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1
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:07,507
Come on, slowpokes!
We got a honeymoon to start!
2
00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:10,341
Uh, wasn't me.
Not like I was packing lingerie.
3
00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:11,348
He knows what he bought.
4
00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:16,350
And I lost the receipt,
so I guess I'm stuck with it.
5
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:18,224
I can't believe you guys
are going together.
6
00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:20,752
Well, Ben found
a great deal,
7
00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:23,558
and better a double honeymoon
than no honeymoon.
8
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:24,491
Hm.
9
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:25,825
Maybe.
10
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,159
No. No. You know what?
It's gonna be great.
11
00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:29,926
I-I did a lot of work
on myself this year,
12
00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:31,333
and I'm gonna be positive.
13
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,765
Feels wrong,
makes me kinda sweaty,
14
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,170
but I'm gonna do it.
15
00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:37,542
Anyway,
here's where we're going.
16
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:41,541
It's a lovely two-bedroom cabin
on the lake near the dunes.
17
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:42,705
There's no reception.
18
00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,213
Oh.
Fine by me.
19
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:46,175
The only signal I need
is right here,
20
00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:48,584
and it is flashing green.
21
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,923
This is so weird.
22
00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:55,692
I never thought I'd be going on
a honeymoon with my Aunt Jackie.
23
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:56,963
Aww!
That's sweet.
24
00:00:56,990 --> 00:00:58,630
No, no.
25
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:01,229
I mean I never thought
you'd be going on a honeymoon.
26
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:03,432
What's that
supposed to mean?
27
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:05,204
No, no. I-It's great.
It's great.
28
00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:07,203
Just -- Just kind of
a shocker, right?
29
00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:08,695
I mean,
even you've got to admit
30
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,436
your romantic life's
been kind of a dumpster fire.
31
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:14,041
Ben: [ Chuckles ] Right?
I mean, holy cow.
32
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,784
You couldn't make
a relationship work
33
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,609
if you gave it a salary
and a company car.
34
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:19,275
[ Laughs ]
35
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:23,083
You know,
you're barely family.
36
00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:24,587
And yet here we are,
right?
37
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:28,088
You've got Neville and whatever
brain-eating cow virus
38
00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:30,422
he picked up at work
that's making him love you!
39
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:31,788
[ Laughter ]
40
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,585
Fingers crossed
for no cure!
41
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:36,297
[ Laughing ]
That's funny! Yeah!
42
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,300
Aunt Jackie finally
trapped herself a man,
43
00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:40,002
but he's only got part
of his brain.
44
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,573
So if he tries to run away,
he'll just go in circles.
45
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,413
[ Laughter ]
46
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,409
Hey.
47
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,411
It doesn't take a whole brain
to love you. Mwah.
48
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:57,454
**
49
00:01:58,051 --> 00:02:05,061
**
50
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:12,826
**
51
00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:18,514
Boots and saddles, Harris.
Boots and saddles.
52
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,969
Oh, we're all gonna be out
of town at the same time,
53
00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:23,508
so somebody be sure to arm
the security system.
54
00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:26,312
It's on.
55
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,818
Harris, do you realize
this is one of the last times
56
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:31,390
we'll ever share a room?
57
00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:32,789
'Cause at Mom's new place,
we each have our own.
58
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,960
Harris:
Yeah. About that.
59
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,988
Mom, I know we planned
on me moving in,
60
00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:39,534
but I decided it's better
if I don't live with you.
61
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:42,000
Hey, you know what? It's okay.
You don't owe me.
62
00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:43,459
But when you were little,
63
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,527
you wandered off into the park
a couple times.
64
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:47,866
I set my coffee down
and went looking for you.
65
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:49,301
Didn't have to.
66
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,537
Becky:
Wait, Harris.
67
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,712
I know we talked about getting
a place together.
68
00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:55,211
And I love you.
69
00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:57,383
You're like a daughter
to me.
70
00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:59,381
But I just can't afford it
right now.
71
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:01,383
No, no. It's not that.
72
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:03,645
I don't want to live with you
either.
73
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:06,194
Well, you lose
because I said it first.
74
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:08,688
So, where you
gonna live?
75
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:10,392
With Grandpa and Louise.
