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1
00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:08,476
Oh, I can't do
another office party.
2
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:12,313
I've already slept
with everyone here.
3
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,315
Oh... Yup.
4
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,184
Olivia, focus.
5
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:18,219
James is coming soon.
6
00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:19,053
Does this pose say,
7
00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:22,323
"I'm over you,
but I'll take you back"?
8
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:25,359
No. You just need
to perk up your nipples.
9
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:33,367
This is painful.
10
00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:34,302
Fine. I'll do it.
11
00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:35,603
Oh.
(roars,
then laughs)
12
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:37,371
Look, I am on a mission.
13
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:39,373
When James sees me,
I want him to realize
14
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:42,243
he made a horrible mistake
in Paris.
15
00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:45,413
*
16
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,481
Okay, just a few
more steps.
17
00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:48,782
(shrieks)
18
00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,384
And...
19
00:00:50,418 --> 00:00:52,253
voila!
(screams)
Oh, my God. Heights.
20
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:54,288
Oh, beautiful heights.
21
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:55,689
Romantic heights.
22
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:58,526
Oh, my God, it's
the Eiffel Tower!
23
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:01,295
Oui! Je t'aime!
24
00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:04,265
Oh, my God, it's a bag!
25
00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:06,300
It's our three-year
anniversary, so...
26
00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:07,435
I do.
27
00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:08,402
You do what?
28
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:10,638
I do really want
to open the bag.
29
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,409
It's candy.
30
00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:19,580
So, do I bite into it
and find something else?
31
00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:20,781
Yeah.
32
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:24,285
A pecan.
33
00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:26,387
It's marzipan...
in the shape of a camera
34
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:27,655
because you're a film critic.
35
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:29,457
The best one at my newspaper.
36
00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:31,459
What did you think
it was going to be?
37
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:34,328
Ja, ja.
Ich liebe dich.
38
00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:36,764
That.
39
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:39,167
That? No.
40
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,302
You know I
don't do that.
41
00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:43,304
Look, when we started
dating, I told you
42
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:44,705
I never wanted to
get married again,
43
00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:47,408
and you said, "Oh, my God,
do you own this plane?"
44
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,643
Lots of people say they're never
going to do things,
45
00:01:49,677 --> 00:01:50,878
and then they do them.
46
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:52,446
Like in Gone with the Wind.
47
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:55,183
Scarlett O'Hara says
she'll never go hungry again,
48
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:56,317
but then she does.
49
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:57,851
But we're not gonna
go hungry tonight
50
00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,220
because we have
reservations
51
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:00,554
at Le Crillon,
52
00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:02,690
he said, changing
the subject.
53
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:05,426
I don't think
I can change the subject.
54
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,395
I want a partner.
55
00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:09,497
I want someone who actually
stays for breakfast.
56
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,399
I want someone
who's there no matter what.
57
00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:12,533
I want to grow up.
58
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:15,603
Fantastic sex in exotic locales
was fine when I was 35,
59
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,305
but I'm 36 now.
60
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:18,906
Thirty-seven.
61
00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:20,174
Good-bye.
62
00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:23,177
Yeah, I love marzipan.
63
00:02:23,211 --> 00:02:24,445
Focus on the mission,
'cause this is where
64
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:25,613
I turn it all around.
65
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:26,647
Okay? He's gonna
walk in here,
66
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,482
take one look at this,
67
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:30,584
take one look
at this,
68
00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:33,487
realize he lost the best thing
that's ever happened to him,
69
00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:36,424
maybe even cry a little,
and beg me to come back.
70
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,492
I don't think so.
Why not?
71
00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:40,261
He's in the doorway
with Kate Moss.
72
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:45,399
Ah! Abort mission!
Abort mission!
73
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:48,236
* I can't be anything
without you. *
74
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:51,272
Captioning sponsored by
CBS TELEVISION
75
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:58,746
I wonder if he'll marry
Kate Moss.
76
00:02:58,779 --> 00:02:59,947
Abby, how come you never wonder
77
00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:00,514
what good things could happen
to me?
