All language subtitles for The.Kardashians.S05E02.1080p.WEB.H264-SuccessfulCrab

Previously on The
Kardashians...

Wow.

Being busy and working
is my happy place.

Has Kim Kardashian
slowed down? No.

I have a new agent, but
I have to prove myself.

This is the cutest
thing I've ever seen.

Kourtney has Covid.

I'm now, like,
mostly on bed rest.

She's a high-risk pregnancy.
This is really crazy.

I have to go pack for
Paris. Are you gonna come?

- I don't know.
- Oh, come on.

Here's to an amazing
trip to Paris.

Khloé's not coming. I'm
not in the mood to deal.

I know I'm insane.

Welcome to my mind.

Tonight is our last
night in Paris.

This is so pretty.

And then tomorrow, we watch
Kendall walk in the L'Oréal show.

- Bonjour, Madame.
- Hi, hi.

And then it's back to Calabasas,

where we're gonna celebrate
Kim in American Horror Story.

- Let me guide you to your table.
- Thank you.

It's so gorgeous.

- It's so pretty.
- Yeah. It's pretty.

Why do I feel like I'm on an
episode of The Bachelorette?

I love being in Paris with Corey

because Corey and I
started dating in Paris.

So, he always plans a really special
night for us while we're here.

- We have the moon, the full moon.
- Yeah.

And we have the
glittering Eiffel Tower.

- Yeah.
- And we have us without kids.

- Without kids.
- Congratulations.

We made it through another
Paris Fashion Week, babe.

I used to say to Corey all the time
when I first started dating him, like,

"Why do you wanna date
somebody older than you?"

I didn't get the age gap.

And then he taught me
that age is just a number.

It's a big number,

but it's a number.

I'm gonna try this
little goodie.

You can bite first and
let me know how it tastes.

Listen, I can't explain
someone's chemistry,

or why people fall in love,

but it's been an
amazing almost 10 years,

and we have a great time.

I miss Khloé.

- Truth.
- I wish she was here.

I know. She should've come.

She just makes life
really fabulous.

Who doesn't answer the phone

from a girl who's calling
from a Eiffel Tower shot?

Listen, you little brat.

Maybe Kendall.

You give birth to people,

you expect a little
respect in return.

Did I mention that
children were overrated?

All I wanna do is
share some of this

with my kids since we're in
the same city, a lot of us.

Now we're trying Kim.

And I'm drunk-dialing people.

Is this a joke? Am
I being pranked?

Really, kids? Not one of
you can pick up the phone?

Okay. I'll remember that.

- Okay, I'm gonna...
- You can call Kourtney.

She's, like, a romantic person,

- so she'd probably like a Paris call.
- Oh.

She ain't doin'
nothin' but pregnant.

- Hey, Mom.
- Look at the background!

That's so pretty. Look, babe.

Hi, Trav.

- Hi. How are you?
- Hi. It's me and Corey.

What's up, y'all?

We're having a, a
little romantic d...

Oh! There's... Okay, wait,

you're getting upstaged
for... Don't go anywhere.

Oh, never mind. We'll
call that one back.

I knew to call y'all because

y'all the most romantic
people in the world,

so I knew a Paris phone
call to y'all would hit.

Exactly, and you knew she was
about to hang up with me for Kim

- and Corey was like...
- No, Kendall.

- For Kendall.
- Oh, Kendall.

Yeah, who's actually
down the street,

and wouldn't answer our call.

We were just calling. We
know... We're on baby watch.

That's what we're
dedicating our lives to.

You'll be good. Uh, Travis leaves
in about 30 minutes to go to Spain.

- Whoa, really?
- Long flight.

Not too far... How
long will you be gone?

- Sixteen days.
- Okay.

- Oh, good.
- Okay.

Enjoy your last moments together
before he goes to the airport.

- We didn't mean to interrupt the lovers.
- No.

- Thank you. We love you guys.
- Thank you.

- We love you.
- Alright, peace.

Okay, who else can we call?

I feel like we're prank c-call...
doing prank phone calls.

Oh, here's Khloé!

Hurry. Look at the Eiffel
Tower! It's going off!

Oh, it's beautiful.
And so glittery.

Well, we miss you.

We just wanted to tell you,
you were very, very missed.

Wait 'til I tell
you the stories.

I just couldn't make
it shake this time.

I get it.

I'm actually really disappointed

because I had so many fun
things planned for her and I.

She's my partner in crime.

Kim is busy with everything
else she's doing,

and I was really looking forward to
hanging out with Khloé this week.

Where are you?

I'm outside. We're doing
Halloween decorations.

Oh, how fun! That's so cute!

Okay, I gotta get ready
for school pickup.

We love you. We
wish you were here.

