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1
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,642
Hey.
Yo.
2
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,444
How come you're
wearing a suit?
3
00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:12,146
This is jeans and a jacket.
4
00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:13,481
Wait.
5
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,184
So, what's a suit?
6
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:18,752
Zack, look who I got
into her party pants.
7
00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:21,455
At this point, the party in my
pants is not so exciting.
8
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,258
I wish I was a movie critic,
9
00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:26,594
so I could be going
to a fancy movie premiere--
10
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:29,063
getting out of a limo,
posing for the paparazzi,
11
00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:30,231
eating free popcorn.
12
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:32,366
It's so glamorous.
13
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,368
Abby, I promise I'll bring you
to the next one.
14
00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:36,437
It's just the baby's coming in
three weeks, and...
15
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:37,805
Whoa, three weeks?
16
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:39,840
Holy crap. I thought
you said two months.
17
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,442
Yeah, a month and
a half ago.
18
00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:44,245
I just want to have one last
special night with Zack
19
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:46,314
while my breasts
are still breasts
20
00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:48,516
and not just vending machines.
21
00:00:51,319 --> 00:00:52,453
(sighs)
22
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,255
I can't believe it.
23
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:56,190
Next time I go
to a movie premiere
24
00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:58,326
I'm going to be a mother.
25
00:00:58,359 --> 00:01:00,194
Take a left on Geary.
26
00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:02,130
Ah, next time we make
a left on Geary
27
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:04,232
I'm going to be a mother.
28
00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:05,533
Yep, and next time I see
29
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,335
two trannies making out
at a bus stop,
30
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:08,536
I'm gonna be a dad.
31
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,438
(siren wailing)
32
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:12,806
Are we being
pulled over?
(mutters)
33
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,308
Aw, we're running late.
34
00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:16,377
They're going to give away
our seats at the premiere.
35
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:21,482
Man!
36
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:25,119
Now I got soda running
down my butt crack.
37
00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:28,356
Ooh, it's fizzy.
38
00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:30,424
What's the rush?
39
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:31,425
Uh, sorry, Officer.
40
00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:32,593
I-I was just, um...
41
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,395
I was...
42
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:35,463
Did your water just break?
43
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:37,898
Are you going into labor?
44
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,801
Yes.
Yes.
45
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,436
Yes, that is exactly
46
00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:43,471
what is happening.
47
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:45,306
That is such a good idea.
48
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:47,208
Yeah, why else would
I run a red light?
49
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:48,142
I got you for speeding.
50
00:01:48,176 --> 00:01:49,777
Are you saying you
also ran a red light?
51
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:53,914
Whoa! Oh, God, they're
getting closer!
52
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,584
Officer, it would be
so fun to go over
53
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:59,787
all of the various
infractions my--
54
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:02,356
oh, what the hell--
husband here committed,
55
00:02:02,390 --> 00:02:04,158
but if I weren't
wearing tights,
56
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:05,893
you would see
that I am crowning.
57
00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:08,762
So thank you so much, but I
think we got it from here.
58
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,664
Which hospital are
you headed to?
59
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:14,402
The one that's this way.
60
00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:16,204
It's San Francisco Medical.
61
00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:17,438
He doesn't know where
anything is.
62
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,539
It's amazing I even
got pregnant.
63
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:21,742
Okay, I'm going to give
you an escort. Follow me.
64
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:23,377
This is really exciting.
65
00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:25,413
Wait, no, no, you don't
have to do that.
66
00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:27,848
OFFICER: Follow me!
Exciting!
67
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,417
Are we going to get
away with this?
68
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:32,686
Who cares? This is awesome.
We have a police escort.
69
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,356
* I can't be anything
without you. *
70
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:38,359
Captioning sponsored by
CBS TELEVISION
71
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:44,398
(siren wailing)
72
00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:46,434
Well, we're definitely going
to be late for the premiere,
73
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:47,468
but screw it.
74
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,869
How great is
a police escort?
