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? ?
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[GRUNTS] Come on, come on, stupid neck.
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[GRUNTS] After all the food
I put down you.
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[INHALES DEEPLY]
5
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[CHOKING]
6
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Mmm. Button.
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[GAGS]
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Homie! What's going on?
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[CHOKING]
10
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Knee?
11
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HAIM?
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Lick?
13
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[GASPS] "Need Heimlich!"
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Well played, Marge.
15
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For God's sakes,
16
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why don't you just buy
a shirt with a bigger neck?
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Neck shaming, Marge. Neck shaming.
18
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That's not a thing.
19
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Who made you president of things?
20
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Quit your bickering. We'll be late.
21
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Dad, we were saving that
suit for you to be buried in.
22
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This isn't my funeral?
23
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Oh.
24
00:01:09,628 --> 00:01:11,528
? ?
25
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:16,992
Mm...
26
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Hey, hey!
27
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It's the 35th Annual Springie Awards,
28
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honoring our town's finest.
29
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And here's Ms. Hoover.
Who are you wearing?
30
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Same thing I always wear.
I can only afford one dress.
31
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Ah, teachers.
We can never repay you for all you do.
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So, we won't. [CHUCKLES]
33
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Rainier Wolfcastle. What are you up for?
34
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I am a presenter.
35
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I'll be back...
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stage in the green room,
37
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gobbling up the caprese panini.
38
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? ?
39
00:01:54,806 --> 00:01:56,915
[ANNOUNCER] And now please welcome
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00:01:57,142 --> 00:01:58,583
your host for this evening.
41
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He's charming, he's svelte,
42
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he's got beer on his belt,
43
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Duffman!
44
00:02:03,573 --> 00:02:07,408
Oh, yeah! This shamelessly
self-indulgent awards show
45
00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:10,503
is brought to you by Duff Lite.
46
00:02:10,504 --> 00:02:12,506
Some right-wing groups
have accused our beer
47
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of being "too woke."
48
00:02:14,493 --> 00:02:17,343
Let me say the only thing
our beer stands for
49
00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:19,696
is getting drunk, getting fat,
50
00:02:19,698 --> 00:02:22,774
and buying more till you pass out.
51
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God bless America!
52
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Can I still say that?
53
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- Oh, yeah!
- [AUDIENCE CHEERING]
54
00:02:27,597 --> 00:02:29,856
So, if you have a chance,
take your family
55
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:33,026
to the fabulous new
Springfield Academy Museum.
56
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,770
Closed Mondays, Tuesdays,
Wednesdays and Fridays.
57
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Admission is free,
but parking is extremely expensive.
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[AUDIENCE BOOING]
59
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And now I'm afraid we must apologize
60
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:46,206
for an earlier "In Memoriam" tribute
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to the person we said was dead
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but was actually alive...
63
00:02:50,529 --> 00:02:52,954
who now is actually dead.
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It is... our bad!
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[MOLEMAN] But I'm alive.
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00:02:57,961 --> 00:02:59,460
Oh...
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00:02:59,629 --> 00:03:02,222
And now, Springfield's Nicest Person.
68
00:03:02,298 --> 00:03:04,224
Here's a surprise. Not!
69
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,726
The winner is Ned Flanders!
70
00:03:06,727 --> 00:03:09,730
- [AUDIENCE GRUMBLES]
- [BAND PLAYS "EVERYONE LOVES NED FLANDERS"]
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00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:11,823
I really don't deserve this. I don't.
72
00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:14,235
I mean, what do I do
that any good man wouldn't?
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- I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy.
- [ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS]
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Thank you for playing me off.
Just what I deserve.
75
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[DUFFMAN] Oh, yeah!
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00:03:20,984 --> 00:03:22,392
Oh, skunked again.
77
00:03:22,394 --> 00:03:25,921
I can't believe Maggie lost
for "Best Silent Baby."
78
00:03:28,825 --> 00:03:32,177
And now the award for Best
Sailboat Painting goes to...
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00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,087
Sideshow Mel!
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[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
81
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They have the same painting as us.
82
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But yours is askew.
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Askew, I say.
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00:03:43,415 --> 00:03:45,582
Will this show never end?
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Enough!
86
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,419
And finally, the award
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00:03:49,512 --> 00:03:53,031
for our town's Most
Underappreciated Person...
