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1
00:00:03,087 --> 00:00:06,214
(SlNGlNG) The Simpsons
2
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:07,423
(TlRES SCREECHlNG)
3
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:10,510
D'oh !
4
00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:12,637
(SCREAMlNG)
(TlRES SCREECHlNG)
5
00:00:28,487 --> 00:00:30,113
Oh, God, l love to smoke.
6
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,323
We're live at the opening
of the latest chapter
7
00:00:32,408 --> 00:00:35,118
of the epic space saga,
Cosmic Wars.
8
00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:38,121
And the nerds
have emerged from
their basements,
9
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,331
wearing strange costumes
to shield
10
00:00:40,416 --> 00:00:42,458
their pasty skin
from the moonlight.
11
00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:45,753
Simpsons, your lack
of costumes ill befits
12
00:00:45,838 --> 00:00:48,297
line positions two,
three and four.
13
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,049
Where's your costume?
14
00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:51,718
Your ignorance
is amusing and sad.
15
00:00:51,802 --> 00:00:55,179
l am dressed in
the actual clothing
worn by Cosmic Wars
16
00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:57,014
creator Randall Curtis.
17
00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:58,391
l bought them at auction,
18
00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:01,936
then added pregnancy panels
to fit my unique body type.
19
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,980
One ticket
for the space show.
20
00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:06,357
l want to see
if any of them aliens
21
00:01:06,442 --> 00:01:08,609
match up to the one
l got in my root cellar.
22
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:12,447
One ticket for Cosmic Wars.
23
00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:16,033
Uh, sir, this is the line for
The Momentum of Things,
24
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:18,119
starring Ellen Burstyn
and Jim Broadbent.
25
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:21,289
Oh, man ! l waited
three weeks at the
wrong ticket window!
26
00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:23,166
MAN: Oh, boy. . .
27
00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:26,377
Man, even l think
movie popcorn
has gotten too big.
28
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,671
Ow!
Get your own, mooch !
29
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,841
JEFF: Yes! Finally.
30
00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:51,944
"Amendments"?
"Regulatory agencies"?
31
00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:53,404
What the farq butt?
32
00:01:53,489 --> 00:01:55,114
Don't worry.
They're just
getting the plot
33
00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:56,741
out of the way so it
won't slow down the. . .
34
00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:58,451
(lMlTATES LlGHTSABER FlRlNG)
35
00:01:58,535 --> 00:01:59,869
(lMlTATES
LlGHTSABER WHOOSHlNG)
36
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:01,788
(ROARS)
37
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:06,209
Before
the Galactic Senate votes,
we shall call roll.
38
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:07,502
Star System Avatan.
39
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:08,669
Here.
40
00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:10,463
Star System Acroilius.
41
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:11,798
ACROlLlUS SENATOR:
Mugong-mugong.
42
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:16,427
Star System Trebulon Prime.
43
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,848
Whoa, mama!
Finally some action !
44
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:26,979
Mr. Chairman, l propose
a proceduraI amendment
45
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:29,649
to Space Bill number 371 .
46
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,651
You'll wait your turn !
47
00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:32,902
Very weII.
48
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,660
Trebulon Minor.
49
00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:44,080
Oh, l'm so bored.
Maybe l'll clean out
my wallet.
50
00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:49,043
Hey, my car insurance
expired quite a while ago.
51
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:50,127
(CHUCKLES)
52
00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:55,341
Son, if you don't
dig more coaI,
53
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,426
they'II put you on
the dynamite gang.
54
00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:59,428
No dynamite!
55
00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:00,763
(SOBBlNG)
56
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:04,225
l didn't realize
British coal miners
had it so bad.
57
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:06,769
There's blood on your hands,
Mrs. Thatcher!
58
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:09,146
(SNORlNG)
59
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:13,359
Jim-Jam, what happened
to the wheel covers of
my landing gear?
60
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:17,446
Me-sa sell them
to buy me-sa some
space spliff.
61
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:21,409
That character is
just a tired stereotype.
62
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:23,828
Yes. And it's making me
so mad,
63
00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:26,455
how am l gonna throw
the meatballs at the screen?
64
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:29,792
But first, l gotta pose
for a pizza box.
65
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:36,966
The decision is final.
Tabled this motion is.
Or is it?
66
00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:44,682
That sucked !
67
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:48,728
l can't believe
The Gathering Shadow
was senate redistricting.