75
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:51,405
It's a lot more fun when
the cop's in front of you.
76
00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:53,407
Uh, all right, so when we get
to the hospital,
77
00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:54,975
I'm gonna drop you off
at the front door
78
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,511
and pick you up at the back
door. It'd be really cool
79
00:02:57,545 --> 00:02:59,547
if you just jumped in and I
never had to stop.
80
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:00,914
But don't do that.
81
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:02,350
I won't.
82
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:03,317
Not because I'm pregnant,
83
00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:05,686
but because I'm not wearing
the right shoes.
84
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,321
I'm gonna call Abby.
85
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:09,990
(phone ringing)
86
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,392
Hello.
87
00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:12,793
Hey, it's Billie.
88
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:15,329
Um, Zack and I are in
a little situation.
89
00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:17,565
So until we can get there,
can you go to the premiere
90
00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:18,566
and hold our seats?
91
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:20,634
(screaming)
92
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:23,904
I suppose I could do that.
93
00:03:25,273 --> 00:03:27,475
Billie wants us to go
to the premiere for her.
94
00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:29,710
(screaming)
95
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:35,649
OLIVIA:
Let's just grab a stroller
and get the hell out of here.
96
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,553
I don't like this one.
97
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,389
The lumbar support
is terrible.
98
00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:44,392
And I don't understand
the purpose of these bees.
99
00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:45,659
(buzzing)
100
00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:46,894
Oh, they buzz.
101
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,530
(chuckles)
That's pretty cool.
102
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,833
Okay, we got
to get this one.
103
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,435
$400?!
104
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:55,836
Aw...
105
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:58,506
"Bees sold separately"?
106
00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:02,376
Oh, what do they need a fancy
stroller for, anyway?
107
00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:04,578
When I was a girl
growing up in Scotland,
108
00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:06,980
my mother used to push me around
in a wheelbarrow
109
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:08,449
filled with dead rabbits
110
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,484
and spent ammunition.
111
00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:12,453
Yeah, I say we just
get the breast pump.
112
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:14,355
That thing tickled.
113
00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:15,589
Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
114
00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:17,458
Maybe this guy
can help us out.
115
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:18,992
He looks like one
of my kind.
116
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:22,029
You mean an online
community college dropout?
117
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:26,334
God, you are flirtatious today.
118
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,936
Hey, uh, yo.
119
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:30,304
On break. Talk to Kathy.
120
00:04:30,338 --> 00:04:32,473
She'll be very excited
to help you.
121
00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:36,344
Actually, I was hoping that you
could help me out, "broseph."
122
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:41,415
Oh, I don't have anything
on me right now, man.
123
00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:44,785
But if you come back at 5:00,
my boy Kwami will hook you up.
124
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:48,522
My friends and I are
looking for a "stroller,"
125
00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:50,491
if you know what I mean.
126
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:55,496
I do if you mean you're
looking for a stroller.
127
00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:57,865
We could really use
a discount, though,
128
00:04:57,898 --> 00:05:00,000
if you know what I'm saying.
129
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:05,573
I do if you mean you want
to pay less money.
130
00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:07,875
See? It's unspoken.
131
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,543
No, it's spoken.
132
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,413
Are these two cool?
133
00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:13,814
Man, I am more
than cool.
134
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:16,049
I'm black.
135
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:17,885
Look...
136
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:21,455
employee discount covers
immediate family members, also.
137
00:05:21,489 --> 00:05:23,056
So give me some cash,
138
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:25,826
and I'll get you any stroller
for half off.
139
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:28,529
But one of you has
to be my brother.
140
00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:31,932
Probably me.
141
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:33,734
All right, it's go time.
142
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,636
Just as soon as
I finish this game.
143
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:42,576
You do realize that's
a calculator, right?
144
00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:45,679
No wonder this
was so hard.
145
00:05:47,615 --> 00:05:49,517
Ah, you weren't kidding about
this police escort, huh?