88
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[EXCLAIMS QUIETLY]
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00:03:55,018 --> 00:03:56,259
...who is so modest
90
00:03:56,428 --> 00:03:57,761
they have no idea
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00:03:57,763 --> 00:04:00,872
their name is about to be called.
92
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,282
The winner is...
93
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:04,358
Marge Simpson!
94
00:04:04,359 --> 00:04:06,212
- Wha?!
- Way to go, Mom. - [CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
95
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Yay, Mom!
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00:04:08,364 --> 00:04:10,882
[AUDIENCE CHANTING] Marge! Marge! Marge!
97
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[CHEERING, WHOOPING]
98
00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:17,556
Oh, just a dream.
99
00:04:17,783 --> 00:04:20,300
But I can still enjoy
it one minute more.
100
00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:22,118
Bart's kicking my ribs!
101
00:04:22,119 --> 00:04:23,611
Lisa's ribs are poking my foot.
102
00:04:23,612 --> 00:04:24,622
- [KIDS CLAMORING]
- Marge, I'm gonna sing
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00:04:24,623 --> 00:04:26,065
in the shower and I need backup.
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00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,896
- [ALL CLAMORING]
- All right, all right, I'm getting up.
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00:04:29,795 --> 00:04:30,960
[SIGHS]
106
00:04:30,962 --> 00:04:33,479
I'll just say this.
Even when you visit me,
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00:04:33,556 --> 00:04:35,982
it's worse than when you don't visit me.
108
00:04:36,351 --> 00:04:40,169
I'm sorry to say your dog
is getting along in years.
109
00:04:40,171 --> 00:04:43,356
I'm afraid he's developed Dogzheimer's.
110
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Dogzheimer's?
111
00:04:45,026 --> 00:04:46,433
Oh, I've heard of that.
112
00:04:46,528 --> 00:04:49,178
Not as bad as Cowheimer's, but...
113
00:04:49,272 --> 00:04:50,863
What were talking about again?
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[BARKS]
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Oh, I totally agree.
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[BARKING]
117
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I can put either of them down.
118
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- What the...
- [YELPS]
119
00:05:06,122 --> 00:05:08,640
Look, Ma!
I broke both my middle fingers.
120
00:05:08,867 --> 00:05:10,733
Ew, ew, ew! That is so gross
121
00:05:10,793 --> 00:05:13,961
I can't even enjoy that it's you. Ugh!
122
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Homie. I need help! Where are you?
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[GRUMBLES]
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00:05:19,502 --> 00:05:20,835
- _
- Hmm.
125
00:05:21,896 --> 00:05:24,380
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
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Nothin' gets through. Only thing
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00:05:25,717 --> 00:05:27,517
I want going in their brains is booze.
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00:05:27,569 --> 00:05:29,327
[CHUCKLES]
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00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,704
[ALL EXCLAIM]
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00:05:32,356 --> 00:05:33,832
Mm...
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[GROANS]
132
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[GROANS] So, who won?
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Me, 'cause I wasn't playing.
134
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:45,217
[PHONES RINGING]
135
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Oh, my God. Marge has been
trying to reach me all day.
136
00:05:48,998 --> 00:05:50,998
Aah! My father's in the hospital.
137
00:05:51,167 --> 00:05:52,684
As a patient!
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00:05:53,578 --> 00:05:54,628
Mm...
139
00:05:54,762 --> 00:05:56,262
Mm?
140
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- Marge...
- Not a word.
141
00:06:01,936 --> 00:06:05,512
Can you fix these? My ass hangs out.
142
00:06:05,513 --> 00:06:06,590
Give 'em to me.
143
00:06:06,591 --> 00:06:09,275
Where all problems end up.
144
00:06:09,352 --> 00:06:10,684
[GRUMBLES]
145
00:06:10,778 --> 00:06:13,872
[TV ANNOUNCER] We now
return to Trash for Cash.
146
00:06:13,948 --> 00:06:17,858
This seemingly average weather
vane was originally made...
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00:06:18,027 --> 00:06:19,193
in France.
148
00:06:19,270 --> 00:06:22,213
Makes sense. I bought it in "Jivernay."
149
00:06:22,290 --> 00:06:24,198
Yes. I'd say the value is,
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00:06:24,292 --> 00:06:27,701
at the very least, $5,000.
151
00:06:27,795 --> 00:06:31,447
We'll be able to cover the
whole back 40 in insecticide.
