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1
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:09,543
These last few weeks
have been perfect.
2
00:00:09,577 --> 00:00:11,545
Yeah.
3
00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:14,382
Except for me being pregnant
with another man's baby.
4
00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:15,683
(wry chuckle)
5
00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:18,186
And me living with
the father of the baby.
6
00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:21,155
And him being 22.
7
00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:22,556
Oh, my God, why
are you dating me?
8
00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:25,459
I have a lousy
short-term memory.
9
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:31,232
I'd really like to kiss you.
10
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:32,500
You just...
11
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:33,501
Oh, I get it.
12
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,837
Mmm.
13
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,573
Oh, Brian!
14
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,409
Mmm. (laughs)
15
00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:44,445
You've been so cool
and accepting about all this.
16
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:47,348
I mean, I once had a guy
break up with me
17
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,383
because I had a bad cough.
18
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:51,352
Well, I you're just
so great and beautiful.
19
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,554
You know I've always
had a crush on you.
20
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,389
I just couldn't do
anything about it.
21
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,658
I was married, and
you were with James.
22
00:00:57,691 --> 00:01:01,195
And now I'm divorced,
and you're pregnant.
23
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,398
We just got so lucky.
24
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,534
(laughs)
25
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:09,470
Whoa! Check it out, Zack.
26
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:13,441
It's the mother of your baby
making out with another dude.
27
00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:15,543
Okay, we'll just hang out
in my room.
28
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,611
You two get back to, uh,
29
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:19,780
second base,
it looked like.
30
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:22,616
* I can't be anything
without you. *
31
00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:25,453
Captioning sponsored by
CBS TELEVISION
32
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:32,493
Things are going so well
with Brian,
33
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:34,562
and Zack seems
totally cool with it.
34
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,764
Finally, the stars
are aligned in my favor.
35
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:39,567
I don't know what the stars
had against me before,
36
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,502
but they have now dropped
their previous grievances
37
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:44,272
and are now twinkling
their approval.
38
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:47,475
Like you should be, Abby.
39
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:48,876
Aren't you proud of me?
40
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,110
I am not.
41
00:01:51,479 --> 00:01:53,681
I am not proud of you,
so stop fishing for it.
42
00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:56,250
I think you're back
to your same old ways,
43
00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:58,186
rushing into something
without thinking it through.
44
00:01:58,219 --> 00:01:59,787
And the last time you did that,
45
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:01,289
you ended up
unintentionally pregnant.
46
00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:03,891
And that's because
she's industrious.
47
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:07,395
A lot of women sleep with a guy
and end up with nothing more
48
00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:08,629
than a prescription
for antibiotics.
49
00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:12,366
Now, this one--
she gets a baby.
50
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,169
Bravo, Billie, bravo!
51
00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:17,205
Exhibit A: supportive friend.
52
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:20,508
Exhibit B: unsupportive sister,
whose bra is showing.
53
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:23,777
I know.
I'm trying that look today.
54
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:28,449
And I am supportive of you,
just not of all your choices.
55
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,284
How can you be
sure about Brian
56
00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:31,952
after only dating him
for three weeks?
57
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,687
I think that's
kind of rash.
58
00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:35,689
And you know who
would agree with me?
59
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,625
Michelle Obama.
60
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:42,396
Yes, we know,
you love Michelle Obama.
61
00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,432
She makes good choices
62
00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:47,568
and has fabulous arms.
63
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:50,638
But what you didn't know was,
while I was with James,
64
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,806
Brian was off to the side--
65
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,708
married,
66
00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:58,579
unavailable, flirtatious,
wanting me.
67
00:02:58,612 --> 00:02:59,780
(laughs)
68
00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:00,948
Which brings me back
69
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,750
to what I said before
about the stars.
70
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:05,586
I think we just need to
get on board with the stars.
71
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:06,854
Olivia?
Absolutely.
72
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,422
You're just a suck-up,
73
00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:10,458
and I see right
through that.
74
00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,460
I like your new look.
75
00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,228
Thank you.
76
00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:20,734
There's something about
this Brian I don't like.
77
00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:22,370
And I got a sense
for these things.