146
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:51,652
That's how I do things--
hardcore. If you're my friend,
147
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,654
I'm the best thing that ever
happened to you.
148
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:56,424
If you're my enemy, I will hunt
you down and it will end badly
149
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:57,858
for you and everyone
you care about.
150
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:03,697
So, anyway, you
have been wonderful.
151
00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:07,401
I mean, what is the opposite
of police brutality?
152
00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:09,770
Police total awesomeness?
153
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:13,674
Okay, you stay with her, I'm
going to try and find a nurse.
154
00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:16,143
God, this guy's not leaving
155
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:18,846
until he sees my cervix.
156
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,548
This is your lucky day.
157
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,082
This is my girlfriend Brenda.
158
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:23,417
She just started
her shift.
159
00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:25,553
Hi, guys.
This is exciting.
160
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,555
That's what I said.
161
00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:29,857
Could this have worked
out any better, or what?
162
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,659
I don't think so.
163
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:35,162
I mean, you are a cop,
your girlfriend's a nurse.
164
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:37,197
The only way this could be
more fantastic
165
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,733
is if your dad was
a pediatrician.
166
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,702
No, he's a bail bondsman.
167
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,737
I'll take his card.
168
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,810
(camera shutters snapping)
169
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:50,978
Look...
170
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:52,746
there's the red carpet.
171
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:56,750
Wait. Final check before our
first red carpet photo session.
172
00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:58,752
Panty line?
Clear.
173
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:00,588
How about me--
uh, any twitching?
174
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,022
Oh, the right eye just a little.
175
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,593
Uh-huh.
176
00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:09,963
Okay, so remember, we're
going to take our time.
177
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:14,735
Step, pose, smile.
Step, pose, smile.
178
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:18,238
Fiona, who are you wearing?
179
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:19,707
Are you in Tiger's speed dial?
180
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:23,811
Okay, we're up.
Posture, posture.
181
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,621
Oh, it's nobody.
182
00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:34,988
They must have won
a contest.
183
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,161
(sighs)
184
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,230
Dude, you okay?
185
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:46,266
I just get really nervous when
I have to lie to Robbie.
186
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,467
The dude's like a Jedi.
187
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:50,738
I swear to God, one day he
choked me from across a room.
188
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:53,741
All right, just calm down
and keep it short, okay?
189
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:56,243
The less words, the fewer.
190
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,278
Here he comes.
191
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,748
Ian--
192
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,816
once again, there's
coleslaw in your beard.
193
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,253
How can I help
you folks?
194
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:07,721
Uh, Robbie,
195
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:10,658
this is my brother
Don... ovan.
196
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,726
And, uh, his wife Marcy.
197
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,862
And their cool friend-- Lynx.
198
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:17,230
They're visiting
from Las Vegas,
199
00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:19,967
where Donovan repairs
video poker machines
200
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,971
and Marcy works as a
hostess-- cup... cupcakes--
201
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,706
marketing executive.
202
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:29,176
Because that's where the Hostess
corporate headquarters is.
203
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:31,144
Anyway, they're pregnant,
and, uh,
204
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:33,981
I told them I could get that
stroller, uh, with my discount,
205
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:37,985
because they're visiting
from Vegas.
206
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,721
Ian, for the last time,
207
00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:43,223
they don't have to be
your family members
to get the discount.
208
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:44,291
It's your discount.
209
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,059
Anyone you want can use it.
210
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:49,296
Is he trying to trick me?
211
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:51,031
Dude, I got to get
a job here,
212
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:54,735
because clearly you
cannot be fired.
213
00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:59,807
Okay, great.
214
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,709
All filled out.
215
00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:04,745
Mr. and Mrs.
Frizinshinson.
216
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:05,713
That's us.
217
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,180
We've got to get you a room.
218
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,248
Your water broke, missy.
219
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:09,650
This baby is coming.
220
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:12,753
You know, I think only
some of it broke.