78
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:01,849
'Cause I'm your sister.
79
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:03,817
I just think
80
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,653
you should forget
the handsome gajillionaires
81
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,855
who also happen to be your boss.
82
00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:08,922
I mean, look how happy
83
00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:10,624
I am since I married Nick.
84
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:11,659
And you know why?
85
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:14,628
Because he's stable,
well-balanced, supportive.
86
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,864
Yes. Nick would make
a good chair.
87
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:19,667
Excuse me.
He would make a great chair.
88
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,901
Oh, listen, look around.
89
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,536
You'll find somebody else.
90
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,405
I get proposed to all the time.
91
00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:25,639
I may be married now.
92
00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:26,674
I'm not entirely sure.
93
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,777
But I do know that I cannot
go back to Dubai.
94
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:30,944
Yeah, that's you, Olivia.
95
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,780
I watch movies for a living,
96
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:35,015
so to me, the three stages
of womanhood are:
97
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,717
Meg Ryan
in Sleepless in Seattle,
98
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,386
Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail,
99
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:40,354
and Meg Ryan
in the grocery store, saying,
100
00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:41,855
"No, really, I am Meg Ryan."
101
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,594
Hey, excuse me.
102
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,729
Can you help settle a bet
between me and my buds?
103
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,964
Well, that's kind of
my mission in life.
104
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:52,833
If you could be stranded
on a desert island
105
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,702
with one of us,
which one would it be?
106
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,270
Oh, well, that depends.
107
00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:58,005
I mean, how can each
of you enhance
108
00:03:58,038 --> 00:03:59,507
my desert island experience?
109
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:00,841
Do you have any special skills?
110
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:03,411
Can you make a radio
out of a coconut?
111
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:04,645
No, but I can take
coconut shells,
112
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:07,881
wear 'em like a fake bra and
dance around like a little girl.
113
00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:10,818
Anybody can
do that.
114
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,720
He's right. You're out.
115
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,755
Come on!
Okay, which one
116
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,357
of you two looks better
with your shirt off?
117
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,625
(grunts)
118
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:19,860
Wow. I love this game!
119
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,395
And after we've been
running around naked all day,
120
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:22,563
we'll be hungry, and I can cook.
121
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:23,764
I'm a chef.
122
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,799
You had me at naked.
(laughs)
123
00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:27,635
Come on, D, let's try it out
on that girl
124
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:28,902
who keeps reaching
for her drink and missing.
125
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:31,305
Yes. Dibs.
Dibs.
126
00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:33,307
I'm Zack. I'd like
to buy you a drink.
127
00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:34,475
Oh. I'm Billie.
128
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:35,643
You don't have to do that.
129
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:36,744
Mojito, please.
130
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:40,381
Perfect. You know, I bet my buds
I could go a whole day
131
00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:42,716
eating and drinking only things
that end in "tos."
132
00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,718
Mojitos, burritos, taquitos.
133
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:46,887
I did that once, but with things
that end in "oni."
134
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:47,655
Pepperoni, spumoni, calzone.
135
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:49,690
But there wasn't
a bet involved.
136
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,925
My sorority was just full
of bulimics.
(laughs)
137
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,794
You're funny.
Thank you.
138
00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:56,564
And pretty.
Okay!
139
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,699
* All the single ladies,
All the single ladies... *
140
00:04:58,732 --> 00:04:59,767
Hey, you're a really
great dancer.
141
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,635
Uh-huh.
142
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:04,104
Just another thing I'd bring to
your desert island experience.
143
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,773
You're funny.
Yeah.
144
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:06,774
But I'm running out of charming.
145
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,842
I think I have some more back
at my apartment.
146
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,044
And some homemade ravioli.
147
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:12,480
What do you say?
148
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:13,814
Abso-maybe.
149
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:14,848
Give me a minute.
150
00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,083
Okay.
151
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:17,451
OLIVIA:
Quicker!
152
00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:19,687
Quicker! Quicker!
