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1
00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:03,435
All right, Lonnie,
when I give the word,
2
00:00:03,468 --> 00:00:05,637
I want you to come at me,
try to grab me.
3
00:00:05,671 --> 00:00:07,607
I will defend myself
by getting you
4
00:00:07,639 --> 00:00:09,341
into a submissive position.
5
00:00:13,264 --> 00:00:14,547
Charmaine, can I help you
with something?
6
00:00:14,580 --> 00:00:16,248
Nope. I'm good.
7
00:00:16,282 --> 00:00:19,385
Just eating my applesauce
and watching the cartoon.
8
00:00:19,417 --> 00:00:22,655
All right. All right.
You got it, Lonnie?
9
00:00:22,687 --> 00:00:24,390
Come at me good,
but don't worry.
10
00:00:24,422 --> 00:00:25,424
I'm not gonna hurt you.
11
00:00:25,457 --> 00:00:26,825
Okay. Where should I grab you?
12
00:00:26,859 --> 00:00:28,494
Anywhere that's vulnerable.
13
00:00:28,527 --> 00:00:31,397
This is what my sensei calls
"hidari eri dori."
14
00:00:31,429 --> 00:00:32,698
Okeydori.
15
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:35,667
All right, you ready?
On the count of three.
16
00:00:35,701 --> 00:00:36,802
Ready?
17
00:00:36,835 --> 00:00:39,405
One, two, three.
18
00:00:40,606 --> 00:00:43,576
Am I doing it right?
19
00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:48,713
Let go, let go, let go,
let go, let go, let go.
20
00:00:50,478 --> 00:00:52,819
Ba-Dee, Ba-Dee, Ba-Dee.
That's all, folks!
21
00:00:52,843 --> 00:00:57,043
Sync and corrections by squallounet
22
00:00:57,655 --> 00:01:01,694
* It's time to show the world
what they've waited for *
23
00:01:01,726 --> 00:01:05,664
* something like
they've never seen before *
24
00:01:05,697 --> 00:01:08,700
* whoa, we're just
getting started *
25
00:01:08,733 --> 00:01:10,836
* just getting started *
26
00:01:12,871 --> 00:01:14,307
What are you guys looking at?
27
00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:15,575
Someone sent me a video
28
00:01:15,608 --> 00:01:16,843
called "the world's
rudest barbershop."
29
00:01:16,876 --> 00:01:18,444
The Internet
is just a collection
30
00:01:18,477 --> 00:01:19,811
of mean people
saying mean things.
31
00:01:19,844 --> 00:01:21,546
Who are these awful people?
32
00:01:21,579 --> 00:01:23,715
Oh, my god! That's Charmaine!
33
00:01:23,748 --> 00:01:28,653
Yep. She's been viewed 116,000
times in the last 30 days.
34
00:01:28,686 --> 00:01:30,722
Customers have been filming her
when she's at her worst.
35
00:01:30,756 --> 00:01:34,861
Meaning the hours between when
she wakes up and goes to sleep.
36
00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:36,596
Look at these comments.
37
00:01:36,629 --> 00:01:37,864
People are so ignorant.
38
00:01:37,897 --> 00:01:39,731
This guy even spelled
"haircut" wrong.
39
00:01:39,765 --> 00:01:41,433
There's no "n" in "cut."
40
00:01:42,367 --> 00:01:45,437
Oh.
41
00:01:45,471 --> 00:01:47,640
You know, the test for
my yellow belt is this weekend,
42
00:01:47,673 --> 00:01:49,341
and I don't know if I'm ready.
43
00:01:49,375 --> 00:01:51,777
So I was just wondering
if you could help me.
44
00:01:51,810 --> 00:01:53,346
How long you been taking judo?
45
00:01:53,379 --> 00:01:54,746
Couple weeks now. It's good.
46
00:01:54,780 --> 00:01:56,516
You never know when
you'll have to defend yourself.
47
00:01:56,549 --> 00:01:58,151
Mo, who would you have
to defend yourself against?
48
00:01:58,183 --> 00:02:00,786
Anyone with hands
capable of grabbing balls.
49
00:02:03,555 --> 00:02:06,491
What are you bitches watching?
50
00:02:06,525 --> 00:02:08,661
You. According
to this viral video,
51
00:02:08,693 --> 00:02:10,629
you are
the world's rudest barber.
52
00:02:10,663 --> 00:02:12,564
Mazel tov.
53
00:02:12,598 --> 00:02:14,734
I have so many people
to thank...
54
00:02:14,766 --> 00:02:17,502
My mother, who gave me up
to the foster-care system,
55
00:02:17,536 --> 00:02:19,171
my grandmother, who taught me
56
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:21,440
if you don't have
anything nice to say,
57
00:02:21,473 --> 00:02:24,377
say it louder.
58
00:02:24,409 --> 00:02:25,912
Charmaine, I don't know if you
should take this so lightly.
59
00:02:25,944 --> 00:02:27,780
You could really get in trouble.
60
00:02:27,812 --> 00:02:30,515
How? The only type of person
that would be offended by that
61
00:02:30,549 --> 00:02:31,817
is a puny little girl.
62
00:02:31,849 --> 00:02:35,388
I am very offended
by this video.
63
00:02:35,420 --> 00:02:38,623
Charmaine, my office... now.
