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1
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:07,175
Ew.
2
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:09,210
Mmm.
3
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,228
I'm just trying to pay
4
00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:30,064
this really high
water bill right now, so...
5
00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:31,699
Sorry. We didn't
want to disturb you.
6
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:33,201
That's why we
invented the...
7
00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:35,336
Spoooooon.
Spoooooon.
8
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,537
It's okay.
9
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,306
Come in, take whatever you want.
10
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:39,540
Oh. Sorry.
11
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,575
Okay, take some popcorn.
12
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,321
Hey, where are my ribs?
13
00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:57,091
* Ribs, ribs, ribs,
ribs, ribs, ribs *
14
00:00:57,125 --> 00:01:00,328
* Ribs, ribs, ribs, ribs...
15
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:02,163
Those were your ribs?
16
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:06,567
I'm sorry.
17
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,437
They were only boiled.
18
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:12,173
I hadn't even
barbecued them yet.
19
00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:13,807
Oh, well, I dipped 'em
in some maple syrup.
20
00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:15,843
And they were fantastic.
21
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:18,579
Oh, I'm sensing
22
00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,414
from the look on your face
23
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:21,882
that those were important ribs.
24
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,185
It's cool. I was just gonna
bring a couple to work
25
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:25,653
so the head chef
of the restaurant
26
00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:26,620
could taste my recipe.
27
00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:27,855
And the rest were for when
28
00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:29,590
the guys come over
to watch the game.
29
00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:32,160
You ate all those
ribs by yourself?
30
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,595
Well, my cravings have gotten
out of control lately.
31
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:35,563
I only ate a
couple ribs,
32
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:39,167
and then the baby was, like,
"Eat them all."
33
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,469
That's cool.
It's not cool
with me.
34
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:42,903
As soon as that baby's born,
35
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,573
it owes me a rack of ribs.
36
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:48,309
Okay, a little higher, 'cause
you're freaking me out.
37
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:54,848
It's so peaceful here.
38
00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:56,884
No giant utensils.
39
00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:01,355
No 22-year-olds
taking 45-minute showers,
40
00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:03,424
running up my water bill.
41
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:07,295
No dares, contests, challenges
related to the tushy.
42
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:12,666
Just calm, peaceful me time.
43
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,268
(tearing)
(gasps)
44
00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:17,838
(sighs)
45
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:20,374
Still more relaxed
than I am at home.
46
00:02:20,408 --> 00:02:21,209
(tearing)
(gasps)
47
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:26,614
This thing was way cheap
on Craig's List.
48
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,683
This is a used toilet?
49
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:33,587
I mean this thing is
low-flow, super-green.
50
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:35,589
Every time you flush it,
51
00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:38,626
a spotted owl sings
"We Are the Champions."
52
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,628
Yeah, whatever, man.
Now shut up and open the door.
53
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,696
Oh, no.
54
00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,532
(phone ringing)
55
00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:45,766
Hello?
56
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:47,568
Hey, I'm sorry
to bother you, but
57
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,603
I locked myself out
of the apartment, and I need
58
00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:51,439
to get my chef's coat,
and I'm already late.
59
00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:53,441
I'm in the middle of something.
60
00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:55,609
(tears)
(shrieks)
61
00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,245
Can you please bring me the key?
62
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,412
I'll meet you downstairs. I...
63
00:02:58,446 --> 00:03:00,248
I just don't want to get fired.
64
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:01,782
Okay, I'll be right there.
65
00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:03,551
Bye.
(clears throat)
66
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:04,852
I got to go.
67
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,220
You can't leave now.
68
00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:07,488
I only did one side.
69
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,658
Well, at least
it's my good side.
70
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,360
She's on her way.
71
00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:15,329
Oh, here you go.
72
00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:16,664
I'm done with this section.
73
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,571
So, you left halfway
74
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:26,674
through your waxing,
and now it looks like a seven?
75
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,810
Or, from my point of view, an L.
