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1
00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:20,395
[sniffs]
2
00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:27,903
[inhales deeply] Hmm.
3
00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:35,619
[breathing heavily]
4
00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,545
[smacks lips] That's the one.
5
00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:51,510
I have just found the perfect place
to be murdered.
6
00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:54,429
Oh, are you still planning
on playing that stupid game?
7
00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:55,389
Absolutely.
8
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:58,892
I see my birthday as the perfect chance
for everyone to just come together
9
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:02,396
and have lots of fun
within the terms of the rental agreement.
10
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:05,858
So you're feeling better about turning 50?
11
00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:08,277
Yeah. Yeah, I'm feeling very positive.
12
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,071
Very positive indeed, actually.
13
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,698
- Aw, well, good.
- Hmm.
14
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:49,860
Goodness me. Look at this.
15
00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:54,990
Oh, wow!
16
00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,159
Why do you always drive?
17
00:01:57,159 --> 00:02:00,662
Well, your dad's developed terrible
road rage since becoming a taxi driver.
18
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:03,999
It's embarrassing, Jase,
just gesticulating to everyone.
19
00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:07,085
Well, you know what? Maybe
if you gesticulated at a few more people,
20
00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:09,463
I wouldn't have to. How about that, hey?
21
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,673
Oh, my Go...
Honestly, that gets me every time.
22
00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:12,841
[car horn honks]
23
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,718
- Oy, oy. Here they are.
- Yay! [chuckles]
24
00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:16,345
You made it then? You all right?
25
00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:18,388
Sorry we're late by my standards.
26
00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,474
[Princess]
Still getting used to my new car.
27
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,226
[Jason] How was she to drive?
28
00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:24,186
Yeah. She's a good little runner.
29
00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:26,980
I'm gonna take the engine apart
when we get home.
30
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,732
- Why? What's wrong with it?
- Nothing.
31
00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:31,902
Please tell me you strip your engine down
for monthly checks.
32
00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:33,362
Oh, yeah. Definitely.
33
00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:36,073
I mean, it's slipped a bit recently
possibly, but...
34
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:37,199
Here.
35
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:40,744
- Princess was taking notes.
- Oh, yeah? [laughs]
36
00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:43,622
- Head notes.
- [Jason] Head notes.
37
00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:45,666
- Hello!
- This is nice.
38
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,125
- You all right? Yeah?
- Yeah.
39
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:48,418
[Jason] Oh, yeah. There they are.
40
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:50,003
I'll tell you what,
the drive's long enough.
41
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,380
- [Nikki chuckles]
- How rich are you?
42
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:54,758
Oh, no. No. No, listen... [stammers]
...it's just ours for the weekend.
43
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:58,387
Billiard room's actually quite cramped.
And the peacock pictured online,
44
00:02:58,387 --> 00:03:00,389
- he's rather conspicuous by his absence.
- Okay.
45
00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:02,558
- Happy birthday! [chuckles]
- Oh... [chuckles]
46
00:03:02,558 --> 00:03:04,434
- [Jason] Happy birthday to you.
- [car horn honks]
47
00:03:04,977 --> 00:03:09,106
Oh, my.
Why the hell have they brought that thing?
48
00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:12,609
- Are there not enough rooms for everyone?
- No, there's plenty of rooms.
49
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:14,444
They just prefer the caravan.
50
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:15,445
Hello!
51
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,489
Do you know they've got everything
in that thing?
52
00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:18,574
- Right.
- No, no, I m...
53
00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,951
Oh, no, I mean literally everything.
54
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,245
You can test it.
55
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:29,376
- Aw. Here she is. Hello.
- Hello. [chuckles]
56
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,460
Wow.
57
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:36,258
Yeah, so just wondering how the speech
is coming along. For after dinner?
58
00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:39,094
Yes. Yeah. Yeah, it's all good.
All good. [stammers] That's all...
59
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:41,471
- That's all in hand.
- Wonderful. And I... [stammers]
60
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:42,931
- If it doesn't hem you in...
- Hmm.
61
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:45,142
...I do wonder if you might cap it
at half an hour.
62
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,728
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, definitely.
I mean... [stammers]
63
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,479
- Currently a squeak under that, but...
- Right.
64
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,106
- So that's...
- Yep, great. It's just...
65
00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:52,816
I only have three hours
for the parlor games.
66
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:53,901
- Ah.
