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1
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:05,672
(SlNGlNG) The Simpsons
2
00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:07,548
(TlRES SCREECHlNG)
3
00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:10,426
D'oh !
4
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:12,595
(SCREAMlNG)
(TlRES SCREECHlNG)
5
00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:30,113
Children, l'm sorry to say
one of your lunches exploded.
6
00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:33,116
Who has the Little Bunny
FooFoo lunchbox?
7
00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:35,410
Um. . . That would be me.
8
00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:36,494
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
9
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,579
lt's not my fault.
l can't afford
10
00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:40,164
a better lunchbox
'cause l'm poor.
11
00:00:40,249 --> 00:00:41,624
(LAUGHlNG)
12
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,252
Shut up!
My mom got too fat
to work at Hooters!
13
00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:45,336
(LAUGHlNG)
14
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,005
They won't even
let her park cars!
15
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:51,426
Please, children.
Don't be cruel.
16
00:00:51,802 --> 00:00:54,095
Nelson might be poor
but l'm sure he has
the seven dollars
17
00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:56,139
for today's field trip.
Um. . .
18
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:57,765
Well, actually. . .
19
00:00:57,975 --> 00:00:58,975
(BRAKES SQUEAL)
20
00:00:59,685 --> 00:01:00,685
(CHlLDREN LAUGHlNG)
21
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:02,562
(SOBBlNG)
22
00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:06,190
Someday. . .
23
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,067
Now, l know
the rest of us are excited
24
00:01:08,152 --> 00:01:10,236
about visiting the Museum
of Television today.
25
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,321
Hey, don't tell us
how to feel !
26
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:13,656
Bart Simpson, be quiet!
27
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:16,993
Hey, that wasn't me.
That was. . . Milhouse?
28
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:20,037
Milhouse? What happened
to my little class coward?
29
00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:22,123
What do you care,
Mrs. Krabappel?
30
00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:26,377
Or should l say
"Mrs. Crab Apple?" Ha-ha!
31
00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:27,754
"Crab Apple?"
32
00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:28,880
l never thought of that.
33
00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:30,131
lt totally works.
34
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:32,467
Oh, how could
l have been so blind?
35
00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:35,303
(SlNGlNG)
Rollin', rollin', rollin'
36
00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:37,180
Toxic barrel rollin'
37
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,182
They're so hot and gIowin'
38
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,100
We'll die
39
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:43,728
Smithers,
the board of directors
is coming here today.
40
00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:46,355
l don't want them
to see Snap, Crackle,
and Pop down there.
41
00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:49,692
Sir, there's a big
cardboard box out back
that could keep them amused.
42
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,360
They could make a fort.
No, no.
43
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:54,155
Just give them each a nickel
and send them to Moe's.
44
00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:55,865
Let them while away
the afternoon
45
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,492
spilling their beer
on gullets and trousers
46
00:01:57,576 --> 00:02:00,161
while drooling
over French postcards.
(GlGGLES)
47
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,665
Hello, l'm lsabel Sanford,
48
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:07,376
the beIoved Weezy from
The Jeffersons.
49
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:11,172
At this "museum,"
you won't see a MicheIangeIo,
50
00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:15,426
but you might
see Michael Landon
and BeverIy D'AngeIo.
51
00:02:15,511 --> 00:02:18,304
This blows.
Let's sneak off.
52
00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,515
Wander away from the group?
53
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:23,434
Man, you've been huffing
from the Bart bag.
54
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:27,897
To old man Burns,
who's paying us to drink
because we're embarrassing.
55
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,065
We suck!
We suck!
56
00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:32,819
(GROANS)
57
00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:35,238
A lot of that
went in my lungs.
58
00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:37,698
Attention,
American bar devils.
59
00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:40,409
lt's our anniversary.
Free drinks for everyone.
60
00:02:40,536 --> 00:02:45,623
That's great!
l'm honored to drink to Apu
and. . . Apu-lina.
