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1
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:09,210
Huh, well, well, well,
what do we have here?
2
00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:11,112
Zero interest.
3
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:15,049
Hi, James.
4
00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:16,617
Sully, haven't seen you
5
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:20,054
since I accused you
of being a pregnophile.
6
00:00:20,088 --> 00:00:21,722
Whatever, that wasn't even
the worst thing you said.
7
00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,391
There's something
worse than that?
8
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:24,692
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
9
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:25,793
That would be when she
called my sister pregnant,
10
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:27,695
which she ain't.
11
00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:31,465
She was a big girl.
12
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,535
Well, just so you know,
after you said that,
13
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:37,638
my sister went down to Mexico
and got a frickin' tummy tuck.
14
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,307
So, I hope you're
proud of yourself.
15
00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:42,042
So, we're good? Great.
16
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,345
'Cause the last article
17
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,080
you two co-wrote
was fantastic.
18
00:00:46,114 --> 00:00:47,715
You guys have real
chemistry on the page.
19
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,583
Apparently not in person.
20
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:53,821
Anyway, I want you two
21
00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:56,124
to do the cover story
for the Sunday magazine.
22
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:58,359
The Sunday magazine?
23
00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,460
I slept with you
for three years,
24
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,429
I never got
the Sunday magazine!
25
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:04,765
Oh, my God, thank you.
26
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:05,999
Yeah, that's amazing!
27
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:09,537
This is gonna make my mother
a superstar in her church group.
28
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,339
And her gun club!
29
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:15,776
The Rock has agreed to be
on the cover, which is great,
30
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:19,547
because well, I'll get to have
my photo taken with The Rock.
31
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:22,850
And with the way things
are going around here,
32
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:25,186
this would be a good time
to do a really good job.
33
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:29,157
Look, Sully, I just want...
Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.
34
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:30,491
Don't even bother, okay?
35
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:31,825
I don't think you're
a very nice person.
36
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:33,461
Sully...
37
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,196
Bup, bup, bup!
38
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,431
You heard him, with the way
things are going around here,
39
00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:39,300
people are getting laid off
left and right.
40
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,702
All right, you're right,
you're right, you know what?
41
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:42,870
We gotta knock this
out of the park.
42
00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,338
Yeah, we're gonna.
43
00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:45,839
This is the Sunday magazine!
44
00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:48,209
It's an iconic part of San
Francisco, like cable cars,
45
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:51,712
the Golden Gate Bridge,
and two dudes making out
in assless chaps.
46
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:54,582
* I can't be anything
without you. *
47
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,651
Captioning sponsored by
CBS TELEVISION
48
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,225
Movie reviewers
never get the cover.
49
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:06,394
A cover could be
up to 3,000 words.
50
00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:07,828
I usually only get a
couple hundred words.
51
00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:10,531
Sometimes I don't even
get words, I just get stars.
52
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:13,467
This is a huge opportunity
for me,
53
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:14,802
especially now when writers
54
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:16,304
are getting laid off
all over the place.
55
00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:17,671
Speaking of covers...
56
00:02:17,705 --> 00:02:20,908
what are we not doing
under them?
57
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,515
You two really need
to get your own apartment.
58
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:30,851
Aren't you supposed
to be at work?
59
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,320
Well, Dad...
60
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,789
I just got
some bad news.
61
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:36,824
Found out my shifts
62
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,592
are getting cut
at Pantry Pete's.
63
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:43,864
They say it's 'cause I was
caught napping in the lettuce,
64
00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:45,899
but I think we really know
what's going on.
65
00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:47,835
What's really going on?
66
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,837
I steal.
67
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,540
Anyway, I had
68
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:53,407
this amazing idea on the can
69
00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:55,676
about how we can
make some fast money.
70
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:58,212
The can is the birthplace
of a lot of great ideas.
71
00:02:58,246 --> 00:02:59,813
The dancer who invented
the can-can,
72
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,349
thought of it on the can.
73
00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:04,885
Please, you think this
is the first idea
74
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,454
Davis has come up
with on the can?