76
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:11,734
I'm sorry.
77
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:14,529
Is there another Grandpa
and Louise who invited you?
78
00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:17,232
I promised my Louise
privacy.
79
00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:18,865
You said
I was always welcome here.
80
00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,969
That's when you said
you were leaving.
81
00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:23,739
I'll talk to her
when she comes off the road.
82
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:25,411
Okay! Load up!
83
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:27,709
Hey, how'd you guys decide
on a water park?
84
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:30,541
Beverly Rose won a half-price
coupon from her preschool
85
00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:33,548
because her knowledge of colors
is exemplary.
86
00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:37,121
Banana, yellow. Beet, red.
Beer, brown.
87
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:39,150
The last one's me.
88
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:43,361
Thanks for avoiding
living with me again.
89
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:45,231
It'd be nice
to have an older sister
90
00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:47,029
who could give me advice
once in a while
91
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,760
or be there for me
during hard times.
92
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:49,926
But it's fine.
93
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:52,133
I've gotten used to being
an only child.
94
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,525
[ Sighs ]
95
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,937
**
96
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:57,369
Oh!
You know what?
97
00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:59,205
You're lighter
without all the negativity.
98
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,579
Oh! Well, that answers
the question
99
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:04,079
"How much does
a personality weigh?"
100
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:06,051
Oh, wow!
Jackie: Oh!
101
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,479
Oh, Neville!
102
00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:10,415
Oh, my God!
Neville!
103
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:11,891
Our room is huge!
104
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,619
It -- It really is.
105
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:16,194
Let's go see what our room
is like.
Yeah.
106
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,631
You guys,
there's no other bedroom.
107
00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:24,063
That's the bathroom.
108
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,397
But the pictures online showed
two separate bedrooms.
109
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,304
Ah.
Oh, God.
They are separate.
110
00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:30,266
They're just on top
of each other.
111
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:31,844
Well, we need to get
another cabin.
112
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:33,772
There were
no other cabins.
113
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,007
Oh.
114
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:36,442
And the deposit
is nonrefundable
115
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:37,947
because it was
a last-minute deal.
116
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,308
[ Sighs ]
117
00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:41,007
God. You know,
you'd think you could trust
118
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:43,118
a website called
"You Get What You Pay For."
119
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:45,520
All right. Look.
It was a really long drive.
120
00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:47,253
Let's just figure it out
in the morning.
121
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,317
We have two beds.
That's the main thing.
122
00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:51,927
Yeah. Let's just unpack all of
our stuff later and just relax.
123
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,529
Darlene: Right.
124
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:57,261
We get to chill in a super-cute
room with people we love.
125
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,597
You guys,
let's just watch a movie.
126
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,432
Oh, no. No.
127
00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,468
I'm on
the miracle honeymoon
128
00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:04,103
that no one thought
that I'd ever have.
129
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,507
So I think I'd rather watch
the movie playing
130
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,540
in my man's eyes.
131
00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:10,206
Don't know how the three of us
are gonna get close enough
132
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:12,653
to see that.
133
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,520
But if you guys need
the distraction of the TV, sure.
134
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:19,219
We just want to be together,
and that's enough.
135
00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:22,492
Yeah. Us too.
We don't need distractions.
136
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:24,833
We spend a lot of our time
just talking to each other.
137
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:25,958
Oh, you need to talk?
138
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,303
I think that sometimes
people need to do that
139
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,528
when they have problems
in their relationship.
140
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,129
I talk when it's quiet.
141
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,366
Just -- Just...
142
00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:38,836
No.
We don't have to either.
143
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,412
I once spent a whole weekend
with my head on Ben's chest
144
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:43,212
just, like, listening
to his heart beat.
145
00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:46,553
Mm-hmm. I thought I was having
arrhythmia from my sinus pills.
146
00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:50,075
But everything we do
is super romantic.
147
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:51,547
Mm-hmm.
[ Smooches ]
148
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:53,085
I got to pee.
149
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:55,722
Even that.
[ Smooches ]
150
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:58,026
Aww!
That's great.
151
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,188
But have you ever
fed Ben cake
152
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:02,557
in a bathtub
filled with champagne?
153
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:05,496
No, because I don't want to get
an infection.