61
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:47,667
Ah.
62
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,877
You know, Marge and l
have an anniversary
coming up.
63
00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:51,838
l have given
Manjula many gifts
64
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,548
including
a bouquet of flowers,
65
00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:58,386
diamond earrings,
and we're going to see
Paris Hilton in Paris.
66
00:02:58,804 --> 00:03:02,056
Texas. . . On our way
to Paris. . . France.
67
00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:04,433
What did you plan to
get your wife, Homer?
68
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,853
Well, these charity
address labels
69
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,396
that came in the mail.
70
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,356
Milhouse, why are
you acting so crazy?
71
00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,900
Did your imaginary friend
try to kill you again?
72
00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:15,361
No. Walter's been cool.
73
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:19,532
(SlGHS) Bart,
l gotta say something.
And it's not easy.
74
00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:22,368
Well, if it's not easy,
don't do it.
That's how l got where l am.
75
00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:25,621
Then let's just
say l don't care
76
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,456
what people think
of me anymore.
77
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,667
You mean,
up until now you did care?
78
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:32,128
Then why did you wear
that tutu to school
last week?
79
00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,672
What about all the times
l didn't wear a tutu?
80
00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:37,675
Nobody ever brings those up!
Now leave me alone!
81
00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,719
MAN: It's the
Paul Lynde, Helen Reddy,
82
00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,637
Hudson Brothers
Easter Special,
83
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:45,641
with guest stars
WiIIie TyIer and Lester,
and Nadia Comaneci.
84
00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:48,769
I'd Iike to hippity-hop
on your baIance beam.
85
00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:52,273
I don't think you understand
the mechanics of
heterosexual sex.
86
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:54,901
WeII, circIe gets the square.
87
00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:58,195
TV sure has come a long way,
huh, Milhouse?
88
00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,739
(MlLHOUSE LAUGHlNG)
89
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:05,244
Check it out!
l'm riding some guy
named lronside!
90
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,831
Ow, my banana!
Danger, danger.
91
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,833
Door ajar.
The indignity.
92
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,294
The agents got aII my money.
93
00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:14,462
(NElGHlNG)
94
00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:18,925
l'm bored.
Let's go switch the heads
on the Cosby kids.
95
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:25,222
HOMER: l don't want to
go home. l'm not done
talking to me.
96
00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:27,975
Just get out
this door, rummy, and
you're the city's problem.
97
00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:31,938
lf you make it
through the night,
you're welcome back.
98
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:35,900
Ah. home sweet home.
Now to watch some TV.
99
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,109
(RAT SQUEAKS)
100
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:42,698
Oh. . . You poor soul.
You think that
rat is a remote.
101
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:45,576
Here.
102
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:49,413
What? Five bucks?
103
00:04:49,498 --> 00:04:51,791
l don't need your "sharity."
104
00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:53,334
(SQUEAKlNG)
105
00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,544
l'll dance for my money!
106
00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:58,047
(SlNGlNG DRUNKENLY)
107
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:09,558
Oh, you poor man.
You think you can dance.
108
00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:12,645
l didn't say stop.
109
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,230
(CONTlNUES SlNGlNG DRUNKENLY)
110
00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:20,611
Bart, there's something
l gotta tell you.
111
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,030
l'm moving.
112
00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:24,156
What?
113
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,492
My mom got a job
in Capitol City.
114
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:30,329
Capitol City?
You can't move that far.
You're my best friend !
115
00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:32,081
What's your mom making?
l'll match it!
116
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:35,918
lt's too late, Bart.
My mom's already
transferred her 401 K.
117
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:38,504
No!
118
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,513
Luann, what are you doing?
119
00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:50,016
Look, Kirk.
l need a fresh start.
120
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,018
Well, couldn't you
get a fresh start
121
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,936
by re-marrying
your old husband?
122
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,354
Kirk, we are going.
123
00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:59,316
Fine. But you
can't take Milhouse.
l have visitation rights.