152
00:06:31,616 --> 00:06:34,726
[SIGHS] When will I get my insecticide?
153
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,286
My late husband owned these pants.
154
00:06:37,288 --> 00:06:39,288
He was a rather large man.
155
00:06:39,290 --> 00:06:40,398
Don't much miss him.
156
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,459
The key to the value of these jeans
157
00:06:43,628 --> 00:06:45,719
is that both E's
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in "Leevi's" are capitalized.
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Ooh!
160
00:06:49,817 --> 00:06:51,968
Also very good for you,
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00:06:51,970 --> 00:06:54,746
these pants have hidden rivets.
162
00:06:55,431 --> 00:06:56,489
Hm!
163
00:06:56,565 --> 00:06:59,308
Which were used before 1967
164
00:06:59,477 --> 00:07:03,087
when open rivets were considered vulgar.
165
00:07:03,164 --> 00:07:04,214
[GASPS]
166
00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:05,482
Does it matter that these
167
00:07:05,483 --> 00:07:06,999
were frequently worn?
168
00:07:07,076 --> 00:07:08,834
Including, sometimes, in bed?
169
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:11,412
Ugh. I never visit his grave.
170
00:07:11,489 --> 00:07:12,989
Actually, with jeans,
171
00:07:13,158 --> 00:07:17,018
a highly distressed seat
can increase the value.
172
00:07:18,087 --> 00:07:21,013
I'd say the minimum possible value
173
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,499
for these pants is...
174
00:07:23,668 --> 00:07:24,818
- Oh...
- Uh-huh? Uh-huh?
175
00:07:24,852 --> 00:07:27,737
$2,600.
176
00:07:28,764 --> 00:07:29,839
[GASPS]
177
00:07:29,932 --> 00:07:32,858
Having a husband finally paid off.
178
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,078
? ?
179
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,355
Uh, Homer?
180
00:07:46,449 --> 00:07:47,948
I couldn't fix your pants.
181
00:07:48,042 --> 00:07:49,782
You'll have to wear something else.
182
00:07:49,783 --> 00:07:51,044
Can I wear my Speedo to work?
183
00:07:51,045 --> 00:07:54,380
I'm afraid not, but we'll be fine.
184
00:07:54,549 --> 00:07:57,383
- Mm.
- Aw. I make her happy.
185
00:07:57,460 --> 00:07:59,978
Oh, you got a loose hair. Fixed it.
186
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:06,298
[TO THE TUNE OF ELTON JOHN'S "LEVON"]
? Leevi's, Leevi's ?
187
00:08:06,299 --> 00:08:09,112
? Make me money ?
188
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:15,718
? They're worth a lot, they say ?
189
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,979
? And I shall wear sweatpants ?
190
00:08:19,148 --> 00:08:21,815
? And I shall stretch
the waistband ?
191
00:08:21,984 --> 00:08:25,911
? [WHOOPS] And I shall
wear sweatpants ?
192
00:08:25,988 --> 00:08:29,507
? Covering my gorgeous
can [WHOOPS] ?
193
00:08:29,734 --> 00:08:31,734
[VOCALIZING]
194
00:08:31,736 --> 00:08:33,753
Mornin', Jerry. [WHOOPS]
195
00:08:33,829 --> 00:08:36,830
? And they shall be Leevi's ?
196
00:08:36,924 --> 00:08:40,351
? And I shall wear sweatpants ?
197
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,670
? And they shall be Leevi's ?
198
00:08:43,839 --> 00:08:46,932
? Sweatpants for the husky man ?
199
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,526
? Oh, oh ?
200
00:08:48,753 --> 00:08:51,529
? They shall be ?
201
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:54,240
- ? Leevi's. ?
- ? Sweatpants. ?
202
00:08:58,187 --> 00:08:59,929
[SNORING]
203
00:09:00,098 --> 00:09:01,998
Mm...
204
00:09:04,602 --> 00:09:06,127
[ENTRY BELL RINGS]
205
00:09:07,696 --> 00:09:10,439
- Yes, may I help you?
- Comic Book Guy?
206
00:09:10,441 --> 00:09:12,032
No. I am his cousin,
207
00:09:12,110 --> 00:09:14,034
Collectible Pants Dude
208
00:09:14,128 --> 00:09:16,054
or CPD, whatever.