154
00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:08,703
Uh, I don't want to interrupt
the love talk,
155
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:11,236
but all they have
is this bar soap.
156
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:13,411
Well, that's okay.
I love bar soap.
157
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:14,841
Do you love it used?
158
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,435
'Cause this one has
a hair
159
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:19,607
that goes all the way around it
like a ribbon.
160
00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:22,017
All right. Maybe we should
just get settled in.
161
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,419
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
162
00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:27,421
Well, why don't you and Ben take
the nice cozy loft,
163
00:06:27,455 --> 00:06:29,715
and Neville and I will
snuggle up together down here.
164
00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:30,957
Don't worry.
165
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,591
I can control myself
for one night.
166
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:34,186
Although,
I don't think anybody
167
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,797
should blame Neville
if he can't.
168
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:37,129
[ Laughs ]
169
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:38,404
Well, if he can't,
170
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:40,302
just mention
that I found the hairy soap
171
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:41,703
sitting on an old,
used Band-Aid.
172
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,565
That pretty much shut me down
for the night.
173
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:49,042
**
174
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:53,046
[ Sighs ] Come on.
You've been pouting all day.
175
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,950
Is this still about me living
with Grandpa?
176
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:56,752
Don't be a little bitch
and ruin our vacation.
177
00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:58,724
I'm gonna run a bath.
178
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:01,822
There was a diaper floating
alongside me in the lazy river.
179
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,285
It's not always
about you.
180
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:05,764
[ Water running ]
181
00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:08,833
I saw this on Instagram
while we were driving up.
182
00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:13,328
Okay,
so that little jerk Logan
183
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:15,396
didn't tell you he had
a new boyfriend.
184
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,495
What's the big deal?
185
00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:18,107
I thought you guys split up
months ago.
186
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:20,738
I didn't tell Mom,
but we never stopped talking.
187
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,144
We were planning
on me going
188
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:23,735
to live with him in Oklahoma
someday.
189
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,507
I didn't know that.
190
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,246
But you dodged
two bullets.
191
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:31,180
He was a bummer
and...Oklahoma.
192
00:07:31,218 --> 00:07:33,918
Oklahoma looks nice in
this photo of Logan making out
193
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,124
with someone
who's not me.
194
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,626
Well, hey.
We g-- We got a mini fridge.
195
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,629
Maybe there's something in there
that'll cheer you up.
196
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,461
You ever had
a $12 Twix bar?
197
00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:44,666
Candy isn't gonna help.
198
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,844
What are you doing?
That's a beer! Put that back!
199
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,113
No.
200
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,281
Don't kid around.
It's on a sensor.
201
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,649
You have 30 seconds
to put it back
202
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:58,778
or they'll know
you took it.
203
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,112
I'm not kidding around.
204
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:02,177
This is gonna make me
feel better.
205
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:09,319
Okay. I know where you're at,
but you're too young to drink.
206
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:11,286
And I'm gonna catch hell
if you do.
207
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,464
Then leave the room,
and you're not part of it.
208
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,533
[ Scoffs ] God. You're really
gonna do this, huh?
209
00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:17,733
Yeah, I am.
210
00:08:17,765 --> 00:08:20,665
All right.
Well, here's the deal.
211
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:23,571
You wanted a big sister who
helps get you through things,
212
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:26,214
so that's what
we're gonna do.
Oh, gee, thanks.
213
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,179
Now you're gonna lecture me
about how it's gonna get better
214
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:29,578
and I'm gonna find
somebody else.
215
00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:31,750
No.
We're gonna drink.
216
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:34,749
You're gonna do this anyway, so
it's better you do it with me.
217
00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:37,992
But we're not drinking
that low-carb backwash.
218
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,848
Here.
219
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:42,017
Swap this remote
for the tequila.
220
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:44,856
I brought
margarita mix.
221
00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:46,332
Tastes better.
More healing power.
222
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:49,159
You packed
margarita mix?
223
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,056
I'm at an indoor water park
with my family.
224
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:52,128
This is what I packed
first.
225
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:57,667
What I said about you not
being there for me --
226
00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:59,035
I take it all back.
I love you.
227
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,842
Oh, God.
228
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,444
You're not gonna be
that kind of drunk, are you?