Right now, she's really
happy focusing on her kids,

getting to bed early, working
out, taking care of herself,

so there's gotta be a
reason she's staying home.

And so, we're just
gonna let that ride.

- I love you.
- Love you too, bye.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

Alright, so, we have
a couple things left,

and then we have
the L'Oréal show.

- So, I'm so excited.
- Which is back over there.

Yeah, it's so good.

'Kay, kiss.

Hey, this is The Bachelor
kiss. Okay, hurry.

Better kiss... Bachelor kiss.

- ♪ I'm gonna start livin' ♪
- Paris is always a good idea.

Paris is always a good idea.

- Cheers. Love you.
- Love you.

♪ Nothin' but the best for me ♪

♪ Nothin' but the best
is good enough for me ♪

♪ Nothin' but the
best, best for me ♪

♪ Nothin' but the best
is good enough for me ♪

- Hey, Khloé.
- Hi, wow.

I didn't know what I was getting

invited over for; I thought I was
coming to hang out with you in bed.

- We can do it all.
- Yay.

I am finally Covid free,

and now I just feel
really good and amazing.

Nothing can phase me.

Okay, well, I did bring Twister

'cause I thought we
were in bed together.

- That's what I thought...
- Wait, you know I'm not allowed

- to twist my body.
- You brought Twister?

I thought it could be fun,
or we could do a puzzle.

- Wait, I love puzzles.
- I know!

I thought we were
hanging out in bed.

- I didn't know you were, like, mobile.
- We're leaving. No, we're leaving.

No, but if you can go
downstairs, being in bed.

I'm pretty much on bed rest.

The third trimester, I just
haven't been able to travel,

but I've been having
lots of visitors.

I miss going to my kids'
activities and things like that,

but I know that it's
all for a good reason.

What did you pack in
your hospital bag?

Tell me if you have
anything to add.

"Cozy blanket. A
nursing pillow."

I definitely did not
bring a nursing pillow.

"Outfit for baby to
come home in." Yes.

And then I had to bring my
cord blood box or whatever.

Yeah, it's like an ice box
to send off the placenta

and make into the capsules.

I am so incredibly happy
for Kourt and Trav.

I think we're all just
excited to meet him,

and welcome him to this
wild, crazy, amazing family.

- Oh, like a Beats pill thingy, speaker?
- Mm.

Let's give Travis
something to do.

- 'Kay.
- "Playlist and speaker."

- Can I look at that book?
- Yeah.

So, I'm gonna go back
to the beginning,

and, like, fill stuff in.

This is amazing.

Thank you.

I mean, I'm not a scrapbooker.

I've never done this before until
doing it for this gift for my husband.

Kourt, this is wild.

Taking the time to
really create something

that's, like, telling a story,
I think is really special.

Why didn't you go to Paris?

I just didn't feel like
it was the place for me.

I was just getting
anxious leaving the kids.

Tristan's gone, and it's
hard for me to leave them,

and I don't have, like, a
parent to stay with them.

And then I was thinking, the whole
family was out of the country,

and I was like, "What if
there's an earthquake?

What if there's something?
There's no parent."

- I just was freakin' myself out.
- Um, wait, where did Tristan go?

To Cleveland.

- For what?
- To play basketball.

Oh, he plays on that team?

- Mm-hmm.
- The Cleveland team?

- Mm-hmm, he's back there.
- Whoa. Since when?

- This year.
- I thought he played on the Lakers?

- He-He went back to the Cavs.
- Wow.

How do you feel that he's gone?

I'm fine. It's just he's
a big help when he's here.

- Mm-hmm.
- And, you know, I don't have

nannies at night, which
I might have to change,

or at least have, like,
someone be available sometimes.

So, you have no one
that lives in right now?

- Mm-mm. And I'm just so hands-on...
- They're at school half the time,

- but not Tatum.
- I know, but I make all of her lunches,

I make her break...
Like, I do everything.

- Yeah.
- And no one...

I don't let anyone else do
it. Tristan has done it.

But I'm so particular.

Like, oh, my gosh, I can't
even think about that.

Listen, I love my routine.

I love being with my kids,
but being a parent is hard.

And it's every day after
8:30 when True's asleep,

I am, like, crawling like
I'm Leonardo DiCaprio out of

Wolf of Wall Street to my
bed. Like, how do I get there?

Then you wake up again,
and you do it all over.

I make the lunches
and I started with

the cookie-cutter hearts
for the watermelon.

Like, once you start the cute
shit that you're so excited to do,

God forbid you don't.

But it's ama... Like, at the same
time, it's, like, all you want.

It's the weirdest thing.

'Cause you're exhausted, and
you're like, "I'm-I'm gonna die."

And then, literally, when they're asleep
by 10:00, I'm like, "I miss them."