64
00:02:38,657 --> 00:02:40,493
Okay, so, you want me
to make you look like
65
00:02:40,526 --> 00:02:41,961
Harry Styles from One Direction.
66
00:02:41,993 --> 00:02:43,562
Here's a thought.
67
00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:44,931
Come back in five years
68
00:02:44,963 --> 00:02:47,966
when life has lowered
your expectations.
69
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,402
Why are you still here?
70
00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:52,671
No, no.
71
00:02:52,705 --> 00:02:54,807
No, no, no, no.
No. This is not funny.
72
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,408
Do you have any idea
how many people
73
00:02:56,442 --> 00:02:57,576
have seen this video, Charmaine?
74
00:02:57,610 --> 00:02:58,945
Do you know what this does
for my brand?
75
00:02:58,978 --> 00:03:00,813
Brand? What brand?
76
00:03:00,846 --> 00:03:02,782
My brand.
77
00:03:00,846 --> 00:03:02,782
What is it?
78
00:03:02,814 --> 00:03:04,650
My brand is my brand. All right?
79
00:03:04,682 --> 00:03:06,585
And this barbershop
is branded by...
80
00:03:06,618 --> 00:03:08,454
The brand
that this brand represents.
81
00:03:08,486 --> 00:03:09,955
All right?
And for your information,
82
00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:12,625
this video is everything
that my brand is not.
83
00:03:12,657 --> 00:03:14,226
So here's the deal, Charmaine.
84
00:03:14,259 --> 00:03:15,560
From now on,
every one of my customers
85
00:03:15,593 --> 00:03:16,695
that walks through that door
86
00:03:16,729 --> 00:03:18,965
gets a "hello"
and a "how are you?"
87
00:03:18,997 --> 00:03:20,699
And lots of smiles
88
00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:23,536
and sentences that go up at the end.
89
00:03:23,568 --> 00:03:25,537
First of all,
they're my customers,
90
00:03:25,570 --> 00:03:28,675
and I am not changing who I am
for you.
91
00:03:29,707 --> 00:03:30,977
What?
92
00:03:31,009 --> 00:03:32,978
I went up
at the end.
93
00:03:33,012 --> 00:03:34,247
See, this is your problem.
94
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,480
This is your problem.
95
00:03:35,514 --> 00:03:36,882
You think this is funny,
96
00:03:36,914 --> 00:03:38,984
like we're the cafeteria in
high school eating tater tots
97
00:03:39,018 --> 00:03:40,552
and still making fun
of freshmen.
98
00:03:40,586 --> 00:03:42,455
We're not those kids anymore,
damn it.
99
00:03:42,487 --> 00:03:43,955
All right?
We're grown-ups, Charmaine!
100
00:03:50,628 --> 00:03:52,864
Look... this is my business,
101
00:03:52,897 --> 00:03:54,466
and what you've done
102
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:56,801
has seriously jeopardized
my business.
103
00:03:56,835 --> 00:03:58,504
It's out there already.
104
00:03:58,537 --> 00:03:59,938
Nothing I can do about it.
105
00:03:59,972 --> 00:04:02,275
And nothing
you gonna do about it.
106
00:04:02,307 --> 00:04:05,644
I mean, it's not like you got
the onions to fire me.
107
00:04:05,677 --> 00:04:08,615
I'm a lot scarier
than you think.
108
00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:19,492
I can't believe
he fired Charmaine.
109
00:04:19,524 --> 00:04:22,527
It's like
I've lost my best friend.
110
00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:24,596
Well, you could still make plans
and see each other.
111
00:04:24,629 --> 00:04:26,266
Eh, who's got the energy?
112
00:04:28,033 --> 00:04:30,836
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
113
00:04:30,869 --> 00:04:32,805
Oh, no! He's hurt!
He's hurt real bad!
114
00:04:32,838 --> 00:04:34,006
What? What happened, Lonnie?
115
00:04:34,038 --> 00:04:35,307
Mo and A.J...
They were sparring,
116
00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:36,841
and now he's hurt real bad.
117
00:04:36,875 --> 00:04:38,043
All right.
Just take it easy, A.J.
118
00:04:38,076 --> 00:04:39,644
We're gonna get you
to a hospital.
119
00:04:39,677 --> 00:04:40,846
Mo, I'm fine.
120
00:04:40,879 --> 00:04:43,316
Honestly.
It's really no big deal.
121
00:04:44,649 --> 00:04:46,651
Oh, my god!
It's your pitching arm!
122
00:04:46,685 --> 00:04:50,088
You look like a stick figure
someone drew too fast.
123
00:04:50,122 --> 00:04:51,924
It's honestly... it's fine.
124
00:04:51,956 --> 00:04:54,526
It's so gross!
I'm gonna throw up!
125
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,929
I was just trying to flip him,
and then I heard a bone crack.
126
00:04:56,961 --> 00:04:58,531
It's happening. I'm gonna do it!
127
00:04:58,564 --> 00:05:00,665
I'm gonna do it!
I'm gonna hurl! Oh!
128
00:05:00,699 --> 00:05:02,068
I'm sure it's gonna be fine.
129
00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:04,937
You might want to see a doctor,
though, just to be sure.
130
00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:06,572
Babe, I think
you might be in shock.
131
00:05:06,605 --> 00:05:07,807
We got to get you
to the hospital.
132
00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:09,641
I think
it's a big waste of time.
133
00:05:09,675 --> 00:05:10,942
Hey, what time is it?