76
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,780
And the really great part is,
77
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:35,549
is I can't get another
appointment until next week.
78
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:38,586
Oh, well,
no one's gonna see it anyway.
79
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,821
I finally had
time to myself,
80
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:43,524
and it got ruined by
my live-in man-child.
81
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:44,725
Ugh!
82
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:47,561
He was so cute
when he first moved in.
83
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:48,996
Now he's just
an annoying roommate
84
00:03:49,029 --> 00:03:53,834
who happened
to give me the gift of life.
85
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,436
I'm so happy.
86
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:56,770
Hey, gorgeous.
87
00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:58,439
Honeymoon over?
88
00:03:58,472 --> 00:03:59,740
No, everything's fine.
89
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,375
I'm happy. See?
90
00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:03,010
I'm smiling.
91
00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:04,678
Hey, you know when
we were going out
92
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:06,480
I used to talk about
getting a place in Napa?
93
00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:07,748
Well, I have finally
decided to do it.
94
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:10,551
Oh, goody.
I've narrowed it
down to two places.
95
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,019
Both of them have
small vineyards,
96
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:14,688
so the question is...
97
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:16,824
red or white?
98
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,593
Just do what I do with skirts.
99
00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:21,061
Just buy 'em both
and return the one
100
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,563
that makes your ass look big.
101
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:23,697
JAMES:
Yes.
102
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:26,834
I know, rich guy asking
for advice on buying a vineyard.
103
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:27,935
Easy target.
104
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,770
But you know why
I can laugh with you?
105
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:32,506
Because at the end of this,
I'm going to own a vineyard.
106
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:38,912
Oh, remember the days when my
biggest problem was listening
107
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:41,582
to my successful, gorgeous
boyfriend prattle on
108
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,917
about things no
one relates to?
109
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,687
I was jealous of you then.
110
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,022
Now, not so much.
111
00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:06,507
(unzips pants)
112
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:08,976
(Billie and Zack gasp)
113
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,411
What? Oh!
Oh!
114
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:11,979
What? Turn
the light off!
Okay,
okay.
115
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,651
Get out!
Okay. All right.
116
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:20,053
* I can't be anything
without you. *
117
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:23,090
Captioning sponsored by
CBS TELEVISION
118
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,796
What the hell
was that about?!
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
119
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,431
I thought you were asleep
in your bed.
120
00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:32,032
The pillows were arranged
in a very Billie-like way,
121
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,434
and I thought
they were breathing.
122
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:35,603
I swear
the pillows were breathing!
123
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:38,138
Why were you even
in my bathroom to begin with?
124
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,374
Mine's not working.
125
00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:42,943
It's in transition.
126
00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:47,848
Holy crap.
127
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,852
I wanted to install
128
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,921
a low-flow toilet
because of the water bill.
129
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,856
Did I know you were doing this?
130
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,825
No, because I wanted
to surprise you,
131
00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,894
so surprise.
132
00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:03,096
Why isn't the toilet
where the hole is?
133
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:04,965
I don't want to get into
complicated plumbing terms
134
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,400
right now, but
it turns out,
135
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:08,068
I do not know how
to install a toilet.
136
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:12,005
Well... Well...
137
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:14,442
This is just it, I mean...
138
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:15,876
There are boundaries,
139
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:18,946
and not peeing on me is one
of them, I think.
140
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:21,682
You know, when I
lived with Davis,
141
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,116
it wasn't such
an uptight atmosphere.
142
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:24,485
I'm not uptight.
143
00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:26,920
You peed on me!
144
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:28,422
I would just like to point out
145
00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:30,758
that when you ate my ribs,
I was cool about it.
146
00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,726
And you were all,
"Oh, those were your ribs?"
147
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:33,794
Give me a break.
148
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:36,430
Who do you think put them
in there, the Rib Fairy?
149
00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:38,031
If those ribs are
so frickin' important,
150
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:39,633
why don't you
put a Post-it on it?