Like, get it together,
Khloé. Snap out of it.

Did you see my
blood vial in there?

What?

No.

'Cause you didn't keep goin'.

Gotta see the blood.

- It's a real thing of blood?
- Yeah.

- For real? No.
- Yeah.

But what was the point to
get it from the first time?

Just to, like,
have each other's.

To wanna show off your
blood vials is also like,

"Alright, if that's what
you're into," but...

it's very, like, Billy
Bob Thornton of them.

In, like, my every
minute of the day,

do I wanna be, like,
harnessing a tube of blood?

Not for me, but that's what
makes the world go 'round.

We're all different.

Wow. Rock on with
your bad self.

♪ Feel the adrenalin,
it's takin' control ♪

We're off to see Kendall walk
in the L'Oréal show tonight.

♪ We locked and loaded ♪

- ♪ And we're ready to roll ♪
- So chic.

So, this is a big
night for Kendall

because now she's part
of the L'Oréal team.

Alright, guys, let's
go see Kendall.

♪ We got that wild side ♪

Just a little buzz over
to watch our Kenny.

Kendall being chosen as the new
face of L'Oréal is such a big deal.

Look at the Eiffel Tower.

And there's nobody
better for this campaign,

and I'm so excited for
this huge production.

♪ We got that wild side ♪

♪ We got that wild side ♪

I just wanted to
tell you welcome,

- and I hope you feel...
- Thank you.

- so much love tonight.
- Thank you.

And positive energy, and
that you have a blast.

Thank you. You too.

- Thank you so much.
- Okay, you're welcome.

Tonight is the L'Oréal Paris Show. I
am super excited. I feel really good.

Oh, my God! Stop. Thank you.

- I'm so happy.
- Whatever you need.

Thank you.

I want to work with brands
that I resonate with,

that I feel like I connect on what
their goal or their motive is.

So, working with L'Oréal, like,
fits in kind of perfectly,

and what they stand
for is really powerful.

Mom, you're here so timely
and on... You're early.

- I... For once?
- The show's not for an hour

- and 15 minutes.
- Who is always 15... I'm an hour

- and 15 minutes early.
- It's at 9:00.

I wish you stayed back and watched
The Golden Bachelor with us.

I know... Well, guess what?

- It was great. You should watch it.
- We have next...

Well, you won't be home next week,
but I'll watch it in memory of you.

- And then we'll watch it, yeah.
- And then we'll catch up,

and we'll watch it together.

If I'm home, and I'm not doing
anything on Monday nights,

then I have girlfriends over and
we watch The Bachelor, sue me.

It was just so genuine,
and it was so adorable.

And he was just like...

Like, the girl that got the
"First Impression" rose,

he was like, "I'm
giving this to you

because of your presence
when you talk to me."

Like, he was so specific...

- Wow.
- about why he gave it to her,

and I'm just like,
"Ugh, bless your soul."

I'm so happy you have
something to look forward to...

- Mom.
- week to week.

Please. I have, I have a life.

I swear the show sees
my dorkiest moments.

Me just like freaking out
over Gerry the bachelor.

Like, these are, like,
my dorkiest... Whatever.

I am in my grandma era for sure.

Oh, no, it's a life...

It's a lifestyle choice, yeah.

Alright, everybody,
see ya later.

I think the show is
gonna start, guys.

Oh, there it goes.

Oh, there it goes.

This show tonight
is such a big deal.

The crowds of people that
are surrounding the venue.

Thousands and
thousands of people.

And we're so excited to watch
Kendall walk the runway.

It's amazing. We're directly
under the Eiffel Tower.

It's so beautiful.

The crowd is fun 'cause
everyone's kinda shouting at you,

and you're waving to everyone.

Woo!

It's magical. I mean, Kendall
comes out on the runway,

and she has dancers.

Kendall has backup
dancers. It was so fun.

Kendall! Woo!

I definitely believe that women
empowerment is so, so important.

Kendall! Kendall!

I feel like I-I've been, like, taught
that with my sisters, and my whole life.

We have this really beautiful
understanding of, like,

let's all support each other,
and let's all lift each other up.

So, um, yeah, I'm always
here to support a bad bitch.

This is the perfect
way to end Paris.

Sitting underneath
the Eiffel Tower,

and my daughter's being
celebrated for who she is.

It doesn't get any more special
than that. It really doesn't.

♪ Watch me shine, while you're
sittin' on the sidelines ♪

Hello?

- Oh my gosh, thank you.
- Mwah!

Paris was so much fun.

And now, I'm having dinner
with Ryan Murphy and my mom,

and I had no idea; I saw
it on the schedule today.

This is exactly what happened when he
asked me to do American Horror Story.

