without one of
these dream sticks.
374
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,531
Hey, have you
two longshoremen
seen a pretty girl?
375
00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:40,035
lf you are
who l think you are,
that girl is gone.
376
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,953
And she never
wants to see you again.
377
00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:44,873
She wouldn't do that.
We shared something special.
378
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:47,751
What? Just 'cause
she smooched you?
379
00:18:52,423 --> 00:18:53,882
Was that special?
380
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:55,759
(SOBBlNG) No!
381
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,512
(SOBBlNG)
382
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:06,186
l just blew my
first chance at true love.
383
00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:08,980
And now that my special girl
has heard the truth,
384
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,941
l know she'll forgive me.
385
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:14,277
Earth to special girl,
you'll forgive me, right?
386
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:15,570
l guess so.
387
00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:18,114
Uh, l think
we'll go to bed now.
388
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:20,659
What are you doing?
389
00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:24,162
lf they fight in front of us,
we might get new bikes.
390
00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:26,832
Homer, when you nurse
a hurt for 30 years,
391
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:29,417
it doesn't go away
in an instant.
392
00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:31,753
What about now?
393
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:32,879
(FRUSTRATED NOlSE)
394
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,173
What about now?
395
00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:36,508
No, Homer.
396
00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:39,928
What about now?
397
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,221
No, Homer.
398
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:43,181
What about now?
399
00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:44,391
No, Homer.
400
00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:47,185
Marge, l'm really sorry
l hurt you.
401
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,729
But l've done way
worse stuff since then.
402
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:51,690
There was
the gun l hid from you.
403
00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:53,692
The time l sued the church.
404
00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:56,778
Ruining Lisa's wedding
in the future.
Remember that?
405
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,072
Homie, l know this
shouldn't bother me,
406
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:02,075
but a girl only
has one first love.
407
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:03,243
(SlGHlNG)
408
00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:05,453
l guess it didn't
mean that much to you.
409
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:06,955
That's not true!
410
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:11,626
l thought about
that girl every day
of my life until l met you.
411
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:15,046
l wish there was some way
l could believe that.
412
00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:17,507
All right.
This is my memory box.
413
00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:20,218
l haven't opened
it in 30 years.
414
00:20:20,595 --> 00:20:22,888
Ooh ! A letter
from my old pen pal.
415
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:25,473
Someday l'll write
you back, Osama.
416
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,392
Ah ! Here's what
l'm looking for.
417
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:32,230
Oh, Homie! You did care!
418
00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:33,648
l sure did.
419
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:37,152
l kept it right next
to my lBM stocking.
420
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:41,448
l kept my heart, too.
421
00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:44,910
Because somehow you realized
l was a good guy after all?
422
00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:48,705
No. As a reminder of
the hurtful things
men can do.
423
00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:49,831
(GULPlNG)
424
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:52,000
But now it can
have a second meaning.
425
00:20:56,839 --> 00:20:58,715
MARGE: Oh, Elvis.
426
00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:02,218
HOMER: Oh,
anonymous girl who turned out
to be Marge!
427
00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:03,637
(KlSSlNG)
428
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:58,400
English - US - PSDH
29893
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