All language subtitles for clipped.2024.s01e02.2160p.web.h265-successfulcrab_Subtitles01.ENG

[dance music playing]

[server] I’m sorry, ma’am.
You said green chile shrimp?

[V] Chicken.
A green chile pupusa
with chicken and a black coffee.

If there’s nothing else,
you can move on
to the next window.

- What do you want?
- Nothing.

- This shit make my stomach hurt.
- You never got
anything like that?

Did I ever get sued for two
and a half million dollars?

What do I look like, Microsoft?

You really poked the bear.

I didn’t do anything.

According to her, you did a lot.

"Befriended, enticed, seduced,
cajoled, cheated."

Somebody went buck wild
on Synonyms.com.

- [horn honks]
- [driver] Come on. Move up!

What do you want me
to do? There’s a line!

But I didn’t break the law.
Look, it says right there.

"Everything Mr. Sterling gave me
is a gift."

How can she take back gifts?
How is that even
a legit lawsuit?

Here it goes:

she’s saying he bought
you shit with her money.

"Community property."

But some of this is
income from my work
at the Sterling Foundation.

V, you really think
Rochelle wants to drive
all the way downtown...

[distorted] ...and face you in
front of a judge and everything?

She doesn’t wanna
acknowledge you exist.

You just gotta run up
your little white flag...

[normal] ...and tell
her you’re sorry.

[honks]

[Deja] It’s a red light.

- V, you just ran a red light!
- I know how to drive.

I thought we were going to my
house. Why are you driving west?

Are you insane?

- I just wanna talk to her.
- No, no, no, no, no.

You said you wanted me
to read a legal document,

not jump an elderly white lady.

I’m not doing
this, V. Take me home.

What is she gonna do when she
sees us pull up at midnight,

put out tea and crumpets?

She’s gonna shoot
our Black asses.

I’m not Black.

Be whatever you wanna be
in your mind, you look Black.

And even if they just arrest us,
you’re trying to adopt
those boys, right?

You wanna explain
a fresh arrest in family court?

Hazards. Hazards!

Listen. Unfortunately,
it is a man’s world.

God cursed Eve and all that.

But you can still make him
do what you want.

You need to make him
so afraid of losing you,

he will do anything
to get her off your back.

He used to do that on his own.

You used to make him feel
all Richard Gere.

Now you take
the lifestyle for granted.

Look, you have been blessed
with blue chip pussy. Use it.

Make him feel
like a big man again.

Blow his fucking mind.

[vehicles passing]

[person speaks indistinctly]

[engine rumbles, passes]

[V] How do I look?

We need to get you that HD
makeup that deflects light.

- [V scoffs]
- V, don’t go all
Fast and Furious again.

You’re gonna give him an
aneurysm with that ass.

You’re 31. Cream curdles.

Same as playing ball.

They give you 15 years to earn.

Then you gotta find
your own revenue stream.

Lean In, like that bitch said.

I am.

I’m lining myself up to run
the Clippers organization.

[chuckling] Oh, yeah.

From sidepiece to C-suite,
that classic American tale.

[laughs]

Don’t take it personal.

They pay the
Lakers Girls $85 a game.

It’s just not a sector
where women thrive.

[shop assistant]
How’s everything fitting?

Fabulous. Thank you so much.

[Deja] Look, it
wasn’t easy for me either.

People think you make bank
veejaying MTV Spring break.

Three summers
in South Padre Island, and
I didn’t even keep the bikinis.

All I had was my name
and a phone full of rich dick.

And eventually,
those numbers stopped working.

But your name is
your moneymaker.

People will buy your shit
if you-- What are you doing?

They won’t miss ’em.

They cost a dollar to make,
and they charge 200.

With that kind of margin,
do you think this hurts them?

Do you think $2.5 million
hurts Shelly Sterling?

There’s no such thing
as stealing from a rigged game.

Shelly Sterling is
the one who steals.

She rips off her tenants,
and she barely pays taxes.

Anyway, I’m paying for this.

[buzzer sounds]

Clippers’ curse.

- What’d you say?
- My dad says you’re cursed.

Messed up the chance
to draft Scottie Pippen,

Reggie Miller and Kobe Bryant.

Every time you did get a
good player, they got hurt.

Danny Manning and Ron Harper
blew their ACLs.