209
00:09:16,281 --> 00:09:19,298
I see. Well, I, uh, may be interested
210
00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:21,225
in selling this vintage item.
211
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:25,229
Huh, I say. I will give you, eh...
212
00:09:25,306 --> 00:09:26,555
twenty dollars.
213
00:09:26,624 --> 00:09:28,457
Not so fast, bub.
214
00:09:28,551 --> 00:09:31,552
I happen to know these are 501-XX
215
00:09:31,629 --> 00:09:34,964
big double-E jeans with hidden rivets.
216
00:09:34,966 --> 00:09:37,149
Zoinks! I see you know pants.
217
00:09:37,226 --> 00:09:39,302
In that case, my offer is...
218
00:09:39,470 --> 00:09:40,561
twenty-two dollars.
219
00:09:40,729 --> 00:09:44,156
I saw a pair on eBay for $3,000.
220
00:09:44,233 --> 00:09:46,158
Oh... [STAMMERS] Uh...
221
00:09:46,235 --> 00:09:49,754
Fine! You have me, madam.
Because I must have them.
222
00:09:49,831 --> 00:09:52,590
I've never seen such a
perfectly distressed rear.
223
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,229
I mean, these pants
have experienced thousands...
224
00:09:55,244 --> 00:09:58,504
I say thousands...
of pounds of butt pressure.
225
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,656
Yes, he's got a big keister.
226
00:10:00,749 --> 00:10:02,600
Are we gonna deal or what?
227
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:05,828
Sorry. Collectible clothes
are my one addiction.
228
00:10:05,830 --> 00:10:08,922
Also cannabis gummies and
the films of Kenneth Anger.
229
00:10:09,016 --> 00:10:10,066
But I digress.
230
00:10:10,092 --> 00:10:13,836
My offer is $2,595.
231
00:10:13,929 --> 00:10:14,979
Okay?
232
00:10:15,598 --> 00:10:17,894
- Hm...
- I see you hesitate.
233
00:10:17,929 --> 00:10:21,119
Well, let me zip up this deal
and button its fly, okay?
234
00:10:22,864 --> 00:10:24,914
? ?
235
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:29,210
Um, let me think just a little bit more.
236
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,872
You've already put
the money in your bag.
237
00:10:33,394 --> 00:10:36,025
Oh. So I have. Mm.
238
00:10:36,933 --> 00:10:37,993
Deal.
239
00:10:38,713 --> 00:10:41,317
- Mm!
- Oh, my God.
240
00:10:41,318 --> 00:10:42,624
There are so many things I could do
241
00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:45,636
for my family's future with this money.
242
00:10:45,671 --> 00:10:48,387
Mom, the money you gave me
paid for a week of college.
243
00:10:48,464 --> 00:10:49,588
Next.
244
00:10:49,666 --> 00:10:52,483
You used the money for a neck tattoo?
245
00:10:52,710 --> 00:10:54,318
Not just the neck.
246
00:10:54,395 --> 00:10:56,737
[GRUMBLES] Next.
247
00:10:56,738 --> 00:10:58,534
_
248
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:00,741
[GRUMBLES]
249
00:11:02,553 --> 00:11:04,720
Oppenheimer. Oppenheimer!
250
00:11:04,889 --> 00:11:07,790
I am so sick of hearing about that jerk.
251
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:11,217
"Wah, I built a bomb then I
was sad when they dropped it."
252
00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:14,054
Boo-hoo. Aren't you sick
of Oppenheimer, Smithers?
253
00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:17,132
Actually, sir, I preferred
another movie last summer.
254
00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:19,559
Another movie? Besides Oppenheimer?
255
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:21,461
- That's right.
- There was a second movie
256
00:11:21,462 --> 00:11:22,488
people were seeing?
257
00:11:22,489 --> 00:11:24,229
Yes, there was. A global phenomenon.
258
00:11:24,232 --> 00:11:26,308
Really? Global, you say?
259
00:11:26,401 --> 00:11:28,660
And it finally gave me the courage
260
00:11:28,829 --> 00:11:30,646
to do this.
261
00:11:31,245 --> 00:11:33,757
Mm, well, you seem
to be bleeding from the head.
262
00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:36,427
- It's dye.
- Die on your own time.
263
00:11:36,503 --> 00:11:39,263
Now, regarding Oppenheimer, follow me.
264
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:46,086
Have you fellows heard of
"Tickling the Dragon's Tail"?