221
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:15,823
Because it still feels
pretty sloshy in there.
222
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:18,358
Maybe I just need to drink some
Gatorade and top off the tank.
223
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:19,760
Oh, good.
224
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,962
It is so important to have
a sense of humor
225
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:24,564
when dealing with the horrific
pain you're about to go through.
226
00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:30,170
All right, let's get
the hell out of here.
227
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,238
Uh, I can walk.
228
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:33,206
Yeah, like a fat guy
in quicksand.
229
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:35,375
Whoa!
230
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,844
Okay.
231
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,782
(door closes)
232
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:44,084
Okay, you know what?
233
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:46,754
This was fun at first, but now
it's getting ridiculous.
234
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:48,789
I'm just going to go tell
the cop that we were late
235
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:51,224
for a thing, and we were trying
to get out of a ticket.
236
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,126
It happens all the time. He'll
probably think it's funny--
237
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,862
or shoot us-- either way.
238
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:55,896
Yeah, I'm gonna need you
239
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,998
not to do that.
240
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,099
Why?
241
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:00,333
It's just one ticket.
242
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,736
Which, when you add to
the other four I have,
243
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,004
makes five.
244
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:06,774
Five tickets?
245
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,809
Well, six if you count
that scary red envelope
246
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:10,410
I got in the mail.
247
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,412
What did it say?
248
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:15,282
The words that popped out
were "failure to comply,"
249
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:16,917
"warrant for your arrest,"
250
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,886
and "this is the last notice
you will receive."
251
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:20,888
And then I never heard
from them again.
252
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:31,899
Okay, so I'm not
going to the premiere,
253
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:33,934
the father of my
baby is a fugitive,
254
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,870
and we're stuck in a closet
with some questionable fumes.
255
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:38,839
The fumes are bleach.
256
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,675
Thank God you're here.
257
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:44,377
I can't believe you didn't
tell me that.
258
00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:45,879
Is there anything else
I should know?
259
00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:48,982
I didn't pay my taxes last year.
260
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:51,184
I'm kidding. I never
pay my taxes.
261
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:54,021
Wow, tough closet.
262
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:55,823
Zack, this is no joke.
263
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:57,825
If you get caught,
you could go to jail.
264
00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,159
But a more pressing concern--
265
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,328
I have to tinkle
like nobody's business.
266
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,931
I can take care of that.
267
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:06,767
How? How can you
take care of that?
268
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,802
Ta-da!
269
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:13,106
Wow, you are my knight
in shining armor.
270
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,877
Put tube "A"
into slot "C."
271
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:17,978
Fine!
272
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:21,014
Just let me finish putting
the stroller together first.
273
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:22,349
(feigns laughter)
274
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:24,852
You're making
a mess of it.
275
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,887
Just hold
the thing still.
276
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:31,324
(sniffing)
277
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:53,981
Looks like we're
all out of hands.
278
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,154
I've wanted this
for so long.
279
00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:02,990
I know.
280
00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:06,059
You are one sexy Scotswoman.
281
00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:07,227
(moans)
282
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:10,130
You are hotter
than a pan of haggis.
283
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,832
That's so dirty.
284
00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:13,366
Oh, I'm sorry for all
285
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,202
the insulting things
I've said about you.
286
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,104
That's okay.
Most of them are true.
287
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:25,378
(whispers):
The fox has left the hen house.
288
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:28,081
It's just us.
We don't need a code.
289
00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:31,118
Copy that, Flying Squirrel.
290
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:35,956
How much time do we have?
291
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:37,224
Twice as much time as we need.
292
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,465
(both moaning)
293
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,937
Your pants are vibrating.
294
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:52,772
I'm sorry. This has never
happened to me before.
295
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,408
No, it's your phone.
296
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,477
Oh, right. Of course.
297
00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:59,412
'Cause I can go for hours.
298
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,387
Man!
299
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:09,056
I'm sorry, Olivia.
I've got to go.
300
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:10,958
I've got to go help
Billie and Zack.