- I mean,
67
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:56,111
there's barely enough time for one round
of The Minister's Cat.
68
00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:58,280
- Sure.
- Let alone, uh, Are you there, Moriarty?,
69
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,616
Parson's Biscuits,
or indeed, Call me Seamus.
70
00:04:00,616 --> 00:04:04,745
And don't worry. Yes, we will be ending
on a round of Pass the Slipper.
71
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,580
- Don't want a riot on our hands.
- [both chuckle]
72
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,582
- I know a good game.
- Oh?
73
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:11,168
- It's called Does It Float?
- Yeah?
74
00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:13,962
You get a bowl of water
and see what things float.
75
00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:16,339
- Right.
- Hmm.
76
00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:18,716
Shall I repeat the rules again?
77
00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:23,472
No. No, but let's do keep
the dialogue open on that.
78
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:25,557
- Okay. Will do.
- Here, mate. Here you go.
79
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,019
Dad, watch this.
80
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:17,401
Uh, hi. Uh, sorry, I just wonder,
do you have a hole punch in your caravan?
81
00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:18,652
A3 or A4?
82
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:20,904
[stammers] A4.
83
00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,289
- [knocking]
- Unpacking then?
84
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:32,791
You missing your granny?
85
00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:35,294
It's hard, innit?
86
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:40,716
When people were around
and then they're not. [sighs]
87
00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:46,013
Some people you carry with ya.
88
00:05:46,597 --> 00:05:49,016
I know, but they're heavy.
89
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:51,643
Yeah, they are.
90
00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:54,062
'Cause the card is quality.
91
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,109
Then one day, they seem lighter,
92
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:04,198
and you realize
you're not carrying them anymore.
93
00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:06,950
How do you know
when it's time to stop carrying them?
94
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,286
I honestly don't know.
95
00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:12,664
[Scott] It's time!
96
00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:15,667
[crashing]
97
00:06:16,335 --> 00:06:17,377
It's time!
98
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:21,298
It's time! [chuckles]
99
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,052
God, Scott.
100
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:28,138
Oh, no, no, no. [stammers]
It's the Lord of Slaughterbridge Manor.
101
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:33,018
Welcome! Welcome, everyone. Do come in,
come in, come in. Come in guys.
102
00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:34,937
- [stammers, chuckles]
- [chuckles]
103
00:06:34,937 --> 00:06:36,980
- The gong woke me up. [chuckles]
- Well, yes.
104
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,316
I had a tiny driving sherry
on the trip down.
105
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:42,361
Right. When this is all over, I think...
I think we should have a little chat.
106
00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:44,404
Oh, yeah, okay. That'd be nice.
107
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:48,450
- [Karen] Scott.
- Uh, who's Scott?
108
00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:50,202
Well, I will tell you who Scott is.
109
00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:52,412
He's a man who won't listen to my advice
when I tell him
110
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,748
- that nobody wants to play...
- Hello!
111
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,543
And welcome to Slaughterbridge Manor.
112
00:06:59,545 --> 00:07:03,632
Shortly, your host, Lord Slaughterbr...
That's me. I'm Lord Slaughterbridge.
113
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:05,759
Sorry, I have to... [stammers, smacks lips]
114
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:11,098
Did ask Karen to, uh, read this bit,
but she was... [stammers] ...not keen.
115
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,558
- [chuckles]
- [Scott] Um, okay.
116
00:07:12,558 --> 00:07:17,980
So I am Lord Slaughterbridge, and I am
inviting you all here to solve a murder.
117
00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:18,939
- [gasps]
- Ooh.
118
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:24,069
Yes, that's right. I am soon
to be murdered by someone in this room.
119
00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:26,154
- Yeah. I can see that for you.
- [exhales sharply]
120
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,990
- [Jilly chuckles]
- [Nikki] Princess.
121
00:07:27,990 --> 00:07:31,994
But who are the suspects? Hmm.
122
00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:35,581
- Take a prop.
- Oh.
123
00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:42,087
Ah, Slenderwell, the venerable vicar.
124
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:43,255
- [Nikki] Ooh.
- [Scott] Hmm.
125
00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:46,717
Madame Rashevsky,
126
00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:48,677
- the eccentric spiritualist...
- Hmm.
127
00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,053
...who can commune with the dead.
128
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:53,473
[gasps] I've always felt a connection
with the other side.
129
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,392
- [chuckles]
- Jason is...