265
00:11:46,163 --> 00:11:48,088
Sounds like a DreamWorks film.
266
00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:49,215
Well, it's not.
267
00:11:49,257 --> 00:11:50,999
We carefully add small amounts
268
00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:52,610
of fissionable uranium,
269
00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:55,187
stopping just before critical mass.
270
00:11:55,263 --> 00:11:58,282
We can create the most
profitable atomic pile of all.
271
00:11:58,359 --> 00:12:01,578
Oppenheimer tried it at
Los Alamos but he failed.
272
00:12:01,613 --> 00:12:04,437
Idiot!
That showboat slides his boney self
273
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:05,697
into every picture.
274
00:12:05,698 --> 00:12:07,851
Should have called
him Photo-Oppenheimer.
275
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,685
My biopic will be longer,
276
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,036
its star skinnier,
277
00:12:11,205 --> 00:12:13,856
and global annihilation
will not be hinted at,
278
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,916
but rather the heartwarming climax.
279
00:12:15,992 --> 00:12:18,510
- Excellent.
- [GEIGER COUNTER CLICKING]
280
00:12:21,031 --> 00:12:22,865
Of, uh, course, sir,
281
00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,624
if you exceed the critical mass,
282
00:12:24,625 --> 00:12:26,961
it, uh, would lead to an
uncontrolled nuclear explo...
283
00:12:26,962 --> 00:12:28,103
[BOTH GASP]
284
00:12:30,724 --> 00:12:32,391
The plant's gonna blow!
285
00:12:32,467 --> 00:12:33,517
Alarmist.
286
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:34,877
? ?
287
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:37,529
[MAN] My suit's... too bulky!
288
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:41,717
[VOCALIZING QUIETLY]
289
00:12:41,718 --> 00:12:43,236
Did you see that, Smithers?
290
00:12:43,237 --> 00:12:46,071
That sweat-panted
Superman rescued us all.
291
00:12:46,148 --> 00:12:48,481
Well, I just put my sweatpants on
292
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:51,560
one leg at a time like any fat guy.
293
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:53,653
Well, you saved my life.
294
00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:55,231
So I'm giving you two tickets,
295
00:12:55,399 --> 00:12:57,916
front row seats, to a baseball game.
296
00:12:57,993 --> 00:12:59,635
Debt paid. Never talk to me again.
297
00:13:01,605 --> 00:13:02,837
Hmm.
298
00:13:02,839 --> 00:13:04,573
I thought I'd enjoy this money,
299
00:13:04,666 --> 00:13:07,333
but I'm not happy. [GROANS]
300
00:13:07,502 --> 00:13:09,578
[BARNEY] I sure don't envy you, lady.
301
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:12,247
When life gives you lemons,
make lemonade.
302
00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:14,841
Add vodka, and meet me down here.
303
00:13:14,935 --> 00:13:17,111
- Oh.
- Mm...
304
00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:21,308
Reverend, what does our faith say
305
00:13:21,343 --> 00:13:24,243
about spending money on
something just for yourself?
306
00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:28,096
Well, I sure don't know.
But for 20 bucks
307
00:13:28,097 --> 00:13:30,875
I'll wipe the communion cup
before you drink from it.
308
00:13:30,876 --> 00:13:32,126
Eh?
309
00:13:33,212 --> 00:13:34,628
[GRUMBLES]
310
00:13:35,697 --> 00:13:37,864
Oh...
311
00:13:37,958 --> 00:13:40,200
Homer, after a lot of soul searching,
312
00:13:40,368 --> 00:13:42,553
there's something I've got to tell you.
313
00:13:42,629 --> 00:13:44,888
- [CROWD CHEERING]
- [ORGAN PLAYING]
314
00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:47,282
Are you at a baseball game?
315
00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:48,875
I am. It's so great.
316
00:13:48,876 --> 00:13:51,563
We got to meet the players,
play "Chopsticks" on the organ,
317
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:55,215
and they hit a foul ball
to you on purpose.
318
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:57,109
[ORGAN PLAYING "CHOPSTICKS"]
319
00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:01,646
Are you there alone?
320
00:14:01,815 --> 00:14:03,632
Well, I asked Lenny, but he was busy.
321
00:14:03,725 --> 00:14:05,133
Carl was out sick.
322
00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:06,802
Smitty was taking or teaching
323
00:14:06,895 --> 00:14:08,746
a Pilates class, I forget which.