So, I don't know,
it's coming out soon.

Maybe it's just a cute
catch-up and I have no idea.

I love your little purse.

- What's in there? Lip balm?
- I-I was gonna say, "Ask me what's in it."

- What's in your purse?
- I actually grabbed it

with nothing in it.

But typically, it would be a piece of
gum, a powder puff, and a lipstick.

This week is the premiere
of American Horror Story.

I'm definitely nervous because I
say really kinda salacious lines,

and crazy things in this.

I just wanna... I really
wanna do a good job.

Last time we all had dinner...

Yeah, last time we had dinner,
I came out, and I had like,

"Let's do some great
reality show about style."

And you were like, "No,
I kinda wanna act."

And it was kinda great,

and I was like... and that
put the seed in my head,

- and then we wrote that part for you.
- Yeah.

Ya know, it's been a
really good experience.

Although, I don't think Kim was
prepared for how long the hours are.

- It's hard.
- It's no joke.

It's no joke.

You were really, really good to the
point that they called me and were like,

"Do you think Kim would
wanna do her own show?"

. What did I get myself into?

Can I really pull this
off? But I-I think I can.

It's a really good idea.

So, Kim is the world's best,
most expensive divorce lawyer.

- Oh.
- And she has her...

...own firm, and the
thing about her firm is

that it's an all-female firm.

- On brand.
- ...and love. Very on brand.

I know I don't need to add
another thing to my schedule,

or another TV show, but it's
so different than what I do,

and it's such a
challenge for me.

And I just... I
love the challenge.

So, I just wanna see this out.

When you're going
through a divorce,

I would imagine that you become
very close to your lawyer,

and tell them everything...

I mean, there's even so
many fun moments with, like,

Laura and I where I'm just like,

"Don't ever let
me do this again."

Then the next one,
she would be like,

"Hi, you reminded me last time.

- Don't ever let you do this again."
- Has she done all of your...

Two of 'em, but,
like, enough to know.

- And then sh... I was like, "On the...
- That's so sad.

- "Has she done all of your divorces?"
- ...next one."

"D-Don't ever let me
do this." Ya know?

- Yeah.
- And she just is, like, so funny.

Well, 'cause it-it has
what Sex and the City has,

which is girlfriends.

- It has, like, a bond...
- Totally.

of women trying to get through
an experience together.

- Yeah.
- Well, the fun of it is,

"Not only am I a lawyer,
but I play one on TV."

- Like, that's the best catchphrase ever.
- Totally.

I mean, could she shoot
it in Los Angeles?

Oh, it definitely
has to shoot in LA.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

I mean, we have to, like, build a
sound stage outside your back door.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

You just have to
juggle the two shows.

You've got this show,
and something new,

which you were able to juggle
even when it was in New York.

Once I finish law
school, I am golden.

- When is that?
- I take the Bar 2025.

Got it.

Well, I think, when you put your mind
to something, you make it happen.

- Mm-hmm.
- And as long as you guys

can figure out how
many days a week.

If it's a couple, two,
three days a week,

I think you could possibly do
that if you take other things out.

I think if you do Kardashians, your
new show, your kids, and the Bar,

that's four thi...
and you have SKIMS.

It's not like you're
shooting every day,

and you can plan your
year accordingly.

Totally.

As Kim's mom, I, of course,
worry about her being healthy,

and, you know, taking
time for herself,

but being creative
is what fuels her.

This is what makes her happy.

It's really clear to me now that this
is what she loves more than anything.

And being a working
mom, it's really hard.

The balance of, ya know,
motherhood, being a mom,

it's a challenge, and it's a dance,
and Kim has to figure it out.

I don't know how you would
fit that in with your life,

but we'd have to figure it out.

I would have to figure that out.

This is a lotta gifts.

I have all these gifts to open, that
I was opening them with the kids,

and they all ditched
me, and I was like,

"This is not fun to open alone."

- We can open...
- So, I was waiting for you.

Yeah. We can open today.

- How to die is the gift from Liz.
- Oh, to die.

I'm obsessed with this Nara.

- It's so good, though.
- It's crazy.

Are you still collaging
for Travis's book?

Oh, my God, yeah.
You have to see it.

I cannot believe you
keep all this stuff.

This is insane.

I'm still working on it.

Oh, my God. And all
the birthday cards.

When I first imagined doing a scrapbook,
I imagined it really differently.

Just, like, let's put the stuff in,
make it really neat and organized.

And then, it just became
this huge project.

But I think I could
finish it before the baby.

How many hours have
you put into this?

I mean, Veronique
stayed for the weekend,

and we got through, like...

- We probably...
- She slept over?

- Twi... Two nights in a row.
- You're joking.

And we did, we did
this for hours.