151
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,602
Say, "Important Ribs,
do not eat!"
152
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:43,871
Because I don't know where
you keep the Post-its!
Oh!
153
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,943
Ta-da! Oh, look.
154
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:52,846
Hey! Wow! Ooh! There are pink
ones, yellow ones,
155
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,449
and, oh, this one's
shaped like a pumpkin
for Halloween.
156
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:58,051
And there's your extra key!
157
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,788
Oh, look what I found,
158
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,022
a fugitive rib; it escaped.
159
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:03,557
The luckiest
rib in the world.
160
00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:06,026
What I was trying to say
before you had
161
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,895
your sarcasm party
is if this happened with Davis,
162
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,930
my not-make-a-big-deal
out-of-everything friend,
163
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:10,931
we would laugh.
164
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:13,934
We would towel off first--
165
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:16,103
we're not animals--
but then we would laugh.
166
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:18,038
It would be a funny
story for years to come!
167
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:19,740
Oh, I can laugh!
168
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,209
(laughing)
169
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:24,645
Good times, bro!
Yeah, okay.
170
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,146
(laughing)
171
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,519
(knocking)
172
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:32,553
What?!
173
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,888
I still really have to pee.
174
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,492
Use your floor hole!
175
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:45,032
(laughs):
You peed on her.
176
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:49,236
Like I was putting out a fire.
177
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:51,004
(continues laughing)
178
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,044
Then we got
in this big fight.
179
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:59,580
Oh, my, and I said some things,
my friends.
180
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:02,249
Things I regret... but which
were also kind of funny.
181
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:05,519
But she deserved it.
She knew those were my ribs
182
00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:06,754
and she ate them anyway.
183
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:07,955
She ate our ribs?!
184
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,790
And this is how I find out?
185
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,092
Oh, it is on.
186
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:13,727
Yeah! What could we do?
187
00:08:13,761 --> 00:08:14,962
How could we get her back?
188
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,764
What of hers can we eat?
189
00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,966
Does she have a cat
or something like a cat?
190
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,201
The crazy thing is,
it all started with me
191
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,536
just trying to help her out.
192
00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:23,771
Instead, I just pissed her off.
193
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,573
I don't know, man.
Maybe you made her so mad,
194
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:26,874
she's going to cut
you out of her life.
195
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,275
She wouldn't do that.
196
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:29,476
It could happen, man.
197
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,112
Then, you know,
your baby grows up
and you don't know her.
198
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,782
And then one night,
you randomly hook up
with her in Vegas.
199
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,084
Then you put it together
the next morning.
200
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:40,621
You're like "Ew! I just made out
with my hot baby!" Aah!
201
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:43,657
Yeah. It's like Oedipus Rex
all over again.
202
00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:45,659
You know what?
I need to go back
203
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:48,028
and smooth things over,
fix the toilet, and by the time
204
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,964
the game starts, it'll be like
nothing ever happened.
205
00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:53,066
(laughing):
You peed on her.
206
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:58,338
Ladies.
Oh. So what's the latest
with the vineyard?
207
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,273
Well, I went with white wine
because it hit me:
208
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,075
I enjoy fish and chicken.
209
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:05,112
Then it turns out that
the vineyard is infested
210
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:07,280
with these bugs that spread
Pierce's Disease.
211
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:10,150
That's like herpes for grapes.
212
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:13,621
Are none of God's
creatures spared?
213
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,956
But I don't mean to bore you
with my little problems.
214
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,725
I miss your problems.
215
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,628
And I miss you helping me
solve them.
216
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:23,764
Life was so much simpler
with James.
217
00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:25,599
We only saw each other
on the weekends,
218
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:28,101
from many different angles.
219
00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:29,369
And if something he did
annoyed me,
220
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:32,039
Sunday night would come so fast,
I'd be like, "Ah, forget it."
221
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,675
I would just push my problems
down underneath my other stuff.