153
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,989
Oh, screw it.
154
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,757
(laughs)
155
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:27,127
Guys? A golden opportunity
has just presented itself.
156
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,430
I'm drunk!
(laughs)
157
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:31,131
Look, I know
this may sound nuts,
158
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,401
but I'm thinking
of going home with a guy
159
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,703
who may be significantly younger
than me,
160
00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:37,738
and I just need to know
if the situation is empowering
161
00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:38,872
or desperate.
162
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:40,441
Is he over 18?
Yeah.
163
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:42,510
Empowering.
164
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:45,779
* If you liked it then you
should have put a ring on it *
165
00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:47,648
* Oh, oh, oh...
166
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,650
So, to conclude our tour
of the "bropartment,"
167
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:51,118
this is the spot
where we eat.
168
00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:52,720
Mm-hmm.
169
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:55,122
And, uh, that's the spot where
we play Grand Theft Auto.
170
00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:57,891
I killed three hookers and
robbed a bank this afternoon.
171
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,928
It was very exciting.
172
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,996
And that's just a spot
on the floor.
173
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:05,165
I call him Steve.
174
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,000
You weren't kidding about
having some charming
175
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,602
back at the apartment.
176
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,939
And you are a fantastic cook.
177
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:15,443
Well, I am the second assistant
to a semi-important sous-chef.
178
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:17,945
Basically, I boil things.
179
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,847
But one day I'm gonna have
my own restaurant.
180
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,915
Well, I'm making reservations
now, 'cause that was, like,
181
00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:23,150
the best thing I
have ever eaten.
182
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,552
What's for dessert?
183
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,122
(high-pitched):
Whoa!
184
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:31,091
Okay.
185
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,427
I know I set you up
with that dessert line--
186
00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:35,863
and you were right
to jump on that--
187
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:39,467
but, um, I'm just not a
one-night stand kind of person.
188
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,101
I just never do
things like this.
189
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,571
Yeah, but lots of people say
they'll never do things,
190
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:45,806
and then they do them.
191
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,718
Ooh.
192
00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:00,053
So, this is the spot
where we...
Yup.
193
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,490
Okay.
194
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:25,012
(sighs)
195
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:38,659
Hello.
196
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:42,095
ALL:
Hello.
197
00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:45,666
Look, that hooker's
still moving.
198
00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:46,700
Oh!
199
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,736
(tires squealing on video game)
200
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,506
What was it like?
201
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:55,042
Like eating candy.
202
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:57,010
I love candy.
203
00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:58,612
What kind of candy?
204
00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:00,013
Young candy.
205
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:00,914
Ah.
206
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:01,949
I'm not kidding.
207
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,283
He smelled like a Skittle.
208
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,986
Ladies, I feel like
I tasted the rainbow.
209
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:06,787
Oh.
210
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:07,955
The whole experience
211
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,256
made me feel great about myself.
212
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,659
My pores even look smaller.
Look.
213
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,026
Oh, fantastic.
214
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:14,795
I'm sure I'll never
see him again,
215
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,030
but so what?
216
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:18,265
I'm really glad
you called me.
217
00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:20,233
Yeah, yeah. Me, too.
Take off your top.
218
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:26,139
This is endless!
219
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:27,941
How much time is left?
220
00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:31,111
Was I supposed
to be timing it?
221
00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:33,146
I was taking a picture
222
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,115
of the back of my head
in the mirror.
223
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:37,050
Please, pay attention.
224
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,620
This is the most important
moment of my life.
225
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:42,155
Oh! Your first pregnancy test.
226
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,091
That's adorable.
227
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:46,960
Yay!
228
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:48,095
No!
229
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:03,777
Didn't you use condoms?
230
00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:06,013
I guess it turns out
they're not 100% effective
231
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,816
unless you actually take them
out of your purse.
232
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:12,352
Billie, Billie, Billie,
always use a condom.
233
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,054
And an alias.
234
00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:17,691
Is it possible
235
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:18,959
that you kind of...