134
00:05:10,975 --> 00:05:13,646
No! don't check it!
135
00:05:10,975 --> 00:05:13,646
Oh!
136
00:05:13,678 --> 00:05:15,548
Come on, Mo. Grab his stuff.
Let's get going.
137
00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:17,083
You hang in there, buddy!
I'm sure it's nothing.
138
00:05:17,115 --> 00:05:18,950
All right.
I'll see you guys later.
139
00:05:18,983 --> 00:05:21,653
Holy shit! It's waving! Ugh!
140
00:05:30,862 --> 00:05:32,831
Buzzy's. Please hold.
141
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:33,999
Buzzy's.
142
00:05:34,031 --> 00:05:36,101
Oh, no. Charmaine's not here.
143
00:05:36,134 --> 00:05:38,704
That's not how you pronounce
"haircut," and you know it.
144
00:05:40,672 --> 00:05:42,007
Buzzy's.
145
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,576
No, Charmaine
cannot see you next Tuesday.
146
00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:46,879
Oh, you're horrible!
147
00:05:50,115 --> 00:05:51,884
Hey, hey.
Where the hell have you been?
148
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:54,085
You know, holding the back of
Rihanna's train at the met ball.
149
00:05:54,119 --> 00:05:55,421
Where do you think I've been?
150
00:05:56,822 --> 00:05:58,790
At the hospital with A.J.
151
00:05:58,824 --> 00:06:00,147
How's he doing?
152
00:06:00,147 --> 00:06:01,294
Not too good.
153
00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:02,927
The doctor said the bone
was broken in two places.
154
00:06:02,961 --> 00:06:04,629
All right. Zip it, nurse Betty.
155
00:06:05,630 --> 00:06:06,965
Look, I've got
a shop full of people,
156
00:06:06,999 --> 00:06:08,134
and I've got one barber.
157
00:06:08,166 --> 00:06:09,701
And it's Buzzy.
158
00:06:09,735 --> 00:06:12,104
Yeah, I'm
a little low-energy today.
159
00:06:12,137 --> 00:06:14,807
What... what
is going on in here?
160
00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:16,741
That Charmaine video's
what's going on.
161
00:06:16,774 --> 00:06:17,876
Everyone in Boston wants to come
162
00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,412
to the world's rudest barbershop
163
00:06:19,444 --> 00:06:21,613
to be insulted
by the world's rudest barber.
164
00:06:21,646 --> 00:06:22,747
But you fired her.
165
00:06:22,781 --> 00:06:24,716
Oh, did I, Danni? Oh!
166
00:06:26,050 --> 00:06:27,819
Thank you so much for the recap.
167
00:06:27,853 --> 00:06:29,155
You want to tell me
what else happened
168
00:06:29,187 --> 00:06:31,990
on the last episode
of "no shit, Sherlock"?
169
00:06:32,024 --> 00:06:34,959
Sherlock got a ketchup stain
on his shirt during lunch.
170
00:06:34,992 --> 00:06:36,928
What? Oh, crap.
171
00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:40,165
You know, ma's right...
I can't have anything nice.
172
00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:41,766
All right. You know what?
Do me a favor.
173
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,735
Cut some heads, okay?
174
00:06:43,769 --> 00:06:45,937
I got to figure out how I'm
gonna get Charmaine back...
175
00:06:45,971 --> 00:06:47,939
And find spot remover.
176
00:06:47,973 --> 00:06:51,177
Okay. Uh, Dominic.
177
00:06:51,209 --> 00:06:52,745
Hey, what can I do
for you today?
178
00:06:52,778 --> 00:06:53,979
What do you mean?
179
00:06:54,012 --> 00:06:55,947
This is the world's
rudest barbershop.
180
00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:58,817
Treat me like the filth
that I am.
181
00:06:58,850 --> 00:07:00,685
Okay.
182
00:07:04,723 --> 00:07:06,925
There he is.
183
00:07:06,959 --> 00:07:10,062
I brought you a cake
and a bunch of balloons.
184
00:07:10,095 --> 00:07:11,197
I don't like balloons.
185
00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:13,932
All right, all right.
186
00:07:13,966 --> 00:07:15,701
Oh, A.J...
187
00:07:15,733 --> 00:07:18,837
I feel so guilty
for breaking your arm.
188
00:07:18,870 --> 00:07:20,673
I can't sleep.
189
00:07:20,706 --> 00:07:23,175
I can't eat.
190
00:07:23,208 --> 00:07:25,244
Where's the other half
of that cake, Mo?
191
00:07:25,276 --> 00:07:27,913
I did eat half the cake. Yes.
192
00:07:27,946 --> 00:07:30,016
Guilt makes me eat compulsively.
193
00:07:31,115 --> 00:07:32,817
How's the arm?
194
00:07:32,850 --> 00:07:35,221
Broken in two places, torn ucl.
195
00:07:35,254 --> 00:07:36,822
Doctor says
I'll never pitch again,
196
00:07:36,855 --> 00:07:38,524
but, uh, hey,
at least my life's over.
197
00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:44,963
I can't even taste this.
198
00:07:44,997 --> 00:07:46,831
Yeah. I, uh...
199
00:07:46,865 --> 00:07:48,234
I don't really have anything
to say right now, Mo.
200
00:07:48,266 --> 00:07:49,767
No, A.J., come on.
201
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:50,769
I got to know
how you're feeling.