Marques Johnson broke his neck
and never played again.

Team ruins every
good player they get.

- Is that right?
- Mm-hmm.

[game beeps]

Your face is cursed.

Come on, DJ.

Don’t worry about
that damn kid, man.

[buzzer sounds]

[Seth] Bleacher Report
wants to profile DeAndre

on how he turned
his free throw game around.

GQ wants
something on JJ’s haircut.

They can do that
without talking to the players.

No press till we
get through playoffs.

[Donald] Maybe he’s fast,
even on his stumps.

Hello, Doc. I’m talking
about Oscar Pistorius.

He shot his girlfriend
through a bathroom door.

[Doc] Listen,
we have to keep it predictable.

These guys are
freaks for routine.

CP has to do everything
in threes or he gets
very fucking nervous.

If JJ doesn’t have a
baked potato at exactly 4:30,

he can’t even
fucking walk straight.

Let’s bring in meditation
trainers like Oprah did
with her company.

Create an impenetrable dome
of mental stability.

[Donald]
The gay kid from MSNBC.

He can deny it all he wants.

- He’s obviously Sinatra’s son.
- [sauna guest sighs]

Google it. Google the eyes.

Did we get disconnected?
Goddamn touch screens.

- Donald, I’m here.
- [Donald scoffs]

You’re a deep well,
in your head a lot.

A lone hand like the Batman.

I’m the opposite, very social.

Love to talk,
to laugh, to touch.

You can think
while this is going on?

Some might think
we wouldn’t get along.

[Seth] You were saying,
Doc, about the, uh...

[clears throat]
..."dome of stability."

[Doc] We’re not cramming
for a math test, man.

It’s the playoffs.

Our guys need
to be human Xanax.

Even with three seconds
on the game clock.

Even with
12 million people watching.

Even with the most prolific
shit-talkers in the world

passionately devoted to making
them trip on their dicks.

[Donald] ♪ America
God shed His grace on thee ♪

- [humming]
- How long does he usually go on?

- Like 20 minutes.
- That’s what this country
is about.

- Sometimes an hour.
- [assistant] Sometimes all day.

I think of you as
a kind of brother.

An Indiana guy with very
long arms, half a freak.

[Doc] I don’t know
who you’re talking about.

He can pick his toes
without bending down.

Come on. You know
who I’m talking about.

Where is
SportsCenter? I just saw him.

[Doc] Call Gary, Donald.

I don’t wanna get into trades
until we’re closer to--

My dermatologist says
everybody’s looking at this guy.

- Everybody.
- [Doc] Can you turn it down?

I’m going deaf on my end.

I got this peckerhead
put new surround sound in.
Now nothing works.

[Doc groans] Donald,
just put your thoughts
in an email. I gotta go.

Oh, Jesus. What
happened to Joe Piscopo?

- [Brian]
Comedian Joe Piscopo swaps...
- He looks embalmed.

...with another
known entertainer.

- Mr. Sterling.
- Jesus Christ.
What’s wrong with you?

Don’t you see
I’m in the middle of something?

Hello? Doc?

Now look. You cut me off.

You’re not gonna understand
because you don’t do
anything with your life,

but certain
business relationships
require a personal touch.

I needed to see you.

I tried ringing the doorbell,
but you didn’t answer.

Did you swallow
your fucking key?

What are you doing?

Get up. You’re
embarrassing yourself.

What is this?

Everything you bought me.

I’m giving it back.

I didn’t know it was
community property.

I don’t know what that means,
"com-- community property."

You’re not being clear.

Remember where we got these?

The Beverly Wilshire,
the Pretty Woman hotel.

Remember at CUT,
I didn’t even know
that when you order a steak,

- it doesn’t come with
a potato or anything?
- V.

I was scared to use
the hotel robe because
I thought they might charge you.

And then you picked out these.

And you said they made
my smile look so white.

The ones I’d had in were yellow
topaz from Claire’s Accessories.

I had nothing when I met you.

You saved my life.

A beautiful girl
shouldn’t worry about
where the money comes from.

It makes me happy
to give it to you.

That’s not what Mrs. Sterling
thinks. She thinks I’m a thief.

Why do you worry
about what Shelly thinks?

- She’s suing me.
- She’s not gonna
go through with it.

Honey, come here. Come here.

Now, what are you scared of?