229
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:07,006
**
230
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:09,517
I can't fall asleep
at 8:00 p.m.
231
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,379
[ Sighs ]
232
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:13,118
Maybe we could see
if there's a really boring movie
233
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:15,393
playing
on Neville's eyes.
234
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,631
Hey, do you think
that Jackie and Neville
235
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:23,061
are more in love
than we are?
236
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:25,796
No.
Why would you say that?
237
00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:27,133
I don't know.
238
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:28,697
They're just so giddy
around each other.
239
00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:30,966
Well, look.
240
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:35,243
We're not giddy people.
241
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:36,935
You know,
I'm from a Nordic background,
242
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:38,877
and you're shut down
emotionally,
243
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:43,082
so we express our love
by not showing it.
244
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,986
Yeah. Right.
We're not demonstrative.
245
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,118
Yeah.
246
00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:47,763
We don't need to prove
to everybody
247
00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:48,958
how much in love we are.
248
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,259
We just know it.
Yeah.
249
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,490
Ah.
250
00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:53,764
Remember that time we held hands
at the county fair?
251
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:56,004
Yeah. That was weird.
I felt like an idiot.
252
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,669
Me too.
253
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:00,967
[ Exhales deeply ]
254
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,741
Well, but why is it
bothering me so much
255
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,240
that Jackie's
trying to prove
256
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:05,811
that their love
is better than ours?
257
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,609
She's being
so competitive.
258
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:10,941
Hey, it's apples
and oranges.
259
00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:14,448
They're all touchy-feely,
and we're all
260
00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:16,181
"Don't be rubbing on me
when I wake up."
261
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:22,418
Mm! [ Laughs ]
Night.
262
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:23,655
Night?
263
00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:24,861
It's our honeymoon.
264
00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:26,692
Well, yeah, but...
265
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,457
Well, but if you
don't do something
266
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:30,495
on the first night of
your honeymoon, it's bad luck.
267
00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:32,130
Where'd you read that?
268
00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:33,865
The bathroom wall
at The Lunch Box.
269
00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:36,001
Just do it. Come on.
We'll be really quiet.
270
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,306
Well, are you sure
we can be quiet?
271
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:41,168
I mean...
I'm kind of a screamer.
272
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,308
Can't make any noise
if your mouth is busy.
273
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:46,013
Ooh!
[ Laughs ]
274
00:10:47,915 --> 00:10:49,875
Neville:
[ Laughs ] Jackie!
275
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:52,147
[ Jackie laughing ]
Come on.
276
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,215
[ Both laughing ]
Stop! Stop!
277
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:55,664
[ Laughs ]
278
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:57,319
What's that?
279
00:10:57,357 --> 00:11:00,227
[ Metal creaking ]
280
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,703
Oh, my God. Am I hearing
what I think I'm hearing?
281
00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:07,743
Yes, you are.
282
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,568
[ Exhales sharply ]
283
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:11,642
You know what?
I know what this is.
284
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:12,841
They're trying to prove
285
00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:14,643
that they're more passionate
than we are.
286
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,714
Let's just be
really quiet,
287
00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:18,214
and once they see we're not
taking the bait, they will stop.
288
00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:19,205
Fine.
289
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:22,546
[ Creaking continues ]
290
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:24,682
If you love me, you will
hit me with that canoe lamp
291
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:26,418
and knock me out.
292
00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:29,423
Well, sure, but then who's gonna
hit me with the canoe lamp?
293
00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:31,086
**
294
00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:35,997
You should have seen, Dad.
295
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,669
When that chunky kid and his dad
crashed into Beverly Rose
296
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:41,838
at the end of the slide,
she rode the wave like a pro!
297
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:44,269
I heard the kid
Augustus Glooped himself
298
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:45,744
on the next
tube ride down.
299
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,741
Oh! Did you get through
to Harris and Mark?
300
00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:52,678
Uh, kind of.
301
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,782
I called,
and Harris answered,
302
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:59,015
"Conner's Insane Asylum.
Best place to drop your nuts."
303
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,592
And then Mark laughed
hysterically
304
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:03,190
and started singing "Oklahoma!"
and they hung up.
305
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,363
Well, I'm glad
they're having fun,
306
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,362
but they better get over here
for dinner.