124
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:02,069
Yes. And you're also supposed
to pay child support!
125
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,531
Hey, l thought you said
my money was no good.
126
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:08,034
l said you're no good.
127
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:10,119
Get in the car, Milhouse.
128
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,708
This isn't over!
l'll fight you
129
00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,460
with every lunch
half-hour l get!
130
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,295
Oh ! Speaking of which. . .
131
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:21,797
(HUMMlNG)
132
00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:25,718
lt's gonna be tough
to be peppy today.
133
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,011
Tell me about it.
134
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:29,346
(KlRK SlGHS)
135
00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:34,977
(TlRES SQUEAL)
136
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:37,730
(MARGE GROANS)
137
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,690
Why are your clothes
so dirty?
138
00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:42,526
And why do you
smell like liquor?
Have you been clubbing?
139
00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:45,196
(GASPS)
140
00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:48,240
Homie, they're beautiful.
141
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:51,619
That Chevron Station
has the most
romantic bouquets.
142
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:55,331
l feel a swoon
coming on. (GASPS)
143
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,166
Here it is.
144
00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,835
l am so wasted.
145
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:03,964
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
We're having
a simultaneous pass out!
146
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,674
Well, at least
they're not fighting.
147
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,968
(lTCHY & SCRATCHY SHOW
THEME PLAYlNG)
148
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,598
Oh ! Mmm-mmm.
149
00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:15,101
Right this way.
150
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,852
What's on the menu?
151
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:20,064
(SCREAMS)
152
00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:26,403
(SCRATCHY GRUNTlNG)
153
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,451
(SlGHS)
154
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:36,705
(GROANlNG)
155
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,042
(LAUGHlNG)
156
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,924
Oh, Bart, l'm sure it's hard
to lose your best friend.
157
00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:49,301
You mean Milhouse?
Funny little guy.
158
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:51,053
Afraid of the dark
and the light.
159
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,514
Now l've got new friends.
Guys who get me.
160
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:54,723
(DOORBELL RlNGS)
161
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,142
There's one right now.
162
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,560
Who is it? ls it Ralph?
163
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,436
lt is not Ralph.
164
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:03,482
Hi, Bart. My nose makes
its own bubble gum.
165
00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:06,569
Just get in here!
166
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:10,406
. . . 1 8, 1 9, 20.
167
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,074
l found you, Bart!
168
00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:14,201
Ralph, we're
playing checkers.
169
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:16,579
l don't like you, Boy-Mommy!
170
00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:18,581
(GROANS)
171
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,168
Hmm.
172
00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:26,589
Oh, loveless loners
are so lucky.
173
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,967
There's no way l can afford
to give Marge a nice
anniversary present.
174
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:35,848
Oh. . . You poor man.
You smell worse
than you did last time.
175
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:38,684
Hmm.
176
00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:49,695
Hey, buddy,
that's nice sign work.
177
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:51,739
Your penmanship
is clear, yet sad.
178
00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:53,324
Hey, l know you.
179
00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:54,909
We met in a police lineup.
180
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,036
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You know, number two
181
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,746
and number four
are an item now?
182
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:00,998
You don't have to tell me,
l was number three.
183
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,459
Listen, you have any
pointers for a newbie?
184
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,836
Well, there are
six schools of begging.
185
00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:07,713
Bad musician,
messed up vet, cripple,
186
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:11,133
fake cripple,
religious zealot,
and crazy guy.
187
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:14,220
l think you would
do well with
188
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:15,429
crazy guy.
189
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:18,641
Coke and Pepsi
are the same thing !
Wake up, people!
190
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,643
(BABBLlNG)
191
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,562
Wow. Now that is good crazy.
192
00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:29,193
(SNlFFS)
193
00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:30,361
(SlGHS)
194
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:34,323
Oh, no. Oh, no! Oh, no!
195
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:35,991
HOMER: Hmm?
196
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,118
Oh, yes!
197
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:41,330
l never thought
l'd have to take a plane
to see Milhouse.