Hmm? Tell me.

I’m scared she’s going
to take everything away.

How am I going to survive?

How am I going to
live without you?

Shh. Shh, shh.

I’m not going anywhere.

I’ll talk to her.

I’ll make it all go away.

[V] I love you.

[Shelly] What’s she doing here?

[Donald] I love you, beautiful.

Now go wait at the Chevron.

Shelly!

[water splashes]

[grunts]

What is this?

Are you nuts?

Sixty years.

I have worked so hard

to pretend we had a normal life
for 60 years.

Stop and think
what you’re doing.

Why don’t you take a pill?

These are cherished memories!

These are make-believe.

Two people playing house,

and meanwhile
you’re out flaunting
your girls all over town.

So everybody knows
how pathetic I am.

Nobody thinks that.

- Everybody loves you.
- [groans]

- Everybody but you!
- Ow!

I protect you.

I hide your mess.

And what do I get?

You bring it right
back to my front door,

letting her come here
in the middle of the night.

Why did you come here?

I wanted to see you.

- Liar.
- She’s just a kid.

- You’re my girl.
- She’s your girl.

You don’t stroke my hair
or pull me onto your lap.

You don’t sleep in my bed.

Honey, you’re jealous?

Everybody has always wanted
a piece of you.

When I came to Roosevelt,
it was "Donny, Donny, Donny.

Mr. Personality,
captain of the gymnastics team."

And then I saw you
in your white shorts
on the parallel bars.

I was jealous of the idea
of any other girl having you.

Shelly, such passion.

If I was smart,
I’d go out and get my own V.

But you’re still that boy
on the parallel bars to me.

I don’t want anybody else.

I’m your husband.

I’m always going to be.

My little turtle shell.

["Always" playing on harp]

[Donald moans]

Yeah.

[music ends]

[store announcer]
Cashier needed up front.
Cashier needed up front.

[Doc] Elgin.

Hi, Doc.

How are you, sir?

You look...

Let’s not get into saying things
we don’t mean.

No, you do.

I hear you’ve been able to do
great things with the team.

Have you had a
chance to watch us?

Not really.

Twenty-two years
working for Donald ruined

that particular pastime
for me a little bit.

How you doing with him?

You know the mood
swings, boundary issues.

I mean, he’s a piece of work,
but I’m managing.

Some things can’t be managed.

Hey, why don’t you, uh,

let me have you and Elaine down
for one of the playoff games?

It would mean a lot to the guys.

It’s good to see you, Doc.

Oh, hey, man.

- Hey, Doc.
- [grunts]

I was expecting you
to be this other guy.

I changed my whole schedule
to avoid this dude.

He does this
orgasmic breathing thing.

Oh, I know that guy.

- He never wipes down
the elliptical.
- Yeah.

- I miss my home in Boston.
- Mmm.

I gotta have
a ten-minute conversation
just to get my car out of valet.

They won’t let you self-park.

- Everybody wants a piece.
- A big, friendly piece.

[sighs] But listen,
you don’t wanna stick around
in this building.

You wanna get yourself a place
up in the Bird Streets.

Keanu’s up there. DiCaprio.

The bachelors like it
because it’s near the Chateau.

- Oh, well, I’m-- I’m married.
- Right.

Sure.

[whispers] Of course, I brought
in a decorator to redo my condo.

She said she’d never done
such an extensive renovation

without the wife.

Wink, wink.

But you’re together, right?

[normal] Oh, yeah. We together.
We good. We good. We good.

Although I do have a habit
of thinking that
everything is great,

and then somebody taps me on
the shoulder like this and says,

"Look over there.

- You’re totally fucked."
- [chuckles]

It’s a fine line between
optimism and obliviousness.

Oh, yeah.

- I saw a great man today
at the market.
- Mmm.

Elgin Baylor, arguably one
of the top ten players
ever in the NBA,

and he’s the first dude to
ever really play above the rim.

And then he went to
the Clippers’ front office
for a long time.

Today, with a discount
pork cutlet in his basket,

he looked like
he’d had a curse put on him.

Like something had killed
the light in his eyes.

Maybe you heard the
Clippers are cursed.

Now, I don’t believe
that kind of stuff,

but today I felt
like Elgin was warning me
that I had the curse on me too.

I just didn’t know it yet.