222
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,210
You know, deep inside,
all healthy-like.
223
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:40,681
You're just feeling
nostalgic about him
224
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,049
because you had
a fight with Zack.
225
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,151
And I don't see why
you're so upset about it.
226
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,019
That's normal in a relationship.
227
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:49,356
There is nothing normal
about what I'm in.
228
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,391
Did you tell her
about my half-a-wax?
229
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:54,762
I don't talk to her
unless you're here.
230
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:02,269
Just tell us
what happened with Zack.
231
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:04,672
Zack peed on me.
232
00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:09,677
Is that a metaphor, like
"he peed on your dreams"?
233
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,647
Nope, he actually peed on me.
234
00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:16,016
Well, that needs to be
consensual.
235
00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:19,653
How did that even happen?
236
00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:22,422
He was trying to install this
low-flow toilet he bought,
237
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,424
because he takes
such long showers,
238
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,393
and our water bill is big.
239
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:28,729
So he was being thoughtful?
240
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:30,798
Not the way I'm saying it.
241
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:34,267
Okay, okay. I think I see
what's going on here.
242
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:35,335
Fantastic.
243
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:38,706
You're totally
and utterly wrong.
244
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:39,773
Now we're on
to something.
245
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:42,375
I mean, most of the times
when Nick and I fight,
246
00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:44,444
things look to me
like they're Nick's fault.
247
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,914
But then it turns out,
I was the one
248
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:49,850
who started the grease fire
and left for Pilates.
249
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:58,458
Who wants makeup ribs?
Ooh.
250
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,260
Oh!
251
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:02,195
I heard "makeup"
and I was like "not me."
252
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:04,765
Then I heard "ribs"
and I was like "me!"
253
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:07,300
Is that potato salad?
254
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,769
Half a gallon.
255
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:09,937
Can you have my baby next?
256
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:16,043
That was really
cool of you.
257
00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:19,279
Look, our living situation's
258
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:21,414
going to take some getting
used to, you know?
259
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,183
I mean, there's our
age difference.
260
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:24,852
And you're a guy
and I'm a girl.
261
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,286
We have different perspectives.
262
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:29,489
And, uh, you know,
when I thought about
263
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:33,126
everything that happened,
there is a possibility
264
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:37,297
that you were just being sweet
and I was overreacting.
265
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,168
So, I'm sorry.
266
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,837
Me, too. Come on.
I want to show you something.
267
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,874
Let's finish this
before they get back.
268
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:53,313
(flushing)
269
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:54,247
She's a little loud.
270
00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:56,984
But she only uses
1.6 gallons per flush.
271
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:59,753
I don't know
how that compares,
272
00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:03,190
but a guy's never
gotten me a toilet before.
273
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:04,391
Thank you.
274
00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:07,895
(flushing)
275
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:11,298
It has to cycle once or twice,
but in the end,
276
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:12,766
saves a lot of money.
277
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,402
(flushing)
Look at her go!
278
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:18,238
Guy who sold it
to me said it could
suck down a squirrel.
279
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:20,908
Great.
280
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:25,278
Potato salad
works on pizza.
281
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:27,848
Of course it does.
282
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,785
Hey, we're going
to watch the game if
you want to join us.
283
00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:34,287
Sounds like
a wonderful idea.
284
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:36,924
So, what's the score?
285
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:38,458
Seven-seven.
286
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:39,459
(stifled chuckle)
287
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:40,828
Dudes.
288
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,429
(chuckling)
289
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,464
What, did I miss
something funny?
290
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,900
Nope, just a funny score.
(chortling)
291
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:50,871
What's so funny
about seven?
292
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,472
(both laughing)
293
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,453
Seven?
294
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:10,891
You saw and you told them?
295
00:13:12,059 --> 00:13:14,027
That your putting green
looks like a seven!
296
00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:15,896
(both laughing)
297
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,971
Dude, was that not
public knowledge?
298
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:35,015
You saw that and you told your
buddies about it?!