You're a professional, you can
make one for every family member.

- You would have to spend...
- No one else deserves my energy.

No one's a perfectionist like I
am with the cutting and the stuff.

So, like, anything that's not
perfect, that was Veronique.

I'll just say.

I'm like, "Did I not
do enough with Phil?"

We've been together eight
years. I could fill a page.

Wait, what about
our blood vial?

That's sick.

I didn't even wanna comment on it.
And is there still blood in it?

- There is.
- Are you okay?

- Is that, like, healthy, safe?
- A biohazard, you see?

That's cute.

Oh, I think he's going

- on stage.
- That's him.

Hi, baby.

Hi, baby. I'm goin' on stage.

Okay. Want me to
say your prayer?

Thank you.

Okay, dear Lord Jesus,
I pray that you keep

a wall of fire around Travis
and that he has a great show,

and that you
protect his fingers.

And that he's safe on the riser,

and keep his head clear, and
that he's safe from the fire.

In Jesus's name. Amen.

Thank you, God. Amen.
I love you, baby.

I love you. Have
the best show.

Alright, have the best day.
I'll call you afterwards.

Mwah.

- Um, are we going down?
- We're going down.

- Hello.
- Hi, guys.

- Hi, hi.
- Am I sitting right here?

Yeah, we have you all set up.

- Amazing.
- Kourt, this is Peyton,

- with Calm.
- Hi.

Lemme brought me this idea to
do something with the Calm app.

I've been saying this,
by the way, forever.

'Cause you and Travis have
the most calming voices.

I'm reading a bedtime
story, like a sleep story?

It ties into Lemme Sleep.
Should we do this, guys?

Let's do it.

Hi.

Wait, I...

Oh. Good, how are you?

I'm pretty monotone
in... general.

Yeah, I think it's
gonna be iconic.

My monotone voice reading a
sleep story will be perfect.

Okay, I was gonna say I don't
wanna do it until it's right

'cause I'm really out of
breath easily in my pregnancy.

I think it'll be like a
one-take type of thing.

It's, like, very calm,
and I was just doing my

"what would I sound like if I was in bed
with my kids reading a bedtime story?"

"I'm Kourtney Kardashian Barker.

"Tonight we're gonna learn
about some new positions

as we drift slowly to sleep."

But I think it happens to be
my talking to Travis voice.

"see how you sleep and who you
squeeze is totally up to you.

Good night."

Wow.

I got a round of applause
just so you guys know.

And if you guys
need anything else,

I was kinda joking
about the one take,

but if we got it in
the one take, amazing.

Sure... I'll do section
three. Okay, I'll do three.

I think I'm really in this zone of,
like, I just feel really calm and happy.

"Have a good day.
Sweet dreams."

But, like, especially because
of the emergency fetal surgery

that I had to have, I'm
just, like, good vibes only.

Please, keep the bad vibes away.

- How was it?
- Okay. Good.

- It... Was it good?
- How was... No, it was great.

It sounded amazing.

Kourt, your baby
shower post is so cute.

People are so wild, though,

'cause they're,
like, so confused

that I, like, wrote on
Kim's baby shower post.

Like, she posted our
shower and I was like,

"Thank you Mom and sisters for the
best social-distanced baby shower,"

- something, like, wrote something nice.
- Yeah, I saw the comment.

It was nice.

And then everyone's like,
"Kourtney's trollin'."

You know they think that I'm, like...
that we, like, hate each other.

- Yeah.
- But also, I so badly wanted to be, like,

"By the way, I never knew
that call was filmed."

Did she not tell
you when she called?

No, I just had a feeling that it
was filmed, like, after the fact,

and then she was like, "Yeah."

And I'm like, "You're not
using it." But then...

it was too good not to use.

The phone call, people got
really analytical and deep.

So, we're all confused
and we're on a group chat

that's actually
labeled "Not Kourtney,"

so we know and have to funnel what
your friends are saying to us.

And have to figure out why
you're such a different person,

- and why you have this vendetta out.
- But do you think

that I would wanna
be a part of that?

You know, we're sisters.

I think people forget... They
always say, like, on our show,

like, "How are they
gonna get through it?"

And they pick sides, and
everyone gets really riled up.

I think there's, like,
this huge misconception

that Kourtney and
I hate each other.

We really don't.

I'm sure a lot of people have had,
like, crazy fights with their siblings.

Maybe ours are more extreme. I'm
not sure. I really don't know.

The thing about Kourtney and I,

no matter how crazy things
are, no matter what's going on,

if she needs something, I'm there,
if I need something, she's there.

And we'll always be that way no
matter what we're going through.

So, was it just the sisters on
the "Not Kourtney" group chat?

- Yeah.
- No one else?

No friends.