When people tell you
that you’re cursed,

they just want you to fail.

Ask me, I think
you’re doing all right.

Thank you.

- Hey. Let me ask you something.
- Hmm?

How you get the line
on your beard so tight?

I microblade.

Oh.

So, "Why did Jess and Leslie
invent Terabithia?"

Think of what was
jacked up in their lives
that made them want to escape

to a magical place.

[phone buzzes]

- [speaks Spanish]
- Mm-mmm.

[line ringing]

Ten more minutes
and then set the table, okay?

Okay.

- [automated voice]
You’ve reached...
- [Donald] Donald Sterling.

[automated voice]
Please record--

[pots clanking]

Nobody ever passed language arts
dicking around on Snapchat.

[fans chanting] Let’s go
Clippers! Let’s go! Come on!

- Let’s go Clippers! Let’s go!
- [clapping]

- Let’s go Clippers! Let’s go!
- Come on!

Let’s go Clippers! Let’s go!

- Let’s go Clippers! Let’s go!
- [clapping]

Let’s go, Clippers! Let’s go!

[chattering]

Hi. There was a
mix-up with my ticket.

I wonder, could you call up
to Mr. Sterling, please?

[guard] Our orders already
came from the Sterlings
to limit VIP access tonight.

It’s getting close
to the playoffs.

You understand.

[fan shouting] Lob city!

[announcer] We wanna
see you on the big screen,

so be up out of your seats,
ready to cheer for your team!

And don’t forget
your bobblehead.

Pick up your bobblehead...

[chattering]

[hip-hop music playing]

- You want me to tell you
your essence?
- [footsteps approaching]

- Andy.
- [Andy] Whoa!

You all right?

Hi.

Uh, yeah. Just, uh--

Just getting my steps in.

- Okay.
- Yeah, okay.

[birds squawking]

[panting, mutters]

- [grunts] Mr. Sterling.
- What are you doing here?

If-- If I don’t answer
your calls, it’s because
I don’t wanna talk to you.

Yeah. I-I know.
That’s why I came.

Yeah. Um--

So V sent a recording
to the front office last night

of a, uh--
a private conversation
between the two of you.

Uh, it was unflattering.

Why? What’s on it?

Uh, maybe I can come up
and play it for you.

Sure, Andy. Pull up a chair.
Let me make you an iced tea.

Just tell me what’s
on the fucking tape.

Um. It’s, uh--

It’s a fight between you
over V’s social media usage,

uh, her propensity for posting
images of herself with,
uh, African Americans.

What does it show, Andy?

What’s on the video?

[smacks lips]
Actually, it’s an audiotape.

Well, then, actually who cares?

Only that, um--

Mr. Sterling, uh, the-- the
picture precipitating the fight

was of Magic Johnson.

So it might be of
public interest,

and, uh,
you make certain statements
about African Americans.

What’s going on? V sent a tape?

[Donald] It’s nothing, honey.

Andy’s giving himself
palpitations over nothing.

- Can I hear it?
- [Andy] Uh...

Jesus, you two schoolgirls
wanna go in a corner
and braid each other’s hair?

It’s gossip. Waste of time.

So, uh, what do you
want me to do with it?

Delete it, you deep thinker.

What about V? She
must’ve meant it as a threat.

Honey, we took her
tickets. She’s sulking.

She’s not going to bite the hand
that feeds her.

Andy, honey, you
look like raw beef.

Come inside. I’ll
give you some sunscreen.

Are there recommended treatments
for people who work on camera,

to perfect the skin’s texture?

[receptionist] A lot of our
patients have seen improvement
with laser therapy,

but there’s no way to make
scarring totally disappear.

I didn’t say
anything about scarring.

[sighs]

[receptionist] I’m so sorry.

Dr. Behzadi is running just
a bit behind schedule.

[sighs]

[Shelly] Sorry.

My lawyer referred me to

a Pierce O’Donnell for counsel.

Is there an office back here?

[housekeeper]
Nay, he lives in the pool house.

[Pierce] Oh. Oh, dear.
Did we have an appointment?

[Shelly] Well,
I’m Shelly Sterling.

Damn it. I’m sorry.
I’ve been missing calls.

[TV plays, indistinct]

Yeah.

Bert told me that
this Stiviano woman
has not responded to your suit.

- Do you know
if she’s retained counsel?
- I don’t know.