130
00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:58,562
- [groans] Come on.
- ...Dick Malone, the hard-boiled PI.
131
00:07:58,562 --> 00:08:01,440
He can distill a man to his soul
with a look.
132
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,524
[Princess] Mmm.
133
00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:04,693
Adept to using liquor to loosen tongues.
134
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:07,196
- M-Maybe we could pair up.
- All right, Jill, love, yeah.
135
00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:09,323
- [Nikki] Bloody hell.
- [Scott] Ah, the doctor.
136
00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:11,867
Always trustworthy.
Apart from the ones on the news.
137
00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:14,328
Oh, okay. So the men are the detectives
and the doctors.
138
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:17,247
Oh, my God.
Can't we have an afternoon off?
139
00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:18,332
Well...
140
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:21,877
[Scott] Oh, Delilah Deville.
141
00:08:21,877 --> 00:08:26,048
Hot lips! The young, cunning femme fatale,
corrupting any man she...
142
00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:27,716
Right. Okay, all right. I think we got it.
143
00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:33,138
Um... [smacks lips] ...works with, uh,
respectfully, whilst earning equal pay.
144
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,097
Better.
145
00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:36,390
Langley Truman, ace newshound.
146
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:37,851
[Nikki, Karen chuckle]
147
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,645
- Isabella and Isadora Slaughterbridge...
- [Nikki] Mmm.
148
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:43,982
...granddaughters and heirs
to the Slaughterbridge fortune.
149
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,651
- [Nikki] Ooh. [chuckles]
- Interesting.
150
00:08:45,651 --> 00:08:46,568
Karen.
151
00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:50,614
- And last but not least, Carla Santiago...
- [Nikki] Aw. [chuckles]
152
00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:53,367
- ...assistant to the Spanish ambassador.
- [Nikki, Princess chuckle]
153
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:56,286
[Scott] How about that?
They didn't have, uh, children's options.
154
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,914
But, um, don't worry,
it's a largely ceremonial role.
155
00:08:58,914 --> 00:09:04,545
Now, once you have discovered my body
somewhere in the house,
156
00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:09,383
you will follow the clues that will lead
you to the murderer among us.
157
00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:12,678
And you may start your search
in one minute.
158
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:15,472
Actually, make it two,
'cause it's all the way down the corridor...
159
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:18,392
[smacks lips] ...or is it?
160
00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:21,103
Look, we don't have to play this
if you don't want to.
161
00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:23,355
I mean, we can just go
and have a drink on the...
162
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,816
All right. Well, he's gone already,
so... [stammers]
163
00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,568
- [Jason] Nik, Nik, Nik.
- [Nikki] Yes?
164
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,653
Listen, we need to talk about Scott.
165
00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:31,321
- What, like an intervention? [chuckles]
- No,
166
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,782
I mean this speech
that he wants me to give after dinner.
167
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:35,701
- I haven't written it. What do I say?
- I don't know.
168
00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:38,370
- Just stuff you know about him.
- I don't know anything about him.
169
00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:41,290
Jase, you've known him for years.
You were best man at his wedding.
170
00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:44,251
Just... I don't know,
just draw on your shared memories.
171
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:47,754
- Dad.
- Nikki.
172
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:48,881
Oh, yes?
173
00:09:48,881 --> 00:09:51,341
Do you just wanna sack this off
and go and eat all the canapés?
174
00:09:52,134 --> 00:09:53,051
Yeah.
175
00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:57,389
Dad. Have you got any, um,
observations about Scott,
176
00:09:57,389 --> 00:10:00,809
like memories, funny stories,
anything for this bloody speech?
177
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,728
I try to block him out for the most part.
178
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,191
He's tall. I've noticed that.
179
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:11,862
Thanks very much.
Yeah, that's... that's very helpful.
180
00:10:13,906 --> 00:10:14,907
[sighs]
181
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:25,584
Okay. Well, he's not in there,
so I'm sort of done, really.
182
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,171
I think I need to move on.
183
00:10:29,922 --> 00:10:33,175
Well, we can try the drawing room,
but I really CBA, TBH.
184
00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:35,010
No, not like that.
185
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:41,266
I, um... [sighs]
I downloaded this dating app.
186
00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:42,768
Oh.
187
00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:46,772
But I don't know what to do.
I mean, it's a different world now.