299
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,851
Did you know that the reason
I have a seven down there
300
00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:41,221
in the first place is because
you don't know how a key works?
301
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,557
If that's what
caused your seven
302
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,826
then I don't know
how a key works, either.
303
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,599
You know, I thought you
and I were becoming friends.
304
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:55,102
I mean, Davis and Ryan don't
care if I say stuff about them.
305
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:57,004
Like Davis
has an unusually long uvula
306
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,271
or Ryan sleeps
with a body pillow.
307
00:13:58,305 --> 00:13:59,472
Dude!
308
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:03,877
I like to cuddle.
309
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:06,613
You know what?
I take it back.
310
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:09,349
I take back what I said before.
I wasn't overreacting.
311
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,484
This is humiliating.
312
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:14,054
Yeah, but this is how me and my
friends are with each other.
313
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,156
How awful for you!
Well, if you don't
314
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,357
like it,
then we'll just leave.
315
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:18,591
Maybe you should.
316
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:20,593
Fine. Come on, guys.
Let's get out of here.
317
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:29,002
I said, "Come on, guys.
Let's get out of here."
318
00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:30,203
Don't forget
the potato salad.
319
00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:31,571
Yeah.
320
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,173
Don't you dare take that bowl.
321
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,642
Thank you
for a lovely evening.
322
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:40,047
(sloshes)
323
00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:56,930
Hey, rich guy.
324
00:14:56,964 --> 00:14:58,198
How's the vineyard coming?
325
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,034
Oh, I sold it
to the guy that runs
the Sacramento Ledger.
326
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,136
Sucker.
327
00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:04,671
You know, I realized something.
328
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:07,040
You and I never fought
when we were together.
329
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:07,975
No, we didn't.
330
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,709
Well, except for that last
really big one.
331
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,444
My God, don't remind me.
332
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,046
(whiny):
I want to get married.
333
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,614
Wah, wah, wah.
334
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:18,952
Do you think it
was a mistake, though,
that we never fought?
335
00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:21,088
'Cause a lot of people say
it promotes intimacy.
336
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:22,622
I try not to fight.
337
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:23,690
I've got
338
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,325
two simple rules that I live by:
339
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,726
keep all my blood
inside my body
340
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,963
and have as many orgasms
as possible.
341
00:15:29,997 --> 00:15:33,066
And anyone who's doing anything
else is doing it wrong.
342
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:34,334
'Cause at the end
of the day,
343
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,503
we're really all alone.
344
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,972
You got to look out
for number one.
345
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:42,675
I don't think I heard this
speech when we were together.
346
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:45,145
There's a reason for that.
347
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,981
I don't want
to bust your
348
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:50,050
theory, but, you know,
there's a lot of people
349
00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:51,451
who don't want to be alone.
350
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:53,286
It's just that...
351
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,156
being with someone else takes
a lot of work, you know?
352
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:58,158
Clearly, I don't.
353
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,062
But for the record,
354
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:03,396
I'm rooting for you.
355
00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:12,072
So, back to the van.
Yeah.
356
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:14,074
She only gets three miles
per gallon,
357
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:16,609
but she's not pregnant and she's
not a pain in my ass.
358
00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:20,280
Dude, when you stormed out
of her place earlier,
359
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,149
why didn't you just
move back in with me?
360
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:24,017
I don't know.
I didn't really think about it.
361
00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:28,355
Man! We used to spend, like,
24 hours a day together.
362
00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:31,224
Now, it's, like, 12 tops.
363
00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:34,094
Dude, I'm freaking out.
364
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:35,128
You have no idea.
365
00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:36,096
And it's-it's not just the baby.
366
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,630
I mean, I've never lived
with a woman before.
367
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:38,665
I'm flipping out.
368
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:39,699
I'm sorry, dude.
369
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,734
I don't mean to pile on.
Listen...
370
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:44,571
no matter how much I ignore you,
or abuse you,
371
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:47,240
or make fun of you
to your face...