75
00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:10,324
I got it!
76
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:12,660
A jacket that just
covers your arms.
77
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,295
It's like the opposite
of a vest.
78
00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:16,697
We could call it the "Varm."
79
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:21,001
I got it!
80
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,903
A clothing store
for middle easterners
81
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:25,439
called "Turban Outfitters."
82
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,677
Yeah, but this one's
legit, okay?
83
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,345
I get a discount
at Pantry Pete's,
84
00:03:31,379 --> 00:03:32,713
Zack is amazing with food,
85
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,782
so we go into business,
86
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,284
we make a killing
selling sandwiches,
87
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:38,252
then we buy a boat.
88
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:42,956
And then we rent out
our boat for rap videos.
89
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,792
And then when everyone
shows up for the shoot,
90
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:46,527
you sell them sandwiches.
91
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,895
It could be a constant stream
92
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:50,364
of delicious sandwiches
and boat hos.
93
00:03:50,398 --> 00:03:53,834
Yeah, I mean, I got
the restaurant at night,
94
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,969
but I could use
the extra cash.
95
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,505
Yeah, we whip up
some sandwiches,
96
00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:58,972
wrap them up in cellophane,
97
00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:03,977
and then, boom, "Yes, Lil'
Wayne, you may use our boat."
98
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:09,550
Olivia, why are you taking a
picture of a picture frame?
99
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,819
Irony?
100
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:16,524
Rumor has it that you've
been taking items from home
101
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:19,560
and using the paper's shipping
department to sell them on Ebay.
102
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,895
Oh, that is insane!
103
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:22,963
Let me rephrase.
104
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,498
Security camera footage shows
105
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:25,999
that you've been
bringing items from home
106
00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:28,769
and using the paper's shipping
department to sell them on Ebay.
107
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:46,587
Other than hard evidence,
what else do you have?
108
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,822
Stop it.
109
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:50,691
Have you noticed how many people
I've had to fire?
110
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:51,892
(scoffing)
111
00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:53,994
Now is not the time
to screw around.
112
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,028
Well, what do you expect
113
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:57,698
when you keep handing out
20 percent pay cuts?
114
00:04:57,731 --> 00:05:02,002
I am just a scrappy immigrant
looking for a better life, boss.
115
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:05,373
In a place that I thought
was called America.
116
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:09,042
How you doing, Olivia?
117
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:11,512
No.
118
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:13,447
Come on, let me investigate
119
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:15,949
your Scotland yard,
you know what I mean?
120
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,786
Look, you're too tall,
you're too loud
121
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,688
and you've got
too many freckles.
122
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:23,056
It's everything I left Scotland
to get away from.
123
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,360
Ah, yes, Sully,
124
00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:27,961
you ready to go?
125
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,062
Ready to start?
126
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:30,564
This is the beginning
of greatness.
127
00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:32,466
We're going to write
the first sentence
128
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:33,801
of the first cover article
either of us has ever had.
129
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,704
How do you think
it should start?
130
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,472
I hate myself.
131
00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:42,109
I don't think
people will get that.
132
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:44,478
What's going on, you were
so excited yesterday?
133
00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:46,880
I don't understand, I've been
chatting up that Olivia chick
134
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:48,015
for a month now and she
just shot me down again.
135
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:48,849
I don't get it, I mean,
136
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:49,883
look at this.
137
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,785
From head to toe, lovable.
138
00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:54,855
Toe to head, lovable.
139
00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:57,825
I agree,
even side to side, lovable.
140
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:58,692
I mean, Olivia's
your friend, right?
141
00:05:58,726 --> 00:05:59,793
Maybe you could
142
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:01,729
put a good word in
for me with her?
143
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:03,497
I mean, because
her mouth keeps saying no,
144
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:08,869
but her eyes keep saying,
"Eh, I could do worse."
145
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:12,873
If I promise to do that, do you
promise to focus on the article?
146
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,408
Yes, that is a deal.
147
00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:16,744
Okay, so from now on,
no more distractions.
148
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:18,546
Just focus, focus, focus.