188
00:10:46,772 --> 00:10:50,150
Well, it's not changed that much. I mean,
how did you get together with grandma?
189
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,862
We went for gimlets on Friday,
and I wrote to her father on the Monday.
190
00:10:54,530 --> 00:10:58,283
Okay. [stammers]
Well, yeah, it's changed a bit.
191
00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:02,663
Right. We need a description of yourself
for your bio.
192
00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:04,790
- Here. What about this?
- [sighs]
193
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:12,047
This is an alphabetized list
of your medical issues.
194
00:11:12,047 --> 00:11:14,383
You think it should go serious to mild?
195
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:17,469
I'll put "health-conscious."
196
00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:20,556
Okay. What about a profile photo?
197
00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:23,267
Hmm. Oh, here.
198
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:26,353
- Yeah.
- [Princess sighs]
199
00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:28,605
[groans, chuckles]
200
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,776
Aw, Granddad. [chuckles]
201
00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:35,904
I think we may need some new ones.
202
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:43,495
- Shouldn't we be looking for Uncle Scott?
- Well, we are, mate, in a way.
203
00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:46,331
Look, if I don't find something
to put in this speech,
204
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,584
then he's not going to be
the only one dying. Trust me.
205
00:11:48,584 --> 00:11:51,211
And anyway,
there's loads of people looking.
206
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,754
Someone else will find him.
207
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,315
I mean, the man's invisible.
208
00:12:11,315 --> 00:12:14,902
I put in "Scott Filbert" and it said,
"Did you mean 'soft filters?'"
209
00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:17,571
Then it takes me through
to this cameras accessory website.
210
00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:21,533
How're you getting on? You found anything?
Let's have a look he...
211
00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:25,454
Yeah, I don't know if I can weave
30 minutes of material
212
00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:29,333
out of an air fryer review and
an out-of-date listing on Companies House.
213
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:34,421
It may be time for some old-fashioned
detective work, my friend.
214
00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:36,590
Follow me.
215
00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:38,467
Shouldn't we be looking for Scott?
216
00:12:38,467 --> 00:12:40,886
It's fine. There's loads of them.
Someone else will find him.
217
00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:43,847
Okay. Push your lips forward
like you're gonna give someone a kiss.
218
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:46,934
Slims the face.
Now stand at a slight angle.
219
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:51,146
Okay, and lift your arms away
from your body to create a gap.
220
00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:52,439
It makes you look thinner.
221
00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:58,111
Okay, forget that one. Just smile.
222
00:12:59,655 --> 00:13:01,532
Think of something that makes you happy?
223
00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:05,452
Right. Remember before we left,
224
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:08,539
when we proved that mechanic wrong
by replacing the distributor cap ourselves
225
00:13:08,539 --> 00:13:11,500
by first locating the cap,
removing it from its housing,
226
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:13,669
being mindful of the spark plug wires
227
00:13:13,669 --> 00:13:16,588
and then carefully attaching
the spark plug itself to the new cap?
228
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:17,714
Head notes.
229
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,049
There he is.
230
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:23,804
Okay. Good,
but we're gonna need some more.
231
00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:30,269
All right, Princess?
232
00:13:30,269 --> 00:13:33,939
Hello. I just wondered,
have you got champagne flutes,
233
00:13:33,939 --> 00:13:37,067
a straw hat and some reading glasses?
234
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:39,695
Ooh, and some golf clubs.
235
00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:40,946
Righto.
236
00:13:41,864 --> 00:13:43,448
Should we be going through his stuff?
237
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:46,743
Look, if you wanna know a man,
then check his pockets.
238
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:49,788
- Come on, Scott. Give me something.
- Library card.
239
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:53,125
Uh, when does it expire? [sighs]
240
00:13:53,709 --> 00:13:54,877
[sighs] Quite soon.
241
00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:57,462
Is that good speech material?
Lost my bearings.
242
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,800
Yeah. I'll get a couple of minutes
out of that.
243
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,886
All right. Good. Good. Keep looking.
244
00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:32,247
Sip from the glass.
245
00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:34,708
Uh, maybe I'm too past it for this.
246
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:38,504
You look great, but there are things
we can do to make you look younger.
247
00:14:38,504 --> 00:14:40,047
[groans, sighs]
248
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:43,008
We're down to mid-sixties already.
Do up the top button of your shirt.
249
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:47,054
Hey, don't make me look too young.
I don't want to attract younger women.