78
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:23,437
Like my sister--
79
00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:25,739
she'd bring boyfriends home,
and she'd be, like,
80
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:27,741
"Kevin's so great,
Kevin's so special."
81
00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:30,611
And then Kevin would be
on the news that night
82
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:32,746
next to a table full of guns.
83
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:33,814
I'm with you, man.
84
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:36,317
When I saw that guy
kissing our pregnant lady...
85
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,587
...I got this really
sick feeling in my stomach.
86
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:40,621
Kind of like the time
87
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:43,791
I saw my mom skinny-dipping
with my Uncle Bob.
88
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,760
You got to do something
about this guy, man.
89
00:03:46,794 --> 00:03:49,697
He's not just dating Billie,
he's dating your baby.
90
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,765
I mean, that great dinner
that he bought her--
91
00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:53,734
the baby's enjoying it.
92
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:54,935
The witty banter?
The baby's laughing.
93
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:57,037
I bet the baby's
in there right now, saying,
94
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,839
"Man, this guy
could be the one."
95
00:03:58,872 --> 00:03:59,973
Dude!
I know!
96
00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:02,443
I'm just trying
to shock you into action.
97
00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:06,547
Well, I'm freaking out,
okay, what should I do?
98
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,016
If this guy's angling his way
into my baby's life,
99
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,718
then I'd better get to know him.
100
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,986
Where's a good place
to have a chat with an old guy?
101
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:14,955
Park bench.
102
00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:15,956
Indian Casino!
103
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,658
Florida!
Brunch!
104
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:20,694
Brunch...
semi-old people love brunch!
105
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:25,899
So, I wanted us
to have brunch
106
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,569
because I don't really know you,
Brian, and I'd like to.
107
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:31,472
That is just so cool.
108
00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:33,307
Can you believe how cool
this guy is?
109
00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:35,976
I got a cool baby
cookin' in here.
110
00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:37,978
So, anyway, Brian,
111
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,079
let's get to know each other.
112
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,080
I'll start.
113
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:43,083
I'm 22, I'm an aspiring chef,
114
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:47,087
and my childhood dream
was to fight Jet Li.
115
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,989
And I'm still
gonna make that happen.
116
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:52,926
Okay, uh, well, let's see.
117
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,596
My childhood dream was
to be a photojournalist,
118
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,598
so I became a photojournalist.
119
00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,733
In fact, there's
a retrospective
120
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,402
of my work at the paper.
121
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:03,571
That is gonna be so great.
122
00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:05,939
Yeah, how lovely.
123
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,076
Billie here tells me
you're divorced.
124
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,779
Couldn't keep
the flame alive, huh?
125
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,013
(phone ringing)
You know, I will answer
126
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,048
that question in just a second.
127
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:16,316
Let me just take this.
128
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,653
What are you doing?
129
00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:22,089
I'm looking out for you.
Well, stop it.
130
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:24,057
I have been dating since--
131
00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:27,361
oh, my God, since you were
in kindergarten, okay?
132
00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:28,996
Sorry.
133
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:32,600
Uh, so, you were asking me
inappropriate questions
134
00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:34,435
about my painful divorce.
135
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,438
I'm sorry, man.
136
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,507
It's just, Billie means
a lot to me, you know?
137
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:40,441
She's carrying my baby.
138
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:47,648
It is just a platonic...
platonic miracle.
139
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,783
Speaking of which, remember
that crib we saw in the window?
140
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:52,453
Oh, my God, that was the most
beautiful crib I've ever seen.
141
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:53,621
I got it for you.
142
00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:54,955
You did?!
You did?
143
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:56,189
(chuckles)
144
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:58,626
When they deliver it, maybe
you could put it together, Zack.
145
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:01,361
Oh, I'm putting it together.
146
00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:06,033
This is great.
147
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:08,402
Would you excuse me
for a second?
148
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,038
That is so sweet!
149
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:13,474
You're like Santa Claus
but cuter.
150
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,042
Ooh!
151
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,109
Davis...
152
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:19,112
Dude, I'm on the floor,
handing out cups of crab.
153
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:22,416
They're finally letting me
interact with the customers!
154
00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:24,117
Brian bought her
a freakin' crib.
155
00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:25,486
A crib, man!
156
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:28,155
And that's inappropriate, right?