149
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:20,448
Oh, hey, it's my boyfriend!
150
00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:25,753
Hey, how are the new sandwich
kings of San Francisco?
151
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:28,889
He's driving me crazy.
152
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,792
You should see some of his
creative sales techniques.
153
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,961
(gruff voice)
Stop!
154
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,563
Do exactly as I say
155
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:38,098
and everything will
turn out delicious.
156
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,000
Think of him as an
attention getter--
157
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,669
something to draw a crowd.
158
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:42,870
Easier said than done.
159
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,005
It's a fine line between
entertaining someone
160
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:47,207
and asking someone
to punch you in the face.
161
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,142
Hey, check it out.
162
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:52,045
(high-pitched):
I'm your grandma.
163
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,881
(cackling)
164
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,519
What'd you say
about my grandma?!
165
00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:04,758
I'm not asking you
to sleep with Sully,
166
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:07,728
I just want you to give him
the impression that you might.
167
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,197
And then when the
article's all done,
168
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:11,532
you can take him
out to the desert
169
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,701
and drop him
at a gas station.
170
00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,836
Okay, I'll do it.
171
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,738
'Cause I know this is a really
big opportunity for you
172
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:18,872
and I love you
and you're my best friend
173
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:20,207
in the whole wide world.
174
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:21,609
Oh, thank you so much.
175
00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:22,810
But it'll cost you.
176
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,713
Look, it's really simple.
177
00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:26,647
All I need you to do is
178
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,583
to drive up the bid
on my Ebay auctions.
179
00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:32,152
Fine, it's a deal.
180
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:33,687
Oh, there he is.
181
00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:35,823
Go over there and let
the girls do the talking.
182
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:40,628
Hey, Brooklyn.
183
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:41,829
Now that I come to think of it,
184
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:47,034
I find your halting speech
and your blank stares very sexy.
185
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,606
I knew you'd come around.
186
00:07:57,845 --> 00:08:00,548
ZACK:
Are you still worrying about
that article you turned in?
187
00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,516
It's not just any article.
188
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:04,952
It's the cover
of the Sunday magazine.
189
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,987
I mean, if you're
in a doctor's office and you see
190
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,656
the Sunday magazine
sitting in the waiting room,
191
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:11,091
you think,
"Whoa, this is a good doctor."
192
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:15,563
I'm so freaked out about it,
I pimped out Olivia.
193
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:19,833
Oh, which reminds me, I have
to bid on her Zen desk fountain.
194
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:24,538
Yeah, take that,
FountainLovr4326,
195
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:27,007
I will see your ten,
and raise you a quarter!
196
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,942
Bam!
197
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:31,545
Well, you were right
about the sandwich thing.
198
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:34,214
Once I got Davis to use his
powers of idiocy for good,
199
00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:35,983
we ran out of every meat.
200
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,751
Even the pimento loaf.
201
00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:39,887
And one oven-roasted turkey
202
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,288
with olive spread
on ciabatta.
203
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:44,257
No animals were harmed
in the making of this sandwich.
204
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:45,225
(humming)
205
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:48,295
Except the ones
between these slices of bread!
206
00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:52,299
These sandwiches
will make you look huge.
207
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:58,338
Well, I think the reason
you're doing so fantastic
208
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,208
is 'cause your sandwiches
are delicious.
209
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,877
But it's nice
to know I helped.
210
00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:05,045
(electronic chiming)
211
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:10,751
Oh, that's right,
FountainLovr4326.
212
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:11,919
Take it, take it, take it.
213
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,621
Who's your daddy?
214
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:14,788
(typing)
215
00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,657
How about a little bit
of that over here?
216
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:23,597
Hey, tiger.
217
00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,332
Hey, sexy, what are you up to?
218
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:28,268
Oh. A piece on how
the board of supervisors
219
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:31,605
finally passed an ordinance
on the new occupancy tax.
220
00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:33,907
That's hot.
(Olivia chuckles)
221
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:36,009
Remember you said
you had a surprise for me
222
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:37,911
when Billie and I
finished our cover article?