I only know she has recordings
of my husband,

and Bert told me you are
the finest legal mind
in America, is what he said.

Mrs. Sterling, a few years ago,

I had a national practice,
an A1 reputation.

Variety called me
"the Billion-Dollar Litigator."

Please, have a seat.

And I even wrote a book.

It became a bestseller.

Here. Take one.

[clears throat] And then
I donated a little more
to a presidential candidate

than is strictly legal,
and everything went to hell.

Multimillion
dollars in legal fees,

a 60-day stay courtesy of
the government at Lompoc.

And only by the grace of God
did I have a friend

who was willing to
let me live here.

And I think that’s why Bert
Fields has sent you to me.

Because you live
in a pool house?

Because I know what it’s like
to be humiliated

and dispossessed.

I won’t let that happen to you.

[breathes deeply]

Dealing with V has
taken over my life.

She is a bad, bad person.

I got ahold of an audio tape.

[stutters] I listened to it.

She made him say all
kind of awful things.

Put the genie
back in the bottle.

That’s what you and your husband
are looking to do.

Yes.

But I don’t want
Donald involved.

[stutters] His judgment...

Murky, when it comes to women.

Murky. Precisely.

Well, it’s just you and me and
the detritus of my former life.

Why don’t we listen to the tape?

He wasn’t himself.

[Donald] Why would you do that?

Are you stupid or something?

You wanna broadcast to the world
that you walk around
with a man like that?

[V] Honey, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry too.

I wish I could change
the color of my skin.

No. That’s not the issue.
The issue is we don’t
have to broadcast everything.

I’m not broadcasting anything!

Then why are you taking pictures
with minorities? Why?

What’s wrong with minorities?
What’s wrong with Black people?

- [chair scrapes]
- [V groans]

[footsteps departing]

You associate with Black people.

I’m not you, and you’re not me.

You’re supposed to be
a delicate white
or delicate Latina girl.

I am a mixed girl,
and you’re in love with me.

I’m Black and Mexican
whether you like it or not.

And you want me to have hate
towards Black people.

I don’t want you to have hate.

That’s what people--
They turn things around.

I want you to
love them privately.

You think I’m a racist.

I don’t think so.

I think you have
an amazing heart, honey.

But the people around you
have a poison mind.

It’s the world.

The Blacks are just
treated like dogs.

And is that right?

We don’t evaluate
what’s right and wrong.

We live in a culture.

We have to live
within that culture.

But shouldn’t we take a stand
for what’s wrong

and be the change
and the difference?

I don’t wanna change.

If my girl can’t do what I want,
I don’t want the girl.

There’s no need to get upset.

Don’t come to my games.

Don’t bring Black
people, and don’t come.

Do you know that you have
a whole team of Black people
that play for you?

Do I know? I support them.

I give them food and clothes
and cars and houses.

Who gives it to them?

Does someone else
give it to them?

Do I know that I have--

Who makes the game?
Do I make the game?
Or do they make the game?

Is there 30 owners
who created the league?

I’m not going to bring
any Black people to the stadium.

Isn’t it easy to say that?

It’s easy for you to say that.

I would never ask anyone not
to bring someone based on race.

It’s like saying,
"Let’s just persecute
and kill all the Jews."

You’re a mental case.

- The Holocaust?
We’re comparing to--
- Racism, discrimination.

There’s no racism here.

If you don’t want to walk

into a basketball game
with a certain person,

is that racism?

[person] And then
what did you do?

I’m sorry.

[V] I said I was sorry.

- I deleted the picture.
- I’m sorry too, okay?

- [V] Then I gave him a kiss.
- We good?

[person] Were you surprised
he reacted this way?

No.

Did you maybe want
him to react this way?

I wanted to make him jealous.

He was taking me for granted.

We were supposed to go look
at this piece of property,

a duplex I wanted to buy

to help get these kids
I’m adopting into
a better situation.

Well, anyway,
that’s not even the worst tape.

I have videos, pictures.

I had to keep an archive because
Donald always goes back
on his promises.

Are you suggesting blackmail?

I don’t want to do
anything illegal.

I just want them
to drop the lawsuit.

That ship has sailed.

Now that you have sent that tape
to Mr. Andy Roeser,

we are undoubtedly in
a hostile situation.