236
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:20,994
got pregnant on purpose?
237
00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:24,364
I mean, maybe somewhere deep
down inside you wanted this.
238
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:27,134
You know what, Abby? This is
just like when we were kids.
239
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:28,869
You always think
you know what I'm thinking.
240
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,938
You always think you know
exactly what I'm all about,
241
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:33,373
but the truth is,
maybe you're right.
242
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,375
Yes! I always wanted
to be an aunt!
243
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,645
Aunt Abby!
244
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:39,613
So, we're keeping it then?
245
00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,049
Well, I'm a journalist.
246
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,183
I ask the tough questions.
247
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:47,387
If I don't do it now,
I may never get another chance.
248
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,390
(crying):
Oh, my God,
I'm going to have a baby.
249
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,825
Oh.
Hey.
250
00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:54,828
So, how are you gonna tell
the baby baby daddy?
251
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:57,965
Can we please
not call him that?
252
00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:00,000
Let's call him the
father of my niece.
253
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,401
I want a girl.
254
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,772
But I finally had a boy toy.
255
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:07,207
And I only got to play with him
for a couple weeks,
256
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,209
and now my boy toy
got me pregnant,
257
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:11,745
and when I tell him,
he's going to freak out.
258
00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:15,683
I broke my boy toy.
259
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,952
I have got a
ten-minute break.
260
00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:20,253
So, what did you
want to tell me?
261
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,855
Zack, I'm pregnant.
262
00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:23,891
(clears throat)
263
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:25,192
Zack?
264
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:27,728
Zack, are you okay?
265
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:28,896
Mm-hmm, yeah. No.
I was just all psyched
266
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:31,364
'cause I thought you came
here to do it in the alley,
267
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:33,166
but it turns out
you're pregnant.
268
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,735
I-I don't know what to say.
269
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,069
You don't have to say anything.
270
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:37,170
You don't have to do anything.
271
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:39,172
I just needed you
to know, in case,
272
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:41,141
years from now,
you need a kidney.
273
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:42,710
So you'd have options.
274
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:45,245
So, I'm guessing
this means we're done,
275
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,981
so I'm gonna go,
'cause I just saw a rat.
276
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:49,149
Rat. Rat. Rat.
277
00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:50,183
Wait. Wait.
278
00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:52,352
Wait. Wait.
You can't just
279
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:54,121
say something like that
and then walk away.
280
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,990
I mean, this is... this is
kind of my baby, too, right?
281
00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:59,059
Couldn't have done it
without you.
282
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,360
Well, then,
I want to be involved.
283
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:03,196
Are you sure?
284
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:05,833
Because I can do
the rest without you.
285
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,267
I mean, it's such
a big responsibility
286
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,169
and you're so young.
Look,
287
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,404
my dad walked out on me,
and I used to think it was
288
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:13,707
'cause I'd done something
wrong, you know?
289
00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:15,475
I can't stand to think there'd
be some little kid out there
290
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,144
wondering why his dad
didn't love him.
291
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,747
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
292
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,248
I hate your dad.
293
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:24,752
We are not naming
the baby after him.
294
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:26,787
I want to be there
for you, okay?
295
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,989
And him...
296
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,324
or her or them.
297
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:34,728
So, what do we do now,
that special breathing?
298
00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:36,730
(rapid panting)
299
00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:37,931
It's a little early for that.
300
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,099
Yeah, but it's making me
feel better.
301
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:40,934
I mean, I guess
302
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:42,770
if you want,
you can come with me
303
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:44,237
to my first
doctor appointment.
304
00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:45,305
I'll do better than that.
305
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:46,306
I'll drive you there.
306
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:47,340
You will?
307
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,441
Yeah.
308
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,010
Oh, my God.
309
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,812
That is the sweetest,
most perfect...
310
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:53,146
I love you.
311
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:56,416
What?
What?
312
00:11:56,449 --> 00:12:00,988
So, do you drive a Rent-A-Van
as some sort of a second job?