202
00:07:50,802 --> 00:07:52,004
It's driving me crazy.
203
00:07:52,036 --> 00:07:55,007
If we don't talk it out,
how am I gonna f...
204
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:59,245
How are you gonna feel better?
205
00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:01,112
Honestly, I just want
to go to sleep.
206
00:08:01,146 --> 00:08:03,148
Okay.
207
00:08:03,180 --> 00:08:04,750
Okay, I'll leave you alone.
208
00:08:18,764 --> 00:08:20,799
Listen, listen, listen.
209
00:08:20,831 --> 00:08:23,269
I know you can't use your
dominant hand for six weeks,
210
00:08:23,302 --> 00:08:28,140
and there are things a man
does with his dominant hand
211
00:08:28,173 --> 00:08:29,908
that you can't do.
212
00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:31,076
Private things.
213
00:08:31,108 --> 00:08:31,942
Mo...
214
00:08:31,942 --> 00:08:32,778
A.J...
215
00:08:32,811 --> 00:08:34,013
If you need me to...
216
00:08:37,606 --> 00:08:39,050
I will do those things for you.
217
00:08:39,083 --> 00:08:40,151
Don't...
218
00:08:39,083 --> 00:08:40,151
I will do them for you.
219
00:08:40,184 --> 00:08:41,286
Even offer it.
220
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:42,922
I have offered it. It's there.
221
00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:44,290
You don't have to feel bad
about the offer.
222
00:08:44,322 --> 00:08:45,423
You take it back.
223
00:08:45,423 --> 00:08:46,874
I will never take that back.
224
00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:47,960
All you got to do is nod.
225
00:08:47,993 --> 00:08:49,219
No!
226
00:08:49,219 --> 00:08:49,828
Yes.
227
00:08:49,860 --> 00:08:52,030
- That's not what... Now all nods mean...
- Just... that's that.
228
00:08:52,063 --> 00:08:54,065
- No. I'm not doing it. No. That...whatever
- that is, you do that, and it's done.
229
00:08:54,099 --> 00:08:55,568
Mo, I... you can't leave here
230
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,201
till you promise me
you won't do it off a nod.
231
00:08:57,235 --> 00:09:01,240
I promise you I won't do it.
232
00:09:01,273 --> 00:09:03,142
You got to get out of here.
233
00:09:08,145 --> 00:09:09,981
Hi. Hello. What you need?
234
00:09:08,145 --> 00:09:09,981
Hello.
235
00:09:10,014 --> 00:09:12,951
Welcome! Good morning!
236
00:09:12,985 --> 00:09:14,586
Hi. Um, yeah.
237
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:16,855
I'm just here looking
for a friend, Charmaine.
238
00:09:16,888 --> 00:09:18,324
She's supposed to, uh, have
an appointment here right now.
239
00:09:18,356 --> 00:09:20,125
Yeah, Charmaine late. Sit down.
240
00:09:20,158 --> 00:09:22,061
I'll give you a manicure.
241
00:09:20,158 --> 00:09:22,061
Uh, no. I'm okay.
242
00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:24,129
Customer only, or you get out.
243
00:09:24,162 --> 00:09:26,298
Okay. Fine.
244
00:09:26,331 --> 00:09:28,233
How are you today, huh?
245
00:09:26,331 --> 00:09:28,233
Yeah, I'm...
246
00:09:28,265 --> 00:09:30,935
Oh, I like your little vest.
247
00:09:28,265 --> 00:09:30,935
Okay.
248
00:09:30,969 --> 00:09:34,239
Oh! Wow!
249
00:09:30,969 --> 00:09:34,239
Wha... what?
250
00:09:34,272 --> 00:09:36,908
Why right hand big and strong
and covered in callus
251
00:09:36,942 --> 00:09:39,378
and left hand smooth
and weak like baby?
252
00:09:39,410 --> 00:09:41,813
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
253
00:09:41,846 --> 00:09:44,316
June! Patty! Come! Look at this.
254
00:09:44,349 --> 00:09:47,920
Look, I-I'm just here
waiting for a friend, okay?
255
00:09:47,952 --> 00:09:49,187
Oh, wow.
256
00:09:49,221 --> 00:09:51,023
You do a lot with one hand.
What you do?
257
00:09:51,056 --> 00:09:52,191
What? Doesn't matter, all right?
258
00:09:52,224 --> 00:09:53,225
I own a business.
259
00:09:53,258 --> 00:09:55,094
No. That hand do labor.
260
00:09:55,126 --> 00:09:57,996
You ring bell in tower?
261
00:09:58,029 --> 00:09:59,932
Do I ring a bell in a tower?
262
00:10:00,932 --> 00:10:02,835
What is this... 1482?
263
00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:04,970
Maybe he work at dairy farm
264
00:10:05,003 --> 00:10:07,105
and churn butter with one hand.
265
00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:11,176
No, look, I'm just here
waiting for a friend to talk to.
266
00:10:11,208 --> 00:10:12,377
That's it, all right?
267
00:10:12,410 --> 00:10:14,379
Oh, he work with friend.
268
00:10:14,413 --> 00:10:16,215
Maybe they do ice sculpture.
269
00:10:16,248 --> 00:10:18,850
The friend hold the ice,
and you do like this.
270
00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:19,851
I...
271
00:10:19,884 --> 00:10:21,386
No.