68
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:54,483
Worst Cosmic Wars ever!
l will only see it
three more times today.
69
00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:56,527
That's it!
70
00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:58,863
From now on, l'm not
looking forward to anything !
71
00:03:58,989 --> 00:03:59,989
Oh, my God !
72
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,658
Tomorrow,
there's a two-for-one sale
on piano benches!
73
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:03,910
l can't wait!
74
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,411
Ooh, ooh, ooh !
75
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:08,080
l feel so ripped off
by that crappy movie.
76
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:09,916
l'm gonna chip
a big hole in the floor.
77
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,252
Kids, why don't you
write a complaint letter?
78
00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:14,921
That's how l got
the Channel 6 weather girl
79
00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:16,589
to start wearing a bra.
80
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,049
That was you?
81
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,133
Mmm-hmm.
82
00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:22,386
A letter, huh?
Okay, Lise. Get this down.
83
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,305
"Dear Randall Curtis,
84
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:27,767
"your movie
stunk smelly butt.
l am fine. Sincerely. . ."
85
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:29,226
l'll write the letter.
86
00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:31,938
Marge, you destroyed
my interest in weather!
87
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:36,943
"Dear Cosmic Wars fan,
l'm glad you loved my film.
88
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:41,030
"Here's a photo of
your favorite new character,
Jim-Jam Bonks.
89
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,824
"May the power
be on your side,
Randall Curtis."
90
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:46,077
He ignored our criticisms!
91
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,912
We're gonna have to
track Randall Curtis down
92
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,664
and make him listen to us.
93
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:51,874
And l know just
where to find him.
94
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,377
742 Evergreen Terrace.
95
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,212
Dad, that's our address.
96
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,421
Ah ! He's in the house?
97
00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:58,547
No.
98
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:02,426
He lives
at the Cosmic Wars Ranch
in Northern California.
99
00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:03,511
(lN UNlSON)
Can we go? Can we go?
100
00:05:03,595 --> 00:05:04,637
Please, please, please,
please, please?
101
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:08,599
Well, Northern California
is wine country.
We could take a tour.
102
00:05:08,684 --> 00:05:11,727
And it's a perfect time.
l just got fired again.
103
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:18,109
Enjoy your tour.
And take it easy
on Mr. Curtis.
104
00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:19,694
Your father and l
will be across the street
105
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:21,362
at the Lush Valley Winery.
106
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,781
Marge, are you sure
we should go
drinking together?
107
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:26,033
l mean, who am l gonna
complain about
while l'm drinking?
108
00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:29,161
We should do more together.
You're my best friend, Homie.
109
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,454
Well, yeah, legally.
110
00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:33,165
But if we're
really best friends,
how come we never play hoops?
111
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,834
The doctor said
if you tried running again,
112
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,419
your ankles would shatter.
113
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,255
All right.
We'll go on the winery tour.
114
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,339
But you have
to catch me first!
115
00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:41,424
(SNAPPlNG)
(SCREAMS lN PAlN)
116
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,758
Oh, my ankle snapped !
117
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:49,265
This is the Creature Works,
where if you dream it,
we can make it.
118
00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:51,559
Unless it has
too many fingers,
which are tough.
119
00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:53,561
TOURlST: Where's the aliens?
120
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:56,939
Who knows what
fantastic creature
these two men are creating?
121
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,983
lt's a hip-hop loaf
of garlic bread
122
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:00,401
for an
Olive Garden commercial.
123
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:03,738
(RAPPlNG) Yo, yo, yo!
Entrees start at $6.95
124
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,740
Offer not good
on a Sunday, fool
125
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,533
Come on, Bart.
Here's our chance.
126
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,785
But the bread's
still dancing.
127
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:15,291
The Mediterranean climate
is reproduced by
cool Pacific winds
128
00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:17,668
mixed with exhaust fumes
from the highway.
129
00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:19,003
(HONKlNG)
130
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:22,214
Ah. Summer in Tuscany.
131
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:27,970
Mmm. . .
132
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:30,848
lt goes great with
the Jolly Rancher
l'm sucking on.
133
00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:34,810
Pleasant aroma,
rich, full body, well-aged
134
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,228
and the wine's
not bad either.
135
00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,646
(BOTH LAUGHlNG)
136
00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,649
Oh, stop it, Seinfeld.
137
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:41,734
(CHUCKLlNG)
138
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,155
We always get
the hicks on Saturdays.