The amount of people who've
reached out to me to say,

"I knew you wouldn't
be on that group chat."

- Yeah.
- I'm like, honestly, thank God.

Thank God you weren't.
But you know what?

That's a characteristic that my mom
and Kim have had for my whole life

of being like,

- "Everyone's talking about you."
- Yes.

But there's no everyone.

And I'm so happy that
I just don't give a

about any of that anymore.

Yeah. No, and you and Kim
have subsequently made up

- and it's all good now.
- Yeah.

Kim and I are great.

Everything's, like,
back to normal.

We get along, we, like,
really connect over the kids.

I can't even believe that a second
of energy was wasted on that.

You did very good, Kourtney.

- Really?
- You are a natural,

natural for the sleep story.

Think I have a
new career, guys.

- Yeah.
- Truly.

- Hi!
- Hi!

- What's going on?
- Hi, cutie.

Why do you have your purse?

Where are you...
You going shopping?

I don't know.

I did not go to Paris for
Fashion Week this year.

But that does not mean
that I don't have FOMO.

So, I cannot wait to get the
full download from Kylie.

And I love catching up with her.

Kylie, these little heels
that you're wearing,

- I just...
- You hate 'em?

Duh, I'm not a... I'm,
like, either a flats

or a stripper heel type of girl.

I like these because

- it's-it's more casual.
- That's like a micro-penis.

We're not about to
shame micros right now.

Okay, we won't, but
nobody wants them.

You just accept them.

That's not true. Some
people like them.

Hm. Maybe if they
have a micro-puss.

I think a micro-puss
would be fascinating.

'Cause doesn't everyone
want a smaller puss?

I tend to have a larger puss.

Like, when I'm fat,
it gets fatter.

'Cause when I was
fat, I had Camille.

Now that I've been skinnier,
Camille disappeared.

How was Paris?

- Paris was good.
- You looked incredible.

Thank you. Um, I saw
Jordyn again in Paris.

- How was that?
- It was fun.

I think we have, like, a lot more, like,
healthy distance in the relationship.

- Now it's, like, we talk once a month.
- I think it's really...

I think what I do
love now is that

the narrative about us
online is also over.

Like, when we were seen
leaving that restaurant,

if it was a story for the
day or two days, whatever,

- and then, now, it's, like, it's over.
- It disappeared.

- Yeah.
- People know that we're cool

and no one's talking
about it anymore.

I've always told you, like, I never
want you to have regrets in life,

and I, for sure, never want you to have
regrets with anything that comes to me.

And I've told you, like, when you were
saying that you miss her and whatever,

and I-I've never had an issue with you
keeping your friendships with anyone.

- That's not my job in life.
- Mm-hmm.

I'm happy to have this
conversation with Khloé

'cause I think that people
don't really understand

how pure Khloé's heart is.

And even right after
everything happened,

her energy was always
the same with me.

She's like, "You need to do
whatever makes you happy.

There's nothing more important to
me than you and your happiness."

And she's just very special.

And I wish more people
knew how special she was.

I definitely get frustrated, the
whole narrative about her and I,

or her and you, or
me and you, whatever.

- It's, like, this weird...
- It's an internet creative narrative

- that doesn't even exist.
- Totally.

And so, that is something that
I would love behind us all.

They're always pinning the
girls against one another.

And there's actually no beef.

I hate that you have to choose
Team Jordyn or Team Kylie.

And we're not like that.

Like, 'cause we're just living,
we're not, like, thinking that hard

about the situation anymore.

We just want happy,
peaceful, healthy lives.

- Yeah.
- That's all we want.

Ain't that the truth?

- Well...
- Mom's having dinner with someone.

Who is she having dinner with?

- There's some people...
- Ooh. Should we go?

- Yeah.
- Let's just go.

Let's go ambush.

I love just visiting my mom.

I would love if she gets pissed.

Oh, Kylie's with us.
She won't get pissed.

Cameras included
or not included.

Who the does she think she is?

- Yeah, who the...
- Having dinner without telling us?

We're her favorites.

Hi, Eric.

Mom?!

Mom?!

- Mom?!
- Who are you having dinner with?

Mom?!

Mom?!

- What are...
- Hi. Who are you having dinner with?

What do you think
you're doing tonight?

I'm watching Dancing
with the Stars.

Mom!

It was all Kylie's idea
'cause you love her the most.

I do not love her the most.
I love you all the same.

Yep.

- Well, this was much more...
- Yeah, this was...

anticlimactic than I assumed.

I thought, like, you were gonna
have an orgy or something.

- No.
- "Mom! Your vagina!"

Love you guys. I
actually have to go...

- Love you.
- 'cause I wanna say bye to my kids.

- Bye! Love you!
- I'm s-so sorry.