313
00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:02,923
I wish.
314
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,391
No, I was only
crashing at Davis'
315
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,026
until his brother
got out of prison.
316
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,260
Well, when does he get out?
317
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:10,197
Yesterday.
Can't wait to meet him.
318
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,199
Well, don't worry,
I'll just sleep in the van.
319
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,333
You're gonna sleep in here?
320
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:14,902
Well, not here.
321
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:16,203
Back there, you know.
322
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,370
It's nice.
323
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,006
Except when I
park on a hill.
324
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:20,774
Well, lucky we live
in San Francisco
325
00:12:20,808 --> 00:12:22,075
where there are no hills.
326
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:28,782
You look pretty
in that paper gown.
327
00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:31,051
Well, I feel pretty.
328
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,786
Cold, cold,
329
00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:34,421
coldy, cold, cold!
330
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:35,455
You do this all day?
331
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:36,824
This is like robot porn.
332
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,792
Yes, it is.
333
00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:40,127
Okay, Billie,
334
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,261
your chart here says
you're thirty...
335
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,963
Bada-bada-bada, ba-ba-ba!
336
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,932
...seven.
337
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,133
You said you were 32.
338
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:47,334
That was when I thought
339
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:49,169
I was never gonna see you again.
340
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,071
There's the heartbeat.
341
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,973
Oh, my God.
342
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,242
And that is your baby.
343
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,477
Wow.
344
00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:59,279
It's beautiful.
345
00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:02,049
It looks
just like you.
I know!
346
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:05,352
I think you should stay with me.
347
00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:06,987
Temporarily.
348
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,455
Till a couch opens up.
349
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,390
Yeah, I don't know. I don't
want to complicate your life.
350
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:12,860
Why stop now?
351
00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:18,531
So, you're really gonna
let Zack move in?
352
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,433
You're supposed
to taste the rainbow,
353
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,302
not let it live in your office.
354
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:23,871
What was I supposed to do?
355
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:25,138
Let the father of my child
live in a van
356
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,074
so he could be hacked up
by some crazy drifter?
357
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:28,275
He lives in a van!
358
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,110
He i the crazy drifter!
359
00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:36,449
Dude, this place is sick.
360
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:37,584
What's that?
361
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:39,519
An armoire.
Oh.
362
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:42,222
What's that?
A cake plate.
363
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,324
What's that?
A sconce.
364
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,393
Sconce. Sweet.
365
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,395
Dude, I gotta knock me up
a cougar.
366
00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:52,432
Hello, there.
367
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:55,535
I prefer the term "lynx"
or "ocelot."
368
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,437
(meows)
369
00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:59,572
Dude, she sounds
like Shrek.
370
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:02,075
(laughing)
371
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:05,045
Where's the kitchen?
372
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,447
Why can't Zack and Billie
have a relationship?
373
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,182
Look at Ashton and Demi.
374
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:11,451
Oh, no, no,
this is not a relationship.
375
00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:13,286
We're not having sex anymore.
376
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:15,923
Look, I'm a mother now.
377
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,424
I have to do what
a mother would do
378
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,359
and my mother never
would've slept with him.
379
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,061
Holy crap, you didn't tell mom.
380
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,529
Okay.
381
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:28,435
Zack and I spoke
and he agreed
382
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:30,537
we just need to set boundaries.
383
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,374
Uh-oh.
384
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:43,083
Look, I like you a lot,
but we talked about this.
385
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,352
Remember our whole
boundaries conversation?
386
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,554
Yeah, but when you said,
"Don't touch my stuff"
387
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:50,357
I thought you meant, like,
your soy milk and your computer.
388
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:53,060
No, I meant
don't touch my stuff.
389
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,430
Okay, I got it.
390
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:06,073
Yay, boundaries.
391
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:11,044
I've made a
horrible mistake.
392
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:14,347
Technically, you've made a
series of horrible mistakes.
393
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:16,349
I feel this weird
bond with Zack,
394
00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:18,118
which is probably
just the hormones,
395
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:20,187
but I have to think of
my future, you know?