250
00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:49,348
I can't deal with that in-your-face,
251
00:14:49,348 --> 00:14:51,808
quick-talking sass
of woman in their early sixties.
252
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:52,893
Got it.
253
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,194
I found someone, and I swiped right.
254
00:15:02,194 --> 00:15:04,279
You're supposed to swipe
on lots of people.
255
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:06,657
That's disgusting.
256
00:15:06,657 --> 00:15:07,741
- [Jilly] Nikki.
- Yeah?
257
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:09,117
- I'm worried.
- Oh?
258
00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:13,121
Ever since I put this hat on, I feel
that I've awakened something within me.
259
00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:17,292
I-I think I saw a figure
in the window upstairs.
260
00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:19,753
Something not of this world.
261
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:22,673
Right.
We're definitely gonna have that chat.
262
00:15:24,508 --> 00:15:25,509
- Here you go.
- Uh...
263
00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:28,095
- Spirit level?
- Yes.
264
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:30,138
- Glue stick?
- [chuckles] Yes.
265
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:31,390
Some chalk for a pool cue?
266
00:15:31,390 --> 00:15:33,809
Be no point in bringing the pool cues
without it.
267
00:15:33,809 --> 00:15:34,893
[sighs]
268
00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:37,312
Junior badminton set?
269
00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:41,441
Y... Um, no. I don't think we do.
270
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,735
- Get in! [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
271
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,781
Hang on. Ho... Hold on. Where's Scott?
272
00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:10,512
Have you been...
273
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,807
there the whole day?
274
00:16:16,351 --> 00:16:19,062
Well, we couldn't find you anywhere,
could we?
275
00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:20,606
- [guests clamoring]
- I mean, we've been...
276
00:16:20,606 --> 00:16:22,357
- we've been worried sick.
- [Jason] We were.
277
00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:24,109
- [groans]
- [Jason] Yeah.
278
00:16:26,403 --> 00:16:27,654
- Jason.
- Hmm?
279
00:16:28,322 --> 00:16:29,781
Will you do your speech now?
280
00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:31,200
'Cause he said after pudding.
281
00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:35,787
[clinking]
282
00:16:37,456 --> 00:16:38,707
- [guests murmuring]
- Hello, everyone.
283
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:42,002
Yeah. Thank you. Speech time...
284
00:16:43,879 --> 00:16:49,551
Right. So, we are gathered here today
285
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:55,057
to celebrate 50 great years
of Scott Filbert.
286
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:58,977
[guests cheering, chuckling]
287
00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:02,648
I mean,
what can you say about Scott Filbert?
288
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:06,568
He's a man.
289
00:17:07,361 --> 00:17:09,029
A tall man.
290
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,198
A married man.
291
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:15,618
A tall, employed, married man
292
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:19,289
with a house and a wife and a daughter.
293
00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:36,306
Jase?
294
00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:47,192
He's a library member.
295
00:17:47,860 --> 00:17:51,071
But not for long. [laughs]
296
00:17:52,656 --> 00:17:55,284
- [Jason sighs]
- I'm really sorry.
297
00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:59,204
He is a man with very high standards.
298
00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:00,664
Not for him,
299
00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:03,083
an air fryer with long frying times
300
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:08,088
as opposed to the more conventional,
uh, deep fat... deep fat ones.
301
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,592
Oh, Stevie's here, ladies and gentlemen.
302
00:18:11,592 --> 00:18:14,845
- [guests applauding, chuckling]
- [Jason] Give it up for Stevie. Yep.
303
00:18:14,845 --> 00:18:16,138
Hello.
304
00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:19,933
- [Jason] Um, big wallet fan.
- [mouthing] You okay?
305
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:21,018
[Jason] Loves his wallets.
306
00:18:21,018 --> 00:18:23,562
Other famous Scotts include...
307
00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:31,028
Uh, yeah. [stammers]
I think the reason he's, uh, struggling
308
00:18:31,028 --> 00:18:33,906
to say anything meaningful is, um...
309
00:18:33,906 --> 00:18:37,492
[inhales deeply, stammers]
...there's really nothing meaningful to say.
310
00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:39,703
- No.
- [Scott] No, no, no... Well, I mean,
311
00:18:39,703 --> 00:18:42,789
I was... I was, uh, dead for three hours.
Nobody noticed.
312
00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:46,210
Well, I think I died as I lived:
Unnoticed.