272
00:10:21,419 --> 00:10:23,389
I think he churn butter.
273
00:10:23,422 --> 00:10:26,158
No, ring a bell.
274
00:10:23,422 --> 00:10:26,158
Ice sculpture.
275
00:10:26,191 --> 00:10:27,393
I don't do any of that.
276
00:10:27,426 --> 00:10:29,294
I'm just waiting
for a friend, okay?
277
00:10:29,326 --> 00:10:32,096
Oh, so, Ben told you
about his date last night?
278
00:10:32,129 --> 00:10:34,785
Oh!
279
00:10:34,785 --> 00:10:36,445
- Come in! Sit down!
- Hi.
280
00:10:36,445 --> 00:10:37,428
They love you!
281
00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:38,937
Okay. Let's hear it.
282
00:10:40,404 --> 00:10:41,909
So, I was thinking,
and, you know,
283
00:10:41,909 --> 00:10:43,981
maybe I was a little rash
on letting you go so quickly.
284
00:10:43,981 --> 00:10:46,197
You know, I think Dr. Laura
may have said it the best...
285
00:10:46,197 --> 00:10:46,912
Cut the shit.
286
00:10:46,945 --> 00:10:49,181
Joy already told me
people are calling for me
287
00:10:49,214 --> 00:10:50,215
and you want me back.
288
00:10:50,248 --> 00:10:52,151
Desperately, okay?
289
00:10:52,183 --> 00:10:53,918
Look, what's it gonna take?
290
00:10:53,951 --> 00:10:55,888
You can ask for anything...
Except for a raise, all right?
291
00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:57,923
I'll get you new equipment,
a better chair, flexible hours.
292
00:10:57,956 --> 00:10:59,457
Just do not ask for more money.
293
00:10:59,490 --> 00:11:01,008
I want more money.
294
00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:01,997
Damn it.
I knew that was gonna happen.
295
00:11:01,997 --> 00:11:03,048
All right. Fine.
296
00:11:03,048 --> 00:11:04,396
But you're killing me,
Charmaine.
297
00:11:04,428 --> 00:11:06,464
Well, that's what you get
for being such a jerk-off.
298
00:11:06,498 --> 00:11:09,401
Oh!
299
00:11:06,498 --> 00:11:09,401
Oh!
300
00:11:06,498 --> 00:11:09,401
Oh!
301
00:11:17,142 --> 00:11:20,446
Listen, Aje...
302
00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:21,913
You're gonna be okay.
303
00:11:21,947 --> 00:11:23,148
I'm not gonna be okay.
304
00:11:23,181 --> 00:11:24,450
don't tell me I'm gonna be okay.
305
00:11:24,482 --> 00:11:26,284
I'm never gonna pitch again...
306
00:11:26,317 --> 00:11:28,220
Which means I'm not gonna be
a professional ball player...
307
00:11:28,253 --> 00:11:29,455
Which means
I don't know who I am
308
00:11:29,488 --> 00:11:31,023
or what I'm gonna do
with my life.
309
00:11:31,056 --> 00:11:33,057
And that's freaking me out.
310
00:11:33,091 --> 00:11:36,024
You are so much more than
just a baseball player.
311
00:11:36,024 --> 00:11:37,162
Whatever.
312
00:11:37,195 --> 00:11:39,998
Yeah, I don't even think
baseball is what you're best at.
313
00:11:40,030 --> 00:11:41,466
You know, I always thought
you should have been...
314
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:43,168
Oh, I know what you're
gonna say and don't.
315
00:11:43,201 --> 00:11:44,470
I don't want to hear
what I could have been
316
00:11:44,503 --> 00:11:46,138
or should have been.
317
00:11:46,171 --> 00:11:48,407
Right now, I want to mourn
who I thought I was.
318
00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:50,109
All I'm saying
is that when one door closes,
319
00:11:50,142 --> 00:11:51,477
another one opens.
320
00:11:51,509 --> 00:11:53,946
Yeah. And you know
what's behind door number two?
321
00:11:53,979 --> 00:11:56,482
Mo offering me a hand job.
322
00:12:04,038 --> 00:12:05,490
So, uh,
thanks for taking a shift.
323
00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:07,091
It's the least I could do.
324
00:12:07,125 --> 00:12:09,227
Poor guy...
Going through all this.
325
00:12:09,260 --> 00:12:13,365
If only he had a healthy way
of dealing with his emotions.
326
00:12:14,566 --> 00:12:17,136
I'm really worried about him.
327
00:12:17,168 --> 00:12:18,370
He won't talk to me.
328
00:12:18,403 --> 00:12:20,205
Oh. No. don't worry, all right?
329
00:12:20,238 --> 00:12:21,306
A.J. Knows how to deal.
330
00:12:21,339 --> 00:12:23,108
When he's really mad at someone,
331
00:12:23,140 --> 00:12:24,776
he writes them a letter
and really lets them have it.
332
00:12:24,809 --> 00:12:26,511
He never sends them,
but at least he gets it
333
00:12:26,544 --> 00:12:28,246
out of his system
so he can move on.
334
00:12:28,279 --> 00:12:30,014
He's been doing it
since high school.
335
00:12:30,048 --> 00:12:31,048
They're all on his laptop.
336
00:12:31,081 --> 00:12:33,384
That laptop right there?
337
00:12:31,081 --> 00:12:33,384
Yeah.