198
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,625
Well, l'm sure
he'll be happy you came.
199
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:47,962
MAN: (OVER lNTERCOM)
Now departing, No-FriIIs
AirIines FIight 89.
200
00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:54,718
(PEOPLE SCREAMlNG)
201
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:59,265
Milhouse, Bart's here.
202
00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,141
What up, B?
203
00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:02,810
Milhouse? ls that you?
204
00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:05,437
Yeah. l gave my looks
a new flava.
205
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:07,022
Suck it in !
206
00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:08,440
Uh. . . Maybe later.
207
00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:09,650
(DOORBELL RlNGS)
208
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:12,695
What up, M-life?
209
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:14,947
Milhouse, this isn't you.
210
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:17,324
This is my
only chance to be cool !
211
00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:20,452
Now please,
let me give you a wedgie
in front of these guys.
212
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:21,704
No way!
213
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,748
Please? l'll be gentle.
214
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:25,958
Oh, fine.
215
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,376
Wedgie!
216
00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:28,502
(LAUGHlNG)
217
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,463
Milhouse,
you went Cap City on him.
218
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,633
Springfield baby in a diaper,
219
00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:37,303
poked his eye with
a windshield wiper.
220
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:40,848
Springfield baby!
221
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,725
l'll always love you, Bart.
222
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:46,020
Springfield baby!
223
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:54,987
(CHOKlNG)
224
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,159
(BOTH LAUGHlNG)
225
00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:03,704
(SOBBlNG)
226
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:08,709
Bart, honey, it's a nice day.
Why don't you play outside?
227
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:11,879
Outside? That's where
me and Milhouse played.
228
00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:12,963
(SNlFFLlNG)
Hmm.
229
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:17,009
You know, l think your
sister could use a little
help washing the car.
230
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:20,387
You'll be like an owl saying,
"Milhouse who?
231
00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:24,266
"Milhouse who?
Milhouse who?"
232
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,643
Hey, Moldilocks.
Mom says l'm supposed
to help you.
233
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:29,813
Fine. You can confirm
the accuracy of the hose.
234
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,565
(YELLlNG)
(LAUGHlNG)
235
00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:33,400
You wet your pants!
236
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:35,194
Shut up!
lt's a serious problem !
237
00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:37,196
Lise, you are so dead.
238
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:38,614
(YELLS)
239
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:44,244
l'm gonna hit you so hard
l'll kill your whole family.
240
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:45,704
Bart, you're in my family.
241
00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:46,914
Shut up!
242
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,707
(BOTH LAUGHlNG)
243
00:11:58,176 --> 00:11:59,176
(EXCLAlMS)
244
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:02,679
Homie, l'd like to know
what you've been
doing after work.
245
00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:05,057
Marge, l'm not
gonna lie to you.
246
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:08,268
(GRUMBLES)
247
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:10,270
l also found this
in your drawer.
248
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:11,814
(CHUCKLES)
249
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:14,900
All the answers
you need are in here.
250
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:16,652
Happy anniversary.
251
00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:18,612
(GASPS)
252
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,697
Are these Diamonique?
Nope.
253
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:21,990
Diamondelle?
Nope.
254
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,492
Cubic Diamondium?
Nope.
255
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,160
Dioxy-ribo-diamondoid?
256
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:26,829
Close but no cigar.
257
00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:28,997
Just plain diamonds!
258
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:31,291
Oh, my God !
Oh, my God !
259
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,338
We finally have something
to put in the wall safe.
260
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:42,261
Hostess Twinkies?
261
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:46,265
l heard if you age
them for 1 0 years,
they turn to liquor.
262
00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:50,936
Kids, go ride bikes
for a while, huh?
263
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:53,105
Yeah, you heard your mother.
264
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,696
We can't jump this ditch.
265
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:01,947
Sure we can.
266
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,282
But let me go first.
267
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,284
Everyone knows
you're the future
of this family.