396
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:21,621
I mean,
I want a husband one day.
397
00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:23,456
One with a checking account
398
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:27,427
and a toothbrush he acquired
via purchase rather than "dibs."
399
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:30,697
I just can't believe how
complicated everything got.
400
00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:32,532
This? Oh-ho-ho!
401
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:34,434
This isn't complicated.
402
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:35,302
What's going
to be complicated
403
00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:37,704
is when you have
to start telling people.
404
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:39,139
Telling people what?
405
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:40,473
Oh, hello, boss.
406
00:15:40,507 --> 00:15:41,608
No, I was just...
(laughing)
407
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:43,610
I was just...
408
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:46,279
What? Oh.
409
00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:52,219
You look great.
410
00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:55,322
Oh, I bet you say that
to all the girls.
411
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:57,057
Oh, wait, you do.
412
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:59,159
No, really,
413
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:01,694
you're-you're glowing.
414
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:03,463
Did you do something different?
415
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:07,634
You have no idea.
416
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:11,371
Listen, I've...
I've thought about us a lot,
417
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:13,406
and I think I'm ready.
418
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,542
Ready?
419
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:17,677
Now you're ready?
420
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:22,315
I want us to go
to the next level.
421
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,551
Wh-what's the next level?
422
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:26,253
We could live together.
423
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:28,321
What? Where?
424
00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:30,257
Sometimes at my place,
sometimes at your place.
425
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:34,127
That's not living together.
426
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:35,262
It's not?
427
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,564
I miss you.
428
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,632
You shou miss me.
429
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,534
I'm fantastic.
430
00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:44,737
There are other men
who realize that.
431
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,639
Men who don't keep
their emotions hidden
432
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,308
like they're nuclear codes.
433
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,110
Available, mature men.
434
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,612
It's getting more complicated!
It's getting more complicated!
435
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:55,715
What are you doing here?
436
00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:57,550
I thought I'd bring you lunch.
I made you a spinach salad.
437
00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:59,119
It's full of iron
that'll be good for the...
438
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,553
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba!
...for the baby. What?
439
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:03,323
Why doesn't anyone know
what "ba-ba-ba-ba-ba" means?
440
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,657
Baby?
441
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:05,758
Yeah, she's having my baby.
442
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,660
Cool, huh?
443
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,796
Who is this clown?
444
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:12,432
I'm Zack;
I'm the father.
What?
445
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:15,535
I've gotta update
my Facebook status.
446
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,704
Wait a minute, wait,
you're having this punk's baby?
447
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:19,639
What is this, some
desperate cry for help?
448
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:22,175
Not desperate.
It's empowering!
449
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,610
Hey, who do you think
you're talking to?
450
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:24,811
You're gonna talk to somebody,
you talk to me.
451
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,546
Am I gonna have
to call security?
452
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,215
Why, you can't handle me
yourself, Grandpa?
Ooh,
453
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:29,816
this is fantastic, yes!
Oh...
454
00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:31,518
You should know that
I know Krav Maga.
455
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,186
Fine, call him--
I'll fight him, too!
456
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:34,821
Zack, James, stop, stop!
457
00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:37,690
Stop, stop!
458
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,226
What are you doing?
459
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:42,362
There's no reason
you should even care.
460
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,097
I know I've screwed
up a lot with you,
461
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:45,465
but I've always cared.
462
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,871
Are you gonna eat
that salad?
463
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:56,643
(laughing)
464
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:59,812
Hey, roomie, let me
help you with that.
465
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:01,414
Hey, a surprise party.
466
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:05,152
Um, you met Davis
and-and Ryan
467
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:06,186
and this is Shane.
468
00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:08,521
He just got
out of prison.
469
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,190
Not violent--
drug related.
470
00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:12,159
Oh... Good.
471
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:13,660
Does he baby-sit?
472
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:14,527
Say hi to Billie, guys.
473
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:16,796
Billie!
Yes, the Niners are up by four!