372
00:16:47,274 --> 00:16:48,575
you're my best friend.
373
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:50,577
Best friends are like Supreme
Court appointments.
374
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:53,246
You can't lose that job
until you retire or die.
375
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:54,581
Sweet, man.
376
00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:57,117
A job you cannot get fired from.
377
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,419
That is tailor-made for moi.
378
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,389
Uh, well, you
know what?
379
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,391
If it doesn't work out
with these new people,
380
00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:07,160
you've always got a warm bed
at Chez Davis.
381
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:08,195
Thanks, man.
382
00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:10,197
That means a lot.
383
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:11,831
So can I stay at your place
tonight?
384
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:13,333
No.
385
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,203
You know, Ryan's brothers
are in town.
386
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:17,837
I don't even think I'm staying
at my place tonight.
387
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:18,438
Mmm.
388
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:19,439
Crap.
389
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,708
Where am I staying tonight?
390
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:25,245
* Ribs, ribs, ribs,
ribs, ribs... *
391
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,848
Oh, my God!
392
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,850
You just kicked!
393
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,219
(gasps)
394
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:34,221
You did it again!
395
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:35,488
You like ribs.
396
00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:37,490
Or you hate ribs.
397
00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:40,360
The baby's first opinion.
398
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,136
Zack, it's me!
399
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:54,307
(mutters)
400
00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:57,310
The most incredible
thing happened!
401
00:17:57,344 --> 00:17:59,612
You used
the new toilet?
402
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,648
The baby kicked.
403
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:03,150
Wait, what?
404
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,884
Give me your hand.
405
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,187
Don't feel anything.
406
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:09,189
Wait, wait.
407
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:12,225
I have to be eating
a rib, I think.
408
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,693
Ooh!
409
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:15,162
He loves ribs!
410
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:17,497
Or hates them.
411
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,532
We don't know.
412
00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:22,535
Wow, that's the most
amazing thing.
413
00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:24,571
And I almost missed it.
414
00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:28,175
Look, I'm-I'm sorry.
415
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:30,810
I shouldn't have told the guys
about your...
416
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:32,179
seven.
417
00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:33,646
It was just really funny.
418
00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:37,484
Yeah.
419
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:40,187
You know, from my point of
view, it looks like an "L."
420
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,489
(both laugh)
421
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:46,159
Look, you know,
I just want to be a help.
422
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:48,661
And if I'm not,
then what am I doing?
423
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:52,899
You are getting me
through this.
424
00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:55,168
And I realize
425
00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:57,737
it doesn't look
like I'm having fun,
426
00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,772
but I'm having fun.
427
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:02,642
I got to say you're sexy
when you get mad.
428
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:04,611
This vein pops out
on your forehead
429
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:07,314
and your arms shake and your
boobs kinda get into it.
430
00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:10,650
Wait. You're staring at my
boobs even when I'm mad?
431
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:13,320
I'm a guy.
432
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:14,254
Doing it right now.
433
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:17,424
Okay.
434
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:20,460
So, um...
435
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,495
friends?
436
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:24,931
Friends.
437
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,369
Let's go home.
438
00:19:30,237 --> 00:19:32,205
Yes, go home.
439
00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:35,375
*
440
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,484
Okay, feet up.
441
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:45,885
Let's check under
the hood
442
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:47,654
and make sure everything's
still like the pictures
443
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,689
in the books I studied
in med school.
444
00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,260
Oh, my God.
445
00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:55,262
What?
Is everything okay?
446
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:57,497
Uh, yeah. You know you got
a seven down here?
447
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:05,605
I forgot, I had this waxing
appointment and then...
448
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:06,773
Hey, no need to explain.
449
00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:08,375
You're talking to a doctor,
okay?
450
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:10,743
I've seen thousands of patients.
I'm a professional.
451
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:12,044
(laughs)
452
00:20:12,078 --> 00:20:14,514
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