268
00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:06,702
That's not true, Bart.
269
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,912
Mom and Dad value
us equally and. . .
270
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:11,206
Ah, you're right.
Okay, go ahead.
271
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,501
Geronimo!
272
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,297
(WHlMPERS)
273
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:20,924
Just forget
everything you know
about gravity.
274
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,051
But l know so much about it.
275
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:24,386
Just do it!
276
00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:28,474
Geronimo!
277
00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:29,892
(LAUGHlNG)
278
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,275
Look.
279
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:40,527
We can go inside.
280
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:45,574
Ooh ! We're like
Howard Carter discovering
the Temple of Tutankhamen.
281
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:49,453
Or like when l discovered
the school Xerox code. 1 -4-7.
282
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,330
Just saying it
makes my butt feel
warm again.
283
00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:56,168
(GASPS) Arrowheads!
284
00:13:56,252 --> 00:14:00,672
(GASPS) Pictographs!
Bart, this is a Native
American burial mound.
285
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:02,925
(LAUGHS) Look!
He's picking his nose.
286
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,259
(CHUCKLlNG)
287
00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:07,346
Hey, we shouldn't
tell anyone we were here.
288
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,223
This place should be
our special secret.
289
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:10,516
Okay. Shake.
290
00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:14,436
(WHlMPERS)
291
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:16,438
Psych !
292
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:19,107
There's spiders
in your hair.
293
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:22,110
That's what you call
commitment to a bit.
294
00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:25,739
(SlNGlNG) Mr. Bo-jangIes
295
00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:29,451
Mr. Bo-jangIes
296
00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:34,039
We're aII Bo-JangIes
297
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:36,833
Who kiIIed Bo-JangIes?
298
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:41,088
Maybe it was you
299
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:42,714
Thank you. Thank you.
300
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:45,634
Remember, my dog
up and died. Thank you.
301
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:49,304
You got your wife
the earrings, man.
Why are you still doing this?
302
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:52,307
l want to get a second house,
closer to work.
303
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:56,270
He's taking all our business.
We're gonna have
to do something.
304
00:14:56,354 --> 00:14:59,648
We never do anything.
That's why we're bums.
305
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,650
Hey, you're a woman.
306
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,903
And you're
a three-headed devil dog !
Devil dog !
307
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:06,029
Wanna make out?
308
00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,823
No one wants to be alone.
309
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:09,616
LlSA: "The mound builders
310
00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:13,120
"worshipped turtles,
as well as badgers,
snakes, and other animals."
311
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:14,830
Thank God
we've come to our senses
312
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,666
and worship a carpenter
who lived 2,000 years ago.
313
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:18,917
(TELEPHONE RlNGlNG)
314
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:20,711
Hi, Janey.
315
00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:25,007
Branford Marsalis' car
broke down outside
your house?
316
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:28,927
And he's just jamming
till Wynton shows up?
317
00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:30,012
(GASPS)
318
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:31,138
Oh. . .
319
00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:32,806
Um. . .
320
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:35,601
Some other time maybe.
321
00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:38,186
Today l'm just
hanging out at home.
322
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:39,354
(DOORBELL RlNGS)
323
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:45,319
Hey, Bart. l "borrowed"
my uncle's pellet gun.
324
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:46,695
You want to go shoot Apu?
325
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:48,989
Oh, that does sound fun.
326
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,993
But not today.
l think l'm just
gonna hang out at home.
327
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:58,373
Oh, my God.
My brother's my best friend!
328
00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:02,544
Oh, my God!
My sister's my best friend!
329
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,048
Diamonds. l still can't
beIieve he gave me diamonds.
330
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:12,387
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
who's the baldest
of them all?
331
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,977
One time,
l swung all the way around.
332
00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:20,479
You did not.
333
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:21,813
Well, l know a guy who did.
334
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:23,982
Who?
You don't know him.
He lives in Russia.
335
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,318
l can't believe
they're hanging out.