157
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:29,890
Yes!
158
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,725
Oh, man, you were right
about that guy.
159
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:33,561
He's trying to steal your baby.
160
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:36,096
Like a reverse stork.
161
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:39,833
Man, I-I gotta get rid
of this guy.
162
00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:41,168
Okay, don't do anything yet.
163
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:43,103
We need to calmly discuss this
164
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:46,106
over nine beers.
165
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,808
Why can't we just talk
about this right now?
166
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,142
No, I can't; I'm in the weeds
right now, man.
167
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:50,478
I'm running out of crab cups,
168
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:53,146
and I got a fat guy
circling my kiosk.
169
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:56,784
Really, dude?
170
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,952
More crab?
171
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:01,489
(phone snaps shut)
172
00:07:02,690 --> 00:07:03,991
What's the matter, Junior?
173
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,459
Your mom forget to sign
your permission slip
174
00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:06,660
to go to the zoo?
175
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,129
That's the matter.
176
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,532
JAMES:
Yeah, I know.
177
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:14,502
She looks happy with Brian,
and I hate it.
178
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,138
Kind of reminds me of when
you burst on the scene.
179
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:20,107
Well, now I know how you felt.
180
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:23,143
Except that when I met you, she
wasn't pregnant with your baby.
181
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:25,178
So, it's kind of worse for me.
182
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:26,446
Oh, I don't know.
183
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,216
I was with her for three years,
I put a lot of time in with her.
184
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,751
I think it's kind of
worse for me.
185
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,853
I have to live with her.
I have to work with her.
186
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,222
I have to listen to her
make out with Brian
187
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,558
in the other room.
188
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,159
You win.
189
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,764
You want to get drunk?
190
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,233
You know, I don't understand
why you can't just fire Brian.
191
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,068
I mean, you run the paper.
192
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:49,069
Would that I could, man,
193
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:51,238
But he's one of the best
photojournalists around,
194
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,806
and pictures matter.
195
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,875
If there's one thing
I learned after two decades
196
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,511
in print media--
people don't like words.
197
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:01,248
I'm the daddy,
I'm supposed to get the crib.
198
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:03,884
Yo, a man encroaching on
another man's crib buying,
199
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,218
is just emasculating.
200
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:07,555
What's he gonna buy
you next, a boob job?
201
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,858
I once had a pregnancy scare.
202
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,126
Dated this stewardess, she
told me she was on the pill.
203
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,862
I thought
she meant birth control.
204
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,630
Turns out she meant ecstasy.
205
00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:17,998
One day she calls me,
206
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,600
she tells me she's pregnant.
207
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,569
I thought it was mine.
208
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:24,538
But then she told me
it was Tommy Lee's. Whew.
209
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:25,973
Whoa!
210
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,207
Tommy Lee?
211
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:29,276
Dude, that's the greatest thing
212
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:30,277
I've ever heard.
213
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,645
(chuckles)
214
00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:33,313
And you're buying us
all these drinks.
215
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:36,917
I feel so bad about every
mean thing I've said about you.
216
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,118
Yeah, me too, man.
217
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:39,620
I mean, we were
talking trash about you
218
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:40,788
for the last two months.
219
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:42,189
We even made
a drinking game out of it.
220
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:44,524
Did someone say douche?
221
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:50,831
I don't find that funny.
222
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,666
You will.
223
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:57,871
You sure you don't want
to watch the end of the movie?
224
00:08:57,905 --> 00:09:00,240
How are you gonna
know how it ends?
225
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:06,313
It ends with me on top of you.
226
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:08,682
Somebody say douche?
227
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:15,222
I still can't believe
that crib-buying bastard.
228
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:16,924
I'm mad at him.
229
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,191
I'm mad at him
on your behalf,
230
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:21,328
and I want to do something
with this anger.
231
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,196
Something dangerous
232
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:26,266
and fun and fun.
233
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,070
Wish I'd done something
more when I lost Billie.
234
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,805
But what did I do?
235
00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:35,275
I drowned my sorrows
in Kate Moss.
236
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:37,845
Yeah, but wh-what
can I do, you know?
237
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:40,047
I don't know, but you'd better
do something to stop this now,
238
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,381
or you're never
gonna get rid of him.