307
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:09,534
"Drop your nuts."
That was your mom's joke.
308
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:12,232
You think the young ones
aren't listening, but they are.
309
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:17,235
**
310
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:22,035
I think that album
changed my life.
311
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:25,445
Morrissey got me through
a lot of breakups.
312
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,048
He's not just sad.
313
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,450
He's also bitter
314
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,181
and occasionally petty
and vengeful.
315
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:32,648
That's what spoke to me.
316
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,985
Me too.
317
00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:37,592
I-I feel like you and I are --
are so close now.
318
00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:39,764
We're sharing something
so profound together,
319
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,333
on the same level.
320
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:43,231
I know.
321
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,603
You know, I've always wanted
to get you drunk
322
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,572
and make you listen
to Morrissey,
323
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,000
but you just wouldn't
have got it until now.
324
00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:51,337
Yeah.
325
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:55,341
Man, when I was 10,
I was so shallow.
326
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:02,947
I was gonna run away
when I was 16.
327
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:04,783
And I heard that album,
and...
328
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:08,588
it made me realize
how scary the world was.
329
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,161
Plus, I knew you'd need someone
to help get you through it.
330
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,261
You didn't go
because of me?
331
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,663
Yeah.
332
00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:18,534
And now I can't leave
because you're finally fun.
333
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,165
You think I'm fun?
334
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:23,540
That means we're friends!
[ Sobs ]
335
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:26,540
Yeah. Yeah.
There's tissues in the bathroom.
336
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:29,611
Oh.
[ Water squishing ]
337
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,352
Oh, God.
I cried so much the rug's wet.
338
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:36,280
Crap. How long ago
did I turn on the bathtub?
339
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,516
[ Water running, knock on door ]
340
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:41,722
Everything is overflowing.
Where do I throw up?
341
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:43,664
The sink.
Newbie.
342
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:45,390
Dan:
Open the door!
343
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:51,126
Oh, hey, man.
What's up?
344
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,634
What the hell's going on
in there?
345
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,366
The front desk called and said
the room below you is flooding.
346
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,343
Yeah. Even the --
the rooms are water rides.
347
00:13:58,371 --> 00:13:59,741
It's a really
great hotel.
348
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,542
Okay.
Be right over in a minute.
349
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,084
[ Knock on door ]
350
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:04,740
Take the chain
off the door
351
00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:06,977
or stand back
and I'll do it myself!
352
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:09,184
Uh, a-all right.
It'll just take a-a second.
353
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:12,686
The chain is stuck.
It's super weird.
354
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:14,849
[ Bottle thuds ]
355
00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:16,288
Hey.
356
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,930
Oh.
I'm gonna need yours, too.
357
00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:23,828
That's weird.
[ Water squishing ]
358
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,773
Our fridge
only had alcohol.
359
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:30,438
Yours is filled with shoes...
and a clock.
360
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:32,370
You guys were drinking
straight tequila?
361
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:35,605
Who do you think I am?
Of course not!
362
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:37,012
I brought a mix.
363
00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:39,214
Mark doesn't drink.
364
00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:41,706
And trust me,
you don't start with tequila.
365
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:45,048
Ah. From what I saw in there,
he knows that now.
366
00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:48,423
Okay.
Everybody pack up.
367
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,615
I don't want to get hit
for the damages.
368
00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:52,857
I'll grab Mark.
Oh!
369
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,062
And grab
those puffy hangers.
370
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:55,264
I told Louise
I'd bring her a gift.
371
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:59,430
[ Metal creaking ]
372
00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:03,873
[ Whispering ]
We've got to do something!
373
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:07,443
I don't know what you just said,
but we have got to do something.
374
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:09,644
I really don't want to
get involved
375
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:12,376
in a conversation with them
about this.
376
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:15,422
Oh, I know, right?
It's so awkward.
377
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:17,918
I guess she's just trying to
make the best of her honeymoon.
378
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:21,551
Heard her make the best of it
three times already.
379
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:22,958
[ Sighs ]
380
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:26,060
Maybe we should cough,
and then they'll realize
381
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:28,133
we're actually awake
and get the hint.