338
00:12:33,418 --> 00:12:34,986
All right. I got to go.
339
00:12:35,019 --> 00:12:36,454
If you need to run out
for anything...
340
00:12:36,488 --> 00:12:39,258
You know, you seem to be eating
a lot lately, so, uh...
341
00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:40,793
Just lock the door behind you.
342
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:42,528
Sure, sure.
343
00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:46,532
Hey, um, so, those letters he
writes... they're pretty rough?
344
00:12:46,565 --> 00:12:48,167
Oh, yeah. They're brutal.
345
00:12:59,376 --> 00:13:00,966
How's A.J. Doing?
346
00:13:00,966 --> 00:13:02,090
Not great.
347
00:13:02,090 --> 00:13:02,548
It's gonna be hard for him
348
00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:04,416
to adjust to life
without baseball.
349
00:13:04,448 --> 00:13:05,817
I get that.
350
00:13:05,850 --> 00:13:07,219
When I found religion,
it took me a long time
351
00:13:07,251 --> 00:13:09,554
to get used to having
my virginity back.
352
00:13:11,322 --> 00:13:13,491
All right. Listen up, yabbos.
353
00:13:13,524 --> 00:13:14,592
It's time for us
to start embracing
354
00:13:14,625 --> 00:13:16,495
our new brand, all right?
355
00:13:16,528 --> 00:13:18,497
Buzzy's is now a place where you
come and get treated like crap.
356
00:13:18,529 --> 00:13:20,231
So what I'm gonna need you to do
357
00:13:20,264 --> 00:13:22,067
is for everyone to be
just as rude as Charmaine.
358
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:24,202
And...
359
00:13:25,537 --> 00:13:27,306
I mean, I literally
just started talking.
360
00:13:27,339 --> 00:13:30,075
I don't know how you
could have a question already.
361
00:13:30,107 --> 00:13:31,509
Yeah, yes, yes.
What do you want?
362
00:13:31,543 --> 00:13:33,077
I can't be as rude as Charmaine.
363
00:13:33,110 --> 00:13:34,846
It's physically impossible.
364
00:13:34,879 --> 00:13:37,582
That was actually pretty rude.
365
00:13:37,615 --> 00:13:39,350
Sorry.
366
00:13:39,384 --> 00:13:41,052
No, no, no. don't apologize.
367
00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:42,254
Rude is good, okay?
368
00:13:42,287 --> 00:13:44,089
Trust me.
You all have an inner Charmaine.
369
00:13:44,121 --> 00:13:45,323
It's just gonna take
some practice.
370
00:13:45,356 --> 00:13:47,158
Uh, let's see.
Um, Danni, you first.
371
00:13:47,192 --> 00:13:49,528
All right, let's say you get
a fat bald guy with a hook hand.
372
00:13:49,561 --> 00:13:51,596
What do you say to him?
373
00:13:49,561 --> 00:13:51,596
Um...
374
00:13:51,629 --> 00:13:55,333
"Sorry for the many bad cards
you've been dealt"?
375
00:13:55,366 --> 00:13:57,068
That was terrible. No.
376
00:13:57,101 --> 00:13:58,470
Charmaine, help her out.
377
00:13:58,503 --> 00:14:00,605
Well, when you have someone
who presents multiple targets,
378
00:14:00,639 --> 00:14:02,307
you have two options.
379
00:14:02,340 --> 00:14:04,276
One strike for each target or...
380
00:14:04,308 --> 00:14:06,344
And this is
a high degree of difficulty...
381
00:14:06,378 --> 00:14:08,347
Hit all the targets
with one strike.
382
00:14:08,379 --> 00:14:11,216
How do you hit fat, bald,
and hook hand all at once?
383
00:14:11,249 --> 00:14:13,218
Hey, Mr. clean,
what you eat for lunch?
384
00:14:13,250 --> 00:14:15,386
Six pizzas and your right hand?
385
00:14:19,256 --> 00:14:22,093
Whoa.
386
00:14:22,126 --> 00:14:23,862
The great ones
always make it look so easy.
387
00:14:25,129 --> 00:14:28,133
Look, point is,
that's our new brand, okay?
388
00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:29,668
Joy, all right.
389
00:14:29,701 --> 00:14:32,236
I'm a new customer seeking the
Buzzy's experience, all right?
390
00:14:32,269 --> 00:14:34,372
Really let me have it.
391
00:14:34,405 --> 00:14:36,474
Hey, Missy.
You got change for a $20?
392
00:14:36,508 --> 00:14:38,310
Do I look like I work at a bank?
393
00:14:38,342 --> 00:14:40,612
Because I don't.
I work at a barbershop.
394
00:14:42,212 --> 00:14:44,415
Do you want a ten and two fives
395
00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:47,184
or a ten, a five, and five ones?
396
00:14:47,217 --> 00:14:48,519
Good day, sir!
397
00:14:52,490 --> 00:14:55,260
Your essential kindness
sickens me.
398
00:14:58,621 --> 00:15:00,165
Buzzy, where are you going?
The meeting's not over.
399
00:15:00,197 --> 00:15:02,162
Oh, the boyfriend's
dropping off my lunch.
400
00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:02,978
Okay, okay, okay.
401
00:15:02,978 --> 00:15:04,845
But give me a little preview
of our new brand, all right?
402
00:15:04,845 --> 00:15:05,303
Be a dick to Tommy.