301
00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:13,493
So you just drop
everything and run
whenever they call?
302
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:17,497
God, you are such
a little bitch.
303
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:21,034
You're the bitch, bitch.
304
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,471
(both moaning)
305
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,173
Okay! Okay.
306
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:27,307
I'll be right back, okay?
307
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,042
Just don't go anywhere.
308
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,579
Start without me.
309
00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:39,219
Well, the mop
isn't in there.
310
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:41,254
I just don't know
where it could be.
311
00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:43,823
I better go fill out a report.
312
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,198
Wow.
313
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:54,334
I'll never be able to hear the
words "policeman's ball" again
314
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,236
without laughing.
315
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:58,271
You noticed that, too?
316
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:04,077
There's something there.
317
00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:10,383
Hey, buddy,
can you move?
318
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:13,086
(moaning)
319
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,155
I'll take that
as a "no."
320
00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,626
Okay, new plan. We're going to
fashion a cow costume
321
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:22,295
out of this gauze, and then
we'll just mosey on out of here
322
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:25,098
like a cow walking
out of a hospital.
323
00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:26,633
I've got to tell you,
324
00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:29,336
this whole adorable thing that
normally works for you--
325
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,939
it's not really
working right now.
326
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,677
How about now?
327
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,212
Hey-- look, look, look!
328
00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:40,613
I know you're 22.
329
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:43,116
And you should be
able to screw up
and laugh it off,
330
00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:45,185
and as soon as you
take your shirt off,
everybody loves you.
331
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,254
I was the same way.
332
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,690
But we have to grow up,
and we have, like, three weeks
333
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,492
in which to do that,
because I don't think our baby
334
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,627
is going to find
any of this funny.
335
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,363
(sighs)
336
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,364
Are you crying?
337
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,398
I don't know.
338
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,567
It might be the bleach.
339
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:03,303
You're right, I'm sorry.
340
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,638
Okay, I can grow up
in three weeks.
341
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:08,241
I mean, I learned sophomore year
Spanish in three weeks.
342
00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:10,410
Really?
343
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:13,113
Oui.
344
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:30,430
Why would I think anybody
would care about me?
345
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,399
Do you want to try walking down
the red carpet again?
346
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,367
What? Did you not hear
the names they called us?
347
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:36,203
And that was off
the top of their head.
348
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:37,304
Now they've had
time to think.
349
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:42,976
The only people getting
their pictures taken
are fancy people.
350
00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:46,346
Or someone standing
next to fancy people.
351
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:48,315
There are bodyguards.
It's all roped off.
352
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:51,451
We can't just run up
there like they're
giving away hams.
353
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:53,553
Or can we?
354
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:55,388
What are you doing
with your epi pen?
355
00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:57,724
Did you touch a peanut?
Or get stung by a bee?
356
00:15:57,757 --> 00:15:59,359
Roll up your pant leg.
Let's do this.
357
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:00,994
Just go with me.
358
00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:02,395
We're having an emergency.
359
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:04,697
Oh. Oh!
360
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,539
Did anybody lose an epi thingy?
361
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:14,541
Oh, my God!
It's my husband's!
362
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,376
(gagging)
He just touched a peanut!
363
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:17,710
Coming through!
Excuse me!
364
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,646
Emergency!
(gagging)
365
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,249
I love you so much.
366
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:24,551
(grunts)
367
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:28,088
You saved my husband's life!
368
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:47,374
You a nurse?
369
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:48,741
Yes.
370
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:50,477
Is this your station?
371
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,379
Yes.
372
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,114
Is that a supply closet?
373
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:55,448
Yes.
374
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:57,717
Would you say that supply closet
375
00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:01,121
is the supply closet directly
across from the nurses' station?
376
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:03,090
Yes.
377
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:05,658
And we're on the third floor?
378
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:07,460
Yes.
379
00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:09,562
And that's a gurney
blocking the supply closet
380
00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:12,665
directly across from the nurses'
station on the third floor?