But... [sighs] ...I don’t think
Mrs. Sterling’s lawsuit
has merit.

The cars, the house--
these are gifts.

Mrs. Sterling may not like that
her husband gave you gifts,

but if I were to
give to Meals on Wheels,

and my wife hates
Meals on Wheels and is made
jealous by Meals on Wheels,

what can she do?

She can be angry with me,
but can she sue
Meals on Wheels? No.

Then we need to keep raising
the stakes until they back off.

Look, these kind of people,

they just want to show
in public who has the power.

But what happens behind the
curtain, that is negotiable.

We need to show them
that I have the power.

I don’t think that
is the best approach.

But will you be
my lawyer no matter what?

[sighs]

You are very Hollywood.

Thank you.

["Work it" playing]

[Ralph Lawler] Welcome
to Game One of the 2014...

- Thank you.
- ...NBA Western Conference
playoffs.

Now, the starting lineup
for your Los Angeles Clippers.

[fans cheering]

At 6’4’’ tall,
number four, JJ Redick.

[fans cheering]

At 6’7’’, number 22,
Matt Barnes.

And at 6’11’’, from Texas A&M,
DeAndre Jordan.

- [fan] Let’s go, Jordan!
- Yeah!

[speaks indistinctly]

♪ Your girl acting stank
Then call me over ♪

♪ Not on the bed
Lay me on your sofa ♪

- [buzzer sounds]
- [music ends]

- Yo!
- Watch your man!

- [fan 2] Let’s go, Chris.
- [fan 3] Let’s go!

[fan 4] Go, Chris!

[Doc] Shake and drive!

There we go! Oh!

- [Big Baby] Breathe!
- [Alvin] Get back!
Get back! Get back!

[coach] Yes, sir! [shouts]

I hurt your feelings?

- [stammers]
I hurt your feelings?
- Come on.

You a pussy. That’s what you do.

How the fuck do you see the
basket with those tiny eyes?

Shut the hell up, man.

Come on!

[coach] Make that, son!
Yeah, son. Yeah, son.

[Clipper 1] Breathe!

- Come on!
- [whistle blows]

Time out! Let’s go!

It’s 48 minutes like any
other game, okay? Slow it down.

[buzzer sounds]

- I’m telling you, man.
- Damn, she fine.

Yeah, I see it
right there. Shit!

Phones! Phones!

[chuckles]

What happens when you miss
one minute on the Internet?

Scrimmage. Let’s go, now.
Let’s go! [claps]

- [Ty] Set it up! Set it up!
- [Alvin] Let’s go, boys.

- Right there,
right there, right there!
- Hey!

- Watch the block.
- Let’s go, boy.

Proving Sterling right, DJ.
Should’ve traded your ass
last summer.

- Damn, Doc. Mm-hmm.
- Damn, Coach.

- Check the ball up, yo.
- What?

You need Blake
to teach you how to
inbound the fucking ball?

Let’s go!

[Chris] Come on, DJ. Come on.

[JJ] Come on,
fella. There you go.

- Ball, ball, ball, ball, ball.
- Stay focused.

- Pass that back, Matt.
- Let’s go.

- Damn, you that lazy
in bed, Matt?
- Hop out.

No wonder your
wife is leaving you.

- Doc.
- [player whistles]

[Jamal] Ay, he do
this with the Celtics?

Hell no. You don’t need
a coach to be a sadist
when you got Kevin Garnett.

Oh! You miss KG, Big Baby?

That’s good,

’cause when he found out
you were coming out here,

he asked me when I was
finally gonna send your ass
to Jenny Craig.

- Oh, shit.
He calling you out, man.
- [Doc] What?

You wondering why
you’re not a champion
like your friend LeBron?

[Jamal] Damn.

Maybe it has something to do
with your thin fucking skin.
Let’s go.

- [Chris] Let’s go.
- [Blake] By yourself.
By yourself!

Oh, left. My bad, JJ.

- There you go!
- There you go, man.

At least my wife still loves me.

Oh, shit.

[laughs]

[imitates JJ’s laugh]

You like when
Black guys joke, JJ?

You like our game?

If you gonna get more than
that little forearm tattoo,

you gonna have
to say the N-word.

You from Tennessee, ain’t you?
I know you thought it.

And if you thought it,
then basically you said it.

- Yo, right.
- Yeah!