239
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:42,916
James is right.
240
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:45,118
That's why he's the father
of Tommy Lee's baby,
241
00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:46,954
and you hand out
crab samples.
242
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:55,228
Crabs.
243
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:57,297
Crabs.
244
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,201
Crabs!
245
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:04,404
JAMES:
Here's his car, guys!
246
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,339
ZACK:
Oh, no.
247
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:08,241
Guys, hang on,
I'm starting to get that
248
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,342
"I shouldn't be doing this"
feeling,
249
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:11,344
like that time I ate 30 eggs.
250
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:12,880
We can't stop now.
251
00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:14,314
We're making automotive
vandalism history.
252
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:17,685
(car alarm blaring)
Perfect, it's unlocked!
253
00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:19,219
Okay, come on,
hurry up, load them in!
254
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:21,689
I am not touching them crabs.
255
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:25,358
(car alarm blaring)
256
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:27,961
No, no, don't stop.
257
00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:29,096
Why did you stop?
258
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,264
Too much tongue?
259
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,200
No, that sounds like
my car alarm.
260
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,004
I want to eat your legs.
261
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:38,305
Make it look like one's driving.
262
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,340
Ooh!
(all laughing)
263
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:49,316
Your baby daddy is attacking
my car with seafood.
264
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:51,351
BILLIE:
Zack, stop that!
265
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,253
Stop that right now!
266
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:56,189
Look, that one's driving!
267
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,798
So, Zack and his friends
got drunk,
268
00:11:04,832 --> 00:11:07,300
broke into Brian's car,
filled it with crabs,
269
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,803
and then crept in here
after you went to sleep.
270
00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:13,173
Wow, the stars are
not really aligned
271
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:15,375
the way you thought they were.
272
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:20,347
You know, Michelle Obama doesn't
like self-righteous people.
273
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:21,715
That's actually true.
274
00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:25,185
Is it noon already?
275
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:26,854
I'm gonna go wake his ass up.
276
00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:31,424
Zack, wake up!
277
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:33,493
Zac-ack!
278
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:38,398
Billie, hey, uh, thanks
for letting us crash here.
279
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:41,034
Is there coffee?
Yeah!
280
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:43,503
And eggs and bagels.
281
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:46,139
Oh, really?!
No.
282
00:11:46,173 --> 00:11:48,175
Oh, that was unnecessary.
283
00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:52,279
Hello, lady.
284
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:56,416
Gotta get to work now.
285
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:59,486
You're not wearing any--
oh, don't scratch.
286
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,354
Oh, God.
287
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:02,956
Good morning.
288
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:06,026
I'll get you boys some coffee.
289
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,061
Oh, there's your penis.
290
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:12,866
I can explain.
291
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:15,235
Really? Crabs?
292
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:16,369
What were you gonna do next?
293
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,138
Pour in a gallon of butter?
294
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:20,373
We talked about it.
295
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,344
I don't get it.
Why would you do all of this?
296
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:27,380
I don't know, I swear
I'm right about him.
297
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:30,483
You know, I couldn't
figure it out at first,
298
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,852
but then it hit me.
299
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:33,420
He wants to push me out.
300
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,488
First with you and then
with the baby.
301
00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:37,090
Okay, is this
about the crib thing?
302
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:39,159
Because if every time someone
gets us a baby present,
303
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:41,428
you put crabs in their car,
word's going to get out,
304
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:42,395
and we need things.
305
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,531
It's more than just
about the crib thing.
306
00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,499
Then what is it?
307
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:48,201
What do you want?
308
00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:53,240
I want you to break up
with this guy.
309
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,208
And then what?
310
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:56,944
You get to go out
311
00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:58,946
with all your friends
and meet hot chicks,
312
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,348
while I stay at home
and watch TV?
313
00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:03,783
There are some good shows on.
314
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,354
Look, I know
it doesn't look like it,
315
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,990
but I'm doing all this
because I care about you.
316
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,524
I know you do.
317
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:16,063
But there has to be a universe
where I get to be happy, too.
318
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:18,498
Please, be happy with me.
319
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,033
All right.
320
00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:22,502
Don't want to get in the way
of your happiness.