336
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:28,820
Ha! Maybe she'll be
a good influence on him.
337
00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:30,364
Or maybe he'll corrupt her.
338
00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:31,698
lt won't last.
339
00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:34,242
Brothers and sisters
are natural enemies,
340
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:38,538
like Englishmen and Scots,
or Welshmen and Scots,
341
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:43,251
or Japanese and Scots,
or Scots and other Scots.
342
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,421
Damn Scots!
They ruined Scotland !
343
00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,632
You Scots sure are
a contentious people.
344
00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:50,884
You just made
an enemy for life!
345
00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:55,347
Listen, Mr. Hobo,
you may not have laundry
to wash, but l do.
346
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:56,848
Now what do you
want to show me?
347
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:01,269
There's your husband,
aka Mooch-a-lini,
348
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:05,982
Drooly McGee,
Corporal Flashback,
etcetera, etcetera.
349
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:07,734
Homer!
(SCREAMS)
350
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,778
You're panhandling !
351
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:13,031
l should've known from
that panhandling sign,
352
00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:15,742
plus that ticket
you got for panhandling.
353
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,994
But, Marge,
it was all for you,
354
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:20,038
to buy you all
the nice things you deserve.
355
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:23,917
The flowers, the earrings,
the Bob Seger boxed set,
356
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:27,212
which really only
needed to be one disk,
but the box was nice!
357
00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:29,089
Homer, l don't need
fancy things.
358
00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:31,466
And even if l did,
this is the wrong way
to get them.
359
00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:38,140
And to remind you
of what you've done,
360
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:42,310
l'm gonna keep these
earrings and wear them at
social occasions.
361
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,395
l don't understand.
362
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:46,440
Well, then maybe you need
to buy me a broach.
363
00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:50,569
Bart, l cracked
the code of the pictograph.
364
00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:52,404
lt says there's
a curse on the mound.
365
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:54,239
Of course l don't
believe it. . . (SCREAMS)
366
00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:55,365
Hi, Lisa.
367
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,451
l brought you
the Cap City version
of Monopoly.
368
00:17:57,660 --> 00:18:00,162
Baltic Avenue
is now Wayne Street.
369
00:18:00,371 --> 00:18:01,747
lt's awesome!
370
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:05,083
Milhouse, l thought your mom
took you away forever.
371
00:18:05,168 --> 00:18:07,085
l got a court order
bringing him back.
372
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,337
The judge said
l was the most
pathetic person
373
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,839
he'd ever seen in court.
374
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,966
Pity custody. Boo-yah !
375
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:14,468
(VOCALlZlNG)
376
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,636
Repo man.
l'm here to take your pants.
377
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,472
Not in front of my son.
Please!
378
00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:20,223
You're somebody's father?
379
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:21,641
Yes, okay?
380
00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:23,101
Oh, boy.
381
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:25,854
Well, l'm glad to be back.
382
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,565
Those Cap City kids
don't think l'm cool anymore.
383
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:31,902
We were having a sleepover
and a robber came
and wet my bed.
384
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:34,321
Then he folded
the bed back into the couch
385
00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,698
and disappeared
into the night.
386
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:39,451
l knew you'd blow it.
Now let me show
you that mound.
387
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:41,453
You told him our secret?
388
00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:43,663
Hey, he's my best friend.
389
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,832
Oh. l see how it is.
390
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,376
Great. Then we're all cool.
391
00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:49,836
(SOBBlNG)
392
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,132
Since he's been back,
Milhouse has had
three bloody noses
393
00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:55,592
and stepped in dog doo.
394
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:58,011
(CHUCKLES) lt's always
a party with that guy.
395
00:18:58,095 --> 00:19:00,972
Well, it's nice
you have your
best friend back.
396
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:02,849
You should hang
with us sometime, Lise.
397
00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:05,143
Mmm-hmm.
l think l'll go to bed now.
398
00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:07,103
What's wrong?
Nothing.