139
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:50,159
"Lord Krylac, if you
want to take that deduction,
140
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:52,661
"then you'll have to
bring your receipts."
141
00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:55,331
"Then bring them, l shall."
142
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:56,665
This is awesome!
143
00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,418
Hey, what are
you doing here?
144
00:06:59,503 --> 00:07:00,795
We come from the real world.
145
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:03,839
And we're here to tell you
that your movies
have lost their way.
146
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,216
No, they haven't.
147
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,551
My characters are
getting better all the time
148
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:10,387
now that we've perfected
digital eyelash rendering.
149
00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:13,265
Better technology
doesn't mean
better storytelling.
150
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,684
Well, now l know
you're crazy.
151
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:18,813
Wait. Before you
have us killed, hear us out.
152
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:21,273
l will wait 1 0 of
your Earth seconds.
153
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,692
Your early movies
are timeless classics.
154
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,945
Please, Mr. Curtis,
go back to what
155
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:27,863
made your first
films so great.
156
00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:30,116
You know what? You're right.
157
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:32,952
l'm going back to my roots.
158
00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:37,039
Plots and characters
lifted from westerns
and samurai films.
159
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,791
To the video store!
160
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:42,503
Kids, please accept
these boxes of
Jim-Jam cereal.
161
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,714
lt's just
Alpha-Bits with extra J's.
162
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:48,717
Hyah !
163
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,392
Well, we've learned
if you don't like something,
164
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,935
just go to
the office and complain.
165
00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:59,145
What's our next stop?
166
00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:00,187
"Fox Broadcasting,
167
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:03,566
"1 0201 West Pico,
Building 203."
168
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:06,735
l drank this much !
(LAUGHS DRUNKENLY)
169
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,363
Mom's not gonna like this.
170
00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:12,408
Don't tell Mama
what Mama don't like.
171
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:14,910
Come here, you big lug.
172
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:17,037
(BOTH LAUGHlNG)
173
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:20,207
Wow. Mom and Dad
sure are having fun.
174
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,293
Hey, as long as
they're not hurting anybody.
175
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:23,377
Uh-oh.
176
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,461
Whoa.
177
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:29,425
l will give you money.
Okay, l am going to tell.
178
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:37,600
Homie, to store
the extra wine we bought,
l made a little wine cellar.
179
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:38,976
Ooh ! Can l have
my special cup?
180
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,896
Well, l've been using it
for laundry soap, but, okay.
181
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,610
Homie, you are so cute.
182
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:48,986
(GlGGLlNG)
183
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:51,405
Oh, honey,
l love to hear you laugh.
184
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:52,740
(lMlTATES MARGE GlGGLlNG)
185
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,742
l don't talk like that.
186
00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:56,702
(lMlTATlNG MARGE)
Yes, you do.
187
00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:59,330
Well, you talk like,
(lMlTATlNG HOMER)
"Oh, Marge,
188
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:02,082
"sorry l set the bed
on fire. D'oh !"
189
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:04,793
(LAUGHlNG)
190
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:07,796
Hey, you do
a great me, Marge.
191
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,298
You gotta show
the guys at Moe's!
192
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,133
Moe's Tavern?
193
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:14,553
That's your fun place,
like me and the lamp store.
194
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,889
(CHUCKLES) Come on.
We'll have a blast.
195
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:18,933
Kids, while we're out,
the TV's in charge.
196
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:20,017
Go to bed when it says.
197
00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:23,270
Two glasses of wine, Moe.
198
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,940
Wine? Geez,
no one ever orders that.
199
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:28,609
Um. . . All l got's
this old stuff here.
200
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:33,572
Chateau Latour 1 886.
201
00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:34,865
l should just
throw this out.
202
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,492
No. lt'll have to do.
203
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:45,000
That'll be four bucks.
204
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,713
Now, in a step l perhaps
should've taken initially,
205
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:51,924
let me look up
the value of that bottle
206
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:54,134
in this wine
collector's guide here.
207
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,470
Oh, what have l done?
208
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:59,848
Let me dry my tears
with this lost
Shakespeare play.
209
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,183
(SOBBlNG)
210
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,560
Come here, you little. . .
211
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:04,687
(GlGGLlNG) Oh !
212
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:07,106
Did you guys get home
at 2:00 last night?
213
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:10,609
Yup. Your mother and l
have become a legendary
party couple,
214
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:13,028
like Scott and Zelda Munster.