321
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,271
You're gonna throw up
right now, aren't you?
322
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,573
I already started.
323
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:38,185
So, how did the car cleanup go?
324
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:40,520
That's how I want
every date to end.
325
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:45,425
With a fishy smell and a crab
stuck in my CD changer.
326
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,360
I'm so sorry.
327
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:48,461
Are you mad?
328
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:51,598
I'm a little mad but not at you.
329
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:56,136
Wow, somebody
got me flowers.
Hmm.
330
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,404
They from you?
331
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,039
Is there a card?
332
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:00,407
Yes.
333
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,609
Then no, they're not from me.
334
00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:04,912
Oh, they're from... Pam.
335
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,180
Pam, your ex-wife Pam?
336
00:14:07,214 --> 00:14:10,283
That's an oddly thoughtful
thing for an ex-wife to do.
337
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:11,885
Well, here's the thing.
338
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:14,221
Oh, no, not a thing.
339
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:17,257
Pam is actually going to be here
tonight at the photo exhibit.
340
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:19,659
You mean in spirit?
341
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:24,031
Look, it's a retrospective of my
work; Pam was very supportive.
342
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:25,999
I understand that
it's uncomfortable.
343
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,200
Yes...
344
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:30,270
But... I still
want you here.
345
00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:31,271
(sighs)
346
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:34,574
Well, my first instinct was no,
347
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,676
but then I thought
about the crab thing
348
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,278
and how you're still
talking to me.
349
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:40,447
So you'll come?
350
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,515
Okay.
351
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,151
And I have a dress
I've been saving
352
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:45,919
for an incredibly
awkward situation.
353
00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:47,654
So I think I'll just
break that sucker out.
354
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,893
Hey, good luck
with the show tonight.
Thank you.
355
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:12,179
Okay, time for me to meet
my new boyfriend's ex-wife.
356
00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:15,382
My life just gets
weirder and weirder.
357
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,684
Your life's fantastic.
358
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,586
My life just gets
weirder and weirder.
359
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:22,956
This morning I woke up
next to a clown.
360
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,426
You mean like,
"Oh, that guy's a clown"?
361
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:27,927
Or like, "Honk, honk"?
362
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,336
Okay, I'm just going to
peek around the corner
363
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:37,570
and see what Brian's ex
looks like.
364
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,206
And not because I'm shallow.
365
00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:42,075
I just really need to know
if she's prettier than me.
366
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:45,245
Okay, one, two, three, go!
367
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,719
Okay, she is extremely pretty.
368
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,087
And she saw me.
369
00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,122
What do I do?
370
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:57,024
Oh, calm down.
371
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,691
You're gorgeous.
372
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,393
Remember, she's the visitor
on this date.
373
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,629
She should be peeking
around the corner at you.
374
00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:04,464
Now here she comes.
375
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:07,067
Stick out your boobs
and suck in your gut.
376
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,136
I can't, it's a baby.
377
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:11,704
Well, get your baby
to suck in its gut, then!
378
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:13,706
Brian!
379
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:16,443
Olivia, Billie,
thank you for coming.
380
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,345
This is Pam.
381
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,313
It's great to have
a chance to meet you.
382
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:23,050
Brian's told me how supportive
you've been of his photography,
383
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,418
and why wouldn't you be?
384
00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:27,487
He used to call
me his muse.
385
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:28,788
Didn't you?
386
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,723
Well, I called you
a lot of things.
387
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:33,493
Muse was one of them.
388
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:34,794
(laughs awkwardly)
389
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:38,331
Oh, old times.
390
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:42,435
Uh, Brian, the photos
are really beautiful.
391
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:45,672
And I gotta say
I'm so impressed, and...
392
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:51,511
I did not realize that Pam is
in almost every single one.
393
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,646
You are very photogenic.
394
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,382
Thank you.
395
00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:57,550
So, Brian tells me
that you're pregnant
396
00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:58,651
with another man's baby.
397
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:02,222
Yep, it's great.
398
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:04,257
You gotta try it sometime.
399
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:07,327
I gotta go wet my whistle.
400
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,665
Oh, my God, "wet my whistle"?
401
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,102
Who was talking just now,
Humphrey Bogart?