403
00:15:05,336 --> 00:15:07,205
No, no. I'm not gonna do that.
404
00:15:07,238 --> 00:15:09,141
Oh, come on. You can tell him
I made you do it right after.
405
00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:15,280
Lunch is here.
406
00:15:15,312 --> 00:15:16,480
I made chicken salad.
407
00:15:16,514 --> 00:15:17,716
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
408
00:15:17,749 --> 00:15:19,518
If I wanted to listen
to an old queen
409
00:15:19,551 --> 00:15:23,322
ramble on about nothing,
I'd go see a Tyler Perry movie.
410
00:15:27,458 --> 00:15:28,693
Uh...
411
00:15:28,726 --> 00:15:31,395
Sorry, honey.
That's just not me.
412
00:15:31,428 --> 00:15:34,399
Ben thinks people enjoy
being verbally abused.
413
00:15:34,432 --> 00:15:35,466
He's not wrong.
414
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:40,338
You just bring some
of that nasty home tonight.
415
00:15:44,308 --> 00:15:45,510
Aw.
416
00:15:46,644 --> 00:15:48,614
Good morning, starshine.
417
00:15:49,647 --> 00:15:53,518
Welcome to the first day
of the rest of your life.
418
00:15:53,551 --> 00:15:55,520
What are you talking about?
419
00:15:53,551 --> 00:15:55,520
How do you feel?
420
00:15:55,552 --> 00:15:58,389
I feel great. My guilt is gone.
421
00:15:59,624 --> 00:16:02,594
Mo, if you were
my dominant hand last night
422
00:16:02,626 --> 00:16:05,697
while I was sleeping,
I swear to god...
423
00:16:05,730 --> 00:16:08,332
It's nothing like that.
424
00:16:08,365 --> 00:16:10,335
But the offer still stands.
425
00:16:10,368 --> 00:16:11,503
Listen, listen.
426
00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:13,304
Last night,
while you were sleeping,
427
00:16:13,337 --> 00:16:14,405
Danni told me
that you write letters
428
00:16:14,438 --> 00:16:15,740
to everyone you're mad at,
429
00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:18,210
and I figured there's
got to be one there for me.
430
00:16:18,243 --> 00:16:19,644
So I went on your laptop,
431
00:16:19,677 --> 00:16:22,247
and there it was...
An open letter to Mo.
432
00:16:22,279 --> 00:16:23,749
You read my letter?
433
00:16:22,279 --> 00:16:23,749
Yep.
434
00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:26,251
And, uh,
after I got over the slams
435
00:16:26,283 --> 00:16:28,452
about my clothes and my hair...
436
00:16:28,485 --> 00:16:31,322
"Community-theater kenickie"
hurt pretty bad...
437
00:16:32,756 --> 00:16:34,558
I read the rest of them.
438
00:16:34,591 --> 00:16:36,227
They're amazing.
439
00:16:36,260 --> 00:16:38,029
You're an amazing writer, A.J.
440
00:16:38,062 --> 00:16:40,432
Mo, that is
such an invasion of privacy.
441
00:16:40,465 --> 00:16:42,074
I don't even know
what to think right now.
442
00:16:42,074 --> 00:16:42,768
Don't think. Listen.
443
00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:45,270
I thought your letters
were so fantastic,
444
00:16:45,302 --> 00:16:46,705
I sent them to my cousin Lisa
445
00:16:46,738 --> 00:16:51,043
who works
at the Huffington Post.
446
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:53,311
Ta-da!
447
00:16:53,344 --> 00:16:55,047
Ta-da?
448
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,715
Did you just say "ta-da"?
449
00:16:56,748 --> 00:16:59,251
Did I pronounce it wrong?
450
00:16:59,283 --> 00:17:03,522
You break my arm,
then you hack into my computer,
451
00:17:03,554 --> 00:17:06,323
you read the most private things
I've ever written,
452
00:17:06,356 --> 00:17:09,728
and then you send them to a
publisher without my permission,
453
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:13,264
and then you say "ta-da"?
454
00:17:13,298 --> 00:17:16,501
Would "voil?" work for you,
or...
455
00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:26,310
I got to say,
Ben is a marketing genius.
456
00:17:26,344 --> 00:17:27,479
Rude barbershop?
457
00:17:27,511 --> 00:17:29,280
That's so brill.
458
00:17:29,314 --> 00:17:30,682
I've been trying to come up
with a gimmick like this
459
00:17:30,714 --> 00:17:32,083
for my tattoo parlor.
460
00:17:32,116 --> 00:17:35,453
"Take the hep C challenge"
was a bust.
461
00:17:36,753 --> 00:17:38,722
Shocking. You're done, Travis.
462
00:17:38,756 --> 00:17:40,292
Thanks, Buzzy.
463
00:17:40,325 --> 00:17:41,526
How do I look?
464
00:17:41,558 --> 00:17:44,695
Like a mug shot
of a former child star.
465
00:17:46,597 --> 00:17:48,666
It's the drug bloat.
466
00:17:50,367 --> 00:17:52,594
You getting way too good
at being mean.
467
00:17:52,594 --> 00:17:53,105
I know.
468
00:17:53,137 --> 00:17:54,805
Last night, I called Tommy
469
00:17:54,838 --> 00:18:00,377
Based on
the novel 'push' by sapphire."
470
00:18:16,528 --> 00:18:18,831
And that is the true story
of how I came out to my dad.