N-N-N-N-Never.

- [cheering]
- Yes, sir.

- I got it, I got it, I got it.
- You gotta pass now.

[fans cheering]

Go! Let it go! Yeah! Yeah!

[Ralph Lawler
speaks indistinctly]

The Clippers wore out
the Warriors tonight.

The teams are tied up, 1 to 1.

We’ll see each other
in Oakland for game three.

[reporter] Bad boy Kanye West
is back in the hot seat,

arrested for sparring
with a paparazzo outside LAX.

[doorbell rings]

- Snail jizz on your face?
- It’s an illuminating mask.

You don’t call
before you come over?

I’m not calling your stupid ass.

And you shouldn’t call
anybody either.
Your phone may be bugged.

A lawyer came to my house.

Squinty sea captain-looking guy,
Mr. O’Donnell, asking about you.

How did he get your address?

I’m saying! They’re
into your records.

He was asking all kinds of
questions about your past.

- What did you tell him?
- I didn’t say shit.

I am not involved.

But you need to be aware
that Mr. O’Donnell knows
a lot about you.

Does he know
I’m adopting Daniel and David?

I don’t know.

Why wouldn’t he?

I mean, what happened?

You had your outfit.
I gave you my pep talk.

Didn’t you go see Mr. Sterling?

Didn’t you tug his chain till
he rolled over like a good boy?

He doesn’t...

We don’t do that.

Don’t do what?

We don’t have sex.

What the fuck do you do, then?

It’s not-- [stammers]

It’s a friendship.

"A friendship."

[sighs]

Shit.

Then you are truly fucked.

[Doc] You know, we win
when we execute our plan
and

and right now my job as coach
is just to make sure--

[scoffs] Shut up, Doc.

Yeah, I’d like a black
forest ham on ciabatta,

but do you have something
a little bolder than
the Emmental cheese?

- What happened?
- Yeah, no.

Yeah, I’ll call back. Thank you.

- Come in, come in.
- I don’t want to come
into your room.

I want to know what happened.
TMZ has the tape.

- What?
- TMZ.
They called me for comment.

The paparazzi scum, TMZ.

Were you in jail
a thousand years?

- I know who TMZ is, but
I did not give them the tape.
- I know you didn’t.

But why wouldn’t V at least
give us a chance to buy it?

All right. We’re gonna
have to put a PR team together

and develop a media strategy.

I’m not letting this thing
blow up in public.
Are you crazy?

No, no. We need to find out
how much it’s gonna cost
to stop TMZ running the tape.

Shelly, money is not gonna
solve this thing.

V didn’t negotiate with you
because what she wants
is attention.

That is exactly the same thing
that TMZ wants.

Media strategy, huh?
What are you after?

- Your picture in Variety again?
- Oh, come on.

I have never done
an interview in my life,
and I’m not about to start now.

And take your bestseller back.

- 600 pages?
- Shelly.

How much is there to say
about Art Buchwald?

Hey, Doc. Doc, one second.

Um... [clears throat]

...I got a call from TMZ.

They are about to publish
a private tape of Donald.

- They wanna give us
a chance to comment.
- What kind of private tape?

I don’t know, a
tape of him and V.

They’re gonna put
that on the Internet?

Wide world of kink online.
You know, th-th-there’s
a market for everything.

Celebrity porn is huge,

even if the celebrity
is not aesthetically--

Look, there’s always gonna be
a tabloid story.

- I don’t have time.
- You literally don’t have time.

Right. This is an Andy thing.

Okay, I will make
sure that Andy is on it.

It’s just-- We’re getting a copy
if you wanna see it.

- No. Right.
- I have to
to prepare for PR purposes.

Just get that image
out of my head, okay?

[smacks lips, vocalizing]

♪ Yo, yo, yo, yo baby pop
Yeah you, come here
Give me a kiss ♪

♪ Better make it fast
Or else I’m gonna get pissed ♪

[reporter] The
whitest here. All the way.

That should get that image
right out of your head.

[Seth] ♪ Push it real good ♪

- So you know...
- [Seth] Have a good trip.

...TMZ is about to
put out a tape

of our idiot owner
and his girlfriend.

[all groaning, chattering]

- Not gonna be a big deal.
- Like a mixtape?

- We’ll never speak of it again.
- [player] Girl from Oklahoma?