324
00:14:08,822 --> 00:14:10,973
So I finally asked that
new guy from Ghana.
325
00:14:11,066 --> 00:14:13,566
I have so many questions
about your baseball.
326
00:14:13,660 --> 00:14:15,327
First, why?
327
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:17,662
Homer, how come you didn't ask me?
328
00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:20,240
Uh, well, you don't like baseball.
329
00:14:20,334 --> 00:14:22,408
Maybe, but more importantly,
330
00:14:22,577 --> 00:14:24,169
I like being asked.
331
00:14:24,246 --> 00:14:26,656
Oh, my God, oh, my God, uh,
can I get you a jersey?
332
00:14:26,673 --> 00:14:28,081
Uh, what's your size again?
333
00:14:28,175 --> 00:14:30,342
Medium! It's always been medium.
334
00:14:30,418 --> 00:14:33,086
Um, that's something
I should have known, right?
335
00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:36,293
Buster, you should know whether
or not you should've known it.
336
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:39,001
But thanks for clearing
things up for me.
337
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,927
You're welcome. Do I get another kiss?
338
00:14:41,096 --> 00:14:43,021
Oh, you'll get a kiss, all right.
339
00:14:43,098 --> 00:14:44,597
You're gonna get a big kiss.
340
00:14:44,691 --> 00:14:46,842
You just wait for that kiss.
341
00:14:46,843 --> 00:14:48,936
If you come here,
we can get it on the kiss cam.
342
00:14:48,937 --> 00:14:50,013
- [HANGS UP]
- [DIAL TONE]
343
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:51,696
Dial tone? Hello?
344
00:14:51,865 --> 00:14:53,532
Marge? Marge?
345
00:14:53,700 --> 00:14:55,626
Hello? Dial tone?
346
00:14:55,661 --> 00:14:57,202
Now I have to kiss him?
347
00:14:57,296 --> 00:15:00,446
Well, if it's all part of baseball.
Mwah.
348
00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:02,633
[GRUMBLES]
349
00:15:04,786 --> 00:15:07,996
I want the biggest ring I can buy!
350
00:15:08,123 --> 00:15:09,956
Ooh! That's a coincidence.
351
00:15:10,050 --> 00:15:13,293
I want you to have the
biggest ring I can sell.
352
00:15:13,387 --> 00:15:14,520
Yes!
353
00:15:17,534 --> 00:15:21,026
Now, the current rule of thumb
is a truly meaningful ring
354
00:15:21,034 --> 00:15:23,153
should cost three months' salary.
355
00:15:23,230 --> 00:15:25,656
If I don't have a salary, is it free?
356
00:15:25,732 --> 00:15:26,782
No.
357
00:15:26,808 --> 00:15:27,899
Nice try.
358
00:15:28,068 --> 00:15:30,661
Now, if for some reason
I want to return this?
359
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,220
Ooh, no problem.
360
00:15:32,222 --> 00:15:35,668
You have a full three
seconds to change your mind.
361
00:15:35,703 --> 00:15:37,376
Starting now.
362
00:15:40,414 --> 00:15:42,322
Time's up.
363
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:44,566
Oh...
364
00:15:44,567 --> 00:15:46,252
[MARGE] Oh, my God.
365
00:15:46,253 --> 00:15:48,404
I didn't know I'd feel
so guilty walking around
366
00:15:48,405 --> 00:15:50,389
wearing something so expensive.
367
00:15:51,183 --> 00:15:52,665
Calm down, Marge, calm down.
368
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:54,017
Nobody cares.
369
00:15:54,094 --> 00:15:55,835
Marge, I was a couple blocks away
370
00:15:55,836 --> 00:15:57,597
and I couldn't help noticing you wearing
371
00:15:57,598 --> 00:16:00,190
something your husband
couldn't possibly afford.
372
00:16:00,217 --> 00:16:01,267
Tattletale!
373
00:16:01,268 --> 00:16:02,767
[SCOFFS] Casual Christian.
374
00:16:02,844 --> 00:16:04,677
Remember, sale's final.
375
00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:06,238
[GRUMBLES]
376
00:16:07,107 --> 00:16:08,940
Okay, okay. Can't return it.
377
00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:10,775
Might as well enjoy it.
378
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,777
? ?
379
00:16:12,854 --> 00:16:14,371
[GASPS] A guilt rash!