215
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,947
The best part is
l don't have to ask
216
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:16,782
your father where
he was all night,
217
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,075
because l was there.
218
00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:20,786
Why are your keys
in my scrambled eggs?
219
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,371
And why is Krusty
on the couch?
220
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:28,252
This'll cover what
l did to the fireplace.
(GROANS)
221
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:32,840
(SlNGlNG) We're aII aIone
No chaperone
can get our number
222
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:36,760
The world's in slumber,
let's misbehave
223
00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:44,476
(MARGE GROANS)
224
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,228
My head.
225
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:48,939
(CHlRPlNG)
(GROANlNG)
226
00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:50,232
(TlCKlNG LOUDLY)
227
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:53,819
(DRlPPlNG LOUDLY)
228
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:56,905
(LOUD BRUSHlNG)
229
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,074
(STOMPlNG)
230
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,746
(DOOR CREAKlNG)
231
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:07,124
You have to make
such an unholy racket?
232
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,793
Sorry, Marge.
l gotta break in my
ski boots sometime.
233
00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:14,048
Maybe we should put this
booze cruise in
dry dock for awhile.
234
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:17,468
No problem.
We can still have fun
without you drinking.
235
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:20,763
Okay. And maybe you
could cut back, too.
236
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:23,182
You got it!
And when l feel weak,
237
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:25,351
l will draw
strength from the Bible.
238
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,274
(STOMACH GRUMBLlNG)
Uh-oh.
239
00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:34,777
Here comes the gospel
according to puke!
240
00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:40,324
l hope l can still have fun
while everyone else
is drinking.
241
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,034
Don't worry, honey.
l don't even know
242
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,660
if they serve
alcohol at this thing.
243
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,454
(FESTlVE MUSlC PLAYlNG)
244
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,886
Duffmensch
orders you to party!
245
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:03,972
This Reich will
last a thousand beers.
246
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,265
Oh ja!
247
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:08,394
l do this and l'm Jewish.
248
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,938
Eins, zwei, drei, beer!
249
00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:12,106
(SlGHS)
250
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:15,859
The Germans.
You just can't
stay mad at 'em.
251
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:18,195
Well, l don't want
to be a Gloom-Hilda.
252
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:20,656
l guess one beer won't hurt.
253
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:24,368
lsn't that a little big?
254
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:25,619
You can just nurse it!
255
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,038
(SLURPS)
256
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,332
Nurse it. Nurse it.
257
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:37,047
Have you ever
walked on stilts?
lt's not that great.
258
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,843
Yes. And you've said that
several times now.
259
00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:43,971
Why do people
worry about stuff?
260
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,973
lt's all gonna work out.
261
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:50,894
All good points. Sleep tight,
my drunken angel.
262
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:58,610
(HONKlNG)
263
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:02,114
l'm in no condition to drive.
264
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:07,411
Wait! l shouldn't
listen to myself.
l'm drunk!
265
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,705
(TlRES SQUEAL)
266
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:13,375
Okay, okay.
Remember the rules
for drinking and driving.
267
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,669
Drive slow, but not too slow.
268
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,380
Drink some cola to
keep yourself alert.
269
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,175
What the. . .
270
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:23,260
(GROANS)
271
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:26,889
Nice work, cruise control.
272
00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:28,140
Are we home yet?
273
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:29,224
ln a minute, honey.
274
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,434
(SlREN BLARlNG)
(GASPS)
275
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:34,188
Oh, my God !
lf l get one more DUl,
they'll take away my license!
276
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,774
And what will l leave
when l rent rollerblades?
277
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,237
(GASPS)
278
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:52,831
(SNlFFS)
Oh, boy. l smell beer.
279
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:55,501
(CLlCKS TONGUE)
Devil's mouthwash.
280
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,669
You weren't calling it that
at the Christmas party.
281
00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,463
Okay. l'm gonna need you
to let that go, Chief.
282
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:00,589
Oh, my God !
283
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:03,592
This DUl is a She-Ul !
284
00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:05,636
Oh, no! (HlCCUPPlNG)
285
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:10,766
l'm gonna be. . .
l'm going to jail.
286
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:12,851
(TWlG SNAPS)
287
00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:13,894
What was that?
288
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:15,187
Maybe someone else is here.
289
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:19,942
And maybe he'll step forward
and admit to being
the real culprit.
290
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:21,860
(WHlSTLlNG)
291
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,362
(CAWlNG)
292
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,405
This is a new low for me.