399
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:09,815
(CHUCKLES) Boy,
are you in trouble.
400
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:11,483
What are you talking about?
401
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:14,820
When a woman says
nothing's wrong, that means
everything's wrong.
402
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:16,530
And when a woman says
everything's wrong,
403
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:18,907
that means
everything's wrong.
404
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,826
And when a woman says
something's not funny,
405
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:23,453
you'd better not
laugh your ass off.
406
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:29,960
Hey, Lise,
you want to play
Cap City Monopoly?
407
00:19:30,044 --> 00:19:31,670
Look, just because
Milhouse is gone,
408
00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:33,797
doesn't mean
you have to pretend
to be my friend.
409
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,758
Oh, come on.
l'll roll the dice for you.
410
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,594
Three, four, five, chance.
Pick up a card.
411
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:44,891
Sheesh.
412
00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:48,520
(LlSA READlNG)
413
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,188
What? Really?
414
00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:52,065
Yep. Pick up another one.
415
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:53,441
But it's not my turn.
416
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:56,611
l'm trying to do
something nice, you dink.
Pick up a card.
417
00:19:57,238 --> 00:20:01,032
"Bart will defend you
when other kids
call you a nerd."
418
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,576
No one calls me a nerd.
419
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:05,161
Trust me,
that is a valuable card.
Pick up another.
420
00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:10,208
"Bart will give back
the Malibu Stacy head
you thought was lost."
421
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:15,213
Oh, Bart,
that's really sweet.
422
00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:16,548
Just because
l have Milhouse back
423
00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:19,634
doesn't mean l haven't
learned a few things
about being a brother.
424
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:22,846
l think l'm gonna use
this card right now.
425
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,764
Oh. . . Do l have to?
426
00:20:24,849 --> 00:20:26,391
Mmm-hmm.
(SlGHS)
427
00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:28,310
All right.
428
00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:37,444
This is what sitcoms call
a "schmaltzy ending,"
429
00:20:37,528 --> 00:20:41,740
a sentimental capper
to leave the audience
feeling good.
430
00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:46,369
Usually followed
by a little coda
to cut the treacle.
431
00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:49,915
Granny, l'm gonna shoot me
some Vietcong.
432
00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:52,334
Yeah? Well, l ain't
cooking 'em.
433
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:53,627
(AUDlENCE LAUGHlNG)
434
00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:58,506
And George Jefferson,
wherever you are,
435
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:01,760
we love you and want you
to come home.
436
00:21:01,886 --> 00:21:03,303
WeII, we're movin' on up
437
00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:04,638
Movin' on up
438
00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:05,972
To the east side
439
00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:07,057
Movin' on up
440
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:12,145
To a deIuxe apartment
in the sky
441
00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:13,813
Movin' on up
442
00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:15,106
CHORUS: Movin' on up
443
00:21:15,191 --> 00:21:16,441
To the east side
444
00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:18,151
Movin' on up
445
00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:21,905
We finaIIy got
a piece of the pie
446
00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:26,284
Fish don't fry
in the kitchen
447
00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:28,954
Beans don't burn
on the griII
448
00:21:29,038 --> 00:21:31,456
Took a whoIe Iotta tryin'
449
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:33,541
Just to get up that hiII
450
00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:36,795
Now we're up
in the big Ieagues
451
00:21:36,879 --> 00:21:38,630
Gettin' our turn at bat
452
00:21:39,423 --> 00:21:41,800
As Iong as we Iive,
it's you and me, baby
453
00:21:41,884 --> 00:21:43,551
There ain't nothin'
wrong with that
454
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:45,095
WeII, we're movin on up
455
00:21:45,179 --> 00:21:46,304
Movin' on up
456
00:21:46,389 --> 00:21:47,806
To the east side
457
00:21:47,890 --> 00:21:49,474
Movin' on up
458
00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:52,560
To a deIuxe apartment
in the sky
459
00:21:59,402 --> 00:22:00,402
English - US - PSDH
32947
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