474
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:18,698
She doesn't
look that old.
475
00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:20,500
Is that not okay
that they're here?
476
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,335
'Cause they were
just helping me...
No, no, it's fine.
477
00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:24,337
I just need to put
these groceries away
478
00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:26,673
and maybe eat an
entire sheet cake.
479
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,775
Don't go in there.
480
00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:33,313
Are you freaking kidding me?!
481
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:35,848
What, do you walk around going,
482
00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:37,484
"Hulk hungry!"
483
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:39,219
It was... it was
an accident.
484
00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:40,887
But no worries, Shane
thinks he can reattach it.
485
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:43,156
He learned lots of handyman
skills in the joint.
486
00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:44,157
Really?
487
00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:45,658
What is your problem?
488
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:47,427
You, you, you!
489
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,929
You pick me up in a bar,
you call me again,
490
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,432
you have some kind
of crazy magic super sperm,
491
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,701
you're like the worst one-night
stand in the history of time.
492
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:56,503
Hey, right back
at you, okay?
493
00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:57,670
I don't know how they
did things in your day,
494
00:18:57,704 --> 00:18:58,905
but nowadays girls
say stuff like,
495
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:00,673
"Hey, dude,
I'm not on the pill."
496
00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:02,742
In my day?
497
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:07,714
This is still my day.
498
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:12,185
It's not even lunch in my day.
499
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:13,786
God, why did I
let you move in?
500
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:14,921
"Let me" move in?
501
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:16,323
I don't need to be here.
502
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:17,424
I was fine on my own!
503
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:18,425
Oh, yeah, you were thriving!
504
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:19,959
Why don't you just move
back to your old place?
505
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,194
It's parked right outside.
506
00:19:21,228 --> 00:19:22,762
Love to!
507
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:26,666
Hey, Shawshank, if you want
to fix that fridge...
508
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:27,734
I'm packing up
your crap.
509
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,836
No, I'm packing up
my own crap.
510
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:38,345
Oh, my God, a nursery.
511
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:40,880
We painted it lavender
'cause we didn't know
512
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:41,981
what sex the baby is
513
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:45,852
and pink plus blue
makes lavender.
514
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:49,789
Shane did the bears.
515
00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:52,959
He's better at skulls
but we went with the bears.
516
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:54,627
I mean, do you like it?
517
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:55,662
We can paint it
any color you want.
518
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:56,763
It's wonderful.
519
00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:58,631
So, I'll just get my stuff.
520
00:19:58,665 --> 00:19:59,699
No, you can't.
521
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:00,933
I mean, please don't.
522
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:05,972
I really like what you bring
to my apartment.
523
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:07,874
You want me to stay?
524
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:10,009
Yeah. I mean, you might want
to keep the truck
525
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:14,681
as a nice, little pied-à-terre,
but sure.
526
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,396
Where are you
guys going?
527
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:30,730
Never mind that blow up.
528
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,532
Just hormones.
529
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:33,866
(quietly):
It's all good.
530
00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:38,905
(game playing on TV)
531
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:41,841
Were you using my grandmother's
urn as a water pipe?
532
00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:03,330
ZACK:
I just want to say...
533
00:21:03,363 --> 00:21:05,465
I know this is weird,
534
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:07,500
but I'm really
glad I met you.
535
00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:11,904
Me, too!
536
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,840
Is the floor too hard?
537
00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:15,842
Nah.
538
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:19,379
This is kind of romantic.
539
00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:22,982
I'm not sleeping with you.
540
00:21:23,015 --> 00:21:25,318
Okay.
541
00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:29,522
Hey, so what do you
want for breakfast?
542
00:21:29,556 --> 00:21:32,024
I can make, uh,
eggs Florentine,
543
00:21:32,058 --> 00:21:34,527
chocolate chip waffles,
fruit smoothies...
544
00:21:34,561 --> 00:21:35,795
I love you.
545
00:21:35,828 --> 00:21:38,398
What?
What?
546
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:44,804
Captioned by
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