293
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,950
(WHlSTLlNG AND CAWlNG)
294
00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:35,666
l paid your bail, honey.
295
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,084
You're free to go.
296
00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:39,378
l can't believe
l drove drunk.
297
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:40,921
But you do
believe it, right?
298
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,965
l don't know what
to believe anymore.
299
00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:44,883
That's my girl.
300
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:46,760
Just take me home.
301
00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:48,887
Where's your
wife tonight, Homer?
302
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,014
She's not coming anymore.
What?
303
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:53,100
lt's 'cause of her
l put in a bidet!
304
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:56,186
Well, it's actually
just a stepladder by
the water fountain.
305
00:14:57,647 --> 00:15:01,525
Listen, Moe. l did
something really terrible
to someone l love.
306
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,569
Hey, look. l've been
in the bartender business
307
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:05,571
for a long time, all right?
308
00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:06,655
l've heard it all.
309
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:10,450
Well, what l did was l. . .
(WHlSPERlNG)
310
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,035
(EXCLAlMS lN DlSGUST)
311
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,370
What are you?
You're like a monster!
312
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:16,623
That's like the worst thing
l've ever heard
anybody do to anybody!
313
00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:20,502
You should be drinking
watered-down beer
in a chipped glass
314
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,921
on a stool with a nail
sticking up out of it!
315
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:24,131
You know what?
316
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:27,926
(SOBBlNG)
317
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,262
Can l have some peanuts?
318
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,181
All right. But l get to
poke you with a stick.
319
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,808
(GRUNTS lN PAlN)
320
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,185
So, hey, did you see
the game last night?
321
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,691
The blood of Christ.
322
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,445
Hey, save some for
the rest of us, alkie!
323
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:47,904
Don't bogart our Lord !
324
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:49,865
l'm not a drunk!
(CHUCKLES)
325
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,534
Now, Marge,
we do not judge here.
326
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:55,120
Today's service
is concluded.
327
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:58,248
l suggest you all
get on the road before Marge.
328
00:15:58,374 --> 00:15:59,374
(ALL SCREAM)
329
00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:00,542
(GROANS)
330
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,545
Marge, when l finally
decided to stop drinking,
331
00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:05,881
there was a place that
really helped me out.
332
00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:07,299
Maybe they can help you.
333
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,886
MARGE: This is
a pamphlet for
chimney sweeping.
334
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:14,723
ls it, Marge?
ls it? Oh, it is.
335
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,643
Here you go.
This place is great.
336
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:19,394
They cured me five times!
337
00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:24,483
My drinking problem
is out of control.
338
00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:27,569
At Oktoberfest,
all l could
think about was beer.
339
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:31,573
l couldn't even
celebrate the harvest!
340
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,701
l can't talk to
my wife for 28 days?
341
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:36,453
Sir, she is not
an alcoholic.
342
00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:38,246
You can't put me on hold !
343
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,665
l'll put you on hold !
344
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:43,960
(SlNGlNG) I am a Iineman
for the county
345
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:47,172
Your call is important to us.
Please continue to hold.
346
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:50,676
And l drive the main road
347
00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:53,637
There are eight calls
ahead of you.
348
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:59,685
And the Wichita lineman
is still on the
349
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:04,648
(VOCALlZlNG)
350
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,108
line
351
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:09,069
Dad, l still have a couple
of questions about this.
352
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,238
Mom never drives drunk.
353
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,490
And the crash
was in your car.
354
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:16,451
Also, the driver's seat was
adjusted for your stomach.
355
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:20,205
Lisa, Lisa, your suspicions
are important to me
356
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,165
and will be answered
in the order received.
357
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:25,794
MacArthur Park is
meIting in the dark
358
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:30,215
All that sweet
green icing roIIing down
359
00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:32,884
Someone left my
cake out in the...
360
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:36,138
(VOCALlZlNG)
361
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:41,601
(SHOUTS)
(DOOR SLAMS)
362
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,062
You know how some
people are chocoholics?
363
00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:45,564
Well, l'm an alcoholic.
364
00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:46,690
(ALL GASP)
365
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:49,317
Look, l'm not sure
this place is working.
366
00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:52,237
The drinkers are smoking.
The smokers are drinking.
367
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:55,323
And the gamblers
are having sex with
everything that moves.
368
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:58,076
Hey, baby, do you want
to play Caribbean stud?
369
00:17:58,161 --> 00:17:59,536
l'll show you
what l'm holding.