381
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,434
Yes.
382
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:17,470
And would you ever
consider going out with me?
383
00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:19,372
No.
384
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:20,707
Then what the hell's
my father doing
385
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:22,542
in the hallway?!
386
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,477
We're leaving,
Dad, immediately!
387
00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:25,578
Sir, you cannot
move the gurney.
388
00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:27,514
We're waiting for his
stone to pass.
389
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:32,785
Is everybody still
staring at me?
390
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:34,687
Yes, they are.
391
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,223
How's my hair?
392
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:38,558
I don't think they're
staring at your hair.
393
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,427
(cell phone chimes)
394
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:43,696
Oh. Got an e-mail
from my mom.
395
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,098
Oh, my God.
396
00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:48,468
It's all over the Internet.
397
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,571
Are you okay, honey?
398
00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:53,206
Are you kidding?
399
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,275
My boob is a celebrity!
400
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,577
(laughing)
401
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,246
Davis, what's the rush?
402
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:02,149
Well, I was working
on a crossword puzzle
403
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:05,118
when you guys called and, uh,
you know that feeling you get
404
00:18:05,152 --> 00:18:06,886
when you get halfway
through a crossword puzzle
405
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,655
and it's just
lying on your couch
406
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:11,158
waiting for you to finish it?
407
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:13,226
I'm going to go home,
finish the crossword puzzle,
408
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,428
turn it over
and finish it again.
409
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:17,797
God, I love crossword puzzles!
410
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:19,466
Slow down!
411
00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:21,668
(siren blares)
Or that will happen.
412
00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:25,538
Oh, my God!
It's Officer Ravitz.
413
00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:28,575
What?!
This guy is all
over our ass today.
414
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,510
Okay, new plan.
Yep.
415
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,212
Um, we had the baby...
Mm-hmm.
416
00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:35,548
...after a grueling
15 minutes of labor,
417
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:37,150
and I'm still
at the hospital.
Yep.
418
00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:39,486
You guys are racing home to get
me my favorite nightgown.
419
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:40,487
Yeah.
Because this was
420
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:41,788
a really painful experience,
421
00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:43,656
and I'm tired,
and I just want to relax.
422
00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:45,858
Yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah--
save it for the big day.
423
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:47,294
Come on,
come on, come on.
424
00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:48,528
(groaning)
425
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:50,563
(grunting)
426
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:54,434
(grunting)
427
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:55,635
Officer Ravitz!
428
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:58,605
Or should I say,
Uncle Officer Ravitz?
429
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,274
She had the baby? Already?
430
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:03,510
It was beautiful.
431
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:05,645
Except for when
the poop came out.
432
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:08,515
Yeah, that was
humiliating for everybody.
433
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:11,251
I almost didn't
finish my burger.
434
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:13,553
Yeah, we were just racing home
to pick up a few things,
435
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,822
but I'm glad you
pulled us over,
436
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:18,358
because, well, we haven't
settled on a name yet.
437
00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:20,260
So, well, let's just
cut to the chase.
438
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:21,761
What's your first name?
439
00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:24,364
Marion.
440
00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:27,400
Marion.
441
00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,436
Done.
442
00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:33,540
That is so sweet.
443
00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:35,475
Go on home, Daddy.
444
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,477
Fetch your woman her things.
445
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:40,313
BILLIE:
Ow! Son of a bitch!
446
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:42,382
What the hell was that?
447
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:45,852
I... bought the baby
a Tickle Me Elmo doll.
448
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:49,622
He's teaching kids to say the
craziest things these days.
449
00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:50,757
BILLIE:
Sweet mother of God!
450
00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:53,726
This thing is really
coming out of me!
451
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:57,497
Yeah, you'll be hearing that
on the playground real soon.
452
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:10,510
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
453
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:11,778
(Billie moans)
454
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:14,381
BILLIE:
Zack, we're having the baby!
31931
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