382
00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:29,601
[ Creaking continues ]
383
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:31,969
[ Clears throat ]
[ Coughs ]
384
00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:33,399
[ Creaking continues ]
385
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,243
[ Coughs loudly ]
[ Coughs loudly ]
386
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,738
[ Creaking continues ]
387
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,540
All right.
They're not going for subtle.
388
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,953
[ Bag thuds ]
389
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:48,849
Jackie: What's your problem?
Go back to sleep!
390
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:51,651
Uh, we haven't been to sleep.
We can hear everything.
391
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:54,094
Well, I'm sorry,
but it's our honeymoon.
392
00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:57,591
Our love is so strong, we just
got caught up in the moment.
393
00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:00,694
The moment? It's been an hour
of giggling and squeaking.
394
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:02,797
I think I heard crying
at one point.
395
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:06,269
Oh, that was me.
I got a foot cramp.
396
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,369
[ Whispering ] Not really.
I was just so happy.
397
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,471
You're just jealous
because clearly
398
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,773
there's more excitement
in our relationship.
399
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:16,335
Then be excited in the bathroom
with a towel under the door
400
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:18,106
or outside in the woods.
401
00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:20,645
I mean,
what kind of freaks are you?
402
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,320
And who said, "Poke me
with your pitchfork, devil"?
403
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,220
That's none
of your business.
404
00:16:25,252 --> 00:16:27,792
And what kind of freaks are you,
listening for an hour?
405
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:28,990
Okay. You know what?
Look.
406
00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:31,992
This conversation
is going nowhere good,
407
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:33,685
and neither
is this honeymoon.
All right. You know what?
408
00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:34,786
Let's just leave.
I'm gonna call an Uber.
409
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,357
Yeah. Good.
410
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:38,566
Because you obviously can't
handle a real loving couple.
411
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:39,798
I'm glad you're going.
412
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,632
Yeah, because now
you can leave the door open
413
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,038
and give the raccoons
a show.
414
00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:45,740
Raccoons have seen it all.
They're not gonna --
415
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:47,742
And never mind.
You're being sarcastic.
416
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,714
**
417
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:55,145
Becky: It takes a lot longer to
drive back when you have to stop
418
00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:57,152
every 10 minutes
so Mark can lean out the window
419
00:16:57,184 --> 00:17:00,724
and spread sunshine
all over the place.
420
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:03,363
I'm sorry.
I've never been this sick.
421
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:04,860
I'll get to you
in a minute.
422
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:07,531
I didn't want to yell
in front of the kid,
423
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,860
but what the hell were you
thinking, letting Mark drink?
424
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:11,326
He's got a bright future
425
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,734
and a liver
we're all gonna need a piece of.
426
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,196
[ Door opens ]
427
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,095
What happened
to the side of the car?
428
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:18,707
You guys sideswipe
a deer?
429
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:22,277
And what's wrong
with Mark?
430
00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:25,509
Your kids went all
Hunter S. Thompson
in their hotel room.
431
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,105
Huge drinking binge.
432
00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:28,877
And they flooded
the place.
433
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:30,545
Why are you guys back?
434
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,423
Oh, a couple wild animals
got into the room,
435
00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:34,152
and apparently
it was mating season.
436
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:37,158
Could you guys give us
a second?
437
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,900
What the hell
were you guys thinking?
438
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:45,369
And why are you drinking
all of a sudden?
439
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,898
I still care about Logan,
440
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:49,904
and I saw that he has
a new boyfriend
441
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:51,796
and that he's forgotten
about me.
442
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,068
So Harris and I
got drunk.
443
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,137
Okay. Look.
I-I'm sorry about that.
444
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,276
But having your heart broken
doesn't mean
445
00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:00,581
you get to be self-destructive
and irresponsible.
446
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:02,423
Look, I know we've modeled
nothing else,
447
00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:05,149
but still, you have seen
good families on TV.
448
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:06,815
Go easy on him.
449
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:08,823
He could have done
a lot worse things
450
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,655
than drinking
and flooding a bathroom.
451
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:14,430
Listen. This is totally
unacceptable, okay?
452
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,661
You are grounded for two weeks,
and you have no phone.
453
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,766
Please don't take my phone.
No.
454
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:20,728
We need it to stage photos
of him on Instagram
455
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,937
looking like he's doing great
after Logan dumped him.