313
00:18:47,628 --> 00:18:51,381
A man of no consequence,
admired only for his looks.
314
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,927
But I've been given a second chance
at life today,
315
00:18:54,927 --> 00:19:00,432
a second chance
to lead a life worthy of being missed.
316
00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:04,978
And the man I am today need not be
the man I am tomorrow, after all.
317
00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:07,022
So I've made a decision.
318
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:13,362
And to raise awareness
of rising sea levels...
319
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:16,532
something that's been on Stevie's mind...
320
00:19:17,032 --> 00:19:21,787
I have decided to single-handedly row
the Atlantic Ocean.
321
00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,380
[smacks lips] Okay.
322
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:36,385
Yeah, I'm just gonna...
323
00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:42,724
[chuckles]
324
00:19:53,402 --> 00:19:56,196
Um, is everything okay?
325
00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:59,241
- Very much so, yes.
- Well, I only ask
326
00:19:59,241 --> 00:20:02,202
'cause you've just announced
you're gonna row across an ocean.
327
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:05,497
That's right. I am.
328
00:20:05,497 --> 00:20:09,084
[laughs] Okay, okay.
Well, what's brought this on?
329
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,382
I've done very little
with the time I've been given, Karen.
330
00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:20,637
And it turns out, the little I have done
has been, um... [smacks lips] ...evil.
331
00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:22,014
[chuckles] What?
332
00:20:22,014 --> 00:20:23,515
Two years ago, I wrote a report
333
00:20:23,515 --> 00:20:26,476
advocating the expansion
of drilling rights in the Arctic.
334
00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:30,772
And now they drill for shale gas
in East Greenland,
335
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:34,943
which just happens to be
the main breeding ground
336
00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:37,196
of the Weddell seal.
337
00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:38,989
There he is.
338
00:20:38,989 --> 00:20:42,659
Yeah. Yeah, it's a seal
with an annoying face. So what?
339
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:47,539
Well, since drilling began,
the population has decreased by 40%.
340
00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:50,876
I have all but killed off
the Weddell seal,
341
00:20:50,876 --> 00:20:52,711
- one of the main sorts of seal.
- Oh.
342
00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:55,380
I didn't even know
there were different sorts of seals.
343
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:57,591
I just thought there was one. Seal.
344
00:20:57,591 --> 00:20:59,301
Well, there probably is now, thanks to me.
345
00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:00,385
Do you know what, Scott?
346
00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:02,971
Maybe they need to be less fussy
about where they have sex.
347
00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:05,933
I mean, I've seen seals.
They're lucky they're getting laid at all.
348
00:21:07,184 --> 00:21:11,688
You know I've pretty much failed
at everything I've done in life.
349
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:14,441
Except Stevie.
350
00:21:16,235 --> 00:21:17,694
I am not gonna fail her.
351
00:21:18,946 --> 00:21:21,698
I am not gonna actively destroy
her future.
352
00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:24,701
Oh, come on, Scott, you're 50 years old.
353
00:21:25,619 --> 00:21:27,538
I mean, you don't even go to the gym.
354
00:21:27,538 --> 00:21:30,165
Stevie loves you the way you are.
355
00:21:30,165 --> 00:21:32,626
Listen, my dad died
when he was 51 years old.
356
00:21:32,626 --> 00:21:34,419
That makes you think, doesn't it?
357
00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:37,047
I mean, how much more time do I have?
358
00:21:37,047 --> 00:21:39,258
Well, he fell off the roof
trying to fix a TV aerial.
359
00:21:39,258 --> 00:21:42,177
- I mean, that's hardly hereditary, Scott.
- It makes you think.
360
00:21:45,389 --> 00:21:46,849
It's time for me to make my mark.
361
00:21:49,685 --> 00:21:50,686
Come on.
362
00:21:57,818 --> 00:22:01,071
That's why I was asking you
about stories for it. [shushes]
363
00:22:01,071 --> 00:22:03,156
- Oh, shall I ca... No?
- No, not now.
364
00:22:04,950 --> 00:22:08,036
Okay. Well,
if we're gonna play Parson's Biscuits,
365
00:22:08,036 --> 00:22:10,205
we best get started
or we'll be here till midnight.
366
00:22:10,205 --> 00:22:12,624
So, everyone take off their left shoe,
367
00:22:12,624 --> 00:22:15,836
think of their favorite foreign secretary
and don't tell anyone.