380
00:16:14,372 --> 00:16:16,523
The last time I got one
of these was when I took
381
00:16:16,524 --> 00:16:18,950
that bottle of shampoo from the hotel.
382
00:16:19,044 --> 00:16:21,962
It wasn't opened.
They could have reused it.
383
00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:26,884
[SIGHS] I'll just leave it there.
384
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:30,929
No, no, no. Someone will find it.
385
00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:49,573
Mm...
386
00:16:50,350 --> 00:16:53,017
So this is what having
a secret feels like.
387
00:16:53,110 --> 00:16:54,702
It's terrible.
388
00:16:54,779 --> 00:16:56,688
Why does everybody do it?
389
00:16:56,690 --> 00:16:58,690
Maybe I could hide it in here.
390
00:16:58,783 --> 00:17:02,117
D'oh! How many places
does Homer hide cookies?
391
00:17:02,726 --> 00:17:03,938
D'oh!
392
00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:07,640
Whoa!
393
00:17:07,767 --> 00:17:09,517
Oh...
394
00:17:11,722 --> 00:17:12,822
_
395
00:17:12,872 --> 00:17:15,482
Ah, no one can find it now.
396
00:17:15,483 --> 00:17:16,945
[LISA] Who are you talking to, Mom?
397
00:17:16,946 --> 00:17:19,377
Aah! What are you doing here?
398
00:17:19,379 --> 00:17:21,821
Oh, I like to look
at my old report cards.
399
00:17:21,948 --> 00:17:23,982
One teacher...
if you could believe it...
400
00:17:23,987 --> 00:17:26,551
gave me an A-plus-plus.
401
00:17:26,644 --> 00:17:28,644
They're not allowed to do that anymore.
402
00:17:28,813 --> 00:17:30,738
It makes the other kids feel bad.
403
00:17:30,815 --> 00:17:33,482
And that's why we're losing to China.
404
00:17:33,651 --> 00:17:35,393
- Yo.
- Aah!
405
00:17:35,394 --> 00:17:36,912
What are you doing in the attic?
406
00:17:36,913 --> 00:17:38,747
Well, one thing I'm definitely not doing
407
00:17:38,748 --> 00:17:40,265
is hiding from the cops.
408
00:17:40,358 --> 00:17:41,590
Eh, we'll never find him.
409
00:17:41,659 --> 00:17:43,635
Let's go, boys.
410
00:17:44,387 --> 00:17:46,087
- _
- No respect for the law.
411
00:17:46,181 --> 00:17:47,680
Let's get some donuts.
412
00:17:51,111 --> 00:17:54,020
Get to bed, now!
413
00:17:55,248 --> 00:17:57,607
- [SUCKING SOUND]
- Now what?
414
00:17:59,728 --> 00:18:01,343
You're not judging me.
415
00:18:01,421 --> 00:18:03,012
With you, I can enjoy it.
416
00:18:03,106 --> 00:18:05,423
Don't swallow it.
417
00:18:05,516 --> 00:18:07,700
- [SIGHS]
- What's the matter, Homer?
418
00:18:07,701 --> 00:18:10,371
I'm starting to think I don't
appreciate Marge enough.
419
00:18:10,372 --> 00:18:13,631
She does everything for me
and I just take her for granted.
420
00:18:13,632 --> 00:18:15,901
Let me tell you something,
Homer, you are so lucky
421
00:18:15,902 --> 00:18:18,527
that she doesn't leave you
for the next tall, dark
422
00:18:18,605 --> 00:18:20,529
and handsome guy that comes along.
423
00:18:20,607 --> 00:18:23,532
Oh, Moe, I love...
424
00:18:23,610 --> 00:18:26,219
the way you introduced me to this guy.
425
00:18:26,446 --> 00:18:27,554
Woo-hoo!
426
00:18:27,630 --> 00:18:29,931
Homer, I think your problem is...
427
00:18:33,620 --> 00:18:36,090
[TUNE OF "YOU'RE A MEAN ONE,
MR. GRINCH" PLAYING]
428
00:18:36,256 --> 00:18:38,213
? She's a mad wife ?
429
00:18:38,382 --> 00:18:40,382
? Homer J ?
430
00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:43,218
? With tears behind her smile... ?
431
00:18:43,296 --> 00:18:44,478
Uh, happy tears?