402
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:17,537
Okay, and was it my imagination
403
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,772
or was Pam, like, super-clingy?
404
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:22,342
Yeah, I was clingy once.
405
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,144
Didn't work out well for me.
406
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:25,812
It won't work out well for Pam.
407
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:28,481
OLIVIA:
Brian!
408
00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:29,816
Lovely photos.
409
00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:31,451
Barren landscapes.
410
00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:35,122
Tell me, did you use
an F-stop when you...
411
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:38,658
Oh, my God, Billie,
412
00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:40,193
I'm so sorry about Pam.
413
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:41,694
She's having a hard
time letting go.
414
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,863
You guys don't seem like
you're at each other's throats
415
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,665
like other divorced couples.
416
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,367
Well, it's, it's not
like we didn't get along
417
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,835
or-or didn't
like each other.
418
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:50,337
Oh, really?
419
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:52,739
That makes me feel
so much better.
420
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,707
She didn't want
to have kids.
421
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,309
Which is what I
love about you.
422
00:17:56,343 --> 00:17:57,777
Because if things
work out between us,
423
00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,679
it's like an
instant family.
424
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:01,148
I'm an automatic dad.
425
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,849
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
426
00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:06,119
That's very sweet,
but my situation's
427
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:07,787
a little more
complicated than that.
428
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:08,755
I mean, there's Zack.
429
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:12,159
Oh, so, you're
keeping Zack?
430
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:14,627
I kind of have to.
431
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:18,231
And I think that your situation
432
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,567
is a lot more complicated
than you realized.
433
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,403
Maybe we just
moved too quickly.
434
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:27,874
I so want things
to work out between us.
435
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:30,177
Me, too.
436
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:32,745
Maybe we just let
the dust settle a bit
437
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,182
and pick this up a little later?
438
00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:38,785
I think that might be best.
439
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:41,321
Oh, no, what about the...
440
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,423
Oh, you can keep the crib.
441
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,495
Hey.
442
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:49,796
Hey, how was the exhibit?
443
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:51,698
Bosnia is very
depressing
444
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:53,900
but not as depressing
as my love life.
445
00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:57,604
My love life is more depressing
than a war-torn Soviet state.
446
00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:00,607
Yay...
447
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,409
Brian and I broke up.
448
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,349
I'm sorry,
are you all right?
449
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:11,884
Yeah, no, ugh. I mean,
450
00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:14,821
it was just crazy to think
that anyone would just sign off
451
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:17,690
on this rinky-dink operation
I got going on here.
452
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:19,392
Well, that's not true.
Oh, give it up.
453
00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:20,893
All right, maybe
it's a little true.
454
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:22,929
Let's just call
a spade a spade.
455
00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:24,431
I got Olivia,
I got my sister,
456
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:26,466
I got you and I got
your baloney-head friends.
457
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:27,967
What else?
458
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,637
Well, you got that
little guy in there.
459
00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:33,973
Or-or girl.
460
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,209
You know what
else you got?
Hmm?
461
00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:37,744
A buttload of fresh crab.
462
00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:39,879
(laughing)
463
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:40,913
Does that make
you feel better?
464
00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:42,282
Yes, it does.
465
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:43,450
Good.
466
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,485
Because we put the crabs
on your credit card.
467
00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:54,861
Mmm, this crab
is divine.
468
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,996
I insist that
all your future pranks
469
00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:00,900
involve some form of crustacean.
470
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:02,101
So, what'd I miss?
471
00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:04,604
She was best friends with
the groom, and she married him?
472
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:07,474
No, Katherine Heigl
got a new apartment,
473
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:09,242
but then when she got there,
there was a mixup,
474
00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:10,677
and Matthew McConaughey
had moved in already.
475
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,913
But, really, he moved
into her heart.
476
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:18,718
Just like you all have
moved into mine.
477
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:21,288
Wait
a second.
478
00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:23,990
When does the movie start?
479
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:27,694
We've been watching it
for 45 minutes.
480
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:33,466
I thought it was just
a really informative trailer.
481
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:36,603
I've been saying
to myself over and over,
482
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:39,038
"They're really giving
the whole movie away."
483
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:42,909
Yeah, this is better
than having a boyfriend.
484
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:45,278
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
34361
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