368
00:22:15,836 --> 00:22:18,088
- No, we don't wanna do that, Scott.
- All righty then.
369
00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:28,432
- I know a game.
- Oh, no. Not now, love.
370
00:22:28,432 --> 00:22:29,641
It is fun.
371
00:22:33,187 --> 00:22:34,605
Oh, okay. What's it called?
372
00:22:35,189 --> 00:22:36,064
It's called...
373
00:22:36,064 --> 00:22:39,526
[all chanting] Does it float?
Does it float?
374
00:22:39,526 --> 00:22:45,657
Does it float? Does it float?
375
00:22:45,657 --> 00:22:47,951
[guests clamoring]
376
00:22:47,951 --> 00:22:50,495
- Sink. Sink. Sink.
- Float. Float, Float.
377
00:22:50,495 --> 00:22:52,581
[Jason] Sink. Sink, sink, sink.
378
00:22:52,581 --> 00:22:55,292
- [all cheering]
- He said float, yeah.
379
00:22:55,292 --> 00:22:58,504
[all chanting] Does it float?
Does it float?
380
00:22:58,504 --> 00:23:01,924
Does it float? Does it float? Whoo!
381
00:23:01,924 --> 00:23:04,593
[all] Sink, sink, sink, sink!
382
00:23:04,593 --> 00:23:06,386
Sink, sink, sink, sink, sink!
383
00:23:06,386 --> 00:23:09,890
- Oh, you're all wrong. You're all wrong.
- [all chuckling, clamoring]
384
00:23:09,890 --> 00:23:12,643
[all chanting] Does it float? Whoo!
Does it float?
385
00:23:12,643 --> 00:23:16,104
Does it float? Does it float?
386
00:23:18,148 --> 00:23:19,858
[all cheering]
387
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:26,657
Okay.
388
00:23:26,657 --> 00:23:29,785
Um, listen, sorry again about the speech.
389
00:23:30,619 --> 00:23:34,623
When a man wants a window,
a friend offers him a mirror.
390
00:23:34,623 --> 00:23:37,543
Well, yeah. I mean, that's...
that's what... that's what I thought.
391
00:23:37,543 --> 00:23:38,961
- [stammers] Yeah.
- Come here.
392
00:23:39,628 --> 00:23:41,046
Hey. Okay.
393
00:23:42,714 --> 00:23:44,258
[straining] Here we go.
394
00:23:45,092 --> 00:23:47,386
- Okay. In you get.
- [Jilly] Oh!
395
00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:55,561
All right, Mum?
Seen a ghost in the window?
396
00:23:55,561 --> 00:23:57,229
I'm so embarrassed.
397
00:23:57,229 --> 00:23:59,189
It's been a real wake-up call for me.
398
00:23:59,690 --> 00:24:02,985
I won't be drinking again
until we get home. [sighs]
399
00:24:03,986 --> 00:24:05,863
- [Nikki] Love you.
- You too. Bye.
400
00:24:05,863 --> 00:24:07,948
- See ya, Jill, love. Hang on. One more.
- [Jilly] Bye-bye.
401
00:24:08,866 --> 00:24:10,242
- There you go.
- Okay. Okey dokey.
402
00:24:10,909 --> 00:24:12,411
Please can I drive? Please.
403
00:24:13,495 --> 00:24:14,496
Please?
404
00:24:15,122 --> 00:24:16,290
Fine.
405
00:24:16,290 --> 00:24:18,375
All right, but Jase,
one hint of road rage,
406
00:24:18,375 --> 00:24:20,919
- and we swap back. Really? Yeah?
- Not gonna be. Yeah.
407
00:24:23,005 --> 00:24:25,174
- All right. You got everything?
- Yeah.
408
00:24:25,174 --> 00:24:27,342
I've got everything I need. [chuckles]
409
00:24:27,342 --> 00:24:28,427
[Nikki] Come on.
410
00:24:29,219 --> 00:24:30,721
- Bye!
- Bye!
411
00:25:05,255 --> 00:25:08,258
[car horn honking]
412
00:25:11,595 --> 00:25:12,763
[smacks lips]
413
00:25:13,972 --> 00:25:15,265
Okay.
414
00:25:45,879 --> 00:25:47,256
[Vic] All right.
415
00:25:48,715 --> 00:25:49,716
Let's get out of here.
31069
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