223
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:39,012
Yeah.
We finished.
224
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:41,181
Oh. Well, then.
225
00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:43,250
I'm not going out with you.
226
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,085
Surprise!
227
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,990
You know, your, uh,
friend led me on
228
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,125
in a really weird way.
229
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:53,994
As soon as she
found out we were done
230
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,829
with the article,
she just blew me off.
231
00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:58,999
Yeah, I don't think
she's right for you.
232
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,267
Hey.
233
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:03,236
What about Diane
up in the opinion section?
234
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:06,006
My opinion: she's super slutty.
235
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,375
That's good. That's good.
236
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,043
I like where your head's at.
237
00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:12,079
Hey, uh, have you heard
from James
238
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,047
about any feedback
on the article?
239
00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:15,816
No communication whatsoever.
240
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,350
It's almost like
we're still dating.
241
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:20,020
There you are.
242
00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:21,989
Look, we worked
really hard on this,
243
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:23,991
and it's my best work
and Sully's,
244
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,759
and I think it's
really inconsiderate of you
245
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,260
to take so long
to give us our feedback.
246
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,162
The article was great.
247
00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:31,131
Ah. Well, thank you
for saying that.
248
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:33,133
See, we worried
for nothing.
249
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:34,968
Not that my opinion
matters anymore.
250
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:36,970
I'm leaving the paper.
251
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,205
What?
252
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:40,107
I was fired.
253
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:46,947
I was sick of firing employees.
254
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,049
Felt like I was breaking up
with people
255
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:49,917
over and over and over,
256
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:52,085
and not having sex
with any of them.
257
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:54,354
Well, Cindy.
258
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:58,859
Well, at least Cindy went out
with a smile on her face.
259
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:01,795
From where I was standing,
I can't confirm that.
260
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:03,997
Anyway,
261
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:07,968
corporate fired me because
I wouldn't fire any more people.
262
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,903
James, I couldn't be more upset
about this
263
00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:11,839
if it had happened to all of us.
264
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:15,242
Is it going to happen
to all of us?
265
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,244
It could.
266
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:19,179
They're just going
to bring someone else in,
267
00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,281
and they're going
to keep downsizing.
268
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,216
So, we're screwed.
269
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:26,086
And not in the good Cindy way.
270
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:29,189
I'm more screwed than you,
you Scottish tease.
271
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:32,926
You don't owe a bookie
named Piggy Gonzalez 45 grand.
272
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,095
She's a very violent woman.
273
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:38,265
How am I going to tell the
22-year-old father of my baby
274
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,067
that we may lose
our health insurance?
275
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,135
I mean, you guys don't have
anyone to go home to
276
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:43,804
who has to hear this bad news.
277
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:45,505
Oh, thanks for that.
That's nice, Chase.
278
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:48,175
Maybe I'll give Cindy
a call.
279
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,844
Genius day, dude.
280
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,946
Your idea of standing outside
of Curves around lunchtime--
281
00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:54,347
you kind of blew my mind.
282
00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:58,351
Yeah, after 30 minutes
of low-impact walking,
283
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,287
those sweaty ladies
really feel like
284
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,123
they've earned a
sandwich or two.
285
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:04,792
And you got a few numbers,
am I right?
286
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:06,093
Oh, you're right.
287
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:08,195
I'll check back
in six months
288
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,763
and see how
they're doing.
289
00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:12,099
Hey, guess what.
290
00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:13,300
Thanks to your
awesome advice,
291
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:15,268
Davis and I made
$75 each today.
292
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:17,270
Who's a pimp
now, sucker?
293
00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:21,308
I'm making it rain.
I'm making it rain!
294
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:22,843
Dude, it looks like she's
about to cry.
295
00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:23,844
Stop making it rain.
296
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:26,179
(sobbing)
297
00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:27,380
What's happening?
298
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,116
Thank God strippers
don't act like that
299
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,251
when you throw singles at them.
300
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:36,456
(snorting, crying)
301
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,294
Um...
302
00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:43,096
did they not
like the article?