370
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:00,912
Get away from me!
371
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:03,123
Your loss, stupid lady.
372
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:06,334
Flanders, can you
watch my kids while
l'm at the rehab clinic?
373
00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:09,588
Oh, thank God you're finally
fighting your demons!
374
00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:12,007
My demons and l
are closer than ever.
375
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,885
Next year, we're gonna visit
every Major League
Baseball park.
376
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,220
l'm just going in
to bust Marge out.
377
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,598
Well, that's good, too,
l guess.
378
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,600
Feed my pets
and tape my shows!
379
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,730
(FUNNY VOlCE)
l'm here to deliver a package
to Marge Simpson.
380
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,274
Where's the package?
381
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,527
Damn it!
Homer?
382
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,405
Marge, l have
an awful confession to make.
383
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:38,283
You didn't crash that car.
lt was me!
384
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:41,453
l put you behind the wheel,
and l'm so, so, so sorry!
385
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:45,290
You let me believe
that l'd done such
a terrible thing?
386
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:49,044
Marge, l did it out of love!
Love of not being arrested !
387
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:52,547
l realize now that nothing
is more important than you.
388
00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:55,383
l can't believe
you did that to me!
389
00:18:57,428 --> 00:18:59,554
That woman means
the world to me.
390
00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:01,598
Would it be all right
if l read from my Bible?
391
00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:02,724
Of course.
392
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:05,602
(GULPS)
393
00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,896
No wonder they
call it the Good Book.
394
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:14,236
l am so cheesed off!
l need a drink!
395
00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,988
Then you should thank God
you're in a rehab center,
396
00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:18,156
'cause we're packin'!
397
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:25,080
Yar. A couple of these
and your first mate turns
into Reese Witherspoon.
398
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,501
Pour me another!
399
00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:31,002
Just take the whole leg.
400
00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:35,590
What's with all those
rapping grannies
in the movies?
401
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,969
lf l ever start rapping,
just shoot me in the head.
402
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,096
How you doing, Big Blue?
403
00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:44,516
Well, l feel a buzz,
but l don't feel happier.
404
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,309
Not like when l was
drinking with Homer.
405
00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:49,104
Maybe it wasn't
the alcohol you liked.
406
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:52,566
Hey, you are right!
407
00:19:52,775 --> 00:19:56,194
What l enjoyed was spending
time with my husband !
408
00:19:56,279 --> 00:20:00,574
You're hooked on love, Marge.
l know that feeling.
409
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,451
Nine months later,
Seymour plopped out of me.
410
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:07,122
l would've kept walking,
but there were
cops everywhere.
411
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:10,959
Well, l love my husband.
And l'm glad l do.
412
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:15,005
My name is Marge S.
and l'm a Homer-holic!
413
00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:17,549
Hey,
you're drinking Homer-hol?
l'll take a swig.
414
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:21,011
l'm afraid what
l like can't be swallowed,
sniffed or smoked.
415
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,346
Hmm. Then you better
inject it between my toes,
416
00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:25,473
because my mom
checks my arms.
417
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,684
Thanks for everything, Kyle.
418
00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:30,145
Yes. l really don't think
you two should leave.
419
00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:33,189
He's a chronic alcoholic,
and you're in
complete denial.
420
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:36,234
Aw, shut up,
Captain Bringdown !
421
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:37,652
(GRUNTS)
422
00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:41,907
Homie,
l want you to promise me
423
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,992
you'll cut down
on the drinking.
424
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:48,330
Okay, Marge.
For you, l'll give up
rum-based cocktails,
425
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:49,623
except mojitos
and rum and Cokes.
426
00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:51,875
Well, that's no promise
at all.
427
00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:54,628
lt's important
for me to see you
take at least one step.
428
00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:56,713
Then maybe we can have
some memories together
429
00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:58,673
that aren't just
a nauseous blur.
430
00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:07,390
All right. For you,
l will give up
all clear liquors.
431
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:09,684
Really? Even Zima?
432
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,895
Hey, l only drink that
when l'm already drunk.
433
00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:13,355
You really mean it?
434
00:21:13,564 --> 00:21:17,692
Hey, anything's possible
with a little help
from my Bible.
435
00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:21,154
Oh, no! lt's a real one!
436
00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:22,697
No!
437
00:21:22,907 --> 00:21:24,991
Why, God? Why?
438
00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:18,294
English - US - PSDH
32509
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