Kylie really wanted to see you.

- Bye.
- Aww, of course, she did.

"What size shoe does
your mommy wear?"

- My mommy?
- M-My mommy. Malika's asking.

- Eight and a half or nine...
- 'Member when you had that foot surgery?

It's called bunion surgery.

- You're big...
- What is a bunion?

- Oh, my God.
- Oy, look at this.

Oh, I know. People can
get really messed up.

Bunions are gross.

I don't... I'm not big with,
like, a lot of random body parts.

Like, even belly buttons.

Don't get me started
on an outie, oy.

Talk about a micro-penis.

And, like, the fact that you
don't have worse feet is wild.

Worse feet?

- I have beautiful feet.
- I know you have beautiful feet.

- I have feet that would go on OnlyFans...
- But you walk on heels.

- and make a fortune by the way.
- Oh.

People on OnlyFans
show their feet?

There's foot fetishes
all around the world.

What?

- And my... Mom...
- Stop!

Kourtney and Travis are probably the
emperor and empress of foot fetishes.

- Stop it.
- By the way.

- Mom, you know this, but...
- No, I do not know this.

- I have beautiful ballerina...
- Wait, what do you...

But what do you do
with somebody's feet?

Khloé, no.

Okay, so, why are
we talk... Oh...

- The foot fetish.
- Can we go back to the bunions?

Because that's the conversation

- I was most comfortable with.
- Well, my point is

people have foot fetishes, so I can
make a lot of money off my feet,

but I just haven't
gone there yet.

Don't worry. Desperate times call for
desperate measures, and I will be there.

If you get me my bunion surgery.

♪ I wanna be in on the action ♪

♪ I wanna be causin' reaction ♪

♪ I want 'em to feel,
and want 'em to see ♪

♪ I want 'em to
dance with passion ♪

♪ Wanna be in on the action ♪

- Thank you.
- ♪ It's gonna be hot ♪

♪ And never forgot ♪

♪ Not gonna be a distraction ♪

Hi!

Tonight is the premiere

of American Horror Story
starring Kim Kardashian.

So, we're very excited.

She FaceTimed me from
set in her makeup

and I didn't even
know it was her.

So, you're in for a thrill.

What time does the show come on?

- 7:00.
- 7:00.

Yeah, so, y'all should probably
get a drink or somethin'.

What do you guys want?

No, he has a person
here for that.

- There's people here, Kris.
- Oh.

By the way, this isn't 15 years
ago, we're bossin' me around

with the wine.

That was 20 years ago!
When Reggie was around,

it was literally like,
"Mr. Football, how are ya?"

- [♪ dance music playing]
- ♪ Look at me now ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ I'm in the crowd ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Look at me now ♪

Hi, guys!

How are you?

North, your side-eye
was on fuego right now.

I love your side-eye.

Kim, I didn't know this
was, like, real scary.

- Well, these episodes aren't.
- You wanna sit right here?

- 'Cause I don't do, like, real...
- And I'm, like, scared.

Will you hold me? Hold me.

Oh, my God.

So, I don't like
anything horror.

I don't like to be scared.
Just, like, don't "Boo" me.

Don't like, "Boo!" Like, off.

I do not wanna be scared.
Life is scary enough.

So, Kim, you have no
idea how scary this is?

No, I have no idea,
like... if it's good.

- I mean, I'm sure...
- Of course, it's good.

I just am like, "Oh, my God, as
long as people don't say I'm awful."

- Show's gonna start.
- Yes.

- 'Kay.
- We should go inside.

I'm ready to watch
Kim get a Emmy.

That is so good.

So cute! Northy, look it!

Scott, this is
so cute in here.

Yeah. Cute, right? Are
we ready to get started?

Guys, I don't
wanna watch this.

- Yes!
- Are you sure?

- Come on, Kimberly. Woo!
- 'Kay, can we turn all the lights off?

You almost knocked
over her wine.

Mom, you knocked her wine
all over her pajamas.

- No, it's okay.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.

- I just don't wanna get... It's okay.
- Mom!

- I just don't wanna get...
- Is there a napkin?

- Scott, do you mind getting a napkin?
- Yeah.

- Does anyone have a napkin?
- We need a napkin!

It's right there!

- She has a whole stack of 'em.
- Guys, guys, guys.

The show's gonna be hectic enough.
We don't need to fight each other.

It's like pandemonium.
Oh, my gosh.

Everyone's freaking out.
How're we gonna fix it?

Do we need to put
water on the couch?

Maybe sit over there.

Scott, you don't have any
fabric cleaner we can spray?

This is why we have
a no red wine rule.

People wanna live their lives.

Mom, chill out. You're the
one that threw the blanket.

"Who has red wine
with a cream couch?"