471
00:18:20,932 --> 00:18:24,669
Fascinating, super Mario sister.
472
00:18:24,701 --> 00:18:28,440
Now get out of my chair
and stop coming back every day.
473
00:18:30,508 --> 00:18:33,511
All right.
You're up, beanie boy.
474
00:18:38,516 --> 00:18:39,750
Nothing. What do you want?
475
00:18:39,784 --> 00:18:41,853
Look, this world's
rudest barbershop shit
476
00:18:41,885 --> 00:18:43,488
isn't working for me anymore.
477
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:44,822
Yeah, well, it works for me.
478
00:18:44,855 --> 00:18:47,392
I'm serious.
It's not cool. Look.
479
00:18:47,424 --> 00:18:49,760
The whole vibe
of this barbershop is bad news.
480
00:18:49,794 --> 00:18:51,563
They even being mean
to each other.
481
00:18:51,596 --> 00:18:53,603
Hey, I need change.
482
00:18:53,603 --> 00:18:54,201
For this?
483
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,767
Yeah. What else
would I be talking about?
484
00:18:55,799 --> 00:18:57,536
Um, I don't know.
A change of clothes.
485
00:18:57,568 --> 00:18:58,903
It'd be okay if you showed up
for work one day
486
00:18:58,936 --> 00:19:00,838
not looking like
ke$ha's sluttier sister.
487
00:19:02,839 --> 00:19:04,475
Hey, church lady...
488
00:19:04,509 --> 00:19:06,812
You were a lot nicer
before you were a virgin.
489
00:19:09,446 --> 00:19:10,514
Gimmicks fade.
490
00:19:10,548 --> 00:19:12,483
Buzzy's barbershop is a family.
491
00:19:12,517 --> 00:19:13,684
That's your brand,
492
00:19:13,718 --> 00:19:15,653
and that's the one
that's gonna last.
493
00:19:15,686 --> 00:19:17,788
Look, all I know is,
business is up, all right?
494
00:19:17,821 --> 00:19:19,723
So there's literally
nothing that you can say
495
00:19:19,757 --> 00:19:20,892
that will change my mind.
496
00:19:20,924 --> 00:19:22,661
You can have my raise back.
497
00:19:22,693 --> 00:19:24,829
Not gonna lie.
That helps a little bit.
498
00:19:25,963 --> 00:19:27,698
But I'm still
not changing anything.
499
00:19:27,731 --> 00:19:29,533
Ben, look at the type of people
500
00:19:29,567 --> 00:19:31,536
this new brand of yours
is attracting.
501
00:19:31,568 --> 00:19:33,471
Are these really
the kind of clientele
502
00:19:33,503 --> 00:19:34,738
you want here at Buzzy's?
503
00:19:34,771 --> 00:19:35,941
What's wrong with my clientele?
504
00:19:35,973 --> 00:19:37,576
Hey, rude barbers.
505
00:19:37,608 --> 00:19:40,511
I'll be in the alley
if anyone wants to spit on me.
506
00:19:49,921 --> 00:19:51,623
A.J., A.J., look.
507
00:19:51,655 --> 00:19:53,857
I know you're not talking
to me, but I've been thinking.
508
00:19:53,891 --> 00:19:55,560
If it helps us get through this,
509
00:19:55,593 --> 00:19:58,563
I want you to hurt me
like I hurt you.
510
00:19:58,596 --> 00:19:59,931
Now, I broke your pitching arm,
511
00:19:59,963 --> 00:20:03,534
so it's only fair if you
break my needlepoint hand.
512
00:20:04,501 --> 00:20:07,538
So, I'm gonna close my eyes
and I'm gonna count to three.
513
00:20:07,571 --> 00:20:10,941
I'd appreciate it
if you did it on two.
514
00:20:10,974 --> 00:20:14,645
One... two...
515
00:20:21,752 --> 00:20:23,654
What are...
What are you guys looking at?
516
00:20:23,688 --> 00:20:25,457
Is that another video
of Charmaine?
517
00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:27,692
No. No. A.J. Got published
in the Huffington Post.
518
00:20:27,724 --> 00:20:28,859
It's amazing.
519
00:20:28,893 --> 00:20:30,761
I always knew
he'd be a great writer.
520
00:20:33,765 --> 00:20:36,001
Anyway...
521
00:20:37,501 --> 00:20:38,802
Wh-what's it about?
522
00:20:38,836 --> 00:20:40,971
Oh, it's called
"an open letter to my boss."
523
00:20:41,005 --> 00:20:42,540
Aww, A.J.
524
00:20:42,573 --> 00:20:46,478
Yeah, maybe we read that
a little later.
525
00:20:46,510 --> 00:20:47,979
Ben, you know,
I just got to tell you
526
00:20:48,011 --> 00:20:50,815
that I'm glad that the
barbershop that bears my name
527
00:20:50,847 --> 00:20:53,551
is back to being a family.
528
00:20:54,051 --> 00:20:55,586
I want to thank you for that.
529
00:20:55,619 --> 00:20:56,654
You're welcome.
530
00:20:56,688 --> 00:20:58,278
Ooh.
531
00:20:58,278 --> 00:20:58,921
What?
532
00:20:58,921 --> 00:21:00,625
Do any gardening with this hand?
533
00:21:00,649 --> 00:21:04,749
Sync and corrections by squallounet
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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