- [Doc] How’s your shoulder?
- It works.

They numbed me up.

Might try some new shit
for the inflammation.

They do these therapies now
with frog poison.

No frogs until we win
a championship, okay?

No, you just keep it
conventional.

If it hurts tonight,
I wanna know about it.

Man, Doc, it’s the playoffs.
Nothing hurts.

- Bet that.
- God!

- I’m just kidding.
It’s the other shoulder.
- [chuckles]

Okay, slick.

[fans cheering]

Play your game! Play your game!

Work! Work! Work!

- Watch out.
- [JJ] I got him.

- [buzzer sounds]
- [whistle blows]

Not today!

The refs ain’t gonna
save your ass today.

[Ralph Lawler] Bingo!
Your LA Clippers snatch

a 2 to 1 lead
over the Warriors.

Winning ugly is beautiful.

[Donald] Doc!

How about that?

Tell your coach, next time,
don’t make it so close.

After I give him a
big kiss, I will.

Where’s the valet ticket?

- You took it from the guy.
- I took it and gave it to you.

Well, I don’t have
it. Why would I have--

What is your hurry? Don’t you
wanna go to the locker room?

Donald, we have to talk about
what’s happening.

Why can’t you be happy?

Look where we are.

You’re worried
about a big nothing.

[assistant 2]
Mr. Sterling, you need your car?

Yes.

♪ Shabooya
Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪

- ♪ My name is CP ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ I’m going vegan ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ But first I’m eating... ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ ...the Warriors’ season
Roll call ♪
- ♪ Roll call ♪

♪ Shabooya
Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪

- ♪ My name DeAndre ♪
- ♪ Okay ♪

- ♪ Oakland’s in trouble ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ ’Cause I just scored... ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ ...a double double
Roll call ♪
- ♪ Roll call ♪

♪ Shabooya
Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪

- ♪ My name is JJ ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ I pulled the trigger ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ But what I won’t do... ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ ...is say my... ♪

[all screaming, laughing]

♪ Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪

♪ My name is Doc ♪

- Hey!
- [all laughing]

All right, guys. Listen.

I love the intensity
you showed tonight.

Everybody’s always saying that
Oakland’s the grittier team.

We’re all Hollywood and flash.

You showed this town tonight.

You have the grit.

This is the stuff
that championships are built on.

Aw, thanks, Dad.

♪ My name is Doc ♪

[all] Oh!

♪ My game is pure ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ You got the curse? ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I got the cure ♪

[all exclaiming]

♪ Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪

[grunts] I’m sorry, Shelly.

[exhales sharply]

Chris, are you gonna put
a ring on this finger?

- You know it.
- Well, why don’t
you guys go out?

Enjoy the city.

He needs his beauty sleep.

You want an Ambien, honey?

Oh, no. No. That’s where I
end up with that eternal sleep.

Ambien’s not bad
for you. I take it.

And look at me. A
spry 70-something.

You’re milking it.
He turns 80 tomorrow.

- Happy birthday, Mr. Sterling.
- Oh, tight. Happy birthday.

You wanna sing for me?

Nah, I’m good.

♪ Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me ♪

♪ Happy birthday
Dear Donald ♪

You’ve had "tee"
many "martoonies."

Good night,
Mr. and Mrs. Sterling.

- Go easy on the sleep aids.
- [Donald] Good night.

[Doc] Yawning’s contagious.
You wanna yawn,
do it on the inside.

[clears throat]

[Seth] I have to interrupt, Doc.

It’s the tape.

It’s out.

The sex tape?

It’s not a sex tape.

I don't know if you saw

about the tape.

Things are teetering on

the verge of catastrophe.

They tricked me

in saying terrible things.

It's my world!

You really need

to put out a statement.

I have a media strategy.

You leave a mess everywhere.

People act like it's

wrong to want fame.

I want the heat off the place.

You can't be out here

making this man money.

What's your relationship

with Donald?

I'm his silly rabbit.

He's what?

What the hell?

Sports, racism, money.

There's something

in it for everyone.

I have hundreds of tapes.

I am banning

Mr. Sterling for life.

If you come here, I

will physically fight you.

Well, that's a little extreme.

You have to bargain with the

devil if you want to get ahead.

Mr. Sterling!

I'm the Lord Almighty as

far as you're concerned.

♪