But then she'd complain if
there wasn't red wine here.

I'll have it cleaned tomorrow.

The chaos over, like, a
couple drops of wine was wild.

Everything's okay, everybody.
We'll have that cleaned...

By the way, it's my
couch! I don't give a!

I'm gonna have it cleaned.

Everyone just shut the
up, and turn the show on.

Can you get Scott's
couch cleaned tomorrow?

'Cause I spilled some red
wine on it. Thank you.

- Is everybody ready?
- Yes.

Matthew's gonna send somebody over
here tomorrow to clean the couch.

Okay, guys, should we
turn the lights off?

Scott can't wait
for us to leave.

I don't mind. I'm getting
a new couch, I mean...

Oh, my God. This is
gonna cost me 20 grand.

- Okay. Let's push play, babe.
- At least.

I'm already makin' the order.

Okay.

- What the? Is that you, Keeks?
- What?

- It's Kimberly!
- Can you imagine?

Would die if that was her.

It's interesting to see 'cause
I never saw any of this.

I'm definitely nervous
because I put the time

and the energy in to
do something different

that was outside
of my comfort zone.

Dude, this is wild.

I don't know, I feel like
it could go really bad

and embarrassing for
everyone if I suck.

I just hope people like it.

That's me, guys.

Yeah, baby.

It's exhausting being
better than everyone.

Oh, so, you're playing your mom?

All of that would wind up in
the bargain bin at Walmart.

- I mean, no offense.
- I mean, none taken. That is true.

Kim, you're so cute.

So good, babe.

Yeah, like, no matter
what they think I did...

But who knows? Are
they lying also?

'Cause it's like
when your kid's ugly,

of course, your family's gonna be
like, "It's so cute." You know?

Like, what are they
gonna say, I suck?

- Kim, you're doing so great!
- Thanks, guys.

So, at least in this
moment, I believe it.

But I'll wait for the reviews and
see if they were telling the truth.

This role seems perfect
for Kim K, not gonna lie.

- I smell an Emmy.
- Please don't.

Oh, my God, everyone's saying
Siobhan is literally Kris Jenner.

That's what I said!

"Kim has the s... Kim has best
preparation for this role."

Nice.

People were saying
really great things like,

"Wow, we didn't wanna
like it, but..."

Kind of like how I
felt when I did SNL.

They always wanna hate,

and it's such a good feeling when
people are responding well to something.

Kim, Ryan Murphy said
you were so good in this

that he thinks you should do this
for the rest of your life full-time.

This is a huge deal for Kim because
the growth in her confidence

of her taking risks, her saying
like, "You know, I can do this."

Like, when there was
once a time in her life

that she thought she needed somebody
else to call the shots, direct her.

And she felt almost like she
could do nothing on her own.

She needed a slew
of people to ask.

Now she's just makin'
decisions on her own,

and that's what makes
me the happiest.

- Good job, Kimberly!
- Yay, bravo.

- Great job, Kim.
- Amazing!

- That took a lot of strength, babe.
- Thank you.

- So good.
- You're a actress!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my gosh, Scott is like,
"Please don't come back."

I'm so proud of you.
Like, really, really good.

- You should be really proud of yourself.
- It was a strong version of you, Kimmy.

Kim has actually taken on more than I
ever thought she would do this year.

Alright, guys, we're
gonna celebrate.

She has more energy than anybody
I've ever met in my life.

More ambition, drive,
more creativity.

And every year that goes by,

she just seems to have
more impressive goals,

and she meets every single
one of them. It's wild.

Running by you!

Does this remind you
of the Vegas days?

Can officially apply for a
star on the Walk of Fame now.

Yeah!

I am in my actress era.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Next on The Kardashians...

It's my birthday week and I've
been called to do jury duty.

Feel like there's some
kind of O.J. connection

that'll get me out of jury duty.

Just kidding.

If untreated, dementia,
Alzheimer's or Parkinson's could be

- in my future.
- What did you say?

- I can't hear.
- Your ears are fine.

We'll fix it.

- Let's do another hearing test.
- Okay.

This is the most excited I've
been in a really long time.

My mom pulled some strings and
got Gerry to come over for dinner.

Hello, everyone.

- Did you not see what I saw?
- No.

I saw his phone.

I've seen some things that
I shouldn't have seen.

Is there any hope for Tristan
or is... that door's closed?

Scott.

- But eventually...
- But it'd be nice

to grow old with somebody.

Um, you guys, Rob sent
me that FootFinder.

I don't know what that is.

Said that they would pay me a
million dollars to show my feet,

and I would do that.

Wh-What do I have
to do with my feet?

A million bucks?

I don't give a . I was
thinkin', like, $100.

Yes.

I can let people
massage my feet.