432
00:18:44,647 --> 00:18:46,387
? You treat her like she's nothing ?
433
00:18:46,390 --> 00:18:49,133
? Unless your gut
needs stuffing... ?
434
00:18:49,135 --> 00:18:50,577
- What the...
- [YELPS]
435
00:18:50,604 --> 00:18:53,137
? As a husband, I would rate you ?
436
00:18:53,230 --> 00:18:55,898
? Beneath Henry VIII you ?
437
00:18:55,975 --> 00:19:00,044
? Really are a selfish guy... ?
438
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:08,554
? You really are,
all things considered ?
439
00:19:08,555 --> 00:19:11,246
? A nearly spherical,
full of beer-icle ?
440
00:19:11,341 --> 00:19:15,518
? Incredibly selfish guy. ?
441
00:19:18,164 --> 00:19:19,439
Haw-haw!
442
00:19:19,566 --> 00:19:22,424
Before you, I rode through dog poop!
443
00:19:22,593 --> 00:19:23,835
[SIGHS]
444
00:19:23,837 --> 00:19:26,520
I'll just have to live
with my selfishness.
445
00:19:26,689 --> 00:19:28,656
Oh.
446
00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:34,454
What is this?
447
00:19:34,530 --> 00:19:36,514
A fancy ring?!
448
00:19:36,683 --> 00:19:38,774
That Marge bought for herself?!
449
00:19:38,852 --> 00:19:41,294
She's been holding back
on us this whole time.
450
00:19:41,321 --> 00:19:44,547
Oh, my God, the things she does.
451
00:19:46,793 --> 00:19:49,677
The things she does.
452
00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:56,434
The things she does.
453
00:19:57,646 --> 00:19:58,696
Aw.
454
00:19:58,705 --> 00:20:01,038
The things she does.
455
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,542
All the wonderful things she does.
456
00:20:04,635 --> 00:20:07,654
Putting those sweet notes
in my lunch every day.
457
00:20:07,822 --> 00:20:09,682
Getting everyone a birthday present
458
00:20:09,716 --> 00:20:12,066
and saying they're from both of us.
459
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:13,551
Even in her sleep,
460
00:20:13,644 --> 00:20:15,219
she's perfect.
461
00:20:15,312 --> 00:20:18,760
With all the wonderful,
beautiful things Marge does,
462
00:20:18,795 --> 00:20:22,043
there's only one thing
I can do with this ring.
463
00:20:24,166 --> 00:20:26,180
Homie, you're back. You...
464
00:20:26,249 --> 00:20:28,007
You put this on me?
465
00:20:28,084 --> 00:20:31,068
Baby, I just wish I'd bought it for you.
466
00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:47,601
Ah, finally, no guilt.
467
00:20:47,602 --> 00:20:48,696
[BROCKMAN] Breaking news.
468
00:20:48,697 --> 00:20:50,272
Amnesty International has identified
469
00:20:50,273 --> 00:20:54,258
the Spiffany Blue diamond as
the most unethically mined gem
470
00:20:54,260 --> 00:20:55,443
in human history.
471
00:20:55,519 --> 00:20:57,870
It takes six blue whales
to color each carat.
472
00:20:57,947 --> 00:21:00,281
Wearing this is a sparkly expression
473
00:21:00,450 --> 00:21:02,542
that you love misery.
474
00:21:02,711 --> 00:21:06,528
Well, I'll just wear
the ring inside for a little.
475
00:21:06,606 --> 00:21:09,457
[SINGER] ? Homer's Leevi's size ?
476
00:21:09,551 --> 00:21:11,968
? Is Husky ?
477
00:21:14,414 --> 00:21:17,439
? But he's still too fat, they say ?
478
00:21:17,507 --> 00:21:18,557
[HOMER] Hey!
479
00:21:18,558 --> 00:21:19,542
[SINGER] ? That's because ?
480
00:21:19,543 --> 00:21:21,728
? He's a fat man ?
481
00:21:21,955 --> 00:21:25,231
[HOMER] ? They're making
pants too small these days ?
482
00:21:25,308 --> 00:21:29,293
- ? New pants are too small. ?
- [SINGER] ? You are a fat man. ?
483
00:21:29,294 --> 00:21:30,070
[BOTH WHOOP]
484
00:21:30,071 --> 00:21:31,121
Shh!
485
00:21:31,170 --> 00:21:35,720
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