303
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,932
They loved it.
304
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:49,469
James got fired,
and from what he was saying,
305
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:51,805
it looks like I could be next.
306
00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:53,240
Holy crap.
307
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,242
What are you going to do?
308
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,144
How are you going to pay
for everything?
309
00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:59,980
This place is really expensive.
310
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:02,549
Not helping!
311
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:04,451
I-I'm... I'm sorry.
312
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:06,286
I've never had
a girlfriend
313
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:09,289
with a job, so I never had a
girlfriend who might lose one.
314
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:14,862
This is what a real crisis
is like.
315
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:16,163
(sobbing)
316
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:17,330
Uh-huh.
317
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:22,202
Um, okay, well, if it's
any consolation, our...
318
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,504
our sandwich business
is really taking off.
319
00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,339
How much did you say
you made again?
320
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:27,540
Seventy-five dollars.
321
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:30,210
(bawls)
322
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,313
(sobbing):
Oh, good.
323
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:36,216
Now our baby
can go to college.
324
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,020
Hey, guys.
325
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,191
How's it going in here?
326
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,259
She's going to get fired.
327
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:49,262
Oh, my God, we're going
to lose the apartment!
328
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,008
JAMES:
Alan...
329
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:03,243
Alan...
330
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,245
I'm going to miss our talks.
331
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:08,281
This is the first time
you've ever spoken to me.
332
00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:13,286
Good talk, Alan.
333
00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:16,456
(sighs)
334
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:18,058
You all right?
335
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:20,027
Oh, well, you know...
336
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:21,461
15 years of my life,
337
00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:24,097
and it's all
down the tubes. Huh.
338
00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:28,301
Hey, you were a huge part
of a lot of people's lives.
339
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:30,237
The mayoral scandal,
340
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:32,239
the gay marriage coverage.
341
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:35,475
This newspaper brought Sudoku
to the people of San Francisco.
342
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:37,010
(chuckling)
343
00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:38,478
I've got something for you.
344
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:43,383
(gasps)
345
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:46,019
It's my cover.
346
00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:48,388
Oh! There's my name.
347
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:50,323
On the cover.
348
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:54,227
That's The Rock
next to my name on my cover.
349
00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:56,196
Wow.
350
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:59,232
Seeing this reaction
made it all worthwhile.
351
00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:00,567
Oh!
352
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:03,937
Thank you so much.
353
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:08,175
You know, people that get
the cover story get noticed.
354
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:09,309
You don't need a résumé.
355
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,944
You just show them this.
356
00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:13,981
So, my name was on the list
to get fired?
357
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:17,284
You don't think I took a
bullet for Alan, do you?
358
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,586
(sighs) I don't know
how I'll ever thank you.
359
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:23,957
Run away with me.
360
00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:26,593
Wow, you're really late
with this.
361
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,195
I know.
362
00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:29,629
Run away with me.
363
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:32,065
You've been drinking a lot.
364
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,334
That's why I didn't say,
"Drive away with me."
365
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:38,705
I screwed up.
366
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:40,607
I never should have let you go.
367
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,609
Dump the 22-year-old,
and you'll never have to worry
368
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,477
about anything
for the rest of your life.
369
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,614
You know I can't do that.
370
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,682
And tomorrow morning,
when you wake up,
371
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:52,085
you'll be really
relieved I didn't.
372
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,487
Can't blame a guy for trying.
373
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:59,226
Ah, you know,
I'm good-looking, I'm rich.
374
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:01,161
I'll be okay.
375
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:03,963
Yeah, you will.
376
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:09,769
This isn't
the first time
377
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,439
I've been screwed over,
you know.
378
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:16,643
See, when I started out,
I was stationed in Chechnya.
379
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:21,648
That's it.
380
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,385
Listen, about before,
381
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:28,755
Billie strong-armed me
into pretending I liked you,
382
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:31,358
so that you would
finish the article.
383
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:32,292
Ouch.
384
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:35,095
So, you were, uh,
never really into me?
385
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:38,098
Not really.
386
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:39,666
You were pretending, huh?