456
00:18:22,969 --> 00:18:24,299
All right.
Then we'll take your phone.
457
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:25,837
I'm taking
somebody's phone.
458
00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:28,312
It's not her fault.
I was gonna do it anyway.
459
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,441
She was just trying to be
a friend.
460
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:33,147
Wow. Sticking up for each other.
That's new.
461
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:38,147
Okay.
This one time, all right?
462
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:39,515
You're still grounded
for two weeks,
463
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:40,692
but you can have
the phone.
464
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,320
But this better never happen
again, okay?
465
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:45,355
Thank you.
Can we go listen to music?
466
00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:47,792
There's an album
I want to throw up to.
467
00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:54,168
That's it?
That's all you're gonna do?
468
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:56,271
Are you sure you don't want to
buy him a bottle of wine
469
00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:58,343
to celebrate
their new friendship?
470
00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:00,341
There's a bigger picture here,
Becky.
471
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:02,343
They finally have
a relationship.
472
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,505
If that took a couple of drinks
one time
473
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:06,384
to get that to happen,
then so be it.
474
00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:09,153
**
475
00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:11,322
Hey.
476
00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:13,521
What are you doing back
so soon?
477
00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:16,523
Um, after you left, they
found out the loft was empty,
478
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:18,356
and they booked somebody else
into it.
479
00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:22,662
But I brought some stuff
you guys left.
480
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:23,995
Sweater.
Toothbrush.
481
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:26,030
Oh, and your
prudish attitude
482
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:29,465
about making love
in the same room as a relative.
483
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,302
Why were you trying
so hard
484
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:33,668
to prove that you're
a better couple than us?
485
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:36,336
How can you even ask me that
after all the hurtful things
486
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:38,346
you said about me going
on a honeymoon
487
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:40,208
and how nobody would ever
want to be with me?
488
00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:42,217
That's how the Conners
show love.
489
00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:45,049
We find each other's emotional
wounds and we pour salt in.
490
00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:47,154
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
No. I know all that.
491
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:49,586
Aunt Jackie's a lunatic.
Aunt Jackie's a screw-up.
492
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:53,032
How could Aunt Jackie ever find
somebody to love her?
493
00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:55,699
I've dealt with those issues
my whole life.
494
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:58,028
I don't need to hear it from you
and the rest of the family.
495
00:19:58,064 --> 00:19:59,474
I deserve better.
496
00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:03,569
You do.
497
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:08,444
Maybe I just saw how happy
you and Neville were
498
00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:10,375
from the moment
you got together.
499
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:12,780
You know, Ben and I had
so many ups and downs
500
00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:14,912
before we got married,
and I guess I just...
501
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:17,047
felt a little insecure.
502
00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:19,423
Well, maybe I did try
a little too hard
503
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:23,462
to -- to show that Neville and I
are crazy in love.
504
00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:24,690
Yep.
505
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,364
[ Chuckles ]
506
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:30,763
Well, it was a long road
to healthy relationships
507
00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:32,767
for both of us,
but hey, we made it!
508
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:34,529
Yeah, we did.
509
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,967
[ Laughs ]
510
00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:40,573
All right.
So be real with me.
511
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:44,577
Were you guys really going at it
for an hour,
512
00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:46,711
or were you just making noises
to impress us?
513
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,876
Actually, it was longer.
514
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,415
I put a pillow over his face
for the first part,
515
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:54,021
but that was just partially
for your benefit.
516
00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:57,492
Uh, j--
My fault for asking.
517
00:20:57,524 --> 00:20:58,464
Okay.
We can...
518
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:04,231
Why do I have to wash
the car now?
519
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:07,203
My head is killing me.
That's exactly why.
520
00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:14,311
How you feeling,
buddy?!
521
00:21:14,341 --> 00:21:16,311
Don't do that.
[ Laughs ]
522
00:21:16,343 --> 00:21:17,913
Ben, cut him a break.
523
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:20,114
Mark, this might
make you feel better.
524
00:21:20,146 --> 00:21:22,916
It's one of those funny videos
of the goats that you like.
525
00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:25,179
[ Goat screaming ]
526
00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:27,747
[ Laughs ]
527
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:30,517
-- Captions by VITA --
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