387
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,768
Yes.
388
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:46,573
Well, can you
pretend some more?
389
00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:48,675
Maybe, you know,
like, till breakfast?
390
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,810
Oh, will you
buy me breakfast?
391
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,445
Oh, yeah,
I got a two-for-one coupon.
392
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:53,546
Don't spoil it.
393
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:56,216
Come on, let's go.
394
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,186
Hey, I heard
what happened with James.
395
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:00,353
Are you all right?
396
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:03,456
We're going to go comfort
each other in a sexual fashion.
397
00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:04,491
Come on, Bagpipes.
398
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:05,825
Let's see
what you can do.
399
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,528
(slaps)
400
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:11,164
What if Billie
does actually lose her job?
401
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:13,300
And then the baby comes--
that's not going to help.
402
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:14,367
Yeah, it's not
like the baby
403
00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:15,702
can help pay for
the apartment.
404
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:17,070
(sighs)
405
00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:18,471
Unless...
406
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:20,473
No. No, you
can't do that.
407
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:22,809
No, that could
screw a kid up.
408
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:25,545
Unless...
409
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:26,379
Wait, what are you
talking about?
410
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,115
Hey, what are you
talking about?
411
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:30,250
On the count of three,
412
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:31,551
we both say what
we're talking about.
413
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:33,353
All right.
414
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,455
One, two, three.
415
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:37,724
Baby model.
Sell the baby.
416
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,464
Sell the baby?
Yours is better.
417
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:49,502
Hello?
418
00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:50,703
Anybody home?
419
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:52,605
Hey. How you doing?
420
00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:53,873
A little better.
421
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,342
Look, look, look.
422
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:58,511
It's the cover
of my article.
423
00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:02,382
Yay, applause, applause,
ticker tape parade.
424
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:04,817
Where's your name?
425
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:06,853
Oh, it's that teeny,
tiny thing right here.
426
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:09,789
Oh, yeah.
427
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:11,491
You really got
to get your nose
428
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:14,093
in between The Rock's legs
to see it.
429
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,497
Cool. You hungry?
430
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:21,234
When was the last time you
saw me not eating or crying?
431
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:22,802
It has been a while.
432
00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:25,605
Anyway, I made you
a real dinner.
433
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:27,640
It's, like, hot
and everything.
434
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,676
Mmm.
435
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:32,545
What's this?
436
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:35,715
It's your new home office--
if you get fired--
437
00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:37,617
for all the brilliant things
you're going to write.
438
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:40,520
And it's portable,
so maybe you're inspired here,
439
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,722
or maybe you're inspired
in the living room,
440
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:45,392
or maybe you're working
and I want to come kiss you,
441
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:46,659
so I push it away.
442
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:49,462
It's perfect.
443
00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:51,564
I felt like I kind of
flipped out before,
444
00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:54,501
and I just wanted to show you
that no matter what happens,
445
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:57,570
I can throw together
a few cheap items
446
00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:59,706
to temporarily
make you feel better.
447
00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:02,309
Well, it's working.
448
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:03,476
Mmm!
449
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:04,844
I got us something, too.
450
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:07,947
I accidentally outbid
FountainLovr4326
451
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,383
on Olivia's Zen desk fountain.
452
00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:13,520
It cost me $47.10,
which is sad,
453
00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:15,555
because it retails for $8.99.
454
00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,290
But it's supposed
to be beautiful.
455
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:19,526
You plug it in,
and it creates a soothing mist,
456
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:22,429
like you're in
a Japanese rainforest.
457
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,237
(whirring)
458
00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:31,538
(click, whirring stops)
459
00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:36,709
Son of a bitch.
460
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:42,915
So, tell me
a little bit
461
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:44,584
about this breakfast
that we're going to have.
462
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:45,385
Well, it's
all you can eat,
463
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:47,220
and I like to get
my money's worth,
464
00:19:47,254 --> 00:19:49,556
so let's work up
an appetite.
465
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,458
Okay.
466
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:54,694
Let's put on a show
for the security guards.
467
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:18,751
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